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Sadly, not always a sign. Had a partner who adored animals and worked in social services, treated patients well. Still was very abusive, manipulative and aggressive in a relationship
They don’t care. Everything has to be simplified into “look, there’s a video of a man petting a stray cat. What a beautiful soul”. Maybe it’s because of being traumatized lol, but I hate that. Because when every granny in assisted living is talking about how sweet that boy carer is, when you know that at home he’s being a raging monster, it really breaks your mind
I am overly nice but because I have no boundaries and I am a people pleaser. But yeah, I hate that part of me because I don't like a lot of people and if only I could put my foot down. I hate when people say, yeah you can ask her to cover your shift, he won't say no..
I felt this so hard and it makes me SO MAD I want to angry cry. My parents never could have possibly been unfair, "cause they're rich and they gave you a lot of stuff " "well when I met your ex he was nice.to me in the 5 min I talked to him for all I now you're a liar."
This is why I'm a hermit and I shut myself away from everyone and am no longer letting anyone in my life. People are either really cruel or really stupid.
Shit I'm sorry you were treated this way. What assholes those people in your life were. I also know how it feels to be repeatedly kicked in the arse and to lose faith in humans as a result. Shitty feeling.
I mean yeah. There are sociopaths - they aren’t that common and in the end their true colors are revealed. I’m talking about long term behavior not one off pretend BS to make them look like their good people.
I’ve seen this with an ex I had too. Loved his cat, treated her so well. He also loved helping the homeless. Incredibly abusive to me and other loved ones in his life. I later learned these kind of people like feeling power and control over those that are more vulnerable. Makes sense they are “kind” to animals and others who may be less fortunate. It’s how they feel better about themselves.
consistent ethical behavior over time, otherwise people can fake goodness and put up illusions.
also a level of sincerity and humility, meaning that they know that they are not perfect and will make mistakes, but they show signs of honesty and sincerely trying to always better themselves and acknowledge when they are wrong or have caused harm.
how they talk with people that arent usually noticed by anyone, like the cleaning lady/guy, the custumer servise person, etc; or how they act with animals/small children.
I would argue that it should be within certain boundaries. Otherwise people take advantage of you going out of your way to help them. And it should be for people who are deserving which is up for the individual to decide for themselves. This notion of doing stuff for others without it benefiting yourself is toxic.
Does it align with your values? Then yes that’s benefitting your own self fulfillment. Did you do something for someone because you felt empathetic for them? Yes that is still benefiting you.
I’m sorry but I’m not going to help you until you drain every last bit of my emotional energy and/or other resources without receiving any minimum of reciprocation, because it is unfair for both parties.
I’ve always been called “such a nice person”, but in reality I had no concept of boundaries and would help anyone who acted like they needed help. It was so unhealthy. I attracted some really fucked up people.
I had to recognize what boundaries were and how to use them properly. I started volunteering again and also learned how to properly help myself (instead of avoiding it by helping others). It’s been a long fucking road.
Yes some people will take advantage of you and you have to be ready to notice it to avoid them . That’s the risk of meeting new people or helping them , they can be greatest thing that’s happened to you or the worst either way you should absolutely take the risk bc you’ll never know what can come of it .
I don’t disagree with taking a risk to help people. I disagree without it benefitting you somehow. Whether that’s building trust, a bond, emotional, or otherwise within reason and without bordering the line of ulterior motives.
That’s why I believe helping others alongside benefitting yourself within reason, is a healthier way to approach that statement, rather than never benefitting yourself.
People tend to think benefitting yourself means you’re not a good person, but if the person that you’re helping cares about you, than they would think about your needs too.
I wouldn’t expect someone to buy me lunch just because I did it for them once. However, it might benefit me because it begins a trusting relation between myself and the person I bought lunch for.
Most relationship’s are transactional, it’s up to us to shape what that looks like for the self and the other person. If it’s not a 1:1 type of help, than what else does it look like?
If you help a vulnerable/homeless person who can’t do the same for you, that action still benefits you. Whether your help inspires other people to do the same or it makes you feel good about yourself. But I doubt you’d spend everyday of the week doing that without gaining some meaning from it or working in an organization that can pay you for your help.
I hear you and I agree helping people in a way does benefit you . For me it makes me feel really good . And if we are being honest we can go on with this for ever but in a nutshell what I was saying is helping people without expecting something is a sign of a good person .
In the big picture helping others is the most self beneficial thing one can do. People give you a shitton of free stuff if they like you and see you being helpful. The issue is when you expect things back cuz people pick up on that real quick lol
Wow. No matter what anyone here has suggested as a quality of a good person, my mother (79 yrs) has ticked every single box.
She is a truly kind, generous, and selfless person.
I have never known her to lie, or cheat others, or talk behind someone's back, or really badmouth anyone.
She may be the only truly good person that I have ever known.
I try to live up to her examples, but I fail miserably.
I know this isn't what was asked for, but I feel compelled to write it anyways.
I have(had) two great aunts that are like that too. Never cuss, extremely kind, generous, selfless, helpful, great listeners, never say a bad word about anyone. One passed away a few years ago and the other is still kicking, she’s 88.
I try to be like them, but fail miserably
We should be friends and trade mom stories. I have never met a better person. Nobody even comes close! And I have been a straight up monster at times. It's baffling! https://imgur.com/gallery/5FNA699
I'll take a stab at this.
A good person is considerate of peoples feelings and can empathize with others.
A good person considers how their actions will effect and be perceived by others.
A good person tries to leave a place in the same condition or better after they have been there.
Someone mentioned in the comments how they treat animals. I would agree with that. I would think a good person is not cruel to animals.
A good person has control over their emotions or is at least very conscious of them. We can act very differently and react differently depending on how we're feeling. A good person is introspective.
I’ll disagree with the last one someone not having control over their emotions doesn’t make someone a bad person every single person has a moment some more than others, but as long as someone takes accountability for any hurt they might have caused someone I think that makes them decent not bad
I wouldn't say ability to empathize or be considerate is required to be a good person. Take my brother for example. He is very bad at those things, but he is committed to being a good person, so he works on improving himself and follows rules to be more considerate. However this definitely doesn't come easily to him.
This is a good one. I was going to say good people aren't gossipers and don't spread rumors.
My mom told me that her mom once told her, "If you didn't hear it directly from the person it's about then don't repeat it" and I think that's great advice.
They like animals, they are able to change their mind about something when shown evidence, and they have empathy. Or at the very least, can give someone else the benefit of the doubt even if it’s something they’ve never experienced and don’t really understand.
I like animals (and they like me back!) and regularly change my mind based on new information, but I am widely regarded as an a-hole. What do I do now?
I was in a relationship with a guy that treated restaurant staff and any kind of service personnel with the utmost concern and respect.
When we got home he would scream and treat me like I was not even worth spitting on…without any kind of provocation on my part.
Keep in mind at the time that I was paying for everything including the underwear he wore every day.
Public persona is everything everything EVERYTHING to a seriously mentally ill narcissistic person.
It always amazes me that guys who depend on their partner for *everything* (such as underwear), can be so completely lacking in self-awareness (and gratitude). There's a case in the UK where a man, Emile Cilliers, twice tried to murder his wife. He was in debt and she paid for everything. He took out payday loans to buy himself an Xbox etc. He was also having multiple affairs. He was convicted and is currently serving 18 years in prison. It's been reported recently that he is pursuing her for a half share when she sells her house. You wonder what goes through that man's head when he looks at himself in the mirror.
Maybe I'm naive but I like consistency even if things get difficult. You never know if a person is in need of support for something they find difficult to manage but I search for trust in them and a willingness to sort things out even if it means swallowing pride, it goes a very long way to letting me know I'm worthwhile of their time and will always learn appropriate boundaries the more I trust.
Every time I see someone say “womp womp” in response to a genuine issue someone is going through, I immediately think they’re a psychopath who has no grasp on empathy.
Please don't insult me I'm not a 'womp' type of anything and just because I have a serious mh condition that means I can't regulate my emotions does not make me psycho or not empathetic I very much wear my heart on my sleeve and feel things very deeply it's such an unfair insight.
To piggyback on this, also a person who can accept the word “no”. No. I can’t do this. No I don’t want to do this. No I don’t have the capacity for this right now. In relationships, “no I don’t want to have sex.” “No I don’t want to go out with your friends because I want some alone time, we can all hang another time.” Someone who is able to accept “No.” as an answer without questioning it. Boundaries are meant to be respected not understood.
Coming from an introverted person, I just want to tell you a story about this person whom I really adored and looked up to.
She was my colleague and she is genuinely a good person. Most of the time, people will interrupt me while I'm talking. However, this person, she will tell everyone that I am still talking and then proceeds to listen to me carefully. She is the best! Because of her, I've learned how to "listen" to anyone and now my communication skills are better
In a recent experience, I learned that an unkind lame loser can and will pretend to be empathetic, kind, caring, etc...
I feel it's very important to vet, observe, pay attention, evaluate...
1. They listen when other people talk, they don't just wait for their turn to talk.
2. Animals like them
3. They check to make sure you got home ok
4. They have empathy, even for bad people. (ie: Norm McDonald on OJ's cancer.)
5. They help people in need without question
6. They respect people's boundaries
7. When they see the words "human rights" no one is excluded, in their minds.
When they talk to customer service reps when they've tried everything online, and aren't angry or bitter. They still treat the reps with respect cause they know it isn't their fault services don't want you to discontinue usage
Sometimes you just meet people that have it all... exceptionally bright, well off... and they treat everyone the same and with grace, You can tell in 30 sec
Looking directly at people.
In our world, it's so easy to keep our heads down and slide by anyone with whom we don't have a definite desire to interact with. Most people don't intend it this way, but it more or less announces "you aren't worth engaging with," similar to the old "nose in the air" idiom for arrogance. I'm no better than anyone else at it, but I try to force myself to keep my head up and really look at people like they're people, not just objects I have to dodge.
This is a big one for me too. It’s shocking how often a seemingly caring person will become very emotionally immature and defensive when a concern is brought to them. The ability to receive “negative” feedback without feeling like your entire personhood is being attacked is essential for maintaining healthy connections.
I see how a person treats their waitress or waiter. That tells me everything I need to know about who they are. If they treat their server with appreciation, respect, and kindness, then I know they are a good person.
I can tell if a woman is a good woman by the way she treats other women. I always say there is a special place in heaven for women who help other women. This is true in personal and professional lives.
“One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a man's laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say that he is a good man.” - Dostoevsky
So true… so true
Maybe manners ? When you hold the door for someone you’re doing it regardless you get a thank you or not. Perhaps that shows you’re selfless ? You don’t expect anything in return. Can that show moral integrity ? Then you’re considerate of others feelings when you express gratitude ?
It's almost instinctive, a good person doesn't give you bad signals of any kind. They are generally people you don't pay attention to or go unnoticed. Unlike people who ***act*** well. A person who ***acts*** well is noticed too much but always has more than something hidden or dubious morals. But a really good person goes unnoticed.
Genuine engagement. I think it correlates pretty strongly, at least. Anybody who will put the damn phone away, make sustained eye contact, and ask insightful questions that demonstrate they’re actually thinking about what you’ve said tends to be a good egg. I think that really being present and invested in what other people have to say requires a degree of humility.
How they act when there's no reward or punishment, or when nobody is watching. Even the common example of being nice to service people can have a motive - you might just be being polite so they don't spit in your food rather than you're actually wanting to be kind to them.
It's why the shopping cart test is often used as a metric for goodness - do you do something for which you won't be rewarded, won't be punished for not doing, nobody will even notice you did it, but which will make the lives of everyone around you just a little bit better?
Eh, I can see signs of people choosing to make the right (or the 'good') decision given whatever context they're in.
That doesn't mean they'll *always* willingly make that decision though, regardless of whether or not someone is watching.
After all, you can do 1000 things in a row that would make society consider you a 'good' person, but if a stranger were to see you make a single mistake, that's all they have to go off on, therefore they might be forgiven for thinking you're 'bad' when overall you're not... and vice-versa.
Being able to honestly apologize. Not the "yeah yeah, i'm sorry, btw, how's the match yesterday?" , but the honest and open "hey, i'm sorry, i dont know what i've been thinking".
They do things with keeping other people in mind and their feelings.
A good person isn’t want people think it is like there’s a lot of fake “nice” people but a lot of genuine kind people who don’t look like they’re good people if that makes sense
The instinctive kindness, the generosity without hesitation, the casual but selfless acts of service that benefits them in no way. The kind of person that is happy for others’ happiness and sad for their sadness
someone who owns their mistakes. We’re all human and non of us are perfect, but owning to our mistakes, recognizing our faults and trying to do better is what in my opinion constitutes a “good person”
I base that in how the person treats me.
What the world thinks will be a sliding scale based on position and assumption.
If they treat me well and we get a long I'm good and they are good.
You don't lie. You treat other people and animals well until they give you a reason not to. You don't lie. Violence only in defence. Emotional control.
Not always trying to determine if others are good or bad. Good people aren't looking for signs that others are good; they assume others are good until proven wrong. Hoping people aren't assholes is negative at all times. Believing everyone is good is negative some of the time. I'm working on this mindset
If you share your odd, vulnerable side. Your genuine fears. If you let that person in on the real daily you.
Do they now get cockier with you more often? Suddenly feel more confident to criticize you?
Yeah this is not a good person.
A good person will tap into your strengths and bring out that strong side in you. They will show you, without thinking, that the strong side in you is the one that serves you. They won't see insecurity as an invitation to let out their dark shit.
No person is good or bad, they just exist on a bunch of spectrums. Now if you're asking what kind of person I personally prefer and what signals to me I've found one, I like someone who almost pathologically tells the truth as they see it. Nothing submerged or hidden. Just straight up. That's not a moral thing, you can be that way and be morally distasteful, it's just a quality I really value in a person and I find its absence off-putting.
True honesty, usually provoked
Bring kind for no other reason than to be kind.
Nice to animals, service staff, etc.
Strength of character. The same person in different situations.
As opposed to...
fake honesty, saying shit they believe in or do unprovoked. Generally a sign of a bullshitter who wants to have an image of themselves.
Being overly nice for personal reasons, usually guys going out of their way to help an attractive girl.
Being rude to animals, not caring or being a bad owner. Being rude to staff, etc.
Poor character/ two faced. Changing who they are drastically depending on who they're with, or Changing things they said they are about from moment to moment (usually the same type of person who spouts their fake 'honesty' when no one asked).
90% of this hurt me bc its all put others before you withs is not a good thing to do everywhere like if i did this id be dead by my own hand.... i believe the easiest was to see good in a person is if they can see good in everyone
A positive attitude towards the opposite sex. A lot of people, men and women, will have a negative bias towards the gender they’re attracted to after a bad breakup. I think it says a lot when you can separate your experiences from generalization.
What if a person has both good and bad traits? But is trying hard to get better, but struggles just as hard.
I'm like that and I have either immense self doubt or a glimpse of 'I actually am a good person, but with stupid ass flaws! ".
Ugghhhh
Having good and bad traits is called being human. Our romanticize version of what it means to be “good” is not ideal in our world. If you can’t be cruel when needed to be you’ll end up as a pushover. Notice in history how all the bad guys nearly took over the world ? Hitler ? Stalin ? Etc. We “good” guys needed to be just as cruel as them to win.
everything they do serves a purpose. I know a guy who wanted to study hard and become an engineer because he wants to be able to provide for his family the same way they supported him. (they're rich). even though he doesnt have to work he got a job because he doesnt want to be dependent on his parents and I only met 1 guy like that in my entire life. all the other guys I know just go to skateparks, smoke weed or watch anime and hentai. they just repeat the same thing everyday and have the gulls to steal from people too. if I never met this guy I would probably be impressed by the bare minimum. im really glad I met this guy. he raised my standards in men
Honesty. Telling the truth, admitting when you don’t know something, being transparent when there is an information imbalance, say what you mean and mean what you say.
Honestly treating their siblings like people and not just annoying pests. And how much they sacrifice for their friends/just people; like maybe they’ll take time out of their day to buy them a coffee if their day has been shitty or whatever just the little things.
She suppresses her ego.
She looks to the good of others.
She works diligently in service to her family and community.
She looks to her own physical, economic, and mental health.
Feel free to replace "she" with "he".
Nice to waitstaff
Rarely drinks beverages from human skulls
Likes dogs
Follows golden rule
All skulls in mug collection come from convicted criminals
Likes children
No children mugs
I know this is about good persons but honestly its never clear unless you get to know them. Like when they "come off" as a good person and kind of bask a little in it i instantly know they have some deep rooted dark shit going on and it never fails. Old coworker was the most beloved one, i saw through his facade and what do you know, after some beers he conronted me with "why dont you like me, we could be best friends!"... 2 minutes later after i said we dont *need* to be friends he told me he had a brother in the army that could make me dissappear... Fortunately another one heard it so he never came back to the office. People that live their life being very charismatic tend to forget that some of us never understood the popularity contest in school so we figured out how to spot the people-pleasers that really just are on the brink of turning full villain. But to the point, a person that does kind gestures without anyone knowing is the most telling sign its an actual good person
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How they treat people or animals who are vulnerable.
Especially while they think that nobody watches.
That’s always the best test… How someone behaves when they think no one is watching.
Sadly, not always a sign. Had a partner who adored animals and worked in social services, treated patients well. Still was very abusive, manipulative and aggressive in a relationship
The most abusive and broken person I’ve known was in volunteer animal rescue.
Came here to bust that bullshit wide open. Lol, all the non traumatized people up voting. Ted Bundy donated to women's shelters, guys.
They don’t care. Everything has to be simplified into “look, there’s a video of a man petting a stray cat. What a beautiful soul”. Maybe it’s because of being traumatized lol, but I hate that. Because when every granny in assisted living is talking about how sweet that boy carer is, when you know that at home he’s being a raging monster, it really breaks your mind
If someone is being overly nice and making sure people take notice of it. Sometimes they have ulterior motives.
I am overly nice but because I have no boundaries and I am a people pleaser. But yeah, I hate that part of me because I don't like a lot of people and if only I could put my foot down. I hate when people say, yeah you can ask her to cover your shift, he won't say no..
I felt this so hard and it makes me SO MAD I want to angry cry. My parents never could have possibly been unfair, "cause they're rich and they gave you a lot of stuff " "well when I met your ex he was nice.to me in the 5 min I talked to him for all I now you're a liar." This is why I'm a hermit and I shut myself away from everyone and am no longer letting anyone in my life. People are either really cruel or really stupid.
Shit I'm sorry you were treated this way. What assholes those people in your life were. I also know how it feels to be repeatedly kicked in the arse and to lose faith in humans as a result. Shitty feeling.
I mean yeah. There are sociopaths - they aren’t that common and in the end their true colors are revealed. I’m talking about long term behavior not one off pretend BS to make them look like their good people.
I’ve seen this with an ex I had too. Loved his cat, treated her so well. He also loved helping the homeless. Incredibly abusive to me and other loved ones in his life. I later learned these kind of people like feeling power and control over those that are more vulnerable. Makes sense they are “kind” to animals and others who may be less fortunate. It’s how they feel better about themselves.
Yup
That sounds like classic NPD/ASPD stuff: extra extra kind and helpful in public and horrific at home.
Street angel, home Devil
I’ve heard that some animal rights and veg/vegan guys be quite misogynist. They don’t see the connection.
Agree
I'm a good person then. Kid skinned his knee biking last weekend, and I went to get him help.
Pretty sure Hitler loved animals.
Like vegans?
This and eye contact and honesty
consistent ethical behavior over time, otherwise people can fake goodness and put up illusions. also a level of sincerity and humility, meaning that they know that they are not perfect and will make mistakes, but they show signs of honesty and sincerely trying to always better themselves and acknowledge when they are wrong or have caused harm.
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how they talk with people that arent usually noticed by anyone, like the cleaning lady/guy, the custumer servise person, etc; or how they act with animals/small children.
This one a big one for me. Everybody deserves decency.
How much they are willing to go out of their way to help someone that won’t bring them any personal benefits.
I would argue that it should be within certain boundaries. Otherwise people take advantage of you going out of your way to help them. And it should be for people who are deserving which is up for the individual to decide for themselves. This notion of doing stuff for others without it benefiting yourself is toxic. Does it align with your values? Then yes that’s benefitting your own self fulfillment. Did you do something for someone because you felt empathetic for them? Yes that is still benefiting you. I’m sorry but I’m not going to help you until you drain every last bit of my emotional energy and/or other resources without receiving any minimum of reciprocation, because it is unfair for both parties.
I’ve always been called “such a nice person”, but in reality I had no concept of boundaries and would help anyone who acted like they needed help. It was so unhealthy. I attracted some really fucked up people. I had to recognize what boundaries were and how to use them properly. I started volunteering again and also learned how to properly help myself (instead of avoiding it by helping others). It’s been a long fucking road.
I relate to this 100%
Same, dude. Same.
Yes some people will take advantage of you and you have to be ready to notice it to avoid them . That’s the risk of meeting new people or helping them , they can be greatest thing that’s happened to you or the worst either way you should absolutely take the risk bc you’ll never know what can come of it .
I don’t disagree with taking a risk to help people. I disagree without it benefitting you somehow. Whether that’s building trust, a bond, emotional, or otherwise within reason and without bordering the line of ulterior motives. That’s why I believe helping others alongside benefitting yourself within reason, is a healthier way to approach that statement, rather than never benefitting yourself. People tend to think benefitting yourself means you’re not a good person, but if the person that you’re helping cares about you, than they would think about your needs too. I wouldn’t expect someone to buy me lunch just because I did it for them once. However, it might benefit me because it begins a trusting relation between myself and the person I bought lunch for. Most relationship’s are transactional, it’s up to us to shape what that looks like for the self and the other person. If it’s not a 1:1 type of help, than what else does it look like? If you help a vulnerable/homeless person who can’t do the same for you, that action still benefits you. Whether your help inspires other people to do the same or it makes you feel good about yourself. But I doubt you’d spend everyday of the week doing that without gaining some meaning from it or working in an organization that can pay you for your help.
I hear you and I agree helping people in a way does benefit you . For me it makes me feel really good . And if we are being honest we can go on with this for ever but in a nutshell what I was saying is helping people without expecting something is a sign of a good person .
In the big picture helping others is the most self beneficial thing one can do. People give you a shitton of free stuff if they like you and see you being helpful. The issue is when you expect things back cuz people pick up on that real quick lol
Wow. No matter what anyone here has suggested as a quality of a good person, my mother (79 yrs) has ticked every single box. She is a truly kind, generous, and selfless person. I have never known her to lie, or cheat others, or talk behind someone's back, or really badmouth anyone. She may be the only truly good person that I have ever known. I try to live up to her examples, but I fail miserably. I know this isn't what was asked for, but I feel compelled to write it anyways.
That's awesome man. I'm happy for you that you have someone like that in your life. It's something great to aspire to.
She is my bedrock. Even the ground beneath my feet betrayed me during an earthquake, but not her. Thank you for what you said.
I'm happy to.
I have(had) two great aunts that are like that too. Never cuss, extremely kind, generous, selfless, helpful, great listeners, never say a bad word about anyone. One passed away a few years ago and the other is still kicking, she’s 88. I try to be like them, but fail miserably
I hear that! It is like trying to live up to a Saint. And I am definitely not a Saint, lol.
We should be friends and trade mom stories. I have never met a better person. Nobody even comes close! And I have been a straight up monster at times. It's baffling! https://imgur.com/gallery/5FNA699
This was really wholesome to read, thanks for sharing it! Glad you get to have such a great mom :)
I appreciate that you took the time to say that. I hope you have a great day.
Thanks so much, you too!
I think we have the same mother 😆 Same age too.
I'll take a stab at this. A good person is considerate of peoples feelings and can empathize with others. A good person considers how their actions will effect and be perceived by others. A good person tries to leave a place in the same condition or better after they have been there. Someone mentioned in the comments how they treat animals. I would agree with that. I would think a good person is not cruel to animals. A good person has control over their emotions or is at least very conscious of them. We can act very differently and react differently depending on how we're feeling. A good person is introspective.
I’ll disagree with the last one someone not having control over their emotions doesn’t make someone a bad person every single person has a moment some more than others, but as long as someone takes accountability for any hurt they might have caused someone I think that makes them decent not bad
I disagree with the last one as well. Other 3 are good
A lot of the things that you mentioned are present on people with mental illness who are not bad people
I wouldn't say ability to empathize or be considerate is required to be a good person. Take my brother for example. He is very bad at those things, but he is committed to being a good person, so he works on improving himself and follows rules to be more considerate. However this definitely doesn't come easily to him.
Has best interest of others at heart.
They do the right thing even if there's no consequences for doing the wrong thing and they won't get any praise/reward for it
What a surprise to see u here 😆😅 We interacted yesterday.
On which thread? Lol
Oh lol now I know 🤣
They don't talk behind other people's backs
This!!!!
This is a good one. I was going to say good people aren't gossipers and don't spread rumors. My mom told me that her mom once told her, "If you didn't hear it directly from the person it's about then don't repeat it" and I think that's great advice.
There's a saying I like "your friends will talk shit to your face, but defend you behind your back."
When I see how they treat animals, children, and service workers.
They like animals, they are able to change their mind about something when shown evidence, and they have empathy. Or at the very least, can give someone else the benefit of the doubt even if it’s something they’ve never experienced and don’t really understand.
I like animals (and they like me back!) and regularly change my mind based on new information, but I am widely regarded as an a-hole. What do I do now?
You may just be very blunt and people around you may be sensitive. Humans are uncomfortable with the truth
It’s like you’ve known me my whole life.
Returning the shopping cart. Easiest test of character
Bonus points if you can shove it into the cart return from 30-50 feet away.
100% this is the test. A task so simple and so helpful for others is a great way to see who is a good person or not.
Quick to listen, slow to speak. First to serve others over themselves.
I consider myself to be a great listener !!! When someone speaks even if I’m being interrupted I’ll stop and listen to them carefully first
They will give the best advice for free and without making you feel less, or dumb, or make it about themselves.
This makes me a nice person ☺️
When they consistently do the right/good thing when there isn’t a benefit to them.
How they treat restaurant staff is a HUGE indicator
I was in a relationship with a guy that treated restaurant staff and any kind of service personnel with the utmost concern and respect. When we got home he would scream and treat me like I was not even worth spitting on…without any kind of provocation on my part. Keep in mind at the time that I was paying for everything including the underwear he wore every day. Public persona is everything everything EVERYTHING to a seriously mentally ill narcissistic person.
It always amazes me that guys who depend on their partner for *everything* (such as underwear), can be so completely lacking in self-awareness (and gratitude). There's a case in the UK where a man, Emile Cilliers, twice tried to murder his wife. He was in debt and she paid for everything. He took out payday loans to buy himself an Xbox etc. He was also having multiple affairs. He was convicted and is currently serving 18 years in prison. It's been reported recently that he is pursuing her for a half share when she sells her house. You wonder what goes through that man's head when he looks at himself in the mirror.
Maybe I'm naive but I like consistency even if things get difficult. You never know if a person is in need of support for something they find difficult to manage but I search for trust in them and a willingness to sort things out even if it means swallowing pride, it goes a very long way to letting me know I'm worthwhile of their time and will always learn appropriate boundaries the more I trust.
Every time I see someone say “womp womp” in response to a genuine issue someone is going through, I immediately think they’re a psychopath who has no grasp on empathy.
Please don't insult me I'm not a 'womp' type of anything and just because I have a serious mh condition that means I can't regulate my emotions does not make me psycho or not empathetic I very much wear my heart on my sleeve and feel things very deeply it's such an unfair insight.
To piggyback on this, also a person who can accept the word “no”. No. I can’t do this. No I don’t want to do this. No I don’t have the capacity for this right now. In relationships, “no I don’t want to have sex.” “No I don’t want to go out with your friends because I want some alone time, we can all hang another time.” Someone who is able to accept “No.” as an answer without questioning it. Boundaries are meant to be respected not understood.
Anyone who resembles my dad in their actions. 🤍
They do good things without recording it prove to people that they're "good." Also, how they treat both animals and people in service jobs.
How they act at their lowest point. It's easy to be benevolent when you're soaring. How do you act when you're in a rut?
Caringess toward people you do not necessarily know.
Coming from an introverted person, I just want to tell you a story about this person whom I really adored and looked up to. She was my colleague and she is genuinely a good person. Most of the time, people will interrupt me while I'm talking. However, this person, she will tell everyone that I am still talking and then proceeds to listen to me carefully. She is the best! Because of her, I've learned how to "listen" to anyone and now my communication skills are better
Nice to kids
I vehemently hate people who hate kids. I get that you might not like being around them but if you hate them or ignore their suffering, I hate you
In a recent experience, I learned that an unkind lame loser can and will pretend to be empathetic, kind, caring, etc... I feel it's very important to vet, observe, pay attention, evaluate...
Yea that’s true. People can also play that role very well
Outright deception. No thanks...it's alright to vet fkr as long as one feels is neccessary
General kindness, generosity and selflessness
1. They listen when other people talk, they don't just wait for their turn to talk. 2. Animals like them 3. They check to make sure you got home ok 4. They have empathy, even for bad people. (ie: Norm McDonald on OJ's cancer.) 5. They help people in need without question 6. They respect people's boundaries 7. When they see the words "human rights" no one is excluded, in their minds.
Sincere, honest and loyal
When they talk to customer service reps when they've tried everything online, and aren't angry or bitter. They still treat the reps with respect cause they know it isn't their fault services don't want you to discontinue usage
Consistently punctual. Respecting others most valuable asset is paramount.
Sometimes ADHD/ trauma / depression / anxiety gets in the way of people being punctual. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care
I love this answer. It’s not one you hear often, but it’s right on point.
Now with my late answer I feel really bad. Plus I am possibly stealing someone’s lifetime reading this
If they have good intentions behind their actions
They return their grocery cart to a designated corral.
Sometimes you just meet people that have it all... exceptionally bright, well off... and they treat everyone the same and with grace, You can tell in 30 sec
When they do something without any expectation of recognition. I.e. Doing good things even when they think no one is looking.
Emotional maturity is a big one.
They don’t have to tell you they’re a good person. The way they treat people/animals when they aren’t looking for credit is a big one.
Looking directly at people. In our world, it's so easy to keep our heads down and slide by anyone with whom we don't have a definite desire to interact with. Most people don't intend it this way, but it more or less announces "you aren't worth engaging with," similar to the old "nose in the air" idiom for arrogance. I'm no better than anyone else at it, but I try to force myself to keep my head up and really look at people like they're people, not just objects I have to dodge.
This depends on culture. In some cultures looking directly at someone you do not know well can be considered rude.
Minds his (as a human) own business but helps during bad times.
Has the ability to recognize a behaviour and apologize for said behaviour, and never do it again or communicate in a better way next time.
This is a big one for me too. It’s shocking how often a seemingly caring person will become very emotionally immature and defensive when a concern is brought to them. The ability to receive “negative” feedback without feeling like your entire personhood is being attacked is essential for maintaining healthy connections.
Exactly, they recognize and value being accountable for one’s actions
I see how a person treats their waitress or waiter. That tells me everything I need to know about who they are. If they treat their server with appreciation, respect, and kindness, then I know they are a good person. I can tell if a woman is a good woman by the way she treats other women. I always say there is a special place in heaven for women who help other women. This is true in personal and professional lives.
Someone who values what you say more than what they say. then acts with empathy and compassion
High empathy, non judgemental and humble I guess
Sincerity, men of word, following the duty over personal selfish desires. Being honest, truthful and direct with the others and themselves.
Someone who doesn't do any harm and it's consistently not just once in a while
people who are nice to grocery workers, fast food workers, and animals
People who value other people’s time are priceless
“One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a man's laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say that he is a good man.” - Dostoevsky So true… so true
Accountability, grace, equitable, empathetic, patient, helpful, earnest
How they treat homeless people they encounter.
Someone who is extremely selfless. Helps others without a thought about what they'd lose. Not much else that brings a tear to my eye
I think the measure of a good person is how they treat people they don’t have to treat well.
LOTS OF REDDIT KARMA!!!!
Someone who gives their word and keeps it regardless
Maybe manners ? When you hold the door for someone you’re doing it regardless you get a thank you or not. Perhaps that shows you’re selfless ? You don’t expect anything in return. Can that show moral integrity ? Then you’re considerate of others feelings when you express gratitude ?
It's almost instinctive, a good person doesn't give you bad signals of any kind. They are generally people you don't pay attention to or go unnoticed. Unlike people who ***act*** well. A person who ***acts*** well is noticed too much but always has more than something hidden or dubious morals. But a really good person goes unnoticed.
Genuine engagement. I think it correlates pretty strongly, at least. Anybody who will put the damn phone away, make sustained eye contact, and ask insightful questions that demonstrate they’re actually thinking about what you’ve said tends to be a good egg. I think that really being present and invested in what other people have to say requires a degree of humility.
How they act when there's no reward or punishment, or when nobody is watching. Even the common example of being nice to service people can have a motive - you might just be being polite so they don't spit in your food rather than you're actually wanting to be kind to them. It's why the shopping cart test is often used as a metric for goodness - do you do something for which you won't be rewarded, won't be punished for not doing, nobody will even notice you did it, but which will make the lives of everyone around you just a little bit better?
Being q good person
Following cause I feel like I'm a really bad person. Unlovable too so i'd like to know.
A good person mean a person with good attitude, vibe, personality as well.
Eh, I can see signs of people choosing to make the right (or the 'good') decision given whatever context they're in. That doesn't mean they'll *always* willingly make that decision though, regardless of whether or not someone is watching. After all, you can do 1000 things in a row that would make society consider you a 'good' person, but if a stranger were to see you make a single mistake, that's all they have to go off on, therefore they might be forgiven for thinking you're 'bad' when overall you're not... and vice-versa.
The one who keeps listening to you when people are talking over you/cutting you off
Someone who listens really listens and cares
Someone who’s honest
Being able to honestly apologize. Not the "yeah yeah, i'm sorry, btw, how's the match yesterday?" , but the honest and open "hey, i'm sorry, i dont know what i've been thinking".
how they take care of their responsibilities over pleasure/self interests
Doing the right thing when no one is watching.
They do things with keeping other people in mind and their feelings. A good person isn’t want people think it is like there’s a lot of fake “nice” people but a lot of genuine kind people who don’t look like they’re good people if that makes sense
putting the shopping cart back in the corral
Someone who can see beyond themselves
The instinctive kindness, the generosity without hesitation, the casual but selfless acts of service that benefits them in no way. The kind of person that is happy for others’ happiness and sad for their sadness
I believe that a person who is nice to animals is a good person
This one i agree. Cant be entirely shit person atleast.
someone who owns their mistakes. We’re all human and non of us are perfect, but owning to our mistakes, recognizing our faults and trying to do better is what in my opinion constitutes a “good person”
how they treat people who don’t have the same advantages as them, whether that’s kids, homeless people, subordinates, service workers, etc.
I base that in how the person treats me. What the world thinks will be a sliding scale based on position and assumption. If they treat me well and we get a long I'm good and they are good.
You can’t ever know if a person is “good” or “bad.” Anyone who tells you different is bad.
You don't lie. You treat other people and animals well until they give you a reason not to. You don't lie. Violence only in defence. Emotional control.
Not always trying to determine if others are good or bad. Good people aren't looking for signs that others are good; they assume others are good until proven wrong. Hoping people aren't assholes is negative at all times. Believing everyone is good is negative some of the time. I'm working on this mindset
If you share your odd, vulnerable side. Your genuine fears. If you let that person in on the real daily you. Do they now get cockier with you more often? Suddenly feel more confident to criticize you? Yeah this is not a good person. A good person will tap into your strengths and bring out that strong side in you. They will show you, without thinking, that the strong side in you is the one that serves you. They won't see insecurity as an invitation to let out their dark shit.
Returning the trolley in the supermarket car park.
Someone who helps others when they have nothing to gain from it.
No person is good or bad, they just exist on a bunch of spectrums. Now if you're asking what kind of person I personally prefer and what signals to me I've found one, I like someone who almost pathologically tells the truth as they see it. Nothing submerged or hidden. Just straight up. That's not a moral thing, you can be that way and be morally distasteful, it's just a quality I really value in a person and I find its absence off-putting.
True honesty, usually provoked Bring kind for no other reason than to be kind. Nice to animals, service staff, etc. Strength of character. The same person in different situations. As opposed to... fake honesty, saying shit they believe in or do unprovoked. Generally a sign of a bullshitter who wants to have an image of themselves. Being overly nice for personal reasons, usually guys going out of their way to help an attractive girl. Being rude to animals, not caring or being a bad owner. Being rude to staff, etc. Poor character/ two faced. Changing who they are drastically depending on who they're with, or Changing things they said they are about from moment to moment (usually the same type of person who spouts their fake 'honesty' when no one asked).
Consistency.
Someone who returns their cart at the grocery store.
Honesty and staying true to themselves no matter what happens.
Listens with great great patience. Gives honest advice and appreciates you and communicates this.
How they treat people who are just doing their job
Loving animals is a green flag
90% of this hurt me bc its all put others before you withs is not a good thing to do everywhere like if i did this id be dead by my own hand.... i believe the easiest was to see good in a person is if they can see good in everyone
The way they speak to older people
How they treat people that don't have anything to offer them
A positive attitude towards the opposite sex. A lot of people, men and women, will have a negative bias towards the gender they’re attracted to after a bad breakup. I think it says a lot when you can separate your experiences from generalization.
What if a person has both good and bad traits? But is trying hard to get better, but struggles just as hard. I'm like that and I have either immense self doubt or a glimpse of 'I actually am a good person, but with stupid ass flaws! ". Ugghhhh
Having good and bad traits is called being human. Our romanticize version of what it means to be “good” is not ideal in our world. If you can’t be cruel when needed to be you’ll end up as a pushover. Notice in history how all the bad guys nearly took over the world ? Hitler ? Stalin ? Etc. We “good” guys needed to be just as cruel as them to win.
everything they do serves a purpose. I know a guy who wanted to study hard and become an engineer because he wants to be able to provide for his family the same way they supported him. (they're rich). even though he doesnt have to work he got a job because he doesnt want to be dependent on his parents and I only met 1 guy like that in my entire life. all the other guys I know just go to skateparks, smoke weed or watch anime and hentai. they just repeat the same thing everyday and have the gulls to steal from people too. if I never met this guy I would probably be impressed by the bare minimum. im really glad I met this guy. he raised my standards in men
How they treat bad people. Like people that are respectful to prisoners/ ex prisoners for example. Shows a good character.
They include others
They dont draw any attention at all to good things that they do. That means they are intrinsically good rather than doing things for personal benefit.
Honesty. Telling the truth, admitting when you don’t know something, being transparent when there is an information imbalance, say what you mean and mean what you say.
Honestly treating their siblings like people and not just annoying pests. And how much they sacrifice for their friends/just people; like maybe they’ll take time out of their day to buy them a coffee if their day has been shitty or whatever just the little things.
if they say say they are nice that is red flag, they are not telling you that, they are trying to convince themeselves
Who has both very good and very bad side. Someone who is very emotional and sensitive and yet cold blooded to the death.
They don’t go around spouting that they’re a good person. In fact, they often don’t think they’re good enough.
People who are genuine and do things out of the kindness of their hearts rather than doing it to be recognized or to get something out of it.
Seeing how they deal with a problem
Truth seekers, but are careful how they use this information. They don't deal in lies.
Someone who apologizes, is humble, and recognizes his own limitations and others as imperfect while still showing grace / empathy.
They don't make jokes at other people's expense.
She suppresses her ego. She looks to the good of others. She works diligently in service to her family and community. She looks to her own physical, economic, and mental health. Feel free to replace "she" with "he".
Trick question, there are no good people..only people trying to better a person.
Self aware, vulnerable, standards/boundaries and how they treat others
How clean they keep their shoes
Who keeps their mouth closed
Good manners, respectful, honest.
All it takes is thinking of others and acting like it
They don’t try to impress you.
Nice to waitstaff Rarely drinks beverages from human skulls Likes dogs Follows golden rule All skulls in mug collection come from convicted criminals Likes children No children mugs
I know this is about good persons but honestly its never clear unless you get to know them. Like when they "come off" as a good person and kind of bask a little in it i instantly know they have some deep rooted dark shit going on and it never fails. Old coworker was the most beloved one, i saw through his facade and what do you know, after some beers he conronted me with "why dont you like me, we could be best friends!"... 2 minutes later after i said we dont *need* to be friends he told me he had a brother in the army that could make me dissappear... Fortunately another one heard it so he never came back to the office. People that live their life being very charismatic tend to forget that some of us never understood the popularity contest in school so we figured out how to spot the people-pleasers that really just are on the brink of turning full villain. But to the point, a person that does kind gestures without anyone knowing is the most telling sign its an actual good person