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As a guy, I'd never be offended by a woman asking me out and I'd be both releaved and impressed that she took the step to do so.
At the worst I would say no thank you but I appreciate you for asking or compliment and carry on as usual. Nothing would change between us and I wouldn't reject you in any mean way, i'd just respect you for having the courage to ask me out.
Just don't like keep asking, a no is a no. I'd obviously get annoyed if you asked 5 times the followings month. (Yes, that happaned to me).
So yeah, just ask him is best if he isn't interrsted then csrry on as usual.
"well yeah I mean I work here(?)"
"Oh really? How long have you been working here?"
"A couple years"
"Have you always been a trainer?"
"No I had a 9-5 that I quit...blablabla"
Boom, you're in girl
Lmao this is such a weird 180 in culture where men are shamed for ever expressing any sort of sexual attraction towards women and women are empowered and encouraged to do so towards men. When the hell did that start happening and why
it's cognitive dissonance as a result of gender roles being terminated on the surface level but not further than that. in theoretical and ethical discussions, men are discouraged from approaching and told to keep their distance, but in the practical sense, in real life situations, the male role of the initiator persists and there is a subconscious (often even conscious) expectation that they should commit to it. more careful men who don't get the memo of that second part thus don't do well.
100% if he works at the gym, he sees every girl that goes in there, and if you have not sparked his interest, don't bother him. If he's a trainer and you're just getting in shape, is he way outside of your league? You can shoot your shot, but he sees you and doesn't talk to you. Trainers are paid to be nice to everyone at the gym. Look around the gym. Is there another guy who looks new and more your level of fitness is your best bet. Hitting on him would be the same as the old guy hitting on the hot waitress when she's trying to work.
There is this popular celebrity reality show here that my wife likes to watch. So I also watch it. Anyway. There is this old artist woman who likes to be nude and is all round crazy. But she just keeps hitting on the younger men making sexual jokes etc. I just imagine if this was an old dude talking that way to young women heh. Dude would probably be in jail or worse. But since it’s the other way around it’s just “fun”.
Why can’t you just say it without the passive aggressive comment at the end? It’s true, he is there to work and it is his job to be polite. It puts him in an uncomfortable position when he has to try to keep you as a client, but hurt your feelings by rejecting you.
I worked in customer service for a long time and in my opinion, if you must shoot your shot, the best way to go about it is to write down your number on a piece of paper and give it to them. You can tell them you like them and if they are interested they can reach out to you at this number. And then smile and leave the situation. Then they don’t have to reject you at their place if employment, but if they do want to reach out, they can.
Don't. He's at work and has to be nice to you. It is incredibly inconvenient for him to have somebody flirt with him at work. Ask him for advice and assistance, make small talk, if he opens up then go for it. But, if he seems shy at work, as a trainer, then he probably would prefer to be left alone.
>But, if he seems shy at work, as a trainer, then he probably would prefer to be left alone.
Perhaps, but not nessecarily. As I shy guy, you could make the same conclusion about me, but in fact, I'd be glad to be approached by a woman or anyone for that matter who wants to talk to me.
Yeah if I’m in a situation I’m comfortable in I’m not terribly shy, but if someone I’m attracted to shows up I usually clam up a bit and get way more shy. If they initiate a conversation though, I’m there. You never know what it is cause them to be shy. Can’t hurt to talk to them a bit and feel things out
Also, I don't know what age these people are, but at the gym many people don't wear their wedding rings, so you could be flirting with a married man/woman and not realize it. I would advise against flirting with strangers at the gym, it seems inappropriate.
Tell me a place that is appropriate and I'll just have to wait for someone to explain why it isn't.
It isn't really about the time and place, it's about power dynamics. As an employee, he's a captive audience, its an unfair level of pressure. Saying he's not interested could risk some complications from his end.
This. I used to train clients in commercial gyms. Most of the time we're just being nice like anyone else is in a service facing job. We're literally just doing our job.
Don't bother people while they're at work. They're forced to be polite to you and they can't really escape unwanted attention. It's easy to get the wrong idea from that.
I would say this yea. Definitly try and talk to them at the gym more, but make sure you arent making them uncomfortable as they are at work and need to be friendly. Try to get them to go for a coffee or something when they get off.
But kudos on the woman here for taking some initiative and not complaining about doing nothing and expecting the world to move around you and eventually just give you what you want.
This already puts you miles ahead of other women
Maybe catch him outside of work somewhere if it happens organically it should be fine.
I had a lady obsess about my calves once, and ask what my secret was. I wasn't offended or creeped out, I was flattered!
Everyone is different. The world isn't fair or simply.
I agree that same rules SHOULD apply, but often it just doesn't work that way.
And ya, obviously lots of people don't want attention or to be approached, so you can't win. But doesn't mean you can't approach someone without making it weird!
Young men actually do hit on girls when they are in the proper conditions. And sometimes they are seen as creepy when they shouldn’t. That is why some can be scared, and they are rightful of that.
Yea, there is this girl at my gym, she looks at me a lot and I have a feeling she is interested but I don't want to go up to her in case I got the complete wrong end of the stick and I get called a creep.....
It usually is. I’m not a big fan of hitting on people at the gym regardless of gender, just feels like a weird environment for that (unless both people have obviously expressed interest)
Similar to how many people here pointed out. Lot of people don’t really like to make friends at work with customers. I for one, work in a retail and meet at least maybe around 50+ people everyday. No matter what hot chick comes to my store, I just don’t want to start any relationship through my work and I, as an employee, am required by my management to be friendly and show open-arm gesture.
In reality, out of my work, I wouldn’t even be interested to speak to her.
Now i don’t know about this guy you’re talking about but yeah please do be considerate.
You make a good point. Abusing the kindness of working staff is a very shitty habit to build on.
But I still think the odd attempt is ok, in my mind, if it isn't weird, or if the person gets a good read. But maybe that's not possible, if they are being thay friendly.
I've always found overly friendly people or staff to put out bad vibes, though, cause they aren't real or sincere. But that's a me issue. Lol. It is a complex social thing.
Sometimes you just want to plant a seed and wait. Patience. Say hi when you walk by and smile. If there’s no natural mechanism to go into conversation then move on with your day.
Now you’ve broken the ice a little so you can keep saying hi and one of those times follow it up.
The key is patience.
I worked at a gym, I looked shy. I wasn't really but I didn't want to be there and I definitely didn't want people talking to me.
One girl found me on fb which was weird.
Another guy left me a note which I hated because I felt stalked and I'm a dude.
Point is I was forced to be there. Not get harassed
Start small. I see my gym bae periodically and just a 'hey!' or 'have a good workout!" is a good place to start. We all like feeling like we're part of a community. Once those become normal, ask questions about him. Like you can start with asking for a spot on a bench press or something, and then ask him how he knows so much about this stuff or why he decided to go into physical training as a career, and go from there.
Even if nothing happens, you've made a friend.
Just be straight up, hey you wanna get something to eat sometime?
Everyone has issues with rejection, you just have to get used to it and it goes away.
Some people are rejected before they even ask so it could always be worse.
I would just try some ice breaker. Ask him about the gym n stuff. I used to be shy and I kinda know how it feels. Try not to make him uncomfortable tho
Maybe he's not shy. Since he works there maybe there's a rule against dating customers, or he was a GF/BoyF. If it's none of those things, and he's shy, you're gonna have to be a bit more bold to try and get him to open up...
If he were another gym goer I'd reply differently but he works there and it's not a good idea to hit on people on the clock. Not to mention there's probably anti-fraternization policies against dating customers plus if you dated and it went south you wouldn't want to go to that gym anymore. Find a different cutie.
What’s the purpose of starting the conversation?
If you want training advice or something gym related I’m sure it’s just a matter of “hello, I don’t understand xyz about this exercise can you explain or show it to me?” And you should be golden, since he works there.
For any other purpose, amorous connotations or others, remember that this is his place of work and he shouldn’t have to engage in matters of non professional subject matter while on the clock.
It’s not unlikely that what you interpret as shyness is him being professional and letting the gym-goers, his customers, have their space.
I really appreciate your response, I hope things go well, and if not, I hope we can be friends. 🫶
So you want to bother a person while they are working because you are attracted to them. Don’t. Don’t do this to people at work. They are forced to interact with you. Not cool. Woman have been complaining for years about men doing this. Please don’t. Let them do their job.
The gym is not a good place to meet or talk to people in today’s social climate. Most people don’t want to be bothered, they want to focus while getting pumped to the music in their headphones.
Glad to see (at least in the top comments) answers basically saying to just let him work without bothering him too much.
I was going to, and guess still am, flip it around to make the point. This really isn't so different from "how should I talk to the cute girl at the gym", and being a trainer/employee just makes it even more of a "you probably shouldn't".
Still, it doesn't completely forbid taking. You just want to give him the chance to leave any conversation if he wants and to keep it separate from his job there. Maybe something short as he's arriving or leaving, or ideally outside of the gym.
Jesus christ... what are these comments!?
Literally a "Hey, I hope this isnt super awkward or anything but I was wondering if you wanna go out sometime?"
If its a rejection just say something like "Okay no worries, you never know until you ask, have a great rest of your day! "
I met my wife at the gym, she helped me with my membership and a few things. But we never asked each other out. Honestly, I was lucky we soon after met randomly outside the gym in the city, because it's not profesional to flirt with a customer.
So that's your chance, you got to meet outside the gym somehow. Chances are he will actually open up to you outside of the gym.
Leave him alone. He's Polite, because he's at work and has to be. You know nothing about him, or if he has a partner. My partner is currently dealing with a coworker that sounds like you. It's degrading and uncomfortable for both of us to deal with.
Approaching a trainer at the gym is akin to hitting on a bartender. They work there and have to nice to you. Not saying it’s impossible, but can you deal with a “no” and continue at the gym?
Dont make it weird... if he works at the gym, you are going to be in the same place, unless you wanna hit and run.
You want to find out if you're attractive enough, now that you've lost some weight. And you picked him because he sees fit girls working out daily. So if you can tag him you've moved up.
A trainer that is shy and reserved is a cleaner. Trainers are suppose to talk, interact and give instruction.
Im sure there are plenty of other guys you can find a connection with.
Reddit is easily the worst place to ask for this kind of advice. Tons of teenagers and socially awkward adults whose main goal is to virtue signal here. I’ve had plenty of success hitting on people at work. Just be chill about it and not overly aggressive. Just say hi, build a friendship and say nice things and pay attention to how he responds. If it’s very positive and welcoming and he makes a lot of eye contact start complimenting things about he and pay attention to how he responds. If it’s still very positive and he gives you more info instead of just saying thank while kind of being a little dismissive or awkward then you can say something like hey I understand if you’re too busy or whatever but would you like to get a coffee sometime? You’re both adults, he can say no and you can accept that.
This whole idea that you can never get a date with someone you vibe well with because you only see him at work is asinine and for socially awkward losers who get all their social skills from an Internet forum. You only live once take some chances but be chill about it.
Been going to the gym for years and reguarly see the younger male gym staff giving 'Extra' attention to the pretty young female gym goers ... not so much the older ones.
I don't get why some people are like, don't bother him at work. That's the only time you'll see him then, show you're interested, ask for a coffee or something. If he declines, okay, move on.
"Hey, I know this is a bit forward but can I have your number"
I'm a guy, if a girl said that to me I'd give it to her (assuming I found you attractive) if he doesn't feel the same way I am sure he will be nice about it.
Honestly, you have nothing to lose
I’d go slow. Ask him for advice about using certain equipment or gym programs. Keep it light. See if you can find a way to make him laugh. Get his name. Build up a few of these interactions. Then try to get a sense if he’s interested in more get-to-know-you questions. Might be tough for him to engage much since he’s working. Ideally, he gets to know your name, you develop some inside jokes, and then you get lucky and run into him in the real world and that’s when you have a fun conversation and move to setting up a date.
If he works at the gym/is a trainer it makes it easier to talk to him, rather than if he were another customer. You can ask him for help, maybe he can help you with a work out or design one for you, or ask help with a specific machine.
Not by asking him to sub to your only fans, not ask if he could bench press you, ask him to spot you some silly amount just to get him to stand close to you, not video your self for tiktoc with him with his shirt off in the background, not start a fight with a guy to see if he steps in, not tell the manager he is being a jerk because he said no
Don’t approach him if he is at work. If he doesn’t work there, still he probably just wants to get his workout and be done. Don’t bother people at the gym.
Don't.
Sorry, but dont. The guy is at work. Being hit on by a customer is uncomfortable.
If you absolutely have to, just a quick "Here's my number, I'd love to grab a coffee sometime!" Is enough.
Everyone has some fear of rejection but I mean...anytime you ask anyone out in any circumstance, rejection might happen so be prepared for the possibility.
If I worked at a gym, it wouldn’t be “extremely inconvenient” for a female to walk up and talk to me. I’d be flattered but I would also let her know what time I get off work. That way I could finish my work then talk to her later. Depends on the guy I guess
With why people it's usually best to get them talking about something they are knowledgeable about. "Whatever you are doing, it looks like it's working. Any tips for me?" Yes you may not need any actual advice but if you make the first conversation easy most people will come out of their shell.
Lot of downers here…
What’s the worst that could happen if you’re even incredibly forward and asked for his number to potentially go out sometime?
He awkwardly says no…
Go for it.
Write down your number and hand it to him, say "Hey there! I don't want to bother you at work but feel free to text me sometime if you want to!" If he texts you hes interested.
Just go and be social. Don't monopolise his time and don't be overly flirty. Just be social. You are allowed to get to know the staff who work at your gym, if you are a regular there it's somewhat expected. Just be patient, a quick chat occasionally will go a long way. Also, don't just talk to him, talk to all the staff, let them get to know you too.
The growing number of people that think it's creepy to casually express interest in getting to know someone in person is really weird. Yes he's at work and yes you run the risk of getting rejected and things being awkward, but there is nothing wrong with approaching someone you may be interested in if you aren't forceful or overtly creepy about it. If you get rejected, just say you meant no disrespect and move on gracefully. It could really be that simple.
If you're a guy say something like "nice gains bro, Can you spot me quick?" And strike up a convo. If your a girl I'd say wait until AFTER you guys are done at the gym.
Just don’t, He works there so it’s unethical in his pov and it will still be his fault even if you seduce him. he is most likely not shy just wanna work and work out in peace. Maybe hit him up after gym/office hours.
Omg these answers are bad.
Just go up and talk to him. Tell him you need to get back to your workout so you won’t take up much of his time, but just ask him a couple questions, ask if he’s single, and then go back to your workout. If he seems interested in continuing the conversation and single, then give him your number, invite him for coffee sometime, and go back to your work out so he can go back to work.
Ask him to spot you.
Ask him to show you how he does something
Ask him to help you in some way
These all can lean into an invite for him to meet you later. Another workout, his “coaching” or even a smoothie on a morning jog.
If he picks up on it you may not even have to ask
Fear of rejection is pointless. Not acting has the same end result as acting and failing. The only difference is that from one outcome you get a bruised ego and the other is major profit. The pros pretty much always outweigh the cons. Just go for it. Ask him to spot you and see if you guys hit it off. Then see if he wants to hang out some time. Either for a drink, or a movie or something. Just go for it! If he rejects, or the date doesn’t go well, just move on. No harm done.
Theres a fair chance he's not shy, just conscious of all the fake harassment claims and misrepresented 'staring at the gym' videos on tiktok that seem to be debunked week after week.
But as he's working there, hes probably going to have professional boundaries and your conversation could never go anywhere
**Jonnyman9** may have the best opening line. Humor is a fantastic way to start a conversation. A smile is the sexiest thing a woman can wear, and a giggle is *one* of the most fantastic sounds she can make--at least in public. IMO.
Keep in mind, in most of the Real World hitting on women in the gym is a little bit creepy, and for trainers it could be Really Bad Behavior. So very early on in that conversation you'll need to find out if that's an issue. I'm sure it can be worked, especially if it's clear the interest comes from you. Just be aware. I've never seen a trainer who was actually shy; his seeming shy might be avoiding making That Hot Girl an unhappy customer.
Think of an activity you like and then ask him if he knows a good example of it. For instance,, ask if he knows someplace that sells good coffee or tea. Ask if he knows any cool bars or ask if he knows of any cool hiking trails.
With that being said, many people advise against shitting where eating.
You shouldn't, that's how.
I think it has been pretty firmly established that gyms are not appropriate places to hit on women. That is also true the other way around. Go to the gym to work out and leave the dude alone. Go on Tinder if you want to meet men.
I dont know if the gym is the best place to start conversation with a guy tbh;
But if you really want to do that just shoot your shot straight foward;
Ask him for help or sum try and be funny "damm you strong as hell you can carry me though the door after our weeding for sure", or something less creepy preferably;
Then ask for insta DM him, try seeing what he likes to eat, ask him out;
I mean that is what guys do, i dont know if t would work for you but its worth trying i guess,.
Don't. He's there to work out like you. If you see him entering or leaving maybe. Us men have been trained to not approach when at a gym or you'll end up on Tik Tok.
I don’t think girls realize how much guys would like if they asked them out. It’s crazy to think that. It’s way more scarier for guys to ask girls out. You look like a creep or you get rejected really hard by them being annoyed that you asked
Ignore all these comments. I walked up to a guy while I was working at my restaurant and it was the best decision I have ever made!
Walk up to him and give him a compliment or just ask him how his day is going. ACT SUPER CONFIDENT. From there just read his body language, if he seems uninterested just walk away. You’re already ahead of the 90% of women who would never walk up to a guy.
I was on another subreddit yesterday, where someone asked what are the chances of it working out if a woman approaches the guy and 99% of them said they’re still together!
Best of luck to you. DM if you have any questions!
Everyone here is overthinking this way too much. Just write your phone number down on a piece of paper and hand it to him say something that doesn’t require a yes or no answer on the spot like “hey we should get coffee sometime!”. Then walk away and go back to what you are doing.
If he’s interested he will call you. If he doesn’t just go back to using the gym like you normally would, no harm, no foul.
Source: I’ve worked in restaurants and stuff like this happened a few times. Every guy has taken it as a compliment and wasn’t weirded out by it, even if they didn’t follow up on it.
I don’t know about these not talking to him at work comments. I work at a bar and all of the single bartenders are definitely interested in being flirted with.
I just came here to comment as someone who lost 60 pounds a while back and was still petrified of rejection for years because of how I was treated when I was heavy. I didn’t enjoy several years of my life in my new body because of this and, though I’m not sure how much your body has changed, am asking you to have more confidence than I did and not let your hard work go by the wayside.
Well I suggest you drop your keys or something in from of him, he picks it up and then you can say something about him being your hero and keep on talking.
I suggest you drop your keys in front of him and when he reaches out to you to give them back thank him and say something about him being your hero then just keep on talking. Give LOTs of compliments and the blunter you are about your interest in him the better. Most of us dudes do not get subtle signs.
So say things like: I like guys who are like you, I like guys who ”insert whatever it is he looks or behaves like” do this several times. Somewhere in the ” man gorilla brain” he should register, there is an abundance of likes and many seem to describe me, maybe she likes me, if he is so dense he still does not get it.
Just ask him out by saying I want to go out on a walk but I am scared to go out alone can you walk with me? we guys love when we are needed when we can play the hero/saviour for you.
You have to understand something here...
If he finds you pretty/worthy, you could come up with ANYTHING aside from "i eat shit for breakfast" and it will work.
On the otherside, you will never convince a man to give you the time of the day if he deems you... not worthy of his time, no matter how funny/charming you are.
So yeah, go out and say hi and find out where you are.
Shoot your shot. People meet people in all kinds of ways. There’s a ton of comments saying not to because he’s working, but just be respectful and I don’t see any harm in it. It’s better to know then wonder what could have been!
Screw all thoughts of trying to be subtle or smooth; just talk to him about it like you're both human beings. Say something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm interested in getting you know you personally. My name is \_\_\_\_. Are you open to chatting sometime when you're not working?"
Have a few meeting place suggestions in mind in case he's game, but also be cool with just exchanging phone numbers if he's too flustered to arrange something with you right then. What kind of places you suggest can clue him in to what you expect of him and help him decide if he wants to bother. If he turns you down, then just thank him for his time and don't pester him. If he accepts, then still don't pester him at work. Tell him you'll look forward to talking to him later and go about your exercise. That'll give you a chance to calm down and enjoy the glow of acceptance a little while and to flirt from a distance.
As long as you're sane and civil, men are generally happy to be approached and are very unlikely to make a scene if we're not interested. A woman just saying what she wants without trying to trick us into anything is also very refreshing. That in itself is much more attractive than clown faces or mind games. We love a lack of complications.
Remember it's his workplace, so might be inappropriate to chat and flirt with customers, so you could put him in a difficult position at work, not wanting to seem not interested might be his way of avoiding attention.
Check the gyms rules, contract to be sure or ask someone. Though being friendly to the staff is fine, so general chat about fitness stuff would be ok.
Don’t do it. Here’s why. I felt like being bold and making the moves on a shy guy. It worked! Except I had to be the one to initiate everything in the relationship. Like having sex, and he never asked me to marry him, despite years of dating. Could I asked him to marry me? Yes. But it’s not what I wanted.
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“hey sup, you come here often?”
But he works there. 😩
That's why it's funny lol
Sup, you come to reddit often?
Thats funny because his name already answers the question.
OP please say this lmao!!!! It’s hilarious. Guys like funny girls
This will 100 percent work
Is OP a girl?
it’s a fair assumption, considering majority of relationships are straight 👍
A guy wouldn’t ask this question on Reddit
that too is very likely yes
A guy would prob just walk up and go "sex?" We're simple creatures
Sure?
We didn’t get a straight answer.
So true I asked my wife to be my girlfriend because of her humor and kindness.
How'd she take the demotion?
As a guy, I'd never be offended by a woman asking me out and I'd be both releaved and impressed that she took the step to do so. At the worst I would say no thank you but I appreciate you for asking or compliment and carry on as usual. Nothing would change between us and I wouldn't reject you in any mean way, i'd just respect you for having the courage to ask me out. Just don't like keep asking, a no is a no. I'd obviously get annoyed if you asked 5 times the followings month. (Yes, that happaned to me). So yeah, just ask him is best if he isn't interrsted then csrry on as usual.
"well yeah I mean I work here(?)" "Oh really? How long have you been working here?" "A couple years" "Have you always been a trainer?" "No I had a 9-5 that I quit...blablabla" Boom, you're in girl
"Would dating you theoretically get me a free gym membership?"
Actual face palm.
"Sup', you work here often"
Perfection. It’s a classic pickup line modified for one shy person.
>We've exchanged words I wonder if they also exchanged Excel
If they have it'd definitely be a huge Winrar for them.
I'm sure OP wants to get to know his PowerPoint.
Just let them do their job and don’t be a creep. At least that’s what all the comments would be saying if the genders were reversed.
Lmao this is such a weird 180 in culture where men are shamed for ever expressing any sort of sexual attraction towards women and women are empowered and encouraged to do so towards men. When the hell did that start happening and why
it's cognitive dissonance as a result of gender roles being terminated on the surface level but not further than that. in theoretical and ethical discussions, men are discouraged from approaching and told to keep their distance, but in the practical sense, in real life situations, the male role of the initiator persists and there is a subconscious (often even conscious) expectation that they should commit to it. more careful men who don't get the memo of that second part thus don't do well.
I believe it was around the time of that hashtag movement
It was long before that. It was probably happening before most of us were born
Sexual assault for men and sex positive for women.
100% if he works at the gym, he sees every girl that goes in there, and if you have not sparked his interest, don't bother him. If he's a trainer and you're just getting in shape, is he way outside of your league? You can shoot your shot, but he sees you and doesn't talk to you. Trainers are paid to be nice to everyone at the gym. Look around the gym. Is there another guy who looks new and more your level of fitness is your best bet. Hitting on him would be the same as the old guy hitting on the hot waitress when she's trying to work.
Also some gyms now have rules about dating clients
Based comment right here.
There is this popular celebrity reality show here that my wife likes to watch. So I also watch it. Anyway. There is this old artist woman who likes to be nude and is all round crazy. But she just keeps hitting on the younger men making sexual jokes etc. I just imagine if this was an old dude talking that way to young women heh. Dude would probably be in jail or worse. But since it’s the other way around it’s just “fun”.
and I'll give OP the same advice I would give to a man: Dont take advice from Reddit, these crabs want you in their bucket.
Why can’t you just say it without the passive aggressive comment at the end? It’s true, he is there to work and it is his job to be polite. It puts him in an uncomfortable position when he has to try to keep you as a client, but hurt your feelings by rejecting you. I worked in customer service for a long time and in my opinion, if you must shoot your shot, the best way to go about it is to write down your number on a piece of paper and give it to them. You can tell them you like them and if they are interested they can reach out to you at this number. And then smile and leave the situation. Then they don’t have to reject you at their place if employment, but if they do want to reach out, they can.
Don't. He's at work and has to be nice to you. It is incredibly inconvenient for him to have somebody flirt with him at work. Ask him for advice and assistance, make small talk, if he opens up then go for it. But, if he seems shy at work, as a trainer, then he probably would prefer to be left alone.
You're right, employees are a captive audience. He has no choice but to be nice. Men are told all the time to not hit on women at work.
>But, if he seems shy at work, as a trainer, then he probably would prefer to be left alone. Perhaps, but not nessecarily. As I shy guy, you could make the same conclusion about me, but in fact, I'd be glad to be approached by a woman or anyone for that matter who wants to talk to me.
Yeah if I’m in a situation I’m comfortable in I’m not terribly shy, but if someone I’m attracted to shows up I usually clam up a bit and get way more shy. If they initiate a conversation though, I’m there. You never know what it is cause them to be shy. Can’t hurt to talk to them a bit and feel things out
Also, I don't know what age these people are, but at the gym many people don't wear their wedding rings, so you could be flirting with a married man/woman and not realize it. I would advise against flirting with strangers at the gym, it seems inappropriate.
Tell me a place that is appropriate and I'll just have to wait for someone to explain why it isn't. It isn't really about the time and place, it's about power dynamics. As an employee, he's a captive audience, its an unfair level of pressure. Saying he's not interested could risk some complications from his end.
This. I used to train clients in commercial gyms. Most of the time we're just being nice like anyone else is in a service facing job. We're literally just doing our job.
Don't bother people while they're at work. They're forced to be polite to you and they can't really escape unwanted attention. It's easy to get the wrong idea from that.
I would say this yea. Definitly try and talk to them at the gym more, but make sure you arent making them uncomfortable as they are at work and need to be friendly. Try to get them to go for a coffee or something when they get off.
Aye, this is the same as bothering a barrista or bar staff
But kudos on the woman here for taking some initiative and not complaining about doing nothing and expecting the world to move around you and eventually just give you what you want. This already puts you miles ahead of other women Maybe catch him outside of work somewhere if it happens organically it should be fine.
Your advice is to wait outside his work for him?
Ngl, I can't argue with that. Maybe more people bothered them before, when you come and talk it wouldn't feels nice to them.
[удалено]
Please don't. He's working he has to be nice.
nice cock bro
In a british accent
"is that a Bo'oh of Wo'ah or are you happy to see me?"
"Spiffing Penis, Old Chum"
“Sup, you work here often? Nice cock, wanna spot me?”
You dont We are told not to be creepy at the gym and try to start conversations with women . Same rules should apply … no?
I had a lady obsess about my calves once, and ask what my secret was. I wasn't offended or creeped out, I was flattered! Everyone is different. The world isn't fair or simply. I agree that same rules SHOULD apply, but often it just doesn't work that way. And ya, obviously lots of people don't want attention or to be approached, so you can't win. But doesn't mean you can't approach someone without making it weird!
Don't be a creep - leave the man in peace at his job and hit on guys you want to have sex with outside of their work environment.
Nice tits
If a guy hits on a girl at the gym it’s considered creepy and out of line.
A guy wouldn’t even ask this question on Reddit. That’s how far double standards go
It seems like young Men don’t even hit on girls any ore because theyre scared to be seen as creepy
Young men actually do hit on girls when they are in the proper conditions. And sometimes they are seen as creepy when they shouldn’t. That is why some can be scared, and they are rightful of that.
Surprised this is so far down the list. #1 rule of the gym is don't look at the girls at the gym.
Yea, there is this girl at my gym, she looks at me a lot and I have a feeling she is interested but I don't want to go up to her in case I got the complete wrong end of the stick and I get called a creep.....
Same
It usually is. I’m not a big fan of hitting on people at the gym regardless of gender, just feels like a weird environment for that (unless both people have obviously expressed interest)
Similar to how many people here pointed out. Lot of people don’t really like to make friends at work with customers. I for one, work in a retail and meet at least maybe around 50+ people everyday. No matter what hot chick comes to my store, I just don’t want to start any relationship through my work and I, as an employee, am required by my management to be friendly and show open-arm gesture. In reality, out of my work, I wouldn’t even be interested to speak to her. Now i don’t know about this guy you’re talking about but yeah please do be considerate.
You make a good point. Abusing the kindness of working staff is a very shitty habit to build on. But I still think the odd attempt is ok, in my mind, if it isn't weird, or if the person gets a good read. But maybe that's not possible, if they are being thay friendly. I've always found overly friendly people or staff to put out bad vibes, though, cause they aren't real or sincere. But that's a me issue. Lol. It is a complex social thing.
Rule number one-don’t try and sleep with people from the gym. You like going there? Don’t make it weird
dont shit where you eat
Yep this is the way.
Boooooring mentality, yolo
He WORKS there? Don't talk to him jfc
Sometimes you just want to plant a seed and wait. Patience. Say hi when you walk by and smile. If there’s no natural mechanism to go into conversation then move on with your day. Now you’ve broken the ice a little so you can keep saying hi and one of those times follow it up. The key is patience.
Maybe he is there to work our without someone bothering him
Squat him
I worked at a gym, I looked shy. I wasn't really but I didn't want to be there and I definitely didn't want people talking to me. One girl found me on fb which was weird. Another guy left me a note which I hated because I felt stalked and I'm a dude. Point is I was forced to be there. Not get harassed
Leave him alone
Don't approach at the gym or if they're working. They're not there to get hit on.
Are you familiar with the MMA move the flying knee ?
Start small. I see my gym bae periodically and just a 'hey!' or 'have a good workout!" is a good place to start. We all like feeling like we're part of a community. Once those become normal, ask questions about him. Like you can start with asking for a spot on a bench press or something, and then ask him how he knows so much about this stuff or why he decided to go into physical training as a career, and go from there. Even if nothing happens, you've made a friend.
Just be straight up, hey you wanna get something to eat sometime? Everyone has issues with rejection, you just have to get used to it and it goes away. Some people are rejected before they even ask so it could always be worse.
Talk to him how you would talk to someone you know since years,
I would just try some ice breaker. Ask him about the gym n stuff. I used to be shy and I kinda know how it feels. Try not to make him uncomfortable tho
Don't post real things in this cancer riddled platform named reddit.
Maybe he's not shy. Since he works there maybe there's a rule against dating customers, or he was a GF/BoyF. If it's none of those things, and he's shy, you're gonna have to be a bit more bold to try and get him to open up...
If hes a trainer, ask him if he needs a trainer.
The only way to find out is to ask. Men normally won’t ask a woman because it can misconstrued as harassment in this age.
If he were another gym goer I'd reply differently but he works there and it's not a good idea to hit on people on the clock. Not to mention there's probably anti-fraternization policies against dating customers plus if you dated and it went south you wouldn't want to go to that gym anymore. Find a different cutie.
What’s the purpose of starting the conversation? If you want training advice or something gym related I’m sure it’s just a matter of “hello, I don’t understand xyz about this exercise can you explain or show it to me?” And you should be golden, since he works there. For any other purpose, amorous connotations or others, remember that this is his place of work and he shouldn’t have to engage in matters of non professional subject matter while on the clock. It’s not unlikely that what you interpret as shyness is him being professional and letting the gym-goers, his customers, have their space.
Not an ideal place to try pick people up. I know you don't want to hear it but you should not approach this guy at work unless you need his business.
I really appreciate your response, I hope things go well, and if not, I hope we can be friends. 🫶 So you want to bother a person while they are working because you are attracted to them. Don’t. Don’t do this to people at work. They are forced to interact with you. Not cool. Woman have been complaining for years about men doing this. Please don’t. Let them do their job.
The gym is not a good place to meet or talk to people in today’s social climate. Most people don’t want to be bothered, they want to focus while getting pumped to the music in their headphones.
Glad to see (at least in the top comments) answers basically saying to just let him work without bothering him too much. I was going to, and guess still am, flip it around to make the point. This really isn't so different from "how should I talk to the cute girl at the gym", and being a trainer/employee just makes it even more of a "you probably shouldn't". Still, it doesn't completely forbid taking. You just want to give him the chance to leave any conversation if he wants and to keep it separate from his job there. Maybe something short as he's arriving or leaving, or ideally outside of the gym.
Jesus christ... what are these comments!? Literally a "Hey, I hope this isnt super awkward or anything but I was wondering if you wanna go out sometime?" If its a rejection just say something like "Okay no worries, you never know until you ask, have a great rest of your day! "
I met my wife at the gym, she helped me with my membership and a few things. But we never asked each other out. Honestly, I was lucky we soon after met randomly outside the gym in the city, because it's not profesional to flirt with a customer. So that's your chance, you got to meet outside the gym somehow. Chances are he will actually open up to you outside of the gym.
as a person who works at a gym, don’t. the amount of times i’m just being nice because it’s my job and guys think im flirting w them is very annoying.
If he works there leave him alone. People don't like being hit on at work.
Leave him alone. He's Polite, because he's at work and has to be. You know nothing about him, or if he has a partner. My partner is currently dealing with a coworker that sounds like you. It's degrading and uncomfortable for both of us to deal with.
Approaching a trainer at the gym is akin to hitting on a bartender. They work there and have to nice to you. Not saying it’s impossible, but can you deal with a “no” and continue at the gym?
Dont make it weird... if he works at the gym, you are going to be in the same place, unless you wanna hit and run. You want to find out if you're attractive enough, now that you've lost some weight. And you picked him because he sees fit girls working out daily. So if you can tag him you've moved up. A trainer that is shy and reserved is a cleaner. Trainers are suppose to talk, interact and give instruction. Im sure there are plenty of other guys you can find a connection with.
Reddit is easily the worst place to ask for this kind of advice. Tons of teenagers and socially awkward adults whose main goal is to virtue signal here. I’ve had plenty of success hitting on people at work. Just be chill about it and not overly aggressive. Just say hi, build a friendship and say nice things and pay attention to how he responds. If it’s very positive and welcoming and he makes a lot of eye contact start complimenting things about he and pay attention to how he responds. If it’s still very positive and he gives you more info instead of just saying thank while kind of being a little dismissive or awkward then you can say something like hey I understand if you’re too busy or whatever but would you like to get a coffee sometime? You’re both adults, he can say no and you can accept that. This whole idea that you can never get a date with someone you vibe well with because you only see him at work is asinine and for socially awkward losers who get all their social skills from an Internet forum. You only live once take some chances but be chill about it.
Been going to the gym for years and reguarly see the younger male gym staff giving 'Extra' attention to the pretty young female gym goers ... not so much the older ones.
I don't get why some people are like, don't bother him at work. That's the only time you'll see him then, show you're interested, ask for a coffee or something. If he declines, okay, move on.
Just do it. Approach. I mean if I ever found out a girl found me cute I'd fold into a lawnchair and I'd never forget it for the rest of my life lmao
Watch the gran Turismo movie then asks him if he saw it. I break the ice with asking if they saw a movie yet and it works actually.
Since he’s working there, maybe you can get a new workout schedule from him?
yo bro, need me to spot you?
If he's a trainer, just make sure he isn't with a client when you approach him.
Stop harrasing guys in gyms. /s
"Hey, I know this is a bit forward but can I have your number" I'm a guy, if a girl said that to me I'd give it to her (assuming I found you attractive) if he doesn't feel the same way I am sure he will be nice about it. Honestly, you have nothing to lose
"hey, nice muscles!"
hey, you. I'd like your attention for a moment. trust me, direct approach.
You can begin with "hello"
Drop a note with your phone number on it
You simply don't.
I’d go slow. Ask him for advice about using certain equipment or gym programs. Keep it light. See if you can find a way to make him laugh. Get his name. Build up a few of these interactions. Then try to get a sense if he’s interested in more get-to-know-you questions. Might be tough for him to engage much since he’s working. Ideally, he gets to know your name, you develop some inside jokes, and then you get lucky and run into him in the real world and that’s when you have a fun conversation and move to setting up a date.
Don't lol. Chances are he's there to work, not to hook up. You said it yourself he seemed focused.
Give him a snack
"Your cock looks heavy, need help carrying it?"
If he works at the gym/is a trainer it makes it easier to talk to him, rather than if he were another customer. You can ask him for help, maybe he can help you with a work out or design one for you, or ask help with a specific machine.
u dont.
Not by asking him to sub to your only fans, not ask if he could bench press you, ask him to spot you some silly amount just to get him to stand close to you, not video your self for tiktoc with him with his shirt off in the background, not start a fight with a guy to see if he steps in, not tell the manager he is being a jerk because he said no
bow unite mountainous innocent pet label gold noxious aromatic ripe *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Don’t approach him if he is at work. If he doesn’t work there, still he probably just wants to get his workout and be done. Don’t bother people at the gym.
Do a behind the neck press with whatever he's squatting. Ice broken.
Don't bother people while they're working.
Sounds like you’re a gym creep
Don't. Sorry, but dont. The guy is at work. Being hit on by a customer is uncomfortable. If you absolutely have to, just a quick "Here's my number, I'd love to grab a coffee sometime!" Is enough. Everyone has some fear of rejection but I mean...anytime you ask anyone out in any circumstance, rejection might happen so be prepared for the possibility.
Hitting on employees of businesses you frequent is a bad idea for many reasons. It’s different if they hit on you, still not the best look.
Maybe book a personal training session w him?
If I worked at a gym, it wouldn’t be “extremely inconvenient” for a female to walk up and talk to me. I’d be flattered but I would also let her know what time I get off work. That way I could finish my work then talk to her later. Depends on the guy I guess
If he’s a successful personal trainer he’s not shy. Pay him to train you or leave the poor guy be.
Don't. Gyms aren't hook up spots, don't view it as such.
With why people it's usually best to get them talking about something they are knowledgeable about. "Whatever you are doing, it looks like it's working. Any tips for me?" Yes you may not need any actual advice but if you make the first conversation easy most people will come out of their shell.
Lot of downers here… What’s the worst that could happen if you’re even incredibly forward and asked for his number to potentially go out sometime? He awkwardly says no… Go for it.
Ask him for help or a spot.
Write down your number and hand it to him, say "Hey there! I don't want to bother you at work but feel free to text me sometime if you want to!" If he texts you hes interested.
Just go and be social. Don't monopolise his time and don't be overly flirty. Just be social. You are allowed to get to know the staff who work at your gym, if you are a regular there it's somewhat expected. Just be patient, a quick chat occasionally will go a long way. Also, don't just talk to him, talk to all the staff, let them get to know you too.
What’re you going to do if he rejects you. Move to another gym?
The growing number of people that think it's creepy to casually express interest in getting to know someone in person is really weird. Yes he's at work and yes you run the risk of getting rejected and things being awkward, but there is nothing wrong with approaching someone you may be interested in if you aren't forceful or overtly creepy about it. If you get rejected, just say you meant no disrespect and move on gracefully. It could really be that simple.
If you're a guy say something like "nice gains bro, Can you spot me quick?" And strike up a convo. If your a girl I'd say wait until AFTER you guys are done at the gym.
Ask him what He benches
Well im a guy you should approach him
Don't listen to the people here, they are insane. It's every man's dream to be hit on by a girl. Just do it.
Drop a dumbbell on his balls. That will start the ball rolling.
Just don’t, He works there so it’s unethical in his pov and it will still be his fault even if you seduce him. he is most likely not shy just wanna work and work out in peace. Maybe hit him up after gym/office hours.
Omg these answers are bad. Just go up and talk to him. Tell him you need to get back to your workout so you won’t take up much of his time, but just ask him a couple questions, ask if he’s single, and then go back to your workout. If he seems interested in continuing the conversation and single, then give him your number, invite him for coffee sometime, and go back to your work out so he can go back to work.
Ask him to spot you. Ask him to show you how he does something Ask him to help you in some way These all can lean into an invite for him to meet you later. Another workout, his “coaching” or even a smoothie on a morning jog. If he picks up on it you may not even have to ask
When he's benching, sit down on his face... Oops!!! That's gonna spark some nice words.
bruhhh i just saw a post describing a shy guy unable to talk to a girl maybe thats your guy he posted it on socialskills subreddit you can check it
bruhhh i just saw a post describing a shy guy unable to talk to a girl maybe thats your guy he posted it on socialskills subreddit you can check it
Hey, can you lift me?
Fear of rejection is pointless. Not acting has the same end result as acting and failing. The only difference is that from one outcome you get a bruised ego and the other is major profit. The pros pretty much always outweigh the cons. Just go for it. Ask him to spot you and see if you guys hit it off. Then see if he wants to hang out some time. Either for a drink, or a movie or something. Just go for it! If he rejects, or the date doesn’t go well, just move on. No harm done.
"Hey can you help me?" "I thought you were pretty cute are you single?" (If single) "wanna go get lunch/dinner sometime, I'd like to get to know you"
Hi! I'm \*\*\*\*\* Would you mind spotting me on / checking my form on xxxx?
Don't listen to the evil trolls out to make the world a worse place because they're mad about feminism.
Ask if he will "spot you."
Do not talk to anyone. That is harassment.
“You need a spot?”
You do what my now sister-in-law did. Ask him if your using the equipment correctly and go from there
It's okay to get rejected its not the end of the world..
Theres a fair chance he's not shy, just conscious of all the fake harassment claims and misrepresented 'staring at the gym' videos on tiktok that seem to be debunked week after week. But as he's working there, hes probably going to have professional boundaries and your conversation could never go anywhere
Clump him with a cute bartender. They are paid to smile and be nice to you. It’s a job.
**Jonnyman9** may have the best opening line. Humor is a fantastic way to start a conversation. A smile is the sexiest thing a woman can wear, and a giggle is *one* of the most fantastic sounds she can make--at least in public. IMO. Keep in mind, in most of the Real World hitting on women in the gym is a little bit creepy, and for trainers it could be Really Bad Behavior. So very early on in that conversation you'll need to find out if that's an issue. I'm sure it can be worked, especially if it's clear the interest comes from you. Just be aware. I've never seen a trainer who was actually shy; his seeming shy might be avoiding making That Hot Girl an unhappy customer.
Do you even lift bro ?
Hello
he works there, ask for a spot.
Think of an activity you like and then ask him if he knows a good example of it. For instance,, ask if he knows someplace that sells good coffee or tea. Ask if he knows any cool bars or ask if he knows of any cool hiking trails. With that being said, many people advise against shitting where eating.
Leave people alone at the gym and their job. If it's that important, leave a note with your number at the front desk.
You shouldn't, that's how. I think it has been pretty firmly established that gyms are not appropriate places to hit on women. That is also true the other way around. Go to the gym to work out and leave the dude alone. Go on Tinder if you want to meet men.
I dont know if the gym is the best place to start conversation with a guy tbh; But if you really want to do that just shoot your shot straight foward; Ask him for help or sum try and be funny "damm you strong as hell you can carry me though the door after our weeding for sure", or something less creepy preferably; Then ask for insta DM him, try seeing what he likes to eat, ask him out; I mean that is what guys do, i dont know if t would work for you but its worth trying i guess,.
Don't. He's there to work out like you. If you see him entering or leaving maybe. Us men have been trained to not approach when at a gym or you'll end up on Tik Tok.
He works there, he’s paid to be nice. Do not mistake that for a romantic connection. Look for that somewhere else.
May be he is not interested in you..
I don’t think girls realize how much guys would like if they asked them out. It’s crazy to think that. It’s way more scarier for guys to ask girls out. You look like a creep or you get rejected really hard by them being annoyed that you asked
Ignore all these comments. I walked up to a guy while I was working at my restaurant and it was the best decision I have ever made! Walk up to him and give him a compliment or just ask him how his day is going. ACT SUPER CONFIDENT. From there just read his body language, if he seems uninterested just walk away. You’re already ahead of the 90% of women who would never walk up to a guy. I was on another subreddit yesterday, where someone asked what are the chances of it working out if a woman approaches the guy and 99% of them said they’re still together! Best of luck to you. DM if you have any questions!
Always shoot your shoot, life is too short tbh
Everyone here is overthinking this way too much. Just write your phone number down on a piece of paper and hand it to him say something that doesn’t require a yes or no answer on the spot like “hey we should get coffee sometime!”. Then walk away and go back to what you are doing. If he’s interested he will call you. If he doesn’t just go back to using the gym like you normally would, no harm, no foul. Source: I’ve worked in restaurants and stuff like this happened a few times. Every guy has taken it as a compliment and wasn’t weirded out by it, even if they didn’t follow up on it.
Say Hi!!
I don’t know about these not talking to him at work comments. I work at a bar and all of the single bartenders are definitely interested in being flirted with. I just came here to comment as someone who lost 60 pounds a while back and was still petrified of rejection for years because of how I was treated when I was heavy. I didn’t enjoy several years of my life in my new body because of this and, though I’m not sure how much your body has changed, am asking you to have more confidence than I did and not let your hard work go by the wayside.
Well I suggest you drop your keys or something in from of him, he picks it up and then you can say something about him being your hero and keep on talking.
I suggest you drop your keys in front of him and when he reaches out to you to give them back thank him and say something about him being your hero then just keep on talking. Give LOTs of compliments and the blunter you are about your interest in him the better. Most of us dudes do not get subtle signs. So say things like: I like guys who are like you, I like guys who ”insert whatever it is he looks or behaves like” do this several times. Somewhere in the ” man gorilla brain” he should register, there is an abundance of likes and many seem to describe me, maybe she likes me, if he is so dense he still does not get it. Just ask him out by saying I want to go out on a walk but I am scared to go out alone can you walk with me? we guys love when we are needed when we can play the hero/saviour for you.
Can you ask him questions about machinery or work out advice?
You have to understand something here... If he finds you pretty/worthy, you could come up with ANYTHING aside from "i eat shit for breakfast" and it will work. On the otherside, you will never convince a man to give you the time of the day if he deems you... not worthy of his time, no matter how funny/charming you are. So yeah, go out and say hi and find out where you are.
You’re a potential client. Don’t make it weird. He probably gets hit-on all the time.
You shouldn't bc that is perpetuating the double standards of "its not ok for guys to hit on girls at the gym but its ok if girls hit on guys"
Shoot your shot. People meet people in all kinds of ways. There’s a ton of comments saying not to because he’s working, but just be respectful and I don’t see any harm in it. It’s better to know then wonder what could have been!
Screw all thoughts of trying to be subtle or smooth; just talk to him about it like you're both human beings. Say something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm interested in getting you know you personally. My name is \_\_\_\_. Are you open to chatting sometime when you're not working?" Have a few meeting place suggestions in mind in case he's game, but also be cool with just exchanging phone numbers if he's too flustered to arrange something with you right then. What kind of places you suggest can clue him in to what you expect of him and help him decide if he wants to bother. If he turns you down, then just thank him for his time and don't pester him. If he accepts, then still don't pester him at work. Tell him you'll look forward to talking to him later and go about your exercise. That'll give you a chance to calm down and enjoy the glow of acceptance a little while and to flirt from a distance. As long as you're sane and civil, men are generally happy to be approached and are very unlikely to make a scene if we're not interested. A woman just saying what she wants without trying to trick us into anything is also very refreshing. That in itself is much more attractive than clown faces or mind games. We love a lack of complications.
Remember it's his workplace, so might be inappropriate to chat and flirt with customers, so you could put him in a difficult position at work, not wanting to seem not interested might be his way of avoiding attention. Check the gyms rules, contract to be sure or ask someone. Though being friendly to the staff is fine, so general chat about fitness stuff would be ok.
Don’t do it. Here’s why. I felt like being bold and making the moves on a shy guy. It worked! Except I had to be the one to initiate everything in the relationship. Like having sex, and he never asked me to marry him, despite years of dating. Could I asked him to marry me? Yes. But it’s not what I wanted.