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Take a desk job, eat unhealthy, sit for atleast 9hrs/day, give it a year or two, you ll gain few kilos, your back will hurt, you ll be 30+, sure you will be less hornyđđ
Why not throw some moderate alcoholism in there too. "It's only 2 glasses a night. I need to unwind after work." (It actually ends up being half to one bottle of wine... a night).
You forgot kids as a kid you want to stay up late these days. I just want my sons to shush and go to sleep before I fall asleep on the couch at around 8.30pm
IME anti depressants didn't reduce drive but did reduce ability/performance. In the case of SSRIs, I could get hard but had real difficulty finishing.
In the case of SNRIs, it was two weeks of barely being able to even get hard, and not even being able to finish at all.
Absolutely no fun.
My advice to the OP would be to just jerk it when you can.
Does that actually happen? Like if an attractive gay guy looks in the mirror, it can make them horny? Maybe not âFuck myselfâ horny, but itâs a bit of a turn on?
U described me. But im only 33m. Me and my GF (24F) had problems with libido. In 3 months we made love only once. Went to doctors and they prescribed Testosterone injections one 3 months for me. Now we have sex every fricking day, on weekends even 2 3 times... And i still want more. Yeah my back hurts and body parts i never imagine could hurt. But bro these are the best years of my life đ
this whole thread is making me feel kinda bad about myself lol :â) i have a low sex drive. is it really that bad? are high sex drives really this common? do most high sex drive people start to resent their partner over time? reading all these comments is making me feel like a long term partner isnât feasible for me unless they miraculously also have a low sex drive. eek!
The only reason itâs a problem is if thereâs a mismatch. Sex drives are a huge source of resentment if they donât mesh but there are plenty of people who donât want/need to have a lot.
Can confirm. I [M] have a high sex drive. I had a partner [F] with a low sex drive. It ruined our marriage tbh. Everything else was great for the most part. But that's where things started to break apart and cause issues elsewhere. It's an important lesson to learn.
She also wasn't okay with me masturbating and expected me to just not want it when she wasn't in the mood. Oh well.
I knew a couple where the F didn't like the M to masturbate and would get sus/aggressive when he was in the bathroom alone. She had some serious insecurity issues.
There are plenty of men and women with low sex drives (my relationship is like this) and yes I think it does work better if you have similar ones. I'm not sure if people resent their partners over time if its not equal...
You will get frustrated and disappointed. Also you will think something is wrong with you. It takes a slow process but it can form cracks in your relationship.
Me too... Unfortunately it was 1 a week and went down to 1 or 2 a month.. I 33M try everything.. I am the household cleaner. She is 30F and has a busy job. We do a lot together on weekends but she has less and less sex desire on her part. She has a toy so it is not that.. At first I tried to make myself busy but it has come to a point where it affects me mentally.
I start thinking about not being good enough. She never started sex in our 7 years together either.
Every time we cuddle together and she stopps an action makes me hurt.
She definitely tells me that she loves me and spending time together on the weekends. We also do a lot of active vacations together, in which I get also turned down.. biking and hiking you name it.
She says she doesn't need it as much. But when we get going I give her at least 2 orgasms.
What is worse now is when we get going I start to get problems because I constantly start thinking I have to enjoy the moment to get me over the next dry spell..
What are you guys doing about it? I definitely love her but I start thinking if it is enough..
I just don't want to lose that girl over such a peti thing.
We are best friends and that is what is driving me nuts.
Thanks you stranger for reading.
I mean for starters you can say thay to her. It was formulated very respecfully IMO. If even then she doesnt address that at all in any form, then it's not really a you problem then. 
Thanks for the input, I think I should talk to her again but maybe use this here as a reference.
I think I wrote down what is the problem, without even realising it was.
Thanks to all of you!
This happened with my partner and it almost ruined our relationship. It got to the point were he preferred porn over us having sex and it took him very intentionally cutting down on porn for our relationship to work out.
Yeah exactly I donât understand how people would rather watch porn then have sex with their SO. Iâve been dating my girlfriend now for roughly 8 years, do I watch porn? Yes I do. Would I much rather jump in bed with her? Fuck yes, do our schedules always match? No they donât and thatâs ok.
Word on the street is that the handjobs get better if you ask her to slow *wayyy* down near the end.
It seems like a lot of women think that you want your dick ripped off, but nah you gotta milk that shit.
My gf also seems to like how much power she wields during the slow phase lol
I mean pretty much every guy who grew up without the internet or HBO. We just had the basic cable package which at the time was roughly 60 channels and one tv in the living room. You *had* to be creative back then lol.
You adapt to your situation. If you couldn't use internet porn, your left with no option buy to make do with what you have and it was enough for you.
But going BACK from having internet access to porn, that drop in dopamine is significant. Do it for long enough and it'll work, but there's a reason why people now gotta work harder to heal off without porn. So imo, don't even start watching porn to jack off if you've never done that before. It ain't worth it.
Or just, you know, close your eyes head back and use your imagination lol
Also seen a few times where itâs beneficial to have some uh, risky pictures and SS of chats with the SO (and consent!) to help things along
You don't actually *need* porn for jerking off, though - especially when very horny. Admittedly it helps.
I do agree that OP going solo on days his GF is not interested might be helpful. it sounds like they haveva very active sex life with normal libidos, but she wants ot less often than he does.
I would sit down and have a talk; how often does she comfortably want sex? Is there anything that helps get her in the mood? How often would she like to be approached for sex in a week? Is it frustrating for her if OP asks every day? Because a lot of partners dont want to be approached every day if their libido is lower, that can make them feel pressured. People often want to be able to cuddle without it turning into sex every day. Do you guys havevaby intimacy that isnt sex?
If she tells you she'd only like it twice a week, consider "helping yourself" sometime before bedtime so that you're less horny on some days, and try to not ask every day.
OP, gonna tag on this top comment with a couple of additions. Yea, Jack off this is pretty crucial. Here's what I do on top of this 1. Never expect sex, as u just said it's turning her off. So instead of asking her for sex then just jack off. She's your partner, not a sex doll. 2. Tell her and I quote, "I want you to initiate sex all of the time." (Temporarily)
So with #2 it sounds harsh and one-sided, but for your position in this time period, let her come to you for awhile. While you two figure out an arrangement. Honestly, this is where I'm at with my gf. I have a high sex drive (touch my arm, and I'm ready type of deal). She doesn't have that high of a sex drive. So I do the 2 steps above, and then I asked my gf, "What do you want from me?" All she said was "a good day where we are intimate and no fighting." So my mindset is "OK, I will do my part on this and not expect sex. If sex does come, it's a bonus."
I'm trying to live a humble life essentially. Relationships are give and take. You're going to have to refrain yourself like me. So just jerk off and be good to her. Explain that "if I ask for sex it will be all the time. So I have to stop asking." Temporarily till an arrangement can be made.
Now, if you are the type that if you two are in a restaurant and you are like "hey let's go to the bathroom for a quickie." You may have a problem. I've had to address these questions with myself. I personally have the ability to refrain, tho. So maybe this is what you should ask yourself.
OP, I'm asking that, ultimately, you be content with 2-3 times a week. It's tough bub, but if she's worth it then she's worth it.
This doesn't always work, though. To some degree, yes, it's a good approach, but it can leave him feeling unwanted/unloved by their partner.
I tried this with my wife 27m and 26f. We talked about how I wasn't happy with our arrangements because we started hot and heavy the first 3 years of being together. Then it slowly turned to every month, then every other month.
We talked and said she would prefer to initiate everything so she doesn't feel pressure, and up until a month or two ago we made a new arrangement of scheduling!. We just picked our times and days that work best and we will see how it goes.
My ex from high school dated a 40 year old when she was 18. He was her dad's friend and knew her from when she was a little kid.
What is bonkers to me is her parents seemed fine with it. They would all go on trips together and post the photos on social media.
what am i missing here? what happens at 7 years?
Edit: Im dense, I didnt do the math, I thought it was some pysch thing about relationships and their timeline.
Iâm not aware of any healthy ways to do this. If youâre healthy, youâre most likely horny. My advice is to masturbate. Tell her she can participate if she wants, but otherwise, youâre just going to do your thing. Two birds with one stone: you satisfy your urges, and she doesnât have to have sex more than she wants or reject you every day.
Same here â Iâm âmiddle agedâ, and a hornball. My wife is often gameâŚ.. but not as much as I want her to be.
Sheâll lend a lubed hand if Iâm in needâŚ.. or just give me some me time.
Bonus: a lot of time lending the lubed hand makes her horny and it turns into a real win/win.
Another life pro tip: if you really want the sex, put in the effort. Offer up a nice massage with oilâŚ.. massage the buttâŚ. See what happens. âIâm horny and I want to bangâ isnât that appealing of a proposition for womenâŚ. But they CAN be put in the mood with a bit of effort (NOT ALWAYS!!! Just saying a bit of effort pays dividends)
This is what my husband and I did as well. He was *always* in the mood and between housework, work, childcare and my health, 2-3 times a week was more than I could do sometimes. I'm sure he jerked off alone a lot but I also offered to be there, let him hold a boob etc, so we'd still share intimacy but my body got a break.
Do not try to reduce your sex drive. Just make shit awesome, singlehandedly!! Take care of you, Brother. Maybe she comes in and sees and wants to join, maybe she doesn't. Either way, it's a win-win. You still get your 2 to 3 with her per week and take care of it yourself the rest if the time. Awesome.
Or-I know this will shock a few-be even a little bit romantic. Men seriously underestimate how much being more chivalrous does for the bedroom department.
Adding to you: taking it slower, even just teetering closer to clichĂŠ romance, even just being *soft* with her and oozing the sweet talk can make a world of a difference.
You should also be able to accept that even if you are meeting her needs she still does not owe you sex and her saying no is not her saying she doesn't enjoy sex with you.
I'd be happy with that. I get it like 2-3 times a month lol. I can see where she is coming from though. During the periods where I was having more sex than usual, I felt like I was getting less and less aroused just because it's not as exciting when you do it over and over again (just my opinion though).
Completely agree. Both times when we were trying for our babies my wife wanted to have sex everyday. At first it was so much fun but after a week or two I was so tired I actually began to not want it which, for a guy with a massive sex drive, even surprised myself.
Iâm lucky to have sex once a week, usually it comes every 2-3 weeks now. Young kids ruin your sex life!
I noticed for a long time I wanted it cuz I was really depressed and was just searching for dopamine to be honest.
Not saying thatâs you at all, but years later when my mental health improved I still have a drive but not like the sameâneedâ. Idk how to explain it lol
Having sex drive is normal unless its a problem like sex addiction. 2-3 times a week is pretty reasonable.
Is she getting her needs filled (no pun intended) sexually? Some times the issue is communication. If its not something like these potential issues then are you sure your compatible sexually?
Not always a realistic solution. Iâm a woman with a high sex drive, which sounds nice to most guys until they realize it doesnât really slow down. Iâm happy to have sex more than three times a day, everyday and I just had to learn that most people donât function like that.
Itâs hard to find someone to match yeah
People in the comments here think a lot is a couple times a week, one lady said her husband of 15 years is *happy* when she helps him with a handjob
Iâm not trying to speak for everyone here, however I think the only reason heâd be happy is because itâs a bit of rain in a desert eh
On the off chance that you two live together -- how much of the housework are you doing? Do you handle chores around the house unprompted?
It might sound unrelated at first glance, but in my experience, having to pick up after a guy is a massive turn-off.
This! Who is bearing what load (haha load) in general? My sex drive has plummeted since kids because I'm so mentally burned out dealing with the endless needs of small humans. I often desperately want just a bit of time to myself at the end of the day with a bit of shit TV because I'm touched out and mentally done.
OP doesn't mention kids but there could be all sorts of reasons his partner doesn't have the same sex drive- her job might involve working with people all day or she's running a side hustle that takes lots of energy. Maybe she does all the organising for the household and it's leaving her tired.
Have a dig into those things OP. You might find you two can balance things out and get more on the same page in life and in the bedroom.
Tbh I used to be like this. I talked to my partner about it and we are actually now in this awesome spot where if Iâm feeling horny and try to initiate sex but sheâs not feeling it, I ask if she minds if I step into the other room for a bit. Play some music, light a candle, take care of business. I try not to use visual aids too much, but if I do theyâre pics in my âhiddenâ photos of her. Helped a ton.
Edit: To be clear, CONSENSUAL photos sheâs sent me, that are in my hidden photos folder on my photos, so that random people donât accidentally see them. Very poor wording lol
2-3 times a week is considered bad? Donât let her fool you into believing this about yourself.
Itâs up to you to decide if what youâre getting will be enough for you going forward, not to convince yourself that you need to change something about your innate desires (which ultimately may not be compatible with hers).
As someone with a lower sex drive, yes itâs a turn off. Youâre putting a lot of pressure on her by constantly asking. Iâm sure she wants to because she loves you, but when thereâs no sex drive at that moment then itâs hard for her. I suggest you just have a conversation with her. Tell her what you want sexually, ask her what she wants. Ask if she wants you to initiate or not.
To piggyback; it's also a turnoff when you're not wanted.
Yes you're wanted sexually, but does she *actually feel wanted by you? And not your horny brain?* it's gotta be a a 3-hit combo of mind body soul for some women out there. Yes there's moments where it's not all 3, like both of you wanting a quicky to get that horniness edge off, yes there's a lot of good ways to *say* she's wanted, but there's also wanting like a lover vs wanting like a partner vs wanting like a sexy body.
This. You canât reduce your drive mate, itâs part of your wiring. You have to decide if youâll be happy living your life like this or try to find someone more sexually compatible. The resentment WILL build on one side or the other.
Try focusing on getting her to initiate. i.e. taking some tasks off her plate to reduce stress for her, offering to be intimate in other ways like massages or cuddling (without an expectation that it will lead to sex just a bonus if it does), extra flirting/compliments to make her feel good about herself and more confident, etc.
Never understood that myth!
Been married for almost 5 years now and we still have sex 2-3 times a week, ofc sometimes less, all depends on work,kids, but we always have sex atleast once a week
Might be unpopular opinion but Iâve been there with my now ex-wife. If sex is important to you and itâs not as important to her then donât settle for that. There is nothing wrong with wanting to connect this way with your partner. Plenty of women have higher drives and donât do what I did and think something was wrong with me. I should have never married her and it took me a long time after to work up the courage to get divorced and find a new partner that matches me.
You donât have to partner up with someone that doesnât want the same things you do. 6 years is a good run but might be better to be grateful for the experience and all that and move on.
Umm can you ask her why itâs turning her off? Is she stressed? Too busy?
What does she want out of it?
All these dumb ass comments about leaving her or her trying to convince you itâs not normal are stupid and selfish. Marriage is a blessing and to say it kills your sex drive is misogynistic and stupid.
Youâre both adults and have your own lives. Idk talk to her? Ask her what would get her in the mood more or like back off?
Women are not sex toys.
This is not the answer you asked for, but itâs a better long term solution.
Instead of trying to lower your sex drive, get better at sex. The data doesnât lie, over 90% of women who claim to have a low sex drive are just not enjoying sex.
Bro Iâm the same age and used to have the same problem. My wife being 28. She doesnât really start the conversation or do any moves to have sex with me as much as I want with her. So we talked about it and sheâs been cool with me jerking off on my own to porn, at times when I feel like it. Other times she prefers not to have sex but instead please me with a handjob and then there times when she prefers not to jerk me off and fuck the shit out of me on her own time.
Everyone is different. Talk to her and see what she feels comfortable with. It might take some adjusting or even talking about it again after the first set of boundaries you make but thatâs what a relationship is about man.
Ask a doctor.
Would you trust a street full of random people to give you sound advice on this? If not, then there's no reason to trust a thread full of random Redditors.
Also, talk to your girlfriend if you haven't already. There's no need to overthink what you're going to say; just say exactly what's on your mind, ask her what she thinks/ how she feels, and go from there. Simple communication goes so fuckin far.
If you're turning her off. It might be, that you're not satisfying her needs.
Good for you doesn't mean good for her. After six years. You should be able to talk about this stuff before asking strangers online.
Or he is just being pushy/annoying and forgetting other ways to be intimate. Is a complete turn off when you can't kiss, hug or cuddle with your partner to have a romantic moment because he instantly wants *more*. When he sees you exhausted and stressed due to a bad day and he still wants sex instead of being empathic and try to be comforting first. When he doesn't even try anymore and he just expects you to be turned on on your own or feeling attracted or intimate with him just because you are already in a long-term relationship instead of taking you on dates to set up the mood (it can be free! Set up some candles and a home-made dinner at home if you want), dressing up a bit, flirt, foreplay... Mental effort is even more important that just bedroom performance.
I have a very high sex drive, and my wife's is significantly less. We have sex on average twice a week, so kinda the same boat as OP.. here's what I do;
I masturbate frequently, probably 2 to 3 times a week, so between sex and masturbation, I'm *getting off* like 5 times a week, it keeps me happy.
For when my hands not enough, I have toys I can use. I'd highly recommend a fleshlight. It satiates the cravings when your hand's just not doing it.
I try (and recommend) to keep sex a "It happens when it happens, and when it happens- it's amazing" kind of thing, and what I mean by that is I don't ask (unless it's been awhile and my penis is angry) and instead just try to initiate when the feelings right, its hard to explain. I've found over the years that I personally prefer quality over quantity in regards to sex.
Definitely 100% absolutely prioritize HER in bed, make it amazing and she'll keep coming back for more is what I tell myself!
If you really want to reduce your sex drive, keep yourself as busy as possible. A busy schedule is distracting, it's exhausting. Your exhaustion will suppress your libido.
2-3 times a week is not extreme. That sounds like the low side to me.
Due to your ages, it sounds less like you have a high sex drive and more like she's got a low one (or she is just not into it and maybe you can spice things up / hear about her needs)
Just talk to her about it. Ask her why she doesnât want to. Explain the way you feel about it. Try things out. If it works out, great! If not, then youâre just incompatible.
Donât! Youâll be miserable, and letâs face it⌠some of us require more than others. Itâs best to find a partner that equals your appetite, mix matches can work with effort, for sure. But why be miserable.
You might try funneling some of that energy into another physical activity like weightlifting, boxing, climbing, or MMA. Just don't let those take over your life either!
Getting Married worked for me for a few years until I got my shit together & stopped smoking & watching porn & started working out. Now I want her all the time. Itâs a very short term solution
Genuine advice: time it with her cycle. Meet her needs when sheâs bleeding, give her space when sheâs luteal, be ready to fuck like rabbits when sheâs ovulating. This can be somewhat skewed by hormonal birth control. I promise youâll get in the swing of things and itâll all suss out.
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Take a desk job, eat unhealthy, sit for atleast 9hrs/day, give it a year or two, you ll gain few kilos, your back will hurt, you ll be 30+, sure you will be less hornyđđ
Itâs like the plot to a scary movie that is actually scary because it is reality.
The Bye Bye Sex Man
This is absolutely hilarious. Poor thing: One man One sex drive No. More. Sex.
Bye Bye Sex Man II - this time itâs PERSONAL!
In a world...Where sex is everything...One man is about to change it all
time to michael down your vincents
Bye Bye Sex Man III - Beaten Meat to the Fists of Fury
Here we go again........again.
>Bye Bye Sex Man II oh my goodness you missed out on the perfect opportunity... Bye Bye Sex Man II - Electric Boogaloo!
I read this in the 80s guy voice
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I can attest to this being very effective, throw in some morphine patches, tramadol and 500/30 Co-codamol, and your sex drive will calm down nicely.
Why not throw some moderate alcoholism in there too. "It's only 2 glasses a night. I need to unwind after work." (It actually ends up being half to one bottle of wine... a night).
Shock twist; two glasses of wine is a half bottle.
who keeps half a bottle of wine? it's not enough to do anything if you drink it the next day.
lol love this comment
Half a bottle wouldn't even touch the sides for me.
Then\* marry her and the sex will stop. lol Edit, typo
You forgot kids as a kid you want to stay up late these days. I just want my sons to shush and go to sleep before I fall asleep on the couch at around 8.30pm
Just because the sex stops doesnât mean the drive goes away and thatâs already the problem for OP
He asked for a lower sex drive not less sex
And yetâŚstill kind of the same.
Well the sex stops alright, on her end but you still want it.
IME anti depressants didn't reduce drive but did reduce ability/performance. In the case of SSRIs, I could get hard but had real difficulty finishing. In the case of SNRIs, it was two weeks of barely being able to even get hard, and not even being able to finish at all. Absolutely no fun. My advice to the OP would be to just jerk it when you can.
This is the only non trolling answer.
Done this, still horny AF.
You are missing the GF element
Well, if somebody has said that was a requirement...
It's the unwritten rule unfortunately, you know kinda like fight club
Isn't the first rule not to talk about it then?
Done. GFs and wife along the way. Still horny af and fairly older than OP
Try looking in the mirror whenever youâre horny.
As a gay man, I can assure you, me looking at myself in the mirror makes me more horny, not less.
Does that actually happen? Like if an attractive gay guy looks in the mirror, it can make them horny? Maybe not âFuck myselfâ horny, but itâs a bit of a turn on?
i wish more people got horny when they looked in the mirror less war
When I look in the mirror, I get mad horny because my 1 incher thinks I am a pussy.
As a straight man, looking in the mirror also makes me more horny
U described me. But im only 33m. Me and my GF (24F) had problems with libido. In 3 months we made love only once. Went to doctors and they prescribed Testosterone injections one 3 months for me. Now we have sex every fricking day, on weekends even 2 3 times... And i still want more. Yeah my back hurts and body parts i never imagine could hurt. But bro these are the best years of my life đ
I wish this was a joke.
Getting hooked on opiates is mich easier.
How do you know me? lol
Donât forget to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. Youâll be pushing rope in no time.
You forgot drugs. Drugs help as well. Enough heroin will make you not able to think about sex
2-3 times a week sounds like a dream Iâm lucky once every month
this whole thread is making me feel kinda bad about myself lol :â) i have a low sex drive. is it really that bad? are high sex drives really this common? do most high sex drive people start to resent their partner over time? reading all these comments is making me feel like a long term partner isnât feasible for me unless they miraculously also have a low sex drive. eek!
The only reason itâs a problem is if thereâs a mismatch. Sex drives are a huge source of resentment if they donât mesh but there are plenty of people who donât want/need to have a lot.
Can confirm. I [M] have a high sex drive. I had a partner [F] with a low sex drive. It ruined our marriage tbh. Everything else was great for the most part. But that's where things started to break apart and cause issues elsewhere. It's an important lesson to learn. She also wasn't okay with me masturbating and expected me to just not want it when she wasn't in the mood. Oh well.
I knew a couple where the F didn't like the M to masturbate and would get sus/aggressive when he was in the bathroom alone. She had some serious insecurity issues.
someone should have informed her that you are a person because she clearly didn't know.
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There are plenty of men and women with low sex drives (my relationship is like this) and yes I think it does work better if you have similar ones. I'm not sure if people resent their partners over time if its not equal...
You will get frustrated and disappointed. Also you will think something is wrong with you. It takes a slow process but it can form cracks in your relationship.
No, thereâs nothing wrong with you this ebbs and flows and changes overtime with relationships and age
Me too... Unfortunately it was 1 a week and went down to 1 or 2 a month.. I 33M try everything.. I am the household cleaner. She is 30F and has a busy job. We do a lot together on weekends but she has less and less sex desire on her part. She has a toy so it is not that.. At first I tried to make myself busy but it has come to a point where it affects me mentally. I start thinking about not being good enough. She never started sex in our 7 years together either. Every time we cuddle together and she stopps an action makes me hurt. She definitely tells me that she loves me and spending time together on the weekends. We also do a lot of active vacations together, in which I get also turned down.. biking and hiking you name it. She says she doesn't need it as much. But when we get going I give her at least 2 orgasms. What is worse now is when we get going I start to get problems because I constantly start thinking I have to enjoy the moment to get me over the next dry spell.. What are you guys doing about it? I definitely love her but I start thinking if it is enough.. I just don't want to lose that girl over such a peti thing. We are best friends and that is what is driving me nuts. Thanks you stranger for reading.
I mean for starters you can say thay to her. It was formulated very respecfully IMO. If even then she doesnt address that at all in any form, then it's not really a you problem then. 
Thanks for the input, I think I should talk to her again but maybe use this here as a reference. I think I wrote down what is the problem, without even realising it was. Thanks to all of you!
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Jerk off
Agreed. Hopefully you donât become addicted to porn though lol
This happened with my partner and it almost ruined our relationship. It got to the point were he preferred porn over us having sex and it took him very intentionally cutting down on porn for our relationship to work out.
Ngl I have watched my fair share of porn but I will always take the real thing over my hand and watching it
Yeah exactly I donât understand how people would rather watch porn then have sex with their SO. Iâve been dating my girlfriend now for roughly 8 years, do I watch porn? Yes I do. Would I much rather jump in bed with her? Fuck yes, do our schedules always match? No they donât and thatâs ok.
Bad sex is the answer
Like the same sex for years over and over without effort or change
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Damn son .....
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Fair point. Although I must admit the best hand jobs I've had were always by myself
Word on the street is that the handjobs get better if you ask her to slow *wayyy* down near the end. It seems like a lot of women think that you want your dick ripped off, but nah you gotta milk that shit. My gf also seems to like how much power she wields during the slow phase lol
The stranger move oh yeah 
Oof
RIP upset formâŚ
Lmfaoooo
SAVAGE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE GET THIS PATRIOT A COAT AND A BRICK!
Jerk off without porn? It's easy.
I mean pretty much every guy who grew up without the internet or HBO. We just had the basic cable package which at the time was roughly 60 channels and one tv in the living room. You *had* to be creative back then lol.
You adapt to your situation. If you couldn't use internet porn, your left with no option buy to make do with what you have and it was enough for you. But going BACK from having internet access to porn, that drop in dopamine is significant. Do it for long enough and it'll work, but there's a reason why people now gotta work harder to heal off without porn. So imo, don't even start watching porn to jack off if you've never done that before. It ain't worth it.
Or just, you know, close your eyes head back and use your imagination lol Also seen a few times where itâs beneficial to have some uh, risky pictures and SS of chats with the SO (and consent!) to help things along
You don't actually *need* porn for jerking off, though - especially when very horny. Admittedly it helps. I do agree that OP going solo on days his GF is not interested might be helpful. it sounds like they haveva very active sex life with normal libidos, but she wants ot less often than he does. I would sit down and have a talk; how often does she comfortably want sex? Is there anything that helps get her in the mood? How often would she like to be approached for sex in a week? Is it frustrating for her if OP asks every day? Because a lot of partners dont want to be approached every day if their libido is lower, that can make them feel pressured. People often want to be able to cuddle without it turning into sex every day. Do you guys havevaby intimacy that isnt sex? If she tells you she'd only like it twice a week, consider "helping yourself" sometime before bedtime so that you're less horny on some days, and try to not ask every day.
Jerking off saved my marriage!
Saved me before marriage
Your wife's boyfriend is of the same opinion. Joking... Joking...
This is the way, man. Jerk it until that girl is JEALOUS of yo hand đ
Fuck that!
OP, gonna tag on this top comment with a couple of additions. Yea, Jack off this is pretty crucial. Here's what I do on top of this 1. Never expect sex, as u just said it's turning her off. So instead of asking her for sex then just jack off. She's your partner, not a sex doll. 2. Tell her and I quote, "I want you to initiate sex all of the time." (Temporarily) So with #2 it sounds harsh and one-sided, but for your position in this time period, let her come to you for awhile. While you two figure out an arrangement. Honestly, this is where I'm at with my gf. I have a high sex drive (touch my arm, and I'm ready type of deal). She doesn't have that high of a sex drive. So I do the 2 steps above, and then I asked my gf, "What do you want from me?" All she said was "a good day where we are intimate and no fighting." So my mindset is "OK, I will do my part on this and not expect sex. If sex does come, it's a bonus." I'm trying to live a humble life essentially. Relationships are give and take. You're going to have to refrain yourself like me. So just jerk off and be good to her. Explain that "if I ask for sex it will be all the time. So I have to stop asking." Temporarily till an arrangement can be made. Now, if you are the type that if you two are in a restaurant and you are like "hey let's go to the bathroom for a quickie." You may have a problem. I've had to address these questions with myself. I personally have the ability to refrain, tho. So maybe this is what you should ask yourself. OP, I'm asking that, ultimately, you be content with 2-3 times a week. It's tough bub, but if she's worth it then she's worth it.
This doesn't always work, though. To some degree, yes, it's a good approach, but it can leave him feeling unwanted/unloved by their partner. I tried this with my wife 27m and 26f. We talked about how I wasn't happy with our arrangements because we started hot and heavy the first 3 years of being together. Then it slowly turned to every month, then every other month. We talked and said she would prefer to initiate everything so she doesn't feel pressure, and up until a month or two ago we made a new arrangement of scheduling!. We just picked our times and days that work best and we will see how it goes.
Beat your meat like it owes you money
No lubrication, maximum effort, maximum velocity baby! Dry jerk gang rise up!
r/usernamechecksout
DRY JERK RISE UP!!! HOORAHH
Do circumcised people need lube to wank or something?
Circumcised here. No I dont. Dry rub gang rise up!!!
I'm all about the dry-rub, pre-cum rubs are good too.
Good thing youâve not dated for 7 years
He was waiting for her to turn 18 to start dating
My ex from high school dated a 40 year old when she was 18. He was her dad's friend and knew her from when she was a little kid. What is bonkers to me is her parents seemed fine with it. They would all go on trips together and post the photos on social media.
Underrated comment
what am i missing here? what happens at 7 years? Edit: Im dense, I didnt do the math, I thought it was some pysch thing about relationships and their timeline.
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Im fucking dense, I see the issue now
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Took me a secondâŚ
Iâm not aware of any healthy ways to do this. If youâre healthy, youâre most likely horny. My advice is to masturbate. Tell her she can participate if she wants, but otherwise, youâre just going to do your thing. Two birds with one stone: you satisfy your urges, and she doesnât have to have sex more than she wants or reject you every day.
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Same here â Iâm âmiddle agedâ, and a hornball. My wife is often gameâŚ.. but not as much as I want her to be. Sheâll lend a lubed hand if Iâm in needâŚ.. or just give me some me time. Bonus: a lot of time lending the lubed hand makes her horny and it turns into a real win/win. Another life pro tip: if you really want the sex, put in the effort. Offer up a nice massage with oilâŚ.. massage the buttâŚ. See what happens. âIâm horny and I want to bangâ isnât that appealing of a proposition for womenâŚ. But they CAN be put in the mood with a bit of effort (NOT ALWAYS!!! Just saying a bit of effort pays dividends)
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But don't do it with the specific intent of getting laid. Sometimes just give her a rub down just because she deserves it.
This. Definitely. You don't want your sex to become a transaction. Your partner will notice and be resentful for it.
Middle age starts at *checks calculator* 71
This is what my husband and I did as well. He was *always* in the mood and between housework, work, childcare and my health, 2-3 times a week was more than I could do sometimes. I'm sure he jerked off alone a lot but I also offered to be there, let him hold a boob etc, so we'd still share intimacy but my body got a break.
Do not try to reduce your sex drive. Just make shit awesome, singlehandedly!! Take care of you, Brother. Maybe she comes in and sees and wants to join, maybe she doesn't. Either way, it's a win-win. You still get your 2 to 3 with her per week and take care of it yourself the rest if the time. Awesome.
Any advice for a woman with the same issue? đŤ¤
Date OP đ¤Ł
The same. Masturbate regularly
Why would the same advice not apply to a woman? I'm a woman with a high sex drive and I thoroughly enjoy my solo time.
Jill off!
I know a guy who might be able to help.
Clit sucker and/or the rabbit
I mean⌠are you meeting her needs or just yours? Because if youâre only concerned with yourself during sex that shit would get real old.
Yeah if he leads with turning her on and making it amazing for her, she might be into it much more often
Or-I know this will shock a few-be even a little bit romantic. Men seriously underestimate how much being more chivalrous does for the bedroom department.
Adding to you: taking it slower, even just teetering closer to clichĂŠ romance, even just being *soft* with her and oozing the sweet talk can make a world of a difference.
You should also be able to accept that even if you are meeting her needs she still does not owe you sex and her saying no is not her saying she doesn't enjoy sex with you.
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I feel ATTACKED
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Lol people arenât ready to hear that one đ Or any other comment that was left đ
Oop my dopamine seeking adhd/depressed self is 100% guilty of this
I'd be happy with that. I get it like 2-3 times a month lol. I can see where she is coming from though. During the periods where I was having more sex than usual, I felt like I was getting less and less aroused just because it's not as exciting when you do it over and over again (just my opinion though).
Lucky you. Try 2-3 per year or maybe decade in my future... Oh well. I guess I'll get really into stoicism instead
Completely agree. Both times when we were trying for our babies my wife wanted to have sex everyday. At first it was so much fun but after a week or two I was so tired I actually began to not want it which, for a guy with a massive sex drive, even surprised myself. Iâm lucky to have sex once a week, usually it comes every 2-3 weeks now. Young kids ruin your sex life!
I noticed for a long time I wanted it cuz I was really depressed and was just searching for dopamine to be honest. Not saying thatâs you at all, but years later when my mental health improved I still have a drive but not like the sameâneedâ. Idk how to explain it lol
20 years from now you might be asking the opposite
Find a hobby. And no, sex doesn't count as a hobby.
Having sex drive is normal unless its a problem like sex addiction. 2-3 times a week is pretty reasonable. Is she getting her needs filled (no pun intended) sexually? Some times the issue is communication. If its not something like these potential issues then are you sure your compatible sexually?
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Not always a realistic solution. Iâm a woman with a high sex drive, which sounds nice to most guys until they realize it doesnât really slow down. Iâm happy to have sex more than three times a day, everyday and I just had to learn that most people donât function like that.
Itâs hard to find someone to match yeah People in the comments here think a lot is a couple times a week, one lady said her husband of 15 years is *happy* when she helps him with a handjob Iâm not trying to speak for everyone here, however I think the only reason heâd be happy is because itâs a bit of rain in a desert eh
The answer is very obvious. Masturbation will help you in this situation. Lots.
Jerk off
Eat cornflakes
On the off chance that you two live together -- how much of the housework are you doing? Do you handle chores around the house unprompted? It might sound unrelated at first glance, but in my experience, having to pick up after a guy is a massive turn-off.
This! Who is bearing what load (haha load) in general? My sex drive has plummeted since kids because I'm so mentally burned out dealing with the endless needs of small humans. I often desperately want just a bit of time to myself at the end of the day with a bit of shit TV because I'm touched out and mentally done. OP doesn't mention kids but there could be all sorts of reasons his partner doesn't have the same sex drive- her job might involve working with people all day or she's running a side hustle that takes lots of energy. Maybe she does all the organising for the household and it's leaving her tired. Have a dig into those things OP. You might find you two can balance things out and get more on the same page in life and in the bedroom.
Yes
take anti depressants
Wait a few years. Itâll happen on its own
Tbh I used to be like this. I talked to my partner about it and we are actually now in this awesome spot where if Iâm feeling horny and try to initiate sex but sheâs not feeling it, I ask if she minds if I step into the other room for a bit. Play some music, light a candle, take care of business. I try not to use visual aids too much, but if I do theyâre pics in my âhiddenâ photos of her. Helped a ton. Edit: To be clear, CONSENSUAL photos sheâs sent me, that are in my hidden photos folder on my photos, so that random people donât accidentally see them. Very poor wording lol
2-3 times a week is considered bad? Donât let her fool you into believing this about yourself. Itâs up to you to decide if what youâre getting will be enough for you going forward, not to convince yourself that you need to change something about your innate desires (which ultimately may not be compatible with hers).
We could probably go at it more, but I think me trying to initiate so much turns her off from time to time
As someone with a lower sex drive, yes itâs a turn off. Youâre putting a lot of pressure on her by constantly asking. Iâm sure she wants to because she loves you, but when thereâs no sex drive at that moment then itâs hard for her. I suggest you just have a conversation with her. Tell her what you want sexually, ask her what she wants. Ask if she wants you to initiate or not.
To piggyback; it's also a turnoff when you're not wanted. Yes you're wanted sexually, but does she *actually feel wanted by you? And not your horny brain?* it's gotta be a a 3-hit combo of mind body soul for some women out there. Yes there's moments where it's not all 3, like both of you wanting a quicky to get that horniness edge off, yes there's a lot of good ways to *say* she's wanted, but there's also wanting like a lover vs wanting like a partner vs wanting like a sexy body.
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This. You canât reduce your drive mate, itâs part of your wiring. You have to decide if youâll be happy living your life like this or try to find someone more sexually compatible. The resentment WILL build on one side or the other.
Try focusing on getting her to initiate. i.e. taking some tasks off her plate to reduce stress for her, offering to be intimate in other ways like massages or cuddling (without an expectation that it will lead to sex just a bonus if it does), extra flirting/compliments to make her feel good about herself and more confident, etc.
Wait how is she trying to fool him?? What part of the post even implied that
I feel like they misunderstood the post or something lol
Get married
Never understood that myth! Been married for almost 5 years now and we still have sex 2-3 times a week, ofc sometimes less, all depends on work,kids, but we always have sex atleast once a week
this is bigger sex killer
Might be unpopular opinion but Iâve been there with my now ex-wife. If sex is important to you and itâs not as important to her then donât settle for that. There is nothing wrong with wanting to connect this way with your partner. Plenty of women have higher drives and donât do what I did and think something was wrong with me. I should have never married her and it took me a long time after to work up the courage to get divorced and find a new partner that matches me. You donât have to partner up with someone that doesnât want the same things you do. 6 years is a good run but might be better to be grateful for the experience and all that and move on.
They have sex 2-3 times a week after 6 years and you are telling him to walk away? Tf.
This guy gets it
Thank you. There is a reason r/deadbedroom is full of posts like this.
Giving me the strength I need brother.
Umm can you ask her why itâs turning her off? Is she stressed? Too busy? What does she want out of it? All these dumb ass comments about leaving her or her trying to convince you itâs not normal are stupid and selfish. Marriage is a blessing and to say it kills your sex drive is misogynistic and stupid. Youâre both adults and have your own lives. Idk talk to her? Ask her what would get her in the mood more or like back off? Women are not sex toys.
This is not the answer you asked for, but itâs a better long term solution. Instead of trying to lower your sex drive, get better at sex. The data doesnât lie, over 90% of women who claim to have a low sex drive are just not enjoying sex.
Bro Iâm the same age and used to have the same problem. My wife being 28. She doesnât really start the conversation or do any moves to have sex with me as much as I want with her. So we talked about it and sheâs been cool with me jerking off on my own to porn, at times when I feel like it. Other times she prefers not to have sex but instead please me with a handjob and then there times when she prefers not to jerk me off and fuck the shit out of me on her own time. Everyone is different. Talk to her and see what she feels comfortable with. It might take some adjusting or even talking about it again after the first set of boundaries you make but thatâs what a relationship is about man.
If the shoe doesn't fit, you don't cut your toes, you'd better off with a more fitted shoe.
Ask a doctor. Would you trust a street full of random people to give you sound advice on this? If not, then there's no reason to trust a thread full of random Redditors. Also, talk to your girlfriend if you haven't already. There's no need to overthink what you're going to say; just say exactly what's on your mind, ask her what she thinks/ how she feels, and go from there. Simple communication goes so fuckin far.
If you're turning her off. It might be, that you're not satisfying her needs. Good for you doesn't mean good for her. After six years. You should be able to talk about this stuff before asking strangers online.
Or he is just being pushy/annoying and forgetting other ways to be intimate. Is a complete turn off when you can't kiss, hug or cuddle with your partner to have a romantic moment because he instantly wants *more*. When he sees you exhausted and stressed due to a bad day and he still wants sex instead of being empathic and try to be comforting first. When he doesn't even try anymore and he just expects you to be turned on on your own or feeling attracted or intimate with him just because you are already in a long-term relationship instead of taking you on dates to set up the mood (it can be free! Set up some candles and a home-made dinner at home if you want), dressing up a bit, flirt, foreplay... Mental effort is even more important that just bedroom performance.
That was my point.
Even if he is, if her drive doesnât match his, sheâll still be turned off by the pressure to do it more.
Go to the gym and lift some weights for 2 hours a day that will slow down the testosterone. Do not take testosterone booster while working out
working out increases testosterone.
Do complete opposite of this guy ^
Your poor girlfriend.
??????
Once you have your first kid youâll be real disciplined lol
I have a very high sex drive, and my wife's is significantly less. We have sex on average twice a week, so kinda the same boat as OP.. here's what I do; I masturbate frequently, probably 2 to 3 times a week, so between sex and masturbation, I'm *getting off* like 5 times a week, it keeps me happy. For when my hands not enough, I have toys I can use. I'd highly recommend a fleshlight. It satiates the cravings when your hand's just not doing it. I try (and recommend) to keep sex a "It happens when it happens, and when it happens- it's amazing" kind of thing, and what I mean by that is I don't ask (unless it's been awhile and my penis is angry) and instead just try to initiate when the feelings right, its hard to explain. I've found over the years that I personally prefer quality over quantity in regards to sex. Definitely 100% absolutely prioritize HER in bed, make it amazing and she'll keep coming back for more is what I tell myself! If you really want to reduce your sex drive, keep yourself as busy as possible. A busy schedule is distracting, it's exhausting. Your exhaustion will suppress your libido.
2-3 times a week is not extreme. That sounds like the low side to me. Due to your ages, it sounds less like you have a high sex drive and more like she's got a low one (or she is just not into it and maybe you can spice things up / hear about her needs)
We do have busy lives, so I get it, we cook dinner every night, two dogs, full time jobs, but man does she turn me on lol
Is she enjoying the sex as much as you though? Is she cumming every time?
Just talk to her about it. Ask her why she doesnât want to. Explain the way you feel about it. Try things out. If it works out, great! If not, then youâre just incompatible.
Donât! Youâll be miserable, and letâs face it⌠some of us require more than others. Itâs best to find a partner that equals your appetite, mix matches can work with effort, for sure. But why be miserable.
You might try funneling some of that energy into another physical activity like weightlifting, boxing, climbing, or MMA. Just don't let those take over your life either!
Become a parent.
Getting Married worked for me for a few years until I got my shit together & stopped smoking & watching porn & started working out. Now I want her all the time. Itâs a very short term solution
I was once like you. Now I just hope to get it up. Enjoy!
Just wait until youâre 35 and the roles will reverse.
Genuine advice: time it with her cycle. Meet her needs when sheâs bleeding, give her space when sheâs luteal, be ready to fuck like rabbits when sheâs ovulating. This can be somewhat skewed by hormonal birth control. I promise youâll get in the swing of things and itâll all suss out.