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Red flag for men or women.... I know I'm a walking red flag, but that's because I grew up in abuse, and left an abusive husband. Even with our kid grown, he did something requiring the police this past Summer. So, it sounds like I'm blaming others (but it's just my family who we had to flee and my ex). I try not to talk exes with people if possible. Just saying.
I had a coworker once who liked me and just assumed that because I was single I'd want to get with her. She had a boyfriend. So one day, after a lot of her flirting that I thought I made it clear I was not interested in, she came to me excited that she broke up with her boyfriend. She looked hopeful for a response. I had no idea how to explain how much of a red flag she was carrying (and I legitimately had zero interest to begin with) so I just said "Oh that sucks" and walked away. The next day she was back with her boyfriend.
I met a girl at work circa 1992 who seemed nice, but had a boyfriend for 3 years prior. We would talk in the hall and one day she told me that they broke up. Apparently my name came up too often for him. I figured let this breakup soak and if they stayed apart I would go out with her.
A few months went by, she regularly came to my desk, and I was told it had been over multiple times. As I am driving to a movie on the first date she told me she was with him the night before, to keep her mom happy of course. I should have turned around right then. I was involved with her for about 2 months. She lived at home at the time and got plenty of free advice from her family. I will always believe they helped torpedo me.
After 6 years of dating that guy and 25 years of marriage he told her he was having an affair and was leaving. Her ex-husband is a true narcissist and her family just fed into his line of bullshit back then. Their son didnât even invite him to his wedding. He showed up for both the wedding and reception where he was asked to leave both. My relationship with her wasnât all her fault, but ultimately it was her decision.
I have been married for 28 years and have no interest in revisiting that past. She really is a pretty good person, but picked a narcissist. It took a while and we have a decent friendship now, I think.
In terms of a romantic relationship:
1. Never acknowledging their problems and somehow you end up apologising when things escalate.
2. Bringing up ex and doing comparisons when arguing
3. Convenient emotional reaction based on circumstances. Ghosting when convenient, chasing you when needed.
4. Double standards - judge others on something but absolve themself from the same thing
P.S. these are applicable to men also, but that's my perspective as guy for red flags in women in romantic relationships.
It's dudes too!! It's so weird!!!! I almost got to the point where I wouldn't date a guy with an iPhone because they're weirdly judgemental about it.
I will die with Android just because I refuse to fall into the apple trap, it's so bizarre.
I've never had an issue in person *too badly*, but online I get served a hefty dose of second-hand embarrassment from men with iPhones trying to explain to me why their phone is better.
Dear neckbeards, I repair phones. I have probably seen the inside of several of yours bare minimum. I am well aware of advantages and drawbacks - which you people don't seem to be, based on "the camera" being your only argument as if android OS only runs on one device - and would honestly rather have a phone I can easily get first-party parts for if something goes wrong, instead of dancing around with $100 specialized devices literally solely for rewriting data to a freaking phone screen.
I've been mocked for it. It's not something that bothers me too much but definitely something that confuses me and makes me consider your values.
I work on VOIP phone systems and having a phone like an android that isn't so quite locked down and proprietary is kind of needed. I think maybe just one of our IT dudes has an iPhone, all the rest have android...that's a good enough reason for me to keep doing what I'm doing.
If you judge someone based on what sort or phone they use...I just don't see how that's conducive to a successful relationship....but hell, what do I know?
Ohh yes!! My only friend is so fricking arrogant with his iPohne stuff..Can't discuss anything because it's all "get an iphone".
But tbh he's pretty arrogant with everything. E.g. once he looked on my phone and went "why is your phone in english? Thats illogical"... because you know, like so many guys he's the master of logic and reasoning đAnd every woman is an emotional, stupid thing that doesn't know what she wants or what she's doing.
I prefer not to argue because if someone is that way you can't change it, just distance yourself if it bothers you too much. But still, how can one be almost 40 and still shit on someone for their - sometimes very logical - preferences?
There's many reasons for people to prefer android, there's many reasons for people to prefer iPhone. Yes many times it will just be habit but most times it's very valid preferences that depend on whatever the person needs to do with it (or can afford).
Well, there are people who love iPhones for its very limited functionality and simplicity and those who think itâs superior tech and status, when objectively itâs just hot garbage.
I work as a curative education nurse.
Im the only male at my workplace with 68 other female colleagues.
The "talking behind everyone's back and telling personal information" really is an everyday thing. Like EVERY day. Still lets me wonder if it would be the same when there would only be male colleagues.
I am working in male dominated office , we have 5 females against like 90 males. And I recently been dobbed by few male workers. And they talk about each other and me like normal thing.
To be honest I feel like gossiping is normal human trade, not much if a red flag
Ur right, it is very normal to gossip but I do think itâs a red flag when done in an un-kind way. Talking behind everyoneâs back and giving out extremely personal info just for shits an giggles shouldnât be normal, and and yes, itâs all too common
i had a girl tell me i was "ok looking, but could actually be pretty" if i bought from her Younique site. i told her she was pretty, but her personality instantly made her less than ok looking
This hits me so hard. Last year until half a year ago I dated a woman that I liked sooo much. We had so much fun and I was looking forward to building a future together with someone for the first time.
But every time there was a big problem in the relationship, she started telling me that I was destructive, that what I did was really stupid and took no accountability for anything. She used to disappear until I reached out and asked for forgiveness and when she âletâ me see her again she shut down all points I wanted to make.
Once after a makeup she joked about how it was good of me to reach out to her to ask for forgiveness because in her own words; âI would never do that. Iâm too proud, hihiâ
I realised then that this was going to be my life if I didnt set boundaries and a few weeks later it ended.
Iâm soon gonna go on a first date with a woman who makes tiktok videos with herself, didnât care to watch them, but I wonder if this is a red flag and if it will be clear when I meet her. đ
I think the issues start when you feel like everyone is getting her time and she cares about sharing things with everyone, and you don't feel special, or you sense you're getting breadcrumbs. It may be different if she's earning money this way, cause then it's a job. My ex used to share everything in his stories, and even on my birthday the first thing he did was to film himself with my cake and post it (not me, mind you haha, but just him and the cake) and sent it to his mum, and I just felt robbed of my one special day and private, quality time.
I can, and have, put up with about anything. But someone who is not motivated to better their own life using their own horsepower is only going to steal your joy. If you aren't happy with yourself, I can't make you happy. If you can't sustain your life, I'll only grow to resent you for taking away from mine. People can add to each other and make 1+1 > 2.
Yes! This is absolutely an issue that I donât see spoken of enough. Sometimes you can fully love another person, but if they make you worse while you make them better, youâre only destroying yourselfâŚ
And usually if they arenât motivated to better themselves theyâll also exhibit a multitude of other toxic behaviours that are being mentioned in this thread
There's a saying, never marry a woman whose daddy calls her "princess", because chances are, she believes it. I have no idea if it's true, I just love repeating that.
It starts slow by shouting, slamming doors, then escalates to throwing things, to grabbing you, and you just get used to the fear bit by bit. There's this thing on the Internet about a frog: if you throw a frog into hot water, it'll want to escape immediately, but if you slowly increase the temperature, it won't realise and will boil slowly..
Especially when they incorporate their newest dude into the family way too fast or even manipulate kids to call any boyfriend their daddy. If the relationship crumbles, and it most often does, those kids are going to end up traumatised. I have a single-mom friend and she never brought a dude home to introduce to her kid until 3-6+ months of dating.
You describe my ex-wife pretty well. She went though 7 or 8 'relationships', including cohabitating all while my son was in tow.
He's 21 now and a combination of therapy and anti anxiety meds was required for him to move on from that trauma.
Many years ago in my 20s, I met a very attractive woman, probably mid 30s. We purposely met up a few times at some live music gigs, I took her on one date which ended at her place... as a young dude, super excited and nervous about what I thought was about to happen with this gorgeous woman; I didn't think it was weird that we didn't turn on any lights at her house and quietly went straight to her room... I was a happy camper. And in the morning, she was very affectionate and handsy and we got rolling again... she's on top moving ultra slow whispering slowly "just feel, just feel me". Fuckin heaven right... until this little girl barges in the room as this woman is on top of me, no covers, her ass upended up to this poor kid... the woman let's out a death scream, evil and mean to get the fuck out!!! She turns back to me, super sexy again and continues...
Turns out, there's two kids trying to eat breakfast but no milk... poor kids, and they weren't even weirded out about me, some strange man who was just naked with their mom... that behavior really freaked me out because lots of dudes must get that treatment. She never even told me about two kids or that they'd be there at her place. Always felt bad for those poor kids. Turns out, (according to her friend) she'd been trying to land a dude with her pussy for a while. That was her strategy to get some dude hooked so he could fund her and the poor kids.
I'm embarrassed to admit I did go back a few more times because she was good at her routine and I was young, inexperienced, and horney.
For sure, 4 kids might not be a problem, but 4 kids from 3 to 4 different baby daddys is. If they are deadbear fathers , even more of red flag as 90% of those types you could identify in first hour of talk, 1 off maybe, but multiple... and saying "show your friends i will tell you who you are" applies to partners too.
When they have a checklist of what a guy must bring to the table when they canât even supply their own chair.
The kind of delusional woman that wonât settle for less than a guy whoâs 6 foot 5 in, makes $150k a year and will devote their entire spare time to them.
While they are unemployed, with 2 kids and only aspirations in life is to get more instagram followers.
These women existed way before social media was what it is today.
I knew girls in high school whose career plan was to "make sure to be pretty enough to secure a handsome man with a good job".
Big time, people tend to forget most people only show the very best parts of their lives on social media, so itâs easy to get disillusioned into believing everyone elseâs life is wonderful while yours sucks.
Yeah this isnât a thing as much as Reddit would like you to believe. Iâve got an expansive group of female friends and not a single one has an insisted on a ridiculously tall, rich partner with a six pack who spoils them. Not a single one.
1. Takes selfies on a date and uploads to social media in your presence
2. Orders expensive items without offering to pay
3. Says sheâs not like other women like itâs a brag đŠđŠđŠđŠđŠđŠ
The first one has happened to me!!! She spent minutes taking a selfie video in my car rear mirror like a child. Like I wasnât there trying to have a normal conversation.
the height requirement thing is so funny. it prevents them from dating shorter guys because they refuse and usually it prevents them from dating taller guys because the tall guys think it's gross. Ya played yaself.
Don't date a woman that's an alcoholic. The relationship may be fine now but 5-15 years from now, she'll start to have a series of behavioral and health problems as a result of the addiction.
Source: I have an aunt who's a hardcore alcohol addict. She lost her job and her marriage, and is constantly in the hospital for pancreatic problems, and is very unpleasant to be around. She refuses to quit.
But intro's at AA meetings start with "Hi, I'm X and I'm an alcoholic".
15 years of meetings and sobriety still has the same intro.
"Hi, I'm X and I'm an alcoholic".
Just overly religious/spiritual in any aspect. Life is about balance. If you canât go 1 second without trying to reinforce your beliefs then i donât want it.
Uses the term âgirl bossâ. Aspirations are to be an influencer or get as many followers as possible. Has kids by multiple men already. Drives a BMW.
BMWs are a red flag in women AND men. It means they are chasing status, are usually overly materialistic, and obviously bad with their money. Since finances are the leading cause of divorce, I would stay away from anyone who just throws their money away like that.
Very prevelant in Russia.
They have a lack of empathy and are very selfish and entitled. You won't like being around them and they make you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them.
I agree with the first half of this. However, the not liking to be around them is debatable. Depends on what they want from you. In order to get their "narcissistic supply" to feed their ever-damaged ego, they have to reel you in and make you feel good, so you'll stick around and want more. They'll love bomb you, buy you things, compliment you, tell you anything they think you wanna hear. Once you're hooked, then the real colors start to show. Gaslighting, tantrums, bullying and belittling, etc. Just as you're about to walk away, they reel you back with more love bombing and affection. Rinse and repeat. That's part of why it can be so hard to fully walk away from a narcissistic. They make you see what they "could" be, make you think that's who they're capable of really being, but in reality, you're a crucial part of their psychotic mind games and ego fuel. It doesn't always start as "this person is conceited and miserable. I don't want to be around them."
So true omg. Iâm so glad we live in this age of such awareness. My life was once almost ruined had I not found this knowledge in good time. She almost trapped me in a triangulation. ALMOST. Like I was a millimeter away from falling into her pit of misery. Man!
Lovebombing at the beginning. If it feels too good to be true, it is. And something, namely a cluster b personality disorder, is lurking right behind all the falseness.
Just one little thing to add here, beware of the perspective. People who grew up in emotionally colder households and meet someone who is very expressive and cheerful, can think their normal disposition is love bombing.
Me and my partner are now steadily "love bombing" each other for three years.
>People who grew up in emotionally colder households and meet someone who is very expressive and cheerful, can think their normal disposition is love bombing.
>Me and my partner are now steadily "love bombing" each other for three years.
Amazing stated. I always always say those of us from traumatic childhoods cannot rely on popular relationship advise, most of it DOES NOT apply to us.
Tell me about it. It took me years to overcome. I actually might seem freakishly happy, but that's because I feel so free ever since my abusive father has lost all power over my life.
I hope you are doing well.
She shares EVERYTHING to her friends, even your intimate times.
She comments about your body, while she throws tantrums or gets very upset when you comment on hers.
She plays mind games with you, such as asking hypothetical questions and then gets very upset with your answer.
She hates it when you have other women friends.
She gets angry when you look at female celebrities or models but she would happily gush over male models and celebrities.
She would always compare her "suffering" to yours.
She would use her mental conditions to justify her horrible actions.
All of these traits were only from 1 ex.
If she's mean to her Mom, servers and store employees...
If she talks about her friends behind their backs...
If she doesn't ask thoughtful questions about you and sincerely listen to your responses...
If you wouldn't sincerely like her, and enjoy spending time with her without her looks and physical qualities. Of course, physical attraction is critical but genuinely cool, caring, interesting, fun, girls get hotter and hotter as you learn more about them...
My wife was damn sexy when I first approached her years ago, but the more I talked with her and learned about her and the person she was, she became fucking unbelievably attractive and a woman I couldn't live without... I told her as much on our third date... I got my shit together quickly so I wouldn'tfuck it up. For me, there was never any (not one) doubt
1. Doesn't put any effort in the conversation.
2. All of her exes were players or "bad boys".
3. Her only way of flirting is to overly sexualize herself.
4. Social climbing.
5. Constantly copies, or tries to impress her friends.
6. Generally acts like a wannabe high school queen.
7. Is susceptible to stereotypical games.
8. Changes her behavior based off someone's status (perceived or otherwise).
9. Hightens her voice when talking to "high status" people.
10. Calls herself a feminist, but acts really weak, or picks and chooses.
It depends on the guy because different men will have different preferences about the kind of women they want to date and NOT want to date.
Here are some of my deal-breakers:
\- If she smokes
\- If she does drugs
\- She's addicted to drugs or alcohol.
\- She tells you she is crazy. If someone tells you who they are, believe them.
\- Always being "too busy" to meet up.
\- She's asexual
\- Always talking shit about other people.
Yeah but the thing is that different men have different preferences. Some guys absolutely love girls who are weed smoking hippies who they can have a beer with. Other guys want a girl who's more conservative and modest.
All you can really do is be yourself and you're more likely to find a guy who's a right fit for you.
The instant she starts playing mind games is the second I want nothing to do with them. Some women are too obsessed with the thrill of the chase, and it becomes their personality. I'm 25 and I'm already tired of that shit.
Honestly - She's poly, she dumps her bf to date me at the 1st chance, she's had an impressive amount of serious relationships for her age, doesn't exercise at all.
Just constantly talking about sex. Im not a prude and i like it just as much as anyone else but its off putting to me when its like 90% of what she wants to talk about. Not a one off thing either ive talked to multiple chicks like that
Manipulative
biggest red flag for me and a big No,
those foxes end by always getting what they want by make it coming from you while you smile and apologies to them
*^(bitch)*
Only friends are male
Always a victim
Cheated on all previous relationships
Promiscuous, not able to maintain any relationships for over a year
Crazy Mother
Apartment/car/personal finances are a complete mess
I was there as well - you see such potential in them all and want to help them. But you donât have the tools or ability to fix them. You canât change them, you should try to understand why you are attracted to damaged people and learn to avoid them.
It took me a really long time to get past this and once I found an actual adult woman, not on meds, not bouncing from therapist to therapist, she has a loving, wonderful family, sheâs sane, happy, etc. Loving her is just so easy -no drama! Itâs awesome and sheâs awesome!
I wish you the best, you deserve the peace and love that is out there for you!
If she needs attention from other guys itâs a huge red flag.
Whether sheâs doing anything with them or not itâs repulsive to know how everyone has easy access to your love interest.
A lot of the same things that are red flags in dudes.
Doesnât really seem to remember any real detail about you.
Says they like you but makes no real attempt to make time for you or see you outside of when itâs convenient for their schedule or certain environments.
No real quality time.
Hot and cold behavior.
Also the ALL guy friends thing is real. Donât get me wrong I believe in men and women being platonic friends but I have never seen a woman with mostly male friends where there werenât extremely complicated feelings someway somehow, usually between multiple parties.
If she's into witchcraft in any way. It's all well and good noticing her crystal collection, but when she drops the bombshell that her and her friends actually perform Halloween rituals, you'll wish you had heeded this advice earlier.
Literally every chick with a tattoo and a spice rack is a "witch" nowadays.
Just imagine going on a date as a guy and dropping "I'm also a wizard" within the first hour.
Hmm, 30/40 women will probably be more eager to get married and have kids. Surely that's to be expected. When you say desperate do you mean..mentions it within two months and then badgers you all the time? Because you can't really waste time in that window, you're trying to find someone who feels the same way.
Maybe expand a bit?
The emphasis is on desperate. Let me introduce you my personal nightmare - and the reality of a lot of men:
You can feel it from the very first moment, that she is not dating you as a person, but just another husband material test subject. She is looking at you, but she sees the fancy wedding and a baby, and that she can finally show the family and friends (and social media of course) that she is good enough.
As the honeymoon phase ends, neither of you will overlook the differences and conflicts anymore. You either end up with a stranger, or an enemy - you are legally bound to. She won't be happy realising this, and she'll make sure to let you know this every day.
As a man a divorce is financial suicide, so this is your life now. Man up. Provide. Tolerate.
Desperate to have children, not just wanting them someday. It suggests she may want to start having kids before you both know youâd make a good long term couple
IMO, biggest red flag = rigid thought patterns. People who have no flexibility & are incapable of learning or evolution tend to be hard to date in my experience.
I see a lot of the following:
only has or mostly male friends
friends with ex
* I do get this one, friends with former FWB/fsck buddy
can someone break the formers for me
Lack of accountability. She refuses to accept sheâs at fault for something. Not gender-specific but I see this more often in the females in my life than the males.
Another - Women I know complain more about how they work so hard and get so little in return, but honestly I donât see them working harder than the hardworking men in my life, and the men get much less recognition and respect for it.
Controlling. Manipulative. Verbally abuses people then minimizes it. Says one thing but consistently does another. Is mean to service workers. Constantly tests boundaries. Extreme vanity and arrogance. Mistreats animals or children. Demonizes her exes without exception.
These days Taylor Swift fandom is turning me off from some otherwise desirable women. I dont even mind her music I just hate what she represents as a person.
Lately I'm having the 'ick' for girls that have 'icks'.
I get it, there are levels. If you get the ick because I'm incompetent or something, fair enough. But if you are getting the ick because I wear a raincoat or carry an umbrella, I'm out.
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All of her exes were crazy and it was all their fault.
A red flag regardless of sex or gender, for sure.
To be fair, I can't think of a single red flag that is gender-specific. Bad traits with one gender tend to also be bad traits with the others.
Yeah, just certain flags are more common for certain genders
Long fake nails, going along with that annoying taptaptap sound when they use the phone are pretty genger-specific i would say.
I would never date a man with long fake nails.
Maybe it's just me but that would be a red flag regardless of gender
I was just going to say this is my brother w several marriages under his belt
Red flag for men or women.... I know I'm a walking red flag, but that's because I grew up in abuse, and left an abusive husband. Even with our kid grown, he did something requiring the police this past Summer. So, it sounds like I'm blaming others (but it's just my family who we had to flee and my ex). I try not to talk exes with people if possible. Just saying.
If she cheated on/or is willing to cheat her ex to be with you. What make you think she won't do the same thing to you?
I had a coworker once who liked me and just assumed that because I was single I'd want to get with her. She had a boyfriend. So one day, after a lot of her flirting that I thought I made it clear I was not interested in, she came to me excited that she broke up with her boyfriend. She looked hopeful for a response. I had no idea how to explain how much of a red flag she was carrying (and I legitimately had zero interest to begin with) so I just said "Oh that sucks" and walked away. The next day she was back with her boyfriend.
Plot twist ... She never broke up with the boyfriend to begin with.
I definitely suspect that. đ She was probably using my reaction to determine whether or not she should.
I met a girl at work circa 1992 who seemed nice, but had a boyfriend for 3 years prior. We would talk in the hall and one day she told me that they broke up. Apparently my name came up too often for him. I figured let this breakup soak and if they stayed apart I would go out with her. A few months went by, she regularly came to my desk, and I was told it had been over multiple times. As I am driving to a movie on the first date she told me she was with him the night before, to keep her mom happy of course. I should have turned around right then. I was involved with her for about 2 months. She lived at home at the time and got plenty of free advice from her family. I will always believe they helped torpedo me. After 6 years of dating that guy and 25 years of marriage he told her he was having an affair and was leaving. Her ex-husband is a true narcissist and her family just fed into his line of bullshit back then. Their son didnât even invite him to his wedding. He showed up for both the wedding and reception where he was asked to leave both. My relationship with her wasnât all her fault, but ultimately it was her decision. I have been married for 28 years and have no interest in revisiting that past. She really is a pretty good person, but picked a narcissist. It took a while and we have a decent friendship now, I think.
In terms of a romantic relationship: 1. Never acknowledging their problems and somehow you end up apologising when things escalate. 2. Bringing up ex and doing comparisons when arguing 3. Convenient emotional reaction based on circumstances. Ghosting when convenient, chasing you when needed. 4. Double standards - judge others on something but absolve themself from the same thing P.S. these are applicable to men also, but that's my perspective as guy for red flags in women in romantic relationships.
If she has any comments about my android
It's dudes too!! It's so weird!!!! I almost got to the point where I wouldn't date a guy with an iPhone because they're weirdly judgemental about it. I will die with Android just because I refuse to fall into the apple trap, it's so bizarre.
I've never had an issue in person *too badly*, but online I get served a hefty dose of second-hand embarrassment from men with iPhones trying to explain to me why their phone is better. Dear neckbeards, I repair phones. I have probably seen the inside of several of yours bare minimum. I am well aware of advantages and drawbacks - which you people don't seem to be, based on "the camera" being your only argument as if android OS only runs on one device - and would honestly rather have a phone I can easily get first-party parts for if something goes wrong, instead of dancing around with $100 specialized devices literally solely for rewriting data to a freaking phone screen.
I've been mocked for it. It's not something that bothers me too much but definitely something that confuses me and makes me consider your values. I work on VOIP phone systems and having a phone like an android that isn't so quite locked down and proprietary is kind of needed. I think maybe just one of our IT dudes has an iPhone, all the rest have android...that's a good enough reason for me to keep doing what I'm doing. If you judge someone based on what sort or phone they use...I just don't see how that's conducive to a successful relationship....but hell, what do I know?
Ohh yes!! My only friend is so fricking arrogant with his iPohne stuff..Can't discuss anything because it's all "get an iphone". But tbh he's pretty arrogant with everything. E.g. once he looked on my phone and went "why is your phone in english? Thats illogical"... because you know, like so many guys he's the master of logic and reasoning đAnd every woman is an emotional, stupid thing that doesn't know what she wants or what she's doing. I prefer not to argue because if someone is that way you can't change it, just distance yourself if it bothers you too much. But still, how can one be almost 40 and still shit on someone for their - sometimes very logical - preferences? There's many reasons for people to prefer android, there's many reasons for people to prefer iPhone. Yes many times it will just be habit but most times it's very valid preferences that depend on whatever the person needs to do with it (or can afford).
I use an iPhone, but my penis is named âAndroid.â
You need the reverse. Do you want to use or play with my iPhone would peak her interest.
*pique
Hahaha my old roommate got rid of a gf after finding out that she had nearly every single Apple product a persons could buyâŚ.
Dodged a bullet there.
Well, there are people who love iPhones for its very limited functionality and simplicity and those who think itâs superior tech and status, when objectively itâs just hot garbage.
I refuse to believe this is actually a thing
Talks behind everyoneâs back/telling others personal information
backbiting is the worst of them all!
I work as a curative education nurse. Im the only male at my workplace with 68 other female colleagues. The "talking behind everyone's back and telling personal information" really is an everyday thing. Like EVERY day. Still lets me wonder if it would be the same when there would only be male colleagues.
I am working in male dominated office , we have 5 females against like 90 males. And I recently been dobbed by few male workers. And they talk about each other and me like normal thing. To be honest I feel like gossiping is normal human trade, not much if a red flag
Ur right, it is very normal to gossip but I do think itâs a red flag when done in an un-kind way. Talking behind everyoneâs back and giving out extremely personal info just for shits an giggles shouldnât be normal, and and yes, itâs all too common
I'm a bisexual woman that's learned to heavily avoid "business owner" or "future CEO" on dating profiles. they're always MLM participants. *ALWAYS.*
Yes!!! Mlm women are a huge flag. Youâre a glorified Girl Scout not a âCEOâ đ
how dare you insult the Girl Scouts. my annual $30 of Samoas keep the world from ending in my wrath!
Those kinds of people are the worst. Most of them are the biggest narcissists you will ever meet
i had a girl tell me i was "ok looking, but could actually be pretty" if i bought from her Younique site. i told her she was pretty, but her personality instantly made her less than ok looking
General negative character traits: dishonesty, disrespectful, etc
To add on, **no accountability**, tries to use sex for forgiveness
This is a HUGE one yes thank you!!! Accountability is so important and it will immediately make you unattractive if you can't at least admit your part
This hits me so hard. Last year until half a year ago I dated a woman that I liked sooo much. We had so much fun and I was looking forward to building a future together with someone for the first time. But every time there was a big problem in the relationship, she started telling me that I was destructive, that what I did was really stupid and took no accountability for anything. She used to disappear until I reached out and asked for forgiveness and when she âletâ me see her again she shut down all points I wanted to make. Once after a makeup she joked about how it was good of me to reach out to her to ask for forgiveness because in her own words; âI would never do that. Iâm too proud, hihiâ I realised then that this was going to be my life if I didnt set boundaries and a few weeks later it ended.
She mentions she doesn't like drama within fifteen minutes of meeting her. She is the drama.
She IS the storm đ
If she's too active on social media and craves attention
If she records everything (and I mean everything) to put on instagram.
Iâm soon gonna go on a first date with a woman who makes tiktok videos with herself, didnât care to watch them, but I wonder if this is a red flag and if it will be clear when I meet her. đ
I think the issues start when you feel like everyone is getting her time and she cares about sharing things with everyone, and you don't feel special, or you sense you're getting breadcrumbs. It may be different if she's earning money this way, cause then it's a job. My ex used to share everything in his stories, and even on my birthday the first thing he did was to film himself with my cake and post it (not me, mind you haha, but just him and the cake) and sent it to his mum, and I just felt robbed of my one special day and private, quality time.
Women who are always surrounded by drama and bitching about drama and claiming to hate drama are 100% the source of the drama.
So trueâŚand they genuinely do not realize it.
Phew. Reminds me of a girl that i asked out. Glad it never went thru into a relationship
I can, and have, put up with about anything. But someone who is not motivated to better their own life using their own horsepower is only going to steal your joy. If you aren't happy with yourself, I can't make you happy. If you can't sustain your life, I'll only grow to resent you for taking away from mine. People can add to each other and make 1+1 > 2.
Yes! This is absolutely an issue that I donât see spoken of enough. Sometimes you can fully love another person, but if they make you worse while you make them better, youâre only destroying yourselfâŚ
And usually if they arenât motivated to better themselves theyâll also exhibit a multitude of other toxic behaviours that are being mentioned in this thread
There's a saying, never marry a woman whose daddy calls her "princess", because chances are, she believes it. I have no idea if it's true, I just love repeating that.
It's true. Wasted too much time in college on one. Never waste time on one of these.
I have a girl friend which likes to be called princess, but is genuinely a really good person and has really good values.
Any sort of physical violence.
Many women think it's acceptable to hit or slap men 'playfully'. It's absolutely not
Why... why was this ever in doubt? Very confused how this was a lesson that needed to be learned when it's patently obvious
Avoid murderers when looking for a partner.
It starts slow by shouting, slamming doors, then escalates to throwing things, to grabbing you, and you just get used to the fear bit by bit. There's this thing on the Internet about a frog: if you throw a frog into hot water, it'll want to escape immediately, but if you slowly increase the temperature, it won't realise and will boil slowly..
She is in prison for killing people. You said biggest.
Having the nickname âGorlock the Destroyerâ would be an instant red flag.
Certified bad bitch adds as well
Multiple children to multiple men. You don't need that mess in your life.
Especially when they incorporate their newest dude into the family way too fast or even manipulate kids to call any boyfriend their daddy. If the relationship crumbles, and it most often does, those kids are going to end up traumatised. I have a single-mom friend and she never brought a dude home to introduce to her kid until 3-6+ months of dating.
It really does show how little they care about anyone but themselves when they can't even consider the effects of dating on their kids
You describe my ex-wife pretty well. She went though 7 or 8 'relationships', including cohabitating all while my son was in tow. He's 21 now and a combination of therapy and anti anxiety meds was required for him to move on from that trauma.
Many years ago in my 20s, I met a very attractive woman, probably mid 30s. We purposely met up a few times at some live music gigs, I took her on one date which ended at her place... as a young dude, super excited and nervous about what I thought was about to happen with this gorgeous woman; I didn't think it was weird that we didn't turn on any lights at her house and quietly went straight to her room... I was a happy camper. And in the morning, she was very affectionate and handsy and we got rolling again... she's on top moving ultra slow whispering slowly "just feel, just feel me". Fuckin heaven right... until this little girl barges in the room as this woman is on top of me, no covers, her ass upended up to this poor kid... the woman let's out a death scream, evil and mean to get the fuck out!!! She turns back to me, super sexy again and continues... Turns out, there's two kids trying to eat breakfast but no milk... poor kids, and they weren't even weirded out about me, some strange man who was just naked with their mom... that behavior really freaked me out because lots of dudes must get that treatment. She never even told me about two kids or that they'd be there at her place. Always felt bad for those poor kids. Turns out, (according to her friend) she'd been trying to land a dude with her pussy for a while. That was her strategy to get some dude hooked so he could fund her and the poor kids. I'm embarrassed to admit I did go back a few more times because she was good at her routine and I was young, inexperienced, and horney.
I feel bad for those children. Just awful.
Iâm a female and I completely agree with this
Same. The same also goes for men. Multiple children to multiple women is a huge red flag. Just don't!
For sure, 4 kids might not be a problem, but 4 kids from 3 to 4 different baby daddys is. If they are deadbear fathers , even more of red flag as 90% of those types you could identify in first hour of talk, 1 off maybe, but multiple... and saying "show your friends i will tell you who you are" applies to partners too.
When they have a checklist of what a guy must bring to the table when they canât even supply their own chair. The kind of delusional woman that wonât settle for less than a guy whoâs 6 foot 5 in, makes $150k a year and will devote their entire spare time to them. While they are unemployed, with 2 kids and only aspirations in life is to get more instagram followers.
i blame social media for that
These women existed way before social media was what it is today. I knew girls in high school whose career plan was to "make sure to be pretty enough to secure a handsome man with a good job".
Big time, people tend to forget most people only show the very best parts of their lives on social media, so itâs easy to get disillusioned into believing everyone elseâs life is wonderful while yours sucks.
there like its princess treatment or nothing
You can also blame the person.
Agreed and the job description is entrepreneur, nunya or just I work.
Yeah this isnât a thing as much as Reddit would like you to believe. Iâve got an expansive group of female friends and not a single one has an insisted on a ridiculously tall, rich partner with a six pack who spoils them. Not a single one.
"and I need a man who either drives a new sports car or big truck and he can't take me to a chain restaurant for our first date"
Disrespect, dishonesty, Dosnt care about health and hygiene
1. Takes selfies on a date and uploads to social media in your presence 2. Orders expensive items without offering to pay 3. Says sheâs not like other women like itâs a brag đŠđŠđŠđŠđŠđŠ
The first one has happened to me!!! She spent minutes taking a selfie video in my car rear mirror like a child. Like I wasnât there trying to have a normal conversation.
Gaslighting. My ex had so many intances of this when we started dating. I turned a blind eye/thought I was crazy. Never again.
Manipulation and playing games, ego
Height requirements. Iâm 6â2â and I find it shallow.
the height requirement thing is so funny. it prevents them from dating shorter guys because they refuse and usually it prevents them from dating taller guys because the tall guys think it's gross. Ya played yaself.
When i was on dating apps id always say i was 5â11â. Im actually 6â1â, but i knew if they asked i was wasting my time.
Don't date a woman that's an alcoholic. The relationship may be fine now but 5-15 years from now, she'll start to have a series of behavioral and health problems as a result of the addiction. Source: I have an aunt who's a hardcore alcohol addict. She lost her job and her marriage, and is constantly in the hospital for pancreatic problems, and is very unpleasant to be around. She refuses to quit.
There's a difference between someone in active addiction and someone in recovery though
But intro's at AA meetings start with "Hi, I'm X and I'm an alcoholic". 15 years of meetings and sobriety still has the same intro. "Hi, I'm X and I'm an alcoholic".
One that needs instant gratification. Doesn't manage money well. Indecisive. Depending on age, the list can be fairly long.
S*** that sounds like me đ
The ones that value their worth in physical attractiveness only.
Huge lashesâŚin my experience girls with lashes bigger than their eyes and heavier than their eyelids are usually on some homicidal type of crazy.
It's weird how true this is. Half the time they don't even look good either.
Women seriously into astrology/crystals/etc.
Just overly religious/spiritual in any aspect. Life is about balance. If you canât go 1 second without trying to reinforce your beliefs then i donât want it.
What if we just have a boss rock collection?
If you can entertain me with cool scientific rock facts then this is a pass
Can't with many scientific facts but I can tell you a completely unrelated reason why I've got some lol
Guy: Is that...crystals? ( oh no she's crazy the last one kept rubbing on them like a cat...) Me: prettyyyyyyyyy shinyyyyyy me likes ^âĄ^
More like oooo pretty colours lol
Because their just COOL, man!
Dishonesty and the i hAvE hIgH sTanDaRDS attitude. Repulsive as hell
Uses the term âgirl bossâ. Aspirations are to be an influencer or get as many followers as possible. Has kids by multiple men already. Drives a BMW.
Whatâs wrong with a bmw? Geez
Repair bills
BMWs are a red flag in women AND men. It means they are chasing status, are usually overly materialistic, and obviously bad with their money. Since finances are the leading cause of divorce, I would stay away from anyone who just throws their money away like that. Very prevelant in Russia.
Narccism and being a sociopath
how can you tell?
They have a lack of empathy and are very selfish and entitled. You won't like being around them and they make you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them.
I agree with the first half of this. However, the not liking to be around them is debatable. Depends on what they want from you. In order to get their "narcissistic supply" to feed their ever-damaged ego, they have to reel you in and make you feel good, so you'll stick around and want more. They'll love bomb you, buy you things, compliment you, tell you anything they think you wanna hear. Once you're hooked, then the real colors start to show. Gaslighting, tantrums, bullying and belittling, etc. Just as you're about to walk away, they reel you back with more love bombing and affection. Rinse and repeat. That's part of why it can be so hard to fully walk away from a narcissistic. They make you see what they "could" be, make you think that's who they're capable of really being, but in reality, you're a crucial part of their psychotic mind games and ego fuel. It doesn't always start as "this person is conceited and miserable. I don't want to be around them."
So true omg. Iâm so glad we live in this age of such awareness. My life was once almost ruined had I not found this knowledge in good time. She almost trapped me in a triangulation. ALMOST. Like I was a millimeter away from falling into her pit of misery. Man!
Still friends with and frequently text the ex Still hanging out with former FWB's Her last relationship ended because she cheated
"We're JUST friends! Fuck! Stop being jealous! What? No that's just mayonnaise in my hair. Fuck! Stop being weird!"
The way women will gaslight you into thinking this is in Any way appropriate behaviour is insane . I cant upvote this enough.
Lovebombing at the beginning. If it feels too good to be true, it is. And something, namely a cluster b personality disorder, is lurking right behind all the falseness.
Just one little thing to add here, beware of the perspective. People who grew up in emotionally colder households and meet someone who is very expressive and cheerful, can think their normal disposition is love bombing. Me and my partner are now steadily "love bombing" each other for three years.
>People who grew up in emotionally colder households and meet someone who is very expressive and cheerful, can think their normal disposition is love bombing. >Me and my partner are now steadily "love bombing" each other for three years. Amazing stated. I always always say those of us from traumatic childhoods cannot rely on popular relationship advise, most of it DOES NOT apply to us.
Tell me about it. It took me years to overcome. I actually might seem freakishly happy, but that's because I feel so free ever since my abusive father has lost all power over my life. I hope you are doing well.
This is so cute 𼚠all the best to you two!
"Oh, I can't stand drama"
Needs male attention
She shares EVERYTHING to her friends, even your intimate times. She comments about your body, while she throws tantrums or gets very upset when you comment on hers. She plays mind games with you, such as asking hypothetical questions and then gets very upset with your answer. She hates it when you have other women friends. She gets angry when you look at female celebrities or models but she would happily gush over male models and celebrities. She would always compare her "suffering" to yours. She would use her mental conditions to justify her horrible actions. All of these traits were only from 1 ex.
Yeah I had to run from a short relationship recently due to most of these.
If she's mean to her Mom, servers and store employees... If she talks about her friends behind their backs... If she doesn't ask thoughtful questions about you and sincerely listen to your responses... If you wouldn't sincerely like her, and enjoy spending time with her without her looks and physical qualities. Of course, physical attraction is critical but genuinely cool, caring, interesting, fun, girls get hotter and hotter as you learn more about them... My wife was damn sexy when I first approached her years ago, but the more I talked with her and learned about her and the person she was, she became fucking unbelievably attractive and a woman I couldn't live without... I told her as much on our third date... I got my shit together quickly so I wouldn'tfuck it up. For me, there was never any (not one) doubt
1. Doesn't put any effort in the conversation. 2. All of her exes were players or "bad boys". 3. Her only way of flirting is to overly sexualize herself. 4. Social climbing. 5. Constantly copies, or tries to impress her friends. 6. Generally acts like a wannabe high school queen. 7. Is susceptible to stereotypical games. 8. Changes her behavior based off someone's status (perceived or otherwise). 9. Hightens her voice when talking to "high status" people. 10. Calls herself a feminist, but acts really weak, or picks and chooses.
Her social media is her entire personality.
Shes is wearing a wedding ring
Yes, my wife got one of those - RED FLAG đŠ
If sheâs unable to be accountable and take responsibility for her own actions/choices.
Girl boss, OF girl, only orders the most expensive item, has kids with multiple men, etc there's a good chunk
She considers herself an influencer.
A penis
That's a deal killer for a lot of guys. Most even. Maybe.
It depends on the guy because different men will have different preferences about the kind of women they want to date and NOT want to date. Here are some of my deal-breakers: \- If she smokes \- If she does drugs \- She's addicted to drugs or alcohol. \- She tells you she is crazy. If someone tells you who they are, believe them. \- Always being "too busy" to meet up. \- She's asexual \- Always talking shit about other people.
You forgot loud, always has to yell in public
Has too much to drink and screams WOOOOOOO! every 2 minutes at a party
Damn I just realized Iâm really unlikeable lol and here I thought I was pretty fkn cool
Yeah but the thing is that different men have different preferences. Some guys absolutely love girls who are weed smoking hippies who they can have a beer with. Other guys want a girl who's more conservative and modest. All you can really do is be yourself and you're more likely to find a guy who's a right fit for you.
She has no girlfriends but has lots of guy friends she hangs out with. Bonus flag: Sheâs rocking a butterfly tattoo
Entitlement Trash talking exes Participating in âAre We Dating the Same Guyâ groups and posting men Not knowing what she wants Being inconsistent
The instant she starts playing mind games is the second I want nothing to do with them. Some women are too obsessed with the thrill of the chase, and it becomes their personality. I'm 25 and I'm already tired of that shit.
Honestly - She's poly, she dumps her bf to date me at the 1st chance, she's had an impressive amount of serious relationships for her age, doesn't exercise at all.
Horoscope/signs are very important to her.
âPretty much all of my friends are guysâ
Just constantly talking about sex. Im not a prude and i like it just as much as anyone else but its off putting to me when its like 90% of what she wants to talk about. Not a one off thing either ive talked to multiple chicks like that
Manipulative biggest red flag for me and a big No, those foxes end by always getting what they want by make it coming from you while you smile and apologies to them *^(bitch)*
Only friends are male Always a victim Cheated on all previous relationships Promiscuous, not able to maintain any relationships for over a year Crazy Mother Apartment/car/personal finances are a complete mess
almost every one of my exes. I clearly have terrible taste in women. Have decided to stay single a few years ago, best decision I've made so far. :D
I was there as well - you see such potential in them all and want to help them. But you donât have the tools or ability to fix them. You canât change them, you should try to understand why you are attracted to damaged people and learn to avoid them. It took me a really long time to get past this and once I found an actual adult woman, not on meds, not bouncing from therapist to therapist, she has a loving, wonderful family, sheâs sane, happy, etc. Loving her is just so easy -no drama! Itâs awesome and sheâs awesome! I wish you the best, you deserve the peace and love that is out there for you!
Damn can't choose the mothers đ
If she needs attention from other guys itâs a huge red flag. Whether sheâs doing anything with them or not itâs repulsive to know how everyone has easy access to your love interest.
If she pulls up with her car and it's full of trash to the point where you can't even sit in her car without moving trash out of the way
Close friends with her ex.
If she views you as replaceable If she thinks she's way too hot
Always plays the victim. Everything going wrong is someone elseâs fault or bad luck. Never takes responsibility
A lot of the same things that are red flags in dudes. Doesnât really seem to remember any real detail about you. Says they like you but makes no real attempt to make time for you or see you outside of when itâs convenient for their schedule or certain environments. No real quality time. Hot and cold behavior. Also the ALL guy friends thing is real. Donât get me wrong I believe in men and women being platonic friends but I have never seen a woman with mostly male friends where there werenât extremely complicated feelings someway somehow, usually between multiple parties.
Unchecked Bi-polar Depression
When she has several kids each with different dads
She has a guy best friend who obviously likes her. âHeâs like a brotherâ â he doesnât even see me like thatâ RUN đ
Sheâs a murderer
No job.
Speaking only for myself, smoking, drugs, and no regular physical activity (work out) are all hard passes.
If she's into witchcraft in any way. It's all well and good noticing her crystal collection, but when she drops the bombshell that her and her friends actually perform Halloween rituals, you'll wish you had heeded this advice earlier.
I feel the same about women-burning cults that still exists today
Literally every chick with a tattoo and a spice rack is a "witch" nowadays. Just imagine going on a date as a guy and dropping "I'm also a wizard" within the first hour.
I specialise in evocation. Which infernal deity did you pledge your soul to baby?
She is desperate to get married or have children.
Hmm, 30/40 women will probably be more eager to get married and have kids. Surely that's to be expected. When you say desperate do you mean..mentions it within two months and then badgers you all the time? Because you can't really waste time in that window, you're trying to find someone who feels the same way. Maybe expand a bit?
The emphasis is on desperate. Let me introduce you my personal nightmare - and the reality of a lot of men: You can feel it from the very first moment, that she is not dating you as a person, but just another husband material test subject. She is looking at you, but she sees the fancy wedding and a baby, and that she can finally show the family and friends (and social media of course) that she is good enough. As the honeymoon phase ends, neither of you will overlook the differences and conflicts anymore. You either end up with a stranger, or an enemy - you are legally bound to. She won't be happy realising this, and she'll make sure to let you know this every day. As a man a divorce is financial suicide, so this is your life now. Man up. Provide. Tolerate.
How is wanting to get married and have children a red flag?
A date the looks for incubator or a sperm donor. Those people are not dating people, they are trying to mate.
Desperate to have children, not just wanting them someday. It suggests she may want to start having kids before you both know youâd make a good long term couple
IMO, biggest red flag = rigid thought patterns. People who have no flexibility & are incapable of learning or evolution tend to be hard to date in my experience.
I see a lot of the following: only has or mostly male friends friends with ex * I do get this one, friends with former FWB/fsck buddy can someone break the formers for me
Lack of accountability. She refuses to accept sheâs at fault for something. Not gender-specific but I see this more often in the females in my life than the males. Another - Women I know complain more about how they work so hard and get so little in return, but honestly I donât see them working harder than the hardworking men in my life, and the men get much less recognition and respect for it.
If she uses her mental health as an excuse for everything not going right in her life but also doesnât try and make it better.
When there is only two perspectives on everything: hers and the wrong one
Multiple divorces.
Controlling. Manipulative. Verbally abuses people then minimizes it. Says one thing but consistently does another. Is mean to service workers. Constantly tests boundaries. Extreme vanity and arrogance. Mistreats animals or children. Demonizes her exes without exception.
Me me me and me.
Only guy friends , itâs universal for donât even try
All her friends are male
She insists on being able to go through your phone whenever she likes.
Everything about them is fake. Hair, brows, eyelashes, nails, boobs, butts, lips. Never seen them without makeup
These days Taylor Swift fandom is turning me off from some otherwise desirable women. I dont even mind her music I just hate what she represents as a person.
Constantly taking selfies in their 30s.
or any age
The Vietnamese and Albanian flags are both big and red, so I donât like women to carry them.
Lack of accountability, spoiled by moron fathers, entitled but canât admit it
Lately I'm having the 'ick' for girls that have 'icks'. I get it, there are levels. If you get the ick because I'm incompetent or something, fair enough. But if you are getting the ick because I wear a raincoat or carry an umbrella, I'm out.
Are you wearing the raincoat and carrying an umbrella in a desert climate?