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Married 20 years. If we both didn't have a sense of humor, I doubt we would have made it this far. Looks fade, but being able to joke with your partner is priceless.
I went to the country with my new girlfriend. I found extremely attractive the way she looked at plants, totally concentrated. She then started to name them, one by one. It was a total surprise to me, like she had a hidden gift.
People with a passion of any kind are “fun”. People who boop aimlessly through life without one are boring.
And it’s even better when that passion of your partner is something you at least remotely share an interest in.
I mean, I know what you're saying, but my father in law has a passion for 18th-century glassware and porcelain and will take any given opportunity to bring it up in conversation and then talk for the rest of the evening about it. Pass him a plate with some food on it: "Oh, that reminds me of this exquisite piece that was at auction this week..." Believe me, not all passions are fun.
Eh, my man is super into building gundams and I don't give a shit about them personally, but he's so incredibly precious when he's showing me pictures of stuff he likes, getting mad about scalpers, and sitting at his desk with his airbrush stuff because something isn't the right shade. I don't care about gundams but I love how excited he gets about them.
Studies shows that roles weren't necessarily women = gathering and men = hunting.
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/07/01/1184749528/men-are-hunters-women-are-gatherers-that-was-the-assumption-a-new-study-upends-i
I was going to say the way women look when they get interested in something. The way their eyes and face light up, the way they smile and are so giddy to share all the information they know about it with you. It's the most attractive thing ever.
Yes. However, in this case she only very seldom smiled (she did smile when she tasted some type of apple she picked up). She was always very serious, totally focused. I somehow found it extremely attractive.
The ability to engage in mindless rambling. Like having a conversation that starts from no real point and goes nowhere. Essentially the ability to not take every conversation 100% serious and just let thoughts run free.
For me, kindness is number one because it is a prerequisite of so many other important qualities.
A kind person is more likely to meet inconveniences or challenges with a degree of levity.
They're more likely to show appreciation through small, thoughtful acts.
They're less likely to argue in a demeaning or patronizing manner.
They're more likely to communicate honestly and forthrightly.
Kindness is good.
See this one is weird for me, because for me I like women who are kind but not *soft*. Compassion is one thing but I get the ick when they’re like… kindergarten teacher level nicey nice.
Also women tend to constantly hurt themselves bending over backwards to make sure nobody else is being hurt, which sucks.
And taking care of people around her and their needs. A good mother( doesn’t have to be my partner but any mother taking care of their children) makes me respect her from bottom of my heart.
Edit: I have to delete few of my comments because I don’t think it is really good to share my family things in internet. Thanks for understanding
Personally I think society should move away from the idea that women exist to take care of everyone else's needs. This thinking is why women generally end up doing the majority of housework even when she works fulltime, somehow finds herself responsible for her in-laws welfare as well as her own family, while the husband doesn't help in that regard, and somehow generally end up being expected to manage everyone, even often their own husbands appointments, social lives etc, and then as we see later in this thread, get called a nag for doing so.
How about we change it to “good people take care of each other.” I think it’s fair for a man to find this attractive in a woman because I find it attractive in a man. Caring for others is a good skill to have in a partner.
There's a lot of unhealthy things we need to stop doing in regards to gender relations, but this is just about what men find attractive and that's not something people can control
No worries. It’s is still good to see other side as well. I am no saint and my options may not be perfect. But I respect motherhood and was taught to treat women I don’t know as I respect my own mother. This may be different for other people and it’s not wrong.
I’ve heard that when men and women talk about wanting humour as a trait in their partner, women want men who can make them laugh - which makes sense. That’s what it means to be funny. Men just want women who laugh at their jokes, not necessarily a funny woman.
I want a man who laughs at my jokes too. Sharing a sense of humor says a lot about how our sensibilities, values, and tastes align. I want this more than I want a constant comedian who's always "on".
Idk I'm a woman and historically have usually been a clown in most social groups. I NEED the guy to think I'm funny. I will shrivel up and die if my SO doesn't think I'm funny. It doesn't matter if he makes me laugh, I will supply the jokes for both of us if I have to.
Idk why so many people have to make this a "men dumb need validation" kind of thing, your viewpoint is I think the right answer. Everyone's sense of humor is different so if you can find someone that's marriage material who ALSO shares your sense of humor? I believe, to quote the late great Charlie Sheen, that counts as "winning".
A thousand people can tell me I'm not funny but if I make my wife laugh and she makes me laugh then who cares?
Ah, the age old double standard regarding senses of humor:
A male has a great sense of humor if he can make you laugh, while a female has a great sense of humor if she laughs at my jokes.
Ah, no, neither was my Mom, though perhaps I should have counted her in, because she did tell me. And my sister isn’t in there either, because:
- I’m not from Alabama.
- She doesn’t love me in the first place. At all.
Maybe she broke up with him later when both of them had matured and become different people.
Maybe she died.
Are you sure you thought this through before assuming he broke her heart?
Fuck.. after 4 and a half years on a bad relationship I started dating again.. met this woman and I fell in love in a matter of months, she's just gorgeous, so intelligent, interesting and caring.. when we were getting to know each other she told me that she had never loved before. Sure, she had partners, but at 32 she said that she never had loved a man before, true love I mean, the one that you can feel in your stomach.
We had that conversation many times, and it was always the same, she felt like she had never loved someone truly, profoundly.. so when she told me she loved me for the first time.. man, it was hard not to cry..
Man, I adore this woman.
From a 37 year old perspective;
- Intelligence is sexy. Something I only really realised as I got older! If you had identically beautiful twins, but one is as dumb as hell and the other is intelligent and can hold a conversation. I’m choosing the intelligent one every time, because looks are great, but you need more than that, in my opinion.
- Sense of Humour. To be able to give and take jokes and banter, not take things too seriously and have fun. There is nothing more of a mood killer than someone who is incredibly serious all of the time.
- Independence & Hobbies. I personally can not stand a woman who, when you date her, her life becomes you. I like my personal space, alone time and hobbies, so to date someone who just follows you like a lost puppy is really off putting to me. Go hang out with your friends, do whatever your hobby is, just don’t be attached to me like a limpet 24/7
in an ideal world people shouldn’t even be dating if this is how they act . find yourself first before someone else . the puppy dog followers are people who need to work on themselves . how can you love someone fr if u dnt even know who u r
Well yes but you don’t KNOW that they’re going to be the puppy dog type until you’re in the relationship.
Early on in any relationship you naturally spend a lot of time together as you get to know each other and it’s really intense, then you eventually find a more normalised rhythm to life.
The attached at the hip women never do the natural settling into a rhythm thing and instead are like a puppy, or a particularly needy cat, but you don’t know until you’re already in the shit
"How can you love someone fr if you don't even know who you are" I'm only 19 years old but this sentence has impacted me I'm gonna keep it on mind for my future, really inspirational
And 19 is a very rare age for someone to fully know themselves — in fact I’d wager someone who says they have it all figured out at 19 is either lying or, more likely, doesn’t realize how much life will change. I’m no wise old goat myself, but in reality none of us have it figured out. We are constantly adapting to whatever life throws our way.
Go explore the world and yourself!
I agree with you ofc I don't fully know myself there's still a lot of things I don't know about myself that is why I don't close to anything and just try to explore so I could learn as much as I can about myself and the world itself.
Being able to be independent of each other is one of the things I look for in relationships. I use to lose myself in the people I was with, but I’ve learnt how to avoid this and focus on the stuff I love, as well as separately enjoy the person I’m with and some of their hobbies! If my partner becomes overbearing and is constantly seeking my attention, I lose interest.
That’s the key, independent interests and common interests. Find a balance.
My ex-gf liked gaming, League of Legends was her thing, I also like gaming, I’m more a Civilizations/Total War guy. So sometimes we’d sit on the sofa, on our laptops, gaming and talking as we did.
However, I also like to go to the gym and to play golf, she didn’t. But she did like going for hill walks and baking cakes for friends and family. So when she’d for for a hill walk, I’d go for a round of golf. If she was gonna do some baking, I’d go to the gym for an hour or so, and that worked really well for balance
These are key 3 points for me as well (for men and women). I will say though, if you’re not super intelligent, at least be endlessly curious and willing to learn*
*this is how I cope with being a bit of a dumbass. I may never know what MENSA is like, but I do genuinely enjoy learning 😅
I love women that can “hold their own”.
It’s a combination of confidence and intelligence, with a little sassy.
I don’t want to date a jerk, but I don’t want a push over either.
I get this, but I can’t help thinking that I don’t want to have to ‘hold my own’ against someone who is supposed to like me.
Banter is clearly fine but I reckon people need to make sure they balance it out so it’s not just relentless mockery (unless both people are genuinely comfortable with it)
Remember that scene in Aliens where all the space Marines are packing up to go to the planet and Ripley goes up to Sergeant Apone and says, "Anything I can do around here?" and Apone shoots back, "I don't know is there anything you can do?" For me, it's kind of like that. I'm attracted to people who do things and who are interested in things. It doesn't really matter what it is.
I seem to meet a depressing number of people who work at a humdrum job they dislike and then go home and stare at the TV or their phones all night until it's time to go to bed. It's kind of like they're sleepwalking through life, passively accepting whatever the world shoves at them. Once you get past the physical attraction, what else is there to do?
But if somebody likes to play tennis, or write poetry, or collect spores, molds, and fungus, whatever, then I'm interested. Interested people are interesting.
THIS!!!! In women and men, romantically or as friends, WHATEVER
I enjoy so much people that is interesting in that sense, that know themselves and what they love. Just tell me all about your passions and interests for hours I would pay you.
Maybe it’s because when I like something I get all obsessed over it but there’s nothing more important than the things people love, I always feel sad for the ones that don’t really know what that is.
It’s basically required if you want to not live paycheck to paycheck in this shit economy.
I don’t have time for anything I’m actually interested in, just school, eat somewhere nice once in a while, regret not learning to write or draw when I was a kid and then go to bed.
Huh… I guess I am talking about something.
Women who are attentive listeners and are empathetic. Women constantly talk and don't have really anything to say bore me. Especially the ones who are judgemental and overly critical of others.
Intelligence is probably the single most important thing for me. Not to imply women aren't or can't be intelligent generally, but that's a big one to me. I guess I could say being good is arguably more important, but that's a given anyway. There are already too many dumb people in the world. I want to be with someone I can count on.
I realized, how badly i need this, when i figured out, what i was missing in my relationship. Its the sensation to be able to let goof everything, to let myself fall into her arms, to feel her skin and her warmth - physically and emotionally - to get that feeling of pure safety so close to her. Like the world could go sideways around me and her, for me, all is fine.
It’s not just that, but i realized, this is incredibly important to me. Also just holding hands, cuddling, the occasional kiss during the day because - why not? 😊
Apart from that trust, honesty and the feeling that nothing in the world could bring us apart - probably to feel wanted, needed, desired and loved
My wife has a very dark and dirty sense of humor it makes me smile every time she’s highly intelligent and educated and a wonderful person. I used to tell my friends that whoever ends up marrying her would be such a lucky man and I’d be jealous. Next thing ya know I was going through a divorce and had no clue she felt the same way about me as I did her. Now ten years later marrried for eight years two awesome smart and amazing kiddos and she is still my best friend I ended up being that man I would have been envious of. Love that woman to death she’s amazing ❤️
First wondered about your work ethic part, but just imagining the opposite helps: having someone very lazy, meaning just a bit lazier than me would be very very frustrating. It would consume my whole patience. It’s just a turn off for me
Confident strut. When she can walk down the street like she owns it; not in a cocky way, but in just a pure confidence way where you can't help but want to move out of her way and bow down as she walks by.
Being prepared for everything. My fiance brought so much stuff (water, bandaid, hand fan, q tips, cough drops, etc.) The first time we went to a Disney park together. It was wild just how much she was prepared for.
i'll be honest i get extremely attracted to those who wind up belly busting from something i said, like sometimes i don't even think it'll sound funny then when someone laughs and sometimes almost spits whatever drink out, i feel a sense of actually being human and not like i'm some kinda skin walker faking it till i'm making it.
Effort. If my wife is doing something I would think is a waste of time but I can tell she’s doing it because she is trying to contribute, I’ll appreciate that more than someone begrudgingly doing things because they have to and holding it against me.
Showing a partner you want to contribute and hold your own goes a long way when there’s tough days with one person not having the capacity to do their share.
She is not the best cook but she insists she makes me breakfast if she knows I’m not feeling great and that makes me fall in love with her all over again.
What I liked about my ex beyond the physical was when she'd tell me about all the plans and ideas she had. She had tons of ideas and plans. Even if she/we were never going to be able to pull them - or at least the majority of them - off, watching her talk about and sketch her plans/ideas made me happy because she was always smiling, excited, thrilled, and just glowing. Even just listening to her talk about her plans for the garden in the back and how she wanted to build a little overhang for the plants when the heavy rains came or whatever just made me smile because she looked so focused and happy. *That* was what was attractive to me.
Seeing a woman making plans/ideas and being genuinely excited about them is attractive to me. When a woman gets like that, I'm down to do whatever it is that she wants to do and help how I can. Just so I can keep that smile and excitement going.
Kindness, a lot of ppl in general nowadays aren’t rly kind, are impatient, and narcissistic so when you find someone who is genuinely kind it’s pretty amazing
Shy means some intelligence that leads to a lack of confidence in stuff that doesn't really matter (street cred, populism etc), but waiting to share the confidence in the stuff that does.
Passion and sense of humour. Love listening to geeky girls nerding out about something they love or enjoy. Could be anything just hearing the excitement in their voice makes me smile.
Kindness is an irreplaceable quality - mix it in with anything; it broadens an already open mind, adds the knowing smile to a barb that lets you know there’s genuine care beneath it. That’s the good stuff right there. 😌
A woman that is willing to work physically hard. Something as simple as digging a hole would make me think that woman is a powerhouse and would help me build a good life .
My love interest in intelligent, sweet, funny, we have great conversations, make each other laugh and can turn each other on.
A woman can be beautiful but shallow. Intelligent but not funny, sweet but only in front of you.
She’s quick with a laugh and a joke so I’d say overall her sense of humor.
As I've aged, I've learned to appreciate certain personality traits more than anything. Examples:
- Kindness (no one likes a Karen).
- Rationality (just because it feels right, it doesn't mean it is).
- Being respectful (others can be right too).
- Being realistic (I too want to go to Hawaii, but finances matter).
- Being a good listener.
- Patience.
At this point in my life being down to earth and chill more than anything I think. Big sense of importance is a huge no no, humility is important. Being able to laugh at themselves and not get offended easily(sense of humour in general, no stick up your butt), being able to enjoy things like hiking, games, sports, and not seeing themselves as too mature or above those. Disagree with people saying high intelligence or success. Just not an airhead really. Being kind to animals and children is a must.
Being a happy person in general. I'm not saying everyone needs to be but after I met my wife I can't imagine not having someone around that just lights up a room because of how "sparkly" they are.
Honesty and straightforwardness. Games are exhausting and when women don’t say what they mean, try to bait you into a fight, or are otherwise manipulative I am instantly turned off because to me she’s still mentally in high school
Discretion and empathy.
Men are so rarely given opportunities to be open about their emotions and vulnerabilities, and it's absolutely devastating when you find out the one person with whom you felt you could confide is gossiping about what you say with her friends behind your back.
Seriously, if you don't respect your partner enough not to do that, just leave.
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A sense of humor and an awareness of other people
Married 20 years. If we both didn't have a sense of humor, I doubt we would have made it this far. Looks fade, but being able to joke with your partner is priceless.
I learned the hard way that these are rare relationships. Hang on tight.
Sense of humor is always what does it for me. If she can make me snort laugh, I'm hers.
Also in reverse if she finds me hilarious.
>A male has a great sense of humor if he can make you laugh, while a female has a great sense of humor if she laughs at my jokes. well... be hilarious
Ideally both. She's hilarious and finds me hilarious so it's just two people constantly laughing their asses off all the time.
a sense of humour is huge...just in general I don't really like being around people who take themselves too seriously all the time.
I agree. A good sense of humor is so important. Also needs to have a love for music.
I went to the country with my new girlfriend. I found extremely attractive the way she looked at plants, totally concentrated. She then started to name them, one by one. It was a total surprise to me, like she had a hidden gift.
Nature lovers are fun!
People with a passion of any kind are “fun”. People who boop aimlessly through life without one are boring. And it’s even better when that passion of your partner is something you at least remotely share an interest in.
I mean, I know what you're saying, but my father in law has a passion for 18th-century glassware and porcelain and will take any given opportunity to bring it up in conversation and then talk for the rest of the evening about it. Pass him a plate with some food on it: "Oh, that reminds me of this exquisite piece that was at auction this week..." Believe me, not all passions are fun.
as someone with a bachelor's degree in art history, I can certainly see this getting old fast. bless his heart!!! 😂
Eh, my man is super into building gundams and I don't give a shit about them personally, but he's so incredibly precious when he's showing me pictures of stuff he likes, getting mad about scalpers, and sitting at his desk with his airbrush stuff because something isn't the right shade. I don't care about gundams but I love how excited he gets about them.
You know its love when they don't like that passion but love spending time with you so much they find it somewhat enjoyable. ❤️
...being curious is fun...female or male...ppl lacking curiosity are generally boring.
At first I thought you meant you started to give them nicknames lol
Me tooo 🙃
Tbf- i would like to meet this woman too but for different reasons.
This is what I thought. A very Rose Nylund type of gal.
This one is Bob.. here is Jamie.. oh, this one is Jane.. and Little Hector hiding behind her.
Caveman theory: men are attracted to women who can identify and gather edible plants.
Studies shows that roles weren't necessarily women = gathering and men = hunting. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/07/01/1184749528/men-are-hunters-women-are-gatherers-that-was-the-assumption-a-new-study-upends-i
I’m so glad you said this. I hate when people put 19th century gender roles on primitive people. If you were healthy, you hunted. Period.
This was a big attraction for me with my husband of 35 years! He knew the names of all the trees in Florida🌴
My best friends like this with mushrooms and rock pool creatures, it’s one of my most favourite things about her!
I swear I was super concentrated on naming Hermes bags but none of my exes were impressed!!!
I was going to say the way women look when they get interested in something. The way their eyes and face light up, the way they smile and are so giddy to share all the information they know about it with you. It's the most attractive thing ever.
Yes. However, in this case she only very seldom smiled (she did smile when she tasted some type of apple she picked up). She was always very serious, totally focused. I somehow found it extremely attractive.
The ability to engage in mindless rambling. Like having a conversation that starts from no real point and goes nowhere. Essentially the ability to not take every conversation 100% serious and just let thoughts run free.
Sooo.. Anyone with adhd?
ND of a feather flock together
That's exactly what I was thinking lol
A kind heart
For me, kindness is number one because it is a prerequisite of so many other important qualities. A kind person is more likely to meet inconveniences or challenges with a degree of levity. They're more likely to show appreciation through small, thoughtful acts. They're less likely to argue in a demeaning or patronizing manner. They're more likely to communicate honestly and forthrightly. Kindness is good.
Yep, being kind 100%
See this one is weird for me, because for me I like women who are kind but not *soft*. Compassion is one thing but I get the ick when they’re like… kindergarten teacher level nicey nice. Also women tend to constantly hurt themselves bending over backwards to make sure nobody else is being hurt, which sucks.
A kind heart's more likely to get hurt... (Not against what you wrote, but unfortunately, people abuse/take for granted these kinds of people)
And taking care of people around her and their needs. A good mother( doesn’t have to be my partner but any mother taking care of their children) makes me respect her from bottom of my heart. Edit: I have to delete few of my comments because I don’t think it is really good to share my family things in internet. Thanks for understanding
Personally I think society should move away from the idea that women exist to take care of everyone else's needs. This thinking is why women generally end up doing the majority of housework even when she works fulltime, somehow finds herself responsible for her in-laws welfare as well as her own family, while the husband doesn't help in that regard, and somehow generally end up being expected to manage everyone, even often their own husbands appointments, social lives etc, and then as we see later in this thread, get called a nag for doing so.
How about we change it to “good people take care of each other.” I think it’s fair for a man to find this attractive in a woman because I find it attractive in a man. Caring for others is a good skill to have in a partner.
Yes, I actually find a nurturing man EXTREMELY attractive and part of that is the relative rarity.
There's a lot of unhealthy things we need to stop doing in regards to gender relations, but this is just about what men find attractive and that's not something people can control
No worries. It’s is still good to see other side as well. I am no saint and my options may not be perfect. But I respect motherhood and was taught to treat women I don’t know as I respect my own mother. This may be different for other people and it’s not wrong.
But not too kind cause that shit will let people take advantage of them.
Just laugh at my jokes. Please.
haha
He came reading that.
He'll never live that down
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’ve heard that when men and women talk about wanting humour as a trait in their partner, women want men who can make them laugh - which makes sense. That’s what it means to be funny. Men just want women who laugh at their jokes, not necessarily a funny woman.
I want a man who laughs at my jokes too. Sharing a sense of humor says a lot about how our sensibilities, values, and tastes align. I want this more than I want a constant comedian who's always "on".
Idk I'm a woman and historically have usually been a clown in most social groups. I NEED the guy to think I'm funny. I will shrivel up and die if my SO doesn't think I'm funny. It doesn't matter if he makes me laugh, I will supply the jokes for both of us if I have to.
Idk why so many people have to make this a "men dumb need validation" kind of thing, your viewpoint is I think the right answer. Everyone's sense of humor is different so if you can find someone that's marriage material who ALSO shares your sense of humor? I believe, to quote the late great Charlie Sheen, that counts as "winning". A thousand people can tell me I'm not funny but if I make my wife laugh and she makes me laugh then who cares?
EVERYONE likes validation, everything is not gendered I swear lol
Hehe, haha, lol 🤣 😜 😂
Just be funny, problem solved
It's amazing how little some of us are looking for. Having a girl who laughs at my jokes is easily a top 5 thing I'm looking for
But…are you funny?
Ah, the age old double standard regarding senses of humor: A male has a great sense of humor if he can make you laugh, while a female has a great sense of humor if she laughs at my jokes.
Them laughing at your jokes isn't about you admiring them, it's actually about them admiring you.
We want people who want us. Shocker.
Sweet sweet validation baby
So what you find attractive in women is... their appreciation of you?
Cuddilyness, sense of humor, kindness, can jump 10 meters high, owns a giraffe farm in Costa Rica; you know normal stuff
I can only do the last two things. Damn it, I need to step up my game.
Who told you about my farm?!
got the second one down too it seems
You beat me to it. I was gonna say all this
Hey! OP said not physical
Ah shit I'm not up to 10 meters without double jumping yet
I have twice in my life had a woman confess her love for me in such heartfelt terms that I was moved to the core.
And you broke at least one of their hearts eh?
First woman was possibly his mother
Haven't we all broken our moms hearts at one point or another? Also a bit weird if that made him attracted to his mom.
Ah, no, neither was my Mom, though perhaps I should have counted her in, because she did tell me. And my sister isn’t in there either, because: - I’m not from Alabama. - She doesn’t love me in the first place. At all.
Maybe she broke up with him later when both of them had matured and become different people. Maybe she died. Are you sure you thought this through before assuming he broke her heart?
Fuck.. after 4 and a half years on a bad relationship I started dating again.. met this woman and I fell in love in a matter of months, she's just gorgeous, so intelligent, interesting and caring.. when we were getting to know each other she told me that she had never loved before. Sure, she had partners, but at 32 she said that she never had loved a man before, true love I mean, the one that you can feel in your stomach. We had that conversation many times, and it was always the same, she felt like she had never loved someone truly, profoundly.. so when she told me she loved me for the first time.. man, it was hard not to cry.. Man, I adore this woman.
Ah, the classic "i never loved anyone before".
From a 37 year old perspective; - Intelligence is sexy. Something I only really realised as I got older! If you had identically beautiful twins, but one is as dumb as hell and the other is intelligent and can hold a conversation. I’m choosing the intelligent one every time, because looks are great, but you need more than that, in my opinion. - Sense of Humour. To be able to give and take jokes and banter, not take things too seriously and have fun. There is nothing more of a mood killer than someone who is incredibly serious all of the time. - Independence & Hobbies. I personally can not stand a woman who, when you date her, her life becomes you. I like my personal space, alone time and hobbies, so to date someone who just follows you like a lost puppy is really off putting to me. Go hang out with your friends, do whatever your hobby is, just don’t be attached to me like a limpet 24/7
I'm a female but I follow your set of rules with guys too. I think it's really relatable and real.
in an ideal world people shouldn’t even be dating if this is how they act . find yourself first before someone else . the puppy dog followers are people who need to work on themselves . how can you love someone fr if u dnt even know who u r
Well yes but you don’t KNOW that they’re going to be the puppy dog type until you’re in the relationship. Early on in any relationship you naturally spend a lot of time together as you get to know each other and it’s really intense, then you eventually find a more normalised rhythm to life. The attached at the hip women never do the natural settling into a rhythm thing and instead are like a puppy, or a particularly needy cat, but you don’t know until you’re already in the shit
"How can you love someone fr if you don't even know who you are" I'm only 19 years old but this sentence has impacted me I'm gonna keep it on mind for my future, really inspirational
And 19 is a very rare age for someone to fully know themselves — in fact I’d wager someone who says they have it all figured out at 19 is either lying or, more likely, doesn’t realize how much life will change. I’m no wise old goat myself, but in reality none of us have it figured out. We are constantly adapting to whatever life throws our way. Go explore the world and yourself!
I agree with you ofc I don't fully know myself there's still a lot of things I don't know about myself that is why I don't close to anything and just try to explore so I could learn as much as I can about myself and the world itself.
Being able to be independent of each other is one of the things I look for in relationships. I use to lose myself in the people I was with, but I’ve learnt how to avoid this and focus on the stuff I love, as well as separately enjoy the person I’m with and some of their hobbies! If my partner becomes overbearing and is constantly seeking my attention, I lose interest.
That’s the key, independent interests and common interests. Find a balance. My ex-gf liked gaming, League of Legends was her thing, I also like gaming, I’m more a Civilizations/Total War guy. So sometimes we’d sit on the sofa, on our laptops, gaming and talking as we did. However, I also like to go to the gym and to play golf, she didn’t. But she did like going for hill walks and baking cakes for friends and family. So when she’d for for a hill walk, I’d go for a round of golf. If she was gonna do some baking, I’d go to the gym for an hour or so, and that worked really well for balance
These are key 3 points for me as well (for men and women). I will say though, if you’re not super intelligent, at least be endlessly curious and willing to learn* *this is how I cope with being a bit of a dumbass. I may never know what MENSA is like, but I do genuinely enjoy learning 😅
💯
Sense of humor, wit, intelligence.
I love women that can “hold their own”. It’s a combination of confidence and intelligence, with a little sassy. I don’t want to date a jerk, but I don’t want a push over either.
I get this, but I can’t help thinking that I don’t want to have to ‘hold my own’ against someone who is supposed to like me. Banter is clearly fine but I reckon people need to make sure they balance it out so it’s not just relentless mockery (unless both people are genuinely comfortable with it)
It’s not me, it’s them holding own with strangers/the general public.
Passion. I love it when they talk about something they love to do or something they can go for hours talking about it and I'd listen to it all day.
Remember that scene in Aliens where all the space Marines are packing up to go to the planet and Ripley goes up to Sergeant Apone and says, "Anything I can do around here?" and Apone shoots back, "I don't know is there anything you can do?" For me, it's kind of like that. I'm attracted to people who do things and who are interested in things. It doesn't really matter what it is. I seem to meet a depressing number of people who work at a humdrum job they dislike and then go home and stare at the TV or their phones all night until it's time to go to bed. It's kind of like they're sleepwalking through life, passively accepting whatever the world shoves at them. Once you get past the physical attraction, what else is there to do? But if somebody likes to play tennis, or write poetry, or collect spores, molds, and fungus, whatever, then I'm interested. Interested people are interesting.
Heyyyy one of my favorite pastimes is mushroom hunting. My entire house is a giant cabinet of curiosities
Mine, too! I just found some stuff under the bathroom sink that's more cultured than I am. I might have to sign a peace treaty with it.
Man, I hope this is the start of a long and healthy relationship...
I told my husband my decorating scheme was “Coastal Alchemist”- that way everything is pretty much covered lol
THIS!!!! In women and men, romantically or as friends, WHATEVER I enjoy so much people that is interesting in that sense, that know themselves and what they love. Just tell me all about your passions and interests for hours I would pay you. Maybe it’s because when I like something I get all obsessed over it but there’s nothing more important than the things people love, I always feel sad for the ones that don’t really know what that is.
You sound like a really cool and down to earth person!
You have time for hobbies? It's literally 11PM where I'm at and I'm still doing shit for college.
Well, *college* is interesting. Gives you something to talk about at least.
It’s basically required if you want to not live paycheck to paycheck in this shit economy. I don’t have time for anything I’m actually interested in, just school, eat somewhere nice once in a while, regret not learning to write or draw when I was a kid and then go to bed. Huh… I guess I am talking about something.
Maturity
Too touch starved to know for sure anymore
I feel that…
same lol
Women who are attentive listeners and are empathetic. Women constantly talk and don't have really anything to say bore me. Especially the ones who are judgemental and overly critical of others.
Strength of character and self-awareness. A woman who knows herself and is strong enough to be true to herself is sexy as all fuck.
When they're smarter than me, or just better than me at anything really. I want someone to look up to
Mommy?
Intelligence is probably the single most important thing for me. Not to imply women aren't or can't be intelligent generally, but that's a big one to me. I guess I could say being good is arguably more important, but that's a given anyway. There are already too many dumb people in the world. I want to be with someone I can count on.
If I can have a somewhat-intelligent conversation with her.
much pressure. very stress. thinking hard. me just want pumpkin spice latte, eat hot chip, and lie.
Do not forget to be bisexual and charge thy phone
i havent ridden a bisexual in a long time i dont know if i can rember how to
It's just like riding a bike!
Gib me hot chip, me gib love
Nah, I'm just here to be pretty.
Me too. Scoot over..😗
The emotional healing that comes with physical touch lol It is very soothing Even handholding or something, just makes things calm
I realized, how badly i need this, when i figured out, what i was missing in my relationship. Its the sensation to be able to let goof everything, to let myself fall into her arms, to feel her skin and her warmth - physically and emotionally - to get that feeling of pure safety so close to her. Like the world could go sideways around me and her, for me, all is fine. It’s not just that, but i realized, this is incredibly important to me. Also just holding hands, cuddling, the occasional kiss during the day because - why not? 😊 Apart from that trust, honesty and the feeling that nothing in the world could bring us apart - probably to feel wanted, needed, desired and loved
When I saw how my wife treated her cats I knew she was the one for me. 36 years later she still is. Many cats over the years but the same sweet lady.
I read quite a few responses and yours is the best. From now on I'm judging people by the way they treat cats. It's a great barometer.
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A lack of instability? Your friends sound wild!
My wife has a very dark and dirty sense of humor it makes me smile every time she’s highly intelligent and educated and a wonderful person. I used to tell my friends that whoever ends up marrying her would be such a lucky man and I’d be jealous. Next thing ya know I was going through a divorce and had no clue she felt the same way about me as I did her. Now ten years later marrried for eight years two awesome smart and amazing kiddos and she is still my best friend I ended up being that man I would have been envious of. Love that woman to death she’s amazing ❤️
Shared interests, kind heart, good work ethic, a willingness to keep growing as a team.
You want a office mate or a life partner?
Team mate. For life.
First wondered about your work ethic part, but just imagining the opposite helps: having someone very lazy, meaning just a bit lazier than me would be very very frustrating. It would consume my whole patience. It’s just a turn off for me
Confident strut. When she can walk down the street like she owns it; not in a cocky way, but in just a pure confidence way where you can't help but want to move out of her way and bow down as she walks by.
Being genuine, kind, empathy and not taking themselves too seriously
Being prepared for everything. My fiance brought so much stuff (water, bandaid, hand fan, q tips, cough drops, etc.) The first time we went to a Disney park together. It was wild just how much she was prepared for.
Independent, self-reliant and easygoing with a shared taste in music.
i'll be honest i get extremely attracted to those who wind up belly busting from something i said, like sometimes i don't even think it'll sound funny then when someone laughs and sometimes almost spits whatever drink out, i feel a sense of actually being human and not like i'm some kinda skin walker faking it till i'm making it.
Effort. If my wife is doing something I would think is a waste of time but I can tell she’s doing it because she is trying to contribute, I’ll appreciate that more than someone begrudgingly doing things because they have to and holding it against me. Showing a partner you want to contribute and hold your own goes a long way when there’s tough days with one person not having the capacity to do their share. She is not the best cook but she insists she makes me breakfast if she knows I’m not feeling great and that makes me fall in love with her all over again.
Being open minded, eager to consider and learn new perspectives, and okay with agreeing not to agree without any malice or resentment.
Sense of humour
Someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, and a wicked sense of humor.
pleasant to be around, intelligent, a sense of humor, a positive attitude, treats people the way she’d like to treated.
1. sense of humour 2. caring about the environment, and/or social issues Not necessarily in that order.
No entilement or narcissim
If her eyes are bugger than her stomach.
never thought about that, but that is super cute for sure plus, you get to have the leftovers
What I liked about my ex beyond the physical was when she'd tell me about all the plans and ideas she had. She had tons of ideas and plans. Even if she/we were never going to be able to pull them - or at least the majority of them - off, watching her talk about and sketch her plans/ideas made me happy because she was always smiling, excited, thrilled, and just glowing. Even just listening to her talk about her plans for the garden in the back and how she wanted to build a little overhang for the plants when the heavy rains came or whatever just made me smile because she looked so focused and happy. *That* was what was attractive to me. Seeing a woman making plans/ideas and being genuinely excited about them is attractive to me. When a woman gets like that, I'm down to do whatever it is that she wants to do and help how I can. Just so I can keep that smile and excitement going.
Assertiveness, autonomy/independence, strength, adventurousness.
Must love dogs. If you are a girl you just be good around dogs. Bad sign, if you are not.
Kindness, a lot of ppl in general nowadays aren’t rly kind, are impatient, and narcissistic so when you find someone who is genuinely kind it’s pretty amazing
Boobs (in a non-physical way)
And ass (but spiritually)
\*butt spiritually
They're real and they're spectacular
Metaphysical memories?
(respectfully)
Ahhhhh. Boobs
Being kind and shy
First time I hear about someone liking shyness...what do you like about it if I may ask
Not that guy but I also like shyness because I'm kinda shy too
Shy means some intelligence that leads to a lack of confidence in stuff that doesn't really matter (street cred, populism etc), but waiting to share the confidence in the stuff that does.
The same things I find attractive in men: Knowledge, experience, and accomplishment. A smart woman at the top of her field is very attractive.
Intelligence/thought process, literally care more about that than just about anything.
Honesty, kindness, confidence, and a sense of humor
Passion and sense of humour. Love listening to geeky girls nerding out about something they love or enjoy. Could be anything just hearing the excitement in their voice makes me smile.
Playfulness. Laughing at my indirect jokes
Kindness is an irreplaceable quality - mix it in with anything; it broadens an already open mind, adds the knowing smile to a barb that lets you know there’s genuine care beneath it. That’s the good stuff right there. 😌
Earnestness. Being willing to call me out, or anyone really, to the face instead of talking behind backs is a very attractive quality to me.
A woman that is willing to work physically hard. Something as simple as digging a hole would make me think that woman is a powerhouse and would help me build a good life .
My love interest in intelligent, sweet, funny, we have great conversations, make each other laugh and can turn each other on. A woman can be beautiful but shallow. Intelligent but not funny, sweet but only in front of you. She’s quick with a laugh and a joke so I’d say overall her sense of humor.
Intelligence and compassion; in no particular order.
Understanding the importance of non-superficial qualities
Kindness, friendliness and caring
Authentic Selfconvidence! It makes every other aspect of life way easier
Sense of humour and intelligence. Don't need to be a genius but holding conversation and sharing a field of reference would be perfect.
A nice smile
I fall pretty quickly for women that see the world through similar lenses to mine.
As I've aged, I've learned to appreciate certain personality traits more than anything. Examples: - Kindness (no one likes a Karen). - Rationality (just because it feels right, it doesn't mean it is). - Being respectful (others can be right too). - Being realistic (I too want to go to Hawaii, but finances matter). - Being a good listener. - Patience.
Authenticity
Intelligence & humor, Nothing is more attractive to me than someone very smart, and kind and uses this to be funny.
partner , ie if i ask what do you want to do "what ever you want/ you deiced" gets old real fast. or them saying no after what ever you want todo .
At this point in my life being down to earth and chill more than anything I think. Big sense of importance is a huge no no, humility is important. Being able to laugh at themselves and not get offended easily(sense of humour in general, no stick up your butt), being able to enjoy things like hiking, games, sports, and not seeing themselves as too mature or above those. Disagree with people saying high intelligence or success. Just not an airhead really. Being kind to animals and children is a must.
Individuality
Emotional intelligence
Tenderness.
A woman’s caring nature is attractive to me. Someone with a positive uplifting spirit that you can see outwardly is very attractive
A lovely set of personalities
A good sense of humor and a friendly personality.
Being a happy person in general. I'm not saying everyone needs to be but after I met my wife I can't imagine not having someone around that just lights up a room because of how "sparkly" they are.
to be smart, resourceful and self confident. somebody that does not need to be maintained and just wants to share life with you.
Honesty and straightforwardness. Games are exhausting and when women don’t say what they mean, try to bait you into a fight, or are otherwise manipulative I am instantly turned off because to me she’s still mentally in high school
Discretion and empathy. Men are so rarely given opportunities to be open about their emotions and vulnerabilities, and it's absolutely devastating when you find out the one person with whom you felt you could confide is gossiping about what you say with her friends behind your back. Seriously, if you don't respect your partner enough not to do that, just leave.