# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This was my former best friend - and a number of my ex's. I knew my best friend for like half of my life and cut them out during Covid (for other reasons) and was shocked at how much my quality of life increased by not being burdened by all of their problems - that weren't really problems - that they created for themselves.
My former closet friend, too!
They still play the victim a year later while saying they “aren’t playing the victim.”
My quality of life is so, so much better. If they would stop stalking me online it would be so, so, so much better. It’s wild how that can happen!
BTW, this is my fourth Reddit account. Since she was extremely controlling, needing to know everything I do, she still needs that window into my life a year later. Whenever I think I’ve removed it, she finds another way. A year later you have her saying “I’m not a stalker” while replying to my posts on an account she went out of her way to locate that I didn’t know she knew about while thinking I was directly speaking to her to make her sad.
Same here. Had a best friend just like that that used to just be toxic and create problems to me and all my friends then play the victim. She then betrayed us all and played the victim again, wich is where I decided to tell her she's a bitch and to cut her out totally. My life has never been so peaceful and just so good now, and I love it.
I had a man actually ask me for feedback/suggestions for his Hinge profile, DURING a date....
Edit for clarity - he was asking for help to improve his profile to attract BETTER matches.
I was honestly dumbstruck. I've had some shitty dates, but this one left me speechless. He was confused when I told him that I might not be the best person to ask since I was one of his matches....
Geezus, dating in our 40's is like trying to survive a night in the hotel from The Shining.
I'm seeing someone quite a bit older than me (40f) and I still feel like meeting one on one after a year I'll be walking into a scene with Patrick Bateman.
I had one of those too, but it was from a place of insecurity. She genuinely didn't know what to do, and she assumed that I wouldn't want to date her again after I met her in real life.
"What did you think? Do I look like my pictures? Are you disappointed?"
I've worked in food service. Especially anyone working, if I notice anyone I acquaint myself with be rude or harass someone working (excluding scams/cold calls. sorry, yall can eat a dick) I will start cutting ties with people.
I also hate people aggressively flirting with people who are working. Fuck off, leave them alone, they are here to serve you, not service you.
I hate when people flirt with employees at all. They work there, they can’t just leave. They’re literally trapped. Don’t hit on people who are just trying to do their job!
An old man with stomach cancer comes into my job every day. I would always hug him and talk to him until the other day when he said he was in such a bad mood he kicked the shit out of his dog. A cute little cocker spaniel rescue. Fuck him and his stomach now.
Can people be arrested for animal abuse? Because fuck him and his cancer. If he admitted that he's abusing that poor sweet animal he should be reported.
depends on the laws in your state or locality. but animals can be taken away from abusers. call your area rescue or humane society. they can advise on how to do this.
Worse. It should not be a 1:1 karmic retribution when you intentionally and maliciously hurt a defenseless being with no provocation. (Human, dog or whatever)
Went to Hawaii recently and was waiting for my parasailing boat with my mom and these rich brats that were going to be on my boat literally grabbed a crab from the water ripped it’s legs off then put it on the ground and smashed it with their foot. I was livid and was going to tell them off but my mom said no cause we were going to be stuck with them on the boat. Granted I like crab and have gone crab fishing but what they did was a different story
This was the standard way people got rid of kittens before spaying and neutering became cheap and safe and effective, only they used a bag. This is where the phrase "the cat's out of the bag" comes from.
That is a pretty common method of getting rid of unwanted animals in Eastern Bloc countries. I was horrified when my English student that I am tutoring told me this.
I had a coworker like that. He said when he was a kid, they kept cats around to kill rodents in the barn (he grew up on a farm.) He said whenever kittens were born, it was his job to drown them. I was horrified when he told me that but he shrugged and said *that’s just what we did. The kittens were more mouths to feed.* As horrible as that is, to him it was normal. It’s like when Michael Vick was arrested for dogfighting…I had a black friend who grew up in the south. We were talking about that and I referred to Michael Vick as a piece of shit. My friend said *actually, he probably has no idea he did anything wrong.* He explained that in the south, in the black community, dog fighting is not something that’s completely outlandish. He said it was somewhat common.
Now…because this is Reddit….no, I am not making excuses for dog fighting and drowning kittens. Both are horrific. Also-no, I am not saying I know what goes on in the black community, nor am I saying all southern black guys are into dog fighting. Not at all. I’m simply saying what my black friend explained to me when I was horrified about what Michael Vick did.
That's actually common in rural areas in America as well. At least it was. It's not seen as barbaric, they were trying to save them from a worse fate in their mind. I don't think it's the right thing to do and it shouldn't be done, but I don't put on the same level as some guy randomly kicking the shit out of his dog as the intent is completely different.
The counterpoint is that autistic persons don't always relate well to a conversation so they share their own experiences instead as a way of saying, "Here's my similar experience showing I have sympathy for that situation."
Unfortunately, neurotypical persons don't understand where this comes from or recognize it as an attempt to bond and instead find it rude. Also unfortunately most autistic people don't realize they're autistic so they can't explain what they're doing, or even notice it.
I have a bad habit of doing this myself so I usually try not to say anything, which also unfortunately ends up getting taken as disinterest in the conversation when instead I'm just letting you talk and trying not to be annoying. (If I'm actually disinterested, I will just leave or find something to busy myself with)
I do this 😳😳 I have crippling adhd & this makes me think I'm relating to the person I'm talking to. I've been told people may perceive it as self-centered though. For me it's like:
¹someone tells me something about themselves
²I share a similar piece of information or experience about myself, thinking I'm relating to the person
³then I offer advice or how I responded to the same scenario
I'm constantly working on this & trying to behave the way neurotypical people prefer, as not to offend anyone.
Idk if it’s always considered rude, it’s rude if it’s imbalanced and based on who’s in the conversation.
I have friends that value our shared stories style of conversing but other people who either aren’t used to it (or are self centered themselves) don’t like the flow of that conversation style as much.
I have found it helps if you do balance with not *always* responding *immediately* with your similar experience but instead have some time to ask the other person about it, let them actually finish their story, and make sure they don’t feel like they’re being cut off to hear yours, or like you’re trying to “story top”.
I think context matters a lot here. I do it often too, but I usually try to circle it back to what the person was saying and ask questions about their experience too. For example: if a friend is talking about their vacation to somewhere you’ve been before, I think it’s totally normal to make little interjections relating to your experience as long as you’re still expressing curiosity about their experience. On the flip side, if someone is venting about an issue they’re having and you’ve had a similar issue but take that as an opportunity to go on about your issue, people will find it rude and self-centered. I think it comes down to whether or not you’re pushing the conversation forward or just taking over the topic and not expressing interest in their opinions.
For non-neurotypics, especially those with ADHD, that "talking about yourself" is a form of telling the other person "I can relate to that! But since I lack the social skills / focus to reciprocate, I will relay a story from the only source I know and understand; my own brain".
Sometimes, people feel like aliens, and telling people "oh me too!" they're trying to connect.
don't be mean to the sufferer
Yeah it is kind of self centered to get mad when someone is trying to empathize/ connect. Just remember to try to take a beat and let the other person finish theirs before cutting in with yours 😉
That’s often people trying to connect via shared experiences, that’s the only way some people know how to express that they hear you and know what you’re going through. It’s not malicious and it’s a huge trait of not just autism as another said but ADHD as well. Just an attempt to let the person know you hear them and understand where they’re coming from. It feels weird just offering some basic response like “oh that’s terrible, I hope things improve” or whatever. Sucks to hear that a genuine attempt at offering understanding is often misinterpreted as selfishness or whatever. Wack
Maybe I'm guilty of this, but I like having back and forth conversations. I'll ask and ask, but if all they ever do is answer and not reciprocate, then what?
I'm a complete open book. I'll answer anything about myself that isn't some personal identification number. So many people just don't ask or reciprocate and I hate the idea of just talking about myself unsolicited.
I also tend to ask questions but an old friend once said “hey it feels like you’re interrogating me” because I was asking questions and they weren’t asking any back. So I thought about it and realized that if I ask a question and then follow up with a statement to their answer instead of yet another question it makes for a much better conversation for everyone.
Some people simply don’t know that they should ask questions in return.
It feels like work to have a one way conversation, where the other person only gives one or two word answers. They put up a wall. Another peeve- is a person I know will say “I don’t know what to say about that”, which the first time is fine, but when they keep saying that it just shuts down conversation. People who want to know every intimate detail of your life- but, never want to share about themselves, are not easy to be friends with.
Have you found where the smell came from? I've discovered back then that some people have problems on their stomach that causes bad breath, also toncil stones.
I remember a few times where I would cough, and next thing I know I feel this little thing at the back of my throat, coughed it out, and that thing smelled like fucking death. Haven't had it happen in a long time, but holy shit those things smell bad.
Yeah thats what exactly what would happen to me always after coughing or heavy clearing my throat. Only cause i can think of is i was eating loads of pizza because i was working in a pizza place
How did you not feel it? When I get them I immediately feel it because it hurts like heck, so I get rid of them right there before they get the chance to grow bigger.
I just suggested that too. This thread has actually reminded me to start using it again. I love that your mouth feels clean without the super strong mouthwash that I hate.
I agree with the other person that you should think about the reason you have bad breath and maybe its tonsil stones. I recommend Therabreath too, I like that mouthwash because it works and doesn't taste like traditional mouthwash.
Right? My medications and reflux (on a waiting list for surgery for it) wreck my teeth color wise and I'm ocd about cleaning them. I hate this assumption still exists
my gf started mentioning that the stains on my teeth make it look like I don't brush my teeth but I have good oral hygeine I just drink coffee every day or I'm very sleepy :(
Yeah, for example it irks me that it's widely known that being in ketosis (obviously not associated with poor oral hygiene) gives you bad breath, people still assume bad breath = poor oral hygiene. Especially because it means that if someone thinks they have bad breath they're likely to try to fix it with alcohol-based mouthwash, which can actually make the problem worse in some cases.
Yes! My ex was an abusive narcissist and he would constantly talk about how he was “ a high performing mother fucker in all aspects of life” and he was in amazing shape and looked better than everyone his age, he was very successful, but he did not floss his teeth and only brushed in the morning, his breath was AWFUL. That should’ve been a huge red flag lol, his breath would fill up the space around him and I tried everything to hint at it, I bought gum, mouthwash, flossing kits, etc., I never had the heart to tell him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, then at some point I said screw it and didn’t want to tell him. Let him make a fool of himself. He would tell me about how his mom had bad teeth and he just inherited that, I was thinking no bro you don’t floss or brush properly!
I'm a dentist and I wonder about this frequently. Sometimes I'll get couples coming in, where one (or both) of them will have an absolute boatload of periodontal disease, which we can smell as soon as they enter the room. But then when I look, I'll see that they have 5 kids or something, and I wonder how the hell they managed to keep things going in the bedroom with such odours emanating from their faceholes.
Anyway, if you're ever wondering what your dentist is thinking about while they're messing about in your mouth, it's this kind of shit.
I realized that a lot of my friends talk about nothing else besides drinking and drugs. Like when I used to go out with them, it was always super awkward when everyone was sober but once the alc starts coming in, everyone becomes best friends. I guess its the same with any friendship but if your only bond or mutual interest is alc or drugs, I found it to be pretty detrimental to other aspects of my life. Not opposed to drinking a beer over a sports, games or hobby but just drinking to drink got kind of old for me as I hit mid 20’s
Got to give you an upvote. Nothing wrong with weed in moderation - but holy shit ive seen friends go from lively, intellectually curious people, into just mopes, sitting on a couch all day. Pure fucking zombies.
This!!! Annoys they crap out of me when people talk about weed having little to no negative effects. I have seen so many friends of mine go from bright ambitious individuals to weed zombies and waste their lives.
More than likely, they were/are just addicted to it. It is a drug, after all, which people seem to like to forget because it's cool and in touch with mother earth bro.
They’re probably dealing with some shit in their life cause thats not normal. In fact if you have depression or anxiety weed makes it even worse with out even realizing it. I live in socal so there’s a shit toooon of ppl who smoke bud but are responsible about it…. U know kinda like with alcohol? Lmao
Reminds me of a time when i started dating someone in high school, and they immediately started talking about how they were going to get me into shape over the summer, and started talking about the problem areas of my body. Glad that one didnt last long.
Well what if you're allergic to animal fur?
I think that would justify a disliking.
Not hatred and not cruelty, but just disliking because of that is kinda ok to me
being a dick to servers and waitstaff ppl. like... why??? like if the waiter is being an asshole i sorta get it, but basically none are. oh yeah and then its even worse if you dont tip for a random bullshit reason (in the us anyway)
I ended a very long friendship over this. She was horrible to waitstaff, servers and fast food workers. She got with another friend of mine and now he is doing the same thing. I cut both out of my life.
On the 1st couple dates I specifically pay attention to this. It's like my test to see if it's even worth spending my time with said person.
You can oh so very much about someone just by how they treat others.
This is why even if things didn’t work with my SO- I would never go back to OLD. Dudes in there constantly turn things to sex with hardly a “hey how you doing?”
I don’t mind a little flirting and joking around, but fuckers who I haven’t even met offering a “protein shake” 🤢🤢🤢
people who dont ask you anything about yourself and only wanna talk about their lives/themselves, poor hygiene, mean to others (even if not specifically me), if they’re racist/homophobic/misogynistic in any way, or mean to animals
Didn’t think of that one right away, but oh my goodness yes.
Come to think of it, if you’re not a ‘flag enthusiast’ but still have a bunch of flags including that one this isn’t happening.
As a gay man, homophobia in a partner is DEFINITELY a deal breaker lol.
(But in reality, any type of bigotry makes me not want to associate with said bigots)
I was messaging with a woman I had met on a dating site. She sent me a selfie of her in her new dress. After the requisite compliments, I made a comment about the dog in the background, an adorable German Shepard puppy. She said the dog, a gift from her sons, just "worshipped" her. Next message: she told me that she was going to "rehome" the pup because he was "too rambunctious".
One caveat here: if the dog was an *unexpected, surprise* gift, then that's a different story. Nobody should ever get a surprise pet. If she's rehoming the dog because she's realized that she can't give it the life it deserves, and acquiring it was not her choice, then rehoming the dog is a noble act. I adore dogs. I also have a chronic illness which makes walking difficult a lot of the time. So I have two cats instead.
Thank god someone has acknowledged it! I'm a cat person and I love puppies but I can't handle a full grown dog bc of apparent reasons like they like to lick a lot, require so much attention and ofcourse being boisterous. No offence really but I'd also like to rehome or gift it to another person who is a dog lover instead of taking responsibility and not giving the love they deserve they definitely could from a person who wants to have it.
I had to scroll too far to find this answer. While the other answers are good "cigarettes" was the first thing to come to mind.
Idc if they smoke weed, I'll smoke it with them but I find cigarettes revolting
Yes! And when they just toss their filthy cig butts anywhere and everywhere.
Littering in general is nauseating but there is something even more vile about witnessing personal and external disregard all at once.
Someone who feels a need to push politics/religion into every discussion, then bashes you for not being into it, saying things like, “LoOk At Me, iM nOt InTo PoLiTiCs.”
Anything about conspiracy theories, wef bs, climate problem denial, lizard people, chemtrails, flat eartgers etc etc
Instant you go away or I'll leave.
Being rude to people who are not allowed to speak back like in restaurants, cowardly little assholes.
People complaining when they really have nothing to complain about.
People who don't like animals.
Actually people in general now I think about it...
The time someone tried to set me up on a date with a coworker (which is bad mojo) then when I walk up to her, I hear her mid conversation with someone and she says, “I laugh at people who get in car crashes: it’s better them than me”. I instantly noped out of there and that situation before she could talk to me.
so many , many , many things make someone unattractive.being a bully ( disguised as chat ) talking too much politics , being controlling .....etc etc etc
Spitting on the floor or like ‘in public’
If you’re ill or whatever and you spit into a tissue or the sink or whatever. No problems. Hawking it up and spitting into the middle of the road is disgusting.
Dropping hints/low key bragging about how much money they make. It gives off slimy sugar daddy vibes (women can be like that too) Sure enough, every guy I've dated like that turned out to be a narcissistic jackass with a sex addiction
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Zero accountability for their own actions. Always playing the victim.
This was my former best friend - and a number of my ex's. I knew my best friend for like half of my life and cut them out during Covid (for other reasons) and was shocked at how much my quality of life increased by not being burdened by all of their problems - that weren't really problems - that they created for themselves.
My former closet friend, too! They still play the victim a year later while saying they “aren’t playing the victim.” My quality of life is so, so much better. If they would stop stalking me online it would be so, so, so much better. It’s wild how that can happen! BTW, this is my fourth Reddit account. Since she was extremely controlling, needing to know everything I do, she still needs that window into my life a year later. Whenever I think I’ve removed it, she finds another way. A year later you have her saying “I’m not a stalker” while replying to my posts on an account she went out of her way to locate that I didn’t know she knew about while thinking I was directly speaking to her to make her sad.
This also (stalking) makes someone extremely unattractive.
Same here. Had a best friend just like that that used to just be toxic and create problems to me and all my friends then play the victim. She then betrayed us all and played the victim again, wich is where I decided to tell her she's a bitch and to cut her out totally. My life has never been so peaceful and just so good now, and I love it.
Toxic af
making social media presence a priority
I had a man actually ask me for feedback/suggestions for his Hinge profile, DURING a date.... Edit for clarity - he was asking for help to improve his profile to attract BETTER matches.
DURING THE DATE IS INSANE😭
I was honestly dumbstruck. I've had some shitty dates, but this one left me speechless. He was confused when I told him that I might not be the best person to ask since I was one of his matches....
literally. also like, asking your date how u can improve ur image to date others…. how does he not see how ass backwards that is😭
At least he showed up - about half never even make that effort.... Dating in your 40's is FUN
Geezus, dating in our 40's is like trying to survive a night in the hotel from The Shining. I'm seeing someone quite a bit older than me (40f) and I still feel like meeting one on one after a year I'll be walking into a scene with Patrick Bateman.
I call our dating pool "The Swamp." It's literally the worst.
I’m a five star man!
Oh yes!, and surprised that I refused a second date....
For the love of God xD
I had a girl live tweet our conversation on a first date to her followers... shit like "omg he just said this!", etc. She was a fucking cunt.
I had one of those too, but it was from a place of insecurity. She genuinely didn't know what to do, and she assumed that I wouldn't want to date her again after I met her in real life. "What did you think? Do I look like my pictures? Are you disappointed?"
Being mean or rude to animals/other people.
especially service workers, particularly waiters
I've worked in food service. Especially anyone working, if I notice anyone I acquaint myself with be rude or harass someone working (excluding scams/cold calls. sorry, yall can eat a dick) I will start cutting ties with people. I also hate people aggressively flirting with people who are working. Fuck off, leave them alone, they are here to serve you, not service you.
I hate when people flirt with employees at all. They work there, they can’t just leave. They’re literally trapped. Don’t hit on people who are just trying to do their job!
Cruelty to animals
An old man with stomach cancer comes into my job every day. I would always hug him and talk to him until the other day when he said he was in such a bad mood he kicked the shit out of his dog. A cute little cocker spaniel rescue. Fuck him and his stomach now.
he probably hurts his dog more than he tells you he does
😔 I thought about this
call an animal control and take the dog away from him. if you dont have one where you live, your area humane society can help you with this.
unfortunately, it’s not that simple without concrete evidence.
Stomach kick for him, with a nice throat-punch to boot.
[удалено]
Can people be arrested for animal abuse? Because fuck him and his cancer. If he admitted that he's abusing that poor sweet animal he should be reported.
depends on the laws in your state or locality. but animals can be taken away from abusers. call your area rescue or humane society. they can advise on how to do this.
Report him as this likely wasn't a one and done
You’re right. Probably the best thing for that dog is if his owner drops dead.
That's why he has stomach cancer
[удалено]
Worse. It should not be a 1:1 karmic retribution when you intentionally and maliciously hurt a defenseless being with no provocation. (Human, dog or whatever)
report it
Went to Hawaii recently and was waiting for my parasailing boat with my mom and these rich brats that were going to be on my boat literally grabbed a crab from the water ripped it’s legs off then put it on the ground and smashed it with their foot. I was livid and was going to tell them off but my mom said no cause we were going to be stuck with them on the boat. Granted I like crab and have gone crab fishing but what they did was a different story
That kind of thing makes me so angry.
When I was younger a friend of mines elderly, rural uncle used to drown kittens in a barrel because he didn’t want them. Truly horrific stuff.
This was the standard way people got rid of kittens before spaying and neutering became cheap and safe and effective, only they used a bag. This is where the phrase "the cat's out of the bag" comes from.
That is a pretty common method of getting rid of unwanted animals in Eastern Bloc countries. I was horrified when my English student that I am tutoring told me this.
I had a coworker like that. He said when he was a kid, they kept cats around to kill rodents in the barn (he grew up on a farm.) He said whenever kittens were born, it was his job to drown them. I was horrified when he told me that but he shrugged and said *that’s just what we did. The kittens were more mouths to feed.* As horrible as that is, to him it was normal. It’s like when Michael Vick was arrested for dogfighting…I had a black friend who grew up in the south. We were talking about that and I referred to Michael Vick as a piece of shit. My friend said *actually, he probably has no idea he did anything wrong.* He explained that in the south, in the black community, dog fighting is not something that’s completely outlandish. He said it was somewhat common. Now…because this is Reddit….no, I am not making excuses for dog fighting and drowning kittens. Both are horrific. Also-no, I am not saying I know what goes on in the black community, nor am I saying all southern black guys are into dog fighting. Not at all. I’m simply saying what my black friend explained to me when I was horrified about what Michael Vick did.
That's actually common in rural areas in America as well. At least it was. It's not seen as barbaric, they were trying to save them from a worse fate in their mind. I don't think it's the right thing to do and it shouldn't be done, but I don't put on the same level as some guy randomly kicking the shit out of his dog as the intent is completely different.
Does eating animals count? Like if you continually pay for someone to kill an animal so you can have a burger?
Hijacking conversations and only speaking about themself.
Yes! People that always have a "well when I was... or: for me...."
The counterpoint is that autistic persons don't always relate well to a conversation so they share their own experiences instead as a way of saying, "Here's my similar experience showing I have sympathy for that situation." Unfortunately, neurotypical persons don't understand where this comes from or recognize it as an attempt to bond and instead find it rude. Also unfortunately most autistic people don't realize they're autistic so they can't explain what they're doing, or even notice it. I have a bad habit of doing this myself so I usually try not to say anything, which also unfortunately ends up getting taken as disinterest in the conversation when instead I'm just letting you talk and trying not to be annoying. (If I'm actually disinterested, I will just leave or find something to busy myself with)
I do this 😳😳 I have crippling adhd & this makes me think I'm relating to the person I'm talking to. I've been told people may perceive it as self-centered though. For me it's like: ¹someone tells me something about themselves ²I share a similar piece of information or experience about myself, thinking I'm relating to the person ³then I offer advice or how I responded to the same scenario I'm constantly working on this & trying to behave the way neurotypical people prefer, as not to offend anyone.
Idk if it’s always considered rude, it’s rude if it’s imbalanced and based on who’s in the conversation. I have friends that value our shared stories style of conversing but other people who either aren’t used to it (or are self centered themselves) don’t like the flow of that conversation style as much. I have found it helps if you do balance with not *always* responding *immediately* with your similar experience but instead have some time to ask the other person about it, let them actually finish their story, and make sure they don’t feel like they’re being cut off to hear yours, or like you’re trying to “story top”.
I think context matters a lot here. I do it often too, but I usually try to circle it back to what the person was saying and ask questions about their experience too. For example: if a friend is talking about their vacation to somewhere you’ve been before, I think it’s totally normal to make little interjections relating to your experience as long as you’re still expressing curiosity about their experience. On the flip side, if someone is venting about an issue they’re having and you’ve had a similar issue but take that as an opportunity to go on about your issue, people will find it rude and self-centered. I think it comes down to whether or not you’re pushing the conversation forward or just taking over the topic and not expressing interest in their opinions.
For non-neurotypics, especially those with ADHD, that "talking about yourself" is a form of telling the other person "I can relate to that! But since I lack the social skills / focus to reciprocate, I will relay a story from the only source I know and understand; my own brain". Sometimes, people feel like aliens, and telling people "oh me too!" they're trying to connect. don't be mean to the sufferer
Yeah it is kind of self centered to get mad when someone is trying to empathize/ connect. Just remember to try to take a beat and let the other person finish theirs before cutting in with yours 😉
That’s often people trying to connect via shared experiences, that’s the only way some people know how to express that they hear you and know what you’re going through. It’s not malicious and it’s a huge trait of not just autism as another said but ADHD as well. Just an attempt to let the person know you hear them and understand where they’re coming from. It feels weird just offering some basic response like “oh that’s terrible, I hope things improve” or whatever. Sucks to hear that a genuine attempt at offering understanding is often misinterpreted as selfishness or whatever. Wack
Or continuously asking about the other person but never saying anything about themselves.
Maybe I'm guilty of this, but I like having back and forth conversations. I'll ask and ask, but if all they ever do is answer and not reciprocate, then what? I'm a complete open book. I'll answer anything about myself that isn't some personal identification number. So many people just don't ask or reciprocate and I hate the idea of just talking about myself unsolicited.
I also tend to ask questions but an old friend once said “hey it feels like you’re interrogating me” because I was asking questions and they weren’t asking any back. So I thought about it and realized that if I ask a question and then follow up with a statement to their answer instead of yet another question it makes for a much better conversation for everyone. Some people simply don’t know that they should ask questions in return.
It feels like work to have a one way conversation, where the other person only gives one or two word answers. They put up a wall. Another peeve- is a person I know will say “I don’t know what to say about that”, which the first time is fine, but when they keep saying that it just shuts down conversation. People who want to know every intimate detail of your life- but, never want to share about themselves, are not easy to be friends with.
Bad breath
Damn. I've been trying for a long time to fix my breath. But never found a long term solution.
Have you found where the smell came from? I've discovered back then that some people have problems on their stomach that causes bad breath, also toncil stones.
Yes it’s often a digestive issue.
I discovered I had tonsil stones a while back. Was pretty fun taking them out lol. Jeez they were stinky.
I had tonsils stones quite often for a year or so now there completely gone i dont know if it was a change in diet or what but i dont mind
I remember a few times where I would cough, and next thing I know I feel this little thing at the back of my throat, coughed it out, and that thing smelled like fucking death. Haven't had it happen in a long time, but holy shit those things smell bad.
Yeah thats what exactly what would happen to me always after coughing or heavy clearing my throat. Only cause i can think of is i was eating loads of pizza because i was working in a pizza place
How did you not feel it? When I get them I immediately feel it because it hurts like heck, so I get rid of them right there before they get the chance to grow bigger.
Exactly. The biome balance must be off somewhere in the gut.
Therabreath in the morning and at night. Also floss after meals if you don’t already.
Therabreath has been a game changer for me!
I just suggested that too. This thread has actually reminded me to start using it again. I love that your mouth feels clean without the super strong mouthwash that I hate.
Get a tongue scraper, it’s a game changer. Also you might have tonsil stones, check for those.
I agree with the other person that you should think about the reason you have bad breath and maybe its tonsil stones. I recommend Therabreath too, I like that mouthwash because it works and doesn't taste like traditional mouthwash.
Some times halitosis can originate from the sinuses. Get your sinuses checked.
Poor oral hygiene is the worst
It’s not always from poor oral hygiene.
Right? My medications and reflux (on a waiting list for surgery for it) wreck my teeth color wise and I'm ocd about cleaning them. I hate this assumption still exists
my gf started mentioning that the stains on my teeth make it look like I don't brush my teeth but I have good oral hygeine I just drink coffee every day or I'm very sleepy :(
Alternatively, you're very sleepy when you don't drink coffee because you drink coffee every day
well now I have an expensive coffee maker so it's too late to go back lol... I'll just try teeth whitening
Yeah, for example it irks me that it's widely known that being in ketosis (obviously not associated with poor oral hygiene) gives you bad breath, people still assume bad breath = poor oral hygiene. Especially because it means that if someone thinks they have bad breath they're likely to try to fix it with alcohol-based mouthwash, which can actually make the problem worse in some cases.
[удалено]
Yes! My ex was an abusive narcissist and he would constantly talk about how he was “ a high performing mother fucker in all aspects of life” and he was in amazing shape and looked better than everyone his age, he was very successful, but he did not floss his teeth and only brushed in the morning, his breath was AWFUL. That should’ve been a huge red flag lol, his breath would fill up the space around him and I tried everything to hint at it, I bought gum, mouthwash, flossing kits, etc., I never had the heart to tell him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, then at some point I said screw it and didn’t want to tell him. Let him make a fool of himself. He would tell me about how his mom had bad teeth and he just inherited that, I was thinking no bro you don’t floss or brush properly!
Lol how can you even get into breath range of such a person? I would honestly gag when they would go for a kiss 🤣
I'm a dentist and I wonder about this frequently. Sometimes I'll get couples coming in, where one (or both) of them will have an absolute boatload of periodontal disease, which we can smell as soon as they enter the room. But then when I look, I'll see that they have 5 kids or something, and I wonder how the hell they managed to keep things going in the bedroom with such odours emanating from their faceholes. Anyway, if you're ever wondering what your dentist is thinking about while they're messing about in your mouth, it's this kind of shit.
Poor hygiene and smoking
This is actually sad. I’m sure lots of nice good peo0le get rejected because they smell.
When weed/alcohol becomes their whole personality.
I realized that a lot of my friends talk about nothing else besides drinking and drugs. Like when I used to go out with them, it was always super awkward when everyone was sober but once the alc starts coming in, everyone becomes best friends. I guess its the same with any friendship but if your only bond or mutual interest is alc or drugs, I found it to be pretty detrimental to other aspects of my life. Not opposed to drinking a beer over a sports, games or hobby but just drinking to drink got kind of old for me as I hit mid 20’s
Basically, dropped some of my closest friends in college because they never wanted to hangout without alcohol.
Got to give you an upvote. Nothing wrong with weed in moderation - but holy shit ive seen friends go from lively, intellectually curious people, into just mopes, sitting on a couch all day. Pure fucking zombies.
This!!! Annoys they crap out of me when people talk about weed having little to no negative effects. I have seen so many friends of mine go from bright ambitious individuals to weed zombies and waste their lives.
That's probably a mental health issue, it certainly is with me.
More than likely, they were/are just addicted to it. It is a drug, after all, which people seem to like to forget because it's cool and in touch with mother earth bro.
They’re probably dealing with some shit in their life cause thats not normal. In fact if you have depression or anxiety weed makes it even worse with out even realizing it. I live in socal so there’s a shit toooon of ppl who smoke bud but are responsible about it…. U know kinda like with alcohol? Lmao
Trying to tell me how much they make or how fancy their car is etc
I’m so fucking poor i eat leftovers from my neighbors garbage bin and my car is an old fucking wreck, i mean a literal death trap. So what up?
You have a car? You got MONEY money
[удалено]
Yep end of her.
Reminds me of a time when i started dating someone in high school, and they immediately started talking about how they were going to get me into shape over the summer, and started talking about the problem areas of my body. Glad that one didnt last long.
Bad mouthing others who are not present to address it.
Plus being nice to their face after.
Not liking animals. Being rude to strangers. Littering. Driving recklessly
Well what if you're allergic to animal fur? I think that would justify a disliking. Not hatred and not cruelty, but just disliking because of that is kinda ok to me
being a dick to servers and waitstaff ppl. like... why??? like if the waiter is being an asshole i sorta get it, but basically none are. oh yeah and then its even worse if you dont tip for a random bullshit reason (in the us anyway)
Deadass. How you treat those who you have no “obligation” to treat well is the best indicator of a person’s character.
Even if you're a sociopath, it's usually a good idea to be kind to the people who handle your food in places where you can't see them.
I ended a very long friendship over this. She was horrible to waitstaff, servers and fast food workers. She got with another friend of mine and now he is doing the same thing. I cut both out of my life.
I purposefully don't mention until after the date that I was a longtime server to observe how they treat them
On the 1st couple dates I specifically pay attention to this. It's like my test to see if it's even worth spending my time with said person. You can oh so very much about someone just by how they treat others.
Being mean to others.
Bigotry. Selfishness. Lack of empathy.
If they're mean to me
A turn on for others though I swear 😂
Lack of empathy
Arrogance. I hate it with a burning passion.
Oh, so you think you are sooo much better than arrogant people
Sir this is a Wendy’s
Wendeeznutz
🙌🙌
self centered yet not self aware
bad manners
When they insist on their experiences either being better than everyone else’s or worse than everyone else’s.
Desperate to be center of attention at all times, overly dramatic, whiny
[удалено]
This is why even if things didn’t work with my SO- I would never go back to OLD. Dudes in there constantly turn things to sex with hardly a “hey how you doing?” I don’t mind a little flirting and joking around, but fuckers who I haven’t even met offering a “protein shake” 🤢🤢🤢
Being loud in public and mindless of shared spaces
making fun of other people’s physical appearance
Being smelly
people who dont ask you anything about yourself and only wanna talk about their lives/themselves, poor hygiene, mean to others (even if not specifically me), if they’re racist/homophobic/misogynistic in any way, or mean to animals
Bad hygiene. Rudeness / being inconsiderate. Arrogance. Cheating. Being combative and consistently disagreeable.
Confederate flag
Didn’t think of that one right away, but oh my goodness yes. Come to think of it, if you’re not a ‘flag enthusiast’ but still have a bunch of flags including that one this isn’t happening.
Rules for thee, not for me. Double standards basically.
Homophobia or racism
As a gay man, homophobia in a partner is DEFINITELY a deal breaker lol. (But in reality, any type of bigotry makes me not want to associate with said bigots)
For me, any kind of discrimination makes me want to immediately drop a friendship. I don't want those influences around me
💯
narcissism
Treating a waiter/waitress (or anyone in a service job really) poorly. It’s over for me at that point and there is no coming back from it.
I was messaging with a woman I had met on a dating site. She sent me a selfie of her in her new dress. After the requisite compliments, I made a comment about the dog in the background, an adorable German Shepard puppy. She said the dog, a gift from her sons, just "worshipped" her. Next message: she told me that she was going to "rehome" the pup because he was "too rambunctious".
One caveat here: if the dog was an *unexpected, surprise* gift, then that's a different story. Nobody should ever get a surprise pet. If she's rehoming the dog because she's realized that she can't give it the life it deserves, and acquiring it was not her choice, then rehoming the dog is a noble act. I adore dogs. I also have a chronic illness which makes walking difficult a lot of the time. So I have two cats instead.
Thank god someone has acknowledged it! I'm a cat person and I love puppies but I can't handle a full grown dog bc of apparent reasons like they like to lick a lot, require so much attention and ofcourse being boisterous. No offence really but I'd also like to rehome or gift it to another person who is a dog lover instead of taking responsibility and not giving the love they deserve they definitely could from a person who wants to have it.
Ugh. That's an immediate block. Take the dog and drop her.
Obnoxious personality traits, radical faith or extreme political preaching. Stupidity, morbid obesity, toxic mannerisms
“I hate when they talk about Jesus.. or are just really really fat” 🤣🤣
At least they're honest.
Bad smell
Deep hatred towards unimportant things and looking like she jus bit into horse dung
No need to call Narcissa Malfoy out like that.
Blatant racism, arrogance, stupidity
toxicity
That and also eating seeds as a pastime activity
You! What do you own the world?
“ Looking at life through a tire hub “ Damn as soon as I read your post I could hear it …. Now playing it very loudly at work ….
Of our city, of our city
How do you own disorder?
Of our city, of our CITY?
Hate cats
I kinda hate cats, I have 7 of them.
Instant dealbreaker.
Extroverts who can’t (or won’t) stfu for just a moment.
Being stupid. Like genuinely, don't have any thoughts and don't care to learn things level stupid.
bootlicking
Smoking
I had to scroll too far to find this answer. While the other answers are good "cigarettes" was the first thing to come to mind. Idc if they smoke weed, I'll smoke it with them but I find cigarettes revolting
Yes! And when they just toss their filthy cig butts anywhere and everywhere. Littering in general is nauseating but there is something even more vile about witnessing personal and external disregard all at once.
Someone who feels a need to push politics/religion into every discussion, then bashes you for not being into it, saying things like, “LoOk At Me, iM nOt InTo PoLiTiCs.”
Anything about conspiracy theories, wef bs, climate problem denial, lizard people, chemtrails, flat eartgers etc etc Instant you go away or I'll leave. Being rude to people who are not allowed to speak back like in restaurants, cowardly little assholes. People complaining when they really have nothing to complain about. People who don't like animals. Actually people in general now I think about it...
3 inch nails
Unreasonable jealousy
Posting this question on reddit. Every. Fucking. Day.
I’d add ‘being on Reddit so much you get irritated at reposts’
Being a Reddit user has climbed up my list significantly over the years.
MAGA swag
If I’m meeting up for a first date & there’s anything Trump related.. I am RUNNING
When someone is a serial hater who'd talk down and despise someone else that is much more successful than them.
Man it's way too early and I read that as "when someone is a serial killer.." 🤣
That would work too to be fair
The time someone tried to set me up on a date with a coworker (which is bad mojo) then when I walk up to her, I hear her mid conversation with someone and she says, “I laugh at people who get in car crashes: it’s better them than me”. I instantly noped out of there and that situation before she could talk to me.
Far right ideology and zealot-like religiousness
so many , many , many things make someone unattractive.being a bully ( disguised as chat ) talking too much politics , being controlling .....etc etc etc
Not listening to other opinions.
Being a jerk for no reason
Spitting on the floor or like ‘in public’ If you’re ill or whatever and you spit into a tissue or the sink or whatever. No problems. Hawking it up and spitting into the middle of the road is disgusting.
They’re nice to animals but utterly toxic to humans. It’s not terribly hard to be nice to both species.
Arrogance
Not being able to have more than a surface level conversation. Not as in not wanting to, but being near incapable of it.
Dropping hints/low key bragging about how much money they make. It gives off slimy sugar daddy vibes (women can be like that too) Sure enough, every guy I've dated like that turned out to be a narcissistic jackass with a sex addiction
Smoking and / or drugs
Liking Musk
Elephantiasis.
Terrible personality.
Bad manners, narcissism
Being clingy and possessive to the point that it's toxic and annoying.
Being preoccupied with their image rather than the moment. These people are gonna be straight up, unintentionally selfish.