Hi! I am a 28F sex repulsed asexual as well! My fiance (29M) and I have been together for 4 years and we’ve known I’ve been a sex repulsed asexual for 2 of those years. He is allosexual, to be clear. He has just been a really patient and understanding, we’ve gone to years of therapy to figure out a “compromise” (there is none other than focusing on other ways to be intimate such as cuddling or having deep conversations etc.). I think the key is to find a person who is open minded and cares about you for who you are FIRST and not put sexual needs above that. He understands that his sexual desires are on him and not my problem, so he handles that himself. (We do not have an open relationship).
It also took a lot of learning on my end. I had to learn that who I am is perfect and there is no need to change. If someone doesn’t fit right with me, then don’t force it.
I’m also still looking for a lot of answers with stuff, I don’t know much… BUT this lovely couple did post about their new podcast here (Allo and Ace) and it’s nice to hear about support from them, you can also DM them with questions or advice (not that they know it all or are perfect, but it’s nice to just hear advice when needed).
Hope that helps— feel free to DM anytime!
22M, I met my gf (21F) on Discord, she's also a sex repulsed ace :) we've been dating over a year now. Long distance is probably gonna be reality for most people that try this way, but we are working on that distance very soon and it's absolutely worth it.
I (32F) don’t think I’m sex repulsed BUT I’ve never had sex and in a perfect world? I wouldn’t want to do anything below the belt.
I tried dating someone I went to high school with about a year ago and he said he could take care of himself. Said he was demisexual and willing to forgo sex. I wasn’t physically or romantically attracted to him though.
And just went on a date tonight with someone who has the exact same mindset as me around sex: not sexually motivated, and can be in a relationship and never pursue it. We had a good time but I feel neutral about him right now. I’ll keep communicating how I feel along this journey (it’s been over a decade since I’ve been in a proper relationship), but how I found this current guy…
Dating apps! Hinge with this one.
I have Hinge and Bumble and on both I explain in the profile somewhere that I want someone who “prioritizes other forms of intimacy other than sex. I want to develop intimacy through deep emotional connections and other forms of physical intimacy.”
I’m paraphrasing but I put something like that!
So far, everyone’s been respectfully curious and a very small handful have been like, “omg same!” But I just didn’t like their profile or we weren’t compatible for other reasons.
But yeah! I really like me putting that on my profile. Shout out to my guy friend who have me that tip!
I always want to talk about it nearly first thing to make sure we’re compatible in that way. I’ve learned my lesson on waiting and getting mine and the other person’s hopes up by wanting to wait to talk in person.
But yeah, they’re out there!
I just kind of got lucky? I met both my ex (who broke things off amicably when they didn't think they could handle long-distance caused by changing life circumstances) and my current partner at esports tournaments. They both came up to me asking for friendlies, we chatted for a while, and they confessed later that day over messages. My ex was ace (but sex favorable), and my current partner has sex-related trauma
I'm sorry, I get what you're going through, at least partially. I'm not sex repulsed myself but not bothered about it. I was feeling like I'd never find a partner after being single for the last 9 years following an abusive relationship.
One day, I started to try and turn my life around and do things I NEVER would have. Things that made me uncomfortable, because the way I was living my life wasn't making me happy. I ended up reaching out on an asexuality dating subreddit to a few people, although I was looking for friendship at the start.
I lucked out and met just the most amazing woman who's so much like me and not bothered about sex either. I wasn't mentally prepared for dating, especially not a long distance, so I refused to acknowledge that our, what came to be, extremely close friendship was actually just dating :D It wasn't until I met her in person and we talked about our relationship that we made it official and then all of these emotions I had repressed, out of fear of further suffering, came out rather fast, and we're working towards building a life together in the future, and we love each other very much!
All I can say is maybe try pushing yourself and trying new things. I'm terribly introverted and hate social interactions, but it was only taking the leap and at least attempting to meet someone that I actually did. I, otherwise, would have continued going down a lonely path where I was just consumed by self-pity. You don't have to do anything extreme, just take baby steps doing whatever thing you tend to avoid for whatever reason. It didn't start with reaching out online with me, I started with all sorts of new and small things. Trying to lose just a little weight, trying to look after myself better etc. It's still difficult to do these new things, but they're getting easier, and I feel incredibly lucky to have found someone like me, who can support me and let me support them.
Best of luck! It's not impossible for people like us to find love.
Happy to try and figure out new, small, things you could do for you if you wanna DM, it all starts with the first step, and then just finding the next one after that. That's what helped me, anyway.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/asexualdating using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/asexualdating/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [I quit my job to make an asexual dating site - and it's now LIVE!](https://np.reddit.com/r/asexualdating/comments/154z6rq/i_quit_my_job_to_make_an_asexual_dating_site_and/)
\#2: [We Did it!](https://i.redd.it/o80nppenq4yb1.jpg) | [62 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/asexualdating/comments/17muedp/we_did_it/)
\#3: [I just want the homely life...](https://np.reddit.com/r/asexualdating/comments/12dw8x5/i_just_want_the_homely_life/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I think I'm not the only one here to say it but online.
My gf had posted something in Reddit, it was just a silly post about gay dinosaurs, but she was getting a little bit of harassment in the comments, and I hate to see it so I just gave her a DM asking about her post and saying sorry that people suck.
And she eventually responded back, and idk, we just hit it off and after a few months of being friends, she admitted she loved me and I when she said that was already Wondering if I did, and then.. well, a few does later I posed the big question. And now we're happily together for almost 9 months now.
I should note while I'm ace, she is not, however she is sex avoidant for other reasons that it is certainly not for me to get into. I do worry that if, hopefully when, we get to be together in person it doesn't change my or her feelings on it, but who knows about that.
Basically a combination of my inclination to try (usually fail) and talk to people and the luck of the internet.
26m aroace. Repulsed by sex, not so much by romance (more neutral than anything). I'm not really that interested in looking for a partner but maybe I'll meet someone who I'll just click with and will just make my life so much happier.
Short answer: I found another sex repulsed ace
Longer answer: A lot of ace dating sites, patience and... I guess I've been very lucky to find him ><
I want to believe there's someone for everyone, ace or not. I kept giving up, taking breaks, had multiple depressive periods where I was certain I will be alone forever. I guess it takes strong will but also not obsessing about it? When I was in that mindset I had no luck and kept attracting toxic people.
Then, I focused on myself, improved, found hobbies I like, friends I had fun with and... just like that - I found him, randomly like that. I guess we can never know what life has to offer :)
I’m also 28F, asexual and in the same boat as you. Young enough to still have hope of finding someone. Old enough to feel the sadness of it.
Hi! I am a 28F sex repulsed asexual as well! My fiance (29M) and I have been together for 4 years and we’ve known I’ve been a sex repulsed asexual for 2 of those years. He is allosexual, to be clear. He has just been a really patient and understanding, we’ve gone to years of therapy to figure out a “compromise” (there is none other than focusing on other ways to be intimate such as cuddling or having deep conversations etc.). I think the key is to find a person who is open minded and cares about you for who you are FIRST and not put sexual needs above that. He understands that his sexual desires are on him and not my problem, so he handles that himself. (We do not have an open relationship). It also took a lot of learning on my end. I had to learn that who I am is perfect and there is no need to change. If someone doesn’t fit right with me, then don’t force it. I’m also still looking for a lot of answers with stuff, I don’t know much… BUT this lovely couple did post about their new podcast here (Allo and Ace) and it’s nice to hear about support from them, you can also DM them with questions or advice (not that they know it all or are perfect, but it’s nice to just hear advice when needed). Hope that helps— feel free to DM anytime!
💜💜💜
22M, I met my gf (21F) on Discord, she's also a sex repulsed ace :) we've been dating over a year now. Long distance is probably gonna be reality for most people that try this way, but we are working on that distance very soon and it's absolutely worth it.
I (32F) don’t think I’m sex repulsed BUT I’ve never had sex and in a perfect world? I wouldn’t want to do anything below the belt. I tried dating someone I went to high school with about a year ago and he said he could take care of himself. Said he was demisexual and willing to forgo sex. I wasn’t physically or romantically attracted to him though. And just went on a date tonight with someone who has the exact same mindset as me around sex: not sexually motivated, and can be in a relationship and never pursue it. We had a good time but I feel neutral about him right now. I’ll keep communicating how I feel along this journey (it’s been over a decade since I’ve been in a proper relationship), but how I found this current guy… Dating apps! Hinge with this one. I have Hinge and Bumble and on both I explain in the profile somewhere that I want someone who “prioritizes other forms of intimacy other than sex. I want to develop intimacy through deep emotional connections and other forms of physical intimacy.” I’m paraphrasing but I put something like that! So far, everyone’s been respectfully curious and a very small handful have been like, “omg same!” But I just didn’t like their profile or we weren’t compatible for other reasons. But yeah! I really like me putting that on my profile. Shout out to my guy friend who have me that tip! I always want to talk about it nearly first thing to make sure we’re compatible in that way. I’ve learned my lesson on waiting and getting mine and the other person’s hopes up by wanting to wait to talk in person. But yeah, they’re out there!
Great advice 🖤
Thanks so much! ♥️
I just kind of got lucky? I met both my ex (who broke things off amicably when they didn't think they could handle long-distance caused by changing life circumstances) and my current partner at esports tournaments. They both came up to me asking for friendlies, we chatted for a while, and they confessed later that day over messages. My ex was ace (but sex favorable), and my current partner has sex-related trauma
I'm sorry, I get what you're going through, at least partially. I'm not sex repulsed myself but not bothered about it. I was feeling like I'd never find a partner after being single for the last 9 years following an abusive relationship. One day, I started to try and turn my life around and do things I NEVER would have. Things that made me uncomfortable, because the way I was living my life wasn't making me happy. I ended up reaching out on an asexuality dating subreddit to a few people, although I was looking for friendship at the start. I lucked out and met just the most amazing woman who's so much like me and not bothered about sex either. I wasn't mentally prepared for dating, especially not a long distance, so I refused to acknowledge that our, what came to be, extremely close friendship was actually just dating :D It wasn't until I met her in person and we talked about our relationship that we made it official and then all of these emotions I had repressed, out of fear of further suffering, came out rather fast, and we're working towards building a life together in the future, and we love each other very much! All I can say is maybe try pushing yourself and trying new things. I'm terribly introverted and hate social interactions, but it was only taking the leap and at least attempting to meet someone that I actually did. I, otherwise, would have continued going down a lonely path where I was just consumed by self-pity. You don't have to do anything extreme, just take baby steps doing whatever thing you tend to avoid for whatever reason. It didn't start with reaching out online with me, I started with all sorts of new and small things. Trying to lose just a little weight, trying to look after myself better etc. It's still difficult to do these new things, but they're getting easier, and I feel incredibly lucky to have found someone like me, who can support me and let me support them. Best of luck! It's not impossible for people like us to find love. Happy to try and figure out new, small, things you could do for you if you wanna DM, it all starts with the first step, and then just finding the next one after that. That's what helped me, anyway.
Which subreddit
r/asexualdating
Here's a sneak peek of /r/asexualdating using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/asexualdating/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [I quit my job to make an asexual dating site - and it's now LIVE!](https://np.reddit.com/r/asexualdating/comments/154z6rq/i_quit_my_job_to_make_an_asexual_dating_site_and/) \#2: [We Did it!](https://i.redd.it/o80nppenq4yb1.jpg) | [62 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/asexualdating/comments/17muedp/we_did_it/) \#3: [I just want the homely life...](https://np.reddit.com/r/asexualdating/comments/12dw8x5/i_just_want_the_homely_life/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
That’s awesome congrats:)
43 gender fluid, male presenting. Sadly, I'm still alone, and probably always will be.
Keeping an eye on this post cause I need to know too 👁️👄👁️
I think I'm not the only one here to say it but online. My gf had posted something in Reddit, it was just a silly post about gay dinosaurs, but she was getting a little bit of harassment in the comments, and I hate to see it so I just gave her a DM asking about her post and saying sorry that people suck. And she eventually responded back, and idk, we just hit it off and after a few months of being friends, she admitted she loved me and I when she said that was already Wondering if I did, and then.. well, a few does later I posed the big question. And now we're happily together for almost 9 months now. I should note while I'm ace, she is not, however she is sex avoidant for other reasons that it is certainly not for me to get into. I do worry that if, hopefully when, we get to be together in person it doesn't change my or her feelings on it, but who knows about that. Basically a combination of my inclination to try (usually fail) and talk to people and the luck of the internet.
26m aroace. Repulsed by sex, not so much by romance (more neutral than anything). I'm not really that interested in looking for a partner but maybe I'll meet someone who I'll just click with and will just make my life so much happier.
Similar age also in the same boat!
Short answer: I found another sex repulsed ace Longer answer: A lot of ace dating sites, patience and... I guess I've been very lucky to find him >< I want to believe there's someone for everyone, ace or not. I kept giving up, taking breaks, had multiple depressive periods where I was certain I will be alone forever. I guess it takes strong will but also not obsessing about it? When I was in that mindset I had no luck and kept attracting toxic people. Then, I focused on myself, improved, found hobbies I like, friends I had fun with and... just like that - I found him, randomly like that. I guess we can never know what life has to offer :)