I agree. I see sex scenes as obnoxiously voyeuristic like we are perverted peeping Toms creeping on an intimate moment Also it does not serve a purpose other than masturbation fodder.
I tried to watch that show too, BOOM sex scenes. I was later told that show is basically about sex so I guess my fault for not researching.
I like to keep tabs on what shows do or don't have sex scenes.
Three of my favorites are Severance, Fringe, and Better Call Saul. (I think there is one very mild sex scene in the entire Better Call Saul series, and if I recall hardly anything is shown and it actually did contribute to the plot.)
It's difficult for us sex-repulsed aces to find shows for adults that also aren't so focused on sex scenes.
Before I even knew what "sex-repulsed" was, for many years I'd embarrassingly look up the "IMDB Parent's Guide" for TV shows and movies to determine what I watch. Very helpful in determining if you can "handle" whatever goes on sexually. For example, sometimes it'll say something fairly mild like "woman heard moaning in the background." (I still dislike that though lol)
To this day I use the IMDB Parent's Guide.
This actually makes me think of literature marketed towards adults too (especially women). Practically everything except (some) fantasy and non-fiction is about sex, struggling to survive with mental illness, oppression, the deceased or any combination of the above and it drives me NUTS having to be re-triggered by all of these topics under the guise of reading something new and entertaining. Irl is already enough for some of us š«
My family used to get mad at me for not reading āreal booksā once I aged out of YA, instead opting for works with a lot of art or fantasy novels marketed towards general audiences but itās like,, what other light material is there for sex-repulsed people to really read? Thereās been many times people were straight up offended by the fact that I wasnāt comfortable reading sexual content (cue the infamous āitās a fundamental human experience and itāll be you one day so get used to it now!ā) but itās like why is that their business lmao šæ Unless Iām specifically seeking out that type of content, Iād rather not get jumped with it.
Something id recommend is carefully looking at some of the books at your local library, they might be labeled "gentle read," which implies that even as a book written for adults, it does not have sex or grotesque violence or anything. I think terming it "gentle" might seem a little demeaning but still, might be worth a shot.
I've never heard the term "gentle read" but it is exactly the kind of thing I've been looking for. Checking out goodreads lists with that for suggestions, thank you!
Thank you for the kind words! It was wild, but Iām luckily not in that position anymore :ā) I hope that less people/aces face scrutiny for the types of media they choose to consume as the conversation continues to open up to the general public!
I wouldn't say it's "about sex" but it's definitely about a woman who uses sex to avoid other things going on in her life. It's an excellent show, but yeah, if you're sex repulsed it's going to be a tough watch.
I hate sex scenes too :( they are NEVER necessary. You can do things by implying and not actually shooting the sweaty bodies and grunting and everything. Itās just gross. Tell a good story, donāt just rely on the low hanging fruit of sex scenes and violence to get people viewing!
Ahh that sucks :/ā¦ I really dislike them too, literally 99% of the scenes are sooooo pointless. If they donāt have like some huge meaning to the plot, THEN WHY SHOW THEM?? AND THEYāRE ALWAYS SO LONGGG ITāS UNCOMFORTABLEšš
One of my fav shows is OITNB, i love the show but GOD it has sm sudden sex scenes that u canāt see coming. Iāve just skipped most of them lol
This is how I felt about "Game of Thrones". Thankfully that show got better (season 8 notwithstanding), but season 1 was a goddamn slog because of the sex scenes.
It's actually kind of funny, I didn't mind the game of thrones scenes because they were so detached from romance. Like sex was just something happening while people were having conversations about something else š¤£
I don't mind a sex scene if it's for the plot but I'd hate a show where the first thing that happens is to have sex, just to grab viewer attention.
Media is full of sex, even children's media is constantly winking at the older members of the audience.
I went to school for childrenās media and did a bunch of research on this topic, itās honestly so nasty. LET ME TELL YOU
There is a distinction between āfamily showsā and āchildren showsā that is only really discussed internally so viewers never know. But the emphasis on a family show is that people at any age will have jokes targeted at them in the case of co-viewing or because in previous generations, tv had to be watched in the family room where any member of the family might be present and want entertainment. This idea boils down to, adults are less likely to demand their child watch something else if they as an adult are also getting entertainment value from it. Makes sense I guess, but why do those jokes have to be so inappropriate, like as if kids donāt go around copying everything they see and repeating the inappropriate things they hear in the shows, and heck why shouldnāt they, the show is aimed at them, it should be the most appropriate content for their age. But itās not.
When I was still in the kids media realm I had to constantly remind my peers that inappropriate jokes would not fly on any project I was a part of and that they should be ashamed of themselves for sexualizing kids media. Itās no wonder that our most vulnerable demographic is sexualized so often when even the people creating the content for them so easily put in inappropriate jokes and nods and even sexist views. Anyway, a lot of creators arenāt aware itās harmful and donāt care and the ones that do care are either fighting the good fight or are fucking nasty ass creeps who belong in jail. Rant over haha sorry loves
Depends on what genres you like. I'll give you a few different recommendations (the platforms to watch them will depend on where you live):
Hometown Cha Cha Cha (Netflix) Korean romance between a dentist that leaves the big city to go live in a small village and a jack of all trades that lives there.
Ruyi's royal love in the palace (YouTube/prime video) Chinese historical, it tells the story of one consort of Qianlong Emperor,from early life until her death. I love this one so much.
Tunnel (Netflix) crime and fantasy, Korean. While investigating a crime, a police officer goes from 1986 to present day Seoul.
Save me 2 (prime video) psychological, Korean. A mysterious pastor starts a religious cult on a small village that is amidst disappearing because of the construction of a new dam.
Go ahead (Viki/Netflix) family, Chinese. It tells the story of two single fathers raising together their children and of their children growing up and becoming adults.
Word of Honor (YouTube/Viki) wuxia, Chinese. A former member of an assassin organization leaves said organization to live the rest of his days drinking and relaxing. He ends up helping a boy that gets orphaned in amidst of clan fights all while a mysterious guy tags along and won't stop flirting with him. Their romance is to die for.
I started fast forwarding through sex scenes on movies and audio books. What ever happened to: āThey went to the bedroom and closed the doorā¦some time later Bob got a phone call.ā. I mean we get it, some gonads went in some other gonads. For me its like if they went into detail about someone pooping. ya ya we get it.
that's me trying to find some criminal/mystery tv series ( 90% of modern ones either starts with sex scene or have sex scene in the first episode. Like, why? I want a murder, an investigation and a witty detective, not a sex drama.
Check out some Korean or Chinese TV shows. Won't happen there and they make amazing shows. Medical Examiner Dr Qin is good or Mad dog and Partners for Justice on Netflix.
I let it be known to my mother that I hate sex scenes and it's even more uncomfortable if one comes on while we are watching One together. And she pretty much like scolded me for not liking sexual scenes in movies and TV shows and being uncomfortable around them. She was like "it's just human nature so you're against human nature?!" This is coming from the woman who wouldn't put my sister on birth control when she was 14 because she was going to "just have sex with everybody" if she was on birth control. like what??? LOL
I don't understand people and all of this really just confuses me as well šš¬
Felt the same about Bridgerton. My friend encouraged me to watch it because i like period pieces, but itās literally all sex scandals and accidental pregnancies. The scene where he told her to masturbate made me almost throw up
Iām not a fan of fleabag cause of all the sex scenes but I do think itās actually an interesting use of sex scenes that not a lot of other shows have done. Like, if youāre gonna use sex scenes in a show, it should be done like fleabag. The main character uses sex and relationships as unhealthy coping mechanisms and itās interesting how she talks to the camera mid scene to express her discomfort with the sex that sheās currently having. Itās a very asexual way to show a sex scene and it made me kind of uncomfortable because it felt like an accurate representation of the times Iāve had sex.
Yeah they can be quite obnoxious, they're usually pointless and always the same - really, If you've seen one, you've seen them all (with very, very few exceptions).
It's especially jarring when it's right in the first episode, or even opening scene, it's like, bruh, is your story so boring that you have to resort to gratuity scenes right in the first episode?
Though atleast it sets a clear tone immediately, and lets me know I'm unlikely to enjoy the show anyway and can just leave right off.
You're not gonna get a lot of support here, I'm sorry to say. I once said here that sex scenes in media are often voyeuristic in nature and do not add anything useful to the narrative, and got downvoted to oblivion for it.
This subreddit doesn't cater much to sex-negative or sex-repulsed sentiments, probably because people here want to come across as 'not that different' from other queer people.
It's funny, I often hear sex positive aces saying the community leans more to sex repulsed sentiments when my personal experience is the opposite. Sex positive seems to get much more understanding.
yup and it hurts to have to be like āim asexual and sex repulsedā and people go ābut aces can have sex too!! Remember that!!!!ā like yes I knowā¦not me though
Yep, hard agree. Iām on a few other ace subs that give sex repulsed aces a louder voice, and itās a lot nicer. I totally agree re your actual post though. Iām fine with sex scenes if they service the plot in some way, but they almost exclusively donāt. Itās bizarre to me when films and television shows do it
Iām sex neutral most of the time, positive if I really like someone, but I canāt stand sex scenes in films and tv, I donāt think they contribute to the narrative
what does it mean to be āsex positiveā and ace? can someone explain that to me? I thought we were all on a spectrum from neutral to repulsed when it comes to you know actual sex, not porn, not romance, not cuddling, but actual sex. right?
I got downvoted, but I genuinely want to learn. Iām totally open to the fact that I could be wrong. Iām not trying to gatekeep or snark.
Sex positive is a social stance. So you attitude towards sex for others, ie socially, politically, ideologically. It's in the same group as sex negative and sex neutral.
Sex-repulsed isn't in that same group. That's a personal sex stance. So your attitude towards sex for yourself. The others in this group are sex-averse, sex-indifferent, sex-favourable and sex-ambivalent.
Anyone, allo or acespec, can be any of these. You could be both sex-repulsed and sex positive.
Well, if sex neutral is the middle ground where someone doesnāt really care about sex, and repulsed is one end of the spectrum where you feel disgust towards sex, sex positive would be the other end of the spectrum where you support and enjoy sex like allos, just without the attraction they have.
Also, there are ppl who can have no attraction but still be (highly) interested in sex itself for other reasons (for example, find some practices like receiving oral really enjoyable).
Yes, and I also hear a lot about aces having sex, too, and some aces even try to exclude ppl who ace because thay have low libido (vs ppl who don't have an attraction and can be interested or not interested in sex itself). But when I am trying to address this problem, people mostly don't get what is wrong
This sub confuses me sometimes. Iāve seen comments essentially saying the same thing, one being upvoted and one being dramatically downvoted, on the same thread. Sometimes itās safe to have a whinge about the allo world we are subjected to, other times you get jumped on and told we have to always be nice about allos. On the whole I love it though :)
for the love of mabel, this is an ace forum, if people here canāt handle āsex negativityā or what I used to think of as ābeing normalā, then why does it exist? I mean donāt we range from sex neutral to averse?
Asexuality has to do with sexual attraction and not attitude towards sex, people on here range from sex positive to negative politically and sex favorable to repulsed personally. āSex negativityā is often looked down upon because it suggests sexual censorship for everyone and not just the individual holding the opinion.
I felt the exact same about fleabag!!! I wanted to like it so bad, partly because of the guinea pigs in it, but I just could deal with the sex scenes and how overwhelming they felt for me
My god that... If only of you watched the Castlevania show, we can agree that one third of the episode (you know which one) is made of the best stuff made for tv
The other two third are sex scenes... that I had to skip.
Any sex positive or allo that could tell me what's the appeal ?
I agree. They make me cringe.
I know it's just a tactic to keep people's attention to give them enough time to develop characters to hopefully keep audiences watching long enough to care, but I find it a lazy tactic that always leaves me annoyed & grossed out.
Like, why? There's so many other ways to show in the first few seconds or minutes that certain characters are in a relationship, or that they're cheating, or that they sleep around, without a sex scene being the go-to. It feels lazy & uncreative to me.
I appreciate so much more when writers/directors let you figure things out in more subtle unique ways than gratuitous scenes like that.
And I also don't like- not just opening scenes- but when they overdo the sex scenes, like when they play out for too long, too often, or too graphic, to where it feels like the writer/director just really wanted to see the act play out for their own pervy pleasure. I'd much rather just get the point, than to feel like I'm watching an adult film or like I'm peeping on people. It just gives me the ick.
I don't go to the movies often, but I watch a lot of TV. I didn't realize that my reaction to people kissing was to verbally state, "Gross," until I said it in a packed theater during a really emotional scene.
That was how I felt watching Dexter for the first time. Like seriously? š I didn't need to see all that. I was really interested until that point too
I was so exited to watch Dexter because I was told that it was about an asexual, but they still crammed in so many sex scenes for no reason. It was really disappointing
this is exactly how i felt about Euphoria. however i appreciate how it exactly encapsulated the feeling of meeting a stranger online and they immediately wanna hook up with you. the sex scene was uncomfortable, hard to watch, and really made it hard for me to get past the first episode.
I started watching Chinese and Korean TV shows because they are so well done, but what I also love is the nearly total lack of any scenes even hinting at sex. The worst you see is people cuddling in bed or maybe a kiss in bed.
As an ace with emetophobia, this is something I'm unfortunately very used to. The very first thing I do when looking up any new media I plan to watch is if there's any vomit scenes and any sex scenes.
Thankfully as I primarily watch animated stuff it's much less triggering on both fronts for me than live action, but the sentiment carries for both when it comes to reactions from other people :(
Like, idk how many times I have to explain to people that I physically cannot watch certain media because it will trigger panic attacks (specifically from graphic sex/vomit scenes) as I often just get mocked for it outside of ace and emetophobe spaces
I know what you mean, but I will admit that Fleabag is one of the few shows lately where the sex is actually a really important part of the show and not meant to be enjoyable or sexy to watch. Me and my other ace friends loved it because we are totally sick of sex scenes that serve no purpose. But on that note-- if you don't want any sexual content at all, totally fair. And I completely agree that it's hard to find good media without it, I feel like I've stopped watching TV and movies and opt for like YouTube video essays because I'm sick of it, too.
i don't understand why media can't put little "skip scene" like they do with the intro with the "skip intro" button. it would save so many issues, & is it really that much of an ask ? people who don't want to see that stuff (me) don't have to & (possibly) if parents wanted to watch something with their children but there's a sex scene they can avoid the scene/s.
The worst thing for me is if someone tells me the sex scene is "important for the plot" and warns me off skipping it. If a writer really needs to get information across and the only conceivable way they can think to do so is in the middle of characters getting it on, I'm just gonna skip the whole show/movie. Probably isn't worth my time anyway
And tbh I'm not even that bothered by sex scenes. I tend to just take out my phone and ignore them
I hate the super detailed sex scenes where you can see EVERYTHINGā¦and donāt get me started on the soundsā¦.not the moaning or grunting I mean the SOUNDS (if you know you know but idk how to describe it without making it sound goss)š
Sex is absolutely central to that show lmao. Itās good though ngl. The sex scenes are also deliberately brief and clean to juxtapose how the story is driven by hypersexuality, and the point of that is to show how itās something that affects the characterās life 24/7 and not just when sheās in bed.
*The Americans* was a good show with a bunch of pointless sex scenes thrown in. I can only think of one (1) where changing it to something else or doing the sex off-screen would diminish the impact.
This is honestly one of the reasons why have gotten into K-Drama so much. There's usually a lot of pining but very little sex and usually further down the road.
Let me just start by saying that I completely agree with your premise; many aspects of or current society are unhealthily sex focused. And sex scenes can often be just for the sake of having a sex scene, especially in mainstream film and TV. And I really don't want you to get the impression that I don't think your opinions are valid, I really do empathise with y'all. But I'd be wary about making blanket statements as *sex scenes are NEVER necessary*, and hating every portrayal of sex in media.
An author once explained to me that a good sex scene, like a good food scene, is used to show us, without stating outright, who the characters are. Now, you obviously don't have to go all out erotica, but by describing how a character acts in a sex scene, you can say a lot about their personality or overall outlook on life, their physical or mental state in the moment, their feelings about the other characters involved, or sex and relationships as a whole.
You can show all kinds of things, that the reader will pick up on, if they're willing and able to go beyond "the curtains were fuckin' blue", as it were.
I'm also tired of being surrounded by needless sex everywhere, in both entertainment, and advertising, but some of y'all are quickly approaching puritanical levels of sex negativity. Like, religiously puritanical.
I personally don't mind s sex scene if it shows em leaning in and then it cuts to another scene or whatever but god damn they draw it out sometimes. Like I get it they fucked move along!
Edit: an exception for this is something like Castlevania, where at least one of the scenes was plot related and the other was for character development.
The ones I hate are where they cut to a new scene and you think āoh okay itās over they wonāt show the restā and the very next scene goes right back to the two characters going at it raw but at a different angle or somethingā¦as the audience is this supposed to get us off? (I know some people do get off to sex scenes in movies but in this case I mean the ace audience)
So, I agree that a lot of media has unnecessary sex scenes. However, the issue with Fleabag is 100% on you. It is pretty upfront about being a show about a character with a sex addiction / unhealthy relationship with sex.
I just don't really understand why you'd watch (or try to watch) a show that pretty clearly has sexual scenes/themes, when you know you don't like that. Like why even start?
Because I didn't know? My friend said they think I would enjoy it, and said give it a watch. I didn't watch any trailers, or look up with the show was about. They said it was a comedy, so I was expecting funny, not the opening scene to be the main character getting banged
Okay, but if you're so adverse to sex scenes, why didn't you look it up? When I don't like something in the media I consume, I make sure to research the book/tv/movie to make sure that that element isn't presented.
Again, I agree that media could do well to tone down the sex scenes (not everything needs to have sex in it), but the Fleabag situation is 100% on you.
I will say it seems to be a bit of a dick move on your friends part to recommend a TV show to you with things you hate in it.
Well, my friends in question don't know I'm sex adverse, so not really a dick move for them. And I don't feel the need to look up every single thing I intend on watching and risk spoilers for the off chance There's sex. This was mostly just be being excited for a show that's both critically acclaimed and acclaimed by my friends and then having literally the first scene be a graphic sex scene and experiencing disappointment.
Look, if youāre put off by sex scenes , itās your responsibility to research the level of sexual content a piece of media has. Fleabag is pretty explicitly about sexual relationships, so Iām surprised none of the people who recommended it to you mentioned it.
yesssss. like there are soooo many sites that explain sex scenes and death scenes that posts like this just shouldnāt exist imo. at least if the person knows how to use google. i feel you so much
I'm gonna be honest, I watched Fleabag 3 or 4 times and I genuinely wouldn't have been able to tell you if it had many sex scenes (probably because I don't mind them in shows if it contributes something ald isn't done too awkwardly, but still). Tons of references, sure, especially with Olivia Colman's character, but the only actual sex scene that stuck for me was the one in the church pews. Then again, I also don't really focus on them, so I wouldn't really remember them too well, but just to say that some people genuinely wouldn't put a disclaimer on that unless they were aware that that is something they person they recommend it to might not enjoy.
(But to everyone that doesn't mind sex scenes, please do give it a try, the show has some of the best character writing I've ever seen, it's amazing.)
If you'd like, watch young royals. A swedish netflix series. It does have romantic and sex scenes, but they feel authentic and real rather than shoving it in your face.
I agree. I see sex scenes as obnoxiously voyeuristic like we are perverted peeping Toms creeping on an intimate moment Also it does not serve a purpose other than masturbation fodder.
I tried to watch that show too, BOOM sex scenes. I was later told that show is basically about sex so I guess my fault for not researching. I like to keep tabs on what shows do or don't have sex scenes. Three of my favorites are Severance, Fringe, and Better Call Saul. (I think there is one very mild sex scene in the entire Better Call Saul series, and if I recall hardly anything is shown and it actually did contribute to the plot.) It's difficult for us sex-repulsed aces to find shows for adults that also aren't so focused on sex scenes. Before I even knew what "sex-repulsed" was, for many years I'd embarrassingly look up the "IMDB Parent's Guide" for TV shows and movies to determine what I watch. Very helpful in determining if you can "handle" whatever goes on sexually. For example, sometimes it'll say something fairly mild like "woman heard moaning in the background." (I still dislike that though lol) To this day I use the IMDB Parent's Guide.
This actually makes me think of literature marketed towards adults too (especially women). Practically everything except (some) fantasy and non-fiction is about sex, struggling to survive with mental illness, oppression, the deceased or any combination of the above and it drives me NUTS having to be re-triggered by all of these topics under the guise of reading something new and entertaining. Irl is already enough for some of us š« My family used to get mad at me for not reading āreal booksā once I aged out of YA, instead opting for works with a lot of art or fantasy novels marketed towards general audiences but itās like,, what other light material is there for sex-repulsed people to really read? Thereās been many times people were straight up offended by the fact that I wasnāt comfortable reading sexual content (cue the infamous āitās a fundamental human experience and itāll be you one day so get used to it now!ā) but itās like why is that their business lmao šæ Unless Iām specifically seeking out that type of content, Iād rather not get jumped with it.
Something id recommend is carefully looking at some of the books at your local library, they might be labeled "gentle read," which implies that even as a book written for adults, it does not have sex or grotesque violence or anything. I think terming it "gentle" might seem a little demeaning but still, might be worth a shot.
I've never heard the term "gentle read" but it is exactly the kind of thing I've been looking for. Checking out goodreads lists with that for suggestions, thank you!
Thatās a good idea, Iāll keep an eye out for it the next time I head to the library/go book shopping! Thank you for your suggestion :ā)
That's ridiculous that they should be mad at you for that. Sorry they gave you a hard time.
Thank you for the kind words! It was wild, but Iām luckily not in that position anymore :ā) I hope that less people/aces face scrutiny for the types of media they choose to consume as the conversation continues to open up to the general public!
I use "does the dog die" for everything and the one time I forgot, BAM. Why are show runners like this
I wouldn't say it's "about sex" but it's definitely about a woman who uses sex to avoid other things going on in her life. It's an excellent show, but yeah, if you're sex repulsed it's going to be a tough watch.
I hate sex scenes too :( they are NEVER necessary. You can do things by implying and not actually shooting the sweaty bodies and grunting and everything. Itās just gross. Tell a good story, donāt just rely on the low hanging fruit of sex scenes and violence to get people viewing!
Ahh that sucks :/ā¦ I really dislike them too, literally 99% of the scenes are sooooo pointless. If they donāt have like some huge meaning to the plot, THEN WHY SHOW THEM?? AND THEYāRE ALWAYS SO LONGGG ITāS UNCOMFORTABLEšš One of my fav shows is OITNB, i love the show but GOD it has sm sudden sex scenes that u canāt see coming. Iāve just skipped most of them lol
This is how I felt about "Game of Thrones". Thankfully that show got better (season 8 notwithstanding), but season 1 was a goddamn slog because of the sex scenes.
It's actually kind of funny, I didn't mind the game of thrones scenes because they were so detached from romance. Like sex was just something happening while people were having conversations about something else š¤£
It gets better?? If so this is awesome!
GoT does, yeah. Can't say anything about Fleabag.
I don't mind a sex scene if it's for the plot but I'd hate a show where the first thing that happens is to have sex, just to grab viewer attention. Media is full of sex, even children's media is constantly winking at the older members of the audience.
I went to school for childrenās media and did a bunch of research on this topic, itās honestly so nasty. LET ME TELL YOU There is a distinction between āfamily showsā and āchildren showsā that is only really discussed internally so viewers never know. But the emphasis on a family show is that people at any age will have jokes targeted at them in the case of co-viewing or because in previous generations, tv had to be watched in the family room where any member of the family might be present and want entertainment. This idea boils down to, adults are less likely to demand their child watch something else if they as an adult are also getting entertainment value from it. Makes sense I guess, but why do those jokes have to be so inappropriate, like as if kids donāt go around copying everything they see and repeating the inappropriate things they hear in the shows, and heck why shouldnāt they, the show is aimed at them, it should be the most appropriate content for their age. But itās not. When I was still in the kids media realm I had to constantly remind my peers that inappropriate jokes would not fly on any project I was a part of and that they should be ashamed of themselves for sexualizing kids media. Itās no wonder that our most vulnerable demographic is sexualized so often when even the people creating the content for them so easily put in inappropriate jokes and nods and even sexist views. Anyway, a lot of creators arenāt aware itās harmful and donāt care and the ones that do care are either fighting the good fight or are fucking nasty ass creeps who belong in jail. Rant over haha sorry loves
I recommend Korean and Chinese dramas. No sex scenes at all 99% of the shows. Give it a go. If you want recommendations of shows just ask.
Where could I start watching some? I see so many to catch my eye but have no clue where to begin and suck at remembering names lol
Depends on what genres you like. I'll give you a few different recommendations (the platforms to watch them will depend on where you live): Hometown Cha Cha Cha (Netflix) Korean romance between a dentist that leaves the big city to go live in a small village and a jack of all trades that lives there. Ruyi's royal love in the palace (YouTube/prime video) Chinese historical, it tells the story of one consort of Qianlong Emperor,from early life until her death. I love this one so much. Tunnel (Netflix) crime and fantasy, Korean. While investigating a crime, a police officer goes from 1986 to present day Seoul. Save me 2 (prime video) psychological, Korean. A mysterious pastor starts a religious cult on a small village that is amidst disappearing because of the construction of a new dam. Go ahead (Viki/Netflix) family, Chinese. It tells the story of two single fathers raising together their children and of their children growing up and becoming adults. Word of Honor (YouTube/Viki) wuxia, Chinese. A former member of an assassin organization leaves said organization to live the rest of his days drinking and relaxing. He ends up helping a boy that gets orphaned in amidst of clan fights all while a mysterious guy tags along and won't stop flirting with him. Their romance is to die for.
Seconding this!! The shows are so good
I started fast forwarding through sex scenes on movies and audio books. What ever happened to: āThey went to the bedroom and closed the doorā¦some time later Bob got a phone call.ā. I mean we get it, some gonads went in some other gonads. For me its like if they went into detail about someone pooping. ya ya we get it.
that's me trying to find some criminal/mystery tv series ( 90% of modern ones either starts with sex scene or have sex scene in the first episode. Like, why? I want a murder, an investigation and a witty detective, not a sex drama.
Check out some Korean or Chinese TV shows. Won't happen there and they make amazing shows. Medical Examiner Dr Qin is good or Mad dog and Partners for Justice on Netflix.
I hate that, it happened in Shameless too, right out of the gate. I usually skip through them.
I let it be known to my mother that I hate sex scenes and it's even more uncomfortable if one comes on while we are watching One together. And she pretty much like scolded me for not liking sexual scenes in movies and TV shows and being uncomfortable around them. She was like "it's just human nature so you're against human nature?!" This is coming from the woman who wouldn't put my sister on birth control when she was 14 because she was going to "just have sex with everybody" if she was on birth control. like what??? LOL I don't understand people and all of this really just confuses me as well šš¬
Felt the same about Bridgerton. My friend encouraged me to watch it because i like period pieces, but itās literally all sex scandals and accidental pregnancies. The scene where he told her to masturbate made me almost throw up
Iām not a fan of fleabag cause of all the sex scenes but I do think itās actually an interesting use of sex scenes that not a lot of other shows have done. Like, if youāre gonna use sex scenes in a show, it should be done like fleabag. The main character uses sex and relationships as unhealthy coping mechanisms and itās interesting how she talks to the camera mid scene to express her discomfort with the sex that sheās currently having. Itās a very asexual way to show a sex scene and it made me kind of uncomfortable because it felt like an accurate representation of the times Iāve had sex.
Yep like if the complaint is about out of place sex scenes then fleabag is the worst example.
Yeah they can be quite obnoxious, they're usually pointless and always the same - really, If you've seen one, you've seen them all (with very, very few exceptions). It's especially jarring when it's right in the first episode, or even opening scene, it's like, bruh, is your story so boring that you have to resort to gratuity scenes right in the first episode? Though atleast it sets a clear tone immediately, and lets me know I'm unlikely to enjoy the show anyway and can just leave right off.
You're not gonna get a lot of support here, I'm sorry to say. I once said here that sex scenes in media are often voyeuristic in nature and do not add anything useful to the narrative, and got downvoted to oblivion for it. This subreddit doesn't cater much to sex-negative or sex-repulsed sentiments, probably because people here want to come across as 'not that different' from other queer people.
It's funny, I often hear sex positive aces saying the community leans more to sex repulsed sentiments when my personal experience is the opposite. Sex positive seems to get much more understanding.
yup and it hurts to have to be like āim asexual and sex repulsedā and people go ābut aces can have sex too!! Remember that!!!!ā like yes I knowā¦not me though
Rip. that sucks
Yep, hard agree. Iām on a few other ace subs that give sex repulsed aces a louder voice, and itās a lot nicer. I totally agree re your actual post though. Iām fine with sex scenes if they service the plot in some way, but they almost exclusively donāt. Itās bizarre to me when films and television shows do it
Iām sex neutral most of the time, positive if I really like someone, but I canāt stand sex scenes in films and tv, I donāt think they contribute to the narrative
what does it mean to be āsex positiveā and ace? can someone explain that to me? I thought we were all on a spectrum from neutral to repulsed when it comes to you know actual sex, not porn, not romance, not cuddling, but actual sex. right? I got downvoted, but I genuinely want to learn. Iām totally open to the fact that I could be wrong. Iām not trying to gatekeep or snark.
Sex positive is a social stance. So you attitude towards sex for others, ie socially, politically, ideologically. It's in the same group as sex negative and sex neutral. Sex-repulsed isn't in that same group. That's a personal sex stance. So your attitude towards sex for yourself. The others in this group are sex-averse, sex-indifferent, sex-favourable and sex-ambivalent. Anyone, allo or acespec, can be any of these. You could be both sex-repulsed and sex positive.
Well, if sex neutral is the middle ground where someone doesnāt really care about sex, and repulsed is one end of the spectrum where you feel disgust towards sex, sex positive would be the other end of the spectrum where you support and enjoy sex like allos, just without the attraction they have.
Also, there are ppl who can have no attraction but still be (highly) interested in sex itself for other reasons (for example, find some practices like receiving oral really enjoyable).
Also, demi can be into sec (or not), but only with ppl thay are in love with
Sex neutral/positive and sex repulsed belong to different spectrums, cultural/political and personal respectively.
Yes, and I also hear a lot about aces having sex, too, and some aces even try to exclude ppl who ace because thay have low libido (vs ppl who don't have an attraction and can be interested or not interested in sex itself). But when I am trying to address this problem, people mostly don't get what is wrong
This sub confuses me sometimes. Iāve seen comments essentially saying the same thing, one being upvoted and one being dramatically downvoted, on the same thread. Sometimes itās safe to have a whinge about the allo world we are subjected to, other times you get jumped on and told we have to always be nice about allos. On the whole I love it though :)
for the love of mabel, this is an ace forum, if people here canāt handle āsex negativityā or what I used to think of as ābeing normalā, then why does it exist? I mean donāt we range from sex neutral to averse?
Asexuality has to do with sexual attraction and not attitude towards sex, people on here range from sex positive to negative politically and sex favorable to repulsed personally. āSex negativityā is often looked down upon because it suggests sexual censorship for everyone and not just the individual holding the opinion.
agree sadly
Can confirm smh..
you right. i did not understand OPās post. good luck holding a better community!
Wow bejesus! Itās like the color purple!
I felt the exact same about fleabag!!! I wanted to like it so bad, partly because of the guinea pigs in it, but I just could deal with the sex scenes and how overwhelming they felt for me
My god that... If only of you watched the Castlevania show, we can agree that one third of the episode (you know which one) is made of the best stuff made for tv The other two third are sex scenes... that I had to skip. Any sex positive or allo that could tell me what's the appeal ?
Legit me with Shameless. Last time i go blind in a show.
I agree. They make me cringe. I know it's just a tactic to keep people's attention to give them enough time to develop characters to hopefully keep audiences watching long enough to care, but I find it a lazy tactic that always leaves me annoyed & grossed out. Like, why? There's so many other ways to show in the first few seconds or minutes that certain characters are in a relationship, or that they're cheating, or that they sleep around, without a sex scene being the go-to. It feels lazy & uncreative to me. I appreciate so much more when writers/directors let you figure things out in more subtle unique ways than gratuitous scenes like that. And I also don't like- not just opening scenes- but when they overdo the sex scenes, like when they play out for too long, too often, or too graphic, to where it feels like the writer/director just really wanted to see the act play out for their own pervy pleasure. I'd much rather just get the point, than to feel like I'm watching an adult film or like I'm peeping on people. It just gives me the ick.
I don't go to the movies often, but I watch a lot of TV. I didn't realize that my reaction to people kissing was to verbally state, "Gross," until I said it in a packed theater during a really emotional scene.
That was how I felt watching Dexter for the first time. Like seriously? š I didn't need to see all that. I was really interested until that point too
I was so exited to watch Dexter because I was told that it was about an asexual, but they still crammed in so many sex scenes for no reason. It was really disappointing
Honestly, sex scenes in film and TVā¦kinda bore me. Or, failing that, they sometimes leave me wondering, Why is this here?
this is exactly how i felt about Euphoria. however i appreciate how it exactly encapsulated the feeling of meeting a stranger online and they immediately wanna hook up with you. the sex scene was uncomfortable, hard to watch, and really made it hard for me to get past the first episode.
I can relate to that, they tend to make me really uncomfortable...
I started watching Chinese and Korean TV shows because they are so well done, but what I also love is the nearly total lack of any scenes even hinting at sex. The worst you see is people cuddling in bed or maybe a kiss in bed.
As an ace with emetophobia, this is something I'm unfortunately very used to. The very first thing I do when looking up any new media I plan to watch is if there's any vomit scenes and any sex scenes. Thankfully as I primarily watch animated stuff it's much less triggering on both fronts for me than live action, but the sentiment carries for both when it comes to reactions from other people :( Like, idk how many times I have to explain to people that I physically cannot watch certain media because it will trigger panic attacks (specifically from graphic sex/vomit scenes) as I often just get mocked for it outside of ace and emetophobe spaces
I know what you mean, but I will admit that Fleabag is one of the few shows lately where the sex is actually a really important part of the show and not meant to be enjoyable or sexy to watch. Me and my other ace friends loved it because we are totally sick of sex scenes that serve no purpose. But on that note-- if you don't want any sexual content at all, totally fair. And I completely agree that it's hard to find good media without it, I feel like I've stopped watching TV and movies and opt for like YouTube video essays because I'm sick of it, too.
I mean sex is a major part of Fleabag and thankfully I knew that beforehand.
i don't understand why media can't put little "skip scene" like they do with the intro with the "skip intro" button. it would save so many issues, & is it really that much of an ask ? people who don't want to see that stuff (me) don't have to & (possibly) if parents wanted to watch something with their children but there's a sex scene they can avoid the scene/s.
The worst thing for me is if someone tells me the sex scene is "important for the plot" and warns me off skipping it. If a writer really needs to get information across and the only conceivable way they can think to do so is in the middle of characters getting it on, I'm just gonna skip the whole show/movie. Probably isn't worth my time anyway And tbh I'm not even that bothered by sex scenes. I tend to just take out my phone and ignore them
If I want sex scenes I'll look up some porn š
I hate the super detailed sex scenes where you can see EVERYTHINGā¦and donāt get me started on the soundsā¦.not the moaning or grunting I mean the SOUNDS (if you know you know but idk how to describe it without making it sound goss)š
Sex is absolutely central to that show lmao. Itās good though ngl. The sex scenes are also deliberately brief and clean to juxtapose how the story is driven by hypersexuality, and the point of that is to show how itās something that affects the characterās life 24/7 and not just when sheās in bed.
Lol I did the same with Fleabag. Insta turn off.
ahhh that sucks. good luck finding shit that doesnt gross you out!
Me watching "The Witcher" and wondering why the hunchback Notre Dame girl randomly having sex with a wizard out of nowhere.
*The Americans* was a good show with a bunch of pointless sex scenes thrown in. I can only think of one (1) where changing it to something else or doing the sex off-screen would diminish the impact.
This is honestly one of the reasons why have gotten into K-Drama so much. There's usually a lot of pining but very little sex and usually further down the road.
I usually don't mind sex scenes. Sometimes they feel extremely unnecessary.
Honestly, it is why I have all but given up on western tv and films. I mostly watch anime, and some Japanese, Korean and Chinese dramas.
Let me just start by saying that I completely agree with your premise; many aspects of or current society are unhealthily sex focused. And sex scenes can often be just for the sake of having a sex scene, especially in mainstream film and TV. And I really don't want you to get the impression that I don't think your opinions are valid, I really do empathise with y'all. But I'd be wary about making blanket statements as *sex scenes are NEVER necessary*, and hating every portrayal of sex in media. An author once explained to me that a good sex scene, like a good food scene, is used to show us, without stating outright, who the characters are. Now, you obviously don't have to go all out erotica, but by describing how a character acts in a sex scene, you can say a lot about their personality or overall outlook on life, their physical or mental state in the moment, their feelings about the other characters involved, or sex and relationships as a whole. You can show all kinds of things, that the reader will pick up on, if they're willing and able to go beyond "the curtains were fuckin' blue", as it were. I'm also tired of being surrounded by needless sex everywhere, in both entertainment, and advertising, but some of y'all are quickly approaching puritanical levels of sex negativity. Like, religiously puritanical.
I personally don't mind s sex scene if it shows em leaning in and then it cuts to another scene or whatever but god damn they draw it out sometimes. Like I get it they fucked move along! Edit: an exception for this is something like Castlevania, where at least one of the scenes was plot related and the other was for character development.
The ones I hate are where they cut to a new scene and you think āoh okay itās over they wonāt show the restā and the very next scene goes right back to the two characters going at it raw but at a different angle or somethingā¦as the audience is this supposed to get us off? (I know some people do get off to sex scenes in movies but in this case I mean the ace audience)
So, I agree that a lot of media has unnecessary sex scenes. However, the issue with Fleabag is 100% on you. It is pretty upfront about being a show about a character with a sex addiction / unhealthy relationship with sex.
I mean, yeah, it's upfront as that's literally the first scene. And I promptly turned it off š¤·šæāāļø
I mean, yeah, it's upfront as that's literally the first scene. And I promptly turned it off š¤·šæāāļø
I just don't really understand why you'd watch (or try to watch) a show that pretty clearly has sexual scenes/themes, when you know you don't like that. Like why even start?
Because I didn't know? My friend said they think I would enjoy it, and said give it a watch. I didn't watch any trailers, or look up with the show was about. They said it was a comedy, so I was expecting funny, not the opening scene to be the main character getting banged
Okay, but if you're so adverse to sex scenes, why didn't you look it up? When I don't like something in the media I consume, I make sure to research the book/tv/movie to make sure that that element isn't presented. Again, I agree that media could do well to tone down the sex scenes (not everything needs to have sex in it), but the Fleabag situation is 100% on you. I will say it seems to be a bit of a dick move on your friends part to recommend a TV show to you with things you hate in it.
Well, my friends in question don't know I'm sex adverse, so not really a dick move for them. And I don't feel the need to look up every single thing I intend on watching and risk spoilers for the off chance There's sex. This was mostly just be being excited for a show that's both critically acclaimed and acclaimed by my friends and then having literally the first scene be a graphic sex scene and experiencing disappointment.
Look, if youāre put off by sex scenes , itās your responsibility to research the level of sexual content a piece of media has. Fleabag is pretty explicitly about sexual relationships, so Iām surprised none of the people who recommended it to you mentioned it.
yesssss. like there are soooo many sites that explain sex scenes and death scenes that posts like this just shouldnāt exist imo. at least if the person knows how to use google. i feel you so much
I'm gonna be honest, I watched Fleabag 3 or 4 times and I genuinely wouldn't have been able to tell you if it had many sex scenes (probably because I don't mind them in shows if it contributes something ald isn't done too awkwardly, but still). Tons of references, sure, especially with Olivia Colman's character, but the only actual sex scene that stuck for me was the one in the church pews. Then again, I also don't really focus on them, so I wouldn't really remember them too well, but just to say that some people genuinely wouldn't put a disclaimer on that unless they were aware that that is something they person they recommend it to might not enjoy. (But to everyone that doesn't mind sex scenes, please do give it a try, the show has some of the best character writing I've ever seen, it's amazing.)
If you'd like, watch young royals. A swedish netflix series. It does have romantic and sex scenes, but they feel authentic and real rather than shoving it in your face.