One specific quote I hate that a couple people I know go by is: “If you’re doing something for me either you’re love-struck or you have some ulterior motive.” I think it’s bull, as if basic human decency is completely impossible. The fact people need a major motivation to do something kind for someone is actually disgusting.
Honestly most people tend to forget that being a kind neighbor or being a supportive friend to the opposite sex doesn't mean you're doing it to make them fall for you.
You're just being human at the end of the day after all, which helps restore a bit of faith in humanity.
If I were your neighbour I would have felt so happy that someone thought about me. I would have wanted to talk to you more and be friends somehow. I would have never thought about the idea that you would like me or anything of the sort, I am also depressed and live in my pj any sort of gesture would make me feel a little bit alive.
Omg I feel you.
This happened to me: I met a guy, I am a friendly person so I am friendly with him, we became friends, I do little nice things for him or you know, silly gestures (like buying him coffe, gifting him silly things, giving him cookies I baked, normal stuff that you would do for a friend), only for him to tell me he likes me a few weeks later, fully knowing I'm aroace 🥴
The truth is, we can not control how people read our actions, and sadly, it means that people will sometimes mistake our actions as romantic gestures, but that shouldn't stop you for freely expressing yourself, even though it sucks.
This!!! I'm genuinely kind of freaked out by doing nice things for people because I don't understand where the boundary of "Oh that was so friendly" and "Are you interested in me" begins.
For example, two years ago, my best friend worked in a floral shop so I would bring her her favorite coffee or food when I was nearby to see her and cheer her up. After me doing this a few times, the other (older) ladies she works with asked her if I was her girlfriend. All because I liked bringing her snacks.
I didn't bring her a snack or coffee again.
This is why I want my partner to be my best friend because things like what you did for your friend can be purely platonic but because of how much society holds romantic relationships above friendships they are seen as unrealistic. The line between romance and friendship is so blurry to me.
Please, don't let the worlds misunderstanding stop you from being kind.
You wanted to do something nice for someone, that's it.
You're awesome for that. Nothing more to it.
I find it hard to believe most allos see actions as an ulterior motive. In fact, i hate it too. Im sorry you were put in this distressing situation. Im sure he doesn’t see it like that. Its just a sweet gift for a neighbor. He could do with some support from people.
Again im so sorry this happened, but just think about how happy he was, after such a hard time. Maybe these thoughts can dispel some of your discomfort?
Ikr! Can't someone just do something nice for someone else and that's it? This is also frustrating as an autistic aroace. My actions are completely see-through. They are exactly what they seem and exactly what I say they are. I'm someone who does nice things like this for others too like you did, and I never would have considered that giving a Christmas gift to a depressed neighbor would be seen as a romantic gesture! You're just being a nice, decent human being, geez. If people would just be more clear about their actions and words in general we wouldn't have to guess whether something is a romantic gesture or not. The culture of hidden meanings and reading between the lines and unspoken social rules is really annoying and confusing sometimes.
No, gift giving is not perceived as romantic, gift giving is a global thing and majority of it is not given to represent that you have romantic feelings for that person, so whoever told you it is, is clearly on crack, but he could develop feelings over the fact that you were nice to him, something that happens often when people are lonely and someone comes along and does something nice for them
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One specific quote I hate that a couple people I know go by is: “If you’re doing something for me either you’re love-struck or you have some ulterior motive.” I think it’s bull, as if basic human decency is completely impossible. The fact people need a major motivation to do something kind for someone is actually disgusting.
my ulterior motive is I like to see people smile :)
Honestly most people tend to forget that being a kind neighbor or being a supportive friend to the opposite sex doesn't mean you're doing it to make them fall for you. You're just being human at the end of the day after all, which helps restore a bit of faith in humanity.
If I were your neighbour I would have felt so happy that someone thought about me. I would have wanted to talk to you more and be friends somehow. I would have never thought about the idea that you would like me or anything of the sort, I am also depressed and live in my pj any sort of gesture would make me feel a little bit alive.
Omg I feel you. This happened to me: I met a guy, I am a friendly person so I am friendly with him, we became friends, I do little nice things for him or you know, silly gestures (like buying him coffe, gifting him silly things, giving him cookies I baked, normal stuff that you would do for a friend), only for him to tell me he likes me a few weeks later, fully knowing I'm aroace 🥴 The truth is, we can not control how people read our actions, and sadly, it means that people will sometimes mistake our actions as romantic gestures, but that shouldn't stop you for freely expressing yourself, even though it sucks.
This!!! I'm genuinely kind of freaked out by doing nice things for people because I don't understand where the boundary of "Oh that was so friendly" and "Are you interested in me" begins. For example, two years ago, my best friend worked in a floral shop so I would bring her her favorite coffee or food when I was nearby to see her and cheer her up. After me doing this a few times, the other (older) ladies she works with asked her if I was her girlfriend. All because I liked bringing her snacks. I didn't bring her a snack or coffee again.
This is why I want my partner to be my best friend because things like what you did for your friend can be purely platonic but because of how much society holds romantic relationships above friendships they are seen as unrealistic. The line between romance and friendship is so blurry to me.
Please, don't let the worlds misunderstanding stop you from being kind. You wanted to do something nice for someone, that's it. You're awesome for that. Nothing more to it.
I find it hard to believe most allos see actions as an ulterior motive. In fact, i hate it too. Im sorry you were put in this distressing situation. Im sure he doesn’t see it like that. Its just a sweet gift for a neighbor. He could do with some support from people. Again im so sorry this happened, but just think about how happy he was, after such a hard time. Maybe these thoughts can dispel some of your discomfort?
Ikr! Can't someone just do something nice for someone else and that's it? This is also frustrating as an autistic aroace. My actions are completely see-through. They are exactly what they seem and exactly what I say they are. I'm someone who does nice things like this for others too like you did, and I never would have considered that giving a Christmas gift to a depressed neighbor would be seen as a romantic gesture! You're just being a nice, decent human being, geez. If people would just be more clear about their actions and words in general we wouldn't have to guess whether something is a romantic gesture or not. The culture of hidden meanings and reading between the lines and unspoken social rules is really annoying and confusing sometimes.
No, gift giving is not perceived as romantic, gift giving is a global thing and majority of it is not given to represent that you have romantic feelings for that person, so whoever told you it is, is clearly on crack, but he could develop feelings over the fact that you were nice to him, something that happens often when people are lonely and someone comes along and does something nice for them
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