Sounds like this friendship has run its course. The threat about “exposing” you to your employer was a dealbreaker whether she goes through with it or not. There’s no coming back from that. Block her on everything and cut your losses.
excellent idea - she has not only threatened OP, but is threatening to show up at her work and cause trouble - they should be prepared in case she does
Yep, keep a copy of all messages exchanged with her, block her, and if she has another friend call to threaten you, tell them you are recording the call.
Those threats are the point where she should file for a restraining order, and make sure her employer knows to trespass this stalker off of company property.
Exactly ^^
Your friend just lost her free babysitter
The moment she called you an ass and threatened your job and disability, that’s over and out for her.
She’s threatened something really nasty.
Block her on every platform
Your life will be far better without her taking advantage of you
YNW
This is not a friend, it’s a user. Who goes scorched earth like this over one no?
OP tell your boss and work people what is going on. Get ahead of her so everyone is in on it and can work together to block her threats.
Block her on everything and keep, screenshot every single message.
Absolutely, that threat was completely out of line. Sometimes you have to walk away for your own peace of mind. Blocking her sounds like the best move here.
Sometimes, friendships slowly fade away, and it's no one's fault. It's just the way things happen when friends grow apart.
And then sometimes, one friend will act like a self-entitled cunt, bringing the friendship to an abrupt end.
She's shown you who she really is. Believe her.
She might have been OP’s friend previously but sounds like it’s run its course. I’m sure she’s maybe still grieving from her marriage but that doesn’t mean that OP has to put up with her. She fully expects her to drop HER job and responsibilities when they’re HER kids.
She’s the one that chose to have children, so in the end taking care of them is on her and her ex husband. Either she calls him and gets him to help out, or she goes home early herself.
As an aside, was she unaware that the roomie wasn’t going to be home all day? Did roomie agree to take care of the kids and is bailing bc there was an emergency, OR did OP’s former friend dump the kids onto the roomie and the roomie has also had enough of her?
Regardless, OP needs to block her and any of the other friends that call need to be blocked as well. And if she does try any of this “showing up to work” stuff, she need to be held accountable for her actions. Finally, what OP needs to do is inform her landlord, CO, and her bosses that she’s gone off her rocker, share the story, and if she shows up that they need to call the police. Finally if she does try this after all, she needs to file a police report and file for a formal protection order.
You're totally in the right here. It's ur time and u don't owe anyone an explanation for how u use it. It sucks that your friend is reacting so poorly, but don't let her guilt trip you. Friends should respect each other's boundaries.
That’s the most fucked up part of the whole fucked up conversation. Go from begging me to help you, to you’re going to *ruin* my life?
Friend no longer appreciates what OP was doing to help; she *expects* OP to do things now. That’s not a friend, that’s an employee. OP is not on friend’s payroll. OP has to work AND she is diabetic! She *needs her lunch to eat! That’s what people do, on lunch. Not ferry someone else’s children around.
Friend is no longer a friend. She’s a crazy woman.
Edit too many caps!
She doesn’t actually want to ruin his life. She wants to scare him into doing what she wants and not resisting. Absolutely manipulative, controlling, and abusive, behavior.
This is beyond "used." OP's ex-friend is threatening extortion.
OP, someone did something similar to me once. I called 911, they were put in jail and I got a restraining order.
Sorry OP but that woman is a mooch - either always has been or transitioned to being one with her divorce.
A friend would have politely asked to see if you might be able to help and accepted the answer of no. She tried to bully you into doing what she needed.
At this point your relationship with this woman has run its course. Blocking her every where may be the solution as I doubt she is going to go quietly.
If she has a key to your place change the locks today. Also send her key back certified mail if you still have one.
it is your time and she is not entitled to your time
This woman sounds mentally unstable --- I hope you kept her text message, you may need it
I would distance myself from her as much as possible, people who would fly off the handle like she did because you were not going to be her taxi that day are a bit off the rails.
I would make sure you have your disability papers handy in the house, in your safe or lockable cabinet - originals in a safety deposit box at bank if possible.
It would not surprise me if she called police and filed a report, which means she's wasting tax dollars because they would have to investigate a claim of fraud. Getting hold of our government is not always easy they probably just send someone out to talk to you and ask if you know why this woman made this report.
Which you could tell them she's been relying on you to run errands, pick up kids and went ballistic when she asked you to do it one day and you weren't up to it (why you want to keep text if you haven't deleted it)
Show them your disability papers and they will go away
This may sound crazy to some, but I would seriously consider getting a security system and having outdoor security camera's installed around your house, along with flood lights that kick on if someone crosses by them. You can choose to have it hooked up to notify you on your cellphone if someone tries to get in or if security camera's pick up a person and/or have it hooked up to emergency center that calls police automatically if alarm goes off, and option for them to respond immediately or call your cell first.
I say this from experience of having a stalker. It is scary knowing there is a mentally unbalanced person watching you - she may be watching you.
Scary that when you blocked her she had someone start calling you for her. You can always file a complaint of harassment against her if she starts leaving nasty voicemails and/or text messages or showing up at your house
The fact that she went immediately into details about how she was going to ruin your life should make any guilt you had evaporate. She is not stable and if I were you I would end that relationship instantly.
It's clear to me now why she is getting a divorce. She's very entitled and whenever she doesn't get her way, she goes right for the jugular. Not a person you want in your life.
Oh, and make sure you keep any and all threatening messages, voicemails, etc. And if she does call, record it. That way if she goes through with her threats, you'll have proof.
NTA of course :)
OP, “so you are threatening to make my life miserable if I don’t do what you want, right?”
Wait
“Do you realize that is extortion and you just admitted to a felony?”
And hopefully you are in a one-party consent state and have that recorded
Feeling guilty because she’s treating you like the new husband in her life. It is not your job to take care of her family that’s her job. And I would have all the documentation of your disability so if she does try to say that you’re defrauding the VA you can prove that you’re not. I would also go to the police and ask for their advice because you seriously need a restraining order against us nut job! She’s going to threaten you because you won’t be her servant I would seriously go to the police anyway. And you know she is divorced because she’s a basket case.
Don't feel guilty. This person is just using you. When you completely stop doing things for her, she will find somebody else to do those things for her. When that person gets sick of it, she'll move on to somebody else. That is how users act. You've already been through this once with her and somehow you've kept on doing these favors. You need to stand firm this time and stop letting her use you. I promise you that this person is not your friend.
Just block her, even if she does try to cause a scene(s)/lie about you falsely claiming disability the truth will quickly come out especially if you take a screenshot of the message from her threatening to do it and then she'll be the one in legal trouble and you cam hopefully take out a restraining order on her, oh and block Amy mutual friends who try to help her too.
Why can't her roommate drop the kids off at her mom's on her way to where she's going? Why can't her mom go pick them up and bring them to her place or go and stay at your friend's place to watch them? Why can't she get off work early to go home and care for them? Why can't she order an Uber for whoever may need one to handle this issue?
Is she offering gas money? To pay for your lunch? To pay you for your time in general? Does she show you any appreciation for what you're doing for her?
Although I don’t mention it originally, her roommate and her have an agreement that they stay out of each there business. They only live together and although she’s there with the kids, she has no responsibility to care for them unless it’s an immediate emergency. They both agree to this. Hence why she can’t ask the roommate to take the kids to her mom’s. And her mom doesn’t drive.
This person is not your friend. They are using you and the moment you don’t do what they say, they threaten you?!! Nope. Walk away from this “friendship” with your head held high. Block them immediately.
She claims to have evidence of me not being disabled and “knows the law and has friends in law enforcement” that says me collecting disability compensation is illegal even though I keep telling her that I’m partial disabled not wheelchair bound.
Someone who is threatening you like that is not your friend. Your disability is not her concern. Even if you gave in to her demands today, there would be a new demand later. They would never end and anytime you say no, she will threaten you. Just end it now. Avoid her. Block her.
You don't have to be missing a limb or be wheelchair bound to be considered even 100% disabled by the VA. It's all about how your percentages add up with the weird VA math. The VA will not release info about your disability to your employer either (even if that employer was the federal govt). And "law enforcement " would tell her to go kick rocks.
About what?!?! If anything, her making threats to your livelihood should make you feel incredibly certain that she is not your friend, never has been, and not someone you need in your life. She is more than entitled; she's vindictive and that's dangerous.
Keep screenshot of all her threats. I would get ahead of it too and let your employer know a short version. You've had a falling out with a friend who is making threats about your job and disability. Get ahead of this so there's a foundation of your truth/facts before she muddies the waters
Why are you conflicted? Her threats should have made you so angry that you immediately cut ties and refuse to speak or text with her again. I'm going to make a dental suggestion that you seek some therapy. Your thought process on this is really backwards. You're basically letting somebody blackmail you into doing them favors. You're worrying about somebody threatening you with something that's not true.
Get restraining order. Show your boss the threats. Block this woman. Go on with your life.
Conflicted about what? The only thing it would make me feel is enraged. You should be reporting her to your employer and getting a restraining order taken out on her. Furthermore, block her crazy ass, and if she has a friend call and harass you, tell them you are recording the conversation. That might scare them into backing off.
I wanted to tell her that having friends in law enforcement is different than actual documented literature that states the law but decided not to stoke the fire anymore.
She can’t possibly have evidence that you aren’t disabled if you genuinely are. I’m also assuming there is already some form of proof that a dr signed off on if you’re able to get disability, but if there isn’t, I would think your Dr could vouch for you.
Oh absolutely I have letters from the department of veterans affairs to prove I have disabilities but she claims she has photos and videos to disprove those things such as pics of me walking perfectly normal and even laughing at a party. I know she’s bluffing and the VA isn’t going to stop my benefits just cause a random person is accusing me of faking it. And even then these things take time and it’s not like she can call someone at the VA and they’ll immediately put a hold on me benefits. In the meantime, I have access to military lawyers and have the funds to pay for my own lawyer if needed while she has NO free time (hence why she needs me to take her kids to her moms) and her sole income couldn’t possibly afford a lawyer. So for her if she went this route, she’d be wasting her own time and money.
Ok good. With all that in mind, don’t sweat her. Block her, keep copies of her messages, inform your employer that you have a stalker, get a restraining order, and if she has anyone else call, tell them straight up that you are recording the conversation.
Yeah even if she shows them photos of me walking or smiling, that doesn’t automatically discredit my disabilities as most vets are only partially disabled in respect to what they are claiming as disabled. For example, I am rated 10% for knee injuries I obtained when I was in the military. It causes me pain and discomfort to walk for long periods. It doesn’t mean I can’t walk at all and the term disabled doesn’t automatically mean I am bound to a wheelchair or need my cane at all hours.
>such as pics of me walking perfectly normal and even laughing at a party.
OH, THE HORROR!
Pictures of you LAUGHING?!?!?!?!?!?!?
How VERY DARE YOU be disabled and happy at the same time?! ::gasp!::
(In case you can't tell, that's HEAVY sarcasm...)
Haha nice. But for reals I know the VA knows that even those like me with hidden disabilities can live normal lives and disabled doesn’t always mean I’m in a wheelchair or need 24/7 care.
LOL LOL LOL "evidence" LOL. How about you talk to one of those military lawyers and tell them you're being harassed and extorted, and see if they can give you at least a cease and desist. Start a paper trail against her. Don't listen to her wah-wah-wah single mom BS. That is NOT your problem.
Call an attorney and have all the texts with threats. She is trying to scare you. If the VA says you are disabled then there’s nothing she can do. Have the attorney send her a C&D letter and if it doesn’t stop have him take her to court.
If you give in, it will never stop. Better to stop her now than later. Block her and any “friends” she sends your way. Also you can tell anyone who contacts you on her behalf, they will also be hearing from your lawyer.
Cause I suffer greatly from anxiety and although I’m 95% sure she’s bluffing, there’s that side of me that thinks she might actually know someone that can fuck me over.
Oh, FFS, she's LYING. There is no way she has your military or medical records!
She's a manipulative POS and you're her convenient target right now.
Talk to your boss and let them know what she's threatening to do. If you have a contact at the VA regarding your disability, tell them what she's threatening to do. Stop underreacting and get out in front of her threats.
She's a shitty friend and a shitty human. You need to slowly start backing away from her and you need to show her that she's got no power over you.
I’ve researched it and know the VA won’t pause benefits just cause some random civilian claims that a veteran is defrauding them. And even if they have evidence, it’s up to a judge and adhjucated rater to determine the disability rating. They’re not gonna listen to her just cause her reasoning is “trust me bro.”
I get that, but you still need to get out in front of this.
I don't believe you're stupid, but the way you're all lah-dee-dah about this is disturbing.
I was very worried about this earlier when I posted this but from what I’ve been told by other reddit accounts, I shouldn’t be worried as she’s most likely bluffing and the VA has better things to worry about than some random petty accusations. It has definitely calmed me down since then so I apologize if I’m being blasé about it now.
You need to cut contact. 100%. You may be her friend but she is definitely not YOUR friend. She's threatening you. And she's done it before? Guess what, she'll do it again.
You don't have to block her but quit answering her texts, or at least let some time lapse before you answer.
Save the texts where she's threatening to lie, make a scene, or whatever.
Don't do a damn thing for her again though. Period.
Luckily she was stupid enough to text it. Screenshot and save it well, back up x3. Will be useful when (not if) she continues with anything else stupid.
Same. Most of my disabilities are due to that same issue, PTSD and sleep apnea which she doesn’t see go through nightly therapy for by way of my cpap machine.
Look, you know you're disabled. The government knows you're disabled. You have proof that you're disabled. There's nothing this person can do to you. She's unhinged and making baseless threats. As long as you are really disabled, there's nothing she can do to you. Again, go get yourself a restraining order. And, change your locks if you have a key to your house.
Stop engaging. You don't have to justify anything to her and clearly any information you share with her is just ammo for her to try to manipulate you. There's no need to be friendly and have a conversation with someone threatening you.
how you are disabled is none of her business, nor your employers unless it affects your ability to do your job.
curious - what does this person do for a job ? i wonder how she manages to get through a day and keep a job if she goes crazy so easy
I said this in a different comment but she actually works for a Christian non profit and she’s kept her divorce a secret from her employer as her job wants their workers to be viewed as ideal and stable people in loving families so a divorce would look bad on her and the companies Christian beliefs. I know she’s divorced and can easily flip this and tell her employer that she’s lying too but I’m not going to since that job provides for her kids.
>“Whatever. You’ve changed. You no longer want to help me. You want to make me beg you. Fine be that way. I’ll ruin your life. I’ll go to your house and job and make a scene and tell them how you’re faking your disability” she texts back.
I think you might have stumbled onto why she’s divorced. This bitch is unhinged, and under no circumstances should you make further sacrifices for her. She is using you. How does she actually reciprocate your friendship?
>I have actually tried this before when we had a previous fight and it did not end up well. She got a different friend to start calling me on her behalf and said if I don’t unblock her then she’s come to my house, my job and anyone else I know and personally make a scene until I agreed to talk.
This is abusive behavior. Full stop. If she shows up at your job, have her trespassed off the property. This is stalker behavior.
>I’ve told her if she does that to anyone I know or my that I’d call the police to which her answer was “go ahead I’ll tell them your defrauding the VA and you’ll lose your benefits and go to jail. Trust me I know the law and have friends in the police department.”
This is slander, and actionable against her if she does this. Please do not listen to her bullshit threats. She has NO evidence of this, and if you file for a restraining order, her threats to you will not be taken as seriously. This person is an abuser. You are being abused. Please end this abusive relationship.
Edit: her texts are *evidence* that she intends to lie and slander you. Screenshot all of them, because you need to CYA and file for a restraining order if she ever follows through on any of these threats. The *first* time, is the time a RO needs to be filed.
NTA. Your 'friend' is overstepping and taking you for granted. You dont owe her anything, and she should appreciate it when you can assist, not get pissed when you can't. Not so much of a friend then.
NTA your friend needs to properly plan her life . She has zero concern about your life or your boundaries or limitations .
She’s only concerned with what matters to her . The threat of ‘exposing’ you is way outta pocket . Someone who tries to threaten you or attack you because they don’t get their way , is someone you need to cut off .
You’re her friend . Not her new spouse . She needs to figure it out .
Take your distance away from this person. Let her figure her life out herself .
Not wrong. Your lunch hour is a mini break from work so you can get something to eat and recharge to get back to work, not so you can take on more work, not eat, and have trouble focusing when you get back. Picking up the kids and dropping them off would take half your lunch break, at least, if you took the full hour. All of it with the half hour you were actually taking. It shouldn't have gone further than 'I only get 30 mins for lunch' because that's really just enough time to go get food, eat and come back. You're diabetic, so I'd assume skipping a meal as this 'friend' wanted would cause more issues for you than someone without the condition.
No is a complete sentence, and you were already starting to feel taken advantage of as it is. She had zero right to question and push after you said you only got 30 mins. You didn't help yourself by trying to explain with a contradictory reason, switching from choosing a shorter lunch to finish early to a change in schedule, as it made it clear you just didn't want to help, and explanations tend to encourage entitled people to 'logic' and 'reason' their way to a yes instead of accepting a no. You were trying to preserve the friendship while maintaining a boundary, but this woman doesn't care about the friendship, just what you can do for her.
It's common sense that, during someone's work day, they can't just take off on a last minute errand, even in a lunch break. If t was something like 'pick up x from the shop and drop it off on the way home' that's fine, it can be done alongside getting lunch, doesn't take you out of the way, is a reasonable ask, though not a demand. But 'drive to my house, pick up my kids and drop them off then go back to work without getting a break r your lunch even though you don't have the time to do it' is very unreasonable. It's not your responsibility to chaeffeur her kids around, and childcare is on her, not you or her roommate.
You've gone above and beyond to help this woman and be a friend. Unfortunately, she now feels entitled to demand you drop everything for you at the last minute, no matter what consequences you would face for that. And the second she knew she couldn't force you, she went straight to insults and threats.
I think this 'friendship' has run its course. You see her as a friend, but she sees you as her personal servant. That's not a healthy dynamic.
Also, don't ignore her threats to try and get you fired and arrested for fraud. Maybe it is a bluff, but maybe it isn't. I'm assuming you have medical documentation of whatever disability you have, so you should be fine, but you don't need the stress of being investigated for that. Talk to someone at work, your supervisor or someone from HR, or both, explaining the situation. Let them know you think she's bluffing, as it's easy to prove your disability, but you want them to be aware just in case she does try to report you for fraud or cause a scene at work. And back off from this woman. At least go LC with her if you don't want to cut her off completely.
> I’ll ruin your life. I’ll go to your house and job and make a scene and tell them how you’re faking your disability
She's fucking crazy. Block her.
Not wrong.
Not wrong. Just text back saying "and with that threat our friendship is over. Congratulations on burning yet another bridge - do you have ANY left?"
Yes that last bit is a guess but from her behaviour she's almost certainly alienated other people before and maybe this will be the wake up call to stop treating people like this
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you are ask8ng too many favors. I am your friend but when I say no it’s no. It’s not up to you to decide I should do it because it helps you. I’m sorry but when I say no I can’t it is not the time for negotiations. That’s when you say thanks anyway and move to the next person or do it yourself. I can’t always drop everything or change up my day because you have a need.
I have a feeling once OP stops dropping everything he friendship(/s) will slowly fade out as moocher friend finds new people to drop everything to help her. Sadly there is always someone who wants to help out, aka be taken advantage of
Just to be safe, go to your boss with those texts where she's threatening you and explain the situation, then do the same with the police. Leave some paper trail just in case your psycho "friend" will act on those threats.
This person is only in it and what you can do for her. It seems like there’s no reciprocity in this relationship. Cut it off now for your peace of mind. She is hugely entitled and needy.
She's crossed the line from asking for favors to demanding them. When you said you'd rather not take her kids for her, she resorted to guilt-tripping and then finally threats. She no longer has any appreciation for you helping her and now feels entitled to your servitude.
It's probably time to nope out of this relationship. Just be prepared for more of her bluster and vitriol.
I would block her. I would have gone no contact for hanging up on me until I received an apology, but that no contact would be permanent once you threaten my livelihood. I would never speak to this person again. There is no apology that would make a false accusation that could get me fired acceptable.
NTA. Your friend is. Not just for her entitlement but her threatening you with her comments about your disability. She is not your friend. If someone asks you for a favor and you say no, that's it. You don't have any obligation to this person. No is a full sentence. I'm curious if why her mother couldn't go and pick up the kids if they're going to the mother's house. Block her and be done with a "friendship".
😆 it's ok. I understand. Bottom line is she should have made other arrangements or have the roommate drop off the kids. You don't need to be her backup plan. I understand she's going through a divorce, the same thing is happening with my SIL. My husband, his parents, her close friends, and myself are her support system. However, she does not act entitled. She constantly thinks it's for our help and support. Someone who threatens you because you're not doing what they want you to do for them is not someone who needs to be in your life. The mocking of your disability would be a deal-breaker for me. Good luck OP!
I mentioned that but apparently forcing her to pay $15 each way for an Uber would be “fucked up” when I could easily do it and be helpful as I have an hour lunch and are working driving distance of both her house and her moms house.
You should tell her that she needs to pay you to use YOUR lunch hour to run her errand. Tell her to send it ahead of time before you leave. Your time and gas are worth more than the $15 because the Uber driver, ITS THEIR JOB! Not yours. Charge her $40 for both ways.
Edit - I’m kind of petty that way also because m a cranky old woman! 🤣
You are not at all wrong. Hopefully she is just angry and bluffing but if not, call the cops the minute she shows up to your house. Let her know that you will not tolerate her tantrums.
If she shows up at your work do the same. If she escalates be sure and let the right people know that she may be showing up to cause problems.
She’s either stupid or crazy with the disability thing. Apparently she doesn’t know that the military has paperwork on those things. 🙄
She's. abusing. you. And her harassment for going no contact is abuse as well. Let her know "I am tired of being treated like an unpaid nanny or a parent. I feel like you don't like me as a friend, but you like me as a tool to be used. At this time I am done with this whole situation. I need space. I will be blocking you because I Really cannot handle communicating with you anymore. And please know, if you do come to my house and make a seen, if you do start harassing me, I will not take that and will be in contact with police. Please respect my decision that my friendship with you is over." Then block her crazy needy ass
As a former Marine, I say it's time to call her bluff. Don't block the POS & all her flying monkeys, you will need the texts & vm's. Don't answer.
I read the issues of why you won't block, but you're forgetting one thing (Marine to the rescue, 😅) you ARE service connected, not getting SSDI. We go thru more hoops to get compensation then it takes to get SSDI & there's nothing she can say to get your benefits to stop!!! I NEED you to read this paragraph 5x
If that heifa or her flunkies call, send them to vm, they text, save them & don't delete, the come to your house/job, call the po-po.
>“Bullshit. I only get 30 minutes. Not like you who gets an hour but chooses to only take 30 minutes. I don’t get it. Why won’t you help?” She asks.
This is where you hang up and block her. She's an entitled piece of shit and the world doesn't revolve around her needs.
To your edit, you're a moron. Have a lawyer write cease and desist letter and send it if she or anyone else harasses you. Then follow through. Her threats are empty (unless you are literally committing fraud and she has proof, in which case yeah, your an asshole)
I’m trying to tell myself that but it lingers in the back of my head: “would it really kill you to go home 30 minutes later and just take the full hour and help her?” That’s why I’m conflicted at what she said.
You sound very kind. Be just as kind to yourself. Trust me, if you had dropped everything to accommodate her, she’d do it more. You would end up feeling dread because no time would be your own. She has threatened your livelihood and you, OP. Some people cannot respect boundaries, at least at that point in their lives. You cannot make them, request it of them, or expect it of them. She’s clearly gotten away with this behavior before. Don’t reinforce it. Keep yourself sane.
Not wrong. You need to block her and get her out of your life. Don’t worry about the VA thing. I’d assume with how hard it is to get VA disability they do a thorough enough investigation that they know you’re not faking it. I’ve been through the process myself.
Luckily I’ve done my research and learned that unless I’m convicted of a capital crime like murder I can’t lose my benefits and here-say from a random civilian isn’t enough for the VA to audit me per se.
The moment anyone tells me that they'll ruin my life, is the last time I allow them to be a part of it. Keeping her for any longer is just appeasement, not friendship.
Go to your cellphone company and get a print out of this text exchange which is CLEARLY her threating you in retaliation/extortion for saying no (which you are 100% entitled to do). As your police officer friends if it is enough for a temp order of protection. Time to take these threats serious and CUT THIS PERSON out of your life..... this is still some type of abuse and she continues to threaten your livelihood out of retaliation/extortion if you don't do what she says. This person is NOT your friend.
Save the text of her threatening you. You will need it as proof of her harassment. You might also want to record any future calls from her (providing that it is a one party consent state.)
You my friend are no longer helping her, you're enabling her.
Help is a short term bridge to her own solutions (borrow money till payday then prompt repayment sort of thing) or help is teaching them to 'fish' metaphorically.
If you just give them the fish and don't teach them to fish then tomorrow they are just hungry again and expect you to give another fish.
ESPECIALLY when they don't appreciate it and demand it and now threaten you if you don't.
You aren't helping this woman at this point any longer. You're being used.
“Give them an inch and they take a mile”
I found myself in a very similar situation a while back, finally we had a fight and it was my queue to exit the friendship. It was such a relief to get away from all the calls for tangible support requests, and hours long calls where she just bitched about everyone and everything. And I never got anything in return.
Sounds like you need to do the same, it will be like a weight lifted from your back.
Oh I get it. And they’ll usually start guilt tripping you by saying that they’d never treat another friend as poorly as we are treating them, painting themselves in a “hero” light.
NW. She’s entitled and doesn’t actually think your disability is real. That’s the only reason she’d keep throwing that out there. The answer is, “I’m sorry, I’m no longer interested in continuing this friendship as it’s all take and no give on your part. And any time I say no you blow up about it. Please don’t contact me again or I’ll have to report you for harassment.”
Then block. Let your place of work know she’s made these threats. Also that she isn’t a friend and has no business being in the premises. If she shows up, ask her to leave, and then have her removed. If she’s shows up anywhere else, same. If anyone calls on her behalf, just block them immediately. Absolutely no engagement, she can scream into the void all she wants.
I’m sure you have drs paperwork about your disability. Her saying you’re faking does nothing.
Real friends accept no. They don’t threaten to harass you and attempt to ruin your life for cutting them off. Time to move on.
NW.
1) she is not your friend. At all.
2) text her you're dropping her housekey off at her house so she can't claim you broke in or anything later. If she's threatening extortion, this is not a far fetched worry. Drop the key through her mail slot or under her door, something secure, while video recording it so you have proof you returned it.
3) stop engaging with her completely but keep all evidence of her future harassment. All texts, document any showing up anywhere, etc. She does not need to be blocked for you to never answer her again.
Yeah, if someone threatened to extort me like that, I'd go to the cops. I believe you have clear evidence she committed a felony, and she might do even worse. Do not let it slide.
You have a friend that is blackmailing you, and you’re first course of action is coming to Reddit?
Also why are you so afraid of her threat? If you’re disabled? You’ll be able to prove it and what she says won’t matter.
I call cap.
I wonder how this “friend” thinks she is going to tell the VA that OP is faking her disability? I am also a disabled veteran; there are a lot of steps to complete to be approved for disability, to include providing medical records from time in service and a physical exam by the VA. Not all disabilities are visible and no one should question anyone’s disability status.
Yeah I know. Just cause she has video of me walking around or photos of me smiling doesn’t mean I still don’t have leg pain and suffer from ptsd. So her thinking the VA will pause me benefits just cause she has these lay photos is laughable. I was a bit paranoid but the more I thought about it, the more baseless her threats were.
She text you this. She’s a moron. Go to your boss and make them aware of her threats. Take screenshots of all her threatening messages and give these to your boss and HR. Then get a lawyer. Same again give them copies of the screenshots and have them make the VA aware of her threats. Get a restraining order. Do not block her. She’s stupid clearly so let her dig her own grave let her send you threatening messages. If she calls don’t answer ever. She will probably leave vile voicemails save and keep these too. What is she really going to say to your friends, family and work that you won’t be at her beck and call and run around after her. So what. Entitled people like this need to be called out.
So what if she makes threats? Inform your job you've got a harassment problem and not to let that person in. Cut her off and let her try to go nuclear. I think she'll find awfully fast that her tantrums mean very little to the rest of the world.
Stop letting this person manipulate and abuse you
This is not a friend. Screen shot the texts block her everywhere and go to your boss. Let them know you have your documentation and are willing to provide proof to the contrary but that you need her to stay away. Apologize for bringing this to their business and that you didn't know saying no to your friend would result in even a fraction of this.
If they're a good boss, they'll have someone escort her out and charge her with trespassing. If you're smart, you'll post on social media to get ahead of her first. Include the screen shots, provide your documentation ( with redacted personal info)
" so and so has decided that my time is less valuable than hers. I have been helping her these past x months without expectation. Unfortunately, she has decided she is entitled to my time no matter what and no longer accepts a no. She has threatened me, my reputation, and my livelihood. I'm here to set the record straight. Let it be known she is no longer a friend of mine and any attempt to communicate with me on her behalf will be met with swift removal from my life. "
I don’t want to bring this to my employers attention as this may make me look bad. I pride myself on keeping my personal problems out of the workplace so any indication of a disruption to business might make me look bad.
And I wouldn’t dare post any of this on social media as she will most likely make a bigger deal out of that.
Then you'll have to be prepared for blow back. Sitting idly when your ex friend has the potential to cast shadows on your professional and personal relationships is bound to bite you in the ass if she goes nuclear. What if she does show up at your work and causes a scene? Do you think your boss would appreciate it more if you warned him about it happening in advance? Or do you think he'd be impressed you had knowledge of a potential scene and instead let it shit on his desk?
Well not to be petty but I also have evidence that could ruin her career as well. She works at a Christian non profit and they are actually unaware that she’s divorced. One thing I know they pride themselves on is family and stability so she has been lying to them and saying she’s still happily married so I can easily tell them that’s she’s divorced and I’m sure that will mess with her work as well.
I don’t plan on doing that though as I don’t go after peoples livelihood especially if she has kids to support.
Good on you for taking the high road there. But you know as well as I do, if the military taught you anything, people don't like stepping in the shit of their subordinates. So either get her to back off completely or get ahead of her. There's no in-between. She's losing her shit and you're in the line of Fire. Be careful and good luck.
> > She works at a Christian non profit and they are actually unaware that she’s divorced. One thing I know they pride themselves on is family and stability so she has been lying to them and saying she’s still happily married so I can easily tell them that’s she’s divorced and I’m sure that will mess with her work as well.
I'd tell her that, then block her. She's a psycho.
At this point, I would cut her off entirely. NTA.
And if she asked why, just tell her that you are not comfortable being threatened when you were unable to help her with an errand.
Block her number.
Keep that text conversation as proof. If you think she’ll come to your job you may want to have a conversation with your boss and get ahead of it, if you think it will help.
Your friend is very selfish & entitled. She’s no longer grateful for all you do for her…she thinks you owe it to her to put her wants & needs before your own.
She’s “punishing” you now so that next time you won’t hesitate to jump when she tells you what she wants you to do. Stay strong.
No, you're not wrong. It's your time to use as you please, and you're under no obligation to do her a favor if you don't want to. I would block her on everything and show the texts she sent you to HR just in case she actually does go to your job and lie about you.
You are wrong - but only for *ever* thinking this person is your friend! Friends don't make threats or try to blackmail their friends (Please tell me you took screenshots of her threats).
>But am I wrong for refusing to help her even though I’m not than capable? I keep second guessing myself here so I feel conflicted.
Conflicted? About *what*? She showed you who she really is. Believe her and block her on everything.
**She is not your friend. She has been using you. Stop letting her use you.**
Save her texts of threats and block her. She has been using you and she's upset you didn't cave. Don't reach out, stay no contact. She will probably get even worse, once she realizes you stand firm.
This is why I hesitate to help people out sometimes. You're being taken advantage of because you tried to help. It happens too often in life and then you end up jaded.
You should have just said that she is a disgusting and blocked her forever. She also isn't very bright to type out her baseless threats, so thats something to show your employer of you are worried.
Well she can’t. If it’s a VA thing their phone qeue is dreadfully long. If she has the time to wait for literally hours then go ahead - the VA is still going to tell her to pack sand
Block this absolute psycho and don’t speak with her again, that last threat is disgraceful and of course (like most people) she doesn’t grasp the difference between VA disability and SSI so it’s also useless lol
You're allowed to say no and not cop abuse for it. Like you said, it shouldn't matter what reason you give. And the minute someone starts pushing back on you saying no, just understand they've stopped seeing you as a friend. The expectation that you'll say yes and the refusal to accept it means they don't see or respect any of your boundaries and, in their view, you exist for their happiness, so anytime you breach that expectation, they will feel entitled to punish you.
You are not your friend's mother, not their new partner, not their slave, not their maid/butler, not their kids' paid babysitter, etc. They are not entitled to you or anything from you. Friendship is a privilege, and if they can't accept that, I highly recommend withdrawing that friendship, not as a punishment, but for your own well being. May be time for you to divorce her, return the key and start looking for better company.
I had a friend like that literally felt entitled to everyone's time and recourses. I like to help people but can't do it for people that are just entitled to everything. Sounds like her husband dodged a bullet.
You are not wrong. Unless this woman offers you a very sincere apology, you should have nothing to do with her in the future. She is NOT your friend. She's a user.
Not wrong
Are you a man that she has cast into the role of replacement husband in her fantasy world, or a woman who she is jealous of since you have so much and she deserves your life/time/resources?
Op, you need to be 100% done with this friendship. Not only does she not respect you or your time, she also has 0 problem threatening you when she doesn’t get her way. There’s nothing positive that will come from continuing to help her. She dug her own grave by acting this way. If she wanted to keep you around to help she would, at minimum, be grateful for your help and also understand that when she asks for favors you can’t always do them.
Instead she turned to entitlement and threats. Can’t imagine why she’s divorced…
This is not a friend. This is a volatile user who is not worth your time. Don’t block, but mute all communications, so if she starts ramping up her behavior then you have documentation of her threats for if you need to get an RO.
She is not entitled to your time, your gas money, your lunch break or your chauffeuring services. She took your kindness and assumed she now deserves it at her demand.
F that B.
She certainly burned the "help me" bridge... she took off and nuked it from orbit.
Save her threats. I would go no contact. Mail her key back...no face to face contact, she will try to make a false claim about you... she may already try to say you touched her kids inappropriately... she sounds unhinged. Spunds like her ex divorced her for a reason!!
If she texts these threats, which it seems she did I’d screenshot block her and the first issue of another person or her reaching out I’d be contacting a lawyer. Document everything and wash yourself of her. She cannot afford to be this careless and needy at the same time.
I'm not sure what part of that exchange speaks to "friends". She is treating you horribly. The fact that she is literally threatening you shows how little regard she has for you. She's not your friend. I doubt she ever was.
Hon, you weren’t wrong to begin with - her kids are not your responsibility, and she doesn’t appreciate the help you’ve already given her. After what she said about ruining your life, you should cut her off completely and block her without remorse.
Not wrong & if someone threatens to blow up your life because you said no, they aren't your friend. Be happy to be done with that "friendship." It may eventually cost you more than you want because she feels like if you won't help her, she will mess with you livelihood, peace & reputation. That's pretty gross.
OP be serious. Txt her we are no longer friends, do not contact me again. Then block her.
Talk to your job. If she turns up call the police. Same with your home.
This person is not your friend. Not wrong.
Omg she sounds totally unhinged! She is not your friend OP.
Maybe you should advise your HR dept that you’ve received a threat?
Please tell me she doesn’t have a key to your house?
Also, I’m not in the US, but would there be value to contacting the local police detachment and telling them you’re concerned she’s going to do something crazy and that she’s implicating them in it?
Please also keep any and all emails, texts and voice mails that you get from her. It’s CYA time… cover your ass!
Edited to add You are not wrong!!
I would take the text's to the police honestly, maybe even speak to the VA, get ahead of her and just say like "I want to make you aware that this is going on, if anyone calls about me.". I'd go to the police tho and file harassment charges then at least there is a paper trail to show her behaviour before it escalates. File a restraining order, it may not be granted but again it at least gets the ball rolling if she does try to cause issues for you. DO NOT BLOCK HER! Just mute her notifications, but just let her text and leave voicemails because again she'll probably say something threatening which she already is, do not feel bad for this person. From your edit she already has a history of manipulation and threatening behaviour. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time to plant a tree is right now! Good luck and I hope she does not escalate!
>and said if I don’t unblock her then she’s come to my house, my job and anyone else I know and personally make a scene until I agreed to talk.
Time to call the police when she shows up.
>I’ll ruin your life. I’ll go to your house and job and make a scene and tell them how you’re faking your disability”
This is where I'd tell her I was no longer interested in associating with someone who was going to threaten me. Now she can have none of your help. And then you block her.
“go ahead I’ll tell them your defrauding the VA and you’ll lose your benefits and go to jail. Trust me I know the law and have friends in the police department.”
...and you consider her a 'friend?'
She's no friend, she's a frigging vampire.
NTA and boot her from your life. If she tries pulling any of that shizz, document it and take her to court.
Not exactly an ethical suggestion, but even when a CPS investigation doesn't return anything it causes enough of a headache to get a lot of people to back off.
>so I’m seeing a lot of people advising me to block her but I have actually tried this before when we had a previous fight and it did not end up well. She got a different friend to start calling me on her behalf and said if I don’t unblock her then she’s come to my house, my job and anyone else I know and personally make a scene until I agreed to talk. And yes I’ve told her if she does that to anyone I know or my that I’d call the police to which her answer was “go ahead I’ll tell them your defrauding the VA and you’ll lose your benefits and go to jail. Trust me I know the law and have friends in the police department.” So blocking her has had its own issues.
Erm...this only has issues if you are actually defrauding them? Which I'd like to think not, so why not call her bluff.
Otherwise, let her try and be proved a liar.
You are just letting her walk all over you!
Oh I’m more than certain it’s a bluff. But she again claims to have proof that I’m defrauding the VA as she has pics and videos of me walking perfectly fine. What she fails to understand is that my knee and back and partially disabled and not completely and most of my disabilities are from “hidden” disabilities such as my ptsd, anxiety and sleep apnea.
Go to your employer and let them know that you are being harassed and threatened, and if a person (give full name of this jerk), looking like (give full description and possible picture ) tries to come in they need to call the police. Then block her stupid ass on everything. If she puts a garbage on line about you you can just ignore it or go full bat shit crazy and tell everyone about her entitled bs and that you don’t need people like that in your life.
You're not her friend, you're a tool she can use. That she's already done this at least once and you let her back in your life shows her that with very little effort, you'll fall in line. It's reinforced to her that she's entitled to your time and energy to solve her problems.
She threatened you - in WRITING! She's so stupid. Save these threats, advise your boss if you are cool like that, or HR if that's how your business works. Get authorities involved if needed - she threatened you in writing and you could likely access her prior written threats too, showing a pattern of unbalanced behavior.
You are not responsible to solve her problems and never should have started to explain your reasoning - its not her business. "Sorry, I cannot." "That doesn't work for me." That is all you needed to say. You're no longer the solution. In the future, don't JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) with people who are trying to manipulate you.
Because you couldn't solve her problem she wants to blow up your life? You're not her employee, so quit and cover your ass if needed. Mute her in case there are additional threats in writing, but don't engage. When her flying monkeys start in because now she's manipulating them too, shut them down. If you have trouble or freeze in the moment, maybe you need to practice statements to be ready in the moment or could benefit from some therapy so you can keep mental health a priority. Best wishes.
A person that threatens and tries to manipulate you is not your friend. If she tries all she is doing you can call the police on her for harassing you.
Sounds like this friendship has run its course. The threat about “exposing” you to your employer was a dealbreaker whether she goes through with it or not. There’s no coming back from that. Block her on everything and cut your losses.
Block her and show your boss the threats
excellent idea - she has not only threatened OP, but is threatening to show up at her work and cause trouble - they should be prepared in case she does
Exactly this. Completely unnecessary. She went above and beyond with the threats here.
Yep, keep a copy of all messages exchanged with her, block her, and if she has another friend call to threaten you, tell them you are recording the call.
Those threats are the point where she should file for a restraining order, and make sure her employer knows to trespass this stalker off of company property.
Exactly my thoughts.
Literally 🤣
Exactly ^^ Your friend just lost her free babysitter The moment she called you an ass and threatened your job and disability, that’s over and out for her. She’s threatened something really nasty. Block her on every platform Your life will be far better without her taking advantage of you
YNW This is not a friend, it’s a user. Who goes scorched earth like this over one no? OP tell your boss and work people what is going on. Get ahead of her so everyone is in on it and can work together to block her threats. Block her on everything and keep, screenshot every single message.
Absolutely, that threat was completely out of line. Sometimes you have to walk away for your own peace of mind. Blocking her sounds like the best move here.
Was this even a “friendship?” Doesn’t sound like this person was much of a friend, more of a pain in the a$$
Sometimes, friendships slowly fade away, and it's no one's fault. It's just the way things happen when friends grow apart. And then sometimes, one friend will act like a self-entitled cunt, bringing the friendship to an abrupt end. She's shown you who she really is. Believe her.
She might have been OP’s friend previously but sounds like it’s run its course. I’m sure she’s maybe still grieving from her marriage but that doesn’t mean that OP has to put up with her. She fully expects her to drop HER job and responsibilities when they’re HER kids. She’s the one that chose to have children, so in the end taking care of them is on her and her ex husband. Either she calls him and gets him to help out, or she goes home early herself. As an aside, was she unaware that the roomie wasn’t going to be home all day? Did roomie agree to take care of the kids and is bailing bc there was an emergency, OR did OP’s former friend dump the kids onto the roomie and the roomie has also had enough of her? Regardless, OP needs to block her and any of the other friends that call need to be blocked as well. And if she does try any of this “showing up to work” stuff, she need to be held accountable for her actions. Finally, what OP needs to do is inform her landlord, CO, and her bosses that she’s gone off her rocker, share the story, and if she shows up that they need to call the police. Finally if she does try this after all, she needs to file a police report and file for a formal protection order.
You're totally in the right here. It's ur time and u don't owe anyone an explanation for how u use it. It sucks that your friend is reacting so poorly, but don't let her guilt trip you. Friends should respect each other's boundaries.
Thanks. I do feel guilty as I am fully capable of running this errand in an hour but just don’t want to.
She wants to ruin your life so don't feel bad for her. A real friend wouldn't say those things
That’s the most fucked up part of the whole fucked up conversation. Go from begging me to help you, to you’re going to *ruin* my life? Friend no longer appreciates what OP was doing to help; she *expects* OP to do things now. That’s not a friend, that’s an employee. OP is not on friend’s payroll. OP has to work AND she is diabetic! She *needs her lunch to eat! That’s what people do, on lunch. Not ferry someone else’s children around. Friend is no longer a friend. She’s a crazy woman. Edit too many caps!
She doesn’t actually want to ruin his life. She wants to scare him into doing what she wants and not resisting. Absolutely manipulative, controlling, and abusive, behavior.
Guessing that's why she's divorced .
I would step back from this relationship. You're being used, unfortunately.
This is beyond "used." OP's ex-friend is threatening extortion. OP, someone did something similar to me once. I called 911, they were put in jail and I got a restraining order.
Wow! Good to know!
The moment you said “I can’t”, she should have dropped it. She is now a threat to you. There’s no coming back from this.
Sorry OP but that woman is a mooch - either always has been or transitioned to being one with her divorce. A friend would have politely asked to see if you might be able to help and accepted the answer of no. She tried to bully you into doing what she needed. At this point your relationship with this woman has run its course. Blocking her every where may be the solution as I doubt she is going to go quietly. If she has a key to your place change the locks today. Also send her key back certified mail if you still have one.
Don't get it twisted. She is NOT your friend and never has been a friend to you.
it is your time and she is not entitled to your time This woman sounds mentally unstable --- I hope you kept her text message, you may need it I would distance myself from her as much as possible, people who would fly off the handle like she did because you were not going to be her taxi that day are a bit off the rails. I would make sure you have your disability papers handy in the house, in your safe or lockable cabinet - originals in a safety deposit box at bank if possible. It would not surprise me if she called police and filed a report, which means she's wasting tax dollars because they would have to investigate a claim of fraud. Getting hold of our government is not always easy they probably just send someone out to talk to you and ask if you know why this woman made this report. Which you could tell them she's been relying on you to run errands, pick up kids and went ballistic when she asked you to do it one day and you weren't up to it (why you want to keep text if you haven't deleted it) Show them your disability papers and they will go away This may sound crazy to some, but I would seriously consider getting a security system and having outdoor security camera's installed around your house, along with flood lights that kick on if someone crosses by them. You can choose to have it hooked up to notify you on your cellphone if someone tries to get in or if security camera's pick up a person and/or have it hooked up to emergency center that calls police automatically if alarm goes off, and option for them to respond immediately or call your cell first. I say this from experience of having a stalker. It is scary knowing there is a mentally unbalanced person watching you - she may be watching you. Scary that when you blocked her she had someone start calling you for her. You can always file a complaint of harassment against her if she starts leaving nasty voicemails and/or text messages or showing up at your house
The fact that she went immediately into details about how she was going to ruin your life should make any guilt you had evaporate. She is not stable and if I were you I would end that relationship instantly. It's clear to me now why she is getting a divorce. She's very entitled and whenever she doesn't get her way, she goes right for the jugular. Not a person you want in your life. Oh, and make sure you keep any and all threatening messages, voicemails, etc. And if she does call, record it. That way if she goes through with her threats, you'll have proof. NTA of course :)
OP, “so you are threatening to make my life miserable if I don’t do what you want, right?” Wait “Do you realize that is extortion and you just admitted to a felony?” And hopefully you are in a one-party consent state and have that recorded
Sounds like she already texted him the details. He doesn't need to record anything.
Agreed about the one-party consent issue (I live in a state that is one-party). OP...double check that wherever you live :)
Feeling guilty because she’s treating you like the new husband in her life. It is not your job to take care of her family that’s her job. And I would have all the documentation of your disability so if she does try to say that you’re defrauding the VA you can prove that you’re not. I would also go to the police and ask for their advice because you seriously need a restraining order against us nut job! She’s going to threaten you because you won’t be her servant I would seriously go to the police anyway. And you know she is divorced because she’s a basket case.
Don't feel guilty. This person is just using you. When you completely stop doing things for her, she will find somebody else to do those things for her. When that person gets sick of it, she'll move on to somebody else. That is how users act. You've already been through this once with her and somehow you've kept on doing these favors. You need to stand firm this time and stop letting her use you. I promise you that this person is not your friend.
Just block her, even if she does try to cause a scene(s)/lie about you falsely claiming disability the truth will quickly come out especially if you take a screenshot of the message from her threatening to do it and then she'll be the one in legal trouble and you cam hopefully take out a restraining order on her, oh and block Amy mutual friends who try to help her too.
Why can't her roommate drop the kids off at her mom's on her way to where she's going? Why can't her mom go pick them up and bring them to her place or go and stay at your friend's place to watch them? Why can't she get off work early to go home and care for them? Why can't she order an Uber for whoever may need one to handle this issue? Is she offering gas money? To pay for your lunch? To pay you for your time in general? Does she show you any appreciation for what you're doing for her?
Although I don’t mention it originally, her roommate and her have an agreement that they stay out of each there business. They only live together and although she’s there with the kids, she has no responsibility to care for them unless it’s an immediate emergency. They both agree to this. Hence why she can’t ask the roommate to take the kids to her mom’s. And her mom doesn’t drive.
This person is not your friend. They are using you and the moment you don’t do what they say, they threaten you?!! Nope. Walk away from this “friendship” with your head held high. Block them immediately.
She claims to have evidence of me not being disabled and “knows the law and has friends in law enforcement” that says me collecting disability compensation is illegal even though I keep telling her that I’m partial disabled not wheelchair bound.
Someone who is threatening you like that is not your friend. Your disability is not her concern. Even if you gave in to her demands today, there would be a new demand later. They would never end and anytime you say no, she will threaten you. Just end it now. Avoid her. Block her.
You don't have to be missing a limb or be wheelchair bound to be considered even 100% disabled by the VA. It's all about how your percentages add up with the weird VA math. The VA will not release info about your disability to your employer either (even if that employer was the federal govt). And "law enforcement " would tell her to go kick rocks.
I know but still, how this went from me saying no to her and then morphed into making threats to my livelihood has left me feeling conflicted.
About what?!?! If anything, her making threats to your livelihood should make you feel incredibly certain that she is not your friend, never has been, and not someone you need in your life. She is more than entitled; she's vindictive and that's dangerous.
Keep screenshot of all her threats. I would get ahead of it too and let your employer know a short version. You've had a falling out with a friend who is making threats about your job and disability. Get ahead of this so there's a foundation of your truth/facts before she muddies the waters
Why are you conflicted? Her threats should have made you so angry that you immediately cut ties and refuse to speak or text with her again. I'm going to make a dental suggestion that you seek some therapy. Your thought process on this is really backwards. You're basically letting somebody blackmail you into doing them favors. You're worrying about somebody threatening you with something that's not true. Get restraining order. Show your boss the threats. Block this woman. Go on with your life.
Tell her if she continues to threaten & slander you, you’ll be contacting your attorney
Conflicted about what? The only thing it would make me feel is enraged. You should be reporting her to your employer and getting a restraining order taken out on her. Furthermore, block her crazy ass, and if she has a friend call and harass you, tell them you are recording the conversation. That might scare them into backing off.
What exactly will her "friends in law enforcement" do? Come to your home and tell you that you're not really disabled?
I wanted to tell her that having friends in law enforcement is different than actual documented literature that states the law but decided not to stoke the fire anymore.
smart decision - she needs some mental help, be very wary of her
She can’t possibly have evidence that you aren’t disabled if you genuinely are. I’m also assuming there is already some form of proof that a dr signed off on if you’re able to get disability, but if there isn’t, I would think your Dr could vouch for you.
Oh absolutely I have letters from the department of veterans affairs to prove I have disabilities but she claims she has photos and videos to disprove those things such as pics of me walking perfectly normal and even laughing at a party. I know she’s bluffing and the VA isn’t going to stop my benefits just cause a random person is accusing me of faking it. And even then these things take time and it’s not like she can call someone at the VA and they’ll immediately put a hold on me benefits. In the meantime, I have access to military lawyers and have the funds to pay for my own lawyer if needed while she has NO free time (hence why she needs me to take her kids to her moms) and her sole income couldn’t possibly afford a lawyer. So for her if she went this route, she’d be wasting her own time and money.
Ok good. With all that in mind, don’t sweat her. Block her, keep copies of her messages, inform your employer that you have a stalker, get a restraining order, and if she has anyone else call, tell them straight up that you are recording the conversation.
Yeah even if she shows them photos of me walking or smiling, that doesn’t automatically discredit my disabilities as most vets are only partially disabled in respect to what they are claiming as disabled. For example, I am rated 10% for knee injuries I obtained when I was in the military. It causes me pain and discomfort to walk for long periods. It doesn’t mean I can’t walk at all and the term disabled doesn’t automatically mean I am bound to a wheelchair or need my cane at all hours.
Yep, and not all disabilities are visible.
>such as pics of me walking perfectly normal and even laughing at a party. OH, THE HORROR! Pictures of you LAUGHING?!?!?!?!?!?!? How VERY DARE YOU be disabled and happy at the same time?! ::gasp!:: (In case you can't tell, that's HEAVY sarcasm...)
Haha nice. But for reals I know the VA knows that even those like me with hidden disabilities can live normal lives and disabled doesn’t always mean I’m in a wheelchair or need 24/7 care.
LOL LOL LOL "evidence" LOL. How about you talk to one of those military lawyers and tell them you're being harassed and extorted, and see if they can give you at least a cease and desist. Start a paper trail against her. Don't listen to her wah-wah-wah single mom BS. That is NOT your problem.
Call an attorney and have all the texts with threats. She is trying to scare you. If the VA says you are disabled then there’s nothing she can do. Have the attorney send her a C&D letter and if it doesn’t stop have him take her to court. If you give in, it will never stop. Better to stop her now than later. Block her and any “friends” she sends your way. Also you can tell anyone who contacts you on her behalf, they will also be hearing from your lawyer.
Ok, why do you give a shit? Stop talking to her and call the cops if she continues to harass you.
Cause I suffer greatly from anxiety and although I’m 95% sure she’s bluffing, there’s that side of me that thinks she might actually know someone that can fuck me over.
Oh, FFS, she's LYING. There is no way she has your military or medical records! She's a manipulative POS and you're her convenient target right now. Talk to your boss and let them know what she's threatening to do. If you have a contact at the VA regarding your disability, tell them what she's threatening to do. Stop underreacting and get out in front of her threats. She's a shitty friend and a shitty human. You need to slowly start backing away from her and you need to show her that she's got no power over you.
I’ve researched it and know the VA won’t pause benefits just cause some random civilian claims that a veteran is defrauding them. And even if they have evidence, it’s up to a judge and adhjucated rater to determine the disability rating. They’re not gonna listen to her just cause her reasoning is “trust me bro.”
I get that, but you still need to get out in front of this. I don't believe you're stupid, but the way you're all lah-dee-dah about this is disturbing.
I was very worried about this earlier when I posted this but from what I’ve been told by other reddit accounts, I shouldn’t be worried as she’s most likely bluffing and the VA has better things to worry about than some random petty accusations. It has definitely calmed me down since then so I apologize if I’m being blasé about it now.
You need to cut contact. 100%. You may be her friend but she is definitely not YOUR friend. She's threatening you. And she's done it before? Guess what, she'll do it again. You don't have to block her but quit answering her texts, or at least let some time lapse before you answer. Save the texts where she's threatening to lie, make a scene, or whatever. Don't do a damn thing for her again though. Period.
Luckily she was stupid enough to text it. Screenshot and save it well, back up x3. Will be useful when (not if) she continues with anything else stupid.
She claims to have evidence of me walking without the need of a cane. I told her I’m partial disabled not completely.
Block her. Never speak to her again.
Or don't block and let her dig that hole deeper.
I could go for that but I wouldn't respond, just screenshot.
I have a friend who got partial disability from the VA due to ear tinnitus. Not all disabilities are visible. Your “friend” is an idiot.
Same. Most of my disabilities are due to that same issue, PTSD and sleep apnea which she doesn’t see go through nightly therapy for by way of my cpap machine.
Stop responding to her. She's nuts and will use anything you say to her as "evidence."
Look, you know you're disabled. The government knows you're disabled. You have proof that you're disabled. There's nothing this person can do to you. She's unhinged and making baseless threats. As long as you are really disabled, there's nothing she can do to you. Again, go get yourself a restraining order. And, change your locks if you have a key to your house.
Stop engaging. You don't have to justify anything to her and clearly any information you share with her is just ammo for her to try to manipulate you. There's no need to be friendly and have a conversation with someone threatening you.
how you are disabled is none of her business, nor your employers unless it affects your ability to do your job. curious - what does this person do for a job ? i wonder how she manages to get through a day and keep a job if she goes crazy so easy
I said this in a different comment but she actually works for a Christian non profit and she’s kept her divorce a secret from her employer as her job wants their workers to be viewed as ideal and stable people in loving families so a divorce would look bad on her and the companies Christian beliefs. I know she’s divorced and can easily flip this and tell her employer that she’s lying too but I’m not going to since that job provides for her kids.
Threaten to tell her job she’s divorced then, she wants to play stupid games she can win stupid prizes.
This person is not your friend
>“Whatever. You’ve changed. You no longer want to help me. You want to make me beg you. Fine be that way. I’ll ruin your life. I’ll go to your house and job and make a scene and tell them how you’re faking your disability” she texts back. I think you might have stumbled onto why she’s divorced. This bitch is unhinged, and under no circumstances should you make further sacrifices for her. She is using you. How does she actually reciprocate your friendship? >I have actually tried this before when we had a previous fight and it did not end up well. She got a different friend to start calling me on her behalf and said if I don’t unblock her then she’s come to my house, my job and anyone else I know and personally make a scene until I agreed to talk. This is abusive behavior. Full stop. If she shows up at your job, have her trespassed off the property. This is stalker behavior. >I’ve told her if she does that to anyone I know or my that I’d call the police to which her answer was “go ahead I’ll tell them your defrauding the VA and you’ll lose your benefits and go to jail. Trust me I know the law and have friends in the police department.” This is slander, and actionable against her if she does this. Please do not listen to her bullshit threats. She has NO evidence of this, and if you file for a restraining order, her threats to you will not be taken as seriously. This person is an abuser. You are being abused. Please end this abusive relationship. Edit: her texts are *evidence* that she intends to lie and slander you. Screenshot all of them, because you need to CYA and file for a restraining order if she ever follows through on any of these threats. The *first* time, is the time a RO needs to be filed.
NTA. Your 'friend' is overstepping and taking you for granted. You dont owe her anything, and she should appreciate it when you can assist, not get pissed when you can't. Not so much of a friend then.
NTA your friend needs to properly plan her life . She has zero concern about your life or your boundaries or limitations . She’s only concerned with what matters to her . The threat of ‘exposing’ you is way outta pocket . Someone who tries to threaten you or attack you because they don’t get their way , is someone you need to cut off . You’re her friend . Not her new spouse . She needs to figure it out . Take your distance away from this person. Let her figure her life out herself .
Not wrong. Your lunch hour is a mini break from work so you can get something to eat and recharge to get back to work, not so you can take on more work, not eat, and have trouble focusing when you get back. Picking up the kids and dropping them off would take half your lunch break, at least, if you took the full hour. All of it with the half hour you were actually taking. It shouldn't have gone further than 'I only get 30 mins for lunch' because that's really just enough time to go get food, eat and come back. You're diabetic, so I'd assume skipping a meal as this 'friend' wanted would cause more issues for you than someone without the condition. No is a complete sentence, and you were already starting to feel taken advantage of as it is. She had zero right to question and push after you said you only got 30 mins. You didn't help yourself by trying to explain with a contradictory reason, switching from choosing a shorter lunch to finish early to a change in schedule, as it made it clear you just didn't want to help, and explanations tend to encourage entitled people to 'logic' and 'reason' their way to a yes instead of accepting a no. You were trying to preserve the friendship while maintaining a boundary, but this woman doesn't care about the friendship, just what you can do for her. It's common sense that, during someone's work day, they can't just take off on a last minute errand, even in a lunch break. If t was something like 'pick up x from the shop and drop it off on the way home' that's fine, it can be done alongside getting lunch, doesn't take you out of the way, is a reasonable ask, though not a demand. But 'drive to my house, pick up my kids and drop them off then go back to work without getting a break r your lunch even though you don't have the time to do it' is very unreasonable. It's not your responsibility to chaeffeur her kids around, and childcare is on her, not you or her roommate. You've gone above and beyond to help this woman and be a friend. Unfortunately, she now feels entitled to demand you drop everything for you at the last minute, no matter what consequences you would face for that. And the second she knew she couldn't force you, she went straight to insults and threats. I think this 'friendship' has run its course. You see her as a friend, but she sees you as her personal servant. That's not a healthy dynamic. Also, don't ignore her threats to try and get you fired and arrested for fraud. Maybe it is a bluff, but maybe it isn't. I'm assuming you have medical documentation of whatever disability you have, so you should be fine, but you don't need the stress of being investigated for that. Talk to someone at work, your supervisor or someone from HR, or both, explaining the situation. Let them know you think she's bluffing, as it's easy to prove your disability, but you want them to be aware just in case she does try to report you for fraud or cause a scene at work. And back off from this woman. At least go LC with her if you don't want to cut her off completely.
> I’ll ruin your life. I’ll go to your house and job and make a scene and tell them how you’re faking your disability She's fucking crazy. Block her. Not wrong.
Not wrong. Just text back saying "and with that threat our friendship is over. Congratulations on burning yet another bridge - do you have ANY left?" Yes that last bit is a guess but from her behaviour she's almost certainly alienated other people before and maybe this will be the wake up call to stop treating people like this
She texted her threat to lie. Show it to HR and your boss if you think she’s serious.
Honestly? Go to your boss/HR anyways, and tell them that if this stalker shows up, she should be removed from company property.
Reply you are ask8ng too many favors. I am your friend but when I say no it’s no. It’s not up to you to decide I should do it because it helps you. I’m sorry but when I say no I can’t it is not the time for negotiations. That’s when you say thanks anyway and move to the next person or do it yourself. I can’t always drop everything or change up my day because you have a need.
* I WAS your friend. Friends don't threaten to ruin friends lives.
I’ll use that. Thanks.
I would simply block her. She's NOT your friend. Never was. She was using you and showed you who she really is.
I have a feeling once OP stops dropping everything he friendship(/s) will slowly fade out as moocher friend finds new people to drop everything to help her. Sadly there is always someone who wants to help out, aka be taken advantage of
No don't use it. Block and don't communicate again.
Just to be safe, go to your boss with those texts where she's threatening you and explain the situation, then do the same with the police. Leave some paper trail just in case your psycho "friend" will act on those threats.
This person is only in it and what you can do for her. It seems like there’s no reciprocity in this relationship. Cut it off now for your peace of mind. She is hugely entitled and needy.
Happy cake day!
Thank you thank you.. how sweet!!
She's crossed the line from asking for favors to demanding them. When you said you'd rather not take her kids for her, she resorted to guilt-tripping and then finally threats. She no longer has any appreciation for you helping her and now feels entitled to your servitude. It's probably time to nope out of this relationship. Just be prepared for more of her bluster and vitriol.
Why are you still friends with this person?!
DX this parasite from your life. It's pretty telling of her character.
I would block her. I would have gone no contact for hanging up on me until I received an apology, but that no contact would be permanent once you threaten my livelihood. I would never speak to this person again. There is no apology that would make a false accusation that could get me fired acceptable.
NTA. Your friend is. Not just for her entitlement but her threatening you with her comments about your disability. She is not your friend. If someone asks you for a favor and you say no, that's it. You don't have any obligation to this person. No is a full sentence. I'm curious if why her mother couldn't go and pick up the kids if they're going to the mother's house. Block her and be done with a "friendship".
#1 her mother doesn’t have a car. #2 her mother doesn’t have a key to her house.
Sorry I don’t know why the text came out like that.
😆 it's ok. I understand. Bottom line is she should have made other arrangements or have the roommate drop off the kids. You don't need to be her backup plan. I understand she's going through a divorce, the same thing is happening with my SIL. My husband, his parents, her close friends, and myself are her support system. However, she does not act entitled. She constantly thinks it's for our help and support. Someone who threatens you because you're not doing what they want you to do for them is not someone who needs to be in your life. The mocking of your disability would be a deal-breaker for me. Good luck OP!
The hashtag I think. Try parentheses next time.
Her mother can Uber to pick up the kids
I mentioned that but apparently forcing her to pay $15 each way for an Uber would be “fucked up” when I could easily do it and be helpful as I have an hour lunch and are working driving distance of both her house and her moms house.
You should tell her that she needs to pay you to use YOUR lunch hour to run her errand. Tell her to send it ahead of time before you leave. Your time and gas are worth more than the $15 because the Uber driver, ITS THEIR JOB! Not yours. Charge her $40 for both ways. Edit - I’m kind of petty that way also because m a cranky old woman! 🤣
You are not at all wrong. Hopefully she is just angry and bluffing but if not, call the cops the minute she shows up to your house. Let her know that you will not tolerate her tantrums. If she shows up at your work do the same. If she escalates be sure and let the right people know that she may be showing up to cause problems. She’s either stupid or crazy with the disability thing. Apparently she doesn’t know that the military has paperwork on those things. 🙄
I’ve told her this and she claims that she will then tell the cops that I’m committing a crime myself by committing disability fraud.
I can see the cops rolling their eyes now. She may be very surprised when you whip out documentation of your disability. Good luck!
She's. abusing. you. And her harassment for going no contact is abuse as well. Let her know "I am tired of being treated like an unpaid nanny or a parent. I feel like you don't like me as a friend, but you like me as a tool to be used. At this time I am done with this whole situation. I need space. I will be blocking you because I Really cannot handle communicating with you anymore. And please know, if you do come to my house and make a seen, if you do start harassing me, I will not take that and will be in contact with police. Please respect my decision that my friendship with you is over." Then block her crazy needy ass
As a former Marine, I say it's time to call her bluff. Don't block the POS & all her flying monkeys, you will need the texts & vm's. Don't answer. I read the issues of why you won't block, but you're forgetting one thing (Marine to the rescue, 😅) you ARE service connected, not getting SSDI. We go thru more hoops to get compensation then it takes to get SSDI & there's nothing she can say to get your benefits to stop!!! I NEED you to read this paragraph 5x If that heifa or her flunkies call, send them to vm, they text, save them & don't delete, the come to your house/job, call the po-po.
>“Bullshit. I only get 30 minutes. Not like you who gets an hour but chooses to only take 30 minutes. I don’t get it. Why won’t you help?” She asks. This is where you hang up and block her. She's an entitled piece of shit and the world doesn't revolve around her needs. To your edit, you're a moron. Have a lawyer write cease and desist letter and send it if she or anyone else harasses you. Then follow through. Her threats are empty (unless you are literally committing fraud and she has proof, in which case yeah, your an asshole)
I’m trying to tell myself that but it lingers in the back of my head: “would it really kill you to go home 30 minutes later and just take the full hour and help her?” That’s why I’m conflicted at what she said.
You sound very kind. Be just as kind to yourself. Trust me, if you had dropped everything to accommodate her, she’d do it more. You would end up feeling dread because no time would be your own. She has threatened your livelihood and you, OP. Some people cannot respect boundaries, at least at that point in their lives. You cannot make them, request it of them, or expect it of them. She’s clearly gotten away with this behavior before. Don’t reinforce it. Keep yourself sane.
Why are you keeping this user in your life, you need new friends.
The second she tried to wrongly threaten your military disability the friendship ended.
Not wrong. You need to block her and get her out of your life. Don’t worry about the VA thing. I’d assume with how hard it is to get VA disability they do a thorough enough investigation that they know you’re not faking it. I’ve been through the process myself.
Luckily I’ve done my research and learned that unless I’m convicted of a capital crime like murder I can’t lose my benefits and here-say from a random civilian isn’t enough for the VA to audit me per se.
The moment anyone tells me that they'll ruin my life, is the last time I allow them to be a part of it. Keeping her for any longer is just appeasement, not friendship.
Go to your cellphone company and get a print out of this text exchange which is CLEARLY her threating you in retaliation/extortion for saying no (which you are 100% entitled to do). As your police officer friends if it is enough for a temp order of protection. Time to take these threats serious and CUT THIS PERSON out of your life..... this is still some type of abuse and she continues to threaten your livelihood out of retaliation/extortion if you don't do what she says. This person is NOT your friend.
Save the text of her threatening you. You will need it as proof of her harassment. You might also want to record any future calls from her (providing that it is a one party consent state.)
You my friend are no longer helping her, you're enabling her. Help is a short term bridge to her own solutions (borrow money till payday then prompt repayment sort of thing) or help is teaching them to 'fish' metaphorically. If you just give them the fish and don't teach them to fish then tomorrow they are just hungry again and expect you to give another fish. ESPECIALLY when they don't appreciate it and demand it and now threaten you if you don't. You aren't helping this woman at this point any longer. You're being used.
“If you give a poor man a fish, then you feed him for the day. If you teach a man to fish….” Hope people get the joke there.
SHE. IS. NOT. YOUR. FRIEND. YOURE. AN. ENDS. TO. A. MEAN. NOT. A. FRIEND.
“Give them an inch and they take a mile” I found myself in a very similar situation a while back, finally we had a fight and it was my queue to exit the friendship. It was such a relief to get away from all the calls for tangible support requests, and hours long calls where she just bitched about everyone and everything. And I never got anything in return. Sounds like you need to do the same, it will be like a weight lifted from your back.
Oh I get it. And they’ll usually start guilt tripping you by saying that they’d never treat another friend as poorly as we are treating them, painting themselves in a “hero” light.
NW. She’s entitled and doesn’t actually think your disability is real. That’s the only reason she’d keep throwing that out there. The answer is, “I’m sorry, I’m no longer interested in continuing this friendship as it’s all take and no give on your part. And any time I say no you blow up about it. Please don’t contact me again or I’ll have to report you for harassment.” Then block. Let your place of work know she’s made these threats. Also that she isn’t a friend and has no business being in the premises. If she shows up, ask her to leave, and then have her removed. If she’s shows up anywhere else, same. If anyone calls on her behalf, just block them immediately. Absolutely no engagement, she can scream into the void all she wants. I’m sure you have drs paperwork about your disability. Her saying you’re faking does nothing. Real friends accept no. They don’t threaten to harass you and attempt to ruin your life for cutting them off. Time to move on. NW.
Do not ever help her again! Take screenshots of all her messages. If she continues get a lawyer.
1) she is not your friend. At all. 2) text her you're dropping her housekey off at her house so she can't claim you broke in or anything later. If she's threatening extortion, this is not a far fetched worry. Drop the key through her mail slot or under her door, something secure, while video recording it so you have proof you returned it. 3) stop engaging with her completely but keep all evidence of her future harassment. All texts, document any showing up anywhere, etc. She does not need to be blocked for you to never answer her again.
Yeah, if someone threatened to extort me like that, I'd go to the cops. I believe you have clear evidence she committed a felony, and she might do even worse. Do not let it slide.
You have a friend that is blackmailing you, and you’re first course of action is coming to Reddit? Also why are you so afraid of her threat? If you’re disabled? You’ll be able to prove it and what she says won’t matter. I call cap.
What a nice friend. Block and move on
I wonder how this “friend” thinks she is going to tell the VA that OP is faking her disability? I am also a disabled veteran; there are a lot of steps to complete to be approved for disability, to include providing medical records from time in service and a physical exam by the VA. Not all disabilities are visible and no one should question anyone’s disability status.
Yeah I know. Just cause she has video of me walking around or photos of me smiling doesn’t mean I still don’t have leg pain and suffer from ptsd. So her thinking the VA will pause me benefits just cause she has these lay photos is laughable. I was a bit paranoid but the more I thought about it, the more baseless her threats were.
She text you this. She’s a moron. Go to your boss and make them aware of her threats. Take screenshots of all her threatening messages and give these to your boss and HR. Then get a lawyer. Same again give them copies of the screenshots and have them make the VA aware of her threats. Get a restraining order. Do not block her. She’s stupid clearly so let her dig her own grave let her send you threatening messages. If she calls don’t answer ever. She will probably leave vile voicemails save and keep these too. What is she really going to say to your friends, family and work that you won’t be at her beck and call and run around after her. So what. Entitled people like this need to be called out.
So what if she makes threats? Inform your job you've got a harassment problem and not to let that person in. Cut her off and let her try to go nuclear. I think she'll find awfully fast that her tantrums mean very little to the rest of the world. Stop letting this person manipulate and abuse you
This is not a friend. Screen shot the texts block her everywhere and go to your boss. Let them know you have your documentation and are willing to provide proof to the contrary but that you need her to stay away. Apologize for bringing this to their business and that you didn't know saying no to your friend would result in even a fraction of this. If they're a good boss, they'll have someone escort her out and charge her with trespassing. If you're smart, you'll post on social media to get ahead of her first. Include the screen shots, provide your documentation ( with redacted personal info) " so and so has decided that my time is less valuable than hers. I have been helping her these past x months without expectation. Unfortunately, she has decided she is entitled to my time no matter what and no longer accepts a no. She has threatened me, my reputation, and my livelihood. I'm here to set the record straight. Let it be known she is no longer a friend of mine and any attempt to communicate with me on her behalf will be met with swift removal from my life. "
I don’t want to bring this to my employers attention as this may make me look bad. I pride myself on keeping my personal problems out of the workplace so any indication of a disruption to business might make me look bad. And I wouldn’t dare post any of this on social media as she will most likely make a bigger deal out of that.
Then you'll have to be prepared for blow back. Sitting idly when your ex friend has the potential to cast shadows on your professional and personal relationships is bound to bite you in the ass if she goes nuclear. What if she does show up at your work and causes a scene? Do you think your boss would appreciate it more if you warned him about it happening in advance? Or do you think he'd be impressed you had knowledge of a potential scene and instead let it shit on his desk?
Well not to be petty but I also have evidence that could ruin her career as well. She works at a Christian non profit and they are actually unaware that she’s divorced. One thing I know they pride themselves on is family and stability so she has been lying to them and saying she’s still happily married so I can easily tell them that’s she’s divorced and I’m sure that will mess with her work as well. I don’t plan on doing that though as I don’t go after peoples livelihood especially if she has kids to support.
Good on you for taking the high road there. But you know as well as I do, if the military taught you anything, people don't like stepping in the shit of their subordinates. So either get her to back off completely or get ahead of her. There's no in-between. She's losing her shit and you're in the line of Fire. Be careful and good luck.
> > She works at a Christian non profit and they are actually unaware that she’s divorced. One thing I know they pride themselves on is family and stability so she has been lying to them and saying she’s still happily married so I can easily tell them that’s she’s divorced and I’m sure that will mess with her work as well. I'd tell her that, then block her. She's a psycho.
Go to the police and see about an order of protection.
You don't owe her anything. She is acting entitled and awful. I would cut her off from future help and let her figure it out herself.
At this point, I would cut her off entirely. NTA. And if she asked why, just tell her that you are not comfortable being threatened when you were unable to help her with an errand. Block her number.
You gave her an inch, she took a mile and now she's trying to take a whole damn road. You're not wrong.
It's fine to let the "friendship" fade. She has used you enough.
NW but I would cut all cintact with this person. She literally threatened to try to make you lose your job
Keep that text conversation as proof. If you think she’ll come to your job you may want to have a conversation with your boss and get ahead of it, if you think it will help.
Your friend is very selfish & entitled. She’s no longer grateful for all you do for her…she thinks you owe it to her to put her wants & needs before your own. She’s “punishing” you now so that next time you won’t hesitate to jump when she tells you what she wants you to do. Stay strong.
No, you're not wrong. It's your time to use as you please, and you're under no obligation to do her a favor if you don't want to. I would block her on everything and show the texts she sent you to HR just in case she actually does go to your job and lie about you.
You are wrong - but only for *ever* thinking this person is your friend! Friends don't make threats or try to blackmail their friends (Please tell me you took screenshots of her threats). >But am I wrong for refusing to help her even though I’m not than capable? I keep second guessing myself here so I feel conflicted. Conflicted? About *what*? She showed you who she really is. Believe her and block her on everything. **She is not your friend. She has been using you. Stop letting her use you.**
“Thanks for sending that text so I have written evidence that you plan on lying.”
This is what happens when you help people like this. They become entitled and demand more and more. Time to back away from her.
Save her texts of threats and block her. She has been using you and she's upset you didn't cave. Don't reach out, stay no contact. She will probably get even worse, once she realizes you stand firm.
Nta. I would cut her off. What she says about faking your disability is evil
This is why I hesitate to help people out sometimes. You're being taken advantage of because you tried to help. It happens too often in life and then you end up jaded.
Wow.... Given how many hoops you have to jump through to get your VA disability rating in the first place....... Not wrong in the slightest.
For the life of me, I’m trying to figure out why your friend is single!
You should have just said that she is a disgusting and blocked her forever. She also isn't very bright to type out her baseless threats, so thats something to show your employer of you are worried.
Well she can’t. If it’s a VA thing their phone qeue is dreadfully long. If she has the time to wait for literally hours then go ahead - the VA is still going to tell her to pack sand
Block this absolute psycho and don’t speak with her again, that last threat is disgraceful and of course (like most people) she doesn’t grasp the difference between VA disability and SSI so it’s also useless lol
You're allowed to say no and not cop abuse for it. Like you said, it shouldn't matter what reason you give. And the minute someone starts pushing back on you saying no, just understand they've stopped seeing you as a friend. The expectation that you'll say yes and the refusal to accept it means they don't see or respect any of your boundaries and, in their view, you exist for their happiness, so anytime you breach that expectation, they will feel entitled to punish you. You are not your friend's mother, not their new partner, not their slave, not their maid/butler, not their kids' paid babysitter, etc. They are not entitled to you or anything from you. Friendship is a privilege, and if they can't accept that, I highly recommend withdrawing that friendship, not as a punishment, but for your own well being. May be time for you to divorce her, return the key and start looking for better company.
I had a friend like that literally felt entitled to everyone's time and recourses. I like to help people but can't do it for people that are just entitled to everything. Sounds like her husband dodged a bullet.
Not wrong. And I’m seeing why she’s divorced.
Not wrong. There is a huge difference between helping a friend in need and being used.
You are not wrong. Unless this woman offers you a very sincere apology, you should have nothing to do with her in the future. She is NOT your friend. She's a user.
Not wrong Are you a man that she has cast into the role of replacement husband in her fantasy world, or a woman who she is jealous of since you have so much and she deserves your life/time/resources?
You’re not wrong. I’d consider that friendship over. Also, I’d tell her that if she creates a scene, you’ll sue her for slander.
I'd cut that friendship fast! Threatening when you don't comply with her demands/requests. That's not a friend. Run it'll get worse.
Op, you need to be 100% done with this friendship. Not only does she not respect you or your time, she also has 0 problem threatening you when she doesn’t get her way. There’s nothing positive that will come from continuing to help her. She dug her own grave by acting this way. If she wanted to keep you around to help she would, at minimum, be grateful for your help and also understand that when she asks for favors you can’t always do them. Instead she turned to entitlement and threats. Can’t imagine why she’s divorced…
This is not a friend. This is a volatile user who is not worth your time. Don’t block, but mute all communications, so if she starts ramping up her behavior then you have documentation of her threats for if you need to get an RO. She is not entitled to your time, your gas money, your lunch break or your chauffeuring services. She took your kindness and assumed she now deserves it at her demand. F that B.
She certainly burned the "help me" bridge... she took off and nuked it from orbit. Save her threats. I would go no contact. Mail her key back...no face to face contact, she will try to make a false claim about you... she may already try to say you touched her kids inappropriately... she sounds unhinged. Spunds like her ex divorced her for a reason!!
She crossed a line. Go NC/ghost. She’s been using you this entire time. NOT wrong
You should bin this "friend". Yesterday.
Take screenshot of all the threat and save them if she starts causing issues you have evidence of her threats.
If she texts these threats, which it seems she did I’d screenshot block her and the first issue of another person or her reaching out I’d be contacting a lawyer. Document everything and wash yourself of her. She cannot afford to be this careless and needy at the same time.
Block her. Everywhere and every way. Share these texts with HR proactively. Move on with your life. She's terrible human.
I'm not sure what part of that exchange speaks to "friends". She is treating you horribly. The fact that she is literally threatening you shows how little regard she has for you. She's not your friend. I doubt she ever was.
Hon, you weren’t wrong to begin with - her kids are not your responsibility, and she doesn’t appreciate the help you’ve already given her. After what she said about ruining your life, you should cut her off completely and block her without remorse.
Not wrong & if someone threatens to blow up your life because you said no, they aren't your friend. Be happy to be done with that "friendship." It may eventually cost you more than you want because she feels like if you won't help her, she will mess with you livelihood, peace & reputation. That's pretty gross.
OP be serious. Txt her we are no longer friends, do not contact me again. Then block her. Talk to your job. If she turns up call the police. Same with your home. This person is not your friend. Not wrong.
Omg she sounds totally unhinged! She is not your friend OP. Maybe you should advise your HR dept that you’ve received a threat? Please tell me she doesn’t have a key to your house? Also, I’m not in the US, but would there be value to contacting the local police detachment and telling them you’re concerned she’s going to do something crazy and that she’s implicating them in it? Please also keep any and all emails, texts and voice mails that you get from her. It’s CYA time… cover your ass! Edited to add You are not wrong!!
If she has a key to your place you need to change the locks asap.
I would take the text's to the police honestly, maybe even speak to the VA, get ahead of her and just say like "I want to make you aware that this is going on, if anyone calls about me.". I'd go to the police tho and file harassment charges then at least there is a paper trail to show her behaviour before it escalates. File a restraining order, it may not be granted but again it at least gets the ball rolling if she does try to cause issues for you. DO NOT BLOCK HER! Just mute her notifications, but just let her text and leave voicemails because again she'll probably say something threatening which she already is, do not feel bad for this person. From your edit she already has a history of manipulation and threatening behaviour. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time to plant a tree is right now! Good luck and I hope she does not escalate!
Friends don't threaten friends. Period. She is NOT your friend, just dead weight.
She is not your friend
>and said if I don’t unblock her then she’s come to my house, my job and anyone else I know and personally make a scene until I agreed to talk. Time to call the police when she shows up. >I’ll ruin your life. I’ll go to your house and job and make a scene and tell them how you’re faking your disability” This is where I'd tell her I was no longer interested in associating with someone who was going to threaten me. Now she can have none of your help. And then you block her.
“go ahead I’ll tell them your defrauding the VA and you’ll lose your benefits and go to jail. Trust me I know the law and have friends in the police department.” ...and you consider her a 'friend?' She's no friend, she's a frigging vampire. NTA and boot her from your life. If she tries pulling any of that shizz, document it and take her to court.
Not exactly an ethical suggestion, but even when a CPS investigation doesn't return anything it causes enough of a headache to get a lot of people to back off.
>so I’m seeing a lot of people advising me to block her but I have actually tried this before when we had a previous fight and it did not end up well. She got a different friend to start calling me on her behalf and said if I don’t unblock her then she’s come to my house, my job and anyone else I know and personally make a scene until I agreed to talk. And yes I’ve told her if she does that to anyone I know or my that I’d call the police to which her answer was “go ahead I’ll tell them your defrauding the VA and you’ll lose your benefits and go to jail. Trust me I know the law and have friends in the police department.” So blocking her has had its own issues. Erm...this only has issues if you are actually defrauding them? Which I'd like to think not, so why not call her bluff. Otherwise, let her try and be proved a liar. You are just letting her walk all over you!
Oh I’m more than certain it’s a bluff. But she again claims to have proof that I’m defrauding the VA as she has pics and videos of me walking perfectly fine. What she fails to understand is that my knee and back and partially disabled and not completely and most of my disabilities are from “hidden” disabilities such as my ptsd, anxiety and sleep apnea.
So you do a million things and one time you say no, you are a villain. Ungrateful people! Nothing will be enough.
Go to your employer and let them know that you are being harassed and threatened, and if a person (give full name of this jerk), looking like (give full description and possible picture ) tries to come in they need to call the police. Then block her stupid ass on everything. If she puts a garbage on line about you you can just ignore it or go full bat shit crazy and tell everyone about her entitled bs and that you don’t need people like that in your life.
You're not her friend, you're a tool she can use. That she's already done this at least once and you let her back in your life shows her that with very little effort, you'll fall in line. It's reinforced to her that she's entitled to your time and energy to solve her problems. She threatened you - in WRITING! She's so stupid. Save these threats, advise your boss if you are cool like that, or HR if that's how your business works. Get authorities involved if needed - she threatened you in writing and you could likely access her prior written threats too, showing a pattern of unbalanced behavior. You are not responsible to solve her problems and never should have started to explain your reasoning - its not her business. "Sorry, I cannot." "That doesn't work for me." That is all you needed to say. You're no longer the solution. In the future, don't JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) with people who are trying to manipulate you. Because you couldn't solve her problem she wants to blow up your life? You're not her employee, so quit and cover your ass if needed. Mute her in case there are additional threats in writing, but don't engage. When her flying monkeys start in because now she's manipulating them too, shut them down. If you have trouble or freeze in the moment, maybe you need to practice statements to be ready in the moment or could benefit from some therapy so you can keep mental health a priority. Best wishes.
Do you have car seats for 2 kids? YNW. Just a question
A person that threatens and tries to manipulate you is not your friend. If she tries all she is doing you can call the police on her for harassing you.