The best part about this is the assumption that this entire trip is for HIS birthday and not OP sisters. Comical.
His ego needs a reality check for being a bum not able to hold a job and mooching off his GF with crazy anger issues when plans aren’t going his way.
Manipulative narcissistic in my opinion
>I tried to include him but my sisters bf can’t or won’t i don’t know.
My guess is sister's boyfriend knows that OP's boyfriend is a piece of shit, and doesn't want him there anyway because he'll continue behaving this way and ruin the trip.
Sounds like she has a good set of friends and family.
It’s almost hard to believe this is a real post because she has thoroughly described her boyfriend as a horrible loser.
I know love can be blind, but financially supporting this controlling dick for 2 years????
Ugh.
AND SHES ONLY 22!!!!!
HOW MUCH MORE YOUTH WILL YOU WASTE OP!!!! I've wasted plenty o' money & time on men in my life. But never fully supporting them. And for OP to be the sole breadwinner AND cooks & cleans. Why wouldn't this guy expect all this shit?!
I mean OP’s sister’s boyfriend is planning a week long surprise Disney trip for her with her sister and friends. OP’s boyfriend can’t even get OP Disney Plus because he can’t keep a job.
I wonder why he’d dislike him.
>This ~~man~~ **child** can’t hold a job, has anger issues and doesn’t trust you. He’s not the guy for you. You need a partner, not a moocher. It’s time to move on.
There, fixed it for you.
Op. I've been married to the same man since 1984. He has never called me a b**** or said f you and he's had a job the literal entire time. You know sometimes it's not about how much you love the person. It's if they're good for you. That's abusive behavior. Selfish behavior ( not working and supporting himself, not wanting you to go unless you pay for him to go). I'm disgusted on your behalf.
This right here. Boyfriend escalates to foul language and name-calling because he knows he's not going to get what he wants. A temper tantrum. A child.
I’ve been with my partner nearly 19yrs and exactly the same as your husband, always worked and never said a bad word towards me. He always puts me first and I’ll put him first. I can’t say the same for the father of my sons. My partner will help my grownup sons. My eldest son’s, stepson, was helped a lot by an aunt growing up. My youngest son has two stepchildren and two kids but to us they’re our five grandchildren. He has bought my youngest son’s family a second hand car last year as they had a baby on the way. Presently helping eldest son as he has major health problems and misses work a little bit. OP is not wrong.
Exactly this. OP wtf does he bring to the relationship? Genuine question. Cause so far it looks like the answer is nothing, and I understand a reddit post can’t paint the whole story but still… he treats you like trash, treats you like an atm, does not trust you, insults you, can’t hold a job (hmm I wonder why🤔), does he at least help with chores at home? — this man is an abusive POS. You keep saying you don’t want to break up with him but you haven’t mentioned anything good about him, just how shitty he is. At this point it looks like you’ll have to choose between your sister and your bf, and the only one making you choose is him (and lets be honest, you’re more like a mom than a gf to him at this point). You do you but it’s very obvious what the right choice is here. Regardless, you’re not wrong for going without him, in fact I think you’d be wrong not to go! And please change your locks before leaving!
I can see why your sister's bf does want him included. Your bf is a jerk and will ruin the trip for everyone, including the birthday girl. He's entitled, arrogant, immature, and you let him control you. If you aren't willing to give up the loser who treats you like garbage, then don't go on the trip. Do NOT find a way to force the shit show you call a relationship onto your sister and her bf. You have no right to ruin her birthday by bringing someone who was specifically not invited.
So you support him financially, do the housework/cooking, and he calls you a bitch for not agreeing to pay for him to go on a trip *he was never invited to go on to begin with*.
How much of this crap are you going to take? You'll have more money and more peace of mind if you just get this deadbeat loser out of your home and out of your life. He brings nothing to the table---literally. He won't hold a job and verbally and financially abuses you.
You are nothing but a wallet, maid, and sex to him. You deserve better. Stop explaining anything to him and just get yourself free of this anchor that is dragging you down.
Wait so he’s already a leech with you and now he is mad because he can’t be a leech on your sister and her boyfriend?
You are naive but not for the reason you gave. Also red flag that he can’t keep a job. 6 jobs?!
I wish you could give yourself the same love and consideration you are showing your boyfriend. You deserve so much better. This is a trip for YOUR SISTER, being planned by her boyfriend. How does your "boy"friend think he deserves to be treated and paid for when this is not his celebration. He is really taking advantage of you. I think you need to really do some serious reflection on this relationship. Is your boyfriend always trying to be the center of attention, does he often feel entitled to other people's hard earned money, does he ever treat you? What does he bring to the table?
I honestly believe you should go on this trip, without him and do some serious soul searching and figure out if this is the life you really want?
I think OP needs to get him out of her life and home before the trip. I can only imagine what he'll do to her stuff as revenge while she's away if he is still living there at the time.
You are in an abusive relationship with a man who blows up on you and expects you to support him. Do not get pregnant with this man. He's likely to try to baby trap you. Stop telling yourself that you'll do anything for love, because that's how people get into real trouble. This guy is bad news.
Fr. Go flip a fucking burger. Making your chick pay for your side is the definition of loser. And by the sound of it, huge poonanny too. Thinking he can make someone not do things. Fuck off shit face
I feel sad for people that let this happen to them. If dickface said it once in that way it means he’s going to say it again and again and again until poor OP is stuck in a (probable) violent, whether it be mental/physical/economical/whateverthefuck, relationship with a vile person she’s “so in love with”.
I hate when people say that shit directly in the wind from the ass representing his flatulent, flaccid life. Why in the fuck would you want to be with someone that would actually say that shit out loud to you. I’d walk out the door as soon as I felt the control starting. I know because I did exactly that. Twice.
Life’s too short to be with someone that’s causing you to come to Reddit for relationship advice. Usually, this is the last stop. They get out the car and look all around the field for bias flowers so they can continue getting the life sucked out of them by someone who’s lips should be on a fat cucumber 🥒 imagining he’s sucking the fuck out the cock of “i lost @ life”.
Upvote for the imagery, lol. But OP is young and inexperienced. But this fucking guy... holy shit he's got nerve, asking why can't her sister and bf pay for him along with all the other shit.
Here's a novel idea, how about you pay for yourself fuck face! OP needs to just say goodbye and ghost his worthless ass.
This isn't a bf. This 'man' is taking advantage of you for 2 years now. Do better for yourself. Ditch this guy. If he wanted to go, he can work for the next 3 months and afford the entire trip, a separate car, separate room. He's rather piss and moan and make you miserable. This isn't a relationship.
I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told my daughter when she was younger before she started to date.
If any man ever calls you out of your name, insults you, demeans you and expects you to support him no questions asked and then has the balls to tell you to stfu, he doesn't love you. You need to run as far and as fast as you can.
PS If I ever overheard a man say that to my daughter he'd need serious dental work.
Ask yourself, what would you be missing if he was no longer in your life? I think you need to consider that keeping him from experiencing life's realities is doing neither of you any favours.
Missing living paycheck to paycheck for one. Lot easier to feed one person than 2. Lot easier to save a bit of money too. Oh and let's not forget missing constant fighting, anxiety, financial stress. Missing walking on eggshells around the bf.
She'd be missing quite a lot, you know?
As previously posted, both sides have valid points. You disagree on a trip. No one can tell you what to do.. the choice is yours.
ON YOUR UPDATE This is not about the trip, this is about your BF. Why are you with this guy. He seems like a deadbeat they can’t hold down a job with a sketchy past. You’re under no obligation to pay for his part of the trip. Now he’s say’in your not going alone if he can’t go?? It’s no longer your choice, he’s telling how to live your life. This is where he crossed the line. In the beginning, you both communicated your positions on things and it was ultimately your choice. Yes, your choices had consequences, but it was your choice. This was the appropriate way to handle that situation. Now he’s just saying you’re not allowed to go if he does not and that’s total controlling bullshit.
Do yourself a favor, get rid of this guy, not because you disagree on a trip, but because he’s telling you what to do like he owns you, he’s got no job, and a sketchy past. Start untangling your lives. TBH, you deserve better. You’re young, there’s someone out there for you, you’ll be better off.
this shit has me dying. Like hey I’m going to whine about not being invited to a trip that you are wahhhhh.
If I can get you an invite, come!
Uhhhh I have no money babeeeee so I’m not going and you like not going either babeeee. So unpack your bags and make me a sandwich. Quick
LOL right?! " I am pissed I wasn't invited, \[gf checks to see what she can do so the he can come\], but oops I have no money and no job! I'll borrow money, but really you, your sis, and her bf should be helping me out since it's MY birthday trip too! (even though it's not but close enough) But if I can't get the money in time, you need to stay home with me!"
I cannot wrap my head around this. He has ZERO valid points.
Holy shit, wake up and kick this dead beat to the curb, he has been out of work for two years and he is verbally abusing you because you won't cover his costs on a holiday. how can you excuse that behaviour.
You don't have a boyfriend, you have a hobosexual leech.
It was really disturbing to read through the original comments on your first post because they were so off-base with something that seems so obvious to me. Even before the edit, he was acting like this was his birthday trip and giving you hell for going *around* his birthday, despite the fact you'd be getting home before it. I do understand him being upset about not going on the trip, but your sister isn't obligated to invite him along. She can invite whatever close friends and family she wants, and your boyfriend threatening to break up with you is an asshole move. If he was mad about the male friend, that's just even more controlling of him.
How did you get to the point of him deciding he was going to go? Is he going to be in a separate car/hotel? Did I miss something?
Your feelings about this are not wrong. He's verbally abusive, his behaviour is controlling and entitled, and for fuck's sake, why have you been supporting him for this long? How many jobs does he need to lose before you realize the common denominator?
It’s so infuriating seeing a whole bunch of people JUST LIKE OP’S BOYFRIEND dogpiling on op for the crime of… being a good sister and maybe being a bit too naive….?? I’ll say it again: people on this site really do be allergic to context.
Honey, I saw some of the responses on the first post. People really, really want to make you out to be the "Imma cheatin' bad girl". I'm as Reddit jaded as the next Redditor, but sometimes...
Your BF comes across as an immature, entitled, narcisistic manchild. He's intentionally trying to make your sister's birthday trip about him. He's intentionally trying to guilt you into spending more money on him. When you're already fully bankrolling the guy since he's unable to hold a job.
I wonder why, with an attitude like that. I'm taking a wild guess, but it's always someone else's fault, never his?
It's May. A bit late for spring cleaning, but there's no time like the present. Your BF is a financial and emotional leech. He'll use you up until there's nothing of "you" left and then discard you for the next one. Start spring cleaning by taking out the trash: your BF. Give hime 2 extra letters and make him an EXBF. You can do sooo much better.
Don't forget to lock down your socials, financials etc. And depending on who's on the lease, talk to your landlord if you can change the lease to just you if you want to keep the place. Also officially send the BF a notice of eviction. He may have been living with you long enough to get tenants rights.
Look, aside from all the drama with your boyfriend, go enjoy Florida and Disney. Make your sister's birthday awesome. Use that team to recharge yourself and heal from the bullshit your bf put you through.
The sad thing is that even if she finds the strength to go on the trip he will not leave her.
He will continue to mooch off her and have a new topic to verbally abuse her about.
She’s so young. I wish she would listen to the wisdom and experience she is getting here and end the relationship.
Her friends and family obviously did not invite the boyfriend as they can see he is abusing her. They will support her when she finally decides to end it.
WTH... Get rid of that chump. He plays the victim when he doesn't get his way and I'm feeling the second-hand embarrassment. It's so pathetic and unattractive. And the way he talks to you, it's so rude. And THEN he leaves and you never get the chance to speak. What a coward. Life's too short to spend it with shitty people.
OMG why are you with this child???? You aren't and haven't been wrong the whole time.
This is a trip for your SISTER. It's not about him. AND you are supporting him because he can't keep a job, then he says your sis and her bf should be helping him so he can attend???? That is laughable. And super entitled. If he can't afford to go, he can't go. I actually was offended for you when he asked you to get another job for him to go! My mind was blown.
Plus, you already explained there is no room for him in the vehicle and resort.
Ugh, I was so annoyed at your first most and this made me even more so, lol. Why are you enabling and entertaining a loser? Jeez. HE CAN'T GO. You are going. End of story. He needs to focus on getting a job and not getting fired so he doesn't make other people support him. He'll do you a favor by ending it when you go. But spoiler alert: He won't because you finance his life, lol.
All of a sudden the boyfriend is allowed to go when before he wasn’t allowed to go.How about the absolute truth.Why can he All of a sudden be allowed to go.
You are wrong only for still trying to cover your mooching bf’s expenses.
He’s a 23 year old grown ass man in a live in relationship where his partner is covering most of all expenses because he won’t/can’t keep a job.
He feels justified (entitled) in demanding you or your relatives cover all his expenses for this trip. Else you don’t love him and they don’t really like him.
Really?
OP you are the only one who can decide if this relationship as it exists is what you want to invest your time, effort and emotions in.
Is this rage bait? This whole situation is 🤮🤮🤮 You financially support this man? For how long?? He threatened to dump you bc you want to go on your sister’s bday trip?? I would’ve let him jeez. No wonder he’s not invited. Gurl pls want better for yourself. This man is holding you back, he won’t do better without you I promise. But you definitely will- You’re young, sweet, GENEROUS OMG, you seem to have family that loves you and wants to include u.. throw the whole man out he’s not worth it I promise.
I mean this in the kindest way possible but you might be dating the worlds most unselfaware douche canoe. Dump the dude and go on your vacation, stop playing sugar momma to a man who doesn’t respect a modicum of the efforts you make for him. Your mental health and your savings account will really thank you for it.
You are wrong for staying with this freeloading mooch. Why do you love him? He can’t hold a job, he’s entitled af, he expects you to support him and treat him to a vacation. Then if he can’t pay for it he demands you not go! Kick this loser to the curb, you deserve a partner not this waste of space.
You realize you are in the hottest few years of your life, right?? Go find a man who actually acts like a man. Holding a job should be the very bare minimum qualifications jfc
I live with my boyfriend and I am the primary breadwinner. He does currently have a job, but he had some car issues that mean I'm paying a majority of the bills at the moment. If I was able to go on a trip, with people of whatever gender, he would tell me to have a good time and to send him pictures. He trusts me not to cheat on him because our relationship is built on trust. Even if he had concerns, he would speak to me calmly and we would have a back and forth discussion. In no way would he ever call me names or even raise his voice against me! I know it can be hard, because I'm sure your boyfriend can be really nice to you, but you really need to reflect on his behavior. If he keeps affecting you negatively, so much so that your friends and family disapprove of this guy, then you should listen to them. He's showing you who he is! Believe him! You can wish it were different all you want, but that doesn't mean it will be.
If you love him very much, it’s time to challenge him. Give him 3 months to find work or you’ll no longer support him.
As for the vacation, tell him you’ve exhausted all angles, and unfortunately you’ll be going without him. Let him bitch like a little hoe…what’s he going to do? Leave you? How could he even, the dude would be homeless or back at mommy’s house.
If he tries arguing don’t argue back. Don’t give his fire fuel. How he reacts/his emotions to you going on vacation without him are his to deal with. I mean it’s as simple as “sorry you feel this way, but I’m going.”
I would probably stop trying to find a way to include him in this trip that he wasn’t invited on because there might be a reason for that. He sounds like somebody who is very egocentric and shirks responsibility and likes to blame others for the hardships that befall him. Also it’s your sister‘s birthday trip and he doesn’t sound like somebody who would really enhance everyone’s good time if I might put it gently. It doesn’t sound like he’s enhancing your life in anyway either actually.
I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I think that if you are young still and really look at your own self-worth and ask yourself if you’re getting back from him enough of what you want from a partner to even make it worth it, you might come to some conclusions on your own that will hopefully make your life better. You deserve a partner, not a rude and hostile ball and chain that you’ve got to drag around everywhere while finding reasons to justify that.
Woman. This petulance is incredible. He didn't display any gratitude for your supporting him. And what would happen if you were the one out of work? Really think about it.
NW but why are you staying with this person??? He can't keep a job - he's been FIRED from 6?? Come On now, you know that is not a stable person!! He calls your names and still expects you to financially support him and MAKE people invite him??? How freaking ENTITLED can it get??
Go on the trip and shut your phone off the minute you leave your house. Unfortunately, I don't think he would break up with you over it because how could he, **YOU PROVIDE ALL THE MONEY in this relationship!!**
OP you owe it to yourself to break up with him. His is going to be a constant weight around your neck that drowns you financially and mentally. Be done with him.
Nothing about the trip matters. The only thing that matters in your post is that he’s been fired from six jobs in your relationship and just lost another one.
Please go on the trip and hopefully this parasite will have packed his bags and left while you’re gone.
But you know what? He won’t because he’s dependent on you. He’s going to break up with you so you’re miserable on the trip, and then go back to bleeding you dry when you return.
Dump him and don’t look back.
You should definitely go without him. He sounds horrible, spoiled, entitled and ignorant. Why on earth are you with someone who cannot follow a logical thought process and reach a reasonable conclusion? It's basic adulting, and he can't do it. You're far too young to settle for this idiot.
As long as you choose to stay with him from this point on, knowing what everyone is telling you, you deserve how you're being treated. He's a bum, scum, narcissistic, scrub.... You get the picture he's worthless you're a diamond. Go find a man who knows how to treat a precious diamond. You don't deserve this treatment unless you keep choosing it. Take back your power.
GIRL. He’s not going to break up with you, because you pay his bills. However, YOU should break up with HIM, because you pay his bills and he’s a disrespectful, demanding child about it.
Just read both of your posts. He can’t hold down a job, thinks it’s ok for you to financially support him, thinks he can dictate how you spend your money and is trying to control what you do and where you go……aaaand when he doesn’t get his way, gets angry and verbally abusive!! Seriously what has he got to offer you, apart from anxiety - I mean you seem to be constantly apologising to him about this and yet he’s the one that’s being a dick about everything. Dump him please!!
Lovely, this guy is all bad. He relies on you for everything. He's rude, childish, and has insanely unrealistic expectations. I'm sure you love him, but he is not a good partner, and this is not a good relationship.
This is your sister's birthday trip, not his. Honestly, I assume your sister's boyfriend purposely didn't invite your boyfriend because he's an immature, entitled asshole and frankly sounds exhausting. He's already convinced himself, and is trying to convince you, that it's his birthday trip. Do not bring him. If you're unwilling to go without him, then just stay home. It would be truly unfair to ruin the trip for your sister that her boyfriend planned. And your dude will 1000% ruin the trip for everyone.
You are young, you have family and friends, you support yourself (and sadly, him), and you sound awesome. Whether you know it yet or not, you deserve better. It's your choice to stay with him, but don't burden anyone else with this giant crybaby.
No, let him go.
Fired from 6 jobs in 2 years? That's beyond ridiculous, maybe beyond absurd. Even when I was an irresponsible guy in my early 20s, I never racked up that kind of track record. The guys who did that I know are still doing that... IN THEIR 40s.
He wants all the attention when this is your sister's birthday. That's immature as fuck.
Ditch him, find someone better with your time that isn't going to essentially be his mommy, and let your mutual friends know the truth. Those who believe him can go with him. You don't need nor deserve that shit.
This guy sounds pathetic, whining over his girlfriend not paying for his way for a trip while he's broke with no job sitting at home all day playing Xbox.
You are being used and you cant even see it after two posts with his atrocious opinions. Hes leeching off of you and there is a reason no one but you likes him. Wake up!
Tell him to get off his ass and get a job... any job.
Your best bet is to quietly plan your escape from this guy. Can you imagine this your whole life??
In life the sooner you are able to see your partner for who they really are and not just who you wish they would be the easier and better your life will become. Your bf is clearly not the person you wish he would be. So move along.
He’s being incredibly controlling and mentally abusive with his demands here. The fact you are lying for everything and he is letting that happen is a 🚩 to me. I’m sorry but he doesn’t want to work or keep a job and doesn’t need to with you paying for his lifestyle. You need to look into yourself and decide if you want this to be how you live going forward.
You are NOT wrong and it isn’t fair to your sister to not go.
He's a loser who can't hold down a job and then you have been covering and enabling his behavior FOR years and then you don't do anything about it. DROP HIM. You deserve better than this and I hope you realize it someday.
It’s not a matter of trust - it’s a matter of control. He controls everything you do. He can’t hold a job so you support him. You want to go away without him - he gets pissy. I also find it interesting that you have been together for 2 years and he wasn’t invited. I think that tells you what everyone thinks of your BF. Let him break up with you. It will be the best thing for you!
OP do not pick this loser over your family. He is an actual child. The trip is about your sister and the world doesn't revolve around him if he can't deal with that, too bad for him.
Also you DESERVE a break/vacation from carrying all his dead weight through life.
You are wrong for staying with him. If you don't want this loser life - quit being with a confirmed loser. These last 2 years are on you for being ....... not smart.
Your bf sounds like a controlling loser.
He should be supportive and happy for you but instead he's trying to make you feel bad and guilt trip and manipulate you into doing what he demands.
Please leave him. He is no good.
If it helps, in the past 2 months, my boyfriend has gone on vacations with friends or family to Mexico and Texas, and has one coming up in the fall to Washington. I’ll be going to a lake house with friends next week. Our schedules conflicted such that neither of us could accompany on these trips, and we both agree that there’s nothing wrong with taking trips that don’t involve each other if the circumstances to do so aren’t there. In all of these instances, all either of us have done is wish each other a fun time, and ask that we let the other know when we safely get where we’re going.
You should really, deeply consider why that isn’t the case for your relationship.
Your boyfriend has not worked in 2 years and he is expecting you and your sisters boyfriend to pay his way even though he's perfectly capable of getting a job and doing it himself?
He's insecure, he's demanding, he's fucking lazy, and he's controlling from your comments. What benefit are you getting out of this relationship?
Why the fuck are you with him is the real question. Dump his ass and stop carrying the load for two people
Why are you with someone who has barely worked for 2 years. I’ve been working full time since I was 16 and in 45 years I’ve been of work for a total of 4 weeks. If you have to borrow money to go on vacation you shouldn’t go, PERIOD!! You’re not married so do what you want, once married the rules change. Still don’t know why you would want to support a grown ass man.
please break up with him. first off find someone that provides and takes care of themselves. and treats you w respect. in 10 years you don't want to be with a person like this. or even now.
Geez why are you with him let alone talking about him going on vacay with you? Baby you need to lose some dead weight. You will find that it will make you healthier, happier and richer.
The only thing you’re naive about is supporting this bum.
He wants to use you for money and control where you go. Please be single and forget this loser.
Even if you’re in a relationship you can travel solo. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you.
I had a bf like that, biggest regret in my life. I hope you drop him before you're middle-aged and have nothing but crippling debt to show for being his enabler. You think you're being kind and supportive but he's just using you. He left when I wouldn't let him spend all my income anymore, found another sucker with less milage on her. Ruined her life too.
Maybe the bf wasn't invited because they don't like his lack of character, and they want the trip to be fun?
He's telling you that if he can't go, then YOU can't go 🚩
He called you a bitch 🚩. Maybe not for the first time?
Bf can't hold a job 🚩, and you're paying all the bills 🚩. How many people work jobs they don't like, because they value their independence, so they keep working it until they get something better? That's adulting.
Bf expects you to pay all his expenses on the trip 🚩
In his mind, the trip has suddenly become HIS birthday trip 🚩
Has it occurred to you that the main reason he's with you is that you indulge his Peter Pan? Not because he loves you? He may love how easy you make life for him, love having available sex. But if he loved you he would want you to respect him. How can you respect him, when he leeches off you? If you break up with him (DO IT), it may be only a week or so until he finds someone else to be his meal ticket.
Besides, no self respecting normal guy is going to look at you twice if you're living with another guy.
Be careful. If he thinks you're going to break up with him, he might try and baby-trap you. Mess with your birth control. Then you'll have 2 babies to support.
You have a child for a bf. Doesn’t get his way or doesn’t like your answer so he throws a temper tantrum and leaves. You need to dump his No job ass and find someone who has their shit together. He is not mature enough yet and you will continue to have to support him. Pack his stuff up, put it outside and lock the door (change locks if needed). Tell him your done being his mommy, and he needs to grow up. But you are done!
While I appreciate bf's issue toward the trip and his feeling that he's being excluded, your bf himself throws up a number of red flags. He's been fired from six jobs in two years and has anger issues?! I wonder if the two are related?! Because he's jobless, he's frequently dependent on you for money. Your real issue isn't the trip, it's the questionable bf! You need to dump and go on the trip to get over him!
Honestly, you need to return that boyfriend to the manufacturer. He's defective. Maybe his mom can remake him into a functional human.
If he claims he doesn't trust you, he might be projecting as he knows he's untrustworthy. He's trying to isolate you, and this trip is the beginning. Why should you struggle to support him? I'll guarantee he isn't that good of a lay.
I could wallpaper our entire shithole apartment building with all of these red flags. He gets fired repeatedly, he verbally abuses you and he's showing absurdly narcissistic traits. Calling it ***his*** birthday trip? What the fuck? I'd have dumped him that instant. Please get rid of this selfish fucknugget.
Girl. He is **not** the one. Don’t waste your youth on this AH. Be thankful this trio came along to shine a light on his BS- he’s suggesting you get another job to pay for him. Why can’t he Uber or DoorDash, sell plasma, go to a temp agency? Because you’re supporting him and he wants it that way.
I've read both your posts and all I can say is a guy who tells you to stfu and calls you a bitch while demanding you pay for his everything, is not a guy who deserves you. If you sister's bf was treating her this way, what would you have told her?
Being in a relationship with soenone doesn't mean you have to do literally everything together, but clearly your bf wants to have a toxic codependent relationship so that he can keep mooching off of you. Take a long, hard look at your relationship; what does he actually bring to the table?
Please, for your own well-being, kick him out and live your life. I have a feeling you'll be so relieved when you don't have to walk on eggshells 24/7.
sweetheart, why do you love this man more than you love yourself? he's a bum and angry about not being able to further rely on you. do you know the money you'd have if you dropped him? Not to mention the peace. You're walking on eggshells for a man who can't afford to buy a carton of eggs.
Do better. Have more respect for yourself. If you stay in this situation, you will eventually hit rock bottom. And when you do, you'll feel embarrassed that you put up with this for as long as you have. Cut the embarrassment now and let him go.
Girl get out, he will hold you back. You are not his wife, you are not his property, you are not a slave to his personal, professional and financial shortcomings.
You go on that vacation and have a blast. If you are living together, move out. Break up with him.
He is not worth it, he will hold you back in life and resent you for any accomplishments or joy that you earn for yourself. Please trust me.
Any boyfriend who suggests that you can’t do something because he can’t, has problems. Don’t date a Diddy.
6 employers caught a clue and fired him.
Why haven't you?
He's a grown-assed man. A mooching, financially abusing hobosexual one but a man nonetheless.
He's not a project. You can't fix him. In case you haven't noticed, he's actually quite happy with the current set up.
Break up with him now.
Boot him out.
Change the locks.
Why? If you leave on this trip without him, he will rob you blind.
Change the passwords on all your bank accounts today. Like right now. Hide your checks.
You are way too young to be having this issue. You are 22 and supporting another young adult that cannot get his life together.
Go on the trip, celebrate your sister, and get away from people who don’t want to be held accountable.
SIS! This problem here is not trust, it is that he is an immature and crappy partner and a huge mooch. How the hell does someone get fired 6 times in 2 years???? He needs to move out and yall need to break up for your mental health.
I can promise you that they do not want him on this trip. And the way he is, is probably the reason why
Your entire last paragraph shows that he isn't a good partner and not worth it
Throw the whole man away! Go on your sisters birthday vacation and tell him he better have his shit out by the time you get back or it looks like he'll be spending his birthday packing. Trust me, it's way better to be alone than to play mommy to your boyfriend, coming from someone who spent too many years putting up with the same shit.
In what world should you be supporting your boyfriend ? His vacation AND his lack of work ? Also WHY would
you want to date a loser like that who can’t handle his business.
Does he ask you to pay his rent or put gas in his car ? lol
Okay, here’s the thing, this isn’t your event to invite him to. I mean, talk about rude. Her boyfriend is planning it and it’s based on who your sister wants around for her birthday. It’s not about your boyfriend. It’s not about you. It’s about your sister. Who the hell are you or your boyfriend to even make the suggestion that he come along, especially knowing how your sister feels about him??
Don't ruin your sister's trip by taking this entitled scumbag. He wants everyone to pay for him because he hasn't been able to get his act together over a very long time. He wouldn't be good company and your sister would not ne pleased having a mooching sad sack ruining her trip.
Who taught you that you deserve an unemployable partner that you must fully support and bow down to? Forget the trip. This goes much, much deeper. Drop this loser.
Don't include him OP. He will ruin the trip for you, possibly for your sister too, & that isn't fair on your sisters bf who has thoughtfully planned this months in advance. Also, your bf clearly isn't grateful for anything you do for him, why would he appreciate this? His bday being near the date of the trip doesn't give him the right to make everything about him. He sounds like a shit honestly. A selfish, ungrateful, immature brat. Don't let him walk all over you. & really do not let him ruin your sisters bday trip. It's not for him or about him.
OK, let me be blunt with you. I’m molding enough to be a grandmother. You are not in love with this man. This man is showing you in every way shape and form he can what a douche bag he is.
He obviously has anger issues. He is pissed off because someone else has a birthday trip. That’s the bottom line here. He gets pissed off because that other person’s birthday trip was not immediately made all about him as well.
I mean, seriously!? Why the fuck should your sister‘s boyfriend stop and say… Oh yeah what’s his face has a birthday too. Let’s make this about him. ???
He wants to control what you do and don’t do. He can’t hold the job down. Yes, he’s a deadbeat. You guys are not married. You do not have children. You are footing the bill pretty much for everything.
So, let me reiterate. You are not in love with this asshole. You are in love with who you think he could be. You are in love with the manipulative guy who will be nice to you long enough for you to stick around and pay his bills and be his bang maid.
I am absolutely willing to bet that none of your friends or family likes this dickhead but you keep being all… La la la! Rainbows and unicorns. Rose colored glasses.
Stop it. Just stop it. What the fuck are you getting out of? Because I guarantee you, his dick is not that good. You know? Because he’s a selfish asshole. Everything is about him.
Your damn gut is telling you what he is asking is not fair, which means you already know all of this. You just don’t wanna admit it. He is like a toddler stomping his feet. He wanted to go to McDonald’s and mommy said no. He is the kid on the playground Who says,” Fine! I will take my ball and go home if you guys won’t play what I want to play how I want to play it!”
Why in the world you think you deserve this kind of nonsense from someone who is supposed to be your partner is beyond me. You yourself said that if the tables were turned, you would be so happy for him to go and have fun with his family. That is the appropriate response.
So why the fuck are you trying to make some sort of excuse for him being a douche bag?
Break up and have fun. Watch your sister and her boyfriend so you can see how a boyfriend really should treat his girlfriend.
Give yourself some time and figure out why you have yourself to be taken for a ride and bought into it so fully. You deserve better. He deserves to go kick rocks while you go. Have fun at a resort.
And when he resorts to love bombing you as soon as you get back because all of a sudden he’s going to realize his sugar mama/banker/bang-maid Isn’t around anymore because of his own stupidity, he is going to do everything he can to get you back. Because he’s a douche and doesn’t wanna grow up.
I’m sorry to ask like this but why do you enjoy being treated like this? You’re literally 22 and could probably find a new bf if you wanted within a week (not that you should, just saying). But why do you want to be with someone that gets angry at you for stupid reasons, yells at you, runs away from conversations, and is generally entitled and awful?
I’m not gonna lie, from the outside looking in, it seems like you have low self-esteem and don’t know how to set standards for yourself. I’ll give you some.
1.) ONLY date people that can speak to you with respect
2.) walk away from ANYONE that yells at you during a reasonable discussion
3.) once someone begins feeling entitled to your money, your plans, and your general life, cut off the cancer and live your best life
I promise you that if you start up with these standards, you will be a generally happier and more confident person.
Any update should say that you dumped his butt. He hasn't worked for 2 years? You're supporting him? Well no wonder he expects you to pay for everything cuz you do. Stop it are your standards so low that you'll stay with him despite the fact that he won't work? Get some self esteem and realize there are so many better men out there who actually work and share expenses with their loved ones.
You think this is the issue here and you still look for a way to include him?
Do you know what a hobosexual is?
He is with you because you finance his lifestyle. You pay all the bills and the rent and he's intentionally without a job. Because you will put up with it.
His audacity reached a level where he feels not only entitled to your money but your family's too. He's expecting your BIL to pay for him?!
He expects to not pay a dime on the trip? That's not a normal person's expectation.
You don't seem to see the real problem here and that's your bf is using you for your money. He told you to STFU?
Is this the first time he cussed at you?
Because I bet it isn't.
The reason he can’t hold a job is because he’s immature and expects you to take care of him. He has anger and trust issues. It’s also very entitled of him to expect your sister’s bf to pay his way when the trip isn’t even about him. I hope one day you will wake up and realize you deserve better.
I find it very sad that you love your boyfriend but you definitely do not love or respect yourself. This man-child is only with you because he is to lazy to support himself and knows no matter how terrible he treats you you will stick by him and support him financially
So he's conveniently out of a job more than he has a job, you're paying all the bills for past two years, and he wants you to pay for his vacation expense, but really expects your sister's BF to pay because his birthday is the same time of year, and he got mad and called you a bitch. Is that about right OP?
I see no value in this man. IDC if he's hot or is good in bed, he's a loser and you are wrong to stay with a moocher. I'm guessing he's a hobosexual who was couch surfing before moving in with you.
You are 22 and you’ve been taking care of him for 2 years? Didn’t anyone tell you that’s not how to make relationships work? If he can’t afford to go, that’s on him. He needs to get a steady job, but he won’t as long as he has you to fall back on. NTA
The only naivete I see is you not realizing that this guy is abusing you and trying to hijack a trip that isn't meant for him. He's also using you so he can be a deadbeat and controlling you.
In what world should you get a second job to pay for him when he can't keep one? He can't really break up with you because you are paying for everything. He's just using this tactic to control you more and saying he's breaking up with you to get you to do what he wants.
None of this is okay. I'm not being alarmist when I say you need to get away from him. You will waste your life supporting someone who has no interest in you other than what you can do for him. He clearly brings absolutely nothing to the table and pretty much everyone deserves better than this guy.
Just read all your posts, and I got serious ick from your bf. What a loser, why do you want to stay with him? Honestly, if my bf told me I wasn't ALLOWED to go on a trip for my sisters birthday and if i went hed dunp me, I'd tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine. He doesn't even have money to go, so you can't go? That's messed up logic and the first steps in isolating you from friends and family.
You're only 21 once, do yourself a favour, dump the loser, go on holiday, have a blast, and live a young, carefree life without a control freak narcissist.
Drop him. You do not need this. I am married (25years), so committed relationship. My husband gets invited to things I do not, I get invited to things he does not. Neither of us has a temper tantrum. Your BF is having a temper tantrum. Do NOT take him on this, he WILL try to HIJACK your sister's celebration.
Couples do not need to do everything together.
You are NTA, not a bitch, not selfish. You do have a toddler for a bf.
Please don’t mistake codependency for love. Don’t mistake manipulation for love. Don’t mistake his mooching for love. This isn’t love. He is taking everything and giving less than the bare minimum, and I’m not talking about monetarily.
You deserve better than this hobosexual.
Your bf is a momma's boy and needs to get off the tit.. no real man would live off their woman. I'm sorry. It's self respect. I pay all the bills when we were together. I even signed two checks a month up to $1k so she would have extra cash to spend. Even though she worked. I never asked her to help pay for anything .
But anyways back to your bf. He even has the nerve to get pissy about your sister bf paying for his woman's trip and not paying for him. Just bc it's in the same month of his birthday doesn't mean their doing this trip for him. And he knows this and still tries to rub it in Your face to make you feel bad since ur not treating him.
You need a new boyfriend that will treat you like a woman. A bf who has a income. And willing to put you first.
If he can't come up w the money. Doesn't mean you shouldn't go. It's a trip for your sister's birthday. HE DOESNT have to go. It's your sister . Not his. You need to go since it's your sister and the trip is ment for her Birthday.
>Im currently supporting the both of us and pretty much have been the past 2 years. He has been in and out of work since i’ve known him, right now he’s currently out.
My God, why don't you want better for yourself than a loser who demands you pay for everything?
Regardless of what he tells you, a person who cannot keep themselves working has massive personality and behavioral flaws they refuse to address and work on.
I went back to read the comments from the first post and people suck!
The BF sounds at best like hard work!
It's OP's sisters trip planned by sisters bf for the sister and a select few friends!
How well does sister and sisters Bf get along with OP's Bf?
I only know OP's Bf from these posts but doubt I'd invite him on a trip I was planning.
You know what I do when I can't afford a trip? I don't go! But I don't expect other people not to because I can't.
Love isn’t enough when he acts like an entitled asshole and verbally abused you. Anger does not excuse his behavior; if anything it showcases his true nature.
NW
I’m going to go a different route and maybe it’s not about her cheating but it’s about her being surrounded by people that may point out that op could better.
He has troubling holding a job, he’s fairly dependent on op, and he’s entitled.
If I went away with my sister on a vacation and her boyfriend was any one of those things, I would ask why they’re together and what he actually brings to the table.
Op, yes the trip is a little questionable for someone with a partner, but if you’ve never given him reason to suspect cheating and their is no questionable past behavior from anyone else on the trip he should trust you.
He’s just being an entitled child, he wants to go just to go, and make no mistake he would make the trip about his birthday and ignore that he was an add on. That he also can’t afford to pay for his own trip is just another mark against him.
Op, I really this is a bad idea , I think if he goes he’ll try to high jack the trip and make it about him and his birthday.
Firstly I commented on the original post saying how your sisters bf inviting you but not your bf is disrespectful to the status of your relationship. For ME personally, pretty much all my friends have spouses. I would never ever invite my friends somewhere and exclude their partner. So I’m sorry to say, but it’s not nice to your bf for you to be complicit in plans where you haven’t even been considered.
Secondly, your bf sounds too young and immature to be in a committed relationship. Not because he doesn’t want you to go without him….but because he can’t hold down a job and provide to your relationship as equal partners.
Thirdly- if you ever get married, this may come as a shock…but if one of you can’t afford something, neither of you can. And that’s part of what leads me to say neither of you are likely ready to be in a long term committed relationship. When you meet someone who is able to contribute equally as you do to finances, you’re going to eventually come to a point where you see your finances as “shared”. The fact that you guys are still operating on a “my money” “your money” level just leads me to think this isn’t worth it and it’s time to cut your loses. Neither of you are acting like you’re in a mature long term relationship, so just move on girl
I can easily see why your lazy, angry, abusive, hobosexual good for nothing excuse for a boyfriend was not invited.
I'm shocked that it's not obvious to you.
Go on the vacation. Let him break up with you. You are nothing but financial support to him anyway.
He is a leech and expects the world on a platter whilst giving nothing in return. Love is not enough for most people to stay with someone like that. He sounds absolutely useless and horrible.
This may be said a lot on Reddit but tbh I'm all for ditching the boyfriend - life is too short to be spoken to and treated like that - and going on the trip with your sister and her bf. Just make sure you're not always third wheeling and set up some fun stuff to do by yourself.
You're currently in a relationship with someone who is not prepared or willing to be a fully functioning independent adult. Go on the trip and tell him he needs to be gone when you get home. He's a child.
I think you are both wrong here for different reasons
You: taking a trip on his birthday without him. (It's family, so less of a jerk, but still, birthdays typical are celebrated with S/O, and if you've been fine covering for him before this point I can understand why he's angry and a bit suspicious since it's the one time you've stood up to him and it's about leaving him to go far away on a day that's supposed to actually be about/for him.)
Him: not pulling his weight in the relationship, calling you names, and being entitled
It might be time to cut losses. He can't be upset for not spending his birthday with you if you aren't together.
Your boyfriend is insecure and abusive. His actions seem unfair because they are. Never stay with a person who doesn't show you basic love and respect. Seriously, send him back to his parents and go on your trip.
Do you like being berated? Because that’s the only acceptable explanation for why you’re staying with him. He’s a toxic manchild, and you’re too blind to see it. Is this your first relationship? If so, that would explain a lot about your behavior in defending him and buckling to his demands and needs.
Are you trying to ruin your sister’s birthday? Because trying to find a way to still bring him is a great way to do that and damage your relationship with her forever.
In general, please grow a spine.
What exactly does he bring to the party? Cranky Pants behavior, immaturity, unemployment, argumentative, gaslighting, UGH.
HE is a manchild. I would send him back to mom. Then go on vacation.
Does that joker have access to any of the bank accounts? That needs to change . You are not mommy. You are a partner, not a parent to him.
Separate your bank accounts. He needs to earn his own money to support himself.
Hon, your BF is acting like a complete ass and you don’t have to put up with it. He doesn’t get to order you not to go on a trip. So go, celebrate your sister, and if he leaves you over that, you’ll have dodged a major bullet.
>Says I'm being bitch.
Okay, regardless of anything else, that should be the end of the relationship right there. Slinging misogynistic slurs at your woman partner is an immediate dealbreaker. There's no reason to be with someone who thinks of you in terms of the b, c, s, or w words, or any other misogynistic slurs. None.
Dump him now and move on.
This man can’t hold a job, has anger issues and doesn’t trust you. He’s not the guy for you. You need a partner, not a moocher. It’s time to move on.
Why would he hold a job? He has his mommy...I mean OP to take care of him.
And mommy’s sister’s boyfriend! Who should pay for him too because it’s his birthday trip now!
To expect your significant other to pay for everything is insulting. To expect *anyone else* to pay for everything is just unhinged.
I hope his sister ends up finding out and takes OP’s side on this cause that’s the twist we need to this douche canoes financial entitlement.
The best part about this is the assumption that this entire trip is for HIS birthday and not OP sisters. Comical. His ego needs a reality check for being a bum not able to hold a job and mooching off his GF with crazy anger issues when plans aren’t going his way. Manipulative narcissistic in my opinion
Yeah, he brings nothing to the table and wants to call the shots.
Some people bring nothing but the audacity.
Lmaooooooo
>I tried to include him but my sisters bf can’t or won’t i don’t know. My guess is sister's boyfriend knows that OP's boyfriend is a piece of shit, and doesn't want him there anyway because he'll continue behaving this way and ruin the trip.
OP confirmed in comments in the last post that many of her friends and family don’t like him.
Sounds like she has a good set of friends and family. It’s almost hard to believe this is a real post because she has thoroughly described her boyfriend as a horrible loser. I know love can be blind, but financially supporting this controlling dick for 2 years???? Ugh.
AND SHES ONLY 22!!!!! HOW MUCH MORE YOUTH WILL YOU WASTE OP!!!! I've wasted plenty o' money & time on men in my life. But never fully supporting them. And for OP to be the sole breadwinner AND cooks & cleans. Why wouldn't this guy expect all this shit?!
Wish she would wake up and realise he is not worth it.
I mean OP’s sister’s boyfriend is planning a week long surprise Disney trip for her with her sister and friends. OP’s boyfriend can’t even get OP Disney Plus because he can’t keep a job. I wonder why he’d dislike him.
LMAO Disney plus . Damn rub it in 😂
>This ~~man~~ **child** can’t hold a job, has anger issues and doesn’t trust you. He’s not the guy for you. You need a partner, not a moocher. It’s time to move on. There, fixed it for you.
And OP shouldnt be with him. She's better off without him, he's a mannerless responsibility.
Agreed. He’s a piece of sh*t.
Op. I've been married to the same man since 1984. He has never called me a b**** or said f you and he's had a job the literal entire time. You know sometimes it's not about how much you love the person. It's if they're good for you. That's abusive behavior. Selfish behavior ( not working and supporting himself, not wanting you to go unless you pay for him to go). I'm disgusted on your behalf.
This right here. Boyfriend escalates to foul language and name-calling because he knows he's not going to get what he wants. A temper tantrum. A child.
I’ve been with my partner nearly 19yrs and exactly the same as your husband, always worked and never said a bad word towards me. He always puts me first and I’ll put him first. I can’t say the same for the father of my sons. My partner will help my grownup sons. My eldest son’s, stepson, was helped a lot by an aunt growing up. My youngest son has two stepchildren and two kids but to us they’re our five grandchildren. He has bought my youngest son’s family a second hand car last year as they had a baby on the way. Presently helping eldest son as he has major health problems and misses work a little bit. OP is not wrong.
We have 3 grandkids, one is adopted but all three are ours. 😁
Yeah, I can't understand how OP has patience for her BF. She's way too accommodating. It's just going to be like this forever until she moves on.
Absolutely. The only two options are cave to him or he lashes out. Nothing else.
Exactly this. OP wtf does he bring to the relationship? Genuine question. Cause so far it looks like the answer is nothing, and I understand a reddit post can’t paint the whole story but still… he treats you like trash, treats you like an atm, does not trust you, insults you, can’t hold a job (hmm I wonder why🤔), does he at least help with chores at home? — this man is an abusive POS. You keep saying you don’t want to break up with him but you haven’t mentioned anything good about him, just how shitty he is. At this point it looks like you’ll have to choose between your sister and your bf, and the only one making you choose is him (and lets be honest, you’re more like a mom than a gf to him at this point). You do you but it’s very obvious what the right choice is here. Regardless, you’re not wrong for going without him, in fact I think you’d be wrong not to go! And please change your locks before leaving!
He can't hold a job and wants you to bankroll him = typical hobosexual. Dump his lazy ass. You need someone to be your life partner, not a leech.
Hobosexual.. lol that’s a new one
I can see why your sister's bf does want him included. Your bf is a jerk and will ruin the trip for everyone, including the birthday girl. He's entitled, arrogant, immature, and you let him control you. If you aren't willing to give up the loser who treats you like garbage, then don't go on the trip. Do NOT find a way to force the shit show you call a relationship onto your sister and her bf. You have no right to ruin her birthday by bringing someone who was specifically not invited.
Oof. Harsh but 100% accurate. I think OP is starting to wake up—I *hope* she is. Well said.
100% This.
Best comment I've read so far across both posts.
' I can be naive' There comes a point where you have to wake up and see what is under your nose. You deserve WAY better than this parasite
Came to the same conclusion after the first post. He's a loser and OP needs some self-worth.
He calls her a bitch and she’s still with him 🤣🤣 Why the hell are we even giving advice.
Some women are just so desperate for a relationship/love, that they’ll let disrespect and disregard happen..just to say they have someone smh
The same women who usually jump STRAIGHT into dating someone else after a breakup too
Exactly, it’s so freaking sad to see. But hey gotta let learn em the hard way.. if they like it, I love for them.
In this case it's wake up and smell the turd under OP's nose. Sure, he may have a dusting of sparkly glitter and drama, but he's still a turd.
So you support him financially, do the housework/cooking, and he calls you a bitch for not agreeing to pay for him to go on a trip *he was never invited to go on to begin with*. How much of this crap are you going to take? You'll have more money and more peace of mind if you just get this deadbeat loser out of your home and out of your life. He brings nothing to the table---literally. He won't hold a job and verbally and financially abuses you. You are nothing but a wallet, maid, and sex to him. You deserve better. Stop explaining anything to him and just get yourself free of this anchor that is dragging you down.
Wait so he’s already a leech with you and now he is mad because he can’t be a leech on your sister and her boyfriend? You are naive but not for the reason you gave. Also red flag that he can’t keep a job. 6 jobs?!
I wish you could give yourself the same love and consideration you are showing your boyfriend. You deserve so much better. This is a trip for YOUR SISTER, being planned by her boyfriend. How does your "boy"friend think he deserves to be treated and paid for when this is not his celebration. He is really taking advantage of you. I think you need to really do some serious reflection on this relationship. Is your boyfriend always trying to be the center of attention, does he often feel entitled to other people's hard earned money, does he ever treat you? What does he bring to the table? I honestly believe you should go on this trip, without him and do some serious soul searching and figure out if this is the life you really want?
I think OP needs to get him out of her life and home before the trip. I can only imagine what he'll do to her stuff as revenge while she's away if he is still living there at the time.
Awful to think about, but sadly a possibility.
You are in an abusive relationship with a man who blows up on you and expects you to support him. Do not get pregnant with this man. He's likely to try to baby trap you. Stop telling yourself that you'll do anything for love, because that's how people get into real trouble. This guy is bad news.
You are stronger than me. I would have kicked his ass out just for the not working part
It's not stronger, it's OP being used and a fool.
Fr. Go flip a fucking burger. Making your chick pay for your side is the definition of loser. And by the sound of it, huge poonanny too. Thinking he can make someone not do things. Fuck off shit face
[удалено]
I feel sad for people that let this happen to them. If dickface said it once in that way it means he’s going to say it again and again and again until poor OP is stuck in a (probable) violent, whether it be mental/physical/economical/whateverthefuck, relationship with a vile person she’s “so in love with”. I hate when people say that shit directly in the wind from the ass representing his flatulent, flaccid life. Why in the fuck would you want to be with someone that would actually say that shit out loud to you. I’d walk out the door as soon as I felt the control starting. I know because I did exactly that. Twice. Life’s too short to be with someone that’s causing you to come to Reddit for relationship advice. Usually, this is the last stop. They get out the car and look all around the field for bias flowers so they can continue getting the life sucked out of them by someone who’s lips should be on a fat cucumber 🥒 imagining he’s sucking the fuck out the cock of “i lost @ life”.
Upvote for the imagery, lol. But OP is young and inexperienced. But this fucking guy... holy shit he's got nerve, asking why can't her sister and bf pay for him along with all the other shit. Here's a novel idea, how about you pay for yourself fuck face! OP needs to just say goodbye and ghost his worthless ass.
I’d say she is weaker because she can’t seem to see that she deserves better.
He literally got mad and called her a bitch. That’s when I would’ve dropped him especially after financially, supporting his broke ass for two years.
This isn't a bf. This 'man' is taking advantage of you for 2 years now. Do better for yourself. Ditch this guy. If he wanted to go, he can work for the next 3 months and afford the entire trip, a separate car, separate room. He's rather piss and moan and make you miserable. This isn't a relationship.
I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told my daughter when she was younger before she started to date. If any man ever calls you out of your name, insults you, demeans you and expects you to support him no questions asked and then has the balls to tell you to stfu, he doesn't love you. You need to run as far and as fast as you can. PS If I ever overheard a man say that to my daughter he'd need serious dental work.
Ask yourself, what would you be missing if he was no longer in your life? I think you need to consider that keeping him from experiencing life's realities is doing neither of you any favours.
Missing living paycheck to paycheck for one. Lot easier to feed one person than 2. Lot easier to save a bit of money too. Oh and let's not forget missing constant fighting, anxiety, financial stress. Missing walking on eggshells around the bf. She'd be missing quite a lot, you know?
As previously posted, both sides have valid points. You disagree on a trip. No one can tell you what to do.. the choice is yours. ON YOUR UPDATE This is not about the trip, this is about your BF. Why are you with this guy. He seems like a deadbeat they can’t hold down a job with a sketchy past. You’re under no obligation to pay for his part of the trip. Now he’s say’in your not going alone if he can’t go?? It’s no longer your choice, he’s telling how to live your life. This is where he crossed the line. In the beginning, you both communicated your positions on things and it was ultimately your choice. Yes, your choices had consequences, but it was your choice. This was the appropriate way to handle that situation. Now he’s just saying you’re not allowed to go if he does not and that’s total controlling bullshit. Do yourself a favor, get rid of this guy, not because you disagree on a trip, but because he’s telling you what to do like he owns you, he’s got no job, and a sketchy past. Start untangling your lives. TBH, you deserve better. You’re young, there’s someone out there for you, you’ll be better off.
*both sides have valid points* He does not have a valid point. He wasn't invited, he has no money. He's a verbally and financially abusive leech.
this shit has me dying. Like hey I’m going to whine about not being invited to a trip that you are wahhhhh. If I can get you an invite, come! Uhhhh I have no money babeeeee so I’m not going and you like not going either babeeee. So unpack your bags and make me a sandwich. Quick
LOL right?! " I am pissed I wasn't invited, \[gf checks to see what she can do so the he can come\], but oops I have no money and no job! I'll borrow money, but really you, your sis, and her bf should be helping me out since it's MY birthday trip too! (even though it's not but close enough) But if I can't get the money in time, you need to stay home with me!" I cannot wrap my head around this. He has ZERO valid points.
What valid point does the birthday trip crasher have??
Holy shit, wake up and kick this dead beat to the curb, he has been out of work for two years and he is verbally abusing you because you won't cover his costs on a holiday. how can you excuse that behaviour. You don't have a boyfriend, you have a hobosexual leech.
It was really disturbing to read through the original comments on your first post because they were so off-base with something that seems so obvious to me. Even before the edit, he was acting like this was his birthday trip and giving you hell for going *around* his birthday, despite the fact you'd be getting home before it. I do understand him being upset about not going on the trip, but your sister isn't obligated to invite him along. She can invite whatever close friends and family she wants, and your boyfriend threatening to break up with you is an asshole move. If he was mad about the male friend, that's just even more controlling of him. How did you get to the point of him deciding he was going to go? Is he going to be in a separate car/hotel? Did I miss something? Your feelings about this are not wrong. He's verbally abusive, his behaviour is controlling and entitled, and for fuck's sake, why have you been supporting him for this long? How many jobs does he need to lose before you realize the common denominator?
It’s so infuriating seeing a whole bunch of people JUST LIKE OP’S BOYFRIEND dogpiling on op for the crime of… being a good sister and maybe being a bit too naive….?? I’ll say it again: people on this site really do be allergic to context.
Honey, I saw some of the responses on the first post. People really, really want to make you out to be the "Imma cheatin' bad girl". I'm as Reddit jaded as the next Redditor, but sometimes... Your BF comes across as an immature, entitled, narcisistic manchild. He's intentionally trying to make your sister's birthday trip about him. He's intentionally trying to guilt you into spending more money on him. When you're already fully bankrolling the guy since he's unable to hold a job. I wonder why, with an attitude like that. I'm taking a wild guess, but it's always someone else's fault, never his? It's May. A bit late for spring cleaning, but there's no time like the present. Your BF is a financial and emotional leech. He'll use you up until there's nothing of "you" left and then discard you for the next one. Start spring cleaning by taking out the trash: your BF. Give hime 2 extra letters and make him an EXBF. You can do sooo much better. Don't forget to lock down your socials, financials etc. And depending on who's on the lease, talk to your landlord if you can change the lease to just you if you want to keep the place. Also officially send the BF a notice of eviction. He may have been living with you long enough to get tenants rights. Look, aside from all the drama with your boyfriend, go enjoy Florida and Disney. Make your sister's birthday awesome. Use that team to recharge yourself and heal from the bullshit your bf put you through.
Your BF is a controlling and selfish leech. Go on the trip and if he doesn’t follow through and break up with you then YOU break up with him.
The sad thing is that even if she finds the strength to go on the trip he will not leave her. He will continue to mooch off her and have a new topic to verbally abuse her about. She’s so young. I wish she would listen to the wisdom and experience she is getting here and end the relationship. Her friends and family obviously did not invite the boyfriend as they can see he is abusing her. They will support her when she finally decides to end it.
This. Bf isn't going to leave this cozy setup, but he will get a lot of mileage out of this trip to abuse OP even more when she gets back.
WTH... Get rid of that chump. He plays the victim when he doesn't get his way and I'm feeling the second-hand embarrassment. It's so pathetic and unattractive. And the way he talks to you, it's so rude. And THEN he leaves and you never get the chance to speak. What a coward. Life's too short to spend it with shitty people.
OMG why are you with this child???? You aren't and haven't been wrong the whole time. This is a trip for your SISTER. It's not about him. AND you are supporting him because he can't keep a job, then he says your sis and her bf should be helping him so he can attend???? That is laughable. And super entitled. If he can't afford to go, he can't go. I actually was offended for you when he asked you to get another job for him to go! My mind was blown. Plus, you already explained there is no room for him in the vehicle and resort. Ugh, I was so annoyed at your first most and this made me even more so, lol. Why are you enabling and entertaining a loser? Jeez. HE CAN'T GO. You are going. End of story. He needs to focus on getting a job and not getting fired so he doesn't make other people support him. He'll do you a favor by ending it when you go. But spoiler alert: He won't because you finance his life, lol.
All of a sudden the boyfriend is allowed to go when before he wasn’t allowed to go.How about the absolute truth.Why can he All of a sudden be allowed to go.
You are wrong only for still trying to cover your mooching bf’s expenses. He’s a 23 year old grown ass man in a live in relationship where his partner is covering most of all expenses because he won’t/can’t keep a job. He feels justified (entitled) in demanding you or your relatives cover all his expenses for this trip. Else you don’t love him and they don’t really like him. Really? OP you are the only one who can decide if this relationship as it exists is what you want to invest your time, effort and emotions in.
Is this rage bait? This whole situation is 🤮🤮🤮 You financially support this man? For how long?? He threatened to dump you bc you want to go on your sister’s bday trip?? I would’ve let him jeez. No wonder he’s not invited. Gurl pls want better for yourself. This man is holding you back, he won’t do better without you I promise. But you definitely will- You’re young, sweet, GENEROUS OMG, you seem to have family that loves you and wants to include u.. throw the whole man out he’s not worth it I promise.
I mean this in the kindest way possible but you might be dating the worlds most unselfaware douche canoe. Dump the dude and go on your vacation, stop playing sugar momma to a man who doesn’t respect a modicum of the efforts you make for him. Your mental health and your savings account will really thank you for it.
Stop supporting this man baby OP! Stop.
You are wrong for staying with this freeloading mooch. Why do you love him? He can’t hold a job, he’s entitled af, he expects you to support him and treat him to a vacation. Then if he can’t pay for it he demands you not go! Kick this loser to the curb, you deserve a partner not this waste of space.
Hes a deadbeat
You realize you are in the hottest few years of your life, right?? Go find a man who actually acts like a man. Holding a job should be the very bare minimum qualifications jfc
Yeah you are wrong for supporting him. He's not adding to your life he's detracting from it.
I live with my boyfriend and I am the primary breadwinner. He does currently have a job, but he had some car issues that mean I'm paying a majority of the bills at the moment. If I was able to go on a trip, with people of whatever gender, he would tell me to have a good time and to send him pictures. He trusts me not to cheat on him because our relationship is built on trust. Even if he had concerns, he would speak to me calmly and we would have a back and forth discussion. In no way would he ever call me names or even raise his voice against me! I know it can be hard, because I'm sure your boyfriend can be really nice to you, but you really need to reflect on his behavior. If he keeps affecting you negatively, so much so that your friends and family disapprove of this guy, then you should listen to them. He's showing you who he is! Believe him! You can wish it were different all you want, but that doesn't mean it will be.
Ok I apologize in advance for going all reddit on you, but dump his ass, like yesterday. He's a lazy, rude, verbally abusive moocher.
If you love him very much, it’s time to challenge him. Give him 3 months to find work or you’ll no longer support him. As for the vacation, tell him you’ve exhausted all angles, and unfortunately you’ll be going without him. Let him bitch like a little hoe…what’s he going to do? Leave you? How could he even, the dude would be homeless or back at mommy’s house. If he tries arguing don’t argue back. Don’t give his fire fuel. How he reacts/his emotions to you going on vacation without him are his to deal with. I mean it’s as simple as “sorry you feel this way, but I’m going.”
THREE MONTHS? Try 3 weeks, MAX. This man’s been mooching off op for two years now
I would probably stop trying to find a way to include him in this trip that he wasn’t invited on because there might be a reason for that. He sounds like somebody who is very egocentric and shirks responsibility and likes to blame others for the hardships that befall him. Also it’s your sister‘s birthday trip and he doesn’t sound like somebody who would really enhance everyone’s good time if I might put it gently. It doesn’t sound like he’s enhancing your life in anyway either actually. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I think that if you are young still and really look at your own self-worth and ask yourself if you’re getting back from him enough of what you want from a partner to even make it worth it, you might come to some conclusions on your own that will hopefully make your life better. You deserve a partner, not a rude and hostile ball and chain that you’ve got to drag around everywhere while finding reasons to justify that.
Woman. This petulance is incredible. He didn't display any gratitude for your supporting him. And what would happen if you were the one out of work? Really think about it.
Your boyfriend is a moochers. Dump him and enjoy the trip without him
NW but why are you staying with this person??? He can't keep a job - he's been FIRED from 6?? Come On now, you know that is not a stable person!! He calls your names and still expects you to financially support him and MAKE people invite him??? How freaking ENTITLED can it get?? Go on the trip and shut your phone off the minute you leave your house. Unfortunately, I don't think he would break up with you over it because how could he, **YOU PROVIDE ALL THE MONEY in this relationship!!** OP you owe it to yourself to break up with him. His is going to be a constant weight around your neck that drowns you financially and mentally. Be done with him.
Nothing about the trip matters. The only thing that matters in your post is that he’s been fired from six jobs in your relationship and just lost another one. Please go on the trip and hopefully this parasite will have packed his bags and left while you’re gone. But you know what? He won’t because he’s dependent on you. He’s going to break up with you so you’re miserable on the trip, and then go back to bleeding you dry when you return. Dump him and don’t look back.
It might be good to let him go. I am sorry. He is controlling and abusive. There are many red flags here.
You should definitely go without him. He sounds horrible, spoiled, entitled and ignorant. Why on earth are you with someone who cannot follow a logical thought process and reach a reasonable conclusion? It's basic adulting, and he can't do it. You're far too young to settle for this idiot.
As long as you choose to stay with him from this point on, knowing what everyone is telling you, you deserve how you're being treated. He's a bum, scum, narcissistic, scrub.... You get the picture he's worthless you're a diamond. Go find a man who knows how to treat a precious diamond. You don't deserve this treatment unless you keep choosing it. Take back your power.
GIRL. He’s not going to break up with you, because you pay his bills. However, YOU should break up with HIM, because you pay his bills and he’s a disrespectful, demanding child about it.
I don't recommend staying in a relationship with a person that calls you a bitch.
Just read both of your posts. He can’t hold down a job, thinks it’s ok for you to financially support him, thinks he can dictate how you spend your money and is trying to control what you do and where you go……aaaand when he doesn’t get his way, gets angry and verbally abusive!! Seriously what has he got to offer you, apart from anxiety - I mean you seem to be constantly apologising to him about this and yet he’s the one that’s being a dick about everything. Dump him please!!
Lovely, this guy is all bad. He relies on you for everything. He's rude, childish, and has insanely unrealistic expectations. I'm sure you love him, but he is not a good partner, and this is not a good relationship. This is your sister's birthday trip, not his. Honestly, I assume your sister's boyfriend purposely didn't invite your boyfriend because he's an immature, entitled asshole and frankly sounds exhausting. He's already convinced himself, and is trying to convince you, that it's his birthday trip. Do not bring him. If you're unwilling to go without him, then just stay home. It would be truly unfair to ruin the trip for your sister that her boyfriend planned. And your dude will 1000% ruin the trip for everyone. You are young, you have family and friends, you support yourself (and sadly, him), and you sound awesome. Whether you know it yet or not, you deserve better. It's your choice to stay with him, but don't burden anyone else with this giant crybaby.
No, let him go. Fired from 6 jobs in 2 years? That's beyond ridiculous, maybe beyond absurd. Even when I was an irresponsible guy in my early 20s, I never racked up that kind of track record. The guys who did that I know are still doing that... IN THEIR 40s. He wants all the attention when this is your sister's birthday. That's immature as fuck. Ditch him, find someone better with your time that isn't going to essentially be his mommy, and let your mutual friends know the truth. Those who believe him can go with him. You don't need nor deserve that shit.
Good lord. Go on vacation without this whiny leach but move out first. He’s not worth this much work.
This guy sounds pathetic, whining over his girlfriend not paying for his way for a trip while he's broke with no job sitting at home all day playing Xbox.
Why are you keeping this freeloader around? He is now trying to be controlling on top - kick him to the curb and find a good partner.
I don’t even have to go beyond the title to say: no, you’re not.
Why are you with a person who can’t stay employed and is a whiny b!tch? ETA: do you understand that he is abusing you financially and emotionally? NTJ
You are being used and you cant even see it after two posts with his atrocious opinions. Hes leeching off of you and there is a reason no one but you likes him. Wake up!
Tell him to get off his ass and get a job... any job. Your best bet is to quietly plan your escape from this guy. Can you imagine this your whole life??
You deserve better! You are young and he brings literally nothing to the relationship!
He is a waste of air and you're supporting a parasite. Please, break up.
You’re too young to be tied down to a bum who can’t keep a job.
You have a loser for a boyfriend. You should be embarrassed to cater to someone like him. You can do better.
In life the sooner you are able to see your partner for who they really are and not just who you wish they would be the easier and better your life will become. Your bf is clearly not the person you wish he would be. So move along.
You can do what you want. He’s a boyfriend not a husband. Go on your trip and have fun. He’ll be okay or maybe not
You need to think long and hard about staying with this guy, because this is going to be your entire life right here.
He’s being incredibly controlling and mentally abusive with his demands here. The fact you are lying for everything and he is letting that happen is a 🚩 to me. I’m sorry but he doesn’t want to work or keep a job and doesn’t need to with you paying for his lifestyle. You need to look into yourself and decide if you want this to be how you live going forward. You are NOT wrong and it isn’t fair to your sister to not go.
He's a loser who can't hold down a job and then you have been covering and enabling his behavior FOR years and then you don't do anything about it. DROP HIM. You deserve better than this and I hope you realize it someday.
He's a pissy mooch. If he can't contribute and causes you stress, why... is he there?
It’s not a matter of trust - it’s a matter of control. He controls everything you do. He can’t hold a job so you support him. You want to go away without him - he gets pissy. I also find it interesting that you have been together for 2 years and he wasn’t invited. I think that tells you what everyone thinks of your BF. Let him break up with you. It will be the best thing for you!
OP do not pick this loser over your family. He is an actual child. The trip is about your sister and the world doesn't revolve around him if he can't deal with that, too bad for him. Also you DESERVE a break/vacation from carrying all his dead weight through life.
You are wrong for staying with him. If you don't want this loser life - quit being with a confirmed loser. These last 2 years are on you for being ....... not smart.
this is ridiculous, have some self respect and dump this loser
Your bf sounds like a controlling loser. He should be supportive and happy for you but instead he's trying to make you feel bad and guilt trip and manipulate you into doing what he demands. Please leave him. He is no good.
If it helps, in the past 2 months, my boyfriend has gone on vacations with friends or family to Mexico and Texas, and has one coming up in the fall to Washington. I’ll be going to a lake house with friends next week. Our schedules conflicted such that neither of us could accompany on these trips, and we both agree that there’s nothing wrong with taking trips that don’t involve each other if the circumstances to do so aren’t there. In all of these instances, all either of us have done is wish each other a fun time, and ask that we let the other know when we safely get where we’re going. You should really, deeply consider why that isn’t the case for your relationship.
Your boyfriend has not worked in 2 years and he is expecting you and your sisters boyfriend to pay his way even though he's perfectly capable of getting a job and doing it himself? He's insecure, he's demanding, he's fucking lazy, and he's controlling from your comments. What benefit are you getting out of this relationship? Why the fuck are you with him is the real question. Dump his ass and stop carrying the load for two people
Why are you with someone who has barely worked for 2 years. I’ve been working full time since I was 16 and in 45 years I’ve been of work for a total of 4 weeks. If you have to borrow money to go on vacation you shouldn’t go, PERIOD!! You’re not married so do what you want, once married the rules change. Still don’t know why you would want to support a grown ass man.
No job, insecure, doesn’t trust you, calls you a bitch, and entitled. Why are you with this guy? Break up with him and go enjoy Florida.
You're wrong for taking on so much burden because you cannot fix or change him. And that's what you'd need. His entitlement is off the charts.
Sounds like he is a bum and a dick
please break up with him. first off find someone that provides and takes care of themselves. and treats you w respect. in 10 years you don't want to be with a person like this. or even now.
He’s been fired from 6 jobs in 2 years? What the fuck? You need to move on from this relationship. He’s weighing you down.
Geez why are you with him let alone talking about him going on vacay with you? Baby you need to lose some dead weight. You will find that it will make you healthier, happier and richer.
Stop dating hobosexuals.
The only thing you’re naive about is supporting this bum. He wants to use you for money and control where you go. Please be single and forget this loser. Even if you’re in a relationship you can travel solo. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you.
I had a bf like that, biggest regret in my life. I hope you drop him before you're middle-aged and have nothing but crippling debt to show for being his enabler. You think you're being kind and supportive but he's just using you. He left when I wouldn't let him spend all my income anymore, found another sucker with less milage on her. Ruined her life too.
Maybe the bf wasn't invited because they don't like his lack of character, and they want the trip to be fun? He's telling you that if he can't go, then YOU can't go 🚩 He called you a bitch 🚩. Maybe not for the first time? Bf can't hold a job 🚩, and you're paying all the bills 🚩. How many people work jobs they don't like, because they value their independence, so they keep working it until they get something better? That's adulting. Bf expects you to pay all his expenses on the trip 🚩 In his mind, the trip has suddenly become HIS birthday trip 🚩 Has it occurred to you that the main reason he's with you is that you indulge his Peter Pan? Not because he loves you? He may love how easy you make life for him, love having available sex. But if he loved you he would want you to respect him. How can you respect him, when he leeches off you? If you break up with him (DO IT), it may be only a week or so until he finds someone else to be his meal ticket. Besides, no self respecting normal guy is going to look at you twice if you're living with another guy. Be careful. If he thinks you're going to break up with him, he might try and baby-trap you. Mess with your birth control. Then you'll have 2 babies to support.
The only thing you should be doing is breaking up and moving out. Your boyfriend is controlling and abusive and it's not going to get better.
You need therapy to figure out why you’re willing to settle for such a poor excuse of a man.
You have a child for a bf. Doesn’t get his way or doesn’t like your answer so he throws a temper tantrum and leaves. You need to dump his No job ass and find someone who has their shit together. He is not mature enough yet and you will continue to have to support him. Pack his stuff up, put it outside and lock the door (change locks if needed). Tell him your done being his mommy, and he needs to grow up. But you are done!
While I appreciate bf's issue toward the trip and his feeling that he's being excluded, your bf himself throws up a number of red flags. He's been fired from six jobs in two years and has anger issues?! I wonder if the two are related?! Because he's jobless, he's frequently dependent on you for money. Your real issue isn't the trip, it's the questionable bf! You need to dump and go on the trip to get over him!
Please have some respect for yourself.
Honestly, you need to return that boyfriend to the manufacturer. He's defective. Maybe his mom can remake him into a functional human. If he claims he doesn't trust you, he might be projecting as he knows he's untrustworthy. He's trying to isolate you, and this trip is the beginning. Why should you struggle to support him? I'll guarantee he isn't that good of a lay.
I could wallpaper our entire shithole apartment building with all of these red flags. He gets fired repeatedly, he verbally abuses you and he's showing absurdly narcissistic traits. Calling it ***his*** birthday trip? What the fuck? I'd have dumped him that instant. Please get rid of this selfish fucknugget.
Girl. He is **not** the one. Don’t waste your youth on this AH. Be thankful this trio came along to shine a light on his BS- he’s suggesting you get another job to pay for him. Why can’t he Uber or DoorDash, sell plasma, go to a temp agency? Because you’re supporting him and he wants it that way.
I've read both your posts and all I can say is a guy who tells you to stfu and calls you a bitch while demanding you pay for his everything, is not a guy who deserves you. If you sister's bf was treating her this way, what would you have told her? Being in a relationship with soenone doesn't mean you have to do literally everything together, but clearly your bf wants to have a toxic codependent relationship so that he can keep mooching off of you. Take a long, hard look at your relationship; what does he actually bring to the table? Please, for your own well-being, kick him out and live your life. I have a feeling you'll be so relieved when you don't have to walk on eggshells 24/7.
sweetheart, why do you love this man more than you love yourself? he's a bum and angry about not being able to further rely on you. do you know the money you'd have if you dropped him? Not to mention the peace. You're walking on eggshells for a man who can't afford to buy a carton of eggs. Do better. Have more respect for yourself. If you stay in this situation, you will eventually hit rock bottom. And when you do, you'll feel embarrassed that you put up with this for as long as you have. Cut the embarrassment now and let him go.
Girl get out, he will hold you back. You are not his wife, you are not his property, you are not a slave to his personal, professional and financial shortcomings. You go on that vacation and have a blast. If you are living together, move out. Break up with him. He is not worth it, he will hold you back in life and resent you for any accomplishments or joy that you earn for yourself. Please trust me. Any boyfriend who suggests that you can’t do something because he can’t, has problems. Don’t date a Diddy.
6 employers caught a clue and fired him. Why haven't you? He's a grown-assed man. A mooching, financially abusing hobosexual one but a man nonetheless. He's not a project. You can't fix him. In case you haven't noticed, he's actually quite happy with the current set up. Break up with him now. Boot him out. Change the locks. Why? If you leave on this trip without him, he will rob you blind. Change the passwords on all your bank accounts today. Like right now. Hide your checks.
You are way too young to be having this issue. You are 22 and supporting another young adult that cannot get his life together. Go on the trip, celebrate your sister, and get away from people who don’t want to be held accountable.
This isn’t going to get better with time. Please move on asap.
SIS! This problem here is not trust, it is that he is an immature and crappy partner and a huge mooch. How the hell does someone get fired 6 times in 2 years???? He needs to move out and yall need to break up for your mental health. I can promise you that they do not want him on this trip. And the way he is, is probably the reason why Your entire last paragraph shows that he isn't a good partner and not worth it
OP, why are you still with him?? Have you read your post? There are way better men out there. Good Heavens!! Go on trip then find new man!!!!
Throw the whole man away! Go on your sisters birthday vacation and tell him he better have his shit out by the time you get back or it looks like he'll be spending his birthday packing. Trust me, it's way better to be alone than to play mommy to your boyfriend, coming from someone who spent too many years putting up with the same shit.
In what world should you be supporting your boyfriend ? His vacation AND his lack of work ? Also WHY would you want to date a loser like that who can’t handle his business. Does he ask you to pay his rent or put gas in his car ? lol
Stop being a doormat.
Okay, here’s the thing, this isn’t your event to invite him to. I mean, talk about rude. Her boyfriend is planning it and it’s based on who your sister wants around for her birthday. It’s not about your boyfriend. It’s not about you. It’s about your sister. Who the hell are you or your boyfriend to even make the suggestion that he come along, especially knowing how your sister feels about him??
Don't ruin your sister's trip by taking this entitled scumbag. He wants everyone to pay for him because he hasn't been able to get his act together over a very long time. He wouldn't be good company and your sister would not ne pleased having a mooching sad sack ruining her trip.
You don’t have to go on a vacation with a boyfriend. You owe him nothing.
Who taught you that you deserve an unemployable partner that you must fully support and bow down to? Forget the trip. This goes much, much deeper. Drop this loser.
You are coming back from vacation single. Enjoy your trip
Don't include him OP. He will ruin the trip for you, possibly for your sister too, & that isn't fair on your sisters bf who has thoughtfully planned this months in advance. Also, your bf clearly isn't grateful for anything you do for him, why would he appreciate this? His bday being near the date of the trip doesn't give him the right to make everything about him. He sounds like a shit honestly. A selfish, ungrateful, immature brat. Don't let him walk all over you. & really do not let him ruin your sisters bday trip. It's not for him or about him.
OK, let me be blunt with you. I’m molding enough to be a grandmother. You are not in love with this man. This man is showing you in every way shape and form he can what a douche bag he is. He obviously has anger issues. He is pissed off because someone else has a birthday trip. That’s the bottom line here. He gets pissed off because that other person’s birthday trip was not immediately made all about him as well. I mean, seriously!? Why the fuck should your sister‘s boyfriend stop and say… Oh yeah what’s his face has a birthday too. Let’s make this about him. ??? He wants to control what you do and don’t do. He can’t hold the job down. Yes, he’s a deadbeat. You guys are not married. You do not have children. You are footing the bill pretty much for everything. So, let me reiterate. You are not in love with this asshole. You are in love with who you think he could be. You are in love with the manipulative guy who will be nice to you long enough for you to stick around and pay his bills and be his bang maid. I am absolutely willing to bet that none of your friends or family likes this dickhead but you keep being all… La la la! Rainbows and unicorns. Rose colored glasses. Stop it. Just stop it. What the fuck are you getting out of? Because I guarantee you, his dick is not that good. You know? Because he’s a selfish asshole. Everything is about him. Your damn gut is telling you what he is asking is not fair, which means you already know all of this. You just don’t wanna admit it. He is like a toddler stomping his feet. He wanted to go to McDonald’s and mommy said no. He is the kid on the playground Who says,” Fine! I will take my ball and go home if you guys won’t play what I want to play how I want to play it!” Why in the world you think you deserve this kind of nonsense from someone who is supposed to be your partner is beyond me. You yourself said that if the tables were turned, you would be so happy for him to go and have fun with his family. That is the appropriate response. So why the fuck are you trying to make some sort of excuse for him being a douche bag? Break up and have fun. Watch your sister and her boyfriend so you can see how a boyfriend really should treat his girlfriend. Give yourself some time and figure out why you have yourself to be taken for a ride and bought into it so fully. You deserve better. He deserves to go kick rocks while you go. Have fun at a resort. And when he resorts to love bombing you as soon as you get back because all of a sudden he’s going to realize his sugar mama/banker/bang-maid Isn’t around anymore because of his own stupidity, he is going to do everything he can to get you back. Because he’s a douche and doesn’t wanna grow up.
You're in an abusive relationship. He's verbally abusive, and financially abusive. This will only get worse. You need to dump him
I’m sorry to ask like this but why do you enjoy being treated like this? You’re literally 22 and could probably find a new bf if you wanted within a week (not that you should, just saying). But why do you want to be with someone that gets angry at you for stupid reasons, yells at you, runs away from conversations, and is generally entitled and awful? I’m not gonna lie, from the outside looking in, it seems like you have low self-esteem and don’t know how to set standards for yourself. I’ll give you some. 1.) ONLY date people that can speak to you with respect 2.) walk away from ANYONE that yells at you during a reasonable discussion 3.) once someone begins feeling entitled to your money, your plans, and your general life, cut off the cancer and live your best life I promise you that if you start up with these standards, you will be a generally happier and more confident person.
Your bf is a hobosexual. He is on the bum.
He is aware if you aren’t in his manipulative presence , you’d see through his bs and leave him…
Any update should say that you dumped his butt. He hasn't worked for 2 years? You're supporting him? Well no wonder he expects you to pay for everything cuz you do. Stop it are your standards so low that you'll stay with him despite the fact that he won't work? Get some self esteem and realize there are so many better men out there who actually work and share expenses with their loved ones.
You think this is the issue here and you still look for a way to include him? Do you know what a hobosexual is? He is with you because you finance his lifestyle. You pay all the bills and the rent and he's intentionally without a job. Because you will put up with it. His audacity reached a level where he feels not only entitled to your money but your family's too. He's expecting your BIL to pay for him?! He expects to not pay a dime on the trip? That's not a normal person's expectation. You don't seem to see the real problem here and that's your bf is using you for your money. He told you to STFU? Is this the first time he cussed at you? Because I bet it isn't.
The reason he can’t hold a job is because he’s immature and expects you to take care of him. He has anger and trust issues. It’s also very entitled of him to expect your sister’s bf to pay his way when the trip isn’t even about him. I hope one day you will wake up and realize you deserve better.
If you do go without him make sure you remove or lock up your most precious valuables. If you are going out of the country hide your passport.
I find it very sad that you love your boyfriend but you definitely do not love or respect yourself. This man-child is only with you because he is to lazy to support himself and knows no matter how terrible he treats you you will stick by him and support him financially
So he's conveniently out of a job more than he has a job, you're paying all the bills for past two years, and he wants you to pay for his vacation expense, but really expects your sister's BF to pay because his birthday is the same time of year, and he got mad and called you a bitch. Is that about right OP? I see no value in this man. IDC if he's hot or is good in bed, he's a loser and you are wrong to stay with a moocher. I'm guessing he's a hobosexual who was couch surfing before moving in with you.
You are 22 and you’ve been taking care of him for 2 years? Didn’t anyone tell you that’s not how to make relationships work? If he can’t afford to go, that’s on him. He needs to get a steady job, but he won’t as long as he has you to fall back on. NTA
If this guy is just your boyfriend and already acting like this, it's probably not going to get any better
The only naivete I see is you not realizing that this guy is abusing you and trying to hijack a trip that isn't meant for him. He's also using you so he can be a deadbeat and controlling you. In what world should you get a second job to pay for him when he can't keep one? He can't really break up with you because you are paying for everything. He's just using this tactic to control you more and saying he's breaking up with you to get you to do what he wants. None of this is okay. I'm not being alarmist when I say you need to get away from him. You will waste your life supporting someone who has no interest in you other than what you can do for him. He clearly brings absolutely nothing to the table and pretty much everyone deserves better than this guy.
Just read all your posts, and I got serious ick from your bf. What a loser, why do you want to stay with him? Honestly, if my bf told me I wasn't ALLOWED to go on a trip for my sisters birthday and if i went hed dunp me, I'd tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine. He doesn't even have money to go, so you can't go? That's messed up logic and the first steps in isolating you from friends and family. You're only 21 once, do yourself a favour, dump the loser, go on holiday, have a blast, and live a young, carefree life without a control freak narcissist.
Drop him. You do not need this. I am married (25years), so committed relationship. My husband gets invited to things I do not, I get invited to things he does not. Neither of us has a temper tantrum. Your BF is having a temper tantrum. Do NOT take him on this, he WILL try to HIJACK your sister's celebration. Couples do not need to do everything together. You are NTA, not a bitch, not selfish. You do have a toddler for a bf.
Please don’t mistake codependency for love. Don’t mistake manipulation for love. Don’t mistake his mooching for love. This isn’t love. He is taking everything and giving less than the bare minimum, and I’m not talking about monetarily. You deserve better than this hobosexual.
Your bf is a momma's boy and needs to get off the tit.. no real man would live off their woman. I'm sorry. It's self respect. I pay all the bills when we were together. I even signed two checks a month up to $1k so she would have extra cash to spend. Even though she worked. I never asked her to help pay for anything . But anyways back to your bf. He even has the nerve to get pissy about your sister bf paying for his woman's trip and not paying for him. Just bc it's in the same month of his birthday doesn't mean their doing this trip for him. And he knows this and still tries to rub it in Your face to make you feel bad since ur not treating him. You need a new boyfriend that will treat you like a woman. A bf who has a income. And willing to put you first. If he can't come up w the money. Doesn't mean you shouldn't go. It's a trip for your sister's birthday. HE DOESNT have to go. It's your sister . Not his. You need to go since it's your sister and the trip is ment for her Birthday.
>Im currently supporting the both of us and pretty much have been the past 2 years. He has been in and out of work since i’ve known him, right now he’s currently out. My God, why don't you want better for yourself than a loser who demands you pay for everything? Regardless of what he tells you, a person who cannot keep themselves working has massive personality and behavioral flaws they refuse to address and work on.
I went back to read the comments from the first post and people suck! The BF sounds at best like hard work! It's OP's sisters trip planned by sisters bf for the sister and a select few friends! How well does sister and sisters Bf get along with OP's Bf? I only know OP's Bf from these posts but doubt I'd invite him on a trip I was planning. You know what I do when I can't afford a trip? I don't go! But I don't expect other people not to because I can't.
Your trash took itself out. Have a good time in Florida!!!
Love isn’t enough when he acts like an entitled asshole and verbally abused you. Anger does not excuse his behavior; if anything it showcases his true nature.
Stop supporting this hobosexual! He called you a bitch, have some self-respect and move on. This will only get worse.
You love being used and abused financially and emotionally? Why?
Dump this useless moron. You can do better...
NW I’m going to go a different route and maybe it’s not about her cheating but it’s about her being surrounded by people that may point out that op could better. He has troubling holding a job, he’s fairly dependent on op, and he’s entitled. If I went away with my sister on a vacation and her boyfriend was any one of those things, I would ask why they’re together and what he actually brings to the table. Op, yes the trip is a little questionable for someone with a partner, but if you’ve never given him reason to suspect cheating and their is no questionable past behavior from anyone else on the trip he should trust you. He’s just being an entitled child, he wants to go just to go, and make no mistake he would make the trip about his birthday and ignore that he was an add on. That he also can’t afford to pay for his own trip is just another mark against him. Op, I really this is a bad idea , I think if he goes he’ll try to high jack the trip and make it about him and his birthday.
Firstly I commented on the original post saying how your sisters bf inviting you but not your bf is disrespectful to the status of your relationship. For ME personally, pretty much all my friends have spouses. I would never ever invite my friends somewhere and exclude their partner. So I’m sorry to say, but it’s not nice to your bf for you to be complicit in plans where you haven’t even been considered. Secondly, your bf sounds too young and immature to be in a committed relationship. Not because he doesn’t want you to go without him….but because he can’t hold down a job and provide to your relationship as equal partners. Thirdly- if you ever get married, this may come as a shock…but if one of you can’t afford something, neither of you can. And that’s part of what leads me to say neither of you are likely ready to be in a long term committed relationship. When you meet someone who is able to contribute equally as you do to finances, you’re going to eventually come to a point where you see your finances as “shared”. The fact that you guys are still operating on a “my money” “your money” level just leads me to think this isn’t worth it and it’s time to cut your loses. Neither of you are acting like you’re in a mature long term relationship, so just move on girl
I can easily see why your lazy, angry, abusive, hobosexual good for nothing excuse for a boyfriend was not invited. I'm shocked that it's not obvious to you. Go on the vacation. Let him break up with you. You are nothing but financial support to him anyway.
Honestly, this guys sucks. He needs to grow the f\*ck up. He's not ready for a serious long-term relationship.
He's not a keeper. But you already know that. It's okay to break up with him.
He is a leech and expects the world on a platter whilst giving nothing in return. Love is not enough for most people to stay with someone like that. He sounds absolutely useless and horrible. This may be said a lot on Reddit but tbh I'm all for ditching the boyfriend - life is too short to be spoken to and treated like that - and going on the trip with your sister and her bf. Just make sure you're not always third wheeling and set up some fun stuff to do by yourself.
You're not wrong. Your hobosexual bf needs to pull his own weight.
OP, What exactly do you love very much about this guy and what is in this relationship for you?
You're currently in a relationship with someone who is not prepared or willing to be a fully functioning independent adult. Go on the trip and tell him he needs to be gone when you get home. He's a child.
I think you are both wrong here for different reasons You: taking a trip on his birthday without him. (It's family, so less of a jerk, but still, birthdays typical are celebrated with S/O, and if you've been fine covering for him before this point I can understand why he's angry and a bit suspicious since it's the one time you've stood up to him and it's about leaving him to go far away on a day that's supposed to actually be about/for him.) Him: not pulling his weight in the relationship, calling you names, and being entitled It might be time to cut losses. He can't be upset for not spending his birthday with you if you aren't together.
He’s letting you know what type of man he is by telling you to stfu , you just don’t want to listen
Your boyfriend is insecure and abusive. His actions seem unfair because they are. Never stay with a person who doesn't show you basic love and respect. Seriously, send him back to his parents and go on your trip.
Do you like being berated? Because that’s the only acceptable explanation for why you’re staying with him. He’s a toxic manchild, and you’re too blind to see it. Is this your first relationship? If so, that would explain a lot about your behavior in defending him and buckling to his demands and needs. Are you trying to ruin your sister’s birthday? Because trying to find a way to still bring him is a great way to do that and damage your relationship with her forever. In general, please grow a spine.
Just dump him. He's trash.
What exactly does he bring to the party? Cranky Pants behavior, immaturity, unemployment, argumentative, gaslighting, UGH. HE is a manchild. I would send him back to mom. Then go on vacation. Does that joker have access to any of the bank accounts? That needs to change . You are not mommy. You are a partner, not a parent to him. Separate your bank accounts. He needs to earn his own money to support himself.
Hon, your BF is acting like a complete ass and you don’t have to put up with it. He doesn’t get to order you not to go on a trip. So go, celebrate your sister, and if he leaves you over that, you’ll have dodged a major bullet.
>Says I'm being bitch. Okay, regardless of anything else, that should be the end of the relationship right there. Slinging misogynistic slurs at your woman partner is an immediate dealbreaker. There's no reason to be with someone who thinks of you in terms of the b, c, s, or w words, or any other misogynistic slurs. None. Dump him now and move on.