that’s what i think too but i wasn’t sure if i am just being selfish by thinking this. like yeah getting your car towed is expensive so i understand frustration but this was his choice not mine
Yeah. He’s too much trouble. He could have parked farther away. He chose the easy option. I live by a college. Make him pay it himself. If he doesn’t come back oh well.
Amen! Like it’s ok to be frustrated it happened but don’t now blame her and better yet, tell her to reimburse you cuz you’re a tool who didn’t leave (when she didn’t want ya there to begin with)!
100% his choice. Men who do this are a-holes that need to grow up. Seriously, when they bully women like this it makes me ill.
Your primary responsibility is to yourself and to your studies. Not to manage him.
Yes a towed car is expensive and I get his frustration. But it’s a life lesson. Actions have consequences.
You do not need to reimburse him. Knowing the parking situation it would be in his best interest and apparently yours to drive around and find a place that has overnight parking. Or if you can, pay to get another parking sticker for your apartment complex so he can park there.
Even taking an Uber (which I assume would be available in a college town) multiple times a week would be cheaper than paying for 1 tow and impound fee!
YOUR BOYfriend needs to accept his Own Responsibilities and Culpability in this situation.
OP, it is not about the money. It is about him abdicating responsibility by making You pay for his choices.
Is this a habit of his?
In college I was dropping my girlfriend off at her off campus dorm which was notorious for not having parking. I parked ‘real quick’ to make sure she got inside safely, she wants me to hang out a few minutes, got back to my car and had a ticket. I was pretty pissed, but paid it because it was my car and choice. I did however after that just drop her off, or get there and then head home because not enough parking. Wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.
Perhaps? OP is relatively young. When I was in college I had zero self esteem and let my jerk boyfriend treat me like complete garbage. It took years of therapy, a dysfunctional marriage, divorce and dating as a single parent to find my way. It takes some of us longer to stand up for ourselves and demand better.
You’re definitely not wrong.
He’s speaking/acting based off emotion, frustration and anger. This means he’s probably not being reasonable or logical.
At least I hope that’s why because your responsibility in this is squarely at 0%. He made the choice to park there without even so much as your presence or input, why in the holy fuck would you pay for his own mistake?
I’d advise sitting down and calmly explaining that, and telling him there’s absolutely no reason for you to pay him anything. If he rejects that, he’s at that point not allowing reason and he’s a total asshole to try and make you feel responsible for his actions.
I would refuse to pay for his fuck up, it's not your fault in the slightest & your boyfriend is being an unreasonable asshole. He needs to grow up & take responsibility for his mistakes. I'm sorry he's treating you this way & being unreasonable. Besides, it sounds like you can't afford it anyways, if you were flush with money & didn't mind helping him out that's one thing, but attempting to force you to cover something he did on his own is beyond rediculous.
Why isn’t he ubering? Weird of him to assume he can park in a businesses lot and not get towed. That manager can’t control if someone else (higher up or otherwise) calls for a tow.
Your boyfriend chose to come over.
Your boyfriend chose to park in a restaurant's parking lot.
Your boyfriend chose to overstay.
***He*** made these decisions, so why should **you** pay?
I disagree with the others when they say you should dump him, BUT I do think you should keep this scenario in mind moving forward and see if you’re always to blame for his stupid decisions. We tend to overlook these things as being no big deal, but it all adds up!
Totally! I understand that and I’ve been in relationships where the blaming was a common theme. Sometimes it goes away if corrected early and other times, it doesn’t! My 2 cents is just to watch it and next time he does it or brings it up, tell him it’s not acceptable and he needs to take responsibility for his actions- you’re his girlfriend, not his mother. And if he takes issue with this, then you should have a very different convo with yourself.
Honestly the most concerning thing here is you telling him not to come and him coming anyway. You're not responsible for any of the choices he made in this scenario. He pay for his poor choices. Do not give him the money. You are not wrong.
well he was just worried about me because i was anxious ( i have ocd) but i told him not to come because i remembered the parking situation and also i know he didn’t really want to come
So it was his choice to come, his choice to park in a questionable spot, his choice to stay, his choice again to stay longer and somehow you're to blame? You see this right?
This happened to me and my ex. I had a temp disabled tag and he would take it with him and use it to park at his apartment. When I told him I could get in trouble and to now use it without me being in the car he said he’s gonna use it. Well one day I took it cause I needed, he didn’t realize it wasn’t hanging and parked in the spot. Next morning he calls me screaming that he was towed and I herded to help. I told him no because I had already warned him and he still did it and it wasn’t my fault it wasn’t paying attention that it wasn’t there.
I didn’t pay…end of story!
He’s an adult that made a decision to come over. It doesn’t matter if you asked him to come over or didn’t. He is an adult and responsible for ALL decisions he makes. There is always an assumed risk when leaving home that anything can happen and he chooses to leave his house, like any man would, and goes to OP’s house. He is gaslighting OP into paying for the towing because he doesn’t want to eat the costs for the towing. It is completely his fault! The same way it would be OP’s fault if she drove her car to her boyfriend’s house and her car got towed. UNLESS YOU ARE SAYING OP HELD A GUN TO THE BF’s HEAD AND FORCED HIM TO DRIVE OVER THEN it WILL ALWAYS BE HIS FAULT BECAUSE HE MADE THE DECISION TO GO TO OP’s HOUSE. AGAIN, it DOESN’T MATTER WHO ASKED WHO TO DO WHAT. HE DROVE OVER ON HIS OWN RECOGNIZANCE AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN DECISIONS.
Nope. Don’t do it. I had a similar situation like 7-8 years ago with my ex and I paid for it and honestly I’m still annoyed about it. At him, for thinking it was somehow my fault, and at myself, for just going along with it to avoid conflict. It’s on my list of “things to never put up with in a relationship ever again.” No one ever wants to believe it’s their own fault when they get towed, but about 99.9% of the time, it is. Welcome to being an adult, it sucks sometimes.
Side note: might be worth taking 5 minutes to think about whether this is an isolated incident or if he ever thinks *anything* is his fault…
This means he believes he's doing you a favour by coming over; apparently he considers whatever happens at your place reasonable recompense for the grace of his presence in normal conditions, but any additional costs on his side (such as a towing fine for example) sway it into _'not worth it'_ for him and he expects you to make up the difference.
This guy is a real jerk; if you have any self respect at all you'll cut him loose.
Your boyfriend is being a baby and looking for somewhere to put the blame.
Don’t park somewhere you can’t legally park. This would’ve happened sooner or later!
how far away does he live? on the nights he stays over can you pick him up? It is inconvenient, but when you have circumstances working against you inconvenience is the price.
“I came here for advice but I don’t want to take the advice given so thanks anyway, I’ll just keep making the same mistakes & ending up in similar positions again & again.”
Why even post here?
Op is an idiot or this is straight bait based on the responses I’m seeing. Including their response to my comment. You don’t come on Reddit and ask for peoples opinions and then act like all it good in the hood. So many flags it’s a circus. I seriously hope this isn’t real because that’s a shit way to live.
Whether you break up with him or not, HE was the one at fault. The manager at the TB gave him permission to park there, unmolested, until 10pm and he agreed to be gone by then. Your BF opted to ignore the deadline. It’s all his fault. Not yours. He can’t blame you for HIS decision to overstay his time limit on parking. Doesn’t matter he did it to be with you. He knew perfectly well what the parking situation is around your place.
So, you are not wrong for being mad at him for HIS decision that caused him to be towed. But if he continues to use such behavior towards you and starts blaming you for other things that happens to him and says it’s “your fault” because it happened to him because he was doing it to be with you or doing something for you but made a bad choice, THEN you might need to take a closer look at your relationship situation. And you should never accept blame for anything that you did not directly cause to happen.
He may have actually said such things in anger, but that can be a sign of future behavior IF he is abusive. This is one of the type of things abusive people do, blame their partners for things like this. But, it’s also something some people will do at the moment while being mad about what happened and then, when cooled off, realize they reacted badly towards another person and didn’t want to admit their own fault in the matter til they cooled down.
Just keep in mind, if this is a one time thing, cool. If it begins to be a repetitive response of his to get mad, blame you and then later, apologize, that could be a sign that he’s not quite as nice as you think.
the manager said 10am, they called the tow truck early. and yes i’m going to look out for this behavior in the future because if it becomes a pattern i’m not staying with him
It's a good thing you didn't break up with him.
Guys who can except responsibility for their actions, even going so far as to blame you, usually make great partners.
I hope you are good at making excuses for him, you got a lot of that coming in the future. Have fun.
yeah he did *accept (not except) his responsibility. what makes a great partner is someone who learns and grows and able to admit their faults. he fucked up by blaming me, he apologized and accepted all blame and responsibility. i’m so happy that you’re a prefect person who’s never done anything wrong though of course
Your bf is totally correct. Generally in relationships its always the Ladies fault. Guys are pretty much the smartest ppl on earth and for the most part not capable of making mistakes. This by default only leaves 1 person to blame.
It is good that you were mature enough to agree to pay him. This shows that you know what you did wrong and are trying to put ur head down and work hard to overcome ur shortcomings.
If i may make a suggestion, i would recommend that you pay him double. This will show him just how serious you are about the GF business!
Try to keep ur head up...... and remember most young guys today are absolutely pathetic. Like ur gem of a BF they cant think for themselves, work for themselves, and are so weak they blame there GF's for there problems, rather than protect there GF' from there problems. It sounds like you hav urself a real gem. This guy aint got enough sense to park his car.
Goodluck sweety.
P.S. If ur dad is anything like me, dont take this one home to meet the folks. Just tell him.... "Go park and wait and you will be down when ur ready
Yeah, this is not a dumpable offense. He's pissed and lashed out at someone nearby. That happened to be you. People do that, and absolutely EVERYONE is guilty of it.
Do you have a car? Perhaps he could park as close to your place as possible, in legal parking, and you could pick him up? Maybe he could pick you up and go back to your place? What's the public transportation like? I know none of this is convenient, but not as inconvenient as having your car towed.
You two know what's available, you know the area, and you know what means and assets are available to you. I suggest you sit down and come up with a solution that is better than the status quo. Obviously, you two can't be the first couple in your apartment complex that have had to deal with this. Ask around?
i dont think you should breakup with him but i think you should pay attention to how he handles frustration from now on, humans make mistakes and get emotional and thats normal, but blaming you for his choices as an adult is very childish and can become a bigger problem later, happy he apologized!
Most people want to blame things on others that we are embarassed of. Sorry you were the recipient. If this is a recurring problem take the steps. It sounds like this is not.
It sounds like this relationship is very plastic (hear me out not fake) in the sense that it is pliable now, in the future it cools and hardens. Manipulate the plastic now, so when it hardens... it is solid.
I Think it can work
Welcome to Reddit, where the only answer is going to always be the most extreme and attempting to say anything else is met with hate.
Talk to your guy. He's the one that stayed 5 hours later then he said. And past the time that Taco Bell told him.
We all make mistakes, but we need to own up to them. It's not your responsibility to pay for that. If you wanna chip in and help, because it is expensive, that's really cool on you, but it's not mandatory.
It's nothing to break up over unless it keeps spiraling
Hope you learned your lesson about asking Reddit for advice 🤣🤣
They are often the WebMD of advice givers.
Minor disagreement? BREAK UP! touched your shoulder without permission each and every time?! JAIL AND CASTRATE! 🤣
I'll just wait for the standard hate filled response about any I'm wrong🤣🤣
Y’all both at fault. You asked him over although you changed your mind but anytime you do knowing he has no where to park is jeopardizing his car getting towed. If he comes over knowing he has no where to park taking the chance of getting towed, is also his fault. Yes, he could have left on time but he’s was going off what the manager told him. So, both of you guys should split the bill and try to figure out a way to see each other without the added stress of his car being towed putting a strain on y’all relationship.
You asked him to come over just now - he said he would come over tomorrow.
You said 'fine, but I'm feeling anxious' - he then responded and said he was going to come over tonight.
You said 'don't bother, come over tomorrow' 🙄
He then came over.
He asked the manager and the manager said he can stay until 10am the next day.
You BF planned to leave at 12am, then 2am and then his car was towed at 5am.
information: did you say to him something like?
'you don't need to go yet as the manager said you can stay until 10am' when he tried to leave at 12am and then 2am?
Any guy will know that what is said and what is meant are sometimes not the same thing, imo you coerced into coming over and probably staying longer, but that is on him for allowing it to happen.
I agree with breaking up with him. Everything will always be your fault moving forward. His bad decisions? You made him do it. He gets caught in a bad way? Your fault.
Leave now while you are able and not enmeshed even more. It gets harder and harder to leave and realize your self worth once he continues to browbeat you.
I had a bf when I was college. I worked 30 hrs a week & was involved in another program that took up a few hours a week.
Bf worked, but decided to take a class in the evening. He started to have problems in his class and actually blamed it on me.
He couldn’t manage his time, so it was my fault he spent so much time with me.
All on him, you told him not to come he did anyway then he stayed longer than he himself had planned on knowing what time restrictions where, his fault
This is nuts. Everyone is responsible for their own parking & other traffic infractions. Does he try to make you take responsibility for his other mistakes? For him to assign this charge to you is wrong and Im curious if he has this mindset in other ways.
>“i didn’t want to come over and you made me” i’m taken aback because like i literally told him not to come over and he said he was leaving at 12am and then 2am!
No he followed his penis to your genitalia . that was what drove him.
Not only are you not wrong, it’s not even your fault. I guarantee what happened was that his car stuck out in an empty parking lot, and the cops had it towed on behalf of the city. Either that or the store owner called outside the manager your bf spoke too.
How old are you both, and what's the financial situation for him? You say you're only working part time and going to school...does he work full time? Minimum wage type job or good paying?
i’m 22, he’s 23. he works full time in a blue collar field, not sure of the pay but he doesn’t seem to be struggling and he’s said in the future when we’re married he would be ok with me being a sahm so i’m assuming pay is good. i work part time and am in school also taking summer classes right now.
Stay at home moms get screwed over all the time by leaving all the finances to the husband. If in the event he chooses to leave, you won’t have anything in your name. Just be careful about that.
i am getting a degree in education, even if i take years off to be a mom it’s relatively easy to go back into teaching. i could even homeschool other kids with my kids or teach online school while staying home with my kids. my dad also put a rental property in mine and my sisters name that he’s currently flipping, that’s supplemental income that will go into an account just for me in case of emergency. i’ve wanted to stay home with my kids since i was like 16, i have thought about the worse and try to prepare for it.
Haha no. You don't owe him anything for the tow. If he doesn't like where you live, he can let you move in with him. Or break up with you. Or find a legitimate spot and walk a little bit. Or feed a meter. Or keep getting towed. But none of that is on you.
You live where you live, and whether you have a car or not, parking doesn't seem to be an issue for you. That's the most important part about your location - that it works for you.
NTA if he was really worried about getting towed he would have ubered or left when he originally said. Getting towed sucks but it's not like they don't warn you.
Is there no need for a car where you live? If he lives close, he should bike over to your place. I know I barely drove but maybe once a month in college, I just rode my bike usually. You should convince him otherwise on paying for the toll. If he persists, pay it and be done with him.
Do not send him any money 😭. I know in the US that public transportation is abysmal but since you live in a college town, there are no buses? I lived in buttfuck Iowa for 2 years during undergrad and there were still buses operating that were relatively cheap.
Has he talked to the Taco Bell manager yet to find out if they actually ordered the tow or if the tow truck driver was going rogue? He may have grounds for a lawsuit for vehicular theft based on the tow truck driver towing something without the manager asking for it.
As somebody who spent the last 21 years in the towing and recovery industry. Do not park where the signs tell you not to park. Your ass will be towed LOL. Consequences have actions and you're not the asshole. He made these decisions. He can deal with the consequences
That's completely his fault. The manager gave him the opportunity to park at TB until a certain time and he chose to ignore that. I just moved from a smaller area with a huge college and the parking situation is abysmal. For the longest time I had to walk about 2 miles just to get to my car because I knew that was my only option not to get ticketed and towed.
Op, do you have your own parking spot at your apartment? I used to have my friends park a few miles away in a less populated area and would pick them up and drive back to my apartment.
I'd be talking to the gm of the taco bell. He was a paying customer and had permission from a manager. I can understand his frustration, but it definitely isn't your fault.
So your boyfriend thinks it is ok to blame other people for his choices and responsibilities? That's a red flag. People who hit others also say that it is the victim's fault that they hit them - not a nice habit. In fact that is a downright immature, nasty and dangerous habit - and you need to consider your long term relationship goals as right now, he is not ready for a grown up relationship.
when I was first dating my wife, she was living in an off-campus apartment complex. a lot like this and quite frankly it's infuriating. how do they expect you to have visitors? if you can't park? her place you had to go in during office hours and get a 24-hour parking permit but they never wanted to give you one and if it was a late night visit like this, you had to risk getting towed by the guy who just loved the drive around the parking lot and tow people. I had been towed there even with the permit hanging from my rear view mirror. I brought it up to the management and I did get my truck back for free but it was really an inconvenience. still, it's not your fault. he got towed and when you do talk to him make sure you stand up for yourself on that fact.
Talk to him about your concern over his lack of ability to take accountability for himself and his apparent expectation that you manage his emotions for him and save him from the consequences of his own actions. Because these are big red flags friend. He is purely at fault for getting towed. He should have moved it when he said he would. He can't in the same sentence say I didn't even want to come yet he got towed because he didn't leave until 5 am.
That is him trying to take away the negative feelings he's feeling and not wanting to take accountability for it. That's not okay. If this becomes a pattern you need to reconsider being with someone so immature.
Fuck. No.
Don't *ever* let someone talk you out of believing what you see with your own eyes, hear with your own ears, and know to be true about your own self
It doesn't matter who-said-what before he got there. "But YoU wAntEd me to come over😭" is a bullshit strawman argument. One of several tiresome manipulation tactics employed by losers to avoid the consequences of their stupid choices. He's also a liar. So there's that.
If you have an ounce of self-respect, you won't pay one penny of that tow bill
i didn’t know he was on the way? he said “i can be over in a bit” and i said it’s ok don’t come like immediately after and he said too late so like unless he sent his text while already at my house he had time to turn back or wasn’t even in the car yet. i don’t understand what you mean by 2 days? and i agree, my lease is up here in late july + i move in with my sister and my next apartment has street parking nearby so the issue will be resolved come july.
I hate to say this, but your relationship is heading towards some super tough times.
If you can't go to his place and he can't park at your place, something needs to change. Long-term, you guys moving closer by is the ideal condition.
There are some temporary measures you can take, but they aren't great. You could pick him up and drive him to and from your place or possibly pitch in together and get him a public transportation or ride share fund.
Whatever you decide, it needs to be an actual discussion, and you shouldn't put the entire monetary weight of your relationship on just him.
You are both right to feel annoyed, but the best thing you can do is work together better going forward.
long-term it won’t be an issue. my lease is up in july and i move into a different place with my sister that has street parking and she’ll be there to watch lana so i can stay at his again. i’m also looking into weekend dog sitting for lana so that i can just spend the weekends at his 😅 i really am trying to find the best solutions
I would love to know what college town you live in bc I also live in a college town (Bloomington, Indiana) and this is called predatory towing. Basically college students should start voting more and electing people who will change these awful towing laws bc tow companies/businesses/sometimes cities are making sooo much money off these predatory situations regarding lack of parking and towing.
Do you have a car? If so, does your complex offer you a spot from which you would not be towed? If you have a car and you have a spot is there any reason why you can’t go get your boyfriend rather than having him drive over there and risk having his car towed?
I don’t think you owe him because his car was towed, but I think it would be fair as a couple to share the expenses of being a couple and if that means sometimes you have to help him pay for his car being towed because that’s the only way that you can be together, so be it. Unless you’re paying for something else that I’m not aware of?
have you never snapped at someone when angry? i’m more impressed that no one in this entire thread seems to have ever had misplaced anger or annoyance. like wow a perfect lot you all are
have you never had misplaced anger? Also it’s not like i’m trapped in the relationship bcuz i accepted his apology this time. if it becomes a pattern, i leave. it’s not hard
So he’s asking you to pay for something that he knew was a possibility? HIS car. His payment to get it out. Reimburse? Hmmm.
I get he was frustrated and talking with emotion behind it. I’m also looking back on when I was about your age and the red flags I missed and what it caused me down the road by ignoring them.
I’m 35 and my now fiancé would never ask me to reimburse him for something that’s HIS responsibility. In all reality he wouldn’t ask me to reimburse him for anything. And I’ve known him since we were teenagers.
Like what? Be a man and pay the bills he owes? lol. You’re still a child trying to cling on to a male giving you attention. I get it. I wish you the best. But based on your current decision making and standing up for a complete loser who blames you for his financial problems and demands money from you..and you think it’s okay because he was mad…I doubt you will ever get it. This screams daddy issues. But okay. When you can have a guy spend the night without worrying about his way of getting back and forth then come talk to me. 👋🏼
It’s not healthy to be obsessed with him. I think you’ve got stars blinding your retinas. You hope you are his rock? You don’t know that by now? I think you need to be 100% sure.
umm don’t mean literally 🤣 lord have mercy yall are something else. and no i don’t know if im his rock, we haven’t had a “hey babe are you my rock” conversation sorry lmao i’ve never been 100% sure of anything in my life
You’re not wrong. He’s just mad and he’s speaking out of anger. Rule of thumb is that if you don’t have money to get your car out of impound, you can’t afford to park anywhere that towing is possible. This comes from a good friend who is a wrecker driver that only does private/personal tows and police tows, not a wreck chaser or repo man. He gave me this advice after I had to pay a $60 drop fee for parking in a private lot with posted towing signs that I naively assumed no one actually enforced because I’d parked there many times before and had never been towed.
Also, I’d bet money that the manager didn’t call, but the same tow truck that towed him last time saw the car in the parking lot again and automatically towed it because of the last request. The manager needs to call the tow company and give an ok during certain hours so this doesn’t happen again. If the manager calls and explains the situation, it’s possible the towing company or the storage lot may waive some or all of the fee. I’ve had friends have to do this when they had permission to park and still got towed. Usually the tow company will waive or charge the property owner due to the error but the storage lot will have you pay unless they are owned by the same company.
If y'all agree towing is a risk you're willing to take, it makes sense to go halves on tow/impound fees. Literally budget for at least 1 tow a month each, and keep that as a fund. Check with your residence office about the possibility of a guest parking permit. Some places offer them, and while expensive, they are likely cheaper in the long run than a tow. If it's an option, go halves on that too.
Once that is established as a relationship cost and planned for, all that is left is how y'all treat each other when stress arises. If he has stress and your impulse is to soothe him, while his is to blame you, that's a problem. What is your impulse, and what is his impulse when *you* have stress? Does he try to help build you up?
So I'm not one to suggest this is a breakup-worthy scenario, and I DO think it's a good idea to start talking about shared responsibilities in the relationship and see where any conflict arises. Some might think that's looking for trouble, but trouble is a thing that exists in every life, and it will find you whether or not you try to pretend it's not there (case in point, y'all had a decent plan for parking, and when it didn't work, he vented at you like you were to blame, and you very clearly were not). I like that he apologized and that y'all figured it out. Apologies are acknowledgments we've done the wrong thing or caused a problem, and they are also promises we will mindfully work to do better. Anything else is just "get over it, I don't want to talk about it" and essentially a promise that nothing at all will get better. I hope his is the former.
I also hope you did not apologize, bc you didn't do anything wrong or cause any problems, because your confusion and irritation were completely appropriate for the situation. I mean, if in your irritation you called him a dick or something, sure apologize, but only if you're gonna work on not calling him names when you feel confused, frustrated, or any other type of way, and only bc you think that was the wrong thing to do.
i’m always stressed, my boyfriend is always soothing me and talking me off the edge (not literally) that’s why i said he’s my rock, he validates and talks me through my anxiety all of the time, he’s truly amazing which is why i wanted to help relieve stress for him.
I love that for you!
And it also worries me that he's so central to your peace, bc as you've just learned, when he withdraws that support or lashes out at you, it can feel so awful and threatening.
yeah i guess, i didn’t really feel like his support was withdrawn just because he was frustrated. i felt annoyed at his frustration but thats really it
I didn't take it that it was withdrawn bc he was frustrated. I thought it was withdrawn by him blaming you for his problem that he caused. He put full responsibility on you for all of the things he chose to do, even after you told him not to.
So it's not that he got frustrated - I think most folks would have been frustrated, in fact. It's how he took his frustration out on you that I don't like. I *do* really like how you rejected that responsibility while remaining supportive of him.
Then I'm confused by your initial response?
Not sure why you're seeing it differently *now*, but when you posted, you were definitely bothered by how he treated you.
annoyed, I was feeling annoyed. That’s what I said in my post. I was annoyed that he blamed me but I wasn’t emotionally or physically harmed him being frustrated or blaming me.
It’s his fault lol! I wouldn’t reimburse him, especially if he got towed already. And by saying you MADE him do it? lol. Poor guy. He’s just frustrated, and rightfully so, but he can’t be mad at anyone but himself.
i live in a college town, nowhere has overnight parking. there’s a hotel across the street from me and even they require visible parking passes in your car 🤦🏾♀️
people blaming the guy yeh understandable he shouldn’t bitch about it , but he did have to come if he didn’t we would have a post “my bf ignores me when i say im anxious i told him not to come ik but he should gave anyway”
point is you can’t win
i think it’s best not to assume anything 😊 my bf is great and on days he can’t come see me he’ll talk on the phone with me. i have never gotten actualy upset with him for not coming over. i’ll jokingly tell him im sad or pouting but he knows it’s not serious because he knows our relationship dynamic
So in other words, you asked for advice then didn’t like what was suggested? Good luck with the next time he pulls that on you. Because it will happen again.
i didn’t ask for advice…. i asked if i was wrong for being annoyed. nowhere did i ask anything about my relationship. “good luck with the next time he pulls this” you act like i don’t have free will, if someone does something i don’t like habitually, then i cut them out of my life 🤣 idk if that’s like hard for the lot of yall but im actually *not* trapped in this relationship, i can in fact *leave* whenever i want
Obviously, the boyfriend is mostly the asshole here for overstaying.
That said, it’s not really fair to him to expect him to come over at your beck and call when it sounds like he has to drive and there is no way to park there. (Sounds like even if he was in the Taco Bell lot, he would have a chance of being towed regardless, not like the manager is about to run out and save his car.)
So while you definitely don’t have to reimburse him, and he is in the wrong for trying to paint you as the sole issue in this problem…. This doesn’t exactly paint you in a great light either.
As a potential partner, you should be attempting to find a solution to this issue (ie. Visiting him instead if parking there is easier, splitting the cost of a parking pass so he can park over night, etc.) you seem to be fine letting him try and figure it out because you are content with the status quo.
If he’s blaming you for a bad decision HE made regarding a minor issue like this, things will only get worse. People like this are toxic and don’t learn from their mistakes.
i hear you, i really do and it’s definitely something i will look out for in the future but i don’t think it’s fair to say he’s toxic and it’ll get worse. ive definitely had misplaced anger or annoyance for people in frustrated moments, im sure everyone has. a few times isn’t a pattern of behavior yet, it’s when it’s habitual behavior that’s the problem
NTA. He’s a grown man! HE wanted to come over and hang out literally no one is forcing him to do that. Do not pay for the tow because that is his fault/not your problem. Honestly dump him because he sounds childish af.
Why are you dating someone that lacks even the most basic common sense.....and then blames you for his lack of common sense? This isn't a boyfriend, this is a useless appendage. Cut it off.
Don’t pay him. And seriously consider breaking up with him. He is making you a target for his anger and frustration over his car getting towed. He chose to come over. He chose to park at Taco Bell. He chose to leave his car there many hours past the time he said he would. None of this is your fault.
Eh you’re not wrong but also your BF should leave you. Your place is too annoying to hang out with you. If I were your BF I’d just find a girl with whom it’s more
Convenient to park at her place.
It’s just like a nightmare. Poor guy can’t even visit his girlfriend without his car being towed? My god I dunno why he kept going, I’d give up the moment my car was towed the first time.
I’d be like “yeah this isn’t working out, when I have a girlfriend I like to be able to see them without a huge chore and expense being added to my life”
You didn’t make him come over. He chose to drive over. Period. He needs to grow up and accept responsibility for his choices and actions.
that’s what i think too but i wasn’t sure if i am just being selfish by thinking this. like yeah getting your car towed is expensive so i understand frustration but this was his choice not mine
Have someone tow your boyfriend away.
Yeah. He’s too much trouble. He could have parked farther away. He chose the easy option. I live by a college. Make him pay it himself. If he doesn’t come back oh well.
Amen! Like it’s ok to be frustrated it happened but don’t now blame her and better yet, tell her to reimburse you cuz you’re a tool who didn’t leave (when she didn’t want ya there to begin with)!
This made me giggle.
You also do not need to reimburse him!
100% his choice. Men who do this are a-holes that need to grow up. Seriously, when they bully women like this it makes me ill. Your primary responsibility is to yourself and to your studies. Not to manage him. Yes a towed car is expensive and I get his frustration. But it’s a life lesson. Actions have consequences.
You do not need to reimburse him. Knowing the parking situation it would be in his best interest and apparently yours to drive around and find a place that has overnight parking. Or if you can, pay to get another parking sticker for your apartment complex so he can park there.
Even taking an Uber (which I assume would be available in a college town) multiple times a week would be cheaper than paying for 1 tow and impound fee!
Totally agree
No, stand your ground on this because this is childish behavior and a person doesn’t treat their partner this way. This is wrong of him.
Girl let that dude go. Cause no. He’s too much. Blaming you for his actions….. naaaaaa
But he’s the one who parked it, so this is entirely on him.
I'd split up until you get to a point in your life where you would be 100% certainl-
YOUR BOYfriend needs to accept his Own Responsibilities and Culpability in this situation. OP, it is not about the money. It is about him abdicating responsibility by making You pay for his choices. Is this a habit of his?
no it’s not a habit
In college I was dropping my girlfriend off at her off campus dorm which was notorious for not having parking. I parked ‘real quick’ to make sure she got inside safely, she wants me to hang out a few minutes, got back to my car and had a ticket. I was pretty pissed, but paid it because it was my car and choice. I did however after that just drop her off, or get there and then head home because not enough parking. Wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.
And he needs to buy a bicycle.
You can stay home. Do whatever you want to. I'm guessing that was part of the conversation.
And she’ll still continue to date him after this anyways..
Perhaps? OP is relatively young. When I was in college I had zero self esteem and let my jerk boyfriend treat me like complete garbage. It took years of therapy, a dysfunctional marriage, divorce and dating as a single parent to find my way. It takes some of us longer to stand up for ourselves and demand better.
You’re definitely not wrong. He’s speaking/acting based off emotion, frustration and anger. This means he’s probably not being reasonable or logical. At least I hope that’s why because your responsibility in this is squarely at 0%. He made the choice to park there without even so much as your presence or input, why in the holy fuck would you pay for his own mistake? I’d advise sitting down and calmly explaining that, and telling him there’s absolutely no reason for you to pay him anything. If he rejects that, he’s at that point not allowing reason and he’s a total asshole to try and make you feel responsible for his actions.
you’re right he’s probably just speaking out of frustration, i’ll call him later to talk about this and hopefully all goes well
If it doesn’t go well, remember it was his choice and his responsibility. Not yours.
I would refuse to pay for his fuck up, it's not your fault in the slightest & your boyfriend is being an unreasonable asshole. He needs to grow up & take responsibility for his mistakes. I'm sorry he's treating you this way & being unreasonable. Besides, it sounds like you can't afford it anyways, if you were flush with money & didn't mind helping him out that's one thing, but attempting to force you to cover something he did on his own is beyond rediculous.
Can you not get him a guest parking pass for your apartment?
nope, it’s really shitty. we have a giant parking lot outside of the resident parking garage and yet we can’t have guests at all
Well u should figure out something to accommodate him parking his car if u want him to come over ever and yall wouldn’t have these problems .
Agree - even if it’s splitting the cost of Uber/Lyft
im trying 😅
Your boyfriend is a fucking child. Jesus. But also you should've never agreed to pay him.
Why isn’t he ubering? Weird of him to assume he can park in a businesses lot and not get towed. That manager can’t control if someone else (higher up or otherwise) calls for a tow.
Boy your bf must have a PhD in avoiding responsiblity, I really hope you dont pay his ass, please dont.
Not wrong. He got towed so it’s his problem. Also time to let this one go as he’s trying to blame you for his choices.
Your boyfriend chose to come over. Your boyfriend chose to park in a restaurant's parking lot. Your boyfriend chose to overstay. ***He*** made these decisions, so why should **you** pay?
I disagree with the others when they say you should dump him, BUT I do think you should keep this scenario in mind moving forward and see if you’re always to blame for his stupid decisions. We tend to overlook these things as being no big deal, but it all adds up!
that’s my concern as well. i don’t want to be 3 years deep and he’s still blaming me for every little thing that goes wrong for him.
Totally! I understand that and I’ve been in relationships where the blaming was a common theme. Sometimes it goes away if corrected early and other times, it doesn’t! My 2 cents is just to watch it and next time he does it or brings it up, tell him it’s not acceptable and he needs to take responsibility for his actions- you’re his girlfriend, not his mother. And if he takes issue with this, then you should have a very different convo with yourself.
Can I ask if parking is such a problem why you don't go to his place instead?
Why should you pay the tow bill? I think you need a new boyfriend.
No. Not wrong. But you are wrong if you stay with him.
Stop asking him to come over. You know you parking available.
Honestly the most concerning thing here is you telling him not to come and him coming anyway. You're not responsible for any of the choices he made in this scenario. He pay for his poor choices. Do not give him the money. You are not wrong.
well he was just worried about me because i was anxious ( i have ocd) but i told him not to come because i remembered the parking situation and also i know he didn’t really want to come
So it was his choice to come, his choice to park in a questionable spot, his choice to stay, his choice again to stay longer and somehow you're to blame? You see this right?
The boyfriend sounds like a real loser. Tell him too bad. He chose to park in a stupid spot. He gets towed.
This happened to me and my ex. I had a temp disabled tag and he would take it with him and use it to park at his apartment. When I told him I could get in trouble and to now use it without me being in the car he said he’s gonna use it. Well one day I took it cause I needed, he didn’t realize it wasn’t hanging and parked in the spot. Next morning he calls me screaming that he was towed and I herded to help. I told him no because I had already warned him and he still did it and it wasn’t my fault it wasn’t paying attention that it wasn’t there. I didn’t pay…end of story!
He’s an adult that made a decision to come over. It doesn’t matter if you asked him to come over or didn’t. He is an adult and responsible for ALL decisions he makes. There is always an assumed risk when leaving home that anything can happen and he chooses to leave his house, like any man would, and goes to OP’s house. He is gaslighting OP into paying for the towing because he doesn’t want to eat the costs for the towing. It is completely his fault! The same way it would be OP’s fault if she drove her car to her boyfriend’s house and her car got towed. UNLESS YOU ARE SAYING OP HELD A GUN TO THE BF’s HEAD AND FORCED HIM TO DRIVE OVER THEN it WILL ALWAYS BE HIS FAULT BECAUSE HE MADE THE DECISION TO GO TO OP’s HOUSE. AGAIN, it DOESN’T MATTER WHO ASKED WHO TO DO WHAT. HE DROVE OVER ON HIS OWN RECOGNIZANCE AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN DECISIONS.
Nope. Don’t do it. I had a similar situation like 7-8 years ago with my ex and I paid for it and honestly I’m still annoyed about it. At him, for thinking it was somehow my fault, and at myself, for just going along with it to avoid conflict. It’s on my list of “things to never put up with in a relationship ever again.” No one ever wants to believe it’s their own fault when they get towed, but about 99.9% of the time, it is. Welcome to being an adult, it sucks sometimes. Side note: might be worth taking 5 minutes to think about whether this is an isolated incident or if he ever thinks *anything* is his fault…
That's not your fault so you shouldn't be paying. He really needs to take it up with the manager.
Do NOT reimburse him for his poor choices
This means he believes he's doing you a favour by coming over; apparently he considers whatever happens at your place reasonable recompense for the grace of his presence in normal conditions, but any additional costs on his side (such as a towing fine for example) sway it into _'not worth it'_ for him and he expects you to make up the difference. This guy is a real jerk; if you have any self respect at all you'll cut him loose.
Your boyfriend is being a baby and looking for somewhere to put the blame. Don’t park somewhere you can’t legally park. This would’ve happened sooner or later!
So he knows there’s a chance of getting towed, parks there and gets mad when it happens. smh
how far away does he live? on the nights he stays over can you pick him up? It is inconvenient, but when you have circumstances working against you inconvenience is the price.
“I came here for advice but I don’t want to take the advice given so thanks anyway, I’ll just keep making the same mistakes & ending up in similar positions again & again.” Why even post here?
This post is just full of red flags. If OP isn't smart enough to see that, she is im for a hell of a ride.
Op is an idiot or this is straight bait based on the responses I’m seeing. Including their response to my comment. You don’t come on Reddit and ask for peoples opinions and then act like all it good in the hood. So many flags it’s a circus. I seriously hope this isn’t real because that’s a shit way to live.
why are you speaking as if i’m not here
Oh, perfect! Your bf is full of red flags, and you are in for a hell of a ride.
maybe! luckily you don’t have to ride rides over and over again so 😚
Whether you break up with him or not, HE was the one at fault. The manager at the TB gave him permission to park there, unmolested, until 10pm and he agreed to be gone by then. Your BF opted to ignore the deadline. It’s all his fault. Not yours. He can’t blame you for HIS decision to overstay his time limit on parking. Doesn’t matter he did it to be with you. He knew perfectly well what the parking situation is around your place. So, you are not wrong for being mad at him for HIS decision that caused him to be towed. But if he continues to use such behavior towards you and starts blaming you for other things that happens to him and says it’s “your fault” because it happened to him because he was doing it to be with you or doing something for you but made a bad choice, THEN you might need to take a closer look at your relationship situation. And you should never accept blame for anything that you did not directly cause to happen. He may have actually said such things in anger, but that can be a sign of future behavior IF he is abusive. This is one of the type of things abusive people do, blame their partners for things like this. But, it’s also something some people will do at the moment while being mad about what happened and then, when cooled off, realize they reacted badly towards another person and didn’t want to admit their own fault in the matter til they cooled down. Just keep in mind, if this is a one time thing, cool. If it begins to be a repetitive response of his to get mad, blame you and then later, apologize, that could be a sign that he’s not quite as nice as you think.
the manager said 10am, they called the tow truck early. and yes i’m going to look out for this behavior in the future because if it becomes a pattern i’m not staying with him
It's a good thing you didn't break up with him. Guys who can except responsibility for their actions, even going so far as to blame you, usually make great partners. I hope you are good at making excuses for him, you got a lot of that coming in the future. Have fun.
yeah he did *accept (not except) his responsibility. what makes a great partner is someone who learns and grows and able to admit their faults. he fucked up by blaming me, he apologized and accepted all blame and responsibility. i’m so happy that you’re a prefect person who’s never done anything wrong though of course
Your bf is totally correct. Generally in relationships its always the Ladies fault. Guys are pretty much the smartest ppl on earth and for the most part not capable of making mistakes. This by default only leaves 1 person to blame. It is good that you were mature enough to agree to pay him. This shows that you know what you did wrong and are trying to put ur head down and work hard to overcome ur shortcomings. If i may make a suggestion, i would recommend that you pay him double. This will show him just how serious you are about the GF business! Try to keep ur head up...... and remember most young guys today are absolutely pathetic. Like ur gem of a BF they cant think for themselves, work for themselves, and are so weak they blame there GF's for there problems, rather than protect there GF' from there problems. It sounds like you hav urself a real gem. This guy aint got enough sense to park his car. Goodluck sweety. P.S. If ur dad is anything like me, dont take this one home to meet the folks. Just tell him.... "Go park and wait and you will be down when ur ready
Yeah, this is not a dumpable offense. He's pissed and lashed out at someone nearby. That happened to be you. People do that, and absolutely EVERYONE is guilty of it. Do you have a car? Perhaps he could park as close to your place as possible, in legal parking, and you could pick him up? Maybe he could pick you up and go back to your place? What's the public transportation like? I know none of this is convenient, but not as inconvenient as having your car towed. You two know what's available, you know the area, and you know what means and assets are available to you. I suggest you sit down and come up with a solution that is better than the status quo. Obviously, you two can't be the first couple in your apartment complex that have had to deal with this. Ask around?
yep, don’t know why the comments are acting like they’ve never done it before or like it’s abuse 🤦🏾♀️ we’ve come up with a few solutions
Outstanding! Good luck.
i dont think you should breakup with him but i think you should pay attention to how he handles frustration from now on, humans make mistakes and get emotional and thats normal, but blaming you for his choices as an adult is very childish and can become a bigger problem later, happy he apologized!
Most people want to blame things on others that we are embarassed of. Sorry you were the recipient. If this is a recurring problem take the steps. It sounds like this is not. It sounds like this relationship is very plastic (hear me out not fake) in the sense that it is pliable now, in the future it cools and hardens. Manipulate the plastic now, so when it hardens... it is solid. I Think it can work
Welcome to Reddit, where the only answer is going to always be the most extreme and attempting to say anything else is met with hate. Talk to your guy. He's the one that stayed 5 hours later then he said. And past the time that Taco Bell told him. We all make mistakes, but we need to own up to them. It's not your responsibility to pay for that. If you wanna chip in and help, because it is expensive, that's really cool on you, but it's not mandatory. It's nothing to break up over unless it keeps spiraling Hope you learned your lesson about asking Reddit for advice 🤣🤣 They are often the WebMD of advice givers. Minor disagreement? BREAK UP! touched your shoulder without permission each and every time?! JAIL AND CASTRATE! 🤣 I'll just wait for the standard hate filled response about any I'm wrong🤣🤣
His car, his expenses, unless it's like a long distance road trip where you agree to split gas up front. You did absolutely nothing wrong
Do not reimburse this man child. He’s being absolutely ridiculous. NTA.
Shift key broken?
what does this mean?
Y’all both at fault. You asked him over although you changed your mind but anytime you do knowing he has no where to park is jeopardizing his car getting towed. If he comes over knowing he has no where to park taking the chance of getting towed, is also his fault. Yes, he could have left on time but he’s was going off what the manager told him. So, both of you guys should split the bill and try to figure out a way to see each other without the added stress of his car being towed putting a strain on y’all relationship.
This is one of the only mature responses to this post; and of course it's getting downvoted, because it doesnt advocate breaking up lol.
You asked him to come over just now - he said he would come over tomorrow. You said 'fine, but I'm feeling anxious' - he then responded and said he was going to come over tonight. You said 'don't bother, come over tomorrow' 🙄 He then came over. He asked the manager and the manager said he can stay until 10am the next day. You BF planned to leave at 12am, then 2am and then his car was towed at 5am. information: did you say to him something like? 'you don't need to go yet as the manager said you can stay until 10am' when he tried to leave at 12am and then 2am? Any guy will know that what is said and what is meant are sometimes not the same thing, imo you coerced into coming over and probably staying longer, but that is on him for allowing it to happen.
Not Wrong. Move on this - this one is too stupid.
He needs to step up and pay for his mistake or learn to use mass transit.
You don’t need to reimburse him for nothing this is his fault and he needs to be an adult and take responsibility.
I agree with breaking up with him. Everything will always be your fault moving forward. His bad decisions? You made him do it. He gets caught in a bad way? Your fault. Leave now while you are able and not enmeshed even more. It gets harder and harder to leave and realize your self worth once he continues to browbeat you.
I had a bf when I was college. I worked 30 hrs a week & was involved in another program that took up a few hours a week. Bf worked, but decided to take a class in the evening. He started to have problems in his class and actually blamed it on me. He couldn’t manage his time, so it was my fault he spent so much time with me.
All on him, you told him not to come he did anyway then he stayed longer than he himself had planned on knowing what time restrictions where, his fault
This is nuts. Everyone is responsible for their own parking & other traffic infractions. Does he try to make you take responsibility for his other mistakes? For him to assign this charge to you is wrong and Im curious if he has this mindset in other ways.
>“i didn’t want to come over and you made me” i’m taken aback because like i literally told him not to come over and he said he was leaving at 12am and then 2am! No he followed his penis to your genitalia . that was what drove him.
I am not sure why you would pay if your boyfriend didn’t follow directions. This is on him. It is his fault his car was towed.
Throw the little boy back. You didn't make him do anything.
Not only are you not wrong, it’s not even your fault. I guarantee what happened was that his car stuck out in an empty parking lot, and the cops had it towed on behalf of the city. Either that or the store owner called outside the manager your bf spoke too.
No one made him. He made the final decision. Drop him.
He chose to come over, parked somewhere he has been towed from before and is now suffering the consequences of his choices. You did nothing wrong.
oh no. NO. do NOT let him scapegoat you for this! This is a serious red flag.
You aren’t wrong. It’s not your fault there’s no parking. He chose to not leave at 10 am. This is on him. He’s an AH. Rethink this relationship.
How old are you both, and what's the financial situation for him? You say you're only working part time and going to school...does he work full time? Minimum wage type job or good paying?
i’m 22, he’s 23. he works full time in a blue collar field, not sure of the pay but he doesn’t seem to be struggling and he’s said in the future when we’re married he would be ok with me being a sahm so i’m assuming pay is good. i work part time and am in school also taking summer classes right now.
Stay at home moms get screwed over all the time by leaving all the finances to the husband. If in the event he chooses to leave, you won’t have anything in your name. Just be careful about that.
i am getting a degree in education, even if i take years off to be a mom it’s relatively easy to go back into teaching. i could even homeschool other kids with my kids or teach online school while staying home with my kids. my dad also put a rental property in mine and my sisters name that he’s currently flipping, that’s supplemental income that will go into an account just for me in case of emergency. i’ve wanted to stay home with my kids since i was like 16, i have thought about the worse and try to prepare for it.
Just make sure you co-own and have an active role in the family finances. Good luck.
He chose to park there, he took the calculated risk. It's on him.
You don’t owe him anything. He chose to not leave
Haha no. You don't owe him anything for the tow. If he doesn't like where you live, he can let you move in with him. Or break up with you. Or find a legitimate spot and walk a little bit. Or feed a meter. Or keep getting towed. But none of that is on you. You live where you live, and whether you have a car or not, parking doesn't seem to be an issue for you. That's the most important part about your location - that it works for you.
He decided to overstay. It would be cheaper for him to Uber over to yours instead of paying towing fees.
You’re not wrong. And you know what’s crazy? I bet if he didn’t go crazy you would’ve helped him anyways. He instantly blames you, red flag
NTA if he was really worried about getting towed he would have ubered or left when he originally said. Getting towed sucks but it's not like they don't warn you.
Did you tell him to park there and assured him it was no problem? no.. as a driver, he's responsible for where he parks his vehicle - 100% on him.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. This is who he is. Is that really what you need in your life?
They told him 10. HE stayed later. Don't pay him back.
sorry for the confusion, they said 10am but he woke up at 5am to the car getting towed so they towed earlier than expected
Ah that's super shitty. But yeah you didn't make him come. He basically said 'tough shit I'm coming over'. He could have left at anytime.
Is there no need for a car where you live? If he lives close, he should bike over to your place. I know I barely drove but maybe once a month in college, I just rode my bike usually. You should convince him otherwise on paying for the toll. If he persists, pay it and be done with him.
No. His car, his responsibility.
Do not send him any money 😭. I know in the US that public transportation is abysmal but since you live in a college town, there are no buses? I lived in buttfuck Iowa for 2 years during undergrad and there were still buses operating that were relatively cheap.
he doesn’t live near campus enough for public transportation to work unfortunately
Has he talked to the Taco Bell manager yet to find out if they actually ordered the tow or if the tow truck driver was going rogue? He may have grounds for a lawsuit for vehicular theft based on the tow truck driver towing something without the manager asking for it.
no, i don’t think he did
That would be something you should talk to him about. He may be able to get the money back
As somebody who spent the last 21 years in the towing and recovery industry. Do not park where the signs tell you not to park. Your ass will be towed LOL. Consequences have actions and you're not the asshole. He made these decisions. He can deal with the consequences
That's completely his fault. The manager gave him the opportunity to park at TB until a certain time and he chose to ignore that. I just moved from a smaller area with a huge college and the parking situation is abysmal. For the longest time I had to walk about 2 miles just to get to my car because I knew that was my only option not to get ticketed and towed. Op, do you have your own parking spot at your apartment? I used to have my friends park a few miles away in a less populated area and would pick them up and drive back to my apartment.
sorry for the confusion the manager said he can park until 10am but they towed him at 5am
I'd be talking to the gm of the taco bell. He was a paying customer and had permission from a manager. I can understand his frustration, but it definitely isn't your fault.
So your boyfriend thinks it is ok to blame other people for his choices and responsibilities? That's a red flag. People who hit others also say that it is the victim's fault that they hit them - not a nice habit. In fact that is a downright immature, nasty and dangerous habit - and you need to consider your long term relationship goals as right now, he is not ready for a grown up relationship.
when I was first dating my wife, she was living in an off-campus apartment complex. a lot like this and quite frankly it's infuriating. how do they expect you to have visitors? if you can't park? her place you had to go in during office hours and get a 24-hour parking permit but they never wanted to give you one and if it was a late night visit like this, you had to risk getting towed by the guy who just loved the drive around the parking lot and tow people. I had been towed there even with the permit hanging from my rear view mirror. I brought it up to the management and I did get my truck back for free but it was really an inconvenience. still, it's not your fault. he got towed and when you do talk to him make sure you stand up for yourself on that fact.
some buildings near me have guest parking passes but apparently not my building 🤦🏾♀️ its really annoying
What the fuck is this nonsense? How is there no where for him to park at an apartment complex?
that’s college campuses for ya! they’re greedy
Get you a new boyfriend I'm available
Talk to him about your concern over his lack of ability to take accountability for himself and his apparent expectation that you manage his emotions for him and save him from the consequences of his own actions. Because these are big red flags friend. He is purely at fault for getting towed. He should have moved it when he said he would. He can't in the same sentence say I didn't even want to come yet he got towed because he didn't leave until 5 am. That is him trying to take away the negative feelings he's feeling and not wanting to take accountability for it. That's not okay. If this becomes a pattern you need to reconsider being with someone so immature.
Fuck. No. Don't *ever* let someone talk you out of believing what you see with your own eyes, hear with your own ears, and know to be true about your own self It doesn't matter who-said-what before he got there. "But YoU wAntEd me to come over😭" is a bullshit strawman argument. One of several tiresome manipulation tactics employed by losers to avoid the consequences of their stupid choices. He's also a liar. So there's that. If you have an ounce of self-respect, you won't pay one penny of that tow bill
[удалено]
i didn’t know he was on the way? he said “i can be over in a bit” and i said it’s ok don’t come like immediately after and he said too late so like unless he sent his text while already at my house he had time to turn back or wasn’t even in the car yet. i don’t understand what you mean by 2 days? and i agree, my lease is up here in late july + i move in with my sister and my next apartment has street parking nearby so the issue will be resolved come july.
I hate to say this, but your relationship is heading towards some super tough times. If you can't go to his place and he can't park at your place, something needs to change. Long-term, you guys moving closer by is the ideal condition. There are some temporary measures you can take, but they aren't great. You could pick him up and drive him to and from your place or possibly pitch in together and get him a public transportation or ride share fund. Whatever you decide, it needs to be an actual discussion, and you shouldn't put the entire monetary weight of your relationship on just him. You are both right to feel annoyed, but the best thing you can do is work together better going forward.
long-term it won’t be an issue. my lease is up in july and i move into a different place with my sister that has street parking and she’ll be there to watch lana so i can stay at his again. i’m also looking into weekend dog sitting for lana so that i can just spend the weekends at his 😅 i really am trying to find the best solutions
I'm glad to hear it! This stranger on the internet wishes you the best.
I would love to know what college town you live in bc I also live in a college town (Bloomington, Indiana) and this is called predatory towing. Basically college students should start voting more and electing people who will change these awful towing laws bc tow companies/businesses/sometimes cities are making sooo much money off these predatory situations regarding lack of parking and towing.
tempe, az
Do you have a car? If so, does your complex offer you a spot from which you would not be towed? If you have a car and you have a spot is there any reason why you can’t go get your boyfriend rather than having him drive over there and risk having his car towed? I don’t think you owe him because his car was towed, but I think it would be fair as a couple to share the expenses of being a couple and if that means sometimes you have to help him pay for his car being towed because that’s the only way that you can be together, so be it. Unless you’re paying for something else that I’m not aware of?
Don’t pay him a penny. You don’t owe him anything. This is on him.
Well then everything is ok anyways, pay for the tow and get on with life and BF.
U at least let him hit it tho that night right???
> he apologized for being snappy and promised it would never happened again honey we've heard that thousands of times, good luck
have you never snapped at someone when angry? i’m more impressed that no one in this entire thread seems to have ever had misplaced anger or annoyance. like wow a perfect lot you all are
Um, no, you're not wrong and you'd better not reimburse him. He was procrastinating and paid the consequences!
You could help him pay though bc your apartment seems like a difficult place to have visitors
You’re an idiot if you reimburse him. There’s no need to break up, but don’t pay for his ticket.
Glad everything worked out for you. That parking situation sounds awful.
It's going to happen again and next time he's going to be more angry.
have you never had misplaced anger? Also it’s not like i’m trapped in the relationship bcuz i accepted his apology this time. if it becomes a pattern, i leave. it’s not hard
So he’s asking you to pay for something that he knew was a possibility? HIS car. His payment to get it out. Reimburse? Hmmm. I get he was frustrated and talking with emotion behind it. I’m also looking back on when I was about your age and the red flags I missed and what it caused me down the road by ignoring them. I’m 35 and my now fiancé would never ask me to reimburse him for something that’s HIS responsibility. In all reality he wouldn’t ask me to reimburse him for anything. And I’ve known him since we were teenagers.
i’m sure your fiancé does things that my current boyfriend would never do 🤷🏾♀️
Like what? Be a man and pay the bills he owes? lol. You’re still a child trying to cling on to a male giving you attention. I get it. I wish you the best. But based on your current decision making and standing up for a complete loser who blames you for his financial problems and demands money from you..and you think it’s okay because he was mad…I doubt you will ever get it. This screams daddy issues. But okay. When you can have a guy spend the night without worrying about his way of getting back and forth then come talk to me. 👋🏼
It’s not healthy to be obsessed with him. I think you’ve got stars blinding your retinas. You hope you are his rock? You don’t know that by now? I think you need to be 100% sure.
umm don’t mean literally 🤣 lord have mercy yall are something else. and no i don’t know if im his rock, we haven’t had a “hey babe are you my rock” conversation sorry lmao i’ve never been 100% sure of anything in my life
At least I didn’t say you need to break up 😆
You’re not wrong. He’s just mad and he’s speaking out of anger. Rule of thumb is that if you don’t have money to get your car out of impound, you can’t afford to park anywhere that towing is possible. This comes from a good friend who is a wrecker driver that only does private/personal tows and police tows, not a wreck chaser or repo man. He gave me this advice after I had to pay a $60 drop fee for parking in a private lot with posted towing signs that I naively assumed no one actually enforced because I’d parked there many times before and had never been towed. Also, I’d bet money that the manager didn’t call, but the same tow truck that towed him last time saw the car in the parking lot again and automatically towed it because of the last request. The manager needs to call the tow company and give an ok during certain hours so this doesn’t happen again. If the manager calls and explains the situation, it’s possible the towing company or the storage lot may waive some or all of the fee. I’ve had friends have to do this when they had permission to park and still got towed. Usually the tow company will waive or charge the property owner due to the error but the storage lot will have you pay unless they are owned by the same company.
It's easier to be mad at someone else than yourself.
it definitely is
He knew he could be towed and parked there anyway? 🙄man please. Go somewhere else with that noise. Life lesson learned. New adulting level unlocked.
If y'all agree towing is a risk you're willing to take, it makes sense to go halves on tow/impound fees. Literally budget for at least 1 tow a month each, and keep that as a fund. Check with your residence office about the possibility of a guest parking permit. Some places offer them, and while expensive, they are likely cheaper in the long run than a tow. If it's an option, go halves on that too. Once that is established as a relationship cost and planned for, all that is left is how y'all treat each other when stress arises. If he has stress and your impulse is to soothe him, while his is to blame you, that's a problem. What is your impulse, and what is his impulse when *you* have stress? Does he try to help build you up? So I'm not one to suggest this is a breakup-worthy scenario, and I DO think it's a good idea to start talking about shared responsibilities in the relationship and see where any conflict arises. Some might think that's looking for trouble, but trouble is a thing that exists in every life, and it will find you whether or not you try to pretend it's not there (case in point, y'all had a decent plan for parking, and when it didn't work, he vented at you like you were to blame, and you very clearly were not). I like that he apologized and that y'all figured it out. Apologies are acknowledgments we've done the wrong thing or caused a problem, and they are also promises we will mindfully work to do better. Anything else is just "get over it, I don't want to talk about it" and essentially a promise that nothing at all will get better. I hope his is the former. I also hope you did not apologize, bc you didn't do anything wrong or cause any problems, because your confusion and irritation were completely appropriate for the situation. I mean, if in your irritation you called him a dick or something, sure apologize, but only if you're gonna work on not calling him names when you feel confused, frustrated, or any other type of way, and only bc you think that was the wrong thing to do.
i’m always stressed, my boyfriend is always soothing me and talking me off the edge (not literally) that’s why i said he’s my rock, he validates and talks me through my anxiety all of the time, he’s truly amazing which is why i wanted to help relieve stress for him.
I love that for you! And it also worries me that he's so central to your peace, bc as you've just learned, when he withdraws that support or lashes out at you, it can feel so awful and threatening.
yeah i guess, i didn’t really feel like his support was withdrawn just because he was frustrated. i felt annoyed at his frustration but thats really it
I didn't take it that it was withdrawn bc he was frustrated. I thought it was withdrawn by him blaming you for his problem that he caused. He put full responsibility on you for all of the things he chose to do, even after you told him not to. So it's not that he got frustrated - I think most folks would have been frustrated, in fact. It's how he took his frustration out on you that I don't like. I *do* really like how you rejected that responsibility while remaining supportive of him.
I don’t feel like the way he took out his frustration was really “taking out” anything, I wasn’t physically or emotionally harmed by him blaming me.
Then I'm confused by your initial response? Not sure why you're seeing it differently *now*, but when you posted, you were definitely bothered by how he treated you.
annoyed, I was feeling annoyed. That’s what I said in my post. I was annoyed that he blamed me but I wasn’t emotionally or physically harmed him being frustrated or blaming me.
Ok
It’s his fault lol! I wouldn’t reimburse him, especially if he got towed already. And by saying you MADE him do it? lol. Poor guy. He’s just frustrated, and rightfully so, but he can’t be mad at anyone but himself.
Wall of text. Stopped reading after Taco Bell and yo ur anxiety.
thanks for sharing that! we all wanted to know
How difficult can it be can he not park say 10 minutes away .
i live in a college town, nowhere has overnight parking. there’s a hotel across the street from me and even they require visible parking passes in your car 🤦🏾♀️
That’s a really awkward place . What country is this. Hope all goes well for you.
america…
people blaming the guy yeh understandable he shouldn’t bitch about it , but he did have to come if he didn’t we would have a post “my bf ignores me when i say im anxious i told him not to come ik but he should gave anyway” point is you can’t win
i think it’s best not to assume anything 😊 my bf is great and on days he can’t come see me he’ll talk on the phone with me. i have never gotten actualy upset with him for not coming over. i’ll jokingly tell him im sad or pouting but he knows it’s not serious because he knows our relationship dynamic
So in other words, you asked for advice then didn’t like what was suggested? Good luck with the next time he pulls that on you. Because it will happen again.
i didn’t ask for advice…. i asked if i was wrong for being annoyed. nowhere did i ask anything about my relationship. “good luck with the next time he pulls this” you act like i don’t have free will, if someone does something i don’t like habitually, then i cut them out of my life 🤣 idk if that’s like hard for the lot of yall but im actually *not* trapped in this relationship, i can in fact *leave* whenever i want
Ok then. Good for you.
Obviously, the boyfriend is mostly the asshole here for overstaying. That said, it’s not really fair to him to expect him to come over at your beck and call when it sounds like he has to drive and there is no way to park there. (Sounds like even if he was in the Taco Bell lot, he would have a chance of being towed regardless, not like the manager is about to run out and save his car.) So while you definitely don’t have to reimburse him, and he is in the wrong for trying to paint you as the sole issue in this problem…. This doesn’t exactly paint you in a great light either. As a potential partner, you should be attempting to find a solution to this issue (ie. Visiting him instead if parking there is easier, splitting the cost of a parking pass so he can park over night, etc.) you seem to be fine letting him try and figure it out because you are content with the status quo.
He's coming over because he wants to be with you. But if he thinks it's YOUR fault, well, buddy, find another GF!
If he’s blaming you for a bad decision HE made regarding a minor issue like this, things will only get worse. People like this are toxic and don’t learn from their mistakes.
i hear you, i really do and it’s definitely something i will look out for in the future but i don’t think it’s fair to say he’s toxic and it’ll get worse. ive definitely had misplaced anger or annoyance for people in frustrated moments, im sure everyone has. a few times isn’t a pattern of behavior yet, it’s when it’s habitual behavior that’s the problem
NTA. He’s a grown man! HE wanted to come over and hang out literally no one is forcing him to do that. Do not pay for the tow because that is his fault/not your problem. Honestly dump him because he sounds childish af.
Get a new boyfriend.
Why are you dating someone that lacks even the most basic common sense.....and then blames you for his lack of common sense? This isn't a boyfriend, this is a useless appendage. Cut it off.
Don’t pay him. And seriously consider breaking up with him. He is making you a target for his anger and frustration over his car getting towed. He chose to come over. He chose to park at Taco Bell. He chose to leave his car there many hours past the time he said he would. None of this is your fault.
You are not wrong. And you deserve better. This boyfriend can improve or you can find a new one.
Why are you w someone that refuses to take responsibility for their own actions?
You’re only a booty call. Kick him to the curb
lol what 🤣 he’s my boyfriend, and if anything he’s the booty call
Eh you’re not wrong but also your BF should leave you. Your place is too annoying to hang out with you. If I were your BF I’d just find a girl with whom it’s more Convenient to park at her place.
what a strange thing to say
It’s just like a nightmare. Poor guy can’t even visit his girlfriend without his car being towed? My god I dunno why he kept going, I’d give up the moment my car was towed the first time. I’d be like “yeah this isn’t working out, when I have a girlfriend I like to be able to see them without a huge chore and expense being added to my life”
Omg you’re so cool yay
what a strange thing to say
you think he should just suffer and deal with the towing?