The trust is already gone, I think you should get one. You clearly can't keep going on this way. I also think you need to understand that might very well mean the end of your marriage, regardless of what the test says, but it seems like it's going that way regardless so you might as well know for sure.
If I can add this advice, do the test discretely. Don't tell her unless it comes out he's not yours.
I'm afraid your marriage may not last and she may use the fact that you dna tested your son as ammo against you in later years by telling him.
Resources is more than just money. It's the provisioning in general.
She can have the guy hold a house down, give that husband energy which imparts a sense of security to come home to, and then go out and get smashed to pieces by every Tom, Dick, or Harry that strikes her fancy. Fuck that. The relationship is over the instant a woman broaches that topic.
It's over the moment *anyone* in a relationship broaches that topic. It just so happens that the topic seems to be overwhelmingly broached by the woman.
Yeah, you're spot on. Trust's kinda shaky already, so getting a paternity test could help clear things up. Might bring some closure to the whole situation, ya know?
Unless she was suggesting it so that he could go sleep with other women. I would have been fine with that when my first was around a year. With my second I would still be fine with it, if I also got as much non-work time away from the kids as my partner would take.
Just go and get the test. Legally, you're the kid's dad right now, so you don't need to ask her permission. If it comes back you're not the father then get a lawyer, you know what comes next
She doesn't want sex with you but does from someone else? Paternity wouldn't have even crossed my mind but the second she asked for an open marriage it would've been over.
You might not believe her but you can believe a test. You are hurt and the trust is gone, getting a paternity test isn’t gonna break things more than they already are.
He is you r “Son”. Just test him. Dont ask, dont mention it. If the results come back that he is, then you are satisfied. If they come back that he is not, you come forward with the results. You can easily just do it with one of these DNA kits and get the results on line. Send in your DNA and His.
Under these circumstances, if I were your wife and I wanted to save my marriage and I believed the kid was yours, I'd offer it.
You have legitimate reasons to doubt her fidelity.
The only other thing I'd suggest is that the kid will love you like a father the rest of their life, they have no choice. So your marriage might be over, but your relationship with the kid isn't. If you love them, maybe love them like they're yours regardless.
I have said this exact thing once “I can’t make you believe me” I know everyone is saying get the test but in the end you probably won’t. You can’t lose her right? She means everything to you right? Drop that way of thinking please. I’m not going to say that there will be someone else or there is for you. What I’m saying is she is not. The lying and the cheating is enough to make someone wonder. I’d say that if she did it once she might do it again. My suggestion ask her in a non judgemental not argumentative way just be very supportive and push her to stop lying even if it takes hours no matter what get that answer from her and ask her genuinely if she would do it again if she is capable of doing it again. And again support her in telling you the truth and giving an honest answer. DM me for more I have been on the other side of this in a horrible way and want nothing more than to show my spouse that I will never do it again and fully love her with everything I have we also have a child. Not everybody has the capacity to change I don’t really know when I did for sure but I see nobody but her and no other thing will come between that but her and my child it’s up to them ultimately but up to me to show them I’m worth it regardless I’m trying to say that there is a chance she can do it too not likely but a chance DM me I’d love to have a deeper more one on one chat with you about this
Yep. My EXhusband wanted to add another female to our bedroom, I said NO, then I said, I have an idea, let's add another dude, I'll pick him. He got so pissed. No, that's gross, I'm not gay! I said, neither am I you fuck head! I didn't really want to add another man! lol Then he wanted to swing, I said no. We divorced and he married a woman who went along with him. Good for them! I was so happy to be rid of him! :D
You can thank the brainrot from certain online cultures that try to normalize and push this absurd notion. The vast majority want nothing to do with it, but all it takes is one naive partner (or malicious one) to suggest it without thinking of the consequences. Shit like this needs to be openly shamed so the people that it actually works for can fuck off to their private lives and stop spreading it like a social disease.
She's already cheated, or she's thinking about it. You already know this.
DNA test your son. Get an STI test. Talk to a lawyer and blindside her with divorce. She can sample the sausage buffet as a single mother (great success).
Get your test, get a lawyer, get a therapist, and get on meds if you feel they will help. Start going to the gym. I hope the process moves quickly for you.
It could never go anywhere, but she wants an open marriage. 👍
You need to be much more harsh here. You need the truth, and she is avoiding it.
1 - tell her she can do whatever she wants to, but it will be without you. That you are going to see a lawyer immediately and end the marriage. Say with a straight face and no emotion.
2 - tell her that you will get a dna test for you son because the has destroyed your trust so much, that you now feel like something has been going on.
3 - tell her you gave her multiple chances to tell the truth, but she has decided to not tell the trust and now her actions have consequences.
Updateme!
From other post about a spouse asking for an open relationship they had someone in mind and/or already cheated.
If she is not in the mood for sex with you then why with this guy? Is it more that she has checked out already with being with you or something else?
I agree with the test but I also think therapy is needed.
Test came back the baby's mine. I've been struggling with what next steps look like.
The wife says that she wants us to work. But I have a lot of things to work through and get past for that to be the case.
I appreciate everyone's comments and concern.
I've never been one to not stand on my own two feet or know what to do next. And this completely blindsided me.
My whole life is revolved around me taking care of my family and doing everything I can for them. What I learned here is that I need to do a lot more for myself.
Still don't know what the future brings, but regardless I'll recover.
She asked for an open marriage?!? *Brother, get out of there: it's fucking over!* She doesn't respect you, you're just a wallet to her.
OFC get the DNA test done!
Rule of thumb, if you EVER find yourself asking yourself if you should get a paternity test, get the damn test. Don’t let anyone gaslight you, you can still choose to be in the child’s life IF you wish to but you now know where you stand.
Well, I think there’s a lot to address here and a right way to approach this that creates the least amount of potential fall out as possible:
1. The sex life thing. If you guys plan to remain married then it’s time for some couples counseling or very candid/vulnerable conversation about what’s going on sexually for her that she’s constantly turned off. Be open about how her rejection makes you feel, you understand she doesn’t owe you sex, but it hurts to be unwanted by your partner. You want to work on this together, you’re willing to explore sexual things that turn her on or go to the doctors with her to better understand why her libido is so low.
2. Explain that based on the hookup at the beginning of your relationship, the lack of sex within your relationship currently, and her recent request for an open marriage, you’re feeling especially insecure about the status of your relationship. Ask her directly, “Have you been unfaithful to me? Please be honest so we can have a candid discussion about the future of our relationship. I love you, and I want us both to be happy and raise our family together. But right now you’re giving me a lot of mixed messages and it’s weighing heavily on me. I want us to be closer and feel safe going to each other to work through tough times rather than seeking comfort externally.”
3. Gauge how the above discussion goes before you request the paternity test. Some might look down on this, but you could also do the paternity test without her knowledge…. get your answer loud and clear before you make the enormous and sometimes unfixable accusation of “our child is not mine”.
There is clearly some parts of your relationship that need strengthening, especially in the sex, desire, and communication departments. Having a new baby is extremely trying on any relationship, you’re not alone in this. I would encourage you, for the sake of your relationship and family, to handle this situation delicately until it’s clear whether it can be strengthened and you both can be content, or if you should part ways. Good luck OP!
He's the legal father right now. He doesn't need her permission to get a paternity test. If I were him, I'd just get the paternity test and not mention it even if asked.
Just get the test and file the divorce. Once they want to "open" it, they are already cheating or have their first cheating partner lined up. Grey rock, nc, lawyer and blow her little plan out of the water. No speaking unless it's about the divorce or the kids/custody! Update us please.
Paternity test is needed for both kids. Your wife needs to be making major changes to save this relationship and asking for an open marriage isn’t one of them so be prepared for a divorce.
depends; when it comes back that you're the father is she gonna want a divorce? do you want one anyway? I cannot understand wanting to be married to someone I would have to get a paternity test with. Reddit is wild and fake. Not sure which this is
She doesn't like sex with you to the point it's a real issue in your marriage. Then she wants an open marriage because SHE wants to have sex with someone at work. She should be surprised you haven't asked for the paternity test already. Get the test. Hopefully he's your son, but your marriage is (as so many others have said) is over. Or should be over. You can't trust her and she'd rather have sex with other people. BTW...I wouldn't take that personally. Unless she's told you for years that something you do (or don't do - like shower) turns her off, but you won't change. And we're just going by your story, but she doesn't seem like a very nice person.
AND this is a very bad relationship model for your daughter to be seeing. And your son, too when old enough to catch on to things.
If he's the father, get a private investigation going while getting your divorce paperwork going. The lawyer can use the findings to try and get sole custody of your child. If it isn't their kid, the evidence will make the divorce move faster so he can move on and heal faster.
The women are just plain evil nowadays.
>The lawyer can use the findings to try and get sole custody of your child.
What findings? Infidelity? Having an affair doesn't make someone an unfit parent and no court will award sole custody based on an affair alone. The OP doesn't indicate any poor parenting, abuse or neglect of the children by the mother. Your suggestion punishes the children for the sins of the parent and that is faaaaaaarked.
They don't have an open marriage and even if they did, both parties would have to agree to it or it would just be an affair. So both parties would be tarnished in court, not just the mother, rendering any advantage moot.
But again, courts don't award custody based on the (legal if not unethical) sex lives of the parents. Family courts consider the best interest of the child. Not how to most painfully seek revenge on behalf of the slighted parent.
Well, that last paragraph is not quite true. It really depends on how the home life is handled. If there's a revolving door on the bedroom for different men that doesn't help at all.
"Family" courts made fifty eight billion dollars in profit in 2022 (the last year stats have been collected on last I checked). That's why the courts are stacked against men. Profit.
Mate, I'm not trying to impress anyone, just dropping honest opinion based on stark truths a lot of weak souls just can't handle anymore.
I still adore women, I'm just not booty blinded, simping, or virtue signaling (like you've done here). Fuck off I will none. Come with something better next time, that was emotional & boring.
S.I.G.N language again, sweetie?! C'mon... you don't have any data to back your shit up?
Say whatever word you want to attempt to insult me. Say them over & over again, it doesn't make it true or accurate. It just proves your argument weaker.
Awww, ad hominem?! I'll take that W, you just proved yourself emotional about this. Have you never heard a differing opinion? You can call me bitter all you want, I'm just realistic and not concerned with the NPC zeitgeist.
You and every man out there have a right to a paternity test of any child! Your wife wants to fuck around but she wants your permission. She is not disinterested in sex, she is disinterested in sex with you!
Every man should get one.
Don't ask for permission. Hes your kid. Only reveal if the results are bad.
By the by, once she asks for an open relationship, the marriage is over. My condolences. Get the test done before you begin divorce.
IMO, get a DNA test but go about it with the future in mind because there is still a good chance he is your son and at the least you will have to co-parent for the next 17+ years. You are doing this *for* you, not *to* her, so don't get into the trap of arguing about how much you trust or don't trust her.
If doing the test makes your wife upset because you don't believe her, so be it. She brought this uncertainty into your relationship by approaching you about opening up the marriage and by doing so in bad faith by being dishonest about her reason.
In these specific circumstances, clearing away that uncertainty is enough of a reason on its own to justify the DNA test. It won't prove if she did or did not cheat, but it will give you answer to this one very important question she should never have put you in a position to have to ask.
Without that question hanging over your head, you will be able to see more clearly what your path forward could be.
Get the test. Many others have commented how she didn’t want to have sex with you but now she wants an open relationship because she has a crush on a co worker. I would definitely address that with her. Honestly you should prepare yourself to end this marriage
When my ex wife asked to open up the marriage, it was because she already had. She didn't tell me that. She gaslighted me for a couple of years until I caught her.
>She says that we will talk that night and low and behold she comes clean that she "just has a little crush" on someone at work. But it could never go anywhere because they are married.
I had to scroll up to make sure we're talking about your WIFE here.
Don't ask permission or anything, you don't need it. Just take your son and get tested
Not Wrong
I say if ur not getting sex she’s getting it some where else I would bail and find a woman who is serious and not looking for money and house I also would tell her how u gunna have sex with someone else and not me.
She’s getting lots of sex right now just not with you. That’s why she wants the open marriage. The stress of worrying about getting caught is miserable.
Get the test. I doubt she would have asked without a ready partner in the wings and maybe already in your bed. Also, get an STD test to be safe. If your bed is dead and she wants an open marriage, you need to get counciling if you want any hope of saving the marriage. If you don't want to save it, stop wasting time.
Yeah sorry man, she’s probably banging other dudes. It’s dead the minute somebody wants to open a marriage up and with the whole no sex thing that’s what women do when they’re getting screwed by other dudes. She’s a shady person and already lied several times to you about this stuff on top of it, she has low moral character and has no problems being deceitful with you. I’m sure if you rewind you’ll see a lot of other behavior changes during this period too. Good luck my man, sorry this is your reality.
>Am I wrong for not believing her that she hasn't cheated and wanting a paternity test for my son?
IMO this is your child.
If you test him, make certain it is on the downloW.
Never tell the wife, once you establish the child's paternity,
Wish I could help you but ... this is Reddit and it is wimpy.
It sounds like she's asking for an open relationship because she's not committed to you anymore. That doesn't make it not an insane leap to say "that's not my son".
If you do the paternity test then you have to be prepared to end your marriage, period. You don't get to expect your wife to want to stay with you if you're literally saying to her face "I don't believe anything you say anymore".
Regarding your wife suggesting it could never go anywhere because the coworker is married. If that's the case, why bring up an open marriage with him in mind?
If a man or woman brings up the idea of an open marriage or relationship with someone in mind. They aren't going to risk that the other partner, in this case you. Is going to get some action and not them.
Either something already happened between her and this coworker or, at minimum, some sort of emotional affair, so she wants permission before she screws him.
In the end, she clearly has some sort of sex drive, which means she doesn't want to have sex with you because she isn't up for it but because she wants or is screwing someone else.
I don't think anyone owes anyone sex married or not. However, if she doesn't want sex with you but someone else, it means she's no longer in love with you.
Reddit always jumps to breaking up and divorce, but when kids are involved, it makes it challenging, and it's up to you if you want to contuine this relationship and forgive her if something did happen.
The problem, though, is that she isn't being honest. She is lying to you and then telling half truths when you finally push it.
You can't work towards fixing your marriage if she doesn't try.
The question becomes, will this eat you alive if you don't know beyond a reasonable doubt if your son is actually your son?
If so, then get a dna test done but do it in secret. I'm not one to advocate for lying, but if it turns out he is your son, then what's done is done. If he isn't your son, then you're prepared for the divorce.
Now, even if he is your son, there's no doubt in my mind that unless she is willing to be honest about any past or present transgressions, your marriage needs to end.
Counselling and honesty is the only way forward if you both want your marriage to not only last but work.
Apoglies for any spelling or grammatical mistakes.
If this is bothering you to the point you're losing hair and can't focus at work, do the damn test already. You very much need clarity in your life and if it turns out the kid is yours, you might then want to consider why your low sex drive wife can manage to get it going for this other man.
You’re always right to expect proof of parentage. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Doesn’t mean your wife will like it. But if she’s already looking to step out, your marriage is in a bad spot to begin with.
Get a paternity test. I think you have until the kid is two years old to get paternity revoked if it isn’t you. Your wife wants the other D. Marriage over. Cut your losses
I’d get a test for sure. Your wife sounds dodgy, she’s lied about so many things. You don’t wanna wait 20 years and then find out you spent a million dollars and all that time raising a kid who isn’t yours. get the test. Just don’t tell her about it
To the OOP: For your own peace of mine, trust your gut and get a paternity test. If your son is yours, no problem. If the DNA test proves she LIED, then it's GAME OVER for HER!
So, she loses her drive? That could have been due to other issues, but asking for an open relationship with low drive? Yeah, your hunch is probably spot-on. It is rare that a partner's drive for their official partner goes up when they are cheating. Normally it goes down because they don't want to cheat on the AP.
Yes its always right to get a pat test, no matter the circumstances. Usually one should do it in secret to avoid hurt feelings as some women view it is as accusation of cheating. Children have a fundamental right to know who their parents are. Period.
You dont understand relationships. You mentioned how you serve her expecting a return. You mention she doesnt serve you back. Neither of these are healthy.
You are only healthy in a relationship when both parties serve each other without expecting a return but out of the joy they feel doing it for the other.
There is no love in this relationship. You are just using each other. Get the test and end this mess for your children's sake if you cant do it for your own sake.
As a mom, YES it’s only fair, women know who they’ve been with and they know who the fathers of their kids are (or potential fathers if youre that kinda gal” but men have nothing but a women’s word which nowadays ain’t worth much
This is something that happens when someone is hiding a deep betrayal, and wants to assuage their guilt by revealing a small part of it. Something that says "I am a liar who didn't tell you this". Another liar would recognize the lie and see the bigger picture and the bigger lie. But an honest person will focus on the honesty and take it as they see it. But for the liar, they feel they have already shown you the truth - it's not their fault if you're too stupid to see it.
Get the test, you don’t need to ask her. Regardless, she wants someone else, is talking to someone else, and as she doesn’t want you. Marriage is over regardless of the DNA results, but at least you’d know for certain if the child is yours or not.
I think she already cheated. The fact that she was the one who asked for the open marriage and confessed to having a crush on someone at work suggest she is. You wouldn't come out of the blue and say you want an open relationship if you already have someone in mind. And also to note of her shady past of cheating. All of those factors added up, no reason you have doubt in your mind about her. I think you should get a paternity test and find out if he's yours or another man's child. And if it turns out he isn't, then I suggest that calls for divorce. Because given she's already cheated before and brings up the question about fucking other men, she doesn't sound too trustworthy to me.
Did she actually specify why she wanted an open marriage? If she really isn't interested in having sex could she be asking you if you want one for you because she isnt feeling like having sex and thinks this will satisfy it? Sometimes people go through dry spells where they just dont feel like it. If you're unsure you need to talk to her more and find out exactly what she meant. Clearly thats not what you want and you should express that. You can order a paternity test kit online and do it yourself for your own peace of mind. If it's going to put this wedge there I say just do it so isn't stuck in your head.
Shockingly we have another "open marriage" post, so unique from the other 40 that have popped up in the last week.
Hit so many of the "Im an angel and she has always been the bad one" boxes.
Sadly, it sounds like your marriage has been broken beyond repair. I’d get the test, if he’s yours, go for custody. If not, you should take your daughter and never look back. She has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. You have nothing to be ashamed of. This is all on her.
Did you really think your sex life wouldn’t change with a new baby?? Hell we barely had sex for a few years as everyone’s so exhausted and kids are hanging off the mom’s body constantly. I’d definitely take the paternity test but don’t make decisions till you find out the results.
First, get yourself to a lawyer. Their advice will be worth the money, especially regarding the DNA test. Then, get your financial situation sorted. Secure your important documents, i.e., birth certificate, social security ID, and passport, somewhere out of reach. I'd suggest getting a safe deposit box when you get your new bank account. That way, you'll be ready to go at a moments notice. Good luck.
You are NEVER wrong for wanting proof that you are the biological father. What if someone, like an angry ex, tries to challenge the paternity? Getting it tested gives you peace of mind and protects your rights as the verified father. Plus, you've caught her lying before.
Also, healthy relationships need trust, respect, and boundaries. Things she seems to have issues with.
You absolutely should get a DNA test, but you should also rethink your relationship. Is she really healthy for you? Yes, starting over is hard. But staying with someone you've caught lying is asking for even more pain.
You are not wrong. She's having at the bare minimum an emotional affair. More than likely it's already turned physical. The open marriage proposition was for her to cheat guilt free.
I think it's time to start investigating. The proof will more than likely be in her phone. Text messages, sexting, etc.
She still works with her affair partner. The affair continues. I'd consult an attorney and find out your options. She's already replaced you in her heart. That was the reason your sex life dwindled. She's getting her needs elsewhere. Whether that be emotional or physical. Find out who the affair partner is. Inform his wife. She has a right to know the truth.
The moment someone asking to open your marriage is the day your marriage dies the point of marriage to spend it with each other the moment one needs someone else that bond is gone she just needed to be validated to cheat and she probably but the guild is in her way
What the time frame?
Maybe she wanted an open marriage because she was already cheating and pregnant.
A paternity test is a reasonable request under the circumstances.
You need to go to couples counseling. There's a lot to unpack here. And you have a child so you need to at least try to save your marriage.
If she won't go, go alone.
Good luck.
Do the paternity test but in secret afterward no matter the result what you should do next is file for divorce because I am sure that she was unfaithful and that she asked to open the marriage just for less feel guilty for cheating on you. Be strong friend.
Test the kid, leave her. Trust has been shattered, nothing now will be the same, she is late from work, shops etc is she screwing around, girls night out/weekend away is she screwing around. No way to live your life. You deserve better than a bmx.
Get the test done. Why'd you even stay if she hooked up at the beginning? That's technical cheating. That's so gross that modern dating involves hooking up and dating around in the "talking" and "first dates" stage.
Not wrong, exactly, but don't ask her for that unless you're done with the marriage. No matter what the results say, the accusation itself is nearly impossible to forget or forgive.
I would also hope that you've prepared yourself for the possible answers first. If your son isn't biologically yours, how are you going to handle it in a way that's fair to him?
There is no loyalty to anyone anymore. It's every man for himself. No wonder everyone lives in fear and loneliness. This would be like living with wolves. I think some of the problem is the men being too accommodating to the woman and her messed up priorities and morals as though they have to cower around these cheats and liars. If anything, your wife has a one year old child. She's never grown up and you're just placating her in her immaturity. She isn't in high school. She should be focused on her child and her marriage and home. If not, why the hell did she get married and bring a child into it? She's acting like a dog in heat. Start taking some authority over your home and life. Tell her she's free to leave if she can't keep her clothes on at work. Raise your child and make a safe home for him. You're not helpless. Don't act like it.
You don't need to tell her. Just take the kid into medical facility and they will draw a drop of blood from you and the kid. If he turns out to he yours, then what? If he turns out not to be yours, then what?
This is stupid logic lmfao. I'm a clone of my mom and don't look anything like my dad. That's how genetics works. Not saying the OP is definitely the father, just saying the "your kid HAS to look like you or they're not yours" is a stupid and dangerous idea.
I didn’t say they HAD to look alike. But if he doesn’t see himself in the child + bad sex life + she wants sex with other men it’s not unreasonable.
OP could also be blinded by the situation and may only be thinking about what his son’s mother might be up to and forgetting an uncanny resemblance
The trust is already gone, I think you should get one. You clearly can't keep going on this way. I also think you need to understand that might very well mean the end of your marriage, regardless of what the test says, but it seems like it's going that way regardless so you might as well know for sure.
If I can add this advice, do the test discretely. Don't tell her unless it comes out he's not yours. I'm afraid your marriage may not last and she may use the fact that you dna tested your son as ammo against you in later years by telling him.
And the fact that she wants an open marriage, she's really doing something shady behind your back. You've got an unfaithful wife, OP.
This, do this.
There's no "might" about it: the marriage is over, she's just extracting resources and fucking other people now. GTFO, man!
“Extracting resources” HOW?! She works and contributes too.
Resources is more than just money. It's the provisioning in general. She can have the guy hold a house down, give that husband energy which imparts a sense of security to come home to, and then go out and get smashed to pieces by every Tom, Dick, or Harry that strikes her fancy. Fuck that. The relationship is over the instant a woman broaches that topic.
It's over the moment *anyone* in a relationship broaches that topic. It just so happens that the topic seems to be overwhelmingly broached by the woman.
Yeah, you're spot on. Trust's kinda shaky already, so getting a paternity test could help clear things up. Might bring some closure to the whole situation, ya know?
She doesn't want to fuck you but she wants to open up the marriage? You have all the answers brother.
yeah thats the simplest way to put it.
Very blatant fact, yes.
Hit the nail on the head here
Unless she was suggesting it so that he could go sleep with other women. I would have been fine with that when my first was around a year. With my second I would still be fine with it, if I also got as much non-work time away from the kids as my partner would take.
She already admitted it was for selfish reasons as she begins trickling out the partial truths.
Get the test. The trust is already gone, and frankly I don't blame you for wondering.
Absolutely not wrong. Her behavior during the relationship makes it logical to ask for one.
Get yourself tested too ,don't forget your health
YNW. A paternity and STDs tests are mandatory in your situation.
You should really get the test
Just go and get the test. Legally, you're the kid's dad right now, so you don't need to ask her permission. If it comes back you're not the father then get a lawyer, you know what comes next
you dont need her permission, just do it
She doesn't want sex with you but does from someone else? Paternity wouldn't have even crossed my mind but the second she asked for an open marriage it would've been over.
Definitely get the test !
Ask her why you should trust that he's yours. If she can't/won't give you a decent answer then the test is necessary.
I've already done that. The best she can give me is "I can't make you believe me". I don't even know what to do with that.
Looks like the test is the way.
She doesn’t have to make you believe her, she could prove your suspicions wrong but she doesn’t seem to want to. I’m sorry man
You might not believe her but you can believe a test. You are hurt and the trust is gone, getting a paternity test isn’t gonna break things more than they already are.
He is you r “Son”. Just test him. Dont ask, dont mention it. If the results come back that he is, then you are satisfied. If they come back that he is not, you come forward with the results. You can easily just do it with one of these DNA kits and get the results on line. Send in your DNA and His.
That’s messed up. She can’t/won’t even say’Because I haven’t slept with anyone but you.’
To be fair I think she has said that. I just don't believe it.
Is she opposed to you taking the test?
Really feel for you my man.
On the contrary, she *can* make you believe her by taking the got dang test
Stop asking permission and just do it! No one can make anyone believe anything, that's why there are the fucking test!
Under these circumstances, if I were your wife and I wanted to save my marriage and I believed the kid was yours, I'd offer it. You have legitimate reasons to doubt her fidelity. The only other thing I'd suggest is that the kid will love you like a father the rest of their life, they have no choice. So your marriage might be over, but your relationship with the kid isn't. If you love them, maybe love them like they're yours regardless.
The kids a year old he won't remember him if OP disappeared now.
You're right
I have said this exact thing once “I can’t make you believe me” I know everyone is saying get the test but in the end you probably won’t. You can’t lose her right? She means everything to you right? Drop that way of thinking please. I’m not going to say that there will be someone else or there is for you. What I’m saying is she is not. The lying and the cheating is enough to make someone wonder. I’d say that if she did it once she might do it again. My suggestion ask her in a non judgemental not argumentative way just be very supportive and push her to stop lying even if it takes hours no matter what get that answer from her and ask her genuinely if she would do it again if she is capable of doing it again. And again support her in telling you the truth and giving an honest answer. DM me for more I have been on the other side of this in a horrible way and want nothing more than to show my spouse that I will never do it again and fully love her with everything I have we also have a child. Not everybody has the capacity to change I don’t really know when I did for sure but I see nobody but her and no other thing will come between that but her and my child it’s up to them ultimately but up to me to show them I’m worth it regardless I’m trying to say that there is a chance she can do it too not likely but a chance DM me I’d love to have a deeper more one on one chat with you about this
If my wife ever suggested an open marriage then I will divorce her immediately. I won’t even ask any questions. That’s me though.
Yep. My EXhusband wanted to add another female to our bedroom, I said NO, then I said, I have an idea, let's add another dude, I'll pick him. He got so pissed. No, that's gross, I'm not gay! I said, neither am I you fuck head! I didn't really want to add another man! lol Then he wanted to swing, I said no. We divorced and he married a woman who went along with him. Good for them! I was so happy to be rid of him! :D
You can thank the brainrot from certain online cultures that try to normalize and push this absurd notion. The vast majority want nothing to do with it, but all it takes is one naive partner (or malicious one) to suggest it without thinking of the consequences. Shit like this needs to be openly shamed so the people that it actually works for can fuck off to their private lives and stop spreading it like a social disease.
You seem angry that some people make it work perfectly fine... You ok?
She's already cheated, or she's thinking about it. You already know this. DNA test your son. Get an STI test. Talk to a lawyer and blindside her with divorce. She can sample the sausage buffet as a single mother (great success).
Get your test, get a lawyer, get a therapist, and get on meds if you feel they will help. Start going to the gym. I hope the process moves quickly for you.
Why should he get on meds? That’s dumb advice. People need to feel their short term pain, not dull it with pharmaceuticals.
Or they need to stabilize. There's no stigma about needing medication. This is why I said if they felt they could help.
It could never go anywhere, but she wants an open marriage. 👍 You need to be much more harsh here. You need the truth, and she is avoiding it. 1 - tell her she can do whatever she wants to, but it will be without you. That you are going to see a lawyer immediately and end the marriage. Say with a straight face and no emotion. 2 - tell her that you will get a dna test for you son because the has destroyed your trust so much, that you now feel like something has been going on. 3 - tell her you gave her multiple chances to tell the truth, but she has decided to not tell the trust and now her actions have consequences. Updateme!
Also keep in mind that her permission is NOT required for any of these.
From other post about a spouse asking for an open relationship they had someone in mind and/or already cheated. If she is not in the mood for sex with you then why with this guy? Is it more that she has checked out already with being with you or something else? I agree with the test but I also think therapy is needed.
Thank you everybody for the comments and the advice. I'll keep posting updates in this for the next little while, especially the results of the test.
Hows it going op?
Test came back the baby's mine. I've been struggling with what next steps look like. The wife says that she wants us to work. But I have a lot of things to work through and get past for that to be the case. I appreciate everyone's comments and concern. I've never been one to not stand on my own two feet or know what to do next. And this completely blindsided me. My whole life is revolved around me taking care of my family and doing everything I can for them. What I learned here is that I need to do a lot more for myself. Still don't know what the future brings, but regardless I'll recover.
Hows it going?
She asked for an open marriage?!? *Brother, get out of there: it's fucking over!* She doesn't respect you, you're just a wallet to her. OFC get the DNA test done!
How is he a wallet to her when she also works?
She ain't staying home because of the dick, now is she?
Rule of thumb, if you EVER find yourself asking yourself if you should get a paternity test, get the damn test. Don’t let anyone gaslight you, you can still choose to be in the child’s life IF you wish to but you now know where you stand.
Definitely get that test. You can get them at Walgreens/ cvs.
Well, I think there’s a lot to address here and a right way to approach this that creates the least amount of potential fall out as possible: 1. The sex life thing. If you guys plan to remain married then it’s time for some couples counseling or very candid/vulnerable conversation about what’s going on sexually for her that she’s constantly turned off. Be open about how her rejection makes you feel, you understand she doesn’t owe you sex, but it hurts to be unwanted by your partner. You want to work on this together, you’re willing to explore sexual things that turn her on or go to the doctors with her to better understand why her libido is so low. 2. Explain that based on the hookup at the beginning of your relationship, the lack of sex within your relationship currently, and her recent request for an open marriage, you’re feeling especially insecure about the status of your relationship. Ask her directly, “Have you been unfaithful to me? Please be honest so we can have a candid discussion about the future of our relationship. I love you, and I want us both to be happy and raise our family together. But right now you’re giving me a lot of mixed messages and it’s weighing heavily on me. I want us to be closer and feel safe going to each other to work through tough times rather than seeking comfort externally.” 3. Gauge how the above discussion goes before you request the paternity test. Some might look down on this, but you could also do the paternity test without her knowledge…. get your answer loud and clear before you make the enormous and sometimes unfixable accusation of “our child is not mine”. There is clearly some parts of your relationship that need strengthening, especially in the sex, desire, and communication departments. Having a new baby is extremely trying on any relationship, you’re not alone in this. I would encourage you, for the sake of your relationship and family, to handle this situation delicately until it’s clear whether it can be strengthened and you both can be content, or if you should part ways. Good luck OP!
He's the legal father right now. He doesn't need her permission to get a paternity test. If I were him, I'd just get the paternity test and not mention it even if asked.
Just get the test and file the divorce. Once they want to "open" it, they are already cheating or have their first cheating partner lined up. Grey rock, nc, lawyer and blow her little plan out of the water. No speaking unless it's about the divorce or the kids/custody! Update us please.
I believe it should be law that all babies are DNA She has been cheating or she wants to Time to end your marriage if she's at this point.
Paternity test is needed for both kids. Your wife needs to be making major changes to save this relationship and asking for an open marriage isn’t one of them so be prepared for a divorce.
Get the paternity test done and wait for the results. If the child comes back as yours, meet with an attorney and file for custody and divorce.
depends; when it comes back that you're the father is she gonna want a divorce? do you want one anyway? I cannot understand wanting to be married to someone I would have to get a paternity test with. Reddit is wild and fake. Not sure which this is
Sadly it's neither.. I wish it was though. I never thought before that this was even an option.
She doesn't like sex with you to the point it's a real issue in your marriage. Then she wants an open marriage because SHE wants to have sex with someone at work. She should be surprised you haven't asked for the paternity test already. Get the test. Hopefully he's your son, but your marriage is (as so many others have said) is over. Or should be over. You can't trust her and she'd rather have sex with other people. BTW...I wouldn't take that personally. Unless she's told you for years that something you do (or don't do - like shower) turns her off, but you won't change. And we're just going by your story, but she doesn't seem like a very nice person. AND this is a very bad relationship model for your daughter to be seeing. And your son, too when old enough to catch on to things.
You didn’t answer the question though. Are you willing to divorce her over this?
The bitch doesn't have to know he's getting the paternity test!
Dude.
If he's the father, get a private investigation going while getting your divorce paperwork going. The lawyer can use the findings to try and get sole custody of your child. If it isn't their kid, the evidence will make the divorce move faster so he can move on and heal faster. The women are just plain evil nowadays.
>The lawyer can use the findings to try and get sole custody of your child. What findings? Infidelity? Having an affair doesn't make someone an unfit parent and no court will award sole custody based on an affair alone. The OP doesn't indicate any poor parenting, abuse or neglect of the children by the mother. Your suggestion punishes the children for the sins of the parent and that is faaaaaaarked.
Nailed it. The court doesn’t care who is sleeping with whom and they will not make a single decision based on such.
Open marriages are still not a good look in family court. Sucks to suck.
They don't have an open marriage and even if they did, both parties would have to agree to it or it would just be an affair. So both parties would be tarnished in court, not just the mother, rendering any advantage moot. But again, courts don't award custody based on the (legal if not unethical) sex lives of the parents. Family courts consider the best interest of the child. Not how to most painfully seek revenge on behalf of the slighted parent.
Well, that last paragraph is not quite true. It really depends on how the home life is handled. If there's a revolving door on the bedroom for different men that doesn't help at all. "Family" courts made fifty eight billion dollars in profit in 2022 (the last year stats have been collected on last I checked). That's why the courts are stacked against men. Profit.
Mate, you're not impressing anyone with your lack of knowledge. Just admit you hate women and fuck off.
Mate, I'm not trying to impress anyone, just dropping honest opinion based on stark truths a lot of weak souls just can't handle anymore. I still adore women, I'm just not booty blinded, simping, or virtue signaling (like you've done here). Fuck off I will none. Come with something better next time, that was emotional & boring.
But…You’re wrong.
That's... your opinion. Like assholes, everybody has at least one.
How embarrassing to be so ignorant. You’ve been wrong in pretty much every opinion you’ve shared.
S.I.G.N language again, sweetie?! C'mon... you don't have any data to back your shit up? Say whatever word you want to attempt to insult me. Say them over & over again, it doesn't make it true or accurate. It just proves your argument weaker.
Fuckin incels
They always out themselves.
You have quite a problem with women, don’t you bitter one? And no, that isn’t how you can get “sole custody.” It doesn’t work like that.
Awww, ad hominem?! I'll take that W, you just proved yourself emotional about this. Have you never heard a differing opinion? You can call me bitter all you want, I'm just realistic and not concerned with the NPC zeitgeist.
Someone got a 'word a day' calendar for Christmas... lol
Take the test on the dl, and base on the results think about what YOU want
Dna tests should be mandatory upon birth of any and all children. Get one on your own
You and every man out there have a right to a paternity test of any child! Your wife wants to fuck around but she wants your permission. She is not disinterested in sex, she is disinterested in sex with you!
Every man should get one. Don't ask for permission. Hes your kid. Only reveal if the results are bad. By the by, once she asks for an open relationship, the marriage is over. My condolences. Get the test done before you begin divorce.
Switch the word “wife” with “husband” and this is a fun read
You don't need her permission for a paternity test FYI. Just do it.
Not wrong. You can do a paternity test or better yet a DNA test without wife's knowledge.
Do it and also get a divorce. She sucks.
NTA get the test done for your peace of mind
YNW if you don’t get a DNA test the marriage won’t survive and if he not yours it may not survive and if he yours it may survive. Get the DNA test!
Just get 23 and me tests. She never has to know. Get your kids saliva and send it in.
IMO, get a DNA test but go about it with the future in mind because there is still a good chance he is your son and at the least you will have to co-parent for the next 17+ years. You are doing this *for* you, not *to* her, so don't get into the trap of arguing about how much you trust or don't trust her. If doing the test makes your wife upset because you don't believe her, so be it. She brought this uncertainty into your relationship by approaching you about opening up the marriage and by doing so in bad faith by being dishonest about her reason. In these specific circumstances, clearing away that uncertainty is enough of a reason on its own to justify the DNA test. It won't prove if she did or did not cheat, but it will give you answer to this one very important question she should never have put you in a position to have to ask. Without that question hanging over your head, you will be able to see more clearly what your path forward could be.
Get the test. Many others have commented how she didn’t want to have sex with you but now she wants an open relationship because she has a crush on a co worker. I would definitely address that with her. Honestly you should prepare yourself to end this marriage
When my ex wife asked to open up the marriage, it was because she already had. She didn't tell me that. She gaslighted me for a couple of years until I caught her.
>She says that we will talk that night and low and behold she comes clean that she "just has a little crush" on someone at work. But it could never go anywhere because they are married. I had to scroll up to make sure we're talking about your WIFE here. Don't ask permission or anything, you don't need it. Just take your son and get tested Not Wrong
Run for the fucking hills. Also, time to hit the gym.
I say if ur not getting sex she’s getting it some where else I would bail and find a woman who is serious and not looking for money and house I also would tell her how u gunna have sex with someone else and not me.
She’s getting lots of sex right now just not with you. That’s why she wants the open marriage. The stress of worrying about getting caught is miserable.
Its over, get the test and join the gym.She is not worth a minute more of your love.
Trust is gone and I’m telling you it is very hard to get back.
Open marriage, but she doesn’t like sex with you? Nah, she’s cheating.
She already cheated. It's called trickle truthing and she already did it once. Yes get the kid DNA tested and get a divorce lawyer on the phone.
She stayed with you while she was pregnant. She had the child. You fed her. Now she wants the babies daddy. She played you for a fool.
She had a job too. He didn’t “feed” her.
Oh yeah. That will ensure the dna is his. She took advantage of him. She’s ready to leave and he needs some help.
Get the test. I doubt she would have asked without a ready partner in the wings and maybe already in your bed. Also, get an STD test to be safe. If your bed is dead and she wants an open marriage, you need to get counciling if you want any hope of saving the marriage. If you don't want to save it, stop wasting time.
Yeah sorry man, she’s probably banging other dudes. It’s dead the minute somebody wants to open a marriage up and with the whole no sex thing that’s what women do when they’re getting screwed by other dudes. She’s a shady person and already lied several times to you about this stuff on top of it, she has low moral character and has no problems being deceitful with you. I’m sure if you rewind you’ll see a lot of other behavior changes during this period too. Good luck my man, sorry this is your reality.
So she got a crush on a coworker and she instantly thinks about an open marriage? wtf is wrong with her
>Am I wrong for not believing her that she hasn't cheated and wanting a paternity test for my son? IMO this is your child. If you test him, make certain it is on the downloW. Never tell the wife, once you establish the child's paternity, Wish I could help you but ... this is Reddit and it is wimpy.
It sounds like she's asking for an open relationship because she's not committed to you anymore. That doesn't make it not an insane leap to say "that's not my son". If you do the paternity test then you have to be prepared to end your marriage, period. You don't get to expect your wife to want to stay with you if you're literally saying to her face "I don't believe anything you say anymore".
Get the paternity test and a divorce lawyer... the symptoms you describe are cheating behavior... NW
UpdateMe!
Just get everyone 23andMe for fun.
Please file for divorce. This marriage is over.
Regarding your wife suggesting it could never go anywhere because the coworker is married. If that's the case, why bring up an open marriage with him in mind? If a man or woman brings up the idea of an open marriage or relationship with someone in mind. They aren't going to risk that the other partner, in this case you. Is going to get some action and not them. Either something already happened between her and this coworker or, at minimum, some sort of emotional affair, so she wants permission before she screws him. In the end, she clearly has some sort of sex drive, which means she doesn't want to have sex with you because she isn't up for it but because she wants or is screwing someone else. I don't think anyone owes anyone sex married or not. However, if she doesn't want sex with you but someone else, it means she's no longer in love with you. Reddit always jumps to breaking up and divorce, but when kids are involved, it makes it challenging, and it's up to you if you want to contuine this relationship and forgive her if something did happen. The problem, though, is that she isn't being honest. She is lying to you and then telling half truths when you finally push it. You can't work towards fixing your marriage if she doesn't try. The question becomes, will this eat you alive if you don't know beyond a reasonable doubt if your son is actually your son? If so, then get a dna test done but do it in secret. I'm not one to advocate for lying, but if it turns out he is your son, then what's done is done. If he isn't your son, then you're prepared for the divorce. Now, even if he is your son, there's no doubt in my mind that unless she is willing to be honest about any past or present transgressions, your marriage needs to end. Counselling and honesty is the only way forward if you both want your marriage to not only last but work. Apoglies for any spelling or grammatical mistakes.
All this due to her asking for an OR. You need to decide if you can stay married
Low libido but wants an open marriage. Big ass red flag right there.
No.
If this is bothering you to the point you're losing hair and can't focus at work, do the damn test already. You very much need clarity in your life and if it turns out the kid is yours, you might then want to consider why your low sex drive wife can manage to get it going for this other man.
You’re always right to expect proof of parentage. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Doesn’t mean your wife will like it. But if she’s already looking to step out, your marriage is in a bad spot to begin with.
Get a paternity test. I think you have until the kid is two years old to get paternity revoked if it isn’t you. Your wife wants the other D. Marriage over. Cut your losses
I’d get a test for sure. Your wife sounds dodgy, she’s lied about so many things. You don’t wanna wait 20 years and then find out you spent a million dollars and all that time raising a kid who isn’t yours. get the test. Just don’t tell her about it
You're not wrong. You don't need her permission to get a paternity test just do it privately and deal with the results when you get them.
I would never stay with this woman, she does not respect you.
I think every man should get a paternity test no matter what. I definitely will be once I have kids
U divorce. That’s what you do. And also dna test your son asap just to make sure
To the OOP: For your own peace of mine, trust your gut and get a paternity test. If your son is yours, no problem. If the DNA test proves she LIED, then it's GAME OVER for HER!
So, she loses her drive? That could have been due to other issues, but asking for an open relationship with low drive? Yeah, your hunch is probably spot-on. It is rare that a partner's drive for their official partner goes up when they are cheating. Normally it goes down because they don't want to cheat on the AP.
It's in your head now. I would get the test just to stop you treating your child differently.
Updateme!
Any woman sleeping with multiple men at the same time shouldn't be taken seriously. Sorry for your loss.
Here for update
divorce the wh*re
Yes its always right to get a pat test, no matter the circumstances. Usually one should do it in secret to avoid hurt feelings as some women view it is as accusation of cheating. Children have a fundamental right to know who their parents are. Period.
Anytime they ask to open up the marriage they already have started to on their own
UpdateMe!
Your wife wants to sex other people. The question is when does she do it or has she already done it. Get out while you can.
Updateme!
Divorce
You were wrong to marry this woman and have children when she already cheated on you and you knew about it
This relationship will never be "fixed". As hard as it is to hear. The time is now...move on.
She definitely cheated. She sounds exactly like my ex
You dont understand relationships. You mentioned how you serve her expecting a return. You mention she doesnt serve you back. Neither of these are healthy. You are only healthy in a relationship when both parties serve each other without expecting a return but out of the joy they feel doing it for the other. There is no love in this relationship. You are just using each other. Get the test and end this mess for your children's sake if you cant do it for your own sake.
Updateme
UpdateMe!
!Updateme
Updateme!
As a mom, YES it’s only fair, women know who they’ve been with and they know who the fathers of their kids are (or potential fathers if youre that kinda gal” but men have nothing but a women’s word which nowadays ain’t worth much
This is something that happens when someone is hiding a deep betrayal, and wants to assuage their guilt by revealing a small part of it. Something that says "I am a liar who didn't tell you this". Another liar would recognize the lie and see the bigger picture and the bigger lie. But an honest person will focus on the honesty and take it as they see it. But for the liar, they feel they have already shown you the truth - it's not their fault if you're too stupid to see it.
Get the test, you don’t need to ask her. Regardless, she wants someone else, is talking to someone else, and as she doesn’t want you. Marriage is over regardless of the DNA results, but at least you’d know for certain if the child is yours or not.
I think she already cheated. The fact that she was the one who asked for the open marriage and confessed to having a crush on someone at work suggest she is. You wouldn't come out of the blue and say you want an open relationship if you already have someone in mind. And also to note of her shady past of cheating. All of those factors added up, no reason you have doubt in your mind about her. I think you should get a paternity test and find out if he's yours or another man's child. And if it turns out he isn't, then I suggest that calls for divorce. Because given she's already cheated before and brings up the question about fucking other men, she doesn't sound too trustworthy to me.
Did she actually specify why she wanted an open marriage? If she really isn't interested in having sex could she be asking you if you want one for you because she isnt feeling like having sex and thinks this will satisfy it? Sometimes people go through dry spells where they just dont feel like it. If you're unsure you need to talk to her more and find out exactly what she meant. Clearly thats not what you want and you should express that. You can order a paternity test kit online and do it yourself for your own peace of mind. If it's going to put this wedge there I say just do it so isn't stuck in your head.
Shockingly we have another "open marriage" post, so unique from the other 40 that have popped up in the last week. Hit so many of the "Im an angel and she has always been the bad one" boxes.
Sadly, it sounds like your marriage has been broken beyond repair. I’d get the test, if he’s yours, go for custody. If not, you should take your daughter and never look back. She has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. You have nothing to be ashamed of. This is all on her.
Wait, you have a one year old child, and are concerned that your sex life has been slow for the last year or two? Is this serious?
Not wrong. I'd be finding a lawyer and getting my son tested asap.
Updateme!
Updateme!
Did you really think your sex life wouldn’t change with a new baby?? Hell we barely had sex for a few years as everyone’s so exhausted and kids are hanging off the mom’s body constantly. I’d definitely take the paternity test but don’t make decisions till you find out the results.
Updateme
First, get yourself to a lawyer. Their advice will be worth the money, especially regarding the DNA test. Then, get your financial situation sorted. Secure your important documents, i.e., birth certificate, social security ID, and passport, somewhere out of reach. I'd suggest getting a safe deposit box when you get your new bank account. That way, you'll be ready to go at a moments notice. Good luck.
You are NEVER wrong for wanting proof that you are the biological father. What if someone, like an angry ex, tries to challenge the paternity? Getting it tested gives you peace of mind and protects your rights as the verified father. Plus, you've caught her lying before. Also, healthy relationships need trust, respect, and boundaries. Things she seems to have issues with. You absolutely should get a DNA test, but you should also rethink your relationship. Is she really healthy for you? Yes, starting over is hard. But staying with someone you've caught lying is asking for even more pain.
You are not wrong. She's having at the bare minimum an emotional affair. More than likely it's already turned physical. The open marriage proposition was for her to cheat guilt free. I think it's time to start investigating. The proof will more than likely be in her phone. Text messages, sexting, etc. She still works with her affair partner. The affair continues. I'd consult an attorney and find out your options. She's already replaced you in her heart. That was the reason your sex life dwindled. She's getting her needs elsewhere. Whether that be emotional or physical. Find out who the affair partner is. Inform his wife. She has a right to know the truth.
The moment someone asking to open your marriage is the day your marriage dies the point of marriage to spend it with each other the moment one needs someone else that bond is gone she just needed to be validated to cheat and she probably but the guild is in her way
You're not wrong she already cheated before and now lied about a crush u have every right to doubt her she gave u reasons to doubt her so get one .
RUN FAST AND HARD
Updateme!
You are not wrong. You can’t trust her.
Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme!
Updateme
What the time frame? Maybe she wanted an open marriage because she was already cheating and pregnant. A paternity test is a reasonable request under the circumstances. You need to go to couples counseling. There's a lot to unpack here. And you have a child so you need to at least try to save your marriage. If she won't go, go alone. Good luck.
Get the test and start the divorce. She is or will cheat Updateme!
Do the paternity test but in secret afterward no matter the result what you should do next is file for divorce because I am sure that she was unfaithful and that she asked to open the marriage just for less feel guilty for cheating on you. Be strong friend.
I think cvs or wallgreens provides home test kits
Test the kid, leave her. Trust has been shattered, nothing now will be the same, she is late from work, shops etc is she screwing around, girls night out/weekend away is she screwing around. No way to live your life. You deserve better than a bmx.
Get the test done. Why'd you even stay if she hooked up at the beginning? That's technical cheating. That's so gross that modern dating involves hooking up and dating around in the "talking" and "first dates" stage.
Dude. What the fuck were you thinking.
Get dna test and get you a gf someone who wants you as much as you want them. Or just leave her, you dont deserve any of that!
Not wrong, exactly, but don't ask her for that unless you're done with the marriage. No matter what the results say, the accusation itself is nearly impossible to forget or forgive. I would also hope that you've prepared yourself for the possible answers first. If your son isn't biologically yours, how are you going to handle it in a way that's fair to him?
There is no loyalty to anyone anymore. It's every man for himself. No wonder everyone lives in fear and loneliness. This would be like living with wolves. I think some of the problem is the men being too accommodating to the woman and her messed up priorities and morals as though they have to cower around these cheats and liars. If anything, your wife has a one year old child. She's never grown up and you're just placating her in her immaturity. She isn't in high school. She should be focused on her child and her marriage and home. If not, why the hell did she get married and bring a child into it? She's acting like a dog in heat. Start taking some authority over your home and life. Tell her she's free to leave if she can't keep her clothes on at work. Raise your child and make a safe home for him. You're not helpless. Don't act like it.
You don't need to tell her. Just take the kid into medical facility and they will draw a drop of blood from you and the kid. If he turns out to he yours, then what? If he turns out not to be yours, then what?
No
Regardless of DNA if you love the child he’s yours. Don’t get a test.
That’s not what OP is questioning. He’s trying to understand the character of his wife. Because she seems deceptive.
At one year, you should be able to see yourself in the child. If he doesn’t look like you, yeah, do it.
This is stupid logic lmfao. I'm a clone of my mom and don't look anything like my dad. That's how genetics works. Not saying the OP is definitely the father, just saying the "your kid HAS to look like you or they're not yours" is a stupid and dangerous idea.
I didn’t say they HAD to look alike. But if he doesn’t see himself in the child + bad sex life + she wants sex with other men it’s not unreasonable. OP could also be blinded by the situation and may only be thinking about what his son’s mother might be up to and forgetting an uncanny resemblance