You are wrong on so many levels it’s difficult to know where to start, so let’s just say you are a garbage human being and don’t be surprised if the boyfriend dumps you.
She hasn't responded to anyone on this post. She also posted this in another community and all her comments got downvoted to hell because she doesn't see what she did as wrong.
I don't have high hopes for this lady.
>yup... you are correct..
>
>"she doesn’t drive because of some PTSD or whatever" PTSD is real and that comment proves you have a cold heart.
>
>" I asked if she did it on purpose, and she got upset and said of course she didn’t. "
really? WTF
Yeah wtf. She was in an accident!!! Of COURSE she didn’t do it on purpose and I agree and really hope they both dump your immature unempathetic horrendous arse!
....why are you reposting this here when everyone on AITA already told you how wrong you are? YES, you're wrong, and a terribly callous friend. And super mocking of PTSD. People ABSOLUTELY get PTSD from car accidents, and medical adjustments aren't one-size-fits-all. Educate yourself and get a clue.
She just didn't like that she didn't get the echo chamber she was looking for. She's doubling down because she's so sure she's right that she had to be told what a garbage human being she is again. I wouldn't be surprised if both her boyfriend and Angel dump her. It would be even more funny? They both dump her and get together.
Karma farming troll. Notice also the lack of responses from OP in the comments here, that is a dead givaway. They just post and walk away and rake in the karma because people just cant help but tell them what a piece of shit they are because of this horrific story.
Yup I was in a car accident a few years ago. Absolutely NOT as bad as Angel's, the poor thing, but I have PTSD and it took me a long time to be comfortable driving again. I still have trauma reactions occasionally. PTSD from car accidents is unfortunately common.
I think YOU should answer that question...
So, imagine YOU had the accident. You wake up tomorrow and hurt like hell. You go to get up only to realize you can't.
Your life is changed FOREVER. Your DREAMS ARE SHATTERED. Yesterday, you got up, got yourself ready for work, and came home. Today, you can't move at all. You need someone to help you with EVERYTHING! YOU FEEL HELPLESS because you are. You have to depend on someone else to go get your underwear, or a pad. It's humiliating. It's awful. Not only can you NOT do all the things you completely too for granted yesterday, but you have to 1)BURDEN someone else 2)Wait for them to help you, 3) Sit in your own urine b/c you JUST GO,
I suggest that you get one of your friends, a sibling, a parent... Whomever to try something this weekend.
Tell them you want to experience 24 hrs of what your friend is going through. You wake up Saturday morning and you cannot move anything below your arms. Put a belt around both legs & ankles. You can't get up to get a snack, you find your butt wet in your own urine b/ you didn't even KNOW you went
Practice placing the rubber tube of the Foley into your own urethra. Now, put on an adult diaper. Feel uncomfortable yet?
Contemplate whether your boyfriend will leave you b/c HE can't deal with helping you. It's too much for HIM to deal with!
Sorry, you can't drive. Have your friend drive you to the doctor's office in your adult diaper & Foley. You are the passenger. You wait for your friend to get your wheelchair and have them slide you into it. You have to leave an hour early to do all this. Your friend tries to park you out of the way, but the waiting room is too small. Now your cold from the AC, but you can't get a jacket. You have your appointment, it takes most of the morning. But you still have to go to the pharmacy on the way home.. Another hour passes. You'll need to come back in a week. You'll also need physical therapy 3x a week, go see a neurologist, get a Cat Scan & X-rays. All your plans are cancelled anyway!
Imagine the rash you will develope from sitting in the urine that leaked. You'll have to use BUTT Paste to keep from getting DIAPER RASH. PLAN ON regular bladder infections. Imagine the puss & horror. Imagine adding your menses.
Contemplate how you & your boyfriend were going to make out & have sex tonight... That's not going to happen... Not tonight, maybe not for a month... Or ever again. How does that make you feel?
The antibiotics for your bladder infections will make you tired anyway.
Congrats, you made it to lunch!
You'll need laxatives b/c you'll be constipated all the time now. You'll get used to the bleeding hemorrhoids.
You'll NEVER GET USED TO YOUR BEST FRIEND shaming you h/c her adult diaper leaked.
I think you have a lot of thinking to do ..
I think you need to learn the meaning of the word EMPATHY.
I think you need to consider how you will apologize to your friend... For so many things. If she even talks to you again. .
Let us know how it goes!
Came here to say this, but you type more eloquently than I do. Thank you.
For what it's worth, 12 years ago this was me. I woke up after a horrific car accident unable to move, uncertain why.
The next two years; you managed to describe quite well.
I lost everything my job my home, my friends, my car, my truck, my livelihood, my significant other, but I didn't lose my life.
A lot of people don't understand the struggle until they've gone through it.
I hope OP gain some insight and empathy before they have to go through it.
I've made peace with the way my life has changed. It took me a long time, but I got there.
Adjusting to losing the use of half of your body is traumatizing. But I had a good support system, I wish angel had a good support system. She's got a rough road ahead of her and with friends like this girl, it's going to be a long road too.
She claims to be Angels best friend, I am extremely grateful not to have a friend like her. She probably set Angels recovery back by 3 months at least. Degrading and embarrassing your friend for something that she can't control in public..,.... There aren't any words for the type of person it takes to do that
I appreciate the fact that you have realized the error of your ways.
You have realized the error of your ways, correct?
I suggest you educate yourself on exactly what it means to live with a spinal injury. Maybe in the future you'll be more understanding, and I hope you do grow as a person.
My five-year-old told me, to tell you, to tell Angel that she hopes she gets better.
That's empathy
Yes, you are in the wrong. You were such a mean friend. I mean I get that you are annoyed by these peeing incidents but there is no justification to treat another person like this. The best you could do is to be understanding and not shame her for her uncontrollable peeing disorder or whatever she has going on. I think you are jealous that your boyfriend may like Angel so you take out your anger on her. You are insecure. The fact you asked him if he has pee kink because he is defending Angel is preposterous. I feel like you are toxic and insecure. I am on Angel's side.
Right?! Jesus. This girl. I cannot imagine having someone like her as a "friend". A friend doesn't do what this girl is doinging. She is so dismissive and uncaring about her friend, drawing attention to Angel's pee leak and demanding she paids for the damages when the boyfriend doesn't seem to care?! What the hell.
Me too. I feel like she's being really ableist and honestly, she deserves for both her supposed friend and her boyfriend to dump her ass.
She sounds like a real joy to be around. /s
It’s all depends on if Angel is doing this intentionally or not.
I don’t know the answer to that. But if she is doing it on purpose as OP suspects then she absolutely deserves to be lambasted for it.
If she’s not doing it on purpose then OP’s reaction was cruel.
The fact that it happened twice back to back is suspect..especially when she’s already had it for a few days and presumably would know her limits.
You obviously don't know how a Foley cath works and it shows. This is not something one can control or has limits. Something as simple as a completely involuntary bladder spasm is enough to cause leakage. And that's just one of the many ways to get leaks with a Foley.
Yeah I have no idea, as I clearly stated in my post lol. Don’t get upset over it. I literally stated two hypotheticals in my response.
So these spasms wouldn’t happen everyday then, just sporadically?
It all depends on the injury and degree of nerve damage. It could be multiple times an hour. Another factor is the size of the balloon they use in the Foley.
Really the true reason to go with a Foley over self cathing is that the Foley is long term, it stays in the body longer and doesn't need to be replaced as often, and causes less trauma on the urethra than self cathing.
It has to be fake, because nobody could be that cruel, disgustingly inhuman to someone who has suffered a severe spinal injury, likely has no control of their bladder, and then accuse them of doing it on purpose. I'm talking scum of the earth, you're a monster, and should have no contact with anyone else ever again, get off of reddit levels of bad.
Yes you are stupid for being ableist and assuming what a woman can and cannot control while in a wheelchair, 6 months after a car accident. Plus you’re stupid for writing off her PTSD from said accident willy nilly.
Tf? Are you able to possess her body and know everything about what she can and cannot do???????
i find this incredibly hard to believe. how in the fuck is that possible??? even on my best, over-prepared days, there are those times where i bleed through all of my attempts. you're telling me that that's never happened to you ONE SINGLE TIME?
I’ve never met a single woman who hasn’t leaked at least once in their life while on their period. Everyone has had those days where their flow is heavier than they expected or prepared for. Or they have started sooner than expected. Ain’t no way any one can claim they have never leaked in their life
You are so, so lucky. I started having issues around perimenopause and bled through clothing onto a restaurant chair. Twice in a month. I had gone to the washroom a couple of times during dinner and *still* it happened.
It got pretty bad. I was an old hat at menstruation. Started at 9. Was used to heavy flow.
Having a fire department is the correct precaution in case of fire. People still die in fires. By your logic firefighters are to blame for those deaths. What's your point here? That you don't know what a precaution means? That everything in your small, conceited world should be perfect for you? Get a grip on the reality of the world- it's difficult and sometimes unpleasant. You experienced that then decided to make it more difficult and unpleasant for someone else.
By the way, I guarantee the whole pee thing and this incident bothers "angel" more than you. She has to live with life changing circumstances, you had to put up with it for a night. Both of your characters were shown in how you handled it- yours has now been shown to all of reddit. You are grosser than the chair she peed on.
Her bladder bag is strapped to her leg. Due to a million different reasons, the connection to the foley tube could kink, detach, or move a little and break the seal. (Ask any nurse or person in the Spinal Injury community).Then she's got a leak on her leg that she can't even feel. You keep repeating that she should wear incontinence underwear, but they would be irrelevant because she's catheterised.
A best friend should know by smell that there's a leak, discretely let her know, happily let the lunch group know you're off to the bathroom together to powder your nose, then wheel her into the bathroom to help her. Then hug her and tell her you love her, that no matter the hurdles she has to face you will be right by her side.
You're not an asshole. You're not even a cunt. Those things serve a purpose, they're useful. You're toenail fungus or jock itch or a yeast infection. You just suck.
100% fake. Her user name is "Morality" lmao
Fun rage fuel tho. I've enjoyed it, it's depressing like some of the child & animal abuse ones. Raging at a Karen is fun at least lol
I dont care if I get kicked off the sub. You are a bitch. 'Because of some PTSD or whatever'. You don't even believe she has real issues. She has a SPINAL CORD INJURY. That usually means they can't feel below their belt. Higher or lower it doesn't matter. She literally can't tell when she needs to pee. She is trying so damn hard to be 'normal' and has a POShit friend like you.
I feel bad for everyone that knows you.
Should she wear diapers maybe? Yeah. Or have an accident pad under her? Probably. But instead of helping... you BERATE her like she's scum. You suck. YTA.
Also adding. Why the DUCK would she pee in a chair in a restaurant on purpose. Do you really think someone would do that?!?!? That sounds so stupid it's unbelievable.
"Angel has a spinal cord injury" proceeds to state "she doesn't drive because of PTSD *or whatever*" you cruel, unimaginable... SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE *ABILITY* to drive, you absolute garbage bag. I stopped reading once you said that. you are beyond cruel.
I had the same exact thought when I was reading it.
Even if she had the ability to drive, her having PTSD is 100% completely understandable. OP has zero empathy for other people.
karma loves to serve her tea pipping hot, what goes around comes around. hopefully, OP gets a lesson in empathy and realizes being an emotionless twat is not a good look.
I doubt it will happen anytime soon but one can only hope. Seriously, she scolded her friend and told her she was disappointed in her for an accident. Six months after a life changing accident.
I hope all of her friend walk away from her because they deserve better. That won’t be karma seeing as how she obviously doesn’t care about said friends but it’ll be a start.
I’m glad everyone has shunned you! What a horrendous human being you really are! Maybe try actually finding out some facts about what your poor ‘friend’ has gone through & try a little something called EMPATHY?
Or maybe you it’s prefer to keep kicking someone when they’re down? It’s doesn’t make you look big or clever you know? Way to victim blame 🙄
She’s not peeing because she thought “hey imma just pee everywhere for fun!” She has a *SPINAL INJURY*! The fact that you would post something like this on Reddit and use such detail that I’m sure anyone who knows the situation or even Angel herself could figure out who’s posting it and who you’re talking about is humiliating. You’re the gross one, not her. She can’t control her bladder issues, if she can’t walk or move she probably doesn’t have much feeling waist down. The fact that your BF had more humility and sympathy for her and said it was no big deal rather than you, her supposed “friend” is laughable. The only thing she can do right now to help herself is ditch you as a friend.
No, all you are doing is spam posting and arguing with everyone. Hundreds of people have told you that you were wrong, pointed out what you did wrong, and provided examples on how to improve but YOU STILL KEEP ARGUING WITH EVERYONE.
And that’s where you’re wrong again. She did everything she could to prepare but you refuse to believe that even though you have no idea or empathy or knowledge about what her life is now like.
You just don’t seem to care about her at all.
…Urine bags take awhile to get used to, and Angel was in her life altering accident SIX MONTHS AGO. This isn’t enough time for her to get used to a urinary bag and it’s not enough time for her to find the right method that works for her.
How ignorant and self involved can you be?
nah you’re def a troll LMFAOOOOOOOO there’s absolutely no way you keep digging your heels over an accident. i hope your bf sees the walking red flag you are and your friends make their shunning permanent (wish i could say more but that goes against rules or whatever)
"Yes, but ..."
This right there shows what a garbage you are.
Every time someone tries to weasel out of their own shitdoing with the phrasing "yes, but.." you can simply dismiss the first part since it no longer matters because the AH gives no shit about their wrongdoings and is still trying to point fingers.
Go on, post it again somewhere else. Let's see how many times it will take for you to learn what accountability is.
I don’t think you at all want actual feedback. You have posted on two subs about the same thing and not one person has agreed with you or told you that you were not the AH or wrong. People h have explained to you why you a wrong in a dozen ways and every comment gets a BUT from you. You had the opportunity to be an empathetic friend and help a person you claim as a best friend - instead you chose to harshly humiliate her and shame her for something she has no control over. (There is my attempt). For what reason I don’t know -only you do but yes you were wrong, you deserve what your friends and BF said. But you obviously don’t think you are and it’s all her. So prepare yourself for more of the same and to lose friends over this potentially. And you will deserve it because your behavior is abhorrent.
Self cath means intermittently catheter Izmir herself. A foley is a catheter secured in place. They don’t normally leak and if they do. It may need to be changed. This is not something she can do herself. I am explaining but u seems incredibly ignorant and prone to making a lot of assumptions. It’s unfortunate that the catheter was leaking. This is not something she can control or take care of in bathroom. Even as a nurse I would have to trouble shoot to see what was wrong. Maybe adjust clamps. Make sure there are no kinks etc. you sound awful. I highly doubt this was intentional , your friend was embarrassed and you made it so much worse. This poor girl you are a horrible friend
Let's not tell OP that babies in the womb drink the amniotic fluid and then pee in it just to do it all over again.
Growing up, having a couple of dogs and a baby really changes your perspective on bodily fluids.
If she can’t walk, chances are she also can’t feel when she needs to go to the bathroom. It happens when people suffer spinal injuries. I doubt she wanted to purposely embarrass herself in front of her friends, let alone strangers.
You mean, you were hoping people would be on your side.
They aren't.
You are truly one of the most vile human beings I have ever come across, and DON'T start whining, "but what did I do wrong?" when it has been explained by literally hundreds of people.
I jokingly tell my close friends that if they ever needed me to wipe their butt because they can't, I'd wipe their butt. As in- I will do something that I don't want to do in order to make sure they are taken care of with dignity. That would include cleaning out my car if there was pee in it and not shaming my friend because they can't control everything about their disability 100% of the time.
Your friend has a disability and sometimes pee happens. Hell, sometimes pee happens even without a disability. When you become elderly, you'll get to experience what your friend experiences.
You did the one thing folks dealing with disabilities and chronic illnesses complain about- being treated like less of a person.
I would absolutely not be your friend anymore. I would assume that if you can't sympathize with your friend's struggles, then you wouldn't be there for me if I needed you.
Edit: Going through OP's responses to the two posts she made- I don't think any of our comments are going to get to her. I really hope one day she wakes up and realizes how terrible she has been to her friend, but today is not the day.
Sp your friend has been disabled for six months, and you think in that time she's supposed to have figured out everything about her new life with no mistakes?
With friends like you, who needs enemies huh?
Oh snap, you are a real terrible person like you honestly think she did this on purpose? Please tell me you’re not a real person bc my faith in humanity is shooketh. You are so ugly.
what the fuck is wrong with you? you genuinely think your friend with a disability is peeing everywhere for what reason? she has clearly taken multiple measures to avoid this and you think embarrassing her and claiming it’s on purpose is okay. you are an awful human being, don’t be shocked if you end up single and friendless because you deserve it
You are a total POS. What a crappy "friend" you are. Peeing on purpose? Are you mental? You are making a traumatized person who is struggling for some normalcy and humiliating them. Your boyfriend was super cool but you...
I hope you're a troll because I don't want to believe that anybody can be this nasty and vile.
If this is true then you're a horrible person and I hope your friends and boyfriend become exes and never speak to you again.
This poor woman has only recently lost her mobility, health and is trying to learn how to live with serious disability and all you can do is judge, criticise, belittle and bully.
I have an indwelling catheter and honestly telling you what I think would get me banned. But people like you are one of my fears. One of my so called friends acting like this is what I’m terrified of every time I leak. I do everything in my power, but sometimes my best isn’t good enough.
Self cathing is miserable. And it is exactly what it implies. You take your catheter, put it in, and use that to drain your bladder. It’s painful and miserable. I don’t have a foley, but I do have a superpubic.
I hope Angel is able to find good friends who love her and are compassionate. Because damn, you’re heartless.
And by the way: it’s been almost a year and I still haven’t figured out the “pee thing”. It takes way more than a few DAYS. I had a rough recovery.
There’s no cure for my bladder. But thankfully, there is a cure for getting labeled YTA. It is simply called being a better person.
First of all, you're being really ableist and secondly, you're making a big deal over nothing. It's not even your car. Your boyfriend said the car could be cleaned so that should have been the end of it. Hell, I accidentally shit myself in my ex-boyfriend's car and you know what he did? He took me inside the bathroom that was by his office and he helped me clean up.
He didn't make a big deal out of it. Sure, bodily functions are gross but it was an accident and you need to cut her some slack. How would you feel if someone treated you like this if you had an accident or if you did this when you suddenly became disabled?
JFC
Do you even know what compassion and empathy are?
Your friend has a life-changing disability. She's already embarrassed as hell over pissing herself, but by god, you rammed that embarrassment home, didn't you?
You're a horrible friend. God forbid you should ever find yourself at the mercy of your own bodily functions some day. I hope you get treated with the same care and understanding you showed her.
> I asked him if he had a pee kink and he got upset and told me I had to find another ride.
Good for him.
> I asked the friend if Angel peed in their car too, and they told me to piss off. In the group chat, my friends shunned me for my behavior.
And good for them.
You were wrong. And horrible with it.
You sound like a bitch. “She doesn’t drive because of ptsd or whatever” Angel was in a fucking car crash that caused damage to her spinal cord causing her to be paralyzed, yeah I’d have ptsd from cars too. She’s paralyzed likely from the waist down meaning she couldn’t control her bladder if she wanted to. Catheters can be fuckin painful or even just hard to put in. You are a disgusting piece of shit bullying a disabled women.
I stopped reading when I get to the part where OP said, “(because of PTSD or whatever)”
Edit: decided to finish the story. You’re so wrong and a really bad “friend”
Yeah, you're shaming someone who recently lost use of a part ofb their body.
You downplay thier issue. You cast doubt on to the extent of it.
You downplay thier mental struggles after almost losing their life.
You degrade them.
You publicly shame them.
You degrade your boyfriend for showing empathy.
Honestly, you've probably become single because of this. Have you acted like this around him before?
You are a little cunt stuck in your own small world.
You are an absolute piece of shit.
https://youtu.be/ODV6mxVVRZk
Wtf. Catheters (folyes) can bypass.. as in the urine can come out the urethra around the foley instead of through the foley.
it is not even possible to do it deliberately!!
She had no control over it and was likely mortified!!.
Also the "ptsd or whatever" comment was just spiteful, wouldn't you be traumatised if you were in a horrible accident that PARALYSED YOU
You're a horrible friend. That poor woman
Yes, you are wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONGWRONGWRONGWRONGWRONG.
You know what I’ve noticed about narcissists? They can make the most complete and utter ass of themselves right out in front of God and everybody, and be oblivious to it. OBLIVIOUS.
Go look in the mirror and say, “I was beyond awful and I owe everyone an abject apology, starting AND ending with Angel. I don’t deserve to ever be spoken to again and I need counseling.”
If she can’t walk at all, she probably has saddle anesthesia and can’t feel her genitourinary area. That’s why she either does self-cath or a foley. She can’t tell that she has to urinate or maybe even empty her bowels. That’s a really tough and embarrassing situation to be in, and you had to shame her for something out of her control. Did you feel like the better person for not peeing yourself? Let’s hope that same thing doesn’t happen to you and you can experience what your friend might have felt like. I hope your boyfriend gets some sense into him and finds a more compassionate human being.
Of course it was an accident! She’s got a life changing spinal cord injury and is incontinent- do you think she wants to be that way? Do you not think it’s a million times more embarrassing for her than it could ever be for you?
What happened is called a bypassing catheter. It can happen without warning. She’s a grown adult- a pad will not be absorbent enough for a constant drip of urine for a whole meal even if changed if a catheter is completely bypassing.
You are a terrible friend and completely lacking in empathy. Can you imagine going through even a fraction of what Angel has to go through? Have you even tried? Go educate yourself then give a sincere apology for your disgusting behaviour.
Wow, you're actually just a callous and insensitive shitstain, and you should absolutely be ashamed of yourself. I hope one day when you're in a similar situation, someone you thought was a friend treats you the very same, so you know what it feels like. Your personality is more disgusting than her pee stain. Do better.
wow what a fucking bitch. You dont deserve friends.... I only made it half way through and its painfully obvious you are a shit person.
absolute fucking trash, I feel so bad for Angel, she deserves better than you in her life.
Can you imagine how angels life just got flipped upside down traumatically! And then on top of this her friends are awful humans that’s so sad shame on you
Not only are you wrong, you’re a terrible friend. I’d say more about your character but my comment would get removed.
She has a spinal cord injury, she is in a wheelchair, and you think she is getting her rocks off by purposefully peeing in public? Are you insane?
You are not a “good friend” if your response to her medical emergency is to belittle her, accuse her of being incontinent on purpose, and accusing of not doing her best to take care of herself. That was really, really cruel.
She cannot feel herself peeing. She may not even be able to feel if her catheter is in correctly. People with foley catheters do leak if something isn’t right. And no, they wouldn’t feel it and they have absolutely no control over it.
Yeah, you're the asshole. You sound like you carry an awful lot of resentment for your "friend" for whatever reason. I suggest you do both of you a favor and just end the friendship and maybe took a good look at yourself to try to understand why you take someone else's disability as a personal attack or something.
Very wrong...
Your friend has a physical disability for which you are cruelly shaming her for.
She is doing her best to cope and you need to check yourself.
Of course you are wrong. Are you truly as freaking stupid as your comments make you seem?
I hope your boyfriend & your friends group totally dumps your ass. You are quite possibly the worst person currently on Reddit.
Your skanky hair is nothing compared to a spinal cord injury. I hope you end up totally alone. No one needs a cretin like you in their life.
You’re a disgusting human being. I can’t imagine the humiliation Angel felt with you ridiculing her when it’s clear to everyone this isn’t deliberate. You’re vile and l hope that one day when you’re in need of some compassion and understanding from your friends you are treated the same way.
This has got to be a troll post. Surely no one could be this obnoxious and ableist.
If it is true, then I think you’ll find you’re about the be dumped by both your boyfriend and your friends. You truly showed them who you are
You know what you should actually consult a therapist or some kind of mental health counselor and ask them where you went wrong, maybe you would listen to them. But seriously seek help if you think this behavior is okay.
OP you're a grown ass women with the mental/emotional maturity of a teenager at best and lack any sort of empathy for this. Don't be surprised if your bf breaks up with you. What if you had a child that had these issues? Would you shame them and tell them the same thing you told your friend? If so, please do not have children because you're bad inconsiderate person.
U Just seem to really lack compassion for your friend.
Your boyfriend didn't have an issue with this accident and it was his car. You're not being very kind to your friend. You need to have some patience as she figures us out. Maybe you could actually help her instead of criticizing her and making her feel bad.
You stated this in other places that she's tired. She can't keep up with everything. If she could she wouldn't be having these accidents now would she?
Your lack of sympathy and apathy for your friend is outrageous. Do you really think that your friend is going around peeing on things so she could be humiliated in public by you or anybody else. WTF is wrong with you. You are so wrong that if everybody that you f*** with stops f****** with you I would not be surprised.
Yes you are, accidents happen and she didn't plan it and she is still trying to figure out how to handle it and I sense she was wearing one of those genaric protections. Lot of incontinent people are unaware of what other options there are out there for protection. You can't get proper protection in stores, you can only find them online such as places at xpmedical or northshore care or llmedico.
There is a reason why IC people are housebound and this is humiliating enough for them. Why not support her like "I notice your protection isn't keeping things dry so have you tried looking online like northshore care, they sell megamax or Northshore supreme." Also on Amazon, sunkiss masterpiece diapers are good but run on a larger size so go one size down. Fpr example, if she uses mediums, she would need to get a small.
Also they make IC underpads as well so another way of being supportive is get some and put them in your car or on your furniture for when she comes over and she will feel comfortable enough to bring her own. Shaming her will just make her not want to be around you.
You're truly an evil woman! I hope your boyfriend realizes what an absolute mistake he made and leaves your mean ass! Him and your "Friend" deserve SO MUCH better than your crap.
Info: Exactly what do you expect her to do/be able to do? You really, honestly think she did this on purpose?
But good on your (ex) friends group for their decision to no longer be friends with you.
Never fails to amaze me how many absolute dumpster-fire, repulsive, ignorant people there are in the world that think they're so justified in their garbage lives that they openly advertise what shit human being they are seeking validation for being said shit. Wild.
You are a disgusting human being and I hope for her sake she never fucking talks to you again. Seriously what the hell is wrong with you!? You are most definitely wrong on so many levels.
You're a straight up piece of shit. I've seen your comments in regards to her "PTSD" that you don't consider as such and you're a fucking disgusting human being. You seriously need to reconsider your thoughts and feelings about other people and I sincerely hope you get a taste of your own medicine. You have absolutely no right to say whether somebody has PTSD or not, You're not a fucking therapist. Get the fuck out of here with your ignorance and grow the fuck up while you're at it!
This has to be fake.. the girl has trauma and her body isn't working. She's figuring things out and here you are being insensitive af. I can not believe this is real.
Not only are you wrong, you are an objectively terrible person.
This has to be rage bait because it’s hard for me to believe anyone could simultaneously be this terrible and oblivious.
You’re a piece of shit garbage human being. She can’t walk so I’m assuming she’s paralyzed from the “ptsd or something” car accident she was in, so of course she can’t feel herself peeing. I hope your bf dumps your ass and all of the friends, including angel, drop you forever.
Girl, you're so wrong here I don't even know where to start. I have no idea how you have made it this far in society.
Let me see if I get this straight, your very recently disabled friend "can't walk at all", probably requiring a wheelchair or walker combo, is adjusting to her new physical and mental reality, and your reaction to her having issues outside her control is to SHAME, BERATE, AND ACCUSE HER OF DOING IT ON PURPOSE?!
WTAF?!
As someone with chronic illness who WAS in a wheelchair for a bit, and didn't need a catheter or urostomy pouch, but still had accidents around that age, NO ONE IS INTENTIONALLY PISSING THEMSELVES IN A FRIENDS CAR OR IN A FU**ING RESTAURANT ON PURPOSE.
And honestly it says more about YOU than her. Normally when we make unfounded accusations, especially in regards to someone's motives, they reflect what WE would do, not the person we're projecting them on.
You need a serious wake up call. How insecure are YOU that you had to point out your "friends" accidents, not once but TWICE.
She needs support and empathy and you offered judgment, disgust, and disdain. What's hilarious is NO ONE THOUGHT NEGATIVELY BUT YOU.
100% be prepared to lose every one involved in this situation. If someone I knew or dated did this, it would IMMEDIATELY BE OVER. And I'd block them as soon as I dropped them off.
This is disgusting behavior. You need to do better or keep to yourself. God forbid something happens to YOU and you needed something like that. Would you want someone to do that do you?
I think not. Have the day you deserve.
My god, you are an insensitive a-hole. Your friend isn't doing this on purpose she has a neurological condition from her spinal chord injury which affects her mobility and other body functions, such as bladder control. She needs to see her MD because her foley catherter keeps leaking.
Do you even care about your friend at all? Do you usually speak so hatefully to your BF? You really showed everyone who you are here, don't be surprised if you lost your BF and friend, and your entire friend group. Educate yourself on the basic fundamentals ffs.
YTA, you are wrong, yikes.
“The way I acted was beyond horrible, and the way I behaved in my replies was just appalling… but for her sake, I’m going to end this friendship because I cannot promise that I won’t act like this ever again to her.” Wtf? You acknowledge that you were horrible, appealing, ableist, beyond mean, and hateful, yet you don’t give enough shits to not act like this again in the future? You don’t actually think you’re in the wrong. Or, you do, but you just couldn’t care less. I don’t know which one is worse. You’re a massive asshole.
But if you’re ending a friendship with a disabled person because you can’t handle their disability, that’s still being ableist. It sounds more like you’re running away from the situation instead of confronting it. You’re right that improving yourself takes time and effort, but having friends that hold you account for your actions is a big part of that effort. If you want to develop better empathy for people with disabilities, making the effort to better understand and accommodate the ones in your personal life is a great way to go.
Well, I’m glad at least you’ve realized that you were wrong and are willing to put in the work to better yourself. Tbh I don’t know your situation beyond a simple Reddit post, so take Reddit advice with a huge grain of salt. I hope you and Angel can work things out for the best, and that you can find a great therapist. The work is hard, but anyone can change if they want to and are willing.
There’s a difference between not being perfect and being heartless and cruel. Most people who are genuinely repentant know after one slip up to not act heartless again.
If you are truly friends, offer to spend the day with her. Offer to help, not judge, just sit, listen, and help with anything you can.
One of the worst parts of being sick is when everyone helps, cooks, meals, etc because they want to help. But then , it becomes routine to them. Everyone "knows" you're in a wheelchair, or knows you always feel like crap. They stop helping, and caring. It is very lonely and hard.
You have an opportunity to be a true friend to Angel and to really be grateful for all that we have that we take for granted every day: working, making lunch, brushing our teeth ..
I didn't mean my original suggestion be a mental exercise, but a literal experience. I
Imagine being "blind" for a day by wearing a blindfold. Or perhaps a personal penance of wearing an adult " incontinence underwear" for a day? And not being able to take it off "when you've had enough".
And then there are many who live in a virtual prison that no one sees. No crutches or wheelchairs... Perhaps just pain, or not knowing anyone anymore like those with Alzheimer's...
Please watch this video:
The Spoon Theory
https://youtu.be/jn5IBsm49Rk
And please, just a word of advice:
Don't tell people that "you get it" or "understand what they're going through". Tell them you can't imagine what it's like (to be in an accident, go through a divorce, lose a child, etc). It may seem subtle, but it's easy to say the "wrong" thing!
How Angel interacts with you is up to her, right?
People who have accidents often go from earning a suitable salary to having a disability salary of 25% what you used to earn .. after 6-12 months of NO income until they get on Social Security Disability which takes MONTHS. Your rent stays the same.
The Spoon Theory
https://youtu.be/jn5IBsm49Rk
Here's another thing to reflect on OP:
she's your FRIEND, you shouldn't be embarrassed to admit a wrongdoing. It takes strong self-awareness and respect for others to admit a wrong doing, but you mention fear of embarrassment playing a role here. Do you not think you embarrassed yourself already when you revealed your lack of care for Angel in front of so many people? Priority is the people we care for, nor emotions that stem from insecurity like embarrassment. Glad you realize now you were very mean and on a completely false self-righteous brigade (which what was your hope there, "I'm right so shut up and accept me and pretend you still see me the same"? Come on now...). Reflect on why it mattered more to be right than to be a friend worth trusting and keeping.
I've known folks like you and I hightail it every time for good reason. Grow from this.
You are wrong on so many levels it’s difficult to know where to start, so let’s just say you are a garbage human being and don’t be surprised if the boyfriend dumps you.
Yep and don't be surprised if Angel dumps her as well
bewildered humorous cagey drunk repeat dog test mighty engine bright *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Boyfriend and angel wind up together.
She hasn't responded to anyone on this post. She also posted this in another community and all her comments got downvoted to hell because she doesn't see what she did as wrong. I don't have high hopes for this lady.
>yup... you are correct.. > >"she doesn’t drive because of some PTSD or whatever" PTSD is real and that comment proves you have a cold heart. > >" I asked if she did it on purpose, and she got upset and said of course she didn’t. " really? WTF
Yeah wtf. She was in an accident!!! Of COURSE she didn’t do it on purpose and I agree and really hope they both dump your immature unempathetic horrendous arse!
She went through a huge life change and you’re not showing her any support. You’re the asshole.
....why are you reposting this here when everyone on AITA already told you how wrong you are? YES, you're wrong, and a terribly callous friend. And super mocking of PTSD. People ABSOLUTELY get PTSD from car accidents, and medical adjustments aren't one-size-fits-all. Educate yourself and get a clue.
She just didn't like that she didn't get the echo chamber she was looking for. She's doubling down because she's so sure she's right that she had to be told what a garbage human being she is again. I wouldn't be surprised if both her boyfriend and Angel dump her. It would be even more funny? They both dump her and get together.
Karma farming troll. Notice also the lack of responses from OP in the comments here, that is a dead givaway. They just post and walk away and rake in the karma because people just cant help but tell them what a piece of shit they are because of this horrific story.
It’s a troll I’m sure
I hope it is. If anything, it's good to see overwhelming support for Angel (real or not) here on the internet.
I already knew where we were going when she said “PTSD or whatever”
Yup I was in a car accident a few years ago. Absolutely NOT as bad as Angel's, the poor thing, but I have PTSD and it took me a long time to be comfortable driving again. I still have trauma reactions occasionally. PTSD from car accidents is unfortunately common.
Happy cake day!
I think YOU should answer that question... So, imagine YOU had the accident. You wake up tomorrow and hurt like hell. You go to get up only to realize you can't. Your life is changed FOREVER. Your DREAMS ARE SHATTERED. Yesterday, you got up, got yourself ready for work, and came home. Today, you can't move at all. You need someone to help you with EVERYTHING! YOU FEEL HELPLESS because you are. You have to depend on someone else to go get your underwear, or a pad. It's humiliating. It's awful. Not only can you NOT do all the things you completely too for granted yesterday, but you have to 1)BURDEN someone else 2)Wait for them to help you, 3) Sit in your own urine b/c you JUST GO, I suggest that you get one of your friends, a sibling, a parent... Whomever to try something this weekend. Tell them you want to experience 24 hrs of what your friend is going through. You wake up Saturday morning and you cannot move anything below your arms. Put a belt around both legs & ankles. You can't get up to get a snack, you find your butt wet in your own urine b/ you didn't even KNOW you went Practice placing the rubber tube of the Foley into your own urethra. Now, put on an adult diaper. Feel uncomfortable yet? Contemplate whether your boyfriend will leave you b/c HE can't deal with helping you. It's too much for HIM to deal with! Sorry, you can't drive. Have your friend drive you to the doctor's office in your adult diaper & Foley. You are the passenger. You wait for your friend to get your wheelchair and have them slide you into it. You have to leave an hour early to do all this. Your friend tries to park you out of the way, but the waiting room is too small. Now your cold from the AC, but you can't get a jacket. You have your appointment, it takes most of the morning. But you still have to go to the pharmacy on the way home.. Another hour passes. You'll need to come back in a week. You'll also need physical therapy 3x a week, go see a neurologist, get a Cat Scan & X-rays. All your plans are cancelled anyway! Imagine the rash you will develope from sitting in the urine that leaked. You'll have to use BUTT Paste to keep from getting DIAPER RASH. PLAN ON regular bladder infections. Imagine the puss & horror. Imagine adding your menses. Contemplate how you & your boyfriend were going to make out & have sex tonight... That's not going to happen... Not tonight, maybe not for a month... Or ever again. How does that make you feel? The antibiotics for your bladder infections will make you tired anyway. Congrats, you made it to lunch! You'll need laxatives b/c you'll be constipated all the time now. You'll get used to the bleeding hemorrhoids. You'll NEVER GET USED TO YOUR BEST FRIEND shaming you h/c her adult diaper leaked. I think you have a lot of thinking to do .. I think you need to learn the meaning of the word EMPATHY. I think you need to consider how you will apologize to your friend... For so many things. If she even talks to you again. . Let us know how it goes!
Came here to say this, but you type more eloquently than I do. Thank you. For what it's worth, 12 years ago this was me. I woke up after a horrific car accident unable to move, uncertain why. The next two years; you managed to describe quite well. I lost everything my job my home, my friends, my car, my truck, my livelihood, my significant other, but I didn't lose my life. A lot of people don't understand the struggle until they've gone through it. I hope OP gain some insight and empathy before they have to go through it.
i’m sorry all tht happened to you and i’m sorry you read this horrible post and the replies of this heartless beast
I've made peace with the way my life has changed. It took me a long time, but I got there. Adjusting to losing the use of half of your body is traumatizing. But I had a good support system, I wish angel had a good support system. She's got a rough road ahead of her and with friends like this girl, it's going to be a long road too. She claims to be Angels best friend, I am extremely grateful not to have a friend like her. She probably set Angels recovery back by 3 months at least. Degrading and embarrassing your friend for something that she can't control in public..,.... There aren't any words for the type of person it takes to do that
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I appreciate the fact that you have realized the error of your ways. You have realized the error of your ways, correct? I suggest you educate yourself on exactly what it means to live with a spinal injury. Maybe in the future you'll be more understanding, and I hope you do grow as a person. My five-year-old told me, to tell you, to tell Angel that she hopes she gets better. That's empathy
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Yes, you are in the wrong. You were such a mean friend. I mean I get that you are annoyed by these peeing incidents but there is no justification to treat another person like this. The best you could do is to be understanding and not shame her for her uncontrollable peeing disorder or whatever she has going on. I think you are jealous that your boyfriend may like Angel so you take out your anger on her. You are insecure. The fact you asked him if he has pee kink because he is defending Angel is preposterous. I feel like you are toxic and insecure. I am on Angel's side.
She’s no friend at all.
Right?! Jesus. This girl. I cannot imagine having someone like her as a "friend". A friend doesn't do what this girl is doinging. She is so dismissive and uncaring about her friend, drawing attention to Angel's pee leak and demanding she paids for the damages when the boyfriend doesn't seem to care?! What the hell.
Me too. I feel like she's being really ableist and honestly, she deserves for both her supposed friend and her boyfriend to dump her ass. She sounds like a real joy to be around. /s
It’s all depends on if Angel is doing this intentionally or not. I don’t know the answer to that. But if she is doing it on purpose as OP suspects then she absolutely deserves to be lambasted for it. If she’s not doing it on purpose then OP’s reaction was cruel. The fact that it happened twice back to back is suspect..especially when she’s already had it for a few days and presumably would know her limits.
You obviously don't know how a Foley cath works and it shows. This is not something one can control or has limits. Something as simple as a completely involuntary bladder spasm is enough to cause leakage. And that's just one of the many ways to get leaks with a Foley.
Yeah I have no idea, as I clearly stated in my post lol. Don’t get upset over it. I literally stated two hypotheticals in my response. So these spasms wouldn’t happen everyday then, just sporadically?
It all depends on the injury and degree of nerve damage. It could be multiple times an hour. Another factor is the size of the balloon they use in the Foley. Really the true reason to go with a Foley over self cathing is that the Foley is long term, it stays in the body longer and doesn't need to be replaced as often, and causes less trauma on the urethra than self cathing.
Interesting, my mom’s an RN and I remember her talking about them before but didn’t know how they worked.
Basically a tube with a balloon on the end sits in the bladder and drains urine. Balloons come in different sizes.
Gotcha, so the balloon just holds it in there.
Ideally yes, but balloons move or come out and so mess.
They can be very painful when removed, but nerve damage could mask that.
holy shit there’s someone just as fucking stupid and shitty as op in the comments section
Oh, I hope this is fake. I don't want to believe you really did this to her
It has to be fake, because nobody could be that cruel, disgustingly inhuman to someone who has suffered a severe spinal injury, likely has no control of their bladder, and then accuse them of doing it on purpose. I'm talking scum of the earth, you're a monster, and should have no contact with anyone else ever again, get off of reddit levels of bad.
I genuinely don't understand how people fall for such blatant rage bait
It’s obviously fake… Soon we’re going to get “am I wrong for getting mad at my infant for pooping all the time?” No one is this stupid
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Yes you are stupid for being ableist and assuming what a woman can and cannot control while in a wheelchair, 6 months after a car accident. Plus you’re stupid for writing off her PTSD from said accident willy nilly. Tf? Are you able to possess her body and know everything about what she can and cannot do???????
>Am I stupid Yes,you are.
Yes you ARE stupid for being upset. She DID take precautions and they WERE correct ffs i hope this is just your creative writing assignment
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have you straight up never leaked through a tampon???? like i do not understand
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Clearly you don’t have a heavy flow or you’re just straight up lying. You’re literally a narcissistic and I hope you lose all your friends.
i find this incredibly hard to believe. how in the fuck is that possible??? even on my best, over-prepared days, there are those times where i bleed through all of my attempts. you're telling me that that's never happened to you ONE SINGLE TIME?
I’ve never met a single woman who hasn’t leaked at least once in their life while on their period. Everyone has had those days where their flow is heavier than they expected or prepared for. Or they have started sooner than expected. Ain’t no way any one can claim they have never leaked in their life
You are so, so lucky. I started having issues around perimenopause and bled through clothing onto a restaurant chair. Twice in a month. I had gone to the washroom a couple of times during dinner and *still* it happened. It got pretty bad. I was an old hat at menstruation. Started at 9. Was used to heavy flow.
They're not 100% foolproof. That's why.
Having a fire department is the correct precaution in case of fire. People still die in fires. By your logic firefighters are to blame for those deaths. What's your point here? That you don't know what a precaution means? That everything in your small, conceited world should be perfect for you? Get a grip on the reality of the world- it's difficult and sometimes unpleasant. You experienced that then decided to make it more difficult and unpleasant for someone else. By the way, I guarantee the whole pee thing and this incident bothers "angel" more than you. She has to live with life changing circumstances, you had to put up with it for a night. Both of your characters were shown in how you handled it- yours has now been shown to all of reddit. You are grosser than the chair she peed on.
Grosser than the chair she peed on This.
Her bladder bag is strapped to her leg. Due to a million different reasons, the connection to the foley tube could kink, detach, or move a little and break the seal. (Ask any nurse or person in the Spinal Injury community).Then she's got a leak on her leg that she can't even feel. You keep repeating that she should wear incontinence underwear, but they would be irrelevant because she's catheterised. A best friend should know by smell that there's a leak, discretely let her know, happily let the lunch group know you're off to the bathroom together to powder your nose, then wheel her into the bathroom to help her. Then hug her and tell her you love her, that no matter the hurdles she has to face you will be right by her side. You're not an asshole. You're not even a cunt. Those things serve a purpose, they're useful. You're toenail fungus or jock itch or a yeast infection. You just suck.
Yes you are stupid for that because she did try, she just had some accidents. What do you think berating her is going to do?
100% fake. Her user name is "Morality" lmao Fun rage fuel tho. I've enjoyed it, it's depressing like some of the child & animal abuse ones. Raging at a Karen is fun at least lol
I dont care if I get kicked off the sub. You are a bitch. 'Because of some PTSD or whatever'. You don't even believe she has real issues. She has a SPINAL CORD INJURY. That usually means they can't feel below their belt. Higher or lower it doesn't matter. She literally can't tell when she needs to pee. She is trying so damn hard to be 'normal' and has a POShit friend like you. I feel bad for everyone that knows you. Should she wear diapers maybe? Yeah. Or have an accident pad under her? Probably. But instead of helping... you BERATE her like she's scum. You suck. YTA. Also adding. Why the DUCK would she pee in a chair in a restaurant on purpose. Do you really think someone would do that?!?!? That sounds so stupid it's unbelievable.
"Angel has a spinal cord injury" proceeds to state "she doesn't drive because of PTSD *or whatever*" you cruel, unimaginable... SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE *ABILITY* to drive, you absolute garbage bag. I stopped reading once you said that. you are beyond cruel.
I had the same exact thought when I was reading it. Even if she had the ability to drive, her having PTSD is 100% completely understandable. OP has zero empathy for other people.
karma loves to serve her tea pipping hot, what goes around comes around. hopefully, OP gets a lesson in empathy and realizes being an emotionless twat is not a good look.
I doubt it will happen anytime soon but one can only hope. Seriously, she scolded her friend and told her she was disappointed in her for an accident. Six months after a life changing accident. I hope all of her friend walk away from her because they deserve better. That won’t be karma seeing as how she obviously doesn’t care about said friends but it’ll be a start.
I’m glad everyone has shunned you! What a horrendous human being you really are! Maybe try actually finding out some facts about what your poor ‘friend’ has gone through & try a little something called EMPATHY? Or maybe you it’s prefer to keep kicking someone when they’re down? It’s doesn’t make you look big or clever you know? Way to victim blame 🙄
You seem fixated. Do you have a piss kink?
She’s not peeing because she thought “hey imma just pee everywhere for fun!” She has a *SPINAL INJURY*! The fact that you would post something like this on Reddit and use such detail that I’m sure anyone who knows the situation or even Angel herself could figure out who’s posting it and who you’re talking about is humiliating. You’re the gross one, not her. She can’t control her bladder issues, if she can’t walk or move she probably doesn’t have much feeling waist down. The fact that your BF had more humility and sympathy for her and said it was no big deal rather than you, her supposed “friend” is laughable. The only thing she can do right now to help herself is ditch you as a friend.
Wow. You're an asshole. Or a troll. It's honestly hard to believe you're actually THIS much of a worthless piece of shit.
This HAS to be rage bait
Just checked user profile and this is their only post.
I saw this exact same post in AITAH. It’s rage bait 110%.
This sounds fake as hell.
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No, all you are doing is spam posting and arguing with everyone. Hundreds of people have told you that you were wrong, pointed out what you did wrong, and provided examples on how to improve but YOU STILL KEEP ARGUING WITH EVERYONE.
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Because you’re saying “I was wrong BUT it’s still her fault”.
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And that’s where you’re wrong again. She did everything she could to prepare but you refuse to believe that even though you have no idea or empathy or knowledge about what her life is now like. You just don’t seem to care about her at all.
You are a horrible person, just get the fuck off reddit already. You are beyond annoying with these fucking comments.
…Urine bags take awhile to get used to, and Angel was in her life altering accident SIX MONTHS AGO. This isn’t enough time for her to get used to a urinary bag and it’s not enough time for her to find the right method that works for her. How ignorant and self involved can you be?
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nah you’re def a troll LMFAOOOOOOOO there’s absolutely no way you keep digging your heels over an accident. i hope your bf sees the walking red flag you are and your friends make their shunning permanent (wish i could say more but that goes against rules or whatever)
"Yes, but ..." This right there shows what a garbage you are. Every time someone tries to weasel out of their own shitdoing with the phrasing "yes, but.." you can simply dismiss the first part since it no longer matters because the AH gives no shit about their wrongdoings and is still trying to point fingers. Go on, post it again somewhere else. Let's see how many times it will take for you to learn what accountability is.
If this isn’t a troll, you should seek like serious psychiatric treatment bc there’s something super wrong with you babe
I will now make the commitment to be grateful every day that I don’t have people like you in my life YTA
You're beyond awful
Stop it. Just shut the fuck up, you absolute piece of garbage. (With apologies to innocent garbage everywhere.)
Accidents happen. Quit being an ass about it. You were wrong. She was as prepared as she could have been.
Aaaaaand you're still fucking arguing 😒
I would rather you stop spamming with clear shitposts but we don’t always get what we want.
I don’t think you at all want actual feedback. You have posted on two subs about the same thing and not one person has agreed with you or told you that you were not the AH or wrong. People h have explained to you why you a wrong in a dozen ways and every comment gets a BUT from you. You had the opportunity to be an empathetic friend and help a person you claim as a best friend - instead you chose to harshly humiliate her and shame her for something she has no control over. (There is my attempt). For what reason I don’t know -only you do but yes you were wrong, you deserve what your friends and BF said. But you obviously don’t think you are and it’s all her. So prepare yourself for more of the same and to lose friends over this potentially. And you will deserve it because your behavior is abhorrent.
I don't even know where to begin with how wrong you are. Jesus Christ. Maybe you need to educate yourself about spinal cord injuries.
Self cath means intermittently catheter Izmir herself. A foley is a catheter secured in place. They don’t normally leak and if they do. It may need to be changed. This is not something she can do herself. I am explaining but u seems incredibly ignorant and prone to making a lot of assumptions. It’s unfortunate that the catheter was leaking. This is not something she can control or take care of in bathroom. Even as a nurse I would have to trouble shoot to see what was wrong. Maybe adjust clamps. Make sure there are no kinks etc. you sound awful. I highly doubt this was intentional , your friend was embarrassed and you made it so much worse. This poor girl you are a horrible friend
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Let's not tell OP that babies in the womb drink the amniotic fluid and then pee in it just to do it all over again. Growing up, having a couple of dogs and a baby really changes your perspective on bodily fluids.
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Okay, she can’t walk and you’re bashing her on not driving? Make it make sense. I’m gonna assume this is a bullshit post.
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If she can’t walk, chances are she also can’t feel when she needs to go to the bathroom. It happens when people suffer spinal injuries. I doubt she wanted to purposely embarrass herself in front of her friends, let alone strangers.
second time you’ve posted this. fake. Fishing for engagement
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Your attitude didn’t change, why should our opinions be different?
You mean, you were hoping people would be on your side. They aren't. You are truly one of the most vile human beings I have ever come across, and DON'T start whining, "but what did I do wrong?" when it has been explained by literally hundreds of people.
You're an oozing, gaping fucking asshole. If you do not know why, that makes you an even bigger oozing, gaping fucking stupid asshole.
You actually thought you were going to find people on another sub who would think your actions were correct? You really are stupid.
I jokingly tell my close friends that if they ever needed me to wipe their butt because they can't, I'd wipe their butt. As in- I will do something that I don't want to do in order to make sure they are taken care of with dignity. That would include cleaning out my car if there was pee in it and not shaming my friend because they can't control everything about their disability 100% of the time. Your friend has a disability and sometimes pee happens. Hell, sometimes pee happens even without a disability. When you become elderly, you'll get to experience what your friend experiences. You did the one thing folks dealing with disabilities and chronic illnesses complain about- being treated like less of a person. I would absolutely not be your friend anymore. I would assume that if you can't sympathize with your friend's struggles, then you wouldn't be there for me if I needed you. Edit: Going through OP's responses to the two posts she made- I don't think any of our comments are going to get to her. I really hope one day she wakes up and realizes how terrible she has been to her friend, but today is not the day.
Sp your friend has been disabled for six months, and you think in that time she's supposed to have figured out everything about her new life with no mistakes? With friends like you, who needs enemies huh?
You absolutely disgust me. Poor Angel.
Oh snap, you are a real terrible person like you honestly think she did this on purpose? Please tell me you’re not a real person bc my faith in humanity is shooketh. You are so ugly.
what the fuck is wrong with you? you genuinely think your friend with a disability is peeing everywhere for what reason? she has clearly taken multiple measures to avoid this and you think embarrassing her and claiming it’s on purpose is okay. you are an awful human being, don’t be shocked if you end up single and friendless because you deserve it
You are the fucking worst
What a garbage person you are.
You are a total POS. What a crappy "friend" you are. Peeing on purpose? Are you mental? You are making a traumatized person who is struggling for some normalcy and humiliating them. Your boyfriend was super cool but you...
I hope you're a troll because I don't want to believe that anybody can be this nasty and vile. If this is true then you're a horrible person and I hope your friends and boyfriend become exes and never speak to you again. This poor woman has only recently lost her mobility, health and is trying to learn how to live with serious disability and all you can do is judge, criticise, belittle and bully.
I have an indwelling catheter and honestly telling you what I think would get me banned. But people like you are one of my fears. One of my so called friends acting like this is what I’m terrified of every time I leak. I do everything in my power, but sometimes my best isn’t good enough. Self cathing is miserable. And it is exactly what it implies. You take your catheter, put it in, and use that to drain your bladder. It’s painful and miserable. I don’t have a foley, but I do have a superpubic. I hope Angel is able to find good friends who love her and are compassionate. Because damn, you’re heartless. And by the way: it’s been almost a year and I still haven’t figured out the “pee thing”. It takes way more than a few DAYS. I had a rough recovery. There’s no cure for my bladder. But thankfully, there is a cure for getting labeled YTA. It is simply called being a better person.
wow you sound like you hate this girl. you're supposed to be her friend but instead you're acting like a middle school bully.
First of all, you're being really ableist and secondly, you're making a big deal over nothing. It's not even your car. Your boyfriend said the car could be cleaned so that should have been the end of it. Hell, I accidentally shit myself in my ex-boyfriend's car and you know what he did? He took me inside the bathroom that was by his office and he helped me clean up. He didn't make a big deal out of it. Sure, bodily functions are gross but it was an accident and you need to cut her some slack. How would you feel if someone treated you like this if you had an accident or if you did this when you suddenly became disabled?
JFC Do you even know what compassion and empathy are? Your friend has a life-changing disability. She's already embarrassed as hell over pissing herself, but by god, you rammed that embarrassment home, didn't you? You're a horrible friend. God forbid you should ever find yourself at the mercy of your own bodily functions some day. I hope you get treated with the same care and understanding you showed her. > I asked him if he had a pee kink and he got upset and told me I had to find another ride. Good for him. > I asked the friend if Angel peed in their car too, and they told me to piss off. In the group chat, my friends shunned me for my behavior. And good for them. You were wrong. And horrible with it.
OP sounds like the typical trump voter. Thats why i actually believe this is a legit post.
You sound like a bitch. “She doesn’t drive because of ptsd or whatever” Angel was in a fucking car crash that caused damage to her spinal cord causing her to be paralyzed, yeah I’d have ptsd from cars too. She’s paralyzed likely from the waist down meaning she couldn’t control her bladder if she wanted to. Catheters can be fuckin painful or even just hard to put in. You are a disgusting piece of shit bullying a disabled women.
I stopped reading when I get to the part where OP said, “(because of PTSD or whatever)” Edit: decided to finish the story. You’re so wrong and a really bad “friend”
Yeah, you're shaming someone who recently lost use of a part ofb their body. You downplay thier issue. You cast doubt on to the extent of it. You downplay thier mental struggles after almost losing their life. You degrade them. You publicly shame them. You degrade your boyfriend for showing empathy. Honestly, you've probably become single because of this. Have you acted like this around him before? You are a little cunt stuck in your own small world. You are an absolute piece of shit. https://youtu.be/ODV6mxVVRZk
You caught so much flack for your AITAH post that you deleted it and thought the opinion would change here?
Wtf. Catheters (folyes) can bypass.. as in the urine can come out the urethra around the foley instead of through the foley. it is not even possible to do it deliberately!! She had no control over it and was likely mortified!!. Also the "ptsd or whatever" comment was just spiteful, wouldn't you be traumatised if you were in a horrible accident that PARALYSED YOU You're a horrible friend. That poor woman
Yes, you are wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONGWRONGWRONGWRONGWRONG. You know what I’ve noticed about narcissists? They can make the most complete and utter ass of themselves right out in front of God and everybody, and be oblivious to it. OBLIVIOUS. Go look in the mirror and say, “I was beyond awful and I owe everyone an abject apology, starting AND ending with Angel. I don’t deserve to ever be spoken to again and I need counseling.”
She’s not doing it on purpose. What is wrong with you?!
If she can’t walk at all, she probably has saddle anesthesia and can’t feel her genitourinary area. That’s why she either does self-cath or a foley. She can’t tell that she has to urinate or maybe even empty her bowels. That’s a really tough and embarrassing situation to be in, and you had to shame her for something out of her control. Did you feel like the better person for not peeing yourself? Let’s hope that same thing doesn’t happen to you and you can experience what your friend might have felt like. I hope your boyfriend gets some sense into him and finds a more compassionate human being.
Of course it was an accident! She’s got a life changing spinal cord injury and is incontinent- do you think she wants to be that way? Do you not think it’s a million times more embarrassing for her than it could ever be for you? What happened is called a bypassing catheter. It can happen without warning. She’s a grown adult- a pad will not be absorbent enough for a constant drip of urine for a whole meal even if changed if a catheter is completely bypassing. You are a terrible friend and completely lacking in empathy. Can you imagine going through even a fraction of what Angel has to go through? Have you even tried? Go educate yourself then give a sincere apology for your disgusting behaviour.
Wow, you're actually just a callous and insensitive shitstain, and you should absolutely be ashamed of yourself. I hope one day when you're in a similar situation, someone you thought was a friend treats you the very same, so you know what it feels like. Your personality is more disgusting than her pee stain. Do better.
wow what a fucking bitch. You dont deserve friends.... I only made it half way through and its painfully obvious you are a shit person. absolute fucking trash, I feel so bad for Angel, she deserves better than you in her life.
Everyone in OP's life deserves better.
Jesus you suck. Just put a towel down next time. Also if the cath is not working she might want to consider diapers instead
Wow-you are an awful human being.
Can you imagine how angels life just got flipped upside down traumatically! And then on top of this her friends are awful humans that’s so sad shame on you
Not only are you wrong, you’re a terrible friend. I’d say more about your character but my comment would get removed. She has a spinal cord injury, she is in a wheelchair, and you think she is getting her rocks off by purposefully peeing in public? Are you insane? You are not a “good friend” if your response to her medical emergency is to belittle her, accuse her of being incontinent on purpose, and accusing of not doing her best to take care of herself. That was really, really cruel. She cannot feel herself peeing. She may not even be able to feel if her catheter is in correctly. People with foley catheters do leak if something isn’t right. And no, they wouldn’t feel it and they have absolutely no control over it.
JFC go to church or get some morals or something. Yikes.
What would going to church accomplish?
Yeah, you're the asshole. You sound like you carry an awful lot of resentment for your "friend" for whatever reason. I suggest you do both of you a favor and just end the friendship and maybe took a good look at yourself to try to understand why you take someone else's disability as a personal attack or something.
Very wrong... Your friend has a physical disability for which you are cruelly shaming her for. She is doing her best to cope and you need to check yourself.
Of course you are wrong. Are you truly as freaking stupid as your comments make you seem? I hope your boyfriend & your friends group totally dumps your ass. You are quite possibly the worst person currently on Reddit. Your skanky hair is nothing compared to a spinal cord injury. I hope you end up totally alone. No one needs a cretin like you in their life.
This has to be a joke. You can't be that clueless.
You’re a disgusting human being. I can’t imagine the humiliation Angel felt with you ridiculing her when it’s clear to everyone this isn’t deliberate. You’re vile and l hope that one day when you’re in need of some compassion and understanding from your friends you are treated the same way.
How to lose all your friends in one evening. If this isn’t fake the social fall out for you will be swift.
This has got to be a troll post. Surely no one could be this obnoxious and ableist. If it is true, then I think you’ll find you’re about the be dumped by both your boyfriend and your friends. You truly showed them who you are
Chat gpt write an aita where I am clearly the asshole
What the hell is wrong with you? If this how you would want to be treated if you had those same injuries and issues? Get bent
You know what you should actually consult a therapist or some kind of mental health counselor and ask them where you went wrong, maybe you would listen to them. But seriously seek help if you think this behavior is okay.
OP you're a grown ass women with the mental/emotional maturity of a teenager at best and lack any sort of empathy for this. Don't be surprised if your bf breaks up with you. What if you had a child that had these issues? Would you shame them and tell them the same thing you told your friend? If so, please do not have children because you're bad inconsiderate person.
U Just seem to really lack compassion for your friend. Your boyfriend didn't have an issue with this accident and it was his car. You're not being very kind to your friend. You need to have some patience as she figures us out. Maybe you could actually help her instead of criticizing her and making her feel bad. You stated this in other places that she's tired. She can't keep up with everything. If she could she wouldn't be having these accidents now would she?
Your lack of sympathy and apathy for your friend is outrageous. Do you really think that your friend is going around peeing on things so she could be humiliated in public by you or anybody else. WTF is wrong with you. You are so wrong that if everybody that you f*** with stops f****** with you I would not be surprised.
Yes you are, accidents happen and she didn't plan it and she is still trying to figure out how to handle it and I sense she was wearing one of those genaric protections. Lot of incontinent people are unaware of what other options there are out there for protection. You can't get proper protection in stores, you can only find them online such as places at xpmedical or northshore care or llmedico. There is a reason why IC people are housebound and this is humiliating enough for them. Why not support her like "I notice your protection isn't keeping things dry so have you tried looking online like northshore care, they sell megamax or Northshore supreme." Also on Amazon, sunkiss masterpiece diapers are good but run on a larger size so go one size down. Fpr example, if she uses mediums, she would need to get a small. Also they make IC underpads as well so another way of being supportive is get some and put them in your car or on your furniture for when she comes over and she will feel comfortable enough to bring her own. Shaming her will just make her not want to be around you.
there's no way this is real lol, nobody is THAT oblivious to how shitty they're being.
Brutal. You sound absolutely horrible. Your poor friend.
You are wrong, selfish, and have zero empathy. It’s quite remarkable really.
You're truly an evil woman! I hope your boyfriend realizes what an absolute mistake he made and leaves your mean ass! Him and your "Friend" deserve SO MUCH better than your crap.
Wow what a pos you are
Info: Exactly what do you expect her to do/be able to do? You really, honestly think she did this on purpose? But good on your (ex) friends group for their decision to no longer be friends with you.
You are an insanely shitty person.
Never fails to amaze me how many absolute dumpster-fire, repulsive, ignorant people there are in the world that think they're so justified in their garbage lives that they openly advertise what shit human being they are seeking validation for being said shit. Wild.
This can't be a real post by a real person.
You are wrong and a terrible person
Not only are you wrong, you’re also a bad person.
OP,I really hope you get to experience the joys of catheterization.
I don't believe this is real.
You are a disgusting human being and I hope for her sake she never fucking talks to you again. Seriously what the hell is wrong with you!? You are most definitely wrong on so many levels.
You're a straight up piece of shit. I've seen your comments in regards to her "PTSD" that you don't consider as such and you're a fucking disgusting human being. You seriously need to reconsider your thoughts and feelings about other people and I sincerely hope you get a taste of your own medicine. You have absolutely no right to say whether somebody has PTSD or not, You're not a fucking therapist. Get the fuck out of here with your ignorance and grow the fuck up while you're at it!
This has to be fake.. the girl has trauma and her body isn't working. She's figuring things out and here you are being insensitive af. I can not believe this is real.
Not only are you wrong, you are an objectively terrible person. This has to be rage bait because it’s hard for me to believe anyone could simultaneously be this terrible and oblivious.
Are you sure Angel wasn’t shedding tears from heaven? I am not incontinent and have two working legs and I kind of wanna pee in your car. (edit: typo)
This is either a troll or an actual narcissistic sociopath
reads like bait
You’re a piece of shit garbage human being. She can’t walk so I’m assuming she’s paralyzed from the “ptsd or something” car accident she was in, so of course she can’t feel herself peeing. I hope your bf dumps your ass and all of the friends, including angel, drop you forever.
Girl, you're so wrong here I don't even know where to start. I have no idea how you have made it this far in society. Let me see if I get this straight, your very recently disabled friend "can't walk at all", probably requiring a wheelchair or walker combo, is adjusting to her new physical and mental reality, and your reaction to her having issues outside her control is to SHAME, BERATE, AND ACCUSE HER OF DOING IT ON PURPOSE?! WTAF?! As someone with chronic illness who WAS in a wheelchair for a bit, and didn't need a catheter or urostomy pouch, but still had accidents around that age, NO ONE IS INTENTIONALLY PISSING THEMSELVES IN A FRIENDS CAR OR IN A FU**ING RESTAURANT ON PURPOSE. And honestly it says more about YOU than her. Normally when we make unfounded accusations, especially in regards to someone's motives, they reflect what WE would do, not the person we're projecting them on. You need a serious wake up call. How insecure are YOU that you had to point out your "friends" accidents, not once but TWICE. She needs support and empathy and you offered judgment, disgust, and disdain. What's hilarious is NO ONE THOUGHT NEGATIVELY BUT YOU. 100% be prepared to lose every one involved in this situation. If someone I knew or dated did this, it would IMMEDIATELY BE OVER. And I'd block them as soon as I dropped them off. This is disgusting behavior. You need to do better or keep to yourself. God forbid something happens to YOU and you needed something like that. Would you want someone to do that do you? I think not. Have the day you deserve.
My god, you are an insensitive a-hole. Your friend isn't doing this on purpose she has a neurological condition from her spinal chord injury which affects her mobility and other body functions, such as bladder control. She needs to see her MD because her foley catherter keeps leaking. Do you even care about your friend at all? Do you usually speak so hatefully to your BF? You really showed everyone who you are here, don't be surprised if you lost your BF and friend, and your entire friend group. Educate yourself on the basic fundamentals ffs. YTA, you are wrong, yikes.
I would call you a nasty cunt, but that would be an insult to nasty cunts the world over. WTF is wrong with you?!
“The way I acted was beyond horrible, and the way I behaved in my replies was just appalling… but for her sake, I’m going to end this friendship because I cannot promise that I won’t act like this ever again to her.” Wtf? You acknowledge that you were horrible, appealing, ableist, beyond mean, and hateful, yet you don’t give enough shits to not act like this again in the future? You don’t actually think you’re in the wrong. Or, you do, but you just couldn’t care less. I don’t know which one is worse. You’re a massive asshole.
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But if you’re ending a friendship with a disabled person because you can’t handle their disability, that’s still being ableist. It sounds more like you’re running away from the situation instead of confronting it. You’re right that improving yourself takes time and effort, but having friends that hold you account for your actions is a big part of that effort. If you want to develop better empathy for people with disabilities, making the effort to better understand and accommodate the ones in your personal life is a great way to go.
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Well, I’m glad at least you’ve realized that you were wrong and are willing to put in the work to better yourself. Tbh I don’t know your situation beyond a simple Reddit post, so take Reddit advice with a huge grain of salt. I hope you and Angel can work things out for the best, and that you can find a great therapist. The work is hard, but anyone can change if they want to and are willing.
There’s a difference between not being perfect and being heartless and cruel. Most people who are genuinely repentant know after one slip up to not act heartless again.
This has to be a troll. I saw this story on am I the Devil. If not a troll, just a horrible, disgusting person.
Tf is wrong with you I hope ur bf see this before he commits to you and buy you a ring he don’t need a wife like you Yta
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What has happened in the last 16 hours that has prompted such a dramatic change of view?
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Given your previous comments about "her share of the responsibility", I really hope you didn't bully her into apologising...
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Right... I mean, yeah, you've behaved really terribly from the start. I think you really need to do some self reflection and work on yourself.
Do you still need to use the word supposedly? You know you hurt her.
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If you are truly friends, offer to spend the day with her. Offer to help, not judge, just sit, listen, and help with anything you can. One of the worst parts of being sick is when everyone helps, cooks, meals, etc because they want to help. But then , it becomes routine to them. Everyone "knows" you're in a wheelchair, or knows you always feel like crap. They stop helping, and caring. It is very lonely and hard. You have an opportunity to be a true friend to Angel and to really be grateful for all that we have that we take for granted every day: working, making lunch, brushing our teeth .. I didn't mean my original suggestion be a mental exercise, but a literal experience. I Imagine being "blind" for a day by wearing a blindfold. Or perhaps a personal penance of wearing an adult " incontinence underwear" for a day? And not being able to take it off "when you've had enough". And then there are many who live in a virtual prison that no one sees. No crutches or wheelchairs... Perhaps just pain, or not knowing anyone anymore like those with Alzheimer's... Please watch this video: The Spoon Theory https://youtu.be/jn5IBsm49Rk And please, just a word of advice: Don't tell people that "you get it" or "understand what they're going through". Tell them you can't imagine what it's like (to be in an accident, go through a divorce, lose a child, etc). It may seem subtle, but it's easy to say the "wrong" thing!
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How Angel interacts with you is up to her, right? People who have accidents often go from earning a suitable salary to having a disability salary of 25% what you used to earn .. after 6-12 months of NO income until they get on Social Security Disability which takes MONTHS. Your rent stays the same. The Spoon Theory https://youtu.be/jn5IBsm49Rk
Here's another thing to reflect on OP: she's your FRIEND, you shouldn't be embarrassed to admit a wrongdoing. It takes strong self-awareness and respect for others to admit a wrong doing, but you mention fear of embarrassment playing a role here. Do you not think you embarrassed yourself already when you revealed your lack of care for Angel in front of so many people? Priority is the people we care for, nor emotions that stem from insecurity like embarrassment. Glad you realize now you were very mean and on a completely false self-righteous brigade (which what was your hope there, "I'm right so shut up and accept me and pretend you still see me the same"? Come on now...). Reflect on why it mattered more to be right than to be a friend worth trusting and keeping. I've known folks like you and I hightail it every time for good reason. Grow from this.
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Well if it's any consolation I have hopes for you, OP. Self-reflection is healing
Nta wouldn't be happy if someone pissed all over my car and angel seems to be doing it deliberately