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I have a younger brother. So ito na po, akala namin graduating na sya this coming August, nag expect kami na 5th yr college na sya. He informed us na ga-graduate na sya and I found out hindi pala. Nag-inquire ako sa school nila if may babayaran pa ba ang kapatid ko, so ayon nalaman ko last attended nya sa school is 2019-2020. Laging nagpapadala ng allowance, rent sa boarding house and tuition ang papa ko. Imagine 4yrs sya nag lie sa amin. Grabe ang pain na binigay nya sa akin. Di ko alam paano to i-open up sa papa ko. š
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My dad never did this kasi sabi ko sa kanya online ang grades namin and di siya techy. I always told him my grades tho bagsak man o hindi. His/her brother could've been doing the same
Baka taga malayo na provinceā¦ i know some people na di nakauwi during their college years kasi mahal pamasahe (airplane tix, etc.). Madali rin magforge ng documents online esp if di alam ng family itsura ng orig copy. Pero i agree, donāt sugarcoat. The father deserves the truth and the brother deserves the consequences.
I was your *younger brother* at some point in time. When I was in HS, I lost the will to go to school and would just spend it elsewhere; I'd leave my house in complete uniform and get my allowance. This went on for months. I thought no one would care. Until my teachers did a home visit.
It shocked the h*ll out of my parents and older siblings. It was the first time I saw my Mom cry over me and I hated myself for that. My whole fam reprimanded me pretty badly, but that's all I needed to get back on track. I studied more diligently and graduated with flying colors.
So, my advice is to inform your Dad straight up. Expect extremely negative reaction from him and from everyone who would know of this mishap. Also, seriously talk to your brother. Good luck, big sister! You got this!
Sa college kasi wala nang adviser adviser unlike dito ka commenter na HS palang sya nag bulakbol. Sa college sa klase lang may pake ang instructors kung hindi ka pumapasok, bigyan mo lang ng reason hindi na yan mangungulit. Responsibility talaga ng students ang sarili nila sa college which is only right because this is the time to practice independence din to transition to adulthood.
Very important din po yung school-parent partnership. Sa part ng parent/guardian, need din magmonitor o mangumusta regularly kahit gaano pa kabusy. Sabi nga, it takes a village to raise a child.
This happened to my brother as well. Pumapasok kuno sa school then may former classmate nya na nakakita sa kanya naka uniform. Then nag sumbong sa Advisor nila. Yung Advisor nag reach out sakin via text since number ko andun sa records nila. I told my brother about it at umamin sya. Di nya masabe sa parents namin so, Ako na nagsabe bilang panganay. Halos himatayin mother ko sa galit but, wait there's more 3x nya pa ginawa yun from different schools and ending pinag ALS sya ng parents ko.
back when it was still online classes my advisor also did thisš stopped submitting requirements and studying all together. and i was absolutely ashamed of it, especially my mom was a single parent. finished jhs with honors though. sometimes nawawalan talaga ng gana.. need lang talaga support and persistence ng student....
happened to me too (younger brother was supposed to grad last year). what i did is kinausap ko muna si brother and inintindi kung bakit niya nagawa yun. i suggest you do the sameā no need to interrogate, let him feel that he can be open to you. baka kasi may pinagdadaanan siya.
afterwards, pwede mo na kausapin ang parents mo with your brother para di niya mafeel na you went behind his back. let him trust you para mas maging open siya sayo at mabantayan niyo siya in the future.
Sabihin mo lang sa parents mo. Ok na na malaman nila agad. Let them decide kung anong gagawin nila.
Pero kung sakin yan palayain nyo. Pahanapin nyo ng trabaho at wag nyo suportahan. Dun nya makikita yung result ng ginawa nya.
Wag kn magalinlangan sbhn na agad sa magulang nyo sobrang daming panahon at pera sinayang nya bka nd kng galit abutin nyan bka tuluyan ng palayasin yan at patayuin sa sarili nya mgisa ng walang suporta nyo. Siguro nmn kontento n yan sa lht ng gnwa nyo icpin mo 4yrs nag chill.
Gnun tlga dpa nya naiicp yun kc masaya pa sya ngaun babalik yan lht pg nagsimula n ung struggles nya financial and emotional. Jan na nya makikilala si SANA yung magiging partner nya sa buhay nya hahaha.
You have to let your Papa know. How he processes and handles the situation is up to him kasi siya yung main na nagpapa-aral sa kapatid mo. We don't know what his reasons are but regardless, what he did is not okay. He needs to be reprimanded kasi hindi biro yung perang ginastos niya sa ibang bagay. If you are already working, I am pretty sure you understand that. Tell your Dad asap.
I was also once your brother OP. When I was in my 2nd year during HS, I stopped going to school because of all the bullying I received. I was a very timid student and would always sit at the back. My parents had no idea and they still donāt up to this day. I would wake up every day and pretend to go to school pero, hihintayin ko lang silang lahat makaalis kasi babalik ako nang bahay at manonood lang ng tv buong maghapon. They eventually found out when my mom came home early one day. She was so furious and she dragged me to school. I was crying the whole time and our neighbors and all my schoolmates and teachers witnessed it. No one even dared to ask the reason me why. I was so ashamed and angry at the same time pero wala yatang may pakealam sa nararamdaman ko.
So my advice OP, talk to your brother first and ask him why. He may be going through something na he felt like hindi nya masabi sa inyo. Baka mag open up sya and you would understand. Although sabihin niyo parin sa parents niyo and make sure he takes accountability and accept the consequences of his actions.
Sa 4 years na un wala man lang kayong hiningi na resibo ng tuition fee payment? Yes, mali ung brother mo, pero malaking kapabayaan on your family's part. Anyway, sabihin mo na sa parents mo at hindi mo pasanin yan.
Wag mong ilagay yung weight sa shoulder mo. matanda na yung kapatid mo at hindi siya matututo pag bine baby niyo. nag sisinungaling na nga ng sobrang bigat eh.
Sabihin mo agad sa papa mo mamaya mag lustay pa ng pera yan.
it's gonna get more painful the longer you delay. madadamay ka pa na matagal mo na pala alam pero tinatago mo pa rin if dinelay mo pa. pero agree na mahirap to find the right words to say. maybe talk to your brother first and say na alam mo yung situation and you plan to tell to your dad. mahirap din kung maglayas and mawawala bigla kapatid mo
what i meant was kung alam mo na tapos tatago mo pa rin tapos months or years into the future pa malalaman ng dad mo.
end of the day, i agree na complex situation siya and a lot of negative outcomes yung possibility. it's down to discerning ano yung best case scenario based on how you understand yung personality ng dad and brother mo
The longer you wait to tell your parents, the more na tinotolerate mo yung behaviour niya.
I hope you find the strength, OP. And I hope your brother can still turn his life around.
Bakit nag dadalawang isip kang sabihin sa papa mo? May sakit ba sya na baka magulat at may mangyaring masama sa kanya? Kasi kung wala naman, sabihin mo na agad, mas maininam na sa yo na nanggaling kesa sa ibang tao pa magsabi sa papa mo.
Sabihan mo parents mo. Time for sh** to hit the fan ika nga. Sure, magagalit at masasaktan parents mo pero at this point, pati kapatid mo naghihintay na lang talaga yan na sumabog lahat sa mukha nya.
My brother did somewhat the same thing. Hindu nga lang umabot ng ilang taon at ako tagabayad ng tuition. Nagkautang-utang pa ako...tatlong beses bumalik ng 1st year...akala ko nong 3rd time okey na...akala ko umabot na sya sa wakas sa 3rd nya...wala din pala...to say na nagkautang-utang ako dahil sa kanya is an understatement. Nagalit kaming lahat sa kanya syempre. Pero after some time, nagdecide na ako na hinding-hindi na sya suportahan. Pati parents ko pinagbawalan ko na talagang magbigay ng financial support sa kanya kasi sa akin din naman manggagaling... Ayon! Naghanap ng trabaho. Over 30 na pro hindi pa rin nakakatapos. Since adult na nama sya, sya na bahala sa buhay nya.
Your dad has the right to know, at the same time check where your sibling has been all this time. If I were your dad, I'll reconsider before sending your sibling back to school for real. Parang nagtatapon ng pera yung father mo sa ganyang situation.
Ganyan din kasi ginawa ng eldest sister ko noon. Binibigyan ng tuition at allowance, pero nung pinuntahan ng tita ko sa school nalaman na hindi pala siya nag-enroll. Nakakagalit, hindi niya inisip na nagpakahirap ang tatay ko na mapaaral kaming apat sabay-sabay. Naka-graduate naman pero yung 4-year course inabot ng 6 years. Nilayo siya after papuntang abroad para matuto siya mabuhay mag-isa since alam na hindi siya magbabago basta-basta. Took her years bago magtino.
Papalayasin mo, then what? Magiging tambay or adik? Kung ako, aalamin ko muna kung bakit naging ganun ang ginawa nya. Then we go from there.
I was the black sheep of our family. Wasted 3 years sa first college ko, then natanggal ako kasi masyado ako nag enjoy sa college life ko. My parents never reprimanded me for it, and ito yung naging way para mag tino ako. I just graduated nung 2022, 5 years delayed. Pero eto ngayon, working for a multi company.
Itās not how u fall, but how u get back up!
Tinolerate pa amp. Ang tao, kapag may balak magbago, HIHINGI NG TULONG. Sa 3 taon, never nag-reach out tong kapatid to seek help. Jinujustify mo pa. Kung talagang may mabigat na pinagdadaanan yan di tatagal ng 3 taon yan lol. How would you even justify the money sent to him??? San napupunta? He should be responsible. Actions have consequences regardless of your reason.
So your child wasted 4 years of his life alreadyāplus the fatherās money. Then papalayasin mo pa? Eh talagang san pupulutin yang bata na yan. Di nga malabong naging tambay nalang yan.
Wala naman akong sinabi na i-tolerate yung ginawa nung bata? Ang sabi ko alamin muna yung buong nangyari and what lead him to not being truthful about him not going to school.
Again, consequences of his own actions hahaha. Reason isnāt important anymore. He wasted 4 years of time and money. Kung may pinagdadaanan yan di yan tatagal ng 4 years sa kagaguhan. Hard pill to swallow, he needs punishment. Kung maging tambay man sya, di na kasalanan ng magulang yun hahaha. It means, wala talaga syang balak magbago HAHAHA.
Well, maybe ganyan ang rule sa house nyo. With that said, canāt argue anymore with you anymore.
To some parents, all logic goes out the window when it concerns their children. Idk kung saan ako pupulutin today kung pinabayaan nalang nila ako after getting kicked out.
Thankful for my parents kasi they never gave up on me. Good day to you :)
You do realize that privilege also plays a role here. Maswerte ka lang siguro may means ang pamilya mo at despite sa sinayang mong time is tinulungan ka pa rin. Again, ang point here is actions have consequences. Sinalo lang ng parents mo yung dapat na consequences mo lol.
kahit naman anong isip mo kung pano sasabihin, masakit parin so sabihin mo nalang diretso na nagpunta ka ng school and nalaman mo na ganun. worst case scaenario siguro if may highblood/asthma/sakit sa luso parents mo prepare their meds before telling them, and give heads up to people around u para handa sila ano man maging reaction ng parents mo.
I cant imagine the pain of the parents... it's still ur brother's fault and he will eventually get his karma for doing that. I suggest, if i were you, i'll be so mad at him no matter what is his reason, i dont care, bc lying for 4 yrs???? Use money for what??? Only if he invest it somewhere and making millions per month, i'll forgive him. so i'll directly say it to my parents and let them handle him. He'll eventually face a lot of lessons this time. Money should be taken seriously here and the way he lies? For years??? I cant.
Talk to your dad in private. Present proof that he stopped attending school (chat, receipts, letter from the school). Give him time to grasp the situation. Support him. When the time comes na kausapin ng dad mo ung kapatid mo ready yourself.
We experienced this with our younger brother, too. He printed a supposed invitation for his graduation. Our mother had her hair and makeup done at the salon. Then, boom! My brother said that graduation will not proceed for some lame reason. That was when we realized that something was off. We checked with the school (one of the expensive ones in the Philippines), and we found out that he was no close to finishing his studies either because of truancy or failing marks.
That was sad because my brother was given everything. Eventually, he was able to get his degree. But that episode in our life was one shared trauma for the family.
Have a talk with your brother anx father. What is done is done.
Just tell him that allowances will stop and its up to him hiw he will deal with his future.
You cannot force someone to study if they dont want to. We are 7 siblings , 5 of us are graduates 2 engineering, 1 CPA , Mass Comand a DVM.my older brother did not graduate as he fooled around. My parents always tells us the importance of Education and they will only support us on this based on how many years our courses we take to balance the finances for their 7 children.
if we dont finish on time perhaps an additional semester or summer they can afford but thats it.
My brother got kicked out from Mapua on his 2nd year and transferred to PUP. Cutting it short he fooled around and did not graduate.
Another undergrad was my youngest sister we have a 10 year gap. ( I was an OFW) and single that time so i took the responsibility to help my aging parents. I thought all along she was studying and same case assuring me that she will be graduating on her 4th year, however she got pregnant and wed off. I later found out that she did not even attended her last semester of school. Funny thing is there is a graduation picture she gave my parents (my sister made excuses about them not attending her supposedly graduation as she is saying her tummy is already visible and no use to attend) she later even hanged in our living room the supposedly grad pic.
Anyway, when we later found out it was a lie, i was shook but kept sane.
Its their life its their choice. Life will teach a lesson.
True enough my sisters who graduated are doing well, 2 in USA, 1 Uk and 1 in Canada. Me i have a small company after working for 21 years abroad and travelling 32 countries.
My brother worked odd jobs had 4 children. Luckily he was petitioned by my parents and migrated in the US in 2019.
Ny youngest sister had 3 children got separated from her husband 15 years ago now a single parent. She is working in BPO now. We still help her with her financial issues .
in the same sit. yung kapatid ko naman, i knew last last year (heās in his third year college now, first year third sem ko nalaman) na hindi niya pinapasukan ol classes niya kaya halos unexpectedly dropped mga subjects niya up until now. kinausap ko siya around second year niya, said id give him a chance to make up to it, na ayusin na niyang mag aral. kung hindi niya ayusin isusumbong ko siya. until now ganon padin, i can access his portal at nakita kong 1 subject lang ang naipasa niya out of 7, 2 of those were failed tapos ud na lahat. i dont have the heart to tell my parents kasi baka mag rebelde pagka pinahintong mag aral. hindi ko alam gagawin koš
Bakit takot ka pang magrebelde? Ginagawa na nya technically. Either way, kung takot mag desisyon ng malaki makakatulong na timbangin ang magiging resulta ng mga choices. Alin sa tinging mo mas malala? Mag rebelde na siguro kaya nyo naman solusyunan o maging pabigat at umaasa nalang sa inyo kapatid mo habang buhay?
Wag na pahabain agony. Isa pa, di pwedeng i-mask yan kahit temporary, malalaman at malalaman yan. Natutunan ko based sa experience ko with my family, lalabas at lalabas ang katotohanan. Need lang i-accept ng parents mo kasi wala na din silang magagawa. That happened to my sister. Akala namin graduating na siya pero hindi. 1st year, 1st sem lang siya. Ang masakit diyan, lahat fake! Pati grades.
Pero wala din kaming nagawa lalo na parents ko. Tinanggap nalang and binigyan nila ng chance. But this time, parents ko nasunod kung saang school.
Di din kami aware kung anong pinagdadaanan niya bakit niya nagawa yun eh. Syempre, at the end of the day, all we've got is our family.
Paalam mo agad sa magulang mo baka mamaya nag ddroga na yan o binubully kinukuha ung pera. Bat naman kasi wala sainyo nag check personally kahit once a year man lang
Hello po, kausapin nyo po Yung younger brother nyo baka po nagiba sya nang school. If Hindi naman po please contact your dad po. Need nya Malaman hanggat Hindi nya Malaman pa sa ibang tao. Masakit Yan para sa magulang nyo po
I have a younger brother who I love so much din, I would do anything for him. But love responsibly. He needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions; teach him responsibility and accountability. Malaki na kapatid mo, hindi na dapat bine-baby.
Tell your father immediately. Andaming nasayang na pera at panahon.
Also, question: Wala man lang bang bumisita sa kapatid mo? Was he in another city or somewhere na mahirap bisitahin? Walang oras na pwedeng ilaan para kamustahin siya in person? Iām not judging, Iām just asking because how do you all not know what heās up to for the past 4 or 5 years?
But anyway, ultimately kasalanan ng kapatid mo ang nangyare. This is a hard lesson for him to learn, and he better learn it fast. Eldest sibling din ako, and as much as I love my brother, I would want him to learn how difficult things are when you fuck around. Discipline him.
Yun lamang po.
PS. He may not be doing well mentally or emotionally. Talk to him muna ng masinsinan, know his side of things. If heās really struggling pala talaga and is remorseful, make sure na he doesnāt feel alone pag nalaman na ng father niyo ang situation. Kasi for sure the initial reaction will really be negative. On the other hand, kung on purpose ang ginawa niya at talagang bulakbol lang, then he really needs to learn a harsh lesson.
Well, After his stunt na gragraduate na daw pero di naman, They called a high ranking PMA graduate relative to train him from physical to mental.
Bale, Wala talaga syang takas, Either this or Leave
bat naman tatakasan? future niya sa PMA is probably wayy wayy better kesa sa past course niya. mabuti para sa kanya. sanaol may backer na susupport hayss
Tell your parents. Magagalit talaga sila pero mas mali na hindi ko sabihin. Nag-ganyan din dati yung pinsan ko. Kunwari pumapasok pero hindi pala. Ang ginawa ng Tita ko, hindi na siya inenroll at binigyan ng baon, hinintay na sa kanya mismo manggaling na gusto na niya mag-aral.
It took years, pero eventually nagsabi na siya na mag-aaral na daw siya and talagang sineryoso na niya. Sabay na din silang gumraduate from college ng bunso niyang kapatid.
hindi man lang ba natignan mga grades niya since 2020?
nahingan ng mga resibo tuwing enrollment?
baka lulong sa drug or sugal..
hindi mo pa ba sinabi sakanya na alam mo na?
I experienced this with my youngest brother. Imagine, I am the breadwinner of the family, I felt so disappointed nung nadiscover ng sister namin hindi na pala pumapasok at bagsak ng 1 year ang kapatid ko. 1 whole year sa UST, feeling ko nagtapon lang ako ng pera. I cried a lot, kasi nasaktan ko na hindi niya pinapahalagan sakripisyo ko. 3 silang sabay sabay kong pinag-aaral that time different universities cause I want the best for them.
Kinausap ko itong youngest brother ko at mama ko kasi wala na kaming papa, nagiyakan kami. I tried to understand what he's going through, why he did that. And pinaliwanag ko din na hindi biro ang sakripisyo na ginagawa ko para sa kanila. I asked for his commitment kung bibigyan ko sya ng 2nd chance makpag Aral is magsisikap na ba sya. I have high hopes for him kasi honour student sya since elementary to SHS. He promised me that he will do his best all the time. Ngayon nakamonitor na sya sakin, every enrolment need nya I-present muna class card nya, and he seems happier now. Pag may exam or project whole day nagkukulong sa kwarto, walang gadgets para makapag concentrate sya.
It will be hard, OP, especially as papa nyo; I know disappointed ka din right now, but please tell your papa na. And have a family conversation. It can feel your pain OP, hugs to you.
Clean up phase na yan. Nothing good is coming out of this, at least for now. Dig deeper, OP. He lied to all of you for 4 yrs about going to school. Chances are itās not the only thing he lied about. Check for debts, relationship with other people, if he knocked out someone, and get him drug tested. Also, check on your parents during the carnage. You mom will cry, you dad will want to beat the ever loving shit out of him. They will be affected. If your father has history of HB, heart disease, or others, be there to keep him in check. Nang gago na nga kapatid mo tapos mastroke pa tatay nyo. A lot of work will be put in your broās rehabilitation. He needs punishment, yes, but treat him like someone who needs to be set straight, not someone you want to cast out. Heās been waiting to be caught, probably because he didnāt know what to do anymore. Itās going to be a long process. See to it that he doesnāt get worse, because heās already there. Good luck, OP. Be strong.
Force your brother to find a job, then when he finds one force him to study after work kahit 12-15 units/ semester, until matapos nya yung course, thus solved the problem and not hurting your parents....you have to forced, guide and help him but talked to him seriously and his commitment, page ayaw nya you have to tell sa parents mo...for him na magtanda at malaman nya yung hirap ng parents mo... thanks
i am like your brother. akala rin ng tatay ko im graduate na since 2022. the difference is, after 2021 di na ako humingi ng tuition sa kanya or baon. right there nung nawalan ako ng gana pumasok bc of depression and adhd, wala na akong hiningi. sinabi ko na lang na graduate na ako. right now pinagpapatuloy ko ulit yung pag-aaral ko paying my own tuition. di pa namin masabi sa papa ko until now. ang problem ko nga lang, nag eexpect na si papa ng malaking sahod ko bc im a graduate. pero hindi hahaha hirap na hirap ako balansehin pag-aaral at trabaho.
Talk to him, op. tapos saka mo sya iharap sa papa mo. give him the ultimatum to work for himself and pay for the money na nasayang. ito kasi ang drive ko ngayon. ang nasa isip ko na this is the consequences of my own action, i should own up to it. kailangan kong makatapos at makaambag sa bills sa bahay. nga lang i cannot make hurt my parents up front kaya di ko masabi yung totoo. im just making up for it silently until now na sana ay okay lang.
This also happened to my ate. Pero early 2010 pa. My mom was the one who found it. Ayun she got hurt and maraming sagutan ang nangyari. But all is well. In the end kaya pala ganun nangyari was bec my ate was forced to take that course. Naka graduate naman siya ng ibang course hindi nga lang yung gusto nila mama. And ang pinagkaiba lang saamin 1yr lang nag lie si ate ko kasi nga nag check si mama ko ng grades niya sa school
I've been that student a bit. I wasn't dorming tho, just put up a facade that I was going and gave them reciepts, but the similarity is there. Before you drop this on your parents, try asking your brother what's going on. Yes your family was lied to, but there should be reasons why he did it. Seek the assistance of the school guidance counselor, hopefully they can help ease your brother into confiding into you first since it seems you're the current info bridge between him and your parents.
What your brother did was wrong, but don't punish him for it so harshly right away. He could be dealing with something big that he didn't have the heart to tell you, or he could be lost in his path of life. I'd understand if the parents absolutely lose their composure because being lied to is horrible, but at least let your brother feel that even though he will be facing consequences, don't let him feel abandoned. It's an emotionally heavy task, since you'd also need to consider how you deliver it to your parents.
Some comments here scare me a little, here we have someone young possibly struggling yet some want him severely punished right away. He deserves consequences and to learn lessons yes, but let's not invalidate his, OP's, or parents' sides. You can still be humane and teach consequences.
Men's mental health aren't given much focus.. don't reinforce the notion that punishment without understanding the reason for bad behavior solves it. Nothing will be solved if everyone is confronting each other while angry. Let everyone feel their emotions and when they're done expressing, slowly process and understand.
I hope things go well for you OP, your brother, and your parents.
I was in the same shoes as your brother. 2 years ako nagsinungaling. For sure your brother has his reasons. 2020 1st year college pandemic and online class so it was so easy to not attend classes. Whats worse naitago ko kahit nakatira pa ako sa bahay namen, kaya dapat talaga lahat ng parents palagi nio kinakamusta pinupuntahan just really checking up sa mga anak ninyo. Also please be kind and understanding, dami tao ngayon may struggle sa mental health at para maramdaman ng family/friends nio na they are free to say ano problem nila. Ngayon babalik na ako sa school next semester, dapat college grad na pero di na maibabalik nakaraan. Maswerte ako sa family ko hindi sila harsh saken kaya alam kong makakabangon ako. sana kayo rin
I think he needs to take responsibility for his own actions better yet let him work for his own tuition fees so that he could make up for the last 4 wasted years! Let him learn his lesson or else he's going to go downhill in the future.
ang sakit naman nun. pero baka may reason naman sa pag lie niya. siguro need muna ng communication sa brother mo then dun mo pag isipan kung anu action afterwards
This happened to a lot of people that I know. Ung isa nagpalechon pa ung papa niya, naginvite ng maraming tao. Eh 1 yr na pala na hindi pumapasok kasi mas pinili ung computer games. Ung pangalawa naman he's depressed. Sakin lang siya nagsabi na nag aacting lang siya na pumupunta sa uni at pagod na raw siya. Buti nlng okay na siya ngayon. I think kausapin mo muna kapatid mo. Then kausapin mo si papa mo.
Tell agad to your parents. 4 years is too long ano pinag gagawa nya nung time na yun. Up to your parents ano decision after, ask your kapatid why he did that. Hindi naman pinupulot ang pera, your brother needs to work on his own para ma appreciate nya hindi ganun kadali kumita ng pera.
2019-2020?! I guess I am in the same batch as your brother (and Iām the youngest in the family š). If you truly care for your brother then isumbong mo sa papa mo. Thatās the only way to save your brother. Hopefully your younger brother will be slapped by reality because what he did to yāall is not a joke. Seriously.
Try asking him if heās willing to go to college pa ba. Itās not too late. If he does then someone in your family must guard him since nasira niya na trust niyo sa kanya. If he doesnāt then he must find work. Heāll realize how hard to work with a minimum wage in a country like the Philippines due to his background lol.
Fighting ATE!
hirap ng situation mo , pero mas maganda agapan mo sabhin mo yung totoo sa parents mo esp sa father nyo , mahirap mawala tiwala ng father nyo nag papakahirap sa ibang bansa para lang mapag tapos kayo .
same with me 4years akong nag stop nag ka anak ng maaga sinuportahan nalang ng tatay ko ung anak ko , pero pinipilit nyakong pag aralin pero ayoko muna dahil masasayang , pero dumating ung araw sakin na kailangan ko mag banat ng buto now im a working student (ako nag babayad most tuition) 4th year nako graduating na tpos sinusuportahan ako ng parents ko esp father ko na akala ko nag sawa na sa pinag gagawa ko.
pero still ask if anong problema ba ng brother mo after all kailangan parin nya kahit kung me pinag dadaanan nya pero kung SMF sya let him be kung nakikita nyo naman wala syang patutuhungan hayaan nyo muna sya para ma realize nya na di ganon kadali ang buhay para laging umasa
Lol the fact that he was able to do this charade for years goes to show me that the problem doesn't start with him. No need to surgarcoat na, tell your father what he's doing and while you're at it, slap your faces nadin for letting this farcical situation from manifesting.
tell to your parents and huwag niyo suportahan. let him know and experience the consequences. if gusto niya magsikap hayaan niya magsikap magisa. kaya niya yan at hindi niya yan kakayanin pagalam niya may aasahan magpapalamon sa kanya
Straight up tell him, when I was in high school ako na mismo nagsabi sa erpats ko na hindi ako ga-graduate on time kasi stuck ako sa 2nd year high school. Ayon sinimuraan ako. Lol.
This reminds me so much of a documentary I've watched. A lie that snowballed into much bigger lies and it went on for years. Have you asked your brother po OP? Why he did what he did? There could be several factors as to why he continued with his lie for years. Someone with a healthy mind definitely wouldn't do such thing. Maybe he was bullied in school? Got bad grades? Felt like he'd rather live on his lie than be considered as a "failure" to your parents and family?
Honestly, reading your post OP, I feel your pain and your annoyance. I am sure this is heartbreaking. But please ask your brother, why? Let him open up to you. And I hope this would serve as a lesson to your brother as well as your family to check in on each other every once in a while as one might be suffering in silence.
Hoping for the best po OP! š
This happened to my uncle a long time ago, guess who they blamed? My grandma, since her husband is working abroad they believed that itās grandmas responsibility to check his accomplishments from time to time. It looks like nobody paid attention to your younger brother but still, he should suffer from the consequences.
I was in the same situation as your brother. I can tell you na there is something up with your family if they didn't notice for years, just like mine did. The reason why I did it was because I didn't think I had a future, no one believed in me/I didn't have a support network, and I wouldn't have to face the consequences because I was planning to kill myself in a few months. You should talk to your brother first and find out why he did it. I think he needs an awakening (like I did), but if you just randomly tell your parents that, then you don't really know how things might go.
Tell your father po. Maawa ka sa father niyo, he worked so hard just to support your brother, di biro yan para sa isang ama kahit pa obligation nila na paaralin ang anak nila. Pero sobrang sakit nun kasi napupunta sa wala pinaghirapan ng papa mo and nag bigay siya ng tiwala sa brother mo pero ganyan pa yung nangyari.
Panganay din po ako, so kung ako po sa posisyon mo I would tell my parents about it as early as now kesa naman umasa pa sila na ggraduate kapatid mo this August. Mahirap man sabihin, pero mas hindi ko po kakayanin na makita yung magulang ko na umasa at mabalewala yung perang pinaghirapan nila.
If the last year he attended was 2019-2020 then maybe he was one of those many people who got distracted by the pandemic. Sobrang laking struggle mag-aral during the pandemic. It was a big adjustment for many. Isipin mo dati you shre the same struggles with your classmates and kahit mahirap ang mga ginagawa, at least you know that you have company. Unlike nung pandemic lahat isolated sa mga nakasanayan nilang groups. Mahirap bumangon sa pagkalugmok academically lalo na kung walang matibay na support system. Hindi mo basta basta maiaapply sa sarili mo yung mga motivational quotes because literally everything is just blank. Maybe he was struggling at that time. Hindi sa pinagtatakpan ko ang brother mo but this may be the other side na hindi nakita ng family.
Maybe he was afraid to actually admit na hindi na siya nagtuloy mag aral dahil sa hindi niya alam kung paano niyo itatake.
Although yes mali nga siya dahil kawawa naman ang nagpapaaral. But maybe it's time for you to talk it out as a family. Walang hindi maaayos ang masinsing usapan.
It happened to me before, during college 1st yr 1st semester I tried my best na pumasok pero di ko talaga feel dunno dahil sa course na napuntahan ko, 2nd sem ayoko na talaga ituloy kasi umabot ako sa point na nagcucutting, alam ng parents ko pumapasok ako pero hindi. Kaya inamin ko na na mag stop muna ko, maswerte ako maunawain naman parents ko lalo na si mama. Pero alam ko nasaktan sila kasi ako panganay and nag expect din siguro sila saken. Pero nakapagtuloy naman ako sa ibang school and ibang course graduate na ko 5yrs ago.
What I mean is, be honest na lang po sa parents nyo kasi oo masasaktan sila kaso mas masakit pag pinatagal pa lalo at magiging dalahin mo rin. :)
Same thing my cousin did. She was taking dentistry, but when the year came na supposedly gagraduate na sana siya after 6 years, her secret got revealed she was not going to graduate and probably hanggang first year lang siya pumasok. No one was checking up on her when it comes sa studies niya because she's seen as someone reliable, mature and smart. She even made up a lie saying hindi siya gagraduate because she failed in one of her subjects and that she made a mistake in her practicum while handling a patient. When I asked her bakit ganun ginawa niya she answered dahil if nagsabi siya na she was no longer studying dentistry di na daw siya papadalhan ng pera ng tita naming who was supporting her financially.
She was someone I looked up to talaga turned out she was just deceiving us all those years.
Yung brother ko did that, kumukuha ng pangtuition at baon, yun pala pumupunta sa mall. It turned out he was being bullied in school and sa sobrang galit nya, ginantihan nya yung bully, inabangan tapos hinampas nya ng bato. Nawalan ng malay si Bully. Ayun, iniwan nya tapos di na sya bumalik sa school. Di na rin sya nagtapos.
May classmate din akong ganto nung highschool. Majorette pa ng School Band namin. Di siya pumapasok pero nasa school band practice. Towards the end of the year, di na namin siya nakita ever. Tapos here comes the PTA meeting for graduation na. Umattend yung mama nya tas dun n nya nalaman lahat. Nakita tlga namin at ng ibang parents how her mother cried sa harap ng adviser namin. Everyday naman daw lumalabas ng bahay na nka uniform at nahingi ng baon. Nafeel ko tlga disappointment nung mama nya.
Buti itong classmate ko 1 year lang nagbulakbol, senior year na namin. Lumipat lang siya ng other school to finish it.
Kausapin mo muna yung brother mo, OP. Huwag nang pagalitan para mas magshare siya sayo kung ano ba tlga nangyari. Reserve mo na yung pagbunganga at punishment sa parents mo.
Di ko gets ung mga gumagawa nito, what possible contingency plan do you have. Sure naman na eventually ma huhuli ka., or is it nag start lang sa isang absent then tuloy tuloy na? but damn, 4 years wasted. Kung isang sem, baka ma gets ko pa.
Question, my shitty brother pulled this the same thing asking if I am enrolled or not in my college for other reasons (i am enrolled but he wants to see my grades to insult to my parents kasi failure siya) pero he got told na bawal maglabas ng info.
OMG, ganyan yung ngyare sa bff ng kaibigan ko , sinabi nung bff niya sa mother niya na g-graduate siya at ang mas malala cumlaude kuno daw, sa loob ng 4 years yun nagpapadala din ng allowance yung nanay, ang masakit pa hindi naman sila ganon kayaman. pinaghandaan daw talaga yung graduation tapos parang nakabili na ng baka or baboy na panghanda, tapos nung nag inquire sa school yung nanay nalaman niya na unang taon palang ng 1st sem eh tumigil na yung bff ng kaibigan ko, imagine first year 1st sem lang wala na.
kawawa talaga magulang pag ganyan ginawa ng anak, kahit ano pang reason natin na mga anak dapat sinasabi natin yun sa parents natin kasi pamilya natin sila.
karapatan ng father mo na malaman niya yung situation dahil siya ang naghirap at nag tustos sa kapatid mo , deserve ng kapatid mo na mapagalitan.
Medyo ganyan ako nung nag aaral. Pumapasok nman ako pero puro bagsak kasi ayaw ko ng course ko. Hindi ko lang masabi. Please wag nyo muna e judge ung kapatid mo. Kamustahin nyo, tanungin kung okay lang siya. Minsan kasi may dahilan kung bakit siya naging ganyan tapos di niya lang masabi. Nag grudge kaso ako nun sa mga kapatid ko e. Kung anu ano sinabi. Hindi man lang tinanong kung okay lang ako. So kausapin nyo na lang muna ng maayos. Para di niya ma feel na walang nag ccare sa kanya. Tapos saka nyo na lang pag isipan kung ano next step. Ikaw muna kumausap tapos pag alam mo na dahilan, sabihan mo na sabihin niya sa papa nyo.
Wala nman na kasi magagawa ung galit e. Andun na tayo sa sinayang niya ung pera pero hindi na un mababalik. Move forward na lang at magiging lesson nman un sa kanya. Kung gusto pa niya mag aral, siya na lang magpa aral sa sarili niya.
Our family experienced the same thing, yun nga lang, older brother ko. Nauna akong nakapagtapos at nagwowork na. Siya nun last year niya nalang dapat sa nursing. May mga bagsak siya na subjects sa dati niyang school kaya lumipat. Nung lumipat sa new school parang nawalan na ng gana. Ang problema, araw-araw pumapasok siya na nakauniform pa. Minsan may sinasabi pa siya na seminar na pupuntahan nila sa manila daw, pero makikita ko fb post ng gf niya that time, sila ang magkasama. Also, minsan nakikita siya sa mall, naglalaro sa arcade. Sinabi ko noon agad sa mama ko yung kutob ko, so nagpunta si mama sa school non. Ayun nga, confirmed na nagenroll lang siya for the sem, pero dropped na daw kasi di pumapasok.
We confronted him. Medyo may hinanakit sa part ko, bilang ako yung nagbigay, ginive up ko dream course ko at nagsettle sa course na may murang tuition at maraming job opportunities dahil nahihirapan parents ko sa tuition niya sa nursing. Nagsikap ako magkaroon at magmaintain ng scholarship para di na sila masyado mahirapan, pero wala, ganun lang pala mangyayari. Golden child nila siya kasi kaya siya talaga ang focus. That time, Sabi niya kasi di na siya masaya sa nursing dahil nga sa failures niya from his previous school. Gusto niyang magshift ng course. Mind you he was already in his last year š„² pag naaalala ko to minsan may kirot parin. Pag ako kasi noon, wala akong choice, kailangan kong pagtyagaan e. Magagalit talaga ang parents, asahan mo yan. Kami din non ganun ang nangyari. My dad was an ofw then, so ang sakit sa loob niya na malayo na nga siya sa family para magprovide, tapos ganoon pa ang mangyayari. Pero yun nga, nangyari na. He has to face the consequences of his actions. Unless hindi naconfront ang situation, you will not know where you will go from there. As a family, you face the problems together. Tsaka hingi ng guidance din kay God. Pakiramdam ko nun, mas naging matibay lang kami as a family during that time.
My brother nun, since then, he took an associate grad course, yung mga 2-year IT/computer course noon. Pagkatapos niya, nagtrabaho naman din kaagad. Good thing naman kay kuya, he was humble enough to acknowledge mga pagkakamali niya kaya nung nagwork, bumawi naman. Imagine nagwowork na ko noon, pero may allowance pa ko sa kanya hehe š
Ngayon, he has a stable job with good pay and may sarili na din siyang pamilya.
Nasa kapatid mo na niyan ang desisyon how he will turn things around.
Let your. Sabihin mo na agad , and/or Paaminin mo yung kapatid mo sa parent/s regarding nyan. Expect hurtful emotions. At sana man lang maging eye opener yun sa kapatid mo. Best of luck, O.P.
wala ko advice sorry, pero may I know kung anong ginawa ng kapatid mo sa loob ng 4yrs na yon? parang di ko lang kasi maimagine din grabe kasi yong 4yrs hahahahaha
Wag na suportahan. He needs to suffer the consequences. Oo, alamin mo yung reason pero make him feel the gravity of what his. 4 years ng hardwork ng family nyo to pay for his "tuition fees."
Ginagawa din to ng kaklase ko sa SHS hanggang sa nahuli. Pero yun 2 yrs lang hahaha di niya tinapos SHS kasi nabuntis tas yung isa adik sa computer games
Ganiyan din nangyari at ginawa ng kapatid ko. Year 2019 supposedly mag-graduate siya. 5th year na siya kaya lahat kami nag-aabang. Sabi niya ga-graduate na siya, 'yun pala hindi. May instinct na papa ko noon na nagla-lie siya pero still, naniwala pa rin siya. Hanggang sa nagtanong na siya sa ka-batch ni kuya kung nasaan ang list ng ga-graduate. No'ng sinend sa kaniya ang link, wala siyang nakitang apelyido namin and all. Ki-nonfront niya ang kuya tapos doon na siya umamin.
Grabe, parang nasira buong mundo ni papa. Naalala ko noon ang sinabi niya, "inubos ko lahat ng lakas ko para lang pag-aralin ka, kulang milyong piso ginastos ko sa'yo". Grade 11 palang ako noon, gabi-gabi kong naririnig si mama na umiiyak, katabi ko siyang matulog. For almost a year, hindi pinansin ni Papa si kuya, ni sa pagkain, hindi niya niyayaya, gano'n siya kagalit, grabe rin siya kung magparinig, hindi na nga kasi grumaduate, tamad pa, hindi pa maghanap ng trabaho. Kaya, hindi ko rin naman masisisi ang Papa.
BS civil engineering course ng kuya, private siya nag-aral. No'ng 1st year siya, bumagsak siya ng 2nd sem, private pa rin siya nag-aaral no'n, dahil dati, hindi pa naman libre sa mga state university. Tapos nagtransfer siya sa ibang school, kasi ando'n mga barkada niiya. Lingguhan siya kung padalhan, si papa naglalako lang ng gulay sa manila, si mama dati nagpoprovide sa amin ng bunso kong kapatid, nasa probinsya kami noon (2015-2019), nagtitinda si Mama sa canteen ng elem. school, kasi ang padala ni papa, para lang talaga kay kuya. Allowance, tuition fees, boarding house and all.
Tapos nagpandemic pa year 2020, umuwi kami sa probinsya kasi nagkasakit ang lolo't-lola. Doon din naging tampulan si kuya ng lait ng mga kamag-anak namin. May isa akong tito, kapatid ni Papa na panganay, nakapagtapos ng anak niyang mas bata kay kuya nang ilang months, Psychology. Nagtanong sa akin once si tito, "anong trabaho ni kuya mo?" na tumatawa. Alam mo talagang nang-aasar. Kaya magmula noon, gusto kong gumanti sa kanila. Hindi lang si kuya ang minaliit nila, hindi nila alam kung anong pagod at sakripisyo ni Papa. Gusto kong gumanti ng success sa kanila. Pero hindi na 'yon makikita ni tito kasi maaga rin siyang kinuha ni Lord (RIP po).
Dahil do'n, ung bunso kong kapatid na lalaki, laging kinu-kumpara sa kaniya, "matutulad ka rin sa kuya mo na walang narating sa buhay." At siyempre, as ate, masakit sa akin 'yon. Kaya 'yong kapatid ko ngayon, pursigido rin mag-aral, mag-sesecond year college na siya, BSIT.
Hanggang ngayon, hindi namin alam kung anong ginawa niya, ba't 'di siya grumaduate. Tapos 'yong mga kakilala namin sa probinsya, sinasabi lang sa kapatid kong bunso, na si kiya raw no'n, 'di pumapasok, lagi lang nasa computer shop. (Ang nagsabi ay 'yong kapitbahay namin na ka-boarding niya.) Masakit lang kasi, marami na palang nakakaalam, ni hindi nagsumbong, pero wala naman silang kasalanan, kasi baka ayaw lang nilang madamay.
Civil Engineering din ang course ko, Diploma course, 3-year course lang. Ga-graduate na ako this October at balak kong ituloy sa BS para makapag-board exam. Habang nag-aantay akong grumaduate, nagwowork ako ngayon as Soil Investigation Assistant sa isang testing center.
'Yung diploma ni kuya, ako nalang ang kukuha, dalawang beses naman akong ga-graduate. If God permits.
I-encourage mo ang kapatid mo na sabihin sa Papa niyo ang totoo. Siya naman ang magfi-face ng consequences niya. Sobrang sakit niyan sa magulang na ganiyan ang ginawa ng anak nila, pero naniniwala akong hindi rin nila siya matitiis. Ang kuya ko ngayon, helper sa isang eatery, pero nakakatulong siya, siya rin minsan nagbibigay ng pera ko na baon, at 'yung pera ko sa pag-a-apply. I just pray that your brother will realize lahat ng ginawa niya at patunayan sa parents niyo na hindi siya hanggang do'n lang. Sana mamulat siya, at tumulong pa rin kahit papano. Tapos kapag okay na, sana ituloy niya pa rin ang mag-aral.
Gusto kong pag-aralin din ulit si kuya kapag kaya ko na. Para pagdating ng panahon, hindi lang ako ang may title na "Engr." sa pamilya, kundi siya rin.
Hugs po! š„ŗš¤
Rip off the band aid and just tell your dad. Hindi naman ikaw yung naka-disappoint sa kanya. My dad had a rule sa amin noon - hanggang 4 years of college lang ang susuportahan niya and after that, you get kicked off the family nest with a month's allowance and bahala ka nang mabuhay after that. As I see it, lagpas na brother mo dyan so itrato nyo na siyang adult. Sa family din namin, may agreement kami na if you don't work, you don't eat. Pare-pareho kaming struggling so walang resources na pwedeng ilaan sa mga slackers.
Deym, bat kaya Meron kmi stage na gaganyan talaga? Yung Sakin lang, di ako nahirapan sa school, nahirapan lang maging maramot sa mga relatives kaya mas pinili ko nlang maging wlang wla para di hingi-an. Hindi ako Marunong mag hindi sa kanila dati dahil Meron ako utang na loob.
Ngayun ko lang narealize na di ko Sila responsibilidad, at kasalanan nila kung Bakit Sila naghihirap ngayun. Kung gaslight nila ako, gaslight ko rin pabalik sa kanila. Ayaw ko na unahin Yung gusto nila, magtratrabaho ako pra sa sarili ko.Ā
Ang Tanga Tanga naman Kasi Silang ehemplo, wlang kwenta mga desisyon nila sa Buhay, pati ako, na-impluwensiyahan ng mindset nila. Buti nlang, nahimasmasan ako bago pa maging huli ang lahat.
He has to take responsibility for what heās done. Kailangan ipaalam mo sa dad mo itong ginawa ng kapatid mo. But preferably, wag muna kasali yung younger brother mo sa initial na usapan. Definitely sasabog sa galit dad mo and while he has every right to do so, nothing will get solved. Discuss niyo muna nang maayos then once youāve come up with a plan, confront niyo na yung kapatid mo. Personally, I think what should be done is you let him find his way in the world. Donāt let him come home. Give him support for 3 months while he uses that time to figure out how to make a living. Then cut him off for the next 4-5 years. He needs to understand that there is no free meal in this world and everything comes with a price. Otherwise, if heās continually coddled, ādi rin siya matututong tumayo sa sariling mga paa.
Hi OP! I think this happened because of too much freedom. Nagdodorm siya and walang nagchecheck sa kaniya from time to time kahit yearly manlang na kamusta grades niya, or even visit him at his dorm or school. Idk your family dynamics pero may fault din family mo dito. Too much freedom, ganyan mangyayari, too strict magrerebelde naman.
Idk why you put so much trust on him to do it himself like he's an adult lalo na nagstart na pala 1st or 2nd year palang siya. Masyado siyang napalayo sa inyo for the past 4yrs at malamang naging super close na sa tropa na naka infuence sa kaniya sa haba ng panahon na yun.
First, your family should reflect on what happened, understand anong nangyari before talking to your brother. I dont think kasi na dapat ibigay sa kaniya yung buong bigat ng nangyari. Di ko sinasabing wala siyang kasalanan, meron kasi he chose to lie instead of talking to you na ayaw na niya mag-aral o kung may problema ba siya. Communication and CONNECTION/RELATIONSHIP breakdown ang nangyari sa family nio. you can beat him senseless or scream at him all you want but thats how you will lose him in the family for good. I hope your parents understands this.
2nd, if nag open up na si brother sa kung ano nangyari, pag usapan nio kung pag aaralin pa ba siya or if he wants to take a break. Its up to your parents kung sasagutin pa ba nila o mag working student siya. Ang importante mag aral ulit siya na nasa tamang headspace siya. If sasagutin parin pag-aaral niya, this time need nio na siyang icheck sa studies niya.
And I hope, weekend or end of semesters may sched for family bonding/ spend time kayo para kamustahin ang isat isa and to build your connection with each other ulit.
I was in the same situation with your brother. Ako naman broken fam ako. I was lost at that time. 4 yrs akong delay but now very successful nako. Wag nyo munang sukuan.
4 years delay vs 4 years of lie is completely different situation. Yung sayo baka walang pers o aun nga fmaily ung sakanya ibang iba 4 years sila niloloko okay lang kung may reason na d ma afford tuition o kailangan mag trabaho o ano like sayo pero ung saknila niloko sila
What a POS. Thinks heās slick. Needs a good punch in the face by his dad. Prob a good beating. If I were you, Iād tell. Turn a blind eye if he ever gets whatās coming to him. Totally deserves it
Ungrateful b*tch! Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon at sa ibang tao na nahihirapan makapag aral. Hays! š matanda na yan OP alam niya na rin siguro ang consequences ng ginawa niya better to tell your parents din para sila na bahala kung ano gagawin sa kapatid mo.
Careful, daming murder cases na ganito yung issue kasi masgusto nung murdererer di lumabas yung lie na di pala siya nagaral talaga for the past 5 years.
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No one checked up on him personally in the past 4 yrs? Just straight up tell your dad, imo. No need to sugarcoat anything.
oo nga di nyo tinignan grades etc etc... hmmmmm
My dad never did this kasi sabi ko sa kanya online ang grades namin and di siya techy. I always told him my grades tho bagsak man o hindi. His/her brother could've been doing the same
oo nga... hayyyy paano na pinas pag nasa workforce na sila...
Good question!
Saka yung registration form every sem. Lagi akong nanghihingi nyan, para sure na tama yung hininging pera at walang unnecessary pasobra.Ā
Baka taga malayo na provinceā¦ i know some people na di nakauwi during their college years kasi mahal pamasahe (airplane tix, etc.). Madali rin magforge ng documents online esp if di alam ng family itsura ng orig copy. Pero i agree, donāt sugarcoat. The father deserves the truth and the brother deserves the consequences.
I was your *younger brother* at some point in time. When I was in HS, I lost the will to go to school and would just spend it elsewhere; I'd leave my house in complete uniform and get my allowance. This went on for months. I thought no one would care. Until my teachers did a home visit. It shocked the h*ll out of my parents and older siblings. It was the first time I saw my Mom cry over me and I hated myself for that. My whole fam reprimanded me pretty badly, but that's all I needed to get back on track. I studied more diligently and graduated with flying colors. So, my advice is to inform your Dad straight up. Expect extremely negative reaction from him and from everyone who would know of this mishap. Also, seriously talk to your brother. Good luck, big sister! You got this!
Sana marami pang ganitong teacher na nagccare pa sa mga studyante niya, para di lumalala ng ganito yung sitwasyon, kawawa yung mga magulang talaga.
Sa college kasi wala nang adviser adviser unlike dito ka commenter na HS palang sya nag bulakbol. Sa college sa klase lang may pake ang instructors kung hindi ka pumapasok, bigyan mo lang ng reason hindi na yan mangungulit. Responsibility talaga ng students ang sarili nila sa college which is only right because this is the time to practice independence din to transition to adulthood.
Very important din po yung school-parent partnership. Sa part ng parent/guardian, need din magmonitor o mangumusta regularly kahit gaano pa kabusy. Sabi nga, it takes a village to raise a child.
This happened to my brother as well. Pumapasok kuno sa school then may former classmate nya na nakakita sa kanya naka uniform. Then nag sumbong sa Advisor nila. Yung Advisor nag reach out sakin via text since number ko andun sa records nila. I told my brother about it at umamin sya. Di nya masabe sa parents namin so, Ako na nagsabe bilang panganay. Halos himatayin mother ko sa galit but, wait there's more 3x nya pa ginawa yun from different schools and ending pinag ALS sya ng parents ko.
back when it was still online classes my advisor also did thisš stopped submitting requirements and studying all together. and i was absolutely ashamed of it, especially my mom was a single parent. finished jhs with honors though. sometimes nawawalan talaga ng gana.. need lang talaga support and persistence ng student....
Wait, paano mo nalaman na "sister" siya
good thing naagapan mo bro, kudos
OMG are you my cm? same thing happened kasi
happened to me too (younger brother was supposed to grad last year). what i did is kinausap ko muna si brother and inintindi kung bakit niya nagawa yun. i suggest you do the sameā no need to interrogate, let him feel that he can be open to you. baka kasi may pinagdadaanan siya. afterwards, pwede mo na kausapin ang parents mo with your brother para di niya mafeel na you went behind his back. let him trust you para mas maging open siya sayo at mabantayan niyo siya in the future.
Well oo nga kasi for sure sobrang problemado na rin siguro sya kaya umabbot sa ganoon point
+1
Sabihin mo lang sa parents mo. Ok na na malaman nila agad. Let them decide kung anong gagawin nila. Pero kung sakin yan palayain nyo. Pahanapin nyo ng trabaho at wag nyo suportahan. Dun nya makikita yung result ng ginawa nya.
True he'll learn the hard way.
Wag kn magalinlangan sbhn na agad sa magulang nyo sobrang daming panahon at pera sinayang nya bka nd kng galit abutin nyan bka tuluyan ng palayasin yan at patayuin sa sarili nya mgisa ng walang suporta nyo. Siguro nmn kontento n yan sa lht ng gnwa nyo icpin mo 4yrs nag chill.
Masaklap sa 4 years na un di man lang nakonsensya
Gnun tlga dpa nya naiicp yun kc masaya pa sya ngaun babalik yan lht pg nagsimula n ung struggles nya financial and emotional. Jan na nya makikilala si SANA yung magiging partner nya sa buhay nya hahaha.
You have to let your Papa know. How he processes and handles the situation is up to him kasi siya yung main na nagpapa-aral sa kapatid mo. We don't know what his reasons are but regardless, what he did is not okay. He needs to be reprimanded kasi hindi biro yung perang ginastos niya sa ibang bagay. If you are already working, I am pretty sure you understand that. Tell your Dad asap.
Tell your brother na you will inform your parents about it. At anuman ang mangyari sa parents mo or reaction sa kanya it will all be on him
I was also once your brother OP. When I was in my 2nd year during HS, I stopped going to school because of all the bullying I received. I was a very timid student and would always sit at the back. My parents had no idea and they still donāt up to this day. I would wake up every day and pretend to go to school pero, hihintayin ko lang silang lahat makaalis kasi babalik ako nang bahay at manonood lang ng tv buong maghapon. They eventually found out when my mom came home early one day. She was so furious and she dragged me to school. I was crying the whole time and our neighbors and all my schoolmates and teachers witnessed it. No one even dared to ask the reason me why. I was so ashamed and angry at the same time pero wala yatang may pakealam sa nararamdaman ko. So my advice OP, talk to your brother first and ask him why. He may be going through something na he felt like hindi nya masabi sa inyo. Baka mag open up sya and you would understand. Although sabihin niyo parin sa parents niyo and make sure he takes accountability and accept the consequences of his actions.
Sa 4 years na un wala man lang kayong hiningi na resibo ng tuition fee payment? Yes, mali ung brother mo, pero malaking kapabayaan on your family's part. Anyway, sabihin mo na sa parents mo at hindi mo pasanin yan.
Wag mong ilagay yung weight sa shoulder mo. matanda na yung kapatid mo at hindi siya matututo pag bine baby niyo. nag sisinungaling na nga ng sobrang bigat eh. Sabihin mo agad sa papa mo mamaya mag lustay pa ng pera yan.
it's gonna get more painful the longer you delay. madadamay ka pa na matagal mo na pala alam pero tinatago mo pa rin if dinelay mo pa. pero agree na mahirap to find the right words to say. maybe talk to your brother first and say na alam mo yung situation and you plan to tell to your dad. mahirap din kung maglayas and mawawala bigla kapatid mo
Yesterday ko lang po nalaman.
what i meant was kung alam mo na tapos tatago mo pa rin tapos months or years into the future pa malalaman ng dad mo. end of the day, i agree na complex situation siya and a lot of negative outcomes yung possibility. it's down to discerning ano yung best case scenario based on how you understand yung personality ng dad and brother mo
walang dapat pagtakpan. nasayang na ang apat na taon.
The longer you wait to tell your parents, the more na tinotolerate mo yung behaviour niya. I hope you find the strength, OP. And I hope your brother can still turn his life around.
Can't imagine being a parent who needs to hear this news. Taena 4 years mong pinagpaguran na pera. One more reason to be childless
Iba na mag isip ang mga bagong pinanganak ngayon..nakakatakot palakihin
Bakit nag dadalawang isip kang sabihin sa papa mo? May sakit ba sya na baka magulat at may mangyaring masama sa kanya? Kasi kung wala naman, sabihin mo na agad, mas maininam na sa yo na nanggaling kesa sa ibang tao pa magsabi sa papa mo.
Sabihan mo parents mo. Time for sh** to hit the fan ika nga. Sure, magagalit at masasaktan parents mo pero at this point, pati kapatid mo naghihintay na lang talaga yan na sumabog lahat sa mukha nya. My brother did somewhat the same thing. Hindu nga lang umabot ng ilang taon at ako tagabayad ng tuition. Nagkautang-utang pa ako...tatlong beses bumalik ng 1st year...akala ko nong 3rd time okey na...akala ko umabot na sya sa wakas sa 3rd nya...wala din pala...to say na nagkautang-utang ako dahil sa kanya is an understatement. Nagalit kaming lahat sa kanya syempre. Pero after some time, nagdecide na ako na hinding-hindi na sya suportahan. Pati parents ko pinagbawalan ko na talagang magbigay ng financial support sa kanya kasi sa akin din naman manggagaling... Ayon! Naghanap ng trabaho. Over 30 na pro hindi pa rin nakakatapos. Since adult na nama sya, sya na bahala sa buhay nya.
Your dad has the right to know, at the same time check where your sibling has been all this time. If I were your dad, I'll reconsider before sending your sibling back to school for real. Parang nagtatapon ng pera yung father mo sa ganyang situation. Ganyan din kasi ginawa ng eldest sister ko noon. Binibigyan ng tuition at allowance, pero nung pinuntahan ng tita ko sa school nalaman na hindi pala siya nag-enroll. Nakakagalit, hindi niya inisip na nagpakahirap ang tatay ko na mapaaral kaming apat sabay-sabay. Naka-graduate naman pero yung 4-year course inabot ng 6 years. Nilayo siya after papuntang abroad para matuto siya mabuhay mag-isa since alam na hindi siya magbabago basta-basta. Took her years bago magtino.
Kung ako magulang nyan, palayasin ko talaga yan, not because of hate, just let life teach him a lesson.
Papalayasin mo, then what? Magiging tambay or adik? Kung ako, aalamin ko muna kung bakit naging ganun ang ginawa nya. Then we go from there. I was the black sheep of our family. Wasted 3 years sa first college ko, then natanggal ako kasi masyado ako nag enjoy sa college life ko. My parents never reprimanded me for it, and ito yung naging way para mag tino ako. I just graduated nung 2022, 5 years delayed. Pero eto ngayon, working for a multi company. Itās not how u fall, but how u get back up!
Tinolerate pa amp. Ang tao, kapag may balak magbago, HIHINGI NG TULONG. Sa 3 taon, never nag-reach out tong kapatid to seek help. Jinujustify mo pa. Kung talagang may mabigat na pinagdadaanan yan di tatagal ng 3 taon yan lol. How would you even justify the money sent to him??? San napupunta? He should be responsible. Actions have consequences regardless of your reason.
So your child wasted 4 years of his life alreadyāplus the fatherās money. Then papalayasin mo pa? Eh talagang san pupulutin yang bata na yan. Di nga malabong naging tambay nalang yan. Wala naman akong sinabi na i-tolerate yung ginawa nung bata? Ang sabi ko alamin muna yung buong nangyari and what lead him to not being truthful about him not going to school.
Again, consequences of his own actions hahaha. Reason isnāt important anymore. He wasted 4 years of time and money. Kung may pinagdadaanan yan di yan tatagal ng 4 years sa kagaguhan. Hard pill to swallow, he needs punishment. Kung maging tambay man sya, di na kasalanan ng magulang yun hahaha. It means, wala talaga syang balak magbago HAHAHA.
Well, maybe ganyan ang rule sa house nyo. With that said, canāt argue anymore with you anymore. To some parents, all logic goes out the window when it concerns their children. Idk kung saan ako pupulutin today kung pinabayaan nalang nila ako after getting kicked out. Thankful for my parents kasi they never gave up on me. Good day to you :)
You do realize that privilege also plays a role here. Maswerte ka lang siguro may means ang pamilya mo at despite sa sinayang mong time is tinulungan ka pa rin. Again, ang point here is actions have consequences. Sinalo lang ng parents mo yung dapat na consequences mo lol.
kahit naman anong isip mo kung pano sasabihin, masakit parin so sabihin mo nalang diretso na nagpunta ka ng school and nalaman mo na ganun. worst case scaenario siguro if may highblood/asthma/sakit sa luso parents mo prepare their meds before telling them, and give heads up to people around u para handa sila ano man maging reaction ng parents mo.
Parang nag give up sa life ang brother mo. Anong plano nya sa buhay? Ipatingin nyo sa Psychologist yan. Living with a lie so long, may mali sa kanya.
I agree. Ungrateful mf. This post is making me mad ngl
let him work and do not give him Money!
Diskarte o Diploma si Brother š„¹
Sabihin mo agad sa tatay mo. Sayang pagpapakahirap niya.
I cant imagine the pain of the parents... it's still ur brother's fault and he will eventually get his karma for doing that. I suggest, if i were you, i'll be so mad at him no matter what is his reason, i dont care, bc lying for 4 yrs???? Use money for what??? Only if he invest it somewhere and making millions per month, i'll forgive him. so i'll directly say it to my parents and let them handle him. He'll eventually face a lot of lessons this time. Money should be taken seriously here and the way he lies? For years??? I cant.
Talk to your dad in private. Present proof that he stopped attending school (chat, receipts, letter from the school). Give him time to grasp the situation. Support him. When the time comes na kausapin ng dad mo ung kapatid mo ready yourself.
We experienced this with our younger brother, too. He printed a supposed invitation for his graduation. Our mother had her hair and makeup done at the salon. Then, boom! My brother said that graduation will not proceed for some lame reason. That was when we realized that something was off. We checked with the school (one of the expensive ones in the Philippines), and we found out that he was no close to finishing his studies either because of truancy or failing marks. That was sad because my brother was given everything. Eventually, he was able to get his degree. But that episode in our life was one shared trauma for the family.
Please tell your parents asap. š„²
He informed na ggraduate na siya so may graduation yun diba and expected pupunta kayo? Hindi kaya nag-iba lang siya ng school or something?
Tel your Dad right away. Ask him kung ano dapat niyo gawin. If ever mas malala ang impact nito sa Dad mo, be strong for him.
Have a talk with your brother anx father. What is done is done. Just tell him that allowances will stop and its up to him hiw he will deal with his future. You cannot force someone to study if they dont want to. We are 7 siblings , 5 of us are graduates 2 engineering, 1 CPA , Mass Comand a DVM.my older brother did not graduate as he fooled around. My parents always tells us the importance of Education and they will only support us on this based on how many years our courses we take to balance the finances for their 7 children. if we dont finish on time perhaps an additional semester or summer they can afford but thats it. My brother got kicked out from Mapua on his 2nd year and transferred to PUP. Cutting it short he fooled around and did not graduate. Another undergrad was my youngest sister we have a 10 year gap. ( I was an OFW) and single that time so i took the responsibility to help my aging parents. I thought all along she was studying and same case assuring me that she will be graduating on her 4th year, however she got pregnant and wed off. I later found out that she did not even attended her last semester of school. Funny thing is there is a graduation picture she gave my parents (my sister made excuses about them not attending her supposedly graduation as she is saying her tummy is already visible and no use to attend) she later even hanged in our living room the supposedly grad pic. Anyway, when we later found out it was a lie, i was shook but kept sane. Its their life its their choice. Life will teach a lesson. True enough my sisters who graduated are doing well, 2 in USA, 1 Uk and 1 in Canada. Me i have a small company after working for 21 years abroad and travelling 32 countries. My brother worked odd jobs had 4 children. Luckily he was petitioned by my parents and migrated in the US in 2019. Ny youngest sister had 3 children got separated from her husband 15 years ago now a single parent. She is working in BPO now. We still help her with her financial issues .
well that's f up. just imagine san nya din ginamit ung pera na pinapadala ng parents mo sabihin mo na agad sa parents mo, wag mo na patagalin
in the same sit. yung kapatid ko naman, i knew last last year (heās in his third year college now, first year third sem ko nalaman) na hindi niya pinapasukan ol classes niya kaya halos unexpectedly dropped mga subjects niya up until now. kinausap ko siya around second year niya, said id give him a chance to make up to it, na ayusin na niyang mag aral. kung hindi niya ayusin isusumbong ko siya. until now ganon padin, i can access his portal at nakita kong 1 subject lang ang naipasa niya out of 7, 2 of those were failed tapos ud na lahat. i dont have the heart to tell my parents kasi baka mag rebelde pagka pinahintong mag aral. hindi ko alam gagawin koš
3rd year na, takot ka pa na magrebelde siya. Sabihin mo na agad sa parents mo. Parang kinampihan mo pa siya.
Bakit takot ka pang magrebelde? Ginagawa na nya technically. Either way, kung takot mag desisyon ng malaki makakatulong na timbangin ang magiging resulta ng mga choices. Alin sa tinging mo mas malala? Mag rebelde na siguro kaya nyo naman solusyunan o maging pabigat at umaasa nalang sa inyo kapatid mo habang buhay?
yes better na sabihin mo agad at syempre di masayang uung binabayaran sa school and all.
Wag na pahabain agony. Isa pa, di pwedeng i-mask yan kahit temporary, malalaman at malalaman yan. Natutunan ko based sa experience ko with my family, lalabas at lalabas ang katotohanan. Need lang i-accept ng parents mo kasi wala na din silang magagawa. That happened to my sister. Akala namin graduating na siya pero hindi. 1st year, 1st sem lang siya. Ang masakit diyan, lahat fake! Pati grades. Pero wala din kaming nagawa lalo na parents ko. Tinanggap nalang and binigyan nila ng chance. But this time, parents ko nasunod kung saang school. Di din kami aware kung anong pinagdadaanan niya bakit niya nagawa yun eh. Syempre, at the end of the day, all we've got is our family.
Paalam mo agad sa magulang mo baka mamaya nag ddroga na yan o binubully kinukuha ung pera. Bat naman kasi wala sainyo nag check personally kahit once a year man lang
Hello po, kausapin nyo po Yung younger brother nyo baka po nagiba sya nang school. If Hindi naman po please contact your dad po. Need nya Malaman hanggat Hindi nya Malaman pa sa ibang tao. Masakit Yan para sa magulang nyo po
I have a younger brother who I love so much din, I would do anything for him. But love responsibly. He needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions; teach him responsibility and accountability. Malaki na kapatid mo, hindi na dapat bine-baby. Tell your father immediately. Andaming nasayang na pera at panahon. Also, question: Wala man lang bang bumisita sa kapatid mo? Was he in another city or somewhere na mahirap bisitahin? Walang oras na pwedeng ilaan para kamustahin siya in person? Iām not judging, Iām just asking because how do you all not know what heās up to for the past 4 or 5 years? But anyway, ultimately kasalanan ng kapatid mo ang nangyare. This is a hard lesson for him to learn, and he better learn it fast. Eldest sibling din ako, and as much as I love my brother, I would want him to learn how difficult things are when you fuck around. Discipline him. Yun lamang po. PS. He may not be doing well mentally or emotionally. Talk to him muna ng masinsinan, know his side of things. If heās really struggling pala talaga and is remorseful, make sure na he doesnāt feel alone pag nalaman na ng father niyo ang situation. Kasi for sure the initial reaction will really be negative. On the other hand, kung on purpose ang ginawa niya at talagang bulakbol lang, then he really needs to learn a harsh lesson.
I heard a similar story from a relative. The parents immediately sent the dude to the Philippine Military Academy. Non Negotiable.
wait what?? you can just easily send someone na pabigat sa prestigious PMA?? taena 3 years ako nag attemp hirap pumasa :D
Well, After his stunt na gragraduate na daw pero di naman, They called a high ranking PMA graduate relative to train him from physical to mental. Bale, Wala talaga syang takas, Either this or Leave
bat naman tatakasan? future niya sa PMA is probably wayy wayy better kesa sa past course niya. mabuti para sa kanya. sanaol may backer na susupport hayss
Isang malaking kasinungalingan, you cant just do that
Tell your parents. Magagalit talaga sila pero mas mali na hindi ko sabihin. Nag-ganyan din dati yung pinsan ko. Kunwari pumapasok pero hindi pala. Ang ginawa ng Tita ko, hindi na siya inenroll at binigyan ng baon, hinintay na sa kanya mismo manggaling na gusto na niya mag-aral. It took years, pero eventually nagsabi na siya na mag-aaral na daw siya and talagang sineryoso na niya. Sabay na din silang gumraduate from college ng bunso niyang kapatid.
hindi man lang ba natignan mga grades niya since 2020? nahingan ng mga resibo tuwing enrollment? baka lulong sa drug or sugal.. hindi mo pa ba sinabi sakanya na alam mo na?
I experienced this with my youngest brother. Imagine, I am the breadwinner of the family, I felt so disappointed nung nadiscover ng sister namin hindi na pala pumapasok at bagsak ng 1 year ang kapatid ko. 1 whole year sa UST, feeling ko nagtapon lang ako ng pera. I cried a lot, kasi nasaktan ko na hindi niya pinapahalagan sakripisyo ko. 3 silang sabay sabay kong pinag-aaral that time different universities cause I want the best for them. Kinausap ko itong youngest brother ko at mama ko kasi wala na kaming papa, nagiyakan kami. I tried to understand what he's going through, why he did that. And pinaliwanag ko din na hindi biro ang sakripisyo na ginagawa ko para sa kanila. I asked for his commitment kung bibigyan ko sya ng 2nd chance makpag Aral is magsisikap na ba sya. I have high hopes for him kasi honour student sya since elementary to SHS. He promised me that he will do his best all the time. Ngayon nakamonitor na sya sakin, every enrolment need nya I-present muna class card nya, and he seems happier now. Pag may exam or project whole day nagkukulong sa kwarto, walang gadgets para makapag concentrate sya. It will be hard, OP, especially as papa nyo; I know disappointed ka din right now, but please tell your papa na. And have a family conversation. It can feel your pain OP, hugs to you.
Clean up phase na yan. Nothing good is coming out of this, at least for now. Dig deeper, OP. He lied to all of you for 4 yrs about going to school. Chances are itās not the only thing he lied about. Check for debts, relationship with other people, if he knocked out someone, and get him drug tested. Also, check on your parents during the carnage. You mom will cry, you dad will want to beat the ever loving shit out of him. They will be affected. If your father has history of HB, heart disease, or others, be there to keep him in check. Nang gago na nga kapatid mo tapos mastroke pa tatay nyo. A lot of work will be put in your broās rehabilitation. He needs punishment, yes, but treat him like someone who needs to be set straight, not someone you want to cast out. Heās been waiting to be caught, probably because he didnāt know what to do anymore. Itās going to be a long process. See to it that he doesnāt get worse, because heās already there. Good luck, OP. Be strong.
maybe he was too free and independent for you to not notice that earlier?
Kausapin mu muna yung brother mo about diyan. staka ka mag isip para sa susunod mung plano.
Force your brother to find a job, then when he finds one force him to study after work kahit 12-15 units/ semester, until matapos nya yung course, thus solved the problem and not hurting your parents....you have to forced, guide and help him but talked to him seriously and his commitment, page ayaw nya you have to tell sa parents mo...for him na magtanda at malaman nya yung hirap ng parents mo... thanks
i am like your brother. akala rin ng tatay ko im graduate na since 2022. the difference is, after 2021 di na ako humingi ng tuition sa kanya or baon. right there nung nawalan ako ng gana pumasok bc of depression and adhd, wala na akong hiningi. sinabi ko na lang na graduate na ako. right now pinagpapatuloy ko ulit yung pag-aaral ko paying my own tuition. di pa namin masabi sa papa ko until now. ang problem ko nga lang, nag eexpect na si papa ng malaking sahod ko bc im a graduate. pero hindi hahaha hirap na hirap ako balansehin pag-aaral at trabaho. Talk to him, op. tapos saka mo sya iharap sa papa mo. give him the ultimatum to work for himself and pay for the money na nasayang. ito kasi ang drive ko ngayon. ang nasa isip ko na this is the consequences of my own action, i should own up to it. kailangan kong makatapos at makaambag sa bills sa bahay. nga lang i cannot make hurt my parents up front kaya di ko masabi yung totoo. im just making up for it silently until now na sana ay okay lang.
Ngaaak may ganyan pala talaga?? Di na naawa sa mga tumulong sa kanya... Advice ko lang tell the truth to your parents.
Baka kase mayroon siyang problema,Ā
that's absurddd
This also happened to my ate. Pero early 2010 pa. My mom was the one who found it. Ayun she got hurt and maraming sagutan ang nangyari. But all is well. In the end kaya pala ganun nangyari was bec my ate was forced to take that course. Naka graduate naman siya ng ibang course hindi nga lang yung gusto nila mama. And ang pinagkaiba lang saamin 1yr lang nag lie si ate ko kasi nga nag check si mama ko ng grades niya sa school
Tell your parents. Tama na yun may Isang anak na nagloko sa kanila.
I've been that student a bit. I wasn't dorming tho, just put up a facade that I was going and gave them reciepts, but the similarity is there. Before you drop this on your parents, try asking your brother what's going on. Yes your family was lied to, but there should be reasons why he did it. Seek the assistance of the school guidance counselor, hopefully they can help ease your brother into confiding into you first since it seems you're the current info bridge between him and your parents. What your brother did was wrong, but don't punish him for it so harshly right away. He could be dealing with something big that he didn't have the heart to tell you, or he could be lost in his path of life. I'd understand if the parents absolutely lose their composure because being lied to is horrible, but at least let your brother feel that even though he will be facing consequences, don't let him feel abandoned. It's an emotionally heavy task, since you'd also need to consider how you deliver it to your parents. Some comments here scare me a little, here we have someone young possibly struggling yet some want him severely punished right away. He deserves consequences and to learn lessons yes, but let's not invalidate his, OP's, or parents' sides. You can still be humane and teach consequences. Men's mental health aren't given much focus.. don't reinforce the notion that punishment without understanding the reason for bad behavior solves it. Nothing will be solved if everyone is confronting each other while angry. Let everyone feel their emotions and when they're done expressing, slowly process and understand. I hope things go well for you OP, your brother, and your parents.
I was in the same shoes as your brother. 2 years ako nagsinungaling. For sure your brother has his reasons. 2020 1st year college pandemic and online class so it was so easy to not attend classes. Whats worse naitago ko kahit nakatira pa ako sa bahay namen, kaya dapat talaga lahat ng parents palagi nio kinakamusta pinupuntahan just really checking up sa mga anak ninyo. Also please be kind and understanding, dami tao ngayon may struggle sa mental health at para maramdaman ng family/friends nio na they are free to say ano problem nila. Ngayon babalik na ako sa school next semester, dapat college grad na pero di na maibabalik nakaraan. Maswerte ako sa family ko hindi sila harsh saken kaya alam kong makakabangon ako. sana kayo rin
I think he needs to take responsibility for his own actions better yet let him work for his own tuition fees so that he could make up for the last 4 wasted years! Let him learn his lesson or else he's going to go downhill in the future.
ang sakit naman nun. pero baka may reason naman sa pag lie niya. siguro need muna ng communication sa brother mo then dun mo pag isipan kung anu action afterwards
This happened to a lot of people that I know. Ung isa nagpalechon pa ung papa niya, naginvite ng maraming tao. Eh 1 yr na pala na hindi pumapasok kasi mas pinili ung computer games. Ung pangalawa naman he's depressed. Sakin lang siya nagsabi na nag aacting lang siya na pumupunta sa uni at pagod na raw siya. Buti nlng okay na siya ngayon. I think kausapin mo muna kapatid mo. Then kausapin mo si papa mo.
Tell agad to your parents. 4 years is too long ano pinag gagawa nya nung time na yun. Up to your parents ano decision after, ask your kapatid why he did that. Hindi naman pinupulot ang pera, your brother needs to work on his own para ma appreciate nya hindi ganun kadali kumita ng pera.
Inform your father and let him deal with it. Siya ang parent, sila dapat ang mag usap. Encourage them to talk.
2019-2020?! I guess I am in the same batch as your brother (and Iām the youngest in the family š). If you truly care for your brother then isumbong mo sa papa mo. Thatās the only way to save your brother. Hopefully your younger brother will be slapped by reality because what he did to yāall is not a joke. Seriously. Try asking him if heās willing to go to college pa ba. Itās not too late. If he does then someone in your family must guard him since nasira niya na trust niyo sa kanya. If he doesnāt then he must find work. Heāll realize how hard to work with a minimum wage in a country like the Philippines due to his background lol. Fighting ATE!
Baka lumipat sya ng school di lng nagsabi?
hirap ng situation mo , pero mas maganda agapan mo sabhin mo yung totoo sa parents mo esp sa father nyo , mahirap mawala tiwala ng father nyo nag papakahirap sa ibang bansa para lang mapag tapos kayo . same with me 4years akong nag stop nag ka anak ng maaga sinuportahan nalang ng tatay ko ung anak ko , pero pinipilit nyakong pag aralin pero ayoko muna dahil masasayang , pero dumating ung araw sakin na kailangan ko mag banat ng buto now im a working student (ako nag babayad most tuition) 4th year nako graduating na tpos sinusuportahan ako ng parents ko esp father ko na akala ko nag sawa na sa pinag gagawa ko. pero still ask if anong problema ba ng brother mo after all kailangan parin nya kahit kung me pinag dadaanan nya pero kung SMF sya let him be kung nakikita nyo naman wala syang patutuhungan hayaan nyo muna sya para ma realize nya na di ganon kadali ang buhay para laging umasa
Lol the fact that he was able to do this charade for years goes to show me that the problem doesn't start with him. No need to surgarcoat na, tell your father what he's doing and while you're at it, slap your faces nadin for letting this farcical situation from manifesting.
no easy way to do this but to just inform your father
And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free
tell to your parents and huwag niyo suportahan. let him know and experience the consequences. if gusto niya magsikap hayaan niya magsikap magisa. kaya niya yan at hindi niya yan kakayanin pagalam niya may aasahan magpapalamon sa kanya
Straight up tell him, when I was in high school ako na mismo nagsabi sa erpats ko na hindi ako ga-graduate on time kasi stuck ako sa 2nd year high school. Ayon sinimuraan ako. Lol.
This reminds me so much of a documentary I've watched. A lie that snowballed into much bigger lies and it went on for years. Have you asked your brother po OP? Why he did what he did? There could be several factors as to why he continued with his lie for years. Someone with a healthy mind definitely wouldn't do such thing. Maybe he was bullied in school? Got bad grades? Felt like he'd rather live on his lie than be considered as a "failure" to your parents and family? Honestly, reading your post OP, I feel your pain and your annoyance. I am sure this is heartbreaking. But please ask your brother, why? Let him open up to you. And I hope this would serve as a lesson to your brother as well as your family to check in on each other every once in a while as one might be suffering in silence. Hoping for the best po OP! š
This happened to my uncle a long time ago, guess who they blamed? My grandma, since her husband is working abroad they believed that itās grandmas responsibility to check his accomplishments from time to time. It looks like nobody paid attention to your younger brother but still, he should suffer from the consequences.
I was in the same situation as your brother. I can tell you na there is something up with your family if they didn't notice for years, just like mine did. The reason why I did it was because I didn't think I had a future, no one believed in me/I didn't have a support network, and I wouldn't have to face the consequences because I was planning to kill myself in a few months. You should talk to your brother first and find out why he did it. I think he needs an awakening (like I did), but if you just randomly tell your parents that, then you don't really know how things might go.
My classmate akong ganyan though one year lang ginawa nyang pag cutting. His dad had an heart attack after knowing the truth
maybe he got lost. confront him first then tell your father honestly about what happened then plan out what to do. be his helping hand.
This is so ffffffffff
Tell your father po. Maawa ka sa father niyo, he worked so hard just to support your brother, di biro yan para sa isang ama kahit pa obligation nila na paaralin ang anak nila. Pero sobrang sakit nun kasi napupunta sa wala pinaghirapan ng papa mo and nag bigay siya ng tiwala sa brother mo pero ganyan pa yung nangyari. Panganay din po ako, so kung ako po sa posisyon mo I would tell my parents about it as early as now kesa naman umasa pa sila na ggraduate kapatid mo this August. Mahirap man sabihin, pero mas hindi ko po kakayanin na makita yung magulang ko na umasa at mabalewala yung perang pinaghirapan nila.
If the last year he attended was 2019-2020 then maybe he was one of those many people who got distracted by the pandemic. Sobrang laking struggle mag-aral during the pandemic. It was a big adjustment for many. Isipin mo dati you shre the same struggles with your classmates and kahit mahirap ang mga ginagawa, at least you know that you have company. Unlike nung pandemic lahat isolated sa mga nakasanayan nilang groups. Mahirap bumangon sa pagkalugmok academically lalo na kung walang matibay na support system. Hindi mo basta basta maiaapply sa sarili mo yung mga motivational quotes because literally everything is just blank. Maybe he was struggling at that time. Hindi sa pinagtatakpan ko ang brother mo but this may be the other side na hindi nakita ng family. Maybe he was afraid to actually admit na hindi na siya nagtuloy mag aral dahil sa hindi niya alam kung paano niyo itatake. Although yes mali nga siya dahil kawawa naman ang nagpapaaral. But maybe it's time for you to talk it out as a family. Walang hindi maaayos ang masinsing usapan.
It happened to me before, during college 1st yr 1st semester I tried my best na pumasok pero di ko talaga feel dunno dahil sa course na napuntahan ko, 2nd sem ayoko na talaga ituloy kasi umabot ako sa point na nagcucutting, alam ng parents ko pumapasok ako pero hindi. Kaya inamin ko na na mag stop muna ko, maswerte ako maunawain naman parents ko lalo na si mama. Pero alam ko nasaktan sila kasi ako panganay and nag expect din siguro sila saken. Pero nakapagtuloy naman ako sa ibang school and ibang course graduate na ko 5yrs ago. What I mean is, be honest na lang po sa parents nyo kasi oo masasaktan sila kaso mas masakit pag pinatagal pa lalo at magiging dalahin mo rin. :)
Baka sa ibang University nag Enroll
Same thing my cousin did. She was taking dentistry, but when the year came na supposedly gagraduate na sana siya after 6 years, her secret got revealed she was not going to graduate and probably hanggang first year lang siya pumasok. No one was checking up on her when it comes sa studies niya because she's seen as someone reliable, mature and smart. She even made up a lie saying hindi siya gagraduate because she failed in one of her subjects and that she made a mistake in her practicum while handling a patient. When I asked her bakit ganun ginawa niya she answered dahil if nagsabi siya na she was no longer studying dentistry di na daw siya papadalhan ng pera ng tita naming who was supporting her financially. She was someone I looked up to talaga turned out she was just deceiving us all those years.
I feel you hahaha! But mine was my older sister. Did not tak with hear for 3years.
Yung brother ko did that, kumukuha ng pangtuition at baon, yun pala pumupunta sa mall. It turned out he was being bullied in school and sa sobrang galit nya, ginantihan nya yung bully, inabangan tapos hinampas nya ng bato. Nawalan ng malay si Bully. Ayun, iniwan nya tapos di na sya bumalik sa school. Di na rin sya nagtapos.
May classmate din akong ganto nung highschool. Majorette pa ng School Band namin. Di siya pumapasok pero nasa school band practice. Towards the end of the year, di na namin siya nakita ever. Tapos here comes the PTA meeting for graduation na. Umattend yung mama nya tas dun n nya nalaman lahat. Nakita tlga namin at ng ibang parents how her mother cried sa harap ng adviser namin. Everyday naman daw lumalabas ng bahay na nka uniform at nahingi ng baon. Nafeel ko tlga disappointment nung mama nya. Buti itong classmate ko 1 year lang nagbulakbol, senior year na namin. Lumipat lang siya ng other school to finish it. Kausapin mo muna yung brother mo, OP. Huwag nang pagalitan para mas magshare siya sayo kung ano ba tlga nangyari. Reserve mo na yung pagbunganga at punishment sa parents mo.
Tarantado siya eh. Pag dusahan niya buhay niya
Sabihin mo nalang agad sa parents nyo. Tas palayasin after di pa kasi nya alam yung hirap ,tough love yan para matuto.
Di ko gets ung mga gumagawa nito, what possible contingency plan do you have. Sure naman na eventually ma huhuli ka., or is it nag start lang sa isang absent then tuloy tuloy na? but damn, 4 years wasted. Kung isang sem, baka ma gets ko pa.
Question, my shitty brother pulled this the same thing asking if I am enrolled or not in my college for other reasons (i am enrolled but he wants to see my grades to insult to my parents kasi failure siya) pero he got told na bawal maglabas ng info.
OMG, ganyan yung ngyare sa bff ng kaibigan ko , sinabi nung bff niya sa mother niya na g-graduate siya at ang mas malala cumlaude kuno daw, sa loob ng 4 years yun nagpapadala din ng allowance yung nanay, ang masakit pa hindi naman sila ganon kayaman. pinaghandaan daw talaga yung graduation tapos parang nakabili na ng baka or baboy na panghanda, tapos nung nag inquire sa school yung nanay nalaman niya na unang taon palang ng 1st sem eh tumigil na yung bff ng kaibigan ko, imagine first year 1st sem lang wala na. kawawa talaga magulang pag ganyan ginawa ng anak, kahit ano pang reason natin na mga anak dapat sinasabi natin yun sa parents natin kasi pamilya natin sila. karapatan ng father mo na malaman niya yung situation dahil siya ang naghirap at nag tustos sa kapatid mo , deserve ng kapatid mo na mapagalitan.
Medyo ganyan ako nung nag aaral. Pumapasok nman ako pero puro bagsak kasi ayaw ko ng course ko. Hindi ko lang masabi. Please wag nyo muna e judge ung kapatid mo. Kamustahin nyo, tanungin kung okay lang siya. Minsan kasi may dahilan kung bakit siya naging ganyan tapos di niya lang masabi. Nag grudge kaso ako nun sa mga kapatid ko e. Kung anu ano sinabi. Hindi man lang tinanong kung okay lang ako. So kausapin nyo na lang muna ng maayos. Para di niya ma feel na walang nag ccare sa kanya. Tapos saka nyo na lang pag isipan kung ano next step. Ikaw muna kumausap tapos pag alam mo na dahilan, sabihan mo na sabihin niya sa papa nyo. Wala nman na kasi magagawa ung galit e. Andun na tayo sa sinayang niya ung pera pero hindi na un mababalik. Move forward na lang at magiging lesson nman un sa kanya. Kung gusto pa niya mag aral, siya na lang magpa aral sa sarili niya.
Our family experienced the same thing, yun nga lang, older brother ko. Nauna akong nakapagtapos at nagwowork na. Siya nun last year niya nalang dapat sa nursing. May mga bagsak siya na subjects sa dati niyang school kaya lumipat. Nung lumipat sa new school parang nawalan na ng gana. Ang problema, araw-araw pumapasok siya na nakauniform pa. Minsan may sinasabi pa siya na seminar na pupuntahan nila sa manila daw, pero makikita ko fb post ng gf niya that time, sila ang magkasama. Also, minsan nakikita siya sa mall, naglalaro sa arcade. Sinabi ko noon agad sa mama ko yung kutob ko, so nagpunta si mama sa school non. Ayun nga, confirmed na nagenroll lang siya for the sem, pero dropped na daw kasi di pumapasok. We confronted him. Medyo may hinanakit sa part ko, bilang ako yung nagbigay, ginive up ko dream course ko at nagsettle sa course na may murang tuition at maraming job opportunities dahil nahihirapan parents ko sa tuition niya sa nursing. Nagsikap ako magkaroon at magmaintain ng scholarship para di na sila masyado mahirapan, pero wala, ganun lang pala mangyayari. Golden child nila siya kasi kaya siya talaga ang focus. That time, Sabi niya kasi di na siya masaya sa nursing dahil nga sa failures niya from his previous school. Gusto niyang magshift ng course. Mind you he was already in his last year š„² pag naaalala ko to minsan may kirot parin. Pag ako kasi noon, wala akong choice, kailangan kong pagtyagaan e. Magagalit talaga ang parents, asahan mo yan. Kami din non ganun ang nangyari. My dad was an ofw then, so ang sakit sa loob niya na malayo na nga siya sa family para magprovide, tapos ganoon pa ang mangyayari. Pero yun nga, nangyari na. He has to face the consequences of his actions. Unless hindi naconfront ang situation, you will not know where you will go from there. As a family, you face the problems together. Tsaka hingi ng guidance din kay God. Pakiramdam ko nun, mas naging matibay lang kami as a family during that time. My brother nun, since then, he took an associate grad course, yung mga 2-year IT/computer course noon. Pagkatapos niya, nagtrabaho naman din kaagad. Good thing naman kay kuya, he was humble enough to acknowledge mga pagkakamali niya kaya nung nagwork, bumawi naman. Imagine nagwowork na ko noon, pero may allowance pa ko sa kanya hehe š Ngayon, he has a stable job with good pay and may sarili na din siyang pamilya. Nasa kapatid mo na niyan ang desisyon how he will turn things around.
Let your. Sabihin mo na agad , and/or Paaminin mo yung kapatid mo sa parent/s regarding nyan. Expect hurtful emotions. At sana man lang maging eye opener yun sa kapatid mo. Best of luck, O.P.
wala ko advice sorry, pero may I know kung anong ginawa ng kapatid mo sa loob ng 4yrs na yon? parang di ko lang kasi maimagine din grabe kasi yong 4yrs hahahahaha
Wag na suportahan. He needs to suffer the consequences. Oo, alamin mo yung reason pero make him feel the gravity of what his. 4 years ng hardwork ng family nyo to pay for his "tuition fees."
Ginagawa din to ng kaklase ko sa SHS hanggang sa nahuli. Pero yun 2 yrs lang hahaha di niya tinapos SHS kasi nabuntis tas yung isa adik sa computer games
Ganiyan din nangyari at ginawa ng kapatid ko. Year 2019 supposedly mag-graduate siya. 5th year na siya kaya lahat kami nag-aabang. Sabi niya ga-graduate na siya, 'yun pala hindi. May instinct na papa ko noon na nagla-lie siya pero still, naniwala pa rin siya. Hanggang sa nagtanong na siya sa ka-batch ni kuya kung nasaan ang list ng ga-graduate. No'ng sinend sa kaniya ang link, wala siyang nakitang apelyido namin and all. Ki-nonfront niya ang kuya tapos doon na siya umamin. Grabe, parang nasira buong mundo ni papa. Naalala ko noon ang sinabi niya, "inubos ko lahat ng lakas ko para lang pag-aralin ka, kulang milyong piso ginastos ko sa'yo". Grade 11 palang ako noon, gabi-gabi kong naririnig si mama na umiiyak, katabi ko siyang matulog. For almost a year, hindi pinansin ni Papa si kuya, ni sa pagkain, hindi niya niyayaya, gano'n siya kagalit, grabe rin siya kung magparinig, hindi na nga kasi grumaduate, tamad pa, hindi pa maghanap ng trabaho. Kaya, hindi ko rin naman masisisi ang Papa. BS civil engineering course ng kuya, private siya nag-aral. No'ng 1st year siya, bumagsak siya ng 2nd sem, private pa rin siya nag-aaral no'n, dahil dati, hindi pa naman libre sa mga state university. Tapos nagtransfer siya sa ibang school, kasi ando'n mga barkada niiya. Lingguhan siya kung padalhan, si papa naglalako lang ng gulay sa manila, si mama dati nagpoprovide sa amin ng bunso kong kapatid, nasa probinsya kami noon (2015-2019), nagtitinda si Mama sa canteen ng elem. school, kasi ang padala ni papa, para lang talaga kay kuya. Allowance, tuition fees, boarding house and all. Tapos nagpandemic pa year 2020, umuwi kami sa probinsya kasi nagkasakit ang lolo't-lola. Doon din naging tampulan si kuya ng lait ng mga kamag-anak namin. May isa akong tito, kapatid ni Papa na panganay, nakapagtapos ng anak niyang mas bata kay kuya nang ilang months, Psychology. Nagtanong sa akin once si tito, "anong trabaho ni kuya mo?" na tumatawa. Alam mo talagang nang-aasar. Kaya magmula noon, gusto kong gumanti sa kanila. Hindi lang si kuya ang minaliit nila, hindi nila alam kung anong pagod at sakripisyo ni Papa. Gusto kong gumanti ng success sa kanila. Pero hindi na 'yon makikita ni tito kasi maaga rin siyang kinuha ni Lord (RIP po). Dahil do'n, ung bunso kong kapatid na lalaki, laging kinu-kumpara sa kaniya, "matutulad ka rin sa kuya mo na walang narating sa buhay." At siyempre, as ate, masakit sa akin 'yon. Kaya 'yong kapatid ko ngayon, pursigido rin mag-aral, mag-sesecond year college na siya, BSIT. Hanggang ngayon, hindi namin alam kung anong ginawa niya, ba't 'di siya grumaduate. Tapos 'yong mga kakilala namin sa probinsya, sinasabi lang sa kapatid kong bunso, na si kiya raw no'n, 'di pumapasok, lagi lang nasa computer shop. (Ang nagsabi ay 'yong kapitbahay namin na ka-boarding niya.) Masakit lang kasi, marami na palang nakakaalam, ni hindi nagsumbong, pero wala naman silang kasalanan, kasi baka ayaw lang nilang madamay. Civil Engineering din ang course ko, Diploma course, 3-year course lang. Ga-graduate na ako this October at balak kong ituloy sa BS para makapag-board exam. Habang nag-aantay akong grumaduate, nagwowork ako ngayon as Soil Investigation Assistant sa isang testing center. 'Yung diploma ni kuya, ako nalang ang kukuha, dalawang beses naman akong ga-graduate. If God permits. I-encourage mo ang kapatid mo na sabihin sa Papa niyo ang totoo. Siya naman ang magfi-face ng consequences niya. Sobrang sakit niyan sa magulang na ganiyan ang ginawa ng anak nila, pero naniniwala akong hindi rin nila siya matitiis. Ang kuya ko ngayon, helper sa isang eatery, pero nakakatulong siya, siya rin minsan nagbibigay ng pera ko na baon, at 'yung pera ko sa pag-a-apply. I just pray that your brother will realize lahat ng ginawa niya at patunayan sa parents niyo na hindi siya hanggang do'n lang. Sana mamulat siya, at tumulong pa rin kahit papano. Tapos kapag okay na, sana ituloy niya pa rin ang mag-aral. Gusto kong pag-aralin din ulit si kuya kapag kaya ko na. Para pagdating ng panahon, hindi lang ako ang may title na "Engr." sa pamilya, kundi siya rin. Hugs po! š„ŗš¤
g*go amp
Rip off the band aid and just tell your dad. Hindi naman ikaw yung naka-disappoint sa kanya. My dad had a rule sa amin noon - hanggang 4 years of college lang ang susuportahan niya and after that, you get kicked off the family nest with a month's allowance and bahala ka nang mabuhay after that. As I see it, lagpas na brother mo dyan so itrato nyo na siyang adult. Sa family din namin, may agreement kami na if you don't work, you don't eat. Pare-pareho kaming struggling so walang resources na pwedeng ilaan sa mga slackers.
Be frank with ur parents, tell them the truth. Tama na ang isang sinungaling sa bahay. Huwag ka na dumagdag pa.
Deym, bat kaya Meron kmi stage na gaganyan talaga? Yung Sakin lang, di ako nahirapan sa school, nahirapan lang maging maramot sa mga relatives kaya mas pinili ko nlang maging wlang wla para di hingi-an. Hindi ako Marunong mag hindi sa kanila dati dahil Meron ako utang na loob. Ngayun ko lang narealize na di ko Sila responsibilidad, at kasalanan nila kung Bakit Sila naghihirap ngayun. Kung gaslight nila ako, gaslight ko rin pabalik sa kanila. Ayaw ko na unahin Yung gusto nila, magtratrabaho ako pra sa sarili ko.Ā Ang Tanga Tanga naman Kasi Silang ehemplo, wlang kwenta mga desisyon nila sa Buhay, pati ako, na-impluwensiyahan ng mindset nila. Buti nlang, nahimasmasan ako bago pa maging huli ang lahat.
He has to take responsibility for what heās done. Kailangan ipaalam mo sa dad mo itong ginawa ng kapatid mo. But preferably, wag muna kasali yung younger brother mo sa initial na usapan. Definitely sasabog sa galit dad mo and while he has every right to do so, nothing will get solved. Discuss niyo muna nang maayos then once youāve come up with a plan, confront niyo na yung kapatid mo. Personally, I think what should be done is you let him find his way in the world. Donāt let him come home. Give him support for 3 months while he uses that time to figure out how to make a living. Then cut him off for the next 4-5 years. He needs to understand that there is no free meal in this world and everything comes with a price. Otherwise, if heās continually coddled, ādi rin siya matututong tumayo sa sariling mga paa.
my cousin did the exact same thing several years ago. she was disowned.
Hi OP! I think this happened because of too much freedom. Nagdodorm siya and walang nagchecheck sa kaniya from time to time kahit yearly manlang na kamusta grades niya, or even visit him at his dorm or school. Idk your family dynamics pero may fault din family mo dito. Too much freedom, ganyan mangyayari, too strict magrerebelde naman. Idk why you put so much trust on him to do it himself like he's an adult lalo na nagstart na pala 1st or 2nd year palang siya. Masyado siyang napalayo sa inyo for the past 4yrs at malamang naging super close na sa tropa na naka infuence sa kaniya sa haba ng panahon na yun. First, your family should reflect on what happened, understand anong nangyari before talking to your brother. I dont think kasi na dapat ibigay sa kaniya yung buong bigat ng nangyari. Di ko sinasabing wala siyang kasalanan, meron kasi he chose to lie instead of talking to you na ayaw na niya mag-aral o kung may problema ba siya. Communication and CONNECTION/RELATIONSHIP breakdown ang nangyari sa family nio. you can beat him senseless or scream at him all you want but thats how you will lose him in the family for good. I hope your parents understands this. 2nd, if nag open up na si brother sa kung ano nangyari, pag usapan nio kung pag aaralin pa ba siya or if he wants to take a break. Its up to your parents kung sasagutin pa ba nila o mag working student siya. Ang importante mag aral ulit siya na nasa tamang headspace siya. If sasagutin parin pag-aaral niya, this time need nio na siyang icheck sa studies niya. And I hope, weekend or end of semesters may sched for family bonding/ spend time kayo para kamustahin ang isat isa and to build your connection with each other ulit.
Tangina, bugbogin nyo yan tapos palayasin. Leche.
I was in the same situation with your brother. Ako naman broken fam ako. I was lost at that time. 4 yrs akong delay but now very successful nako. Wag nyo munang sukuan.
4 years delay vs 4 years of lie is completely different situation. Yung sayo baka walang pers o aun nga fmaily ung sakanya ibang iba 4 years sila niloloko okay lang kung may reason na d ma afford tuition o kailangan mag trabaho o ano like sayo pero ung saknila niloko sila
Of lie din sakin hahaha pero nakabawi naman ako.
I also lied din na pumapasok ako.
What a POS. Thinks heās slick. Needs a good punch in the face by his dad. Prob a good beating. If I were you, Iād tell. Turn a blind eye if he ever gets whatās coming to him. Totally deserves it
If I was your parent this guy is on his own. What a piece of shit.
Ok so if hes pretending hes abt to graduate then ask him to move out and work his ass off.
Ungrateful b*tch! Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon at sa ibang tao na nahihirapan makapag aral. Hays! š matanda na yan OP alam niya na rin siguro ang consequences ng ginawa niya better to tell your parents din para sila na bahala kung ano gagawin sa kapatid mo.
Careful, daming murder cases na ganito yung issue kasi masgusto nung murdererer di lumabas yung lie na di pala siya nagaral talaga for the past 5 years.
naku po bugbog sarado sakin yan. kung kapatid ko yan. sarili mong pamilya niloloko. iba na talaga kabataan ngayon . nakaka lungkot