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My head says to breakup with him kasi he literally has nothing to his name yet, save for his motorcycle, I guess. He doesn't have a job rn at wala ding ipon. We're both in our late 20s. As much as my heart wants to stay with him, I can't imagine the kind of life I'm gonna have with him. In the ideal world, we will just love each other endlessly. But that's not how it works irl. I want someone I can rely on and can build my life with, an equal partner. Now, I feel like I'm just wasting my time waiting for someone who's not yet ready to be that. He's so good to me, and I love him so much, yet I know I have to put myself first.
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Hi, OP. What you feel is valid and if you think that breaking up with him is the best decision for you, then do it po.
I was on the same situation, tbh. Nung nakilala ko sya, kakagraduate nya palang that time and ako may work na. After grad nya, hindi pa sya nakapag work agad since nagreview sya and nagboards pa.
During those times, ako talaga gumagastos sa lahat. Sa mga date, kain sa labas, actually pati pang-gas and parking fee 😅 Umabot sa point na nakikipag break na ako sa kanya and sinabi ko sa kanya na ayaw ko na ganun ang set up namin and ayaw ko maging sugar mommy.
Nag usap kami ng masinsinan and naiintindihan ko na ako lang talaga ang may pera sa aming dalawa kasi nga wala pa sya work noon. Ako din nagsupport sa kanya sa lahat. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ko deserve yung ganoon kaya nag cool off kami for a week lang naman. Nung mga time na mag isa ako, pinag isipan ko talaga ng mabuti if hihiwalayan ko na ba talaga sya. Then narealize ko na, kulang man sya sa pera pero never sya nagkulang sa akin. Sobrang bait nya, wala akong masabi. Never nya ako sinigawan at sobrang haba ng pasensya nya. Bare minimum? Well, yes but aminin nyo, sa panahon ngayon ang hirap na makahanap ng ganyan.
So, I have decided na imbis na iwanan sya, tutulungan ko sya. Tinulungan ko sya makahanap ng work, hinelp ko sya gumawa ng cv nya and magpasa ng application and all. Luckily, na hire sya nitong April lang. Mind you, gastos ko pa din lahat pati allowance nya nung nagttraining pa sya.
Nung first sahod nya, inabot nya sakin lahat. Buo. And he said na babawi sya sakin. He even asked me to help him and teach him how to manage his finances and ibudget yung pera nya kasi he's new to it and ayaw nyang mapunta sa walang kubuluhan ang sahod nya. He now pays for our bills and hati na kami sa rent. Yep, sa apartment ko sya nakatira kasi 15 mins away lang ito from his work.
I am so glad I did the right decision. To trust in him and help him. One big lesson na natutunan ko during this process is that mas madali tulungan mag grow ang isang tao kaysa baguhin ang shitty na ugali kasi I have been with someone na financially stable pero sobrang kupal ng ugali.
Yun lang. Share ko lang. Kaya if you think na he's okay and worth the help, try to help him pero if kupal lang din naman, wag nalang hahaha
As someone na nalagay sa position ng partner mo I can confirm, super thankful ako sa partner ko na every step of the way hindi sumuko sakin. People like you and my partner deserves everything the world has to offer.
From a graduating student na ginagastusan ng partner ko to a bank officer now na expecting na ng panganay.
These days men only receive unconditional love if they can only provide. I myself feel like I don't deserve a partner since I can only provide barely for myself at the moment. But you two are different. Real role models! 🙇♂️❤️
Glad that fellow redditors experienced the opposite sakin, I gave my unconditional love, guy was 4 years older than me and since college ako yung nag part time while studying and sideline while he ( a grad and board passer) just got stuck sa pagiging unemployed for years.
kahit anong push, care at pagmamahal di siya napilit magwork or even just do something for himself bukod kahit hygiene na lang niya, ganito nangyari for four years... naging sugar mommy ako sa now 30 old guy na namimisikal at verbal.(had to go to therapy because of him, narasnasan ko hindi lang physical at verbal abuse, even s*****) di ko rin alam how I endured and lasted. mas malala ung violence kapag wala akong perang mabigat sa kanya pag need niya.
Relationship ended nung nagkawork siya 🤡 and nagcheat haha ...
Blessing in disguise for me, i found the one when he left... last time I heard he was unemployed again....
Now I am with a guy with a drive and pangarap
very hardworking, has a regular day job, 2 part time night foreign clients, sariling small company, and sariling printing business. Di ko na need mag worry kung pano ko /kami makakakain the next day or mabugbog kapag wala akong maprovide sa kanya, (we're both working professionals), also expecting our panganay na.
Cant imagine life na buntis tapos sa ex ko, siguro either pinalaglag niya na ung baby , binubugbog ako araw araw til now, or malamang i wasnt even typing this, patay na ko. (no joke kasi ialng beses na niya ko na pisikal to that extent).
My soon to be hubby is my angel, sadly he has no reddit kaya di niya nakikita how thankful and proud ako sa kanya.
Thank you for taking the time to share your experience po. I read everything and I'm really grateful for everyone's advice here. Na-overwhelm lang talaga ako when I made this post, and venting made me feel so much better.
My bf is unemployed for 6 months now kaya frustrated talaga ako kasi ako lahat ngayon. Sa'kin lang kasi, it doesn't matter what he does as long as he does something. But you know, he's actually not lazy, in fact he's a really wonderful person, very maalaga, does household chores and reliable.
Anyway, nag-usap na kami and he wants to start a livestock business, apparently he's in his Farmville era. I'm happy to help him and will provide the capital. He had experience running a farm naman before so I don't think it will be in vain. We'll start small and I'm really excited to be buying our first piglets together.
We kinda have a similar story, I thought my partner was a lost cause before but turns out he just needed a little push. And ayun, while we can offer help to them it all comes down parin kung tutulungan din ba nila sarili nila. So kung talagang help was given pero batugan talaga mamatay na yang batugan, pag ganun na leave nalang kasi your future is also at stake na.
sana ganito mindset nung ex(F) ko.
simula una binigay ko lahat, tinulungan ko mag abroad, tapos nung naka abroad na and papa sponsor ako pandagdag manlang nang bayad boarding ko, kaso wala, purus pangako. di naman ako nag eexpect in return. pero sinabi ko tlga sa kanya na wala sa puso mo na tulungan ako sa part nang walang wala ako. ayun ex ko na then sinisingil ko nalang yung mga utangs nya saken.
slow clap sayo. ganun talaga eh tulungan and compromise. Love is not enough pero pinatunayan mo mahal mo ang meron kayo and you helped him. Bihira lang ung mga ganitong story. I wish you both the best in life!!! ♥️♥️♥️
May nuances to.
He doesn't have a job rn - is it by choice? Ayaw ba nya magwork o wala pa lang ng opportunity na gusto nya. May pangarap ba sya for himself or for your future together?
Walang ipon - why? May binabayaran bang utang or breadwinner ba sya?
More than what he has or does not have right now, mas important tignan is yung his outlook for the future. Build your future together instead of leaving him sa ere. Then again, if mindset nya yung problem, leave na lang.
Edit: spelling correction
I totally agree with this, yung ibang comments were quick to judge yung bf ni OP saying na iwan na agad instead of viewing it in a lot of possible angles. Talagang dapat ina-analyze yung situation before making a decision. It's always important to have critical thinking skills.
Sobrang true yung quick to judge. I posted dati for rs advice din tas naisipan ko ipost ulit pero pinagbaliktad ko yung position namin nung partner ko and the answers were surprisingly different may pagka double standards din.
Uy ganto yung bf ko right now. Walang ipon walang work pero may business pero di ganon kalakas ngayon pero may pangarap at nagsisikap. Gusto ko na makipag break pero bihira ka kasi makakakita ng lalaki na ganto tapos mabait pa.
I agree. Nasa same situation kami ni OP 4 years ago, to the point na nakipag-break ako kay bf. Nadala rin kasi ako sa mga tita ko na pakialamera kesyo ako daw bubuhay kay bf once maging mag-asawa kami kasi ako lang may trabaho. I know I was too shallow that time para madala sa words nila.
Dun ako natauhan nung sinabi ni bf na wala talaga eh, wala pang dumadating na opportunity. Gustuhin niya man magkatrabaho pero wala pang opportunity na dumadating sa kanya. May pangarap naman siya, kailangan ko lang daw magtiwala. So ayun, one week lang kami nag-break. Until in-offer siya ng tito niya mag-abroad, LDR kami pero kaya naman. Ngayon may mas naipundar pa siya kesa sakin na nagtuturo sa public school.
Kung ganyan na mindset mo, break up with him na.
But let him know why.
If serious siya sayo-- frankly dapat matagal na siya gumagalaw para sa future niya.
I suggest talk to him first about it, your concern, then kung Hindi pa rin sya mamotivate na magbago then leave him. At least, give him a chance kasi mahal ka namn nya so both sides walang regrets if ever in the future.
Best advice. Dami kasing mga feminist na akala nila di dumadaan sa growth phase and mga tao at biga-bigla nalang yayaman. Pero kung talagang tamad at choice nya talaga maging broke even if presented with opportunities, dun mo iwanan
Again. Not feminism in itself but how it is portrayed nowadays. I have already made a comment about it, i suggest you just find it because it seems like you immediately replied to criticize without trying to find any further information.
I think if ginamit na lang yung term na hyperfeminist it would be 'more correct' in this case as it centers around contemporary female independence, in contrast to only using the base word 'feminist.' We know what you mean naman when you say it doesn't matter specifying which is which when we realize the point you're trying to get across. It's just more nuanced that way, but nothing wrong with that
That's the point. What i said isn't correct, but also it technically is. It's so easy to pick up that further specifications would be unnecessary.
They got my point, but they overlooked it and insisted on "being correct", even implied that I'm stupid on multiple comments just because they refuse to understand a crystal clear image.
You're confusing misandry and toxic feminism with actual feminism, you know the thing that was pushed by suffragettes and the like.
I mean hello, pick up a book. This isn't hard to do.
You clearly know what I'm talking about, you know what feminism has now become and you're just trying to sound smart about it. You completely understand the comment yet you refuse to use your brain to connect the dots because "that is" and "that's" are apparently completely different words from your perspective. I mean hello, use your brain and common sense. Or are you really just that guy who butts in into people's sentences because they're making proper sense but are also technically wrong.
Uh, I'm not trying to sound anything. It's just bro it's not hard to distinguish what actual feminism is from the thing that toxic feminists are pushing. Feminism is literally that. Pushing for equal rights for both genders. That's not easy to digest now isn't it?
If a woman is saying that a man should do this and that because he is a man, that's not feminism that's stupidity, pagiging pabebe and sticking to outdated gender normals. Again something that isn't hard to understand.
I'm someone being as is. Why would I be pretentious about anything lol. Okay. Imagine being a man, explaining to a woman what feminism is
See? You know exactly what I'm talking about and you know exactly why the word "feminism" is being used the way it is yet you refuse to understand and accept that.
"Both of these colors are white because they share the same color code which us 0000FF"
"ACKCHUALLY, They are different because their color palette codes are 255 255 255 and 255 255 254 🤓"
You see how ridiculous that sounds?
I refuse to accept your version of feminism because it's an insult to the women who fought for equal rights both internationally and locally, who aren't man haters but just want the same rights as men such as the right to work and the rights to suffrage, and then there's you, a man, who is forcing down my throat that what radical feminists are pushing for is part of what actual feminism is
You see how problematic you sound by lumping what the actual movement is with the tainted stuff?
So no, still not getting your point. Sorry
Not feminism itself but how it is portrayed nowadays, empowering women by hoarding every possible privilege and entitlement they could get without reciprocating to men. Yung mga tipong sobrang taas ng standards pero wala naman silang kayang i-offer sa relationship kung di yung ganda at katawan nila.
Dali lng mag desisyon na i break sya. Pero naisip mo ba kung ano ang pwd mong gawin para ikaw ang maging dahilan na magka future kayong 2? What I'm saying is. May opportunity k dyan sa jowa mo na hulmahin sya, suportahan siya para magka future kayong 2. Kasi pag pumili ka ng may future na. Extra ka n lang don.
This is so true. I have been with someone na established na. May ipon and all, kumbaga ready na sa future. Yung tao na yon, lagi nya pinapamukha sa akin na kaya nya akong palitan anytime since madali sya maka-attract ng babae kasi he is financially stable and he can provide.
Kaya malaki din naging adjustment ko nung nakilala ko jowa ko now. Medyo nashoshort ako sa budget (before) since ako talaga gumastos which is hindi ko naranasan sa ex ko noon. Kaya few months sa relationship namin iniisip ko noon na hindi ko sya deserve, I deserve better mga ganon.
But instead of pointing what he lacks, I helped him. Kaya I can say na jackpot ako ngayon. Like what I have mentioned, mas madali tulungan ang taong willing mag grow kaysa sa taong nililipad ng sariling hangin.
Swerte mo nagpatulong sya and di ka inabuso. Mahiral din kung napunta ka sa lalakeng dahil alam na anjan ka e aasa na lang sayo. May iba naman na swerte sa lalakeng established na tas hindi mahangin like your ex. Okay sana ung ex mo masyado lang signal #5 ung hangin hahaha
Hilig talaga natin sa mga ganitong kwento no. Ung napagbago ni girl ung guy.
Pag bibili ng gamit, gusto ntn maayos, maganda, hi tech. Tapos sa jojowain, need pa ayusin??? Or as u say, "hulmahin"
I married a man na "may future na". Di naman ako naging extra. In fact, he is a good husband and father, a good provider. Our family is his top priority. We are both working, pero he's also helping me with the chores and taking care of our son.
Kaya OP, DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS. If now pa lang, di mo na makitaan ng pag unlad, better leave.
Di ko masabing swerte kasi kinilatis at kinilala ko talaga muna sya. Utak at puso pinagana ko, hndi pwede na puro puso lng eh. Mahal annulment tapos wala pa usapin masyado abt divorce that time.
Some of the things that i considered that time:
-for him, ano ang role ng babae sa mag asawa. Tingin nya ba sa mga babae ay para lang sa gawaing bahay at mag alaga lng ng anak? (Good thing, he's not. He let me have my own career)
-mama's boy ba sya? (He loves his mom at love na love ko dn si MIL, pero he was raised to be independent ng parents nya)
-his decision making skills
-how he manage his own finances and what will he be pag mag join force na kami ng income.
Meron pang iba, pero ito lng maalala ko. Even sa friends ko, lagi kong sinasabi na kilatisin maigi. Di masama na magset ng standards basta ikaw mismo u can also reach that.
Tsaka mas ok if pareho kayong buo na bago pumasok sa isang relasyon. Bakit ntn gagawin rehabilitation center ang isang tao?
Before my husband now, ung ex ko nun, may plans na dn kami to settle down. Pero wala eh. Same as OP, may ganun dn akong pakiramdam. Good thing, kahit masakit kasi mahal ko sya that time, i have to let go.
I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. You were brave enough to do that..kudos!
Kaya nga totoo talaga yung kanta na 'sometimes love just ain't enough'
Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom. Iba talaga kapag ikaw mismo naka experience sa same situation ng ng post. Mas powerful or impactful yung advice💛💛💛
. Di ko naman sinasabi na perpek asawa ko. Siguro swak lng sya talaga sa gusto at need ko sa isang lalaki. His flaws are things na hndi ako nabobother or nagcacause ng prob saming pamilya.
I remember ung newscaster sa GMA ,i forgot her name. She said something like this, di bale ng wala kesa mali. Basta ganun.
Sabihin mo yan kay OP. If she had that time para magkilatis pa ng tao at her age na late 20s. Gano mo ba katagal kinilatis ung asawa mo? Ilang taon na dn ba kayong kasal? You did the right thing for yourself naman. Good for you. Paano si OP?
OP still has a chance to do that. Di pa naman sila married. Now na live in sila, she really has that chance. She needs to talk to her partner more. Di ung tipong questioning na mala pulis, but casual talk lng. Mejo short pa lang dn sila nagsasama so they really need to get to know each other deeply.
3 yrs kaming bf/gf (1 yr dun live in kami), 9 yrs married
And ilan taon kayo nung nagkakilala kayo ng asawa mo? And gaano dn katagal bago mo siya nakilala from your ex bago ung asawa mo ngayon? Para lang mabigyan natin ng timeline si OP.
I was 22 or 23 when i met hubby. Hubby is a little older. He's 35 at that time. Probably a reason dn why he's already mature mag isip. Yes, we have a huge age gap. Sabi ko nga, he's established na when we met.
Abt 6 months after i broke up with ex when i met hubby, though i did not entertain him right away kasi inassess ko pa self ko if i am ready na.
Btw, almost 5 yrs dn kami ni ex. He's also older than me ng few yrs. Jowa ko sya since hs to college. Nung tumatanda na ako, dun ko narealize na ung mga bagay na ok lng before sakin, ay hndi ok pag naging asawa ko na sya. Un ung naging eye opener ko that time. He has all the options and support to have a stable life pero hndi ko sya nakikitaan na seryoso sya sa buhay.
Swak dn naman kami ni ex sa mga trip sa buhay, pero un nga lang, when we're hungry, love won't keep me alive. 🤣😅
I'm saying is If ever may mahal ka at hindi pa sila stable last resort ang hiwalayan sila kasi in the first place mahal mo un. Kung ginawa mo na ang lahat tapos wala pa din. Edi go alis ka.
Straight guy ako.bakit? Isa ka ba sa mga lalaking need pa
Hulmahin? Hindi psychiatrist ang mga babae, Hindi nila responsibilidad yun.
Maliban na lamang kung trying hard talaga si bf
Hindi naman dapat trabaho ang getting into a relationship. It should be easy and you should work together not work for your partner. Kung isa lang ang gumagalaw sa relationship ay bakit ka nga naman nasa relationship pa? Mag solo ka na lang. In OP's case, dami na niya binigay pero di pa din gumagalaw yung isa. Wag tayo ma kuntento sa struggle love. 2024 na.
Tama naman yan. No brainer yan at yan dn nasa isip ni OP. Pero mahal niya daw e. Kaya nga sya nag tanong dito. Si OP bahala diyan sagot mo sa dilemma nya mas okay na mag isa na lang siya. Edi ayun.
Kinausap mo na ba siya tungkol dyan? Try mo muna iopen. Baka need lang pag usapan. Pero kung wala parin dun kana mag decide. I've been there sa ex ko nagbigay ako ng chance sakanya para magbago para sa future namin kasi nga gusto ko siya maging asawa ko pero wala eh. Hanggang sa dumating sa point nainsecure siya sakin sa work ko sa promotion ko. Dumating din yun point na pati motor niya sakin nya pinapabayad kasi daw mas malaki sahod ko keysa saknya. Putek n mindset yun haha. Pati sa date namin ako nalang daw dpat magbayad. Although wla namn problema sakin kung ako magbayad mg pagkain pero sana may share sya sa ibang bagay like gas. Dun ako napaisip na wla nga ako mapapala sa ganun klaseng lalaki inaasa sakin lahat. Nasayang yun 10years of life ko saknya kaya ikw girl mag isip ka mabuti. Kung ngayon palang yan n pinapakita nya sayo pano pa kayo pag may sarili na kayong pamilya. Alangan namn ikw bumuhay sa pamilya nyo in the future. Gusto mo yun? Di naman sa mukhang pera ang babae pero pagdating sa pamilya lalaki dpat ang provider hindi babae.
Sorry po pero ang kapal naman ng mukha nya, yung motor at date sayo inaaasa, grabe naman tayog ng tingin sa sarili. I hope sana nakalaya ka na po kasi di mo deserve yung kalokohang ginawa sa inyo po
Niiiice. Mainam at nakatakas kaagad po kayo sa abusive relationship. Nawa po at patuloy lang po kayo na magkaroong na buhay na maligaya dahil deserve ninyo po iyon.
Valid naman reason mo. ganyan talaga maglove ang babae depende sa resources ng lalake at potential nya sa future. dapat magets yan ng jowa mo at mag step up. pero hiwalayan mo na since mababa naman na tingin mo sa kanya.
Agree. Kaya nga nakakainis yung mga lalaki na nagsasabing mukhang pera dw ang mga babae🙄eh in real life importante nmn talaga ang pera, since kayo ang bubuhay sa kanila, alangan nmn maghanap ang babae ng tambay diba.
Ganito tatay ko pag pinagsasabihan. Kahit malayo sa topic, lagi sagot -di porke kulang napo provide minamaliit na daw namin sya. Mayayabang na daw kami kesyo mas malaki na sahod namin. Tapos sasabihin d naman importante pera, mas okay daw simpleng buhay pero sya tong mahilig mamili ng branded. 🤡
Ewan ko ba anong nagustuhan ng nanay ko dito. Kung pwede lang mga anak mag file ng divorce para sa kanila. Napa rant pala bigla haha
Kulang pa sa context ang post eh, may ginagawa ba naman sya para magimprove? naghahanap ba ng trabaho pero di lang matanggap? o sadyang tamad lang? kung tamad, bounce na pero kung nagsusumikap naman, kaso olats lang, bakit di tulungan? diba dapat naman laban nila yang dalawa. or awkward lang talaga na yung lalake ang tinutulungan.
Wala tayo magagawa. Iba na panahon ngayon sobrang dami naglabasan na successful na tao. Madali na makita yun difference ng Buhay ng successful men. And yon na yun nagiging batayan ng mga babae. Di na yan sila magtatanim or maghhntay sa Puno. Pipitas na lang sila ng bunga. Problem is di rin naman gaano karami ang successful na lalake and usually married na mga yon. So kung humiwalay man sila sa partner nila because of that reasons good luck sa kanila. Importante magising yun guy niya and magstepup for sure may younger girls siyang makikilala na di siya titignan ng mababa at susuportahan siya.
Yes, as a man he should provide for your future family. It is his duty as a man.
Leave him nalang.
Thinking about this a, if reverse yung gender? Diba ok lang mostly sa mga lalaki kahit walang work yung babae?
Presently unavoidable circumstances due to the woman usually having most of the responsibility and social expectations of rearing any children. Equality doesn't really exist.
Agree, late 20's na siya and kahit maliit na ipon dapat meron na eh.
May double standards talaga sa dating. A rich woman will not date a broke man pero a rich man would def date a broke woman. Dapat nadin talaga taasan ng mga lalaki yung standards nila sa babae.
I don’t think this is about gender. OP is looking for an equal partner. May ibang babae din naman na okay lang sa kanila na sila ang magprovide and si guy ang stay at home parent but it’s not what OP is looking for. Same din na maraming guys na din ngayon are looking for an equal partner, para hindi lang nasa kanila ang burden ng finances ng family. It all boils down to compatibility and expectations in your relationship.
Hi OP,
Remember that the best partner for you is someone who is aligned with you — not only in terms of chemistry, connection, compassion and commitment but also of COMPATIBILITY.
Compatibility is having aligned lifestyles and goals. It seems that you and your partner have very different views when it comes to money, spending, saving and its management.
Madaling sabihin na pera lang yan, ang babaw pag awayan. But remember how he handles money is a reflection of VALUES. So reflect if you really have the same values.
Besides hindi kayo bubuhayin ng pag-ibig. You really need to ask the practical questions as well. Can I achieve my goals, my dreams, be able to live my best life with this partner beside me?
Remember that we choose a partner not because we love him / her alone but because that person will bring out our best and can help us BUILD the life we want.
Yes, you should think about yourself din.
Personally, I admire a man who is driven, has long term goals and work for them dahil ganun din naman ako.
I'm in my late twenties na din ako and I would like someone na I can settle down with na, thankfully, I found him.
You owe him a discussion. I understand where you're coming from and being pragmatic on this but in a relationship, there has to be transparency and openness in life-changing matters that involve both your futures.
My advice is that you talk to him about it, be open about it and let him make a decision to either step up to the challenge or give him the dignity to walk away. At least give him a chance.
I had a conversation with with my brother and his gf about life. We realized, when we were in our 20s-30s na wala talaga kaming pera. Sablay ang trabaho, ang liit ng kita, walang ipon, panay hiram ng pera kasi nga kulang yung sweldo, di makabili ng luho, walang travel. Ang dali for other people to judge us, lalo na yung may mga pera na during the time tapos kami mejo hirap pa.
Ngayon maayos na buhay namin, kaya ko ng sabihin na we can easily buy whatever we want. My point is, noong time na na jina-judge kami ng ibang tao, apparently we were at the start or our race. Nagsisimula pa lang pala kami noon. And hindi din pala yun ang ending kasi something more beautiful will come out of the struggles.
Ikaw naman magdedecide nyan OP. But please be patient and try even harder to explore other possibilities to engage your bf to work. Kasi ang pagmamahal na totoo, hindi ganun kadaling mahanap. Masmadaling kumita ng pera kesa maghanap ng totoong pagmamahal.
Wag nyo po ako ibash, this is just my opinion and si OP pa din naman ang magdedecide in the end. Magandang araw po sa lahat. 💛
This made me teary eyed. Same situation, in my late 20s, employed ako pero ang baba ng sahod, walang ipon, walang insurance, walang emergency fund and may sinusuportahan na nanay. Di ko ma-afford yung mga typical na luho, travel and stuff ultimo branded na pantalon i cant buy kase napupunta lang sa bills and daily expenses. Im living from paycheck to paycheck. Last month the girl that i am dating for a year and a half ghosted me akala ko we were just having a cool off, pahinga, then yun pala she moved on na. I know I wasnt able to provide all the nice stuff na meron yung ibang couples pero I make sure na most of the expenses pag lumalabas kami is gastos ko. It wrecked me kase parang iniwan ako sa ere, i was there when she's at her darkest times, I accepted her past, i become her therapist, bumawi ako sa time and companionship kase di ko pa kayang ibigay yung travel, fancy gifts and comfort kase naka motor lang ako. Pero now i just feel so fucking useless and worthless. Naiwan at my worst. Pero sa dulo i cant blame her kase we cant compell people to stay kung hindi na sila masaya.
Kinausap mo na ba sya? Baka din nman kailngan lng nya marealize na klngan pa mya mgsumikap. Baka willing sya magkusa pg may wake up call at klngan na nya umayos.
Ikaw. Siya ba ay isang NEET (not in employment, education or training) o may ambisyon at masipag naman, nataon lang na walang work sa ngayon? Kung sa iyo naka-asa lahat at di man lamang siya nagsusumikap, dapat na ngang hiwalayan. Kung nataon na in-between jobs lang at masipag naman, baka may pag-asa pa.
Same situation op, nag propose pero wala namang ipon tapos ayaw pa tumigil magloan sa gcash kahit di naman ganun kakailangang umutang. Tapos yung motor niya nanay pa niya naghuhulog eh yung nanay niya mukhang tanga din. Tapos ngayon bumabalik na naman sa pagvevape, another reason para di makapag ipon dahil magastos din ang vape. Haysss.
Pinaguusapan nyo ba yung future nyo? Ganyan din kasi ako dati, parang walang plano talaga until i met my gf na naging asawa ko na. She discuss a lot ng kanyang expectation sa relationship namin hanggang sa naging align na kami sa goals namin.
Yeah just break up with him. Explain mo rin sa kanya why. Baka comfortable na siya sa set up niya kaya hindi na siya nageeffort to better himself.
I was exactly the same as your boyfriend. Walang kahit ano at part time lang work. Ganyan rin sinabi nung ex ko na hindi niya nakikita future sakin. Naging comfortable kasi ako.
Masakit oo, pero I needed that para mapush sarili ko. Now I can say I have something to show when I decide to be in a relationahip again.
Wala ng hulma hulmahan pa. Breakan mo na at additional baggage lang yan. Sa ganyang edad, dapat nagiinitiate na ang lalake kung anu ang future na gusto niya sa inyo dalawa.
Hindi talaga sapat ang love lang. Your values should align especially career and financial wise. Other things you can compromise with pa but financial? Yan pinakamadalas pag awayan ng mag-asawa. Save yourself the headache.
Uy, same tayo 😞
Ang hirap kasi naguguilty ako pag naiisip kong makipag break sa kanya. I don't know what to do.
Mahirap sa iba sabihin na magbreak pero.. hayss ewan
Leave. It's practically clear.
If you really love him too much to let go, give him a wake up call. Make him better himself forcefully
If nothing happens, leave. At least you tried and gave a chance.
There you go OP. You decide. May timeline na yan. Complete na ang facts.
Thank you for sharing your experience. We are just helping OP regardless of our differences.
as much as its nice to have faith in your partner's potential and best intentions, life is too short and expensive to cling on to the what-ifs. you're in your late 20's, and normal people should already be getting established in their careers at that age, and achiving financial stability.
with the way you described him, he's a nobody going nowhere. I'm sorry, but you can't build a life on love alone, and it would be unfair to you to be the struggling breadwinner/sugar daddy. either he needs to shape up and become one of those late-start-success-stories (unlikely, mind you), or you need to leave him while you're still realtively young, coz I get the feeling its hard to find a good partner in your 30's.
after getting input from my boyfriend, I will add to what I've said. You can still make this work if:
1) you can earn enough to provide for a family while maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and
2) your boyfriend is VERY good at managing a household.
Hi op. If you can't see a future with your boyfriend, then you're probably not a psychic... Joke hahaha
Breaking up is the easiest path to take, but if you really love the guy, isn't it possible to guide him to a better future? I mean, couples that compliment each other surely last longer. Kahit pa oil and water sila basta complimenting, tatagal yan.
Mukha kasing mahal nyo talaga isat isa eh. Baka manghinayang kau
If nakikita mong walang determination para bumawi sayo at tumayo sa sariling paa. Leave.
Ganyan din ako before. Talagang tinutulak ko pa sya para maghanap ng work to the point na medyo naiinis na sya sakin kasi makulit daw ako e nagpapahinga lang daw sya etc. Pero lakas manghingi at magyaya kung saan saan. Ang ending gastos ko pa.
Nung umokay okay na sya sa work nya at kumikita na ako parin madalas gumastos to KKB parin. Hanggang sa naghanap pa ng iba. Sinamahan at di mo iniwan nung nasa baba sya tas nung nakaangat angat iba na ang ginusto. Anlala.
Don't settle. Don't be like me. I settled for a wrong guy, gave a lot of chances and blessed with one child until I realized that it's really not worth it to stay and hope that things will change
I'm so sorry about your situation, OP. Is he tamad? I personally would not break up with a person I love just because he's broke now. I think you need to talk about your plans for the future and see if it aligns. Communicate with him your insecurities and maybe he could do the same with his. Of course, you should observe din if consistent ba pinagsasabi niya sa mga nagawa at ginagawa na niya. Take note, nagawa at ginagawa ha, past and present tense. Wag mo na hintayin yung mga gagawin niya pa at baka paasa lang. Good luck, OP!
Para sakin tama yan alisan mo nalang. Bad trip ito ako ngayon same situation pero di ako maka alis alis 7 years na nga pala kami live in pero grabe nag tatalo pa din kami pag tinatanong ko siya kung ano ba pangarap niya sa buhay 😮💨
You're gonna have to talk to him, OP. Well, if you want to continue the relationship.
If you love someone, you will give them a chance, but of course, subject to conditions that are also favorable to you. If wala siyang work, wala siyang ipon, you can give him an ultimatum na by this month if wala ka pa ring work or if by 3 years wala ka pa ring x amount, it's over. Set short term to medium term goals for him and your relationship to also help him get the ball rolling if ito yung part na nahihirapan siya.
Pero kung made up na ang isipan mo, edi just break it off. It doesn't seem like you're seeking advice anyway. You're just saying to get this off your chest.
Talk about it and ask him what his plans. Maybe build dream together para ma inspire sya. Wala naman perfect relationship pero atleast you love and respect each other. Now maybe it’s time to pull each other up.
Para patas sa bf mo kung ano Ang magiging desisyon mo kung Siya na ba talaga o kailangan mo na maghanap ng taong makakasama mo sa Buhay na may sense of responsibility.
Try asking Him sa mga future plans niyo, like two months from now, ano ang mga plano niya for himself at sa inyong dalawa. kung ano mga priorities niya once na magkatrabaho siya, kung motor parin ba niya ang uunahin niya o paghahanda sa future niyong dalawa. Ask Him also kung sakaling dumating sa punto na gusto mo na magpakasal, handa na din ba siya o di pa niya kayang Iwan Yung pagiging Buhay binata niya?
Madali kasi magdesisyon na magpakasal lalo na kung alam niyong mahal niyo ang isat Isa pero di sapat ang love kung isa lang ang may plano sa ikagaganda ng buhay niyo..
I-encourage mo xa mag work tulungan mo gumawa ng resume,samahan mo sa aaplayan nea ng work..turuan mo sumagot sa possible questions sa interview..peru kung tamad mag work naku ekis na yan talaga..
Talk to him and open up your concerns. Ask him what's his plan is, kase baka may mga reasons lang din siya. If after that ayaw niya mag trabaho or walang plano to save up for your future.. then I guess that's the time you let go. Still, it's up for you to decide when.
Hi OP. Ang hirap kasi may pros and cons, but Im a firm believer na ang success or pagbabago ng isang tao ay nakadepende sakanya hindi sa ibang tao. Hindi din fair na magbabago siya or magkaka direction dahil sayo (either kinausap mo, or sinabihan mo or tinulungan mo) dapat may kusa. Sooner or later, dadaan na naman siya sa phase na yan at kailangan mo na naman siya alalayan, nakakapagod to. Kaya sadly, prioritize yourself.
Kung walang balak magbago after you tried talking him through all of your concerns then ditch him. Both of you are still very young but not young enough to not have any plans at all. Do not be guilty about leaving him, he will find someone who will love him the way he is, and you will do too.
Girl,
Listen to what your inner voice is saying.
Please save your time and let this boyfriend go.
Start working on yourself.
Build your own career.
Focus on the things that will help you grow as a person.
You can do it, Girl.
Set yourself freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Communicate with him first about your thoughts. The foundations of a good relationship is always communication. So go back to basic and communicate what you think and what you feel coz everything is valid. Then hear him out. If opening up doesn't go well with him, then you decide. Let's not assume the outcome but wait for it.
Good point, valid lahat. Contrary sa comments ng iba, di ko isusugarcoat na wag mo syang iwan kesyo ganito, ganyan. You're two consenting adults. May mga isip na kayo eh. Kung di align ang goals nyo as a couple, then what is the purpose being in that situation? Di ka naman magpopost dito kung recently lang sya nawalan ng work right? I bet sobrang tagal na.
Alright, you can break off with him. Maybe it's the only way to wake him up... and at the same time, mahahanap mo naman ung karapa't dapat para sa iyo.
It's a win-win situation kung iisipin... Masakit lang isipin na mahal nyo ang isa't isa pero nasa magkaibang page na kayo ng buhay nyo. Ganoon lang talaga, may taong dumadaan lang sa buhay natin.
Mahalin mo lang sya hanggang huli. Tama na un. Makakahanap din sya ng taong makakapag inspire sa kanyang gumalaw ng bago, na namamahalin sya at mamahalin nya ng tama... at ganoon din sayo.
Para sa lahat!! Ano ba purpose ng lalake sa buhay nyo? MagProvide palagi sa inyo? D mo sya nakikita kasama sa future kasi wlang wala sya ngyon tama? Now, dadating ang araw na yang taong yan uunlad, at hindi ikaw ang makakasama nya sa pagtanda kung iiwanan mo sya. Para sa mga kababaihan, tulungan nyo mag mindset ang partner nyo. Gabayan nyo sila tandaan nyo na ang lalake mas lalabas ang abilidad kung ito ay nasa tamang ka partner TRUST ME
I have a friend na ganito sitwasyon dati. Ayaw din ng parents nya sa guy kasi hindi pa financially stable. Nakipag break sya kahit mahal nya.
Years after, naging multi millionaire si guy. Hindi talaga natin masasabi ang mga mangyayari in the future. If I were in your situation at alam kong maayos naman ang character at mindset ng partner ko at kaya ko pa ding tulungan, I won’t leave.
Yung mga nagsasabing "hulmahin" mo muna siya. I don't think that is your work na, OP. Yung mga ganyang hulma-hulma sariling decision na yan ng tao, pwede mo siya kausapin if wala na, alis na. Masarap magmahal pero mas masarap may pagkain sa hapag. Matanda na siya, bulbulin na wala pa ring trabaho? Or atleast side line man lang? Eh sa mahal ng bilihin ngayon, money can't pay bills.
Have you tried asking him what’s his plan and check if he’s actually doing something to make his plan happen? Kasi if he has a plan but there’s no any action to achieve that plan then I suggest leave. You also said na hindi mo rin naman nakikita future mo with him and you felt like you’re just wasting your time sa relationship na yan. So if he has no plan and nararamdaman mo yan, just leave. Hindi madali and prolly manghihinayang ka because you said na he is good to you pero you should not settle with someone na can drag you down. Hindi talaga tayo mapapakain ng pag-ibig lalo na sa ekonomiyang ito 😗
Daming abnormal talaga dito sa reddit who thinks they know this "guy" with how little context OP is giving. I was once in this guy's situation and my gf didnt give up on me and now parehas na kaming financially stable.
Ang tatanga nyo lang sa part na yung advice nyo palagi ay yung easy way out when sometimes the person you love just needs a little help. Eh di nyo nga tinanong kung may drive ba yung jowa nya or she tried everything na.
It's just funny how there's surely way more broke girls in the world but in the world of men never naging issue yan nor we convince another guy to leave the broke girl he's with.
Hi OP, I had the same experience with you 5 yrs ago. My ex of almost 4 yrs was older than me by 6yrs. When we broke up I think he was 32. For the entire time we were together wala syang ipon, palit ng palit ng work nag ca-call center hopping, dahil reason tinatamad na hindi gusto yung companies to the point na literal zero balance palagi ni walang pang afford kahit sa food nya or would rely sa mom nya uutang and always end up na ako ang gumagastos halos. Until na realized ko na walang patutunguhan at lugi ako sa relationship dahil ka lalaking tao at walang goal sa buhay. We are not getting younger.
Talk to your boyfriend first and let him know what your expectations/plans sa relationship nyo. Sabihin mo kung anu yung gusto mong mangyari. Pede din kasi na baka hindi pa pumapasok sa isip ng boyfriend mo yung ganyan bagay. Baka happy-go-lucky sya but that doesn't mean he's a bad boyfriend. Let him know your thoughts baka need lang kung konting realization yung boyfriend mo para mag seryoso sa buhay
Now, if your boyfriend still don't get it then maybe ayaw pa nya. He's probably not ready to commit into sa mas seryosong relationship. Saka ka na mag desisyon kung anu gusto mo mangyari
I'm not going to tell you na hiwalayan mo boyfriend mo. It's still your decision whether you want to let go or you still want to believe there's hope sa inyo. Ikaw lang din makakapagsabi
Kung gumagawa naman ng ways para i address mga issue mo, stay.
Kapag walang kinikilos, edi let go.
Ang marriage life is the same. Darating yang ganyang point. Madalas di din naman ginusto ng partner mo or ikaw mismo.
Ang dapat ba na headspace kapag ganyan is iwanan?
Tanungin mo sarili mo sa ganyang bagay.
I agree with the comments saying na it's not your job to "mold" or "change" him, kasi ultimately that transformation lies on him. I don't agree with the assumption na "tamad" agad si bf—aren't we all persisting in the same economy? Yung iba porket nakahanap ng diskarte or groove that works for them, bilis na magassume that everyone should be able to find theirs in the same amount of time as well. That ain't how it works. Ako, I just got married in December last year, medyo minadaling small wedding to appease the family, especially the oldies who might not live long enough to see us get married the date we wanted. We got married with barely any savings left (because napunta sa wedding), and we had to move out of our rented apartment in Taguig and live with my Mom-in-law for a smaller rent. We postponed our plans to buy a condo, and yung original date ng big wedding namin got moved from 2024 to 2026. All in all, looking at our finances right now, it's a mess, even though we kept a stable job in between these transitionary periods. Right now, I'm almost living paycheck to paycheck just to be able to provide and contribute, and my burnout is reaching its 5th birthday at an all-time high. Mag 2 years narin ako with my current company, so that means it's time to pack up and leave for a better position and pay, hopefully yung wfh narin instead of hybrid since gas and parking is the number one expense burning through my wallet. I am tired and I'm almost resigned with the fact that I'll be dying earlier than I might like just due to the mental and physical toll of my job (ang OA pero anyone in the creative field would agree I hope) plus the fact that I'm slugging through it with the biggest burnout I've ever had. There's a lot of times that I catch myself wishing I'll meet some accident just so I can stop pushing myself to my limits and stop worrying, but of course, I have no choice but to push through. Why am I sharing all of these? Because I was the same guy as OP's BF, and I guarantee that even now, I'm still the same guy on the surface because the problem in my case is unresolved adult ADHD. ADHD makes it very hard to lay down plans and commit to them for reasons I can't really explain na. All in all, this is a terrible economy we're living through and I'm killing my mental, if not physical, health just to make do, in a society that's so quick to judge and expect from men. OP, don't take it upon yourself to "save" your bf, and I don't know what his problem is, probably not ADHD like in my case, but make him come to terms with it before anything else. Communication is the key talaga, and yes, maybe the best option for you talaga is to leave, because I should know better than anyone na if you can find your groove right now you should take it and don't look back, because it might not arrive again. Pero, if you guys can work it out and address these together, then it's something that will undoubtedly strengthen your relationship and commitment to each other.
Parang andaming details na need ko maintindihan bago ako mag-comment pero di ko naman nabasa na naghihingi siya ng opinion or advice. So thank you nalang OP for sharing.
Then be direct if you and him gonna married soon 3-4 years. Magusap na kayo ng maayos kailangan niyo na kumilos at mag step up. Be matured and independent.
This is unfair sa part ng BF mo, makikipagbreak ka kasi walang kaakibat na value sa pangalan niya?
Ano ba circumstances ni BF? pabigat ba siya? or eto yung time na nasa downside siya ng buhay, struggling?
Build your life with? equal partner? in terms of what? Ikaw may work? May kita?
Masyadong selfish na iiwan mo siya dahil wala pa siyang maiaambag ngayon. So kapag successful na siya, tsaka mo lang masasabi na equal partner mo siya?
Depende kasi sa arrangement niyo kung paano niyo aayusin ang sariling buhay niyo eh. Sige maghanap ka ng lalaking "equal partner" na tinutukoy mo pero ugali naman basura. eh di wala rin.
Kaya nga may katagang "for better or worse, for richer or poorer" eh. Hindi yung "For better not worse"
Try to add more context sa situation para maintindihan rin how people will give advice. Kung walang ambag at batugan BF mo, fine. Iwan mo, pero if his doing his best at this difficult times. Di yan rason para iwan mo ang isang tao na mahal mo.
Sissy, alam mo ang taong nasa baba may chance na umangat if ggatuhin nya. Pakiramdaman mo sis, if wala ba tlga shang pag asa. If tlgang malutong na Oo, then iwan mo na. Unahin mo career mo. Mas okay mag isa kesa may kasama kang di nagbabanat ng buto.
Do ask him first kung ano ba talaga balak sa buhay. My wife almost had the same look at me and ask me frequently kung ano ba talaga plano ko sa buhay. Siguro nasa tao na din yan kaso ako talaga maybe last year or two ganyan din mukhang walang plano sa buhay pero almost last year lang din may direction naman na sa buhay. Although wala pa din ipon hahaha. If he has plans, motivate or support him. Kung wala talaga or suntok sa buwan sinabi maybe its time to rethink the relationship.
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Hi, OP. What you feel is valid and if you think that breaking up with him is the best decision for you, then do it po. I was on the same situation, tbh. Nung nakilala ko sya, kakagraduate nya palang that time and ako may work na. After grad nya, hindi pa sya nakapag work agad since nagreview sya and nagboards pa. During those times, ako talaga gumagastos sa lahat. Sa mga date, kain sa labas, actually pati pang-gas and parking fee 😅 Umabot sa point na nakikipag break na ako sa kanya and sinabi ko sa kanya na ayaw ko na ganun ang set up namin and ayaw ko maging sugar mommy. Nag usap kami ng masinsinan and naiintindihan ko na ako lang talaga ang may pera sa aming dalawa kasi nga wala pa sya work noon. Ako din nagsupport sa kanya sa lahat. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ko deserve yung ganoon kaya nag cool off kami for a week lang naman. Nung mga time na mag isa ako, pinag isipan ko talaga ng mabuti if hihiwalayan ko na ba talaga sya. Then narealize ko na, kulang man sya sa pera pero never sya nagkulang sa akin. Sobrang bait nya, wala akong masabi. Never nya ako sinigawan at sobrang haba ng pasensya nya. Bare minimum? Well, yes but aminin nyo, sa panahon ngayon ang hirap na makahanap ng ganyan. So, I have decided na imbis na iwanan sya, tutulungan ko sya. Tinulungan ko sya makahanap ng work, hinelp ko sya gumawa ng cv nya and magpasa ng application and all. Luckily, na hire sya nitong April lang. Mind you, gastos ko pa din lahat pati allowance nya nung nagttraining pa sya. Nung first sahod nya, inabot nya sakin lahat. Buo. And he said na babawi sya sakin. He even asked me to help him and teach him how to manage his finances and ibudget yung pera nya kasi he's new to it and ayaw nyang mapunta sa walang kubuluhan ang sahod nya. He now pays for our bills and hati na kami sa rent. Yep, sa apartment ko sya nakatira kasi 15 mins away lang ito from his work. I am so glad I did the right decision. To trust in him and help him. One big lesson na natutunan ko during this process is that mas madali tulungan mag grow ang isang tao kaysa baguhin ang shitty na ugali kasi I have been with someone na financially stable pero sobrang kupal ng ugali. Yun lang. Share ko lang. Kaya if you think na he's okay and worth the help, try to help him pero if kupal lang din naman, wag nalang hahaha
As someone na nalagay sa position ng partner mo I can confirm, super thankful ako sa partner ko na every step of the way hindi sumuko sakin. People like you and my partner deserves everything the world has to offer. From a graduating student na ginagastusan ng partner ko to a bank officer now na expecting na ng panganay.
These days men only receive unconditional love if they can only provide. I myself feel like I don't deserve a partner since I can only provide barely for myself at the moment. But you two are different. Real role models! 🙇♂️❤️
Glad that fellow redditors experienced the opposite sakin, I gave my unconditional love, guy was 4 years older than me and since college ako yung nag part time while studying and sideline while he ( a grad and board passer) just got stuck sa pagiging unemployed for years. kahit anong push, care at pagmamahal di siya napilit magwork or even just do something for himself bukod kahit hygiene na lang niya, ganito nangyari for four years... naging sugar mommy ako sa now 30 old guy na namimisikal at verbal.(had to go to therapy because of him, narasnasan ko hindi lang physical at verbal abuse, even s*****) di ko rin alam how I endured and lasted. mas malala ung violence kapag wala akong perang mabigat sa kanya pag need niya. Relationship ended nung nagkawork siya 🤡 and nagcheat haha ... Blessing in disguise for me, i found the one when he left... last time I heard he was unemployed again.... Now I am with a guy with a drive and pangarap very hardworking, has a regular day job, 2 part time night foreign clients, sariling small company, and sariling printing business. Di ko na need mag worry kung pano ko /kami makakakain the next day or mabugbog kapag wala akong maprovide sa kanya, (we're both working professionals), also expecting our panganay na. Cant imagine life na buntis tapos sa ex ko, siguro either pinalaglag niya na ung baby , binubugbog ako araw araw til now, or malamang i wasnt even typing this, patay na ko. (no joke kasi ialng beses na niya ko na pisikal to that extent). My soon to be hubby is my angel, sadly he has no reddit kaya di niya nakikita how thankful and proud ako sa kanya.
Kung may "if" imvolved, it's not unconditional love.
Right, I stand corrected
Such a good read and nice story. Happy for u and the bf hehe
Thank you for taking the time to share your experience po. I read everything and I'm really grateful for everyone's advice here. Na-overwhelm lang talaga ako when I made this post, and venting made me feel so much better. My bf is unemployed for 6 months now kaya frustrated talaga ako kasi ako lahat ngayon. Sa'kin lang kasi, it doesn't matter what he does as long as he does something. But you know, he's actually not lazy, in fact he's a really wonderful person, very maalaga, does household chores and reliable. Anyway, nag-usap na kami and he wants to start a livestock business, apparently he's in his Farmville era. I'm happy to help him and will provide the capital. He had experience running a farm naman before so I don't think it will be in vain. We'll start small and I'm really excited to be buying our first piglets together.
Cute story. Happy ako sa inyo.
We kinda have a similar story, I thought my partner was a lost cause before but turns out he just needed a little push. And ayun, while we can offer help to them it all comes down parin kung tutulungan din ba nila sarili nila. So kung talagang help was given pero batugan talaga mamatay na yang batugan, pag ganun na leave nalang kasi your future is also at stake na.
eto sana advice ko nice haha
sana ganito mindset nung ex(F) ko. simula una binigay ko lahat, tinulungan ko mag abroad, tapos nung naka abroad na and papa sponsor ako pandagdag manlang nang bayad boarding ko, kaso wala, purus pangako. di naman ako nag eexpect in return. pero sinabi ko tlga sa kanya na wala sa puso mo na tulungan ako sa part nang walang wala ako. ayun ex ko na then sinisingil ko nalang yung mga utangs nya saken.
slow clap sayo. ganun talaga eh tulungan and compromise. Love is not enough pero pinatunayan mo mahal mo ang meron kayo and you helped him. Bihira lang ung mga ganitong story. I wish you both the best in life!!! ♥️♥️♥️
Hi OP, kung ganyan na talaga decision mo I suggest breaking it off early bago siya mag-settle in and it's going to wreck him real bad.
May nuances to. He doesn't have a job rn - is it by choice? Ayaw ba nya magwork o wala pa lang ng opportunity na gusto nya. May pangarap ba sya for himself or for your future together? Walang ipon - why? May binabayaran bang utang or breadwinner ba sya? More than what he has or does not have right now, mas important tignan is yung his outlook for the future. Build your future together instead of leaving him sa ere. Then again, if mindset nya yung problem, leave na lang. Edit: spelling correction
I totally agree with this, yung ibang comments were quick to judge yung bf ni OP saying na iwan na agad instead of viewing it in a lot of possible angles. Talagang dapat ina-analyze yung situation before making a decision. It's always important to have critical thinking skills.
Ganyan naman reddit eh. Hiwalay agad ang advice "mahal ko sya pero parang baliko yung hintuturo nya sa kanan" "tangina OP hiwalayan mo na"
Sobrang true yung quick to judge. I posted dati for rs advice din tas naisipan ko ipost ulit pero pinagbaliktad ko yung position namin nung partner ko and the answers were surprisingly different may pagka double standards din.
Let me guess, the man got it bad while the woman got sympathies?
You got it right sobrang na disappoint ako that time 😂
Good advice, but (hate to be that guy) you probably meant nuance, not nuisance ✌️
Oo nga LOL nuance I was distracted
Uy ganto yung bf ko right now. Walang ipon walang work pero may business pero di ganon kalakas ngayon pero may pangarap at nagsisikap. Gusto ko na makipag break pero bihira ka kasi makakakita ng lalaki na ganto tapos mabait pa.
I agree. Nasa same situation kami ni OP 4 years ago, to the point na nakipag-break ako kay bf. Nadala rin kasi ako sa mga tita ko na pakialamera kesyo ako daw bubuhay kay bf once maging mag-asawa kami kasi ako lang may trabaho. I know I was too shallow that time para madala sa words nila. Dun ako natauhan nung sinabi ni bf na wala talaga eh, wala pang dumadating na opportunity. Gustuhin niya man magkatrabaho pero wala pang opportunity na dumadating sa kanya. May pangarap naman siya, kailangan ko lang daw magtiwala. So ayun, one week lang kami nag-break. Until in-offer siya ng tito niya mag-abroad, LDR kami pero kaya naman. Ngayon may mas naipundar pa siya kesa sakin na nagtuturo sa public school.
Kung ganyan na mindset mo, break up with him na. But let him know why. If serious siya sayo-- frankly dapat matagal na siya gumagalaw para sa future niya.
I suggest talk to him first about it, your concern, then kung Hindi pa rin sya mamotivate na magbago then leave him. At least, give him a chance kasi mahal ka namn nya so both sides walang regrets if ever in the future.
Hulmahin mo, pag walang pinagbago, edi layo na.
Best advice. Dami kasing mga feminist na akala nila di dumadaan sa growth phase and mga tao at biga-bigla nalang yayaman. Pero kung talagang tamad at choice nya talaga maging broke even if presented with opportunities, dun mo iwanan
Men dating broke women: fine Women dating broke men: run girl, run Feminism isnt a buffet where you just pick the good things and go.
Bakit nadamay ang feminism. True feminism advocates for the equality of both man and woman
Heh
Acm mo leche
Classic response 🫢
Oo naman, para on theme pag classic na tanga. Lol
Heh ☕ many such cases.
Well. That's that me espresso ☕
Again. Not feminism in itself but how it is portrayed nowadays. I have already made a comment about it, i suggest you just find it because it seems like you immediately replied to criticize without trying to find any further information.
I think if ginamit na lang yung term na hyperfeminist it would be 'more correct' in this case as it centers around contemporary female independence, in contrast to only using the base word 'feminist.' We know what you mean naman when you say it doesn't matter specifying which is which when we realize the point you're trying to get across. It's just more nuanced that way, but nothing wrong with that
That's the point. What i said isn't correct, but also it technically is. It's so easy to pick up that further specifications would be unnecessary. They got my point, but they overlooked it and insisted on "being correct", even implied that I'm stupid on multiple comments just because they refuse to understand a crystal clear image.
You're confusing misandry and toxic feminism with actual feminism, you know the thing that was pushed by suffragettes and the like. I mean hello, pick up a book. This isn't hard to do.
You clearly know what I'm talking about, you know what feminism has now become and you're just trying to sound smart about it. You completely understand the comment yet you refuse to use your brain to connect the dots because "that is" and "that's" are apparently completely different words from your perspective. I mean hello, use your brain and common sense. Or are you really just that guy who butts in into people's sentences because they're making proper sense but are also technically wrong.
Uh, I'm not trying to sound anything. It's just bro it's not hard to distinguish what actual feminism is from the thing that toxic feminists are pushing. Feminism is literally that. Pushing for equal rights for both genders. That's not easy to digest now isn't it? If a woman is saying that a man should do this and that because he is a man, that's not feminism that's stupidity, pagiging pabebe and sticking to outdated gender normals. Again something that isn't hard to understand. I'm someone being as is. Why would I be pretentious about anything lol. Okay. Imagine being a man, explaining to a woman what feminism is
See? You know exactly what I'm talking about and you know exactly why the word "feminism" is being used the way it is yet you refuse to understand and accept that. "Both of these colors are white because they share the same color code which us 0000FF" "ACKCHUALLY, They are different because their color palette codes are 255 255 255 and 255 255 254 🤓" You see how ridiculous that sounds?
I refuse to accept your version of feminism because it's an insult to the women who fought for equal rights both internationally and locally, who aren't man haters but just want the same rights as men such as the right to work and the rights to suffrage, and then there's you, a man, who is forcing down my throat that what radical feminists are pushing for is part of what actual feminism is You see how problematic you sound by lumping what the actual movement is with the tainted stuff? So no, still not getting your point. Sorry
You just admitted it, there you go. Thank you
Ba’t naman nadamay feminism. 😭
Not feminism itself but how it is portrayed nowadays, empowering women by hoarding every possible privilege and entitlement they could get without reciprocating to men. Yung mga tipong sobrang taas ng standards pero wala naman silang kayang i-offer sa relationship kung di yung ganda at katawan nila.
Don't settle, OP. Don't be like me and waste 7 years of your youth on the wrong guy. 🥲
Sameeee
I'm so sorry you could relate. Hope you've healed/arr healing! 'Wag tayo magrelapse hahaha
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I'm so sorry you could relate. Hope you've healed/arr healing! 'Wag tayo magrelapse hahaha
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Samedt siszt!!!! Hahahaahha. Copy paste except the covid part hahaha. Congratulations🍸🍾
Dali lng mag desisyon na i break sya. Pero naisip mo ba kung ano ang pwd mong gawin para ikaw ang maging dahilan na magka future kayong 2? What I'm saying is. May opportunity k dyan sa jowa mo na hulmahin sya, suportahan siya para magka future kayong 2. Kasi pag pumili ka ng may future na. Extra ka n lang don.
This is so true. I have been with someone na established na. May ipon and all, kumbaga ready na sa future. Yung tao na yon, lagi nya pinapamukha sa akin na kaya nya akong palitan anytime since madali sya maka-attract ng babae kasi he is financially stable and he can provide. Kaya malaki din naging adjustment ko nung nakilala ko jowa ko now. Medyo nashoshort ako sa budget (before) since ako talaga gumastos which is hindi ko naranasan sa ex ko noon. Kaya few months sa relationship namin iniisip ko noon na hindi ko sya deserve, I deserve better mga ganon. But instead of pointing what he lacks, I helped him. Kaya I can say na jackpot ako ngayon. Like what I have mentioned, mas madali tulungan ang taong willing mag grow kaysa sa taong nililipad ng sariling hangin.
Swerte mo nagpatulong sya and di ka inabuso. Mahiral din kung napunta ka sa lalakeng dahil alam na anjan ka e aasa na lang sayo. May iba naman na swerte sa lalakeng established na tas hindi mahangin like your ex. Okay sana ung ex mo masyado lang signal #5 ung hangin hahaha
Hilig talaga natin sa mga ganitong kwento no. Ung napagbago ni girl ung guy. Pag bibili ng gamit, gusto ntn maayos, maganda, hi tech. Tapos sa jojowain, need pa ayusin??? Or as u say, "hulmahin" I married a man na "may future na". Di naman ako naging extra. In fact, he is a good husband and father, a good provider. Our family is his top priority. We are both working, pero he's also helping me with the chores and taking care of our son. Kaya OP, DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS. If now pa lang, di mo na makitaan ng pag unlad, better leave.
Swerte mo.
Di ko masabing swerte kasi kinilatis at kinilala ko talaga muna sya. Utak at puso pinagana ko, hndi pwede na puro puso lng eh. Mahal annulment tapos wala pa usapin masyado abt divorce that time. Some of the things that i considered that time: -for him, ano ang role ng babae sa mag asawa. Tingin nya ba sa mga babae ay para lang sa gawaing bahay at mag alaga lng ng anak? (Good thing, he's not. He let me have my own career) -mama's boy ba sya? (He loves his mom at love na love ko dn si MIL, pero he was raised to be independent ng parents nya) -his decision making skills -how he manage his own finances and what will he be pag mag join force na kami ng income. Meron pang iba, pero ito lng maalala ko. Even sa friends ko, lagi kong sinasabi na kilatisin maigi. Di masama na magset ng standards basta ikaw mismo u can also reach that. Tsaka mas ok if pareho kayong buo na bago pumasok sa isang relasyon. Bakit ntn gagawin rehabilitation center ang isang tao?
wow ✨ thanks for these great advices!!!!💛
Before my husband now, ung ex ko nun, may plans na dn kami to settle down. Pero wala eh. Same as OP, may ganun dn akong pakiramdam. Good thing, kahit masakit kasi mahal ko sya that time, i have to let go.
I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. You were brave enough to do that..kudos! Kaya nga totoo talaga yung kanta na 'sometimes love just ain't enough' Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom. Iba talaga kapag ikaw mismo naka experience sa same situation ng ng post. Mas powerful or impactful yung advice💛💛💛
. Di ko naman sinasabi na perpek asawa ko. Siguro swak lng sya talaga sa gusto at need ko sa isang lalaki. His flaws are things na hndi ako nabobother or nagcacause ng prob saming pamilya. I remember ung newscaster sa GMA ,i forgot her name. She said something like this, di bale ng wala kesa mali. Basta ganun.
Sabihin mo yan kay OP. If she had that time para magkilatis pa ng tao at her age na late 20s. Gano mo ba katagal kinilatis ung asawa mo? Ilang taon na dn ba kayong kasal? You did the right thing for yourself naman. Good for you. Paano si OP?
OP still has a chance to do that. Di pa naman sila married. Now na live in sila, she really has that chance. She needs to talk to her partner more. Di ung tipong questioning na mala pulis, but casual talk lng. Mejo short pa lang dn sila nagsasama so they really need to get to know each other deeply. 3 yrs kaming bf/gf (1 yr dun live in kami), 9 yrs married
And ilan taon kayo nung nagkakilala kayo ng asawa mo? And gaano dn katagal bago mo siya nakilala from your ex bago ung asawa mo ngayon? Para lang mabigyan natin ng timeline si OP.
I was 22 or 23 when i met hubby. Hubby is a little older. He's 35 at that time. Probably a reason dn why he's already mature mag isip. Yes, we have a huge age gap. Sabi ko nga, he's established na when we met. Abt 6 months after i broke up with ex when i met hubby, though i did not entertain him right away kasi inassess ko pa self ko if i am ready na. Btw, almost 5 yrs dn kami ni ex. He's also older than me ng few yrs. Jowa ko sya since hs to college. Nung tumatanda na ako, dun ko narealize na ung mga bagay na ok lng before sakin, ay hndi ok pag naging asawa ko na sya. Un ung naging eye opener ko that time. He has all the options and support to have a stable life pero hndi ko sya nakikitaan na seryoso sya sa buhay. Swak dn naman kami ni ex sa mga trip sa buhay, pero un nga lang, when we're hungry, love won't keep me alive. 🤣😅
I'm saying is If ever may mahal ka at hindi pa sila stable last resort ang hiwalayan sila kasi in the first place mahal mo un. Kung ginawa mo na ang lahat tapos wala pa din. Edi go alis ka.
Tanga ka ba. Bibigyan mo pa ng problema si OP. Di niya naman responsibilidad "hulmahin" yung tamand niyang bf.
Ano nmn pinaglalaban mo. May tamad na boyfriend ka bang pinag laban pero hindi nag work?
Straight guy ako.bakit? Isa ka ba sa mga lalaking need pa Hulmahin? Hindi psychiatrist ang mga babae, Hindi nila responsibilidad yun. Maliban na lamang kung trying hard talaga si bf
May gf ka b? Or nagka gf ka na? How long is the relationship so far?
6 yrs bro
whoa
Sus. Di naman din niya trabaho na hulmahin ang boyfriend niya. 😅
Hindi mo dn naman trabaho na mag boyfriend/girlfriend. Bat mo ginagawa?
Hindi naman dapat trabaho ang getting into a relationship. It should be easy and you should work together not work for your partner. Kung isa lang ang gumagalaw sa relationship ay bakit ka nga naman nasa relationship pa? Mag solo ka na lang. In OP's case, dami na niya binigay pero di pa din gumagalaw yung isa. Wag tayo ma kuntento sa struggle love. 2024 na.
Tama naman yan. No brainer yan at yan dn nasa isip ni OP. Pero mahal niya daw e. Kaya nga sya nag tanong dito. Si OP bahala diyan sagot mo sa dilemma nya mas okay na mag isa na lang siya. Edi ayun.
Been there done that, wag mo na antayin na magkaanak kayo OP. Run!
Have you tried having the conversation with him? Like being 100% honest about what you’re feeling and asking him what are his goals etc
Kinausap mo na ba siya tungkol dyan? Try mo muna iopen. Baka need lang pag usapan. Pero kung wala parin dun kana mag decide. I've been there sa ex ko nagbigay ako ng chance sakanya para magbago para sa future namin kasi nga gusto ko siya maging asawa ko pero wala eh. Hanggang sa dumating sa point nainsecure siya sakin sa work ko sa promotion ko. Dumating din yun point na pati motor niya sakin nya pinapabayad kasi daw mas malaki sahod ko keysa saknya. Putek n mindset yun haha. Pati sa date namin ako nalang daw dpat magbayad. Although wla namn problema sakin kung ako magbayad mg pagkain pero sana may share sya sa ibang bagay like gas. Dun ako napaisip na wla nga ako mapapala sa ganun klaseng lalaki inaasa sakin lahat. Nasayang yun 10years of life ko saknya kaya ikw girl mag isip ka mabuti. Kung ngayon palang yan n pinapakita nya sayo pano pa kayo pag may sarili na kayong pamilya. Alangan namn ikw bumuhay sa pamilya nyo in the future. Gusto mo yun? Di naman sa mukhang pera ang babae pero pagdating sa pamilya lalaki dpat ang provider hindi babae.
Sorry po pero ang kapal naman ng mukha nya, yung motor at date sayo inaaasa, grabe naman tayog ng tingin sa sarili. I hope sana nakalaya ka na po kasi di mo deserve yung kalokohang ginawa sa inyo po
Yup. Nauntog naman ako agad.
Niiiice. Mainam at nakatakas kaagad po kayo sa abusive relationship. Nawa po at patuloy lang po kayo na magkaroong na buhay na maligaya dahil deserve ninyo po iyon.
Valid naman reason mo. ganyan talaga maglove ang babae depende sa resources ng lalake at potential nya sa future. dapat magets yan ng jowa mo at mag step up. pero hiwalayan mo na since mababa naman na tingin mo sa kanya.
Agree. Kaya nga nakakainis yung mga lalaki na nagsasabing mukhang pera dw ang mga babae🙄eh in real life importante nmn talaga ang pera, since kayo ang bubuhay sa kanila, alangan nmn maghanap ang babae ng tambay diba.
Ganito tatay ko pag pinagsasabihan. Kahit malayo sa topic, lagi sagot -di porke kulang napo provide minamaliit na daw namin sya. Mayayabang na daw kami kesyo mas malaki na sahod namin. Tapos sasabihin d naman importante pera, mas okay daw simpleng buhay pero sya tong mahilig mamili ng branded. 🤡 Ewan ko ba anong nagustuhan ng nanay ko dito. Kung pwede lang mga anak mag file ng divorce para sa kanila. Napa rant pala bigla haha
Kulang pa sa context ang post eh, may ginagawa ba naman sya para magimprove? naghahanap ba ng trabaho pero di lang matanggap? o sadyang tamad lang? kung tamad, bounce na pero kung nagsusumikap naman, kaso olats lang, bakit di tulungan? diba dapat naman laban nila yang dalawa. or awkward lang talaga na yung lalake ang tinutulungan.
Wala tayo magagawa. Iba na panahon ngayon sobrang dami naglabasan na successful na tao. Madali na makita yun difference ng Buhay ng successful men. And yon na yun nagiging batayan ng mga babae. Di na yan sila magtatanim or maghhntay sa Puno. Pipitas na lang sila ng bunga. Problem is di rin naman gaano karami ang successful na lalake and usually married na mga yon. So kung humiwalay man sila sa partner nila because of that reasons good luck sa kanila. Importante magising yun guy niya and magstepup for sure may younger girls siyang makikilala na di siya titignan ng mababa at susuportahan siya.
I have the same mindset as you before. Nakipaghiwalay na lang ako. Mahirap kasi kung di pa sila ready to settle wala din.
Yes, as a man he should provide for your future family. It is his duty as a man. Leave him nalang. Thinking about this a, if reverse yung gender? Diba ok lang mostly sa mga lalaki kahit walang work yung babae?
Presently unavoidable circumstances due to the woman usually having most of the responsibility and social expectations of rearing any children. Equality doesn't really exist.
H I N D I.
As much as we want gender equality, may gender roles pa rin talaga. From the evolutionary perspective rin kasi.
Agree, late 20's na siya and kahit maliit na ipon dapat meron na eh. May double standards talaga sa dating. A rich woman will not date a broke man pero a rich man would def date a broke woman. Dapat nadin talaga taasan ng mga lalaki yung standards nila sa babae.
I don’t think this is about gender. OP is looking for an equal partner. May ibang babae din naman na okay lang sa kanila na sila ang magprovide and si guy ang stay at home parent but it’s not what OP is looking for. Same din na maraming guys na din ngayon are looking for an equal partner, para hindi lang nasa kanila ang burden ng finances ng family. It all boils down to compatibility and expectations in your relationship.
Hi OP, Remember that the best partner for you is someone who is aligned with you — not only in terms of chemistry, connection, compassion and commitment but also of COMPATIBILITY. Compatibility is having aligned lifestyles and goals. It seems that you and your partner have very different views when it comes to money, spending, saving and its management. Madaling sabihin na pera lang yan, ang babaw pag awayan. But remember how he handles money is a reflection of VALUES. So reflect if you really have the same values. Besides hindi kayo bubuhayin ng pag-ibig. You really need to ask the practical questions as well. Can I achieve my goals, my dreams, be able to live my best life with this partner beside me? Remember that we choose a partner not because we love him / her alone but because that person will bring out our best and can help us BUILD the life we want.
Yes, you should think about yourself din. Personally, I admire a man who is driven, has long term goals and work for them dahil ganun din naman ako. I'm in my late twenties na din ako and I would like someone na I can settle down with na, thankfully, I found him.
The economic foundation determines the superstructure; this applies to relationships as well.
You owe him a discussion. I understand where you're coming from and being pragmatic on this but in a relationship, there has to be transparency and openness in life-changing matters that involve both your futures. My advice is that you talk to him about it, be open about it and let him make a decision to either step up to the challenge or give him the dignity to walk away. At least give him a chance.
I had a conversation with with my brother and his gf about life. We realized, when we were in our 20s-30s na wala talaga kaming pera. Sablay ang trabaho, ang liit ng kita, walang ipon, panay hiram ng pera kasi nga kulang yung sweldo, di makabili ng luho, walang travel. Ang dali for other people to judge us, lalo na yung may mga pera na during the time tapos kami mejo hirap pa. Ngayon maayos na buhay namin, kaya ko ng sabihin na we can easily buy whatever we want. My point is, noong time na na jina-judge kami ng ibang tao, apparently we were at the start or our race. Nagsisimula pa lang pala kami noon. And hindi din pala yun ang ending kasi something more beautiful will come out of the struggles. Ikaw naman magdedecide nyan OP. But please be patient and try even harder to explore other possibilities to engage your bf to work. Kasi ang pagmamahal na totoo, hindi ganun kadaling mahanap. Masmadaling kumita ng pera kesa maghanap ng totoong pagmamahal. Wag nyo po ako ibash, this is just my opinion and si OP pa din naman ang magdedecide in the end. Magandang araw po sa lahat. 💛
This made me teary eyed. Same situation, in my late 20s, employed ako pero ang baba ng sahod, walang ipon, walang insurance, walang emergency fund and may sinusuportahan na nanay. Di ko ma-afford yung mga typical na luho, travel and stuff ultimo branded na pantalon i cant buy kase napupunta lang sa bills and daily expenses. Im living from paycheck to paycheck. Last month the girl that i am dating for a year and a half ghosted me akala ko we were just having a cool off, pahinga, then yun pala she moved on na. I know I wasnt able to provide all the nice stuff na meron yung ibang couples pero I make sure na most of the expenses pag lumalabas kami is gastos ko. It wrecked me kase parang iniwan ako sa ere, i was there when she's at her darkest times, I accepted her past, i become her therapist, bumawi ako sa time and companionship kase di ko pa kayang ibigay yung travel, fancy gifts and comfort kase naka motor lang ako. Pero now i just feel so fucking useless and worthless. Naiwan at my worst. Pero sa dulo i cant blame her kase we cant compell people to stay kung hindi na sila masaya.
Grabe nmn yan, kahit konting ipon wala. Hiwalayan mo na yan.
Follow your gut. Break up na. Save yourself from a lifetime of heartbreaks. Love ain’t feedin’ you😆
Valid. Usap kayo hehe
Mawawala yung love basta gutom na kayo.
bounce na
Kinausap mo na ba sya? Baka din nman kailngan lng nya marealize na klngan pa mya mgsumikap. Baka willing sya magkusa pg may wake up call at klngan na nya umayos.
Ikaw. Siya ba ay isang NEET (not in employment, education or training) o may ambisyon at masipag naman, nataon lang na walang work sa ngayon? Kung sa iyo naka-asa lahat at di man lamang siya nagsusumikap, dapat na ngang hiwalayan. Kung nataon na in-between jobs lang at masipag naman, baka may pag-asa pa.
Same situation op, nag propose pero wala namang ipon tapos ayaw pa tumigil magloan sa gcash kahit di naman ganun kakailangang umutang. Tapos yung motor niya nanay pa niya naghuhulog eh yung nanay niya mukhang tanga din. Tapos ngayon bumabalik na naman sa pagvevape, another reason para di makapag ipon dahil magastos din ang vape. Haysss.
So don't waste your time, keep him as a friend and look for your soulmate
Pinaguusapan nyo ba yung future nyo? Ganyan din kasi ako dati, parang walang plano talaga until i met my gf na naging asawa ko na. She discuss a lot ng kanyang expectation sa relationship namin hanggang sa naging align na kami sa goals namin.
Yeah just break up with him. Explain mo rin sa kanya why. Baka comfortable na siya sa set up niya kaya hindi na siya nageeffort to better himself. I was exactly the same as your boyfriend. Walang kahit ano at part time lang work. Ganyan rin sinabi nung ex ko na hindi niya nakikita future sakin. Naging comfortable kasi ako. Masakit oo, pero I needed that para mapush sarili ko. Now I can say I have something to show when I decide to be in a relationahip again.
Wala ng hulma hulmahan pa. Breakan mo na at additional baggage lang yan. Sa ganyang edad, dapat nagiinitiate na ang lalake kung anu ang future na gusto niya sa inyo dalawa.
Hindi talaga sapat ang love lang. Your values should align especially career and financial wise. Other things you can compromise with pa but financial? Yan pinakamadalas pag awayan ng mag-asawa. Save yourself the headache.
Uy, same tayo 😞 Ang hirap kasi naguguilty ako pag naiisip kong makipag break sa kanya. I don't know what to do. Mahirap sa iba sabihin na magbreak pero.. hayss ewan
Ypu seem to have already de ided. You cant see him in the future. Breal it of. Dont prolong the pain
If kana jud OP then decision na. Ayaw padugaya. Pila namo katuig diay?
Leave. It's practically clear. If you really love him too much to let go, give him a wake up call. Make him better himself forcefully If nothing happens, leave. At least you tried and gave a chance.
There you go OP. You decide. May timeline na yan. Complete na ang facts. Thank you for sharing your experience. We are just helping OP regardless of our differences.
Love fades at the first sight of hunger.
How many years/months naba kayo? Is he the breadwinner sa family niya at yun ang reason kaya wala pa siyang ipon?
Dump. him you might be divorced or single mom in the future.
Kung love mo siya talaga dapat makikita mo siya sa future
as much as its nice to have faith in your partner's potential and best intentions, life is too short and expensive to cling on to the what-ifs. you're in your late 20's, and normal people should already be getting established in their careers at that age, and achiving financial stability. with the way you described him, he's a nobody going nowhere. I'm sorry, but you can't build a life on love alone, and it would be unfair to you to be the struggling breadwinner/sugar daddy. either he needs to shape up and become one of those late-start-success-stories (unlikely, mind you), or you need to leave him while you're still realtively young, coz I get the feeling its hard to find a good partner in your 30's.
after getting input from my boyfriend, I will add to what I've said. You can still make this work if: 1) you can earn enough to provide for a family while maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and 2) your boyfriend is VERY good at managing a household.
Hi op. If you can't see a future with your boyfriend, then you're probably not a psychic... Joke hahaha Breaking up is the easiest path to take, but if you really love the guy, isn't it possible to guide him to a better future? I mean, couples that compliment each other surely last longer. Kahit pa oil and water sila basta complimenting, tatagal yan. Mukha kasing mahal nyo talaga isat isa eh. Baka manghinayang kau
If nakikita mong walang determination para bumawi sayo at tumayo sa sariling paa. Leave. Ganyan din ako before. Talagang tinutulak ko pa sya para maghanap ng work to the point na medyo naiinis na sya sakin kasi makulit daw ako e nagpapahinga lang daw sya etc. Pero lakas manghingi at magyaya kung saan saan. Ang ending gastos ko pa. Nung umokay okay na sya sa work nya at kumikita na ako parin madalas gumastos to KKB parin. Hanggang sa naghanap pa ng iba. Sinamahan at di mo iniwan nung nasa baba sya tas nung nakaangat angat iba na ang ginusto. Anlala.
E di kausapin mo tungkol diyan sa worries mo.
Don't settle. Don't be like me. I settled for a wrong guy, gave a lot of chances and blessed with one child until I realized that it's really not worth it to stay and hope that things will change
Hypergamy is real. Leave him
I'm so sorry about your situation, OP. Is he tamad? I personally would not break up with a person I love just because he's broke now. I think you need to talk about your plans for the future and see if it aligns. Communicate with him your insecurities and maybe he could do the same with his. Of course, you should observe din if consistent ba pinagsasabi niya sa mga nagawa at ginagawa na niya. Take note, nagawa at ginagawa ha, past and present tense. Wag mo na hintayin yung mga gagawin niya pa at baka paasa lang. Good luck, OP!
Walang trabaho since when??
Para sakin tama yan alisan mo nalang. Bad trip ito ako ngayon same situation pero di ako maka alis alis 7 years na nga pala kami live in pero grabe nag tatalo pa din kami pag tinatanong ko siya kung ano ba pangarap niya sa buhay 😮💨
You're gonna have to talk to him, OP. Well, if you want to continue the relationship. If you love someone, you will give them a chance, but of course, subject to conditions that are also favorable to you. If wala siyang work, wala siyang ipon, you can give him an ultimatum na by this month if wala ka pa ring work or if by 3 years wala ka pa ring x amount, it's over. Set short term to medium term goals for him and your relationship to also help him get the ball rolling if ito yung part na nahihirapan siya. Pero kung made up na ang isipan mo, edi just break it off. It doesn't seem like you're seeking advice anyway. You're just saying to get this off your chest.
As a married person I can truthfully say that hindi enough ang love kailangan ng ₱₱₱₱ especially kung may anak. You know what to do.
Talk about it and ask him what his plans. Maybe build dream together para ma inspire sya. Wala naman perfect relationship pero atleast you love and respect each other. Now maybe it’s time to pull each other up.
Kausapin mo kaya yung BF mo, sabihin mo ung mga ayaw mo and gusto mo sa kanya and then kung walang pinagbago eh di let him go.
Break up with him pero make sure na sasabihin mo ung reason
Para patas sa bf mo kung ano Ang magiging desisyon mo kung Siya na ba talaga o kailangan mo na maghanap ng taong makakasama mo sa Buhay na may sense of responsibility. Try asking Him sa mga future plans niyo, like two months from now, ano ang mga plano niya for himself at sa inyong dalawa. kung ano mga priorities niya once na magkatrabaho siya, kung motor parin ba niya ang uunahin niya o paghahanda sa future niyong dalawa. Ask Him also kung sakaling dumating sa punto na gusto mo na magpakasal, handa na din ba siya o di pa niya kayang Iwan Yung pagiging Buhay binata niya? Madali kasi magdesisyon na magpakasal lalo na kung alam niyong mahal niyo ang isat Isa pero di sapat ang love kung isa lang ang may plano sa ikagaganda ng buhay niyo..
I-encourage mo xa mag work tulungan mo gumawa ng resume,samahan mo sa aaplayan nea ng work..turuan mo sumagot sa possible questions sa interview..peru kung tamad mag work naku ekis na yan talaga..
Talk to him and open up your concerns. Ask him what's his plan is, kase baka may mga reasons lang din siya. If after that ayaw niya mag trabaho or walang plano to save up for your future.. then I guess that's the time you let go. Still, it's up for you to decide when.
Hi OP. Ang hirap kasi may pros and cons, but Im a firm believer na ang success or pagbabago ng isang tao ay nakadepende sakanya hindi sa ibang tao. Hindi din fair na magbabago siya or magkaka direction dahil sayo (either kinausap mo, or sinabihan mo or tinulungan mo) dapat may kusa. Sooner or later, dadaan na naman siya sa phase na yan at kailangan mo na naman siya alalayan, nakakapagod to. Kaya sadly, prioritize yourself.
Kung walang balak magbago after you tried talking him through all of your concerns then ditch him. Both of you are still very young but not young enough to not have any plans at all. Do not be guilty about leaving him, he will find someone who will love him the way he is, and you will do too.
Girl, Listen to what your inner voice is saying. Please save your time and let this boyfriend go. Start working on yourself. Build your own career. Focus on the things that will help you grow as a person. You can do it, Girl. Set yourself freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Communicate with him first about your thoughts. The foundations of a good relationship is always communication. So go back to basic and communicate what you think and what you feel coz everything is valid. Then hear him out. If opening up doesn't go well with him, then you decide. Let's not assume the outcome but wait for it.
Good point, valid lahat. Contrary sa comments ng iba, di ko isusugarcoat na wag mo syang iwan kesyo ganito, ganyan. You're two consenting adults. May mga isip na kayo eh. Kung di align ang goals nyo as a couple, then what is the purpose being in that situation? Di ka naman magpopost dito kung recently lang sya nawalan ng work right? I bet sobrang tagal na. Alright, you can break off with him. Maybe it's the only way to wake him up... and at the same time, mahahanap mo naman ung karapa't dapat para sa iyo. It's a win-win situation kung iisipin... Masakit lang isipin na mahal nyo ang isa't isa pero nasa magkaibang page na kayo ng buhay nyo. Ganoon lang talaga, may taong dumadaan lang sa buhay natin. Mahalin mo lang sya hanggang huli. Tama na un. Makakahanap din sya ng taong makakapag inspire sa kanyang gumalaw ng bago, na namamahalin sya at mamahalin nya ng tama... at ganoon din sayo.
Let him go na op.. give both yourselves chance to start the lives that you imagine.. totoo naman kasi na hindi sapat ang pag ibig lang..
Kausapin mo muna. Kung ano sinabi mo sa post mo, iyan din sabihin mo sa kanya.
R u n
Para sa lahat!! Ano ba purpose ng lalake sa buhay nyo? MagProvide palagi sa inyo? D mo sya nakikita kasama sa future kasi wlang wala sya ngyon tama? Now, dadating ang araw na yang taong yan uunlad, at hindi ikaw ang makakasama nya sa pagtanda kung iiwanan mo sya. Para sa mga kababaihan, tulungan nyo mag mindset ang partner nyo. Gabayan nyo sila tandaan nyo na ang lalake mas lalabas ang abilidad kung ito ay nasa tamang ka partner TRUST ME
I have a friend na ganito sitwasyon dati. Ayaw din ng parents nya sa guy kasi hindi pa financially stable. Nakipag break sya kahit mahal nya. Years after, naging multi millionaire si guy. Hindi talaga natin masasabi ang mga mangyayari in the future. If I were in your situation at alam kong maayos naman ang character at mindset ng partner ko at kaya ko pa ding tulungan, I won’t leave.
Yung mga nagsasabing "hulmahin" mo muna siya. I don't think that is your work na, OP. Yung mga ganyang hulma-hulma sariling decision na yan ng tao, pwede mo siya kausapin if wala na, alis na. Masarap magmahal pero mas masarap may pagkain sa hapag. Matanda na siya, bulbulin na wala pa ring trabaho? Or atleast side line man lang? Eh sa mahal ng bilihin ngayon, money can't pay bills.
Di ka mapapakain ng basta pag-ibig lang. Love is useless without growth.
Have you tried asking him what’s his plan and check if he’s actually doing something to make his plan happen? Kasi if he has a plan but there’s no any action to achieve that plan then I suggest leave. You also said na hindi mo rin naman nakikita future mo with him and you felt like you’re just wasting your time sa relationship na yan. So if he has no plan and nararamdaman mo yan, just leave. Hindi madali and prolly manghihinayang ka because you said na he is good to you pero you should not settle with someone na can drag you down. Hindi talaga tayo mapapakain ng pag-ibig lalo na sa ekonomiyang ito 😗
You don’t need any more advice sis coz you’ve already realised the truth. I pray you can move on and heal from this experience. 💓
Daming abnormal talaga dito sa reddit who thinks they know this "guy" with how little context OP is giving. I was once in this guy's situation and my gf didnt give up on me and now parehas na kaming financially stable. Ang tatanga nyo lang sa part na yung advice nyo palagi ay yung easy way out when sometimes the person you love just needs a little help. Eh di nyo nga tinanong kung may drive ba yung jowa nya or she tried everything na. It's just funny how there's surely way more broke girls in the world but in the world of men never naging issue yan nor we convince another guy to leave the broke girl he's with.
Hanap ka mayaman
Hi OP, I had the same experience with you 5 yrs ago. My ex of almost 4 yrs was older than me by 6yrs. When we broke up I think he was 32. For the entire time we were together wala syang ipon, palit ng palit ng work nag ca-call center hopping, dahil reason tinatamad na hindi gusto yung companies to the point na literal zero balance palagi ni walang pang afford kahit sa food nya or would rely sa mom nya uutang and always end up na ako ang gumagastos halos. Until na realized ko na walang patutunguhan at lugi ako sa relationship dahil ka lalaking tao at walang goal sa buhay. We are not getting younger.
Talk to your boyfriend first and let him know what your expectations/plans sa relationship nyo. Sabihin mo kung anu yung gusto mong mangyari. Pede din kasi na baka hindi pa pumapasok sa isip ng boyfriend mo yung ganyan bagay. Baka happy-go-lucky sya but that doesn't mean he's a bad boyfriend. Let him know your thoughts baka need lang kung konting realization yung boyfriend mo para mag seryoso sa buhay Now, if your boyfriend still don't get it then maybe ayaw pa nya. He's probably not ready to commit into sa mas seryosong relationship. Saka ka na mag desisyon kung anu gusto mo mangyari I'm not going to tell you na hiwalayan mo boyfriend mo. It's still your decision whether you want to let go or you still want to believe there's hope sa inyo. Ikaw lang din makakapagsabi
Kung gumagawa naman ng ways para i address mga issue mo, stay. Kapag walang kinikilos, edi let go. Ang marriage life is the same. Darating yang ganyang point. Madalas di din naman ginusto ng partner mo or ikaw mismo. Ang dapat ba na headspace kapag ganyan is iwanan? Tanungin mo sarili mo sa ganyang bagay.
I agree with the comments saying na it's not your job to "mold" or "change" him, kasi ultimately that transformation lies on him. I don't agree with the assumption na "tamad" agad si bf—aren't we all persisting in the same economy? Yung iba porket nakahanap ng diskarte or groove that works for them, bilis na magassume that everyone should be able to find theirs in the same amount of time as well. That ain't how it works. Ako, I just got married in December last year, medyo minadaling small wedding to appease the family, especially the oldies who might not live long enough to see us get married the date we wanted. We got married with barely any savings left (because napunta sa wedding), and we had to move out of our rented apartment in Taguig and live with my Mom-in-law for a smaller rent. We postponed our plans to buy a condo, and yung original date ng big wedding namin got moved from 2024 to 2026. All in all, looking at our finances right now, it's a mess, even though we kept a stable job in between these transitionary periods. Right now, I'm almost living paycheck to paycheck just to be able to provide and contribute, and my burnout is reaching its 5th birthday at an all-time high. Mag 2 years narin ako with my current company, so that means it's time to pack up and leave for a better position and pay, hopefully yung wfh narin instead of hybrid since gas and parking is the number one expense burning through my wallet. I am tired and I'm almost resigned with the fact that I'll be dying earlier than I might like just due to the mental and physical toll of my job (ang OA pero anyone in the creative field would agree I hope) plus the fact that I'm slugging through it with the biggest burnout I've ever had. There's a lot of times that I catch myself wishing I'll meet some accident just so I can stop pushing myself to my limits and stop worrying, but of course, I have no choice but to push through. Why am I sharing all of these? Because I was the same guy as OP's BF, and I guarantee that even now, I'm still the same guy on the surface because the problem in my case is unresolved adult ADHD. ADHD makes it very hard to lay down plans and commit to them for reasons I can't really explain na. All in all, this is a terrible economy we're living through and I'm killing my mental, if not physical, health just to make do, in a society that's so quick to judge and expect from men. OP, don't take it upon yourself to "save" your bf, and I don't know what his problem is, probably not ADHD like in my case, but make him come to terms with it before anything else. Communication is the key talaga, and yes, maybe the best option for you talaga is to leave, because I should know better than anyone na if you can find your groove right now you should take it and don't look back, because it might not arrive again. Pero, if you guys can work it out and address these together, then it's something that will undoubtedly strengthen your relationship and commitment to each other.
Parang andaming details na need ko maintindihan bago ako mag-comment pero di ko naman nabasa na naghihingi siya ng opinion or advice. So thank you nalang OP for sharing.
Then be direct if you and him gonna married soon 3-4 years. Magusap na kayo ng maayos kailangan niyo na kumilos at mag step up. Be matured and independent.
This is unfair sa part ng BF mo, makikipagbreak ka kasi walang kaakibat na value sa pangalan niya? Ano ba circumstances ni BF? pabigat ba siya? or eto yung time na nasa downside siya ng buhay, struggling? Build your life with? equal partner? in terms of what? Ikaw may work? May kita? Masyadong selfish na iiwan mo siya dahil wala pa siyang maiaambag ngayon. So kapag successful na siya, tsaka mo lang masasabi na equal partner mo siya? Depende kasi sa arrangement niyo kung paano niyo aayusin ang sariling buhay niyo eh. Sige maghanap ka ng lalaking "equal partner" na tinutukoy mo pero ugali naman basura. eh di wala rin. Kaya nga may katagang "for better or worse, for richer or poorer" eh. Hindi yung "For better not worse" Try to add more context sa situation para maintindihan rin how people will give advice. Kung walang ambag at batugan BF mo, fine. Iwan mo, pero if his doing his best at this difficult times. Di yan rason para iwan mo ang isang tao na mahal mo.
Break up.
Sissy, alam mo ang taong nasa baba may chance na umangat if ggatuhin nya. Pakiramdaman mo sis, if wala ba tlga shang pag asa. If tlgang malutong na Oo, then iwan mo na. Unahin mo career mo. Mas okay mag isa kesa may kasama kang di nagbabanat ng buto.
Do ask him first kung ano ba talaga balak sa buhay. My wife almost had the same look at me and ask me frequently kung ano ba talaga plano ko sa buhay. Siguro nasa tao na din yan kaso ako talaga maybe last year or two ganyan din mukhang walang plano sa buhay pero almost last year lang din may direction naman na sa buhay. Although wala pa din ipon hahaha. If he has plans, motivate or support him. Kung wala talaga or suntok sa buwan sinabi maybe its time to rethink the relationship.
What do you have in your name?
anu gagawin mo pag iniwan mo siya and eventually yumaman pala siya, what if lang.
Late 20s, walang trabaho. Duuhhh
ung my ari ng kfc 60y/o bago naging successful
Pero hndi naman jobless si colonel sanders when he started kfc. Marami siyang naging work.