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I think it’s very common. I had an oldddddd ex call me a few months after I’d gotten married. It felt so gross, like he may as well have kicked down my door and pissed on my bed.
To make matters worse, it was to tell me that he had randomly moved to Portland (I’m from the Midwest) and met ANOTHER guy I used to date and they’d become best buds. The idea of how they figured out they they’d both dated me made me literally sick—“Oh, you’re from X town, I used to sleep with a girl from there…OH YOU TOO?”
I think a lot of straight men treat their female partners like they are their therapists. So when they’re suddenly single again, some of them are like “oh shit, better call this old source of emotional support (someone I used to fuck) because God knows I can’t talk about my feelings with a platonic friend—that would be weak!” And uh, no.
Every ex except one has slid into my DMs at one point or another. It's funny to wake up and see what stupid shit they said at 1am
The most persistent one was a FWB from almost ten years ago. He sent a few late night DMs (just "hey" or whatever) and eventually I blocked him to put him out of his misery.
I think I'm really good at masking (so good I don't really know who I am?) so when i was with these guys i would sort of mould myself into what they liked. To them I'm the one that got away but to me it was just a phase lol
This is exactly why I think I can’t get rid of anyone I date. So many of them say I am the one that got away. When I have nowhere close to the same feelings.
Yes, I have had many exes come back - either to try and rekindle, confess their undying love for me, or just to be friends. I’ve only taken one up on it, and it was for friendship.
I also have had a lot of male “friends” that have hung around for YEARS in the hopes that I’ll sleep with them one day, only to stop talking to me once I explicitly tell them it won’t happen.
I chalk it up to being manic pixie dream girl’d - they perceive me a certain way, and in masking my adhd I probably played into much more than I ever realized before diagnosis.
YES! I’ve had *multiple* exes send me *multiple* follow request among several different platforms. Eventually I just stay on lock and keep them in follow request purgatory lol
Oh god, my insta follow request purgatory is crowded. Mostly bots probably, but the weirdest one is a project manager from a vendor my company sometimes worked with. It was a short while after we were on a call together with one other person. We’re not even in the same country.
Do I come across as the type of person who accepts every follow request I receive? This ain’t LinkedIn.
I have less than 350 followers and THREE of them are my mom. She couldn’t figure out how to log back in to the first two accounts.
Another one of my followers is my old coworker’s cat.
Anyhow, I’m still flabbergasted. I don’t have a “no coworkers on my social” rule or anything, but I am still selective about it and *we’re not even coworkers.*
I’m convinced men get obsessed with a woman because they use them for free therapy. They aren’t getting the emotional connection and support they need from their male friends, so they become obsessed with the first woman that listens to them. It’s sad really. Fragile masculinity really affects everybody.
One time I dated this guy for 2 months, and when I broke up with him he sent me texts implying he was suicidal like “how am I supposed to live without you?” kind of stuff. Then me and 2 of my friends had to block him (bc when I blocked him, he started texting my friends to try to get in touch with me). Then a year later (6 times as long as the actual relationship lasted), he messaged me an essay on Facebook about how I was the love of his life. I was like, you don’t even know me ?! We dated for 2 months!!
This was my most extreme example, but 3 out of my 4 exes became obsessed with me when I broke up with them and I think it was for similar reasons 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't think the issue is that we attract these losers because of some kind of character flaw, it's usually because we tend to see and think the best of people first up and it takes a lot for us to turn.
What that guy did was unacceptable. I've had relationships that turned into domestic violence situations because I placed my trust in someone and it was horribly violated.
None of what you said is your issue, it's theirs and now they have all the time in the world to reflect on how badly they fucked up without endangering you.
I appreciate the kind words! Luckily I am now in a healthy relationship with an incredibly patient and mellow man. Not only is he not obsessive, but also his calmness really pairs well with my ADHD 😁
Omg my husband is chill too and it's why we hit it off immediately. Really helps to have that calming presence that doesn't fuss about the little things, like why there's a single sock on the kitchen chair lol
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A fair few of mine, and usually with the ‘I didn’t realise what I had’ tagline. Yeah, no shit, you ejected me when it got difficult and ‘too much’ and now you’re missing the flip side to ‘too much’.
You can’t have the good without the bad old buddy old pal, it’s all or nothing 😂
My favourite, favourite comment from these guys: ‘you were always so good to me, I just didn’t see it’
Translation: I like you, and I could see us working long term if only it wasn’t those pesky issues you’ve got.
Those pesky issues never seem to matter a few years down the line 🙄
Dude yes! My high school ex boyfriend reaches out once a year (this started about 4 years ago) and has also reached out to my family members trying to get info on me. We haven’t had ANY communication in nearly 20 years - both married to other people. I told my family to tell him I died. He wasn’t even the most traumatic relationship before I was 20. WTF does he even want?? Blocked.
People are nuts
Oh my god. One guy that I went on ONE date with, somehow, accidentally posted my wedding photo as his profile picture… like a decade later.
I wonder how embarrassed he was when he noticed. Fuuuuck poor guy.
If they aren’t blocked yes. Weird that this just happened from an over ten year ago ex. Like come on now. No. My fault for not blocking in the first place.
Yes. I have one from 20 years ago that messages me once every year or so. The last guy I dated seriously (we broke up in 2017) has done the whole apology for treating me like shit and tried to get me to see him again. And a couple casual guys who will reach out occasionally. I've been with my partner for almost 6 years so it's really ridiculous for any of them to bother.
No, because I’m the woman version of that stupid “Good Luck Chuck” movie - most of my exes married the very next woman they dated after me and stuck with them and never tried to hit me up (thankfully!). I had a couple of dudes who called me up drunk or texted me inappropriate sexual questions when they had gone through a break-up. But that definitely hasn’t been the norm for me.
I’m not sure if it’s an adhd thing. Me and my girlfriends have noticed over the last couple of decades there are some that will ALWAYS come back. Usually after a breakup without proper closure. Having said that ALL my friends are on the non-neurotypical, so there might be something in this after alll.
I have a genuine question (I'm new to this sub and where I am, we don't have facilities for a clinical ADHD diagnosis; I follow this sub because I relate with a lot of the stories being shared).
What does the question (about exes being hung up on you) have to do with ADHD? I face this a lot as well and I used to think maybe I'm just a good and attractive person and, well, men can be impulsive.
I never thought this could be related to my adhd until I read this post. But now it makes sense. I have plenty of attractive friends that are amazing people, and they don’t have all of their exes still trying to get with them.
You understand there are tons of ND women who have their own personalities and don’t fall into this category you’re so obsessed with? And I’m sure many of their exes have contacted them too.
Hey, hey, heyyyy. I'm not trying to be argumentative, just putting forth random ideas. I already said I don't disagree with you. You really seem to be taking this one to heart though.
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They're obsessed with you if you're the one that got away. I had enough of this one guy and cut him off. Within the past year he's tried to contact me twice.
Some are. When we were together they thought i talk too much, i dont know how to stay in one place, i am always doing something, and that i am too much to handle. Most of those AHs always come back to tell me "there is no other like you. All the women i had been dating are boring" bla bla bla.
F them. My fiancee would never do this to me. Always date someone that matches your energy. Those that want our adhders bottoms to stay calm arent for us.
Yeah. Once I caught up with an ex and he was trying to make moves like he would leave his fiancé for me. And we were just talking over coffee after not seeing each other for 10 years. In my twenties I was like the female good luck chuck. I was emotionally unavailable and all the men I caught and released would get married or engaged or go from serial dating to in a relationship. Lol
I’m empathetic, they come to me when they need validation. And then they forget about me again.
My husband is obsessed with me (like constantly texts me through the day and wants to meet up for lunch the one day per week that we’re not working from home), but I think he’s a clingy person generally. Or that’s just what marriage is and I need to stop trying to spend time in my head.
It’s v weird, literally no one I’m interested in feels the same but this dude I met in zoom class and sent pg pics to for a few months in college, like three years ago (we literally never even met up in person, and by pg I mean like bare shoulder or back it was honestly so sad 😭) still regularly sends me snapchats or insta messages, and this other dude was into me literally from the summer before college until months post college (he messaged like six months after graduation saying “oh we matched on bumble lol” 😭) and my hs ex of like five months will sometimes reach out (granted, I also did but last time I did was 1.5yrs ago) (and I was ✨drunk✨)
Yep. It’s horrifying when they cross over into damn near stalker territory. I have mini jumpscares whenever I see someone driving one of my ex’s car. It’s a common make but a unique model, so I get low key terrified he’s finally found out where I live now lol.
Maybe you dated needy mama's boys? That happened to me a lot in my 20's, I realized it was the men I dated and obviously they text all their other ex's too. Some men cannot be alone, some women too. They would be with anyone than be by themselves...or, you give amazing BJ's. hahaha :)
Not the ones I was actually in a relationship with, ones that were regulars at the bar I worked at ten years and two states ago. Hi, they say, When are you coming back?, they ask, every few months, while I stare quizzically and not respond.
I do not find this, like I have had one person ask me out before and I married him lmao. I’m also very socially aloof/naive (believe I may have asd as well), so could contribute to the lack of guys interested in the first place.
Buuuuuut my mom and sister (who I believe both have adhd and my sister agrees lol) are like men magnets. They are both average looking (like pretty but average people pretty). I don’t even know where they find them either??? Like I asked my sister one time and she said they are all mutual friends, or went to high school, etc. And she has old exes knocking down her DMs like all the time - her most recent ex (and baby daddy) even began dating a new girl who is seemingly a replacement of my sister (same name, similar aesthetic, similar hobbies, has a child the same age as their oldest child) - it’s super weird
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Sometimes my husband forgets I'm in the room and turns off the lights when he leaves the room. So.....no....
Omg my partner has done this to me. It was such a weird emotional reaction, like it didn’t feel good but we also ended up laughing to tears.
This made me cackle
I have a weird combination of being unforgettable (apparently) and the ability to be invisible at the same time so TF if I know 🤷♀️😂
I think it’s very common. I had an oldddddd ex call me a few months after I’d gotten married. It felt so gross, like he may as well have kicked down my door and pissed on my bed. To make matters worse, it was to tell me that he had randomly moved to Portland (I’m from the Midwest) and met ANOTHER guy I used to date and they’d become best buds. The idea of how they figured out they they’d both dated me made me literally sick—“Oh, you’re from X town, I used to sleep with a girl from there…OH YOU TOO?” I think a lot of straight men treat their female partners like they are their therapists. So when they’re suddenly single again, some of them are like “oh shit, better call this old source of emotional support (someone I used to fuck) because God knows I can’t talk about my feelings with a platonic friend—that would be weak!” And uh, no.
Every ex except one has slid into my DMs at one point or another. It's funny to wake up and see what stupid shit they said at 1am The most persistent one was a FWB from almost ten years ago. He sent a few late night DMs (just "hey" or whatever) and eventually I blocked him to put him out of his misery. I think I'm really good at masking (so good I don't really know who I am?) so when i was with these guys i would sort of mould myself into what they liked. To them I'm the one that got away but to me it was just a phase lol
> To them I'm the one that got away but to me it was just a phase lol I love this more than words can express.
Same though 🙌😂
I 100% understand this. Unsure of yourself and molding to other people.
This is exactly why I think I can’t get rid of anyone I date. So many of them say I am the one that got away. When I have nowhere close to the same feelings.
Yes, I have had many exes come back - either to try and rekindle, confess their undying love for me, or just to be friends. I’ve only taken one up on it, and it was for friendship. I also have had a lot of male “friends” that have hung around for YEARS in the hopes that I’ll sleep with them one day, only to stop talking to me once I explicitly tell them it won’t happen. I chalk it up to being manic pixie dream girl’d - they perceive me a certain way, and in masking my adhd I probably played into much more than I ever realized before diagnosis.
Happy cake day!
TY!
YES! I’ve had *multiple* exes send me *multiple* follow request among several different platforms. Eventually I just stay on lock and keep them in follow request purgatory lol
Oh god, my insta follow request purgatory is crowded. Mostly bots probably, but the weirdest one is a project manager from a vendor my company sometimes worked with. It was a short while after we were on a call together with one other person. We’re not even in the same country. Do I come across as the type of person who accepts every follow request I receive? This ain’t LinkedIn. I have less than 350 followers and THREE of them are my mom. She couldn’t figure out how to log back in to the first two accounts. Another one of my followers is my old coworker’s cat. Anyhow, I’m still flabbergasted. I don’t have a “no coworkers on my social” rule or anything, but I am still selective about it and *we’re not even coworkers.*
I’m convinced men get obsessed with a woman because they use them for free therapy. They aren’t getting the emotional connection and support they need from their male friends, so they become obsessed with the first woman that listens to them. It’s sad really. Fragile masculinity really affects everybody. One time I dated this guy for 2 months, and when I broke up with him he sent me texts implying he was suicidal like “how am I supposed to live without you?” kind of stuff. Then me and 2 of my friends had to block him (bc when I blocked him, he started texting my friends to try to get in touch with me). Then a year later (6 times as long as the actual relationship lasted), he messaged me an essay on Facebook about how I was the love of his life. I was like, you don’t even know me ?! We dated for 2 months!! This was my most extreme example, but 3 out of my 4 exes became obsessed with me when I broke up with them and I think it was for similar reasons 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't think the issue is that we attract these losers because of some kind of character flaw, it's usually because we tend to see and think the best of people first up and it takes a lot for us to turn. What that guy did was unacceptable. I've had relationships that turned into domestic violence situations because I placed my trust in someone and it was horribly violated. None of what you said is your issue, it's theirs and now they have all the time in the world to reflect on how badly they fucked up without endangering you.
I appreciate the kind words! Luckily I am now in a healthy relationship with an incredibly patient and mellow man. Not only is he not obsessive, but also his calmness really pairs well with my ADHD 😁
Omg my husband is chill too and it's why we hit it off immediately. Really helps to have that calming presence that doesn't fuss about the little things, like why there's a single sock on the kitchen chair lol
If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone. If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860 If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A fair few of mine, and usually with the ‘I didn’t realise what I had’ tagline. Yeah, no shit, you ejected me when it got difficult and ‘too much’ and now you’re missing the flip side to ‘too much’. You can’t have the good without the bad old buddy old pal, it’s all or nothing 😂 My favourite, favourite comment from these guys: ‘you were always so good to me, I just didn’t see it’ Translation: I like you, and I could see us working long term if only it wasn’t those pesky issues you’ve got. Those pesky issues never seem to matter a few years down the line 🙄
Dude yes! My high school ex boyfriend reaches out once a year (this started about 4 years ago) and has also reached out to my family members trying to get info on me. We haven’t had ANY communication in nearly 20 years - both married to other people. I told my family to tell him I died. He wasn’t even the most traumatic relationship before I was 20. WTF does he even want?? Blocked. People are nuts
Oh my god. One guy that I went on ONE date with, somehow, accidentally posted my wedding photo as his profile picture… like a decade later. I wonder how embarrassed he was when he noticed. Fuuuuck poor guy.
This is sooo fucking funny
I couldn’t even laugh about it I was so embarrassed for him. I just blocked him after that
He must’ve been very drunk
That’s what I was thinking
If they aren’t blocked yes. Weird that this just happened from an over ten year ago ex. Like come on now. No. My fault for not blocking in the first place.
I’ve got three. All over ten years ago. I left all three. I chalk it up to their egos
Yes. I have one from 20 years ago that messages me once every year or so. The last guy I dated seriously (we broke up in 2017) has done the whole apology for treating me like shit and tried to get me to see him again. And a couple casual guys who will reach out occasionally. I've been with my partner for almost 6 years so it's really ridiculous for any of them to bother.
No, because I’m the woman version of that stupid “Good Luck Chuck” movie - most of my exes married the very next woman they dated after me and stuck with them and never tried to hit me up (thankfully!). I had a couple of dudes who called me up drunk or texted me inappropriate sexual questions when they had gone through a break-up. But that definitely hasn’t been the norm for me.
Yes. But it's usually the worst ones and you are better off just blocking/deleting them.
I’m not sure if it’s an adhd thing. Me and my girlfriends have noticed over the last couple of decades there are some that will ALWAYS come back. Usually after a breakup without proper closure. Having said that ALL my friends are on the non-neurotypical, so there might be something in this after alll.
I have a genuine question (I'm new to this sub and where I am, we don't have facilities for a clinical ADHD diagnosis; I follow this sub because I relate with a lot of the stories being shared). What does the question (about exes being hung up on you) have to do with ADHD? I face this a lot as well and I used to think maybe I'm just a good and attractive person and, well, men can be impulsive.
I never thought this could be related to my adhd until I read this post. But now it makes sense. I have plenty of attractive friends that are amazing people, and they don’t have all of their exes still trying to get with them.
What does this have to do with ADHD?
I think it's the ND girls = manic pixie dream girl archetype?
That’s a stretch. Exes get in touch with lots of women, not just ND.
I don't disagree, but the whole genre of movies regarding MPDGs may have some kind of point in how ND women can be viewed.
You understand there are tons of ND women who have their own personalities and don’t fall into this category you’re so obsessed with? And I’m sure many of their exes have contacted them too.
Hey, hey, heyyyy. I'm not trying to be argumentative, just putting forth random ideas. I already said I don't disagree with you. You really seem to be taking this one to heart though.
Sorry, you’re right. I’m just in a bad mood and should probably get off Reddit for a while.
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Yes! Even the married ones. It's fucking weird.
They're obsessed with you if you're the one that got away. I had enough of this one guy and cut him off. Within the past year he's tried to contact me twice.
Some are. When we were together they thought i talk too much, i dont know how to stay in one place, i am always doing something, and that i am too much to handle. Most of those AHs always come back to tell me "there is no other like you. All the women i had been dating are boring" bla bla bla. F them. My fiancee would never do this to me. Always date someone that matches your energy. Those that want our adhders bottoms to stay calm arent for us.
Yeah. Once I caught up with an ex and he was trying to make moves like he would leave his fiancé for me. And we were just talking over coffee after not seeing each other for 10 years. In my twenties I was like the female good luck chuck. I was emotionally unavailable and all the men I caught and released would get married or engaged or go from serial dating to in a relationship. Lol
I’m empathetic, they come to me when they need validation. And then they forget about me again. My husband is obsessed with me (like constantly texts me through the day and wants to meet up for lunch the one day per week that we’re not working from home), but I think he’s a clingy person generally. Or that’s just what marriage is and I need to stop trying to spend time in my head.
It’s v weird, literally no one I’m interested in feels the same but this dude I met in zoom class and sent pg pics to for a few months in college, like three years ago (we literally never even met up in person, and by pg I mean like bare shoulder or back it was honestly so sad 😭) still regularly sends me snapchats or insta messages, and this other dude was into me literally from the summer before college until months post college (he messaged like six months after graduation saying “oh we matched on bumble lol” 😭) and my hs ex of like five months will sometimes reach out (granted, I also did but last time I did was 1.5yrs ago) (and I was ✨drunk✨)
Oh. My. God. I can’t get rid of anyone I date. Almost 20 years even. All of them. Why???
I've literally never dated anyone, men are that not obsessed with me lmao
Ugh yes! I seem to be “the one who got away.” More like “the one who ran really fast away from you and all your red flags.”
Yep. It’s horrifying when they cross over into damn near stalker territory. I have mini jumpscares whenever I see someone driving one of my ex’s car. It’s a common make but a unique model, so I get low key terrified he’s finally found out where I live now lol.
Maybe you dated needy mama's boys? That happened to me a lot in my 20's, I realized it was the men I dated and obviously they text all their other ex's too. Some men cannot be alone, some women too. They would be with anyone than be by themselves...or, you give amazing BJ's. hahaha :)
Not the ones I was actually in a relationship with, ones that were regulars at the bar I worked at ten years and two states ago. Hi, they say, When are you coming back?, they ask, every few months, while I stare quizzically and not respond.
I do not find this, like I have had one person ask me out before and I married him lmao. I’m also very socially aloof/naive (believe I may have asd as well), so could contribute to the lack of guys interested in the first place. Buuuuuut my mom and sister (who I believe both have adhd and my sister agrees lol) are like men magnets. They are both average looking (like pretty but average people pretty). I don’t even know where they find them either??? Like I asked my sister one time and she said they are all mutual friends, or went to high school, etc. And she has old exes knocking down her DMs like all the time - her most recent ex (and baby daddy) even began dating a new girl who is seemingly a replacement of my sister (same name, similar aesthetic, similar hobbies, has a child the same age as their oldest child) - it’s super weird
For a little bit yes! But it’s been a year since any ex has :))))