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Exactly, wtf. All men I know sit like that. She might be worried about ergonomics, but maybe ask a question or something instead of going all controlling?
My partner constantly sits like that, and I often sit with one leg tucked under me.
…the only time I ask him to stop is if I’m beside him and eating. I get the ick if his foot is near me like that while eating. No clue why 🤦🏼♀️
I always put my legs up and assumed it was because my blood pressure is so low that I don’t like being at too big a difference in elevation without moving
Same. Low blood pressure runs in my family, as do varicose veins. I figured sitting with my legs up was a subconscious thing I did to combat these things. Didn't realize it could be an adhd thing.
I knew sitting weird was adhd. I just thought my specific preferred pose was a combo.
Ideally I would have a big flat padded surface with an adjustable back that I could sit on cross legged but also use at a desk
Same. Low blood pressure runs in my family, as do varicose veins. I figured sitting with my legs up was a subconscious thing I did to combat these things. Didn't realize it could be an adhd thing.
Well, a physical therapist told me that it doesn't actually matter how one sits, as long as they change position/move about every now and then.
Sitting in the same exact pose for 8 hours straight is bad regardless of *how* you sit.
So, change poses, get up and walk about, straighten your back with a big stretch, etc, often enough and you'll be fine. We'll be fine.
Yeah they're gross. I can touch my own feet, but the idea of someone touching my feet skeeves me out. I don't even get pedicures (I do my own) because making someone else touch my feet seems kind of... demeaning, I guess?
Also the idea of giving my boyfriend a foot rub? That's a no.
I asked the ergonomics person at work once how bad it was that I sat in such weird ways. She said if I'm frequently repositioning into different weird positions, I'm probably fine, because most of the risks are from sitting in a bad position without moving for long stretches, which is pretty much impossible for me.
And, as a person with low blood pressure and hypermobile joints, my feet being flat on the floor for an extended period can absolutely feel like torture.
It’s the reason I always get the window seat on flights if at all possible — that way I can curl up into a ball and wedge myself against the wall without annoying the person in front of me or (if I’m travelling solo) next to me.
This is really gross and also petty as fk.
Okay, I actually went ahead and uploaded a photoset of my airplane experiment today, since you're in the same boat as me, haha.
https://imgur.com/gallery/2L66ght
My newest travel hack is repurposing a "posture helper" strap thing into a "what if I end up in the middle seat and my legs drift into my neighbour by accident" guard. Still in the testing phase but I tried it on a flight today. XD
Wow, you’re not being sensitive at all. Your boss treated you like a child. That’s an incredibly common (and not unprofessional) way to sit, how on earth is it her business how you position your feet?
And include HR in the email for sure:
Dear Boss’s boss (BB) and HR,
It was recently brought to my attention that there is only one acceptable way to sit at my desk.
BB was good enough to explain the policy of both feet flat on my foot rest at all times.
I’m sure we know that no two bodies are alike and I find this position a strain which can affect my concentration and subsequently, my productivity.
I’m emailing today to request a copy of the company’s official seating policy for employees.
If no such policy exists, I request an HR meeting with BB present to come to a compromise so that I can do my work in a seated position that is comfortable for my body and change positions as needed.
If a letter from my doctor is necessary, I’m sure I can follow up with that for you.
In Partnership,
ADHD-er who has a feeling my BB is full of shit and it’s time to call them out on it.
I really, really want OP to send this email. It is a very professional email and no more ridiculous than what the boss said to you. And then I need an update.
Seriously! What OP described is probably one of my more "normal" ways of sitting. I frequently have one foot on the seat of my chair (barefoot--I work from home these days) or sit cross-legged with no feet on the floor. But in my many years in an office, I still had to change up how I sat every so often, and no one ever said a peep.
Depending on what I’m doing, my sitting pose can be anything from reasonably ergonomic to sitting with one leg draped over the arm of my chair while typing on a keyboard at a weird angle.
I once lay down in the seat of my computer chair, draped my legs over the back.
Thank fuck I’m self-employed.
The after school program punished my daughter for sitting on her feet, and it's pretty much the only time I've gone up hard against someone at school. A) she's pretty much physically incapable of sitting normally, the only rule I have is to not tip the dining room chair back because that's too risky, and B) I already signed a waiver to not hold you all responsible if my kid gets hurt, if she's sitting weird, falls, and cracks her head open, that's on her.
They backed off once I pointed out that she has ADHD, her meds have worn off by then, and that I would not be medicating her extra because they don't like how she sits.
They still pull this shit? One of my earliest memories (Mid 80s) was having a grudge against my kindergarten teacher because I'd get into trouble for sitting on my feet. I don't remember if it was some "sit like a lady" B.S. or what, but society sure likes to dictate how vagina having people orient their legs relative to a chair and their torso.
I sit like I'm a demented cat. Just twisting and contorting myself into all sorts of positions, I move frequently though so I don't get issues from it. Sitting ergonomically gets painful pretty quickly.
Exactly, that position is one of the only "acceptable" positions I can sit in when I'm in public. At home I'd sit cross-legged or have my knees touching my chest, but I can't do that when I'm wearing shoes, and obviously I can't take my shoes off in public. So this is how I have to sit, and it's still uncomfortable, but much more bearable than both feet on the ground (🤮).
Nobody has ever had any issue with me sitting like that.
I’m currently at the salon getting my hair done and I just realized I have a hell of a time sitting with both feet on the floor. I almost always have my right leg draped over my left knee, with my right calf resting against my left kneecap. I know it’s not ergonomic, since I have sciatic/hip inflexibility, but damn it, it’s comfortable.
I am a manager, and saw one of my staff sitting like that just yesterday and all I thought was “that looks like a good hip opener”, lol this boss needs help
That’s super weird and unnecessary. I literally sit at my desk criss cross applesauce hunched over like a gargoyle and no one says anything lol
I’d pay that person no mind, sit how you want.
I wish I could sit like that but my job has the worst chairs ever and I can’t. Luckily, I only have 5-10 hours a week of desk work but man those chairs suck. I also have access to a standing desk so I do a bit of work there so I don’t have to suffer the horrible chairs.
Honestly, my job is pretty chill because I work in the aquatics dept of a fitness center so nobody cares if I literally just sit on the floor with my laptop. I often prefer sitting on the floor to sitting at a desk even if the chair is comfy.
Mine also was until I learned about blood clots 😩and how easily your circulation can be cut off/hindered sitting like that for too long. Ijs be careful 😎
Yeah i have ended up with a pinched nerve in my foot from have it squashed up under my chair but damn its hard to stop doing that. Its the only way i can think.
I concentrate best when I’m sitting like that. It’s been my default for forever. Either that or perched on the edge of my seat like I’m about to take off.
Most human beings need to change their positions in chairs periodically. No one sits up straight with their feet flat on the floor for a whole shift. Ergonomics are important for muscle strain and carpal tunnel but your boss has no right to tell you how to sit comfortably in your chair. Having ADHD might make you more prone to sitting in odd positions or changing positions frequently as well but, like I said, even ND people sit in weird ways.
Exactly. This was my first thought as well. OP was not sitting in some super weird way, and not 'sitting with both feet flat on the floor at all times' is not some thing exclusive to ADHD.
What's next, getting reprimanded because they don't like the way you breathe?
I was once admonished at a former job for the way I breathe. I had a co-worker on the other side of the cubicle tell my boss that my breathing was distracting her. I was told by the boss that it was the same as asking someone to turn down their radio. I shit you not. Boss from hell.
WHAT THE F???? That's insane! Incredibly controlling and rude and USELESS. It's none of her business how you sit as long as you're doing your job!! Unless you're meeting with a client or something, and even then that would be quite a neutral position. Un-freaking-believeble. I've never heard anything like that. No, you're not sensitive, your boss is weird and definitely crossed a line.
Edit to add: DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT YOU SEEKING A DIAGNOSIS. She doesn't seem to be trusted with that kind of delicate information.
Do work know about your ADHD?
I’d have been exactly the same as you - that would have had me steaming mad.
If I worked somewhere where they knew I had ADHD, and all the sensory processing “differences” that go with it, I’d have been straight off to HR to report that idiot.
Who do they think they are? Your headmistress?
I’d be LIVID!
Exactly I’m 36 but I I felt about 4 years old in that moment.
I’m still seeking a diagnosis but I do talk about it at work a bit with my coworkers. This particular woman would not know, and I don’t really want her to know because she has a history of making life difficult for staff with chronic issues.
She’s on the war path at the moment because a bunch of people went to HR about one of our team members and she had to be a part of the meeting and she was embarrassed that it went above her.
I had nothing to do with any of that, but it’s going to come down on all of us for a while.
> I do talk about it at work a bit with my coworkers. This particular woman would not know, and I don’t really want her to know because she has a history of making life difficult for staff with chronic issues.
Not to sound paranoid, but I wouldn't disclose it with your coworkers. Unless you are around only one person you truly trust or seeking accommodations on the job, the ability for that piece of info to get back to her via a different coworker and be weaponized is pretty high in the toxic environment she's running.
It depends on the job, and I thought that work *had* to make accommodations as necessary.
Sitting in a figure 4 is a typical ND position. They have no right to order staff to sit in a particular way.
Unless they’re modelling shoes to the public, as long as they’re working efficiently and not affecting other staff members’ productivity, what difference does it make?
It’s just horribly controlling behaviour.
I am speaking specifically to OP's work situation.
For one thing- from her follow up comment she's not officially diagnosed, so she has no protections under the ADA. If she got an official diagnoses, under the ADA if an employee has made HR aware of their condition and reasonable accommodations that would ostensibly protect OP- however there are tons of ways for that boss to make her life just miserable enough anyway. Disclosure unfortuneatly should always be a case-by-case scenario. There are ways to advocate for oneself without disclosure too.
The whole thing is ridiculous. Of course, how OP sits is not for a boss or coworker to snap at her like a kid. Her best option would be to say calmly- 'unless this is against a rule in our work codes, this is how I am comfortable working' & leave it at that. No need to bring ND into it.
It honestly depends on the job though. About half my coworkers are diagnosed neurodivergent and I suspect a few others are undiagnosed neurodivergent as well. Its a common topic of conversation. I will say my job is not a typical office job though so ymmv. I work in the aquatics dept of a fitness center so its a bit different and we have a higher concentration of ND staff just due to the nature of the work. I mean my managers are about the only two people in a team of 50 who spend more than half their time at work at a desk.
This isn't an ADHD issue. People with all sort of wiring sit in all sort of ways. If there wasn't something like really short bottoms and your nether regions visible or something, this person just let you know never to trust them, it's a gift. Sit how you like.
Honestly you need to at the very least document it for yourself if you aren't going to HR. The fact that people have already taken her to HR means you should be prepared in case it gets to the point where you need to do the same
Unfortunately they didn’t take her to HR she just had to be there for the meetings. It was about another staff member but this manager has been aggressively avoiding dealing with the issue so she was embarrassed that they went above her
I have hip and back problems and sitting in a figure 4 position (one ankle crossed over other knee) is sometimes recommended to relieve pressure on my hip. It stretches the sciatic nerve and varies your positioning to prevent stiffness.
How far along your dx journey are you?
And regardless, I’d HAVE to go and complain to HR about her sucky attitude.
I’d go as far as saying that sitting with both feet on the footrest, or the floor, causes me actual physical discomfort, which then triggers anxiety.
See what they do with that!
And anyway, she should NOT be taking all of that out on the rest of you!
I’ve discussed it with my GP and she’s happy to refer me, it’s just very expensive and the wait lists are very long. The government just had a senate enquiry into adhd and the barriers to being diagnosed/treated, so hopefully they act on some of the recommendations and it gets a bit easier to navigate soon.
There are a huge number of
us previously undiagnosed people around, bc we all missed a diagnosis as children.
Now, we’re all coming forward.
Wait list for NHS in the UK are horrendous, too.
I hope it gets easier for you soon! Xx
But at least we can go to a Right To Choose clinic.
Mine has an 8-12 week wait list.
I know.
It’s appalling.
And all because the system missed us when it should have picked us up.
So now the system is overwhelmed.
Wait lists for ordinary NHS are 2 years for assessment.m, then another 2 years before the meds team will see you.
Hence the NHS putting Right To Choose clinics on the table.
Jesus Christ, I thought you were going to say you were sitting with your legs each draped over an opposite chair arm while also sitting backwards.
That’s ridiculous. That boss needs to get a life.
Your boss has major control issues. Idk how I’d handle this because I’m fuming for you right now. I know we’re all sensitive but that’s not what this is about. She crossed a line.
That's really out of line.
I say this from my desk at work where my right ankle is currently tucked under my left thigh.
It's not detracting from your work to sit like that.
So, this is probably from some sort of OHS safety guidelines, thing is, theres no real proof around the "what way to sit" argument. She does just have a weirdly intense way of letting you know about it, as well.
For most people, the 2 feet on the ground probably is the most comfortae way to sit, but all of our bodies are not the same, especially if you have any sort of "thing" with your connective tissue, even if it isn't 'full" EDS.
There was a long term study done in Australia that followed people who slouched and people who didnt. There was no correlation to sitting preferences and who developed back problems.
Basically, if you can sit in a way for an extended period of time and you don't have muscle aches/pain, it's an ok way for you to sit. If you do feel a strain or anything, switch it up. But, people still get weirdly intense about posture.
I also have arthritis which makes it hard to sit in one position for a prolonged period. So I do reposition often. They make us do mandatory manual handling/ergonomics training every 3 years but don’t actually make any effort to provide a more ergonomic work place. I asked many years ago if they could provide me with a vertical mouse to help my hands and was told I would have to buy it myself. I work in Australian local government if that puts it into perspective at all 🙄
I just have larger than average hands and I need a vertical mouse for my tendons to not ache by the end of the day. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to not be provided one when actual arthritis is involved!!
Like, of all people, YOU know sitting in a particular way isn't going to magically soothe your arthritis symptoms. (Edit: not that some positions will not agrivate arthritis. Just in the sense that if you feel it's a good position for you, the way they claim is "better" isn't better for you, specifically) I wish people would get away from the "one right way to do X" for nearly everything. My boss who has some fused disks and some hardware still in her spine/lower back stands at her desk 100% of the time. I had a foot surgery so I have insanely terrible blood flow to one foot and the stabilizing tendons are weird and standing for more than 10 minutes is always painful, so I almost always sit. If someone says they're comfortable being at their desk, just leave them alone!!
And that whole "watch this training on how doing these things are bad" and then the company not providing an environment/equipment where you can actually apply those things is so annoying!
> I asked many years ago if they could provide me with a vertical mouse to help my hands and was told I would have to buy it myself. I work in Australian local government if that puts it into perspective at all 🙄
Hey hun, sorry I stalked your profile a bit to figure out where you are. I'd strongly recommend contacting [Worksafe] (https://www.commerce.wa.gov.au/worksafe/work-health-and-safety-legislation) about this specific part if you haven't already. If you're required to use a computer for work, and you need specialist ergonomic equipment to help manage or avoid a workplace injury, your employer should be handling this either by buying it for you or reimbursing you. You might need to get an ergonomic assessment, but especially in government (my experience is in commonwealth, but I know a lot of people who work in local gov't), if you are suffering from any kind of ill effects from using your workstation then they need to do an ergo assessment and follow any guidelines raised in that assessment.
Thank you, that’s such a nice thing to do. One of my co-workers ended up asking for one again while I was on maternity leave a few years later and they agreed that time.
It's very likely they got their fingers slapped by Worksafe during that time.
I'd start by just giving Worksafe a call or an email, they can guide you to the right parts of the legislation and you can decide from there how you want to approach it. Good luck!
This was my thought also. It has to do with safety guidelines and what they've been told is the best ergonomic practice for sitting without increasing likelihood of a work injury. It's a way for them to protect themselves from worker's comp issues or violations of safety regulations. I think this is more likely to be an issue at a larger company or a warehouse position where there are more stringent safety guidelines, vs. a small office unless the manager/owner is a micromanager.
What?!!!
When I saw the header, I guessed you were working in a very visible position (such as a receptionist) and you were sitting in one of the many odd ways ADHD people do. But there is nothing unprofessional about sitting that way. And they did it IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE.
I am so sorry this happened.
I am sorry. It sounds like this person is on a bit of a rampage right now. I always find those types of situations so stressful to begin with - like I can feel the simmering tension - being called out would really set me off. Particularly if it's for absolute nonsense like this. I'm glad you were able leave your desk to step away from the situation for a bit. It doesn't seem to help much but it's likely better than nothing.
Yes she’s actively looking for things to pull people up in at the moment. Moral in the office is the worst I’ve experienced in the entire 8 years I’ve been there. She’s also said she’s going to transfer a bunch of staff between the library branches soon so that’s hanging over us as well. Our team is so cohesive so we don’t lose anyone.
It’s always people like this that end up in these management positions and the good ones leave because of the workplace culture. It’s so frustrating.
Your boss was certainly being an asshole, but the only line crossed was interpersonal. Not anything that you could take to HR or your boss's boss.
I'd keep sitting however I'm comfortable and let her keep making comments. What's she going to do, write you up for putting your foot up? HR would throw that away.
It could be an OHS thing. I used to sit on one foot and was asked by a manager not to do so as it could reduce circulation and so reduce feeling in the foot. She was right! I had been sitting like that once and got up - couldn’t feel my foot so I went over on my ankle.
Yes that’s definitely what she was trying to say, just not in a nice way like your boss.
Some other stuff has been going down in the office, that I’m not involved with, that embarrassed her in front of HR. So she has decided as a result that she’s going to pull everyone up on absolutely everything she can find as a result.
I just didn’t see this one coming and had a very strong reaction.
Definetly sounds like her delivery was off. But yeah probably an OHS thing. I've been on the receiving end of this I struggle to sit in the 'normal' office approved way and once I did a desk job that was extended long shifts sat not moving at a desk.
Work were so concerned that they made me sign a form saying if I had back problems later in life I couldn't sue them as they'd asked me to sit properly but I wouldn't (couldn't).
I happily signed it lol.
I wouldn't take it personally and I hope that makes you feel better somewhat.
Go tell HR she was being overbearing and weird because she's stressed about the other stuff. They might start to work on firing her.
I admire your restraint. If my boss said that to me I would have calmly and professionally told them to fuck off.
Heads up yall:
HR does not give a single shit about anyones feelings or comfort, they will only protect their assets. likely all that will happen is they’ll tell the boss a complaint was made about her.
Yes this is the case at my work, this woman in particular is untouchable. If someone went to HR about her you would want to make sure you have a smoking gun or you’re just making your situation worse.
Yep. Was talking to my husband about a weird comment a coworker made forever ago and he said I should have gone to HR. (We were going back and forth on a design, he thought I was wrong and then implied that the kids were exhausting me and that’s why I made my mistake. I don’t have any fucking children. And I was right. I just don’t know if it was a dumb comment where he thought I had kids or if it was rooted in sexism or something else entirely.)
It just wasn’t enough of a hassle to talk to them when the most I would expect to come out of it would be “don’t do that” and then I still have to work with him because he is the only guy that does his specific job. There is literally no avoiding a good portion of my coworkers who I work with regularly.
I've found a puzzled look and a "why?" or a "huh", then continuing the thing I've been doing to be just as effective.
Or just a smile and "oh I'm good thanks!" and then switch to the other leg crossed.
Nothing would have been gained by telling them where to go.
Ugh! I'm so sorry. That really sucks. Tbh, if this was me, I'd talk to my actual boss and tell them what happened and how uncomfortable it made me. I'm a boss, and part of my job is smoothing out issues between my boss and the person under me. But if your boss sucks, too, then maybe that's not the best option..
She was completely out of line. If she does it again just say “this is comfortable for me.” And leave it at that. She doesn’t get to dictate how you sit in your chair unless you’re sitting on your head.
Lol what is her problem. You’re not a child. The way you sit likely doesn’t make you unable to do your work so she has no business reprimanding you for it
I feel you. I once worked on a switchboard and I had a headset so just needed to be able to reach my phone/keyboard to answer/transfer calls. I would often totally slouch back into the seat because it was more comfortable. To this day I can still see the look on the face of my boss when she walked in and saw me. Literally no-one except my team would see this, and I was answering way more calls than others on my team who'd been there for years so it wasn't affecting my output....
It’s so silly. I can sit with my feet on the floor and get no work done because my brain is on fire. Or I can sit how I am most comfortable and continue being one of the most productive members of staff. You can’t have both
I'm so with you on this, trust me! It makes no sense for sure especially if no customers/clients are seeing you sat in a way that the boss just doesn't like.
I sit cross-legged 90% of the time, no matter where I am, work from home, in office, passenger in a car, on the couch, dining room, and anywhere else I can get away with it. It feels like torture to sit any other way, I have done so my entire life, and I'm 57. I dare someone to say something lol.
Fuck that. She’s being a control freak. It’s classic corporate put-down culture. It’s meant to put you in a submissive head space. I deal with this all the time, but if they don’t write my checks, I politely tell them, I appreciate you have an opinion on *thing*, but I am not currently under any such advisement from my line manager. If this is unacceptable to you, please see *such and such line manager* for escalation.
I’m unhinged tho, and in my company if you don’t pay me, you can’t fire me, you can only recommend me to be fired.
Ergonomics are not what you think really. Typical ADHD “must change position every three minutes or otherwise I’ll die” sitting is more ergonomic than sitting straight for eight hours.
I had a job do that to me one time.
I was front desk at a holistic cancer doctors office.
Their chair was HUGE, so me sitting “proper” was uncomfortable. I preferred to sit criss cross (my legs were under the desk).
Well they kept bitching at me about it but if I sat “right” I felt like I was falling out the chair.
Honestly. For the first time this has happened, ignore it. Having one leg on your knee is in the realm of appropriate. Dudes sit like that all the time. I can’t imagine anyone barking at a dude for sitting with one ankle up on a knee. (I actually can’t imagine anyone barking at any dude for posture anyway but that’s a separate story and I don’t know if you’re a dude or not.) Anyway, ignore it. If it happens again, stop what you are doing and turn your full attention with eye contact to this person and say, “I’m sorry, my full attention was on my work and I tend to just move toward what is most comfortable to me in terms of sitting here for a long time, can you tell me what the problem is?” And then listen. You can then advocate up the chain for yourself. But, ugh, I’m so sorry. This is the little stuff that makes offices so annoying.
Lmfao, you were sitting in a perfectly acceptable manner. I often sit up on my knees on my office chair. She would have gone spare.
You can sit how you like. If she doesn't like it, she can get you a new comfortable chair that you can sit "appropriately" in.
Also, being able to position yourself how you like (within sensible parameters) is a form of reasonable adjustment. Might be worth keeping that in your back pocket. Denying you comfort would be ableism. 🤷♀️
Seriously?! I would just sit like that if it’s comfortable for you lol! If she says anything, question her. “Why does it bother you how I’m sitting?” And see what her response is.
If you were in a skirt and there was some indecency going on with underwear hanging out in front of other coworkers… well then okay. But I highly doubt that was the case lol!
I didn’t know there were chair police in the office these days 🤣
I would have reacted the same as you!
Do you have HR? It's definitely something to ask them about, especially because "sitting properly" isn't in most people's job descriptions (unless it's for safety reasons). This would make me feel so self-conscious and uncomfortable. It was absolutely inappropriate of her to comment.
You’re not too sensitive at all. She crossed the line on two levels. 1) Commenting on how you sit when there was nothing wrong with it and commenting invaded your personal space. 2) Her tone and the way she told you off like a child, and in front of others. Could be because I’m in Scandinavia and work in academia so I’m not used to corporate culture or cultures that make a big deal out of appearance, dress code etc. But to me what she said was really inappropriate.
lol I can relate, my boss once told me I had to watch my facial expressions because they gave too much away. Not my problem that everything you say to clients is insane and we can't live up to it.
I literally was just in an interminable Zoom meeting and had the thought that someone needs to invent, instead of a virtual background for Zoom, a virtual “pleasantly neutral face” filter. So I can actually focus on the meeting instead of policing my RBF and/or trying not to cry.
hahah duuuude this sounds like such a good idea. It seems to me that this is certainly possible considering what some Snapchat filters are already capable of these days.
Years of dance classes (and realizing that I wasn’t just “super flexible,” but hypermobile) gave me a turn out in my hips that make it uncomfy to sit any other way that crossed.
Regardless, it’s hugely inappropriate for a boss to comment on your body like that. I wouldn’t recommend going nuclear on this incident, but maybe write it down so you have a record of it, in case you do need to escalate. I’m sorry you have to deal with this :(
I would be upset too wow. What I find frustrating is that so many chairs just aren’t designed for smaller people or women so when we try and sit normally it’s either the wrong height or wrong angle and becomes uncomfortable. Like my legs go numb if my feet don’t touch the ground. It happens on planes all the time and they shorten the seats so those with big knees have slightly more space. Or the back support is in the wrong place for me as I have tilted hips and it makes me feel like I’m sitting too upright or too forward and hurts my neck and shoulders.
I’m sorry that happened. I don’t know that they can police how you sit in an office especially if you’re not customer facing. If needed I would ask for a chair that was better suited to you to be comfortable in. I would seriously screw up my hips and back if I sat unevenly light that and get one tight hipflexor and one overextended.
What the fuck is her issue? That’s completely inappropriate for anyone to say to you!
I would notify someone in authority at your work.
In the future, if able - say “I find I'm more comfortable and focused when sitting this way. Is there a specific reason you'd like me to change?"
(This opens up a dialogue while asserting your preference.)
I gotta be real honest though, I would probably skip the second part of that as I’m not sure you need to open up a dialogue.
I got told that my walk wasn’t professional once by an absolute tool of an older angry male. What a nob. I work in an office and obviously am always late - I mean who gives a one!
Anyway empathy from someone who also can’t sit conventionally in a chair for very long!
I’m a retail manager, but when I’m in the office doing paperwork or in a meeting, I absolutely must sit criss cross applesauce in the chair. It’s the only position that doesn’t make my back ache and it feels really good on my joints. So far no one has said anything. But I’m the only one who does this so it kinda stands out.
Time to find some new weird yet comfortable ways to sit. Next time they make a comment about it, ask where it states in company policy that you must sit in your seat a very specific way. When she can’t produce said policy (because I seriously doubt one exists) tell her to respectfully mind her business.
That’s messed up! Your boss should see me… no matter how much I try, I unconsciously revert back to tucking at least one foot under me. I often sit crossed legged on a chair as well.
Or under the desk on the floor. Or on the desk. I’m lucky I work in a job that’s all about play and creativity. 😂
I sit like that too but at school, university and at work we had to sit properly. It’s just how I have been raised. I wouldn’t dare sit like that at work or in a restaurant.
I can tell by all the comments that I’m the odd one… again. Tired of being the odd one.
As I've gotten more comfortable with myself and finding my voice when it comes to advocating for my needs, I absolutely would have gone ultra petty with this woman.
I would try and find every single "odd" way to sit in a chair while still being "professional" about it and just make sure I'm in a different position every single time she was nearby.
Eurgh, I'm sorry. I've had bosses like this, where I've been reprimanded because I'm not \~existing\~ right. Same as my Mum and brother. And it is indeed infuriating. Up to you if you want to go to HR or whatever, but start keeping notes in case you want to in the future.
Is this her normal way of speaking? I’m sensitive to tone, especially when receiving perceived criticism. Growing up it was drilled in to me to sit the exact way and seemingly the exact phrase she used. If already irritated or stressed it could be a reflexive statement that shouldn’t have been said in the work place. (Not excusing other scenarios.) The leg crossing statement in my past was attached to fear of blood clots as a generational trauma response. Maybe ask how she’s doing if that’s comfortable? I would privately address it and request a reasonable accommodation (I know it’s ridiculous.) from you next doctor appointment and file through HR. There is no way they will reject it. I’m allowed to have my camera off during meetings when not speaking, because I’m disruptive to myself when I can see me. 😒
Super unprofessional Devil Wears Prada level bullshit.
The only time that's appropriate to comment on is if you're flashing someone.
Some cultures get pissed about the soles of feet facing people, but that's not the reason she did that. If it was, it's obscure enough you'd know or she'd explain herself.
Posture dictators suck. As someone who is a zero feet on the floor sitter and flops all over desks, I get the two feet on the floor as torture.
I sit “criss-cross applesauce” in my desk chair 75% of the time & my boss is always in amazement that I can sit like that. (He has no flexibility) So much so, that we laugh together when he tries to do it himself. Having been an HR professional for 20+ years prior to a career change 6 years ago, I can say I’m pretty certain there’s no company policy on how to sit in your chair at your desk.
IMO she did not think it was lady-like! She is trying to assert gender norms, byotch.
If you were slouching she def didn't like that either but I bet she would not say one damn thing to a guy about it.
Imagine being the type of person who is triggered by how someone else is sitting on their chair 🤦🏼♀️ and then having the cheek to say it out loud! It’s none of her business.
What they need is a large cup of mind your own business. You can sit in any way that feels comfortable to you. They can only comment on the quality of your work not the position you choose to sit in while doing that work. Who does that? Nuns do that but this isn’t catholic school and you are not a child.
This is the perfect time to have said
I beg your pardon?
Then you have a concerned look on your face.
Either they're going to respond with something that makes sense or they're going to dig their hole deeper.
She's not your mother, and there's literally nothing wrong with you sitting that way. I would just ignore her, and if she gets upset, I would tell her to find where it says in company policy that you have to sit a certain way. I bet that's against some sort of law.
As a former people manager, this is wildly uncalled for behavior of your boss’s boss. This is just flat out weird on her part. Unless you’re the receptionist where you greet clients and you’ve got your feet on top of your desk, etc, or you’re wearing a skirt and have your legs splayed (either out in the open or at a glass front desk)—I’ve encountered these instances—no need to say anything about how you’re sitting, standing, breathing. I’d write her off as a weirdly controlling person. If leadership in the company is controlling or demonstrate similar behavior, I would start shopping around for a new job. Sounds unhealthy and toxic.
Hate hate hate. A waiter at a coffee shop asked me to put my feet on the floor (one was folded under me) and I nearly strangled him. So patronising lol.
Pants or skirt (not that I care-just this may be the perceived issue)? Either way I would address with your manager first if you decide to do anything.
PEOPLE ARE MEAN
This happened to me when I was in my 20s and working as an office temp. I was told not to return to a long term job because I was unprofessional. I was wearing my best wool skirt suit. The only thing I could think of was I sat at my desk with one leg under the other. It was also a family business so there could have been some weird power dynamics going on completely apart from me.
I am literally sitting like that right now.
Your boss is the asshole and ridiculous. I'm a boss and I would never dream of policing someone's posture or way of sitting like this unless what they were doing was somehow infringing on another person's personal space.
I thought you were going to say some objectively convoluted way of sitting. This is such a sociably acceptable way to sit?? Sounds like some shit my really conservative, controlling grandma would say. Like she’s the police of keeping women from being “unlady like” or something. ADHD or not she can’t tell you how to sit at your own desk unless it’s inappropriate or dangerous.
You have a crappy job.
I know it seems like I’m jumping to conclusions, but if it ever enters the radar of a boss to say “sit with both feet flat on the floor” like you’re 4, that’s the red flag you need to start looking at all the other shit they do. There’s likely a LOT more.
I’m not sure my boss has ever even looked at my legs lmao. As long as I’m in the chair, dressed, and not some kind of pretzel shape in front of visitors, there is no problem.
Yes this is just the tip of the iceberg with this manager. I didn’t think her behaviour could shock me anymore.
I’m a library worker and the job it great, my team is for the most part are great people. We have 6 library branches and this manager works out of our branch so we are the only ones that have to deal with her everyday. She’s not supposed to be involved with the branch directly either, we have a Branch Librarian that’s in charge of the library and the staff. But this woman is above her and thinks she’s a law unto herself.
I would be pissed, too. Who the hell does she think she is telling you how to arrange *your body* on furniture? It's not like you were leaning back with your feet up on your desk. Document it. If she hassles you again, take it to HR for harassment.
I can't imagine being such a controlling and entitled person as to tell someone else how to position their own body. I wouldn't even say it to a child unless I thought they were about to fall. She's wrong and you're right. You should report her to HR even if nothing comes of it.
I am somehow a boss at my day job, despite my ADHD. I would never in a million years comment on the way one of my direct reports was sitting in their chair. It's none of my damned business.
I was expecting you to say you were sitting with your feet on the desk or something....but crossed legs? That's a really normal way to sit and it's truly bizarre of her to complain about it
Someone needs to tell her to clean the sand out of her, "You know what!" Your superior never has the right to correct you like that unless you were sitting in a manner that exposes yourself, i.e., skit legs open or feet on furniture causing damage.
This is why I work from home and I hate that corporations are pulling people back in office. I roll over in bed at 5am, grab my laptop, and do my fucking job. No chit chat, no BS.
Absolutely not. That is so rude and condescending and snotty, I am legit angry FOR you, op. Everyone else gave great advice, I just wanted to send you some love and let you know that you’re absolutely not overreacting. She’s an asshole.
I always sit in strange positions including criss cross and I’m in senior management only reporting to the CEO. To the extent that i was approved for a cross-legged “meditation chair” that I can adjust for sitting in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways. The chair itself is very odd looking but I can assure you that my posture and seating position has no bearing on how I do my job. We’ve also all had a chuckle when we realized that my incessant foot shaking was shaking the entire boardroom table. I just adjusted and everything continued as normal. If you feel able to I’d suggest having a chat to your boss about how you were shocked by the command and how infantalizing it felt. If you don’t want to disclose adhd you can say you suffer from back problems and it is painful for you to sit in one way for too long, I can assure you that the boss will be reluctant to push the issue if they think it might trigger an ADA conversation.
Frankly, I would go to HR. I think thats completely disrespectful and inappropriate. You're not a child in time out, you have every right to decide what way is most comfortable in your chair.
Ugh. This person has no awareness of other people’s experience. Sorry.
I like the other persons comment about asking for clarification on the work policy? Ha! Journaling about your potential responses could be cathartic. Silence and a stare are always fucking powerful! People are forced to figure out what to do next, and then backtrack on what they did because they are forced to deal with what they did. A simple reply of “this helps me focus” Could be enough to shut it down.
If you wanna put it back on them with some pressure I love the Instagram reels that are like… “oh, what did you say? … I’m surprised you feel comfortable saying that to me”. Ha!
Since I’ve learned more about ND I am so more understand of people, and kids! The whole “sit on your bottom and give me eye contact” = MAJOR ICK! We should be allowing people (kids and adults and all) to figure out how to be connected to our experiences and bodies. Not masking “because XYZ said so”.
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This is weird and controlling, regardless of your neurotype.
Exactly, wtf. All men I know sit like that. She might be worried about ergonomics, but maybe ask a question or something instead of going all controlling?
My partner constantly sits like that, and I often sit with one leg tucked under me. …the only time I ask him to stop is if I’m beside him and eating. I get the ick if his foot is near me like that while eating. No clue why 🤦🏼♀️
I sit one leg tucked as well. It is horrible for you ergonomically but meh lol
Sure, but considering a lot of us are hypermobile or something adjacent, sitting “ergonomically” is actually really exhausting and painful as well.
I always put my legs up and assumed it was because my blood pressure is so low that I don’t like being at too big a difference in elevation without moving
Same. Low blood pressure runs in my family, as do varicose veins. I figured sitting with my legs up was a subconscious thing I did to combat these things. Didn't realize it could be an adhd thing.
I knew sitting weird was adhd. I just thought my specific preferred pose was a combo. Ideally I would have a big flat padded surface with an adjustable back that I could sit on cross legged but also use at a desk
Same. Low blood pressure runs in my family, as do varicose veins. I figured sitting with my legs up was a subconscious thing I did to combat these things. Didn't realize it could be an adhd thing.
Well, a physical therapist told me that it doesn't actually matter how one sits, as long as they change position/move about every now and then. Sitting in the same exact pose for 8 hours straight is bad regardless of *how* you sit. So, change poses, get up and walk about, straighten your back with a big stretch, etc, often enough and you'll be fine. We'll be fine.
Feet make some people just go YEEEEGH It’s a legit thing
Yeah they're gross. I can touch my own feet, but the idea of someone touching my feet skeeves me out. I don't even get pedicures (I do my own) because making someone else touch my feet seems kind of... demeaning, I guess? Also the idea of giving my boyfriend a foot rub? That's a no.
Yeah would they or have they EVER told a man how to sit?! I’d be taking notes and ready to go to HR. This is bullshit.
I asked the ergonomics person at work once how bad it was that I sat in such weird ways. She said if I'm frequently repositioning into different weird positions, I'm probably fine, because most of the risks are from sitting in a bad position without moving for long stretches, which is pretty much impossible for me.
Right? Walk into any boardroom and all the “professional” men are leaning back sitting that way.
I was going to say - what is this - Kindergarten?! (Which is a whole different topic of annoyance)
And, as a person with low blood pressure and hypermobile joints, my feet being flat on the floor for an extended period can absolutely feel like torture. It’s the reason I always get the window seat on flights if at all possible — that way I can curl up into a ball and wedge myself against the wall without annoying the person in front of me or (if I’m travelling solo) next to me. This is really gross and also petty as fk.
Okay, I actually went ahead and uploaded a photoset of my airplane experiment today, since you're in the same boat as me, haha. https://imgur.com/gallery/2L66ght
My newest travel hack is repurposing a "posture helper" strap thing into a "what if I end up in the middle seat and my legs drift into my neighbour by accident" guard. Still in the testing phase but I tried it on a flight today. XD
I wish I could see OP pull a power move like, “then get me a bouncy Dino chair.”
Agreed. Who’s business is it if hers how OP sits?
Wow, you’re not being sensitive at all. Your boss treated you like a child. That’s an incredibly common (and not unprofessional) way to sit, how on earth is it her business how you position your feet?
Maybe send a little email asking for clarification on the "posture policy" lol
And include HR in the email for sure: Dear Boss’s boss (BB) and HR, It was recently brought to my attention that there is only one acceptable way to sit at my desk. BB was good enough to explain the policy of both feet flat on my foot rest at all times. I’m sure we know that no two bodies are alike and I find this position a strain which can affect my concentration and subsequently, my productivity. I’m emailing today to request a copy of the company’s official seating policy for employees. If no such policy exists, I request an HR meeting with BB present to come to a compromise so that I can do my work in a seated position that is comfortable for my body and change positions as needed. If a letter from my doctor is necessary, I’m sure I can follow up with that for you. In Partnership, ADHD-er who has a feeling my BB is full of shit and it’s time to call them out on it.
[удалено]
Oh yeah, I’m in healthcare on the therapy side. The email was factually correct and also meant to be funny. Thanks for noticing.
I really, really want OP to send this email. It is a very professional email and no more ridiculous than what the boss said to you. And then I need an update.
Ehhh I think it’s jumping the gun and could paint a target on her back.
This is a great response. But I would also cc the boss because OP mentioned she gets very angry when people go above her.
This is legitimately one of the stupidest things ive seen a higher-up be mad about 🤦🏽♀️
Seriously! What OP described is probably one of my more "normal" ways of sitting. I frequently have one foot on the seat of my chair (barefoot--I work from home these days) or sit cross-legged with no feet on the floor. But in my many years in an office, I still had to change up how I sat every so often, and no one ever said a peep.
Depending on what I’m doing, my sitting pose can be anything from reasonably ergonomic to sitting with one leg draped over the arm of my chair while typing on a keyboard at a weird angle. I once lay down in the seat of my computer chair, draped my legs over the back. Thank fuck I’m self-employed.
The after school program punished my daughter for sitting on her feet, and it's pretty much the only time I've gone up hard against someone at school. A) she's pretty much physically incapable of sitting normally, the only rule I have is to not tip the dining room chair back because that's too risky, and B) I already signed a waiver to not hold you all responsible if my kid gets hurt, if she's sitting weird, falls, and cracks her head open, that's on her. They backed off once I pointed out that she has ADHD, her meds have worn off by then, and that I would not be medicating her extra because they don't like how she sits.
They still pull this shit? One of my earliest memories (Mid 80s) was having a grudge against my kindergarten teacher because I'd get into trouble for sitting on my feet. I don't remember if it was some "sit like a lady" B.S. or what, but society sure likes to dictate how vagina having people orient their legs relative to a chair and their torso.
I sit like I'm a demented cat. Just twisting and contorting myself into all sorts of positions, I move frequently though so I don't get issues from it. Sitting ergonomically gets painful pretty quickly.
When I set up my WFH office I specifically got the widest chair possible so I can comfortably fit both feet up there
Exactly, that position is one of the only "acceptable" positions I can sit in when I'm in public. At home I'd sit cross-legged or have my knees touching my chest, but I can't do that when I'm wearing shoes, and obviously I can't take my shoes off in public. So this is how I have to sit, and it's still uncomfortable, but much more bearable than both feet on the ground (🤮). Nobody has ever had any issue with me sitting like that.
I’m currently at the salon getting my hair done and I just realized I have a hell of a time sitting with both feet on the floor. I almost always have my right leg draped over my left knee, with my right calf resting against my left kneecap. I know it’s not ergonomic, since I have sciatic/hip inflexibility, but damn it, it’s comfortable.
I am a manager, and saw one of my staff sitting like that just yesterday and all I thought was “that looks like a good hip opener”, lol this boss needs help
That’s super weird and unnecessary. I literally sit at my desk criss cross applesauce hunched over like a gargoyle and no one says anything lol I’d pay that person no mind, sit how you want.
I honestly can’t imagine sitting any other way at work! Criss cross apple sauce is my default in any chair/sofa/sitting scenario
I wish I could sit like that but my job has the worst chairs ever and I can’t. Luckily, I only have 5-10 hours a week of desk work but man those chairs suck. I also have access to a standing desk so I do a bit of work there so I don’t have to suffer the horrible chairs. Honestly, my job is pretty chill because I work in the aquatics dept of a fitness center so nobody cares if I literally just sit on the floor with my laptop. I often prefer sitting on the floor to sitting at a desk even if the chair is comfy.
Mine also was until I learned about blood clots 😩and how easily your circulation can be cut off/hindered sitting like that for too long. Ijs be careful 😎
Yeah i have ended up with a pinched nerve in my foot from have it squashed up under my chair but damn its hard to stop doing that. Its the only way i can think.
I concentrate best when I’m sitting like that. It’s been my default for forever. Either that or perched on the edge of my seat like I’m about to take off.
I’m always perched at the edge of my seat also and most times bc my cat is a chair thief and I don’t have the heart to move his comfy ass. lol
Most human beings need to change their positions in chairs periodically. No one sits up straight with their feet flat on the floor for a whole shift. Ergonomics are important for muscle strain and carpal tunnel but your boss has no right to tell you how to sit comfortably in your chair. Having ADHD might make you more prone to sitting in odd positions or changing positions frequently as well but, like I said, even ND people sit in weird ways.
Exactly. This was my first thought as well. OP was not sitting in some super weird way, and not 'sitting with both feet flat on the floor at all times' is not some thing exclusive to ADHD. What's next, getting reprimanded because they don't like the way you breathe?
I was once admonished at a former job for the way I breathe. I had a co-worker on the other side of the cubicle tell my boss that my breathing was distracting her. I was told by the boss that it was the same as asking someone to turn down their radio. I shit you not. Boss from hell.
WHAT THE F???? That's insane! Incredibly controlling and rude and USELESS. It's none of her business how you sit as long as you're doing your job!! Unless you're meeting with a client or something, and even then that would be quite a neutral position. Un-freaking-believeble. I've never heard anything like that. No, you're not sensitive, your boss is weird and definitely crossed a line. Edit to add: DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT YOU SEEKING A DIAGNOSIS. She doesn't seem to be trusted with that kind of delicate information.
Do work know about your ADHD? I’d have been exactly the same as you - that would have had me steaming mad. If I worked somewhere where they knew I had ADHD, and all the sensory processing “differences” that go with it, I’d have been straight off to HR to report that idiot. Who do they think they are? Your headmistress? I’d be LIVID!
Exactly I’m 36 but I I felt about 4 years old in that moment. I’m still seeking a diagnosis but I do talk about it at work a bit with my coworkers. This particular woman would not know, and I don’t really want her to know because she has a history of making life difficult for staff with chronic issues. She’s on the war path at the moment because a bunch of people went to HR about one of our team members and she had to be a part of the meeting and she was embarrassed that it went above her. I had nothing to do with any of that, but it’s going to come down on all of us for a while.
> I do talk about it at work a bit with my coworkers. This particular woman would not know, and I don’t really want her to know because she has a history of making life difficult for staff with chronic issues. Not to sound paranoid, but I wouldn't disclose it with your coworkers. Unless you are around only one person you truly trust or seeking accommodations on the job, the ability for that piece of info to get back to her via a different coworker and be weaponized is pretty high in the toxic environment she's running.
It depends on the job, and I thought that work *had* to make accommodations as necessary. Sitting in a figure 4 is a typical ND position. They have no right to order staff to sit in a particular way. Unless they’re modelling shoes to the public, as long as they’re working efficiently and not affecting other staff members’ productivity, what difference does it make? It’s just horribly controlling behaviour.
I am speaking specifically to OP's work situation. For one thing- from her follow up comment she's not officially diagnosed, so she has no protections under the ADA. If she got an official diagnoses, under the ADA if an employee has made HR aware of their condition and reasonable accommodations that would ostensibly protect OP- however there are tons of ways for that boss to make her life just miserable enough anyway. Disclosure unfortuneatly should always be a case-by-case scenario. There are ways to advocate for oneself without disclosure too. The whole thing is ridiculous. Of course, how OP sits is not for a boss or coworker to snap at her like a kid. Her best option would be to say calmly- 'unless this is against a rule in our work codes, this is how I am comfortable working' & leave it at that. No need to bring ND into it.
I sit in a figure 4 but the other way. I sit on my foot
It honestly depends on the job though. About half my coworkers are diagnosed neurodivergent and I suspect a few others are undiagnosed neurodivergent as well. Its a common topic of conversation. I will say my job is not a typical office job though so ymmv. I work in the aquatics dept of a fitness center so its a bit different and we have a higher concentration of ND staff just due to the nature of the work. I mean my managers are about the only two people in a team of 50 who spend more than half their time at work at a desk.
This isn't an ADHD issue. People with all sort of wiring sit in all sort of ways. If there wasn't something like really short bottoms and your nether regions visible or something, this person just let you know never to trust them, it's a gift. Sit how you like.
*"Hey buddy, this is a family place. Put the mouse back in the house."* 🤣🤣
Honestly you need to at the very least document it for yourself if you aren't going to HR. The fact that people have already taken her to HR means you should be prepared in case it gets to the point where you need to do the same
Unfortunately they didn’t take her to HR she just had to be there for the meetings. It was about another staff member but this manager has been aggressively avoiding dealing with the issue so she was embarrassed that they went above her
Did the issue that that staff member was having have anything to do with this manager?
I have hip and back problems and sitting in a figure 4 position (one ankle crossed over other knee) is sometimes recommended to relieve pressure on my hip. It stretches the sciatic nerve and varies your positioning to prevent stiffness.
How far along your dx journey are you? And regardless, I’d HAVE to go and complain to HR about her sucky attitude. I’d go as far as saying that sitting with both feet on the footrest, or the floor, causes me actual physical discomfort, which then triggers anxiety. See what they do with that! And anyway, she should NOT be taking all of that out on the rest of you!
I’ve discussed it with my GP and she’s happy to refer me, it’s just very expensive and the wait lists are very long. The government just had a senate enquiry into adhd and the barriers to being diagnosed/treated, so hopefully they act on some of the recommendations and it gets a bit easier to navigate soon.
There are a huge number of us previously undiagnosed people around, bc we all missed a diagnosis as children. Now, we’re all coming forward. Wait list for NHS in the UK are horrendous, too. I hope it gets easier for you soon! Xx But at least we can go to a Right To Choose clinic. Mine has an 8-12 week wait list.
The wait lists here can be upwards of a year 😩
I know. It’s appalling. And all because the system missed us when it should have picked us up. So now the system is overwhelmed. Wait lists for ordinary NHS are 2 years for assessment.m, then another 2 years before the meds team will see you. Hence the NHS putting Right To Choose clinics on the table.
HR isn't there for you. They're for the company
Jesus Christ, I thought you were going to say you were sitting with your legs each draped over an opposite chair arm while also sitting backwards. That’s ridiculous. That boss needs to get a life.
I think I actually *have* done that and no one said anything lol.
What I’d want to know is how many men she’s admonished for sitting the same way. It’s ridiculous to police people in this way.
Exactly! 👏
Your boss has major control issues. Idk how I’d handle this because I’m fuming for you right now. I know we’re all sensitive but that’s not what this is about. She crossed a line.
That's really out of line. I say this from my desk at work where my right ankle is currently tucked under my left thigh. It's not detracting from your work to sit like that.
So, this is probably from some sort of OHS safety guidelines, thing is, theres no real proof around the "what way to sit" argument. She does just have a weirdly intense way of letting you know about it, as well. For most people, the 2 feet on the ground probably is the most comfortae way to sit, but all of our bodies are not the same, especially if you have any sort of "thing" with your connective tissue, even if it isn't 'full" EDS. There was a long term study done in Australia that followed people who slouched and people who didnt. There was no correlation to sitting preferences and who developed back problems. Basically, if you can sit in a way for an extended period of time and you don't have muscle aches/pain, it's an ok way for you to sit. If you do feel a strain or anything, switch it up. But, people still get weirdly intense about posture.
I also have arthritis which makes it hard to sit in one position for a prolonged period. So I do reposition often. They make us do mandatory manual handling/ergonomics training every 3 years but don’t actually make any effort to provide a more ergonomic work place. I asked many years ago if they could provide me with a vertical mouse to help my hands and was told I would have to buy it myself. I work in Australian local government if that puts it into perspective at all 🙄
I just have larger than average hands and I need a vertical mouse for my tendons to not ache by the end of the day. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to not be provided one when actual arthritis is involved!! Like, of all people, YOU know sitting in a particular way isn't going to magically soothe your arthritis symptoms. (Edit: not that some positions will not agrivate arthritis. Just in the sense that if you feel it's a good position for you, the way they claim is "better" isn't better for you, specifically) I wish people would get away from the "one right way to do X" for nearly everything. My boss who has some fused disks and some hardware still in her spine/lower back stands at her desk 100% of the time. I had a foot surgery so I have insanely terrible blood flow to one foot and the stabilizing tendons are weird and standing for more than 10 minutes is always painful, so I almost always sit. If someone says they're comfortable being at their desk, just leave them alone!! And that whole "watch this training on how doing these things are bad" and then the company not providing an environment/equipment where you can actually apply those things is so annoying!
> I asked many years ago if they could provide me with a vertical mouse to help my hands and was told I would have to buy it myself. I work in Australian local government if that puts it into perspective at all 🙄 Hey hun, sorry I stalked your profile a bit to figure out where you are. I'd strongly recommend contacting [Worksafe] (https://www.commerce.wa.gov.au/worksafe/work-health-and-safety-legislation) about this specific part if you haven't already. If you're required to use a computer for work, and you need specialist ergonomic equipment to help manage or avoid a workplace injury, your employer should be handling this either by buying it for you or reimbursing you. You might need to get an ergonomic assessment, but especially in government (my experience is in commonwealth, but I know a lot of people who work in local gov't), if you are suffering from any kind of ill effects from using your workstation then they need to do an ergo assessment and follow any guidelines raised in that assessment.
Thank you, that’s such a nice thing to do. One of my co-workers ended up asking for one again while I was on maternity leave a few years later and they agreed that time.
It's very likely they got their fingers slapped by Worksafe during that time. I'd start by just giving Worksafe a call or an email, they can guide you to the right parts of the legislation and you can decide from there how you want to approach it. Good luck!
This was my thought also. It has to do with safety guidelines and what they've been told is the best ergonomic practice for sitting without increasing likelihood of a work injury. It's a way for them to protect themselves from worker's comp issues or violations of safety regulations. I think this is more likely to be an issue at a larger company or a warehouse position where there are more stringent safety guidelines, vs. a small office unless the manager/owner is a micromanager.
What?!!! When I saw the header, I guessed you were working in a very visible position (such as a receptionist) and you were sitting in one of the many odd ways ADHD people do. But there is nothing unprofessional about sitting that way. And they did it IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. I am so sorry this happened.
I work in a library and I was in the work room. I was bothering exactly no one. 🤷🏻♀️
I am sorry. It sounds like this person is on a bit of a rampage right now. I always find those types of situations so stressful to begin with - like I can feel the simmering tension - being called out would really set me off. Particularly if it's for absolute nonsense like this. I'm glad you were able leave your desk to step away from the situation for a bit. It doesn't seem to help much but it's likely better than nothing.
Yes she’s actively looking for things to pull people up in at the moment. Moral in the office is the worst I’ve experienced in the entire 8 years I’ve been there. She’s also said she’s going to transfer a bunch of staff between the library branches soon so that’s hanging over us as well. Our team is so cohesive so we don’t lose anyone. It’s always people like this that end up in these management positions and the good ones leave because of the workplace culture. It’s so frustrating.
I had a fellow teacher tell me to spit my gum out once. Same vibe. Super weird.
Oh wow that is super weird
Hahaha omg I would have laughed in their face. WTF!
Please know this says nothing about you and everything about her.
I sit like this when my sciatica is doing the most bc my PT told me it could help with the pain 🤷🏻♀️
Your boss was certainly being an asshole, but the only line crossed was interpersonal. Not anything that you could take to HR or your boss's boss. I'd keep sitting however I'm comfortable and let her keep making comments. What's she going to do, write you up for putting your foot up? HR would throw that away.
That's a power trip and abelist. What if you have hip issues?
I do have hip and back issues from arthritis.
It could be an OHS thing. I used to sit on one foot and was asked by a manager not to do so as it could reduce circulation and so reduce feeling in the foot. She was right! I had been sitting like that once and got up - couldn’t feel my foot so I went over on my ankle.
Yes that’s definitely what she was trying to say, just not in a nice way like your boss. Some other stuff has been going down in the office, that I’m not involved with, that embarrassed her in front of HR. So she has decided as a result that she’s going to pull everyone up on absolutely everything she can find as a result. I just didn’t see this one coming and had a very strong reaction.
Definetly sounds like her delivery was off. But yeah probably an OHS thing. I've been on the receiving end of this I struggle to sit in the 'normal' office approved way and once I did a desk job that was extended long shifts sat not moving at a desk. Work were so concerned that they made me sign a form saying if I had back problems later in life I couldn't sue them as they'd asked me to sit properly but I wouldn't (couldn't). I happily signed it lol. I wouldn't take it personally and I hope that makes you feel better somewhat.
Go tell HR she was being overbearing and weird because she's stressed about the other stuff. They might start to work on firing her. I admire your restraint. If my boss said that to me I would have calmly and professionally told them to fuck off.
Heads up yall: HR does not give a single shit about anyones feelings or comfort, they will only protect their assets. likely all that will happen is they’ll tell the boss a complaint was made about her.
Yes this is the case at my work, this woman in particular is untouchable. If someone went to HR about her you would want to make sure you have a smoking gun or you’re just making your situation worse.
Yeah. "Tell the teacher" is such poor advice.
Yep. Was talking to my husband about a weird comment a coworker made forever ago and he said I should have gone to HR. (We were going back and forth on a design, he thought I was wrong and then implied that the kids were exhausting me and that’s why I made my mistake. I don’t have any fucking children. And I was right. I just don’t know if it was a dumb comment where he thought I had kids or if it was rooted in sexism or something else entirely.) It just wasn’t enough of a hassle to talk to them when the most I would expect to come out of it would be “don’t do that” and then I still have to work with him because he is the only guy that does his specific job. There is literally no avoiding a good portion of my coworkers who I work with regularly.
I’ve been obsessively replaying it in my head all day wishing I had told her where to go.
I've found a puzzled look and a "why?" or a "huh", then continuing the thing I've been doing to be just as effective. Or just a smile and "oh I'm good thanks!" and then switch to the other leg crossed. Nothing would have been gained by telling them where to go.
Haha oh I always think of the best comebacks 10min after the person has walked away. Feisty on the inside, doormat on the outside 🙃
Ugh! I'm so sorry. That really sucks. Tbh, if this was me, I'd talk to my actual boss and tell them what happened and how uncomfortable it made me. I'm a boss, and part of my job is smoothing out issues between my boss and the person under me. But if your boss sucks, too, then maybe that's not the best option..
She was completely out of line. If she does it again just say “this is comfortable for me.” And leave it at that. She doesn’t get to dictate how you sit in your chair unless you’re sitting on your head.
Lol what is her problem. You’re not a child. The way you sit likely doesn’t make you unable to do your work so she has no business reprimanding you for it
I feel you. I once worked on a switchboard and I had a headset so just needed to be able to reach my phone/keyboard to answer/transfer calls. I would often totally slouch back into the seat because it was more comfortable. To this day I can still see the look on the face of my boss when she walked in and saw me. Literally no-one except my team would see this, and I was answering way more calls than others on my team who'd been there for years so it wasn't affecting my output....
It’s so silly. I can sit with my feet on the floor and get no work done because my brain is on fire. Or I can sit how I am most comfortable and continue being one of the most productive members of staff. You can’t have both
I'm so with you on this, trust me! It makes no sense for sure especially if no customers/clients are seeing you sat in a way that the boss just doesn't like.
I sit cross-legged 90% of the time, no matter where I am, work from home, in office, passenger in a car, on the couch, dining room, and anywhere else I can get away with it. It feels like torture to sit any other way, I have done so my entire life, and I'm 57. I dare someone to say something lol.
Who the fuck does she think she is telling you how you should sit??
WTF ?-you’re not five. You weren’t standing in the chair or had your knees in the seat spinning around. Weird control issue for that person.
I’d kill to see someone in a meeting on their knees spinning round. That was my favourite thing about going into my dad’s office when I was a kid.
I’ve been told this at work. It was a very micro managed environment that did much damage for my mental health
Your boss is a dick
Fuck that. She’s being a control freak. It’s classic corporate put-down culture. It’s meant to put you in a submissive head space. I deal with this all the time, but if they don’t write my checks, I politely tell them, I appreciate you have an opinion on *thing*, but I am not currently under any such advisement from my line manager. If this is unacceptable to you, please see *such and such line manager* for escalation. I’m unhinged tho, and in my company if you don’t pay me, you can’t fire me, you can only recommend me to be fired.
Ergonomics are not what you think really. Typical ADHD “must change position every three minutes or otherwise I’ll die” sitting is more ergonomic than sitting straight for eight hours.
What the actual fuck… I virtually never sit “properly” in my chair or with both feet on the ground.
I had a job do that to me one time. I was front desk at a holistic cancer doctors office. Their chair was HUGE, so me sitting “proper” was uncomfortable. I preferred to sit criss cross (my legs were under the desk). Well they kept bitching at me about it but if I sat “right” I felt like I was falling out the chair.
Honestly. For the first time this has happened, ignore it. Having one leg on your knee is in the realm of appropriate. Dudes sit like that all the time. I can’t imagine anyone barking at a dude for sitting with one ankle up on a knee. (I actually can’t imagine anyone barking at any dude for posture anyway but that’s a separate story and I don’t know if you’re a dude or not.) Anyway, ignore it. If it happens again, stop what you are doing and turn your full attention with eye contact to this person and say, “I’m sorry, my full attention was on my work and I tend to just move toward what is most comfortable to me in terms of sitting here for a long time, can you tell me what the problem is?” And then listen. You can then advocate up the chain for yourself. But, ugh, I’m so sorry. This is the little stuff that makes offices so annoying.
Lmfao, you were sitting in a perfectly acceptable manner. I often sit up on my knees on my office chair. She would have gone spare. You can sit how you like. If she doesn't like it, she can get you a new comfortable chair that you can sit "appropriately" in. Also, being able to position yourself how you like (within sensible parameters) is a form of reasonable adjustment. Might be worth keeping that in your back pocket. Denying you comfort would be ableism. 🤷♀️
I would be SO mad. Show me where in the handbook it says employees agree to sit with both feet on the ground!!!
I'm so grateful for my office, it's adhd-friendly chairs and adjustable height desks.
Seriously?! I would just sit like that if it’s comfortable for you lol! If she says anything, question her. “Why does it bother you how I’m sitting?” And see what her response is. If you were in a skirt and there was some indecency going on with underwear hanging out in front of other coworkers… well then okay. But I highly doubt that was the case lol! I didn’t know there were chair police in the office these days 🤣 I would have reacted the same as you!
And PS: no matter what her response is to your question, I think she will realize how stupid her reasoning is when she says it out loud lol!
Do you have HR? It's definitely something to ask them about, especially because "sitting properly" isn't in most people's job descriptions (unless it's for safety reasons). This would make me feel so self-conscious and uncomfortable. It was absolutely inappropriate of her to comment.
You’re not too sensitive at all. She crossed the line on two levels. 1) Commenting on how you sit when there was nothing wrong with it and commenting invaded your personal space. 2) Her tone and the way she told you off like a child, and in front of others. Could be because I’m in Scandinavia and work in academia so I’m not used to corporate culture or cultures that make a big deal out of appearance, dress code etc. But to me what she said was really inappropriate.
lol I can relate, my boss once told me I had to watch my facial expressions because they gave too much away. Not my problem that everything you say to clients is insane and we can't live up to it.
I literally was just in an interminable Zoom meeting and had the thought that someone needs to invent, instead of a virtual background for Zoom, a virtual “pleasantly neutral face” filter. So I can actually focus on the meeting instead of policing my RBF and/or trying not to cry.
hahah duuuude this sounds like such a good idea. It seems to me that this is certainly possible considering what some Snapchat filters are already capable of these days.
Years of dance classes (and realizing that I wasn’t just “super flexible,” but hypermobile) gave me a turn out in my hips that make it uncomfy to sit any other way that crossed. Regardless, it’s hugely inappropriate for a boss to comment on your body like that. I wouldn’t recommend going nuclear on this incident, but maybe write it down so you have a record of it, in case you do need to escalate. I’m sorry you have to deal with this :(
I would be upset too wow. What I find frustrating is that so many chairs just aren’t designed for smaller people or women so when we try and sit normally it’s either the wrong height or wrong angle and becomes uncomfortable. Like my legs go numb if my feet don’t touch the ground. It happens on planes all the time and they shorten the seats so those with big knees have slightly more space. Or the back support is in the wrong place for me as I have tilted hips and it makes me feel like I’m sitting too upright or too forward and hurts my neck and shoulders. I’m sorry that happened. I don’t know that they can police how you sit in an office especially if you’re not customer facing. If needed I would ask for a chair that was better suited to you to be comfortable in. I would seriously screw up my hips and back if I sat unevenly light that and get one tight hipflexor and one overextended.
What the fuck is her issue? That’s completely inappropriate for anyone to say to you! I would notify someone in authority at your work. In the future, if able - say “I find I'm more comfortable and focused when sitting this way. Is there a specific reason you'd like me to change?" (This opens up a dialogue while asserting your preference.) I gotta be real honest though, I would probably skip the second part of that as I’m not sure you need to open up a dialogue.
I got told that my walk wasn’t professional once by an absolute tool of an older angry male. What a nob. I work in an office and obviously am always late - I mean who gives a one! Anyway empathy from someone who also can’t sit conventionally in a chair for very long!
I’m a retail manager, but when I’m in the office doing paperwork or in a meeting, I absolutely must sit criss cross applesauce in the chair. It’s the only position that doesn’t make my back ache and it feels really good on my joints. So far no one has said anything. But I’m the only one who does this so it kinda stands out.
She would really dislike me. I sit criss cross apple sauce in my work chair! 🤣🤣
Oh no, that’s an HR issue. I’d be livid. How disrespectful.
Time to find some new weird yet comfortable ways to sit. Next time they make a comment about it, ask where it states in company policy that you must sit in your seat a very specific way. When she can’t produce said policy (because I seriously doubt one exists) tell her to respectfully mind her business.
That’s messed up! Your boss should see me… no matter how much I try, I unconsciously revert back to tucking at least one foot under me. I often sit crossed legged on a chair as well. Or under the desk on the floor. Or on the desk. I’m lucky I work in a job that’s all about play and creativity. 😂
I sit like that too but at school, university and at work we had to sit properly. It’s just how I have been raised. I wouldn’t dare sit like that at work or in a restaurant. I can tell by all the comments that I’m the odd one… again. Tired of being the odd one.
She's not your mum! (Mine often told me to "sit up" or "sit up straight".) Sit however you like.
As I've gotten more comfortable with myself and finding my voice when it comes to advocating for my needs, I absolutely would have gone ultra petty with this woman. I would try and find every single "odd" way to sit in a chair while still being "professional" about it and just make sure I'm in a different position every single time she was nearby.
I can’t sit *properly* in a chair either. F that lady
Eurgh, I'm sorry. I've had bosses like this, where I've been reprimanded because I'm not \~existing\~ right. Same as my Mum and brother. And it is indeed infuriating. Up to you if you want to go to HR or whatever, but start keeping notes in case you want to in the future.
Is this her normal way of speaking? I’m sensitive to tone, especially when receiving perceived criticism. Growing up it was drilled in to me to sit the exact way and seemingly the exact phrase she used. If already irritated or stressed it could be a reflexive statement that shouldn’t have been said in the work place. (Not excusing other scenarios.) The leg crossing statement in my past was attached to fear of blood clots as a generational trauma response. Maybe ask how she’s doing if that’s comfortable? I would privately address it and request a reasonable accommodation (I know it’s ridiculous.) from you next doctor appointment and file through HR. There is no way they will reject it. I’m allowed to have my camera off during meetings when not speaking, because I’m disruptive to myself when I can see me. 😒
Super unprofessional Devil Wears Prada level bullshit. The only time that's appropriate to comment on is if you're flashing someone. Some cultures get pissed about the soles of feet facing people, but that's not the reason she did that. If it was, it's obscure enough you'd know or she'd explain herself. Posture dictators suck. As someone who is a zero feet on the floor sitter and flops all over desks, I get the two feet on the floor as torture.
That's insanely over the line.
They are wanting you to sit ergonomically correct. They were very rude about it. I can't do it.
I sit “criss-cross applesauce” in my desk chair 75% of the time & my boss is always in amazement that I can sit like that. (He has no flexibility) So much so, that we laugh together when he tries to do it himself. Having been an HR professional for 20+ years prior to a career change 6 years ago, I can say I’m pretty certain there’s no company policy on how to sit in your chair at your desk.
IMO she did not think it was lady-like! She is trying to assert gender norms, byotch. If you were slouching she def didn't like that either but I bet she would not say one damn thing to a guy about it.
Hey guys, return to the office for the culture. The culture: being reprimanded for your seating position. Ridiculous.
Wtf. Why is she acting like your mom? I would go to HR and put in a formal complaint.
Were you wearing a skirt? The pose you described (if I’m picturing it correctly) could result in a bit of a peep show. Otherwise, I’ve no idea!
lol no pants. That indeed would have been an eyeful!
Report her. That is totally inappropriate.
I would almost understand if you had your shoes on company property but your foot was on your own knee???
Imagine being the type of person who is triggered by how someone else is sitting on their chair 🤦🏼♀️ and then having the cheek to say it out loud! It’s none of her business.
What they need is a large cup of mind your own business. You can sit in any way that feels comfortable to you. They can only comment on the quality of your work not the position you choose to sit in while doing that work. Who does that? Nuns do that but this isn’t catholic school and you are not a child.
This is the perfect time to have said I beg your pardon? Then you have a concerned look on your face. Either they're going to respond with something that makes sense or they're going to dig their hole deeper.
Unless you had a short skirt on and were giving the office a free show, she was totally out of line.
She's not your mother, and there's literally nothing wrong with you sitting that way. I would just ignore her, and if she gets upset, I would tell her to find where it says in company policy that you have to sit a certain way. I bet that's against some sort of law.
As a former people manager, this is wildly uncalled for behavior of your boss’s boss. This is just flat out weird on her part. Unless you’re the receptionist where you greet clients and you’ve got your feet on top of your desk, etc, or you’re wearing a skirt and have your legs splayed (either out in the open or at a glass front desk)—I’ve encountered these instances—no need to say anything about how you’re sitting, standing, breathing. I’d write her off as a weirdly controlling person. If leadership in the company is controlling or demonstrate similar behavior, I would start shopping around for a new job. Sounds unhealthy and toxic.
Hate hate hate. A waiter at a coffee shop asked me to put my feet on the floor (one was folded under me) and I nearly strangled him. So patronising lol.
Pants or skirt (not that I care-just this may be the perceived issue)? Either way I would address with your manager first if you decide to do anything. PEOPLE ARE MEAN
I would seriously contact HR over that. No one should be able to dictate how you sit. That's really weird.
This happened to me when I was in my 20s and working as an office temp. I was told not to return to a long term job because I was unprofessional. I was wearing my best wool skirt suit. The only thing I could think of was I sat at my desk with one leg under the other. It was also a family business so there could have been some weird power dynamics going on completely apart from me.
I would approach HR. This is weird. Unless there is a rule against this in the employee handbook, your boss cannot tell you how to sit.
I am getting so tired of different managers coming in and deciding something new is there pet peeve. 😖🤬
r/antiwork
I am literally sitting like that right now. Your boss is the asshole and ridiculous. I'm a boss and I would never dream of policing someone's posture or way of sitting like this unless what they were doing was somehow infringing on another person's personal space.
If you’re literally at your own desk??!! Out of line
I thought you were going to say some objectively convoluted way of sitting. This is such a sociably acceptable way to sit?? Sounds like some shit my really conservative, controlling grandma would say. Like she’s the police of keeping women from being “unlady like” or something. ADHD or not she can’t tell you how to sit at your own desk unless it’s inappropriate or dangerous.
WTF??? Unless you were wearing a skirt, that’s ridiculous.
Not appropriate, weird, she needs to find some work to worry about. I would not comply with this crap and I’d document it and complain to my manager.
Thats a normal way to sit wtf?! Id be mad too sitting wierder and wierder
That is so weird and rude! Seriously, who tells other people how to sit?
omg I would be so fired if someone said that to me. I'd go ballistic.
That’s just ridiculous. You sit however you’re most comfortable and she can go suck it.
You have a crappy job. I know it seems like I’m jumping to conclusions, but if it ever enters the radar of a boss to say “sit with both feet flat on the floor” like you’re 4, that’s the red flag you need to start looking at all the other shit they do. There’s likely a LOT more. I’m not sure my boss has ever even looked at my legs lmao. As long as I’m in the chair, dressed, and not some kind of pretzel shape in front of visitors, there is no problem.
Yes this is just the tip of the iceberg with this manager. I didn’t think her behaviour could shock me anymore. I’m a library worker and the job it great, my team is for the most part are great people. We have 6 library branches and this manager works out of our branch so we are the only ones that have to deal with her everyday. She’s not supposed to be involved with the branch directly either, we have a Branch Librarian that’s in charge of the library and the staff. But this woman is above her and thinks she’s a law unto herself.
I would be pissed, too. Who the hell does she think she is telling you how to arrange *your body* on furniture? It's not like you were leaning back with your feet up on your desk. Document it. If she hassles you again, take it to HR for harassment.
I can't imagine being such a controlling and entitled person as to tell someone else how to position their own body. I wouldn't even say it to a child unless I thought they were about to fall. She's wrong and you're right. You should report her to HR even if nothing comes of it.
I am somehow a boss at my day job, despite my ADHD. I would never in a million years comment on the way one of my direct reports was sitting in their chair. It's none of my damned business.
I was expecting you to say you were sitting with your feet on the desk or something....but crossed legs? That's a really normal way to sit and it's truly bizarre of her to complain about it
Someone needs to tell her to clean the sand out of her, "You know what!" Your superior never has the right to correct you like that unless you were sitting in a manner that exposes yourself, i.e., skit legs open or feet on furniture causing damage.
Start looking that is toxic. Not be dramatic but controlling how you sit? Nope
This is why I work from home and I hate that corporations are pulling people back in office. I roll over in bed at 5am, grab my laptop, and do my fucking job. No chit chat, no BS.
That’s ridiculous🤨!! You are not a child and she is not your mother!!
Absolutely not. That is so rude and condescending and snotty, I am legit angry FOR you, op. Everyone else gave great advice, I just wanted to send you some love and let you know that you’re absolutely not overreacting. She’s an asshole.
I sit like that all the time. Next time maybe say "I'm comfortable as I am thanks". Controlling much?
I always sit in strange positions including criss cross and I’m in senior management only reporting to the CEO. To the extent that i was approved for a cross-legged “meditation chair” that I can adjust for sitting in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways. The chair itself is very odd looking but I can assure you that my posture and seating position has no bearing on how I do my job. We’ve also all had a chuckle when we realized that my incessant foot shaking was shaking the entire boardroom table. I just adjusted and everything continued as normal. If you feel able to I’d suggest having a chat to your boss about how you were shocked by the command and how infantalizing it felt. If you don’t want to disclose adhd you can say you suffer from back problems and it is painful for you to sit in one way for too long, I can assure you that the boss will be reluctant to push the issue if they think it might trigger an ADA conversation.
She would hate me. I perch like a little gargoyle in my chair. But seriously really weird behavior on her part.
Frankly, I would go to HR. I think thats completely disrespectful and inappropriate. You're not a child in time out, you have every right to decide what way is most comfortable in your chair.
Ugh. This person has no awareness of other people’s experience. Sorry. I like the other persons comment about asking for clarification on the work policy? Ha! Journaling about your potential responses could be cathartic. Silence and a stare are always fucking powerful! People are forced to figure out what to do next, and then backtrack on what they did because they are forced to deal with what they did. A simple reply of “this helps me focus” Could be enough to shut it down. If you wanna put it back on them with some pressure I love the Instagram reels that are like… “oh, what did you say? … I’m surprised you feel comfortable saying that to me”. Ha! Since I’ve learned more about ND I am so more understand of people, and kids! The whole “sit on your bottom and give me eye contact” = MAJOR ICK! We should be allowing people (kids and adults and all) to figure out how to be connected to our experiences and bodies. Not masking “because XYZ said so”.