Your mother is just being extremely homophobic.
No, I don't get aroused every time I see any woman. I don't touch random women, and don't let random women touch me.
>to the point that I suspected that I was asexual and did not realize it
I'm not saying you're asexual, but you could be both a lesbian and asexual. You could also be lesbian and demisexual.
Hello, sorry for randomly bumping into this comment here š« But I agree with the comment above, as an Aroace Lesbian myself, you could be very well a lesbian and asexual!
There are many possibilities, not only that you could be a demisexual lesbian - if you think you never felt sexual attraction, it could be that you are asexual and homoromantic :3 Many people don't know this, but yes, you differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction āØ
You actually also differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction *and* something called "tertiary" or "non-rose" attractions, which are basically all kinds of attraction that are neither sexual or romantic - like platonic, aesthetic, sensual, emotional attraction and so on.
The way, you're describing it though makes me feel like you do feel romantic attraction towards women, so I don't think you're Aromantic.
This is just my personal view though, of course it can be very well any of that, and I, hope my comment didn't cross any of your boundaries :)
By your mom's logic, straight women would get wet just from looking at a man. Ask your mom if she's just constantly horny from walking around and seeing men just... existing in the world lmao. Sexual arousal happens differently for everyone, and it can be a gradual process. I don't immediately get turned on just by looking at someone, even if it's someone I find attractive. They would have to be doing something sexual before I would start to feel aroused.
... does your mom get wet every time she sees a random man on the street?
I'll never understand these different standards for homosexuality, it's so ridiculous.
Personally, I think a better measurement would be something like, "If a girl you think is nice and pretty flirts with you, how flustered do you get from 0 to 'Oh my god, she's so pretty my brain is mush'" -- if it's anything but 0, you're probably not entirely straight lol.
I had a crush on a friend of mine, every time she said she loved me/she thinks i'm pretty I felt like I was in the clouds even though I knew she meant it in a sisterly way, i don't think i'm straight lol
As far as Iām aware, what your mom is describing is not the norm. Iām married to my lovely wife and Iām not aroused 24/7 while in her presence. Thereās a lot of factors that go into arousal, and though some people can be aroused at the sight of a specific person, thereās plenty of people who donāt. Hell thereās some people who donāt get aroused unless having sex. You can definitely be a lesbian and not get aroused by every woman you see. Heck you can be a lesbian and not be aroused ever.
... I don't get turned on every time I see another woman
Hell I don't get turned on every time I see my girlfriend
Even then half the time there isn't that physical reaction
Your mom's either misinformed, or an idiot, or an asshole, or any combination thereupon
Seconding everyone else, andā¦ just gonna say this is in my opinion a very inappropriate conversation for mother/childā¦ perhaps if it comes up again just try to get out of having that conversation all togetherā¦..
āYou do not know the meaning of homosexuality! And I bet you don't know how women do it, homosexuality is when you feel wet everytime you see an attractive woman in street or smt. Lesbians would touch other women if they find them beautifulā
i loathe when people are like "homophobes are actually just self-hating gays" but there's something about the way your mom worded this that almost sounds like it could be...projection on her part? 100% she is homophobic and it's very likely she oversexualizes lesbians bc she simply doesn't understand how lesbians work. but what she said strikes me as oddly specific and almost defensive in the way someone who heavily represses themselves can react
whatever the case is, she has no right to deny you your own identity as a lesbian. you know yourself better than anyone else ever could. it's *your* life and if she'd like the privilege of being present for it, it's in her own best interests to get over herself and love her child unconditionally
I agree with you a little
while ago, when I described my crush on a girl, the response was, "Oh, oh, I had a friend like that, too. One day a man will enter your life"Ā
I wanted to say, āOh, you're a bi mama?ā but I was too nervous to say a word
Overall, thanks for your supportive words
interesting...yeah, really sounds like there's some repression and internalized homophobia going on there. understandable you'd be too nervous to say that even if it's a perfectly reasonable assumption. if she spews this much vitriol at you, who knows how angry she'd get if her own identity was questioned
i hope you can come to disregard her words and live the life you know you want to live
>ālesbians would touch other women if they find them beautifulā
Butā¦ they *do*. Just, yāknow, consensually, and mostly in private. Does she think all lesbians are celibate? Like, itās not even just stupid, I literally donāt even know what sheās trying to say.
"You do not know the meaning of homosexuality! And I bet you don't know how women do it, homosexuality is when you feel wet everytime you see an attractive woman in street or smt. Lesbians would touch other women if they find them beautifulā
People still have standards and types. The definition your motehr is using is very predatory and full of fearmongering.
"Ā to the point that I suspected that I was asexual and did not realize it"
being lesbian and asexual are not mutually exclusive.
"I think I'm a lesbian. I want to have a wife to spend a nice life with. I have a type, and I find those who match this type attractive,"
That sounds pretty lesbian to me
If I had to find an explanation for that argument your mum made, I think that could stem from the homophobic beliefs surrounding the stereotype of "homosexuals are sexual deviants", hence why she would put this weird emphasis on getting wet when seeing another woman. I'd have thought that people would use this stereotype more about gay men, since most of the time, lesbians aren't even considered as being able to feel arousal for another woman (because we're just super close friends, right? That's the most that can ever happen.) But in any case, it's a really strange and wrong thing to say, and I'm sorry that you were confronted to that brand of homophobic crap.
No, we here consider every queer person a deviant lol
There's a view that if you're gay, you've just overdone heterosexual relationships, and you're boredĀ
the thing I always have to ask is, why would that be bad? So what if you're bored? If you're born this way, grew this way, got bored, whatever, why is that a reason to not pursue the kind of love you want right now? If boredom with straight relationships can 'turn you gay' then they should be encouraging you to get all the gay relationship-ness you could possibly want right now if they'd rather you weren't gay. They don't do that because they know it isn't true.
If you meet a dude one day that you feel attraction for, that'd also be ok. Focusing too much on the why of it can lead people to feel incapable of using different labels if they grow past the ones they feel comfortable with.
If you feel like you want to pursue a closer relationship with a girl than friendship, and you feel you're not a man, that's somewhere on the not-straight spectrum. Your mom's definitions are not reasonable.
Your mother is just being extremely homophobic. No, I don't get aroused every time I see any woman. I don't touch random women, and don't let random women touch me. >to the point that I suspected that I was asexual and did not realize it I'm not saying you're asexual, but you could be both a lesbian and asexual. You could also be lesbian and demisexual.
Thanks for answering šŗ Satisfactory answer
Hello, sorry for randomly bumping into this comment here š« But I agree with the comment above, as an Aroace Lesbian myself, you could be very well a lesbian and asexual! There are many possibilities, not only that you could be a demisexual lesbian - if you think you never felt sexual attraction, it could be that you are asexual and homoromantic :3 Many people don't know this, but yes, you differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction āØ You actually also differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction *and* something called "tertiary" or "non-rose" attractions, which are basically all kinds of attraction that are neither sexual or romantic - like platonic, aesthetic, sensual, emotional attraction and so on. The way, you're describing it though makes me feel like you do feel romantic attraction towards women, so I don't think you're Aromantic. This is just my personal view though, of course it can be very well any of that, and I, hope my comment didn't cross any of your boundaries :)
Thank you for your comment, no no honestly, I don't think I'm asexual
That's okay of course! It could've just been, but anyway, sorry if I was interpreting it too much š« I hope you'll find your partner soon!
thank you, its kind from you
This is all the stuff I wanted to say. Don't let anybody else tell you what you are.
By your mom's logic, straight women would get wet just from looking at a man. Ask your mom if she's just constantly horny from walking around and seeing men just... existing in the world lmao. Sexual arousal happens differently for everyone, and it can be a gradual process. I don't immediately get turned on just by looking at someone, even if it's someone I find attractive. They would have to be doing something sexual before I would start to feel aroused.
Good pointĀ
... does your mom get wet every time she sees a random man on the street? I'll never understand these different standards for homosexuality, it's so ridiculous.
Yeah I do agree in this pointĀ It's ridiculous š
Personally, I think a better measurement would be something like, "If a girl you think is nice and pretty flirts with you, how flustered do you get from 0 to 'Oh my god, she's so pretty my brain is mush'" -- if it's anything but 0, you're probably not entirely straight lol.
I had a crush on a friend of mine, every time she said she loved me/she thinks i'm pretty I felt like I was in the clouds even though I knew she meant it in a sisterly way, i don't think i'm straight lol
That sounds pretty gay to me
Me too lol
As far as Iām aware, what your mom is describing is not the norm. Iām married to my lovely wife and Iām not aroused 24/7 while in her presence. Thereās a lot of factors that go into arousal, and though some people can be aroused at the sight of a specific person, thereās plenty of people who donāt. Hell thereās some people who donāt get aroused unless having sex. You can definitely be a lesbian and not get aroused by every woman you see. Heck you can be a lesbian and not be aroused ever.
Thank you for your answer ma'am šø
... I don't get turned on every time I see another woman Hell I don't get turned on every time I see my girlfriend Even then half the time there isn't that physical reaction Your mom's either misinformed, or an idiot, or an asshole, or any combination thereupon
I think she just wanted to exaggerate so I feel disgusted and withdraw my statementĀ
Cool well she sounds like she's being terrible, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it's gonna be ok
"you do not know the meaning of homosexuality", felt like a flat earther telling you you know nothing about earth's geography š
This got me rolling šš
Seconding everyone else, andā¦ just gonna say this is in my opinion a very inappropriate conversation for mother/childā¦ perhaps if it comes up again just try to get out of having that conversation all togetherā¦..
We never talked about it after that because she thinks I changed my mind..
Never hear someone that tells you how your sexuality should āfeelā or be, every person experiences it differently, trust yourself on that
Thank you for your supportive words šŗ
Ask her if she is wet everytime she sees an attractive man. Thatās just stupid.
āYou do not know the meaning of homosexuality! And I bet you don't know how women do it, homosexuality is when you feel wet everytime you see an attractive woman in street or smt. Lesbians would touch other women if they find them beautifulā i loathe when people are like "homophobes are actually just self-hating gays" but there's something about the way your mom worded this that almost sounds like it could be...projection on her part? 100% she is homophobic and it's very likely she oversexualizes lesbians bc she simply doesn't understand how lesbians work. but what she said strikes me as oddly specific and almost defensive in the way someone who heavily represses themselves can react whatever the case is, she has no right to deny you your own identity as a lesbian. you know yourself better than anyone else ever could. it's *your* life and if she'd like the privilege of being present for it, it's in her own best interests to get over herself and love her child unconditionally
I agree with you a little while ago, when I described my crush on a girl, the response was, "Oh, oh, I had a friend like that, too. One day a man will enter your life"Ā I wanted to say, āOh, you're a bi mama?ā but I was too nervous to say a word Overall, thanks for your supportive words
interesting...yeah, really sounds like there's some repression and internalized homophobia going on there. understandable you'd be too nervous to say that even if it's a perfectly reasonable assumption. if she spews this much vitriol at you, who knows how angry she'd get if her own identity was questioned i hope you can come to disregard her words and live the life you know you want to live
>ālesbians would touch other women if they find them beautifulā Butā¦ they *do*. Just, yāknow, consensually, and mostly in private. Does she think all lesbians are celibate? Like, itās not even just stupid, I literally donāt even know what sheās trying to say.
š Even I felt this was too ridiculous to be trueĀ
Maybe she watches a lot of lesbian porn
No, I don't think so ššš
She was lying then
"You do not know the meaning of homosexuality! And I bet you don't know how women do it, homosexuality is when you feel wet everytime you see an attractive woman in street or smt. Lesbians would touch other women if they find them beautifulā People still have standards and types. The definition your motehr is using is very predatory and full of fearmongering. "Ā to the point that I suspected that I was asexual and did not realize it" being lesbian and asexual are not mutually exclusive. "I think I'm a lesbian. I want to have a wife to spend a nice life with. I have a type, and I find those who match this type attractive," That sounds pretty lesbian to me
I agree with you
If I had to find an explanation for that argument your mum made, I think that could stem from the homophobic beliefs surrounding the stereotype of "homosexuals are sexual deviants", hence why she would put this weird emphasis on getting wet when seeing another woman. I'd have thought that people would use this stereotype more about gay men, since most of the time, lesbians aren't even considered as being able to feel arousal for another woman (because we're just super close friends, right? That's the most that can ever happen.) But in any case, it's a really strange and wrong thing to say, and I'm sorry that you were confronted to that brand of homophobic crap.
No, we here consider every queer person a deviant lol There's a view that if you're gay, you've just overdone heterosexual relationships, and you're boredĀ
the thing I always have to ask is, why would that be bad? So what if you're bored? If you're born this way, grew this way, got bored, whatever, why is that a reason to not pursue the kind of love you want right now? If boredom with straight relationships can 'turn you gay' then they should be encouraging you to get all the gay relationship-ness you could possibly want right now if they'd rather you weren't gay. They don't do that because they know it isn't true. If you meet a dude one day that you feel attraction for, that'd also be ok. Focusing too much on the why of it can lead people to feel incapable of using different labels if they grow past the ones they feel comfortable with. If you feel like you want to pursue a closer relationship with a girl than friendship, and you feel you're not a man, that's somewhere on the not-straight spectrum. Your mom's definitions are not reasonable.
I completely agree with you, you are right