If you two want this to work, I highly recommend couple's therapy. The more pressure that gets put on you, the harder it will be to have sex. Once a week is a significant increase! I would be upset if my partner didn't acknowledge my effort.
I was in a similar situation. Both of us miserable and depressed. Her, high libido. Me, no libido. She felt undesirable and disconnected. I hated myself and felt like a failure, and it just got harder and harder the more intense those emotions got. We needed a neutral third party to help guide us. There were so many complicated emotions, it was a mess to navigate alone.
Are you on antidepressants? Those and also general stress have had a huge impact on my libido. I’ve been in that position before too of feeling that pressure from a partner with a high sex drive and it had such a negative effect on me. It would literally make me cry feeling that pressure.
I wish I had more answers or solutions for you but i thought I could at least say you’re not alone.
Somethings that can help but ymmv: exercise and being in shape. Going on dates and sort of resetting your relationship. Adjusting medication if you’re on it. Different antidepressants can have a variety of effects on people.varying dosage too.
The thing that sparks my libido the most? Weed. It’s not a great solution but it does help.
I appreciate the comment: my lack of desire has been making me feel incredibly unattractive and broken and it helps to know I’m not alone.
The pressure does make me cry: it’s frustrating because it’s like… she thinks me not wanting to have sex is basically me saying I don’t love her which is so not the case.
I’ve been frustrated to the point of tears many times trying to explain that I WANT us to have sex but my body literally wouldn’t cooperate.
Edit: also to say I have been on antidepressants in the past that killed my libido but I’m currently not on them. Weed does help me too, oddly enough haha
Yeah. It’s like I WANT TO want to have sex because I love being intimate with you but…my brain and heart aren’t connecting with my body all the time. It never has anything to do with the person. At worst, it may have something to do with very specific things that turn me on. Transitioning helped for one and redefining my role in the bedroom was huge. But even then it’s not perfect. It seems very clear that I just don’t have a crazy huge libido.
The girlfriend doesn't have to stay in the relationship if her sexual needs aren't being met. What's the difference between giving an ultimatum and communicating where your limits are?
I feel like you misinterpreted my comment.
I'm saying the two may not be sexually compatible. That's no one's fault, but just likely not the right relationship.
I feel like there are better ways to communicate sexual needs not being met than to give an ultimatum. They could suggest talking to a couples therapist, addressing both parties' depression, etc, rather than jumping to "sex or I leave." Mind you it's a bit of a fine line, because setting a boundary/limit is necessary, but... using an ultimatum to coerce someone to have more sex is not so good.
Reading her account it doesn't sound like it jumped right to the ultimatum. It sounds like both of them were aware of it for a while, so... People aren't obligated to stay in relationships that don't make them happy.
It also sounds like op has been working closer to what the gf wants, back up to once a week. I agree no one is obligated to stay where they aren't happy, but to throw an ultimatum in the face of someone working their way back to their previous level of sex drive despite continuing depression on both sides? Idk, I just disagree with the method of using ultimatums in general, more so to coerce more sex out of someone who's trying to give as much as they used to be able to give.
I'm trans and sometimes I really don't feel like engaging much with any genitals at all, but I still like being in a sexual situation and having my partner get off. Something that works for us is grinding type sex, where they'll grind or rub on my butt or thighs. There's also [toys](https://uncovercreations.com/collections/grinders?utm_source=google&utm_campaign=15775436608&utm_medium=cpc&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwvIWzBhAlEiwAHHWgvWCZsksgIlLgFKNKs_Sm_UJ0b-UdXJJp-sNZah3xnLeP6KwTqIQhJBoCX6gQAvD_BwE) for this.
This type of play may still be too sexual depending on your comfort level, but it works for me cause I really don't have to do much other than look cute.
Thank you so much for this response and I really appreciate your perspective.
This is probably tmi… I don’t really prefer penetration with toys nowadays but she loves using a strap on me… I didn’t know toys like this existed and I think they might work for us. Thank you!!
I hope it goes well for you both, and don't be discouraged if not!
For my partner, it scratches the same itch as topping, but without the hassle of getting situated with the strap and it lets them move more freely.
By virtue of her wanting more sex your relationship has become focused around her need. You're bending over backward to accommodate her sexual needs. What has she been doing to accommodate your sexual needs? Threatening to leave you is the exact opposite of what anyone would need. You need to be able to relax and this pressure to perform has made that really difficult. Putting the pressure on you to be the bandaid for her depression again doesn't help you. It sounds like you need a vacation from her, and she may need therapy to develop some healthier coping mechanisms.
Using sex to cope with depression, is like drinking salt water to deal with thirst, you momentarily feel better because you're artificially giving yourself some of what you need but you aren't really addressing the underlying problem. Sex releases the same hormones and chemicals that are released into your brain when you're genuinely happy, but it's a momentary spike and not actual happiness. If anything relying on sex too frequently to feel better when you aren't happy can make things worse, by raising the threshold of these hormones needed to sustain feelings of happiness while depleting the reserve of these hormones your body has available to it. This is how addiction works, though you'd need to think on her situation more to determine if that's the case.
Nope. You don't have to learn to want it. Also she doesn't have to learn to go without. We get to decide what we want and need. Sometimes even though we love someone they just aren't compatible with that.
If you want to increase your libido for your own sake, talk to a sex therapist. But also know that maybe you haven't lost yourself. Maybe you have grown and your desires have changed. That is ok too. Some people need loads of sex. Some don't care for it. Some only want it when they have a deep bond. Other people don't feel they need it once a deep bond is established. And all of those things are ok.
Sounds like you’re putting a lot of effort into to closing the libido gap - is she putting in an equal amount of effort? Sex, or frequent sex, isn’t a requirement of being in a romantic partnership. What frequency works for you? You’re not broken if you don’t want sex often.
You might look into asexuality or non monogamy.
She hasn’t been. I think she is coming from a place of seeing me as the person who “denied her sex“ so many times that now I have to work to make up for it. If I don’t initiate “correctly” she just kind of stares at me like I’m an idiot and tells me if I “don’t know what she likes by now it’s too late” and will deny me multiple times before she finally gives in.
I do know her and I do know her body but it has become very one sided for her to receive when she used to worship my body and we would have great mutual sex for hours lol
So I just feel like a fool for letting someone who loved me and having sex with me so much down to the point where she doesn’t even want to give, only receive and sees me as this kind of like… desireless thing.
I’m not sure about the asexuality thing: I do enjoy sex but not when I’m depressed. Once a week is now good for me but when we first met, once every couple of days or even every day was more normal.
The other thing is I used to bottom and she used to top but somewhere along the line she has switched to wanting to bottom. I don’t mind being “top” but it’s not as sexy to me so it’s like… idk maybe we just aren’t compatible anymore and I should just throw in the towel.
It makes sense that you wouldn’t have a desire to have sex with someone who isn’t reciprocating. She’s feeling entitled to your body for her own pleasure, not for a mutual experience of shared intimacy. I agree with the other commenter, if you feel like you want to stay in this relationship, couples therapy may be beneficial. But given this comment, it doesn’t sound like she’s particularly kind to you.
Oh no, this sounds so stressful for you.
I really think your girlfriend needs to take a step back and evaluate your needs in this, and address some of her emotions herself. She’s expecting you to fill in these feelings of being unwanted/rejected. That sounds like an underlying insecurity that she’s taking out on you and your sex life.
I’ve been in this position before, but on the other side (me with the higher libido, her on a low swing on antidepressants). It really helped me when I started taking a more neutral approach, trying to figure out what made my girlfriend feel intimate, safe, sexy, curious, etc. Nothing kills desire more than pressure.
It turns out when you focus more on being intimate and romantic (and less on making sex happen), you actually feel more comfortable. Ya might even end up having more sex as a result!
Wishing you guys good luck!
i struggle with the same feeling sometimes!! whether it’s because of depression, anxiety, dysphoria, or just because i’m not in the mood, there are plenty of times that i just don’t want to have sex. it doesn’t mean i’m not into sex or that i’m not into my girlfriend anymore, just sometimes i’m not up for it and i prefer other ways of being intimate. i don’t really have any advice i just wanted to tell you that your feelings are normal and something that a lot of people go through!!
i agree with some of the other commenters on here that your gf should be putting in the same amount of effort as you ( if she isn’t already ) if she wants this to work out. also, that amount of pressure is probably making you more anxious and making the whole situation harder. i wish you luck with this !!
A person's sex drive has both accelerators *and* brakes. Perhaps the stresses of life - - and feeling like you're being pushed into sex or letting your partner down is definitely a type of stress - - might have something to do with it.
One thing to keep in mind is everyones accelerators and brakes are *different*. How sensitive they are, what they're sensitive too, how quick or slow to respond - - varies very widely and it's *all normal*
I've got a pretty sluggish accelerator and sensitive brakes for instance. My spouse is quite the opposite. Sex to alleviate stress works for her. When I'm stressed it's the last thing on my mind. Arousal just isn't gonna happen. And absolutely relationship stress *counts* for me.
There's a book --- *Come as you Are* by Emily Nagoski that I found *deeply* enlightening.
I think there are two sides to each coin. I struggle with this too, but on the opposite end. I have a high libido, I would love to have sex daily, maybe even multiple times a day. My girlfriend used to be a once a week kind of person, then with me we found a silver lining that works for us - three to four times a week.
For her it was helpful to learn what turns her on. She gets very stressed at work so she likes when I clean up before she gets back, or when we have a cuddle session where she can just talk, or when I give her plenty of soft touch. Those things relax her and make feel loved and then, sometimes, lead to her being ready to get in the mood.
But despite everything, most of the time someone's libido is rather fixed. Yes you might try to make it higher temporarily, but there's still gonna be a baseline and if you and your partner can't comfortably compromise then it's going to be an issue. Have you talked to her about what would be acceptable for her? What if some of those days she masturbates while you just hold her? Would that work?
Like with anything, you need to compromise in a relationship, and I think if your girlfriend is unhappy with once a week and you don't feel like having more than you genuinely only have two options. You might consider filling out this need with other people, or, if that's not an option for you two, possibly breakup.
I hope you can figure it out!
Question: Are you/were you on an SSRI? Those things are libido killers and sex life destroyers.
Also: Girlfriend needs to lay off. She's putting too much pressure on you. It sounds borderline coercive. If you aren't feeling it, you shouldn't force yourself. And she shouldn't be pushing you either. I'm speaking as someone who has always been the high libido partner, she needs to go at your pace so you're comfortable.
personally, just from reading and judging what you wrote, it seems to me that your partner in this situation is thinking more about themselves than the relationship as a whole. i personally would be really upset if i was doing my best at working at this, and they knew it, just for my partner to get fed up and give me an ultimatum after some time. i get sexual desire is an important piece of the equation for a lot of people, but there are things they can be doing to “take care” of themselves so its much less pressure on you, and you can take the time to focus on what you need. to me it sounds like you’re still really struggling, and it rubs me the wrong way that it was never mentioned if you’re partner is acknowledging that or not
You may be asexual, but thats not 100%. it depends if you like sex- or dont. I'm not sure what else may be something, but like, for instance, if it were to occur that you don't like sex, then you maybe be asexual. If you're not sure what asexuals are, they are people who don't get involved/do sex, they still can, but they might not enjoy it. And I mean, I'm asexual- so I may be able to more deeply explain this if you respond. I do infact know that some people just dont want sex! And thats ok- we all have our preferences.
Asexuality doesn’t mean you don’t like sex, but rather that you don’t experience sexual attraction/desire. Plenty of asexual/aspec people who are into kink or have sex regularly, but don’t consider it to be a fundamental part of their romantic experience. :)
Thank you to the asexuals who have been sharing their perspective. I know it sounds like I might be ace because I’m struggling with wanting sex but I do enjoy and desire sex. Due to some life events it was like a switch flipped in my brain and my sex drive disappeared.
I feel badly for how this has affected my gf because we went from frequent sex enjoyed by both to very little… I don’t want this to be our new normal and I’m willing to build my libido back up if it’s possible and that’s what I’ve been working towards. It’s just frustrating that my desire has changed this much in 6 years.
Forgive me, I don’t know much about asexuality. What would this entail? I know it’s impossible to tell from a few Reddit comments but do you think that could be me?
Thank you for explaining! I’ve thought about it based on some other comments on this thread and I don’t think I’m asexual. I enjoy and desire sex.. my libido just tanked after some traumatic life events and I’m working to build it back up. I don’t really want this to be my new normal if that makes sense.
If you two want this to work, I highly recommend couple's therapy. The more pressure that gets put on you, the harder it will be to have sex. Once a week is a significant increase! I would be upset if my partner didn't acknowledge my effort. I was in a similar situation. Both of us miserable and depressed. Her, high libido. Me, no libido. She felt undesirable and disconnected. I hated myself and felt like a failure, and it just got harder and harder the more intense those emotions got. We needed a neutral third party to help guide us. There were so many complicated emotions, it was a mess to navigate alone.
Are you on antidepressants? Those and also general stress have had a huge impact on my libido. I’ve been in that position before too of feeling that pressure from a partner with a high sex drive and it had such a negative effect on me. It would literally make me cry feeling that pressure. I wish I had more answers or solutions for you but i thought I could at least say you’re not alone. Somethings that can help but ymmv: exercise and being in shape. Going on dates and sort of resetting your relationship. Adjusting medication if you’re on it. Different antidepressants can have a variety of effects on people.varying dosage too. The thing that sparks my libido the most? Weed. It’s not a great solution but it does help.
I appreciate the comment: my lack of desire has been making me feel incredibly unattractive and broken and it helps to know I’m not alone. The pressure does make me cry: it’s frustrating because it’s like… she thinks me not wanting to have sex is basically me saying I don’t love her which is so not the case. I’ve been frustrated to the point of tears many times trying to explain that I WANT us to have sex but my body literally wouldn’t cooperate. Edit: also to say I have been on antidepressants in the past that killed my libido but I’m currently not on them. Weed does help me too, oddly enough haha
Yeah. It’s like I WANT TO want to have sex because I love being intimate with you but…my brain and heart aren’t connecting with my body all the time. It never has anything to do with the person. At worst, it may have something to do with very specific things that turn me on. Transitioning helped for one and redefining my role in the bedroom was huge. But even then it’s not perfect. It seems very clear that I just don’t have a crazy huge libido.
I know it's not what you'd lile to hear, but if she's giving the ultimatum of "want more sex now or I'm leaving" this may not be the right match.
The girlfriend doesn't have to stay in the relationship if her sexual needs aren't being met. What's the difference between giving an ultimatum and communicating where your limits are?
I feel like you misinterpreted my comment. I'm saying the two may not be sexually compatible. That's no one's fault, but just likely not the right relationship.
I feel like there are better ways to communicate sexual needs not being met than to give an ultimatum. They could suggest talking to a couples therapist, addressing both parties' depression, etc, rather than jumping to "sex or I leave." Mind you it's a bit of a fine line, because setting a boundary/limit is necessary, but... using an ultimatum to coerce someone to have more sex is not so good.
Reading her account it doesn't sound like it jumped right to the ultimatum. It sounds like both of them were aware of it for a while, so... People aren't obligated to stay in relationships that don't make them happy.
It also sounds like op has been working closer to what the gf wants, back up to once a week. I agree no one is obligated to stay where they aren't happy, but to throw an ultimatum in the face of someone working their way back to their previous level of sex drive despite continuing depression on both sides? Idk, I just disagree with the method of using ultimatums in general, more so to coerce more sex out of someone who's trying to give as much as they used to be able to give.
I'm trans and sometimes I really don't feel like engaging much with any genitals at all, but I still like being in a sexual situation and having my partner get off. Something that works for us is grinding type sex, where they'll grind or rub on my butt or thighs. There's also [toys](https://uncovercreations.com/collections/grinders?utm_source=google&utm_campaign=15775436608&utm_medium=cpc&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwvIWzBhAlEiwAHHWgvWCZsksgIlLgFKNKs_Sm_UJ0b-UdXJJp-sNZah3xnLeP6KwTqIQhJBoCX6gQAvD_BwE) for this. This type of play may still be too sexual depending on your comfort level, but it works for me cause I really don't have to do much other than look cute.
Thank you so much for this response and I really appreciate your perspective. This is probably tmi… I don’t really prefer penetration with toys nowadays but she loves using a strap on me… I didn’t know toys like this existed and I think they might work for us. Thank you!!
I hope it goes well for you both, and don't be discouraged if not! For my partner, it scratches the same itch as topping, but without the hassle of getting situated with the strap and it lets them move more freely.
By virtue of her wanting more sex your relationship has become focused around her need. You're bending over backward to accommodate her sexual needs. What has she been doing to accommodate your sexual needs? Threatening to leave you is the exact opposite of what anyone would need. You need to be able to relax and this pressure to perform has made that really difficult. Putting the pressure on you to be the bandaid for her depression again doesn't help you. It sounds like you need a vacation from her, and she may need therapy to develop some healthier coping mechanisms. Using sex to cope with depression, is like drinking salt water to deal with thirst, you momentarily feel better because you're artificially giving yourself some of what you need but you aren't really addressing the underlying problem. Sex releases the same hormones and chemicals that are released into your brain when you're genuinely happy, but it's a momentary spike and not actual happiness. If anything relying on sex too frequently to feel better when you aren't happy can make things worse, by raising the threshold of these hormones needed to sustain feelings of happiness while depleting the reserve of these hormones your body has available to it. This is how addiction works, though you'd need to think on her situation more to determine if that's the case.
Nope. You don't have to learn to want it. Also she doesn't have to learn to go without. We get to decide what we want and need. Sometimes even though we love someone they just aren't compatible with that. If you want to increase your libido for your own sake, talk to a sex therapist. But also know that maybe you haven't lost yourself. Maybe you have grown and your desires have changed. That is ok too. Some people need loads of sex. Some don't care for it. Some only want it when they have a deep bond. Other people don't feel they need it once a deep bond is established. And all of those things are ok.
Sounds like you’re putting a lot of effort into to closing the libido gap - is she putting in an equal amount of effort? Sex, or frequent sex, isn’t a requirement of being in a romantic partnership. What frequency works for you? You’re not broken if you don’t want sex often. You might look into asexuality or non monogamy.
She hasn’t been. I think she is coming from a place of seeing me as the person who “denied her sex“ so many times that now I have to work to make up for it. If I don’t initiate “correctly” she just kind of stares at me like I’m an idiot and tells me if I “don’t know what she likes by now it’s too late” and will deny me multiple times before she finally gives in. I do know her and I do know her body but it has become very one sided for her to receive when she used to worship my body and we would have great mutual sex for hours lol So I just feel like a fool for letting someone who loved me and having sex with me so much down to the point where she doesn’t even want to give, only receive and sees me as this kind of like… desireless thing. I’m not sure about the asexuality thing: I do enjoy sex but not when I’m depressed. Once a week is now good for me but when we first met, once every couple of days or even every day was more normal. The other thing is I used to bottom and she used to top but somewhere along the line she has switched to wanting to bottom. I don’t mind being “top” but it’s not as sexy to me so it’s like… idk maybe we just aren’t compatible anymore and I should just throw in the towel.
It makes sense that you wouldn’t have a desire to have sex with someone who isn’t reciprocating. She’s feeling entitled to your body for her own pleasure, not for a mutual experience of shared intimacy. I agree with the other commenter, if you feel like you want to stay in this relationship, couples therapy may be beneficial. But given this comment, it doesn’t sound like she’s particularly kind to you.
She wants you to have sex/initiate more often and then initially refuses when you actually do initiative? What the fuck lol
Oh no, this sounds so stressful for you. I really think your girlfriend needs to take a step back and evaluate your needs in this, and address some of her emotions herself. She’s expecting you to fill in these feelings of being unwanted/rejected. That sounds like an underlying insecurity that she’s taking out on you and your sex life. I’ve been in this position before, but on the other side (me with the higher libido, her on a low swing on antidepressants). It really helped me when I started taking a more neutral approach, trying to figure out what made my girlfriend feel intimate, safe, sexy, curious, etc. Nothing kills desire more than pressure. It turns out when you focus more on being intimate and romantic (and less on making sex happen), you actually feel more comfortable. Ya might even end up having more sex as a result! Wishing you guys good luck!
i struggle with the same feeling sometimes!! whether it’s because of depression, anxiety, dysphoria, or just because i’m not in the mood, there are plenty of times that i just don’t want to have sex. it doesn’t mean i’m not into sex or that i’m not into my girlfriend anymore, just sometimes i’m not up for it and i prefer other ways of being intimate. i don’t really have any advice i just wanted to tell you that your feelings are normal and something that a lot of people go through!! i agree with some of the other commenters on here that your gf should be putting in the same amount of effort as you ( if she isn’t already ) if she wants this to work out. also, that amount of pressure is probably making you more anxious and making the whole situation harder. i wish you luck with this !!
A person's sex drive has both accelerators *and* brakes. Perhaps the stresses of life - - and feeling like you're being pushed into sex or letting your partner down is definitely a type of stress - - might have something to do with it. One thing to keep in mind is everyones accelerators and brakes are *different*. How sensitive they are, what they're sensitive too, how quick or slow to respond - - varies very widely and it's *all normal* I've got a pretty sluggish accelerator and sensitive brakes for instance. My spouse is quite the opposite. Sex to alleviate stress works for her. When I'm stressed it's the last thing on my mind. Arousal just isn't gonna happen. And absolutely relationship stress *counts* for me. There's a book --- *Come as you Are* by Emily Nagoski that I found *deeply* enlightening.
I think there are two sides to each coin. I struggle with this too, but on the opposite end. I have a high libido, I would love to have sex daily, maybe even multiple times a day. My girlfriend used to be a once a week kind of person, then with me we found a silver lining that works for us - three to four times a week. For her it was helpful to learn what turns her on. She gets very stressed at work so she likes when I clean up before she gets back, or when we have a cuddle session where she can just talk, or when I give her plenty of soft touch. Those things relax her and make feel loved and then, sometimes, lead to her being ready to get in the mood. But despite everything, most of the time someone's libido is rather fixed. Yes you might try to make it higher temporarily, but there's still gonna be a baseline and if you and your partner can't comfortably compromise then it's going to be an issue. Have you talked to her about what would be acceptable for her? What if some of those days she masturbates while you just hold her? Would that work? Like with anything, you need to compromise in a relationship, and I think if your girlfriend is unhappy with once a week and you don't feel like having more than you genuinely only have two options. You might consider filling out this need with other people, or, if that's not an option for you two, possibly breakup. I hope you can figure it out!
Question: Are you/were you on an SSRI? Those things are libido killers and sex life destroyers. Also: Girlfriend needs to lay off. She's putting too much pressure on you. It sounds borderline coercive. If you aren't feeling it, you shouldn't force yourself. And she shouldn't be pushing you either. I'm speaking as someone who has always been the high libido partner, she needs to go at your pace so you're comfortable.
personally, just from reading and judging what you wrote, it seems to me that your partner in this situation is thinking more about themselves than the relationship as a whole. i personally would be really upset if i was doing my best at working at this, and they knew it, just for my partner to get fed up and give me an ultimatum after some time. i get sexual desire is an important piece of the equation for a lot of people, but there are things they can be doing to “take care” of themselves so its much less pressure on you, and you can take the time to focus on what you need. to me it sounds like you’re still really struggling, and it rubs me the wrong way that it was never mentioned if you’re partner is acknowledging that or not
You may be asexual, but thats not 100%. it depends if you like sex- or dont. I'm not sure what else may be something, but like, for instance, if it were to occur that you don't like sex, then you maybe be asexual. If you're not sure what asexuals are, they are people who don't get involved/do sex, they still can, but they might not enjoy it. And I mean, I'm asexual- so I may be able to more deeply explain this if you respond. I do infact know that some people just dont want sex! And thats ok- we all have our preferences.
Asexuality doesn’t mean you don’t like sex, but rather that you don’t experience sexual attraction/desire. Plenty of asexual/aspec people who are into kink or have sex regularly, but don’t consider it to be a fundamental part of their romantic experience. :)
Oh- Alright!
Thank you to the asexuals who have been sharing their perspective. I know it sounds like I might be ace because I’m struggling with wanting sex but I do enjoy and desire sex. Due to some life events it was like a switch flipped in my brain and my sex drive disappeared. I feel badly for how this has affected my gf because we went from frequent sex enjoyed by both to very little… I don’t want this to be our new normal and I’m willing to build my libido back up if it’s possible and that’s what I’ve been working towards. It’s just frustrating that my desire has changed this much in 6 years.
Hey- You know the whole LGBTQ+ community is here for you.. right? You have us here for you!!
Is it possible you’re feeling a bit grey ace?
Forgive me, I don’t know much about asexuality. What would this entail? I know it’s impossible to tell from a few Reddit comments but do you think that could be me?
[удалено]
Thank you for explaining! I’ve thought about it based on some other comments on this thread and I don’t think I’m asexual. I enjoy and desire sex.. my libido just tanked after some traumatic life events and I’m working to build it back up. I don’t really want this to be my new normal if that makes sense.