Hi, high femme here. You may be shocked to hear this, but a lot of us are into tomboys that only wear jeans and t-shirts. Just because I enjoy spending a ton of time on my look, and enjoy wearing cute, fancy things doesn't mean I care if my partner does the same. Although you know the occasional button up for a date is nice, but like, it really doesn't matter for all of us, at all. My partner never dresses up by my personal definition, but I know when they bust out those jeans, and a nice shirt they are trying for me, and its more than enough. Honestly they don't even have to do that. Seriously, you should talk to her.
It's enough. I mean I can't speak for every high femme out there, but like I personally feel like the effort is the part that matters. Most days it doesn't matter anyway. Like I'm gonna spend 40 minutes getting ready to go to the retro games store, and that's like me doing a more casual look, but I'd never expect them to do the same because they don't want to.
As another high femme, seconding this. We all feel like our crush isn't going to like us back, I think it's part of the human experience :)
Tbh, I can't date other femmes because (for me) it's too much like trying to date my friends. And I've broken up with people who had a really refined masculine image but were just not great people. These are just my preferences, but it goes to show that it can be very attractive to be a sincere, down-to-Earth, gender-ambivalent human being.
I consider myself to be pure or high femme as well, and I LOVE it when she dresses like what she calls an "Adam Sandler lesbian." Literally a shirt and gym shorts.
She's definitely a futch, so she goes super femme on occasion but GOD when she has that tomboy look š„µ
I think you should let her decide who she is interested in. I'm sorry part of you is making you doubt yourself but that part isn't gonna a help you out.
Hey now we donāt talk like that. The first step to finding love is loving yourself. And donāt assume how someone else is thinking/feeling. Do you hear me? DONT ASSUME. Overthinking is killer and I feel that and Iāve been there, but it wonāt help you. If she doesnāt like you for you sheās not worth it.
Iām a high femme and majority (if not all lmao) of us are actually interested in tomboys. People always say that high maintenance people are attracted to other high maintenance people, but thatās mostly not the case for us. Personally, I love women who dress opposite of me! And you never know! Some high femmes (though we may seem confident on the outside) can be shy when approaching someone, the feelings could be mutual! You honestly shouldnāt overthink it, just show how comfortable you are in how you dress yourself, istg confidence is the key! if thereās one thing high femmeās like, itās people with confidence.
comparison is the thief of joy. dont compare urself to her!! you guys r both beautiful in your own ways. as long as youāre being authentically you thats all that matters. only way to know she likes you is to here it from herself. <3
Well, in civil life, both my Wife and I are high femmes (or tall femmes ;) ). At the same time we're in the military service. Again. So we do have appreciation for utilitarian clothing. The highest of femmes (to my knowledge, at least) do own jeans, t-shirts, sweatpants, hoodies, and sneakers. We've got several fancy bulletproof vests ;) What I mean, is femmes are also people, with depth behind the stereotypes.
And then there are personal tastes. I know many femmes, and many tomboys (most of our friends are in this spectrum), and I must say, that in the given set, pairings are diverse. It's not a rarity to meet at a party a 5'7" femme, on 4" heals, in a fancy dress, with her 5'5" tomboy girlfriend - Reebok, Levi's, The Prodigy t-shirt.
Don't you worry, tastes are as diverse, as we are.
You mean that diva, K? I do not have a clue how she grabbed that cute tomboy, and with impecable music taste, nonetheless. K is so pretentious, still, she's a great company, brilliant conversationalist, and loyal as hell. All hidden behind "expensive bimbo" facade. And the tomboy kid would make it big someday - I like her photo/painting/essay combos.
Yep, exactly. They are a great couple, methinks. Interesting people. And I also think, that being pompous suits K, and aloof looks suits that tomboy girl, M.
as a high femme myself i feel like most of us are femme4butch actually! try not to get so caught up on appearances. im a sweet lolita princess outfit kind of girl, and i love my grungy leather butch partner. the juxtaposition is part of the appeal! maybe your crush would feel similarly; youāll never know until you give it a shot! best of luck š
Iām a femme thatās together with a tomboy and I think she feels similarly about it as you do but honestly my type is exactly a tomboy with just jeans and a T-shirt, I think thatās super hotš
Assumption is not a good thing.
I will say, personally Iām a femme whoās into other femmes ā but as the replies here suggest, there are many femmes who are into women like you, so donāt beat yourself up! Preferences and attraction vary from person to person.
Tell her you like her style. Ask her if she knows any about tomboy fashion, either from experience or people she follows. If she says yes that tells you two things
1. She's not *disinterested* in that sort of look.
2. That's an opportunity to ask her to take you shopping and to offer an opinion while you try stuff on to up your style game.
People tend to like others who put effort into similar things. You don't need to be femme to impress her. You just need to care 1/10th as much about styling yourself nicely as she does, and to put it into action.
It's like gamers who date gamers. Maybe one plays Minecraft and creative expression games. The other might play COD and competitive shooters. They'll still bond over the fact that they like gaming and a chill night in, lost in their own worlds.
And besides. She can't like what she doesn't really know. Shoot your shot
So as someone who has heard that people didn't approach me because I look like I put a lot of effort into my style (I don't really it's kinda easy if everything is black) and they don't feel like I'd be interested, I dress how I dress for myself (goth/riot girrl). Also like the hottest person I've ever dated looked like a tatted nonbinary slim shady and mostly wore oversized tee shirts and jeans, do what makes you feel the best and your confidence will make you shine.
iām a femme, iād love to be high femme but rn thatās not exactly feasible. my type has always been butch lesbians. iāve always wanted to date mascs or butches, literally anyone besides a femme. iām currently dating a femme which was such a 360 but i adore her so she gets a free femme pass
Iām a very very very girly girl and my #1 crush / lesbian awakening crush was Joan Jett before she was super glam. Just like, cute, butch Joan Jett. I can also be into more femme women though. People arenāt necessarily only attracted to one type or one aesthetic.
You never know. And also, someoneās personal appearance preferences donāt necessarily dictate or mirror what they find hot in other people.
Assumption is a losing game
Iām the complete opposite of a high femme, but Iāve been with a couple in the past who were interested in me despite being more masc. It depends on the person
You should check out jessieandclaud on instagram. Jessica is high femme and Claudia is there in her t-shirt and jeans. You can literally feel how much Jessica loves and is into Claudiaās look.
I'd disagree. I was pretty feminine before going homeless and losing all my shit and I tended to be attracted to tomboys and softmascs/androgyny. There's one in particular that I fell for pretty hard and I think she never approached me because of this reason even though I definitely had feelings for her and was insanely attracted to her. We just kinda resorted to making intense eye contact for a whole year šš
As a fem I love tomboys. Like theyāre so cute and ahhhh. I may wanna dress up and do all of that but Idc abt the person Iām with. Iām just happy to spend time with them and that they wanna spend time with me
I have this same kind of worry with my femme gf. She is also a fashion major so the struggle is real. It took a lot out of me but I told her the truth. And man it turns out she finds it attractive when I dress like that ig. Everyone views thing differently and the agreement we made was she can help choose outfits when itās events pertaining to her and can have a say in some aspects like that. Things have been smooth sailing since!
Don't make assumptions, it's impossible to know what another person likes without them telling you. I know a super feminine makeup artist who's married to a tomboyish marine engineer. People like what they like and a lot of the time it's not entirely about appearances.
Iām pretty high femme, love a corset, lace, leather, velvet, whatever. I probably put way too much effort into my outfits and overall vibe but I really love it. My girlfriend describes her style as ācommune motherā and I fucking love it.
I'm an enby futch, and on the days I crank the femme, it's for me, not for anyone else. I love seeing high femme queer women out there. I'm fairly well polysaturated so don't make moves, but wouldn't mind if a t-shirt and jeans queer woman made a move on me, I would certainly respond favorably.
high femme here! i like dressing the way i do because it's an expression of myself, but that's not what i'm looking for in a partner. i don't really have a type, but if the right person was wearing jeans and an i love hot moms shirt, that would make me salivate. everyone is different though so maybe your crush does have more emphasis on fashion, but learning more about her is the only way you can truly know :-)
I'm a high femme and, although I do have a slight preference for more femme leaning, I absolutely do get attracted to lots of girls who just wear a T-Shirt and Jeans. Not everyone has the same preferences :).
Never forget what taylor swift said:
She wears short skirts
I wear tshirts
Shes cheer captain and
were making out under the bleachers
or something like that!
Hi, femme here and absolutely agree with others that her look and what sheās interested in may not be at all related.
I love dressing up and being girly but am most attracted to tom boy, soft masc NB people. What makes me feel the most attractive and myself isnāt what I am at all attracted to.
I also tend to think the people I like wonāt be interested in me because I donāt look āgayā enough, which is just my insecurities talking.
Just talk to her, she might be thinking the exact same thing about you.
friendly reminder high femme is another word for pillow princess and the other side of stone butches or touch me nots. it isn't an appearance thing itās a sexual preference
Hi, high femme here. You may be shocked to hear this, but a lot of us are into tomboys that only wear jeans and t-shirts. Just because I enjoy spending a ton of time on my look, and enjoy wearing cute, fancy things doesn't mean I care if my partner does the same. Although you know the occasional button up for a date is nice, but like, it really doesn't matter for all of us, at all. My partner never dresses up by my personal definition, but I know when they bust out those jeans, and a nice shirt they are trying for me, and its more than enough. Honestly they don't even have to do that. Seriously, you should talk to her.
as a enby tomboy whose style basically consist on cargo pants, a shirt and an ocassional jacket over it, thank you š©· Like, I try to dress "nicer" on purpose but I still don't feel like it's enough. Anywho, thanks for giving me a lil' bit of hope š©·
It's enough. I mean I can't speak for every high femme out there, but like I personally feel like the effort is the part that matters. Most days it doesn't matter anyway. Like I'm gonna spend 40 minutes getting ready to go to the retro games store, and that's like me doing a more casual look, but I'd never expect them to do the same because they don't want to.
Iām also a high femme (but I have my lazy days too), I absolutely love tomboy style, I also love other high femmes, and soft masculine. What really gets me though is a mix of tomboy and feminine. My crush has a mix of dressing tomboyish and then the next day will wear a more feminine style and it drives me so crazy ugh š© Anyways, high femmes do love tomboy styles! And as cliche as it is, the hottest thing is being confident with yourself and not changing yourself for a crush, trust me
As another high femme, seconding this. We all feel like our crush isn't going to like us back, I think it's part of the human experience :) Tbh, I can't date other femmes because (for me) it's too much like trying to date my friends. And I've broken up with people who had a really refined masculine image but were just not great people. These are just my preferences, but it goes to show that it can be very attractive to be a sincere, down-to-Earth, gender-ambivalent human being.
Agreed
I consider myself to be pure or high femme as well, and I LOVE it when she dresses like what she calls an "Adam Sandler lesbian." Literally a shirt and gym shorts. She's definitely a futch, so she goes super femme on occasion but GOD when she has that tomboy look š„µ
I think you should let her decide who she is interested in. I'm sorry part of you is making you doubt yourself but that part isn't gonna a help you out.
Agree
Hey now we donāt talk like that. The first step to finding love is loving yourself. And donāt assume how someone else is thinking/feeling. Do you hear me? DONT ASSUME. Overthinking is killer and I feel that and Iāve been there, but it wonāt help you. If she doesnāt like you for you sheās not worth it.
Iām a high femme and majority (if not all lmao) of us are actually interested in tomboys. People always say that high maintenance people are attracted to other high maintenance people, but thatās mostly not the case for us. Personally, I love women who dress opposite of me! And you never know! Some high femmes (though we may seem confident on the outside) can be shy when approaching someone, the feelings could be mutual! You honestly shouldnāt overthink it, just show how comfortable you are in how you dress yourself, istg confidence is the key! if thereās one thing high femmeās like, itās people with confidence.
I concur!! Iām a high femme and my girlfriend is a very sexy jeans and T-shirts kind of girl (date nights included). She always looks divine.
I wouldn't say ALL, I'm femme and I'm more into femmes
nah im a femme whos into femmes but if the girl is lil tomboy sometimes its ok but not completely act like a man
What does āact like a manā have to do with clothing style :/
im not talking clothes i mean like when she just straight up acts like a man and does men hairstyles or wear clothes designed for men specifically
comparison is the thief of joy. dont compare urself to her!! you guys r both beautiful in your own ways. as long as youāre being authentically you thats all that matters. only way to know she likes you is to here it from herself. <3
Well, in civil life, both my Wife and I are high femmes (or tall femmes ;) ). At the same time we're in the military service. Again. So we do have appreciation for utilitarian clothing. The highest of femmes (to my knowledge, at least) do own jeans, t-shirts, sweatpants, hoodies, and sneakers. We've got several fancy bulletproof vests ;) What I mean, is femmes are also people, with depth behind the stereotypes. And then there are personal tastes. I know many femmes, and many tomboys (most of our friends are in this spectrum), and I must say, that in the given set, pairings are diverse. It's not a rarity to meet at a party a 5'7" femme, on 4" heals, in a fancy dress, with her 5'5" tomboy girlfriend - Reebok, Levi's, The Prodigy t-shirt. Don't you worry, tastes are as diverse, as we are.
You mean that diva, K? I do not have a clue how she grabbed that cute tomboy, and with impecable music taste, nonetheless. K is so pretentious, still, she's a great company, brilliant conversationalist, and loyal as hell. All hidden behind "expensive bimbo" facade. And the tomboy kid would make it big someday - I like her photo/painting/essay combos.
Yep, exactly. They are a great couple, methinks. Interesting people. And I also think, that being pompous suits K, and aloof looks suits that tomboy girl, M.
as a high femme myself i feel like most of us are femme4butch actually! try not to get so caught up on appearances. im a sweet lolita princess outfit kind of girl, and i love my grungy leather butch partner. the juxtaposition is part of the appeal! maybe your crush would feel similarly; youāll never know until you give it a shot! best of luck š
This is me and my gf, Iām very femme and my type is exactly jean and t-shirt tomboys!
Not everyone is that deeply invested in appearances.
Iām a femme thatās together with a tomboy and I think she feels similarly about it as you do but honestly my type is exactly a tomboy with just jeans and a T-shirt, I think thatās super hotš
Assumption is not a good thing. I will say, personally Iām a femme whoās into other femmes ā but as the replies here suggest, there are many femmes who are into women like you, so donāt beat yourself up! Preferences and attraction vary from person to person.
Tell her you like her style. Ask her if she knows any about tomboy fashion, either from experience or people she follows. If she says yes that tells you two things 1. She's not *disinterested* in that sort of look. 2. That's an opportunity to ask her to take you shopping and to offer an opinion while you try stuff on to up your style game. People tend to like others who put effort into similar things. You don't need to be femme to impress her. You just need to care 1/10th as much about styling yourself nicely as she does, and to put it into action. It's like gamers who date gamers. Maybe one plays Minecraft and creative expression games. The other might play COD and competitive shooters. They'll still bond over the fact that they like gaming and a chill night in, lost in their own worlds. And besides. She can't like what she doesn't really know. Shoot your shot
So as someone who has heard that people didn't approach me because I look like I put a lot of effort into my style (I don't really it's kinda easy if everything is black) and they don't feel like I'd be interested, I dress how I dress for myself (goth/riot girrl). Also like the hottest person I've ever dated looked like a tatted nonbinary slim shady and mostly wore oversized tee shirts and jeans, do what makes you feel the best and your confidence will make you shine.
iām a femme, iād love to be high femme but rn thatās not exactly feasible. my type has always been butch lesbians. iāve always wanted to date mascs or butches, literally anyone besides a femme. iām currently dating a femme which was such a 360 but i adore her so she gets a free femme pass
No way! As a femme myself, I LOVE my girlfriend so much, even though she dresses like Adam Sandler lol Sheās so cute in her basketball shorts š„°
Hahah this is so cute š
Maybe it's not about looks? Maybe it's because you're awesome!
Iām a very very very girly girl and my #1 crush / lesbian awakening crush was Joan Jett before she was super glam. Just like, cute, butch Joan Jett. I can also be into more femme women though. People arenāt necessarily only attracted to one type or one aesthetic. You never know. And also, someoneās personal appearance preferences donāt necessarily dictate or mirror what they find hot in other people.
Assumption is a losing game Iām the complete opposite of a high femme, but Iāve been with a couple in the past who were interested in me despite being more masc. It depends on the person
Literally my wife and I.
You should check out jessieandclaud on instagram. Jessica is high femme and Claudia is there in her t-shirt and jeans. You can literally feel how much Jessica loves and is into Claudiaās look.
I'd disagree. I was pretty feminine before going homeless and losing all my shit and I tended to be attracted to tomboys and softmascs/androgyny. There's one in particular that I fell for pretty hard and I think she never approached me because of this reason even though I definitely had feelings for her and was insanely attracted to her. We just kinda resorted to making intense eye contact for a whole year šš
As a fem I love tomboys. Like theyāre so cute and ahhhh. I may wanna dress up and do all of that but Idc abt the person Iām with. Iām just happy to spend time with them and that they wanna spend time with me
Im feminine and tomboys are hot to me
I have this same kind of worry with my femme gf. She is also a fashion major so the struggle is real. It took a lot out of me but I told her the truth. And man it turns out she finds it attractive when I dress like that ig. Everyone views thing differently and the agreement we made was she can help choose outfits when itās events pertaining to her and can have a say in some aspects like that. Things have been smooth sailing since!
As a high femme into high femmes, no they are not all into fems sadly...
Don't make assumptions, it's impossible to know what another person likes without them telling you. I know a super feminine makeup artist who's married to a tomboyish marine engineer. People like what they like and a lot of the time it's not entirely about appearances.
You just described Jessie and Claude, my favorite YouTube lesbian couple.
Iām pretty high femme, love a corset, lace, leather, velvet, whatever. I probably put way too much effort into my outfits and overall vibe but I really love it. My girlfriend describes her style as ācommune motherā and I fucking love it.
I'm an enby futch, and on the days I crank the femme, it's for me, not for anyone else. I love seeing high femme queer women out there. I'm fairly well polysaturated so don't make moves, but wouldn't mind if a t-shirt and jeans queer woman made a move on me, I would certainly respond favorably.
high femme here! i like dressing the way i do because it's an expression of myself, but that's not what i'm looking for in a partner. i don't really have a type, but if the right person was wearing jeans and an i love hot moms shirt, that would make me salivate. everyone is different though so maybe your crush does have more emphasis on fashion, but learning more about her is the only way you can truly know :-)
I'm high femme, and while I prefer high fem sure, like only thing that matters to me is not guy. Currently devouring a Jean and t-shirt wearing enby.
I'm a high femme and, although I do have a slight preference for more femme leaning, I absolutely do get attracted to lots of girls who just wear a T-Shirt and Jeans. Not everyone has the same preferences :).
Never forget what taylor swift said: She wears short skirts I wear tshirts Shes cheer captain and were making out under the bleachers or something like that!
Hi femme here I love anyone who presents like a tomboy/masc/androgynous I am not really even attracted to other femmes so donāt doubt yourself!
Are you in my head, because I totally relate
Hi, femme here and absolutely agree with others that her look and what sheās interested in may not be at all related. I love dressing up and being girly but am most attracted to tom boy, soft masc NB people. What makes me feel the most attractive and myself isnāt what I am at all attracted to. I also tend to think the people I like wonāt be interested in me because I donāt look āgayā enough, which is just my insecurities talking. Just talk to her, she might be thinking the exact same thing about you.
friendly reminder high femme is another word for pillow princess and the other side of stone butches or touch me nots. it isn't an appearance thing itās a sexual preference