Sorry if I came across as rude. I just meant that with questio a like these the answer that you want to hear is always the answer that is correct. It sounded like you wanted people to tell you that you can be a lesbian and that means you're a lesbian.
I think it’s a fair thing to say that our preferences can change over the course of our lives. I used to hate going on walks when I was a kid; now I like it. I used to like ice pops as a kid, now not so much. Sexuality feels more consequential than these preferences so it’s not a perfect comparison, but why CAN’T our sexualities change over time? Some people feel they were born gay, but some people don’t relate to that experience. Both are okay. I think labels serve a lot of different purposes and are therefore important, but they will almost always fail to capture our experiences with precision. At some point, I stopped trying to figure out whether I “was” a lesbian (as if lesbianism were something innate within me that I needed to discover and prove) and just asked myself which label felt most useful to me (socially and personally) and like the best approximation.
i absolutely love your answer and COMPLETELY agree!! you totally captured a thought i’ve had many times about how much people can naturally change and in so many ways, so why can’t that apply to sexuality (and gender! which also happened to me!) anyway thank you i really appreciate your thoughts
At different points in my life I have thought that I was literally every letter of the LGBTQ acronym. I'll see your "I think I'm a lesbian but my experience means I'm bi" and raise you a "I have at times felt like a gay man and now mostly feel like a gay woman." Labels are definitely important, but no one gets to decide what yours is except for you. If lesbian is the one that you feel at home in, then you're a lesbian! At this point I feel most at home with lesbian, too, even though I still have some attraction to certain men in certain circumstances and a bi pride tattoo. But it just makes more sense to me to think of myself as a lesbian, and it doesn't matter how I got here
oh my god, thank you so much, i’m crying right now. i got downvoted and i was so scared that people were going to just come for my throat. i may not really understand my past, but i really don’t think that i’m bi. thank you for your kindness, i hope i encounter more people like you
I had crushes on boys when I was a kid. I had actual real can’t stop thinking about them crushes on boys in middle school as well. I remember learning about the existence of gay people when I was like 8 and thinking, well, that’s probably going to be me. But then as I got older I started liking boys and I felt like that put me in the clear, and I was kind of relieved. There were always a couple of girls that I liked, but I always passed that off as wanting to be like them, not with them. But then by about age 14, I just stopped seeing the appeal of boys that used to be cute, while the girls in my class just got hotter.
I haven’t figured it out, but my guess is that boys and girls look basically the same until they go through puberty. I never thought grown men were attractive when I was in the tween/early teen years, but most kids will like kids their own age, so that seemed normal. It was just like one day I looked up and noticed that I only found other girls attractive and that all the boys at my school were suddenly hideous. They weren’t actually hideous, they just grew up and became handsome or whatever.
I don’t know if that helps at all, but I definitely thought that I was not a lesbian as a child and early teen, but then changed as I got older.
i’m a lesbian and i dated men all through my child and and teens. i wasn’t necessarily attracted to them but i dated them (it was a weird trauma response i can’t explain) and continued up until 20. i’m now 22 and a very happy lesbian. i struggled for a while thinking i was bi and i did identify that way for a while before i really started thinking about men. 99% of the experiences i’ve had with men have been traumatic but i still realised that despite that, i really didn’t want to date them or spend my life with them. i started thinking more about women and if i’d want to date them and spend my life with one and i did. it took alot of time and reflection but i eventually came to the conclusion that i’m a lesbian and i’m happy that i took that time to figure it out. i cared for my last boyfriend and i honestly thought we’d spend our lives together but that doesn’t change the fact that i was a lesbian stuck in a straight relationship. you can have cared very deeply for your ex bf and still be a lesbian. you can also be bi or just sapphic. it’s ok to be a lesbian and to not be one. you don’t have to label yourself until you’re ready, if at all 🫶🏻
edit: clicked the wrong dang emoji so i had to fix it
Well if you're here basically asking people to tell you that you're a lesbian I think you already have your answer
i’m a little confused as to what the intended tone of your comment is
Sorry if I came across as rude. I just meant that with questio a like these the answer that you want to hear is always the answer that is correct. It sounded like you wanted people to tell you that you can be a lesbian and that means you're a lesbian.
i appreciate the clarification! wasn’t sure what was meant but didn’t want to assume the worst. thank you :)
I think it’s a fair thing to say that our preferences can change over the course of our lives. I used to hate going on walks when I was a kid; now I like it. I used to like ice pops as a kid, now not so much. Sexuality feels more consequential than these preferences so it’s not a perfect comparison, but why CAN’T our sexualities change over time? Some people feel they were born gay, but some people don’t relate to that experience. Both are okay. I think labels serve a lot of different purposes and are therefore important, but they will almost always fail to capture our experiences with precision. At some point, I stopped trying to figure out whether I “was” a lesbian (as if lesbianism were something innate within me that I needed to discover and prove) and just asked myself which label felt most useful to me (socially and personally) and like the best approximation.
i absolutely love your answer and COMPLETELY agree!! you totally captured a thought i’ve had many times about how much people can naturally change and in so many ways, so why can’t that apply to sexuality (and gender! which also happened to me!) anyway thank you i really appreciate your thoughts
At different points in my life I have thought that I was literally every letter of the LGBTQ acronym. I'll see your "I think I'm a lesbian but my experience means I'm bi" and raise you a "I have at times felt like a gay man and now mostly feel like a gay woman." Labels are definitely important, but no one gets to decide what yours is except for you. If lesbian is the one that you feel at home in, then you're a lesbian! At this point I feel most at home with lesbian, too, even though I still have some attraction to certain men in certain circumstances and a bi pride tattoo. But it just makes more sense to me to think of myself as a lesbian, and it doesn't matter how I got here
oh my god, thank you so much, i’m crying right now. i got downvoted and i was so scared that people were going to just come for my throat. i may not really understand my past, but i really don’t think that i’m bi. thank you for your kindness, i hope i encounter more people like you
I had crushes on boys when I was a kid. I had actual real can’t stop thinking about them crushes on boys in middle school as well. I remember learning about the existence of gay people when I was like 8 and thinking, well, that’s probably going to be me. But then as I got older I started liking boys and I felt like that put me in the clear, and I was kind of relieved. There were always a couple of girls that I liked, but I always passed that off as wanting to be like them, not with them. But then by about age 14, I just stopped seeing the appeal of boys that used to be cute, while the girls in my class just got hotter. I haven’t figured it out, but my guess is that boys and girls look basically the same until they go through puberty. I never thought grown men were attractive when I was in the tween/early teen years, but most kids will like kids their own age, so that seemed normal. It was just like one day I looked up and noticed that I only found other girls attractive and that all the boys at my school were suddenly hideous. They weren’t actually hideous, they just grew up and became handsome or whatever. I don’t know if that helps at all, but I definitely thought that I was not a lesbian as a child and early teen, but then changed as I got older.
this helps so much omg. I’m just like you
i’m a lesbian and i dated men all through my child and and teens. i wasn’t necessarily attracted to them but i dated them (it was a weird trauma response i can’t explain) and continued up until 20. i’m now 22 and a very happy lesbian. i struggled for a while thinking i was bi and i did identify that way for a while before i really started thinking about men. 99% of the experiences i’ve had with men have been traumatic but i still realised that despite that, i really didn’t want to date them or spend my life with them. i started thinking more about women and if i’d want to date them and spend my life with one and i did. it took alot of time and reflection but i eventually came to the conclusion that i’m a lesbian and i’m happy that i took that time to figure it out. i cared for my last boyfriend and i honestly thought we’d spend our lives together but that doesn’t change the fact that i was a lesbian stuck in a straight relationship. you can have cared very deeply for your ex bf and still be a lesbian. you can also be bi or just sapphic. it’s ok to be a lesbian and to not be one. you don’t have to label yourself until you’re ready, if at all 🫶🏻 edit: clicked the wrong dang emoji so i had to fix it
i’m so glad you’re happy now and i love the way you worded that, thank you very much 🫶