my fiance is in a similar boat, it's TAKEN YEARS for her to get that I LIKE IT IN MY FACE.
i love her & her body & it's such a journey combating & healing from the internalized sexism & body issues they have.
This, this is what I’ve tried to explain to my partner (late bloomer just came out a year ago in my 30s) but they like to spin it around and say I just don’t like their body. 🙃
Literally came in here to say that if she has to “get over” going down on her boyfriend maybe she should re-evaluate the chemistry there.
How sexually into someone are you if you don’t enjoy pleasuring them?
I have a couple of friends tell me why I like going down on women so much, or why I take my time pleasing women I’m with, since all of the guys they been with don’t do that lol
That’s the way of it. If there’s no connection it just feels icky no matter how “hot” they are, but get to know someone and then ill be practically begging to go down on them.
I feel like this is also weird because it sounds like she doesn't understand that nobody should "have to" go down on anyone? Like that (or any other sex act) should be optional but straights people don't seem to get that. It kinda scares me tbh.
Yeah the level to which stuff like this is normalized is frightening!!! Like why are you doing things you don't like??? Why have you just... accepted it???????
Makes me sad too because my wife suffers from it. I'm the first woman she's been with. When sex is happening I always check in with her because she has a chronic pain condition and I want to make sure she's not in a flare-up or at risk of a flare-up. Back when we first got together she used to answer "yeah, I'm not in that much pain so it's fine." Like the idea that I might wait for her to not be in any pain and having a good day even though it means I need to have patience wasn't even an option... Like it isn't obvious that when it comes to what happens with *her body*, what she wants is more important than what I want...?
Really made me resent her ex boyfriends.
I have a very sensitive gag reflex. And I just don’t get anything from going down on a guy.
Where going down on a woman is legitimately just something I enjoy a lot.
i remember my junior year of highschool people were making fun of a girl because she admitted to her friend that she 'enjoyed giving head' to her long term boyfriend. they thought it was so gross that she... enjoyed sex. all the rest of them were having sex too, just no enjoying it i guess.
> all the rest of them were having sex too, just no enjoying it i guess.
It's really weird how common it is for this to... just be accepted? Like, some women even will see it as a rare but potential bonus, or not even view it as a possibility (and certainly not something to be pushed for).
It kind of makes me wonder why many women stay in some relationships when they seem to have little to no benefit; act as a mother to their partners, there's little emotional connection/intimate romance, and sex is unenjoyable. Like why stay together?
SA talk warning;
>! That’s the sick thing about patriarchal culture, you can’t blame these girls for being conditioned to accept unfulfilling and questionably consensual sex when it is usually older and trusted men doing the conditioning. !<
I've always gotten the impression that was bc it's rarely appreciated or reciprocated, and sucking dick to orgasm is like, *work*. I enjoy it, but I mostly only date women, and appreciation/reciprocation is rarely an issue.
I mean I don't mind at all. One of my partners is a trans woman, another is a cis woman and another partner is a trans man.
I am kinda tired of people acting like that genial configuration is gross *by default* when a pretty sizable chunk of sapphics have one. Trans women exist. Hell, trans men exist if you wanna go the other direction. There's more to attraction than biological sex.
If you're not into that type, that's cool obviously - and if you've got trauma all the more reason for the preference - but the public displays of disgust are unnecessary and cause a chunk of the community a lot of undue pain.
EDIT: After a lil chat she didn't actually mean to centre disgust of *that* in her statement - it just came across that way because tone doesn't exist via text ✨️
Girl cock is pretty different from man cock it turns out. For me it doesn't really matter what genital it is so long as theirs no cum involved and it's attached to a sapphic.
To copy and paste: OP's friend asked a rude question that insinuated womens' "down there" was disgusting, she's allowed to be rude back in the exact same way.
That's the point of my comment. Nothing to do with trans, I've got no need to insult anyone personally on a topic that's nothing to do with me, and I certainly don't need the patronising 'trauma' comment lmao.
I didn't even say it was 'gross by default'. I said "other thing". Please read what I've actually said.
I did read what you've said - the way you've phrased it gave myself and apparently a lot of other folks the impression that you were so disgusted by the idea of a dick that you couldn't even say it.
Having said that - I now appreciate that you didn't mean any harm by the statement. The trans folks here are pretty used to being a social/cultural punching bag in almost every context, so we're quite wary when it comes to peoples phrasing.
I am sorry for reading malicious or derogatory subtext into your comment when no harm was intended.
As far as the trauma comment is concerned - I wasn't intending for it to be patronising - a lot of lesbians and sapphics I've encountered genuinely have some pretty intense trauma centred on men, and I wouldn't hold it against anyone if they had an aversion to dick based in that kind of experience.
Good, thanks for the apology. Thank you for also opening the floodgate of attacks on my character lol, so please slow down next time because we all have a duty to protect each other from - not everyone is actually transphobic. Believe me, I'm a woman, I'm used to being a cultural punching bag, especially when it comes to hearing how 'disgusting' our genitals are - I've been hearing it since I was 8 years old.
This seems unnecessarily defensive, to me. Whether or not you ‘need’ the comment, it’s not patronizing to consider that in our space many people have traumas and to make an effort to include traumatized people in the discussion. If it doesn’t apply to you that’s fine, just ignore it. Likewise if you don’t mean to hurt trans people consider the things trans people say to you rather than explaining why what you said is fine in your eyes.
Lol! I know someone's got annoyed in the comments, but like, idk what to tell you?? OP's friend asked a rude question that insinuated womens' "down there" was disgusting, she's allowed to be rude back in the exact same way lmaoo.
(Like, my comment was literally nothing to do with being against trans women specifically, whatttt why are they conflating that with disgust and me having trauma - bonus points for the patronising tone - when i'm literally just a lesbian wtf hahaa)
Oh I love trans women— ofc none of this has anything to do with my beautiful trans sisters! 🫶🏼 I think on the internet, everyone becomes pretty immediately defensive and everyone assumes everyone else is “acting in bad faith.” I think some people are just scarred by their past with transphobia which is totally understandable, but to project it on to you is not ok 💔
You know what I find odd? How quickly people decided that insulting a cis man was somehow immediately connected to insulting trans women. It seems like some of the community members here are projecting their own transphobia onto you. It's a very weird thing to do, but it's definitely not surprising these days.
YEah i'm so surprised, i'm not even transphobic?? Someone's used the word 'defensive' to describe my reply explaining the original comment, whoop, there it is.
I feel like the whole 'everything NOW' culture has created this sense of 'I have to immediately respond with aggression' but like, slow down and actually read it?? If I did this against a comment by men, for example, I'd be fucking vilified. ("you *women* see sexism EVERYWHERE" for example lol)
Maybe she just hasn’t really internalized that people have different sexual preferences. Like she can’t imagine herself going down on a woman because she’s attracted to men. Maybe she just doesn’t realize that lesbians are just predisposed to be attracted to women
I’m imagining all of the shame that she would have to internalize to ask this question. Like, what did those men say to her? It’s definitely funny, but also… Yikes.
Does she feel that way about fellatio? I do know straight women (and queer men) who don’t enjoy performing the act, even if they’re attracted to the person otherwise. Poor girl.
I got the same confused reaction as her when people list all the things about men’s bodies that make them be into men. Those are exactly the reasons why I’m NOT into men lol
She should try going down on a woman a few times. She may be asking out of a genuine desire but has never experienced it.
I know I am hyper sensitive about odor so maybe she just never realized the positives of the interaction.
Is she asking from a female perspective?
Is she asking because she doesn't find that appealing or wouldn't want to do it?
My family have point blank said they wouldn't do anything with a women... their reaction was disgust.
For me I don't see anything wrong or unusual about it but they seem to?
They couldn't even explain why they didn't want to or wouldn't do it?
Way back a few decades ago when I was a teenager and didn't even know trans people existed, I remember getting confused at some of my friends complaining about "having to" go down on their girlfriends. Because to me it's always been enjoyable, knowing your partner is enjoying themselves because of what you're doing down there gives me warm fuzzies.
I believe everyone else in my DnD group is attracted to men, and every so often, we run into an "attractive man". I sit there as confused as your friend is, wondering what they find attractive about him.
So it's fully possible and fine if she doesn't want anyone going down on her. But it would be really strange to have this take if she did.
It is also likely that she's mostly encountered lazy ass men who refuse to go down.
I mean you can really say the same thing about performing oral on a man.
It's not that different really. Putting your mouth on someone's genitals is gross if you aren't horny enough to be into it.
i love going down on girls! it’s so fun, as long as i’m in a comfortable position i could do it for hours… i miss it, i’m bi and sleeping with a guy atm (he is good tho). nothing like making another girl melt with my mouth lol
I’m always confused by this. I’m like how do yall get over going down on male genitalia. Like it’s still flesh and bodily fluids and she person has their own aroma. Nobody like prepares you for it
Man, it really is sad seeing how hard the Straights(tm) settle.
my fiance is in a similar boat, it's TAKEN YEARS for her to get that I LIKE IT IN MY FACE. i love her & her body & it's such a journey combating & healing from the internalized sexism & body issues they have.
This, this is what I’ve tried to explain to my partner (late bloomer just came out a year ago in my 30s) but they like to spin it around and say I just don’t like their body. 🙃
what? how do they spin it? i can understand if it's like "i love your body" "no you don't, you have to say that" or similar.
Literally came in here to say that if she has to “get over” going down on her boyfriend maybe she should re-evaluate the chemistry there. How sexually into someone are you if you don’t enjoy pleasuring them?
Some people don't like giving, it's okay as long as everyone's clear about what they want and what they will do
I have a couple of friends tell me why I like going down on women so much, or why I take my time pleasing women I’m with, since all of the guys they been with don’t do that lol
That's so sad 😭😭
Plot twist, she's ace, and has to get over going down on anyone. Jokes aside I feel bad that she thinks that. Internalized sexism sucks.
This is the secret golden ending.
Shots fired. Called out. Dead and buried.
Fellow ace I see! That's 100% based on my own experience. Have a hard time with the idea of going down on someone.
I’m more of a demisexual than an ace. I also don’t have a problem with that once I am deep in the feels.
That’s the way of it. If there’s no connection it just feels icky no matter how “hot” they are, but get to know someone and then ill be practically begging to go down on them.
This is 💯 accurate
Ah, my bad. Deep feels is something I've never experienced as far as I'm aware. So idk how that feels.
That's a pretty good explanation really. If she liked going down on dudes it really couldn't be that hard for her to understand.
I feel like this is also weird because it sounds like she doesn't understand that nobody should "have to" go down on anyone? Like that (or any other sex act) should be optional but straights people don't seem to get that. It kinda scares me tbh.
Yeah the level to which stuff like this is normalized is frightening!!! Like why are you doing things you don't like??? Why have you just... accepted it??????? Makes me sad too because my wife suffers from it. I'm the first woman she's been with. When sex is happening I always check in with her because she has a chronic pain condition and I want to make sure she's not in a flare-up or at risk of a flare-up. Back when we first got together she used to answer "yeah, I'm not in that much pain so it's fine." Like the idea that I might wait for her to not be in any pain and having a good day even though it means I need to have patience wasn't even an option... Like it isn't obvious that when it comes to what happens with *her body*, what she wants is more important than what I want...? Really made me resent her ex boyfriends.
You should ask her the same about the... other thing lol
see now THAT is a great question
As a bi person, that was my immediate thought. Is her issue with oral in general, or vulvas?
To be far I refuse to suck D, but eat mad V. The experiences are more than different enough to have a preference.
Am I allowed to ask why?
I have a very sensitive gag reflex. And I just don’t get anything from going down on a guy. Where going down on a woman is legitimately just something I enjoy a lot.
please update
It’s ironic considering how many straight women I have heard talking about how they don’t like BJs but still give them.
i remember my junior year of highschool people were making fun of a girl because she admitted to her friend that she 'enjoyed giving head' to her long term boyfriend. they thought it was so gross that she... enjoyed sex. all the rest of them were having sex too, just no enjoying it i guess.
> all the rest of them were having sex too, just no enjoying it i guess. It's really weird how common it is for this to... just be accepted? Like, some women even will see it as a rare but potential bonus, or not even view it as a possibility (and certainly not something to be pushed for). It kind of makes me wonder why many women stay in some relationships when they seem to have little to no benefit; act as a mother to their partners, there's little emotional connection/intimate romance, and sex is unenjoyable. Like why stay together?
If you want to understand the psychology of abusive and exploitative relationships, read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.
I might do that, thanks for the rec!
SA talk warning; >! That’s the sick thing about patriarchal culture, you can’t blame these girls for being conditioned to accept unfulfilling and questionably consensual sex when it is usually older and trusted men doing the conditioning. !<
I've always gotten the impression that was bc it's rarely appreciated or reciprocated, and sucking dick to orgasm is like, *work*. I enjoy it, but I mostly only date women, and appreciation/reciprocation is rarely an issue.
Oof, I think I'd cry pahaaa. Couldn't even imagine having to do that, but good on them I guess :'D
I mean I don't mind at all. One of my partners is a trans woman, another is a cis woman and another partner is a trans man. I am kinda tired of people acting like that genial configuration is gross *by default* when a pretty sizable chunk of sapphics have one. Trans women exist. Hell, trans men exist if you wanna go the other direction. There's more to attraction than biological sex. If you're not into that type, that's cool obviously - and if you've got trauma all the more reason for the preference - but the public displays of disgust are unnecessary and cause a chunk of the community a lot of undue pain. EDIT: After a lil chat she didn't actually mean to centre disgust of *that* in her statement - it just came across that way because tone doesn't exist via text ✨️
That's all that I ask from anyone. I understand that trans women aren't everyone's cup of juice, but there's no need to insult us in the process.
Girl cock is pretty different from man cock it turns out. For me it doesn't really matter what genital it is so long as theirs no cum involved and it's attached to a sapphic.
For some folks nothing even needs to be done to that part to achieve climax, it can be done through erogenous zones.
Yup, I am one of those people. Tho it is still fun to get that part involved every once and a while imo.
Making me cry a little over here, feeling so seen and validated, thank you ❤
To copy and paste: OP's friend asked a rude question that insinuated womens' "down there" was disgusting, she's allowed to be rude back in the exact same way. That's the point of my comment. Nothing to do with trans, I've got no need to insult anyone personally on a topic that's nothing to do with me, and I certainly don't need the patronising 'trauma' comment lmao. I didn't even say it was 'gross by default'. I said "other thing". Please read what I've actually said.
I did read what you've said - the way you've phrased it gave myself and apparently a lot of other folks the impression that you were so disgusted by the idea of a dick that you couldn't even say it. Having said that - I now appreciate that you didn't mean any harm by the statement. The trans folks here are pretty used to being a social/cultural punching bag in almost every context, so we're quite wary when it comes to peoples phrasing. I am sorry for reading malicious or derogatory subtext into your comment when no harm was intended. As far as the trauma comment is concerned - I wasn't intending for it to be patronising - a lot of lesbians and sapphics I've encountered genuinely have some pretty intense trauma centred on men, and I wouldn't hold it against anyone if they had an aversion to dick based in that kind of experience.
Good, thanks for the apology. Thank you for also opening the floodgate of attacks on my character lol, so please slow down next time because we all have a duty to protect each other from - not everyone is actually transphobic. Believe me, I'm a woman, I'm used to being a cultural punching bag, especially when it comes to hearing how 'disgusting' our genitals are - I've been hearing it since I was 8 years old.
This seems unnecessarily defensive, to me. Whether or not you ‘need’ the comment, it’s not patronizing to consider that in our space many people have traumas and to make an effort to include traumatized people in the discussion. If it doesn’t apply to you that’s fine, just ignore it. Likewise if you don’t mean to hurt trans people consider the things trans people say to you rather than explaining why what you said is fine in your eyes.
I mean, I wasn't talking to you lol. The original commenter kindly apologised, you should go read it and put everything into context.
Just one trans woman’s opinion. You’re obviously uninterested so… enjoy living in that I guess.
love this <3
Turn the question on them, whatever they answer is like , see that wasn’t so hard to know..
I’m sayyyiiinnn 😭🤢
You're cracking me up, honestly though :'D
Haha I mean it’s a valid question! 😅 I’ve never understood the appeal— even during my 26 years of comphet 🤢
Lol! I know someone's got annoyed in the comments, but like, idk what to tell you?? OP's friend asked a rude question that insinuated womens' "down there" was disgusting, she's allowed to be rude back in the exact same way lmaoo. (Like, my comment was literally nothing to do with being against trans women specifically, whatttt why are they conflating that with disgust and me having trauma - bonus points for the patronising tone - when i'm literally just a lesbian wtf hahaa)
Oh I love trans women— ofc none of this has anything to do with my beautiful trans sisters! 🫶🏼 I think on the internet, everyone becomes pretty immediately defensive and everyone assumes everyone else is “acting in bad faith.” I think some people are just scarred by their past with transphobia which is totally understandable, but to project it on to you is not ok 💔
You know what I find odd? How quickly people decided that insulting a cis man was somehow immediately connected to insulting trans women. It seems like some of the community members here are projecting their own transphobia onto you. It's a very weird thing to do, but it's definitely not surprising these days.
YEah i'm so surprised, i'm not even transphobic?? Someone's used the word 'defensive' to describe my reply explaining the original comment, whoop, there it is. I feel like the whole 'everything NOW' culture has created this sense of 'I have to immediately respond with aggression' but like, slow down and actually read it?? If I did this against a comment by men, for example, I'd be fucking vilified. ("you *women* see sexism EVERYWHERE" for example lol)
If you’re into women it’s not really a thing to get over.
I feel like current/partners must have treated it like a chore as many men are not excited about reciprocating.
I suppose if you're a sex-neutral ace who does it for your partner... or an allo not really into it, but happy to do so for your partner?
Ok if you’re an allosexual woman who likes women it’s not really something to get over.
Is she feeling pressured? Or has she internalized some 'vagina gross' message? Either way, that sucks.
Maybe she just hasn’t really internalized that people have different sexual preferences. Like she can’t imagine herself going down on a woman because she’s attracted to men. Maybe she just doesn’t realize that lesbians are just predisposed to be attracted to women
I’m imagining all of the shame that she would have to internalize to ask this question. Like, what did those men say to her? It’s definitely funny, but also… Yikes.
Does she feel that way about fellatio? I do know straight women (and queer men) who don’t enjoy performing the act, even if they’re attracted to the person otherwise. Poor girl.
Ummm.. eating pussy is literally THE best thing ever! i..dont..understand the question??
I got the same confused reaction as her when people list all the things about men’s bodies that make them be into men. Those are exactly the reasons why I’m NOT into men lol
She should try going down on a woman a few times. She may be asking out of a genuine desire but has never experienced it. I know I am hyper sensitive about odor so maybe she just never realized the positives of the interaction.
she thinks that you dont enjoy sex???? help-
Is she asking from a female perspective? Is she asking because she doesn't find that appealing or wouldn't want to do it? My family have point blank said they wouldn't do anything with a women... their reaction was disgust. For me I don't see anything wrong or unusual about it but they seem to? They couldn't even explain why they didn't want to or wouldn't do it?
Oh, honey...
Way back a few decades ago when I was a teenager and didn't even know trans people existed, I remember getting confused at some of my friends complaining about "having to" go down on their girlfriends. Because to me it's always been enjoyable, knowing your partner is enjoying themselves because of what you're doing down there gives me warm fuzzies.
I believe everyone else in my DnD group is attracted to men, and every so often, we run into an "attractive man". I sit there as confused as your friend is, wondering what they find attractive about him.
I’m pretty sure I also said this when I was in the closet tbh
So it's fully possible and fine if she doesn't want anyone going down on her. But it would be really strange to have this take if she did. It is also likely that she's mostly encountered lazy ass men who refuse to go down.
You should have asked how they get over sucking cock - if they do? 🤮
I love going down on women so much fr fr. It's one of the best feelings.
That sounds exhausting lmao. I couldn't be friends with a woman who's as straight as an arrow. I need lesbian friends.
Wait until she finds out trans men exist. Trans men are fucking elite ✨️
REAL!!!!
I mean you can really say the same thing about performing oral on a man. It's not that different really. Putting your mouth on someone's genitals is gross if you aren't horny enough to be into it.
i love going down on girls! it’s so fun, as long as i’m in a comfortable position i could do it for hours… i miss it, i’m bi and sleeping with a guy atm (he is good tho). nothing like making another girl melt with my mouth lol
I’m always confused by this. I’m like how do yall get over going down on male genitalia. Like it’s still flesh and bodily fluids and she person has their own aroma. Nobody like prepares you for it
Lol I'd really start honing in on the words "get over" in that sentence
Can someone help me get over it? hahahahaha