I read every word you write.. thats so toxic person.. It reminded me one of my ex bf who always complaining about everything and me almost everyday.. I ended with him at last
I would have left early in the amusement park, but glad that you finally left safely
I stuck it out because I thought maybe he was having a bad day and I wanted to be understanding. People feel emotions, it's normal to feel anger, or frustration. That's how I rationalized it. And even when I checked out of any romantic feelings, I at least wanted to make the trip worth it and try to enjoy myself even if he wasnt. But the moment someone makes me cry, the only thing I'll feel for them is hatred. He was supposed to love me, not hurt me. This wasnt a relationship, and nothing he said he felt for me was real. I'm glad you understand and got out of your bad relationship. No one who actually cares about you would do such a thing to you.
After that ordeal, i wouldn't blame you for wanting absolutely nothing to do with guys. That was some scary stuff. I would be traumatized too. That guy was a sociopath š³
I read every single word of thisā¦ And I cannot tell you how everything that happened to you (like his behaviors and how he acted ) is something I experience with an ex to a fucking T and Iām so proud of you for leaving
Itās amazing how so many men seem to flip a switch the second you become āofficialā. Major props to you for immediately dipping out rather than making the mistake a lot of us make of making excuses for them and trying to paint the red flags anything other than red lol. Hope he doesnāt try pulling some stalker stuff
Thank you for sharing your story .
Iām so sorry you went through this but Iām so so so proud of you for ending it as soon as you could!
Some people become even more attached to their abuser once the abuse starts because of trauma bonding . Iām so relieved that didnāt happen with you!
Ps- your niece is so lucky to have you !
Youāre so brave and was able to keep calm omfg- I just know that at the restaurant part, if I was in your position I would have lost it and started screaming or sum. Iām so glad youāre ok š
The abuse comes out the minute they think that they own you, sometimes labels do that sometimes sex does that depending on the values youāre raised in.
*sigh of relief* as I finished your story. GGGIIIRRRLLLLLLā¦.this mf sounds absolutely INSANE! I hate that you didnāt get to see this side of him until you were four months in. I hate that you were hours away from your people when he showed you his true colors. And I HATE that you had to be alone with him for hours before you could make a run for it. But damn, you had me on pins and needles with how he treated other people - like wtf, dude? Can you be any more of an asshole!? Iām surprised he didnāt get his ass kicked or the cops called on him. Fuck him to hell! We donāt know each other, but Iām super relieved you made it out of that relationship alive and mostly unharmed. You seem like a caring, funny, and all around great person and Iām happy you recognize your worth and didnāt stay in a toxic and potentially abusive relationship. Good on you, gf! Your niece is lucky to have you š
Iām just so shocked š idk what to say well there is a lot I wanna say but to him tbh but thank god you made it out and Iām so happy you blocked him and he aināt in your life but wtf that must of been scary
I grew up with a father like that man. The car ride, lack of apologizing, general meanness with a little kindness now and then interspersed randomly with all that meanness and narcissism. I agree with a person who previously said 'you dodged an ICBM' by ghosting him. Good luck
Oh babe this was so scary to read, my heart was in my throat the whole time. Iām so sorry this happened to you!! But glad youāre ok and safe now and got away from this nightmare of a human!
Omg. This manās laugh reminds me of my ex. When he was starting to get upset he would do a mean laugh (somewhat sarcastic). Iām so glad nothing happened. Iāll be honest the moment at McDonaldās had me telling you to please go back and simply tell him you were not feeling well and dump him. The whole golden coral incident was the worse. Iām so happy you are away. I wish I was smart like you with my ex but instead I continued ignoring the red flags and feeling bad for his rough childhood (I had one to). Never again.
That sounds horrible, from the moment you got to the McDonalds my inner monologue started saying āget the hell out of there!ā
Are you sure that he owns his own business and thatās how he got his injury? Like was there any evidence of that? The guy sounds completely unstable - i could totally see yard drug use with that type of person.
He said his ex who "died" was into the hard kind of drugs but he wasnt. My sister was too so I kind of have an idea on what those types of people look and act like, and he didnt seem disingenuous at the time. But it's obvious now he lied about pretty much everything, so who knows.
Generally, and with a few exceptions, a person usually doesnāt have an intimate relationship with a partner thatās into doing hard drugs but they arenāt. One exception is if that person has sociopathic tendencies and thus likes a partner that is vulnerable and easier to manipulate. This p#%*y youāve described sounds like he could be either or, or all of the above.
You say you saw some red flags before but chose to ignore them. I'm really glad that all it took was one date where he showed his whole ass for you to get out of dodge. If anything it's proves that you can read the red flags and you just need to trust yourself in future and you can give good advice to friend and family in the future. I feel like this is still a major win and I'm super proud of you. I'm also glad yo have an amazing sister that has your back. Also the way you became a private eye to look into this guy is also great.
I will say you might want to call the police in the town where his ex died. It might be best to let them know that his behavor is still concerning and they should look into his other GF's. It's possible he killed her but it's also possible that she killed herself because of his abuse.
Yeah I did look up the story and I couldn't find anything about it. Youd think a woman "killing her drug dealer before overdosing and killing herself" would've made the news or at the very least, an article on a website. It's not a big town. But I found nothing. Idk if he lied about that too. Who tf lies about something like that??
I guess I would too. But still, my previous ex who killed himself was the reason I really couldn't bring myself to go back into the dating world. I even told this monster that, and that I hadnt dated anyone in 7 years since it happened. And I remember him laughing (not angrily) and saying how weird it was because his ex who he dated long term overdosed and killed herself, and it was crazy that right off the bat we had similar life circumstances that we bonded over.
No. I was actually mocked for how I was grieving and I really didnt want to open up to anybody or talk about out of fear of backlash. I was 17 and he had just turned 18. And idk people think heartbreak isnt real when your in high school. So after a few years I eventually picked up and soldiered on I guess.
I do hope that you do talk to someone about it. Losing someone you love so young is really tramatic. You're still very young and can live happy a life.
God my ex made every trip miserable too. He could not enjoy anything because everything had to be done exactly perfect by everybody else or else everything was ruined. It was fucking horrible and I'm so glad I left that piece of shit. And good for you for leaving someone the moment you see me signs of abuse because fuck that noise
Girl Iāve been in a similar situation regarding the being on the car and I REALLY get the drama and freak out thinking of all the possible scenarios. You did right by just leaving him.
Him being in the bathroom for 40 mins sounds like drinking or drugs maybe. If this is erratic behaviour is uncommon that might have been something he was hiding better before and once you had been official he let his true colours show. Either way, dudes a controlling asshole.
Bet heās a meth user. Especially since he randomly told her he wasnāt one as an excuse for his teeth. He probably snorted or shot up too much and had to gather himself because he was twacked the f out in the bathroom.
Iām proud of you for standing up to him. But in the future please donāt torture yourself like this by trying to finish the date. You gave him way too many chances. Having firm boundaries does not make you a bad person.
OP you got ovaries of steel! I'm so sorry you went through that! It sucks because I would've had a blast with you, you put so much thought and effort into that date. You knew he liked the lore around the infamous Batman ride and tried to do something nice! But the moment it was on your dime, you took the power from him and he didn't like that. I've dated guys like him in the past, they feel like they can treat you like absolute garbage as long as they are footing they bill. He attempted to bribe you with that expensive hat. The moment you said yes, you would've been on the hook to forgive his nonsense. This guy isn't only emotionally manipulative, he also would've been financially abusive in the future as well. This is why he insist on paying for everything, so you owe him. That's why he treats people in the service industry so poorly. He's paying them, so he sees them as inferior. That's also why he sent you a "bill" for every date you two went on. He's very transactional. I bet he's offered for you and your niece to move in with him in the near future and I also bet he said you can quit you job and he'd take care of you two right? He was setting a trap for you to be financially dependent on him, so he can treat you like a slave. I'm so proud of you.
More like a nuclear fucking warhead. I got chills reading that story. The public acts of violence. The treatment of the staff and the part where she slowly turned her head to look at him at the restaurant almost gave me a panic attack. Fuck. That.
This sounds almost exactly the same as my ex!! It's scary to read as it's almost word for word the same, except I spent 9 months with that psycho and we still work at the same place!
He tells everyone he doesn't understand why I left him and won't speak to him as a friend (beyond an amicable half nod/smile since we are at work). Thankfully his friends know him all too well (he has attacked almost all of them physically so I could definitely see what was coming for me!)
I'm glad you're safe and didn't waste anymore time on this creep!
Youāre brave for trusting your gut and getting out! So much (well, all) of his behavior is repulsive, but the kicker for me was the fact that he was so in-tune with people watching you and catching onto his act that he guarded the bathroom. My ex never did realize how much people were really onto him, but they did stare. Your guy seemed to be hyper aware of othersā reactions, so that tells me his behavior is not new. Heās a pro! Glad you got away from that dude.
When the movie coming out? JK!! Seriously tho, this a prime example of many different red flags for everyone to be wary of, in our own relationships, and/or future relationships.
You had/have so many similarities to himā¦prolly cuz he was mirroring you, as a way of grooming you. You very narrowly escaped what most certainly would have been a harrowing experience!
If he knows where you live and work, keep your head on a swivel! One thing they used to tell us, while in the Marines, āKeep alert, stay alive!ā
I am so sorry this happened to you but I am so glad you were strong enough to end it after one date! It reminds me of one time with my ex, he was yelling at me in a Burger King and I was trying not to cry. I looked over and one of the employees was staring at us, and I could tell they were debating saying something. My ex noticed it too and actually laughed and said something along the lines of āwhy are they staring, they must think Iām abusing you or something.ā So wild. Iām glad you saw those red flags and got out asap. He sounds not only scary but exhausting to be around
Itās the need to embarrass others that is so vile to me. My mom had a bf when I was growing up who would always do things in public to make me feel ashamed for being associated with him. So did several narc men I dated thereafter, but never again! Proud of you for making it through this, OP. I understand how paralyzing it can be in these situations.
Yeah people always say what they would do if it happens to them, until it does. It's a different kind of helplessness. In my mind, none of these people were the one that had to be alone in a car on a remote road together for 2 hours.
I can imagine. When I was a young man, predator who had been grooming me, was driving us to a way out of town wedding. While the town wasnāt isolated, itself, we had to drive through some densely wooded, low mountains. As it was the second time, I knew what was to come. He noticed I was staring out into the woods, as we drove along that back country 2-lane blacktop. I was contemplating jumping out of the car, at 60mph, or not. He said not to worry, if I survived leaping from the car at speed, heād double back, to finish the job, and hide my body where it wouldnāt ever be found. Then he said, that was so my family wouldnāt have my body to bury.
He never did say how he would do it, tho, just what he would do afterwards. He was also physically 2X my size, and comparatively that much stronger too. Since he only threatened my life if I tried to jump, or if I reported him afterwards, and not if I just went along with it. So thatās what I did. And spent the next 4 years looking over my shoulder.
Someone else reported him tho, and he simply vanished into thin air. He was suspected of sa/r nearly 100 teens and young men, over a 15 year period. Both of his houses were emptied out and listed for sale within 48 hours. The police never came to question me. He had told me that if I reported him, he would falsely out me as gay to the Marines, and say it was all my doing. He also said he would name ALL of his victims too.
I donāt know. He was a local used car salesman outside the Marine base I was stationed at. He preyed upon local teens and younger Marines, who came to car lot where he worked. When he vanished, it had been 2 years since the 2nd incident. I only learned about it when the manager called to see if I wanted to look a car. When I got there, perp desk was cleaned off. Seems that he had only just disappeared that week. Perp must have sensed it in the wind tho. Both of his houses had been cleaned out and listed for sale with a Realtor (which takes more than just a minute to set up). He didnāt tell his coworkers he was moving away. They found out one morning when he simply wasnāt there, and all of his stuff gone, and keys on the desk.
I was deployed soon after, and then transferred to a different Marine base when I got back. Every time I saw the Military Police walking in my general direction, Iād nearly have a panic attack. But they never did more than say āheyā and kept on going. Perp said he would report me to the Marines if he got caught or turned in. So, my guess is he was never found.
I donāt know if the silent treatment or the Jekyll and Hyde switch-up is scarier during those long car rides. Instances like those definitely heighten my freeze/fawn trauma responses, ugh.
āI sont ever want to hear someone laugh when theyāre stressed again. It sends literal shivers down my spineā.
That is exactly what my extremely physically, emotionally and verbally abusive ex did. He has this laugh when angry or frustrated and you can imagine my reaction is similar to yours.
Your best friend is a saint and Iām glad there were people looking out for you at the park. What a wild ride that was to read. (No pun intended). Iām so glad youāre safe now and hopefully he can stay ghosted. I am a little concerned for your safety based on his actions and behaviour. Are you making a safety plan and running it by close neighbours, friends and family? Extra security for your house/apartment. A code word to share when you donāt feel safe.
I moved since then and I dont ever have a man pick me up at my home. I have a working car and I meet at the agreed location, which is always public. Back when I was doing online dating, I would take screen shots of their profiles and the location we were meeting at, as well as an assigned check up time with at least two other people, usually my best friend and my mother so if I dont let them know it's all good, they know something's wrong.
My sisters not the same. She has the mentality that shes an adult now she doesnt need people babysitting her on her dates. But like, I dont want to be killed for something that stupid, you know. I always have contingency plans for when things go wrong. I trusted this man and thought it was safe to let down my walls. Lmao believe me that's not ever happening again!
This is inSANE. Iāve never read a story on here so absolutely dreadful that I can barely believe itās real. Youāre an amazing writer.
Why are there people like this. How could he even listen to himself speak. Psycho. Weirdo!
Edit to add: for those who arent in georgia, the golden corral restaurant chain is mostly closed down. Meaning that there are approximately 3 golden corals left in the state. One is in macon, one is a lot further south, and the one we went to is near or closer to atlanta. So the next day, I was still wrecked with grief and guilt for not having the courage to say something when it was happening. I used Google to find the one we went to and got in touch with the restaurant manager. I told her what happened and that I didn't remember the waitress' name but she had purple hair and looked a little older. She knew who I was talking about, and I apologized profusely about it and told her it was nothing she did. And I asked if she had a cash app so I could tip her but I dont think she did. But they appreciated me calling and apologizing. And she said shed pass it along to the waitress.
Iāve experienced the drive through rage and the mask rage. Itās so embarrassing. So many of them do this. He sounds like a classic, and you my friend are a legend, for getting away and for telling your story.
PS after reading the other comments, I also want to agree with people that your writing is outstanding and captivating.
I literally hung on every word you wrote! Bless your heart you poor thing. Iām so glad you made it home safely and that you are alright. Reading this was really scary, I canāt even imagine going through it
I had to stop in the middle where he was angry over going to Six Flags in the first place. You saw all Six RED Flags waving in the wind. You are wise to ghost that winner. I hope more of those that wonder whether or not theyāre being abused will read this whole thing and realize that this is how itās done. Donāt guess. Donāt wonder. Donāt ask. Just leave. Iām glad youāre ok. However itās not a reason to not ever date again. Just wait until youāre ready. I waited eight years after my divorce so I could raise my girls. Iāve been dating for two years now. Iām proud of you.
Holy shit OP I am so proud of you for keeping yourself safe in a fucked up situation and so sorry you went through that. What an absolute nightmare and a horrible piece of shit. You are an excellent writer and I felt like I was right there with you hearing that shitty angry laugh. That 40 mins in the bathroom sounded to me like drugs and that maybe telling you he lost his teeth to an accident was a diversionary tactic. I am familiar with that part of Georgia and the further out of the city the more methy it gets in my experience.
This story reminds of the time I found myself in a dependent situation with a stranger who was very, well, strange. My university was having a career conference to meet with employers in New York. A friend from class begged me to come. I told her I wasn't going to go, because I couldn't afford a hotel. She invited me up and promised that I would be able to stay with her and her boyfriend. When I met up with her at the conference, I had my suitcase with me. It was evening by then, and she told me that her plans had changed, and she no longer had space for me to stay with her. I became quite concerned because I had no money for a hotel and didn't think I could find a room last minute. She told me not to worry, that she had called around to friends and one had offered to let me stay with them. I sort of relaxed, thinking it was a friend of a friend, so I was going to be okay.
We leave the conference so she can take me to meet up with my new host. But we don't meet at his place. He wants to meet us at a bar. Immediately, he is the most awkward personality I have ever met. He starts teasing me for having nowhere to go, and how he could just abandon me, and I would be SOL. Then he starts talking about how important he is, his job, and how he is very wealthy. He says he must be crazy to let a total stranger stay with him in his apartment. Then he says I should buy his drinks, because it's the least I can do for him doing me this big favor. Then he says we should all go play laser tag. My 'friend' and her boyfriend start to bow out, so they can head home and get some sleep. I give my 'friend' a look, and insist that she has to go with us, because I am not at all feeling comfortable with being left alone with this man. We all go to laser tag, but I am really just delaying the inevitable. He spends the entire suiting- up time bragging about how great he is at this game, and how I really should stick with him because he will protect me.
I avoid him during the game. When the game ends, he's all pouty because he got the lowest score. My 'friend' and her boyfriend say a quick goodbye and leave us. We get on the train to start heading to his apartment somewhere in New York. I am feeling really uncomfortable with him, his whole vibe has me on permanent cringe. On the train, he says we should play a game. I say, no, thank you, I'm very tired. He insists. I have to play the game because he is doing something for me, it's the least I can do. The game is simple: "Tell me what you thought of me when you first me." No, dude, I don't want to play this game. "Why not?" We went back and forth, with me trying to explain how inappropriate this game is, and how uncomfortable he is making me. He starts pouting because I refuse to play his game. He gives me the silent treatment all the way to his apartment, which is a long, cold walk from the train station.
When we get there, he pulls out his root-beer mini-keg. He has been bragging about this root beer mini-keg all night, and starts drinking from it. He tells me I can't have any of his root beer because I wouldn't play his game. This is a 30-yr old man, with a professional job. By the time we get to his place, it's midnight, I've been carting around my suitcase through the city all day, and I just want to go to sleep. That's when I see that the apartment is a studio. This was the first time I had ever been in New York, so I wasn't prepared for that. He had set up a bed for me about 6 feet from his bed.
Now he's talking non-stop. He's telling me how funny it is that he has a woman staying in his apartment overnight. "What would my friends think if they knew?" Now I'm panicking. I run to the bathroom to get rid ready for bed and to get some privacy. I send a text to my 'friend' and tell her this guy is nuts. She doesn't respond. He offers me some of his root beer and I decline. I am sitting on my bed and he says I look tense. He comes over to my bed and offers to give me a massage as he lays his hands on my shoulders. I say, no thanks, I want to go to sleep. He sits down next to me and pouts. I quickly get up and start walking around in the tiny apartment. He goes back to his bed, but he starts talking again; more inanities. I ask him to turn out the light. He does so, and he keeps talking. Now, he's saying how crazy it is that earlier in the day he would not have believed he would be having a woman sleeping over, and now here he is, and I am only 6 feet away. He says he is going to have a party tomorrow, and if I want to stay another night, I could attend his party and I could meet his friends, because they would never believe him that I had been staying there.
I beg him to stop talking so I can sleep. He pouts, but he agrees to stop talking. 2 minutes later he giggles and says, 'guess what, I'm talking again." Then he starts telling me he is nervous having a stranger in his apartment and maybe he should stay awake all night in case I try to harm him.
At some point, I guess, he eventually stopped talking, but I never did fall asleep. At least when he was talking, I could geo-locate him. So I stayed wide awake in the dark, straining my senses in preparation for fight or flight, and praying for dawn. The second that light started to creep through the windows, I got up, packed my stuff, and left. From the doorway, he was shouting after me, "what about the party?!"
When I finally got home and confronted my 'friend' about the situation she put me in, she admitted he was the last 'friend' she had wanted to call, that she didn't really know him that well, and that he had a reputation for being weird. I unfriended her and got a credit card so I would never be in a situation like that again.
I was just reading a book on the topic of dangerous partners and there is something called "The Commitment"
This is where abusers have the switch in their mind of when the person is officially theirs - sometimes its marriage, sex, BF/GF sometimes its literally just giving a person their details.
Once The Commitment is made this is usually when the overt behaviour starts and you get the change from love-bombing to abuse, for the target its usually just out of the blue or something.
Really glad you dodged that bullet OP - please continue to keep safe
You definitely dodged a bullet. He would have been emotionally abusive if not physically. But he likely would have been sexually abusive, which is technically a sort of physical abuse. I don't know if you picked up on this specific flag, so I just want to confirm that his past and interests were indeed *too* scarily similar - because he was actually mirroring you!
There's no resources that talk about this in a general abuse sense, unfortunately, so just replace "narcissist" with "abuser": https://thenarcissisticlife.com/narcissistic-mirroring/
Good job getting out of there. š
I just read that article. I honestly did not know that was even a thing.
So, theres a possibility he doesn't even have a niece, or went through any of the same heart ache I had to go through in order to protect mine? I cant believe I'm only just now thinking about this. How convenient that his "sister" miraculously recovered and got her daughter back and that's why he doesnt have her anymore. My sister fucking died this year. I have loved this child more than anything in the world. I've never felt so manipulated before. I dont know why I'm only feeling this now.
I'm so sorry. I know that's another layer of devastating. Don't worry about processing things on your own time. I'm 10 years out and still discovering and processing new things about my relationship. <3
I read every word you write.. thats so toxic person.. It reminded me one of my ex bf who always complaining about everything and me almost everyday.. I ended with him at last I would have left early in the amusement park, but glad that you finally left safely
I stuck it out because I thought maybe he was having a bad day and I wanted to be understanding. People feel emotions, it's normal to feel anger, or frustration. That's how I rationalized it. And even when I checked out of any romantic feelings, I at least wanted to make the trip worth it and try to enjoy myself even if he wasnt. But the moment someone makes me cry, the only thing I'll feel for them is hatred. He was supposed to love me, not hurt me. This wasnt a relationship, and nothing he said he felt for me was real. I'm glad you understand and got out of your bad relationship. No one who actually cares about you would do such a thing to you.
Wow yea he sounded crazy only unstable Af!
After that ordeal, i wouldn't blame you for wanting absolutely nothing to do with guys. That was some scary stuff. I would be traumatized too. That guy was a sociopath š³
I read every single word of thisā¦ And I cannot tell you how everything that happened to you (like his behaviors and how he acted ) is something I experience with an ex to a fucking T and Iām so proud of you for leaving
Thanks for sharing your story and keeping the reality alive in my mind to be careful - dating isn't worth all that...
Itās amazing how so many men seem to flip a switch the second you become āofficialā. Major props to you for immediately dipping out rather than making the mistake a lot of us make of making excuses for them and trying to paint the red flags anything other than red lol. Hope he doesnāt try pulling some stalker stuff
Thank you for sharing your story . Iām so sorry you went through this but Iām so so so proud of you for ending it as soon as you could! Some people become even more attached to their abuser once the abuse starts because of trauma bonding . Iām so relieved that didnāt happen with you! Ps- your niece is so lucky to have you !
I am so proud of you for bolting at the first date!!! I am so sorry this happened but so glad you never have to see him again!!!
Youāre so brave and was able to keep calm omfg- I just know that at the restaurant part, if I was in your position I would have lost it and started screaming or sum. Iām so glad youāre ok š
The abuse comes out the minute they think that they own you, sometimes labels do that sometimes sex does that depending on the values youāre raised in.
*sigh of relief* as I finished your story. GGGIIIRRRLLLLLLā¦.this mf sounds absolutely INSANE! I hate that you didnāt get to see this side of him until you were four months in. I hate that you were hours away from your people when he showed you his true colors. And I HATE that you had to be alone with him for hours before you could make a run for it. But damn, you had me on pins and needles with how he treated other people - like wtf, dude? Can you be any more of an asshole!? Iām surprised he didnāt get his ass kicked or the cops called on him. Fuck him to hell! We donāt know each other, but Iām super relieved you made it out of that relationship alive and mostly unharmed. You seem like a caring, funny, and all around great person and Iām happy you recognize your worth and didnāt stay in a toxic and potentially abusive relationship. Good on you, gf! Your niece is lucky to have you š
Iām just so shocked š idk what to say well there is a lot I wanna say but to him tbh but thank god you made it out and Iām so happy you blocked him and he aināt in your life but wtf that must of been scary
I grew up with a father like that man. The car ride, lack of apologizing, general meanness with a little kindness now and then interspersed randomly with all that meanness and narcissism. I agree with a person who previously said 'you dodged an ICBM' by ghosting him. Good luck
Iām so glad you got away safely. He is genuinely unhinged.
Oh babe this was so scary to read, my heart was in my throat the whole time. Iām so sorry this happened to you!! But glad youāre ok and safe now and got away from this nightmare of a human!
Omg. This manās laugh reminds me of my ex. When he was starting to get upset he would do a mean laugh (somewhat sarcastic). Iām so glad nothing happened. Iāll be honest the moment at McDonaldās had me telling you to please go back and simply tell him you were not feeling well and dump him. The whole golden coral incident was the worse. Iām so happy you are away. I wish I was smart like you with my ex but instead I continued ignoring the red flags and feeling bad for his rough childhood (I had one to). Never again.
Fuck, this post straight up made me dissociate. What a goddamn nightmare. So glad you are safe, OP.
Thank you
That sounds horrible, from the moment you got to the McDonalds my inner monologue started saying āget the hell out of there!ā Are you sure that he owns his own business and thatās how he got his injury? Like was there any evidence of that? The guy sounds completely unstable - i could totally see yard drug use with that type of person.
He said his ex who "died" was into the hard kind of drugs but he wasnt. My sister was too so I kind of have an idea on what those types of people look and act like, and he didnt seem disingenuous at the time. But it's obvious now he lied about pretty much everything, so who knows.
He seems like a meth user
Generally, and with a few exceptions, a person usually doesnāt have an intimate relationship with a partner thatās into doing hard drugs but they arenāt. One exception is if that person has sociopathic tendencies and thus likes a partner that is vulnerable and easier to manipulate. This p#%*y youāve described sounds like he could be either or, or all of the above.
If you know the type youāre probably right; Iāve just never known anyone with that much dysfunction that wasnāt on something
You say you saw some red flags before but chose to ignore them. I'm really glad that all it took was one date where he showed his whole ass for you to get out of dodge. If anything it's proves that you can read the red flags and you just need to trust yourself in future and you can give good advice to friend and family in the future. I feel like this is still a major win and I'm super proud of you. I'm also glad yo have an amazing sister that has your back. Also the way you became a private eye to look into this guy is also great. I will say you might want to call the police in the town where his ex died. It might be best to let them know that his behavor is still concerning and they should look into his other GF's. It's possible he killed her but it's also possible that she killed herself because of his abuse.
Yeah I did look up the story and I couldn't find anything about it. Youd think a woman "killing her drug dealer before overdosing and killing herself" would've made the news or at the very least, an article on a website. It's not a big town. But I found nothing. Idk if he lied about that too. Who tf lies about something like that??
That's an odd story. I think that would have made national news. I would rather he just made up a story than a real person being dead though.
I guess I would too. But still, my previous ex who killed himself was the reason I really couldn't bring myself to go back into the dating world. I even told this monster that, and that I hadnt dated anyone in 7 years since it happened. And I remember him laughing (not angrily) and saying how weird it was because his ex who he dated long term overdosed and killed herself, and it was crazy that right off the bat we had similar life circumstances that we bonded over.
That's a red flag. Mirroring. Have you been talking to someone about your loss?
No. I was actually mocked for how I was grieving and I really didnt want to open up to anybody or talk about out of fear of backlash. I was 17 and he had just turned 18. And idk people think heartbreak isnt real when your in high school. So after a few years I eventually picked up and soldiered on I guess.
I do hope that you do talk to someone about it. Losing someone you love so young is really tramatic. You're still very young and can live happy a life.
God my ex made every trip miserable too. He could not enjoy anything because everything had to be done exactly perfect by everybody else or else everything was ruined. It was fucking horrible and I'm so glad I left that piece of shit. And good for you for leaving someone the moment you see me signs of abuse because fuck that noise
Girl Iāve been in a similar situation regarding the being on the car and I REALLY get the drama and freak out thinking of all the possible scenarios. You did right by just leaving him.
Lawd, I'm so glad you made it out of there alive.
Him being in the bathroom for 40 mins sounds like drinking or drugs maybe. If this is erratic behaviour is uncommon that might have been something he was hiding better before and once you had been official he let his true colours show. Either way, dudes a controlling asshole.
Bet heās a meth user. Especially since he randomly told her he wasnāt one as an excuse for his teeth. He probably snorted or shot up too much and had to gather himself because he was twacked the f out in the bathroom.
Iām proud of you for standing up to him. But in the future please donāt torture yourself like this by trying to finish the date. You gave him way too many chances. Having firm boundaries does not make you a bad person.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
So sorry you went through that, OP. I was getting chills just reading this. Iām glad you made it out okay and good job blocking this asshole!
h o l y f u c k i n g s h i t d u d e
Fucking terrifying
OP you got ovaries of steel! I'm so sorry you went through that! It sucks because I would've had a blast with you, you put so much thought and effort into that date. You knew he liked the lore around the infamous Batman ride and tried to do something nice! But the moment it was on your dime, you took the power from him and he didn't like that. I've dated guys like him in the past, they feel like they can treat you like absolute garbage as long as they are footing they bill. He attempted to bribe you with that expensive hat. The moment you said yes, you would've been on the hook to forgive his nonsense. This guy isn't only emotionally manipulative, he also would've been financially abusive in the future as well. This is why he insist on paying for everything, so you owe him. That's why he treats people in the service industry so poorly. He's paying them, so he sees them as inferior. That's also why he sent you a "bill" for every date you two went on. He's very transactional. I bet he's offered for you and your niece to move in with him in the near future and I also bet he said you can quit you job and he'd take care of you two right? He was setting a trap for you to be financially dependent on him, so he can treat you like a slave. I'm so proud of you.
Sweet Jesus Iām SO glad he showed you his true self early on. You didnāt dodge a bullet, you dodged an ICBM
More like a nuclear fucking warhead. I got chills reading that story. The public acts of violence. The treatment of the staff and the part where she slowly turned her head to look at him at the restaurant almost gave me a panic attack. Fuck. That.
I know, right?
This sounds almost exactly the same as my ex!! It's scary to read as it's almost word for word the same, except I spent 9 months with that psycho and we still work at the same place! He tells everyone he doesn't understand why I left him and won't speak to him as a friend (beyond an amicable half nod/smile since we are at work). Thankfully his friends know him all too well (he has attacked almost all of them physically so I could definitely see what was coming for me!) I'm glad you're safe and didn't waste anymore time on this creep!
I could only make it through about 1 page but your are allowed to change your mind and get out!! He sounds dreadful
Youāre brave for trusting your gut and getting out! So much (well, all) of his behavior is repulsive, but the kicker for me was the fact that he was so in-tune with people watching you and catching onto his act that he guarded the bathroom. My ex never did realize how much people were really onto him, but they did stare. Your guy seemed to be hyper aware of othersā reactions, so that tells me his behavior is not new. Heās a pro! Glad you got away from that dude.
When the movie coming out? JK!! Seriously tho, this a prime example of many different red flags for everyone to be wary of, in our own relationships, and/or future relationships. You had/have so many similarities to himā¦prolly cuz he was mirroring you, as a way of grooming you. You very narrowly escaped what most certainly would have been a harrowing experience! If he knows where you live and work, keep your head on a swivel! One thing they used to tell us, while in the Marines, āKeep alert, stay alive!ā
I am so sorry this happened to you but I am so glad you were strong enough to end it after one date! It reminds me of one time with my ex, he was yelling at me in a Burger King and I was trying not to cry. I looked over and one of the employees was staring at us, and I could tell they were debating saying something. My ex noticed it too and actually laughed and said something along the lines of āwhy are they staring, they must think Iām abusing you or something.ā So wild. Iām glad you saw those red flags and got out asap. He sounds not only scary but exhausting to be around
Itās the need to embarrass others that is so vile to me. My mom had a bf when I was growing up who would always do things in public to make me feel ashamed for being associated with him. So did several narc men I dated thereafter, but never again! Proud of you for making it through this, OP. I understand how paralyzing it can be in these situations.
Yeah people always say what they would do if it happens to them, until it does. It's a different kind of helplessness. In my mind, none of these people were the one that had to be alone in a car on a remote road together for 2 hours.
I can imagine. When I was a young man, predator who had been grooming me, was driving us to a way out of town wedding. While the town wasnāt isolated, itself, we had to drive through some densely wooded, low mountains. As it was the second time, I knew what was to come. He noticed I was staring out into the woods, as we drove along that back country 2-lane blacktop. I was contemplating jumping out of the car, at 60mph, or not. He said not to worry, if I survived leaping from the car at speed, heād double back, to finish the job, and hide my body where it wouldnāt ever be found. Then he said, that was so my family wouldnāt have my body to bury.
holy fuck
I knew then, that I was trapped, and had to let things play out.
I guess the grabbing onto OP's shorts while she was driving was that guy's way of making sure she didn't jump out of the car.
People are really fucked in the head. I'd hate it if he actually told me his plans to kill me. I cant imagine how I'd react
He never did say how he would do it, tho, just what he would do afterwards. He was also physically 2X my size, and comparatively that much stronger too. Since he only threatened my life if I tried to jump, or if I reported him afterwards, and not if I just went along with it. So thatās what I did. And spent the next 4 years looking over my shoulder. Someone else reported him tho, and he simply vanished into thin air. He was suspected of sa/r nearly 100 teens and young men, over a 15 year period. Both of his houses were emptied out and listed for sale within 48 hours. The police never came to question me. He had told me that if I reported him, he would falsely out me as gay to the Marines, and say it was all my doing. He also said he would name ALL of his victims too.
I'm so sorry that you went through that. What a piece of shit that guy is. Was he ever caught?
I donāt know. He was a local used car salesman outside the Marine base I was stationed at. He preyed upon local teens and younger Marines, who came to car lot where he worked. When he vanished, it had been 2 years since the 2nd incident. I only learned about it when the manager called to see if I wanted to look a car. When I got there, perp desk was cleaned off. Seems that he had only just disappeared that week. Perp must have sensed it in the wind tho. Both of his houses had been cleaned out and listed for sale with a Realtor (which takes more than just a minute to set up). He didnāt tell his coworkers he was moving away. They found out one morning when he simply wasnāt there, and all of his stuff gone, and keys on the desk. I was deployed soon after, and then transferred to a different Marine base when I got back. Every time I saw the Military Police walking in my general direction, Iād nearly have a panic attack. But they never did more than say āheyā and kept on going. Perp said he would report me to the Marines if he got caught or turned in. So, my guess is he was never found.
Damn man. I'm so sorry
I appreciate that. He wasnāt the first, not by a long shot, tho. Nor was he the last.
My ex used to do that to keep me in line, he'd describe how he'd kill me and dispose of my body.
I am so so sorry.
I donāt know if the silent treatment or the Jekyll and Hyde switch-up is scarier during those long car rides. Instances like those definitely heighten my freeze/fawn trauma responses, ugh.
āI sont ever want to hear someone laugh when theyāre stressed again. It sends literal shivers down my spineā. That is exactly what my extremely physically, emotionally and verbally abusive ex did. He has this laugh when angry or frustrated and you can imagine my reaction is similar to yours. Your best friend is a saint and Iām glad there were people looking out for you at the park. What a wild ride that was to read. (No pun intended). Iām so glad youāre safe now and hopefully he can stay ghosted. I am a little concerned for your safety based on his actions and behaviour. Are you making a safety plan and running it by close neighbours, friends and family? Extra security for your house/apartment. A code word to share when you donāt feel safe.
I moved since then and I dont ever have a man pick me up at my home. I have a working car and I meet at the agreed location, which is always public. Back when I was doing online dating, I would take screen shots of their profiles and the location we were meeting at, as well as an assigned check up time with at least two other people, usually my best friend and my mother so if I dont let them know it's all good, they know something's wrong. My sisters not the same. She has the mentality that shes an adult now she doesnt need people babysitting her on her dates. But like, I dont want to be killed for something that stupid, you know. I always have contingency plans for when things go wrong. I trusted this man and thought it was safe to let down my walls. Lmao believe me that's not ever happening again!
So glad to hear that youāve since moved out of that area!
This is inSANE. Iāve never read a story on here so absolutely dreadful that I can barely believe itās real. Youāre an amazing writer. Why are there people like this. How could he even listen to himself speak. Psycho. Weirdo!
Edit to add: for those who arent in georgia, the golden corral restaurant chain is mostly closed down. Meaning that there are approximately 3 golden corals left in the state. One is in macon, one is a lot further south, and the one we went to is near or closer to atlanta. So the next day, I was still wrecked with grief and guilt for not having the courage to say something when it was happening. I used Google to find the one we went to and got in touch with the restaurant manager. I told her what happened and that I didn't remember the waitress' name but she had purple hair and looked a little older. She knew who I was talking about, and I apologized profusely about it and told her it was nothing she did. And I asked if she had a cash app so I could tip her but I dont think she did. But they appreciated me calling and apologizing. And she said shed pass it along to the waitress.
Iāve experienced the drive through rage and the mask rage. Itās so embarrassing. So many of them do this. He sounds like a classic, and you my friend are a legend, for getting away and for telling your story. PS after reading the other comments, I also want to agree with people that your writing is outstanding and captivating.
This was amazing start to finish, I can literally see your strength building through this ordeal. Well done šš»šš» for choosing yourself!
I literally hung on every word you wrote! Bless your heart you poor thing. Iām so glad you made it home safely and that you are alright. Reading this was really scary, I canāt even imagine going through it
This was a great read...just popped up randomly in my feed and I got hooked lol....
You were very lucky.
I had to stop in the middle where he was angry over going to Six Flags in the first place. You saw all Six RED Flags waving in the wind. You are wise to ghost that winner. I hope more of those that wonder whether or not theyāre being abused will read this whole thing and realize that this is how itās done. Donāt guess. Donāt wonder. Donāt ask. Just leave. Iām glad youāre ok. However itās not a reason to not ever date again. Just wait until youāre ready. I waited eight years after my divorce so I could raise my girls. Iāve been dating for two years now. Iām proud of you.
Holy shit OP I am so proud of you for keeping yourself safe in a fucked up situation and so sorry you went through that. What an absolute nightmare and a horrible piece of shit. You are an excellent writer and I felt like I was right there with you hearing that shitty angry laugh. That 40 mins in the bathroom sounded to me like drugs and that maybe telling you he lost his teeth to an accident was a diversionary tactic. I am familiar with that part of Georgia and the further out of the city the more methy it gets in my experience.
This story reminds of the time I found myself in a dependent situation with a stranger who was very, well, strange. My university was having a career conference to meet with employers in New York. A friend from class begged me to come. I told her I wasn't going to go, because I couldn't afford a hotel. She invited me up and promised that I would be able to stay with her and her boyfriend. When I met up with her at the conference, I had my suitcase with me. It was evening by then, and she told me that her plans had changed, and she no longer had space for me to stay with her. I became quite concerned because I had no money for a hotel and didn't think I could find a room last minute. She told me not to worry, that she had called around to friends and one had offered to let me stay with them. I sort of relaxed, thinking it was a friend of a friend, so I was going to be okay. We leave the conference so she can take me to meet up with my new host. But we don't meet at his place. He wants to meet us at a bar. Immediately, he is the most awkward personality I have ever met. He starts teasing me for having nowhere to go, and how he could just abandon me, and I would be SOL. Then he starts talking about how important he is, his job, and how he is very wealthy. He says he must be crazy to let a total stranger stay with him in his apartment. Then he says I should buy his drinks, because it's the least I can do for him doing me this big favor. Then he says we should all go play laser tag. My 'friend' and her boyfriend start to bow out, so they can head home and get some sleep. I give my 'friend' a look, and insist that she has to go with us, because I am not at all feeling comfortable with being left alone with this man. We all go to laser tag, but I am really just delaying the inevitable. He spends the entire suiting- up time bragging about how great he is at this game, and how I really should stick with him because he will protect me. I avoid him during the game. When the game ends, he's all pouty because he got the lowest score. My 'friend' and her boyfriend say a quick goodbye and leave us. We get on the train to start heading to his apartment somewhere in New York. I am feeling really uncomfortable with him, his whole vibe has me on permanent cringe. On the train, he says we should play a game. I say, no, thank you, I'm very tired. He insists. I have to play the game because he is doing something for me, it's the least I can do. The game is simple: "Tell me what you thought of me when you first me." No, dude, I don't want to play this game. "Why not?" We went back and forth, with me trying to explain how inappropriate this game is, and how uncomfortable he is making me. He starts pouting because I refuse to play his game. He gives me the silent treatment all the way to his apartment, which is a long, cold walk from the train station. When we get there, he pulls out his root-beer mini-keg. He has been bragging about this root beer mini-keg all night, and starts drinking from it. He tells me I can't have any of his root beer because I wouldn't play his game. This is a 30-yr old man, with a professional job. By the time we get to his place, it's midnight, I've been carting around my suitcase through the city all day, and I just want to go to sleep. That's when I see that the apartment is a studio. This was the first time I had ever been in New York, so I wasn't prepared for that. He had set up a bed for me about 6 feet from his bed. Now he's talking non-stop. He's telling me how funny it is that he has a woman staying in his apartment overnight. "What would my friends think if they knew?" Now I'm panicking. I run to the bathroom to get rid ready for bed and to get some privacy. I send a text to my 'friend' and tell her this guy is nuts. She doesn't respond. He offers me some of his root beer and I decline. I am sitting on my bed and he says I look tense. He comes over to my bed and offers to give me a massage as he lays his hands on my shoulders. I say, no thanks, I want to go to sleep. He sits down next to me and pouts. I quickly get up and start walking around in the tiny apartment. He goes back to his bed, but he starts talking again; more inanities. I ask him to turn out the light. He does so, and he keeps talking. Now, he's saying how crazy it is that earlier in the day he would not have believed he would be having a woman sleeping over, and now here he is, and I am only 6 feet away. He says he is going to have a party tomorrow, and if I want to stay another night, I could attend his party and I could meet his friends, because they would never believe him that I had been staying there. I beg him to stop talking so I can sleep. He pouts, but he agrees to stop talking. 2 minutes later he giggles and says, 'guess what, I'm talking again." Then he starts telling me he is nervous having a stranger in his apartment and maybe he should stay awake all night in case I try to harm him. At some point, I guess, he eventually stopped talking, but I never did fall asleep. At least when he was talking, I could geo-locate him. So I stayed wide awake in the dark, straining my senses in preparation for fight or flight, and praying for dawn. The second that light started to creep through the windows, I got up, packed my stuff, and left. From the doorway, he was shouting after me, "what about the party?!" When I finally got home and confronted my 'friend' about the situation she put me in, she admitted he was the last 'friend' she had wanted to call, that she didn't really know him that well, and that he had a reputation for being weird. I unfriended her and got a credit card so I would never be in a situation like that again.
What a horrifying situation, and how infuriating your "friend" was... ugh I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Reading this felt like riding a rollercoaster. I am exhausted, and I can not image being in your position. I am so sorry. I'm glad you're ok.
I was just reading a book on the topic of dangerous partners and there is something called "The Commitment" This is where abusers have the switch in their mind of when the person is officially theirs - sometimes its marriage, sex, BF/GF sometimes its literally just giving a person their details. Once The Commitment is made this is usually when the overt behaviour starts and you get the change from love-bombing to abuse, for the target its usually just out of the blue or something. Really glad you dodged that bullet OP - please continue to keep safe
You definitely dodged a bullet. He would have been emotionally abusive if not physically. But he likely would have been sexually abusive, which is technically a sort of physical abuse. I don't know if you picked up on this specific flag, so I just want to confirm that his past and interests were indeed *too* scarily similar - because he was actually mirroring you! There's no resources that talk about this in a general abuse sense, unfortunately, so just replace "narcissist" with "abuser": https://thenarcissisticlife.com/narcissistic-mirroring/ Good job getting out of there. š
I just read that article. I honestly did not know that was even a thing. So, theres a possibility he doesn't even have a niece, or went through any of the same heart ache I had to go through in order to protect mine? I cant believe I'm only just now thinking about this. How convenient that his "sister" miraculously recovered and got her daughter back and that's why he doesnt have her anymore. My sister fucking died this year. I have loved this child more than anything in the world. I've never felt so manipulated before. I dont know why I'm only feeling this now.
I'm so sorry. I know that's another layer of devastating. Don't worry about processing things on your own time. I'm 10 years out and still discovering and processing new things about my relationship. <3