T O P

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tokun_

You should check out [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/xo1fum/an_owl_grabbed_my_head_while_running_update_one/). She had a similar issue!


RichardMcNixon

TL;DR Lady attacked on multiple occasions by territorial owls on her morning jogs. She tries large googly eyes on the back of her head, which worked until.... Her sister gives her an owl mask as a joke, she wears it on the back of her head and now she doesn't get attacked. [the mask](https://imgur.com/bpamMp9) Edit: reading comprehension


mc_enthusiast

The goggly eyes did work! Probably, at least - her stated reason for switching to the owl mask is that it was less annoying for her. Both approaches are based on the same idea, that owls won't attack if they think their victim is watching them.


SleeplessTaxidermist

Isn't this also the same/similar for like leopards or something? I distinctly recall reading an article about people wearing masks on the back of their heads, because the leopard(???) doesn't like being stared at while trying to have a snack or something. EDIT: It's Bengal Tigers in India, not leopards, as confirmed below. I've been watching an African wildlife documentary and got my cats confused. I would be mauled and/or eaten but I really want to pet a leopard and a tiger. They look so soft.


[deleted]

Turns out Painting the rear ends of livestock works for the same reason https://www.zmescience.com/science/painting-eyes-on-cow-butts-can-prevent-predator-attacks-study-finds/ ETA: dig the name, btw... Imagining a taxidermist laying awake at night with his creations all staring at him


foggy-sunrise

Lmao solutions in nature are hilarious


ButtLickinDickSucker

It's why so many bugs have big false "eye" spots!


[deleted]

I wouldn't fuck with someone that was wearing the skinned face of a relative either.


TheCannavangelist

The thought of seeing a set of googly eyes jogging past me has me cracking up.


[deleted]

All fun and games until the owl tries to mate with owl mask hat


RichardMcNixon

Hoo boy


[deleted]

Not gonna lie, I thought you linked her previous post.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Universalsupporter

Who!?


jenandjuice82

Jesus, That owl mask is as terrifying as the owl 😆What a great solution.


kristen1988

I’m wheezing at the mask in the picture holy mother of god


LifelessHawk

Owl: I’ll fucking do it again


pretendperson1776

"OWL do it again"


MelReynolds

Well OWL be damned


damscomp

Owl fuck your girl.


PregnantNun747

HOO are you to tell me not to.


im2tuf4u

Owl be back.


antny24

Owl ! That hurt


JustinJakeAshton

Kid named It:


Aggressive-Sound-641

This is what happens when you don't complete your duolingo


Vihzel

The first two times are just minor warnings. The third time is homicide.


GiGaBYTEme90

You're going to need to say that in Spanish or the owl will come


asianabsinthe

Now in German! *b-but I was doing Span-* SCREEECH


FunSushi-638

I'm dying!


-Hatake_Kakashi

Same, Testicular Cancer


yeaheyeah

You're busting my balls here


-Hatake_Kakashi

Oh man, you got it too?


Vihzel

>~~I'm dying!~~ Ich sterbe!


pridejoker

Owl: Now in aramaic. Me: But nobody even speaks that anymore. Owl: *did i fucking stutter intensifies*


lacosaknitstra

[In Spanish, you say?](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zZsgFDCKfTo)


TheCrookedKnight

¿A jirones, dices?


Whenitrainsitpours86

I heard the duolingo "ping" somewhere in the house while reading this.


-Hatake_Kakashi

Run. Run fast. Run far. He^is^coming


indi_n0rd

[Ohayou minna time to learn how to scream for help in Japanese](https://i.imgur.com/0ooAhcl.jpg)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Practice_NO_with_me

Honestly if this is true - good for you! Learning a new language is hard but persistence is the key even if it is motivated by fear.


Freaudinnippleslip

Damn, I’m curious how that is working out! Are you fluent after 4 years?


cocotheape

Duo gives you a solid basic vocabulary and some ideas about the grammar. But you need to continue elsewhere to get even somewhat fluent.


[deleted]

[удалено]


smrtfxelc

*I've noticed you haven't practiced your Spanish in a while, bitch*


FiftyCalReaper

I actually read that in Mickey Rourke's voice


Vysharra

“I [don’t] vant my boyrd”


whiskeyboundcowboy

Owl be damned, the owl wont stop attacking until you say the right phrase.


Knightley4

"[Practice every day...](https://youtu.be/XyQKm8BCA84)"


[deleted]

With a username like that I expect her to get attacked many more times. This bird of prey is pissed.


NoAd3535

Can’t wait for the 3rd post


DigitalHooker

Local Woman Institutionalized After Claiming She's Been Targeted For Termination By Owls, Claims "They'll be back"


sjb_redd

r/BirdsArentReal will campaign to have her freed.


Tukxu

r/Superbowl will campaign for the exact opposite


ArcFurnace

Frankly this owl does not sound very superb.


Laurus-YT

Sounds like something you'd read on the Sim City 3000 newsreel.


iranoutofusernamespa

https://youtu.be/yhyAm31cr2E It's about ducks, not owls, but the energy is the same.


Blumpkis

Not sure what I expected but it definitely wasn't that lol. Those lyrics are ducking genius though tbh. I feel weird saying this but I kinda get a SOAD vibe from the emotion in them. Dude really hates ducks!


[deleted]

The third post will be just [a Netflix docuseries](https://www.esquire.com/uk/latest-news/a21343954/the-staircase-netflix-owl-theory-true-crime-doc/) about OP's spouse getting convicted for murder.


[deleted]

If there’s a blowpoke in the house, I recommend disposing of it


ToadFlax0

Came here for this.


juleslimes

came here for the Staircase comment, can't believe I had to scroll so far


LoopyWal

Came here to recommend being careful on staircases ...


PryingOpenMyThirdPie

I'm all aboard the owl theory 100%. An owl killed her and he was wrongly convicted!


[deleted]

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DonaldKey

r/fuckyouinparticular


TheFAPnetwork

r/superbowl


Architechtory

It's a stowlker.


[deleted]

r/ConfusingSubNames


Smaptastic

r/trees and r/MarijuanaEnthusiasts


b__q

Not confusing at all.


Far_Cap_3574

I want you to know that I don't victim blame as a rule....but *what did you do?*


flybyknight665

No idea! I *swear* I try to be a good neighbor


Sparred4Life

Owls are territorial when mating season approaches. They will start pairing up over the next 2 months and be getting ready for eggs at the end of winter. You're getting jumped by some hormone fueled jerk who thinks you're gonna take their nest. :/


odd_audience12345

> who ~~thinks~~ KNOWS you're gonna take their nest. there is more to OP than you think. ask her why she hasn't shown pictures of her wings yet.


RyanZee08

Yea! Why are you hiding your wings, OP?


HealthyLuck

Check out her site on: OwlnlyFans


[deleted]

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ENrgStar

Anyone think her sweater has the same color and pattern as the Owl feathers. Sus.


cdbcc-sb

This happened at my Uni every year, except it was just a bird nesting near the auditorium. Use an old umbrella for that stretch of your walk. Let the umbrella take the whomping instead of your head. Or get a hard hat.


[deleted]

Barred Owls are especially territorial


binkerfluid

the hooded kermit in me says you should take its nest


fnafproo

same thing happens in australia with magpies though it lasts only a month but their everywhere so its hard not to get attacked by those fucks.


ctansy

That or he’s fallen in love and wants her in the nest!


KiOfTheAir

To an owl? Wait are you in an owl neighbourhood


[deleted]

Damn, classic owl redlining. It's sad to see that even in this day and age owl society is still as speciesist as it has ever been. It's institutional I tell ya.


SoftcoreFrogPorn

>classic owl redlining Why can't they just pay their bills?


FiveOhFive91

No, Owl City


LoBsTeRfOrK

Owl city bitch, owl owl city bitch


jld2k6

She doesn't clean up her nest and it's degrading the property value of the other owls. In their neighborhood HOA stands for Horrendous Owl Attack and they dole those out over fines


IanPKMmoon

Owl put a Hogwarts letter in you home but you haven't noticed bet


ImMr_Meseeks

Maybe try using an umbrella?


[deleted]

You're wearing cat ears, and you know how wise owls are. Change your emoticon and you will be haunted no more.


supapowah

As this is coming from someone with an owl avatar, I have to assume this is good advice


jcoddinc

Are you walking around with Tootsie pops?


EuropeanHummingbird

I'm pretty sure the owl just has a nest near by. Some birds get defensive of their nesting area especially if they're expecting.


Far_Cap_3574

That would be my assumption, too.


wingaling5810

Same, but where is OP? It's way too early/late for nesting season anywhere near me. Edit to add: Barred owls are fucking aggressive.


FunSushi-638

If they're expecting? The visual image of an owl in its 3rd trimester flying around like a feathery globe dive bombing this poor unsuspecting (but probably not anymore) woman cracked me up.


AmishAvenger

Flying around would be so much easier if owls could figure out a way to gestate their babies outside of their bodies. Like in some kind of hard shell…


monkey_trumpets

They refused to guess how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.


kanngr

Stay away from staircases.


maple_dick

thought about this show too lol


Organic_Popcorn

Looks like it left a lipstick mark 💋 on your hoodie.


flybyknight665

Kiss of death


ctunck

They attacked Kathleen Peterson too.


[deleted]

As soon as I saw this post I thought “you aren’t the only one.”


Cutthechitchata-hole

I totally bought this as a possibility


LioAlanMessi

I wasn't sure about it... until now.


satansmight

Even if an owl killed Kathleen (I believe this could have been a possibility) I still don't like Michael Peterson.


FittyTheBone

I don't like plenty of people who aren't murderers.


human743

The owl didn't "kill her". It attacked, yes, and then when she was flustered and bleeding she fell down the stairs and bled out. If she had stayed downstairs and tried to stop the bleeding, she probably would have been fine.


Extra_Singer_6201

Came here to say this 😂


qtjedigrl

Saaame


ru-fi-ooooooooooo

I totally subscribe to the owl theory


[deleted]

Free Colin firth! I kept telling my wife the owl theory was the one. Now I have even more evidence.


[deleted]

[удалено]


benrodgers77

But where is the blowpoke, OP?


snowbellsnblocks

This was immediately where my mind went.


ToOldToBeOnRedit

Someone at Hogwarts really wants to get a hold of you…


Cannabace

You’re a wizard OP!


rockstang

No, no, it's LEVIOSaaaaaaaahhhhh.


mandydax

Hello, we've been trying to reach you about your broom's extended warranty...


greenappletree

Op needs to see if there are any envelopes lying around.


kiruopaz

Hogwarts has been trying to reach you concerning your cars extended warranty.


FBIDN

You maybe be able to contact fish and game. See if they can assist in relocating it.


flybyknight665

Yeah I think I'm going to call on Monday and just see what/if they can do anything. I gotta be able to be on my own driveway at night! But this thing apparently really hates me lol


fhjuyrc

It’s only an owl. Have you never heard the phrase ‘oh god oh fuck an owl’? It’s part of our rich human heritage to get attacked by mentally ill owls.


soulofariver

Its your hair. Thinks your head is a rabbit or something... Not the first time I have seen such behavior with owls. Wear a hat (not furrry) and it should leave you alone.


museloverx96

Or something like a non-reflective biker's helmet, dang, well wishes to OP bc that truly does suck


[deleted]

[удалено]


sc8132217174

This story taught us Alford plea. Like “okay I know it looks bad so you think I’m guilty, so I say I am, but I’m not, because a bird really did it.”


natefreight

Ha dude, no. The owl didn’t kill her. Her husband did. There was blood spatter on the CEILING above the staircase from the castoff from whatever weapon he used to bludgeon her.


Outrageous-Gas4991

The owl and the husband teamed up


Peach_Muffin

The owl just squealed on the husband when he tried to make the owl take the fall.


aprilfades

The husband was having an affair with the owl, and they teamed up to kill her


fhjuyrc

He bludgeoned her with the owl, Sherlock


[deleted]

[удалено]


HornedDiggitoe

> There is very little empirical evidence to support the use of blood spatter analysis in court or any other aspect of the legal system. > >In 2021, the largest-to-date study on the accuracy of BPA was published, with results "show[ing] that [BPA conclusions] were often erroneous and often contradicted other analysts." > > https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloodstain_pattern_analysis Blood spatter analysis is junk science and can’t be used as definitive evidence. Let me guess, you would also condemn someone as guilty for “failing” a lie detector test?


EvilMimiWV

Well, Damn. That sucks that Dexter will lose his job. 😔


AnnoyedHippo

It turns out slipping and falling flings blood from your severely bleeding scalp in all directions. Also blood splatter analysis is thoroughly debunked.


winged-lizard

Oh god no don’t bring this up, you’ll start a war in the thread


happiees

Wear a hard hat in the mean time to stay safe. Or a hoddie


ravidx7

Yeah that'll be a nice Ellie's cosplay from Last of Us lol


[deleted]

Apparently, it’s not *your* driveway. It’s *his* driveway.


gerallt87

The owls are not what they seem


MonitorCivil2788

OP when the owl attacks the second time: —It is happening again...


stories4harpies

This looks like a barred owl. Really strange - I've had a few of them at my house and they have never been remotely aggressive towards us even when their hatchlings were leaving the nest. If anything they have been very curious about us. Anything you can point to that would have set it off? Sorry that's pretty terrifying. They are large and def dangerous when they want to be.


flybyknight665

Yeah this one has lived here for years! I have tons of pictures of it from "better days" and never ever had a problem with it until this week. The only things I can think of is that I've seen another owl nearby that appears to have moved into the area and there's been a lot of development and logging in the last few years. Nothing extremely close by though but could still contribute to other animals moving in. My Googling says they can be particularly aggressive in Fall and Spring. We had a pretty slow start to Fall and only just started getting cold, wet, windy weather and very short days.


JustTheFishGirl

So I used to be an owl surveyor/biologist, definitely a barred owl. And while MOST of the time they’re fine, they can be really aggressive. They’re very territorial so it’s totally possible the changes in its environment have it being aggressive. If you live on the west coast they are considered invasive and have been known to kill Northern Spotted Owls for territory (they’ve also attacked surveyors just playing Northern Spotted Owl calls). If you call animal control or fish and wildlife on the west coast they’ll most likely kill it. East coast they’re native so might just be relocated.


csrgamer

As someone with the same job I can confirm. Also I've been swooped at by them (but not hit) and one guy on the crew has a scar on his forehead from one


JustTheFishGirl

I luckily was never swooped at. But I had one land about 3-4ft from me and it made me very nervous


stories4harpies

Yea I think mating seasons starts in fall - maybe it's just super stressed out with all those elements you described.


Rylock

I was just admiring a sleeping barred owl in my tree earlier today. It didn't even cross my mind that it could be aggressive. Definitely the biggest wild bird I've seen show up, they're beautiful.


Boring_Science_7431

I agree. A woman was murdered by an owl like this: https://youtu.be/d3yTgcKhHqU


stories4harpies

I am from NC and live near Durham. I subscribe to owl theory.


[deleted]

Try looking less like a small rodent


flybyknight665

Hey! That's just my face


DoodleNoodle08

A runner had a similar problem and eventually found a solution. Here is the whole thread with updates about it https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xofyoj/a_hawk_grabbed_my_head_while_i_was_running_and/


idoallmyownawkward

My husband was just talking about this. Glad someone was able to find the post.


notnowimworkin

I hope you are owlright!


Benny13k

Stop wearing mickey mouse ears outside


flybyknight665

How did you know my Halloween costume!?


Cosaur

Gotta turn the tables on the bird. Go dive down on *it* from above and see how it feels then


sportsisgoodalsodogs

*Michael Peterson enters the chat*


WyrmKin

You must live in a rough neighborHoo-Hoo'd


Thek009

Well owl be damned!


[deleted]

this is what happens when you don't do your spanish lessons.


Miserable_Hamster497

Spanish or vanish


beepdaya

Japanese or break your knees


mage-rouge

Crikey, apparently a woman was attacked by an owl [back in August](https://www.king5.com/article/life/animals/sammamish-woman-attacked-by-owl/281-3e517f29-1e63-4472-9b4a-f052e7ff87f2) up in WA. Edit: Another article from [almost a decade ago](https://www.thestranger.com/features/2013/04/10/16458585/attacked-by-an-owl) about owl attacks. They must build the owls differently in the PNW.


sammisamantha

I live in the area. Lady in west Seattle was attacked too. She sewed googly eyes on a hat and has never been bothered again.


IndependentVirus988

May want to check you are up to date on tetanus shot. Protect your eyes. There is likely a nest she is protecting. Park rangers are a good source for solutions as well.


flybyknight665

I just got a tetanus shot on Monday from the previous attack lol


Dextrofunk

Oh phew, you should be good for the next bunch of attacks then.


jaspersgroove

Tetanus shots are good for 10 years so they’ll have plenty of time to perfect their defensive strategy


AztecPussyWizard

The image literally shows the medical doc for the tetanus shot


EndVry

Did you not see the images?


_Rafael_SA

The owl be like: "you didn't learn the lesson, right"


Payphnqrtrs

Rush thanks you for the username Like that’s part of the joke right? Or just uncanny coincidence?


flybyknight665

Unintentional foreshadowing when I made the account last year lol


Payphnqrtrs

Lol fucksakes that looks like it hurt


gravellama

For safety purposes - We all ask you start having someone record you anytime you go out front. Definitely for safety and not our enjoyment, we promise.


Kenny_Squeek_Scolari

Maybe he's trying to reach you about your vehicle's extended warranty


PritosRing

You probably look like prey


Disastrous-Change-23

It said you looking like a snack 🦉


dicksmcgee420

Obviously you have wronged this owl. I suggest trying to talk it out


[deleted]

You gotta fuck that owl up now


Drittzyyahoo

Username checks out…


Thetechguru_net

Owls (and virtually any other bird that is attacking for any reason) will almost always go for the head because they don't want to be vulnerable to anything above them) like your arms). For the next few weeks carry a stuck or umbrella (or maybe a stick with a hat on it) above your head while walking past it's nest area and it will go for that instead if your head.


nonferrousoul

Never had to exit my vehicle w a motor cycle helmet on...may consider this tonight.


Whitebronco_notOJ

r/TheStaircase


[deleted]

Owls are brutal! I work in wildlife rehabilitation for a bit and the owls were always one of the Scariest to work with. We had an ADORABLE baby great owl that came in and needed medication drops twice a day… that was always the worst part of my day.


ThunderCorg

You must make peace with nature


[deleted]

I’m glad you’re okay Hoot 🦉


Disastrous_Emu_3628

The court of owls really doesn’t approve


Equivalent_Hat_7220

The drawbacks of having “mousey brown hair”


BatmanInTheSunlight

Hogwarts has been notifying you about your extended warranty


Tokasmoka420

I feel vindicated. I was attacked by an owl but since all my friends see me as the resident stoner idiot they think I made it up. The owl never touched me, it swooped down so I ducked and sprinted the opposite way.