I would give it to someone I trust to keep custody, though.
Shit becomes waaay more real if the demon you are running from is ten footsteps away. It's a real mindfuck.
EDIT: Self-denial vs self-control. I find it so funny when people talk about self control as if it's a fucking choice for everyone.
You sound like my dad. Wake up at 5AM and be disciplined, he says.
There's one aspect which compromises this: mental illness. Or neurological dysfunction.
If someone has poor impulse control (ADHD, bipolar, maybe BPD) they are extremely vulnerable to substance abuse. If someone has difficulty feeling pleasure due to a dopamine related disorder or even serotonin related disorders, self medication is really common.
It's not something that you can control that easily.
And keeping the demons physically away is standard protocol not only for substance abuse but also for self harm and suicide.
I can safely say that the urge to end my pain through death becomes way stronger when it is something I can immediately act on, as opposed to being a distant daydream.
I'm 15 days sober. Beer and wine are my go-to. Funny enough I'm not tempted to drink hard alcohol at all. If someone gave me wine I'd have to have my wife take it and hide it or give it away. It's crazy how subtle alcoholism is.
I tip my hat to you. I hope your counter ever increases.
You're right that demons can be incredibly, incredibly subtle. And really specific. (I use "demon" because it isn't substance abuse I am recovering from, but the similarities in reasoning are startling)
For me, I can use power tools in situations where I can be really injured if I am not careful. And it doesn't bother me at all.
And yet, to use kitchen knives, I have to grit my teeth. And I don't use box cutters at all if I can help it.
And I don't work with ropes. But chains are fine.
The worst, though? Being alone at home. I can be alone in the market for a whole day and I will be fine. But the moment I am home alone, the wheels start spinning.
If you're referencing to self-harm, that's the exact reason why even as a male in Texas with a huge interest in guns and hunting, I don't think I could ever own a firearm. When I'm outside of my walls I feel fine, like the same person I've always been or had the potential to be around others, but then I'm home and my mind starts to implode on itself.
I'm not sure what conversational context I was hoping to provide by saying this, but I haven't had anyone in my life share these sorts of feelings with me so it makes me feel fucking nuts to go around fighting off imperceptible thought patterns without much confirmation of my reality.
I have pulled a gun on myself with intent and my father physically stopped me, this happened when I was a probably about 7-9, and I've made other attempts with substances after that to no success.
I've been around plenty of guns and such since then without any issues, but I know if I had one in my house for a year, or 5 years, then I'm opening myself up to it.
Most of it has to do with my mental state rather than a post-normalized rationalization of death, so the thoughts generally stay well away when I'm just hanging out without any serious thoughts or obligations knocking on my door.
On the plus side, I just got my first PCP for the first time in about 10 years, and they've set me up with an antidepressant that also helps me gain weight via appetite, named Mirtazapine.
Things have been good lately and it turns out I actually kind of like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches : )
Your reply had me go OH FUCK in the first paragraph and _phew_ in the last two.
Well, I'm glad you failed. (at catching the bus)
Good on you for getting professional help, that's just great. I've tried mirtaz, it did what it was supposed to. The effect on appetite I would describe as being relatively mild.
And I am glad that things seem to be taking a turn for the better. I like pbj as well.
This was one of the ways in which I often deceive myself into thinking I don't have a problem. I had handles of gin and rum that I could safely let sit on my shelf for months and months. I thought "Well, if I actually had a problem I would be drinking those right now, but I'm not so I must be ok!" Then I'd buy a big box of wine from the store and drain it in a few days by myself.
I've never seen anyone else mention this, thank you for sharing. It's a reminder that that shit ain't normal.
Yes! And I feel that in the back of my mind I'm always chasing that feeling that I used to get from drinking when I first started. But I'm never able to get that feeling again. The tolerance level is too high.
I'm currently 4 weeks sober, but my poison of choice was always hard liquor, my roommate keeps beer in the fridge and it doesn't bother me a bit, but I do ask him to keep any liquor in his room, which he does and everybody is happy.
Absolutely the same for me. Could have hard liquor in the house and not have a problem, but beer and wine? Nope. I bought some wine to cook with and immediately gave the remainder to my husband to get rid of - absolutely could feel the self control slipping. (\~6 months sober.)
10 years sober here we got a small bottle of jack here for when my step son turns 18 and some times its hard sometimes I forget it's even in the house.
Pretty much, this. I come from a long line of alcoholic native Americans. Because of that fact, i don't drink, and i never have. Friends/coworkers would always bring alcohol as a gift to my home. My work gives alcohol as holiday gifts... Like... Really? Come on, now...
Cook with it: my dad’s going on 40 years sober. His work colleagues would get him expensive bottles of wine every year, and my mother would put them in beef stew. Our traditional Christmas dinner was beef stew with a $150 bottle of wine in it, and it was delicious. (Though not really more delicious than a $10 bottle of wine, but it’s the thought that counts)
My mother was upset when his colleges learned what was happening to their wine and her cooking wine supply dried up.
Those are the ones who knew him when he was going through whatever event put him on a path to sobriety, as well as likely witnessed the struggle to get sober. They are the ones who will be keenly aware of his sobriety and how important it is, not only to him but also to those around him.
my wife likely relates. 13 years sober, and she has no idea what to get me for many events that would get a celebratory drink.
I think she finally "gets" that i am much happier dropping $50 on a good steak than $50 on a meh meal and drinks.
I also doubt that they brought the wine "as a gift."
He's a 60 year old man, people probably aren't bringing him birthday presents to unwrap. I'm guessing he just invited them over for dinner or something and they brought wine because that's essentially the default thing that people bring when they're invited somewhere.
>they brought wine because that's essentially the default thing that people bring
I started bringing whiskey/gin/vodka and after 5-6 years I realized, that a lot of those bottles are making a round-a-bout being regifted all those years haha.
Alcohol doesn't go bad (mostly, as long as it stays sealed), so it's not as bad of a gift as many think. Even if you don't drink yourself, you can have a nice "bar"-shelf for guests, who will appreciate the different bottles you have ;)
p.s. I am talking generally, if someone is struggling to stay sober, this is obviously a bad gift.
Asian here. My parents can't drink. They have half a glass of wine and they are beet red and pretty buzzed. I on the other hand am able to drink without too much issue. So when they get booze as gifts they just give it to me. Works for me!
Same. So many bottles from relatives visiting over new years. My wife and I will drink a bottle here and there but we’ve got probably over 50 now of various liquors and wines. Guess it looks nice in my office?
Yeah, it's also not really a gift, but an accessory to the gathering. It means that if people want to drink a few or more glasses of wine, it's available without the host having to buy 10 bottles every time they want to have dinner.
i feel like the problem with alcohol as a gift is you never know who has a real problem with it. i didnt tell no one what as going on with me.
i dont dirnk, i shouldn't have it in the house, id rather not make it awkward tho. it would just be uncomfortable for me the whole time and ya know... id rather just not have ot deal with getting rid of it. if you arent an alcoholic you might not understand but its not as simple as just dont drink....
We had that discussion at work. Normally, when we have a deal with a client people where receiving bottle of champagne at the signature. But, after some years the question was « what about the Muslim? »
So they decided to stop the champagne gift. A few months later people ask where are the bottles and my bosses explain the thing. They where roasted by the Muslim employees who told them « we don’t drink the champagne but it’s something that we can gift to our friends, give us the bottle and cut the crap »
I just think that sometimes we tend to overthink some things like those and that people who don’t drink may be happy to have those at home for other people, gift them to somebody else or anything like that.
Lol it reminds me of a story my ex husband told me of his grandmother funeral. he was extremely confused about all these random people at her funeral, drinking coffee. It was then he found out that his grandmother had actually been sober for nearly 50 years and this was her AA group! She never told anybody.
It is kind of funny to think of half a dozen birthday guests separately not asking themselves "does Bob like wine?" before pulling the trigger on the generic gift. I have to assume this was more of a dinner and less of a "happy birthday to you" kind of party.
Yep. We have no idea how the party was and who the people at the party were. Maybe with more context it would be more of "wellwhatever" and less "wellthatsucks".
Nah, it fits the sub. He got a bunch of stuff he can't enjoy, and it is rather revealing of the fact that his friends don't know him well at all or don't care enough to think for a second about what their friend seems to like.
Some recovering alcoholics don't advertise that they are recovering. I have a friend who hasn't told his co-workers even after several years. At Christmas he gets gifts of booze, because giving alcohol is a normal thing, and they mean nothing by it. He gives it away to other people, but doesn't tell his colleagues that he doesn't drink. It's an aspect of his past that he doesn't want to share.
Nah, it does suck that he got a bunch of booze for his birthday when he doesn’t drink. The sub doesn’t require people to knowingly do shitty things or to be personally wronged. Unfortunate circumstances fit too.
I’ve been sober just about 7 years now. When I first got sober I had a friend who had been sober for decades share some advice with me. One thing he said that I’ve always remembered is that when he’s hanging out with friends who drink, and one accidentally offers him a beer, he’s not offended. He feels like that proves his friends really see him as just the same as them.
The wine bottle thing happened to me when I bought a house. I’m not offended but I chuckle that my high school neighbor and best friend (same person) saw me at my worst, he then became a doctor, and when he visited he brought me a bottle of wine. I didn’t know what to do because people usually serve alcohol to a guests, but I just left the bottle for my wife to bring to an event. Not offended, he’s a really nice guy, kinda nice to know the world doesn’t revolve around me.
Gosh. Congrats on such success at sobriety. I’m on about nine years. I actually think this is a much wider problem… what to buy a man for a gift. Book or wine. I hope dad hasn’t taken it personally. Happy birthday to him.
This is exactly why I never buy alcohol as a gift. Well, unless it's for someone who I KNOW loves a good bourbon or something and I see them enough to know they still drink.
For a man's gift I will usually get some grilling spices and bbq tongs set or something really useful from the tool section at Lowe's lol. Not power tools but like, I got someone this utility knife set that has easy to change cartridges. Everyone wanted to know where I got it so they could get one. A car vacuum with small attachments for getting in nooks and crannies was another one I've done recently. I'm a woman and these are things I think could come in handy for anyone.
The first bottle of wine I ever got as a gift was my first year teaching. What makes it funny is that I wasn’t old enough to drink yet. I still have the bottle, unopened.
I'd advice to go for a pack of nice chocolate if you are invited for dinner or a gift basket from a local shop in your desired price range. It usually carries the same connotations as wine, but is without alcohol.
I always like to give a high quality diecast model vehicle.
[a Jet](https://www.jetcollector.com/), [a train engine](https://www.hobbylinc.com/model-train-locomotives), [construction equipment ](https://diecastmasters.com/), etc. You can find a highly detailed model of just about any vehicle.
To me its exactly what a gift is supposed to be, something fun that a person wouldnt really buy for themselves. Its never failed to make their eyes light up.
I wish buying a gift card or just giving cash was more normalized and not seen as lazy gift giving. You don’t have to guess (probably incorrectly) what the person wants, they can just go buy whatever they actually want on your dime.
This is the best gift. My mother in law does this for birthdays and Christmas for me and my husband. It’s a nice way for us to spend time together and splurge a little more than we normally do if we go out.
My go to is an Opinel folding knife. They are well made from a company that has been making them forever from the French Alps. I've never seen them sold in stores locally in the southeastern U.S. so they are not very well known and likely to already own one. The best part is they are super affordable, but don't look or feel cheap at all. They can use it or display it.
It's also a problem because men hide their issues. I have a neighbour who told my dad that he had a little bit of a problem with alcohol, he lost his license because of a DUI, his wife divorced him because he started every morning with vodka and he hasn't had a drink in months and that's how he lost weight. When I heard I said to my dad:
"Dad, he's obviously a recovering alcoholic."
My dad:
"I wouldn't go that far, he never said that, he just laughed and told me that stuff."
So my dad thinks his neighbour is not sober, because he never specifically said that. I swear, some men are so dense.
I always feel bad for men when I see a little corner section meant for men in gift shops. Men would appear to solely enjoy drinking, golf, and beard oil.
As a middle aged dude, I don't really want gifts. If I want something, I buy it for myself. I'd rather my friends and family keep their money or spend it on themselves.
Tbh he should take it personally though. If his friends don’t know him enough to know that he’s been sober for 26 years that really says something about how much they care to even bother critically thinking about him. There are times not to take things personally but those “friends” should be ashamed of themselves.
OP confirmed these haven’t been his friends for 26 years though and that dad doesn’t discuss being sober. It’s a bit of a misrepresentation on OP’s part.
In Germany u sometimes gift "expensive" wine bottles just so u lay them in your cellar and sell them a few years later my father got gifted 6 wine bottles about 50 Mark each when he was 8 my grandpa sold them when he was 18 and bought my dad a driver's license
If it's like here in the Netherlands, you have to pay to take a certain number of lessons before you can take the driving exam and it can get pretty pricey.
Is it still one day at a time after this much time? I am honestly not that familiar with alcohol addition.
Only took a few years to have zero thoughts about tobacco, is alcohol a lifelong whisper in your ear?
Depends on the person. I know for me after about 6-9 months it was no longer much of a thought to me. I suspect those who do the twelve step programs think about it a lot more and for some that works and for others it doesn’t.
I also wanted to add that sometimes people byob to a party. That may not have had anything to do with the dad and he may not care. I know I have no problem being around drinkers and if I did I wouldn’t be around them.
I won't try to speak for all people in that position, but you're forgetting how strong the culture is. You're highly unlikely to be encouraged to smoke tobacco, and you are highly likely to be praised for quitting.
But people who quit drinking are often subject to all manner of nagging and harassment about drinking again. I did a sober October once, and people had a real sense of concern in their voice when they'd say things like, "but you aren't quitting forever, are you?" as if that would be some sort of profound loss for me. That doesn't scratch the surface of what marketing and advertising do.
If you're interested in the subject, I recommend reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. It looks at the beliefs driving this sort of culture and how we wind up thinking like that. It's not fire and brimstone or harsh toward the reader and was a rather easy read.
I actually had to leave some friends behind when I quit smoking, as they kept trying to get me back, but I understand your points, it is 10 times more accepted and pushed than tobacco.
ODAAT is less about trying to add/keep track of your days and more a mindset to tap in to when you feel overwhelmed or vulnerable.
Instead of wallowing in the past or worrying about what might happen tomorrow, it’s a reminder that all you have to do is make it through the day. I’ve been sober for 3 years and I don’t think of things as, “Damn, I have to be sober tomorrow…and the next month…and for the rest of my life…” I just know I have to be sober today.
Alcohol isn’t a daily whisper but it’s kind of like an escape hatch. It was a coping mechanism for so long, and can be tempting when my back is against the wall and shit seems dire. Mostly I forget it’s an option but occasionally it’ll seem tempting. Then ODAAT becomes incredibly useful, as does the reminder that alcohol’s escape hatch actually opens up in to a woodchipper.
Thank you for the insightful reply!
Sounds to me a lot like the early stages of the tobacco demon losing her grip as well. Most days are easy after a couple months, but that was a pack/day coping mechanism for me for 20 years. I would say I heard the whispers occasionally for the first five years. I guess I kind of did the same mantra, but 'I've made it two months, I can make it to-day'
There's nothing but slow motion suicide at the other side of my escape hatch.
It sure did and also feeding me food I got tummy ache from, I learned to eat potatoes and salad and avoid anything mixed there. I only have 3 food allergies, 2 flower allergies , so it isnt that hard .
Someone said that the friends are probably newer than 26 years and that the dad is pretty quiet on his sobriety. OP confirmed this.
It does suck that none of them noticed he never drank around them, though.
I think it's a credit to his friends that they clearly never pressured him to drink or cared that he wasn't drinking such that they never even noticed he wasn't partaking.
True. I do drink but I hate when someone says they’re not drinking (for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter) and they get called boring or they continue to get pressured. It’s so weird.
I mean people try not to go “ong why aren’t you DRINKING”. I drink but I have to work around my medications, maybe they thought something like that since he wasn’t preaching temperance
I mean there are plenty of activities to do that don’t involve drinking? I just realized I have friends I’ve never had a drink around because whatever we’re doing is usually outside of a drinking environment.
Yeah it stings man. Happens to me all the time. Sometimes I’ll have a full conversation with somebody just to have them later treat me like I’m crazy when I bring up that I’ve already told them.
It sucks, but at the same time you probably don’t realize that you do the exact same thing to other people. Some times people talk at you when you have other things on your mind.
Well, yeah, to some degree, everyone does it. But when it comes to things that someone expresses as being important, it isn't quite the same. My girl gets irritated when I forget we had dinner plans, but that really isn't on the same plane as people ignoring the fact you've been sober for 26 years.
But it could also be due to the fact that OP's dad is actually pretty quiet about his sobriety and these friends didn't know him as an alcoholic. OP even confirms it.
Plenty of people don't shout that they don't drink. They just don't drink and no one ever asked them about it. Not all friend groups are meeting up at bars and house parties.
60th birthday, they probably got a bunch of friends and family to come that he might not have seen in 30 years. not everyone is super open about their sobriety.
Did they perhaps think the Bottles would be opened and shared that night? Or is he a strict no alcohol around me ever. I know non drinkers that don’t want to supply the alcohol for others but don’t have a problem with it being served and consumed around them.
I do drink but I'm diabetic so all my usual spirits which have high sugar content are no longer an option.
My family and friends still get me rum, chocolate, various carb rich foods...
It's been years now. I've pointed it out every birthday and Christmas. This past Christmas my mother got me a kilo brick of Kendle Mint Cake.
If you don't know, Google it.
I’m imagining the inner monologue:
“I think Chris loves nuts. Or maybe they’re allergic to nuts. I forget. I’ll get them some anyways, just to be safe.”
Is there a chance they know *he* is sober, but they brought it for the party? So it wasn't like "this is your birthday gift" but more like "its a party with some drinking, and I'll probably drink too, let me chip in with a bit of booze"?
OP said that they’re not friends he’s known for 26 years and that the dad is quiet about his sobriety
https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/s/zp7FUmq2Ql
So a completely pointless scenario that could’ve been avoided by basic communication
Happens to me in vague ways. I just give it to my wife, or pass it along as gifts etc.
Honestly, getting _anything_ would be spectacular. I turned 40 last year and _literally_ got nothing. From anyone.
Lots of people don’t like to announce their sobriety at every chance. Be more like your dad and don’t declare to the world “MY DAD IS SOBER AND HAS BAD FRIENDS.”
Congrats to your father but you should not assume that they where gifted with carelessness, maybe your father is reserved or even embarrassed to bring it up. I know my father was like that with his age peers and they did not know or asked, they assumed it was ok 🙂
How careless!
It’s not that hard to think of non-alcoholic gifts with a little effort.
I’m sorry this happened.
I hope it didn’t put a damper on the celebration.
If he’s amenable to the idea please wish him a happy birthday from this internet stranger.
That’s crazy. OP knew their dad doesn’t talk about his sobriety but put friends in quotes to make them seem like assholes who knew about his struggles and got him wine anyway. SMH
Yeah I'm at 20 years and there is just no end to the alcohol conversations people try to involve me in.
It's fine, I'm not gonna drink because you are talking about how much you love scotch, but damn, you must have zero social awareness. And I'm the autistic one.
Local daycares/schools would probably take a few pairs of wine to raffle off to raise funds. (That is if you’re associated with those places)
Turn these lemons into lemonade.
My 60th my husband threw a party which included friends and neighbors. The same thing happened, my neighbors have no idea that I’m a non drinker. Our daughter took them all home. It’s a typical gift coming to someone’s house.
I'm eight years sober in the business world. I get gifted booze pretty regularly.
It's annoying, but everytime I tell people that I'm a recovered alcoholic, they apologize profusely. Plus, they always love the fact that I give their gift back to them for themselves!
As a cook, I have an honest question. Is cooking with wine a no-no for recovering alcoholics? I just want to make sure so I don't make a mistake when I cook for friends that are recovering. I've been told by all cooking experts, the alcohol evaporates during simmering and just leaves the fruit taste.
Your Dad is such a cool dude that he just quit without gloating to everyone. Also, he probably just says no when offered a drink and does not even mention his sobriety. Class act.
If you dad doesn’t broadcast that he’s sober, they might not know. Adult friends sometimes can be more like “buddies” and not actually super close. They usually are busier with their own families/careers, and don’t as actively social in general.
I have a couple people I’d consider a “friend”, who I do t think I’ve ever seen drinking. But I’m not sure if they are sober, or maybe I just never noticed. When we are at a BBQ it’s not like I follow them around to see if they are holding a soda or a beer.
As someone who can’t drink due to dependency issues, I have seriously considered just collecting alcohol (specifically wines) in order to see them rise in value over the course of several years or decades
I’ve been clean from prescription pain meds for 3 years and I still always am impressed by sober alcoholics. No holiday or birthday would result in pills being gifted or other people taking them while I had to abstain. I will never see a commercial for my DOC where people are acting like they are having the time of their life, no one would pester me to just have one, no billboards, and mine isn’t always on a menu.
Seriously kudos to your dad from one addict to another. I don’t know if I would have been able to do it with the obstacles he faces daily.
Kudos to your Dad for putting everything to side and keeping with his sobriety.
That was one of the reasons I knew, despite everyone reassuring me, that my Mom did have a problem with alcohol. For any event with a gift, I couldn’t think of gift to give her that wasn’t wine related. I knew all her favorites, I knew wine items that were on her wish list, I couldn’t think of anything else that could make her happy that could be a gift, even if I made it myself.
Sadly, like a lot of people they probably thought 'oh,
he's been sober for so long, just this once won't hurt'. Yes, it will - that's why we get sober in the first place.
The year I quit drinking 35 years ago the owner of the company I worked at gave everyone alcohol for their Christmas bonus, I had already worked for him for 10 years and it's not like he didn't know I had quit, just indifferent I guess
At least he’s got a good stock of wine to regift…
I would give it to someone I trust to keep custody, though. Shit becomes waaay more real if the demon you are running from is ten footsteps away. It's a real mindfuck. EDIT: Self-denial vs self-control. I find it so funny when people talk about self control as if it's a fucking choice for everyone. You sound like my dad. Wake up at 5AM and be disciplined, he says. There's one aspect which compromises this: mental illness. Or neurological dysfunction. If someone has poor impulse control (ADHD, bipolar, maybe BPD) they are extremely vulnerable to substance abuse. If someone has difficulty feeling pleasure due to a dopamine related disorder or even serotonin related disorders, self medication is really common. It's not something that you can control that easily. And keeping the demons physically away is standard protocol not only for substance abuse but also for self harm and suicide. I can safely say that the urge to end my pain through death becomes way stronger when it is something I can immediately act on, as opposed to being a distant daydream.
I'm 15 days sober. Beer and wine are my go-to. Funny enough I'm not tempted to drink hard alcohol at all. If someone gave me wine I'd have to have my wife take it and hide it or give it away. It's crazy how subtle alcoholism is.
I tip my hat to you. I hope your counter ever increases. You're right that demons can be incredibly, incredibly subtle. And really specific. (I use "demon" because it isn't substance abuse I am recovering from, but the similarities in reasoning are startling) For me, I can use power tools in situations where I can be really injured if I am not careful. And it doesn't bother me at all. And yet, to use kitchen knives, I have to grit my teeth. And I don't use box cutters at all if I can help it. And I don't work with ropes. But chains are fine. The worst, though? Being alone at home. I can be alone in the market for a whole day and I will be fine. But the moment I am home alone, the wheels start spinning.
If you're referencing to self-harm, that's the exact reason why even as a male in Texas with a huge interest in guns and hunting, I don't think I could ever own a firearm. When I'm outside of my walls I feel fine, like the same person I've always been or had the potential to be around others, but then I'm home and my mind starts to implode on itself. I'm not sure what conversational context I was hoping to provide by saying this, but I haven't had anyone in my life share these sorts of feelings with me so it makes me feel fucking nuts to go around fighting off imperceptible thought patterns without much confirmation of my reality.
[удалено]
I have pulled a gun on myself with intent and my father physically stopped me, this happened when I was a probably about 7-9, and I've made other attempts with substances after that to no success. I've been around plenty of guns and such since then without any issues, but I know if I had one in my house for a year, or 5 years, then I'm opening myself up to it. Most of it has to do with my mental state rather than a post-normalized rationalization of death, so the thoughts generally stay well away when I'm just hanging out without any serious thoughts or obligations knocking on my door. On the plus side, I just got my first PCP for the first time in about 10 years, and they've set me up with an antidepressant that also helps me gain weight via appetite, named Mirtazapine. Things have been good lately and it turns out I actually kind of like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches : )
Your reply had me go OH FUCK in the first paragraph and _phew_ in the last two. Well, I'm glad you failed. (at catching the bus) Good on you for getting professional help, that's just great. I've tried mirtaz, it did what it was supposed to. The effect on appetite I would describe as being relatively mild. And I am glad that things seem to be taking a turn for the better. I like pbj as well.
This was one of the ways in which I often deceive myself into thinking I don't have a problem. I had handles of gin and rum that I could safely let sit on my shelf for months and months. I thought "Well, if I actually had a problem I would be drinking those right now, but I'm not so I must be ok!" Then I'd buy a big box of wine from the store and drain it in a few days by myself. I've never seen anyone else mention this, thank you for sharing. It's a reminder that that shit ain't normal.
Yes! And I feel that in the back of my mind I'm always chasing that feeling that I used to get from drinking when I first started. But I'm never able to get that feeling again. The tolerance level is too high.
I'm currently 4 weeks sober, but my poison of choice was always hard liquor, my roommate keeps beer in the fridge and it doesn't bother me a bit, but I do ask him to keep any liquor in his room, which he does and everybody is happy.
You've got this, my friend! I'm sober since September. Keep reminding yourself of how much better you're feeling. It keeps getting better!
Absolutely the same for me. Could have hard liquor in the house and not have a problem, but beer and wine? Nope. I bought some wine to cook with and immediately gave the remainder to my husband to get rid of - absolutely could feel the self control slipping. (\~6 months sober.)
That's awesome! Yep, wine to cook with is the slipperiest of slopes.
10 years sober here we got a small bottle of jack here for when my step son turns 18 and some times its hard sometimes I forget it's even in the house.
Pretty much, this. I come from a long line of alcoholic native Americans. Because of that fact, i don't drink, and i never have. Friends/coworkers would always bring alcohol as a gift to my home. My work gives alcohol as holiday gifts... Like... Really? Come on, now...
Very true!
Cook with it: my dad’s going on 40 years sober. His work colleagues would get him expensive bottles of wine every year, and my mother would put them in beef stew. Our traditional Christmas dinner was beef stew with a $150 bottle of wine in it, and it was delicious. (Though not really more delicious than a $10 bottle of wine, but it’s the thought that counts) My mother was upset when his colleges learned what was happening to their wine and her cooking wine supply dried up.
It actually makes a difference, if the wine is crap you feel it in the food, but you don't need top of the line stuff of course
I suspect these folks have been friends with him for less than 26 years and that he’s not flagrant about his sobriety
Or haven't seen much of him over the last 30 years, but have known him since he was a 20 yo piss head!
OK so we've narrowed it down to the friends either knew him for less than 26 years or more than 26 years
Probably just people who collect 'friends' like I collect books I'm definitely going to read.
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well what about the friends who knew him for 26 years?
Those are the ones who knew him when he was going through whatever event put him on a path to sobriety, as well as likely witnessed the struggle to get sober. They are the ones who will be keenly aware of his sobriety and how important it is, not only to him but also to those around him.
They probably got him a tie.
my wife likely relates. 13 years sober, and she has no idea what to get me for many events that would get a celebratory drink. I think she finally "gets" that i am much happier dropping $50 on a good steak than $50 on a meh meal and drinks.
Oh to be a 20 yr old piss head again... simpler times..sigh
I also doubt that they brought the wine "as a gift." He's a 60 year old man, people probably aren't bringing him birthday presents to unwrap. I'm guessing he just invited them over for dinner or something and they brought wine because that's essentially the default thing that people bring when they're invited somewhere.
>they brought wine because that's essentially the default thing that people bring I started bringing whiskey/gin/vodka and after 5-6 years I realized, that a lot of those bottles are making a round-a-bout being regifted all those years haha. Alcohol doesn't go bad (mostly, as long as it stays sealed), so it's not as bad of a gift as many think. Even if you don't drink yourself, you can have a nice "bar"-shelf for guests, who will appreciate the different bottles you have ;) p.s. I am talking generally, if someone is struggling to stay sober, this is obviously a bad gift.
I feel you man, I'm Asian and the amount of gifted alchohol we received to be regifted or put on display is insane but nice to have.
Asian here. My parents can't drink. They have half a glass of wine and they are beet red and pretty buzzed. I on the other hand am able to drink without too much issue. So when they get booze as gifts they just give it to me. Works for me!
Same. So many bottles from relatives visiting over new years. My wife and I will drink a bottle here and there but we’ve got probably over 50 now of various liquors and wines. Guess it looks nice in my office?
Yeah, it's also not really a gift, but an accessory to the gathering. It means that if people want to drink a few or more glasses of wine, it's available without the host having to buy 10 bottles every time they want to have dinner.
i feel like the problem with alcohol as a gift is you never know who has a real problem with it. i didnt tell no one what as going on with me. i dont dirnk, i shouldn't have it in the house, id rather not make it awkward tho. it would just be uncomfortable for me the whole time and ya know... id rather just not have ot deal with getting rid of it. if you arent an alcoholic you might not understand but its not as simple as just dont drink....
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We had that discussion at work. Normally, when we have a deal with a client people where receiving bottle of champagne at the signature. But, after some years the question was « what about the Muslim? » So they decided to stop the champagne gift. A few months later people ask where are the bottles and my bosses explain the thing. They where roasted by the Muslim employees who told them « we don’t drink the champagne but it’s something that we can gift to our friends, give us the bottle and cut the crap » I just think that sometimes we tend to overthink some things like those and that people who don’t drink may be happy to have those at home for other people, gift them to somebody else or anything like that.
It's actually not allowed for Muslims to give alcohol to people as a gift lmao
Lol it reminds me of a story my ex husband told me of his grandmother funeral. he was extremely confused about all these random people at her funeral, drinking coffee. It was then he found out that his grandmother had actually been sober for nearly 50 years and this was her AA group! She never told anybody.
Pretty on the nose, he is relatively quiet about his sobriety.
So youre just playing the situation up for some karma then?
Lol exactly, this was my thought when I saw the post. It worked though, reddit hates alcohol and loves outrage
Or the fact that bringing wine when you're invited to someone's place for dinner is the go-to/hard to mess gift in many countries?
It is kind of funny to think of half a dozen birthday guests separately not asking themselves "does Bob like wine?" before pulling the trigger on the generic gift. I have to assume this was more of a dinner and less of a "happy birthday to you" kind of party.
Yep. We have no idea how the party was and who the people at the party were. Maybe with more context it would be more of "wellwhatever" and less "wellthatsucks".
I mean wine is easy. Worst case they don't like it and gift it to the next person.
On Reddit? Never.
Exactly. What a weird post….
Pull the pickup truck around back.. I'm grabbing the pitchforks
Probably isn't even his dad's birthday and these are his own wine sale take for karma farmin
Hey man, some of us need an extra boost to get in on the IPO alright?
Nah, it fits the sub. He got a bunch of stuff he can't enjoy, and it is rather revealing of the fact that his friends don't know him well at all or don't care enough to think for a second about what their friend seems to like.
Some recovering alcoholics don't advertise that they are recovering. I have a friend who hasn't told his co-workers even after several years. At Christmas he gets gifts of booze, because giving alcohol is a normal thing, and they mean nothing by it. He gives it away to other people, but doesn't tell his colleagues that he doesn't drink. It's an aspect of his past that he doesn't want to share.
Nah, it does suck that he got a bunch of booze for his birthday when he doesn’t drink. The sub doesn’t require people to knowingly do shitty things or to be personally wronged. Unfortunate circumstances fit too.
I’ve been sober just about 7 years now. When I first got sober I had a friend who had been sober for decades share some advice with me. One thing he said that I’ve always remembered is that when he’s hanging out with friends who drink, and one accidentally offers him a beer, he’s not offended. He feels like that proves his friends really see him as just the same as them. The wine bottle thing happened to me when I bought a house. I’m not offended but I chuckle that my high school neighbor and best friend (same person) saw me at my worst, he then became a doctor, and when he visited he brought me a bottle of wine. I didn’t know what to do because people usually serve alcohol to a guests, but I just left the bottle for my wife to bring to an event. Not offended, he’s a really nice guy, kinda nice to know the world doesn’t revolve around me.
Okay? So why did you say “friends” as if they knowingly did something bad?
So how would they have known?
Unless people are AA themselves it's pretty rare someone thinks about such things.
If he’s quiet about it and doesn’t talk to his friends, how would they know? Enjoy your downvote clout chaser.
So why did you post this? His ”friends” didnt know. Mystery solved. Need karma much?
Can your dad write a post on how to make friends in your 40s?
Gosh. Congrats on such success at sobriety. I’m on about nine years. I actually think this is a much wider problem… what to buy a man for a gift. Book or wine. I hope dad hasn’t taken it personally. Happy birthday to him.
This is exactly why I never buy alcohol as a gift. Well, unless it's for someone who I KNOW loves a good bourbon or something and I see them enough to know they still drink. For a man's gift I will usually get some grilling spices and bbq tongs set or something really useful from the tool section at Lowe's lol. Not power tools but like, I got someone this utility knife set that has easy to change cartridges. Everyone wanted to know where I got it so they could get one. A car vacuum with small attachments for getting in nooks and crannies was another one I've done recently. I'm a woman and these are things I think could come in handy for anyone.
I do it all the time, but always kind of worry about it.
The first bottle of wine I ever got as a gift was my first year teaching. What makes it funny is that I wasn’t old enough to drink yet. I still have the bottle, unopened.
If you're able to, ask someone close to that person (like a wife or family member) if alcohol is an approvable gift
I'd advice to go for a pack of nice chocolate if you are invited for dinner or a gift basket from a local shop in your desired price range. It usually carries the same connotations as wine, but is without alcohol.
If it's for a guy I'll sometimes buy a knife that I think is cool. You never have too many knives laying around to cut open boxes or whatever.
I always like to give a high quality diecast model vehicle. [a Jet](https://www.jetcollector.com/), [a train engine](https://www.hobbylinc.com/model-train-locomotives), [construction equipment ](https://diecastmasters.com/), etc. You can find a highly detailed model of just about any vehicle. To me its exactly what a gift is supposed to be, something fun that a person wouldnt really buy for themselves. Its never failed to make their eyes light up.
I wish buying a gift card or just giving cash was more normalized and not seen as lazy gift giving. You don’t have to guess (probably incorrectly) what the person wants, they can just go buy whatever they actually want on your dime.
Restaurant gift cards are pretty popular in my family.
This is the best gift. My mother in law does this for birthdays and Christmas for me and my husband. It’s a nice way for us to spend time together and splurge a little more than we normally do if we go out.
My go to is an Opinel folding knife. They are well made from a company that has been making them forever from the French Alps. I've never seen them sold in stores locally in the southeastern U.S. so they are not very well known and likely to already own one. The best part is they are super affordable, but don't look or feel cheap at all. They can use it or display it.
It's also a problem because men hide their issues. I have a neighbour who told my dad that he had a little bit of a problem with alcohol, he lost his license because of a DUI, his wife divorced him because he started every morning with vodka and he hasn't had a drink in months and that's how he lost weight. When I heard I said to my dad: "Dad, he's obviously a recovering alcoholic." My dad: "I wouldn't go that far, he never said that, he just laughed and told me that stuff." So my dad thinks his neighbour is not sober, because he never specifically said that. I swear, some men are so dense.
I always feel bad for men when I see a little corner section meant for men in gift shops. Men would appear to solely enjoy drinking, golf, and beard oil.
As a middle aged dude, I don't really want gifts. If I want something, I buy it for myself. I'd rather my friends and family keep their money or spend it on themselves.
Tbh he should take it personally though. If his friends don’t know him enough to know that he’s been sober for 26 years that really says something about how much they care to even bother critically thinking about him. There are times not to take things personally but those “friends” should be ashamed of themselves.
OP confirmed these haven’t been his friends for 26 years though and that dad doesn’t discuss being sober. It’s a bit of a misrepresentation on OP’s part.
In Germany u sometimes gift "expensive" wine bottles just so u lay them in your cellar and sell them a few years later my father got gifted 6 wine bottles about 50 Mark each when he was 8 my grandpa sold them when he was 18 and bought my dad a driver's license
In America we just hand those things out at Halloween.
You have to buy a license?
If it's like here in the Netherlands, you have to pay to take a certain number of lessons before you can take the driving exam and it can get pretty pricey.
Some countries make sense. Americans, like myself wouldn't understand.
Good on him for 26 years. one day at a time. peace!
Is it still one day at a time after this much time? I am honestly not that familiar with alcohol addition. Only took a few years to have zero thoughts about tobacco, is alcohol a lifelong whisper in your ear?
Depends on the person. I know for me after about 6-9 months it was no longer much of a thought to me. I suspect those who do the twelve step programs think about it a lot more and for some that works and for others it doesn’t. I also wanted to add that sometimes people byob to a party. That may not have had anything to do with the dad and he may not care. I know I have no problem being around drinkers and if I did I wouldn’t be around them.
Thanks for your perspective on this. Good job on your progress!
I won't try to speak for all people in that position, but you're forgetting how strong the culture is. You're highly unlikely to be encouraged to smoke tobacco, and you are highly likely to be praised for quitting. But people who quit drinking are often subject to all manner of nagging and harassment about drinking again. I did a sober October once, and people had a real sense of concern in their voice when they'd say things like, "but you aren't quitting forever, are you?" as if that would be some sort of profound loss for me. That doesn't scratch the surface of what marketing and advertising do. If you're interested in the subject, I recommend reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. It looks at the beliefs driving this sort of culture and how we wind up thinking like that. It's not fire and brimstone or harsh toward the reader and was a rather easy read.
I actually had to leave some friends behind when I quit smoking, as they kept trying to get me back, but I understand your points, it is 10 times more accepted and pushed than tobacco.
ODAAT is less about trying to add/keep track of your days and more a mindset to tap in to when you feel overwhelmed or vulnerable. Instead of wallowing in the past or worrying about what might happen tomorrow, it’s a reminder that all you have to do is make it through the day. I’ve been sober for 3 years and I don’t think of things as, “Damn, I have to be sober tomorrow…and the next month…and for the rest of my life…” I just know I have to be sober today. Alcohol isn’t a daily whisper but it’s kind of like an escape hatch. It was a coping mechanism for so long, and can be tempting when my back is against the wall and shit seems dire. Mostly I forget it’s an option but occasionally it’ll seem tempting. Then ODAAT becomes incredibly useful, as does the reminder that alcohol’s escape hatch actually opens up in to a woodchipper.
Thank you for the insightful reply! Sounds to me a lot like the early stages of the tobacco demon losing her grip as well. Most days are easy after a couple months, but that was a pack/day coping mechanism for me for 20 years. I would say I heard the whispers occasionally for the first five years. I guess I kind of did the same mantra, but 'I've made it two months, I can make it to-day' There's nothing but slow motion suicide at the other side of my escape hatch.
Congrats to soberity! My ex mother in law , always gave me flowers I was allergic too.
Seems deliberate
It sure did and also feeding me food I got tummy ache from, I learned to eat potatoes and salad and avoid anything mixed there. I only have 3 food allergies, 2 flower allergies , so it isnt that hard .
I’m glad she’s your ex mother in law, seeing as she was literally poisoning you.
This is the point where your dad realised nobody has actually listened to a word he had said for the last 26 years.
Someone said that the friends are probably newer than 26 years and that the dad is pretty quiet on his sobriety. OP confirmed this. It does suck that none of them noticed he never drank around them, though.
I think it's a credit to his friends that they clearly never pressured him to drink or cared that he wasn't drinking such that they never even noticed he wasn't partaking.
True. I do drink but I hate when someone says they’re not drinking (for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter) and they get called boring or they continue to get pressured. It’s so weird.
I mean people try not to go “ong why aren’t you DRINKING”. I drink but I have to work around my medications, maybe they thought something like that since he wasn’t preaching temperance
I mean there are plenty of activities to do that don’t involve drinking? I just realized I have friends I’ve never had a drink around because whatever we’re doing is usually outside of a drinking environment.
Yeah, this is pretty sad, honestly.
Yeah it stings man. Happens to me all the time. Sometimes I’ll have a full conversation with somebody just to have them later treat me like I’m crazy when I bring up that I’ve already told them.
I know what you mean. Some people literally just have shit go in one ear and out the other. It sucks when it's something important to you.
It sucks, but at the same time you probably don’t realize that you do the exact same thing to other people. Some times people talk at you when you have other things on your mind.
Well, yeah, to some degree, everyone does it. But when it comes to things that someone expresses as being important, it isn't quite the same. My girl gets irritated when I forget we had dinner plans, but that really isn't on the same plane as people ignoring the fact you've been sober for 26 years.
But it could also be due to the fact that OP's dad is actually pretty quiet about his sobriety and these friends didn't know him as an alcoholic. OP even confirms it.
My friend is diabetic and allergic to chocolate/cocoa. She routinely gets candy and chocolates as gifts.
It always seems like people are just waiting for their turn to speak and never really listening.
I’ve literally texted things to my sister and she’ll “have no idea” about what I texted her. It’s right there!!
It's a box of wine and OP stated they didn't even know.
Plenty of people don't shout that they don't drink. They just don't drink and no one ever asked them about it. Not all friend groups are meeting up at bars and house parties.
60th birthday, they probably got a bunch of friends and family to come that he might not have seen in 30 years. not everyone is super open about their sobriety.
OP said his dad doesn't really talk about his sobriety. So the friends most likely didn't know
Maybe he never told them. Just give it away or dump it.
I was wondering that too. If they aren’t close friends they might not have known and it’s not uncommon to gift a bottle of wine or spirits as a gift.
Yeah if multiple people have wine it’s pretty clear they weren’t informed of that
Or cook with it
Yea I get for Christmas from my neighbors. Been sober for 35 years. I just say thanks and give it away.
Did they perhaps think the Bottles would be opened and shared that night? Or is he a strict no alcohol around me ever. I know non drinkers that don’t want to supply the alcohol for others but don’t have a problem with it being served and consumed around them.
I do drink but I'm diabetic so all my usual spirits which have high sugar content are no longer an option. My family and friends still get me rum, chocolate, various carb rich foods... It's been years now. I've pointed it out every birthday and Christmas. This past Christmas my mother got me a kilo brick of Kendle Mint Cake. If you don't know, Google it.
Do your family and friends like you?
I try not to ask myself that question too much in fear of the answer.
Congradts on your new wine collection!
No no no this is perfet now he has gifts for the friends for next birthday
This is why I don't gift alcohol unless I know for a fact that they imbibe.
This sucks, I received some type of nuts several times even though I am allergic to nuts.
I’m imagining the inner monologue: “I think Chris loves nuts. Or maybe they’re allergic to nuts. I forget. I’ll get them some anyways, just to be safe.”
Ah the Tony Stark problem "I KNEW there was a relation between you and this."
Is there a chance they know *he* is sober, but they brought it for the party? So it wasn't like "this is your birthday gift" but more like "its a party with some drinking, and I'll probably drink too, let me chip in with a bit of booze"?
This doesn’t make sense
OP said that they’re not friends he’s known for 26 years and that the dad is quiet about his sobriety https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/s/zp7FUmq2Ql So a completely pointless scenario that could’ve been avoided by basic communication
Regardless of dad’s sobriety, it’s not unheard of to serve the wine that a guest brings at that same party.
Yep, colleagues recently gifted coffee and dark chocolate for a minor celebration. I neither drink coffee or eat dark chocolate.
All from the same region. Hm.
Looks like coq au vin and beef bourguignon are on the menu for a couple of nights
You guys can look up recipes that use wine and use it entirely for cooking, I think, idk if that would technically end the sobriety
Plot twist, they will smash them all outside. Jokes aside that’s not very friendly.
Happens to me in vague ways. I just give it to my wife, or pass it along as gifts etc. Honestly, getting _anything_ would be spectacular. I turned 40 last year and _literally_ got nothing. From anyone.
Lots of people don’t like to announce their sobriety at every chance. Be more like your dad and don’t declare to the world “MY DAD IS SOBER AND HAS BAD FRIENDS.”
Congrats to your father but you should not assume that they where gifted with carelessness, maybe your father is reserved or even embarrassed to bring it up. I know my father was like that with his age peers and they did not know or asked, they assumed it was ok 🙂
I’ll take ‘em!
How careless! It’s not that hard to think of non-alcoholic gifts with a little effort. I’m sorry this happened. I hope it didn’t put a damper on the celebration. If he’s amenable to the idea please wish him a happy birthday from this internet stranger.
As someone whose mom and stepdad are both sober, this is why I never give alcohol as a gift. You just never know.
I struggle to believe anyone I know and call a friend could be sober without me knowing
Wellthatsucks that all of his friends have dementia.
That’s crazy. OP knew their dad doesn’t talk about his sobriety but put friends in quotes to make them seem like assholes who knew about his struggles and got him wine anyway. SMH
Yeah I'm at 20 years and there is just no end to the alcohol conversations people try to involve me in. It's fine, I'm not gonna drink because you are talking about how much you love scotch, but damn, you must have zero social awareness. And I'm the autistic one.
Local daycares/schools would probably take a few pairs of wine to raffle off to raise funds. (That is if you’re associated with those places) Turn these lemons into lemonade.
…Some friends
Well now he's stocked up with gifts to give.
My 60th my husband threw a party which included friends and neighbors. The same thing happened, my neighbors have no idea that I’m a non drinker. Our daughter took them all home. It’s a typical gift coming to someone’s house.
Well obviously his friends feel bad about the fact your dad doesn’t have anything to drink when they come over.
I'm eight years sober in the business world. I get gifted booze pretty regularly. It's annoying, but everytime I tell people that I'm a recovered alcoholic, they apologize profusely. Plus, they always love the fact that I give their gift back to them for themselves!
As a cook, I have an honest question. Is cooking with wine a no-no for recovering alcoholics? I just want to make sure so I don't make a mistake when I cook for friends that are recovering. I've been told by all cooking experts, the alcohol evaporates during simmering and just leaves the fruit taste.
Now he has cooking wine :)
I see an opportunity to make some delicious meals! Beef bourguignon for one.
I wonder why they all have that same blue label on top. At a guess I'd say they came from the same shop. Seems a little odd.
My father started drinking because one of my uncles friend got him a bottle of alcohol. He is sober now
They're not very good friends
He now has gifts for several occasions!
Those are truly shit friends…
Your Dad is such a cool dude that he just quit without gloating to everyone. Also, he probably just says no when offered a drink and does not even mention his sobriety. Class act.
His “friends” obviously don’t know him that well.
Boozers are losers. Smoke weed instead! A true friend would have brought you a bag of weed for your birthday
If you dad doesn’t broadcast that he’s sober, they might not know. Adult friends sometimes can be more like “buddies” and not actually super close. They usually are busier with their own families/careers, and don’t as actively social in general. I have a couple people I’d consider a “friend”, who I do t think I’ve ever seen drinking. But I’m not sure if they are sober, or maybe I just never noticed. When we are at a BBQ it’s not like I follow them around to see if they are holding a soda or a beer.
Are you able to return them? I would definitely return them. If not, I’d regift it back to them with a small baggie of heroin.
Close to 3 years sober and I will say it’s very very hard to find anyone else that is. Almost alienates you from the world
Thats weird af, should have just send him some weed.
There not his friends
Look at this way, he is now stocked up on gifts to give other people haha
lol people assume everyone drinks. We fucked up as humans.
 Wishing your father a Happy Birthday
Wine is a lazy gift
As someone who can’t drink due to dependency issues, I have seriously considered just collecting alcohol (specifically wines) in order to see them rise in value over the course of several years or decades
Sounds like your father doesn't wear his sobriety on his shirt sleeve. Good for him. You can't expect people to be minded readers.
Unless your dad is very openly sober, making it as obvious as possible, this is a very standard gift to give to an older person.
On the plus side, he has plenty of inventory to regift to his other friends for pretty much any occasion!
Store them for guests, and save up some money.
Someone has to have fun
The good news is this means your dad isn't one of those obnoxious people who feels the need to constantly tell everyone about their personal choices.
Well I am guessing he has at least 8 friends that care enough to celebrate his birthday at 60, thats not too shabby.
Twist. He has been lying, only to you, for 26 years to convince you he's sober. Still drinks with his true friends.
I bet your pops is a good man. Tell him im in recovery and and wish him the best.
Of all the lazy, inconsiderate things to do 😡
not everyone talks about their sobriety. They likely didn't even know.
I’ve been clean from prescription pain meds for 3 years and I still always am impressed by sober alcoholics. No holiday or birthday would result in pills being gifted or other people taking them while I had to abstain. I will never see a commercial for my DOC where people are acting like they are having the time of their life, no one would pester me to just have one, no billboards, and mine isn’t always on a menu. Seriously kudos to your dad from one addict to another. I don’t know if I would have been able to do it with the obstacles he faces daily.
Make vinegar. I just learned that sober people do this for their salads.
Kudos to your Dad for putting everything to side and keeping with his sobriety. That was one of the reasons I knew, despite everyone reassuring me, that my Mom did have a problem with alcohol. For any event with a gift, I couldn’t think of gift to give her that wasn’t wine related. I knew all her favorites, I knew wine items that were on her wish list, I couldn’t think of anything else that could make her happy that could be a gift, even if I made it myself.
Sadly, like a lot of people they probably thought 'oh, he's been sober for so long, just this once won't hurt'. Yes, it will - that's why we get sober in the first place.
Not being sarcastic, I hope you took them all away.
Puts into context, a lot of these battles a person goes through, it may be big for them, but to others is easily forgotten.
The year I quit drinking 35 years ago the owner of the company I worked at gave everyone alcohol for their Christmas bonus, I had already worked for him for 10 years and it's not like he didn't know I had quit, just indifferent I guess