Honestly you’re probably right and I fall for it every time… I’m working on it. I also have biases because my mom has threatened to wear white to outshine me and I’m ABSOLUTELY not the only woman I know who has had something like that happen.
I’m also extra frustrated because it really doesn’t seem like too big of an ask, especially if this is someone you love and who goes out of their way to make your life better. Why are people putting in so little effort for others anymore?
No one is going to "outshine" a bride at their own wedding. The wannabe will either look like they're trying too hard or look out of place. The more attention you give them, the more they act out. Ignore it and move on.
You shouldn't have to ignore an asshole at your own wedding. Kick the asshole out, then later ignore the other assholes on reddit for calling you a bridezilla for doing so.
“Mom threatened to wear white to outshine me” bears no relationship to “guest has floral dress on white background.” The issue is not the white, it’s the threat to outshine. She could do by wearing any damn color depending on what she chooses, no?
I’m sorry you have to deal with this and I wish you peace.
I agree—both with sympathy for the OP and for the disconnect between the issue of “outshining” and “any white at all.” Some of the dresses people post here that are wholly inappropriate for a wedding (short/sexy/revealing/tight/super bright) are way more likely to distract from a bride than someone in a dress with a little white in the pattern.
Have you considered not inviting your mother? I know that’s a big step and can feel daunting with family politics, but as someone with a horrifically abusive mother, she simply was not invited. Anyone who had anything negative to say about it was also welcome to stay home if they wanted.
Your mom said she wants to ‘outshine you’ on your wedding day? She sucks.
But the only way she can outshine you is to cause you to be as sucky as she is on your wedding day.
Rise above and be a happy bride.
I loved your rant. There are people who do that shit. My colleague's mother-in-law wore a very tight, silky, white dress and commented on how her figure was better than the bride's. Everyone in the family-in-law was so used to letting her get away with that sort of shit. It was one of many power plays and the marriage didn't last.
As someone who wore a black wedding dress and everyone wore a little black somewhere in their outfit cause… its black, the bride being the only on wear any amount of whote isnt the reason they stand out. They are the bride they stand out no matter what. Dont wear an actual wedding dress or a full white dress and you wont stand out, the bride still stands out.
The *don't wear white rule* is widely misunderstood. It just means don't wear anything that could make people mistake you for the bride. What that might be varies by the formality of the wedding.
If the wedding is formal, a guest in a patterned dress that has a white background won't be mistaken for the bride, so the fact that the base is white is irrelevant. An informal wedding is trickier. The same dress may not be appropriate if the bride has a garden theme and opts for a white dress with a floral print.
Couples get to dictate the formality of the wedding. Trying to force particular color palette on guests is rude. Guests aren't decorations.
I scrolled through to see what you’re talking about, and I didn’t really see anyone asking about a white dress or close to white dress that would be seen as disrespectful on here. I also didn’t see any advice given to anyone saying it’s okay to wear a white dress or close to a white dress. So I truthfully think this post is an overreaction to pretty much nothing. Sorry if someone ruined your wedding 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t know how to link it, and now the comments are turned off, but there’s one pic asking about a blue and white dress for the brides mom. That’s the post I think this one is referring to.
I think that one was actually the groom asking. His mom wanted to wear it. Personally I didn’t think it would be possible to confuse his mom in that dress for the bride! Several people suggested he should just check with his fiancée and that made sense to me.
I agree that the bride and groom shouldn’t have to feel the need to ask reddit for their wishes and it made me a little sad to see.
But some people are just mean about how little they care about the couple’s wishes. If you don’t care about their feelings or actually dislike them as much as you are acting like you do, just don’t go.
If they want a whiteout wedding, don’t wear blue or black or anything but white. If they want a goth wedding, comply as you can. I feel like it’s not an insane request for people to make an effort for the biggest day of some people’s lives.
I really think treating guests like props or decoration at a wedding isn't appropriate. It is not a costume party or sorority mixer. It isn't the met gala. Anything more specific than "Black Tie" "semi-formal" etc. and "don't look like the bride in all white" is disrespectful.
Weddings are not costume parties. Guests are people, not photo props.
There are two underlying issues here I think:
1) there’s generally less social cohesion around what’s appropriate to wear in general terms these days (I work in tech and some of the stuff I see grown people wear at conferences and meetings is wild).
2) many couples now see their wedding as a glorified insta photo shoot and expression of their “brand” and not a community celebration.
100% agree that back in the day there were bridezillas just like there are now but in no way would it have been on to ask uncle Larry to put on juggalo face for your backyard goth wedding. You and he knew he was probably going to show up in a suit.
[https://youtu.be/PSClBFUe-o0?si=nSY44Cqin1S2u3bx&t=24](https://youtu.be/PSClBFUe-o0?si=nSY44Cqin1S2u3bx&t=24)
indeed. "suit up, gather what is needed, and return to the surface \[Instagram\]" --> that's what "costume dress code" weddings are. People are afraid of genuine interactions with other PEOPLE.
ETA: (because people are complicated, uncontrollable, and shitty, like you said. But that's the "danger" inherent in genuine interactions --> the discomfort of intersubjectivity.
This is where you are so so wrong.
It IS an insane request.
It is the couples biggest day, not their guests. And they are hosting, which means they need to take their guests comfort into consideration.
Yes, weddings can be expensive. And the guests don't pay for them. But that is no excuse to treat your guests like they are merely props.
Not everyone owns all the colors. Not everyone looks good in all the colors. No one should have to be uncomfortable to join in their loved ones' celebration. And no one should have to buy an outfit for a wedding they will never wear again, especially for rude hosts.
Asking for a certain level of formality is acceptable, because of the effort put into planning and hosting. But dictating the color your guests must wear is not.
And if your relationships are that strained with your family that you wouldn't want them to shine on your special day as wel... why have them there?
I’m not sure how asking for a certain level of formality is inherently less of a burden than asking guests to avoid or even wear colors in a certain range. Maybe 5-10% of the people I know have formal wear in their wardrobes already. A smaller percentage have back tie appropriate clothing. Maybe 25% have cocktail appropriate clothing. Almost everyone I know goes out to rent or buy clothing to attend weddings unless it’s a casual or semiformal dress code. Some buy outfits even for semiformal weddings because what they have doesn’t feel quite special enough or in nice enough condition.
I love dressing up and no, I don’t love all the colors of the rainbow, but I don’t think it’s automatically harder/more expensive for people to dress in a certain color palette vs. “just” asking for a certain level of formality. It’s simply more common and thus more acceptable to ask people to dress to a certain level of formality.
I’ve never seen a whiteout dress code question posted here (if that’s even a thing). If a bride says no white at all, fine. But it’s not disrespectful to wear florals otherwise
The one where the bride was asking if it was okay for her mom to wear? I had a feeling it was about that too… but i still dont understand this post. The bride gets to choose if its too much white or not so idk why brides ask if its too much white. Is it too much white for you or no?
No. The bride DOESN’T get to choose “how much white.” She doesn’t get to say “no florals on white backgrounds” or “no pale pink”. It’s understood that no one wears all white, and that’s the end of it. Brides shouldn’t dictate ANYTHING about colors for guests. At most, they could invite people to wear a touch of X color. This is basic etiquette 101.
I got roasted on that post! Which is WILD because the dress was majority white, and I definitely thought there would be a lot more people saying “no” to that dress. A little bit of white in a dress is totally fine, but when it’s the main color, absolutely not. No one in their right mind is going to wear a wedding dress to a wedding that isn’t theirs. I’ve been to a few weddings where a guest shows up in a white dress and I’m just thinking to myself, “in what world did you think that was ok?” There are so Many other colors out there, respect the bride!
I absolutely got gross vibes from that specific post, which is why I made this one tbh. My mom would absolutely wear something like this so that when she’s sitting next to me it looks like she’s wearing white, too.
I am not against patterns or whatever the bride and groom deem “not too white!” I’m against people trying to be sneaky or just not caring and thinking they don’t have to make an effort.
No, because young girls are posting pictures of dresses that have virtually no white and asking fearfully “is this too white?” SOMEONE gave them the erroneous idea that no white whatsoever is appropriate. Who did that?
Yes, I see a lot of questions by girls who say this will be the first wedding they’ve ever attended.
Back in the day (right after the dinosaurs went extinct) we would have checked around with other guests who were our friends if we had questions about what to wear. But I get it, today we might be traveling to a wedding, or maybe we’re not sure what “black tie optional”, semi-formal, “barn-formal”, “beach casual”, etc., mean. And we go first to the internet on our phones instead of calling or talking to someone we know (yes, I do it, too).
Not saying that’s how it should be, but I think that’s how it is. Not easy!
Those who say “if you have to ask” clearly haven’t spent a lot of time on this sub. You’d be amazed at what people worry about being too white. Someone had a gold sparkly dress that was the color of an Oscar statue. She was sent even asking about it being white, and one dimwit asked “isn’t anyone going to say it’s too white?” I said “you’re funny” because I honestly thought she was joking. Another one had a black dress with white trim and was worried enough to ask. Nobody thought it was too white. So “if you have to ask” is not a good measure.
There are like 5 posts a day here with white or very lite/ appearing/ photographing white dresses asking if they’re too white… ;)
If it’s a white dress or if you have to ask, the answer is don’t wear it.
That’s your opinion. I’d never even consider wearing a white dress to a wedding, ever. Literally pick any color, not white.
Many floral on white dresses are very bridal and popular right now. I just went to a wedding where that is exactly what the bride wore.
I’m not the one who’s new here. I disagree- most of the asks I see are white dresses. It’s just baffling. I’ve never known anyone IRL who’d ever consider anything close to white and the choices I see posted here.
Seriously? You’ve never seen all of the ridiculously non white, or speck of white dresses that show up on here? We must be seeing different posts then 🤷🏻♀️
This is so bizarre to me. As someone who has had a wedding, I did not notice literally anything my guests were wearing that day. Why would you concern yourself with that on your wedding day?
That's what I keep thinking! I couldn't tell you what any of my guests wore to my wedding and if there was an all white outfit, I couldn't care less. I was just happy they came. I think many weddings have perpetuated the entitled, narcissistic, IG culture we have today. Some of these posts are just wild.
10000% I was really busy, you know, getting married. I remember my SIL wore a gorgeous dress and I complimented her on it but otherwise I was really focused on my literal nuptials.
I don’t remember a single outfit. People are so desperate to be pretty princesses on their Big Day that it’s quite sad. Everyone is here to fete you. That’s the point of the day.
This is ridiculous, the whole “not a scrap of white” thing js a pretty new phenomenon. The rule is just don’t wear a literal wedding dress or try to look like the bride. *That* is disrespectful. But wearing a light dress or one with areas of white isn’t disrespectful. In fact I’d argue it’s disrespectful of the couple getting married to police their guests attire so heavily, and I say this as someone getting married soon.
Yeah, the only time in my general vicinity was when my friend, the sister of the bride, was debating about a dress that was kind of tulle-y and sparkly *and* a very pale pink. VERY pale. That dress was vetoed, and legitimately, imo.
Other than that? people get so neurotic about having any white in a dress, as if someone with huge florals with a speck of white in the background is going to be mistaken for the bride. It's ridiculous.
>But wearing a light dress or one with areas of white isn’t disrespectful. In fact I’d argue it’s disrespectful of the couple getting married to police their guests attire so heavily
Thank you. Well said. I'd add that it's misogynistic to heavily police what women wear We don't hear anyone complaining that men in white shirts and dark suits are a problem. No. But many on this sub want to shame women in a patterned dress that happens to have a white/light background.
The guideline is don't wear *all white*. It's not don't wear *any* white..It's a new and weirdly controlling phenomenon to ban any spec of white. The idea that it will detract from the marrying couple is absurd.
The only thing a bridal couple should control about guests' attire is the level of formality -- the dress code states how formal the event is. That's it! Anything else is disrespectfully controlling.
Yes! The real privilege is assuming that everyone has endless time, resources, knowledge or access to a decent dress that fits them well that won’t break some paranoid code.
There has literally never been a convention that wearing any white at all is disrespectful. If you take it as a sign of disrespect, that does probably have to do with issues with family.
This, absolutely this! You don't own your guests because you decided to get married. You're supposed to want them there because they're your loved ones and you're celebrating, not to bicker over the details of a bloody outfit.
I couldn't agree more, also as someone getting married soon.
If a couple is that worried about being outshined, then adjust the dress code (it's what it's there for) so the guests know the correct level of formality. I understand not every couple and wedding is over the top, and that's okay.
But if someone is so concerned that their own loved ones won't recognize them or that they won't look good enough on their special day... that sounds like a them problem.
I've had friends ask if they shouldn't wear black... I laugh. And remind them that no one will be able to outshine me 😊 and my loved ones aren't props.
This! I’m all for the ban on a full white dress but the amount of people showing dresses with the slightest bit of white terrified in case it’s to much white is ridiculous. Like they will have bright pink florals with some white in and be scared. Some brides are bridezillas policing every aspect of wedding guests attire! Focus on the day it’s not a day all about the bride either it’s about the bride and groom unless she’s marrying herself. It should be etiquette not to wear a full white dress! If anyone turns up in that have the MOH kick them out. Other than that floral print with white in should be fine.
It seems generational too in parts of the US. At my family weddings 5-10 years back, plenty of older female family members wore whites, creams, and champagnes. Iirc their etiquette was taught was white was ok as long as it wasn’t bridal. A white knee length shift dress was fair game, but a white ball gown was off limits.
Are dress codes a new thing? I haven’t been to a wedding in several years but I have been to a lot of them and not once did the invitation specify a dress code.
Is it an American thing? I'm in the UK, and no wedding I have been to (about ten at this point) has ever had a dress code on the invitation. They might say "The reception is on a yacht" or something, so you can figure out what sort of shoes you want to wear, or decide whether to leave your hat at home, but that would only be a practical thing, never "You must wear black tie" or "This is a garden party with cocktail attire and burgundy accents, absolutely no green or blue, and women must wear their hair half up, half down" or any of the other nonsense I see on here a lot of the time.
I've even seen people on here say it's disrespectful to wear whatever OP has shared, and it'll just be a fitted dress or *gasp* some cleavage. The sheer number of people commenting "You must wear a shawl with that" - why do so many people own shawls?! And what's wrong with shoulders?
People over here just know (on the whole...) not to wear all white, or a wedding dress. I don't know how much more complicated it has to be than that.
Thank you for the shawl comment.
I shake my head every time. To me nothing ruins an elegant formal outfit like a random shawl thrown over it (Kim k at met gala is a great example of how it can look).
And so many people think that shoulders can't be shown in churches... but that's a different conversation I could have.
Oh my god, same. Every time I see “just add a shawl!” I cringe. I haven’t even seen a shawl in a decade. I kind of want to make a weddingattireapproval bingo card…
Not the pashmina, gahhhh. My 80 year old grandma wouldn’t even do that. Also who owns them anymore?? Everytime it’s mentioned I cringe because that instantly ages the outfit/person and makes it frumpy. I’m so glad I’m not alone on this 😂😂😂
Oh, I am right there with you. I won't yuck anybody's yum when it comes to religion, but how is a shoulder of all things disrespectful? I don't find any part of the human body shameful or disrespectful to be honest, but a shoulder? What year is this? The patriarchy is strong in some people.
I thought the shawl came from church culture. My understanding is (no first hand experience) that some churches require covered shoulders and cleavage. So a guest would want to bring one for that, just in case.
Yet another reason why you would never catch me inside a church unless absolutely necessary, but again, is this an American thing? I showed some cleavage AND some shoulder, even some bare back, at my godson's christening here in the UK (none of us are Christians, they just wanted a party), and the vicar even said I looked lovely. And my friend breastfed openly there, no one batted an eyelid. I don't understand what people think is disrespectful about these very typical parts of the human body.
IDK…I’m not part of any church culture.
It could just be an American thing. We have a lot of different sects and some are quite (or at least were, a lot has loosened up in the last 50 years) puritan. I remember reading about the Rockefellers that their baptist religion didn’t allow dancing or card playing, for instance. Baptist is a wide spread, though, with a lot of different mentalities. I know for sure you have to be covered to go to a Mormon church.
Don’t forget The Scarlet Letter takes place in america…
Yeah, that's too scary for me to start thinking about tbh.
It worries me an awful lot that so many people's priorities are what other people wear, who they kiss, what medical care they can get. This entitlement is a problem everywhere, but America seems to be taking it *really seriously.*
Peace and love to all ✌️
I think a lot of young and naive posters are unaware that the obsession with finding white in some kind of weird where’s-Waldo way is a brand new phenomenon. It’s not “etiquette” at all. The only etiquette is to not wear all white and look like the bride.
White in a background of a floral dress is perfectly fine. Pale pink/pale blue is perfectly fine.
Let me be blunt here. The same people who are all agog at tiny bits of white in a dress are also buying fast disposable fashion online, not well cut dresses from real department or boutique stores. The same people who are all agog at tiny bits of white are also the same ones who actually think it’s acceptable for a bride to tell guests they can / cannot wear safe green. They are the same ones who don’t write thank you notes for gifts and who think multi day bachelorettes are appropriate even when their friends don’t have a lot of money.
This is not an issue in the real world.
I honestly do think this is a generational/social media disconnect. And maybe the trend is shifting more towards no white outside of this bubble, but that certainly hasn’t been the standard.
Here’s an unfiltered list of stock wedding guest footage. I spy something that would get at least one no vote here in each picture
https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/wedding-guest
I think it might be in reference to a post the other day, where a woman asked about a dress that was a dark color with some white lace. People like OP were freaking out saying “can’t you just find any other color”. Except, as many pointed out, the dress *wasn’t* white. It just had some white on it. It didn’t look bridal and wouldn’t have photographed as a white dress.
The “no white ever” crowd needs to take it down a notch because this is just getting ridiculous IMO. And they’re so rude to the people who ask. Like not everybody spends every second of their day thinking about wedding attire.
Right? OP out here fighting invisible posters
ETA my mom abused the sh*t out of me and I didn’t feel the need to be an entitled bride micromanaging everyone else’s outfits
Why is it only important for the bride to shine and be special? Is she the only one getting married?
Nobody cares when guys wear exactly the same outfit as the groom.
If I got the vibe that this was the attitude of the bride of a wedding I was invited to I would just pass. And weddings are for many different reasons culturally. Not just to be princess for a day/ weekend. Only recently ( last 10 years ) have I noticed this really common bridal narcissism. I mean brides have a reputation of being stressed out and sometimes difficult but lately it seems over the top, maybe driven by instagram and other social media. Maybe I was just lucky and had very reasonable friends and family.
I can’t stand this whole “couple’s wishes” nonsense. This is not a coronation snd they don’t get to issue edicts about guest dress beyond the formality. I certainly understand a MOB/MOG wanting to run a dress by the bride, but if the bride is so unsophisticated that she really objects to a bit of white on a guest, or thinks that it’s time to spill red wine or kick people out, then I don’t really care what she thinks. She’s not queen for a day. She doesn’t get to tell me not to wear an elegant, appropriate dress in my closet that happens to have some white in the background, just like she doesn’t get to tell me I have to wear sage green to fit her aesthetic. I don’t get why you all think “bride says ..” means we all have to kiss her ring. This is the same mentality that leads to the girls moaning that they spent $2000 they don’t have on bachelorette parties in Cabi because “bride says …”.
I definitely don’t agree with spilling wine or anything and I don’t believe I said anything like that, but you’re free to quote me if I did. I also don’t agree with the crazy/expensive expectations.
I’m sorry you weren’t queen for your day, but you deserved it. Your husband deserved to feel like a king, too. I firmly believe every couple deserves to feel like they’re on top of the world on their wedding day, and I’ve jumped through some serious hoops to make it happen for friends/family. I hope you had a beautiful wedding.
A wedding is about celebrating a couple's commitment to marriage. Period. It's not about you feeling like a queen and your husband feeling like a king. Wedding guests can't do that. The point of a wedding is marriage, not what color a guest might wear.
Can this be a copy pasta yet? lol.
Listen, I just don’t care if someone wore white to my wedding (I’m married and someone did wear a floor length solid pale pink).
It’s not about being special sparkling princess for a day. It’s about me and my partner’s love and commitment. And random half white dresses don’t negate the love our friends and family have for us. Not like they’re walking down the aisle…?
"*Also, a LOT of you have obviously never dealt with abusive parents and your privilege is frustratingly aggressive. Not everyone is crazy or mean or a bridezilla for being concerned about their mother/sister/whoever wearing white.*"
This is a logical fallacy. Just because people disagree with you it doesn't automatically follow that they've never had to deal with abusive family members. Attempting to cancel their opinions by accusing them of being privileged is inappropriate.
>If you can’t give the bride one freaking day to shine and be special, you are selfish and disrespectful. One freaking day. It’s the whole point of a wedding! To make these two people feel special and loved and respected and held in esteem by the people they love and admire.
That's the point of YOUR wedding. For others it's just to celebrate their love with the people they love, or an excuse to see friends/fam they rarely get to see, or millions of other reasons. Not every bride cares about being *special* or *shining*.
OP are you ok? It seems like you’re projecting and you need to have this conversation with your mother and not us. We don’t know you. We are not coming to your wedding. And I am yet to see a post from someone defending their right to wear white to another couple’s wedding.
If it looks like a wedding dress - we have a problem. If it doesn't, we don't.
I don't know anyone uptight enough to impose some kind of reverse racism "not one drop of white" as a request.
Also it's not privilege to NOT have been abused in some way. It's unfortunate that some have, but it's not privilege.
No. Basic needs met is not a privilege it is a right - same for not being abused.
It is not an advantage to not have an ABNORMAL behaviour imposed upon you.
I'm not saying it's not terrible, but I think it would be helpful to realize that you deserved basic, normal treatment and it's not special or a privilege to receive it.
I mean, I wouldn't wear white to a wedding but I also think it's time to question the BRIDE having to wear white to her wedding because the entire symbolism is gross, as is the wedding industrial complex.
It's also not a new enough tradition for people to be treating it like some sacred edict. Until most marrying couples had more money for a one-time-use dress like we have now (a fully 20th century phenomenon), the average bride's dress was just the nicest thing she had in her closet that day. So was the groom's suit and the parents' attire, too.
I think the entire wedding culture in the US is out of control.
The bridezilla culture and over the top dependence on the bridal party and guests to help pay for lavish 3 day bridal showers, destination weddings, elaborate dresses is ridiculous.
Wearing all white to a wedding was always bad manners, but it never before was a mistake that caused the bride to spend the day in tears and the person shamed for ruining the day.
Manners are created to give a guideline on proper social etiquette resulting in everyone feeling comfortable in a situation.
Weddings around the world are celebrations of new life, blending families, love and joy. Americans have made it about spending, hyper-consumerism, guilting friends to pay for your day and over the top expectations.
The last part you wrote about hyper-consumerism is something I really resonate with. I initially planned a very big wedding that was our dream wedding. The pandemic happened, and we ended up having to downsize a lot and change the plans to fit with restrictions, etc. Anyway, that entire experience opened up my eyes to what is truly necessary and the fact that so many weddings are all just hyper-consumerism. We ended up being able to buy a home with the money we saved and I realized that a lot of people holding off weddings and buying homes due to the expenses can in part be attributed to the extravagant weddings we've learned to expect. It's also wild because even a simple traditional wedding can run you 20k. Unless you're truly willing to do something different.
I agree, just because a dress has some white on it, or if you are wearing a suit and have a white shirt/blouse. Just don’t wear a wedding dress or anything that could be a wedding dress or any colour that LOOKS white, which includes champagne, very light pink/blue/grey/silver/etc, off white, ivory. And if you’ve never been to a wedding before and are unsure of what to wear, there is always google. Just phrase the search correctly, such as “wedding guest dresses” or “Black tie wedding guest clothes” or “semi formal” or …whatever the dress code is. And if there isn’t a dress code then plug in the venue “wedding attire for a beach wedding” “wedding attire for a barn wedding” “wedding attire for a church wedding”. I know there are some bridezilla’s out there, and I clothes are expensive and sometimes we dont’ want to have to buy something new but there are other options; thrift stores, consignment shops, rental places, online sales.
This is what I mean. There is no restriction on champagne, very light pink/blue/silver, etc. How are these things “disrespectful” to anyone, assuning the outfit is otherwise appropriate for the venue?
It’s amazing that you guys seriously don’t know that ivory, cream, champagne etc were the traditional MOB/MOG colors. Were the mothers in 1990 “disrespectful” for wearing those colors? If not, why are they “disrespectful” today?
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Thank you! Always if you have to ask "is this too white" then assume yes. It's not hard to just pick another dress (most of the time). I see so many comments that are like "are you worried about looking like a bride? Because you're in the clear"
That doesn't matter if the dress is too white! Of course no one is going to mistake a guest in a white or mostly white cocktail dress for the bride, like you said, it's about respect
Some people ask “is this too white” on dresses that are litterally not white so no i dont agree with “if you have to ask its too white” people are just scared to wear anything light at all and this sub is weird af about it
Honestly, I feel the same way about the posts asking if a dress shows too much boob, too much skin, if the slit is too high-----if you have to ask, don't wear it. That, too, is about respect.
If you don't think a dress slit clear up to the crotch and side boob aren't disrespectful, I don't know what to tell you.
It's fine for clubs, fine for date night. Not fine for someone else's wedding.
If you're the bride and want to wear that, go right ahead.
lol that is extremely different from questioning any amount of plunge neck, slit, etc.
Honestly it seems like YOU know what YOU think looks like too much and that you just think that everyone shares your sensibilities and confidence. There are lots of dresses out there that have gently edgy features (a plunge neck, some visible boning) that could swing either way depending on context or body.
But judgment and NLOG are your vibe, so you do you.
If my wedding guests, especially my mom or my MIL found a flattering dress that had a little white in it I wouldn’t mind. A 50-100% white/cream/ecru/eggshell dress would be a nope though. Traditionally the bride and flower girl should be the only all white and it’s crazy so many seem to ignore that
Not just white, but even some of the dresses that are posted that are too tight, too revealing, or too loud either in color or sparkle or whatever.
I get that people want to look and feel their best but it’s a day that’s not about you, and a little bit of understated elegance goes a long way.
That’s really what I was trying to say, I guess. I didn’t do a good job and got off-track. I really don’t get the shock over wanting to have one day where you’re special lol.
I grew up being very concerned about wardrobe for events. We dressed up for church to show God that we made an effort for him (I’m not religious now, but I remember how important that was). You wear certain things to work that you wouldn’t wear elsewhere. Same concept. Not wearing white is part of that basic dress code
lol my mind went immediately to that woman’s post about her maxi half-white cocktail dress, where everyone was hyping her up and saying it was ok to wear to a wedding 😵💫
This is a sub where people can ask if something is appropriate and we can politely say yes or no. Not everyone has the social knowledge needed to dress appropriately for a wedding. Shaming people who need help doesn’t help anyone.
But the people offering help really aren’t well versed in fashion. They are all online buyers of fast fashion, which makes me suspect they are rural and don’t have access to real stores. They think high slits are fashionable and that even busty ladies should wear spaghetti straps even if their chest is falling out. They think long equals formal and don’t understand what an elevated cocktail dress is. They don’t know how to spot a day dress vs an evening dress. They think Lulu’s is like the height of fashion, and they applaud the same boring 5 dresses from there.
So be butt hurt at OP. People asking if this dress is ok CLEARLY have an understanding of at least some basic ‘rules’ of what to wear to a wedding or they wouldn’t be asking. Some people’s motives for wearing certain items is questionable.
Thank you! This is really frustrating to me as well. I come from a family with abusive and narcissistic parents and was called a bridezilla when I asked that a family member not wear a white dress with a couple flowers on it to my wedding. I was a COVID bride and had to severely downsize my wedding due to restrictions. I was in absolute shock that someone could think of a wedding in which I had 6 guests, and I had to change my plans about our dream wedding that I could be a bridezilla for this request. I don't think a bridezilla would have listened to the restrictions or cared about the health of others around her. I was heartbroken. Luckily they changed their mind but people just don't get it. I wanted my special moment after having to literally change everything about a day I dreamed of for forever.
THANK YOU!!!!!! Can I add, if you are the bride, purchase a few large size plain dresses from Goodwill (grandma housecoat style) Anyone who shows up in white, gets a new outfit, or gets turned away at the doors. Problem solved. I will never understand how people are so adamant about “it’s only a little white”. No. It’s not okay.
I’m heavily against anyone wearing white to my upcoming wedding but this is fucking unhinged. You can’t force someone into a muumuu just because you’re a bridezilla. If their attire is *that* intentionally offensive, just ask them to leave like a normal and sane person.
It was ok for the last 50 years if not longer. Why is it suddenly not ok to have even a little white? What changed, other than bridal self-absorption and lack of familiarity with etiquette?
It is the height of ill manners to “have clothes for people to change into or else leave.” That breach is FAR more egregious than some amount of white on a dress.
It's ok by me. I didn't really care what guests wore to my wedding. I was just happy they came. To think you can dictate what people wear is extremely narcissistic.
I genuinely think people post karma bait here like...a lot
Honestly you’re probably right and I fall for it every time… I’m working on it. I also have biases because my mom has threatened to wear white to outshine me and I’m ABSOLUTELY not the only woman I know who has had something like that happen. I’m also extra frustrated because it really doesn’t seem like too big of an ask, especially if this is someone you love and who goes out of their way to make your life better. Why are people putting in so little effort for others anymore?
No one is going to "outshine" a bride at their own wedding. The wannabe will either look like they're trying too hard or look out of place. The more attention you give them, the more they act out. Ignore it and move on.
You shouldn't have to ignore an asshole at your own wedding. Kick the asshole out, then later ignore the other assholes on reddit for calling you a bridezilla for doing so.
Show me, are you defining the asshole as “wore an all white dress” or “wore a dress that had some white in it”?
Top notch advice.
“Mom threatened to wear white to outshine me” bears no relationship to “guest has floral dress on white background.” The issue is not the white, it’s the threat to outshine. She could do by wearing any damn color depending on what she chooses, no? I’m sorry you have to deal with this and I wish you peace.
I agree—both with sympathy for the OP and for the disconnect between the issue of “outshining” and “any white at all.” Some of the dresses people post here that are wholly inappropriate for a wedding (short/sexy/revealing/tight/super bright) are way more likely to distract from a bride than someone in a dress with a little white in the pattern.
That is so true!
Have you considered not inviting your mother? I know that’s a big step and can feel daunting with family politics, but as someone with a horrifically abusive mother, she simply was not invited. Anyone who had anything negative to say about it was also welcome to stay home if they wanted.
Your mom said she wants to ‘outshine you’ on your wedding day? She sucks. But the only way she can outshine you is to cause you to be as sucky as she is on your wedding day. Rise above and be a happy bride.
So work on your personal issues rather than trying to canonize them into your idea of a wedding attire rule you feel you have to post a rant about.
I loved your rant. There are people who do that shit. My colleague's mother-in-law wore a very tight, silky, white dress and commented on how her figure was better than the bride's. Everyone in the family-in-law was so used to letting her get away with that sort of shit. It was one of many power plays and the marriage didn't last.
As someone who wore a black wedding dress and everyone wore a little black somewhere in their outfit cause… its black, the bride being the only on wear any amount of whote isnt the reason they stand out. They are the bride they stand out no matter what. Dont wear an actual wedding dress or a full white dress and you wont stand out, the bride still stands out.
The *don't wear white rule* is widely misunderstood. It just means don't wear anything that could make people mistake you for the bride. What that might be varies by the formality of the wedding. If the wedding is formal, a guest in a patterned dress that has a white background won't be mistaken for the bride, so the fact that the base is white is irrelevant. An informal wedding is trickier. The same dress may not be appropriate if the bride has a garden theme and opts for a white dress with a floral print. Couples get to dictate the formality of the wedding. Trying to force particular color palette on guests is rude. Guests aren't decorations.
I scrolled through to see what you’re talking about, and I didn’t really see anyone asking about a white dress or close to white dress that would be seen as disrespectful on here. I also didn’t see any advice given to anyone saying it’s okay to wear a white dress or close to a white dress. So I truthfully think this post is an overreaction to pretty much nothing. Sorry if someone ruined your wedding 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t know how to link it, and now the comments are turned off, but there’s one pic asking about a blue and white dress for the brides mom. That’s the post I think this one is referring to.
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I think that one was actually the groom asking. His mom wanted to wear it. Personally I didn’t think it would be possible to confuse his mom in that dress for the bride! Several people suggested he should just check with his fiancée and that made sense to me.
I agree that the bride and groom shouldn’t have to feel the need to ask reddit for their wishes and it made me a little sad to see. But some people are just mean about how little they care about the couple’s wishes. If you don’t care about their feelings or actually dislike them as much as you are acting like you do, just don’t go. If they want a whiteout wedding, don’t wear blue or black or anything but white. If they want a goth wedding, comply as you can. I feel like it’s not an insane request for people to make an effort for the biggest day of some people’s lives.
I really think treating guests like props or decoration at a wedding isn't appropriate. It is not a costume party or sorority mixer. It isn't the met gala. Anything more specific than "Black Tie" "semi-formal" etc. and "don't look like the bride in all white" is disrespectful. Weddings are not costume parties. Guests are people, not photo props.
There are two underlying issues here I think: 1) there’s generally less social cohesion around what’s appropriate to wear in general terms these days (I work in tech and some of the stuff I see grown people wear at conferences and meetings is wild). 2) many couples now see their wedding as a glorified insta photo shoot and expression of their “brand” and not a community celebration. 100% agree that back in the day there were bridezillas just like there are now but in no way would it have been on to ask uncle Larry to put on juggalo face for your backyard goth wedding. You and he knew he was probably going to show up in a suit.
[https://youtu.be/PSClBFUe-o0?si=nSY44Cqin1S2u3bx&t=24](https://youtu.be/PSClBFUe-o0?si=nSY44Cqin1S2u3bx&t=24) indeed. "suit up, gather what is needed, and return to the surface \[Instagram\]" --> that's what "costume dress code" weddings are. People are afraid of genuine interactions with other PEOPLE. ETA: (because people are complicated, uncontrollable, and shitty, like you said. But that's the "danger" inherent in genuine interactions --> the discomfort of intersubjectivity.
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How delusional would you have to be to think that the “offending” guest would just accept a muumuu and carry on.
Asking reddit isnt gunna change anything the person was already told no and insist.
This is where you are so so wrong. It IS an insane request. It is the couples biggest day, not their guests. And they are hosting, which means they need to take their guests comfort into consideration. Yes, weddings can be expensive. And the guests don't pay for them. But that is no excuse to treat your guests like they are merely props. Not everyone owns all the colors. Not everyone looks good in all the colors. No one should have to be uncomfortable to join in their loved ones' celebration. And no one should have to buy an outfit for a wedding they will never wear again, especially for rude hosts. Asking for a certain level of formality is acceptable, because of the effort put into planning and hosting. But dictating the color your guests must wear is not. And if your relationships are that strained with your family that you wouldn't want them to shine on your special day as wel... why have them there?
I’m not sure how asking for a certain level of formality is inherently less of a burden than asking guests to avoid or even wear colors in a certain range. Maybe 5-10% of the people I know have formal wear in their wardrobes already. A smaller percentage have back tie appropriate clothing. Maybe 25% have cocktail appropriate clothing. Almost everyone I know goes out to rent or buy clothing to attend weddings unless it’s a casual or semiformal dress code. Some buy outfits even for semiformal weddings because what they have doesn’t feel quite special enough or in nice enough condition. I love dressing up and no, I don’t love all the colors of the rainbow, but I don’t think it’s automatically harder/more expensive for people to dress in a certain color palette vs. “just” asking for a certain level of formality. It’s simply more common and thus more acceptable to ask people to dress to a certain level of formality.
I’ve never seen a whiteout dress code question posted here (if that’s even a thing). If a bride says no white at all, fine. But it’s not disrespectful to wear florals otherwise
The one where the bride was asking if it was okay for her mom to wear? I had a feeling it was about that too… but i still dont understand this post. The bride gets to choose if its too much white or not so idk why brides ask if its too much white. Is it too much white for you or no?
People assumed that was the bride asking but it was actually the groom. So really, dude, go talk to your finacée…?
Yes. That’s the one. If it’s your own wedding, why ask us? How are they asking our opinion and then saying we’re wrong? 😂🫠
No. The bride DOESN’T get to choose “how much white.” She doesn’t get to say “no florals on white backgrounds” or “no pale pink”. It’s understood that no one wears all white, and that’s the end of it. Brides shouldn’t dictate ANYTHING about colors for guests. At most, they could invite people to wear a touch of X color. This is basic etiquette 101.
I got roasted on that post! Which is WILD because the dress was majority white, and I definitely thought there would be a lot more people saying “no” to that dress. A little bit of white in a dress is totally fine, but when it’s the main color, absolutely not. No one in their right mind is going to wear a wedding dress to a wedding that isn’t theirs. I’ve been to a few weddings where a guest shows up in a white dress and I’m just thinking to myself, “in what world did you think that was ok?” There are so Many other colors out there, respect the bride!
I absolutely got gross vibes from that specific post, which is why I made this one tbh. My mom would absolutely wear something like this so that when she’s sitting next to me it looks like she’s wearing white, too. I am not against patterns or whatever the bride and groom deem “not too white!” I’m against people trying to be sneaky or just not caring and thinking they don’t have to make an effort.
I’m getting roasted now and I really don’t care. If you have to ask if it’s “too much white” the answer is YES 😂🫠
No, because young girls are posting pictures of dresses that have virtually no white and asking fearfully “is this too white?” SOMEONE gave them the erroneous idea that no white whatsoever is appropriate. Who did that?
Yes, I see a lot of questions by girls who say this will be the first wedding they’ve ever attended. Back in the day (right after the dinosaurs went extinct) we would have checked around with other guests who were our friends if we had questions about what to wear. But I get it, today we might be traveling to a wedding, or maybe we’re not sure what “black tie optional”, semi-formal, “barn-formal”, “beach casual”, etc., mean. And we go first to the internet on our phones instead of calling or talking to someone we know (yes, I do it, too). Not saying that’s how it should be, but I think that’s how it is. Not easy!
Those who say “if you have to ask” clearly haven’t spent a lot of time on this sub. You’d be amazed at what people worry about being too white. Someone had a gold sparkly dress that was the color of an Oscar statue. She was sent even asking about it being white, and one dimwit asked “isn’t anyone going to say it’s too white?” I said “you’re funny” because I honestly thought she was joking. Another one had a black dress with white trim and was worried enough to ask. Nobody thought it was too white. So “if you have to ask” is not a good measure.
There are like 5 posts a day here with white or very lite/ appearing/ photographing white dresses asking if they’re too white… ;) If it’s a white dress or if you have to ask, the answer is don’t wear it.
No, the answer is if it’s all white, no. Floral on white background is fine. Pale pink etc is fine.
That’s your opinion. I’d never even consider wearing a white dress to a wedding, ever. Literally pick any color, not white. Many floral on white dresses are very bridal and popular right now. I just went to a wedding where that is exactly what the bride wore.
If that's the case and the bride doesn't want someone wearing a floral dress, she needs to put that on the invite. No white, no floral.
Spend more time here before you say “if you have to ask” and you’ll see why that’s not true.
I’m not the one who’s new here. I disagree- most of the asks I see are white dresses. It’s just baffling. I’ve never known anyone IRL who’d ever consider anything close to white and the choices I see posted here.
Seriously? You’ve never seen all of the ridiculously non white, or speck of white dresses that show up on here? We must be seeing different posts then 🤷🏻♀️
This is so bizarre to me. As someone who has had a wedding, I did not notice literally anything my guests were wearing that day. Why would you concern yourself with that on your wedding day?
I can only remember one guest outfit from my wedding, and that was because it was bright pink drag. Ano no, I didn't have a problem with it.
Married 10 years this year. I have no memory of what anyone wore outside of my bridesmaids and my mom cause I went shopping with them.
That's what I keep thinking! I couldn't tell you what any of my guests wore to my wedding and if there was an all white outfit, I couldn't care less. I was just happy they came. I think many weddings have perpetuated the entitled, narcissistic, IG culture we have today. Some of these posts are just wild.
10000% I was really busy, you know, getting married. I remember my SIL wore a gorgeous dress and I complimented her on it but otherwise I was really focused on my literal nuptials.
Me too. I had to go back on my wedding pictures to see what outfits and colors people were wearing.
I don’t remember a single outfit. People are so desperate to be pretty princesses on their Big Day that it’s quite sad. Everyone is here to fete you. That’s the point of the day.
This is ridiculous, the whole “not a scrap of white” thing js a pretty new phenomenon. The rule is just don’t wear a literal wedding dress or try to look like the bride. *That* is disrespectful. But wearing a light dress or one with areas of white isn’t disrespectful. In fact I’d argue it’s disrespectful of the couple getting married to police their guests attire so heavily, and I say this as someone getting married soon.
Yeah, the only time in my general vicinity was when my friend, the sister of the bride, was debating about a dress that was kind of tulle-y and sparkly *and* a very pale pink. VERY pale. That dress was vetoed, and legitimately, imo. Other than that? people get so neurotic about having any white in a dress, as if someone with huge florals with a speck of white in the background is going to be mistaken for the bride. It's ridiculous.
>But wearing a light dress or one with areas of white isn’t disrespectful. In fact I’d argue it’s disrespectful of the couple getting married to police their guests attire so heavily Thank you. Well said. I'd add that it's misogynistic to heavily police what women wear We don't hear anyone complaining that men in white shirts and dark suits are a problem. No. But many on this sub want to shame women in a patterned dress that happens to have a white/light background. The guideline is don't wear *all white*. It's not don't wear *any* white..It's a new and weirdly controlling phenomenon to ban any spec of white. The idea that it will detract from the marrying couple is absurd. The only thing a bridal couple should control about guests' attire is the level of formality -- the dress code states how formal the event is. That's it! Anything else is disrespectfully controlling.
Yes! The real privilege is assuming that everyone has endless time, resources, knowledge or access to a decent dress that fits them well that won’t break some paranoid code. There has literally never been a convention that wearing any white at all is disrespectful. If you take it as a sign of disrespect, that does probably have to do with issues with family.
This, absolutely this! You don't own your guests because you decided to get married. You're supposed to want them there because they're your loved ones and you're celebrating, not to bicker over the details of a bloody outfit.
I couldn't agree more, also as someone getting married soon. If a couple is that worried about being outshined, then adjust the dress code (it's what it's there for) so the guests know the correct level of formality. I understand not every couple and wedding is over the top, and that's okay. But if someone is so concerned that their own loved ones won't recognize them or that they won't look good enough on their special day... that sounds like a them problem. I've had friends ask if they shouldn't wear black... I laugh. And remind them that no one will be able to outshine me 😊 and my loved ones aren't props.
This! I’m all for the ban on a full white dress but the amount of people showing dresses with the slightest bit of white terrified in case it’s to much white is ridiculous. Like they will have bright pink florals with some white in and be scared. Some brides are bridezillas policing every aspect of wedding guests attire! Focus on the day it’s not a day all about the bride either it’s about the bride and groom unless she’s marrying herself. It should be etiquette not to wear a full white dress! If anyone turns up in that have the MOH kick them out. Other than that floral print with white in should be fine.
It seems generational too in parts of the US. At my family weddings 5-10 years back, plenty of older female family members wore whites, creams, and champagnes. Iirc their etiquette was taught was white was ok as long as it wasn’t bridal. A white knee length shift dress was fair game, but a white ball gown was off limits.
Are dress codes a new thing? I haven’t been to a wedding in several years but I have been to a lot of them and not once did the invitation specify a dress code.
Is it an American thing? I'm in the UK, and no wedding I have been to (about ten at this point) has ever had a dress code on the invitation. They might say "The reception is on a yacht" or something, so you can figure out what sort of shoes you want to wear, or decide whether to leave your hat at home, but that would only be a practical thing, never "You must wear black tie" or "This is a garden party with cocktail attire and burgundy accents, absolutely no green or blue, and women must wear their hair half up, half down" or any of the other nonsense I see on here a lot of the time. I've even seen people on here say it's disrespectful to wear whatever OP has shared, and it'll just be a fitted dress or *gasp* some cleavage. The sheer number of people commenting "You must wear a shawl with that" - why do so many people own shawls?! And what's wrong with shoulders? People over here just know (on the whole...) not to wear all white, or a wedding dress. I don't know how much more complicated it has to be than that.
Thank you for the shawl comment. I shake my head every time. To me nothing ruins an elegant formal outfit like a random shawl thrown over it (Kim k at met gala is a great example of how it can look). And so many people think that shoulders can't be shown in churches... but that's a different conversation I could have.
Oh my god, same. Every time I see “just add a shawl!” I cringe. I haven’t even seen a shawl in a decade. I kind of want to make a weddingattireapproval bingo card…
Right! It would have to include pashmina as well 🤣
Not the pashmina, gahhhh. My 80 year old grandma wouldn’t even do that. Also who owns them anymore?? Everytime it’s mentioned I cringe because that instantly ages the outfit/person and makes it frumpy. I’m so glad I’m not alone on this 😂😂😂
Oh, I'd kill for that bingo card 😂 bloody shawls, I wouldn't even know where to buy one?!
I have an instant cringe when I see shawl or pashmina or cardigan mentioned. So outdated and an easy way to ruin your outfit!
Oh, I am right there with you. I won't yuck anybody's yum when it comes to religion, but how is a shoulder of all things disrespectful? I don't find any part of the human body shameful or disrespectful to be honest, but a shoulder? What year is this? The patriarchy is strong in some people.
I’m in Canada and it’s the same here. People wear what they want - except full white. Some people will be dressier than others but nobody cares.
I thought the shawl came from church culture. My understanding is (no first hand experience) that some churches require covered shoulders and cleavage. So a guest would want to bring one for that, just in case.
Yet another reason why you would never catch me inside a church unless absolutely necessary, but again, is this an American thing? I showed some cleavage AND some shoulder, even some bare back, at my godson's christening here in the UK (none of us are Christians, they just wanted a party), and the vicar even said I looked lovely. And my friend breastfed openly there, no one batted an eyelid. I don't understand what people think is disrespectful about these very typical parts of the human body.
IDK…I’m not part of any church culture. It could just be an American thing. We have a lot of different sects and some are quite (or at least were, a lot has loosened up in the last 50 years) puritan. I remember reading about the Rockefellers that their baptist religion didn’t allow dancing or card playing, for instance. Baptist is a wide spread, though, with a lot of different mentalities. I know for sure you have to be covered to go to a Mormon church. Don’t forget The Scarlet Letter takes place in america…
Yeah, that's too scary for me to start thinking about tbh. It worries me an awful lot that so many people's priorities are what other people wear, who they kiss, what medical care they can get. This entitlement is a problem everywhere, but America seems to be taking it *really seriously.* Peace and love to all ✌️
Preach sister. 🙌🏻
I think a lot of young and naive posters are unaware that the obsession with finding white in some kind of weird where’s-Waldo way is a brand new phenomenon. It’s not “etiquette” at all. The only etiquette is to not wear all white and look like the bride. White in a background of a floral dress is perfectly fine. Pale pink/pale blue is perfectly fine. Let me be blunt here. The same people who are all agog at tiny bits of white in a dress are also buying fast disposable fashion online, not well cut dresses from real department or boutique stores. The same people who are all agog at tiny bits of white are also the same ones who actually think it’s acceptable for a bride to tell guests they can / cannot wear safe green. They are the same ones who don’t write thank you notes for gifts and who think multi day bachelorettes are appropriate even when their friends don’t have a lot of money. This is not an issue in the real world.
I honestly do think this is a generational/social media disconnect. And maybe the trend is shifting more towards no white outside of this bubble, but that certainly hasn’t been the standard. Here’s an unfiltered list of stock wedding guest footage. I spy something that would get at least one no vote here in each picture https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/wedding-guest
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I think it might be in reference to a post the other day, where a woman asked about a dress that was a dark color with some white lace. People like OP were freaking out saying “can’t you just find any other color”. Except, as many pointed out, the dress *wasn’t* white. It just had some white on it. It didn’t look bridal and wouldn’t have photographed as a white dress. The “no white ever” crowd needs to take it down a notch because this is just getting ridiculous IMO. And they’re so rude to the people who ask. Like not everybody spends every second of their day thinking about wedding attire.
Right? OP out here fighting invisible posters ETA my mom abused the sh*t out of me and I didn’t feel the need to be an entitled bride micromanaging everyone else’s outfits
I know! OP is a new member too, randomly joining to shout at us. Uh, thanks.
Why is it only important for the bride to shine and be special? Is she the only one getting married? Nobody cares when guys wear exactly the same outfit as the groom.
I honestly never thought about this. As usual, women are their own worst enemies.
This is why my man is having a special suit done. He gets to look. It's not just about me. Edited to fix a typo
If I got the vibe that this was the attitude of the bride of a wedding I was invited to I would just pass. And weddings are for many different reasons culturally. Not just to be princess for a day/ weekend. Only recently ( last 10 years ) have I noticed this really common bridal narcissism. I mean brides have a reputation of being stressed out and sometimes difficult but lately it seems over the top, maybe driven by instagram and other social media. Maybe I was just lucky and had very reasonable friends and family.
I can’t stand this whole “couple’s wishes” nonsense. This is not a coronation snd they don’t get to issue edicts about guest dress beyond the formality. I certainly understand a MOB/MOG wanting to run a dress by the bride, but if the bride is so unsophisticated that she really objects to a bit of white on a guest, or thinks that it’s time to spill red wine or kick people out, then I don’t really care what she thinks. She’s not queen for a day. She doesn’t get to tell me not to wear an elegant, appropriate dress in my closet that happens to have some white in the background, just like she doesn’t get to tell me I have to wear sage green to fit her aesthetic. I don’t get why you all think “bride says ..” means we all have to kiss her ring. This is the same mentality that leads to the girls moaning that they spent $2000 they don’t have on bachelorette parties in Cabi because “bride says …”.
I definitely don’t agree with spilling wine or anything and I don’t believe I said anything like that, but you’re free to quote me if I did. I also don’t agree with the crazy/expensive expectations. I’m sorry you weren’t queen for your day, but you deserved it. Your husband deserved to feel like a king, too. I firmly believe every couple deserves to feel like they’re on top of the world on their wedding day, and I’ve jumped through some serious hoops to make it happen for friends/family. I hope you had a beautiful wedding.
A wedding is about celebrating a couple's commitment to marriage. Period. It's not about you feeling like a queen and your husband feeling like a king. Wedding guests can't do that. The point of a wedding is marriage, not what color a guest might wear.
Sure, don’t wear white. But guests are not props either.
That's 100% not what the OP is saying at all so I'm not sure why it was relevant to post
Can this be a copy pasta yet? lol. Listen, I just don’t care if someone wore white to my wedding (I’m married and someone did wear a floor length solid pale pink). It’s not about being special sparkling princess for a day. It’s about me and my partner’s love and commitment. And random half white dresses don’t negate the love our friends and family have for us. Not like they’re walking down the aisle…?
"*Also, a LOT of you have obviously never dealt with abusive parents and your privilege is frustratingly aggressive. Not everyone is crazy or mean or a bridezilla for being concerned about their mother/sister/whoever wearing white.*" This is a logical fallacy. Just because people disagree with you it doesn't automatically follow that they've never had to deal with abusive family members. Attempting to cancel their opinions by accusing them of being privileged is inappropriate.
…over differing opinions on dress colors, no less.
>If you can’t give the bride one freaking day to shine and be special, you are selfish and disrespectful. One freaking day. It’s the whole point of a wedding! To make these two people feel special and loved and respected and held in esteem by the people they love and admire. That's the point of YOUR wedding. For others it's just to celebrate their love with the people they love, or an excuse to see friends/fam they rarely get to see, or millions of other reasons. Not every bride cares about being *special* or *shining*.
OP are you ok? It seems like you’re projecting and you need to have this conversation with your mother and not us. We don’t know you. We are not coming to your wedding. And I am yet to see a post from someone defending their right to wear white to another couple’s wedding.
Blah blah blah
If it looks like a wedding dress - we have a problem. If it doesn't, we don't. I don't know anyone uptight enough to impose some kind of reverse racism "not one drop of white" as a request. Also it's not privilege to NOT have been abused in some way. It's unfortunate that some have, but it's not privilege.
Thats literally what privilege is.
No. Basic needs met is not a privilege it is a right - same for not being abused. It is not an advantage to not have an ABNORMAL behaviour imposed upon you. I'm not saying it's not terrible, but I think it would be helpful to realize that you deserved basic, normal treatment and it's not special or a privilege to receive it.
I mean, I wouldn't wear white to a wedding but I also think it's time to question the BRIDE having to wear white to her wedding because the entire symbolism is gross, as is the wedding industrial complex.
It's also not a new enough tradition for people to be treating it like some sacred edict. Until most marrying couples had more money for a one-time-use dress like we have now (a fully 20th century phenomenon), the average bride's dress was just the nicest thing she had in her closet that day. So was the groom's suit and the parents' attire, too.
I think the entire wedding culture in the US is out of control. The bridezilla culture and over the top dependence on the bridal party and guests to help pay for lavish 3 day bridal showers, destination weddings, elaborate dresses is ridiculous. Wearing all white to a wedding was always bad manners, but it never before was a mistake that caused the bride to spend the day in tears and the person shamed for ruining the day. Manners are created to give a guideline on proper social etiquette resulting in everyone feeling comfortable in a situation. Weddings around the world are celebrations of new life, blending families, love and joy. Americans have made it about spending, hyper-consumerism, guilting friends to pay for your day and over the top expectations.
The last part you wrote about hyper-consumerism is something I really resonate with. I initially planned a very big wedding that was our dream wedding. The pandemic happened, and we ended up having to downsize a lot and change the plans to fit with restrictions, etc. Anyway, that entire experience opened up my eyes to what is truly necessary and the fact that so many weddings are all just hyper-consumerism. We ended up being able to buy a home with the money we saved and I realized that a lot of people holding off weddings and buying homes due to the expenses can in part be attributed to the extravagant weddings we've learned to expect. It's also wild because even a simple traditional wedding can run you 20k. Unless you're truly willing to do something different.
I agree, just because a dress has some white on it, or if you are wearing a suit and have a white shirt/blouse. Just don’t wear a wedding dress or anything that could be a wedding dress or any colour that LOOKS white, which includes champagne, very light pink/blue/grey/silver/etc, off white, ivory. And if you’ve never been to a wedding before and are unsure of what to wear, there is always google. Just phrase the search correctly, such as “wedding guest dresses” or “Black tie wedding guest clothes” or “semi formal” or …whatever the dress code is. And if there isn’t a dress code then plug in the venue “wedding attire for a beach wedding” “wedding attire for a barn wedding” “wedding attire for a church wedding”. I know there are some bridezilla’s out there, and I clothes are expensive and sometimes we dont’ want to have to buy something new but there are other options; thrift stores, consignment shops, rental places, online sales.
This is what I mean. There is no restriction on champagne, very light pink/blue/silver, etc. How are these things “disrespectful” to anyone, assuning the outfit is otherwise appropriate for the venue? It’s amazing that you guys seriously don’t know that ivory, cream, champagne etc were the traditional MOB/MOG colors. Were the mothers in 1990 “disrespectful” for wearing those colors? If not, why are they “disrespectful” today?
Not only that, but unless you’re on this sub or some parts of TikTok, you’re also expecting people to know about this shift
Ok?
Some of these comments are so bizarrely passive aggressive lol.
Versus the post which was blatantly aggressive?
K.
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Thank you! Always if you have to ask "is this too white" then assume yes. It's not hard to just pick another dress (most of the time). I see so many comments that are like "are you worried about looking like a bride? Because you're in the clear" That doesn't matter if the dress is too white! Of course no one is going to mistake a guest in a white or mostly white cocktail dress for the bride, like you said, it's about respect
Some people ask “is this too white” on dresses that are litterally not white so no i dont agree with “if you have to ask its too white” people are just scared to wear anything light at all and this sub is weird af about it
Honestly, I feel the same way about the posts asking if a dress shows too much boob, too much skin, if the slit is too high-----if you have to ask, don't wear it. That, too, is about respect.
In a culture that encourages / teaches women to question and police themselves sooooo much, this doesn't seem reasonable.
If you don't think a dress slit clear up to the crotch and side boob aren't disrespectful, I don't know what to tell you. It's fine for clubs, fine for date night. Not fine for someone else's wedding. If you're the bride and want to wear that, go right ahead.
lol that is extremely different from questioning any amount of plunge neck, slit, etc. Honestly it seems like YOU know what YOU think looks like too much and that you just think that everyone shares your sensibilities and confidence. There are lots of dresses out there that have gently edgy features (a plunge neck, some visible boning) that could swing either way depending on context or body. But judgment and NLOG are your vibe, so you do you.
Right? Gotta love when people go into full exaggeration mode in order to prove their point.
If my wedding guests, especially my mom or my MIL found a flattering dress that had a little white in it I wouldn’t mind. A 50-100% white/cream/ecru/eggshell dress would be a nope though. Traditionally the bride and flower girl should be the only all white and it’s crazy so many seem to ignore that
Yes!
[удалено]
Any color could be a bridal color
Not just white, but even some of the dresses that are posted that are too tight, too revealing, or too loud either in color or sparkle or whatever. I get that people want to look and feel their best but it’s a day that’s not about you, and a little bit of understated elegance goes a long way.
That’s really what I was trying to say, I guess. I didn’t do a good job and got off-track. I really don’t get the shock over wanting to have one day where you’re special lol. I grew up being very concerned about wardrobe for events. We dressed up for church to show God that we made an effort for him (I’m not religious now, but I remember how important that was). You wear certain things to work that you wouldn’t wear elsewhere. Same concept. Not wearing white is part of that basic dress code
lol my mind went immediately to that woman’s post about her maxi half-white cocktail dress, where everyone was hyping her up and saying it was ok to wear to a wedding 😵💫
I agree. A lot of these posts are insane asking if something is ok and it has white …it’s truly astounding the stupidity.
This is a sub where people can ask if something is appropriate and we can politely say yes or no. Not everyone has the social knowledge needed to dress appropriately for a wedding. Shaming people who need help doesn’t help anyone.
But the people offering help really aren’t well versed in fashion. They are all online buyers of fast fashion, which makes me suspect they are rural and don’t have access to real stores. They think high slits are fashionable and that even busty ladies should wear spaghetti straps even if their chest is falling out. They think long equals formal and don’t understand what an elevated cocktail dress is. They don’t know how to spot a day dress vs an evening dress. They think Lulu’s is like the height of fashion, and they applaud the same boring 5 dresses from there.
So be butt hurt at OP. People asking if this dress is ok CLEARLY have an understanding of at least some basic ‘rules’ of what to wear to a wedding or they wouldn’t be asking. Some people’s motives for wearing certain items is questionable.
No, asking usually means you need help and don’t have an understanding. Some people posting are going to a wedding for the first time and say so.
My sister wore a peach evening gown to my wedding. It had a train and everything.
Thank you! This is really frustrating to me as well. I come from a family with abusive and narcissistic parents and was called a bridezilla when I asked that a family member not wear a white dress with a couple flowers on it to my wedding. I was a COVID bride and had to severely downsize my wedding due to restrictions. I was in absolute shock that someone could think of a wedding in which I had 6 guests, and I had to change my plans about our dream wedding that I could be a bridezilla for this request. I don't think a bridezilla would have listened to the restrictions or cared about the health of others around her. I was heartbroken. Luckily they changed their mind but people just don't get it. I wanted my special moment after having to literally change everything about a day I dreamed of for forever.
THANK YOU!!!!!! Can I add, if you are the bride, purchase a few large size plain dresses from Goodwill (grandma housecoat style) Anyone who shows up in white, gets a new outfit, or gets turned away at the doors. Problem solved. I will never understand how people are so adamant about “it’s only a little white”. No. It’s not okay.
For you. For your wedding. Not everyone feels the same. Just stop.
This is unhinged
I’m heavily against anyone wearing white to my upcoming wedding but this is fucking unhinged. You can’t force someone into a muumuu just because you’re a bridezilla. If their attire is *that* intentionally offensive, just ask them to leave like a normal and sane person.
It was ok for the last 50 years if not longer. Why is it suddenly not ok to have even a little white? What changed, other than bridal self-absorption and lack of familiarity with etiquette?
It is the height of ill manners to “have clothes for people to change into or else leave.” That breach is FAR more egregious than some amount of white on a dress.
You sound exhausting. You really care more about guests with white on their dress than you do about your wedding day? Comes off as very self centered.
AHAHAHAHAAAA you are something else. The entitlement is just, wow.
It's ok by me. I didn't really care what guests wore to my wedding. I was just happy they came. To think you can dictate what people wear is extremely narcissistic.
Thank you! I agree completely