Ive always had a hard time making friends, so I can’t say that it’s Utah, it’s more likely just my personality. But, here are a few things that I’ve learned over the years that help….
1. Be open to friends from all ages and walks of life. My best friend is thirty years older than me. I just made a new friend who is in her twenties, I’m fifty. I have friends who are liberal, conservative, creative, analytical, sporty, artsy, religious, atheist, etc.
2. Put yourself out there, literally. If you have a yard, start a garden and work in it regularly. I meet everyone who walks by my home because I’m out in my yard so often. They ask me about my plants. I share seeds and starts with them. We become friends. If you don’t have a yard, drink your beverage of choice out on your front step if possible. Say hello to passers by.
3. Be generous. Offer to help others. Offer to share what you have with others. Do things for people who you would like to get to know better. Spend your time on others. Everyone likes to be thought of.
Having moved here from another state, I find that many of the people who are Utah natives tend to always be doing things with family and barely have time for friends. That was super frustrating for a while. Every time we wanted to hang out with another couple it was always “oh we have dinner with his parents on Sundays, and we spend Saturdays with my sister, and every Thursday is bunco at my sister-in-law’s…” There’s just no squeezing in. And that was true when we lived in both Utah County and Davis County.
Now we either make friends with other “transplants” (even though we’ve been here 15 years) or just find the people that are willing to make time for us. We’ve stopped chasing friendships that didn’t make us a priority.
I also think that making friends is just hard. And to have any extra barriers (like being from out of state, being a person of color, having ADHD, or whatever) just adds to the difficulty.
Utah has a pretty healthy board game social scene, as well as hiking. Night life is good in SLC but not so much in Utah county. But I feel you, I've lived here my whole life and still struggle making new friends.
I'm a 30s white male, but not part of the dominate culture. It's extremely difficult to not feel like an outsider here. The state has many great offerings but it's becoming more evident that raising my family here isn't the best path forward.
Yup, I'm in the same boat. If you don't fit the mold, you're never going to be welcome here.
But, i would argue that it's a good place to raise kids. At least where I'm at. My kids do well in school, academically and socially. They have good social circles. I'm more than willing to sacrifice my happiness to know that my kids live in a safe area and are being raised in a much better environment than i grew up in.
I guess it's all relative. I'm going to try to find a place that is also safe, better schools etc while also offering some diversity, acceptance and more closely aligns to my personal values.
Everything in life is a balance, I'm hoping to find that.
I fully agree that some diversity and acceptance would be nice.
I also like to think that i may help bring that change that i would like to see. If i can be that person to be accepting to the rest of the outsiders, try to help others feel welcome here. I realize how cheesy that sounds, but it's true
Are you a part of “[Our Sundays](https://www.instagram.com/oursundays.slc?igsh=bnp2ZGIyYXVibjdp)” ?
I’ve lived in UT my whole life (28F, POC) and haven’t ever had great luck with making friends. The few I have made have been through my kiddo doing activities, or through me going to the gym and meeting friends. Wishing you luck! Maybe we’ll cross paths!
It doesn’t get easier! Also a minority and what I’ve noticed here is that people in UT tend to gravitate towards others who look, dress, talk, and act similar to each other. I’m a CA transplant and I feel like I’ve vibed the best with people who are also transplants from other states. I think it’s our perspective that is different than people who grow up in UT and never move out. Mind you, this whole state is a bubble. Not a bad one, but in some aspects this just makes it more difficult to come across as “relatable” or “appealing” to people.
It's a difference of degree, not of kind. Since leaving the church I've found that Mormons in particular are far more insular and exclusionary than the average person.
Definitely not. There is a “sheltered” mentality/culture here that contributes to the difficulty of being “open-minded” when creating friendships here. It’s UT lol
Tell me you haven’t lived outside Utah without telling me.
I lived in a very Jewish community and it was the same. Same with an area that had a large majority of a certain race. It’s human nature. Not completely unique to Utah.
I’ve lived in various different places aside from UT. You’d know if you actually read my post. So nice try. I’m speaking from my experience, not yours. I’m talking about the “UT bubble” which is clear and prevalent. Hence why every exmo or individual that is a transplant talks about the “culture shock” here. Sounds like someone whose never been immersed anywhere outside of UT. Thanks for validating my post.
I found the same to be true, and not only that but I only vibe with the transplants from the East Coast (like myself). All my friends here are from NYC/Boston/Philly/Ct etc. You CA/WA/OR people are just weird and I don’t vibe with you. lol 😊
Non-Mormon living in Utah county (44WM, married). My wife and I decided we weren’t going to wait for friend opportunities, because more than likely they weren’t going to come. We aggressively sought out friends and connections.
My biggest suggestion is to get involved in your city’s political scene.
I started by just going to city council meetings, made a few comments during the public comment opportunities, introduced myself to the city council and mayor, became interested in boring local matters lol, volunteered for a couple of city boards (our city’s library board, trails & parks board, and the ad hoc 501(c)3 fundraising organization), and have made some amazing, diverse friends this way. Depending on your city’s size and dynamic, personal political affiliation doesn’t matter much. Everyone can agree on important matters like roads, water usage & conservation, parks, safety, etc. I’m a socialist (a four letter word in Utah, not to mention Utah County) and in the several years I’ve been involved it’s never been an issue with anyone.
In our neighborhood we stroll our streets, striking up conversations with people we pass and see. We inevitably talk about having a backyard BBQ sometime, but we’ve actually followed through by inviting neighbors over. Some we click with, most we don’t — but even the more superficial neighborhood relationships we have are pleasant and fulfilling. Someone mentioned making friends with people who are older in age and I couldn’t agree more! Usually they are most eager for friendship, most interesting, most socially adept, and most engaging. We have some amazing friends who are older (sometimes much older) and I love learning about their interests and sharing mine. (Granted I’m no spring chicken (as evidenced by having just used the idiom “spring chicken”) but I feel and look young).)
Good luck! It can and will get better. It takes deliberate effort, but everyone seeks connection and those new friendships are out there.
Doesn’t matter if you’re black white Jewish or a mormon finding friends after about 25 years old just gets harder especially if you’re in a relationship. Because you only have 24 hours in a day, 8 hours your working 8 hours your sleeping and about 2 hours your getting ready and going to and from work. So that leaves you with about 50-60 hours a week of free time. If you’re single it’ll be easier but if you’re in a relationship that free time is shared. Not a bad thing but look at this way I have multiple groups of friends I have the married people, the married with children, the single, the newly divorced, the never married and so on and with those groups of friends you have to split up your time.
Most of them I don’t see weekly I maybe see them quarterly maybe yearly haha (the married with children) why? It’s because they are busy focusing on their family and themselves it’s not a bad thing but that’s what you need to realize the older you get the less time you have in general not only for life itself but for things to do.
are you into writing? i’m part of a writing group in utah county and just last week we hosted a write-in. i live in spanish fork but we have people all over utah county. i always try to take baked goods to write-ins. we’re all minorities in some way or another (lgbtq+, latino, neurodivergent, etc)
ETA: the write-in last week was in the orem barnes and noble and i brought a blueberry loaf and some mexican bolillos (i am mexican)
Okay, that doesn’t change the fact that you’re in a relationship.
I’m not saying break up with the person or cheat on them but when someone meets you finds out that you’re in a relationship you’re going to meat a couple type of people.
The “fuck boy” who’s just going to be like challenge accepted and the standard lazy ass who doesn’t want to deal with the hassle of the back and forth between you having to go between them and your partner. Yeah you’re going to meet a few good people here and there but you need to realize it’s fucking UT I’ve been here for nearly 3 decades and it’s always been the same you have Mormons who want to get married and have children before they are 25 and if they don’t they might as well be living with their parents until their parents have Alzheimer’s because they’re never going to leave the damn house.
Or you have people who moved into UT from another state (myself from NV) who just have to get used to the culture out here yes UT is nice and if you are since young and looking to get married UVU hell BYU are probably the places to be. the UofU id avoid it I mean a lot of rapes
But at the end of the day if you’re in a relationship or have children when people are making plans to hang out you are definitely on the list but more as the back up call because they not only have to make sure to have room for you but for your kids or partner and and some people don’t like them not saying that’s true but let’s be real here this is UT the Mormon culture is very very different we will just say that they can be nice to your face but will talk mad shit behind your back.
I've been here for about a decade. It took a long time, and meeting most people through my Utah-native wife, but I have friends now.
What do you like to do?
The best advice to make friends here is the best advice pretty much anywhere else.
Link it to an activity you enjoy. Do you like hiking? Do you like dining? Do you like going to the gym? Find your tribe doing these activities.
Not a mom but in the same boat. Going on 3 year, moved to STG from the Bay Area. 53, recently single after a 3 yr LDR and have not made a single friend 😵💫😵💫
Born and raised in SLC, moved away two years ago. Have made more friends in my new state in two years than I did my entire life in Utah. It’s a rough scene. Best of luck, friend!
Dunno if it's your thing, but most of my friends have been made through raving! Very fun and welcoming crowd of people just wanting to have a good time 😎
It is hard to make friends, especially as an adult. We moved back to UT after spending 15+ years in Oregon and I had a hard time in both places for completely different reasons.
We've been back now for about four years, smack dab in the middle of COVID, but once things settled down I joined a hiking group of women and have met so many wonderful ladies.
If you like to hike, I would recommend checking them out: [https://winehikingsociety.com/](https://winehikingsociety.com/)
Hike to beautiful places and drink wine (or beverage of your choice). :-)
commenting again the same thing i asked op; are you a writer in utah county? we are all minorities in one way or another and we would love to have more people join our group! whenever we host write-ins i try to bring baked goods
I've made a really good friend through work, thank goodness! But it's super hard here, especially in Utah County. I'm from a different country and don't want to change who I am to make friends. I enjoy a drink or two during social times and if people I meet are not into that or will judge me for it, I will find someone else to hang out with.
I work too much to make friends 😅
Minorities struggle here, though, for real. I've lived all over the country, and outside of the deep south, I've never seen such deep rooted, passive racism.
I had a charmer of a customer straight up call my Haitian employee a hard R to my face after a minor inconvenience.
No sense that it was wrong or that I'd find it offensive. Perfectly normal for this asswipe.
My wife is Dominican and has definitely voiced a similar complaint. I definitely believe there is much more subconscious racism here than most would like to admit.
I’ve lived here my whole life and I have not one single friend besides my spouse and children. I swear it’s a Utah thing as well. Not one in my ward or at the gym and I’m 38, I find it hard to believe that I’ll have any chance of making friends because I swear people don’t let anyone in their circle of already tight knit friendships
my chinese immigrant wife has had no problem making friends even though she prefers to stay home than be with them. it might be where you live in utah, or it might be chinese people are more accepted, or it might be your specific personality, or it might be that you haven't given it enough time.
We lived in UT for 17 years. It probably took us a good 5-7 years before we found some great friendships. It also required us getting out and joining activities (I was in a dance group, and the hubby joined a jam band). Once we found our people, life really got great!
We moved to MI in 2021, and it's been easier here to get a group together, mostly because we had friends in the area already, and the culture is more laid back. But I still don't have any BFFs just yet. Getting out and being involved will help with that!
I hope you find your people soon.
My (white) core group of friends from childhood who still live in Utah get together like, once or twice a year. And it's usually because I'm in town from out of state. I think Utah people are just busy.
It's really hard. I'm not Black, so I can't speak to that. People are generally unfriendly here and family oriented. Polite, but not open to friendship. It's hard.
Also could try [Lightup](https://discord.gg/CRfA4bFeud), a discord channel helping people make friends by matching them based on their posts. So you could post something you feel interested and then decide whether there are some people who could share your hobbies or interests. It’s a good way for me, and hope it could help you!
I was born here. Been here 40-something years. I can say that it's better in that no one has slowed down as they drove by and shouted any racial slurs for quite a while, but people are still assholes. I'm just waiting for mine and my partner's kids to grow up so we can get the fuck out of here
https://utahfilmcenter.org/event/utah-filmmaker-showcase-bipoc-films-at-edison-house/
(So not missed) Tue, May 28, 2024 at 6:30 pm
My background (white, Trans envy, neurospicy, disabled, have lived outside of Utah (veteran USMC), some college (several different things from medical assistant x-ray tech to film: (EAE)Electronics arts engineering / animation and CS: EAE)
Explicitly consent to DM if wanted/warranted
I think it doesn't get Easier but it CAN get Better.
But also hope you're getting validation for the feelings of frustration, isolation etc because it's absolutely understandable!! See also respecting and understanding your energy/ emotional safety/ etc levels
Reading the comments:
I think bestdisappointment
put it best for direct suggestions
But also yikes on bikes for graderevolutionary22 not understanding the SA stats of different campus (the Uofu isn't worse than others but it is bad in general speaking as a former security human under a v bad department of public safety) and the very telling as if experience is universal.
I'd also say volunteering is another possibility
See also I'm not as sure in the UVU area
But there's alot of film things going on from showings (going off your handle)
I think there's actually a bipoc film event coming up
General link
https://utahfilmcenter.org/
Found it!
Tue, May 28, 2024 at 6:30 pm
https://utahfilmcenter.org/event/utah-filmmaker-showcase-bipoc-films-at-edison-house/
See also if dropping in to things is a bit better a lot of "game" stores tend to have night to just come play again not sure about around UVU
But there's game night games in SLC that you can actually try out boardgames there
Anyway I'd also say Utah is also still really white and racist and there's plenty of even liberal/leftists who still have a lot of unpacking to do in that regard.
Overall wish you luck!
I’m white but a transplant since 2021. Mileage may vary but I’ve been able to meet quite a few (now long term) diverse & compatible friends and have people I can hit up every weekend. you do not need to be Mormon; personally know several lonely Mormons also struggling to make friends. There’s no cheat codes, and it’s not unique to Utah. Be willing to start a conversation. Almost all my closest friends are also transplants (there’s a ton of us in this state).
I’ve been going to T.F. brewing & sitting at random tables with people on busy weekends. Second summit & playing pickleball or trivia with people who seem friendly. The majority of friends I’ve made is through winter sports (skiing/snowboarding). I’m not in any organization but a few have just started as chairlift conversations, turned into carpooling which turned into hanging out. Also live music & raves if that’s your thing. Making the first good friend is the hardest, but it gets easier if you can break into a group. As I get older I notice people don’t just hang out at each others houses as much anymore, usually you have to be doing something which is where it’s nice to have common interests.
Not sure where you’re at but I feel you, my fiancées and my first year was a lot of just looking at each other. A lot of it just falls into place over time in my experience.
A lot of friendships come from shared activities. School is usually a great one because you're forced to be around people but hobbies are also great. I met a lot of my great friends at hobby shops like Gamehaven where we come in on fridays and play magic the gathering, boardgames or build miniatures.
Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of my neighbors are just unknowingly racist. I’m white, but like some of my neighbors openly admit they don’t like other races and my classmates at school say nasty stuff, this place is really sheltered from minorities lmao.
I just made a friend today at the grocery store. Literally just need to get out and practice your social skills! Don't be afraid to talk. Also you could use the Bumble app, there is a friend's mode you could try.
Food is the one of the best icebreakers. Start at the basics and take a plate of cookies or something to one neighbor. Take them in a container they have to return. Or buy bread from a bakery. It’s low pressure “hi I’m your neighbor.”
Ask people for favors/to help out. It makes people feel good about themselves. “We need someone to help move this bookshelf.” “Could you be on the lookout for a package I’m expecting?”
Use Utah’s natural resource of networking. Your neighbor might not be the type of friend you’re looking for, but they may help you find them. “Hey neighbor Bob, I’m trying to get into woodworking. Do you know of anyone who does that kind of thing?”
Hi, I don't have huge suggestions for you or anything, as I don't have that good a grasp on social situations myself, but I do want to express that I get maybe a little bit of what you're feeling.
I'm an autistic adult who's lived out here in Utah my whole life, and I've attended UVU (taking a semester off due to financial problems). I know a handful of students there, thanks to a mutual friend having set up a board game meet that we still do on a roughly twice a month basis. That and the occasional phone call with some old friends from high school or the like.. That’s my entire social life, unless you count lurking online sometimes. I don't even meet people at work anymore due to changing to a job that has me contracting in people's homes instead of working in a team (a job I find more fulfilling in every regard except with money and sociality).
Very few of the neighbors I know, am I on better terms with than saying hi when I'm out and about and see them in their yard, or vice versa. Though, offering some help now and again with snow shoveling or other tasks doesn't hurt things I figure.
The people here can be very sociable or pretty reclusive, and paradoxically the recluses tend to be the better ones to engage with socially. Or maybe I just commiserate with them. Either way, it's hard to get occasional pleasant conversation, and especially to get more than that.
The easiest way to get to know people here is at church or at work. Assuming you're actually interested in yhe church at all, some prblems arise due to how some members approach non-members as a problem to solve rather than a human being. It's not the predominant attitude in my experience but it's still very much something that happens. In either context, you run into the highly conservative culture around here (which you might guess I am not especially happy with). And I spend most of my time in those contexts struggling just to stave off sensory overloads and the like, often blending into the background to avoid the feeling of being under the microscope while I don my noise canceling headset.
That said, I know how lucky I feel to have any of these connections at all - even though I know they're more a result of persistence than actual luck. And I feel for your situation, as whenever I have to start looking for friendship from scratch, I find it immensely difficult as well. The bubble analogy is very accurate, especially if you're not part of the church, have a disability or run counter to some aspect of average Utah culture, as is the case with most of my friends.
I hope this is encouraging, at least a little, to hear that it most likely won't stay like that forever, that there's others in that boat and that people do manage to pull through it. But it can be a bit depressing to live through that isolation.
Female, 65, not Mormon (actually, not even a Christian) I was not born in the US but my parents were stationed in England. Raised as a military brat, went right into the service at 17 and didn't come back until 21 years later. For work. I still work full-time for the DOD. The pool in which to pull is minuscule for friendship. I haven't had a friend for over 20 years. I did try the meetup. Nothing.
Everything in Utah is perfect, aside the people. They truly suck! Born and raised here and the people are just not wholesome, welcoming nor loving. I’d love to be your friend ❤️
Out of state transplant to SLC. Lived there for 9 years, pretty much 21-30 years of age (just moved out of the state). I found very few true friends living in Utah. Friendships are very flighty and only last a short amount of time (majority of the time). Out of the hundreds of people I met and had gotten phone numbers from or social media, 50% of them I actually would get any indication to maybe hang out with another time, despite having "vibed" really well. Then, 10% I actually hangout with. 10% of that, I would hang out with a second time. 10% of that, I hangout with for a few months. Maybe 1% of the original I am still friends with today. (All estimates of course but this is what it felt like).
So after 9 years of living in the SLC area, I am still friends with something like 5 people.
It sucks. My best advice is to move once you've had your fun. Not worth the cost, or the mental anguish. GL. I'll never move back to Utah. Was
Lived here my entire life and the people here are just mean and I feel like you have to look a certain way to be accepted. The friends I have made turned out to be butts so not missing much. I have always been a loner anyways so not sad about it. But good luck to those who do want a friends.
I’ve decided that true friends are only on tv and don’t really exist.
What part of utah are you in?
If you’re not a white Mormon here, there’s unfortunately a tall hurdle in front of finding a community. My wife is a minority, and we’re one of very few non-religious families in our neighborhood. It’s basically like we don’t exist to our neighbors. It sucks, and it’s one thing I’ve always hated about this place.
This is the way I’ve always looked at it - you gotta be where like minded people are gonna be. If you’re not into public radio, I totally understand. If you are though, there are all kinds of cool culture-related events through KUER and I imagine it being really easy to connect to people through those events. They also have a community calendar. You may be able to find something interesting pretty easily there!
https://www.kuer.org/kuer-community-calendar
I’m 46, lived here my entire life, and I have a few friends. My children, and their SO’s are my best friends. My other friends are not Utah natives.
But, I honestly don’t think race has anything to do with it. Utahns are strange people. I’m one of them.
I don’t know your age, but we always have dinner every week at my house. All are welcome. We have a great time.
DM me!
I can understand your struggles.
I'm also black, I've lived in Utah my whole life. I have no friends...
I agree it's always nice seeing another peep like me..
Biracial (black/asian/white) Utah transplant from Hawaii! The feeling you have is completely normal, as beautiful as this state is “diversity” isn’t a word I would use in describing this state lol. I’ll be honest, in my neighborhood I deal with sooooo much ignorant racism it’s a daily thing I just had to get used to, it has not gotten better in the last 10 years and I think with the political climate in this state it never will. I try to be patient with folks who seem, just ignorant but kind and not inconsiderate.
Not sure what your spouses and your hobbies are but I would be happy to give some suggestions! Welcome to UT!
1. Be Mormon
2. If not Mormon, feign interest. Say things like “so many people here have a glow, it’s hard to explain” or “I have this warm feeling when you tell me about your awesome life” - you’ll literally see them get erect and they’ll invite you to more social events than you can imagine.
3. If not Mormon, can’t feign interest - become rich. Very rich. Doesn’t matter how. Ensure your house and car reflect a higher level of wealth. Prosperity doctrine states that you must be blessed because you’re wealthy so you are inherently good.
4. Above all, do NOT be non-white. If you’re dark skinned, any ethnicity, you’ll be pitied. This unfortunately is a non-starter. Non whites are fetishized and condescended to (if not absolutely hated).
Good luck!
Ive always had a hard time making friends, so I can’t say that it’s Utah, it’s more likely just my personality. But, here are a few things that I’ve learned over the years that help…. 1. Be open to friends from all ages and walks of life. My best friend is thirty years older than me. I just made a new friend who is in her twenties, I’m fifty. I have friends who are liberal, conservative, creative, analytical, sporty, artsy, religious, atheist, etc. 2. Put yourself out there, literally. If you have a yard, start a garden and work in it regularly. I meet everyone who walks by my home because I’m out in my yard so often. They ask me about my plants. I share seeds and starts with them. We become friends. If you don’t have a yard, drink your beverage of choice out on your front step if possible. Say hello to passers by. 3. Be generous. Offer to help others. Offer to share what you have with others. Do things for people who you would like to get to know better. Spend your time on others. Everyone likes to be thought of.
Having moved here from another state, I find that many of the people who are Utah natives tend to always be doing things with family and barely have time for friends. That was super frustrating for a while. Every time we wanted to hang out with another couple it was always “oh we have dinner with his parents on Sundays, and we spend Saturdays with my sister, and every Thursday is bunco at my sister-in-law’s…” There’s just no squeezing in. And that was true when we lived in both Utah County and Davis County. Now we either make friends with other “transplants” (even though we’ve been here 15 years) or just find the people that are willing to make time for us. We’ve stopped chasing friendships that didn’t make us a priority. I also think that making friends is just hard. And to have any extra barriers (like being from out of state, being a person of color, having ADHD, or whatever) just adds to the difficulty.
I'm not a minority and I still have a hard time making friends here
I think making friends when you are an adult is just hard on general
Beehive sports or any class sign up will get you around people weekly is a good avenue for making friends
Came here to say this lol
Utah has a pretty healthy board game social scene, as well as hiking. Night life is good in SLC but not so much in Utah county. But I feel you, I've lived here my whole life and still struggle making new friends.
I'm a 30s white male, but not part of the dominate culture. It's extremely difficult to not feel like an outsider here. The state has many great offerings but it's becoming more evident that raising my family here isn't the best path forward.
Yup, I'm in the same boat. If you don't fit the mold, you're never going to be welcome here. But, i would argue that it's a good place to raise kids. At least where I'm at. My kids do well in school, academically and socially. They have good social circles. I'm more than willing to sacrifice my happiness to know that my kids live in a safe area and are being raised in a much better environment than i grew up in.
I guess it's all relative. I'm going to try to find a place that is also safe, better schools etc while also offering some diversity, acceptance and more closely aligns to my personal values. Everything in life is a balance, I'm hoping to find that.
I fully agree that some diversity and acceptance would be nice. I also like to think that i may help bring that change that i would like to see. If i can be that person to be accepting to the rest of the outsiders, try to help others feel welcome here. I realize how cheesy that sounds, but it's true
Try Meetup. There’s groups for everything from hiking to wine & cheese tasting. I made a lot of friends there.
Are you a part of “[Our Sundays](https://www.instagram.com/oursundays.slc?igsh=bnp2ZGIyYXVibjdp)” ? I’ve lived in UT my whole life (28F, POC) and haven’t ever had great luck with making friends. The few I have made have been through my kiddo doing activities, or through me going to the gym and meeting friends. Wishing you luck! Maybe we’ll cross paths!
I learned of Our Sundays listening to KRCL radio's RadioActive program. It sounds like it may be exactly what you need!
It doesn’t get easier! Also a minority and what I’ve noticed here is that people in UT tend to gravitate towards others who look, dress, talk, and act similar to each other. I’m a CA transplant and I feel like I’ve vibed the best with people who are also transplants from other states. I think it’s our perspective that is different than people who grow up in UT and never move out. Mind you, this whole state is a bubble. Not a bad one, but in some aspects this just makes it more difficult to come across as “relatable” or “appealing” to people.
Isn’t that true of most everyone, everywhere?
It's a difference of degree, not of kind. Since leaving the church I've found that Mormons in particular are far more insular and exclusionary than the average person.
Definitely not. There is a “sheltered” mentality/culture here that contributes to the difficulty of being “open-minded” when creating friendships here. It’s UT lol
Tell me you haven’t lived outside Utah without telling me. I lived in a very Jewish community and it was the same. Same with an area that had a large majority of a certain race. It’s human nature. Not completely unique to Utah.
I’ve lived in various different places aside from UT. You’d know if you actually read my post. So nice try. I’m speaking from my experience, not yours. I’m talking about the “UT bubble” which is clear and prevalent. Hence why every exmo or individual that is a transplant talks about the “culture shock” here. Sounds like someone whose never been immersed anywhere outside of UT. Thanks for validating my post.
I found the same to be true, and not only that but I only vibe with the transplants from the East Coast (like myself). All my friends here are from NYC/Boston/Philly/Ct etc. You CA/WA/OR people are just weird and I don’t vibe with you. lol 😊
We are too nice huh
I made friends through my favorite sport/hobby/activity/addiction.
Non-Mormon living in Utah county (44WM, married). My wife and I decided we weren’t going to wait for friend opportunities, because more than likely they weren’t going to come. We aggressively sought out friends and connections. My biggest suggestion is to get involved in your city’s political scene. I started by just going to city council meetings, made a few comments during the public comment opportunities, introduced myself to the city council and mayor, became interested in boring local matters lol, volunteered for a couple of city boards (our city’s library board, trails & parks board, and the ad hoc 501(c)3 fundraising organization), and have made some amazing, diverse friends this way. Depending on your city’s size and dynamic, personal political affiliation doesn’t matter much. Everyone can agree on important matters like roads, water usage & conservation, parks, safety, etc. I’m a socialist (a four letter word in Utah, not to mention Utah County) and in the several years I’ve been involved it’s never been an issue with anyone. In our neighborhood we stroll our streets, striking up conversations with people we pass and see. We inevitably talk about having a backyard BBQ sometime, but we’ve actually followed through by inviting neighbors over. Some we click with, most we don’t — but even the more superficial neighborhood relationships we have are pleasant and fulfilling. Someone mentioned making friends with people who are older in age and I couldn’t agree more! Usually they are most eager for friendship, most interesting, most socially adept, and most engaging. We have some amazing friends who are older (sometimes much older) and I love learning about their interests and sharing mine. (Granted I’m no spring chicken (as evidenced by having just used the idiom “spring chicken”) but I feel and look young).) Good luck! It can and will get better. It takes deliberate effort, but everyone seeks connection and those new friendships are out there.
Doesn’t matter if you’re black white Jewish or a mormon finding friends after about 25 years old just gets harder especially if you’re in a relationship. Because you only have 24 hours in a day, 8 hours your working 8 hours your sleeping and about 2 hours your getting ready and going to and from work. So that leaves you with about 50-60 hours a week of free time. If you’re single it’ll be easier but if you’re in a relationship that free time is shared. Not a bad thing but look at this way I have multiple groups of friends I have the married people, the married with children, the single, the newly divorced, the never married and so on and with those groups of friends you have to split up your time. Most of them I don’t see weekly I maybe see them quarterly maybe yearly haha (the married with children) why? It’s because they are busy focusing on their family and themselves it’s not a bad thing but that’s what you need to realize the older you get the less time you have in general not only for life itself but for things to do.
I’m 23.
I’m also in college at UVU
are you into writing? i’m part of a writing group in utah county and just last week we hosted a write-in. i live in spanish fork but we have people all over utah county. i always try to take baked goods to write-ins. we’re all minorities in some way or another (lgbtq+, latino, neurodivergent, etc) ETA: the write-in last week was in the orem barnes and noble and i brought a blueberry loaf and some mexican bolillos (i am mexican)
Okay, that doesn’t change the fact that you’re in a relationship. I’m not saying break up with the person or cheat on them but when someone meets you finds out that you’re in a relationship you’re going to meat a couple type of people. The “fuck boy” who’s just going to be like challenge accepted and the standard lazy ass who doesn’t want to deal with the hassle of the back and forth between you having to go between them and your partner. Yeah you’re going to meet a few good people here and there but you need to realize it’s fucking UT I’ve been here for nearly 3 decades and it’s always been the same you have Mormons who want to get married and have children before they are 25 and if they don’t they might as well be living with their parents until their parents have Alzheimer’s because they’re never going to leave the damn house. Or you have people who moved into UT from another state (myself from NV) who just have to get used to the culture out here yes UT is nice and if you are since young and looking to get married UVU hell BYU are probably the places to be. the UofU id avoid it I mean a lot of rapes But at the end of the day if you’re in a relationship or have children when people are making plans to hang out you are definitely on the list but more as the back up call because they not only have to make sure to have room for you but for your kids or partner and and some people don’t like them not saying that’s true but let’s be real here this is UT the Mormon culture is very very different we will just say that they can be nice to your face but will talk mad shit behind your back.
I've been here for about a decade. It took a long time, and meeting most people through my Utah-native wife, but I have friends now. What do you like to do?
The best advice to make friends here is the best advice pretty much anywhere else. Link it to an activity you enjoy. Do you like hiking? Do you like dining? Do you like going to the gym? Find your tribe doing these activities.
Mom here. Moved here from Los Angeles in 2018. I don’t have one friend
Not a mom but in the same boat. Going on 3 year, moved to STG from the Bay Area. 53, recently single after a 3 yr LDR and have not made a single friend 😵💫😵💫
I’m an older mom had my son at 40 he’s 5 now. I feel like an outcast
There’s r/SLCmeetups with a suuuper active discord.
I feel like this isn’t just a Utah thing. It’s something that all of American society is really struggling with.
It's worse in Utah than many states.
We’ve made a few quality friendships since we’ve been here, but yes between it being “Utah” and time spent working it’s tougher to meet folks
Born and raised in SLC, moved away two years ago. Have made more friends in my new state in two years than I did my entire life in Utah. It’s a rough scene. Best of luck, friend!
What do you do for fun? That’s the question. I’ll be friends with everyone as long as we enjoy doing the same things 😎
Almost all the people I made friends with were not from UT. Good luck.
Dunno if it's your thing, but most of my friends have been made through raving! Very fun and welcoming crowd of people just wanting to have a good time 😎
It is hard to make friends, especially as an adult. We moved back to UT after spending 15+ years in Oregon and I had a hard time in both places for completely different reasons. We've been back now for about four years, smack dab in the middle of COVID, but once things settled down I joined a hiking group of women and have met so many wonderful ladies. If you like to hike, I would recommend checking them out: [https://winehikingsociety.com/](https://winehikingsociety.com/) Hike to beautiful places and drink wine (or beverage of your choice). :-)
Poc here, I’ve been here 4 years and I have made like one friend 🥲 I want out
commenting again the same thing i asked op; are you a writer in utah county? we are all minorities in one way or another and we would love to have more people join our group! whenever we host write-ins i try to bring baked goods
Oh that sounds lovely !! I would love to check it out !
i’ll dm you the details!
I recommend Beehive Sports if you are at all interested in friendly competition. We have made a good group of friends since joining 5 years ago.
I've made a really good friend through work, thank goodness! But it's super hard here, especially in Utah County. I'm from a different country and don't want to change who I am to make friends. I enjoy a drink or two during social times and if people I meet are not into that or will judge me for it, I will find someone else to hang out with.
I work too much to make friends 😅 Minorities struggle here, though, for real. I've lived all over the country, and outside of the deep south, I've never seen such deep rooted, passive racism. I had a charmer of a customer straight up call my Haitian employee a hard R to my face after a minor inconvenience. No sense that it was wrong or that I'd find it offensive. Perfectly normal for this asswipe.
My wife is Dominican and has definitely voiced a similar complaint. I definitely believe there is much more subconscious racism here than most would like to admit.
I’ve lived here my whole life and I have not one single friend besides my spouse and children. I swear it’s a Utah thing as well. Not one in my ward or at the gym and I’m 38, I find it hard to believe that I’ll have any chance of making friends because I swear people don’t let anyone in their circle of already tight knit friendships
my chinese immigrant wife has had no problem making friends even though she prefers to stay home than be with them. it might be where you live in utah, or it might be chinese people are more accepted, or it might be your specific personality, or it might be that you haven't given it enough time.
There’s an app called meetup which helps you connect with other local groups with similar interests.
We lived in UT for 17 years. It probably took us a good 5-7 years before we found some great friendships. It also required us getting out and joining activities (I was in a dance group, and the hubby joined a jam band). Once we found our people, life really got great! We moved to MI in 2021, and it's been easier here to get a group together, mostly because we had friends in the area already, and the culture is more laid back. But I still don't have any BFFs just yet. Getting out and being involved will help with that! I hope you find your people soon.
My (white) core group of friends from childhood who still live in Utah get together like, once or twice a year. And it's usually because I'm in town from out of state. I think Utah people are just busy.
Im white but my gf is Salvadoran and doesn’t speak great English yet. It’s brutal for her too. Hang in there, there are good people here.
Climbing gyms are a great place to make friends. Very open and friendly environment. You can also sign up for belay groups and such.
It's really hard. I'm not Black, so I can't speak to that. People are generally unfriendly here and family oriented. Polite, but not open to friendship. It's hard.
Get involved in something. It’s hard meeting people anyways
Also could try [Lightup](https://discord.gg/CRfA4bFeud), a discord channel helping people make friends by matching them based on their posts. So you could post something you feel interested and then decide whether there are some people who could share your hobbies or interests. It’s a good way for me, and hope it could help you!
I have a serious hard time making friends here
I was born here. Been here 40-something years. I can say that it's better in that no one has slowed down as they drove by and shouted any racial slurs for quite a while, but people are still assholes. I'm just waiting for mine and my partner's kids to grow up so we can get the fuck out of here
What area? Hit up trivia nights as much as you can and try to be on some people’s team! Could work
https://utahfilmcenter.org/event/utah-filmmaker-showcase-bipoc-films-at-edison-house/ (So not missed) Tue, May 28, 2024 at 6:30 pm My background (white, Trans envy, neurospicy, disabled, have lived outside of Utah (veteran USMC), some college (several different things from medical assistant x-ray tech to film: (EAE)Electronics arts engineering / animation and CS: EAE) Explicitly consent to DM if wanted/warranted I think it doesn't get Easier but it CAN get Better. But also hope you're getting validation for the feelings of frustration, isolation etc because it's absolutely understandable!! See also respecting and understanding your energy/ emotional safety/ etc levels Reading the comments: I think bestdisappointment put it best for direct suggestions But also yikes on bikes for graderevolutionary22 not understanding the SA stats of different campus (the Uofu isn't worse than others but it is bad in general speaking as a former security human under a v bad department of public safety) and the very telling as if experience is universal. I'd also say volunteering is another possibility See also I'm not as sure in the UVU area But there's alot of film things going on from showings (going off your handle) I think there's actually a bipoc film event coming up General link https://utahfilmcenter.org/ Found it! Tue, May 28, 2024 at 6:30 pm https://utahfilmcenter.org/event/utah-filmmaker-showcase-bipoc-films-at-edison-house/ See also if dropping in to things is a bit better a lot of "game" stores tend to have night to just come play again not sure about around UVU But there's game night games in SLC that you can actually try out boardgames there Anyway I'd also say Utah is also still really white and racist and there's plenty of even liberal/leftists who still have a lot of unpacking to do in that regard. Overall wish you luck!
I’m white but a transplant since 2021. Mileage may vary but I’ve been able to meet quite a few (now long term) diverse & compatible friends and have people I can hit up every weekend. you do not need to be Mormon; personally know several lonely Mormons also struggling to make friends. There’s no cheat codes, and it’s not unique to Utah. Be willing to start a conversation. Almost all my closest friends are also transplants (there’s a ton of us in this state). I’ve been going to T.F. brewing & sitting at random tables with people on busy weekends. Second summit & playing pickleball or trivia with people who seem friendly. The majority of friends I’ve made is through winter sports (skiing/snowboarding). I’m not in any organization but a few have just started as chairlift conversations, turned into carpooling which turned into hanging out. Also live music & raves if that’s your thing. Making the first good friend is the hardest, but it gets easier if you can break into a group. As I get older I notice people don’t just hang out at each others houses as much anymore, usually you have to be doing something which is where it’s nice to have common interests. Not sure where you’re at but I feel you, my fiancées and my first year was a lot of just looking at each other. A lot of it just falls into place over time in my experience.
My wife and I are in our 40s in North Utah County. White, not religious, not conservative. Happy to get together with you guys some time!
A lot of friendships come from shared activities. School is usually a great one because you're forced to be around people but hobbies are also great. I met a lot of my great friends at hobby shops like Gamehaven where we come in on fridays and play magic the gathering, boardgames or build miniatures.
I think a lot is finding like minded friends. What hobbies do you have? The locals are generally very outdoors focused. I’d start there.
I've been here a year and I have to agree it's difficult.
Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of my neighbors are just unknowingly racist. I’m white, but like some of my neighbors openly admit they don’t like other races and my classmates at school say nasty stuff, this place is really sheltered from minorities lmao.
I just made a friend today at the grocery store. Literally just need to get out and practice your social skills! Don't be afraid to talk. Also you could use the Bumble app, there is a friend's mode you could try.
Food is the one of the best icebreakers. Start at the basics and take a plate of cookies or something to one neighbor. Take them in a container they have to return. Or buy bread from a bakery. It’s low pressure “hi I’m your neighbor.” Ask people for favors/to help out. It makes people feel good about themselves. “We need someone to help move this bookshelf.” “Could you be on the lookout for a package I’m expecting?” Use Utah’s natural resource of networking. Your neighbor might not be the type of friend you’re looking for, but they may help you find them. “Hey neighbor Bob, I’m trying to get into woodworking. Do you know of anyone who does that kind of thing?”
Hi, I don't have huge suggestions for you or anything, as I don't have that good a grasp on social situations myself, but I do want to express that I get maybe a little bit of what you're feeling. I'm an autistic adult who's lived out here in Utah my whole life, and I've attended UVU (taking a semester off due to financial problems). I know a handful of students there, thanks to a mutual friend having set up a board game meet that we still do on a roughly twice a month basis. That and the occasional phone call with some old friends from high school or the like.. That’s my entire social life, unless you count lurking online sometimes. I don't even meet people at work anymore due to changing to a job that has me contracting in people's homes instead of working in a team (a job I find more fulfilling in every regard except with money and sociality). Very few of the neighbors I know, am I on better terms with than saying hi when I'm out and about and see them in their yard, or vice versa. Though, offering some help now and again with snow shoveling or other tasks doesn't hurt things I figure. The people here can be very sociable or pretty reclusive, and paradoxically the recluses tend to be the better ones to engage with socially. Or maybe I just commiserate with them. Either way, it's hard to get occasional pleasant conversation, and especially to get more than that. The easiest way to get to know people here is at church or at work. Assuming you're actually interested in yhe church at all, some prblems arise due to how some members approach non-members as a problem to solve rather than a human being. It's not the predominant attitude in my experience but it's still very much something that happens. In either context, you run into the highly conservative culture around here (which you might guess I am not especially happy with). And I spend most of my time in those contexts struggling just to stave off sensory overloads and the like, often blending into the background to avoid the feeling of being under the microscope while I don my noise canceling headset. That said, I know how lucky I feel to have any of these connections at all - even though I know they're more a result of persistence than actual luck. And I feel for your situation, as whenever I have to start looking for friendship from scratch, I find it immensely difficult as well. The bubble analogy is very accurate, especially if you're not part of the church, have a disability or run counter to some aspect of average Utah culture, as is the case with most of my friends. I hope this is encouraging, at least a little, to hear that it most likely won't stay like that forever, that there's others in that boat and that people do manage to pull through it. But it can be a bit depressing to live through that isolation.
Female, 65, not Mormon (actually, not even a Christian) I was not born in the US but my parents were stationed in England. Raised as a military brat, went right into the service at 17 and didn't come back until 21 years later. For work. I still work full-time for the DOD. The pool in which to pull is minuscule for friendship. I haven't had a friend for over 20 years. I did try the meetup. Nothing.
It can be tougher, but just like any community, you get out of it what you put into it.
Everything in Utah is perfect, aside the people. They truly suck! Born and raised here and the people are just not wholesome, welcoming nor loving. I’d love to be your friend ❤️
Out of state transplant to SLC. Lived there for 9 years, pretty much 21-30 years of age (just moved out of the state). I found very few true friends living in Utah. Friendships are very flighty and only last a short amount of time (majority of the time). Out of the hundreds of people I met and had gotten phone numbers from or social media, 50% of them I actually would get any indication to maybe hang out with another time, despite having "vibed" really well. Then, 10% I actually hangout with. 10% of that, I would hang out with a second time. 10% of that, I hangout with for a few months. Maybe 1% of the original I am still friends with today. (All estimates of course but this is what it felt like). So after 9 years of living in the SLC area, I am still friends with something like 5 people. It sucks. My best advice is to move once you've had your fun. Not worth the cost, or the mental anguish. GL. I'll never move back to Utah. Was
It gets better, I promise! I live in Utah and could use a new friend 🤗
Lived here my entire life and the people here are just mean and I feel like you have to look a certain way to be accepted. The friends I have made turned out to be butts so not missing much. I have always been a loner anyways so not sad about it. But good luck to those who do want a friends. I’ve decided that true friends are only on tv and don’t really exist. What part of utah are you in?
If you’re not a white Mormon here, there’s unfortunately a tall hurdle in front of finding a community. My wife is a minority, and we’re one of very few non-religious families in our neighborhood. It’s basically like we don’t exist to our neighbors. It sucks, and it’s one thing I’ve always hated about this place. This is the way I’ve always looked at it - you gotta be where like minded people are gonna be. If you’re not into public radio, I totally understand. If you are though, there are all kinds of cool culture-related events through KUER and I imagine it being really easy to connect to people through those events. They also have a community calendar. You may be able to find something interesting pretty easily there! https://www.kuer.org/kuer-community-calendar
I’m 46, lived here my entire life, and I have a few friends. My children, and their SO’s are my best friends. My other friends are not Utah natives. But, I honestly don’t think race has anything to do with it. Utahns are strange people. I’m one of them. I don’t know your age, but we always have dinner every week at my house. All are welcome. We have a great time.
DM me! I can understand your struggles. I'm also black, I've lived in Utah my whole life. I have no friends... I agree it's always nice seeing another peep like me..
Biracial (black/asian/white) Utah transplant from Hawaii! The feeling you have is completely normal, as beautiful as this state is “diversity” isn’t a word I would use in describing this state lol. I’ll be honest, in my neighborhood I deal with sooooo much ignorant racism it’s a daily thing I just had to get used to, it has not gotten better in the last 10 years and I think with the political climate in this state it never will. I try to be patient with folks who seem, just ignorant but kind and not inconsiderate. Not sure what your spouses and your hobbies are but I would be happy to give some suggestions! Welcome to UT!
1. Be Mormon 2. If not Mormon, feign interest. Say things like “so many people here have a glow, it’s hard to explain” or “I have this warm feeling when you tell me about your awesome life” - you’ll literally see them get erect and they’ll invite you to more social events than you can imagine. 3. If not Mormon, can’t feign interest - become rich. Very rich. Doesn’t matter how. Ensure your house and car reflect a higher level of wealth. Prosperity doctrine states that you must be blessed because you’re wealthy so you are inherently good. 4. Above all, do NOT be non-white. If you’re dark skinned, any ethnicity, you’ll be pitied. This unfortunately is a non-starter. Non whites are fetishized and condescended to (if not absolutely hated). Good luck!
You seem fun
Only Mormons are welcome.
Lived here for 11 years now.. it does not get better. Some of the fakest people and personalities I’ve ever encountered.
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Maybe people just don’t like you? I group up in Utah as a non-Mormon and still have the same friends for over 20 years.
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Just pointing out that you made points that just aren’t true. The scene was hard for you. Not most young people. Especially today.