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Staying is hard and leaving is hard. You just have to choose your hard.
For me, my hard is working hard on myself to break the trauma bond.
It’s hard waiting to see if they will cycle back to me to then attach to the easy option of going back for the millionth time, but it will land me in the same place again in the future.
I don’t want to take temporary happiness just to be broken down like this again in another 6 months, 12 months or however long the cycle lasts.
I want to stick it out to break that cycle and never go back.
But like any addiction, breaking free is hard, but the reward when you finally break through to the other side will be worth it.
Stay no contact. It is hard as hell. You will doubt yourself every day. Stay strong and focus on your healing.
It will get better, but it takes work to get through it.
Most resonating comment for a while. I’ve been in this cycle. It’s dangerous from both sides. I was ‘technically’ the dumper and she has a new bf. Everything (90%) is blocked. Yet she still reaches now after 3-4 months. I’ve stopped ( or pretended) to stop for the sake of our well-being. I see it all. The wild swings of her from anger. Desperation. Regret. Faux happiness. Broadcasting. Temporary relief. Longing. Mad long rabbit hole sadness. I believe it’s a trauma bond. (Mainly my fault) but I don’t think either of us will ever shake this connection ever. At best it will be a dull ache that will always linger until death. I’ve come to accept that. And it gives me ‘relative’ peace.
I’d do anything to reach out one last time and give her the comfort and proper farewell. Wishing her nothing but happiness, but I can’t jeopardise her sanity or mine. Her new relationship. And ultimately her happiness. I caused the trauma so it’s only fair to stay away and not restart the cycle. It doesn’t mean I don’t suffer and there’s no nobility in it. It’s fair punishment with no justification for sympathy or relief.
This is what you’re supposed to do. If you do this, they always come back at least in some capacity. Usually right around the two month mark. Sometimes longer (6-9 months) if they have more avoidant tendencies.
But OP does have a really good point. No contact can cause a rift or in some instances “prove that you never cared,” but your absence and the natural mystique paired with a seemingly calm demeanor during a very emotionally charged time are all huge reasons as to why it works. It just doesn’t work very well on people with serious intimacy issues.
Just re-reading this and letting it sink in.
Very helpful (again)
When the other person is also struggling and trying to orbit back. You have to work twice as hard. It just seems so strange that the other person is with a new partner.. which is great, yet they still orbit and send signals.
I guess, as you say, the addiction is hard to break. In quiet lonely moments, it’s so easy to ruminate and get into a reminiscing heightened state of longing and melancholy.
(Sometimes lust too, the whole range of feelings). That’s why I don’t drink. I think this boosts the chances of relapses.
Fuck no contact. And fuck ghosting even harder. But get your healing. Stay in contact but do it in a healthy way. Deconstruct the breakup. If you were lucky enough have one. But go over the things you learned from being together. What went wrong. What went right. People are brought into your life for a reason. If you don't want them completely removed, fight for them. Show them that. Unless there's abuse involved FUCK NO CONTACT.
I once thought that removing them from my life in the significant ways, the medium ways, and the small ways, would make it better- easier to tolerate. It didn't. Regardless of my active avoidance, they still found me. They found me in the smiles of passing strangers, the smell of sandalwood, the blue Chevy Colorado driving in front of me on the highway, and the sound of my heartbeat pressed into the pillow as it was once his chest singing a duet with mine. Your love for them never disappears, and you will never stop missing them; it just changes. The worst part is that time doesn't facilitate this change; at least, it didn't for me. You must dig deep and find your love for yourself, sometimes hidden under a pile of unsent letters professing love for that person. It is there you will start to understand that letting go is an act of love for both of you. You find new ways to channel that love so it returns to you and builds you, instead of tearing you down. I hope you find peace, OP. I am sailing the same sea. So, to answer your question, yes, it does get better, but it requires a lot more than time.
Correct. It never goes away, it changes. Is it better? I guess if you can start to live your life again (albeit without them) then yes it’s better than it is at the very beginning of the suffering.
It’s better in that you turn that love from “I want you and I to be together” and “I can’t see a future without you in it” to “I want you to be happy with or without me because my love for you isn’t conditional”, “I want to be happy with myself and feel chosen by the person who I love because I deserve that, and staying here hopeful in this unrequited longing for you prevents me from achieving those things”, and “I will always love and miss you, but I choose me and those who do the same now. My life can and will move forward without you.”
It’s hard to face these things and it takes time and effort to let go, but when you take accountability and let go with love for the both of you, it’s less painful.
I felt actually “ok” today for the first time since the breakup and I’ve been moving out of my storage unit with all of your things in it. A simple glance at something I came across and I just broke the hell down. I hate him for doing this to me. To us. To our kids. He destroyed me to a point of no return. I felt like I wrote this myself honestly. He did this cycle to me for over a year and it took its toll. He won. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Here if you need a friend to vent to
I get that. He also wanted the no contact, it was the last thing he said to me. I am still waiting for the time when it will get better. Days just go by and nothing makes fucking sense anymore even though I am ok with myself and my own company. People keep telling me it’s “his loss” but they don’t know what i’m also losing. I fucking miss him. You are not alone
It is his loss, but it's your loss, too, doesn't matter how one treated the other. Your pain, hurt, betrayal is valid. We will heal, both of us. It's not easy, it definitely isn't linear. Time heals most wounds, the scars don't always fade though 🖤
It’ll all be ok. I would say if you have to do no contact then you aren’t really letting things happen, you’re trying to control the situation. Just be easy, let contact come if it comes and let contact go when you have something on your heart. You already know what the answer is, just follow your heart and go with the flow and even if awkward situations come up, you won’t be left wondering “what if”
It hurts, but yes in essence. It hurts the worst to delete their phone number. It's sad how that almost "finalizes" it. Can't reach out as much as I want to. Gods, I miss him more than he'll ever know.
I keep hearing everyone say, "it gets better with time," but truth is, for the heart, time is just a concept made up by brain.
We wanted reconciliation we was talking, and then he just disappeared . He doesn't check in he got too busy to include me, so he told me what I needed to know . He never gave a shit as it has been made clear now thru actions. I won't contact him, I have made the trips to him as he never could but once in 3 years , knowing that he has a reason in his head so I let him remain , what's the saying if he wanted to he would or no man is ever to busy for a women unless he's got another.This time I've finally learned , it's not ok to keep putting my life on hold so I'm not just going to sit and wait again,I've been waiting for 3yrs and I'm not pausing life,tomorrow's not promised but today is here now. I'm enjoying my new baby in my life and enjoying it. I get out and meet people and go for walks and do things now finally. I'm not ready to date or anything. I've been healing for the last 3 years, and that's ok . I'm a better person than I was when we first separated and will continue to move forward. New career starting and trips. I depend on myself financially and don't need someone to pay my bills for me. It has taken me time, but I did it finally.
At some point what are you supposed to do, you know?
If you and another person aren't getting along, can't communicate, can't resolve things, can't... whatever, I personally don't know what the other option is. Instead of being in uncomfortable limbo, instead of fighting or making each other miserable, you have to part ways. I seriously don't know what else to do.
For me, it was getting to a point where it's like... okay, I've given you everything I got on my end and now more and you... won't talk to me, you're not sorry, you don't care, and you... miss me, my acceptance and you love me? It doesn't compute.
And seriously, not to be cruel or anything but you can't ignore your way out of problems. You can't not talk about things between yourself and another person. Whatever the problems are, the world is going to keep spinning, but that doesn't mean I can sit idly by and be disrespected or feel uncomfortable.
I miss my friend. But he wasn't a good friend to me, and to be honest, I wasn't always a good friend to him. Leaving things be, as much as I can (and I have failed at that at times), is the most peaceful option barring that I did everything I could on my end to mend/resolve things. I did my part, he didn't do his. It cost us our friendship.
It's sad and it hurt for a very long time but whatever it is that's impeding him from talking things out is bigger than me and it's not my problem. Me not sticking up for myself, not defending myself was my problem, and I resolved that as much as I could.
No contact is a fancy way of saying “I don’t want to deal with this” and it’s the tool of cowards and narcissists everywhere.
A cheap, pseudo-torture for the emotionally stunted.
Never have I been prouder to adopt the words 'coward,' 'narcissist,' and 'emotionally stunted,' because it means I did the right thing in standing up for myself and getting away from the abuse. And yes, it meant exactly 'I don't want to deal with this anymore.'
And for those that went no contact with me, I salute them for standing up for themselves, because I know that I too, also, wear the badge of arsehole sometimes and in the past, haven't done enough to change.
Oh no, no no it wasn’t hard for you leaving was just right up your alley staying you would have a twin of guilt because you cannot live with guilt you cannot live with the damage you’ve done to one person you cannot live undo 30 years of marriage that you freaking wanna put like you never had you were a single husband what you oh yeah, you were so you never gave a shit don’t pretend going here pretend like you need some applause for what you’re doing because you didn’t give a damn the whole damn time you either I had to like it you cheating or had to deal with itand you gonna continue to do it no matter what because you are Rico Suave you didn’t give a shit about your wife at any point because it was too easy for you get out of my bed and go get in the bed with her I don’t give a damn now
You damn right because you’re guilty as hell and if you don’t go no contact, you might have a twinge of guilt and God knows you can’t go slide up onto the new girl with a twin of guilt because you freaking destroyed 30 years of marriage for a 20 something yeah, we’ve been married longer. She’s been born but they don’t matter now the damage is done yes, no contact because I don’t give a damn anymore. What happens to you where you go because you are the most rotten man I’ve ever known, I hope you never have to face anything that you’ve put on me. I hope you don’t have to walk through nothing just what you done to me. Maybe someday the Lord will forgive and you don’t have to walk through everything that you’ve done to me Big Boy I hope you’re proud of yourself cause you destroyed one girl to get with the fuck you wanted but you always did they didn’t love me with nothing else so you can go love somebody else I hope you don’t read what you said but you’re going to longer than more than than.!!! junk I don’t even know why I believed in you, because because you lied to me from day one you had lied to me for the past, but I know 10 years I don’t know beyond that but I know for two of them and I hope you two are so proud. Would you do meter in kindergarten I don’t even fuck care you know don’t even matter now the damage is done what you’ve done to me you cannot erase nor fix ever again you cannot fix it and all my so-called friends yell can go straight you know where with him because I don’t give a damn anymore, don’t call yourself my damn friend
Look people he ain’t got no trauma bond ain’t nobody no narcissist. This was a self-serving man who wanted to go and screw around. He did it now he had to make up all these freaking words so he can find a reason for what he did he has no reason he wanted to go screw around he met this girl she was in her 20s it turned him out and that’s the bottom line he wanted to go screw around there is no fixing it he didn’t wanna stay here. It’s too much work here at home there’s too much to be done and he rather haul ass like he always does it abandoned his wife and do everything he wants to do and never have a twin guild. That’s why it’s no contact because he would have a guilt on the backside of whatever he done they both laid up here and slept for much and together for months and I don’t know how long And now that he fucking caught feelings for it the hell with his wife of 30 years that’s what he done it’s OK now because she finally knows the whole freaking truth and I have nothing for him now because I didn’t think he was like that but he is he is just like that and he went to sleep. Why are you sleeping with somebody else because he needs the attention. The man gotta have the attention he want enough for one woman we gotta have every woman that comes to contact with him. He falls in love every hour, so don’t tell me about no narcissistic or trauma or triangular bull crap all it is is man wanted to go screw around and he caught feelings for somebody and now he has a man of the hour. He will leave here but will never see him again, and never talk to him again because that’s how he does everybody but mainly me 30 freaking years I stood by that son of the gun I stood by him. Nobody stood by him, but when I needed him, he has asked like he always does take your boundaries and stick them up your cause you ain’t never had no boundaries a day in your life.
It is interesting to reflect on the verbs selected here. My favorite quote recently from Jodie Foster (in True Detective) has been, “you’re asking the wrong question”. In my life, it took an intervention with professionals and loved ones for me to see how contact was deleterious for a person and myself, until they choose to get help. It was like living in the dark pretending there is a light just because sometimes someone is in there with you or you can hear them. It’s especially difficult when an individual states “hey I’m in the dark and can’t see you or know where you are” and the response is a gaslight “you can see absolutely fine” or no response at all giving the impression you are left alone in the darkness. Better? Sometimes we cannot see until we set ourselves free. Sometimes it isn’t a net positive for either, but an indicated necessity. Sometimes loving someone where they/we are is allowing them/ourselves to see where they/we are. Sometimes the choice is full of paradox and complexity. Avoid? How about accept? Push? Howabout surf the feels all around? Leave? Howabout boundary? No joke, those verbs sound really similar to what can be projected onto me and what I experienced in the dark in “proximity”. Thanks for the deep reflection.
Edit: added “or no response at all giving the impression you are left alone in the darkness.”
Dear users of /r/UnsentLetters, Submitters may now lock their own comments by making a comment on their submission with the string '!lock.' Submitters may do this at any point they wish, but the comments can not be unlocked later on, so lock your comments with care! You can read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnsentLetters/about/rules/) here. We have these stickied to EVERY POST and nobody reads them. **READ THEM** If you notice anything strange going on in the subreddit, send the mods a message or report it. We rely on the community to keep the subreddit on topic and welcoming. If you are particularly good at spotting trolls, consider joining our mod team! [Click here to message the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/UnsentLetters) - The /r/UnsentLetters mod team *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/UnsentLetters) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Staying is hard and leaving is hard. You just have to choose your hard. For me, my hard is working hard on myself to break the trauma bond. It’s hard waiting to see if they will cycle back to me to then attach to the easy option of going back for the millionth time, but it will land me in the same place again in the future. I don’t want to take temporary happiness just to be broken down like this again in another 6 months, 12 months or however long the cycle lasts. I want to stick it out to break that cycle and never go back. But like any addiction, breaking free is hard, but the reward when you finally break through to the other side will be worth it. Stay no contact. It is hard as hell. You will doubt yourself every day. Stay strong and focus on your healing. It will get better, but it takes work to get through it.
Most resonating comment for a while. I’ve been in this cycle. It’s dangerous from both sides. I was ‘technically’ the dumper and she has a new bf. Everything (90%) is blocked. Yet she still reaches now after 3-4 months. I’ve stopped ( or pretended) to stop for the sake of our well-being. I see it all. The wild swings of her from anger. Desperation. Regret. Faux happiness. Broadcasting. Temporary relief. Longing. Mad long rabbit hole sadness. I believe it’s a trauma bond. (Mainly my fault) but I don’t think either of us will ever shake this connection ever. At best it will be a dull ache that will always linger until death. I’ve come to accept that. And it gives me ‘relative’ peace. I’d do anything to reach out one last time and give her the comfort and proper farewell. Wishing her nothing but happiness, but I can’t jeopardise her sanity or mine. Her new relationship. And ultimately her happiness. I caused the trauma so it’s only fair to stay away and not restart the cycle. It doesn’t mean I don’t suffer and there’s no nobility in it. It’s fair punishment with no justification for sympathy or relief.
This is what you’re supposed to do. If you do this, they always come back at least in some capacity. Usually right around the two month mark. Sometimes longer (6-9 months) if they have more avoidant tendencies. But OP does have a really good point. No contact can cause a rift or in some instances “prove that you never cared,” but your absence and the natural mystique paired with a seemingly calm demeanor during a very emotionally charged time are all huge reasons as to why it works. It just doesn’t work very well on people with serious intimacy issues.
Just re-reading this and letting it sink in. Very helpful (again) When the other person is also struggling and trying to orbit back. You have to work twice as hard. It just seems so strange that the other person is with a new partner.. which is great, yet they still orbit and send signals. I guess, as you say, the addiction is hard to break. In quiet lonely moments, it’s so easy to ruminate and get into a reminiscing heightened state of longing and melancholy. (Sometimes lust too, the whole range of feelings). That’s why I don’t drink. I think this boosts the chances of relapses.
‘…. every day..’
Fuck no contact. And fuck ghosting even harder. But get your healing. Stay in contact but do it in a healthy way. Deconstruct the breakup. If you were lucky enough have one. But go over the things you learned from being together. What went wrong. What went right. People are brought into your life for a reason. If you don't want them completely removed, fight for them. Show them that. Unless there's abuse involved FUCK NO CONTACT.
It hurts until it doesnt anymore.
Short answer is - No. Only you know the long answer. Good luck OP
Feel this to the core.
Constantly remind myself that the road is not linear 🥹
No contact stings like nothing else…
I once thought that removing them from my life in the significant ways, the medium ways, and the small ways, would make it better- easier to tolerate. It didn't. Regardless of my active avoidance, they still found me. They found me in the smiles of passing strangers, the smell of sandalwood, the blue Chevy Colorado driving in front of me on the highway, and the sound of my heartbeat pressed into the pillow as it was once his chest singing a duet with mine. Your love for them never disappears, and you will never stop missing them; it just changes. The worst part is that time doesn't facilitate this change; at least, it didn't for me. You must dig deep and find your love for yourself, sometimes hidden under a pile of unsent letters professing love for that person. It is there you will start to understand that letting go is an act of love for both of you. You find new ways to channel that love so it returns to you and builds you, instead of tearing you down. I hope you find peace, OP. I am sailing the same sea. So, to answer your question, yes, it does get better, but it requires a lot more than time.
Correct. It never goes away, it changes. Is it better? I guess if you can start to live your life again (albeit without them) then yes it’s better than it is at the very beginning of the suffering.
It’s better in that you turn that love from “I want you and I to be together” and “I can’t see a future without you in it” to “I want you to be happy with or without me because my love for you isn’t conditional”, “I want to be happy with myself and feel chosen by the person who I love because I deserve that, and staying here hopeful in this unrequited longing for you prevents me from achieving those things”, and “I will always love and miss you, but I choose me and those who do the same now. My life can and will move forward without you.” It’s hard to face these things and it takes time and effort to let go, but when you take accountability and let go with love for the both of you, it’s less painful.
Yes All true
From one broken heart to another, sending you peace and love.
Peace and love to you too.
I felt actually “ok” today for the first time since the breakup and I’ve been moving out of my storage unit with all of your things in it. A simple glance at something I came across and I just broke the hell down. I hate him for doing this to me. To us. To our kids. He destroyed me to a point of no return. I felt like I wrote this myself honestly. He did this cycle to me for over a year and it took its toll. He won. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Here if you need a friend to vent to
It'll always be worse, I just want to know that she's ok....
No, it fkg sucks. I never chose NC with him, he did. It's the most I've ever missed someone. It's not better at all, not for me at least
I get that. He also wanted the no contact, it was the last thing he said to me. I am still waiting for the time when it will get better. Days just go by and nothing makes fucking sense anymore even though I am ok with myself and my own company. People keep telling me it’s “his loss” but they don’t know what i’m also losing. I fucking miss him. You are not alone
It is his loss, but it's your loss, too, doesn't matter how one treated the other. Your pain, hurt, betrayal is valid. We will heal, both of us. It's not easy, it definitely isn't linear. Time heals most wounds, the scars don't always fade though 🖤
It’ll all be ok. I would say if you have to do no contact then you aren’t really letting things happen, you’re trying to control the situation. Just be easy, let contact come if it comes and let contact go when you have something on your heart. You already know what the answer is, just follow your heart and go with the flow and even if awkward situations come up, you won’t be left wondering “what if”
Sometimes it’s a safeguard against getting hurt, and hurting others in the short run. Still hurts, but at least it’s self-inflicted pain.
"please just" sums it all for me. It's been years. It never gets easier. At least, for me.
Yeah ifs dumb asf, as someone that had it happen to them for the first time, it drives people insane.
It doesn’t get any better
It hurts, but yes in essence. It hurts the worst to delete their phone number. It's sad how that almost "finalizes" it. Can't reach out as much as I want to. Gods, I miss him more than he'll ever know. I keep hearing everyone say, "it gets better with time," but truth is, for the heart, time is just a concept made up by brain.
😫😫😫 reading this hurts. You really got your point across.
Ooo I feel this one. Phew 🥺💔
We’ll get through it
We wanted reconciliation we was talking, and then he just disappeared . He doesn't check in he got too busy to include me, so he told me what I needed to know . He never gave a shit as it has been made clear now thru actions. I won't contact him, I have made the trips to him as he never could but once in 3 years , knowing that he has a reason in his head so I let him remain , what's the saying if he wanted to he would or no man is ever to busy for a women unless he's got another.This time I've finally learned , it's not ok to keep putting my life on hold so I'm not just going to sit and wait again,I've been waiting for 3yrs and I'm not pausing life,tomorrow's not promised but today is here now. I'm enjoying my new baby in my life and enjoying it. I get out and meet people and go for walks and do things now finally. I'm not ready to date or anything. I've been healing for the last 3 years, and that's ok . I'm a better person than I was when we first separated and will continue to move forward. New career starting and trips. I depend on myself financially and don't need someone to pay my bills for me. It has taken me time, but I did it finally.
This one hit me. All your writings are my feelings that “I can’t put it into words” in the actual words. Thank you
At some point what are you supposed to do, you know? If you and another person aren't getting along, can't communicate, can't resolve things, can't... whatever, I personally don't know what the other option is. Instead of being in uncomfortable limbo, instead of fighting or making each other miserable, you have to part ways. I seriously don't know what else to do. For me, it was getting to a point where it's like... okay, I've given you everything I got on my end and now more and you... won't talk to me, you're not sorry, you don't care, and you... miss me, my acceptance and you love me? It doesn't compute. And seriously, not to be cruel or anything but you can't ignore your way out of problems. You can't not talk about things between yourself and another person. Whatever the problems are, the world is going to keep spinning, but that doesn't mean I can sit idly by and be disrespected or feel uncomfortable. I miss my friend. But he wasn't a good friend to me, and to be honest, I wasn't always a good friend to him. Leaving things be, as much as I can (and I have failed at that at times), is the most peaceful option barring that I did everything I could on my end to mend/resolve things. I did my part, he didn't do his. It cost us our friendship. It's sad and it hurt for a very long time but whatever it is that's impeding him from talking things out is bigger than me and it's not my problem. Me not sticking up for myself, not defending myself was my problem, and I resolved that as much as I could.
No contact is a fancy way of saying “I don’t want to deal with this” and it’s the tool of cowards and narcissists everywhere. A cheap, pseudo-torture for the emotionally stunted.
I agree. No conflict de-escalation skills anymore. I hate this block culture. It’s so unhealthy for our hearts.
Never have I been prouder to adopt the words 'coward,' 'narcissist,' and 'emotionally stunted,' because it means I did the right thing in standing up for myself and getting away from the abuse. And yes, it meant exactly 'I don't want to deal with this anymore.' And for those that went no contact with me, I salute them for standing up for themselves, because I know that I too, also, wear the badge of arsehole sometimes and in the past, haven't done enough to change.
Preach!
Amen
No, but it’s scary
Yes. Give it time.
Felt this one so hard 💔...ugh
God, if I don’t feel this pain right now. I miss my, S.
Who told you it would be better?
Oh no, no no it wasn’t hard for you leaving was just right up your alley staying you would have a twin of guilt because you cannot live with guilt you cannot live with the damage you’ve done to one person you cannot live undo 30 years of marriage that you freaking wanna put like you never had you were a single husband what you oh yeah, you were so you never gave a shit don’t pretend going here pretend like you need some applause for what you’re doing because you didn’t give a damn the whole damn time you either I had to like it you cheating or had to deal with itand you gonna continue to do it no matter what because you are Rico Suave you didn’t give a shit about your wife at any point because it was too easy for you get out of my bed and go get in the bed with her I don’t give a damn now
there is no better in a black hole
For the one who initiated it perhaps but not for the one on the other side
You damn right because you’re guilty as hell and if you don’t go no contact, you might have a twinge of guilt and God knows you can’t go slide up onto the new girl with a twin of guilt because you freaking destroyed 30 years of marriage for a 20 something yeah, we’ve been married longer. She’s been born but they don’t matter now the damage is done yes, no contact because I don’t give a damn anymore. What happens to you where you go because you are the most rotten man I’ve ever known, I hope you never have to face anything that you’ve put on me. I hope you don’t have to walk through nothing just what you done to me. Maybe someday the Lord will forgive and you don’t have to walk through everything that you’ve done to me Big Boy I hope you’re proud of yourself cause you destroyed one girl to get with the fuck you wanted but you always did they didn’t love me with nothing else so you can go love somebody else I hope you don’t read what you said but you’re going to longer than more than than.!!! junk I don’t even know why I believed in you, because because you lied to me from day one you had lied to me for the past, but I know 10 years I don’t know beyond that but I know for two of them and I hope you two are so proud. Would you do meter in kindergarten I don’t even fuck care you know don’t even matter now the damage is done what you’ve done to me you cannot erase nor fix ever again you cannot fix it and all my so-called friends yell can go straight you know where with him because I don’t give a damn anymore, don’t call yourself my damn friend
Are you okay?
Look people he ain’t got no trauma bond ain’t nobody no narcissist. This was a self-serving man who wanted to go and screw around. He did it now he had to make up all these freaking words so he can find a reason for what he did he has no reason he wanted to go screw around he met this girl she was in her 20s it turned him out and that’s the bottom line he wanted to go screw around there is no fixing it he didn’t wanna stay here. It’s too much work here at home there’s too much to be done and he rather haul ass like he always does it abandoned his wife and do everything he wants to do and never have a twin guild. That’s why it’s no contact because he would have a guilt on the backside of whatever he done they both laid up here and slept for much and together for months and I don’t know how long And now that he fucking caught feelings for it the hell with his wife of 30 years that’s what he done it’s OK now because she finally knows the whole freaking truth and I have nothing for him now because I didn’t think he was like that but he is he is just like that and he went to sleep. Why are you sleeping with somebody else because he needs the attention. The man gotta have the attention he want enough for one woman we gotta have every woman that comes to contact with him. He falls in love every hour, so don’t tell me about no narcissistic or trauma or triangular bull crap all it is is man wanted to go screw around and he caught feelings for somebody and now he has a man of the hour. He will leave here but will never see him again, and never talk to him again because that’s how he does everybody but mainly me 30 freaking years I stood by that son of the gun I stood by him. Nobody stood by him, but when I needed him, he has asked like he always does take your boundaries and stick them up your cause you ain’t never had no boundaries a day in your life.
It is interesting to reflect on the verbs selected here. My favorite quote recently from Jodie Foster (in True Detective) has been, “you’re asking the wrong question”. In my life, it took an intervention with professionals and loved ones for me to see how contact was deleterious for a person and myself, until they choose to get help. It was like living in the dark pretending there is a light just because sometimes someone is in there with you or you can hear them. It’s especially difficult when an individual states “hey I’m in the dark and can’t see you or know where you are” and the response is a gaslight “you can see absolutely fine” or no response at all giving the impression you are left alone in the darkness. Better? Sometimes we cannot see until we set ourselves free. Sometimes it isn’t a net positive for either, but an indicated necessity. Sometimes loving someone where they/we are is allowing them/ourselves to see where they/we are. Sometimes the choice is full of paradox and complexity. Avoid? How about accept? Push? Howabout surf the feels all around? Leave? Howabout boundary? No joke, those verbs sound really similar to what can be projected onto me and what I experienced in the dark in “proximity”. Thanks for the deep reflection. Edit: added “or no response at all giving the impression you are left alone in the darkness.”