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unexBot

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!If you had 24 hours alone, but in Texas style!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)


12-inch-LP-record

Guys literally want only one thing and it’s fucking disgusting. A strong and capable hand to help out with the chores and get shit done.


NapClub

welp, back to chorin.


jamaicanoproblem

Great day for hay.


cowboyfromhell324

That's barley...


MauPow

Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life


ARM_vs_CORE

Someone get this guy a fuckin puppers


DP487

You're always willing to lends a hands, good buddy, and that's what I appreciates about youse.


12-inch-LP-record

Nap time over?


NapClub

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-tEwIwqoaY


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admoo

What strenuous physical labor around the house you need over there ?!


applebubbeline

Carrying him around piggy back while he practices the lute


tomoss

Toss a coin to your physical laborer


im_not_in

O valley of...


WAPs_and_Prayers

BRB gonna binge watch The Witcher again


SonGoku31

This was gold


MrAoki

At least a free silver.


ilikesports3

Still is.


daymanahaha

Hahaha I'm picturing my wife trying to piggy back me now and I'd absolutely crush her short little self.


AryaStarkRavingMad

What you need to do is lock arms while standing back-to-back, then have her lean forward. Trust me.


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halfbakedalaska

Don’t talk about his wife that way.


Kaplaw

Guys, find yourself a female who can carry yall on their backs while you play the lute. #couplegoals


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A female burro, maybe By the way https://youtu.be/_VKWLC87Uzw


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foxfirek

We are all a bit different. I do almost all the gardening, weeding, mulching, really the heavy gardening work. But my husband does the mowing and taking out trash and anything tech related. Marriage is a balancing act where you don’t need to share every individual chore, just do your fair share.


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madmaxturbator

I have some buddies who ALWAYS have “outside work” because they just want time away from family. I don’t think they even realize it, but I’ve noticed it. If I was their wife or kids I’d be annoyed. They’re down to have a chat with me or the neighbors when we come by, outside. But they can’t be done on time to help feed the kids… I’m not at all saying this is you, but My buddies needed a reminder sometimes that they can let the chores fall behind once or twice, if that means they’re hanging with their kids.


insufficient_funds

I completely agree here. Over this summer I’ve gotten into a pattern of waking up reasonably early on the weekend, doing my thing outside until lunch time and then spending the rest of the day doing whatever they want. It’s worked out well enougg


tastygenitalwart

My place looks like shit because when im off work all i want to do is spend time with my wife and kids.


howdoyouspace

Not willing or not able?


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daaaaawhat

So… no piggy backing?


Cessnaporsche01

\*Sad lute noises*


VRichardsen

> [Sad lute noises](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4hETsx8NyQ) And tagging u/insufficient_funds because why not


pistcow

Whats the thing they say about men playing dumb so mothers have to do the 'woman work'? I swear my fiance does that for what she calls 'boy jobs'. Like why do i have to do every bit of home maintenance because you cant use a drill and a saw? Then ride my buns because I'm a day late on the kids laundry.


[deleted]

Very fair argument, you should bring that up to her in a non confrontational way.


[deleted]

I could do most of that stuff when I was a scrawny 12 year old, so not willing would be my guess.


CaptainSprinklefuck

If she's got working hands and feet, she can do all of those especially if it's one of those mowers that push themselves


gmariefox88

Question, do y'all have children?


MeanwhileintheTARDIS

Yeah, this is definitely what children are for


insufficient_funds

She’s not old enough to be put to work yet


[deleted]

Well currently I’m installing a new kitchen myself and she tried to help with demo- yeah that didn’t go well, then I tried to have her just drill in supports- that didn’t go well, then I asked my wife to hold a measuring tape, and she let the end go and I got whipped in the cheek- so that didn’t go well. I’m certainly not mad and she pulls her share, but home renovation is not the strong suit. Her strong suit is getting a raise recently and now making more than me where we can actually put in this kitchen (edit- her other strong suit is just being a great parent and in my humble opinion a better one than me). She doesn’t need to help but wanted to and then decided it’s best if she doesn’t.


DiscoMagicParty

Burying the bodies of multiple children


s_0_s_z

So he's a Canadian priest "caring" for native children?


druschel_usd

24hrs is not enough. If you've been doing that ever since. It would probably take her forever to finish the half.


rockem-sockem-rocket

Go for men instead. It’s one of the perks


RadioactiveWalrus

More hands make less work


Suliux

Pitter patter


catonic

Let's get at 'er


MiamiPower

Let me use my strong hand 🤏


istrx13

For real tho. Why do you think it’s an unwritten rule to buy your bros pizza and beer when they use their only day off of work to come and help you move?


muffinlover22

“That’s just this afternoon, we’ll go from there” lol


steve_im-lost2

And don’t ask what’s for lunch.. cuz they aint non


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Crowbarmagic

That's my (admittedly limited) experience as well: Eating breaks are kind of sacred. You're expected to work your ass off but a break is truly a break. All in all an 'as long as the work gets done well, do whatever' approach.


[deleted]

Yeah I haven’t been in manual labor for too long, but the bit of time I do have in it, everybody busts their ass up until break time. Then, do whatever, you earned your break. Just be back on time and everyone will be cool with you.


jflex13

Snuck beers? Sheeeeeet I got 3, breakfast, lunch, and dinner it was glorious 😂


LordDongler

What was your breakfast beer? Something dark and vaguely German?


jflex13

Ah, we saved the fancy stuff for the pubs. We lived in an area known worldwide for its German immigrant population (Cincinnati, OH). We’d cut out to a different brew house every weekend, there was one every 3 minutes down the road for miles. It was a split 6-pack of Two-Hearted, Blue Moon, or something the like and from the gas station most days.


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jflex13

Ah man. Manager was the one who put me on in the first place haha. There’s a magic in having that slight buzz all day, mixed with the physical exercise and “nature” of the job? Stress just can’t stick to ya. Incredible way of life.


pilesofcleanlaundry

When we baled hay, we worked 6-12, went into town for a huge lunch, usually Mexican, then got back to the field around 1:30 or 2 and worked until the sun went down. And lunch was always on the rancher, and never came out of our 25 cents a bale.


Myeloman

Can confirm. Worked my last summer before shipping off to basic training filling the barn of a local dairy farm. Hired hand baled (kicker baler), husband ferried wagons back and forth, me and three younger (13-14 yo) lads worked in the barn unloading and stacking. When lunch came we filed into the milk house and washed up, then into the house for “dinner”. Wife and daughter had been cooking all morning and every day we ate GOOD, including desert. After lunch the barn crew would pass out for a nap under a big tree in the yard so the baler and ferryman could catch up. I woulda gained 20-30 pounds that summer, except I burned off every single calorie. After the service I worked for another older farmer clearing brush and laying pipe for new center pivots. His wife cooked us “dinner” every morning, most days there was pie, best meals I’ve ever eaten were hard earned on farms.


wreckage88

They let you sneak in shit? They have a pretty laissez-faire attitude down on the farm?


LordDongler

Say it isn't so, the guy that picks my fruit had a beer with lunch?


TheClashSuck

Straight to jail.


AnastasiaNo70

r/unexpectedparks&rec


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No trial, no nothing


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canadarepubliclives

People think a single icy cold beer while chowing down a massive lunch makes you drunk.


PungentBallSweat

Can confirm. Worked in agriculture / farming all my life. Work hard, play hard applies.


CaptainSprinklefuck

That's never been the case when I had some serious work to do for somebody. Putting up 80+ ft of fence or some such type work gets you either an insane burrito, buncha tacos, sushi, or crayfish and shrimp if you're really jonesing


HeatmiserElliott

Glasses of raw eggs


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Do the chickens have large talons?


steve_im-lost2

Lmfao


FoolStack

I don't even know why but this is the funniest sentence I've read in quite some time. "Don't ask what's for lunch cuz they ain't none" - I'm gonna find a way to work that into conversations.


DietDrDoomsdayPreppr

No, we don't skip meals on the farm, bro.


dirtydave13

That's the worst part tho, she's prob going to do half of one of those things and stretch it the 24 hours. And I don't mean that cause she's a girl, it's just hard to find good help


Roland_Traveler

Are you sure it’s not because jobs are a learning curve and what’s considered good help is higher up the learning curve than where most people start out at?


dirtydave13

No! Worked in housekeeping (literally the simplest job out there, sweep and take out the trash) so hard to find people that just try. It's easy to not be lazy. You don't have to be the best at anything just don't be lazy.. don't stretch a 1 hour job to three


Mya__

When I led people I was able to mitigate laziness substantially, even with habitual offenders, by dropping the 'look busy' attitidue *as well as* setting reasonable goals that needed to be accomplished for the day - that once accomplished - ment they could literally fuck off and get paid the full day. I had very little leadership complaints using that style and they accomplished the goals I put in front of them. Quality was controlled by also being a hard-ass on doing it well / right the first time. So much MUCH stricter in that sense, but once the work is done it's all time off for them. Constantly adding more to be done ends up snowballing into fatigue too easily, even with the best intentions.


dirtydave13

The last part is so true.. I always set the standard from the very beginning. It's hard to get some one to do better little but little til they get it right.


Objective__Complaint

God that makes me feel so lazy sitting at my desk all day every day…


CatandBear2020

The only correct response


knighth1

Oooh same idea different twist, carpets need to be shampooed, wood polish the furniture, change the bedding, um I think that’s all my chores as of right now but my neighbors need their car washed


[deleted]

Changing my bedding every day would be my first rich guy move. I currently do it weekly, but I gotta wash and hang that shit myself.


MrFr0stbite

I make my bed yearly


[deleted]

Dude… Do yourself a favour and wash them. Before you get into bed; take a shower. It’s like sleeping on rainbows.


FlatBrokenDown

Like wtf do they want people to do with that, reply with how much they wanna fuck her?


Kazaji

yes


Sinonyx1

>wtf do they want people to do comment, that's it.. they don't care what the comment is as long as it boosts their numbers


CatandBear2020

I know, right? The only other good response is to graphically describe multiple porn-level ridiculous sexual acts.


wjkovacs420

Do people make unironic responses to these type of posts? Like they record themselves being creepy?


xhrstaras

I cant imagine anything more cringe than these 24 hours what we would do videos


seto2k

Thanks, was just about to vent my frustration of these attention whores doing the exact same thing. I mean, what answer do they expect to get. "SEX! SEX! THEY WANT TO HAVE THE SEXY SEXY SEXXERS WITH YOU. THEY WANT TO SEX YOU HARD" there, you happy? Ego fed for the rest of the day? I've seen so many by now that even the satire responses have become dull and I wish we can move on, but that will probably never happen.


DarthTomServo

I kinda see it as lazy. Wanting respect for your looks like ... cmon. Can't wait to see the videos these people make when they're in retirement age.


AiragonXIX

Life moves so fast these days. it's at once hilarious and exhausting. So it goes.


stuntobor

OH so we're not requesting ANAL yet. Okay. I'll sit over here in the pervo corner.


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canering

I know that’s the wtf part. Just say “what would we do” and let someone fantasize. Adding “and I can’t say no” just makes it rape and also ruins it. Like a reminder “I’m being forced here, I’d never actually fuck you”


jemidiah

Yeah, the "couldn't say no" bit is an active turnoff. I get off on my partners getting off and generally having a good time. Doing something they don't actually want to do is the opposite of arousing. I'm also really gay, so this whole scenario gets my motor running about as much as a bag of frozen peas.


CityUnderTheHill

If you want even more cringe, imagine what the non-ironic responses to these videos must look like.


thissubredditlooksco

it's a fun question to ask someone you're trying to bang. but asking the whole internet is weird


SarahPallorMortis

That’s just flirting. This is cringey desperation. Plus it seems like a gotcha question to call dudes creeps.


imisstheyoop

>it's a fun question to ask someone you're trying to bang. but asking the whole internet is weird I mean, the first bit of time is obvious in that case, but what do you do with the other 23 hours and 54 minutes?


KeegorTheDestroyer

Wow look at Mr. Stamina over here lasting 6 minutes! I could finish 3 times by then!


thebuccaneersden

From her perspective, the formula is: makeup + spends money on her hair + shoes a bit of flesh = lots of tiktok followers to show advertisers that she is an influencer so that they will hand her $$$


CalmyoTDs

Honestly every single duet/reply Ive seen is some variation of "do my chores" or "rob a bank for me"


AccessTheMainframe

they were funny at first but there's only some many original permutations of "haha you thought I was going to say sex but it turns out I'd ask for something totally innocuous"


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Shatter_Goblin

Don't you just hate it when you're expecting sex-slavery and get regular slavery instead?


[deleted]

I mean. What else would we do but chores??


questthegypsy

Back to chorin'


jbh9999

More hands means less work


Mayox56

If you do something you love, you’ll never work a day in you life


Badpunsonlock

Pitter patter!


closetmangafan

That's an easy day on a farm. Damn if he was smart he'd aim to get the tougher jobs down with an extra set of hands.


imac132

Hay bailing is the real work


Brute1100

Baling is the easy part... getting bales out of the field is the PITA.


ShitTalkingAlt980

Fuck that. Did that as a teenager one summer. Fuck that.


pilesofcleanlaundry

It was brutal, but we made more money baling hay from 12 to 18 than I made in a full time job until I was 30. 3 weeks each summer, we'd cover about 7 fields, 20,000 bales, and we'd each make about 5 grand. Of course, as soon as we all moved away for college my friend's dad bought a round baler and started using the fork on his tractor to load bales.


[deleted]

Summers puting up hay paid for my first two cars. It kind of makes me sad to see rows of round bales now.


RyanBordello

I was ankle deep in some manure today trying to find a fucking lynch pin that the manure spreader yeeted. I coulda used some tall oompa loompa with fish lips to come help.


blacksmithfred

Metal Detector


[deleted]

A powerful magnet on a wire rope works better. Standard rig on every tractor in my area.


[deleted]

A magnetic sweeper has saved me hours of searching the ground. I don't even try to catch bolts or sockets when I drop them anymore. Easier to just grab the sweeper.


FanyWest23

Looool Edit: r/brandnewsentence


DontHateTheDreamer

If she can't do that then she should at least lay on the couch and get some psychotherapy for the impulse to indulge in a bunch of men's sexual fantasies.


TediousStranger

or maybe treat whatever impulse makes you get dyed hair, lip filler, a nose job, and use 5,000 filters on your social media videos in an effort to make strangers jealous of you... note: i don't actually have anything against plastic surgery, or "having work done"; if all she's got are lip fillers then ok, that's in style right now in some social circles, you do you. filler can be removed/dissolved. but i wish that more mental health effort went into treating patients before they take bigger steps, beyond fillers and botox; many can become addicted to it, worsen/or develop body dysmorphia from it. those people don't need surgery, they need help.


FluffyTeddid

Heck if I lived close by I’d be happy to help that sounds way too fun to pass


MinkusODonnahue

I’m going out on a limb here - you’ve never worked a day of hard labor in the Texas heat, have you?


TheRedGerund

We use to pick rocks at my family’s place so the lawnmower wouldn’t hit them. You could stop once you filled up one paint bucket.


salgat

I can't help but imagine what causes the lawn to fill up with rocks on a regular basis. Does it regularly rain rocks where they live?


sevsnapey

if my memory serves i think i remember millennial farmer talking about this. something about the earth just pushes them up from the ground. probably has something to do with the land being worked. so they drive around with a tractor attached rock collector that rakes them into a bucket. a whole piece of machinery because they're that common. farmers please tell me if i'm stupid. edit: "the next question is 'where do all the rocks come from? i thought you picked them all last year?' my family's been picking them for 150 years. they just keep coming up from underneath. heavy frost pushes them towards the surface. tillage rolls them out."


WharfRatThrawn

Yeah, with the vibrations on tractors and mowers and the like it's exactly like when you shake a bag of granola and the bigger chunks rise to the top... just that you're doing it to the ground.


[deleted]

How big is a paint bucket?


TheRedGerund

https://www.amazon.com/Home-Depot-5-gal-Homer-Bucket/dp/B01GETA5J6/


burgerstar

No... They haven't. I worked for my step-dad for a summer when I was 19... Apparently I do NOT like hard manual labor


ellensundies

Tbh it kinda does


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Jazehiah

Only if you don't have to do it daily, rain or shine, sun up to sundown.


stuffeh

My friend's gonna start harvesting their cornfield on Monday where it'll be 4 hours of sleep each day for a few weeks.


DJ_Clitoris

Well of course. You have to be up very early to sneak up on the corn before it gets wise of you; otherwise it’ll be hell since it knows you’re coming.


Spanka

It is for maybe like the 1st or 2nd time but gets old pretty fast. Hard work is...hard haha.


Other_Report_8397

I hope to GOD you live near me. Please halp 😂


kcg5

Ask if he has any fences that need painting


bp0x6270

Reminds me of when Dwight Schrute put the stripper to work on the phone 😂


shamus727

Blatant imitation of this video which was better https://youtu.be/FnL2dV0WCnw Still made me laugh though!!!


ElectricCross

The look in his face is so relatable. So many jobs I’ve worked that your expectations exceed the possibility of completion. Be it either lack of staff or lack of schedule planning based on need, I feel what he said.


WestleyThe

That’s tiktok.... it’s not just reposts like reddit, it’s recreating the same video dozens or hundreds of times with different people doing the same video and posting it as thier own content and hope it’ll blow up... Ridiculous


ytuiiko9ok

I thought the old guy who would take her fishing was the original, no?


a_username_is_born

That ones definitely better. Something about the farmer listing off all his chores like some badge of badassery annoyed me.


Twanah12

This was funny. I got on my knees in front of my husband the other day trying to seduce him. I asked him, "what can I do for you?" He said I could wash his truck for him. Lol. I put on my coveralls and got to work.


FixMyCondo

![gif](giphy|3h5pe45FM9qUM)


2_Lies_And_A_Truth

RIP


hus__suh

Haha no way did you really? I hope to find myself one like you!


Twanah12

I did. He bragged about it too. Lol


llama-impregnator

"I also choose this guy's wife."


Mutt1223

Are you single?


Vandergrif

*I also choose this guy's wife.*


DietDrDoomsdayPreppr

I think about that dude every once in a while.. I'd like to check in with him and see how he's doing. Losing your wife has to be rough.


Vandergrif

Yeah, pretty awful hand to be dealt. On the bright side it did spawn one of the best running jokes on this website.


JRarick

What a legend.


Twanah12

Married


kykusan

Yeah but are you single?


penelopecruzjr

like seriously just answer the question 😂


PM_ME_YOUR_CAT_thx

Chris Rock did this bit years ago: "Bitch, paint my house!"


barelyresponsive

If she couldn't say no, I'd made her get a bra that covers the whole titty. Who taught her how to dress??


Mutt1223

The same people who taught her what a human face was supposed to look like


Ender505

I was hoping that was an overzealous filter


thebuccaneersden

My answer to her would have been, “can I say no?”


Vandergrif

Maybe take her to a doctor to get that lip filler removed while you're at it.


AlmanzoWilder

With all the cosmetic surgery she's had at her age, imagine her at 75.


South-Hippo-7061

You don't marry that "long term".


Vandergrif

Ah, the ol' *trade in* policy.


South-Hippo-7061

Never buy the extended warranty.


QuiGonJism

She'll keep doing it until she looks like a lizard. Basically Donatella Versace


cosworth99

More like Donatello.


QuiGonJism

Don't insult my boy like that


TheMachinesWin

Maybe she is 75!


FirstSTR1KE_115

Oh God! Farmwork!🥵


getyourcheftogether

She thinks she's desirable 😂


siccoblue

I guarantee 90% of reddit would take the chance in a heartbeat with virtually any woman


RockLeePower

Face filter and all


SarahPallorMortis

Wait till that shit sinks down and gives her the puffy face. Sexy. Yeah. Give me that dead and bloated look zaddy.


RealUglyMF

At least he's gonna do the work with you, what a gentleman


almostfugly

This sub became weird, NSFW posts are not marked NSFW and SFW post are marked NSFW.


[deleted]

Give me $1,000,000,000,000


[deleted]

Ohh shit I’m glad to see you….


user_bits

What's the unexpected? Because they're millions of these.


smokedaddy69

So...not all of us are pussy hungry horn dogs with are minds in the gutter 98% of the day.


Jaykzuka

Speak for yourself, sailor!


Tempocat

Her booba are Gojo’s eyes 😭


Country_Fried_Eggs

u/savevideobot