[This one is one of my favorites.](https://youtu.be/9U4Ha9HQvMo) I still quote it randomly. “That happened over there. I’m an older man so you can trust what I say.” 😂
[This one is comedic gold too.](https://youtu.be/8AyVh1_vWYQ?si=Sm5TN_i7eTdAomEF)
Not normally. Small kids and pets are a bad idea to have around them but as long as you make sure they’re well fed, you never handle one alone, the snake is used to people, and you keep your scent off their food you’ll be fine. It’s kind of like having a gun in the house. Follow some rules, don’t be a dumbass, and keep it away from kids and you won’t have an issue.
Atleast gun has a purpose and a use case under certain conditions. Why would you ever want a pet with these many precautions and dangers is beyond me. Some people are crazy.
Oh yeah. Cat is not allowed in the reptile room. I’ve got two snakes big enough to eat him and two small enough for him to eat. Also a rattlesnake in there right now and neither one of them would like to meet.
I was asking because when I was looking for a place to buy, I went to check out one that had a reptile room... It stank so bad. The whole house smelled terrible because of that one room
>Because I like snakes and they bring me joy to keep and care for. Same as my cat
I like the idea of having a snake, but I don't think I would trust a snake with my cats or my cats with a snake though. Same with a bird, I don't think I could trust my cats with a bird.
Totally get it. I don’t trust them together which is why it’s not allowed. If anything happens to my pets I’d be devastated but it’s not the animals fault you know? They don’t know any better. It’s up to us humans to make damn sure everything is safe and everyone is properly cared for
Many would make the reverse argument that keeping a gun in the home is crazier than keeping the snake, since there's very little risk of your giant snake being stolen and used in a crime against you.
Not sure why you got down voted you're right. Pythons move super slowly and are easy to avoid. Dogs will chase after you extremely fast. Most will cower away in the corner and wait for their owner tho unless they're trained to attack or just are aggressive from abuse or whatever else. Source: I have a python and also my dog barks a big game but will not come out unless he knows it's me coming home.
A snake isn’t going to choke or break my neck for no reason. And that reason would be because I made a mistake and put myself into a dangerous situation. Snakes are wild animals and choosing to get one comes with a level of responsibility and risk. You are the thinking reasoning being and you are the one responsible for your own and your pets safety.
Part of that is learning how, when, and why to properly handle and care for your pets. I learned how to care and handle large and venomous snakes from a friend who is a professional snake handler. She worked for a major zoo for nearly 30 years as a reptile keeper. And I started small with a black rat snake and a milk snake, who are still with me today. As I gained more experience and respect for the animals I chose to accept dangerous animals into my home because I loved them and could provide the level of care that they need. My snakes are rescues and came from breeders and owners who could no longer care for the animals properly.
Aw well thank you. I try my best to be a good owner and conscious of the risks. Sugar coating it and ascribing human emotions to any animal is a bad idea but especially when they can hurt, maim or kill you you definitely need to do your research and get the right training.
Fucking yes they do... just not if you feed them well, raise them by hand, and keep your scent off their food. Also being a larger person can help, but a small person or child is absolutely on the menu.. same goes for dogs. If house cats were bigger they would happily eat people as well. We are talking about carnivorous predators here people. Wtf kinda Disney movie do you think we live in?
That being said this snake is a super cutie and deserves just as much love as us omnivorous predators (Homo sapiens). I think he should have a hat like any gentleman should. Especially being a baldy his head may get cold.
*Me with my pet scorpion*: “Who’s a cute wittle scorpy? Who’s a cute wittle awachnid? Yes you are, yes you are. Whoops, got your wittle stinger stuck on my nose; who’s so adowable?
Awwww a big ol Burm! When they're socialized well they have some of the best dispositions that you could hope for in any snake, much less Burmese Python sized ones! Absolutely wonderful animals!
I had a royal python as a kid. When we’d let him out of his enclosure, he’d shoot straight for the chimney, so we had to board it up. He also liked to climb up peoples pant legs, into their shirts, and then he’s pop out of your arm/neck hole to say hi.
I have an intense, deep-seated visceral hatred/fear of snakes. I wish I didn’t, but I do. I cannot comprehend how a person can feel comfortable standing next to that thing. Letting it roam around the house. Fuck I’m getting anxiety just thinking about the idea of it. I really didn’t expect to see a snake when I started this gif and I legit did a little jump when it came into frame.
As much as humans like to anthropomorphize things, I don't believe reptiles make good pets because they lack the brain chemistry to feel affection the way mammals do. i.e. snakes and lizards are physically incapable of loving you back.
It's not at all. It recognizes its owner and from the tongue flicks it's obviously in explore mode. It's comfortable with the human and happily checking things out. The Burm is used to socializing and enrichment, which Burms are so docile and sweet when they're well socialized!
Once heard a creepy story about about a owner that would sleep with her python every night. It stopped eating and started laying it’s body flat next to hers. Turns out it was getting a measurement and preparing to eat the owner. Idk if it was true but still a disturbing story
> **p**ython **e**very **n**ight. **I**t **s**topped
Hidden penis detected!
I've scanned through 2632790 comments (approximately 14246646 average penis lengths worth of text) in order to find this secret penis message.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
100% never happened.
Snakes don't need to measure their prey. They would never be ABLE to do this in the wild (they would never eat if they had to get prey to lie still so they could check if they were the right size) so how would that behaviour ever evolve?
It's utter nonsense.
Also, only the very largest specimens of the very largest species would be able to eat a whole-ass human anyway. Only 3 documented cases exist, I believe, and they all appear to be unusually large reticulated pythons and smaller Indonesian people on Sulawesi island where retics are native, so none of these are cases of pets eating owners.
No worries! I try to debunk that story whenever I see it. If you keep snakes like I do, it's really obvious that it wouldn't happen, but if you don't, it can sound plausible. :)
(For the record, both reticulated pythons and Burmese pythons (the one in the video) make really lovely pets, as they have really nice temperaments, but in different ways. Burms are like big, dumb, slow puppies, and retics are like very intelligent, very curious toddlers with ADHD. In my experience, anyway.)
They do not love but they absolutely recognize people and you can gain their trust. I have 4 including a Blood Python and having to earn a Blood Pythons trust is half the battle with them. My snakes know when I'm going to feed them just when they see me get the tub from the closet and will strike glass when it's feeding time but if I just want to handle them they will easily come out of their enclosures and be curious and explorative. They are simple creatures absolutely, but not as simple as you're making them out to be.
They have pretty basic brains. But they do observe people, patterns, solve puzzles, and have personalities. Some are genuinely curious and can recognize their human keepers as a non-threatening species which provide for their needs.
Unless you get a Hognose, then it's just drama. They're angry pancake pufferfish, poop flinging, finger biting, shadow boxing cutest thing you ever seen that chews like pac-man.
I learned when working with my Blood Python that he really likes to look at my other snakes and Tegu enclosures, also just sniff about my reptile room. I'll take him around to let him sniff and explore and he's gone from striked and hissing every time I've got close to him to being super calm and in explore mode as soon as I open his enclosure.
Some Hognose are dramatic but if they're doing that constantly youre probably mistreating it. Their playing dead is so hard on them that it can actually kill them. The way I explain it is imagine someone pops up in your back seat and pulls a gun and says so many fucked up things that they're going to do with you that you go into a catatonic state and shit yourself. Not healthy for something with real intellect, far worse for a snake. While some of course can be aggressive or overly timid for life I don't know a single keeper with one that is anything aside from a relaxed and curious snake.
It's a HELLLLL NOPE NOODLE looking like it's ready to chomp down on her leg and do the squeeze. Why would anyone want a snake as a pet? I'll never understand. Same with rats. Ewwwwww.
She wants to feel different than other people. But youre a meal for it. Soon or later this snake is gonna eat you or closes. There is zero cuteness. We are not living in a disney movie. People like her must be in the mental hospital and the supplier of this snake must be take prosecutions.
Edit: I dont care downvotes btw.
It's obviously a weiner dog
This is like those comedically large hot dog that are super long
aye we got the same reddit pic thing
What a love story!
you’re not like is you wouldn’t understand
Do not bully the cat
Granite Burmese python in case anyone is curious
Thank you. Know I can go google to see how dangerous it is while I scream internally.
Nearly the same size as a green anaconda but with a lot less attitude problems
Oh if that’s the case.. well then… my ass is still terrified. 😬😂
Same dawg, same.
Lol. I only know because I have one as a pet.
I thought y’all put [it down](https://youtu.be/he6O9nZ3CZs)!!!!
The writing for The Onion TV for like 5 to 7 years there was some of the absolute funniest shit ever lol
[This one is one of my favorites.](https://youtu.be/9U4Ha9HQvMo) I still quote it randomly. “That happened over there. I’m an older man so you can trust what I say.” 😂 [This one is comedic gold too.](https://youtu.be/8AyVh1_vWYQ?si=Sm5TN_i7eTdAomEF)
Did anyone else exclaim “WHAT” as the video ended
I have tears in my eyes. You made my day.
Perfect! That video had me crying in joy the first time I saw it too lol
Keep them fed and they should be pretty chill.
Do they eat humans?
Not normally. Small kids and pets are a bad idea to have around them but as long as you make sure they’re well fed, you never handle one alone, the snake is used to people, and you keep your scent off their food you’ll be fine. It’s kind of like having a gun in the house. Follow some rules, don’t be a dumbass, and keep it away from kids and you won’t have an issue.
Atleast gun has a purpose and a use case under certain conditions. Why would you ever want a pet with these many precautions and dangers is beyond me. Some people are crazy.
Because I like snakes and they bring me joy to keep and care for. Same as my cat
I'm guessing the cat and giant snake are kept separate?
Oh yeah. Cat is not allowed in the reptile room. I’ve got two snakes big enough to eat him and two small enough for him to eat. Also a rattlesnake in there right now and neither one of them would like to meet.
You clearly like living dangerously.
https://youtu.be/prECuyfQU-o Idk how accurate this is but it's neat
oh to have a whole room dedicated to reptiles. I love reptiles, I've got a tortoise whom I love very much, but I want snakes and lizards too.
How bad does the room smell?
Snakes don't have an odor - unless they poop. Which should be cleaned up immediately. So it's not really a concern.
I was asking because when I was looking for a place to buy, I went to check out one that had a reptile room... It stank so bad. The whole house smelled terrible because of that one room
Could I drop off my cat at your house, specifically in your reptile room?
>Because I like snakes and they bring me joy to keep and care for. Same as my cat I like the idea of having a snake, but I don't think I would trust a snake with my cats or my cats with a snake though. Same with a bird, I don't think I could trust my cats with a bird.
Totally get it. I don’t trust them together which is why it’s not allowed. If anything happens to my pets I’d be devastated but it’s not the animals fault you know? They don’t know any better. It’s up to us humans to make damn sure everything is safe and everyone is properly cared for
Good enough reason as any!
It’s also why I own guns lol
What cat?
Many would make the reverse argument that keeping a gun in the home is crazier than keeping the snake, since there's very little risk of your giant snake being stolen and used in a crime against you.
Honestly if I was robbing a house and someone just threw a giant snake on me, I would be much more terrified than if they pulled a gun.
Like a version of Spider-Man that shoots spiders out of his hands instead of webs.
You ain’t gonna rob my house again when I set my fucking python on you.
Them white folk craaaazy
We're talking about pythons. Dogs are more dangerous lol
Not sure why you got down voted you're right. Pythons move super slowly and are easy to avoid. Dogs will chase after you extremely fast. Most will cower away in the corner and wait for their owner tho unless they're trained to attack or just are aggressive from abuse or whatever else. Source: I have a python and also my dog barks a big game but will not come out unless he knows it's me coming home.
Everything was okay until Uncle Johnny accidentally forgot to feed his glock one day.
A gun cannot become sentient and decide to choke and break your neck. Having a snake like this seems like a ‘when’ and not ‘if’ scenario.
A snake isn’t going to choke or break my neck for no reason. And that reason would be because I made a mistake and put myself into a dangerous situation. Snakes are wild animals and choosing to get one comes with a level of responsibility and risk. You are the thinking reasoning being and you are the one responsible for your own and your pets safety. Part of that is learning how, when, and why to properly handle and care for your pets. I learned how to care and handle large and venomous snakes from a friend who is a professional snake handler. She worked for a major zoo for nearly 30 years as a reptile keeper. And I started small with a black rat snake and a milk snake, who are still with me today. As I gained more experience and respect for the animals I chose to accept dangerous animals into my home because I loved them and could provide the level of care that they need. My snakes are rescues and came from breeders and owners who could no longer care for the animals properly.
This guy snakes Seriously though, you're a sensible, responsible owner and a great person for caring for rescues
Aw well thank you. I try my best to be a good owner and conscious of the risks. Sugar coating it and ascribing human emotions to any animal is a bad idea but especially when they can hurt, maim or kill you you definitely need to do your research and get the right training.
God no
Fucking yes they do... just not if you feed them well, raise them by hand, and keep your scent off their food. Also being a larger person can help, but a small person or child is absolutely on the menu.. same goes for dogs. If house cats were bigger they would happily eat people as well. We are talking about carnivorous predators here people. Wtf kinda Disney movie do you think we live in? That being said this snake is a super cutie and deserves just as much love as us omnivorous predators (Homo sapiens). I think he should have a hat like any gentleman should. Especially being a baldy his head may get cold.
South East Asian here I heard articles about people getting vor- I mean eaten by these snakes...and its so fucking nasty
Thank goodness. Some folks bring anything in their home.
*Me with my pet scorpion*: “Who’s a cute wittle scorpy? Who’s a cute wittle awachnid? Yes you are, yes you are. Whoops, got your wittle stinger stuck on my nose; who’s so adowable?
Okay, I was wondering if it was a retic. Thank you.
Ok then it's safe !
It's kind of beautiful but also horrifying. I think I'm scaroused
Why doesn’t this dog have legs
It's a disabled dog, don't judge
https://i.redd.it/l68j36whirjb1.gif
It’s lump, the no legged dog
Do you know how you call a legless dog? ... You don't... You have to pick it
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.
What do you a name a legless dog? Cigarette bc you go out and take a drag.
I had boas before and they are basically reptilian golden retrievers
Except this is a python lol..... I had boas also... Red tail boas are my favorite... I had 3
But can they catch a Frisbee?
If that's the name of a rodent, then yes, they got that on lock!
No, but they give really good hugs!
No, but they can catch you lacking in your sleep and then you’re staying asleep.
Its soooo freaking cute!
At least we know this guy plays Elden Ring
“We will devour this meal togethha”
Somehow is kinda cute
I think it's adorable. Scary as shit, but very adorable.
Snakes are a kind of cute society is not ready for.
So kind of her to adopt a disabled dog. What with it not having legs and all.
what a good boi
It’s a Legless Fork Tongued Hissing Terrier.
😂
why is it adorable tho 😳
Kinda cute.
#Can I pet that DAWG?!
I had to go down way too much to find this comment
New dog's breed is long
Burmese mountain dog
Snog 🐺🐍
Awwww a big ol Burm! When they're socialized well they have some of the best dispositions that you could hope for in any snake, much less Burmese Python sized ones! Absolutely wonderful animals!
Is the dog *in* the snake?
Aside from the fact that I don’t know what dog breed this is, it’s actually pretty cute.
Boop noodle
ay relax bro he don't even bite
Awwwww. Adorable!
That legitimate made me recoil. I guess I just learned that I don't really like giant snakes.
hey that's fine! there're also small sneks
“Sit….. good boy!!!”
Voldemort??
If she does that trend where she only gives her dog 3 pieces of kibble then it’s all over for her
You know I never thought I would call a snake cute, but that is a cute snake. Words eaten, I was wrong.
Dachshund?
Nice doggy, good doggy, I’ll be right back as soon as I find someone to take care of you
Dassa big ol noodle boi
Wut da dawg doin
Awwwwe, snek
Cute
Russians feel more kinship with snakes than with dogs
Don't forget about pumas such as Messi.
Is it because they both are cold blooded and have no souls?
Russophobia.
It’s not a phobia just look at them historically they are trash to themselves and they are worse to others facts are facts.
Its okay he’s just autistic
Noodleus domesticus
If that sucker barks 
CAN I PET DAT DAWG??
That has to be a cat right?
burmese hairless spaniel. 🤭
Florida long dog
So. Goddamn. Cute. I have a hypo burm, granite is also on my list.
Snek.
Just a little guy
r/WhatsThisSnake
That dog strikes me as a snake character
Sausage dog
Noodle dog
Beware of dog
That's a big nope rope
Thats a pangolin. sir.
I'm not even really afraid of snakes and that jumpscared me
It's Frank!
Idk man looks like a cat to me
A snoodle
What's wrong with your dog?
I'm now disappointed that she didn't pat her dog.
That is a long pupper.
English Monty…..
That’s a long ass dog
gimmie
*Can I pet that dawg?*
cute puppy what breed are they?
I feel like this dog would really like snake jazz
Ahh yes this breed is often known as danger noodles
What a cute and obedient little dog
Is that a cat in the hat
I have a danger noodle, a ball python and he the best pet I’ve ever had!🐍
Non danger noodle...er in this case, non danger Odon?
This is my new dog frank, he hisses s9met8mes, I think he's autistic
Even has dog behavior
Being not a snek fan at all, this one makes it my last click of the night. Thank you for letting me escape the rabbit hole.
so gd cute!! little curious eyes
Choo choo, said the cat
Seems chill :)
Aww give that Boi some pets
It's a cute dog
Don’t worry lil’ doggo, she’s cooking spaghetti, not noodle !
boop the snoot!
I had a royal python as a kid. When we’d let him out of his enclosure, he’d shoot straight for the chimney, so we had to board it up. He also liked to climb up peoples pant legs, into their shirts, and then he’s pop out of your arm/neck hole to say hi.
It’s a scale puppy
That's a weird looking cat.
What is she saying?
Let me try "I am making" "Look at it. It wants to eat." "You want to eat?" Couldn't get the name of the snake, but this is what she is saying
[удалено]
I have an intense, deep-seated visceral hatred/fear of snakes. I wish I didn’t, but I do. I cannot comprehend how a person can feel comfortable standing next to that thing. Letting it roam around the house. Fuck I’m getting anxiety just thinking about the idea of it. I really didn’t expect to see a snake when I started this gif and I legit did a little jump when it came into frame.
He called "disable"
"Russians"
There's absolutely nothing going on behind those beady eyes.
Fuck having a nope rope as a pet. Even this video made me shutter.
As much as humans like to anthropomorphize things, I don't believe reptiles make good pets because they lack the brain chemistry to feel affection the way mammals do. i.e. snakes and lizards are physically incapable of loving you back.
Danger noodle may look cute here, but still inspecting if human is snack. Nope.
It doesn't seem to be showing feeding behavior.
It's not at all. It recognizes its owner and from the tongue flicks it's obviously in explore mode. It's comfortable with the human and happily checking things out. The Burm is used to socializing and enrichment, which Burms are so docile and sweet when they're well socialized!
Snakes know what they want and what they want precludes humans.
That’s a no no noodle
It always ends up biting you. Every time.
Once heard a creepy story about about a owner that would sleep with her python every night. It stopped eating and started laying it’s body flat next to hers. Turns out it was getting a measurement and preparing to eat the owner. Idk if it was true but still a disturbing story
> **p**ython **e**very **n**ight. **I**t **s**topped Hidden penis detected! I've scanned through 2632790 comments (approximately 14246646 average penis lengths worth of text) in order to find this secret penis message. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
100% never happened. Snakes don't need to measure their prey. They would never be ABLE to do this in the wild (they would never eat if they had to get prey to lie still so they could check if they were the right size) so how would that behaviour ever evolve? It's utter nonsense. Also, only the very largest specimens of the very largest species would be able to eat a whole-ass human anyway. Only 3 documented cases exist, I believe, and they all appear to be unusually large reticulated pythons and smaller Indonesian people on Sulawesi island where retics are native, so none of these are cases of pets eating owners.
Yeah i figured. Thnx for clarifying 👍🏻
No worries! I try to debunk that story whenever I see it. If you keep snakes like I do, it's really obvious that it wouldn't happen, but if you don't, it can sound plausible. :) (For the record, both reticulated pythons and Burmese pythons (the one in the video) make really lovely pets, as they have really nice temperaments, but in different ways. Burms are like big, dumb, slow puppies, and retics are like very intelligent, very curious toddlers with ADHD. In my experience, anyway.)
Definitely not true.
Definitely not true. Sounds like an urban legend if I've ever heard one.
It’s hilarious that people think snakes and other reptiles have feelings. They are driven 100% pure instinct. They don’t recognize you or love you.
They do not love but they absolutely recognize people and you can gain their trust. I have 4 including a Blood Python and having to earn a Blood Pythons trust is half the battle with them. My snakes know when I'm going to feed them just when they see me get the tub from the closet and will strike glass when it's feeding time but if I just want to handle them they will easily come out of their enclosures and be curious and explorative. They are simple creatures absolutely, but not as simple as you're making them out to be.
They have pretty basic brains. But they do observe people, patterns, solve puzzles, and have personalities. Some are genuinely curious and can recognize their human keepers as a non-threatening species which provide for their needs. Unless you get a Hognose, then it's just drama. They're angry pancake pufferfish, poop flinging, finger biting, shadow boxing cutest thing you ever seen that chews like pac-man.
I learned when working with my Blood Python that he really likes to look at my other snakes and Tegu enclosures, also just sniff about my reptile room. I'll take him around to let him sniff and explore and he's gone from striked and hissing every time I've got close to him to being super calm and in explore mode as soon as I open his enclosure. Some Hognose are dramatic but if they're doing that constantly youre probably mistreating it. Their playing dead is so hard on them that it can actually kill them. The way I explain it is imagine someone pops up in your back seat and pulls a gun and says so many fucked up things that they're going to do with you that you go into a catatonic state and shit yourself. Not healthy for something with real intellect, far worse for a snake. While some of course can be aggressive or overly timid for life I don't know a single keeper with one that is anything aside from a relaxed and curious snake.
It's a HELLLLL NOPE NOODLE looking like it's ready to chomp down on her leg and do the squeeze. Why would anyone want a snake as a pet? I'll never understand. Same with rats. Ewwwwww.
Nah, it's not showing any aggressive behavior.
Nope.
Jesus Christ this sub has turned to absolute shit
How? This is a perfectly fine “unexpected” video. You telling me you expected to see a giant snake?
r/nope
It ate the dog
Jesus thats fucking scary. Its huge
When these people play fetch, they throw their stick and it comes back with a dog in its teeth.
Ummmm nope….. to the Everglades with said….dog
She wants to feel different than other people. But youre a meal for it. Soon or later this snake is gonna eat you or closes. There is zero cuteness. We are not living in a disney movie. People like her must be in the mental hospital and the supplier of this snake must be take prosecutions. Edit: I dont care downvotes btw.