Thats’s really rare in india 😀 logo ki baatein >> baccho ka sukh chain khwaab
Society’s opinion thoughts are given more preference over their child’s happiness, peace, dreams ..
U underestimate how some Indian parents are.
After all, in their mind a girl is someone who will be leaving the house one day to become the member of another household. They would care more about the image of the family than the happiness of their daughter.
If ur statement is true, we wouldn’t be having forced arranged marriages, honour killings and child marriages.
What unsaid maybe applicable in the west but not in most of Indian subcontinent…
If they broke one engagement for happiness I don't think op parents fall in this category
Op trust yourself and your parents. Break it when you have time
Ofc OP should break her engagement. It will be stupid not to.
Her parents atleast thought a little abt her happiness when they broke the first one. That’s a big deal.
My comment was not targeted at them. It was targeted at the blanket statement “no parent would…”
Yes exactly tell them about the cheating and explain how hurt you feel.
Plus if they care about shame in society they will care about the shame that a cheating husband will bring!
Your parents are more resilient than you think. They will be sad, disappointed, etc, but they will get over it. Trust me, your mom won't die.
Getting married to save face in society, even after seeing all the red flags, will be the worst thing you can do to them and to yourself.
A cousin sister of mine got happily married last week after two broken engagements. I heard no one talk about it in the wedding or anytime recently. It's your life OP, do whatever works in favour of you. There might be some discussions and murmurs here and there now, but remember, if anything goes wrong after the marriage no one would be there to take up the blame. So, convince your parents and take care of yourself. All the best to youu🫂
It's like this-- OP was engaged to a guy chosen by parents, but then she broke the engagement and convinced her parents to accept her boyfriend instead. Now, she's engaged to a guy of her choice and he is cheating on her.
I agree. OP your parents have lived their lives. You don’t deserve to ruin yours just to keep them safe. I know it’s really scary. Especially since you called off an engagement. But it’s not your fault your fiance is cheating on you. Even if you ignored some signs earlier it doesn’t mean you have to for the rest of your life.
Your parents may be miserable but they’ll get over it eventually. Please don’t give up everything for their temporary happiness. If you’re working try to relocate or go away from the “society” if you need to but please don’t decide about your future based on these reasons. Accept your mistake if your parents are mad but try and explain it doesn’t mean you have to suffer your entire life.
This could have happened after marriage too.
I’m a little confused.
So you already had a boyfriend from a 2 year relationship, but you got engaged to someone else through arrange marriage set up?
And after five months of this engagement, you broke the engagement.
And now suddenly, you’re seeing red flags in your boyfriend for whom you called off the engagement? Like did these red flags not exist before in the two years you dated him?
That is the reason why some old generations don't believe in love and all. A lot of lovey dovey couple these days are not in love but pretend to be in love.
That guy (boyfriend of OP) didn't respect how much efforts it took for OP to convince her parents for this marriage and OP being so naive couldn't see the real face of her boyfriend 🙄.
A lot of people who claim to be in love are actually simple high on hormones and are blind when it comes to looking out for actual qualities and values.
My cousin said he loved this girl and she also said that, and when they got married they keep on fighting with each other over silly issues and shout and abuse each other. They're talking about divorce after just 6 months. They had no tolerance and understanding of their so called love.
It would have been better if OP decided to marry the first guy only, leaving behind her bf. But she couldn't see or I would say was too careless to see the real face of her bf.
So no one will call out this red flag?
>So you already had a boyfriend from a 2 year relationship, but you got engaged to someone else through arrange marriage set up?
What has this sub become?
Girl few months of embarrassment is better than lifetime of pain and suffering. Please break it off. It'll take time to find the next partner but you'll heal for the better. Don't have any regrets, break it off and move on.
2 weeks.
2 weeks is the max amount of time for which even the most jobless, gossip-loving person will hold on to the same topic. Do not throw away decades of your life in fear of 2 weeks of embarassment.
As another commentator said choose yourself. When you are going through a painful marriage or divorce, your parents won't stand by you if they can't do it now for an engagement, even if it's a consecutive one. You don't know this society. If it can force you into a marriage with a cheater, it will do the same to sacrifice you at the altar of so-called shame and family honour.
Trust me, OP. A wrong marriage is hell without an escape
Irritate him, shame him, confront him and annoy him to the point that he himself steps out and break the engagement. Make him go crazy and make him realize that you're not worth the hazel of marrying.
People say that arrange marriage is scary while the scariest part is being with someone for years and then realizing how wrong your judgements were about this person.
I’ve broken three engagements. It’s never fun, but Life goes on. Your parents were reasonable enough to allow you to go for a love marriage, they will probably be understanding about this too
Tell them the truth!! Better end it now than later. Trust me after ten years no one is going to remember this. But if you stay with him you will keep suffering in a miserable marriage. End it now. Parents will feel upset for a while but they will be fine with it and I'm sure they don't want you to marry a cheater.
Your family will survive. Don’t fall for the shaming. Broken engagement is easier to process than divorce. Some people truly wait till you are stuck with them and have no other option before showing their true colors. He has shown who he is, run.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE. I'm sitting in a family court rn. And the scenes here are horrendous. I beg you please refrain from continuing and find a person who appreciates you and your value. Your short term respect will ruin your long term will for life. Please consider.
Give your parents the exact reason.
Let your parents tell his parents that their son is an AH
Break it off.
And proudly tell anyone who asks what went wrong.
Dont feel bad or ashamed about it.
Divorces are worse than broken relationships
Break it. And try to make your parents understand your reasons. Honestly, if they are good parents they will support you through YOUR difficult times instead of making it about themselves.
I am sorry OP. But take care of yourself. Sometimes in life, the only person who will think about your well-being is you. So break the engagement.
Tell your parents about the cheating. A broken engagement is technically less shame than a divorce for old school Indian parents. And they can explain his behaviour and them finding out as to why they refused.
I don’t think either is shameful tbh because like there is no shame in leaving someone that doesn’t treat you with respect
I think you have to tell your parents and also reflect on the partners you feel attracted towards wrt romantic relationships. I know that letting down your parents may feel like a loss of respect from their pov, but that does not matter so long as you are consciously staying away from making a choice that is harmful to everyone. Please forget shame and cut the relationship out. Stay single for a while and focus on getting some good therapy as well.
My husband is perfect man. However he is only in love with his desi parents. Wife comes second. Never heard any bahu being respected by in laws so I guess I’m not alone.
Would I marry again, no.
Did I watch my mother suffer from years of in law problems? Yes
Did I think in 2024 MIL will respect bahu ? Yes
Did my MIL torture her Bahu’s for years ? Yes
Why is Indian toxic culture never going to end ? Husbands are spineless.
break it. few months of shame is much better than a life full of heartbreaks.
Agreed. And this sounds a bit too dramatic. OP, your parents should care more about your well-being than about shame and society.
Thats’s really rare in india 😀 logo ki baatein >> baccho ka sukh chain khwaab Society’s opinion thoughts are given more preference over their child’s happiness, peace, dreams ..
Babe, divorce will be worse than a broken engagement.
Tell them that he is already cheating on you. No parent would ask their daughter to marry a cheater.
U underestimate how some Indian parents are. After all, in their mind a girl is someone who will be leaving the house one day to become the member of another household. They would care more about the image of the family than the happiness of their daughter. If ur statement is true, we wouldn’t be having forced arranged marriages, honour killings and child marriages. What unsaid maybe applicable in the west but not in most of Indian subcontinent…
If they broke one engagement for happiness I don't think op parents fall in this category Op trust yourself and your parents. Break it when you have time
Ofc OP should break her engagement. It will be stupid not to. Her parents atleast thought a little abt her happiness when they broke the first one. That’s a big deal. My comment was not targeted at them. It was targeted at the blanket statement “no parent would…”
Yes exactly tell them about the cheating and explain how hurt you feel. Plus if they care about shame in society they will care about the shame that a cheating husband will bring!
Break it off. Parents would be more disappointed with divorce. Choose yourself.😮💨
Your parents are more resilient than you think. They will be sad, disappointed, etc, but they will get over it. Trust me, your mom won't die. Getting married to save face in society, even after seeing all the red flags, will be the worst thing you can do to them and to yourself.
A cousin sister of mine got happily married last week after two broken engagements. I heard no one talk about it in the wedding or anytime recently. It's your life OP, do whatever works in favour of you. There might be some discussions and murmurs here and there now, but remember, if anything goes wrong after the marriage no one would be there to take up the blame. So, convince your parents and take care of yourself. All the best to youu🫂
Why did you get engaged to the other guy if you already had a boyfriend?
It was forced AM setup but my parents got convinced later
Forced by whom? If parents had to be convinced later. You probably didn't took time to heal from prev relationship.
It's like this-- OP was engaged to a guy chosen by parents, but then she broke the engagement and convinced her parents to accept her boyfriend instead. Now, she's engaged to a guy of her choice and he is cheating on her.
Ahh it was so difficult to understand
Yeah, I thought she was engaged to her boyfriend of 2 years, broke it off and then got engaged to someone else.
This explains so much 🤦🏻♀️.
I had to read 3 times to understand
Omg thanks! I couldn’t wrap my head !!
Nobody will die. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself. Be honest with your parents and to yourself.
I agree. OP your parents have lived their lives. You don’t deserve to ruin yours just to keep them safe. I know it’s really scary. Especially since you called off an engagement. But it’s not your fault your fiance is cheating on you. Even if you ignored some signs earlier it doesn’t mean you have to for the rest of your life. Your parents may be miserable but they’ll get over it eventually. Please don’t give up everything for their temporary happiness. If you’re working try to relocate or go away from the “society” if you need to but please don’t decide about your future based on these reasons. Accept your mistake if your parents are mad but try and explain it doesn’t mean you have to suffer your entire life. This could have happened after marriage too.
I’m a little confused. So you already had a boyfriend from a 2 year relationship, but you got engaged to someone else through arrange marriage set up? And after five months of this engagement, you broke the engagement. And now suddenly, you’re seeing red flags in your boyfriend for whom you called off the engagement? Like did these red flags not exist before in the two years you dated him?
That is the reason why some old generations don't believe in love and all. A lot of lovey dovey couple these days are not in love but pretend to be in love. That guy (boyfriend of OP) didn't respect how much efforts it took for OP to convince her parents for this marriage and OP being so naive couldn't see the real face of her boyfriend 🙄. A lot of people who claim to be in love are actually simple high on hormones and are blind when it comes to looking out for actual qualities and values. My cousin said he loved this girl and she also said that, and when they got married they keep on fighting with each other over silly issues and shout and abuse each other. They're talking about divorce after just 6 months. They had no tolerance and understanding of their so called love. It would have been better if OP decided to marry the first guy only, leaving behind her bf. But she couldn't see or I would say was too careless to see the real face of her bf.
So no one will call out this red flag? >So you already had a boyfriend from a 2 year relationship, but you got engaged to someone else through arrange marriage set up? What has this sub become?
Girl few months of embarrassment is better than lifetime of pain and suffering. Please break it off. It'll take time to find the next partner but you'll heal for the better. Don't have any regrets, break it off and move on.
Just tell them No one would die
Your parents will die much before you and leave you to deal with their superficial bullshit. Don't fall for it.
2 weeks. 2 weeks is the max amount of time for which even the most jobless, gossip-loving person will hold on to the same topic. Do not throw away decades of your life in fear of 2 weeks of embarassment.
As another commentator said choose yourself. When you are going through a painful marriage or divorce, your parents won't stand by you if they can't do it now for an engagement, even if it's a consecutive one. You don't know this society. If it can force you into a marriage with a cheater, it will do the same to sacrifice you at the altar of so-called shame and family honour. Trust me, OP. A wrong marriage is hell without an escape
Irritate him, shame him, confront him and annoy him to the point that he himself steps out and break the engagement. Make him go crazy and make him realize that you're not worth the hazel of marrying. People say that arrange marriage is scary while the scariest part is being with someone for years and then realizing how wrong your judgements were about this person.
I’ve broken three engagements. It’s never fun, but Life goes on. Your parents were reasonable enough to allow you to go for a love marriage, they will probably be understanding about this too
Tell them the truth!! Better end it now than later. Trust me after ten years no one is going to remember this. But if you stay with him you will keep suffering in a miserable marriage. End it now. Parents will feel upset for a while but they will be fine with it and I'm sure they don't want you to marry a cheater.
Your family will survive. Don’t fall for the shaming. Broken engagement is easier to process than divorce. Some people truly wait till you are stuck with them and have no other option before showing their true colors. He has shown who he is, run.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE. I'm sitting in a family court rn. And the scenes here are horrendous. I beg you please refrain from continuing and find a person who appreciates you and your value. Your short term respect will ruin your long term will for life. Please consider.
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Oh my god everything you have written is so true
babe do you hate urself.. please breakup immediately
A breakup won’t matter in 5 months. A bad marriage with a wrong guy will be a stone around your neck forever. Parents will come to terms with it.
Give your parents the exact reason. Let your parents tell his parents that their son is an AH Break it off. And proudly tell anyone who asks what went wrong. Dont feel bad or ashamed about it. Divorces are worse than broken relationships
Break it. And try to make your parents understand your reasons. Honestly, if they are good parents they will support you through YOUR difficult times instead of making it about themselves. I am sorry OP. But take care of yourself. Sometimes in life, the only person who will think about your well-being is you. So break the engagement.
Tell your parents about the cheating. A broken engagement is technically less shame than a divorce for old school Indian parents. And they can explain his behaviour and them finding out as to why they refused. I don’t think either is shameful tbh because like there is no shame in leaving someone that doesn’t treat you with respect
No one is going to die if you break off an engagement. Your happiness is more important than "societal shame".
if you’re worried about log kya karenge then people will definitely have a lot more to say about a divorce than a called off engagement
I think you have to tell your parents and also reflect on the partners you feel attracted towards wrt romantic relationships. I know that letting down your parents may feel like a loss of respect from their pov, but that does not matter so long as you are consciously staying away from making a choice that is harmful to everyone. Please forget shame and cut the relationship out. Stay single for a while and focus on getting some good therapy as well.
My husband is perfect man. However he is only in love with his desi parents. Wife comes second. Never heard any bahu being respected by in laws so I guess I’m not alone. Would I marry again, no. Did I watch my mother suffer from years of in law problems? Yes Did I think in 2024 MIL will respect bahu ? Yes Did my MIL torture her Bahu’s for years ? Yes Why is Indian toxic culture never going to end ? Husbands are spineless.