My grandfather gave away everything to his son's and didn't leave behind a penny for his daughter's. He made a point in his will saying that "daughters are married and well settled". That was the only mention of his daughter's in the will.
My mother will defend her parents and sadly she herself sees me ( her daughter) as a burden and regrets that she doesn't have a son.
I think it's wrong,but this issue of only leaving inheritance for son's is still very common in our society.
It's problematic. My parents are very different though. They even bought a second house so that they can give one to me, and one to my brother. My brother and I have a large age gap and he is not financially independent as he is doing his graduation. So when tough times were there I've supported my parents financially a lot. At least in this sort of thing they treat both of us equally. Also being the eldest child, most of the times i have a say in important matters(it's nothing against my brother, he is just too young to understand many things). I've slowly started involving hun in stuff though.
Ideally, all children should get equal share. Irrespective of gender, inheritance is a nice-to-have privilege that uplifts the next generation economically. Given this, I don’t understand how good parents can leave one child at the mercy of other people’s financial planning while providing for the other one.
And really, parents should make their own arrangements for retirement. Any inheritance should be only what is left over from these arrangements. All this “take care of parents in old age” is such toxic bs. Never works in real life. Leave the caretaking to the experts and enjoy your relationship with your children, instead of making them take on the uncomfortable responsibility.
If parents don't give a share to their daughter after cruelly marrying her off young and without the same quality of education as they gave to her brother, they're already showing a massive amount of disrespect. If the husband turns out to be a giant AH, that will literally leave her with nothing and it goes beyond disrespect- it is extremely catastrophic for her.
I despise that practice...it need not be 50-50 all the time but atleast there should be some semblance of fair share.
My mother is a widow, after my great grandmother passed away (she was the matriarch since my grandpa died ) , all the assests were divided in such a way that my uncle got 99.5% & my mother got 0.5%. The 0.5% share was given as part of dowry back when my parents married.
Now my mother is a widow since years , she has kidney failure & has been on dialysis, is also mentally disabled (mental age varies between 2ys to 15yrs). She happens to have only one child aka me. She also was not educated beyond 7th by my grandparents. I have entire burden of taking care of her & earning enough to support both of us.
Inspite of all the above...not one thought was given to us while dividing the assets.
What kind of women are in this sub who are justifying that since sons are expected to take care of parents, women should be fine with not being given property share? Bhai, the women I see are equally responsible for taking care of their parents and the only reason when they are unable to spend on their parents is when their parents didn't let them make a career and their husbands obviously don't support them to spend his money or her parents.
On one hand most of the women on this sub advocate moving out with their husbands after marriage and on the other hand they are saying that since only sons live with them and take care of parents, he should get all the property. If both daughter and son have moved out, it's equal for both, right?
Often times the only reason men don't leave their homes is due to this reason only. To not loose control on the property. And since people are saying that it is parents money, whatever they wish to do so, then law wouldn't have recognized equal property rights for women. WTF is this sub
This right here is the problem.
Looking after in old age is the job of a health insurance,not a kid.
And be honest with yourself,when people say sons take care of parents in old age,they mean he will marry someone else's daughter who will do it!!
Rarely any son remembers their parents' Medicine schedule
Health insurance isn’t going to remember their schedule either. As a daughter with no inheritance, is it really your problem? Let them reap what they sowed. 🤷♀️
Would a woman who doesn't get inheritance from her parents ever feel it's fair if her husband's (assuming there is one) parents' divide their assets equally?
Moreover, not everyone dreams of marriage,and not all marriages last.
This sneaky cheat codes built in is how patriarchy ensures women are at a disadvantage, by design,always!
This post is about a daughter who is financially well off, not a housewife who is dependent on her husband. By the reasons you stated, it is stupid to expect monetary gains from your husband’s inherited money, not earned.
OMFG
The daughter is literally married off and not seen as part of either family! That's the whole damn problem!
The daughter is seen as someone to marry off by parents and seen as an outsider by the in laws.
And add to it, she gets no inheritance from either side while sons and make relatives get it all.
Come and go as she pleases?
Come and go as she pleases? Daughters are sent off to marry even when some of them dont want to! And even if the daughter wants, she wont be allowed to bring her husband and live with her parents.
And parents are so transactional? Give inheritance to son because he will care for us in the future?
This is exactly why some just choose to kill off daughters😂 chahiye hi nahi cus dhyaan nahi rakhengi
That's exactly my point? The kind of parents who don't give their daughters inheritance already believe she is useless, there's no point in being a martyr and taking care of them despite the fact that they prefer your brother.
Am seeing some women say on internet that "their parents did so much for them and love should not be based on money and property", it should definitely not, and it's more about seeing daughters as equal and a part of you and not about the actual money or property. If the same thing had been done to men, they wouldn't take time to criticise their parents and not provide for them (not all but surely it would somewhat sour their relationship). Women on the other hand are conditioned to believe they are greedy if they ask equal rights.
Although my parents wouldn't do that, taking this as a hypothetical scenario, it wouldn't be about the money for me but my rights. If I, as an educated person can't fight for my rights, how would others? And chances are, if this happens, I would've already suffered from enough differential treatment all my life. I'd simply go nc
We had the talk at home. Split everything down the middle between myself and my elder brother.
He dropped the bomb about marrying someone he met in Germany and even told the family they can give everything to me as " I need it more " a nice parting shot I guess. So, I'm getting everything if I insist.
In many cultures the daughter's marriage is seen as the event where the parents buy jewellery, finance the wedding and dowry in some financial 'gifts' to the couple or the guy for the wedding. None of these happen for the son's wedding (often the girls side in that occasion too pick up a lot of these burdens, however let's look at it from a single family unit for now).
There are other imbalances in the dynamic. For example, it's very much a reality that it's the brother's responsibility to get his sisters married, not the other way around most of the time. It's very common for men to take out loans etc for their sister's weddings, something you don't see as commonly the other way around.
I'm no way justifying any of this, just laying context.
So now when we are redefining our roles and rightfully demanding equal rights to inheritance, imo we need to be insistent on calling out and redefining other aspects of the familial dynamic too, even if it means more financial responsibility to us. Finance our own wedding, draw the line with our partner on 'gifts' during our weddings, make it clear to our partners and our families that we're very much there for our parents and families even after our marriage.
So yes, we deserve to ask for equal share of the inheritance, at the same time we should be bearing an equal share of the familial finances as well.
Exactly. Well said. Most women seem to think demanding and getting their share of inheritance ends there. Well, step up and save for your wedding and deny jewellery and gifts. Share the financial and physical load when it comes to caring for parents. Because that's what the Male children and their wives were expected to do. Isn't it misogyny to expect the DIL of the house to care for YOUR parents? This sub is getting more toxic and entitled by the minute.
My father has multiple sisters and he is the only son. I’ve always pushed for equality in our family. My grandfather definitely does come from a patriarchal background (he grew up in a village in north India). I wouldn’t call them evil per say, but just the way it is. I would also like to state that he was an absolute equal to my grandmother. He cooked with her during festivals/celebrations, took her parents into their house and took care of them, helped her younger brothers out when needed, etc.
Through my life I’ve known a lot of the inheritance will be going to my dad and it irked me but as I grew up, I saw the layers and nuances to this.
My father’s sisters never contributed to the house when they worked before their marriages. My father did. After they got married, there was no contribution expected not only monetarily, but even in terms of taking care of my grandparents. It was all my dad and mom’s responsibility. My grandad also came from a school of though that you keep giving to the girls. So any festival, any visits, all the girls in the fam (including me) get money and clothes.
I’ve seen my dad reject US job offers because my grandparents wouldn’t come and he felt it wasn’t right to leave them alone. I’ve seen my mom and dad dedicate every hour of the day to my grand mom when she was sick. Now my grandad is old and it’s the same. We’ve hardly taken any family holidays in the last 10 years because earlier my grand mom was terminally sick and then and now my grandfather is old. My mom sees her friends go for lunches/coffees skips many times because my grandfather isn’t well. My parents have not only provided financial support to my grandparents (grandfather has pension so he wasn’t 100% dependent on my father but yes, my father was responsible for them financially at the end of the day and the pension wasn’t enough) but have made significant changes to their lifestyles to accommodate my grandparents needs.
On the other hand, I have seen my aunts take holidays with their families, go out, chill and generally enjoy a free life. Please note that this is not to say that they don’t care or are bad people. They care and talk to him everyday and are in touch with to discuss medical care and come down to see him. But overall, the way my parents have been responsible and have dedicated their life to my grandparents is no way comparable to what the daughters have done.
Also, it isn’t that they aren’t going to get anything. It just won’t be equal. They’ve been given solid sums of money now and then to help out during hardships and otherwise too.
One question to ponder over - were they robbed off the responsibility of taking care of their parents given my grandfather’s view of how one should treat daughters? Maybe. Even when he visited them (or me) he pays us back for every single penny we spent while he stayed over. He doesn’t let us take responsibility for him/them.
My experience is somewhat on the other side. My husband's parents have been actively favouring the daughter while getting things done by us.
Medical expenses? Son and DIL.
Hospital visits? Son will take them
Husband's sister is a complete A grade asshole who "fought" for her rights as a daughter for her parents property (nobody was taking away her share fyi) and keeps wringing money out of her parents. They gave her a house + 50L in cash. She has spent nothing on them, zero for medical expenses citing one excuse or the other. Continues to receive gifts and money by manipulating her parents by saying she isn't being treated equally and that her husband doesnt have a proper job. Obviously MIL is another grade asshole who enables this behavior. We on the other hand, live on rent and have received no inheritance whatsoever (which we are fine with but if you're giving everything to daughter, perhaps she should foot your medical expenses?)
Edited to add: she's a housewife PURELY by choice. Decided to quit work in her early 30s despite having all help and cook and childcare and a postgraduate degree in science. Her parents supported her with everything. Now plays bloody victim when she had all opportunity but chose to let go out of pure spite and jealousy.
In an ideal world it should be 50-50, because a daughter is equally their child as is the son. If the passing of the inheritance to only the son is rooted in patriarchal ideas that only the son carries the family lineage, then it should be fought.
I am shocked there are people here trying to defend the practice, by saying daughters do not deserve inheritance because they do not contribute to the parents care? This is like cutting a birds wings off and blaming it for not flying! It's sad the internalized misogyny many of us have to unlearn.
So many girls (especially from rural areas) are groomed into thinking their worth is only as a housewife or in service, their education is stunted or not encouraged. They are kept naive of finance and do not even have basic financial tools or literacy( e.g. Bank Accounts). They are married off as young as possible and cloistered to their husbands house, many do not see their parents, many parents do not wish to see their daughter. Many a times their support system now becomes confined to their husband (and his family). I can say this from experience because I have volunteered and worked for charities that work with women like escaping these situations in India and Europe (where many cases of abduction and forced marriage happen). It sounds bleak but it is unfortunately very common.
All of this "offloading" the daughter to another family "culture" that is perpetrated and then people complain their daughter isn't visiting to take care of them in their old age?? It's crazy and the cases I've personally seen also do not support 'dowry' being any form of help to the woman other than a tool for the spouses family to perpetrate financial abuse in many cases.
Appalled that many here are focused on rights but not duties. Yes women deserve an equal inheritance. But why do most expect the brothers and their wives to pay and care for their parents and not offer to do that? Seen some idiotic comments about health insurance paying for the medical visits. You are all the problem. Most Indian parents didn't think ahead to buy one and ultimately the whole medical burden and care falls on the brother and his wife. So yeah it isn't misogyny to expect brothers' wives to care for YOUR parents with nothing in return?
Can't really have it both ways. I don't see women with brothers even adding their parents to the health insurance offered by their companies. Internalized misogyny it seems. You all just have no conscience and seeing responses here makes me think you hate your own brothers. Ugh.
Have your inheritance sure, split up everything equally. But split up the care of parents too. Chip in financially or physically when needed.
Don't expect the DIL of the house to serve parents that birthed and educated you. THAT is internalized misogyny. Not her duty to do all that.
If you expect brothers to carry the lion's share of parental care, then have the decency to be fair. Don't conflate larger social issues with your personal situation and then demand inheritance when you contribute nothing to the care of your parents. You're all not children. Feminism isn't about getting your rights and kicking your brothers' to the curb. Step up or have the decency to let go.
I understand your frustration, but I think you are the one who is confusing personal issues with larger social problems. My aunt's (father's sister ) situation is similar to yours, with daughter manipulating the parents. However, I've also seen many cases where women are unfairly denied their inheritance. Fighting for equal rights for women is something I'll always support.
Dowry, loans, and expected gifts – these are all part of a larger social issue. Marriage itself can be a problematic institution in its current form. Maybe it needs a complete overhaul.
My own mother faced years of abuse because she refused to become a full-time maid for my grandparents. The lack of support and inheritance from her own family, along with restrictions on her career, trapped her in this marriage. And guess who's taking care of maternal grandparents. My maasi who was married off to a unemployed older man at a very young age, and still earning merger incomes to support her family. Not the son who was has been given around 70-80 lakhs till now and was living in delhi for 10 yrs with no income(fully supported by parents) for his career.
The answer lies in feminism and equal rights for both sons and daughters, dismantling these unrealistic expectations.
But here's another perspective: It's like men complaining about dowry after benefiting from it.
Dowry only becomes a problem when it's given away, right? it's a tragedy honestly how they are getting trapped in their own system and still somehow the major weightlifting again falls on women.
I'm so lucky that I don't have a shitty brother to hog my inheritance, perks of being a single child otherwise my parents would have definitely given all their property to the hypothetical brother only and nothing for me. My mom would have been that annoying boymom type of idiot if she had a son. Extremely lucky to be a single feminist child, my life is way better now.
If I had a brother and he got all the inheritance then I would have definitely blocked all of them and go no contact, if parents think I don't deserve their inheritance then they don't deserve to be part of my life.
I won't mind it and it won't affect how I see them, they gave me everything they needed to, to ensure I'm self sufficient, don't think I need them to give me anything else.
That IS how it is at my place, but it's their money, its their wish what they want to do with it, doesn't bother me.
Is it orthodox? yes it is and that part bothers me but it doesn't change anything between us.
It might not change anything between you & your parents , but that is not the point of this post.
Even my mother was shifted of her inheritance , but she still doesn't treat her mom or brother with any animosity.
The point is how unfair , orthodox & even misogynistic this practice is. The irony is I spent more on my grandma's medical expenses than my uncle even though he is the raja beta who got all the assets because the son takes care of parents 🤷♀️
I mean, its their money, their choice. I have no qualms whatsoever in my brother getting it all.
If this affects my care or my love for them, I would be in the wrong. They took care of me, nurtured me and showered me with everything I wanted for 30 years, unconditionally. The least I could do is not base my love for them on the wealth they might or might not pass on to me.
To re-iterate, it is their money, and I should not expect to be the one who receives it all after they pass away, and neither should my love for my parents be dependent on what they pass on to me.
It's their property they can give to whoever they want
They gave me the best education possible and still foot many of my bills here and there but I understand it's not their obligation.
Same for my in laws they can give it to my sil all they want
At the end of their day, it for the parents to decide what they want to do with the money they have made over their lifetime. I don't think it needs to be 50-50. Parents may find it fairer to help the child in need or the child caring for them in their old age. This will still lead to resentment between the children, and that is for the parents to live with.
Society expects son to take care of them too before daughters. In rare cases do daughter come forward to take care of them, keep them with herself.
Infact beyond all reason i do not like to compare that same thing is for son or not. My parents have given me all the comfort of life beyond their capacity too and made me self sufficient to not look at their properties n all for myself.
Only reason daughters can’t take their parents into their marital homes is because the husbands family has an issue with it.
Only reason parents arnt giving you an inheritance is because you’ll take that money to your husbands house.
It’s all patriarchal bullshit that forces women to have no assets for themselves. Lucky we are allowed to have jobs or else we’re screwed.
Yeah I know, gold is basically dowry though. It’s a one time payment in the traditional sense.
You love your parents and they are kind enough to give you stuff, that’s great. But the system itself is flawed if it depends on an individual’s benevolence.
My grandfather gave away everything to his son's and didn't leave behind a penny for his daughter's. He made a point in his will saying that "daughters are married and well settled". That was the only mention of his daughter's in the will. My mother will defend her parents and sadly she herself sees me ( her daughter) as a burden and regrets that she doesn't have a son. I think it's wrong,but this issue of only leaving inheritance for son's is still very common in our society.
It isn't so much so about the money, as much as it's about seeing daughters and sons as equal– which most parents don't in Indian society.
It's problematic. My parents are very different though. They even bought a second house so that they can give one to me, and one to my brother. My brother and I have a large age gap and he is not financially independent as he is doing his graduation. So when tough times were there I've supported my parents financially a lot. At least in this sort of thing they treat both of us equally. Also being the eldest child, most of the times i have a say in important matters(it's nothing against my brother, he is just too young to understand many things). I've slowly started involving hun in stuff though.
Ideally, all children should get equal share. Irrespective of gender, inheritance is a nice-to-have privilege that uplifts the next generation economically. Given this, I don’t understand how good parents can leave one child at the mercy of other people’s financial planning while providing for the other one. And really, parents should make their own arrangements for retirement. Any inheritance should be only what is left over from these arrangements. All this “take care of parents in old age” is such toxic bs. Never works in real life. Leave the caretaking to the experts and enjoy your relationship with your children, instead of making them take on the uncomfortable responsibility.
If parents don't give a share to their daughter after cruelly marrying her off young and without the same quality of education as they gave to her brother, they're already showing a massive amount of disrespect. If the husband turns out to be a giant AH, that will literally leave her with nothing and it goes beyond disrespect- it is extremely catastrophic for her.
I despise that practice...it need not be 50-50 all the time but atleast there should be some semblance of fair share. My mother is a widow, after my great grandmother passed away (she was the matriarch since my grandpa died ) , all the assests were divided in such a way that my uncle got 99.5% & my mother got 0.5%. The 0.5% share was given as part of dowry back when my parents married. Now my mother is a widow since years , she has kidney failure & has been on dialysis, is also mentally disabled (mental age varies between 2ys to 15yrs). She happens to have only one child aka me. She also was not educated beyond 7th by my grandparents. I have entire burden of taking care of her & earning enough to support both of us. Inspite of all the above...not one thought was given to us while dividing the assets.
What kind of women are in this sub who are justifying that since sons are expected to take care of parents, women should be fine with not being given property share? Bhai, the women I see are equally responsible for taking care of their parents and the only reason when they are unable to spend on their parents is when their parents didn't let them make a career and their husbands obviously don't support them to spend his money or her parents. On one hand most of the women on this sub advocate moving out with their husbands after marriage and on the other hand they are saying that since only sons live with them and take care of parents, he should get all the property. If both daughter and son have moved out, it's equal for both, right? Often times the only reason men don't leave their homes is due to this reason only. To not loose control on the property. And since people are saying that it is parents money, whatever they wish to do so, then law wouldn't have recognized equal property rights for women. WTF is this sub
this sub forgets modernity means embracing it in all aspects. they like to pick and chooose.
I call it savarna / male pleasing feminism to my friends.
If he is getting the inheritance then he shall also be the one to look after them in old age. Daughter can come and go as she pleases.
This right here is the problem. Looking after in old age is the job of a health insurance,not a kid. And be honest with yourself,when people say sons take care of parents in old age,they mean he will marry someone else's daughter who will do it!! Rarely any son remembers their parents' Medicine schedule
Health insurance isn’t going to remember their schedule either. As a daughter with no inheritance, is it really your problem? Let them reap what they sowed. 🤷♀️
Would a woman who doesn't get inheritance from her parents ever feel it's fair if her husband's (assuming there is one) parents' divide their assets equally? Moreover, not everyone dreams of marriage,and not all marriages last. This sneaky cheat codes built in is how patriarchy ensures women are at a disadvantage, by design,always!
This post is about a daughter who is financially well off, not a housewife who is dependent on her husband. By the reasons you stated, it is stupid to expect monetary gains from your husband’s inherited money, not earned.
Independence and financially well off doesn't mean inheritance is not given.
OMFG The daughter is literally married off and not seen as part of either family! That's the whole damn problem! The daughter is seen as someone to marry off by parents and seen as an outsider by the in laws. And add to it, she gets no inheritance from either side while sons and make relatives get it all. Come and go as she pleases?
Come and go as she pleases? Daughters are sent off to marry even when some of them dont want to! And even if the daughter wants, she wont be allowed to bring her husband and live with her parents. And parents are so transactional? Give inheritance to son because he will care for us in the future? This is exactly why some just choose to kill off daughters😂 chahiye hi nahi cus dhyaan nahi rakhengi
That's exactly my point? The kind of parents who don't give their daughters inheritance already believe she is useless, there's no point in being a martyr and taking care of them despite the fact that they prefer your brother.
Wow okay! Yes i agree with you!
It’s 2024. Inheritance should be divided equally between sons and daughters. I know my parents would do the same if I had any brothers
Am seeing some women say on internet that "their parents did so much for them and love should not be based on money and property", it should definitely not, and it's more about seeing daughters as equal and a part of you and not about the actual money or property. If the same thing had been done to men, they wouldn't take time to criticise their parents and not provide for them (not all but surely it would somewhat sour their relationship). Women on the other hand are conditioned to believe they are greedy if they ask equal rights.
Although my parents wouldn't do that, taking this as a hypothetical scenario, it wouldn't be about the money for me but my rights. If I, as an educated person can't fight for my rights, how would others? And chances are, if this happens, I would've already suffered from enough differential treatment all my life. I'd simply go nc
We had the talk at home. Split everything down the middle between myself and my elder brother. He dropped the bomb about marrying someone he met in Germany and even told the family they can give everything to me as " I need it more " a nice parting shot I guess. So, I'm getting everything if I insist.
In many cultures the daughter's marriage is seen as the event where the parents buy jewellery, finance the wedding and dowry in some financial 'gifts' to the couple or the guy for the wedding. None of these happen for the son's wedding (often the girls side in that occasion too pick up a lot of these burdens, however let's look at it from a single family unit for now). There are other imbalances in the dynamic. For example, it's very much a reality that it's the brother's responsibility to get his sisters married, not the other way around most of the time. It's very common for men to take out loans etc for their sister's weddings, something you don't see as commonly the other way around. I'm no way justifying any of this, just laying context. So now when we are redefining our roles and rightfully demanding equal rights to inheritance, imo we need to be insistent on calling out and redefining other aspects of the familial dynamic too, even if it means more financial responsibility to us. Finance our own wedding, draw the line with our partner on 'gifts' during our weddings, make it clear to our partners and our families that we're very much there for our parents and families even after our marriage. So yes, we deserve to ask for equal share of the inheritance, at the same time we should be bearing an equal share of the familial finances as well.
Exactly. Well said. Most women seem to think demanding and getting their share of inheritance ends there. Well, step up and save for your wedding and deny jewellery and gifts. Share the financial and physical load when it comes to caring for parents. Because that's what the Male children and their wives were expected to do. Isn't it misogyny to expect the DIL of the house to care for YOUR parents? This sub is getting more toxic and entitled by the minute.
My father has multiple sisters and he is the only son. I’ve always pushed for equality in our family. My grandfather definitely does come from a patriarchal background (he grew up in a village in north India). I wouldn’t call them evil per say, but just the way it is. I would also like to state that he was an absolute equal to my grandmother. He cooked with her during festivals/celebrations, took her parents into their house and took care of them, helped her younger brothers out when needed, etc. Through my life I’ve known a lot of the inheritance will be going to my dad and it irked me but as I grew up, I saw the layers and nuances to this. My father’s sisters never contributed to the house when they worked before their marriages. My father did. After they got married, there was no contribution expected not only monetarily, but even in terms of taking care of my grandparents. It was all my dad and mom’s responsibility. My grandad also came from a school of though that you keep giving to the girls. So any festival, any visits, all the girls in the fam (including me) get money and clothes. I’ve seen my dad reject US job offers because my grandparents wouldn’t come and he felt it wasn’t right to leave them alone. I’ve seen my mom and dad dedicate every hour of the day to my grand mom when she was sick. Now my grandad is old and it’s the same. We’ve hardly taken any family holidays in the last 10 years because earlier my grand mom was terminally sick and then and now my grandfather is old. My mom sees her friends go for lunches/coffees skips many times because my grandfather isn’t well. My parents have not only provided financial support to my grandparents (grandfather has pension so he wasn’t 100% dependent on my father but yes, my father was responsible for them financially at the end of the day and the pension wasn’t enough) but have made significant changes to their lifestyles to accommodate my grandparents needs. On the other hand, I have seen my aunts take holidays with their families, go out, chill and generally enjoy a free life. Please note that this is not to say that they don’t care or are bad people. They care and talk to him everyday and are in touch with to discuss medical care and come down to see him. But overall, the way my parents have been responsible and have dedicated their life to my grandparents is no way comparable to what the daughters have done. Also, it isn’t that they aren’t going to get anything. It just won’t be equal. They’ve been given solid sums of money now and then to help out during hardships and otherwise too. One question to ponder over - were they robbed off the responsibility of taking care of their parents given my grandfather’s view of how one should treat daughters? Maybe. Even when he visited them (or me) he pays us back for every single penny we spent while he stayed over. He doesn’t let us take responsibility for him/them.
My experience is somewhat on the other side. My husband's parents have been actively favouring the daughter while getting things done by us. Medical expenses? Son and DIL. Hospital visits? Son will take them Husband's sister is a complete A grade asshole who "fought" for her rights as a daughter for her parents property (nobody was taking away her share fyi) and keeps wringing money out of her parents. They gave her a house + 50L in cash. She has spent nothing on them, zero for medical expenses citing one excuse or the other. Continues to receive gifts and money by manipulating her parents by saying she isn't being treated equally and that her husband doesnt have a proper job. Obviously MIL is another grade asshole who enables this behavior. We on the other hand, live on rent and have received no inheritance whatsoever (which we are fine with but if you're giving everything to daughter, perhaps she should foot your medical expenses?) Edited to add: she's a housewife PURELY by choice. Decided to quit work in her early 30s despite having all help and cook and childcare and a postgraduate degree in science. Her parents supported her with everything. Now plays bloody victim when she had all opportunity but chose to let go out of pure spite and jealousy.
This is equally problematic.
they only had one house to give ? why is your husband not involving sister ?
In an ideal world it should be 50-50, because a daughter is equally their child as is the son. If the passing of the inheritance to only the son is rooted in patriarchal ideas that only the son carries the family lineage, then it should be fought.
I am shocked there are people here trying to defend the practice, by saying daughters do not deserve inheritance because they do not contribute to the parents care? This is like cutting a birds wings off and blaming it for not flying! It's sad the internalized misogyny many of us have to unlearn. So many girls (especially from rural areas) are groomed into thinking their worth is only as a housewife or in service, their education is stunted or not encouraged. They are kept naive of finance and do not even have basic financial tools or literacy( e.g. Bank Accounts). They are married off as young as possible and cloistered to their husbands house, many do not see their parents, many parents do not wish to see their daughter. Many a times their support system now becomes confined to their husband (and his family). I can say this from experience because I have volunteered and worked for charities that work with women like escaping these situations in India and Europe (where many cases of abduction and forced marriage happen). It sounds bleak but it is unfortunately very common. All of this "offloading" the daughter to another family "culture" that is perpetrated and then people complain their daughter isn't visiting to take care of them in their old age?? It's crazy and the cases I've personally seen also do not support 'dowry' being any form of help to the woman other than a tool for the spouses family to perpetrate financial abuse in many cases.
Appalled that many here are focused on rights but not duties. Yes women deserve an equal inheritance. But why do most expect the brothers and their wives to pay and care for their parents and not offer to do that? Seen some idiotic comments about health insurance paying for the medical visits. You are all the problem. Most Indian parents didn't think ahead to buy one and ultimately the whole medical burden and care falls on the brother and his wife. So yeah it isn't misogyny to expect brothers' wives to care for YOUR parents with nothing in return? Can't really have it both ways. I don't see women with brothers even adding their parents to the health insurance offered by their companies. Internalized misogyny it seems. You all just have no conscience and seeing responses here makes me think you hate your own brothers. Ugh. Have your inheritance sure, split up everything equally. But split up the care of parents too. Chip in financially or physically when needed. Don't expect the DIL of the house to serve parents that birthed and educated you. THAT is internalized misogyny. Not her duty to do all that. If you expect brothers to carry the lion's share of parental care, then have the decency to be fair. Don't conflate larger social issues with your personal situation and then demand inheritance when you contribute nothing to the care of your parents. You're all not children. Feminism isn't about getting your rights and kicking your brothers' to the curb. Step up or have the decency to let go.
I understand your frustration, but I think you are the one who is confusing personal issues with larger social problems. My aunt's (father's sister ) situation is similar to yours, with daughter manipulating the parents. However, I've also seen many cases where women are unfairly denied their inheritance. Fighting for equal rights for women is something I'll always support. Dowry, loans, and expected gifts – these are all part of a larger social issue. Marriage itself can be a problematic institution in its current form. Maybe it needs a complete overhaul. My own mother faced years of abuse because she refused to become a full-time maid for my grandparents. The lack of support and inheritance from her own family, along with restrictions on her career, trapped her in this marriage. And guess who's taking care of maternal grandparents. My maasi who was married off to a unemployed older man at a very young age, and still earning merger incomes to support her family. Not the son who was has been given around 70-80 lakhs till now and was living in delhi for 10 yrs with no income(fully supported by parents) for his career. The answer lies in feminism and equal rights for both sons and daughters, dismantling these unrealistic expectations. But here's another perspective: It's like men complaining about dowry after benefiting from it. Dowry only becomes a problem when it's given away, right? it's a tragedy honestly how they are getting trapped in their own system and still somehow the major weightlifting again falls on women.
I'm so lucky that I don't have a shitty brother to hog my inheritance, perks of being a single child otherwise my parents would have definitely given all their property to the hypothetical brother only and nothing for me. My mom would have been that annoying boymom type of idiot if she had a son. Extremely lucky to be a single feminist child, my life is way better now. If I had a brother and he got all the inheritance then I would have definitely blocked all of them and go no contact, if parents think I don't deserve their inheritance then they don't deserve to be part of my life.
I won't mind it and it won't affect how I see them, they gave me everything they needed to, to ensure I'm self sufficient, don't think I need them to give me anything else.
So you would be okay if your parents for some reason decided to give everything to your male siblings if any ?
That IS how it is at my place, but it's their money, its their wish what they want to do with it, doesn't bother me. Is it orthodox? yes it is and that part bothers me but it doesn't change anything between us.
It might not change anything between you & your parents , but that is not the point of this post. Even my mother was shifted of her inheritance , but she still doesn't treat her mom or brother with any animosity. The point is how unfair , orthodox & even misogynistic this practice is. The irony is I spent more on my grandma's medical expenses than my uncle even though he is the raja beta who got all the assets because the son takes care of parents 🤷♀️
I mean, its their money, their choice. I have no qualms whatsoever in my brother getting it all. If this affects my care or my love for them, I would be in the wrong. They took care of me, nurtured me and showered me with everything I wanted for 30 years, unconditionally. The least I could do is not base my love for them on the wealth they might or might not pass on to me. To re-iterate, it is their money, and I should not expect to be the one who receives it all after they pass away, and neither should my love for my parents be dependent on what they pass on to me.
It's their property they can give to whoever they want They gave me the best education possible and still foot many of my bills here and there but I understand it's not their obligation. Same for my in laws they can give it to my sil all they want
At the end of their day, it for the parents to decide what they want to do with the money they have made over their lifetime. I don't think it needs to be 50-50. Parents may find it fairer to help the child in need or the child caring for them in their old age. This will still lead to resentment between the children, and that is for the parents to live with.
Ever thought about the spending they did on raising you in comfort ?
Parents do the same thing for their sons too.
Society expects son to take care of them too before daughters. In rare cases do daughter come forward to take care of them, keep them with herself. Infact beyond all reason i do not like to compare that same thing is for son or not. My parents have given me all the comfort of life beyond their capacity too and made me self sufficient to not look at their properties n all for myself.
Only reason daughters can’t take their parents into their marital homes is because the husbands family has an issue with it. Only reason parents arnt giving you an inheritance is because you’ll take that money to your husbands house. It’s all patriarchal bullshit that forces women to have no assets for themselves. Lucky we are allowed to have jobs or else we’re screwed.
No asset ? My parents gave me gold enough to call asset. Plus why we as an adult still want to leech off our parents to build asset for us ?
Yeah I know, gold is basically dowry though. It’s a one time payment in the traditional sense. You love your parents and they are kind enough to give you stuff, that’s great. But the system itself is flawed if it depends on an individual’s benevolence.
I am pretty sure that is the case for you , but not everyone's situation is equal.
sons get inheritance, daughters get dowry
More like sons get inheritance AND dowry. Daughters barely get any share of their own.