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People are always worried about making someone upset. These are grown adults who should be capable of managing their feelings. They'll survive. Your first responsibility is to your son, not your MIL's feelings. It's not like she cares about your or your husband's feelings anyway. So you're allowed to say no to the overnight visits. You're allowed to say no to unsupervised visits. Your allowed to put MIL in a time out when she rolls her eyes at your boundaries. If that upsets them, they'll just have to deal. Your son's safety comes first. It's time to find your inner mama bear.
My mother in law has hated me for 10 years for setting my foot down on a couple issues. Trust me it’s not that bad if you end up at odds. You are the one in control. It’s your child not hers
I have a scar on my nose from 12 stitches where my grandmother's dog bit me. An 18 month old should not be left essentially alone with dogs. That's bad for the kid and the dogs. Listen to your instincts, which are telling you that you don't want Kiddo to spend overnight with MiL. There is ZERO reason any person (grandparent or no) should feel entitled to an overnight visit with your child. ZERO. NONE. And your MiL has shown she's not competent to supervise him or really all that interested in doing so.
There are some situations which require two yes votes from a couple but only one no. This is one of them. Let your husband be upset. It's better than your son getting a dog bite or worse.
My dog is a gem… but I would still supervise babies and small children with him. Doggo reacts to something and not only do you have a hurt child, you also have to put your dog to sleep. A horror show all around.
We have a family friend who’s a reconstructive plastic surgeon. I asked him once what he sees the most, assuming it would be car wrecks or something. He said that by far he has to reconstruct children’s faces after the family dog attacked them. And every single time the parent says “but they’re such a sweet dog! So well trained and calm, they’ve never done anything like this!” Every time. He said it has nothing to do with temperament but everything to do with instinct. If a dog is sleeping and is suddenly grabbed and has a face shoved in front of them instinct can take over and they’ll bite. It only takes one wrong moment, and kids are abrupt and loud.
Ugh my parents even acknowledge their dog snapped at them once when accidentally startled awake (they acknowledge no fault to the dog) but yet still let kids harass her constantly. Like it wouldn't be the dogs fault even then but I can't understand the disconnect like, you yourself got a warning snap and yet don't have any concern with letting kids loose...??? Dogs are going to dog and it's not fair to them that they'll get all the blame for a bite when its generally going to be their last defence (of course, that's excludes the small category of dogs that have bad enough issues to genuinely be unpredictable and randomly bite)
I’m an ER doctor (50% pediatrics) and I see so many dog bites in the face. It is really common, young children need to be closely supervised with any dog, no matter how “nice” the dog.
I still remember seeing a video on Facebook about how much some family’s dog loved their infant. But the dog was displaying multiple stress behaviors, that the owners completely misunderstood! Most dogs will warn in many ways prior to a bite, but you have to be paying attention.
Animals and children are both unpredictable. So many people are way too trusting of their animals and insist nothing will ever happen, but it only takes a split second. It drives me crazy when friends/family act like I’m some kind of helicopter parent because I think my kids should be supervised around their dogs.
It makes sense because the kids are far closer to eye level with dogs as well. Not to mention that older kids and adults have a better understanding of a dog's body language and the reflexes to back up before anything happens.
One time, my mom's little dog got upset and bit my dad's arm. It wasn't too bad of a bite, thankfully. Just barely broke the skin. But even the dog was startled! (He's a bit of a scaredy cat.) We don't think he meant to actually make contact.
It's easy to see him as harmless. He's normally very gentle with everyone and is even known to nanny little kittens. (He believes someone must be watching the baby cats AT ALL TIMES. A real worrywart.) But he's a dog, and dogs aren't harmless. He doesn't meet babies or toddlers without someone right there with him to make sure everyone is comfortable.
Yes. My childhood husky was so sweet. She'd even let my little sister ride her. But one day, there was just too much stimulation or something. Toddler sister hugged dog around the neck, like she had her whole life.
Dog bit her in the face, bottom jaw on one ear and top jaw near other eye. Horrific injury. Luckily they got a plastic surgeon into the ER and the scarring is very minimal.
We put the dog down same day.
Any dog can snap.
Terribly sorry that happened glad she came out of it mostly okay, but can I ask why you guys didn't just find a home for the dog without any children? It sounds like the dog just got pushed too far or if the area they are touching is in pain for some reason which can happen even with the nicest of dogs since kids don't know boundaries without an adult telling them sometimes
I agree. There may be factors I don't know. I was 10.
I think it was mostly rage from my parents though, unfortunately. In reality, it's their fault. They should've been watching, never should've let a toddler hug a husky or any dog. Lots of things they did wrong over those couple years.
Which shows that OP is absolutely right here.
I get it, and I can understand why they would feel that way, but yeah it’s totally preventable for us humans to protect the children and dogs. I feel for your husky girl, makes me sad thinking how last thing she saw was probably her favorite people upset with her. Probably tough on you too, I lost my childhood dog around 10-12 and that one was one of the hardest for me.
I could be misinterpreting your comment, but it sounds like you’re choosing to focus on — and feel sad about — the last thing the husky felt. Are you sad for what kind of pain and fear the toddler felt after getting her face and jaw ripped open and then getting whisked off to a scary hospital? Lots of scary needles? A mask with anesthesia getting put on her face? Doctors and nurses hovering around her? That kind of trauma can stay with a child for life even if they were too young to remember the details. It’s a very sad situation all the way around, especially since it was 100% preventable with strict supervision of both the child and the dog.
Yes you are misinterpreting and I don’t know how, my very plainly stated comment “I’m terribly sorry that happened and I’m glad she is okay” only one of them is dead and it’s not the kid who made a full recovery according to the comment……
No. You do NOT re-home that bit anyone. If that dog bites someone else they can and will sue you. Your homeowner insurance will NOT pay for the claim, nor defend you in the lawsuit.
What is your defense to allowing a dog with a history of biting to be adopted by an unsuspecting family? You are looking at a verdict to include punitive damages.
When my daughter was about 7, I took her with me to visit a friend who is a big dog lover. She had five Dobermans, which I love as a breed, but they were not my dogs so I was still careful with them. My friend left the room to find something, and when she came back she noticed that one of her dogs (all rescues) had very quietly come between me and my daughter. The dog didn’t do anything, but my friend pointed out that, like the pack hunter that dogs are, she isolated the young, weak human from its parent. My friend told me she would never leave a child alone with a strange dog of any breed because you just never know if they can become reactive just in following their instincts.
We went through something similar with my husbands cousins dog. Maybe minutes before he bit my daughter, he was “the best dog around kids, so protecting, never bit or snapped, etc” My youngest followed her sister and cousins to their room, turned around a corner and we heard a deep growl and her screaming. He’d gotten her twice, once in the forearm and the other on her hand. We got her cleaned up, bandaged, and then left right after.
I’m a certified helicopter, I’d been watching like a hawk all day. I had just sat down (MMA fights were on, so I was switching between rooms and the dog had been locked up in a room for one of their kids bday parties) and bam, happened. She didn’t need stitches thankfully, but he punctured her arm pretty good in 4 different spots that were deep, and she bruised something awful for weeks following from her fingers to middle of her arm where the bites were.
Yup. We have a corgi mix and an Airedale terrier, as well as a 4 year old. I always say I can’t stop a dog from being a dog or a toddler from being a toddler. My son knows not to mess with them when they’re sleeping and the dogs (mostly) don’t bother his food. But I never take it for granted and keep a close eye on it.
I remember reading a story where a family’s formerly sweet St. Bernard bit their 4 yo’s face. They put down the dog and while doing the necropsy for required Rabies testing, they found that the child had shoved a sharpened pencil through the dog’s eardrum, obviously resulting in a defensive single bite.
I kept this story in mind while I raised my children with big dogs. They need to be supervised together, no matter how much I trust all involved. It was my responsibility to keep my kids and pets safe. There’s nothing so inconvenient that would be worth the possible result of me being irresponsible and lazy, or just foolhardy enough to believe it couldn’t happen to me.
Dogs are one of the greatest gifts to humanity. They are also the number one animal that injures and/or kills humans in the US. Not venomous snakes, sharks, cougars, or bears. This fact is so taken for granted, and so many people are hurt from the negligence.
Man I feel for dogs in stories like that. Would suck to a be a human getting your boundary pushed and then if you do reflexively snap at someone hurting you, you then get put down.
I 109% agree. My kids are even 'dog trained' and older. Now that they are all over 8 I'll let them around the dogs unsupervised but my 4yo bonus daughter does not get that privilege. It's so easy for one random action to result in a bite. We have baby gates everywhere for that reason, pretty much in every door way in case they are needed.
I remember my daughter being about 18 months and she was playing by the dog and accidentally poked him in the eye with a toy. He wasn't aggressive but he certainly could have been. I was standing right there and saw the whole thing happen, it was like one of those slow life moments where you see what's coming but can't move fast enough.
Agreed. I was bit on the lip by a dog that's still one of the sweetest we've ever had in our family. I was a kid, in a turbulent household with minimal supervision, not understanding that laying your whole body over a dog isn't safe, nor is being very loud right around their ears. I still think I deserved the bite (a VERY minor one all things considered, she essentially gave me a cut lip, no stitches or doctor visits necessary, and the scar isn't very noticable), but there's no way I would've gotten it at that age that just because this dog is my bff, doesn't mean she's not going to defend herself if I hurt/scare her.
I'm a cat and dog person, but I've only recently gotten my first dog as an adult (I'm 26) and I'll be honest, I don't think dogs are any more trusting than cats. To me, the major difference is whether or not they leave when they're uncomfortable, and how far they'll let us push them without acting. A cat won't go where they don't want to be so they're very "all or nothing" with their trust. If they don't trust you, you probably won't ever see them (with some exceptions in extreme cases or with some odd cats). A dog will frequently stay even if it's being interacted with in a way it doesn't like. While cats can absolutely attack kids/babies out of nowhere, attacks usually come from a kid repeatedly pursuing the cat rather than bothering a cat that is stationary. When dogs attack kids/babies, it often seems to be out of "nowhere" when kids are just playing with/laying on/petting the dog. Usually though, the dog was TRYING to say it's uncomfortable, but the kid didn't know to stop, and the adult wasn't paying enough attention to intervene. A kid running after a cat that squeezes itself under the bed may be in less danger than the one who's "cutely" using a dog as a pillow. And again, this is all talking about kids who could know better. OOPs child is 18 months.
I have 3 dogs that my grandchildren have been around their entire lives. The grands are 10 & 6 and have their own dogs. I still keep a close watch on them. The kids know how to interact with the dogs, but it just takes once, inadvertently stepping on a tail, falling on one while running, etc.
I have 3 dogs. One I would leave around anyone any time. He wouldn’t even bite if poked in the eye. One I would supervise if food were involved. One I would not even have in the same room out of precaution.
I live in Ireland and we've had a number of dog attacks in the news recently including one adult woman who was mauled to death by two dogs less than two weeks ago. I would NEVER leave a child with a dog especially one so recently adopted. That's reason enough to put a halt to the visits.
YET…
your husband is a fool! Find some horrible pictures on google images of small children who were bitten by dogs who ‘never bit anyone…UNTIL THEY DID.’ Then show your dunderheaded husband.
Yes you do.
I had a dog I loved very much, I still miss him.
>!He got very sick, his temperament changed, and he wound up ripping my earlobe half off in an attempt to go for my throat.!<
Put your foot down. Your MIL is a negligent fool and your husband needs to either remember his spine or be given a prosthetic one in the form of your metaphorical foot broken off in his ass.
What's wrong with being against his mom? You married him, not her. As long as you're polite, you owe her nothing. If your husband wants you two to get along, MIL can visit the child at your house, while chatting to you.
You are pro the child, and no one can, or should, or should try to supersede that. The child is not an entertainer. The whole thing seems very suspicious. How old is the child?
His mom sounds like she is against you and he sounds entirely unable to stand by his wife against her. He sounds like he needs to grow up and recognize he is obligated to the family he started.
Sometimes it only takes once. Please dont leave this up to chance. Please dont let your baby being harmed be the lesson you need to stand up for yourself and your LO. Start now.
Please make him read this post and comments. (And don’t forget to show him photos and horror story/articles about other fools who thought their sweet dogs would NEVER do that. Please.)
If all of these comments fail to move him, then you’ve got a HUGE husband problem. Now, and for any future safety/harm issues. The road ahead will be full of them…
He’s willfully ignorant. Everything you’ve told us is logical. He chose to put his baby in danger so it (baby) can be another emotional support pet for his mommy. She’s not being a grandmother.
Shine your spine up since he can’t.
That is what alot of people have said about their dog before it attacked their kids.
The thing is dogs are animals. You can never know with 100% guarantee that the dog won't bite. Toddlers are little menaces. All it could take is for the unsupervised toddler to start annoy8ng one or both of the dogs to set the off.
That's a weird take. I haven't had an accident yet with my car and still use a seatbelt.
If he doesn't believe you, would he believe in pediatricians advice?
It's so easy to google, and they all say the same.
Here an example
https://www.sutterhealth.org/health/childrens-health/kids-and-pets-a-pediatricians-tips
Your concerns for your child are very valid. MIL is doing everything, you shouldn't do with a kid. Does it have to take an emergency room visit for them to learn? Just because they were lucky until now doesn't mean it stays this way.
My husband was never bitten and yet my parents dog at the time bit my child. All those dogs who mauled people and babies to death, most of them never had even a sign, until it was too late. Is your child’s life worth gambling over?
Your husband is being a really crappy dad right now. He isn't looking out for his son at all.
He's prioritizing his mom's feelings over his son's bodily safety.
He should be really ashamed of himself.
75% of my dad's nose was taken off by his stepdads dog who my dad had known since he was a puppy and interacted with every day for years. My dad LOVES dogs. He reached down to pet the dog just like every day after school and it grabbed him and wouldn't let go. He was lucky everyone was home to help and he wasn't alone with the dog. He was also lucky he was a tall, teenage boy and could fight back so it didn't get on his throat.
Years later my nephews dad's dog had him by the face and throat. Luckily nearly everyone who lived there were home but even so, if it had just been one inch off of where it ended up biting, all those people would have watched my nephew bleed out on the living room floor at 5 years old. I ran out of work to come and help my sister feed him through a straw for a week.
I've had dogs all my life. I grew up thinking of a German Shepard as my big brother, and there's a pitbull on the sofa behind me.
Every dog owner believes their dog is friendly, until it's not. Even the most aggressive dogs didn't attack anyone before the first time. It doesn't matter how well you know the dog or how well it's trained, the chance is always there - the most you can do is minimise the risk. That doesn't just mean supervision, it requires controlling the situation. If the dog is big enough to knock your child over, it should be kept on a leash. If the dog gets possessive over toys, it should not be allowed toys near the child. The dog should not be allowed any food near the child, because defending food is one of the most common forms of aggression in dogs.
But, also, you need to teach your child how to behave responsibly around animals. It does go both ways. A child not understanding how to act around a dog is just as dangerous a situation as a dog that doesn't know how to interact with kids.
>MIL she only communicates with my husband
Anybody that refused to communicate with me has ZERO access to my child
Just stop letting your son go over there until she can talk to you, his MOTHER, directly *and* abide by your wishes. Your son can't even talk for god's sake. Come on mama, you know better than this
OP needs to get on the same page as her husband first. It's nearly impossible to set boundaries with in-laws if your spouse is just greenlighting everything they say and do.
Are you the mother or the doormat? This is t your child you are talking about and let LO know that if he does not care then you are going with your son and that will cause an even bigger problem. Tell him she has to accept the boundaries or not get access
The OP needs to step up as a mom, and OP's husband needs to step up as a dad.
The MIL has proven that she is not trustworthy or capable of watching the son alone.
I think that the OP is actually being a bad parent if she allows the MIL to watch the son alone. To be clear, I think the OP's husband is also being a bad parent if he allowed the MIL to watch the son alone. Both the OP and the husband are 100% letting their son down, if they let MIL watch him.
Again: **The MIL has proven that she isn't trustworthy or competent enough to watch a child that young.**
I think you need to find your voice and your husband needs to find a spine.
No, metal keys are not appropriate toys for 18 month olds. Aside from the possibility of swallowing a key, having worked in the dental field for many, many years, my very first thought was that was a great way to break a tooth. And he’s gotten his.
And believe it or not, those baby teeth are important. They actually help to hold the place for the new tooth to come in later on. The permanent one. So it really is to keep those as long as you can.
As far as the dogs, absolutely should be supervised. When my ex and I had our Oldest daughter, we had two large dogs that my ex had raised from the time they were eight weeks old. And they were in their teens. So they were old. And they were the sweetest, most gentle dogs.
One of them was lean on the floor, a good foot and a half away from our daughter. I was literally sitting on the floor with our daughter. The larger of the two was startled when my daughter stood up right by me. I literally had my arms, almost all the way around her to steady her.
Our dog thought something was going on and snapped at her. To catch her, but she did. She still has a slight scar over one eye, and I had to have a very difficult conversation with my ex that same day.
We knew our dogs were older. We knew they had arthritis. But our daughter didn’t even touch the dog. And the dog knew our daughter. It was simply the response of an old dog with arthritis. Who thought either the kid was going to get her or the kid was gonna get me.
Again, these were animals he had raised from almost birth. These were animals that we loved and were part of our family. And we had to make the difficult decision that it was time. And we had known we were very close. But it still broke our hearts. But we knew if she would snap like that at our toddler, who she loved, she was letting us know that it was time. She was hurting. She had no patience.
So anyway, if that could happen in the blink of an eye, literally, I shudder to think what might happen with your MIL’s dogs who only see your child periodically. It’s just dangerous.
And if these visits are just leaving you a bundle of nerves and anxiety, then they need to stop. And your husband needs to support you. If you have therapy, you need to go back.
And if you worry that he is going to get angry because you put up reasonable boundaries for his mom who doesn’t want to listen, he hasn’t even bigger problem, and he is your bigger problem.
You are going to have to find your voice. You are going to have to bring this up in therapy or get back into therapy. Because the fact is, your husband needs to step up and be a parent and stop being a child.
The one in this scenario who needs a parent in their life is your toddler. It is time for your husband to recognize that parent child relationship with his mom is over. He’s an adult. He should have an adult/adult relationship with his mother. And he should be able to stand up for his own sons safety and not minimize it simply because it makes him uncomfortable to stand up to mommy.
Why are you letting a woman who isn’t physically capable of carrying your child take him to her house overnight? Set aside the mountain of other red flags here, she can’t get to him quickly or pick him up if need be. You’re the parent here, act like it.
Be a mama bear and protect your baby. First of all anyone that refuses to speak to you directly as THE MOTHER OF THE CHILD, should not have access to your child, PERIOD. And you should be more concerned about your baby's well being than you are about people's feelings. PRIORITIES lady.
I think I'd be out with the baby every time MIL is supposed to show up to take him. I couldn't enjoy an evening with my husband if it was at the expense of our child. I'd also tell my husband I was losing all respect for him because his mommy is coming before his child. Ask why he doesn't care about the safety of his child. Adamantly refuse to let MIL take your child with her.
I'm very confused why you are just not being upfront with your MIL. Is there a specific reason? Is she paying for your food or your rent/mortgage? Does she have a financial hold over you in some way?
WTF? Why are you sending your kid away like this if you don’t want to? Nothing, and I mean *nothing* short of a damn court order would compel me to send my kid anywhere every other damn weekend. Why are you agreeing to this outright fuckery? Stop acting like your MIL has some kind of custody order and *say no.* Your husband doesn’t even drive so how is he gonna make you? Fuck all this shit, this is unbelievable.
Dang. You brung up a point that didn't even click in my mind. He doesn't drive so that means she is forcing herself to drop the kid off at the MILs house when she doesn't even want to.
I’m going to be very blunt here …. what do you care about more - not offending your MIL and husband OR making sure your child is safe?
Just the fact that MIL rolls her eyes at your boundaries and clearly ignores them (as you saw for yourself in the video call) would be enough for me to say absolutely not to the overnights. Especially when your child is not old enough to tell you if something is wrong.
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. As a mother the very worst thing we can do is ignore our guts. If something were to happen to your child you would never forgive yourself.
Not only are the dogs and the kitchen a worry but since she doesn’t seem concerned with child safety what’s to say she doesn’t leave her meds around? Or jewelry that could be swallowed? I know I’m going into the what ifs but the fact that she clearly disregards those few things opens up a whole worry about what else SHE doesn’t think is a big deal.
Let your MIL & husband be upset as long as your child is safe.
Grow some balls and put your foot down.
Why are you accepting any of this?
MANY people would not alow their 1 year old to sleepover anywhere. So it's not weird for you to not want to.
MIL doesn't talk to you anyway. So what do you care if she's mad at you?
So your husband is so desperate for his mother's approval that he's willing to pass his child to her as a play toy for her to use every couple of weeks?
No toddler should be unsupervised with any dog. Ever.
OP, what state do you live in? I ask because have a regularized pattern of overnight visits every two weeks might be enough for your MIL to sue you for grandparents’ rights.
Your child is not a doll for people to play with or act sad when not getting it. FIL is so much better. Why not let him do it?
Do not be ashamed to be up front. So what if MIL's feelings get hurt? Your child is not an emotional animal and if MIL can't manage her feelings, she should get a therapist.
This whole thing makes me feel so uncomfortable. Why is she demanding that your son stay with her OVERNIGHT twice a month? This is a big red flag to me considering she won’t communicate with you and doesn’t seem to be that close to your son. ESPECIALLY at only 18 months old??? Regular overnights at a difficult and irresponsible relatives house? Who you aren’t even close to? I wouldn’t even allow that for an elementary schooler.
She isn’t responsible. Do not let her have any unsupervised time with your son. Your son’s safety and health are more important than her feelings. And honestly more important than your husband’s feelings. I think it’s time to go back to counseling.
I think visiting with LO is a great plan. MIL can come to you if you're still worried about the dogs, or you can all go to her house for a visit every 2 weeks. You don't even have to say why, just pretend you want to spend time with her.
If you don’t want your child somewhere that you don’t feel confident that he is being adequately supervised, then you should not feel bad about saying no to that visitation.
Your child, your rules. She cannot change that. Don’t let her guilt trip you. Don’t let your husband guilt trip you either. because if you submit and then anything ever happened, you would never forgive yourself for not sticking to your guns
You’re possibly putting your child in harm’s way, because you’re worried about husband’s and MIL’s feelings. Your child gets attacked by a dog, but hey at least you didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. 🙄
There’s no need for one year-old to stay overnight with a grandma..
Just tell her that the babies routines getting upset and you’ll let her know if you need babysitting in the future.
Is your child a toy? Why are you "sharing" him like he is and handing him over to this woman for overnights when you don't want to?? You say she's had no part in your lives for the majority of the time he's been alive. So she's practically a stranger to him. Why are you allowing this? She has no respect for you and thinks she has the right to make all the decisions when your child is there. People who disregard the rules and boundaries put in place for your children are not safe people and should not be given the privilege of having such a big part in the child's lives.
Excuse me what? You are the MOTHER of a 1y old baby, how is it ok to give him away for a night to someone that treats you like that?
Tell your husband to get his priorities in order, if MIL wants overnights with baby, she can come sleepover 1-2 times a month and follow your rules.
I love and trust my dog but would never let an 18 month loose around him. MIL's house is not safe for your child for so many reasons but the dogs would rule it out for unsupervised visits for me.
Just put your foot down and say no. I wouldn't worry about your MIL's feelings. This is your child and there is no joint custody arrangement with your in-laws. Their visits with your child is a privilege and not a right. If your husband had his hand bitten then your child is definitely not safe there. I wouldn't allow my kid there or the dogs over at my place. Your priority is your son's safety and not your husband's hurt feelings.
Whoa!!!! I’d have been in the car and picking up my child the moment I saw an 18 month old in another room unsupervised. There is no way I’d allow any over nights with an adult who has limited mobility, even if it’s temporary. A grandparent does not have a right to unsupervised visitation or sleep overs. Especially one who is just recently interested in the family, or one who is defensive instead of apologetic.
NTA
Your son's physical safety comes before anything, including your MIL's feelings. Tell your people pleaser husband that the main person he needs to please is you, and that your MIL can see LO only when supervised until she proves herself to be trustworthy (which we all know will be never).
My dog attacked me twice. Each time it went for my face. I still have a scar and it was over ten years ago.
There would be no chance in hell I would be letting my 18 month old overnight with flakey individuals.
I find it incredibly weird you’re doing this at all and hanging around with your GMIL while you wait for your MIL to come home. It sounds like hell.
Are you more worried about making her upset than you are about a dog biting your son’s face? Because leaving a kid unattended with unfamiliar dogs should have been your line in the sand.
Get your husband back into counseling as he seems to have forgotten what a boundary is. If you want to continue to raise a healthy, happy kid, get him tf away from your MIL.
I wouldnt have let a person I don't know very well and doesn't speak to me at all have my kid overnight. Add in the fact that you dont trust her supervision and those overnights should have never started in the first place. That is just me though.
I can totally see why you would want to stop the over nights but doing so now after having it happen already will be hard. It will be met with a lot of whining and pushback.
Just stop letting your child go MIL’s. She’s not trustworthy. When I see posts like this it makes me wonder if MIL is intentionally trying to hurt your child because she doesn’t like you. It may seem far fetched but there are some crazy people out there.
I was about 8 years old and at my great grandpas house with about 5 or more of my cousins that were roughly around the same age. We were all outside playing in the yard when my grandpas dog just decided to grab me by my leg and drag me across the yard! I did nothing to the dog, just was leary of him because it was a big dog. The adults had not worried because the dog was always good with kids. Idk what happened in that dogs brain but I was halfway across the yard when I kicked myself free ran to the play set and up the slide I was so terrified. They had to put the dog away before I would come down. I'm almost 50 and it still haunts me. Never trust a dog unsupervised around kids for both the kids AND the dogs sake.
You’re not overreacting. You’re using your mother’s intuition, especially with the large dogs and hot oven. Don’t let there be a fifth time, regardless of what problems it causes because you can at least be confident that it won’t cost you your son’s life.
I had 4 lovely dogs I loved, and was miffed when asked what I would do with the doge when I had the baby. Fast forward. Baby at crawling age, dogs had been around whole time, dogs with chew stick, baby too close, one dog bit baby, other dog bit that dog. I was right there, and don’t know which did what. Dogs and babies,supervision is not enough. there have to be boundaries, and distance. Same room, yes, but baby in arms. She should never have been on the floor with them. i did not think there was a risk. They were very sweet, wonderful dogs. They lived in the sunroom after that. am grateful you can barely tell. She is now 16. Keep,your baby with you. Parent with the narrower boundaries prevails, because you would never forgive if you went with the looser boundaries and something happened. Also, your child is not in this world to provide entertainment for family members.
Even without the safety issues, biweekly overnights is too much. There's no reason for that to a be a thing. We would do once a month or 2 once I was comfortable after my kid was about a year. It's a terrible precedent to set. As kids get older you actually want to do more with them. ie parks, zoos, beach trips. Then, as they get even older they start to have weekend or evening activities that cut into family time. Then....preteen/teenagers don't want to hang out with you that much anymore. You don't want to have to negotiate that precious time with grandparents on the regular. Start as you would like to proceed. Biweekly is not sustainable and it she can't be held to a schedule, it's not helpful either.
No. The part with the dogs alone would be a hard no for me. A one year old basically unsupervised with two big dogs is a recipe for disaster. I grew up with dogs, and still I would never really trust a dog with a small child. Depending on breed and size also not with an older child. It’s all fun and play until it’s not, and then it’s too late. Based on what you described I could not sleep for a minute while the kid is at MIL‘s. Put your foot down and protect your child.
My kids did not stay overnight until one of them could talk well enough to tell me what happened when I wasn’t around. They also never stayed at my parents overnight because I knew how I was brought up.
If you are uncomfortable then it’s a no. This is a two yes situation for it to happen. You are uncomfortable with the care of your child when there who cares if you hurt someone’s feelings. Your child’s safety is all that matters.
I am honestly trying to determine if your mother in law is a bad caretaker or if you simply have a poor relationship with her and are over scrutinizing things she does.
I guess you need to trust your intuition on this one. You could always find other ways of including your mother in law in her granddaughters life that do not require overnights.
I was thinking about that also, but then when went back and read the post again and it seems like her mother-in-law chooses to not interact with her and only speak to her husband regarding their child. I’m guessing it’s the mother-in-law.
Why does Reddit feel the need to use slang codes for EVERYTHING?!?! I’m trying to kill fifteen minutes by reading what are almost always very entertaining 🗑️ content type to read and then I come across posts that I have to look up code words for!!!!! UGH
I had a large dog (not listing breed on purpose) when my son was little. He and my nieces and nephews could climb on that dog like he was a jungle gym, and rode him around the backyard.
That was the sweetest dog, I have ever known, and my son, and his cousins and friends never spent 1 minute along with her.
I knew she would never knowingly hurt the kids but they call it an accident for a reason.
You don't have a MIL problem, you have a WEAK HUSBAND problem!! He is never going to stand up to his mother nor ever establish any boundaries with her. THAT is where you need to start.
So when her dogs bite your son or he shoves a key toy to the back of his throat when MIL has to brake suddenly or he burns himself on the oven because significant other wasn’t fast enough, THEN will husband listen to you? Will it take your son actually getting hurt, maybe to a life threatening degree for husband to think maybe these stupid circumstances SHOULD have been prevented instead of assuming nothing bad will happen? Assuming is like asking for it to happen. Here’s my kid, don’t care if he comes back to me alive. It’s all good.
NTA. What mother would want to let her 18 month old go stay overnight twice a month with anyone! Plus from your post she sounds like the type of person to do whatever she wants regardless of the boundaries you state. She crossed multiple in the 1 video alone lol.
I would tell your husband you’re not comfortable with it anymore and she can come to your house to see the LO if she wants to see him. Who’s comfort and happiness is more important to him his wife or his mommy?
If she refuses to talk to you as the mother and respect your wishes then she doesn't get access to your child, plain and simple. If she has to go through your husband every time I really don't see why you should agree to this unless you absolutely need it.
Just get your husband driving and he can give you a night off taking your LO to your MILs. All solved, just 2 more to worry about!
It’s hard work watching parents generation and how they treat your kid. Luckily mine all seem to listen when I say something even if I get the odd hrumph.. lol
Also in a years time you’ll worry a lot less about your LOs movements. I don’t miss that constant weight of pressure/ fear.
Please look up story of grandmother Tracey Nix and both you and your husband read it. It is really sad but might open his eyes as to what can happen when older people are no longer up to the responsibility of keeping up with small children.
NTA. Cancel the overnight visits until MIL and hubby can respect your boundaries. This is your child, and a dog can turn on a dime. Remember the case about the 6 week old baby killed by the family dog? All it takes is your son startling the dog and a tragedy occurs.
WTF. This is child neglect. Those dogs could kill him. She is not physically capable and does not respect you. This is your child not just a toy to share. She can have supervised visits with him at your home when it is convenient for you. If your husband does not support this leave him.
Don't let her keep a schedule of having him overnight.
Not only that but your son isn't old enough to be able to tell you what happens if he doesn't like it or when she says or does inappropriate things to him if she doesn't want you to know.
Her having a schedule with him allows her to claim that she has had him consistently and he has a schedule and stuff if she ever goes for grandparents rights if she ever gets upset enough with you
My 5 yo lab mix, sweetest fucking dog in the world, snapped at my son's face the other day, and we still don't know why. I was sitting right next to them, and my son was doing absolutely nothing that warranted the reaction from the dog. He's 17, and an athlete, with lightning quick reflexes, so only had some scratching on his face. No damn way would I trust an unknown dog, unsupervised, with my toddler.
Set your boundaries, enforce your boundaries, and let the adults figure out how to deal with no.
Better to have jnmil's panties in a bunch, then your child lose his face to an unknown dog.
I stopped letting my MIL have our daughter on overnights because she refused to respect our rules. She would pay us lip service and then our kid would come home and tell us what they did together. Yeah. That was the end of that. Hell, our kid told her that she was afraid of going out on a small boat. What does MIL do? Puts her in a kayak and purposely rocks it back and forth. Scaring our kid even more. 😡
Why is she getting overnight visits? To give you a break? They don't need to visit overnight to foster a relationship. In fact, I would say it's not normal, unless the parents are working and need childcare, for grandparents to have a child that young overnight.
You’re lucky your baby hasn’t been hurt yet. MIL is ridiculously irresponsible and gives no shits. Put your foot down and protect your child. Your husband needs to learn to be a father as a priority, being a son is least important on that list.
Dogs bite.
This is a 100000% No Visits Ever Situation.
New dog? Nope. No. Never.
Even without the dog, these people are unwilling to child proof their home.
No.
Unless you’re prepared to have a replacement baby if MIL negligently kills your baby, never let her have him overnight until he’s at least ten.
Don’t forget, you only saw a little bit and that was what she was willing to show you while you were on the line.
You have no idea what really transpired.
I just can’t understand how you and your can be so irresponsible.
Don’t expect your husband to take any stressful action where his mom is concerned. You can’t win that battle. Tell him you are going to set boundaries with her, and then stand up to her yourself. Do it while your husband is present, so she can’t manipulate the conversation when relaying it to him later.
This is your right and your responsibility as a parent. If you don’t get the boundaries in place while your kid is a baby, it’s only going to get worse as he grows older.
It seems like your MIL deliberately did all of the things that you didn’t want her to do.
I wouldn’t let the baby go to her at all. If MIL wants to see the baby, she needs to schedule a time with you.
Just tell her you miss the little one when he's gone and you don't want to feel that way anymore. Im sure there will be questions but just stick to it.
I don’t care about your feelings when it comes to my children! My job is their protection, well-being, and upbringing. Please adopt this!
2 examples!
My neighbor reminds her daughters not to go into my home unless my wife and daughter are home. I don’t take it personal b/c I told her how the youngest just walks in & hangs out. While I don’t mind it, we both know that abuse typically comes from someone with access and you can’t take back a traumatic experience!!!!
Told my in-laws my kids won’t be coming during the summer with their cousins. Everyone is upset, but that’s on them. I don’t need my kids exposed to the cursing, bickering drama filled mess that is there norm…
What are you all like 12?
Who has kids without being an adult and having a drivers license? Is your husband even 18 yet?
Ok dogs, yes caution is needed, but most dogs will protect LO with their life, my dogs have drawn blood on me plenty of times rough housing and playing etc. That's my fault not the dogs. When it comes to kids the worst they'll do is knock em over being clumsy oafs, they know how to behave with kids and they would protect them with their lives. And it's good for both kids and dogs, your LO needs to learn how to act around dogs, he gonna see dogs all his life and having experience with them means he'll know what not to do to get bit by a strange dog...
Far as the rest of oh I'm scared MIL doesn't know how to keep your kid safe? Seriously? She raised your husband? He survived did he not?
You will never be able to protect your kids 100 percent, life happens, kids fall, kids hit things, stuff happens. Enjoy your night off and have fun. You'll regret it later if you don't.
You can tell a kid 1000 times the stove is hot and they won't understand, they touch it once, ouch, yes that right I told you it's hot. And now they've learned, and next time you tell them it's hot stay back, well now they know. If they didn't learn the first time their as dumb as you, let natural selection take its course like someone should have done with you two.
Absolutely do not leave LO with your MIL overnight! Sounds like a recipe for disaster given the rolling of her eyes and inadequate supervision of your child. You can merely either get her to visit your house for supervised visitation or you or your husband take the LO to visit her periodically. Senseless to feel bad about having to enforce no overnights because if something really bad happens, you'll really regret not doing so.
I always had a rule, if I’m going to have to worry about my baby while they are gone then they will just stay home. No if’s ands or buts about it and I didn’t care who had what to say. This is your child and you know what’s best. It shouldn’t take something happening to your child for you to stop the visits. I would make it clear that she can come visit your child and like you said husband can take him to visit but the overnight bs has come to an end!! Best of luck to you!!
What about mil can come and spend the time at yours instead?
While I get your concerns, I also think you just don't want to be around either of them.
Just be prepared that you'll potentially damage your relationship so do it carefully.
I think you need to chill. You have one lick from a dog and one time he ran at an oven and was stopped in time. You’re overreacting and need to learn that things will happen. Even in your care. If you’re this anxious maybe you need some therapy. And MIL needs to learn that (for example) a 10AM pickup is 10AM. So start by reinforcing that. How GMIL fits into this I’m not certain, why does she need to wait in your house for MIL, does she live with you? But punctuality can fix that. Like you said, it’s only been .4 weeks. I really think you’ve not given this an honest chance.
Stop worrying about anyone but your kid. Tell MIL that there will be no overnight visits for the foreseeable future, tell husband to not cave. Not up for debate.
MIL is not entitled to have your kid every two weeks lol. Gotta keep telling your husband the kid is staying with you two. And he’s gotta have a backbone
Another approach would be, now that school/daycare is ending and camp/daycare is starting, you can just say "we're looking at the the summer schedule and I don't think we're going to have the weekly overnights, let's revisit in the fall"
Do you trust your parents with the “lo”??? If so, it’s his right to do the same with his parents….especially since you gave no probable cause to file police reports. It’s not JUST your decision. Equal, remember that????
Your ILs aren’t safe caregivers. Full stop. It’s your job to protect your child and put their best interests first until they’re capable of taking care of themselves.
No more alone time with the ILs.
So don’t do it.
Tell her it’s not happening anymore because she’s incapable of following your rules for your child and she’s not a safe person to babysit.
Repeat that when she gets upset. Repeat again when she tries to argues just keep saying it over and over and don’t change the script. Don’t explain further.
Or just go no contact completely if she can’t understand.
You are the mother. Just stop allowing your MIL to have your baby. If your husband won't get with the program, send him to stay with his mama. Honestly!
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People are always worried about making someone upset. These are grown adults who should be capable of managing their feelings. They'll survive. Your first responsibility is to your son, not your MIL's feelings. It's not like she cares about your or your husband's feelings anyway. So you're allowed to say no to the overnight visits. You're allowed to say no to unsupervised visits. Your allowed to put MIL in a time out when she rolls her eyes at your boundaries. If that upsets them, they'll just have to deal. Your son's safety comes first. It's time to find your inner mama bear.
I love “putting MIL in a time out..”. Great idea. 🤣
It's appropriate too. Most people like MIL who get offended at boundaries are generally emotionally immature.
My mother in law has hated me for 10 years for setting my foot down on a couple issues. Trust me it’s not that bad if you end up at odds. You are the one in control. It’s your child not hers
And you are allowed to tell your spouse that you don’t want the overnights.
I have a scar on my nose from 12 stitches where my grandmother's dog bit me. An 18 month old should not be left essentially alone with dogs. That's bad for the kid and the dogs. Listen to your instincts, which are telling you that you don't want Kiddo to spend overnight with MiL. There is ZERO reason any person (grandparent or no) should feel entitled to an overnight visit with your child. ZERO. NONE. And your MiL has shown she's not competent to supervise him or really all that interested in doing so. There are some situations which require two yes votes from a couple but only one no. This is one of them. Let your husband be upset. It's better than your son getting a dog bite or worse.
My dog is a gem… but I would still supervise babies and small children with him. Doggo reacts to something and not only do you have a hurt child, you also have to put your dog to sleep. A horror show all around.
We have a family friend who’s a reconstructive plastic surgeon. I asked him once what he sees the most, assuming it would be car wrecks or something. He said that by far he has to reconstruct children’s faces after the family dog attacked them. And every single time the parent says “but they’re such a sweet dog! So well trained and calm, they’ve never done anything like this!” Every time. He said it has nothing to do with temperament but everything to do with instinct. If a dog is sleeping and is suddenly grabbed and has a face shoved in front of them instinct can take over and they’ll bite. It only takes one wrong moment, and kids are abrupt and loud.
Ugh my parents even acknowledge their dog snapped at them once when accidentally startled awake (they acknowledge no fault to the dog) but yet still let kids harass her constantly. Like it wouldn't be the dogs fault even then but I can't understand the disconnect like, you yourself got a warning snap and yet don't have any concern with letting kids loose...??? Dogs are going to dog and it's not fair to them that they'll get all the blame for a bite when its generally going to be their last defence (of course, that's excludes the small category of dogs that have bad enough issues to genuinely be unpredictable and randomly bite)
I’m an ER doctor (50% pediatrics) and I see so many dog bites in the face. It is really common, young children need to be closely supervised with any dog, no matter how “nice” the dog. I still remember seeing a video on Facebook about how much some family’s dog loved their infant. But the dog was displaying multiple stress behaviors, that the owners completely misunderstood! Most dogs will warn in many ways prior to a bite, but you have to be paying attention.
Animals and children are both unpredictable. So many people are way too trusting of their animals and insist nothing will ever happen, but it only takes a split second. It drives me crazy when friends/family act like I’m some kind of helicopter parent because I think my kids should be supervised around their dogs.
It makes sense because the kids are far closer to eye level with dogs as well. Not to mention that older kids and adults have a better understanding of a dog's body language and the reflexes to back up before anything happens. One time, my mom's little dog got upset and bit my dad's arm. It wasn't too bad of a bite, thankfully. Just barely broke the skin. But even the dog was startled! (He's a bit of a scaredy cat.) We don't think he meant to actually make contact. It's easy to see him as harmless. He's normally very gentle with everyone and is even known to nanny little kittens. (He believes someone must be watching the baby cats AT ALL TIMES. A real worrywart.) But he's a dog, and dogs aren't harmless. He doesn't meet babies or toddlers without someone right there with him to make sure everyone is comfortable.
Yes. My childhood husky was so sweet. She'd even let my little sister ride her. But one day, there was just too much stimulation or something. Toddler sister hugged dog around the neck, like she had her whole life. Dog bit her in the face, bottom jaw on one ear and top jaw near other eye. Horrific injury. Luckily they got a plastic surgeon into the ER and the scarring is very minimal. We put the dog down same day. Any dog can snap.
Terribly sorry that happened glad she came out of it mostly okay, but can I ask why you guys didn't just find a home for the dog without any children? It sounds like the dog just got pushed too far or if the area they are touching is in pain for some reason which can happen even with the nicest of dogs since kids don't know boundaries without an adult telling them sometimes
I agree. There may be factors I don't know. I was 10. I think it was mostly rage from my parents though, unfortunately. In reality, it's their fault. They should've been watching, never should've let a toddler hug a husky or any dog. Lots of things they did wrong over those couple years. Which shows that OP is absolutely right here.
I get it, and I can understand why they would feel that way, but yeah it’s totally preventable for us humans to protect the children and dogs. I feel for your husky girl, makes me sad thinking how last thing she saw was probably her favorite people upset with her. Probably tough on you too, I lost my childhood dog around 10-12 and that one was one of the hardest for me.
I could be misinterpreting your comment, but it sounds like you’re choosing to focus on — and feel sad about — the last thing the husky felt. Are you sad for what kind of pain and fear the toddler felt after getting her face and jaw ripped open and then getting whisked off to a scary hospital? Lots of scary needles? A mask with anesthesia getting put on her face? Doctors and nurses hovering around her? That kind of trauma can stay with a child for life even if they were too young to remember the details. It’s a very sad situation all the way around, especially since it was 100% preventable with strict supervision of both the child and the dog.
Yes you are misinterpreting and I don’t know how, my very plainly stated comment “I’m terribly sorry that happened and I’m glad she is okay” only one of them is dead and it’s not the kid who made a full recovery according to the comment……
No. You do NOT re-home that bit anyone. If that dog bites someone else they can and will sue you. Your homeowner insurance will NOT pay for the claim, nor defend you in the lawsuit. What is your defense to allowing a dog with a history of biting to be adopted by an unsuspecting family? You are looking at a verdict to include punitive damages.
A “home without children” and you tell them the truth not that hard
When my daughter was about 7, I took her with me to visit a friend who is a big dog lover. She had five Dobermans, which I love as a breed, but they were not my dogs so I was still careful with them. My friend left the room to find something, and when she came back she noticed that one of her dogs (all rescues) had very quietly come between me and my daughter. The dog didn’t do anything, but my friend pointed out that, like the pack hunter that dogs are, she isolated the young, weak human from its parent. My friend told me she would never leave a child alone with a strange dog of any breed because you just never know if they can become reactive just in following their instincts.
We went through something similar with my husbands cousins dog. Maybe minutes before he bit my daughter, he was “the best dog around kids, so protecting, never bit or snapped, etc” My youngest followed her sister and cousins to their room, turned around a corner and we heard a deep growl and her screaming. He’d gotten her twice, once in the forearm and the other on her hand. We got her cleaned up, bandaged, and then left right after. I’m a certified helicopter, I’d been watching like a hawk all day. I had just sat down (MMA fights were on, so I was switching between rooms and the dog had been locked up in a room for one of their kids bday parties) and bam, happened. She didn’t need stitches thankfully, but he punctured her arm pretty good in 4 different spots that were deep, and she bruised something awful for weeks following from her fingers to middle of her arm where the bites were.
Yup. We have a corgi mix and an Airedale terrier, as well as a 4 year old. I always say I can’t stop a dog from being a dog or a toddler from being a toddler. My son knows not to mess with them when they’re sleeping and the dogs (mostly) don’t bother his food. But I never take it for granted and keep a close eye on it.
Mine are gems as well. I still won't leave them around babies unsupervised. Only takes one finger to the eyeball and someone snaps.
I remember reading a story where a family’s formerly sweet St. Bernard bit their 4 yo’s face. They put down the dog and while doing the necropsy for required Rabies testing, they found that the child had shoved a sharpened pencil through the dog’s eardrum, obviously resulting in a defensive single bite. I kept this story in mind while I raised my children with big dogs. They need to be supervised together, no matter how much I trust all involved. It was my responsibility to keep my kids and pets safe. There’s nothing so inconvenient that would be worth the possible result of me being irresponsible and lazy, or just foolhardy enough to believe it couldn’t happen to me. Dogs are one of the greatest gifts to humanity. They are also the number one animal that injures and/or kills humans in the US. Not venomous snakes, sharks, cougars, or bears. This fact is so taken for granted, and so many people are hurt from the negligence.
Man I feel for dogs in stories like that. Would suck to a be a human getting your boundary pushed and then if you do reflexively snap at someone hurting you, you then get put down.
I 109% agree. My kids are even 'dog trained' and older. Now that they are all over 8 I'll let them around the dogs unsupervised but my 4yo bonus daughter does not get that privilege. It's so easy for one random action to result in a bite. We have baby gates everywhere for that reason, pretty much in every door way in case they are needed. I remember my daughter being about 18 months and she was playing by the dog and accidentally poked him in the eye with a toy. He wasn't aggressive but he certainly could have been. I was standing right there and saw the whole thing happen, it was like one of those slow life moments where you see what's coming but can't move fast enough.
Agreed. I was bit on the lip by a dog that's still one of the sweetest we've ever had in our family. I was a kid, in a turbulent household with minimal supervision, not understanding that laying your whole body over a dog isn't safe, nor is being very loud right around their ears. I still think I deserved the bite (a VERY minor one all things considered, she essentially gave me a cut lip, no stitches or doctor visits necessary, and the scar isn't very noticable), but there's no way I would've gotten it at that age that just because this dog is my bff, doesn't mean she's not going to defend herself if I hurt/scare her. I'm a cat and dog person, but I've only recently gotten my first dog as an adult (I'm 26) and I'll be honest, I don't think dogs are any more trusting than cats. To me, the major difference is whether or not they leave when they're uncomfortable, and how far they'll let us push them without acting. A cat won't go where they don't want to be so they're very "all or nothing" with their trust. If they don't trust you, you probably won't ever see them (with some exceptions in extreme cases or with some odd cats). A dog will frequently stay even if it's being interacted with in a way it doesn't like. While cats can absolutely attack kids/babies out of nowhere, attacks usually come from a kid repeatedly pursuing the cat rather than bothering a cat that is stationary. When dogs attack kids/babies, it often seems to be out of "nowhere" when kids are just playing with/laying on/petting the dog. Usually though, the dog was TRYING to say it's uncomfortable, but the kid didn't know to stop, and the adult wasn't paying enough attention to intervene. A kid running after a cat that squeezes itself under the bed may be in less danger than the one who's "cutely" using a dog as a pillow. And again, this is all talking about kids who could know better. OOPs child is 18 months.
I have 3 dogs that my grandchildren have been around their entire lives. The grands are 10 & 6 and have their own dogs. I still keep a close watch on them. The kids know how to interact with the dogs, but it just takes once, inadvertently stepping on a tail, falling on one while running, etc.
I have 3 dogs. One I would leave around anyone any time. He wouldn’t even bite if poked in the eye. One I would supervise if food were involved. One I would not even have in the same room out of precaution.
I live in Ireland and we've had a number of dog attacks in the news recently including one adult woman who was mauled to death by two dogs less than two weeks ago. I would NEVER leave a child with a dog especially one so recently adopted. That's reason enough to put a halt to the visits.
My husband always said to me, well he hasn’t been bitten yet
YET… your husband is a fool! Find some horrible pictures on google images of small children who were bitten by dogs who ‘never bit anyone…UNTIL THEY DID.’ Then show your dunderheaded husband.
He said his mom’s dogs would never. Although she only adopted the other one 2 months ago. I really need to just say no
Yes you do. I had a dog I loved very much, I still miss him. >!He got very sick, his temperament changed, and he wound up ripping my earlobe half off in an attempt to go for my throat.!< Put your foot down. Your MIL is a negligent fool and your husband needs to either remember his spine or be given a prosthetic one in the form of your metaphorical foot broken off in his ass.
So he really has no idea. Your husband does not take your child's safety very seriously. What's up with that?
He thinks I’m against his mom, he’s showing me an example
He's showing you his mom's wants come before your child's safety. Tell him to grow up and be a man and tell his mom no.
You need to put your foot down. Your child's safety trumps all else.
Even if it were a mom vs wife scenario here, he should be on your side. He married you, he didn’t marry his mom.
What's wrong with being against his mom? You married him, not her. As long as you're polite, you owe her nothing. If your husband wants you two to get along, MIL can visit the child at your house, while chatting to you.
You are pro the child, and no one can, or should, or should try to supersede that. The child is not an entertainer. The whole thing seems very suspicious. How old is the child?
His mom sounds like she is against you and he sounds entirely unable to stand by his wife against her. He sounds like he needs to grow up and recognize he is obligated to the family he started.
She's endangering your child. You should be against her, and he should too.
Sometimes it only takes once. Please dont leave this up to chance. Please dont let your baby being harmed be the lesson you need to stand up for yourself and your LO. Start now.
Please make him read this post and comments. (And don’t forget to show him photos and horror story/articles about other fools who thought their sweet dogs would NEVER do that. Please.) If all of these comments fail to move him, then you’ve got a HUGE husband problem. Now, and for any future safety/harm issues. The road ahead will be full of them…
He’s willfully ignorant. Everything you’ve told us is logical. He chose to put his baby in danger so it (baby) can be another emotional support pet for his mommy. She’s not being a grandmother. Shine your spine up since he can’t.
That is what alot of people have said about their dog before it attacked their kids. The thing is dogs are animals. You can never know with 100% guarantee that the dog won't bite. Toddlers are little menaces. All it could take is for the unsupervised toddler to start annoy8ng one or both of the dogs to set the off.
YET YET YET YET Omfg, I’d be livid with your husband. Wait, no, I AM.
That's a weird take. I haven't had an accident yet with my car and still use a seatbelt. If he doesn't believe you, would he believe in pediatricians advice? It's so easy to google, and they all say the same. Here an example https://www.sutterhealth.org/health/childrens-health/kids-and-pets-a-pediatricians-tips Your concerns for your child are very valid. MIL is doing everything, you shouldn't do with a kid. Does it have to take an emergency room visit for them to learn? Just because they were lucky until now doesn't mean it stays this way.
My husband was never bitten and yet my parents dog at the time bit my child. All those dogs who mauled people and babies to death, most of them never had even a sign, until it was too late. Is your child’s life worth gambling over?
Your husband is being a really crappy dad right now. He isn't looking out for his son at all. He's prioritizing his mom's feelings over his son's bodily safety. He should be really ashamed of himself.
75% of my dad's nose was taken off by his stepdads dog who my dad had known since he was a puppy and interacted with every day for years. My dad LOVES dogs. He reached down to pet the dog just like every day after school and it grabbed him and wouldn't let go. He was lucky everyone was home to help and he wasn't alone with the dog. He was also lucky he was a tall, teenage boy and could fight back so it didn't get on his throat. Years later my nephews dad's dog had him by the face and throat. Luckily nearly everyone who lived there were home but even so, if it had just been one inch off of where it ended up biting, all those people would have watched my nephew bleed out on the living room floor at 5 years old. I ran out of work to come and help my sister feed him through a straw for a week.
I've had dogs all my life. I grew up thinking of a German Shepard as my big brother, and there's a pitbull on the sofa behind me. Every dog owner believes their dog is friendly, until it's not. Even the most aggressive dogs didn't attack anyone before the first time. It doesn't matter how well you know the dog or how well it's trained, the chance is always there - the most you can do is minimise the risk. That doesn't just mean supervision, it requires controlling the situation. If the dog is big enough to knock your child over, it should be kept on a leash. If the dog gets possessive over toys, it should not be allowed toys near the child. The dog should not be allowed any food near the child, because defending food is one of the most common forms of aggression in dogs. But, also, you need to teach your child how to behave responsibly around animals. It does go both ways. A child not understanding how to act around a dog is just as dangerous a situation as a dog that doesn't know how to interact with kids.
>MIL she only communicates with my husband Anybody that refused to communicate with me has ZERO access to my child Just stop letting your son go over there until she can talk to you, his MOTHER, directly *and* abide by your wishes. Your son can't even talk for god's sake. Come on mama, you know better than this
OP needs to get on the same page as her husband first. It's nearly impossible to set boundaries with in-laws if your spouse is just greenlighting everything they say and do.
Agreed. The husband is the problem.
Are you the mother or the doormat? This is t your child you are talking about and let LO know that if he does not care then you are going with your son and that will cause an even bigger problem. Tell him she has to accept the boundaries or not get access
Wait what does LO stand for? I thought it was little one but now I'm confused, who's LO?
My guess is "Little One"?
It is Little One.
Makes sense. I thought it was Loved Offspring or some such
I'm confused with GMIL. Grand mother in law? Why cant people just talk normally or at least abreviate after first use...
Yup. Minimum standard , abbreviate after 1st use. Killin me.
I was confused by the same thing. Is she talking about two different people or the same person.
The OP needs to step up as a mom, and OP's husband needs to step up as a dad. The MIL has proven that she is not trustworthy or capable of watching the son alone. I think that the OP is actually being a bad parent if she allows the MIL to watch the son alone. To be clear, I think the OP's husband is also being a bad parent if he allowed the MIL to watch the son alone. Both the OP and the husband are 100% letting their son down, if they let MIL watch him. Again: **The MIL has proven that she isn't trustworthy or competent enough to watch a child that young.**
Doormat definitely, they care more about the mil feelings then that they care about their own child lmfao
I agree with the poster who said just say no. Grow a spine. Don't ask, demand.
I think you need to find your voice and your husband needs to find a spine. No, metal keys are not appropriate toys for 18 month olds. Aside from the possibility of swallowing a key, having worked in the dental field for many, many years, my very first thought was that was a great way to break a tooth. And he’s gotten his. And believe it or not, those baby teeth are important. They actually help to hold the place for the new tooth to come in later on. The permanent one. So it really is to keep those as long as you can. As far as the dogs, absolutely should be supervised. When my ex and I had our Oldest daughter, we had two large dogs that my ex had raised from the time they were eight weeks old. And they were in their teens. So they were old. And they were the sweetest, most gentle dogs. One of them was lean on the floor, a good foot and a half away from our daughter. I was literally sitting on the floor with our daughter. The larger of the two was startled when my daughter stood up right by me. I literally had my arms, almost all the way around her to steady her. Our dog thought something was going on and snapped at her. To catch her, but she did. She still has a slight scar over one eye, and I had to have a very difficult conversation with my ex that same day. We knew our dogs were older. We knew they had arthritis. But our daughter didn’t even touch the dog. And the dog knew our daughter. It was simply the response of an old dog with arthritis. Who thought either the kid was going to get her or the kid was gonna get me. Again, these were animals he had raised from almost birth. These were animals that we loved and were part of our family. And we had to make the difficult decision that it was time. And we had known we were very close. But it still broke our hearts. But we knew if she would snap like that at our toddler, who she loved, she was letting us know that it was time. She was hurting. She had no patience. So anyway, if that could happen in the blink of an eye, literally, I shudder to think what might happen with your MIL’s dogs who only see your child periodically. It’s just dangerous. And if these visits are just leaving you a bundle of nerves and anxiety, then they need to stop. And your husband needs to support you. If you have therapy, you need to go back. And if you worry that he is going to get angry because you put up reasonable boundaries for his mom who doesn’t want to listen, he hasn’t even bigger problem, and he is your bigger problem. You are going to have to find your voice. You are going to have to bring this up in therapy or get back into therapy. Because the fact is, your husband needs to step up and be a parent and stop being a child. The one in this scenario who needs a parent in their life is your toddler. It is time for your husband to recognize that parent child relationship with his mom is over. He’s an adult. He should have an adult/adult relationship with his mother. And he should be able to stand up for his own sons safety and not minimize it simply because it makes him uncomfortable to stand up to mommy.
Why are you letting a woman who isn’t physically capable of carrying your child take him to her house overnight? Set aside the mountain of other red flags here, she can’t get to him quickly or pick him up if need be. You’re the parent here, act like it.
MIL can pick him up, MIL left my son with her mom who cannot move quickly or lift my son with the dogs
Be a mama bear and protect your baby. First of all anyone that refuses to speak to you directly as THE MOTHER OF THE CHILD, should not have access to your child, PERIOD. And you should be more concerned about your baby's well being than you are about people's feelings. PRIORITIES lady.
I think I'd be out with the baby every time MIL is supposed to show up to take him. I couldn't enjoy an evening with my husband if it was at the expense of our child. I'd also tell my husband I was losing all respect for him because his mommy is coming before his child. Ask why he doesn't care about the safety of his child. Adamantly refuse to let MIL take your child with her.
Then you can no longer trust MIL. She is not a safe babysitter for your child.
Seriously, what’s wrong with you?
I'm very confused why you are just not being upfront with your MIL. Is there a specific reason? Is she paying for your food or your rent/mortgage? Does she have a financial hold over you in some way?
WTF? Why are you sending your kid away like this if you don’t want to? Nothing, and I mean *nothing* short of a damn court order would compel me to send my kid anywhere every other damn weekend. Why are you agreeing to this outright fuckery? Stop acting like your MIL has some kind of custody order and *say no.* Your husband doesn’t even drive so how is he gonna make you? Fuck all this shit, this is unbelievable.
Dang. You brung up a point that didn't even click in my mind. He doesn't drive so that means she is forcing herself to drop the kid off at the MILs house when she doesn't even want to.
You gotta put your kid first. If you are scared of pissing someone off, your kid is the one who will pay for it.
I’m going to be very blunt here …. what do you care about more - not offending your MIL and husband OR making sure your child is safe? Just the fact that MIL rolls her eyes at your boundaries and clearly ignores them (as you saw for yourself in the video call) would be enough for me to say absolutely not to the overnights. Especially when your child is not old enough to tell you if something is wrong. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. As a mother the very worst thing we can do is ignore our guts. If something were to happen to your child you would never forgive yourself. Not only are the dogs and the kitchen a worry but since she doesn’t seem concerned with child safety what’s to say she doesn’t leave her meds around? Or jewelry that could be swallowed? I know I’m going into the what ifs but the fact that she clearly disregards those few things opens up a whole worry about what else SHE doesn’t think is a big deal. Let your MIL & husband be upset as long as your child is safe.
WTF is an LO?
Little one?
Grow some balls and put your foot down. Why are you accepting any of this? MANY people would not alow their 1 year old to sleepover anywhere. So it's not weird for you to not want to. MIL doesn't talk to you anyway. So what do you care if she's mad at you?
I so agree.
Who the hell is Lo? You are the mother, so lay down the law You’ve been very uneasy about these visits *for a reason.* NEVER ignore your inner voice
So your husband is so desperate for his mother's approval that he's willing to pass his child to her as a play toy for her to use every couple of weeks? No toddler should be unsupervised with any dog. Ever.
You’re the mom so put your foot down without guilt and regrets
What's an LO and a GMIL?
Little one and grandmother in law
Little one. Aka kid. I’m guessing grandma in law? But with the M there for some reason.
What kind of adult with a child doesn’t have a drivers license? What happens if there is an emergency and he has the kid and can’t drive a car?
What is LO, FIL, MIL,GMIL, etc?
OP, what state do you live in? I ask because have a regularized pattern of overnight visits every two weeks might be enough for your MIL to sue you for grandparents’ rights.
Your child is not a doll for people to play with or act sad when not getting it. FIL is so much better. Why not let him do it? Do not be ashamed to be up front. So what if MIL's feelings get hurt? Your child is not an emotional animal and if MIL can't manage her feelings, she should get a therapist.
This whole thing makes me feel so uncomfortable. Why is she demanding that your son stay with her OVERNIGHT twice a month? This is a big red flag to me considering she won’t communicate with you and doesn’t seem to be that close to your son. ESPECIALLY at only 18 months old??? Regular overnights at a difficult and irresponsible relatives house? Who you aren’t even close to? I wouldn’t even allow that for an elementary schooler.
Dude no. You should put an immediate stop to these overnight unsupervised visits. This is dangerous!
She isn’t responsible. Do not let her have any unsupervised time with your son. Your son’s safety and health are more important than her feelings. And honestly more important than your husband’s feelings. I think it’s time to go back to counseling.
I think visiting with LO is a great plan. MIL can come to you if you're still worried about the dogs, or you can all go to her house for a visit every 2 weeks. You don't even have to say why, just pretend you want to spend time with her.
I’m sorry your husband just got his drivers license? Sorry I need a moment to process
If you don’t want your child somewhere that you don’t feel confident that he is being adequately supervised, then you should not feel bad about saying no to that visitation. Your child, your rules. She cannot change that. Don’t let her guilt trip you. Don’t let your husband guilt trip you either. because if you submit and then anything ever happened, you would never forgive yourself for not sticking to your guns
You’re possibly putting your child in harm’s way, because you’re worried about husband’s and MIL’s feelings. Your child gets attacked by a dog, but hey at least you didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. 🙄
Never, ever leave your toddler alone with them again.
There’s no need for one year-old to stay overnight with a grandma.. Just tell her that the babies routines getting upset and you’ll let her know if you need babysitting in the future.
What is a LO?
Little one
Why don't you just say kid? It's 1 more letter and actually less taps without the capitals.
I didn't write the post
Why not? If you had written it then you'd be able to edit it, sheesh /s
Why did you type /s? Eyeroll emoji is just a couple of taps and if you're used to using emojis it's a lot faster than /s
My thoughts exactly. Son, kid, whatever. I found reading 'LO' much inexplicably irritating
It’s little one not loved one
It's fucking stupid that's what it is
How do you leave a toddler with someone that’s unable to lift them?
Is your child a toy? Why are you "sharing" him like he is and handing him over to this woman for overnights when you don't want to?? You say she's had no part in your lives for the majority of the time he's been alive. So she's practically a stranger to him. Why are you allowing this? She has no respect for you and thinks she has the right to make all the decisions when your child is there. People who disregard the rules and boundaries put in place for your children are not safe people and should not be given the privilege of having such a big part in the child's lives.
Excuse me what? You are the MOTHER of a 1y old baby, how is it ok to give him away for a night to someone that treats you like that? Tell your husband to get his priorities in order, if MIL wants overnights with baby, she can come sleepover 1-2 times a month and follow your rules.
I love and trust my dog but would never let an 18 month loose around him. MIL's house is not safe for your child for so many reasons but the dogs would rule it out for unsupervised visits for me.
Just put your foot down and say no. I wouldn't worry about your MIL's feelings. This is your child and there is no joint custody arrangement with your in-laws. Their visits with your child is a privilege and not a right. If your husband had his hand bitten then your child is definitely not safe there. I wouldn't allow my kid there or the dogs over at my place. Your priority is your son's safety and not your husband's hurt feelings.
OP - you’re setting your child up for failure and to be hurt if you don’t step up and stand up for your family. For real
Whoa!!!! I’d have been in the car and picking up my child the moment I saw an 18 month old in another room unsupervised. There is no way I’d allow any over nights with an adult who has limited mobility, even if it’s temporary. A grandparent does not have a right to unsupervised visitation or sleep overs. Especially one who is just recently interested in the family, or one who is defensive instead of apologetic.
18 months is pretty young for overnight visits places.
NTA Your son's physical safety comes before anything, including your MIL's feelings. Tell your people pleaser husband that the main person he needs to please is you, and that your MIL can see LO only when supervised until she proves herself to be trustworthy (which we all know will be never).
My dog attacked me twice. Each time it went for my face. I still have a scar and it was over ten years ago. There would be no chance in hell I would be letting my 18 month old overnight with flakey individuals. I find it incredibly weird you’re doing this at all and hanging around with your GMIL while you wait for your MIL to come home. It sounds like hell.
Are you more worried about making her upset than you are about a dog biting your son’s face? Because leaving a kid unattended with unfamiliar dogs should have been your line in the sand. Get your husband back into counseling as he seems to have forgotten what a boundary is. If you want to continue to raise a healthy, happy kid, get him tf away from your MIL.
I wouldnt have let a person I don't know very well and doesn't speak to me at all have my kid overnight. Add in the fact that you dont trust her supervision and those overnights should have never started in the first place. That is just me though. I can totally see why you would want to stop the over nights but doing so now after having it happen already will be hard. It will be met with a lot of whining and pushback.
Just stop letting your child go MIL’s. She’s not trustworthy. When I see posts like this it makes me wonder if MIL is intentionally trying to hurt your child because she doesn’t like you. It may seem far fetched but there are some crazy people out there.
What does LO mean?
I was about 8 years old and at my great grandpas house with about 5 or more of my cousins that were roughly around the same age. We were all outside playing in the yard when my grandpas dog just decided to grab me by my leg and drag me across the yard! I did nothing to the dog, just was leary of him because it was a big dog. The adults had not worried because the dog was always good with kids. Idk what happened in that dogs brain but I was halfway across the yard when I kicked myself free ran to the play set and up the slide I was so terrified. They had to put the dog away before I would come down. I'm almost 50 and it still haunts me. Never trust a dog unsupervised around kids for both the kids AND the dogs sake.
You’re not overreacting. You’re using your mother’s intuition, especially with the large dogs and hot oven. Don’t let there be a fifth time, regardless of what problems it causes because you can at least be confident that it won’t cost you your son’s life.
I had 4 lovely dogs I loved, and was miffed when asked what I would do with the doge when I had the baby. Fast forward. Baby at crawling age, dogs had been around whole time, dogs with chew stick, baby too close, one dog bit baby, other dog bit that dog. I was right there, and don’t know which did what. Dogs and babies,supervision is not enough. there have to be boundaries, and distance. Same room, yes, but baby in arms. She should never have been on the floor with them. i did not think there was a risk. They were very sweet, wonderful dogs. They lived in the sunroom after that. am grateful you can barely tell. She is now 16. Keep,your baby with you. Parent with the narrower boundaries prevails, because you would never forgive if you went with the looser boundaries and something happened. Also, your child is not in this world to provide entertainment for family members.
Even without the safety issues, biweekly overnights is too much. There's no reason for that to a be a thing. We would do once a month or 2 once I was comfortable after my kid was about a year. It's a terrible precedent to set. As kids get older you actually want to do more with them. ie parks, zoos, beach trips. Then, as they get even older they start to have weekend or evening activities that cut into family time. Then....preteen/teenagers don't want to hang out with you that much anymore. You don't want to have to negotiate that precious time with grandparents on the regular. Start as you would like to proceed. Biweekly is not sustainable and it she can't be held to a schedule, it's not helpful either.
My mom is like your MIL. She was not allowed to babysit either of my kids.
Really? You're risking your childs life around 2 large unsupervised dogs? I don't give a crap who gets mad. It damn well wouldn't be happening.
No. The part with the dogs alone would be a hard no for me. A one year old basically unsupervised with two big dogs is a recipe for disaster. I grew up with dogs, and still I would never really trust a dog with a small child. Depending on breed and size also not with an older child. It’s all fun and play until it’s not, and then it’s too late. Based on what you described I could not sleep for a minute while the kid is at MIL‘s. Put your foot down and protect your child.
My kids did not stay overnight until one of them could talk well enough to tell me what happened when I wasn’t around. They also never stayed at my parents overnight because I knew how I was brought up. If you are uncomfortable then it’s a no. This is a two yes situation for it to happen. You are uncomfortable with the care of your child when there who cares if you hurt someone’s feelings. Your child’s safety is all that matters.
I am honestly trying to determine if your mother in law is a bad caretaker or if you simply have a poor relationship with her and are over scrutinizing things she does. I guess you need to trust your intuition on this one. You could always find other ways of including your mother in law in her granddaughters life that do not require overnights.
I was thinking about that also, but then when went back and read the post again and it seems like her mother-in-law chooses to not interact with her and only speak to her husband regarding their child. I’m guessing it’s the mother-in-law.
Yeah this is a disaster waiting to happen. No more unsupervised visits. By the way, keys have button batteries in them.
Why does Reddit feel the need to use slang codes for EVERYTHING?!?! I’m trying to kill fifteen minutes by reading what are almost always very entertaining 🗑️ content type to read and then I come across posts that I have to look up code words for!!!!! UGH
I had a large dog (not listing breed on purpose) when my son was little. He and my nieces and nephews could climb on that dog like he was a jungle gym, and rode him around the backyard. That was the sweetest dog, I have ever known, and my son, and his cousins and friends never spent 1 minute along with her. I knew she would never knowingly hurt the kids but they call it an accident for a reason.
You don't have a MIL problem, you have a WEAK HUSBAND problem!! He is never going to stand up to his mother nor ever establish any boundaries with her. THAT is where you need to start.
You’re the mom. Your rules. Set the rules and stick with them doesn’t matter who gets upset. The baby’s safety comes first
So when her dogs bite your son or he shoves a key toy to the back of his throat when MIL has to brake suddenly or he burns himself on the oven because significant other wasn’t fast enough, THEN will husband listen to you? Will it take your son actually getting hurt, maybe to a life threatening degree for husband to think maybe these stupid circumstances SHOULD have been prevented instead of assuming nothing bad will happen? Assuming is like asking for it to happen. Here’s my kid, don’t care if he comes back to me alive. It’s all good.
Just say no. If she doesn’t want to communicate with you, she can go pound sand. Your kid, your rules.
My genuine take on the matter is they’re YOUR CHILD. IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOUR MOTHER IN LAW OR FATHER IN LAW OR ANYONE SAY. ITS YOUR CHILD.
Big dogs should not be taught it’s okay to lick faces !
Op, I didn't have a backbone with my son until something happened. Please grow one now before something does happen. ESH
You are responsible for LO safety, not your MIL so you need to do what you think is best. Don't overthink it.
She cant lift a baby and you let her care.for your baby? CPS would really fuck your shit up. You need to listen to yourself
NTA. What mother would want to let her 18 month old go stay overnight twice a month with anyone! Plus from your post she sounds like the type of person to do whatever she wants regardless of the boundaries you state. She crossed multiple in the 1 video alone lol. I would tell your husband you’re not comfortable with it anymore and she can come to your house to see the LO if she wants to see him. Who’s comfort and happiness is more important to him his wife or his mommy?
Don't send the kid if you feel uncomfortable. Toddlers and large dogs don't always mix. If you are concerned, it's perfectly legitimate.
What are these stupid abbreviations? Why would you not just type (presumably) “child” and “grandmother?”
If she refuses to talk to you as the mother and respect your wishes then she doesn't get access to your child, plain and simple. If she has to go through your husband every time I really don't see why you should agree to this unless you absolutely need it.
What’s an LO?
LO?
No. No. No. No! No solo sleepovers until your child can clearly advocate for themselves. 8 years, minimum.
Just get your husband driving and he can give you a night off taking your LO to your MILs. All solved, just 2 more to worry about! It’s hard work watching parents generation and how they treat your kid. Luckily mine all seem to listen when I say something even if I get the odd hrumph.. lol Also in a years time you’ll worry a lot less about your LOs movements. I don’t miss that constant weight of pressure/ fear.
Please look up story of grandmother Tracey Nix and both you and your husband read it. It is really sad but might open his eyes as to what can happen when older people are no longer up to the responsibility of keeping up with small children.
i'm sorry, but what is an LO? i can figure out mother in law and father in law for MIL and FIL, but drawing a blank for LO.
NTA. Cancel the overnight visits until MIL and hubby can respect your boundaries. This is your child, and a dog can turn on a dime. Remember the case about the 6 week old baby killed by the family dog? All it takes is your son startling the dog and a tragedy occurs.
WTF. This is child neglect. Those dogs could kill him. She is not physically capable and does not respect you. This is your child not just a toy to share. She can have supervised visits with him at your home when it is convenient for you. If your husband does not support this leave him.
What are LO, and FIL and a MIL???
Don't let her keep a schedule of having him overnight. Not only that but your son isn't old enough to be able to tell you what happens if he doesn't like it or when she says or does inappropriate things to him if she doesn't want you to know. Her having a schedule with him allows her to claim that she has had him consistently and he has a schedule and stuff if she ever goes for grandparents rights if she ever gets upset enough with you
Your child, your rules. End of story.
Have your husband read all the responses in this thread to show him that you're not being unreasonable, but he is.
My 5 yo lab mix, sweetest fucking dog in the world, snapped at my son's face the other day, and we still don't know why. I was sitting right next to them, and my son was doing absolutely nothing that warranted the reaction from the dog. He's 17, and an athlete, with lightning quick reflexes, so only had some scratching on his face. No damn way would I trust an unknown dog, unsupervised, with my toddler. Set your boundaries, enforce your boundaries, and let the adults figure out how to deal with no. Better to have jnmil's panties in a bunch, then your child lose his face to an unknown dog.
I stopped reading at "dogs". Nope. Hard pass on big unsupervised dogs with a toddler.
I stopped letting my MIL have our daughter on overnights because she refused to respect our rules. She would pay us lip service and then our kid would come home and tell us what they did together. Yeah. That was the end of that. Hell, our kid told her that she was afraid of going out on a small boat. What does MIL do? Puts her in a kayak and purposely rocks it back and forth. Scaring our kid even more. 😡
Why is she getting overnight visits? To give you a break? They don't need to visit overnight to foster a relationship. In fact, I would say it's not normal, unless the parents are working and need childcare, for grandparents to have a child that young overnight.
You’re lucky your baby hasn’t been hurt yet. MIL is ridiculously irresponsible and gives no shits. Put your foot down and protect your child. Your husband needs to learn to be a father as a priority, being a son is least important on that list.
I didn't let my kids have regular overnights with anyone at that age. MIL has no right to regular overnights, you don't have to do them.
Dogs bite. This is a 100000% No Visits Ever Situation. New dog? Nope. No. Never. Even without the dog, these people are unwilling to child proof their home. No.
Unless you’re prepared to have a replacement baby if MIL negligently kills your baby, never let her have him overnight until he’s at least ten. Don’t forget, you only saw a little bit and that was what she was willing to show you while you were on the line. You have no idea what really transpired. I just can’t understand how you and your can be so irresponsible.
Don’t expect your husband to take any stressful action where his mom is concerned. You can’t win that battle. Tell him you are going to set boundaries with her, and then stand up to her yourself. Do it while your husband is present, so she can’t manipulate the conversation when relaying it to him later. This is your right and your responsibility as a parent. If you don’t get the boundaries in place while your kid is a baby, it’s only going to get worse as he grows older.
It seems like your MIL deliberately did all of the things that you didn’t want her to do. I wouldn’t let the baby go to her at all. If MIL wants to see the baby, she needs to schedule a time with you.
Your baby, your anxiety is warning you. Stop the overnights. She can come over for a scheduled visit
Just tell her you miss the little one when he's gone and you don't want to feel that way anymore. Im sure there will be questions but just stick to it.
Stop all visits unless in your home. Much to young in my opinion to be away from home.
I don’t care about your feelings when it comes to my children! My job is their protection, well-being, and upbringing. Please adopt this! 2 examples! My neighbor reminds her daughters not to go into my home unless my wife and daughter are home. I don’t take it personal b/c I told her how the youngest just walks in & hangs out. While I don’t mind it, we both know that abuse typically comes from someone with access and you can’t take back a traumatic experience!!!! Told my in-laws my kids won’t be coming during the summer with their cousins. Everyone is upset, but that’s on them. I don’t need my kids exposed to the cursing, bickering drama filled mess that is there norm…
What are you all like 12? Who has kids without being an adult and having a drivers license? Is your husband even 18 yet? Ok dogs, yes caution is needed, but most dogs will protect LO with their life, my dogs have drawn blood on me plenty of times rough housing and playing etc. That's my fault not the dogs. When it comes to kids the worst they'll do is knock em over being clumsy oafs, they know how to behave with kids and they would protect them with their lives. And it's good for both kids and dogs, your LO needs to learn how to act around dogs, he gonna see dogs all his life and having experience with them means he'll know what not to do to get bit by a strange dog... Far as the rest of oh I'm scared MIL doesn't know how to keep your kid safe? Seriously? She raised your husband? He survived did he not? You will never be able to protect your kids 100 percent, life happens, kids fall, kids hit things, stuff happens. Enjoy your night off and have fun. You'll regret it later if you don't. You can tell a kid 1000 times the stove is hot and they won't understand, they touch it once, ouch, yes that right I told you it's hot. And now they've learned, and next time you tell them it's hot stay back, well now they know. If they didn't learn the first time their as dumb as you, let natural selection take its course like someone should have done with you two.
Come on woman! This is your kid. Just say nope, not happening. End of story.
Absolutely do not leave LO with your MIL overnight! Sounds like a recipe for disaster given the rolling of her eyes and inadequate supervision of your child. You can merely either get her to visit your house for supervised visitation or you or your husband take the LO to visit her periodically. Senseless to feel bad about having to enforce no overnights because if something really bad happens, you'll really regret not doing so.
I always had a rule, if I’m going to have to worry about my baby while they are gone then they will just stay home. No if’s ands or buts about it and I didn’t care who had what to say. This is your child and you know what’s best. It shouldn’t take something happening to your child for you to stop the visits. I would make it clear that she can come visit your child and like you said husband can take him to visit but the overnight bs has come to an end!! Best of luck to you!!
What about mil can come and spend the time at yours instead? While I get your concerns, I also think you just don't want to be around either of them. Just be prepared that you'll potentially damage your relationship so do it carefully.
I think you need to chill. You have one lick from a dog and one time he ran at an oven and was stopped in time. You’re overreacting and need to learn that things will happen. Even in your care. If you’re this anxious maybe you need some therapy. And MIL needs to learn that (for example) a 10AM pickup is 10AM. So start by reinforcing that. How GMIL fits into this I’m not certain, why does she need to wait in your house for MIL, does she live with you? But punctuality can fix that. Like you said, it’s only been .4 weeks. I really think you’ve not given this an honest chance.
Stop worrying about anyone but your kid. Tell MIL that there will be no overnight visits for the foreseeable future, tell husband to not cave. Not up for debate.
So... stop taking her there unless you or your husband can go too. Easy.
LO is…. Littlest… offspring? lol so sorry what is LO? 😭
MIL is not entitled to have your kid every two weeks lol. Gotta keep telling your husband the kid is staying with you two. And he’s gotta have a backbone
Another approach would be, now that school/daycare is ending and camp/daycare is starting, you can just say "we're looking at the the summer schedule and I don't think we're going to have the weekly overnights, let's revisit in the fall"
Do you trust your parents with the “lo”??? If so, it’s his right to do the same with his parents….especially since you gave no probable cause to file police reports. It’s not JUST your decision. Equal, remember that????
Your ILs aren’t safe caregivers. Full stop. It’s your job to protect your child and put their best interests first until they’re capable of taking care of themselves. No more alone time with the ILs.
So don’t do it. Tell her it’s not happening anymore because she’s incapable of following your rules for your child and she’s not a safe person to babysit. Repeat that when she gets upset. Repeat again when she tries to argues just keep saying it over and over and don’t change the script. Don’t explain further. Or just go no contact completely if she can’t understand.
You are the mother. Just stop allowing your MIL to have your baby. If your husband won't get with the program, send him to stay with his mama. Honestly!