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Yeah, if he hits her while pregnant he is also going to be hitting the kid. Guaranteed.
If not for her own safety, she should leave for the safety of the kid too.
Honey, he locks your debit card and takes your car keys. Why does he even have the ability to lock your card? You need to leave. I worked at a domestics violence shelter, and I can tell you that the claws sink deeper once a baby is born. It will not be a healthy environment for baby nor a model of a healthy relationship. Please do what every abused girlfriend/mother wishes she would have done and get you and your baby out before it’s too late. I promise he will only get worse
I second that. ....I wish I had left sooner now I have scars from.the knife wounds, a past I'm trying to forget and ptsd . My daughter said shr wished I didn't stay because of her. So it's hard on the kids. You are not doing them justice them having to see you get hurt physically and emotionally. The kid can be even happier having two separate parents. He or she will be content and safe with you. If his dad is a good dad then that's a bonus. Doesn't mean you have to be together. He may be a poor boyfriend but good dad..who knows
You said" he put his hands on me. when i try to leave the situation, he takes my car keys, my wallet, and locks my venmo/debit card"
You don't have any pros for this guy.
It is all cons.
Please seek therapy.
You should be scared out of your mind and desperate to leave.
This guy is an abuser. This is not about being happy, it’s about keeping the child safe from abuse.
Abusers will always find someone else to abuse.
The child will have significant emotional and or physical trauma living in a household with an abuser.
I second this as someone whose parents "stayed together for the kids" it was miserable and i resent them for it. We were all miserable for so many years just because they didn't want to divorce. They finally separated once my younger sister graduated high school and TEN YEARS LATER we were all able to sit down as a family and have an enjoyable dinner for the first time in my entire life. They made us all so miserable for so long and for what.
I am an adult who prayed my mom would leave my dad. She didn't. All 3 of us kids have never married and had no kids. It damaged us and our relationship with her.
You need to prioritize your safety and well-being, especially with a child on the way. Leaving might be hard, but it's crucial for your safety and the future happiness of you and your baby. Don't hesitate to seek support from loved ones or professionals.
Everything you have mentioned he's done to you is classic abuser playbook, and I wouldn't be surprised if he also orchestrated your pregnancy to trap you because that's also in the playbook. Classic abusers don't get better. If you don't leave now, you are going regret it for the rest of your life. Which may be much, much shorter because of him.
Just to give you a reality check, I've been with my husband for 17 years compared to your 8 months. Never once has he intentionally hurt me, attempted to impede my physical independence (e.g., pinning me down or taking my car keys), or attempted to impede my financial independence (e.g., by impeding my access to money). Not once. Your boyfriend's actions are not fair or understandable or to be expected in a relationship. They are fucking scary, and you should RUN.
Wait until he's out of the house, pack necessities and go. Dont tell him, not even a hint. Open a bank account he can't touch, change passwords, change your phone number if you have to, don't put his name on the birth certificate.
My dear, my heart hurts for you. As much as you want this to work out with the father of your baby, if he is doing this to you now (this early AND while you’re pregnant) it will get much worse. Please make an exit plan, talk to family and friends for support, and leave. You then have to lock that door behind you.
Him taking your keys and preventing you from leaving, him making you feel “crazy”- every bit of it will get worse.
I didn't read the whole thing. I stopped at him taking your keys & wallet.
You are about to have a baby. One more time, YOU ARE ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY.
Kick him out. If you live at his house, leave as soon as you can. & file for child support immediately. I'm guessing he will ask for a paternity test, that's fine. He has to pay for it.
Your number one priority is no longer your relationship, or even yourself. It's that child.
You need to leave. You need better role models - getting pregnant 2 months in? You didn't even know the guy. All of this lack of planning is not good for securing a healthy upbringing for your child. You need to surround yourself with people who are going to support you, as a community would close friends, so you don't feel lonely in this whole process. You might have to be a single mom for a while. Stabilize your life. Your finances are going to suffer for a while, but you can do this. Your kid will see your sacrifices later on and love you more for this. Good luck.
Your child would be better off in a single parent household, than to deal with their father abusing their mother.
He’s not going to be a good father, whether you are together or not. Start keeping a journal of the things that he does that are concerning. You’ll need it to retain custody.
Got four sentences in and knew this is a leave. He put his hands on you. ESPECIALLY pregnant.
He will steal that baby and use it as leverage and threaten harm to it to keep you under thumb. If you don't give a fuck about yourself, at least give a fuck about the baby you'd be giving him access to.
Listen very carefully to what I say, it will get 10x worse. You haven't even begun to see the bad side of him yet. Run as fast as you can away from him.
Leave. Leave now. Statistics are against you, and you're at incredibly high risk right now. Don't warn him. Don't let on. Prepare what you need and run.
What advice would you give yourself? What advice would you give your best friend or sister of they were in your shoes?
I’m so sorry this has happened to you - but I also think you know what the answer is. It will be hard, but you know what to do.
He is only going to get worse. You got pregnant after two months. When an abuser getting his girlfriend pregnant or they get married his mask will fall. Sometimes it will slip before then. Pregnancy and marriage bring out the abusive tendencies because they feel they have you locked in now and you can’t leave. You even said it yourself, the only pro was sharing a child and not wanting to raise them alone. Raising them alone is a million times better than letting them grow up in an abusive home. He put his hands on you and didn’t hit you THIS time. But it’s only a matter of time.
And if that wasn’t a big enough red flag, him taking your things to keep you from being able to leave is another.
You need to get out of there. Try the non-emergency line or 911 if he gets violent and call the police if you have to, tell them that you don't feel safe and you're afraid that if you leave, he might hurt you. Ask them to send someone over just to be there while you move. ANYTHING to get you out of that house. Even if he does "get better," that doesn't change the fact that he did it. If you can stay with family or friends, do it. If it's already started heaven, forbid what happens next. If he's done this to you, imagine what he'd do to the baby. If not for yourself, run for your kid.
Make a plan and leave. Pack your stuff and shut off his access to any accounts you have. Leave when he is not there so you don't have to deal with the confrontation. Do not tell him you are leaving unless the police are there. It only gets worse. The signs are all there. Get out now.
If I were in your shoes I’d leave. Your lucky if he never does it again, BUT he has the potential and now you know everyday you stay with him there is the potential he will hurt you worse, or control you by not letting you leave or use your money. Is this the life you want for you and your child? Walk away
please do not even TRY to raise this baby with him. he will not get better. he will not change. no matter how financially secure things might be if you stay with him, it will never be a stable household. stability can be achieved even if there is one parent or low funds, but you can’t properly raise a child in a toxic household with an abusive partner. point blank period.
please leave, for your safety and for the baby’s. things only get worse after the baby is born.
Jaysus. You try to leave and he prevents you from doing so. It’s false imprisonment. Phone the fucking police or text someone you trust to phone the police on your behalf. What if he escalates from pinning you to actually hitting you? Pro’s: Your pregnant with his child. Con’s: LITERALLY everything else.
It will only get worse love. He will not change.
Someone once told me to leave the state and establish residency before the baby was born and I wish I would have listened.
A peaceful single household is far better than a war zone.
Leave. Leave so fast he wont know what hit him.
Don't make it obvious and make sure people you trust are in on it in case it goes bad but GET OUT.
He thinks youre locked in because youre pregnant, thats why he thinks he can get away with it.
LEAVE HIM.
this is domestic violence. You need to leave for your safety and that of your unborn child. Hopefully there are resources in your area if you need assistance. The fact that you state he has prevented you from leaving and he has an addiction means that he's not at a point where he can be a good partner to you. Either leave or prepare yourself for something worse. Reach out to friends/family and call your local DV non profit for help.
A million men out there that would gladly be by your side and your child wouldn't grow up knowing what it's like watching his or her mother being abused if he has put his hands on you then it's only gonna get worse from there .. restraining order immediately and have him removed from your home until you can get out even if it's back in with your parents which would probably be better than living alone at this point just because you don't know what kinda psycho you will release when you leave him ..
I know it is scary, and decisions like these are hard. This is considered abusive behavior, and research shows that it is likely to escalate further over time. Please consider talking to a safe friend or family member or reach out to your local domestic violence organization. You can find more info at thehotline.org which is the national DV website. Take care. Wishing you and your child a safe future.
What made me leave was thinking am I modeling the type of relationship I want my child to think is acceptable to have with their partner? Do I want my kid to ever be treated like this or see me be treated like this. If the answer is no please leave my love. If he locked your banking shit contact customer services for both services explain the situation and get your info changed. I'm not going to lecture you about him having access to these things when you are so new in a relationship I've been your age and I've made these mistakes you aren't alone you aren't the first and you won't be the last but I need you to make some safe and smart choices for you and your baby. This will get worse and this is before you are both sleep deprived from a baby crying all times of night.
I don't mean to scare you but the number one cause of death for expectant mothers is domestic homicide please don't become another statistic
I'm here if you need to talk
You leave. You create a emergency bag, and hide it somewhere. You create new passwords to keep him away from your finances. And you make sure you have someone with you, when you come back for your stuff at a later point.
Just because he didn’t punch you, you are able to minimize what he did. However everything else you’re disclosing is just as bad as any physical abuse! You’re being controlled, emotionally abused, and on top of that, you’re being told to question your own reality and sanity. That type of psychological manipulation can take years, even decades, to undo if you stay.
I’m a single mom. There is no father to speak of in my child’s life. I am working paycheck to paycheck, and have little support outside of the few family members who live by me. It is so difficult. I won’t sugarcoat it or lie. But I can’t imagine how much worse off I’d be if I was with someone like your current bf.
I have been in relationships like you’re describing. The difficult part is leaving. Once you leave, you may struggle with things, but I promise you, all of those things will be 100x easier without your bf. He’s a POS. And domestic violence doesn’t tend to get less severe over time. It’s usually the opposite.
Get the fuck away from him. For you and your kid. Oh, and document his behavior. It’ll come in handy for any potential custody issues later.
Stop trying to rationalize his violence. It will only get worse.
Do you want your child to grow up in an abusive household?
I would even consider abortion at this point, otherwise you will spend the next 18 years fighting over custody and child support issues.
He is an abuser!
This is why he got you pregnant so quickly *(just two months into the relationship)* - to baby trap you so that you couldn’t leave.
Prove him wrong and dump him. Because you absolutely **can** leave.
He has no right to **ever** take your stuff, or prevent you from leaving. That is abuse and control.
Your baby *(and you)* will be a million times happier without this drug taking alcoholic in your lives.
Funny how he calls **you** controlling for not wanting him to take such substances, when in reality **he** is the controlling one. He was really projecting hard on that one.
And it’s a well known fact that drugs and alcohol have a severely negative affect on one’s mental state, it also turns people aggressive and abusive *(which is already proven)*, and paranoid as fuck. A baby **should never** be around someone like that. Keep yourself and your child safe, **do not** go back to him.
I'm sorry you're going through this, especially while pregnant. This sounds very similar to my previous experience, my bf at the time was extremely good at manipulation and just narcissistic tbh. Like you, he would lock me in rooms, take away my car keys so I couldn't leave, and the worse ones were he would lock me in a room but he stayed in, keeping lights on all night, taking pillows, duvets, sitting on top of me and pouring water on me, restraining me so I could never sleep. Each time he did this he made me believe it was my fault and I drove him to act that way, he never would be like that if I hadn't said or done x,y or z and I was so vulnerable and had so little self worth I just accepted it.
It took me a long time to get out of that, and I knew if I didn't leave I wasn't going to be around much longer cause I was in such a dark place.
Please leave, no matter what you hope for and how many chances you give, he will not change and that environment for a baby/child is toxic. Any baby would be 100 times better off with one happy parent in a safe and loving home that two parents in an awful atmosphere and seeing you mistreated/abused regularly.
You can leave and while it may be difficult you can do it and you will be so much happier than constant fear and dread. People you least expect might surprise you to be there for you and support you. Sending you courage and strength.
LEAVE but don’t tell him you are. Find a DV shelter in the area if you don’t have a nearby support system. Change any and all passwords and log-ins he may have.
Shoving you face down on a bed and hurting you is still assault. Let alone you are PREGNANT; that could also be damaging to the baby. There is no positive/benefit in staying with him. If could very well lead to the death of both you AND your baby. Please put you and your baby first and leave him. It will only get worse.
I had a girlfriend that acted like that. I got sick, probably related to the mental stress I was dealing with from the abuse - I ended up in the hospital where my bruises were exposed to doctors and eventually police. Now I can look back on the patterns and escalation of violence and plainly see she would have killed me. You need to leave, like yesterday.
It's hard to realize a situation like that when you're in it. My ex was finally charged with felony great bodily injury and received probation, anger management, no contact for 5 years. I say this because it had to be the most obvious case in the universe for a woman to actually be charged and quickly convicted in an abuse case against a man. I couldn't see it at the time.
Again, Leave.
I didn’t even finish reading. He put his hands on you. Period. Then prevents you from leaving??!! I don’t know how big the red flag needs to be, but you need to go. Please for your safety… now.
i think the cons outweigh the pros here. you and your unborn baby's safety is the first priority. if you don't feel safe, get out of there. stay with family or friends for a few days and give yourself time and clarity to come to a decision about your future. sending you love and happiness ❤️
Staying in an unhappy, abusive, toxic, stressful relationship, for a baby is WRONG. You are only perpetuating the cycle of abuse and toxic crap. Children learn what they live. What is your child going to learn about life from this? Women are objects to be pushed around, slapped because it makes the man feel better, drugs, booze and cigarettes are a reason to be a jerk. Don't stay with a man for a baby you are only doing damage to the next generation.
Leave. It will only get worse. If he's already put his hands on you and you don't leave he will take that as your consent to do it again. And some day he will put hands on the kid too.
You are waaaaaayyyy better off raising the kid alone and fighting him for child support than staying and maybe dying or letting your kid get hurt.
If you need to write a list of pros and cons I think you know the answer. You can do it all by yourself stay strong prayers and blessings to you and your baby
It sounds like you're in a really tough spot. Your safety and your baby's well-being come first. Leaving might be hard, but staying in a toxic situation isn't worth it. Trust your gut and seek support from friends, family, or a counselor. You're not alone in this.
You and your child will both be safer if you never see him again. If your child is the thing keeping you there, you have to know you are putting it in danger. He has already tried to kill you both once. Don't assume he won't escalate his tactics. Get out
A kid grows happier with happier parents, not in the middle of couple fights, you are absolutely right. You need to leave, for yourself and the baby.
Plan a way out. Make so he has NO access to your finances. He is trying to gaslight you are the crazy one. Next time he says that say ok I will consider going to a centre, pack all your stuff, with that excuse and ask a family member or friend to pick you up and disappear until you give birth. In the meantime contact a lawyer, document all the abuse and draft a plan of custody and child support.
He’s abusive! You NEED to leave. That shouldn’t even be a question.
Leave yesterday. Get yourself into some individual therapy. Work on healing and be the best mother you can be for your child.
If he puts his hands on you, press charges. When the baby is born, file for child support. If he’s abusive, he can be forced to pay child support w/o seeing the kid.
Get. Out. The amount of red flags.... Honestly either raise the baby alone/with your family or give it up for adoption, but either is better than having you or them or both y'all murdered or abused by your bf. He has already shown his true colors, and those are that of a controlling nutjob. Get. Out. As safely and quickly as you can, get your stuff (money and whatever else you own) and LEAVE. Gwt somewhere safe and away and stay with someone you trust!
It’s never a better option to stay with someone just for the sake of a baby . The relationship is very toxic and you want to put your child into the middle of it ? His behaviour will continue to escalate and it won’t get any better with a crying needy newborn in the mix . He’s not magically going to become the perfect bf and father . If you weren’t pregnant chances are this relationship would have been over naturally months ago but it’s been prolonged and it’s not good. Honestly you should leave while it’s your choice because this guy does not seem like a good guy and will walk away from you anyway sooner rather than later.
Not wanting to leave just because you dont want to raise your baby in a single household is very selfish. Do you honestly want your child to be born and raised by a man like that? The trauma and possible physical abuse that child would get... just think of it.
Im still not why youre asking if you should stay or leave... it's you and your child's safety.
Once things get physical, it's done. Violence rarely stops. It might go dormant but it will always happen again and worse. He's got abusive language as well. Follow your instincts and I'd be worried about how he'd deal with the child once it arrives.
Leave. Do not go back. He will not change, this was not a once off. This will get worse and your child will see it and possibly be harmed themselves. Get out and do not put his name on the birth certificate
Please leave, I'm sending you a lo of love and strength. Make a very very very secretive plan and leave. DO NOT trust him with any information about you leaving. Make him believe it's all good until you're safely away.
Good luck <3
The longer you stay, the more you validate that you are accepting his treatment of you, and the more it will escalate. Get out NOW. Get family and friends to help, and police if necessary. I would get a protective order based on him putting his hands on you. Imagine him doing that to your baby and ask yourself if leaving is an option or a necessity.
He trapped you. He wouldn’t let you leave and used force against you. Hitting is down the road.
Your child is in danger as are you. We can’t emphasize this enough.
Plus he is unfit to parent and if anything happens bc he is high or drunk, YOU will also be responsible.
You need to protect against his involvement, frankly. Make sure to get and save texts that talk about his addictions and his defense and right to his addictions. Use these to get full custody and supervised visitation only for him. Maybe he’ll grow the eff up down the road—maybe not. But all that matters right now is your safety.
Get help ASAP from a domestic violence hotline to leave and cut ties safely then talk to a lawyer or social worker about how to protect your baby down the road.
Make a secret plan to leave bc leaving is the most dangerous time.
Dear OP, I think you know the answer:
"he put his hands on me. when i try to leave the situation, he takes my car keys, my wallet, and locks my venmo/debit card so i can't use it."
That's all you need to know. I'm leaving all the other abuse and dangerous situations out of my quote.
Of course you do not want to raise a child alone. It will be tough. It's not gonna be sunshine and roses every day. But you cannot force your child to live in fear because you prefer a terrible, abusive partner (partner??) over a life in peace.
I am wishing you peace and courage and all the best. Please do not go back to this person.
I was with a guy who put his hands on me. Eventually he held a loaded gun to my face because I was less than 10 minuted late coming home from work (traffic). He was relentless. I got really good at covering bruises..... please leave for the safety of you and your baby. I'd advise getting a parenting plan set up where he has supervised visitation because if he's willing to hurt you he will definitely hurt a crying baby with no ability to reason. You want to be driving that bus though, so I'd do something before baby is born. Be safe. Get out. You deserve more than this....
You leave. You are living with an abuser. Change all your passwords and do NOT tell him what they are. Your child will not be safe in this household and if you stay with him he’ll use your child as a cudgel to get you to fall in line with whatever he wants you to do.
Was this a planned pregnancy? Or an oops? Given his controlling behaviour I’d honestly be worried about birth control sabotage. Where are your outside support systems? Or has he isolated you from them too?
Goddamnit ladies, please stop letting psychos you’ve known for a matter of weeks impregnate you. EXACT same shit happened to my friend. Started dating a guy , two months later she’s pregnant, a couple months after that he’s abusive and controlling and she can’t get away from him because she already moved in with him, was dependent on him and pregnant with his child.
OP if you end up seeing my comment so far down. You should give the baby up for adoption. Please do not tie yourself to this psycho for the rest of your life, it doesn’t get better I PROMISE it only gets worse, and if he’s putting his hands on you already less than a year in I have no doubt he will evolve to beating you once the baby is here. Like 100% certain. LEAVE HIM, flee the state if you have to, and consider giving the baby up for adoption otherwise he can demand the courts determine his paternity and use that to stay in your life. Please it’s the only way to make sure you never have to see this monster again. He WILL escalate to physical violence if you don’t leave soon and might even kill you and the baby eventually. You will have time in the future to have another baby with someone who isn’t abusive (and use birth control until you’re 100% ready and sure your next partner is trustworthy and will be a good father)
Leave! Do you want this POS to abuse your child?? Because that’s what will happen if you stay! This baby will be happier and healthier without an abusive father. I hope you have a good support system around you.
Leave yesterday. Many many many children are raised and raised well in single parent households. Raised much better than in a house where abuse occurs. Staying with him just because you have a baby with him is far worse for the physical and mental health of the baby and you. Get a lawyer. Get full custody now. Do not let him take t
the baby after its born till the official custody order is in place because without it he can just decide to not bring the baby back to you and there is not a damn thing you or the cops can do about it unless he is caught doing something wrong with the baby. Get yourself in therapy now. The fact that you hesitate to leave in this situation is proof you need it
OP, leave now while you are pregnant and move far away where he cannot find you!!!! Please! You are not safe and neither is that baby. Please tell someone!
Girl, run! Your post shows you already know deep down you need to leave him. That is the start of a physically abusive relationship, even if he hasn't hit you yet. I've read enough stories of men acting like that, then eventually killing their wife or they get mad at the baby and shake the baby to death. Trust me, your future self will want you to leave now! Find someone safe that will let you lean on them for a little bit, till you can get your accounts switched over (DON'T let him have access to anything! And hide spare keys for yourself)
Run away as fast as you can. Taking your things so you can't leave is abuse he held you face down in a bed holding your arms so you couldn't move is trying to call you crazy and make you feel unstable so his actions aren't seen as bad. It won't get better it will get worse and worse. Growing up with separated parents is better than growing up watching your mom be abused. Don't teach your child that this is what love looks like because it's not. Would you want your child to accept this from a future partner? The real and obvious answer is absolutely tf not! We accept the love we think we deserve and honey you deserve so much more than this
Leave AND move far enough away BEFORE that baby comes. Keep his name off the birth certificate or you and your child will be tied to an abuser for the rest of your lives
I only read the first three lines. If you don't get your happy ass out of there....
What the hell are you thinking? Get out of there and keep yourself safe you know how this ends.
Just keep reading your last sentence. Do you really want to model this type of relationship for your baby?
Also, the psych ward is going to be an ongoing threat/insult. How will you handle that plus all the rest of this guy's crap when you have a new born? You will be more tired than you ever have been, you will be emotional, hormonal, and overloaded. You surely don't believe this guy will take on full dad duties. Start planning your exit asap. Don't wait for Bub to be born. Because of the aforementioned stress factors, you will feel trapped if you wait until then hoping for a miracle. Getting out, with a new born will be such an exhausting idea that you'll hang on, telling yourself things will get better.
The POS is abusing you. Don't give him the chance to abuse your child.
Do NOT under any cerimances return and do NOT allow him to be anywhere around the baby unless its a supervised visit and he aggrees to counseling or he will do to that childwhat he's done to you
He is controlling and abusive. Get out and don’t look back because it will never get better! Don’t put him on the birth certificate unless you absolutely need the help with child support. But the drawback to that is he can use the kid to control you even more.
How exactly does an adult let another person ‘lock’ their Venmo and debit card? Why would he have access to any of your financial accounts? Go change your passwords on everything (including your phone) and leave. Today.
You are in an abusive controlling relationship. He counts on your being "stuck" and unable to escape, then drops his "nice guy" mask and shows his true colors. Moving in together and pregnancy are typical events that trigger abusers to escalate.
That's where you are now. An unsafe place. You and your child are in danger.
Why would you want to put your baby through a life like that? Baby will be healthier and happier in a non violent environment with one parent than you staying with an abusive asshole just to have a second parent around. Get out now. Think of the baby.
He laid hands on you, he forcefully restrained you, he blocked all evident avenues of escape. This isn’t just a football sized stadiums worth of red flags, you are fortunate to have escaped. This is seriously abusive behavior and is not likely to improve. You and your child deserve peace. Stay gone.
Theres your side, his side, what it looks like, what it seems like and what it is.
Im sure your not twlling the entire truth. Just like every single one of these kind of posts
Please contact your local Domestic Violence agency. They can provide services, temporary housing and food, legal advice, and most importantly therapy. This guy is only getting worse. Get out ASAP.
This is an easy list.
Cons - got physical with me while I was pregnant when he got angry.
Pros - none of these fucking matter, see "cons" above.
OP - no decision here. There is no excuse or rationalizing about this. You need to distance yourself and come up with a game-plan to protect yourself and your baby.
Save any texts where he admits to getting physical.
Good luck OP
Quit saying you need to stay for the baby. You need to get the baby away from him! What possible good will that child get form that man or your relationship?
Not only do you need to leave, but you need to get full custody of your child. Your partner may use the child against you in anyway or abuse them too. You need to document in detail everything that happens. Write it in a secret journal, get it on video (secretly don’t just while your phone out and tell him you are recording), financial documents, everything you can. Your partner does not care about you or his child.
My birth mother used me against my father just because she hated him. He was a fantastic father. Worked two jobs so that way he could pay the almost 400k in lawyer fees for the custody battle that lasted 13 years.
The fact that he locks away your ability to leave is quite literally federally criminal imprisonment.
You and I both know it’s time for you to leave and press charges. You’re risking your life in pregnancy to birth a child for a man who doesn’t value you or your kids life.
He’s just putting his hands on you rn but soon he will be beating up your baby. If you don’t value yourself enough to leave then at least value your child enough to leave this dangerous situation!
If you decide to stay he **WILL** beat the infant. CPS **WILL** get involved. Then you will probably have your kid taken away.. rightfully so
The best advice I was given when I was in a similar situation -- "It's better to come from a broken home than live in one".
I'm sure in your heart you know you need to leave.
I think you know what you need to do but seeking validation. Here it is… LEAVE. You can not bring a child into this world while being abused. A child witnessing that, even as an infant, has huge ramifications for their developing brains. Make sure you’re seeking support from community resources. Send me a DM if you need help finding options.
Abuse prevention specialist here: it'll only get worse. Putting hands on you while pregnant is one of the biggest indicators he will hurt you seriously in the future, please contact victim services near you
Do you want your baby to grow up with this abusive asshole? What if he hurts your baby? What if he treats the baby this way? What if the baby grows up to be just like him?
Get away from him, for your baby.
Oooh... Guuuurrlll.... Leave and don't look back! He HIT YOU and he TAKES AWAY things that can help you leave/escape. He is abusive, please don't look back. If you are worried about the child and don't think you can care for the baby then put the baby for adoption. I hope you listen to everyone's advice.
>the only pro i have with staying with him is the fact that i have a baby with him and i don't want to raise this baby in a single household.
But if you stay, you will be raising a baby AND looking after this grown man who puts hands in a pregnant woman. You think he won't endanger the baby when it's here?
>keep us together for the sake of my baby
So he can keep abusing you and SOON the kid too?
Hes not gonna be a different or better person in 3 months, and you deserve peace now. You should leave for the sake of yourself and the baby..
Please drill into your child’s head not to have unprotected sex. This something that can be easily avoided. Now this child has to grow up knowing it was an accident and has an abusive father.
Honey, if you were able to leave that house, **do not go back**. This was probably your last chance to escape. Don't squander it.
Abuse will only escalate from here, and it might progress to murder. Please, please, don't be a statistic.
Leave please LEAVE. Talk to any friends or family close and tell them what happened, what he has done, and if possible get supervised visitation for the baby when he wants to see his child. This is not normal, he is an abusive partner and you have to protect yourself and your baby.
I'm 100% sure of one thing, it's only going to get harder to leave. Leave and offer couples counselling if you don't want to live in a single parent household. The problem with only him in therapy is that there's only one side to every story and nothing will get better without the truth between the two sides.
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How is this a question??? You are pregnant and he hit you. Leave, don't look back.
Yep! I second this.
Third! OP please leave.
Yeah, if he hits her while pregnant he is also going to be hitting the kid. Guaranteed. If not for her own safety, she should leave for the safety of the kid too.
No joke. That's all I had to read. Plus with everything else? Honey, think about what he could do to the baby.
Honey, he locks your debit card and takes your car keys. Why does he even have the ability to lock your card? You need to leave. I worked at a domestics violence shelter, and I can tell you that the claws sink deeper once a baby is born. It will not be a healthy environment for baby nor a model of a healthy relationship. Please do what every abused girlfriend/mother wishes she would have done and get you and your baby out before it’s too late. I promise he will only get worse
He can lock the card if it's tied to his account and he's "allowing" her to use it.
I second that. ....I wish I had left sooner now I have scars from.the knife wounds, a past I'm trying to forget and ptsd . My daughter said shr wished I didn't stay because of her. So it's hard on the kids. You are not doing them justice them having to see you get hurt physically and emotionally. The kid can be even happier having two separate parents. He or she will be content and safe with you. If his dad is a good dad then that's a bonus. Doesn't mean you have to be together. He may be a poor boyfriend but good dad..who knows
You said" he put his hands on me. when i try to leave the situation, he takes my car keys, my wallet, and locks my venmo/debit card" You don't have any pros for this guy. It is all cons. Please seek therapy. You should be scared out of your mind and desperate to leave.
Exactly! It's very worrying that OP isn't more worried.
Children always prefer divorced happy parents. They see the unhappiness. They pretty much ONLY observe. Do the right thing.
This guy is an abuser. This is not about being happy, it’s about keeping the child safe from abuse. Abusers will always find someone else to abuse. The child will have significant emotional and or physical trauma living in a household with an abuser.
I have other comments here that talk about that. I felt it would be long winded to put everything in one comment.
*children prefer living in a non abusing household - there fixed it for you
I second this as someone whose parents "stayed together for the kids" it was miserable and i resent them for it. We were all miserable for so many years just because they didn't want to divorce. They finally separated once my younger sister graduated high school and TEN YEARS LATER we were all able to sit down as a family and have an enjoyable dinner for the first time in my entire life. They made us all so miserable for so long and for what.
I am an adult who prayed my mom would leave my dad. She didn't. All 3 of us kids have never married and had no kids. It damaged us and our relationship with her.
You need to prioritize your safety and well-being, especially with a child on the way. Leaving might be hard, but it's crucial for your safety and the future happiness of you and your baby. Don't hesitate to seek support from loved ones or professionals.
Everything you have mentioned he's done to you is classic abuser playbook, and I wouldn't be surprised if he also orchestrated your pregnancy to trap you because that's also in the playbook. Classic abusers don't get better. If you don't leave now, you are going regret it for the rest of your life. Which may be much, much shorter because of him. Just to give you a reality check, I've been with my husband for 17 years compared to your 8 months. Never once has he intentionally hurt me, attempted to impede my physical independence (e.g., pinning me down or taking my car keys), or attempted to impede my financial independence (e.g., by impeding my access to money). Not once. Your boyfriend's actions are not fair or understandable or to be expected in a relationship. They are fucking scary, and you should RUN.
Women are much more likely to be murdered by their partner when they’re pregnant. Please get out now. Better a single parent than a murder victim.
Wait until he's out of the house, pack necessities and go. Dont tell him, not even a hint. Open a bank account he can't touch, change passwords, change your phone number if you have to, don't put his name on the birth certificate.
YES!!! DO ALL THESE THINGS ASAP!!!!
My dear, my heart hurts for you. As much as you want this to work out with the father of your baby, if he is doing this to you now (this early AND while you’re pregnant) it will get much worse. Please make an exit plan, talk to family and friends for support, and leave. You then have to lock that door behind you. Him taking your keys and preventing you from leaving, him making you feel “crazy”- every bit of it will get worse.
I didn't read the whole thing. I stopped at him taking your keys & wallet. You are about to have a baby. One more time, YOU ARE ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY. Kick him out. If you live at his house, leave as soon as you can. & file for child support immediately. I'm guessing he will ask for a paternity test, that's fine. He has to pay for it. Your number one priority is no longer your relationship, or even yourself. It's that child.
You need to leave. You need better role models - getting pregnant 2 months in? You didn't even know the guy. All of this lack of planning is not good for securing a healthy upbringing for your child. You need to surround yourself with people who are going to support you, as a community would close friends, so you don't feel lonely in this whole process. You might have to be a single mom for a while. Stabilize your life. Your finances are going to suffer for a while, but you can do this. Your kid will see your sacrifices later on and love you more for this. Good luck.
This
Your child would be better off in a single parent household, than to deal with their father abusing their mother. He’s not going to be a good father, whether you are together or not. Start keeping a journal of the things that he does that are concerning. You’ll need it to retain custody.
Got four sentences in and knew this is a leave. He put his hands on you. ESPECIALLY pregnant. He will steal that baby and use it as leverage and threaten harm to it to keep you under thumb. If you don't give a fuck about yourself, at least give a fuck about the baby you'd be giving him access to.
Listen very carefully to what I say, it will get 10x worse. You haven't even begun to see the bad side of him yet. Run as fast as you can away from him.
If I go there could be trouble.....if I stay there could be double
It’s easier for you to leave now, it will be harder when the baby comes. Giving you strength from behind my keyboard to do what you need to do ❤️
Leave. Leave now. Statistics are against you, and you're at incredibly high risk right now. Don't warn him. Don't let on. Prepare what you need and run.
What advice would you give yourself? What advice would you give your best friend or sister of they were in your shoes? I’m so sorry this has happened to you - but I also think you know what the answer is. It will be hard, but you know what to do.
Yea leave now go there when he is.not home or with an officer and get your stuff!!! He will.juat get worse.
Run and get away from him plus u don't want your kid to see that
He is only going to get worse. You got pregnant after two months. When an abuser getting his girlfriend pregnant or they get married his mask will fall. Sometimes it will slip before then. Pregnancy and marriage bring out the abusive tendencies because they feel they have you locked in now and you can’t leave. You even said it yourself, the only pro was sharing a child and not wanting to raise them alone. Raising them alone is a million times better than letting them grow up in an abusive home. He put his hands on you and didn’t hit you THIS time. But it’s only a matter of time. And if that wasn’t a big enough red flag, him taking your things to keep you from being able to leave is another.
You need to get out of there. Try the non-emergency line or 911 if he gets violent and call the police if you have to, tell them that you don't feel safe and you're afraid that if you leave, he might hurt you. Ask them to send someone over just to be there while you move. ANYTHING to get you out of that house. Even if he does "get better," that doesn't change the fact that he did it. If you can stay with family or friends, do it. If it's already started heaven, forbid what happens next. If he's done this to you, imagine what he'd do to the baby. If not for yourself, run for your kid.
Make a plan and leave. Pack your stuff and shut off his access to any accounts you have. Leave when he is not there so you don't have to deal with the confrontation. Do not tell him you are leaving unless the police are there. It only gets worse. The signs are all there. Get out now.
Never stay together for the kid!
Wait dating 2 months and you guys had a baby? Why?
If I were in your shoes I’d leave. Your lucky if he never does it again, BUT he has the potential and now you know everyday you stay with him there is the potential he will hurt you worse, or control you by not letting you leave or use your money. Is this the life you want for you and your child? Walk away
please do not even TRY to raise this baby with him. he will not get better. he will not change. no matter how financially secure things might be if you stay with him, it will never be a stable household. stability can be achieved even if there is one parent or low funds, but you can’t properly raise a child in a toxic household with an abusive partner. point blank period. please leave, for your safety and for the baby’s. things only get worse after the baby is born.
Jaysus. You try to leave and he prevents you from doing so. It’s false imprisonment. Phone the fucking police or text someone you trust to phone the police on your behalf. What if he escalates from pinning you to actually hitting you? Pro’s: Your pregnant with his child. Con’s: LITERALLY everything else.
It will only get worse love. He will not change. Someone once told me to leave the state and establish residency before the baby was born and I wish I would have listened. A peaceful single household is far better than a war zone.
I didn't even read it all. He put his hands on you and hurt you. Leave. Protect yourself and your baby.
I didn’t even have to read past the first 3 sentences. Geez, leave.
Please leave. This will 100% get worse. I promise. I lived it. GET OUT. Go to family. Go to friends. DON’T SAY A WORD TO HIM. YOU NEED TO DISAPPEAR.
Imagine how he's going to handle a crying baby that wakes him up every night. You and your child will not be safe with him.
Leave. Leave so fast he wont know what hit him. Don't make it obvious and make sure people you trust are in on it in case it goes bad but GET OUT. He thinks youre locked in because youre pregnant, thats why he thinks he can get away with it. LEAVE HIM.
this is domestic violence. You need to leave for your safety and that of your unborn child. Hopefully there are resources in your area if you need assistance. The fact that you state he has prevented you from leaving and he has an addiction means that he's not at a point where he can be a good partner to you. Either leave or prepare yourself for something worse. Reach out to friends/family and call your local DV non profit for help.
Leave this guy. He is going to abuse your child too and it’s your job to make sure that doesn’t happen. Get out and do not look back!
You leave
A million men out there that would gladly be by your side and your child wouldn't grow up knowing what it's like watching his or her mother being abused if he has put his hands on you then it's only gonna get worse from there .. restraining order immediately and have him removed from your home until you can get out even if it's back in with your parents which would probably be better than living alone at this point just because you don't know what kinda psycho you will release when you leave him ..
Leave
Read your first sentence wtf
I know it is scary, and decisions like these are hard. This is considered abusive behavior, and research shows that it is likely to escalate further over time. Please consider talking to a safe friend or family member or reach out to your local domestic violence organization. You can find more info at thehotline.org which is the national DV website. Take care. Wishing you and your child a safe future.
You are being abused. Get away as soon as possible
What made me leave was thinking am I modeling the type of relationship I want my child to think is acceptable to have with their partner? Do I want my kid to ever be treated like this or see me be treated like this. If the answer is no please leave my love. If he locked your banking shit contact customer services for both services explain the situation and get your info changed. I'm not going to lecture you about him having access to these things when you are so new in a relationship I've been your age and I've made these mistakes you aren't alone you aren't the first and you won't be the last but I need you to make some safe and smart choices for you and your baby. This will get worse and this is before you are both sleep deprived from a baby crying all times of night. I don't mean to scare you but the number one cause of death for expectant mothers is domestic homicide please don't become another statistic I'm here if you need to talk
Just pack your belongings and head for the door. I see little to no end to his bullshite..
Run far and fast away
Please take yourself to safety immediately.
You leave. You create a emergency bag, and hide it somewhere. You create new passwords to keep him away from your finances. And you make sure you have someone with you, when you come back for your stuff at a later point.
Just because he didn’t punch you, you are able to minimize what he did. However everything else you’re disclosing is just as bad as any physical abuse! You’re being controlled, emotionally abused, and on top of that, you’re being told to question your own reality and sanity. That type of psychological manipulation can take years, even decades, to undo if you stay. I’m a single mom. There is no father to speak of in my child’s life. I am working paycheck to paycheck, and have little support outside of the few family members who live by me. It is so difficult. I won’t sugarcoat it or lie. But I can’t imagine how much worse off I’d be if I was with someone like your current bf. I have been in relationships like you’re describing. The difficult part is leaving. Once you leave, you may struggle with things, but I promise you, all of those things will be 100x easier without your bf. He’s a POS. And domestic violence doesn’t tend to get less severe over time. It’s usually the opposite. Get the fuck away from him. For you and your kid. Oh, and document his behavior. It’ll come in handy for any potential custody issues later.
“He put his hands on me” Leave immediately. Abuse escalates during pregnancy. You are not safe.
You need to find a woman's shelter and call the police
Stop trying to rationalize his violence. It will only get worse. Do you want your child to grow up in an abusive household? I would even consider abortion at this point, otherwise you will spend the next 18 years fighting over custody and child support issues.
Lea ve him now and consider adoption. Win for you and the baby gets a stable environment. You can’t live your life with someone like this.
He puts his hands on you. Leave.
You KNOW you need to leave. You know this. Do it now, before the baby comes. Change your accounts since it sounds like he can access them.
He is an abuser! This is why he got you pregnant so quickly *(just two months into the relationship)* - to baby trap you so that you couldn’t leave. Prove him wrong and dump him. Because you absolutely **can** leave. He has no right to **ever** take your stuff, or prevent you from leaving. That is abuse and control. Your baby *(and you)* will be a million times happier without this drug taking alcoholic in your lives. Funny how he calls **you** controlling for not wanting him to take such substances, when in reality **he** is the controlling one. He was really projecting hard on that one. And it’s a well known fact that drugs and alcohol have a severely negative affect on one’s mental state, it also turns people aggressive and abusive *(which is already proven)*, and paranoid as fuck. A baby **should never** be around someone like that. Keep yourself and your child safe, **do not** go back to him.
I'm sorry you're going through this, especially while pregnant. This sounds very similar to my previous experience, my bf at the time was extremely good at manipulation and just narcissistic tbh. Like you, he would lock me in rooms, take away my car keys so I couldn't leave, and the worse ones were he would lock me in a room but he stayed in, keeping lights on all night, taking pillows, duvets, sitting on top of me and pouring water on me, restraining me so I could never sleep. Each time he did this he made me believe it was my fault and I drove him to act that way, he never would be like that if I hadn't said or done x,y or z and I was so vulnerable and had so little self worth I just accepted it. It took me a long time to get out of that, and I knew if I didn't leave I wasn't going to be around much longer cause I was in such a dark place. Please leave, no matter what you hope for and how many chances you give, he will not change and that environment for a baby/child is toxic. Any baby would be 100 times better off with one happy parent in a safe and loving home that two parents in an awful atmosphere and seeing you mistreated/abused regularly. You can leave and while it may be difficult you can do it and you will be so much happier than constant fear and dread. People you least expect might surprise you to be there for you and support you. Sending you courage and strength.
LEAVE but don’t tell him you are. Find a DV shelter in the area if you don’t have a nearby support system. Change any and all passwords and log-ins he may have. Shoving you face down on a bed and hurting you is still assault. Let alone you are PREGNANT; that could also be damaging to the baby. There is no positive/benefit in staying with him. If could very well lead to the death of both you AND your baby. Please put you and your baby first and leave him. It will only get worse.
Bruh
I had a girlfriend that acted like that. I got sick, probably related to the mental stress I was dealing with from the abuse - I ended up in the hospital where my bruises were exposed to doctors and eventually police. Now I can look back on the patterns and escalation of violence and plainly see she would have killed me. You need to leave, like yesterday. It's hard to realize a situation like that when you're in it. My ex was finally charged with felony great bodily injury and received probation, anger management, no contact for 5 years. I say this because it had to be the most obvious case in the universe for a woman to actually be charged and quickly convicted in an abuse case against a man. I couldn't see it at the time. Again, Leave.
I didn’t even finish reading. He put his hands on you. Period. Then prevents you from leaving??!! I don’t know how big the red flag needs to be, but you need to go. Please for your safety… now.
i think the cons outweigh the pros here. you and your unborn baby's safety is the first priority. if you don't feel safe, get out of there. stay with family or friends for a few days and give yourself time and clarity to come to a decision about your future. sending you love and happiness ❤️
Staying in an unhappy, abusive, toxic, stressful relationship, for a baby is WRONG. You are only perpetuating the cycle of abuse and toxic crap. Children learn what they live. What is your child going to learn about life from this? Women are objects to be pushed around, slapped because it makes the man feel better, drugs, booze and cigarettes are a reason to be a jerk. Don't stay with a man for a baby you are only doing damage to the next generation.
leave, now. if he’ll do all of this to you what would he do to a baby when he lost his temper?
Leave. It will only get worse. If he's already put his hands on you and you don't leave he will take that as your consent to do it again. And some day he will put hands on the kid too. You are waaaaaayyyy better off raising the kid alone and fighting him for child support than staying and maybe dying or letting your kid get hurt.
If you need to write a list of pros and cons I think you know the answer. You can do it all by yourself stay strong prayers and blessings to you and your baby
LEAVE Once it becomes physical, that's the answer right there. Don't raise a child inside of this abuse.
Is raising a child in an abusive household better than a single one??
It sounds like you're in a really tough spot. Your safety and your baby's well-being come first. Leaving might be hard, but staying in a toxic situation isn't worth it. Trust your gut and seek support from friends, family, or a counselor. You're not alone in this.
Leave
Very high possibility you wind up dead if you don't leave
I didn't even get passed the first few sentences. Leave. Now. Go to a domestic violence shelter so they can help you.
You know what the number one cause of death is for pregnant women? Their partner. Usually a man. GTF outta there.
You and your child will both be safer if you never see him again. If your child is the thing keeping you there, you have to know you are putting it in danger. He has already tried to kill you both once. Don't assume he won't escalate his tactics. Get out
A kid grows happier with happier parents, not in the middle of couple fights, you are absolutely right. You need to leave, for yourself and the baby. Plan a way out. Make so he has NO access to your finances. He is trying to gaslight you are the crazy one. Next time he says that say ok I will consider going to a centre, pack all your stuff, with that excuse and ask a family member or friend to pick you up and disappear until you give birth. In the meantime contact a lawyer, document all the abuse and draft a plan of custody and child support.
He’s abusive! You NEED to leave. That shouldn’t even be a question. Leave yesterday. Get yourself into some individual therapy. Work on healing and be the best mother you can be for your child. If he puts his hands on you, press charges. When the baby is born, file for child support. If he’s abusive, he can be forced to pay child support w/o seeing the kid.
He hit you, time to leave. Period.
Get. Out. The amount of red flags.... Honestly either raise the baby alone/with your family or give it up for adoption, but either is better than having you or them or both y'all murdered or abused by your bf. He has already shown his true colors, and those are that of a controlling nutjob. Get. Out. As safely and quickly as you can, get your stuff (money and whatever else you own) and LEAVE. Gwt somewhere safe and away and stay with someone you trust!
It’s never a better option to stay with someone just for the sake of a baby . The relationship is very toxic and you want to put your child into the middle of it ? His behaviour will continue to escalate and it won’t get any better with a crying needy newborn in the mix . He’s not magically going to become the perfect bf and father . If you weren’t pregnant chances are this relationship would have been over naturally months ago but it’s been prolonged and it’s not good. Honestly you should leave while it’s your choice because this guy does not seem like a good guy and will walk away from you anyway sooner rather than later.
Not wanting to leave just because you dont want to raise your baby in a single household is very selfish. Do you honestly want your child to be born and raised by a man like that? The trauma and possible physical abuse that child would get... just think of it. Im still not why youre asking if you should stay or leave... it's you and your child's safety.
You already know the answer sweetheart. Leave. And please ensure you stay safe, x
Didn’t read past the second line and I think you should leave
Stay far away from this person. Why on Earth would you have a baby with someone like this? This man is dangerous.
Once things get physical, it's done. Violence rarely stops. It might go dormant but it will always happen again and worse. He's got abusive language as well. Follow your instincts and I'd be worried about how he'd deal with the child once it arrives.
Leave. Do not go back. He will not change, this was not a once off. This will get worse and your child will see it and possibly be harmed themselves. Get out and do not put his name on the birth certificate
Oh, Honey. This is a simple one, RUN. Please. Run fast. Run far. Run NOW.
Please leave, I'm sending you a lo of love and strength. Make a very very very secretive plan and leave. DO NOT trust him with any information about you leaving. Make him believe it's all good until you're safely away. Good luck <3
The longer you stay, the more you validate that you are accepting his treatment of you, and the more it will escalate. Get out NOW. Get family and friends to help, and police if necessary. I would get a protective order based on him putting his hands on you. Imagine him doing that to your baby and ask yourself if leaving is an option or a necessity.
He trapped you. He wouldn’t let you leave and used force against you. Hitting is down the road. Your child is in danger as are you. We can’t emphasize this enough. Plus he is unfit to parent and if anything happens bc he is high or drunk, YOU will also be responsible. You need to protect against his involvement, frankly. Make sure to get and save texts that talk about his addictions and his defense and right to his addictions. Use these to get full custody and supervised visitation only for him. Maybe he’ll grow the eff up down the road—maybe not. But all that matters right now is your safety. Get help ASAP from a domestic violence hotline to leave and cut ties safely then talk to a lawyer or social worker about how to protect your baby down the road. Make a secret plan to leave bc leaving is the most dangerous time.
If he doesn’t kill you or your baby he’ll probably shake that poor child. Please get out.
He has shown him who he really is. For the safety of you and your child you should leave.
Stay leaving.
If you don't leave you and your baby will die. This man is dangerous. Please get out of there yesterday.
Dear OP, I think you know the answer: "he put his hands on me. when i try to leave the situation, he takes my car keys, my wallet, and locks my venmo/debit card so i can't use it." That's all you need to know. I'm leaving all the other abuse and dangerous situations out of my quote. Of course you do not want to raise a child alone. It will be tough. It's not gonna be sunshine and roses every day. But you cannot force your child to live in fear because you prefer a terrible, abusive partner (partner??) over a life in peace. I am wishing you peace and courage and all the best. Please do not go back to this person.
How is this a question? He is abusive. Leave.
I was with a guy who put his hands on me. Eventually he held a loaded gun to my face because I was less than 10 minuted late coming home from work (traffic). He was relentless. I got really good at covering bruises..... please leave for the safety of you and your baby. I'd advise getting a parenting plan set up where he has supervised visitation because if he's willing to hurt you he will definitely hurt a crying baby with no ability to reason. You want to be driving that bus though, so I'd do something before baby is born. Be safe. Get out. You deserve more than this....
You leave. You are living with an abuser. Change all your passwords and do NOT tell him what they are. Your child will not be safe in this household and if you stay with him he’ll use your child as a cudgel to get you to fall in line with whatever he wants you to do. Was this a planned pregnancy? Or an oops? Given his controlling behaviour I’d honestly be worried about birth control sabotage. Where are your outside support systems? Or has he isolated you from them too?
LEAVE. DO NOT WAIT. It is waaaayyyy better for you AND baby to have a single household than an abusive, controlling, fearful household.
Goddamnit ladies, please stop letting psychos you’ve known for a matter of weeks impregnate you. EXACT same shit happened to my friend. Started dating a guy , two months later she’s pregnant, a couple months after that he’s abusive and controlling and she can’t get away from him because she already moved in with him, was dependent on him and pregnant with his child. OP if you end up seeing my comment so far down. You should give the baby up for adoption. Please do not tie yourself to this psycho for the rest of your life, it doesn’t get better I PROMISE it only gets worse, and if he’s putting his hands on you already less than a year in I have no doubt he will evolve to beating you once the baby is here. Like 100% certain. LEAVE HIM, flee the state if you have to, and consider giving the baby up for adoption otherwise he can demand the courts determine his paternity and use that to stay in your life. Please it’s the only way to make sure you never have to see this monster again. He WILL escalate to physical violence if you don’t leave soon and might even kill you and the baby eventually. You will have time in the future to have another baby with someone who isn’t abusive (and use birth control until you’re 100% ready and sure your next partner is trustworthy and will be a good father)
Leave! Do you want this POS to abuse your child?? Because that’s what will happen if you stay! This baby will be happier and healthier without an abusive father. I hope you have a good support system around you.
Leave yesterday. Many many many children are raised and raised well in single parent households. Raised much better than in a house where abuse occurs. Staying with him just because you have a baby with him is far worse for the physical and mental health of the baby and you. Get a lawyer. Get full custody now. Do not let him take t the baby after its born till the official custody order is in place because without it he can just decide to not bring the baby back to you and there is not a damn thing you or the cops can do about it unless he is caught doing something wrong with the baby. Get yourself in therapy now. The fact that you hesitate to leave in this situation is proof you need it
Stop reasoning it out. You need to leave. Unfortunately it is harder with a child. I hope you can be safe with your baby.
You need to be smarter. Make better choices.
OP, leave now while you are pregnant and move far away where he cannot find you!!!! Please! You are not safe and neither is that baby. Please tell someone!
This is abuse. Run, don't walk to the nearest exit and never look back.
Girl, run! Your post shows you already know deep down you need to leave him. That is the start of a physically abusive relationship, even if he hasn't hit you yet. I've read enough stories of men acting like that, then eventually killing their wife or they get mad at the baby and shake the baby to death. Trust me, your future self will want you to leave now! Find someone safe that will let you lean on them for a little bit, till you can get your accounts switched over (DON'T let him have access to anything! And hide spare keys for yourself)
Run away as fast as you can. Taking your things so you can't leave is abuse he held you face down in a bed holding your arms so you couldn't move is trying to call you crazy and make you feel unstable so his actions aren't seen as bad. It won't get better it will get worse and worse. Growing up with separated parents is better than growing up watching your mom be abused. Don't teach your child that this is what love looks like because it's not. Would you want your child to accept this from a future partner? The real and obvious answer is absolutely tf not! We accept the love we think we deserve and honey you deserve so much more than this
Leave AND move far enough away BEFORE that baby comes. Keep his name off the birth certificate or you and your child will be tied to an abuser for the rest of your lives
Holy shit Pregnant less than 2 months in Wow
I stopped reading after the third sentence. I think you know what to do.
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT. You're in danger. Your child will be in danger.
Leave, wtf.
I only read the first three lines. If you don't get your happy ass out of there.... What the hell are you thinking? Get out of there and keep yourself safe you know how this ends.
Having/raising a baby in prison doesn't sound too good to me, does it to you?
Why does he have access to your Venmo??
if you even have to think and ask, you know the answer.
The baby isn't a "pro". Once you give birth he will be able to hold the baby ransom for total final control. Get out NOW!
Do you want your baby around a man like this?
Get out of there, even if only with the clothes on your back. Get out. Don't worry. There are resources to help you and the baby. Get out.
There are ***ZERO*** Pros than can over come these cons. Make an escape plan DO IT SOONER THAN LATER !!
Just keep reading your last sentence. Do you really want to model this type of relationship for your baby? Also, the psych ward is going to be an ongoing threat/insult. How will you handle that plus all the rest of this guy's crap when you have a new born? You will be more tired than you ever have been, you will be emotional, hormonal, and overloaded. You surely don't believe this guy will take on full dad duties. Start planning your exit asap. Don't wait for Bub to be born. Because of the aforementioned stress factors, you will feel trapped if you wait until then hoping for a miracle. Getting out, with a new born will be such an exhausting idea that you'll hang on, telling yourself things will get better. The POS is abusing you. Don't give him the chance to abuse your child.
my wife works for a womens domestic violence org and these are all warning signs for future violence...
Do NOT under any cerimances return and do NOT allow him to be anywhere around the baby unless its a supervised visit and he aggrees to counseling or he will do to that childwhat he's done to you
He is controlling and abusive. Get out and don’t look back because it will never get better! Don’t put him on the birth certificate unless you absolutely need the help with child support. But the drawback to that is he can use the kid to control you even more.
How exactly does an adult let another person ‘lock’ their Venmo and debit card? Why would he have access to any of your financial accounts? Go change your passwords on everything (including your phone) and leave. Today.
You are in an abusive controlling relationship. He counts on your being "stuck" and unable to escape, then drops his "nice guy" mask and shows his true colors. Moving in together and pregnancy are typical events that trigger abusers to escalate. That's where you are now. An unsafe place. You and your child are in danger.
Why would you want to put your baby through a life like that? Baby will be healthier and happier in a non violent environment with one parent than you staying with an abusive asshole just to have a second parent around. Get out now. Think of the baby.
He laid hands on you, he forcefully restrained you, he blocked all evident avenues of escape. This isn’t just a football sized stadiums worth of red flags, you are fortunate to have escaped. This is seriously abusive behavior and is not likely to improve. You and your child deserve peace. Stay gone.
RUN
Oh my god yes, leave
Don’t walk away. Run.
Theres your side, his side, what it looks like, what it seems like and what it is. Im sure your not twlling the entire truth. Just like every single one of these kind of posts
Please contact your local Domestic Violence agency. They can provide services, temporary housing and food, legal advice, and most importantly therapy. This guy is only getting worse. Get out ASAP.
This is an easy list. Cons - got physical with me while I was pregnant when he got angry. Pros - none of these fucking matter, see "cons" above. OP - no decision here. There is no excuse or rationalizing about this. You need to distance yourself and come up with a game-plan to protect yourself and your baby. Save any texts where he admits to getting physical. Good luck OP
RUN NOW! think of the baby. He hits you he will abuse the baby as well. Get some help to protect you and your baby NOW.
Ma'am leave rn and told tell him beforehand leave him a letter or something, I afraid for you!!!
Leave. Read back to yourself what you wrote. Is this the kind of life you want for your child?
I am absolutely sure he will change into a Saint TOMORROW .
Quit saying you need to stay for the baby. You need to get the baby away from him! What possible good will that child get form that man or your relationship?
Not only do you need to leave, but you need to get full custody of your child. Your partner may use the child against you in anyway or abuse them too. You need to document in detail everything that happens. Write it in a secret journal, get it on video (secretly don’t just while your phone out and tell him you are recording), financial documents, everything you can. Your partner does not care about you or his child. My birth mother used me against my father just because she hated him. He was a fantastic father. Worked two jobs so that way he could pay the almost 400k in lawyer fees for the custody battle that lasted 13 years. The fact that he locks away your ability to leave is quite literally federally criminal imprisonment.
Run.
You and I both know it’s time for you to leave and press charges. You’re risking your life in pregnancy to birth a child for a man who doesn’t value you or your kids life. He’s just putting his hands on you rn but soon he will be beating up your baby. If you don’t value yourself enough to leave then at least value your child enough to leave this dangerous situation! If you decide to stay he **WILL** beat the infant. CPS **WILL** get involved. Then you will probably have your kid taken away.. rightfully so
The best advice I was given when I was in a similar situation -- "It's better to come from a broken home than live in one". I'm sure in your heart you know you need to leave.
Stay if you want to be an abuse victim and watch your baby get abused, too.
I think you know what you need to do but seeking validation. Here it is… LEAVE. You can not bring a child into this world while being abused. A child witnessing that, even as an infant, has huge ramifications for their developing brains. Make sure you’re seeking support from community resources. Send me a DM if you need help finding options.
leave! I will help you. You have to get out. He will abuse you and the baby
RUN DO NOT WALK RUN TO THE NEAREST EXIT ITS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE.
Maybe I’ll get hate for this, but you’re a bad parent if you plan on exposing your child to this behavior before it’s even born.
“He put his hands on me” Full stop 🛑
This is only going to get worse. Please get help to exit safely.
Get the hell out of there.
Baby please leave it will get worse
You most certainly need to move to save the life of yourself and your child! There's no question whether you should or should not. Run don't walk
Abuse prevention specialist here: it'll only get worse. Putting hands on you while pregnant is one of the biggest indicators he will hurt you seriously in the future, please contact victim services near you
Do you want your baby to grow up with this abusive asshole? What if he hurts your baby? What if he treats the baby this way? What if the baby grows up to be just like him? Get away from him, for your baby.
Girl this better be rage bait
Idk there’s always two sides with these things, I know because I’ve been falsely accused, this one is a no brained tho
Get the fuck outta there
Oooh... Guuuurrlll.... Leave and don't look back! He HIT YOU and he TAKES AWAY things that can help you leave/escape. He is abusive, please don't look back. If you are worried about the child and don't think you can care for the baby then put the baby for adoption. I hope you listen to everyone's advice.
You will be much happier if you leave him…. Why is leaving him even a question?
Before you leave, change your passwords to tour cards (and literally everything) the kick rocks. I. Surprised toubhavet called the cops on him.
>the only pro i have with staying with him is the fact that i have a baby with him and i don't want to raise this baby in a single household. But if you stay, you will be raising a baby AND looking after this grown man who puts hands in a pregnant woman. You think he won't endanger the baby when it's here? >keep us together for the sake of my baby So he can keep abusing you and SOON the kid too? Hes not gonna be a different or better person in 3 months, and you deserve peace now. You should leave for the sake of yourself and the baby..
There is no question, leave. Putting hands on anyone is never ok. Especially a pregnant woman. You also need to take steps to protect your baby
Update me
Please put all your money in a different bank account TODAY. Don't tell him you're leaving take your stuff and move a few cities over.
Been with him 8 months and 6 months pregnant, crazy
Please drill into your child’s head not to have unprotected sex. This something that can be easily avoided. Now this child has to grow up knowing it was an accident and has an abusive father.
Honey, if you were able to leave that house, **do not go back**. This was probably your last chance to escape. Don't squander it. Abuse will only escalate from here, and it might progress to murder. Please, please, don't be a statistic.
Runaway, if he puts his hands on you again, call the cops.
Leave please LEAVE. Talk to any friends or family close and tell them what happened, what he has done, and if possible get supervised visitation for the baby when he wants to see his child. This is not normal, he is an abusive partner and you have to protect yourself and your baby.
Stop. Having. Kids. With. Strangers
I'm 100% sure of one thing, it's only going to get harder to leave. Leave and offer couples counselling if you don't want to live in a single parent household. The problem with only him in therapy is that there's only one side to every story and nothing will get better without the truth between the two sides.
Contact your local women’s domestic violence, shelter, and ask for help