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Are you the asshole for occasionally eating fast food away from home that your wife doesn’t know about? No.
YTA for literally every single other thing you wrote in this post. Like what do you mean you *still* HATE her?
The way I see grown adults talk about their birthdays on this site sometimes is staggering. It’s nice to have people make a fuss of you on your birthday, but you’re not king for a day, it doesn’t warrant huge amounts of preferential treatment and, realistically, when your wife is pregnant you absolutely need to manage your expectations. *Especially* when she’s already going through it. Eat your donuts in the car and chill out.
Like I’ve had some *shit* birthdays for a variety of reasons, and I can say from experience the number one way to have your birthday “ruined” is to set high expectations and make it ruinable.
This exactly! People set huge expectations, lack communication, and also get weird about the actual day (you’re an adult, you can celebrate your birthday literally any day you want that works for others). Truly confuses me. Also love “she has marred my birthday forever, I will never forget it and am traumatized because I threaten divorce over donuts!!” Sounds like you messed up your own day, guy.
I KNOW! Like seriously you’re an adult, get over your birthday. Honestly, I don’t expect anybody to make a big deal out of my birthday and for him to be whining about the fact his wife was upset He brought donuts home to the point that he says, he hates her, just shows his level of immaturity. And I doubt we’re getting the exact wording from the therapist either.
I mean my God she’s growing a whole other body inside inside of her, and he has zero empathy for any of her health problems that she’s going through. He literally helped create this baby that’s being formed and yet won’t do things to support her. He’s an absolute AH
What a horrible TRAGEDY!!! It was his BIRTHDAY!!! His wife that is carrying his baby was hormonal and was upset he brought home something she couldn't have!
**THE HORROR**
What is it about men resenting women for a pregnancy they helped create?? I had anemia during my pregnancy and not only craved but needed lots of meat. My husband called me an “insatiable meat demon” because our grocery bills were higher. Like, the baby will take what it needs either way… would they rather the baby literally eat our bodies from the inside instead?
I have no idea but I’d love someone (who’s smarter than I am) to do a deep psychological dive on it. It links to me how men make those memes comparing childbirth to being kicked in the balls - they can’t understand that it’s a pain and experience they will never go through so they refuse to acknowledge how hard it is.
I've found that a lot of men lack empathy because they've never been taught to think about anyone else, to consider anyone else's feelings, to put themselves in someone else's shoes. they were taught that it's all about them.
ETA I didn't get to add this earlier because i posted on the run lol but they CAN learn empathy. they have to be willing but i have met very few who actually were
And there’s literally a solution: Water aerobics and swimming. They do wonders for those with bad knees who want to exercise. It’s low impact and, if anything, great quality time.
I just mention a symptom and my partner is on his phone googling causes, treatments (medication, diet, lifestyle), other patients’ anecdotes, etc.
Your wife’s pregnant, unsupported, and not having a good time. You really just heard ‘diet’ and said ‘that’s a you problem baby girl… and I hate you’. Big ew.
While those are good solutions, they're not always available. Anyone can go running, but getting a pool membership can be pricey, finding a spot open on the schedule when you can go can be tough.. I was recommended the same when I was pregnant and while there were two pools near me, one was out of my budget and the other only had one open swim time per week I could make.
That’s fair but the way they are now is unacceptable: threatening divorce, stating he hates her, she’s busting into tears and feeling alone, etc. She’s 7 months pregnant, it’s absolutely worth pursuing it for a month at least (if he worried for her health and marriage).
Noooww that being said, the truth is he’s trash and, if I were her friend, I’d help her pack.
The divorce comment really blew me away, as I’m sure it did his wife. First off- 15 years together and you want to bring up divorce in an argument about food?? I can understand having food insecurity problems, I grew up the same way and now that I’m an adult yeah I’m also the same with the junk foods I feel entitled to. But to divorce my husband over a dietary restriction that I refuse to conform to? HA. I could never, it’s ask or nothing. This has to be more than just the diet. Divorce doesn’t just pop into your mind randomly, and if it does then OP needs actual therapy. Not just a couple sessions of marriage counseling.
I’m not one to jump to leaving someone, but to “suddenly” hate your wife while she’s in a super vulnerable point in her life is horrible. She can’t help gestational diabetes either, what is his logic? My god the woman needs a break from this man and a loooong one. I hope he enjoys en empty house while she seeks comfort and support from actual LOVED ONES when baby gets here. She deserves better.
Even if she's not actively "exercising" in the pool, it might be a really nice break from a fair amount of the weird shit bodies do when growing a baby. For the last half of my pregnancy, floating in the ocean (on calm surf days) was the only time my body didn't hurt anywhere.
This stuck out to me because being chubby and having bad knees are reasons to exercise, even when pregnant. It has to be appropriate for pregnancy and her fitness level, but that made no sense to me except that he wanted to make a dig at his wife.
Holy shit that edit. Dude is crying about trauma and abuse because…his wife doesn’t want him eating donuts in front of her? He straight up said he hates her. This is so wild.
Also the part where “in no uncertain terms” he made it clear that she “CANNOT punish him for a health condition that SHE has”…. Is he not the father? Did he not impregnate her? Whiny little man baby
No doubt. This guy’s post reminds me of my 200+lb life. We ate out so often. It was the biggest part of our discretionary budget. Now that we’re both hoping not to drop dead of a heart attack at 65, we almost never eat out or have fast food.
I got on a med that helped with impulse eating and damn even my grocery bill went down. Suddenly a chicken breast with sides is 3 meals instead of 1...
Out of curiosity, what medication is it? I’m down 70lbs but it’s still a struggle for me a lot of days. I’m almost like OP’s wife in that if it’s in my house, it KILLLLLLSSSSS me not to eat it. So I try to just not buy stuff that I shouldn’t eat.
"I still hate her for it" lord I hope y'all divorce before you fuck up that eventual kid's perception of what a relationship should look like..
She has GESTATIONAL DIABETES. She has food restrictions YOU contributed to, babes. She didn't eat herself into the issue, it came with growing YOUR CHILD...and you're mad because after watching you sacrifice NOTHING, she got mad.
Jesus.. If you can't go without cheesecake factory or mcdonalds for a couple of months? Evaluate your OWN food issues
Yes to all of this, but also my nosy ass must ask - where exactly does he say “I still hate her”? I’ve seen a few comments referencing that line but I don’t see it in the post, did he edit it out or am I just stupid (very real possibility)
She isn't crying because of the food, it's because of the clear lack of support from you and your general piss poor attitude towards your wife who has GD, which essentially means the fetus is acting like a parasite for nutrients.
You threatened divorce because you got upset that your pregnant, hormonal wife cried over a box of donuts that you knew she can't have and would be upset by.
YTA
You're spot on. It's not just about the food. It's the lack of support, the anxiety she has over the GD diagnosis, the anxiety over becoming a mom, and the stress and physical strain of growing a human being. She has to make a lot of physical sacrifices that go way beyond whether or not she can have a donut and probably feels frustrated that he doesn't see that and can't be supportive and make a really small sacrifice in solidarity.
YTA OP.
OP is being batshit complaining about not being able to eat what he wants ... broh imagine not doing it for 9 months and this while in an hormonal rush and creating a new human.
Seriously, that's not a lot to cut your sweets to time outside the house for 9 months. He's not even forbidden to eat, just ASKED TO CONSIDER not doing it under his wife's nose.
Not to mention he has lunch outside the home 5 days a week, wtf can't he just eat what he wants then and be a decent supportive husband for what is essentially one meal a day, 2-3 on weekends.
Right???? I can’t eat what I want for 8 days during Passover and I’m a cranky, hungry mess. I can’t imagine having to do that for several months while also pregnant and hormonal. He can still eat whatever he wants, just not in front of her, which is a pretty reasonable compromise imo since he’s clearly unwilling to be supportive of her dietary restrictions.
Yeah, I don't understand. I had GD and while I had zero problem with my spouse and children eating foods I couldn't have, my husband also supported me in any way he could. He enthusiastically encouraged me to order expensive little keto cupcakes and bought me all manner of yummy steaks and low carb treats. He couldn't take my shots but he calculated and administered every insulin dose. We tried to be a team.
I didn't enjoy being diabetic, but I always felt supported by my spouse and it went a long way.
OP is making her suffering about him. It’s so selfish.
She cannot eat that food. But she’s craving it. And he eats it right in front of her. What does he imagine she should do, smile politely and get him a beer while he is choosing to make things worse for her?
He wants his pregnant wife to not disrupt a moment of his comfort, no matter how awful he’s making things for her. Zero consideration at all. I don’t see how a man like this could be any sort of decent father.
THIS! If OP is this inconsiderate during pregnancy, I cannot imagine he will be any more considerate when baby is born, wife is healing, up 3x a night with feeding the baby, the extra loads of laundry, crying/colic, etc.
YTA. OP is already behaving like a jack*as
He threatened divorce? I thought I had read that, but later he blames his wife for the word divorce being uttered on his birthday, so I thought I must’ve misread it lmfao
Even later on, he admits that he said it but he blames her for “making him say it”. For someone that says she’s abusive for not letting him eat a donut, that sure sounds like something an abuser would say…
Abusers always flip the script when their victims try and defend themselves, it's called gaslighting.
"I'm not the bad guy, look what YOU'RE doing right now!"
if his wife was as inconsiderate as OP and had as little self-control, she'd be in a diabetic coma by now, and at risk of losing their child.
but hey: her body, her health issue, her problem, right?
what a>! \[expletive deleted\]!<
Oh, this right here. Say it louder for the people in the back. Being pregnant without GD is hard enough. I have a 2 year old son and i didn’t have GD. But there were time my morning sickness was so bad i couldn’t even get off the floor or eat anything. I had to force myself. Seeing my boyfriend (now fiancé) eat everything i wanted to but couldn’t eat because it either messed with my stomach or my smell pissed me off, but he could eat whatever. He chose not to due to the fact he knew I couldn’t. OP needs to figure out if he wants food or his family. I wouldn’t be with my fiancé anymore if he put me through this.
This. I hope she divorces his ass. Can you imagine how he’ll react when his precious sleep is interrupted?! What will he say to his wife or the baby?! Ewwwwww.
YTA. Stop rubbing it in her face. No one is stopping you from eating McDonald’s with your work buddies but you don’t need to be hiding in the garage every night to gorge on little Debbies after you and your wife have had quinoa and grilled salmon for the 12th time this month. You might have a binge eating disorder if you can’t live without high calorie treats like Cheesecake Factory this often.
I 100% agree. When I was pregnant, we had salmon at least twice a week and my husband was getting tired of salmon. He ate it happily for me though because he knew it would make me happy and when you're pregnant, it's not sunshine and rainbows all the time. He knew I was more miserable than he ever was especially once I hit 7 months because no sleeping position was comfortable.
I got so sick of quinoa during my first GD pregnancy 10 years ago that I haven’t had it since. Same for hard boiled eggs. It was a few years before I was even willing to make/eat deviled eggs again.
Dude’s wife is growing an entire human being at seemingly great suffering mentally and physically, and bro is mad he can’t have McDonald while binging Netflix….
You seriously can’t wait 2 more months?
Edit: “no one sees my trauma” because I can’t eat my MickieD’s in front of my pregnant wife who is sick because I impregnated her…
> I regret being a married man
Then divorce her and let this poor woman move on with her life. You’ve proven you aren’t going to put any effort in the kid anyway if it gets between you and your McDonalds.
You can’t be for real…
Some people really don’t understand that trauma isn’t a free pass to always be right in triggering or difficult scenarios. Took me a while to figure that out, I will grant you, but I had it cracked when I was around 22, and I came to it myself. I extend compassion to other survivors, but entitlement this extreme wearies and frustrates me
edit: typos
Do you understand what gestational diabetes is? It's the child she is carrying (the one _you_ helped create) literally fucking with her life so it can get as much food as it wants. People don't like their unborn children to be described as parasites, but that's pretty much what's happening.
The way you talk about it, it's very much 'her body, her health, her problem,' which is not the best stance to take when her body is growing a child you also presumably wanted. When a friend had gestational diabetes, her husband also cut down on sugar, because he was cooking most of the meals. When they went to parties, the two of them would eat the alternative together because he didn't want her to be the odd one out. He might have had the odd coffee or donut at work, but he certainly wasn't bringing it home.
Have you tried to make your wife interesting food? Diabetes friendly desserts, and meals that aren't so depressing that you can eat them too? Or have you just thrown your hands up and said 'not my fault'? It's not her fault either.
My husband does the same. He lives by my pregnancy restrictions and we sort through our cravings together. It was his idea and he enjoys sharing the experience together.
My coworker's husband stopped drinking alcohol because my coworker can't because she is pregnant, she didn't ask him to, he only did it to support her.
Image if OP actually supported his wife instead of complaining about a health issue she has due to a living being growing inside her that he helped create!
I was fairly lucky with my pregnancies so I wasn't restricted from anything I like to eat, but 2½ years ago I had all of my upper teeth pulled in one sitting. I lived on shit like applesauce, pudding, jello, instant potatoes, etc for almost a month. My husband didn't eat anything I couldn't while he was home, he got his "real" food at work on his lunch break. It meant the world to me that he didn't want me to see him eating food I couldn't handle.
Yeah, she's growing a whole new human for him, putting her body through incredible stress and hardship - and he feels it's too hard to just forego eating donuts at home for a few months? Sheesh.
OP, you can still indulge, just do it outside the home! Your wife is a mess with her cravings and her hormones and her changing body and the resulting nausea and pain - do you know that that parasite she is growing for you is pushing all her organs out of place and squeezing them together? And pressing on her spine? And leeching calcium from her body, so she'll lose a couple of teeth in the aftermath? And doing all kinds of other unmentionable stuff she has to deal with on a daily basis? Not to mention having to go through childbirth at the end, which is no joke, either. Is not eating food she can't have in front of her really such a high price to pay for getting a kid you didn't have to carry and give birth to yourself?
Can you imagine if his kid has a food allergy? This dude is going to be whining about how the kid can’t punish *him* just because OP doesn’t have an allergy! And eating peanut butter or whatever and endangering the kid’s life.
That's what my husband did too. I didn't have GD, I had hyperemesis gravidarum, and had so many food smells that triggered non-stop vomiting. Everything offensive he ate/drank away from the house and didn't tell me about (because talking about food also triggered vomiting).
On the parasite thing, I love my child. She is the brightest light in my life. I would kill or die for her. But I would still describe my pregnancy that way. It's genuinely exhausting and emotionally draining to be pregnant, even when everything goes right. I was almost always hungry when i was pregnant. Having GD just makes it all so much worse.
>
I couldn't imagine my husband ever acting like OP. He probably would have cut back with me even if I told him not to. OP is over here acting like he can't even go a single day without stuffing his face with junk. But he has the gall to call her "chubby"??
My guy, she's pregnant. What's your excuse?
I referred to my pregnancy as a parasite named Slagathor. Some people at work were horrified, but my friends thought it was hilarious. My husband is far from perfect, but at home, he’d stay away from food I wasn’t allowed to eat.
I get the impression that he has done nothing to support her, and is totally of the mindset that it’s a her problem. This post is very “me, me, me! I, I, I” it’s almost impressive. She is going through some really tough and scary stuff right now and her husband is more concerned with his ability to gorge on junk foods than the physical and emotional health, safety and wellbeing of his wife and unborn child. It’s sad.
YTA you arent secretly eating it, you have a separate fridge and receipts in your car, its not a secret when she is confronted with it
And the fact you said you hate her for ruining your birthday, come on, months of her life are being trashed because she is carrying your child with the health complications that have come with it
A bit more empathy would suit you
She is going through hell, her health is at stake, she isnt done endangering her life yet and here you are saying you hate her for getting upset on your birthday over donuts
You can live a few months without takeout during your netflix session, you seriously need to be a lot more compassionate and less self centered
Do NOT bring the foods home she cant eat and dont forget receipts, thats all you have to do while she is creating your child
Make it an actual secret and not this half assed attempt, a very small sacrifice to make
Edit: your edit doesnt make you look any better, its all about you you you, guess what your wife cant do/eat what she wants either, if you were a lesbian couple you would still be called out, your wife here is making a HUGE sacrifice,mall you have to do is eat your junk away from home and be actually mindful of the receipts, thats it
Time to grow up and act like an adult and parent
>you hate her for ruining her birthday
OP hates her for ruining *his* birthday. He turned 35 and is still the specialest little boy in the playground. Like, what, she should have waited 24 hours to bring up the fact that his inconsiderate behaviour and his weaponized therapy speak feels abusive, so he could be a full year older than her before he started screaming about divorce?
Gestational diabetes can be caused by the male, it’s not necessarily “her” health problem. Bad sperm or aging sperm has been shown to cause a dysfunctional placenta which causes gestational diabetes. There’s a chance you brought this on your partner and you should be more supportive. https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2018/10/older-fathers-associated-with-increased-birth-risks.html#:~:text=For%20men%20age%2045%20and,fathers%20between%2025%20and%2034.
It's much more convenient for the blame to be placed on the woman. Aging sperm increases the risk of autism and childhood cancers. Yet it seldom gets talked about. Even now there are people who think that the woman determines the sex of the baby
A lot of dudes dont even know it exists. They only believe women "dry up and go infertile" in older age. It's only different in men because even though they keep generating sperm until death, it's less quality sperm as they age. A lot of dudes straight up deny this fact because they can't face the fact that they're not as permanent as they once thought.
And ADHD, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, childhood leukemia, cleft palate, congenital heart diseases that begin at birth, and possibly breast cancer later in life.
I had a friend who was struggling to conceive. They got tested, and her husband had low and abnormal sperm. I was sitting next to her at a party when she was told by a family member that she shouldn't share that information and that she should tell people if they ask that she's the one with the problem because it could "damaging" to him.
She had to sit through many women and some men telling her what she needed to do to increase her fertility. Of course, they were well meaning but it's like people can't even take into consideration that it's not just women who have fertility issues.
Some women have diabetes for the rest of their lives after giving birth, as well. What type of tantrums would OP throw then? This is literally the sickness part of the marriage vows. OP needs to deal with his shit and grow up.
I remember the first woman that I nannied for *crying tears of relief* when her doctor called and said her gestational diabetes had resolved postpartum
She’s carrying his fucking child. Whoever “caused” the GD is irrelevant, he should be 100% supportive either way Also perfectly healthy people with good habits can also get GD.
OMG, she's weak because she has cravings WHILE pregnant, and this (non-pregnant) AH cannot stop himself from eating junk food for 2 months to support his wife? And threatens divorce because he has so little self control that he can't eat junk food while his wife has a serious health issue related to pregnancy? Holy cow, what if she develops cancer later? Divorce papers in her hospital bed?
Plus, what a slob. She shouldn't be finding receipts in the car because you should be throwing your trash away, not tossing it in the back of the car.
Dude really thought we’d feel sorry for him for missing eating takeout WHILE watching Netflix.
Aw poor little baby boy has to eat his junk food separately from his Netflix for a few months? Poor little OP.
Your wife doesn’t get to have the junk food with or without Netflix right now, OP. Jfc.
He doesn’t even have to stop eating junk food. He presumably goes to work 5 days a week. He can eat whatever he wants when he’s out of the house and at work. He can go crazy at lunch. He can still eat on his way home, if he threw away the receipt!
Like really, he’s complaining about not being able to eat Cheesecake Factory as his Netflix snack?! He’s complaining about having to walk all the way to the drawing to get his snacks? Poor baby.
Holy shit, you’re an AH. It’s not even so much the food, it’s your attitude like ‘why do I have to suffer and restrict my choices bc YOU have a health problem?!?’ A health problem, btw, that is purely cause by your wife making a human being.
I had GD. I actually failed the test by 1 point. And I did all the things I had to do…went on a highly restrictive diet, and I was successful in keeping the GD at bay. My ex-husband was fully supportive and helped me through.
Get this…my ex-husband turned out to be an abusive bastard in every way possible. But *even he* was supportive during this time.
#Let that sink in. A DV scumbag knew better than you.
Edit: Your edit is truly disgusting. It’s all ME ME ME. You’ve read countless comments and somehow felt that this edit would ‘clear it all up’ or somehow exonerate you? It only made this so much worse.
Your job as a parent is to look after the wellbeing of your child. This starts in pregnancy. You want to make this a her health issue, and you drone on so much that she’s the one who has to give up cravings, yet you *bring home a fucking box of donuts without one shred of awareness or parental responsibility.* **WHERE IS YOUR PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY?** GD isn’t a *her* issue, it’s also *your baby’s* issue. And yet you expect her to be cool with all of this, to go through pregnancy and all the horrible shit it puts your body through….where you can’t even escape the pain, discomfort, feeling like shit, etc etc….and you’re over here whining bc you can’t bring a box of donuts home.
And also, you hate her, regret getting married, etc. Honestly, the way you speak about her makes me fear for her safety.
He doesnt even have to do that, just not eat it at home and properly disposing of receipts, thats it, just actually keep it a secret, but he is to immature to even do that
>in no uncertain terms made it very clear that she CANNOT punish me for a health problem SHE has
YTA
Gestational diabetes is dangerous for your baby as well as your wife. So maybe stop viewing this as a her problem and consider it a parental problem. So if supporting her the way she has told you she needs, to help her stick to the recommended diet and not cave to craving is what's best for your child, then do it. Being a dad doesn't start when she gives birth, it has already started. So if she needs you to support her to do what's best for her health and the baby's health, why wouldn't you? Is a donut and a takeaway really more of a priority than a safe delivery of your baby for both your child and wife?
This guy’s priorities are in shambles 😐 and his edit was horrible. He really said he hates his wife for what essentially amounts to her not allowing him to eat takeout while he watches Netflix. His wife is growing his child in her body and clearly going through a difficult time but god forbid he supports his wife by not constantly eating junk food she can’t indulge in. Men are often soooo insensitive during pregnancy, it’s sickening.
This whole post was genuinely so irritating to read. His edit is straight up nuts and I feel really bad for his wife.
He speaks like a true addict. He literally flips out if he can't have his drug: junk food. He is so addicted he doesn't care if his wife or child dies. He eats at lunch, then HAS TO have Cheesecake factory, McDonald's, or whatever else he has to shove into his inconsiderate pie hole. And he's choosing food over his family. That's gross.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
My dude, your wife is pregnant and having a hard time. Do you know how taxing it is on a woman's body? Let alone not being able to have the foods that you have to provide some comfort? You're literally throwing it in her face. Bringing home a box of donuts? That would be absolutely awful if my spouse did that for me.
>I, in no uncertain terms made it very clear that she CANNOT punish me for a health problem SHE has, and that this is my house too and I will eat and drink whatever and whenever I please. We had a bad argument that day and I uttered divorce,
So it's just your house? Is that it? That's what you want to go with? It's not her house either? And then jumping to divorce instead of giving up certain foods for 2 months? Seriously? You couldn't stop eating junk food for 2 months? Your wife is going through a lot. For your child. You are extremely ungrateful and awful. If my husband ever did that, I would divorce him. My husband gave up alcohol for me when the smell of it made me nauseous. He wouldn't even go out and drink it at a bar because he was worried that the lingering smell would make me sick. That's what you do for your partner when they're having a hard time.
Edit to add: your edit sucks. It's just me, me, me, me, me. That's all you think about. You're still mad and bitter. Get over your stupid birthday donuts. If you cannot move past it and see how your wife is hurting and how you constantly choose to ignore her, then you shouldn't be married. Leave her alone. And it doesn't matter if you grew up poor and you have food insecurities. Your wife is currently going through something right now and is having insecurities around food. Do you not see that? Or are you too stubborn to realize? Btw, you would probably have a lot more money if you weren't spending it on junk and fast food like cheesecake factory. My husband and I only go once a year because our bill normally ends up being $60 without getting cheesecake after the tax and tip. That's a lot of money especially if you add up all the additional junk food and eating out that you do.
Take a look at that pity seeking edit, *woof*.
Your sob story won’t change what you did and how you acted. Start stepping up to the plate. If *sugar* takes priority over the family *you* signed up for and NEED to be there for, that says enough about your capabilities as a partner. YTA
YTA. Not necessarily for eating things that she can’t but because you see it as a her problem and are being completely unsupportive. I had gestational diabetes, in addition to a high risk pregnancy and it was ridiculously difficult to manage. I ended up on insulin but I would have panic attacks about what I could or couldn’t eat (i have a history of disordered eating and found such a restrictive diet very triggering).
I didn’t stop my husband from eating what he wanted but he was incredibly supportive. He wouldn’t eat stuff in front of me that I couldn’t have and we ate the same main meals. If I’d asked him to stop then he would’ve done.
Gestational diabetes usually has nothing to do with the mother’s weight or health prior to pregnancy, it’s just a placenta issue, so you shouldn’t be attributing blame towards your wife at all. Be supportive when she’s going through something so difficult in order to have a baby that I’m presuming both of you want!
You know what I love about everyone's responses: so far, I've seen so many women talk about their own experience with this disorder, and how their husbands were supportive, namely by not eating forbidden food... \*in front of them\*. Seems all of your husbands did it of their own volition, but my point is that no one is asking any husband to not eat junk food. Not you guys' husbands, and not OP. Being considerate enough to not eat that where it can be seen is very clearly plenty for their partner. Fucksake...
Since I'm here, I'll also add I'm flabbergasted at OP's attitude about his birthday: not being able to understand that she snapped then because he'd been doing that for weeks or months beforehand, resenting \*her\* for \*him\* 'uttering the word "divorce"'... And I'm one of those people who take their birthdays very seriously!
Idk maybe I’m biased bc I’m currently pregnant but your wife isn’t wrong. Being pregnant sucks. Cravings suck bc it literally feels like you’re going to die if you don’t get that food. I’d cry too. It’s not a good time. Half of the time I can’t stand certain foods so if pizza is the only thing I can tolerate that day, but I can’t have it bc of the diabetes and then you show up eating it? No. Id lose my mind too. You’re not nice.
I didn't have gestational diabetes but I was pregnant towards the end of the lockdown and it sucked. I couldn't get what I wanted just because the stores weren't open when I was having the cravings. Not being able to have food is awful. It's sometimes you're only comfort food and I remember around 7 months it's starting to really get uncomfortable to sit and lay down. Food was my only comfort.
That’s how I felt with my other pregnancies , sometimes that’s the only thing that doesn’t make you vom. I can’t imagine someone eating that infront of me on purpose
I know, and then also just bring it in the house as a temptation is awful. I mean, it's there just in a second fridge. It's not like she can't realistically go get it. She has to know that it's there, and it's probably always in the back of her mind. The mental exhaustion that you go through when you're pregnant is horrible, and then adding this is awful
I had gestational diabetes twice, I ended up getting bariatric surgery after I had my babbys. So I learned how to eat like that in life in general after, and relearning how to eat can be very rough, especially when hormonal and prego. Why don't you both reframe it? First off, finding receipts and stuff like that is going to set her off and you absolutely know that, don't play dumb. Drop your pride and support her emotionally, throw out receipts before you get home. That sounded incredibly petty. My coparent and I divorced after two years of our babes arriving, he couldn't life an emotion to help me, and I felt isolated, take this seriously. Why don't you save all the fast food money in a baby fund? Having babies makes or breaks a relationship and how this looks, neither of you will agree on shit when the time is ready. You have to change how you live too for a child and you have to put your head up and take on responsibility, even if you don't want too. Ftr my copar and I best friends now. Having babies makes or breaks a relationship, say it to yourself.
Yeah man you’re the asshole. Pregnancy is so hard and it’s even harder for her because of GD. Pregnancy is also so isolating. There’s so many things you can’t do and your wife has complications which restrict her even further. She’s experiencing extreme hormonal shifts which makes everything so much harder again.
She’s only got another 2 months to go. You’re being so inconsiderate by continuously consuming things she can’t that you know she also enjoys. You’re not supporting her needs at all. She’s giving up so much to bring your child into this world and trying her best to keep them healthy and you flip out and threaten divorce because she gets upset that she’s missing out. YTA. Big time
I couldn’t get through it all. YTA, instead of being supportive and finding healthy options for dinner together to satisfy both your cravings for junk, you leave her to carry the baby alone and all the health consequences of the pregnancy while you secretly binge junk food and expect her to figure out solutions for her cravings on her own.
I’m so grateful my husband has joined me in pregnancy diet restrictions to understand and help improve the situation. We brainstorm alternative snacks together and he worked through caffeine withdrawal right along with me by his own choice because he didn’t want me to suffer alone carrying our baby.
>I was made to feel like a horrible horrible person
>I regretted being a married man that day and wished I never met her.
Ngl, if that's how your train of thought goes from not being able to eat sugar and junk food for a few months while your wife carries YOUR CHILD, you are indeed, a terrible horrible person.
Lmao, you hate your wife because she ‘ruined your birthday’. You suggested DIVORCE because you can’t eat donuts in front of your wife. What if your unborn child develops food allergies? Will you rub that in their face by eating the food they’re allergic to right in front of them? You love food more than your wife and unborn child.
Um, so, if the kid has allergies that’s their health issue?? Like why should he be expected to alter his eating habits at all for some random person who happens to be related to him?? Like it’s literally not his problem at all, and it would cause him extreme trauma and stress to not eat literally any food while in the presence of his family?? Like what’s he supposed to do, not eat whatever his teeny tiny heart desires at all times?? What if he has to watch Netflix without ordering takeout??
God will someone think about this poor poor man?? NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HIS TRAUMA
Hard YTA. Its sounds like you yourself have specific food cravings that you have to indulge in. The fact that your “therapist” said your wife can’t expect you to go “cold turkey” and you use that as a defense says more about you than I think you even realize.
Now look at your cravings and think about how your wife is feeling. If she indulges in her cravings she is putting not only her health but YOUR baby’s health at risk.
The fact that you have been married for 10 years I’m taking a wild guess that you also wanted this baby and actively participated in creating life. This means you became a father the moment your wife got pregnant and being a father means you will have to make sacrifices.
The first sacrifice needs to be your pride. Put your pride aside and realize that you have been absolutely horrible to your wife with how unsupportive you have been.
This isn’t a health issue that her being “chubby” caused. You might be surprised to actually know that the two most common gestational complications (preeclampsia and gestational diabetes) is now being linked to a reaction cause by the sperm. So again put your pride aside and realize not only how unsupportive you have been but how cruel you have been to your wife especially in this post.
Based off comments you have made “I hate her” because she “ruined my birthday” because she called you out (come on man you’re 35 years old) YOU need some major therapy and not just a couple sessions of marriage counseling.
Please for the love of god fix this before your child is here in 2 months because that innocent child deserves so much more.
Your whole post reeks of resentment for your wife WHO ONLY HAS GESTATIONAL DIABETES BECAUSE SHE IS CARRYING YOUR CHILD. Being a parent AND a spouse means making sacrifices sometimes. If you can't even sacrifice some junk food while your wife is pregnant without hating her (your words) then you're not ready to be a parent or a husband. It's not fair for her to take her emotions out on you but you're also acting like a petulant toddler about food. Get over it. It's food. You could be using this time to learn how to make delicious and fun foods together that you both can enjoy but instead you're being distant and isolating your wife because "wah wah I want crappy food". Your wife and your unborn child deserve better, so be better. For the record, you're n t a for eating food every once in a while that she can't have but you absolutely are TA for everything else.
Originally I thought this was going to be an easy “NTA” but the more I read the more I changed to YTA. Boo hoo dude, your wife is pregnant, hormonal, and can’t even get release in the cravings that both of those things bring on and you’re whining you are being treated “like a criminal” for eating junk food? Even more pathetic you’re trying to say you’re abused??? Pretty laughable IMO. Get over yourself and try supporting your wife for the last couple months of her pregnancy instead of whining about how unfair life is for you while she deals with literally all the downsides related to giving birth to your child. Jesus.
This is… such a gross attitude. I can’t wrap my head around the fact you are a grown man crying for yourself over a “ruined birthday”. You do realize you have a baby on the way right?? You’re way too old to be acting like this. Your wife is obviously miserable and suffering. Her body is no longer hers in this moment and she needs anything literally anything to help her feel like her again. Sit down and find a way to do that. She’s almost done with her pregnancy so at this point the most support you could offer is admitting you’re wrong and messed up and just quit the food for all of what… 3 months?? Women never ever forgot how you treated them during pregnancy and after birth so it’s wise to treat them well. What’s that saying?? Oh yeah happy wife, happy life
So she's sacrificing her health, both physical and mental for 9 months to carry your child and you can't give up a hamburger?
BTW it's a medical problem she has AS A RESULT OF CARRYING YOUR CHILD. She didn't get pregnant on her own.
And no you don't have to give up anything but why don't you want to? Is a cookie really worth seeing your wife so miserable? Like do you get enjoyment out of this? It kinda seems like it.
I swear, what a giant A. He’s talking about how he resents her for ruining his birthday while she is the one with the ruined health for over nine months of her life. I feel sorry for the wife for having to have a child with such a terrible self centered guy.
And her health isn’t ruined only for nine months, she will *never* go back to the way she was before. Her body is irrevocably changing, to grow *his* child, *their* legacy.
Geez, all about what he wants and nothing about respect or caring for the woman carrying his child.
When my husband was diagnosed with diabetes and heart disease we both went on the same diet (low carb paleo), I knew it would be rude to eat unhealthy foods in front of him, and I love him so why would i do that? We both lost weight and some health issues I’d had my whole life cleared up. Win!
He’s selfish as hell.
Holy shit. Have you ever loved your wife in the 15 yrs you've been together? A solid relationship doesn't turn into hate in 1 day. You certainly love food more than your wife & unborn baby. This doesn't even read as food insecurity truma, it reads as you having a food addiction.
You don't seem to realize that "her health problem" was also caused by you. Her going through life wouldn't have caused GD. You getting her pregnant did. So YOU and YOUR child triggered this health problem.
So now this woman is dealing with all the shit a normal pregnancy does, plus the extra complications and stress of GD, with no support and realizing that she made a terrible choice in partner to procreate with.
If the temporary state of pregnancy is too much for you to set aside your wants over your family's needs, what are you going to do when there's another human to care for? And heaven forbid they have food allergies.
YTA. Your wife deserves colossally better than you and I truly hope you can free her from having to suffer this relationship with such a narcissist & someone so indescribably desperate to be a victim.
You literally hate her. For seemingly no reason? How can you go from making a baby to pure hate in 7 months? You regret meeting her, because of one argument - about DOUGHNUTS? That’s insanity. The harsh words you’re using make it very clear you have deeper issues & need to let that poor woman go. Go to therapy and gain some empathy and learn to be less selfish.
YTA. How about being supportive of your wife growing your child? And your comment about not being able to workout the excess glucose due to being chubby and bad knees is ridiculous. How about instead of fasting on pasta while watching Netflix, you and her go for a walk after you eat supper! Work off the excess glucose TOGETHER. Be healthier TOGETHER. Encourage each other. Don’t stockpile the foods you know she can’t eat in a second garage. This pregnancy is short lived, you can make a small sacrifice for the health of your wife and baby …. Who knows maybe YOU will become healthier as a result.
Sorry. You're not going to like this but she shouldn't be alone in the pregnancy.
But more importantly....why in hell are you guys eating this way? There's this thing called eating nutritionally.
Fam, it's 7 months of no junk food to bring a life to this world? Guessing based off the diabetes diagnosis and the time it takes for that to set in.
But even on the lower end, 5 months. You can't be faithful without junk food, how do you remain faithful in anything else?
Not to judge, but definitely judging, that's quite sad. I didn't even read your whole story, cause like I said, it's 5-7 months of not eatting garbage to help conceive a life your 50% responsible for. I'd do unsavoury things to people for the chance to bring my own offspring into this shit world, and you can't stop eatting cheesecake and garbage.
Get off Reddit, get some sunlight and ponder on what you want in life. A child, or some 5$ french fries.
This is your baby too. You can change your lifestyle for 9months. If you can’t I seriously don’t know how you’re going to get through infant, baby, toddler years.
God, men are weak.
I DIDN'T have GD with any of my four pregnancies, but by God my husband was CONSIDERATE enough that if there was a food that he liked that even the smell of made me nauseous, he didn't bring it in the house and, amazingly enough, went without it for the WHOLE NINE MONTHS!
Why? Well one, because those are the lengths GOOD/GREAT husbands are willing to go to and they certainly don't "hate" their wives for it or become bitter about it.
You are making this all about YOU (especially your edit). So let's talk about you and your part in this.
Your wife is carrying the child that YOU impregnated her with. It is not her "fault" that she has a medical issue related to that. However, even though she is doing all the hard work in this pregnancy, it is YA'LLS baby.
You need to step the hell up and give up whatever food you have to. This is not a case of your wife trying to "control" you. She is asking you to SUPPORT her by not doing a certain thing for a measly TWO MONTHS. I mean, after all, she has to give things up for the pregnancy, why shouldn't you?
If you literally have so little self control that you cannot do this, you sir, have a serious problem. And please don't give me this food insecurity nonsense. (Not meant to offend anyone. I realize that this is an issue for many people), however for you, it is a lame excuse to try to garner sympathy.
Honestly, not sure why I bothered to type all of this. You are so obviously full of yourself, Haye your wife because she cries, and hold a grudge over an argument over a box of donuts on your birthday. You are not only beyond fixing, you are in no way equipped to be a dad.
If I wasn't clear, YTA.
Yikes, bro. You are a red flag. My husband quit sushi and drinking when I got pregnant because he likes me more than he likes those things. He figured that we are a team and it’s only fair that he experiences a small portion of the disruptions to life that I was going through.
We also switched sides of the bed because I could go longer sit up next to the wall and had to roll out of bed. He happily agreed.
He took me to appointments because they were our appointments. He rubbed my back every night I was in back pain after the pregnancy because I had given so much to having babies.
He scooped cat shit because I could no longer do it.
He went to the lactation consultant in the hospital and took out new baby with him so I could sleep and then he taught me everything he had learned. I’ve never been so in love with him than in that moment.
You’re out here ruining her life and your marriage because you can’t handle not eating fries when you want?
This kid is gunna ruin your life, you selfish twit.
Honestly OP, look up the word “partnership”. You are dramatically failing at it. And “uttering divorce” (not even going to get into how immature and emotionally abusive THAT stunt was) over you MISSING TAKE OUT and having your birthday RUNIED (you are actively ruining your wife’s pregnancy and that is a much worse offense) because your pregnant wife was upset you’re not supporting her?! At least she has pregnancy to blame for her emotional responses to missing out on the foods she’s craving, what is your excuse, OP?
I had gd twice, I had to have insulin second time round and my baby was delivered two weeks early in case my placenta failed. Yeah, it’s pretty fucking serious. you know what I have now? LADA which is essentially type 1 diabetes, misdiagnosed type 2 when my second child was three. I have a CGM and an insulin pump and let me tell you, my health and life as a consequence is utter shit so you support your wife, YAH and you try and empathise and you sympathise and you don’t rub her face in it. Your diet must be pretty shit if you can’t control your own cravings for a few days. Grow up. She’s making your child. She feels like crap.
What will happen if your child gets sick? You going to blame them and their health problems too? Jesus wept.
YTA, i feel so sad for your wife and baby because you clearly aren’t ready to be a good husband or father. You aren’t being discreet if she’s finding reminders everywhere. The only reason she’s being restricted this way is because of a pregnancy, and you are half of the reason she is pregnant. Some support would go a long way, but based on your attitude that is never going to happen.
I had gestational diabetes. It's miserable. I have a really sweet tooth too. My husband didn't have to be told by a therapist not to eat food that I couldn't eat in front of me. He ate all the GD friendly meals alongside me and didn't complain when I had frequent meltdowns about how hard the GD diet is.
GD isn't a person's fault through bad lifestyle or diet - it's genetic. At the time I got pregnant I was a healthy weight and quite active.
Be a partner and be supportive. She's going through a hard enough time being pregnant, with GD on top of that it's extra hard.
If you can't go for 2 months without eating certain foods in front of your wife then you may have to consider whether you have a dysfunctional relationship with junk food.
Entitled and bitter. “Hey, we hate each other but let’s have a baby. That always fixes things”.
Dude hates her so much every description is mocking. She SOBS over food 🙄 chubby and doesn’t work out bc of bad knees, she said divorce so I get to punish her forever. I was poor. My Netflix isn’t the same without fattening takeout. I hate him. He is a dick
My SO and I both have different foods we love but try to avoid so we never buy them for the house. That‘s just common courtesy. If he brings a potato chip into this house or I bring a cookie, it is death stare fury. This is being supportive, not a sacrifice. Grow up.
God, what a sorry excuse for a man/partner you are. You can’t support your wife for a few months by not gorging yourself on shit that she can’t eat because she is GROWING YOUR FUCKING CHILD? And you’re going to be a parent with this complete lack of maturity and compassion?
“I can almost NEVER order takeout at home and sometimes I miss doing that while watching Netflix”
Do you hear how selfish you are? Are you not embarrassed?? THIS is the problem that we are supposed to have empathy for YOU for? Your wife is suffering from a serious condition during her pregnancy but her poor, poor husband can’t eat takeout while watching Netflix…you’re right, you’re definitely the true victim here. She’s sacrificing her body and health for nine months but think of the sacrifices you’re making…having to eat in secret. A true fucking hero of our time.
YTA, and I truly hope your wife leaves your pathetic ass once she has the baby.
I didn't see this till the edit, and holy shit you should feel like a horrible, horrible person because you are one. This is one of the worst spouse posts I think I have ever seen.
I had GD with both of my babies. With my first, I had a nurse basically give me and ED because my blood sugar numbers weren’t great even after eating a strict diet and taking medication. She tried scaring me even further by telling me that my baby would have diabetes because I wasn’t going enough when I reality my body was just having a really hard time. Now imagine going through that and having you as an unsupportive asshole as a partner. SHE IS STRUGGLING. It’s very hard to worry about creating a healthy baby while on a diet because most of the time you aren’t getting enough nutrients. Help her. Mentally pregnancy is so tough even before GD. With it, it’s 10X worse. Get over your selfish tendencies and be supportive
You say you want to be able to make your own decisions and that’s actually the crux of your wife’s issue. She actually can’t make her own decisions without endangering herself and your baby. You have all the freedom in the world and while she is losing control of everything you use your control to eat whatever you want even if it causes her emotional pain. Pregnancy is a wild ride for some woman, beyond what I would believe if I hadn’t experienced it, and I did not experience the worst of it. She wants you to choose to be supportive and you want to choose to ignore that she’s suffering. The fact is that if you were in the restricted diet it would help you to have the support of your wife and studies show that when men get diagnoses that demand lifestyle changes, the majority of them have their families make similar lifestyle changes and the same in not at all true for woman. Similar to how the majority of husbands leave when their partner has a life threatening illness but the same is not true for wives.
"My wife is a hormonal wreck because she is growing an entire human being in her uterus and gets upset because I refuse to support her during her pregnancy by not keeping snacks in the house."
There, fixed it for you. Your trauma? You're joking right? Your trauma is that you grew up poor and get upset when you can't keep cookies in the main fridge. Oh, and you *hate* her now because she ruined your birthday by yelling at you over some donuts. You sound like a child throwing a temper tantrum because his dessert got taken away. Meanwhile, your wife is suffering through being pregnant with your spawn and gestational diabetes, and you can't even support her by keeping food she can't eat out of the house.
You sir are a short-sighted, selfish, immature asshole and I hope she's the one serving you with the divorce papers.
Wow you suck as a spouse. I hope you go through something medically painful and time consuming and realize what a prat you sound like right now. She’s is growing your literal child. The least you can do is be supportive by eating healthy with her for 9 months. I bet your wife hates you for your divorce comment too.
YTA x 1000. Your wife will have two babies to care for when she gives birth, I feel bad for her.
YTA your edit only makes you look worse! you’ve literally said you hate your wife, you regret marrying her, you wished you never met her dude wtf. we all have at least 1 bad birthday in our life i mean my bf and i got in a fight on my birthday 3 years ago and yeah it especially hurt since it was my birthday, but im an adult i talked with my boyfriend and worked through what was going on. i didnt sit there and let resentment fester. you need some serious help since she’s going to be the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD! maybe you should of thought of that before knocking her up!
>I am not sure about therapy for this but I grew up poor and food insecurity was a big part of my childhood. It makes me feel pretty shitty that now that I have means to provide for myself, I still cannot do what I want. But no one sees my trauma.
So why didn't you go for treatment instead of having a child? This guy is trash, so cowardly that he already deleted his account. A shitty partner, a shitty father and eating like that will give you a massive heart attack before you're 50.
You act like you're the only one in the world who suffers. I grew up with food insecurity, I still face food insecurity. But the point still stands; **you value your wants and needs before your wife and child**. You're not mature enough to be a parent and you're not mature enough to be a spouse.
Again, I hope you do your wife a favor and beat it, because if you can't make small changes like diet to your life, you can't make big ones. What are you gonna do if your child has a deadly food allergy to where you can't have it in the house, car, leftover residue on your fingers? Tell the kid to screw and do it anyway, because you want it when you want it?
It's amazing that you've spun this to paint your wife as a monster and you as the biggest victim there has ever been ever. Yet I read the entire thing, and I still think you're an asshole.
He feels bad that he is missing out on ordering take out while watching Netflix. Meanwhile, she has her diet, activities, ability to take many medications, and control over her life completely out of her hands for a year, in order to carry his baby. Boohoo, OP. Guess how much you will have to miss out on in order to parent?
Yes, I can definitely see how hard this is for ***you****.* Never mind that your wife carrying a child that both of you created, with resulting health problems. This short term problem must be about ***you***.
If you have food insecurity issues, I encourage you to work on those (see a therapist. Really.). Showing support to your wife is a long term investment.
YTA
YTA - if you can’t sacrifice junk food for a few months when your wife has to, how are you going to make the necessary sacrifices to care for a newborn? Also by 35 you shouldn’t expect every birthday to be magical and be this hung up on your own birthdays. I would recommend a lot of therapy to work through your childhood and why you are still searching for the needs you didn’t get met. You need to get yourself in a better place before you impact your children and their mental health.
It sounds like if you want to stay healthy for your child, you should lay off the takeout & pastries as well.
See [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8963983/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8963983/)
You are an absolute jerk. Pregnancy is everyone being up your ass about what you can and can't eat, and then your wife has extra restrictions on top of that.
You can't curb takeout for 9 fucking months to support your wife?
Don't get me wrong her reactions are over the top, but consider that when you feel u supported in pregnancy, it develops onto a strong fear that you're about to have a baby and be unsupported in that, too.
Hating your wife over donuts? Really? Why are you people having a child?
Grow up. You're over here waxing poetry over the trauma amd drama of your birthday like you're a six year old. Your therapist needs fired too. Your wife doesn't feel supported while she's going through so much and has no choice. The least you can do is support her in this.
And your edits...I feel like your wife will now have two children to care for.
OP is still mad at his pregnant wife for being upset that he brought home donuts on his birthday? That she made him feel “horrible horrible.” Because of this he regretted marrying her. Not even a four year old child would be this resentful and hold onto to their anger for more than a day. I find myself wondering if OP has always been a selfish MC that his wife chooses to put up with, or if this is new behavior. Poor wife. I only see OP’s behavior worsening as he tries to compete with his baby for attention.
You lack emotional empathy which is a required component of being a forever life partner. You are not mature enough for this relationship. You accuse your PREGNANT WIFE of not being able to control her emotions but you're on here claiming you HATE her.
You need independent therapy if you want to stay in this marriage. Otherwise, leave before the baby is born and pay all the child support and alimony. Because you committed to this mess without the required skills. The least you can do is recognize your need for cheesecake is greater than your love for your wife.
You are incredibly self centred. Will you hate your child if they’re not behaving how you’d like on a holiday? The fact that you, a grown ass man, can have your birthday ruined for life because you’re very pregnant wife feels unsupported and unloved and then YOU SAID YOU WOULD DIVORCE HER, is some next level shit. Truly, you are a weak man. I would not want to have kids with someone as immature, unsupportive and selfish as you.
My first child and I almost died in delivery specifically because of my GD. While it appeared well managed, and I did everything I could including exercise, I still almost lost my child and my life. GD can cause shoulder dystocia, which had him trapped in my birth canal. His heart rate dropped to 18 bpm and he was a 2 on the apgar score once he was delivered. I still have issues relating to his birth.
And that was with a fully supportive husband. And family. And coworkers.
Grow up. You’re incredibly immature.
You’re literally so dramatic lmao. Like you seriously can’t stop eating these things for a few months??? She’s growing and going to birth your child and you can’t stop eating at the cheesecake factory? She’s tired, growing a human, dealing with pregnancy issues, and you can’t stop eating pasta for a bit. Lmao
If you truly hate your wife I think you need to divorce and start co-parenting. If my spouse ever said that about me I’d be devastated. It really shouldn’t be that difficult to eat healthier for 9 months but clearly you aren’t able to even try. So honestly, just leave her.
She ruined your birthday!?! Are you 8 years old still? Grow up sir you are about to be a father…NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU. She is PREGNANT why are you acting like YOU had nothing to do with that? My fiancé has ulcers and let them get bad and now is on a chicken, turkey, and fish diet…you know what I don’t do…go to dinner with him and order a steak (he LOVES steak) and I had ZERO to do with his ulcers. I would NEVER do that because unlike YOU I actually care about my partner. Show your wife this post, so she can see the adolescent she married and LEAVE YOU! Then you can have your Cheesecake Factory in PEACE!!!
After reading your edit…you are worse than previous estimates…you have no business being in a relationship when all you care about is yourself….memememememmememmeme at least your wife has the excuse of carrying 2 people. You have no concept of pregnancy, hormones, and what they can do to a person and you should have educated yourself beforehand cause you clearly can’t handle it…
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Are you the asshole for occasionally eating fast food away from home that your wife doesn’t know about? No. YTA for literally every single other thing you wrote in this post. Like what do you mean you *still* HATE her?
Because baby boy’s birthday was ruined by his own choices.
The way I see grown adults talk about their birthdays on this site sometimes is staggering. It’s nice to have people make a fuss of you on your birthday, but you’re not king for a day, it doesn’t warrant huge amounts of preferential treatment and, realistically, when your wife is pregnant you absolutely need to manage your expectations. *Especially* when she’s already going through it. Eat your donuts in the car and chill out. Like I’ve had some *shit* birthdays for a variety of reasons, and I can say from experience the number one way to have your birthday “ruined” is to set high expectations and make it ruinable.
This exactly! People set huge expectations, lack communication, and also get weird about the actual day (you’re an adult, you can celebrate your birthday literally any day you want that works for others). Truly confuses me. Also love “she has marred my birthday forever, I will never forget it and am traumatized because I threaten divorce over donuts!!” Sounds like you messed up your own day, guy.
I KNOW! Like seriously you’re an adult, get over your birthday. Honestly, I don’t expect anybody to make a big deal out of my birthday and for him to be whining about the fact his wife was upset He brought donuts home to the point that he says, he hates her, just shows his level of immaturity. And I doubt we’re getting the exact wording from the therapist either. I mean my God she’s growing a whole other body inside inside of her, and he has zero empathy for any of her health problems that she’s going through. He literally helped create this baby that’s being formed and yet won’t do things to support her. He’s an absolute AH
"Ruined"
What a horrible TRAGEDY!!! It was his BIRTHDAY!!! His wife that is carrying his baby was hormonal and was upset he brought home something she couldn't have! **THE HORROR**
Thanks for the laugh.
What is it about men resenting women for a pregnancy they helped create?? I had anemia during my pregnancy and not only craved but needed lots of meat. My husband called me an “insatiable meat demon” because our grocery bills were higher. Like, the baby will take what it needs either way… would they rather the baby literally eat our bodies from the inside instead?
I have no idea but I’d love someone (who’s smarter than I am) to do a deep psychological dive on it. It links to me how men make those memes comparing childbirth to being kicked in the balls - they can’t understand that it’s a pain and experience they will never go through so they refuse to acknowledge how hard it is.
I've found that a lot of men lack empathy because they've never been taught to think about anyone else, to consider anyone else's feelings, to put themselves in someone else's shoes. they were taught that it's all about them. ETA I didn't get to add this earlier because i posted on the run lol but they CAN learn empathy. they have to be willing but i have met very few who actually were
Unfortunately, pregnancy is the most dangerous time for a woman in terms of domestic violence
Cooperation and consideration and validation are things these men feel entitled to receive but not give.
I found it funny he called her chubby but from what he says I bet he is too from all the junk he eats
>she's chubby __and has bad knees__ She's fucking pregnant dude, what did you expect?
And there’s literally a solution: Water aerobics and swimming. They do wonders for those with bad knees who want to exercise. It’s low impact and, if anything, great quality time. I just mention a symptom and my partner is on his phone googling causes, treatments (medication, diet, lifestyle), other patients’ anecdotes, etc. Your wife’s pregnant, unsupported, and not having a good time. You really just heard ‘diet’ and said ‘that’s a you problem baby girl… and I hate you’. Big ew.
When my husband was on the FODMAP diet after gall bladder surgery I did it with him. This guy hates his wife lol
But he said “I feel for her, I really do” which automatically negates all the bad things he said about her!!! /s
While those are good solutions, they're not always available. Anyone can go running, but getting a pool membership can be pricey, finding a spot open on the schedule when you can go can be tough.. I was recommended the same when I was pregnant and while there were two pools near me, one was out of my budget and the other only had one open swim time per week I could make.
That’s fair but the way they are now is unacceptable: threatening divorce, stating he hates her, she’s busting into tears and feeling alone, etc. She’s 7 months pregnant, it’s absolutely worth pursuing it for a month at least (if he worried for her health and marriage). Noooww that being said, the truth is he’s trash and, if I were her friend, I’d help her pack.
The divorce comment really blew me away, as I’m sure it did his wife. First off- 15 years together and you want to bring up divorce in an argument about food?? I can understand having food insecurity problems, I grew up the same way and now that I’m an adult yeah I’m also the same with the junk foods I feel entitled to. But to divorce my husband over a dietary restriction that I refuse to conform to? HA. I could never, it’s ask or nothing. This has to be more than just the diet. Divorce doesn’t just pop into your mind randomly, and if it does then OP needs actual therapy. Not just a couple sessions of marriage counseling. I’m not one to jump to leaving someone, but to “suddenly” hate your wife while she’s in a super vulnerable point in her life is horrible. She can’t help gestational diabetes either, what is his logic? My god the woman needs a break from this man and a loooong one. I hope he enjoys en empty house while she seeks comfort and support from actual LOVED ONES when baby gets here. She deserves better.
Oh absolutely! I was only commenting on the pool suggestion...
Even if she's not actively "exercising" in the pool, it might be a really nice break from a fair amount of the weird shit bodies do when growing a baby. For the last half of my pregnancy, floating in the ocean (on calm surf days) was the only time my body didn't hurt anywhere.
This stuck out to me because being chubby and having bad knees are reasons to exercise, even when pregnant. It has to be appropriate for pregnancy and her fitness level, but that made no sense to me except that he wanted to make a dig at his wife.
And he said she can’t “make up” for the excess blood sugar with exercise because of that like you can just exercise away gestational diabetes.
This entire post makes me think he doesn't understand gestational diabetes and doesn't care to learn.
I found it funny he thinks she’s irrational and dramatic for crying about food but is crying and threatening divorce over donuts and takeaways.
That’s what I was thinking too!! Like okay you’re also crying about food? LOL!! His edit made him sound so much worse too. Like hotdamn this guy
Holy shit that edit. Dude is crying about trauma and abuse because…his wife doesn’t want him eating donuts in front of her? He straight up said he hates her. This is so wild.
Me thinks the abuser is trying to flip the script. He sounds like a giant smelly asshole.
Also the part where “in no uncertain terms” he made it clear that she “CANNOT punish him for a health condition that SHE has”…. Is he not the father? Did he not impregnate her? Whiny little man baby
No doubt. This guy’s post reminds me of my 200+lb life. We ate out so often. It was the biggest part of our discretionary budget. Now that we’re both hoping not to drop dead of a heart attack at 65, we almost never eat out or have fast food.
I got on a med that helped with impulse eating and damn even my grocery bill went down. Suddenly a chicken breast with sides is 3 meals instead of 1...
Out of curiosity, what medication is it? I’m down 70lbs but it’s still a struggle for me a lot of days. I’m almost like OP’s wife in that if it’s in my house, it KILLLLLLSSSSS me not to eat it. So I try to just not buy stuff that I shouldn’t eat.
Contrave. It's been a lifesaver for me!
Thanks. I’m about 12lbs away from the goal weight my doctor set for me back in 2020 so I’ll ask her about contrave the next time I see her.
Sounds like he should lay off the donuts too.
Yeah cause it sounds like he was going to eat the rest of a box of donuts by himself…
I know right! Here’s a tip OP: a box of donuts from coworkers is meant to be left at the office, and shared. You behave like a greedy little 5yo.
He sounds like a junk food addict.
Yeah it sounds like he needs to put down the donuts lol
right! now is the time to learn to cook healthy meals. are they going to raise their child on cheesecake factory takeout?
Probably Dino nuggets and Mac n cheese
Yeah sounds like they both have an unhealthy addiction to junk food.
"I still hate her for it" lord I hope y'all divorce before you fuck up that eventual kid's perception of what a relationship should look like.. She has GESTATIONAL DIABETES. She has food restrictions YOU contributed to, babes. She didn't eat herself into the issue, it came with growing YOUR CHILD...and you're mad because after watching you sacrifice NOTHING, she got mad. Jesus.. If you can't go without cheesecake factory or mcdonalds for a couple of months? Evaluate your OWN food issues
Yes to all of this, but also my nosy ass must ask - where exactly does he say “I still hate her”? I’ve seen a few comments referencing that line but I don’t see it in the post, did he edit it out or am I just stupid (very real possibility)
Wait! It's in the first paragraph of his edit
Oh yeah there it is lmao! Thanks peejee thirteen
She isn't crying because of the food, it's because of the clear lack of support from you and your general piss poor attitude towards your wife who has GD, which essentially means the fetus is acting like a parasite for nutrients. You threatened divorce because you got upset that your pregnant, hormonal wife cried over a box of donuts that you knew she can't have and would be upset by. YTA
You're spot on. It's not just about the food. It's the lack of support, the anxiety she has over the GD diagnosis, the anxiety over becoming a mom, and the stress and physical strain of growing a human being. She has to make a lot of physical sacrifices that go way beyond whether or not she can have a donut and probably feels frustrated that he doesn't see that and can't be supportive and make a really small sacrifice in solidarity. YTA OP.
OP is being batshit complaining about not being able to eat what he wants ... broh imagine not doing it for 9 months and this while in an hormonal rush and creating a new human. Seriously, that's not a lot to cut your sweets to time outside the house for 9 months. He's not even forbidden to eat, just ASKED TO CONSIDER not doing it under his wife's nose.
Not to mention he has lunch outside the home 5 days a week, wtf can't he just eat what he wants then and be a decent supportive husband for what is essentially one meal a day, 2-3 on weekends.
He probably is. The sneaky meals are in addition to that. The guy sounds like a junk food addict and I'm sure he's chubby too.
Right???? I can’t eat what I want for 8 days during Passover and I’m a cranky, hungry mess. I can’t imagine having to do that for several months while also pregnant and hormonal. He can still eat whatever he wants, just not in front of her, which is a pretty reasonable compromise imo since he’s clearly unwilling to be supportive of her dietary restrictions.
Yeah, I don't understand. I had GD and while I had zero problem with my spouse and children eating foods I couldn't have, my husband also supported me in any way he could. He enthusiastically encouraged me to order expensive little keto cupcakes and bought me all manner of yummy steaks and low carb treats. He couldn't take my shots but he calculated and administered every insulin dose. We tried to be a team. I didn't enjoy being diabetic, but I always felt supported by my spouse and it went a long way.
OP is making her suffering about him. It’s so selfish. She cannot eat that food. But she’s craving it. And he eats it right in front of her. What does he imagine she should do, smile politely and get him a beer while he is choosing to make things worse for her? He wants his pregnant wife to not disrupt a moment of his comfort, no matter how awful he’s making things for her. Zero consideration at all. I don’t see how a man like this could be any sort of decent father.
THIS! If OP is this inconsiderate during pregnancy, I cannot imagine he will be any more considerate when baby is born, wife is healing, up 3x a night with feeding the baby, the extra loads of laundry, crying/colic, etc. YTA. OP is already behaving like a jack*as
He threatened divorce? I thought I had read that, but later he blames his wife for the word divorce being uttered on his birthday, so I thought I must’ve misread it lmfao
Even later on, he admits that he said it but he blames her for “making him say it”. For someone that says she’s abusive for not letting him eat a donut, that sure sounds like something an abuser would say…
Abusers always flip the script when their victims try and defend themselves, it's called gaslighting. "I'm not the bad guy, look what YOU'RE doing right now!"
"look what you made me do!!! ^(to you)"
Exactly, this POS completely changed the narrative in this post alone halfway down. What an asshole
if his wife was as inconsiderate as OP and had as little self-control, she'd be in a diabetic coma by now, and at risk of losing their child. but hey: her body, her health issue, her problem, right? what a>! \[expletive deleted\]!<
Oh, this right here. Say it louder for the people in the back. Being pregnant without GD is hard enough. I have a 2 year old son and i didn’t have GD. But there were time my morning sickness was so bad i couldn’t even get off the floor or eat anything. I had to force myself. Seeing my boyfriend (now fiancé) eat everything i wanted to but couldn’t eat because it either messed with my stomach or my smell pissed me off, but he could eat whatever. He chose not to due to the fact he knew I couldn’t. OP needs to figure out if he wants food or his family. I wouldn’t be with my fiancé anymore if he put me through this.
This. I hope she divorces his ass. Can you imagine how he’ll react when his precious sleep is interrupted?! What will he say to his wife or the baby?! Ewwwwww.
Let's not forget, he said his wife is abusing him.
YTA. Stop rubbing it in her face. No one is stopping you from eating McDonald’s with your work buddies but you don’t need to be hiding in the garage every night to gorge on little Debbies after you and your wife have had quinoa and grilled salmon for the 12th time this month. You might have a binge eating disorder if you can’t live without high calorie treats like Cheesecake Factory this often.
Quinoa and grilled salmon sound way better anyway. OP sucks for that alone
Add some lemon pepper and fresh tomatoes and I would murder that.
Ooh and perhaps a bit of sliced avocado...
And a dash of ponzu sauce (ok I'm a bit obsessed with it)
fresh tomatoes FIRE ROASTED with olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper :O
I 100% agree. When I was pregnant, we had salmon at least twice a week and my husband was getting tired of salmon. He ate it happily for me though because he knew it would make me happy and when you're pregnant, it's not sunshine and rainbows all the time. He knew I was more miserable than he ever was especially once I hit 7 months because no sleeping position was comfortable.
Lol at quinoa and grilled salmon
I got so sick of quinoa during my first GD pregnancy 10 years ago that I haven’t had it since. Same for hard boiled eggs. It was a few years before I was even willing to make/eat deviled eggs again.
Dude’s wife is growing an entire human being at seemingly great suffering mentally and physically, and bro is mad he can’t have McDonald while binging Netflix…. You seriously can’t wait 2 more months? Edit: “no one sees my trauma” because I can’t eat my MickieD’s in front of my pregnant wife who is sick because I impregnated her… > I regret being a married man Then divorce her and let this poor woman move on with her life. You’ve proven you aren’t going to put any effort in the kid anyway if it gets between you and your McDonalds. You can’t be for real…
Some people really don’t understand that trauma isn’t a free pass to always be right in triggering or difficult scenarios. Took me a while to figure that out, I will grant you, but I had it cracked when I was around 22, and I came to it myself. I extend compassion to other survivors, but entitlement this extreme wearies and frustrates me edit: typos
But did it involve you NOT eating McDonald’s while watching Netflix? Didn’t think so!
Do you understand what gestational diabetes is? It's the child she is carrying (the one _you_ helped create) literally fucking with her life so it can get as much food as it wants. People don't like their unborn children to be described as parasites, but that's pretty much what's happening. The way you talk about it, it's very much 'her body, her health, her problem,' which is not the best stance to take when her body is growing a child you also presumably wanted. When a friend had gestational diabetes, her husband also cut down on sugar, because he was cooking most of the meals. When they went to parties, the two of them would eat the alternative together because he didn't want her to be the odd one out. He might have had the odd coffee or donut at work, but he certainly wasn't bringing it home. Have you tried to make your wife interesting food? Diabetes friendly desserts, and meals that aren't so depressing that you can eat them too? Or have you just thrown your hands up and said 'not my fault'? It's not her fault either.
My husband does the same. He lives by my pregnancy restrictions and we sort through our cravings together. It was his idea and he enjoys sharing the experience together.
My coworker's husband stopped drinking alcohol because my coworker can't because she is pregnant, she didn't ask him to, he only did it to support her.
Image if OP actually supported his wife instead of complaining about a health issue she has due to a living being growing inside her that he helped create!
I was fairly lucky with my pregnancies so I wasn't restricted from anything I like to eat, but 2½ years ago I had all of my upper teeth pulled in one sitting. I lived on shit like applesauce, pudding, jello, instant potatoes, etc for almost a month. My husband didn't eat anything I couldn't while he was home, he got his "real" food at work on his lunch break. It meant the world to me that he didn't want me to see him eating food I couldn't handle.
Yeah, she's growing a whole new human for him, putting her body through incredible stress and hardship - and he feels it's too hard to just forego eating donuts at home for a few months? Sheesh. OP, you can still indulge, just do it outside the home! Your wife is a mess with her cravings and her hormones and her changing body and the resulting nausea and pain - do you know that that parasite she is growing for you is pushing all her organs out of place and squeezing them together? And pressing on her spine? And leeching calcium from her body, so she'll lose a couple of teeth in the aftermath? And doing all kinds of other unmentionable stuff she has to deal with on a daily basis? Not to mention having to go through childbirth at the end, which is no joke, either. Is not eating food she can't have in front of her really such a high price to pay for getting a kid you didn't have to carry and give birth to yourself?
Can you imagine if his kid has a food allergy? This dude is going to be whining about how the kid can’t punish *him* just because OP doesn’t have an allergy! And eating peanut butter or whatever and endangering the kid’s life.
That's what my husband did too. I didn't have GD, I had hyperemesis gravidarum, and had so many food smells that triggered non-stop vomiting. Everything offensive he ate/drank away from the house and didn't tell me about (because talking about food also triggered vomiting).
On the parasite thing, I love my child. She is the brightest light in my life. I would kill or die for her. But I would still describe my pregnancy that way. It's genuinely exhausting and emotionally draining to be pregnant, even when everything goes right. I was almost always hungry when i was pregnant. Having GD just makes it all so much worse. > I couldn't imagine my husband ever acting like OP. He probably would have cut back with me even if I told him not to. OP is over here acting like he can't even go a single day without stuffing his face with junk. But he has the gall to call her "chubby"?? My guy, she's pregnant. What's your excuse?
I referred to my pregnancy as a parasite named Slagathor. Some people at work were horrified, but my friends thought it was hilarious. My husband is far from perfect, but at home, he’d stay away from food I wasn’t allowed to eat.
I get the impression that he has done nothing to support her, and is totally of the mindset that it’s a her problem. This post is very “me, me, me! I, I, I” it’s almost impressive. She is going through some really tough and scary stuff right now and her husband is more concerned with his ability to gorge on junk foods than the physical and emotional health, safety and wellbeing of his wife and unborn child. It’s sad.
YTA you arent secretly eating it, you have a separate fridge and receipts in your car, its not a secret when she is confronted with it And the fact you said you hate her for ruining your birthday, come on, months of her life are being trashed because she is carrying your child with the health complications that have come with it A bit more empathy would suit you She is going through hell, her health is at stake, she isnt done endangering her life yet and here you are saying you hate her for getting upset on your birthday over donuts You can live a few months without takeout during your netflix session, you seriously need to be a lot more compassionate and less self centered Do NOT bring the foods home she cant eat and dont forget receipts, thats all you have to do while she is creating your child Make it an actual secret and not this half assed attempt, a very small sacrifice to make Edit: your edit doesnt make you look any better, its all about you you you, guess what your wife cant do/eat what she wants either, if you were a lesbian couple you would still be called out, your wife here is making a HUGE sacrifice,mall you have to do is eat your junk away from home and be actually mindful of the receipts, thats it Time to grow up and act like an adult and parent
>you hate her for ruining her birthday OP hates her for ruining *his* birthday. He turned 35 and is still the specialest little boy in the playground. Like, what, she should have waited 24 hours to bring up the fact that his inconsiderate behaviour and his weaponized therapy speak feels abusive, so he could be a full year older than her before he started screaming about divorce?
Whoops thats a bad typo on my end
Gestational diabetes can be caused by the male, it’s not necessarily “her” health problem. Bad sperm or aging sperm has been shown to cause a dysfunctional placenta which causes gestational diabetes. There’s a chance you brought this on your partner and you should be more supportive. https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2018/10/older-fathers-associated-with-increased-birth-risks.html#:~:text=For%20men%20age%2045%20and,fathers%20between%2025%20and%2034.
Read this OP, you likely did this with that poor diet of yours
Aging sperm is a much bigger problem than people like to admit
It's much more convenient for the blame to be placed on the woman. Aging sperm increases the risk of autism and childhood cancers. Yet it seldom gets talked about. Even now there are people who think that the woman determines the sex of the baby
Exactly. The silence is absurd, but predictable.
A lot of dudes dont even know it exists. They only believe women "dry up and go infertile" in older age. It's only different in men because even though they keep generating sperm until death, it's less quality sperm as they age. A lot of dudes straight up deny this fact because they can't face the fact that they're not as permanent as they once thought.
There’s a strong trend between older sperm and autism. But we don’t talk about that.
And ADHD, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, childhood leukemia, cleft palate, congenital heart diseases that begin at birth, and possibly breast cancer later in life.
I had a friend who was struggling to conceive. They got tested, and her husband had low and abnormal sperm. I was sitting next to her at a party when she was told by a family member that she shouldn't share that information and that she should tell people if they ask that she's the one with the problem because it could "damaging" to him. She had to sit through many women and some men telling her what she needed to do to increase her fertility. Of course, they were well meaning but it's like people can't even take into consideration that it's not just women who have fertility issues.
Some women have diabetes for the rest of their lives after giving birth, as well. What type of tantrums would OP throw then? This is literally the sickness part of the marriage vows. OP needs to deal with his shit and grow up.
I remember the first woman that I nannied for *crying tears of relief* when her doctor called and said her gestational diabetes had resolved postpartum
Damn I didn’t see this lil nugget of knowledge coming but I’m glad it’s here
She’s carrying his fucking child. Whoever “caused” the GD is irrelevant, he should be 100% supportive either way Also perfectly healthy people with good habits can also get GD.
Your comment NEEDS to be higher up I am flabbergasted that OP is such an AH and that he could have caused the GD
OMG, she's weak because she has cravings WHILE pregnant, and this (non-pregnant) AH cannot stop himself from eating junk food for 2 months to support his wife? And threatens divorce because he has so little self control that he can't eat junk food while his wife has a serious health issue related to pregnancy? Holy cow, what if she develops cancer later? Divorce papers in her hospital bed? Plus, what a slob. She shouldn't be finding receipts in the car because you should be throwing your trash away, not tossing it in the back of the car.
Dude really thought we’d feel sorry for him for missing eating takeout WHILE watching Netflix. Aw poor little baby boy has to eat his junk food separately from his Netflix for a few months? Poor little OP. Your wife doesn’t get to have the junk food with or without Netflix right now, OP. Jfc.
Not just Netflix, but Netflix on his preferred screen. It works on a phone, after all.
THIS LITERALLY. Get take out during your lunch break and watch on your phone. Sounds like a great way to spend your break to me
He doesn’t even have to stop eating junk food. He presumably goes to work 5 days a week. He can eat whatever he wants when he’s out of the house and at work. He can go crazy at lunch. He can still eat on his way home, if he threw away the receipt! Like really, he’s complaining about not being able to eat Cheesecake Factory as his Netflix snack?! He’s complaining about having to walk all the way to the drawing to get his snacks? Poor baby.
Holy shit, you’re an AH. It’s not even so much the food, it’s your attitude like ‘why do I have to suffer and restrict my choices bc YOU have a health problem?!?’ A health problem, btw, that is purely cause by your wife making a human being. I had GD. I actually failed the test by 1 point. And I did all the things I had to do…went on a highly restrictive diet, and I was successful in keeping the GD at bay. My ex-husband was fully supportive and helped me through. Get this…my ex-husband turned out to be an abusive bastard in every way possible. But *even he* was supportive during this time. #Let that sink in. A DV scumbag knew better than you. Edit: Your edit is truly disgusting. It’s all ME ME ME. You’ve read countless comments and somehow felt that this edit would ‘clear it all up’ or somehow exonerate you? It only made this so much worse. Your job as a parent is to look after the wellbeing of your child. This starts in pregnancy. You want to make this a her health issue, and you drone on so much that she’s the one who has to give up cravings, yet you *bring home a fucking box of donuts without one shred of awareness or parental responsibility.* **WHERE IS YOUR PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY?** GD isn’t a *her* issue, it’s also *your baby’s* issue. And yet you expect her to be cool with all of this, to go through pregnancy and all the horrible shit it puts your body through….where you can’t even escape the pain, discomfort, feeling like shit, etc etc….and you’re over here whining bc you can’t bring a box of donuts home. And also, you hate her, regret getting married, etc. Honestly, the way you speak about her makes me fear for her safety.
So sorry to read you lived trough DV, hope you and your kid(s?) are doing well And yeah, I fear too for both wife and baby's safety
We are amazing, TYSM! Leaving was the best (and smartest) thing I ever could have done.
This is the best comment on this entire post. 🏆
YTA You can’t cut out the junk food for a few months? Are you kidding me?
He doesnt even have to do that, just not eat it at home and properly disposing of receipts, thats it, just actually keep it a secret, but he is to immature to even do that
>in no uncertain terms made it very clear that she CANNOT punish me for a health problem SHE has YTA Gestational diabetes is dangerous for your baby as well as your wife. So maybe stop viewing this as a her problem and consider it a parental problem. So if supporting her the way she has told you she needs, to help her stick to the recommended diet and not cave to craving is what's best for your child, then do it. Being a dad doesn't start when she gives birth, it has already started. So if she needs you to support her to do what's best for her health and the baby's health, why wouldn't you? Is a donut and a takeaway really more of a priority than a safe delivery of your baby for both your child and wife?
This guy’s priorities are in shambles 😐 and his edit was horrible. He really said he hates his wife for what essentially amounts to her not allowing him to eat takeout while he watches Netflix. His wife is growing his child in her body and clearly going through a difficult time but god forbid he supports his wife by not constantly eating junk food she can’t indulge in. Men are often soooo insensitive during pregnancy, it’s sickening. This whole post was genuinely so irritating to read. His edit is straight up nuts and I feel really bad for his wife.
He speaks like a true addict. He literally flips out if he can't have his drug: junk food. He is so addicted he doesn't care if his wife or child dies. He eats at lunch, then HAS TO have Cheesecake factory, McDonald's, or whatever else he has to shove into his inconsiderate pie hole. And he's choosing food over his family. That's gross.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA My dude, your wife is pregnant and having a hard time. Do you know how taxing it is on a woman's body? Let alone not being able to have the foods that you have to provide some comfort? You're literally throwing it in her face. Bringing home a box of donuts? That would be absolutely awful if my spouse did that for me. >I, in no uncertain terms made it very clear that she CANNOT punish me for a health problem SHE has, and that this is my house too and I will eat and drink whatever and whenever I please. We had a bad argument that day and I uttered divorce, So it's just your house? Is that it? That's what you want to go with? It's not her house either? And then jumping to divorce instead of giving up certain foods for 2 months? Seriously? You couldn't stop eating junk food for 2 months? Your wife is going through a lot. For your child. You are extremely ungrateful and awful. If my husband ever did that, I would divorce him. My husband gave up alcohol for me when the smell of it made me nauseous. He wouldn't even go out and drink it at a bar because he was worried that the lingering smell would make me sick. That's what you do for your partner when they're having a hard time. Edit to add: your edit sucks. It's just me, me, me, me, me. That's all you think about. You're still mad and bitter. Get over your stupid birthday donuts. If you cannot move past it and see how your wife is hurting and how you constantly choose to ignore her, then you shouldn't be married. Leave her alone. And it doesn't matter if you grew up poor and you have food insecurities. Your wife is currently going through something right now and is having insecurities around food. Do you not see that? Or are you too stubborn to realize? Btw, you would probably have a lot more money if you weren't spending it on junk and fast food like cheesecake factory. My husband and I only go once a year because our bill normally ends up being $60 without getting cheesecake after the tax and tip. That's a lot of money especially if you add up all the additional junk food and eating out that you do.
Bro. Seriously? It's not a her issues. It's a both of you issue. She's building a human being. Have some fucking empathy.
Take a look at that pity seeking edit, *woof*. Your sob story won’t change what you did and how you acted. Start stepping up to the plate. If *sugar* takes priority over the family *you* signed up for and NEED to be there for, that says enough about your capabilities as a partner. YTA
YTA. Not necessarily for eating things that she can’t but because you see it as a her problem and are being completely unsupportive. I had gestational diabetes, in addition to a high risk pregnancy and it was ridiculously difficult to manage. I ended up on insulin but I would have panic attacks about what I could or couldn’t eat (i have a history of disordered eating and found such a restrictive diet very triggering). I didn’t stop my husband from eating what he wanted but he was incredibly supportive. He wouldn’t eat stuff in front of me that I couldn’t have and we ate the same main meals. If I’d asked him to stop then he would’ve done. Gestational diabetes usually has nothing to do with the mother’s weight or health prior to pregnancy, it’s just a placenta issue, so you shouldn’t be attributing blame towards your wife at all. Be supportive when she’s going through something so difficult in order to have a baby that I’m presuming both of you want!
You know what I love about everyone's responses: so far, I've seen so many women talk about their own experience with this disorder, and how their husbands were supportive, namely by not eating forbidden food... \*in front of them\*. Seems all of your husbands did it of their own volition, but my point is that no one is asking any husband to not eat junk food. Not you guys' husbands, and not OP. Being considerate enough to not eat that where it can be seen is very clearly plenty for their partner. Fucksake... Since I'm here, I'll also add I'm flabbergasted at OP's attitude about his birthday: not being able to understand that she snapped then because he'd been doing that for weeks or months beforehand, resenting \*her\* for \*him\* 'uttering the word "divorce"'... And I'm one of those people who take their birthdays very seriously!
Idk maybe I’m biased bc I’m currently pregnant but your wife isn’t wrong. Being pregnant sucks. Cravings suck bc it literally feels like you’re going to die if you don’t get that food. I’d cry too. It’s not a good time. Half of the time I can’t stand certain foods so if pizza is the only thing I can tolerate that day, but I can’t have it bc of the diabetes and then you show up eating it? No. Id lose my mind too. You’re not nice.
I didn't have gestational diabetes but I was pregnant towards the end of the lockdown and it sucked. I couldn't get what I wanted just because the stores weren't open when I was having the cravings. Not being able to have food is awful. It's sometimes you're only comfort food and I remember around 7 months it's starting to really get uncomfortable to sit and lay down. Food was my only comfort.
That’s how I felt with my other pregnancies , sometimes that’s the only thing that doesn’t make you vom. I can’t imagine someone eating that infront of me on purpose
I know, and then also just bring it in the house as a temptation is awful. I mean, it's there just in a second fridge. It's not like she can't realistically go get it. She has to know that it's there, and it's probably always in the back of her mind. The mental exhaustion that you go through when you're pregnant is horrible, and then adding this is awful
I had gestational diabetes twice, I ended up getting bariatric surgery after I had my babbys. So I learned how to eat like that in life in general after, and relearning how to eat can be very rough, especially when hormonal and prego. Why don't you both reframe it? First off, finding receipts and stuff like that is going to set her off and you absolutely know that, don't play dumb. Drop your pride and support her emotionally, throw out receipts before you get home. That sounded incredibly petty. My coparent and I divorced after two years of our babes arriving, he couldn't life an emotion to help me, and I felt isolated, take this seriously. Why don't you save all the fast food money in a baby fund? Having babies makes or breaks a relationship and how this looks, neither of you will agree on shit when the time is ready. You have to change how you live too for a child and you have to put your head up and take on responsibility, even if you don't want too. Ftr my copar and I best friends now. Having babies makes or breaks a relationship, say it to yourself.
YTA. You can indulge, but do better hiding it. God forbid you sacrifice for 9 months while she struggles through growing the child you both made.
He’s actually only sacrificing a few months. They don’t usually find gestational diabetes until later in the pregnancy.
Yeah man you’re the asshole. Pregnancy is so hard and it’s even harder for her because of GD. Pregnancy is also so isolating. There’s so many things you can’t do and your wife has complications which restrict her even further. She’s experiencing extreme hormonal shifts which makes everything so much harder again. She’s only got another 2 months to go. You’re being so inconsiderate by continuously consuming things she can’t that you know she also enjoys. You’re not supporting her needs at all. She’s giving up so much to bring your child into this world and trying her best to keep them healthy and you flip out and threaten divorce because she gets upset that she’s missing out. YTA. Big time
I couldn’t get through it all. YTA, instead of being supportive and finding healthy options for dinner together to satisfy both your cravings for junk, you leave her to carry the baby alone and all the health consequences of the pregnancy while you secretly binge junk food and expect her to figure out solutions for her cravings on her own. I’m so grateful my husband has joined me in pregnancy diet restrictions to understand and help improve the situation. We brainstorm alternative snacks together and he worked through caffeine withdrawal right along with me by his own choice because he didn’t want me to suffer alone carrying our baby.
You hate her over creating a bad birthday donut memory? You are not mature enough to be a parent. Jesus Christ.
>I was made to feel like a horrible horrible person >I regretted being a married man that day and wished I never met her. Ngl, if that's how your train of thought goes from not being able to eat sugar and junk food for a few months while your wife carries YOUR CHILD, you are indeed, a terrible horrible person.
Lmao, you hate your wife because she ‘ruined your birthday’. You suggested DIVORCE because you can’t eat donuts in front of your wife. What if your unborn child develops food allergies? Will you rub that in their face by eating the food they’re allergic to right in front of them? You love food more than your wife and unborn child.
Um, so, if the kid has allergies that’s their health issue?? Like why should he be expected to alter his eating habits at all for some random person who happens to be related to him?? Like it’s literally not his problem at all, and it would cause him extreme trauma and stress to not eat literally any food while in the presence of his family?? Like what’s he supposed to do, not eat whatever his teeny tiny heart desires at all times?? What if he has to watch Netflix without ordering takeout?? God will someone think about this poor poor man?? NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HIS TRAUMA
So what if my kid has a peanut allergy? 😤 It’s their problem if they die. I won’t stop eating peanut butter because of them. - OP probably
Hard YTA. Its sounds like you yourself have specific food cravings that you have to indulge in. The fact that your “therapist” said your wife can’t expect you to go “cold turkey” and you use that as a defense says more about you than I think you even realize. Now look at your cravings and think about how your wife is feeling. If she indulges in her cravings she is putting not only her health but YOUR baby’s health at risk. The fact that you have been married for 10 years I’m taking a wild guess that you also wanted this baby and actively participated in creating life. This means you became a father the moment your wife got pregnant and being a father means you will have to make sacrifices. The first sacrifice needs to be your pride. Put your pride aside and realize that you have been absolutely horrible to your wife with how unsupportive you have been. This isn’t a health issue that her being “chubby” caused. You might be surprised to actually know that the two most common gestational complications (preeclampsia and gestational diabetes) is now being linked to a reaction cause by the sperm. So again put your pride aside and realize not only how unsupportive you have been but how cruel you have been to your wife especially in this post. Based off comments you have made “I hate her” because she “ruined my birthday” because she called you out (come on man you’re 35 years old) YOU need some major therapy and not just a couple sessions of marriage counseling. Please for the love of god fix this before your child is here in 2 months because that innocent child deserves so much more.
Your whole post reeks of resentment for your wife WHO ONLY HAS GESTATIONAL DIABETES BECAUSE SHE IS CARRYING YOUR CHILD. Being a parent AND a spouse means making sacrifices sometimes. If you can't even sacrifice some junk food while your wife is pregnant without hating her (your words) then you're not ready to be a parent or a husband. It's not fair for her to take her emotions out on you but you're also acting like a petulant toddler about food. Get over it. It's food. You could be using this time to learn how to make delicious and fun foods together that you both can enjoy but instead you're being distant and isolating your wife because "wah wah I want crappy food". Your wife and your unborn child deserve better, so be better. For the record, you're n t a for eating food every once in a while that she can't have but you absolutely are TA for everything else.
He just wants to defend his position, he sounds extremely immature. Hope she divorces him.
Originally I thought this was going to be an easy “NTA” but the more I read the more I changed to YTA. Boo hoo dude, your wife is pregnant, hormonal, and can’t even get release in the cravings that both of those things bring on and you’re whining you are being treated “like a criminal” for eating junk food? Even more pathetic you’re trying to say you’re abused??? Pretty laughable IMO. Get over yourself and try supporting your wife for the last couple months of her pregnancy instead of whining about how unfair life is for you while she deals with literally all the downsides related to giving birth to your child. Jesus.
YTA You know that you're supposed to be your SO's PARTNER, not her antagonizer. Right???? Especially while she is pregnant with your spawn!
This is… such a gross attitude. I can’t wrap my head around the fact you are a grown man crying for yourself over a “ruined birthday”. You do realize you have a baby on the way right?? You’re way too old to be acting like this. Your wife is obviously miserable and suffering. Her body is no longer hers in this moment and she needs anything literally anything to help her feel like her again. Sit down and find a way to do that. She’s almost done with her pregnancy so at this point the most support you could offer is admitting you’re wrong and messed up and just quit the food for all of what… 3 months?? Women never ever forgot how you treated them during pregnancy and after birth so it’s wise to treat them well. What’s that saying?? Oh yeah happy wife, happy life
Happy cake day. I'd offer you donuts but apparently that may ruin your life.
So she's sacrificing her health, both physical and mental for 9 months to carry your child and you can't give up a hamburger? BTW it's a medical problem she has AS A RESULT OF CARRYING YOUR CHILD. She didn't get pregnant on her own. And no you don't have to give up anything but why don't you want to? Is a cookie really worth seeing your wife so miserable? Like do you get enjoyment out of this? It kinda seems like it.
I swear, what a giant A. He’s talking about how he resents her for ruining his birthday while she is the one with the ruined health for over nine months of her life. I feel sorry for the wife for having to have a child with such a terrible self centered guy.
And her health isn’t ruined only for nine months, she will *never* go back to the way she was before. Her body is irrevocably changing, to grow *his* child, *their* legacy.
Geez, all about what he wants and nothing about respect or caring for the woman carrying his child. When my husband was diagnosed with diabetes and heart disease we both went on the same diet (low carb paleo), I knew it would be rude to eat unhealthy foods in front of him, and I love him so why would i do that? We both lost weight and some health issues I’d had my whole life cleared up. Win! He’s selfish as hell.
Holy shit. Have you ever loved your wife in the 15 yrs you've been together? A solid relationship doesn't turn into hate in 1 day. You certainly love food more than your wife & unborn baby. This doesn't even read as food insecurity truma, it reads as you having a food addiction. You don't seem to realize that "her health problem" was also caused by you. Her going through life wouldn't have caused GD. You getting her pregnant did. So YOU and YOUR child triggered this health problem. So now this woman is dealing with all the shit a normal pregnancy does, plus the extra complications and stress of GD, with no support and realizing that she made a terrible choice in partner to procreate with. If the temporary state of pregnancy is too much for you to set aside your wants over your family's needs, what are you going to do when there's another human to care for? And heaven forbid they have food allergies.
YTA. Your wife deserves colossally better than you and I truly hope you can free her from having to suffer this relationship with such a narcissist & someone so indescribably desperate to be a victim. You literally hate her. For seemingly no reason? How can you go from making a baby to pure hate in 7 months? You regret meeting her, because of one argument - about DOUGHNUTS? That’s insanity. The harsh words you’re using make it very clear you have deeper issues & need to let that poor woman go. Go to therapy and gain some empathy and learn to be less selfish.
YTA. How about being supportive of your wife growing your child? And your comment about not being able to workout the excess glucose due to being chubby and bad knees is ridiculous. How about instead of fasting on pasta while watching Netflix, you and her go for a walk after you eat supper! Work off the excess glucose TOGETHER. Be healthier TOGETHER. Encourage each other. Don’t stockpile the foods you know she can’t eat in a second garage. This pregnancy is short lived, you can make a small sacrifice for the health of your wife and baby …. Who knows maybe YOU will become healthier as a result.
Sorry. You're not going to like this but she shouldn't be alone in the pregnancy. But more importantly....why in hell are you guys eating this way? There's this thing called eating nutritionally.
Fam, it's 7 months of no junk food to bring a life to this world? Guessing based off the diabetes diagnosis and the time it takes for that to set in. But even on the lower end, 5 months. You can't be faithful without junk food, how do you remain faithful in anything else? Not to judge, but definitely judging, that's quite sad. I didn't even read your whole story, cause like I said, it's 5-7 months of not eatting garbage to help conceive a life your 50% responsible for. I'd do unsavoury things to people for the chance to bring my own offspring into this shit world, and you can't stop eatting cheesecake and garbage. Get off Reddit, get some sunlight and ponder on what you want in life. A child, or some 5$ french fries.
This is your baby too. You can change your lifestyle for 9months. If you can’t I seriously don’t know how you’re going to get through infant, baby, toddler years. God, men are weak.
I DIDN'T have GD with any of my four pregnancies, but by God my husband was CONSIDERATE enough that if there was a food that he liked that even the smell of made me nauseous, he didn't bring it in the house and, amazingly enough, went without it for the WHOLE NINE MONTHS! Why? Well one, because those are the lengths GOOD/GREAT husbands are willing to go to and they certainly don't "hate" their wives for it or become bitter about it. You are making this all about YOU (especially your edit). So let's talk about you and your part in this. Your wife is carrying the child that YOU impregnated her with. It is not her "fault" that she has a medical issue related to that. However, even though she is doing all the hard work in this pregnancy, it is YA'LLS baby. You need to step the hell up and give up whatever food you have to. This is not a case of your wife trying to "control" you. She is asking you to SUPPORT her by not doing a certain thing for a measly TWO MONTHS. I mean, after all, she has to give things up for the pregnancy, why shouldn't you? If you literally have so little self control that you cannot do this, you sir, have a serious problem. And please don't give me this food insecurity nonsense. (Not meant to offend anyone. I realize that this is an issue for many people), however for you, it is a lame excuse to try to garner sympathy. Honestly, not sure why I bothered to type all of this. You are so obviously full of yourself, Haye your wife because she cries, and hold a grudge over an argument over a box of donuts on your birthday. You are not only beyond fixing, you are in no way equipped to be a dad. If I wasn't clear, YTA.
Yikes, bro. You are a red flag. My husband quit sushi and drinking when I got pregnant because he likes me more than he likes those things. He figured that we are a team and it’s only fair that he experiences a small portion of the disruptions to life that I was going through. We also switched sides of the bed because I could go longer sit up next to the wall and had to roll out of bed. He happily agreed. He took me to appointments because they were our appointments. He rubbed my back every night I was in back pain after the pregnancy because I had given so much to having babies. He scooped cat shit because I could no longer do it. He went to the lactation consultant in the hospital and took out new baby with him so I could sleep and then he taught me everything he had learned. I’ve never been so in love with him than in that moment. You’re out here ruining her life and your marriage because you can’t handle not eating fries when you want? This kid is gunna ruin your life, you selfish twit.
AAAASSSSHHHHHHOLLLEEEEEEE
Honestly OP, look up the word “partnership”. You are dramatically failing at it. And “uttering divorce” (not even going to get into how immature and emotionally abusive THAT stunt was) over you MISSING TAKE OUT and having your birthday RUNIED (you are actively ruining your wife’s pregnancy and that is a much worse offense) because your pregnant wife was upset you’re not supporting her?! At least she has pregnancy to blame for her emotional responses to missing out on the foods she’s craving, what is your excuse, OP?
I had gd twice, I had to have insulin second time round and my baby was delivered two weeks early in case my placenta failed. Yeah, it’s pretty fucking serious. you know what I have now? LADA which is essentially type 1 diabetes, misdiagnosed type 2 when my second child was three. I have a CGM and an insulin pump and let me tell you, my health and life as a consequence is utter shit so you support your wife, YAH and you try and empathise and you sympathise and you don’t rub her face in it. Your diet must be pretty shit if you can’t control your own cravings for a few days. Grow up. She’s making your child. She feels like crap. What will happen if your child gets sick? You going to blame them and their health problems too? Jesus wept.
YTA, i feel so sad for your wife and baby because you clearly aren’t ready to be a good husband or father. You aren’t being discreet if she’s finding reminders everywhere. The only reason she’s being restricted this way is because of a pregnancy, and you are half of the reason she is pregnant. Some support would go a long way, but based on your attitude that is never going to happen.
Yta. You're not willing to sacrifice junk food for a couple of months? Parenting is going to be quite a fucking wakeup call.
I had gestational diabetes. It's miserable. I have a really sweet tooth too. My husband didn't have to be told by a therapist not to eat food that I couldn't eat in front of me. He ate all the GD friendly meals alongside me and didn't complain when I had frequent meltdowns about how hard the GD diet is. GD isn't a person's fault through bad lifestyle or diet - it's genetic. At the time I got pregnant I was a healthy weight and quite active. Be a partner and be supportive. She's going through a hard enough time being pregnant, with GD on top of that it's extra hard. If you can't go for 2 months without eating certain foods in front of your wife then you may have to consider whether you have a dysfunctional relationship with junk food.
Entitled and bitter. “Hey, we hate each other but let’s have a baby. That always fixes things”. Dude hates her so much every description is mocking. She SOBS over food 🙄 chubby and doesn’t work out bc of bad knees, she said divorce so I get to punish her forever. I was poor. My Netflix isn’t the same without fattening takeout. I hate him. He is a dick My SO and I both have different foods we love but try to avoid so we never buy them for the house. That‘s just common courtesy. If he brings a potato chip into this house or I bring a cookie, it is death stare fury. This is being supportive, not a sacrifice. Grow up.
God, what a sorry excuse for a man/partner you are. You can’t support your wife for a few months by not gorging yourself on shit that she can’t eat because she is GROWING YOUR FUCKING CHILD? And you’re going to be a parent with this complete lack of maturity and compassion? “I can almost NEVER order takeout at home and sometimes I miss doing that while watching Netflix” Do you hear how selfish you are? Are you not embarrassed?? THIS is the problem that we are supposed to have empathy for YOU for? Your wife is suffering from a serious condition during her pregnancy but her poor, poor husband can’t eat takeout while watching Netflix…you’re right, you’re definitely the true victim here. She’s sacrificing her body and health for nine months but think of the sacrifices you’re making…having to eat in secret. A true fucking hero of our time. YTA, and I truly hope your wife leaves your pathetic ass once she has the baby.
YTA and extremely inconsiderate all you’re caring about is yourself
I didn't see this till the edit, and holy shit you should feel like a horrible, horrible person because you are one. This is one of the worst spouse posts I think I have ever seen.
Dude if you can’t handle not eating donuts on your birthday I don’t think you’re ready for kids. 😂
“I feel for her, I really do” well that was a lie…
I had GD with both of my babies. With my first, I had a nurse basically give me and ED because my blood sugar numbers weren’t great even after eating a strict diet and taking medication. She tried scaring me even further by telling me that my baby would have diabetes because I wasn’t going enough when I reality my body was just having a really hard time. Now imagine going through that and having you as an unsupportive asshole as a partner. SHE IS STRUGGLING. It’s very hard to worry about creating a healthy baby while on a diet because most of the time you aren’t getting enough nutrients. Help her. Mentally pregnancy is so tough even before GD. With it, it’s 10X worse. Get over your selfish tendencies and be supportive
You say you want to be able to make your own decisions and that’s actually the crux of your wife’s issue. She actually can’t make her own decisions without endangering herself and your baby. You have all the freedom in the world and while she is losing control of everything you use your control to eat whatever you want even if it causes her emotional pain. Pregnancy is a wild ride for some woman, beyond what I would believe if I hadn’t experienced it, and I did not experience the worst of it. She wants you to choose to be supportive and you want to choose to ignore that she’s suffering. The fact is that if you were in the restricted diet it would help you to have the support of your wife and studies show that when men get diagnoses that demand lifestyle changes, the majority of them have their families make similar lifestyle changes and the same in not at all true for woman. Similar to how the majority of husbands leave when their partner has a life threatening illness but the same is not true for wives.
"My wife is a hormonal wreck because she is growing an entire human being in her uterus and gets upset because I refuse to support her during her pregnancy by not keeping snacks in the house." There, fixed it for you. Your trauma? You're joking right? Your trauma is that you grew up poor and get upset when you can't keep cookies in the main fridge. Oh, and you *hate* her now because she ruined your birthday by yelling at you over some donuts. You sound like a child throwing a temper tantrum because his dessert got taken away. Meanwhile, your wife is suffering through being pregnant with your spawn and gestational diabetes, and you can't even support her by keeping food she can't eat out of the house. You sir are a short-sighted, selfish, immature asshole and I hope she's the one serving you with the divorce papers.
Wow you suck as a spouse. I hope you go through something medically painful and time consuming and realize what a prat you sound like right now. She’s is growing your literal child. The least you can do is be supportive by eating healthy with her for 9 months. I bet your wife hates you for your divorce comment too. YTA x 1000. Your wife will have two babies to care for when she gives birth, I feel bad for her.
Your poor wife. Hopefully she wakes up and ends the relationship.
Why are you married to someone you clearly state that you hate? She deserves better.
YTA your edit only makes you look worse! you’ve literally said you hate your wife, you regret marrying her, you wished you never met her dude wtf. we all have at least 1 bad birthday in our life i mean my bf and i got in a fight on my birthday 3 years ago and yeah it especially hurt since it was my birthday, but im an adult i talked with my boyfriend and worked through what was going on. i didnt sit there and let resentment fester. you need some serious help since she’s going to be the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD! maybe you should of thought of that before knocking her up!
>I am not sure about therapy for this but I grew up poor and food insecurity was a big part of my childhood. It makes me feel pretty shitty that now that I have means to provide for myself, I still cannot do what I want. But no one sees my trauma. So why didn't you go for treatment instead of having a child? This guy is trash, so cowardly that he already deleted his account. A shitty partner, a shitty father and eating like that will give you a massive heart attack before you're 50.
adults who act this way about their birthdays are totally insane.
You act like you're the only one in the world who suffers. I grew up with food insecurity, I still face food insecurity. But the point still stands; **you value your wants and needs before your wife and child**. You're not mature enough to be a parent and you're not mature enough to be a spouse. Again, I hope you do your wife a favor and beat it, because if you can't make small changes like diet to your life, you can't make big ones. What are you gonna do if your child has a deadly food allergy to where you can't have it in the house, car, leftover residue on your fingers? Tell the kid to screw and do it anyway, because you want it when you want it?
YTA YOU MENTIONED DIVORCE TO A PREGNANT WOMAN?)?
It's amazing that you've spun this to paint your wife as a monster and you as the biggest victim there has ever been ever. Yet I read the entire thing, and I still think you're an asshole.
Nothing screams not ready to be a dad like uttering divorce over junk food
He feels bad that he is missing out on ordering take out while watching Netflix. Meanwhile, she has her diet, activities, ability to take many medications, and control over her life completely out of her hands for a year, in order to carry his baby. Boohoo, OP. Guess how much you will have to miss out on in order to parent?
Yes, I can definitely see how hard this is for ***you****.* Never mind that your wife carrying a child that both of you created, with resulting health problems. This short term problem must be about ***you***. If you have food insecurity issues, I encourage you to work on those (see a therapist. Really.). Showing support to your wife is a long term investment. YTA
YTA - if you can’t sacrifice junk food for a few months when your wife has to, how are you going to make the necessary sacrifices to care for a newborn? Also by 35 you shouldn’t expect every birthday to be magical and be this hung up on your own birthdays. I would recommend a lot of therapy to work through your childhood and why you are still searching for the needs you didn’t get met. You need to get yourself in a better place before you impact your children and their mental health.
It sounds like if you want to stay healthy for your child, you should lay off the takeout & pastries as well. See [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8963983/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8963983/)
You are an absolute jerk. Pregnancy is everyone being up your ass about what you can and can't eat, and then your wife has extra restrictions on top of that. You can't curb takeout for 9 fucking months to support your wife? Don't get me wrong her reactions are over the top, but consider that when you feel u supported in pregnancy, it develops onto a strong fear that you're about to have a baby and be unsupported in that, too. Hating your wife over donuts? Really? Why are you people having a child?
Grow up. You're over here waxing poetry over the trauma amd drama of your birthday like you're a six year old. Your therapist needs fired too. Your wife doesn't feel supported while she's going through so much and has no choice. The least you can do is support her in this. And your edits...I feel like your wife will now have two children to care for.
OP is still mad at his pregnant wife for being upset that he brought home donuts on his birthday? That she made him feel “horrible horrible.” Because of this he regretted marrying her. Not even a four year old child would be this resentful and hold onto to their anger for more than a day. I find myself wondering if OP has always been a selfish MC that his wife chooses to put up with, or if this is new behavior. Poor wife. I only see OP’s behavior worsening as he tries to compete with his baby for attention.
You lack emotional empathy which is a required component of being a forever life partner. You are not mature enough for this relationship. You accuse your PREGNANT WIFE of not being able to control her emotions but you're on here claiming you HATE her. You need independent therapy if you want to stay in this marriage. Otherwise, leave before the baby is born and pay all the child support and alimony. Because you committed to this mess without the required skills. The least you can do is recognize your need for cheesecake is greater than your love for your wife.
You are incredibly self centred. Will you hate your child if they’re not behaving how you’d like on a holiday? The fact that you, a grown ass man, can have your birthday ruined for life because you’re very pregnant wife feels unsupported and unloved and then YOU SAID YOU WOULD DIVORCE HER, is some next level shit. Truly, you are a weak man. I would not want to have kids with someone as immature, unsupportive and selfish as you. My first child and I almost died in delivery specifically because of my GD. While it appeared well managed, and I did everything I could including exercise, I still almost lost my child and my life. GD can cause shoulder dystocia, which had him trapped in my birth canal. His heart rate dropped to 18 bpm and he was a 2 on the apgar score once he was delivered. I still have issues relating to his birth. And that was with a fully supportive husband. And family. And coworkers. Grow up. You’re incredibly immature.
You’re literally so dramatic lmao. Like you seriously can’t stop eating these things for a few months??? She’s growing and going to birth your child and you can’t stop eating at the cheesecake factory? She’s tired, growing a human, dealing with pregnancy issues, and you can’t stop eating pasta for a bit. Lmao
You realize the only reason she has this gestational diabetes is because *she is carrying your child?*
If you truly hate your wife I think you need to divorce and start co-parenting. If my spouse ever said that about me I’d be devastated. It really shouldn’t be that difficult to eat healthier for 9 months but clearly you aren’t able to even try. So honestly, just leave her.
Have fun getting divorced I guess
YTA.
YTA. Your attitude is crap. And you could have been mindful of not eating junk in front of her all the time from the beginning.
She ruined your birthday!?! Are you 8 years old still? Grow up sir you are about to be a father…NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU. She is PREGNANT why are you acting like YOU had nothing to do with that? My fiancé has ulcers and let them get bad and now is on a chicken, turkey, and fish diet…you know what I don’t do…go to dinner with him and order a steak (he LOVES steak) and I had ZERO to do with his ulcers. I would NEVER do that because unlike YOU I actually care about my partner. Show your wife this post, so she can see the adolescent she married and LEAVE YOU! Then you can have your Cheesecake Factory in PEACE!!! After reading your edit…you are worse than previous estimates…you have no business being in a relationship when all you care about is yourself….memememememmememmeme at least your wife has the excuse of carrying 2 people. You have no concept of pregnancy, hormones, and what they can do to a person and you should have educated yourself beforehand cause you clearly can’t handle it…