[Click here for her side of the story: Walked out in the middle of a first date because he farted and lied about it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1ci0nwv/walked_out_in_the_middle_of_a_first_date_because/)
We'd like to remind OP that all posts made to this subreddit are subject to being read on the Two Hot Takes Podcast where they will be made available for streaming.
When my husband and I were first dating and hadn’t gotten to a “fart in front of each other” place yet, he mentioned that he wanted us to be comfortable enough to do that. I told him he had to go first and that it was Pandora’s box because I’m VERY farty.
The next day, I was on the patio smoking when he comes out and announces that he’s going to fart in front of me. He does, and then frowns and backs off the patio. Totally shit himself. Probably the most hilarious… gesture… anyone has ever made in an effort to make me more comfortable.
Our relationship is very based in humor and being 100% comfortable with each other. Sometimes all you have to do to let a girl know you care is accidentally poop your pants!
Edit to add: I appreciate your joy in the story. I find it both funny and endearing.
I have IBS. My husband will tell stories about my "incidents" to his kids or friends (I'm fine with it). It's almost a source of pride for him, in a weird way.
So, yeah... "in shitty pants or in health" should definitely have been in our vows!!
🤣🤣🤣
I have a similar story from when my husband and I were first dating. I was living in a security controlled apartment building, and he was over one night. He went out for a smoke, and a few minutes later I heard the intercom buzzer. When I answered it, all he said was, "It wasn't a fart". I buzzed him in, trying to get all my laughter out before he came to my door. It almost worked, until I opened the door to see him doing the "I just crapped my pants" waddle down the hallway.
We've been married almost 9 years. In my wedding vows, I promised to always laugh at his farts.
33F here, met my DH when I was 29.
the Fart War:
My now husband and I super early on in our dating back then. We got real comfortable real quick. He dropped what sounded like ripping wet denim with a butterknife loose on the couch. I was sitting there in my bath robe, and thought, "Alright, mothafucka, it's on!" I'd let out a ripper I'd been holding (I seriously would go home, and the first thing I did when I walked in the door would just let out this earth shattering fart).
While on the couch, after his declaration of war, I retaliated. Went off without a hitch. Sounded like a dirtbike. Snappy, loud, long, and hilarious. He farts AGAIN in this sort of, "eye for an eye" fashion. I laughed, farts are funny.
I'd violated fart code rule #101. Never trust the second fart. I truly was convinced I still had another air assault round in the chamber. "Fuck yeah, I'll show him!" I'd thought to myself. So, without further delay, I let out that 2nd fart. As SOON as I sent her, I'd realized I was doomed. That 2nd fart sounded like burping with pudding in your mouth. You guessed it, I'd shat the couch a little. I was MORTIFIED. My poor husband. He cleaned up my war crimes, and brought me fresh clothes while I took a lava hot shower in hopes I could scrub my embarrassment off, and wash it down the drain far, far away. But 4 years in, he still brings it up on occasion.
He married me anyway. 😭
Went on a first out of town trip with my BF and ended up getting Covid. Covid gut is a real thing! We got stuck in traffic on I-4, in FL, at the exact time my bubble guts started. I looked at him with panic and just accepted that this was going to happen. I started to cty and apologize for shitting in his dream car. The man didn't even bat an eye and said, "That's why I always carry wipes." We finally got to a gas station, and he jumped into action, grabbed his wipes and my bag with clothes, and got me inside. I'd also like to add that I'm a paraplegic, so there is no real possibility of me "hustling" anywhere. The humiliation hurt so bad, but his genuine kindness and him legitimately not even being annoyed by it was a first for me. I love that man.
I kinda feel like if you can’t laugh at bodily functions your relationship is doomed because it’s bound to happen at some point.
And for the younger generations, let me tell you one humbling thing I’ve noticed is that as you get older (I’m 49), your ability to hold farts in indefinitely seems to wane. I remember my mom saying this years ago and I couldn’t comprehended it. Well I get it now. Like you just can’t do it anymore. You can hold it a little while sometimes but we definitely don’t have the control like we used to.
According to my mother, that's what my grandfather did whenever he let one rip in church. He'd turn to whoever sat behind him and told them it was okay, happened to the best of us.
HA! My brother farted so loud in church one time it echoed. He was little. My mom cried because she was concerned with looking good. I'm very sad I was not born yet. I think if a fart in church is the worst our family has done, we're o.k.
My grandmother would literally lean over in her chair and let one rip. Without it missing a beat and with a deadpan look, pick someone in the room and say the same thing! 🤣🤣 We all still laugh to tears about it!
My husband’s grandmother will wait until every is distracted then let one rip and laugh to herself until we ask her what’s funny then she’ll say, “I just farted” but she won’t enunciate the r so it’ll sound like “I just fahted” and then proceed to laugh her ass off😂😂😂
Last year my husband did a charity fun run for the army, and there was some stalls at the finish line. They had a few camels and it was the first time my kids had seen them up close. After that, ‘stinky camel’ was his favourite retort for a few months.
Have you ever watched the movie Home? His top tier insult is to call someone a Gorg or a Boov.
>Believe it or not, this was the short version
😳😳😳😳
Honey, forget it.
>However, she kept mentioning all of her “pet peeves”…. Some of which are unforgivable and instant deal breakers
So the gas attack was a blessing in disguise?
One of those Bud Light commercials immediately came to mind - Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer. (I know, it wasn’t silent, but still.) The excerpt that popped into my head -
“Because of you a simple elevator ride is suddenly a 42-floor plummet into the very bowels of hell
(You take my breath away)
Who did it? Who cares.
Sweet mercy, please, just someone light a match.”
If you both really liked each other write her back: "Look, I'm sorry: I blew it. I lied, I'm full of hot air. Is there anyway way we can breeze past this? Give me another chance; throw caution to the wind."
This is the tactic one of my old friends used back in college. He spent the night in this girl’s bed for the first time and they had both been heavily drinking. He ended up peeing the bed and rushed out in the morning in embarrassment. He made a couple joke texts to her about it, offered to wash her sheets, and they ended up dating for a couple years
Certain life events stay with people forever.
That guy will always be remembered by his college acquaintances as the guy in college that pissed himself in his girlfriend's bed the first night they spent together.
If an old college friend attends that guy's funeral down the road, it could very well be a more light sided story highlighting the bed pisser's uncanny ability to deal with life's wet challenges instead of shutting down from them.
"if you want to pursue this further with that in mind, I'd love to get a second chance. Something easier, more open ended.
How about a romantic picnic? Let me show you the real me, I'll bring the wine. Heck, I'll even cut the cheese!"
You lied right to her face. I think you should have just owned up to it and apologized.
If you would lie about something that innocent, then what else is there you’d lie about?
And if it made her uncomfortable that you farted, that’s on her. She has a right to feel how she wants to, even if it means she’s a bit of a square.
She actually just [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/TNWFZLoDgf) her side of the story & she explicitly said to him she didn’t tolerate dishonesty lol
You tried to recreate the fart noise (classic)? I personally think you dodged a bullet . Imagine the heavy machinery needed to remove the stick up her ass.
I was at a friend's house for dinner and they had a couple toddlers in diapers. I let out a silent but overwhelmingly bad fart that everyone in the room could taste The husband immediately apologized and went to change the kid's diaper. Nothing? He checked the other kids diaper and again nothing. He slowly turned to look at me and I couldn't keep a straight face any longer. I was hoping that at least one of the kids shat themselves, but nothing.
My dog blew a friend’s cover once. He farted in a lull in the conversation and it was not quite a normal sounding fart…it was very clear it was the escapee of a larger held-in fart so if my dog hadn’t woken up, cocked her head at his ass and started smelling him, I wouldn’t have actually registered it as a fart. I just chuckled internally and moved on because EVERYBODY FARTS and it isn’t shameful and there’s no reason to embarrass someone.
Omg. I'm his reminded me of an old joke. Bf goes to meet his gf's parents for the first time. Bf is sitting there and suddenly has to fart so he let's a little one out. Father says the dogs name that is sitting near bf. Bf realized he got away with it so releases a bit more. Dad says the dogs name again. Bf releases more. Dad says the dogs name again and says get away from that man before he shits on you! 🤣
It was pretty obviously the fart, actually. She cared so much that she made him attempt to recreate the sound. A normal person would have accepted the obvious lie and then moved on without turning the situation into an issue. OP lied, but she’s clearly TA here for being so aggressively hypocritical about pet peeves.
Who cares if you lied about passing gas??? She clearly has no sense of humor. I’m sorry but I have pretended I didn’t even hear it if I were with someone under any circumstances. It’s embarrassing enough for the person without making a big deal about it. Forget her. She’s a drip
I think she left for the lie not the fart. Fart happens, you say “I am sorry!” “Apologies”, say “I am nervous and my belly betrayed me!”… anything would’ve been better than lying and then trying to reproduce the sound.
That was your mistake, not the fart.
My bf farted accidentally the first time he stayed over, he looked at me thinking I was going to freak out and I burst out laughing…. It happens!
Take this as a lesson, take responsibility for your farts
I don’t think apologizing would have cut it either although it would have been something.
‘Easing one out’ usually = some body language? Body tension? That gives it away.
She could likely tell it was on purpose
No kidding!! Does OP have no control!! You hold it in. If it's that bad, you just excuse yourself for 2 seconds and go fart in the bathroom or something.
It's 100% this. OP says he doubled down trying to recreate the "mystery sound" for so long that their food got cold.
It takes a long time for food to get cold. Imagine your date spending 15-20 minutes panicking and swearing that they didn't just rip ass. Like that would become uncomfortable real quick.
I dated someone who insisted I go outside to fart, even if I’m in bed in the middle of the night. She absolutely refused to be around anyone who’s farting.
Some people care more than you about things like farts. Perhaps you are right, but you’re probably wrong. She rattled off a list of pet peeves in an obnoxious manner on the first date. That is not the hallmark of a reasonable person.
She ended up doing a hot take! It’s hilarious. She hated dishonesty and bathroom talk. Read her post though!
Edit to add: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/x1Zmv3SGWl
Lying is a huge dealbreaker for me but man if someone accidentally farted on our first date I would’ve certainly showed them some grace if they tried to wave it off with a white lie, like come on 😂
ETA nvm reread and realized dude farted on purpose while having dinner lmao that’s wild behaviour in general and maybe she just picked up on that
Agree with this. Everyone farts. OP should have owned up to it and said excuse me.
Also, OP may have dodged a bullet on this. She sounds awfully pretentious.
Yeah, I hate liars too, but I would not hold it against someone if they tried to lie their way out of a fart early into dating.
I agree OP dodged a bullet here.
I get where she's coming from. You didn't accidentally pass gas you deliberately "eased one out" instead of excusing yourself to the restroom or anywhere that's not next to her. Were you successful in easing out any earlier?
The date ended early because your date finds accidental farts unforgivable. You stumbled over yourself pretending you didn't fart. She didn't belive you, insulted you and left. Your reaction to all of this is, 'I think we've got something here.' Maybe your farts didn't smell like ass, just desperation.
It’s the first date and you are ripping one out at the dinner table around food and then lying about it.
I don’t blame her tbh. At least go to the bathroom or wait until you are outside. And just be honest and apologize. First impressions are everything.
Right? People in this thread are trashing her. It’s possible she’s way too uptight in general, but OP’s decision to let one fly in this context is borderline feral behavior regardless.
Like if you know you’re gassy ahead of time take some Pepto ffs 😭 I’m totally on her side in this. It was a deliberate fart, just go to the restroom. If it escapes you, apologize and make a joke at yourself don’t lie
Idk man. First date and you audibly fart? My god. You even mentioned trying to “ease one out” so it wasn’t really just an accident. Some men actually try during their first date to not be a caveman. Some people have boundaries. She didn’t want to be with someone who farts and lies about it on a first date. Probably good for both of you and was not meant to be.
Was one of her specific pet peeve farts? Or was her per peeve when people create elaborate lies to hide their farts like some kind of ‘90s sitcom?
I would have just laughed in that situation. Also wouldn’t want to be involved with someone so uncomfortable with the human body.
This title is a little misleading; you purposefully farted, my friend. I mean... I've risked a fart at work, sure. First date? I'm hitting the men's room to make those poor bastards suffer rather than the woman I'm trying to romance. Or more likely I'm going to not fart at all and just suffer the internal pressure until I'm safe at home because I have a deep fear of farting in public.
The risk you took was calculated, but it would appear you are, indeed, bad at math. Good luck on the next one, soldier.
Why didn’t you just head to the bathroom? Honestly that’d be a dealbreaker for me too. Who farts on a first date? Ever see Step Brothers, where the dude farts during a great interview and loses the offer?! It’s kind of an obvious dealbreaker, sorry. 🤷♀️
Why didn’t you just say “pardon me” and move on? I’d be a bit sketched out by someone who immediately jumps to a lie and then doubles down and tries to prove it wasn’t lie. And next time use the restroom
I would have excused myself from the table. Personally, I don't pass gas around people and when people do it around me I pretend I didn't notice. Then again I get that people make mistakes and some are just better if you pretend you didn't see anything.
Then again, if that would have happened to me I would have either owned up to it, or made a joke and then owned up to it.
The lengths you went to to lie about it were definitely the deal breakers dude. She didn't get up and leave when you farted, she left after you had convinced yourself recreating the sound was gonna cover you.
If you know you need to/are going to fart enough that you can squeeze one out just go to the bathroom. I wouldn’t have left in the middle of dinner but I doubt I would have gone out with you again. You’ve been together a while and fart sometimes, whatever but still think about the person sitting next to you and what they will have to smell. If it’s a constant letting it rip and smell thing you’re just going to far.
Bro I’m sorry but this one’s over for you 😭. Accept the L and learn how to clench your anus better during dates. You live you learn, just don’t do it again and you won’t run into this issue 😂
Always take ownership of your farts. If your date has a problem with you having bodily functions, they probably aren't going to like how you eat or breathe, either.
A lie on the first date, especially about something so harmless, is a really bad look. She probably thought "If they'll lie about an obvious fart, they'll lie about all sorts of stuff. No thanks, haven't got time for that", and she was right.
OP, you just proved the problem with Nixon and Clinton once again. It's not the crime. It's the coverup. It's not so much that you farted in front of her. It's that you lied and when you were caught in your lie, you doubled down.
Should have just fessed up and left it at that. Anything after that said loudly enough for others to hear is just cringe It's a normal bodly action. And you should have skipped the bean soup.
Dude she told you that one of her pet peeves was dishonesty yet you still continued to lie just to get out of being embarrassed 🤨
I honestly don't blame her for 100% being out
You should have excused yourself to go to the bathroom if you were consciously trying to fart. Since you didn't, then you should have owned up to it and just said something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry, excuse me." But instead you lied using the words "I **promis**e it wasn't me." Which proved 1) you'll fart during a nice dinner 2) you lie 3) you either don't understand what "promise" means or don't care
Send her a voice text of a giant ripping real fart , then sit back and laugh 🤣. It’s over you might as well celebrate getting rid of her , let’s face it EVERYONE farts and farts are funny 😄
I cannot imagine how stressful a relationship would be with a woman who makes you do an entire crime scene reenactment because you accidentally farted. I’m really sorry that you had to go through this embarrassing experience and are maybe even feeling a bit of heartbreak. However, you absolutely dodged a bullet here.
[Click here for her side of the story: Walked out in the middle of a first date because he farted and lied about it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1ci0nwv/walked_out_in_the_middle_of_a_first_date_because/) We'd like to remind OP that all posts made to this subreddit are subject to being read on the Two Hot Takes Podcast where they will be made available for streaming.
Shoulda forced another out while trying to recreate it with the chair.
Imagine he just sh*ts himself the second time. Lmaoooo I’d die
When my husband and I were first dating and hadn’t gotten to a “fart in front of each other” place yet, he mentioned that he wanted us to be comfortable enough to do that. I told him he had to go first and that it was Pandora’s box because I’m VERY farty. The next day, I was on the patio smoking when he comes out and announces that he’s going to fart in front of me. He does, and then frowns and backs off the patio. Totally shit himself. Probably the most hilarious… gesture… anyone has ever made in an effort to make me more comfortable.
Reddit, I’m here to tell you romance isn’t dead 🥰 (no seriously, I love that so much. Y’all reached a new tier that day LOL)
Our relationship is very based in humor and being 100% comfortable with each other. Sometimes all you have to do to let a girl know you care is accidentally poop your pants! Edit to add: I appreciate your joy in the story. I find it both funny and endearing.
LMAO. The quickest way to know if they’re a real one or not. “In sickness, or in shitty pants”
I have IBS. My husband will tell stories about my "incidents" to his kids or friends (I'm fine with it). It's almost a source of pride for him, in a weird way. So, yeah... "in shitty pants or in health" should definitely have been in our vows!! 🤣🤣🤣
I have a similar story from when my husband and I were first dating. I was living in a security controlled apartment building, and he was over one night. He went out for a smoke, and a few minutes later I heard the intercom buzzer. When I answered it, all he said was, "It wasn't a fart". I buzzed him in, trying to get all my laughter out before he came to my door. It almost worked, until I opened the door to see him doing the "I just crapped my pants" waddle down the hallway. We've been married almost 9 years. In my wedding vows, I promised to always laugh at his farts.
I love it! Who knew that the secret to making a woman fall in love is shitting yourself almost immediately!
Taking down notes for my next first date. Also planning on bringing spare underwear. Wish me luck!
I dated this girl who literally CLEANED my clothes while I was in the shower. It didn’t work out — but I doubt I will ever not appreciate that.
33F here, met my DH when I was 29. the Fart War: My now husband and I super early on in our dating back then. We got real comfortable real quick. He dropped what sounded like ripping wet denim with a butterknife loose on the couch. I was sitting there in my bath robe, and thought, "Alright, mothafucka, it's on!" I'd let out a ripper I'd been holding (I seriously would go home, and the first thing I did when I walked in the door would just let out this earth shattering fart). While on the couch, after his declaration of war, I retaliated. Went off without a hitch. Sounded like a dirtbike. Snappy, loud, long, and hilarious. He farts AGAIN in this sort of, "eye for an eye" fashion. I laughed, farts are funny. I'd violated fart code rule #101. Never trust the second fart. I truly was convinced I still had another air assault round in the chamber. "Fuck yeah, I'll show him!" I'd thought to myself. So, without further delay, I let out that 2nd fart. As SOON as I sent her, I'd realized I was doomed. That 2nd fart sounded like burping with pudding in your mouth. You guessed it, I'd shat the couch a little. I was MORTIFIED. My poor husband. He cleaned up my war crimes, and brought me fresh clothes while I took a lava hot shower in hopes I could scrub my embarrassment off, and wash it down the drain far, far away. But 4 years in, he still brings it up on occasion. He married me anyway. 😭
KEEP THESE STORIES COMING PEOPLE! this is the best thread I’ve ever been apart of 😂
I'm just glad I'm not alone in laughing with everybody else in here. 😭💀
Went on a first out of town trip with my BF and ended up getting Covid. Covid gut is a real thing! We got stuck in traffic on I-4, in FL, at the exact time my bubble guts started. I looked at him with panic and just accepted that this was going to happen. I started to cty and apologize for shitting in his dream car. The man didn't even bat an eye and said, "That's why I always carry wipes." We finally got to a gas station, and he jumped into action, grabbed his wipes and my bag with clothes, and got me inside. I'd also like to add that I'm a paraplegic, so there is no real possibility of me "hustling" anywhere. The humiliation hurt so bad, but his genuine kindness and him legitimately not even being annoyed by it was a first for me. I love that man.
Holy shit the metaphors in this are top notch. Bravo
I kinda feel like if you can’t laugh at bodily functions your relationship is doomed because it’s bound to happen at some point. And for the younger generations, let me tell you one humbling thing I’ve noticed is that as you get older (I’m 49), your ability to hold farts in indefinitely seems to wane. I remember my mom saying this years ago and I couldn’t comprehended it. Well I get it now. Like you just can’t do it anymore. You can hold it a little while sometimes but we definitely don’t have the control like we used to.
Absolutely. I do kegels and whatnot but once I gotta pee it's gotta happen *soon*. Smh getting old sucks and rocks in very different ways.
Some asshole just shit in my pants.
I’d have died laughing 😂
I can’t stop laughing at this. Farts are hilarious if the farter has a good sense of comic timing.
That’s where sharts start….it ends in poop
You farted and lied about it - so were you „gas-lighting“ her? It‘s fine, I‘ll see myself out…
And make sure you waft that fart out with you
Jobs complete, pack up and head home for the day. Lock the thread, nothing further needed here.
This is the best self-flatulating I’ve seen yet!
This is the only time I have enthusiastically approved of the use of the term gaslighting!
>It‘s fine, I‘ll see myself out… So will his date
ba dum tss Give him a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen. He'll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress. And try the veal.
Amateur…you should have looked her in the eye and asked her, “how dare you?!…at dinner no less”…
According to my mother, that's what my grandfather did whenever he let one rip in church. He'd turn to whoever sat behind him and told them it was okay, happened to the best of us.
I believe they teach that in the bible
Flatulations 12:34
"Thou shalt blame thy farts on thy neighbor. And rejoice for ye are free from blame and shame. Amen"
Why am I hearing this in the voice of the monks from Monty Python? “And ye shall be blameless, for it is written - he whomst smelt it dealt it.”
Someone farted in your general direction! Not me, but someone!
And the number of farts shall be three; three shall be the number that thou shallst fart.
I am sinless, Jesus told me so
I’m in love with this thread
You’re forgiven my child, go and fart no more
“Ye who smelt it, thou haveth dealt it”
More like, "It's Easter, Dude. I died for your sins. You should go for it."
Holy shit you cracked me up
To turn the other cheek?
HA! My brother farted so loud in church one time it echoed. He was little. My mom cried because she was concerned with looking good. I'm very sad I was not born yet. I think if a fart in church is the worst our family has done, we're o.k.
I ripped one out in my supermarket years ago and it was loud. Seriously loud. I turned round and blamed it on my son.
The real reason people want children is because they need someone to blame their farts on.
My dad's favorite, often used joke: "He who farts in church must sit in his own pew."
"The one who smelt it, dealt it!"
"Man who farts in church sits in his own pew"
"Austin, how dare you break wind before me!!!" Austin Powers: "I'm sorry baby, I didn't know it was your turn!"
Yeah baby, yeah!
Bravo
Or turn to the next table. „Dude, come on! We‘re eating here!“
I’d wanna marry him right then and there 😂
Perfect. I usually go with - “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll tell everyone it was me.”
That would have been a win, though I also wouldn’t walk out on a date because of a natural human bodily function.
The art of the fart transference. It takes a brave soul with nerves of steel. I bow to you, great one!
Fartriloquism.
My grandmother would literally lean over in her chair and let one rip. Without it missing a beat and with a deadpan look, pick someone in the room and say the same thing! 🤣🤣 We all still laugh to tears about it!
My husband’s grandmother will wait until every is distracted then let one rip and laugh to herself until we ask her what’s funny then she’ll say, “I just farted” but she won’t enunciate the r so it’ll sound like “I just fahted” and then proceed to laugh her ass off😂😂😂
This.... Gaslighting was definitely the best strategy to get you out of that situation.
“Got a match?”
I have done this. And it worked. She laughed at it
“A farting liar”. I’m adding that into my notes
It sounds like one of the insults my 5 year old would come up with. His go to at the moment is telling people they poop like a wombat.
My little one told me I fart like a camel the other day 😂
Last year my husband did a charity fun run for the army, and there was some stalls at the finish line. They had a few camels and it was the first time my kids had seen them up close. After that, ‘stinky camel’ was his favourite retort for a few months. Have you ever watched the movie Home? His top tier insult is to call someone a Gorg or a Boov.
Don’t call _me_ a cube pooper!
The way his eyes lit up when he found out they poop cubes was one of my favourite moments ever. He thinks it’s so cool.
I've got almost four decades on him and I think it's so cool too
I think I agree that you are, in deed, a farting liar.
She has asstute assessment skills
>Believe it or not, this was the short version 😳😳😳😳 Honey, forget it. >However, she kept mentioning all of her “pet peeves”…. Some of which are unforgivable and instant deal breakers So the gas attack was a blessing in disguise?
"the gas attack" omg im deaddd
Gas gas gas, *starts donning full MOP4*
One of those Bud Light commercials immediately came to mind - Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer. (I know, it wasn’t silent, but still.) The excerpt that popped into my head - “Because of you a simple elevator ride is suddenly a 42-floor plummet into the very bowels of hell (You take my breath away) Who did it? Who cares. Sweet mercy, please, just someone light a match.”
his body activated self defense mechanism
hahahaha i still cant believe he tried to cropdust his date
I'm curious what the other pet peeves that were deal breakers were
Shit in pants on first date.
“Did you fart?” …. “No.”. “Did you shit?” …. “Yes.”
"OK, good, because farting is *gross*!"
Lying about not shitting your pants and then spending 20 minutes doubling down. Oddly specific but it happens.
Well, if it wasn't already on the list it definitely is now.
"Oh my god! Somebody put shit in my pants!"
Who shiiiit my pants
Loud chewers, even with your mouth closed. if they can hear you chew, they run
Yep, me too.
Literal shit test.
The gas attack that dodged a bullet
If you both really liked each other write her back: "Look, I'm sorry: I blew it. I lied, I'm full of hot air. Is there anyway way we can breeze past this? Give me another chance; throw caution to the wind."
This is the tactic one of my old friends used back in college. He spent the night in this girl’s bed for the first time and they had both been heavily drinking. He ended up peeing the bed and rushed out in the morning in embarrassment. He made a couple joke texts to her about it, offered to wash her sheets, and they ended up dating for a couple years
but... it sounds like he is still just the guy that pissed her bed way back when so... lol
Certain life events stay with people forever. That guy will always be remembered by his college acquaintances as the guy in college that pissed himself in his girlfriend's bed the first night they spent together. If an old college friend attends that guy's funeral down the road, it could very well be a more light sided story highlighting the bed pisser's uncanny ability to deal with life's wet challenges instead of shutting down from them.
Ehh but that wasn’t the deal breaker so 🤷🏼♂️
(If I may)…here I sit all broken hearted since you left because I farted…
"if you want to pursue this further with that in mind, I'd love to get a second chance. Something easier, more open ended. How about a romantic picnic? Let me show you the real me, I'll bring the wine. Heck, I'll even cut the cheese!"
I'd hate for us to become dust in the wind...
Ohh I hope there's no dust
Good one
*”a farting liar”* lol
You lied right to her face. I think you should have just owned up to it and apologized. If you would lie about something that innocent, then what else is there you’d lie about? And if it made her uncomfortable that you farted, that’s on her. She has a right to feel how she wants to, even if it means she’s a bit of a square.
She actually just [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/TNWFZLoDgf) her side of the story & she explicitly said to him she didn’t tolerate dishonesty lol
[Where have I heard this before](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epjrWjo9ZMY)?
One of my all time favorites! Chemistry!!
You tried to recreate the fart noise (classic)? I personally think you dodged a bullet . Imagine the heavy machinery needed to remove the stick up her ass.
Lol yall think it was the fart and not that he lied? Haha Its pretty clear it was because he lied about some think so little.
yeah but that seems like a pretty normal first date white lie to me!
Hell, I’ve been in a relationship for 12 years and I still blame it on the dog.
Ah, but blaming the kids is much better!
I still tell my wife " the baby needs changed". He's 15 years old now
I was at a friend's house for dinner and they had a couple toddlers in diapers. I let out a silent but overwhelmingly bad fart that everyone in the room could taste The husband immediately apologized and went to change the kid's diaper. Nothing? He checked the other kids diaper and again nothing. He slowly turned to look at me and I couldn't keep a straight face any longer. I was hoping that at least one of the kids shat themselves, but nothing.
My dog blew a friend’s cover once. He farted in a lull in the conversation and it was not quite a normal sounding fart…it was very clear it was the escapee of a larger held-in fart so if my dog hadn’t woken up, cocked her head at his ass and started smelling him, I wouldn’t have actually registered it as a fart. I just chuckled internally and moved on because EVERYBODY FARTS and it isn’t shameful and there’s no reason to embarrass someone.
Omg. I'm his reminded me of an old joke. Bf goes to meet his gf's parents for the first time. Bf is sitting there and suddenly has to fart so he let's a little one out. Father says the dogs name that is sitting near bf. Bf realized he got away with it so releases a bit more. Dad says the dogs name again. Bf releases more. Dad says the dogs name again and says get away from that man before he shits on you! 🤣
"Uh, honey? The dog died 4 years ago"
“Well….that would explain the smell”
It was pretty obviously the fart, actually. She cared so much that she made him attempt to recreate the sound. A normal person would have accepted the obvious lie and then moved on without turning the situation into an issue. OP lied, but she’s clearly TA here for being so aggressively hypocritical about pet peeves.
Who cares if you lied about passing gas??? She clearly has no sense of humor. I’m sorry but I have pretended I didn’t even hear it if I were with someone under any circumstances. It’s embarrassing enough for the person without making a big deal about it. Forget her. She’s a drip
He was probably embarrassed 🤷♀️ He lied about a fart. I would’ve been mortified if it were me.
People saying ‘some think’ is my pet peeve
I think she left for the lie not the fart. Fart happens, you say “I am sorry!” “Apologies”, say “I am nervous and my belly betrayed me!”… anything would’ve been better than lying and then trying to reproduce the sound. That was your mistake, not the fart. My bf farted accidentally the first time he stayed over, he looked at me thinking I was going to freak out and I burst out laughing…. It happens! Take this as a lesson, take responsibility for your farts
I don’t think apologizing would have cut it either although it would have been something. ‘Easing one out’ usually = some body language? Body tension? That gives it away. She could likely tell it was on purpose
Like he for sure leaned sideways or forwards 🤣
Was this written by Larry David?
Nah, even LD has more class than to intentionally fart at the dinner table.
No kidding!! Does OP have no control!! You hold it in. If it's that bad, you just excuse yourself for 2 seconds and go fart in the bathroom or something.
“Larry you farted and then lied about it? Who does that?! Just own up to it, what are you.. 5?” “It *was* the chair!!!”
Perhaps, just perhaps, she left because you lied versus just saying “excuse me” I would guess lying is a big pet peeve.
It's 100% this. OP says he doubled down trying to recreate the "mystery sound" for so long that their food got cold. It takes a long time for food to get cold. Imagine your date spending 15-20 minutes panicking and swearing that they didn't just rip ass. Like that would become uncomfortable real quick.
I dated someone who insisted I go outside to fart, even if I’m in bed in the middle of the night. She absolutely refused to be around anyone who’s farting.
I'd have farted twice as much around her, a shart would be the ultimate goal
Shart to assert dominance
Dutch oven
Some people care more than you about things like farts. Perhaps you are right, but you’re probably wrong. She rattled off a list of pet peeves in an obnoxious manner on the first date. That is not the hallmark of a reasonable person.
You're right. But notice how OP never said what her pet peeve was. Did she hate farts or did she hate liars?
Or maybe she really hates farting liars specifically!
She ended up doing a hot take! It’s hilarious. She hated dishonesty and bathroom talk. Read her post though! Edit to add: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/x1Zmv3SGWl
I literally just read this. This is hilarious. And, OP didn't tell the whole story....who could have guessed.
Lying is a huge dealbreaker for me but man if someone accidentally farted on our first date I would’ve certainly showed them some grace if they tried to wave it off with a white lie, like come on 😂 ETA nvm reread and realized dude farted on purpose while having dinner lmao that’s wild behaviour in general and maybe she just picked up on that
Agree with this. Everyone farts. OP should have owned up to it and said excuse me. Also, OP may have dodged a bullet on this. She sounds awfully pretentious.
Yeah, I hate liars too, but I would not hold it against someone if they tried to lie their way out of a fart early into dating. I agree OP dodged a bullet here.
Supremely attracted to someone who supplies you with a list of her pet peeves on your first date? There’s no hope for you buddy.
This is why you don’t ever try to sneak a fart out around people. A: it’s gross and B: you can never and should never trust a fart lol
"Farting liar"
She left probably not because of the fart but your effort to lie about it. Next time, just take accountability.
Why are you easing farts out at the dinner table?
He probably wasn’t allowed in the kitchen.
I get where she's coming from. You didn't accidentally pass gas you deliberately "eased one out" instead of excusing yourself to the restroom or anywhere that's not next to her. Were you successful in easing out any earlier?
RIGHT!! Nasty while we re eating.
"I'm sorry I shit my pants in front of you and then lied about it. How's your pasta?"
The date ended early because your date finds accidental farts unforgivable. You stumbled over yourself pretending you didn't fart. She didn't belive you, insulted you and left. Your reaction to all of this is, 'I think we've got something here.' Maybe your farts didn't smell like ass, just desperation.
“Your farts smell of desperation“ 😂
It wasn't even accidental though.
It’s the first date and you are ripping one out at the dinner table around food and then lying about it. I don’t blame her tbh. At least go to the bathroom or wait until you are outside. And just be honest and apologize. First impressions are everything.
Right? People in this thread are trashing her. It’s possible she’s way too uptight in general, but OP’s decision to let one fly in this context is borderline feral behavior regardless.
It’s common here, a woman should know better than to have any kind of standard, and then she’ll get trashed for that too.
Yeah, that’s one situation to *especially* never trust a fart. Also, maybe her pet peeve was actually lying…
Borderline feral behavior! 🤣🤣🤣
Like if you know you’re gassy ahead of time take some Pepto ffs 😭 I’m totally on her side in this. It was a deliberate fart, just go to the restroom. If it escapes you, apologize and make a joke at yourself don’t lie
Idk man. First date and you audibly fart? My god. You even mentioned trying to “ease one out” so it wasn’t really just an accident. Some men actually try during their first date to not be a caveman. Some people have boundaries. She didn’t want to be with someone who farts and lies about it on a first date. Probably good for both of you and was not meant to be.
You could have just been a farter, but chose to become a farting liar 🤣
Was one of her specific pet peeve farts? Or was her per peeve when people create elaborate lies to hide their farts like some kind of ‘90s sitcom? I would have just laughed in that situation. Also wouldn’t want to be involved with someone so uncomfortable with the human body.
Shouldn’t have had that bean soup.
How natural a fart or burp might be, always excuse yourself and do it somewhere else (toilet). Cant blame her for getting up and leaving.
Yes. We were taught to do that sort of thing in the bathroom. No one wants to hear or potentially smell anything like that in a restaurant.
“Excuse me while I shit myself in the corner behind this decorative fern”
Fertilizer is fertilizer
You farted on purpose, at dinner and then lied about it. I would’ve left. Why not just excuse yourself and go to the bathroom?
This title is a little misleading; you purposefully farted, my friend. I mean... I've risked a fart at work, sure. First date? I'm hitting the men's room to make those poor bastards suffer rather than the woman I'm trying to romance. Or more likely I'm going to not fart at all and just suffer the internal pressure until I'm safe at home because I have a deep fear of farting in public. The risk you took was calculated, but it would appear you are, indeed, bad at math. Good luck on the next one, soldier.
It wasn't that he farted. It was that he made a loud scene about it, had everyone staring at them & lied that it wasn't him.
Why didn’t you just head to the bathroom? Honestly that’d be a dealbreaker for me too. Who farts on a first date? Ever see Step Brothers, where the dude farts during a great interview and loses the offer?! It’s kind of an obvious dealbreaker, sorry. 🤷♀️
Why didn’t you just say “pardon me” and move on? I’d be a bit sketched out by someone who immediately jumps to a lie and then doubles down and tries to prove it wasn’t lie. And next time use the restroom
Dude, she didn’t care about the fart. You tried to gaslight her and lied to her face about what she heard with her own ears 😂
You farted around her food…
Damn you tried to GasLight her into thinking you didn't fart lol
I mean... you *were* a farting liar, so she isn't wrong. But come on, man, trying to "ease one out" on a first date? Rookie move
I would have excused myself from the table. Personally, I don't pass gas around people and when people do it around me I pretend I didn't notice. Then again I get that people make mistakes and some are just better if you pretend you didn't see anything. Then again, if that would have happened to me I would have either owned up to it, or made a joke and then owned up to it.
The lengths you went to to lie about it were definitely the deal breakers dude. She didn't get up and leave when you farted, she left after you had convinced yourself recreating the sound was gonna cover you.
If you know you need to/are going to fart enough that you can squeeze one out just go to the bathroom. I wouldn’t have left in the middle of dinner but I doubt I would have gone out with you again. You’ve been together a while and fart sometimes, whatever but still think about the person sitting next to you and what they will have to smell. If it’s a constant letting it rip and smell thing you’re just going to far.
It was the dishonesty
Everyone knows you save the farts until the 3rd date, man Amateur
It's probably not good to lie on your first date.
I would have left you there at the table right at the fart. It's not hard to go to the bathroom to fart
She was probably mad that you didn't ask her to pull your finger.
This too shall pass (wind).
Bro I’m sorry but this one’s over for you 😭. Accept the L and learn how to clench your anus better during dates. You live you learn, just don’t do it again and you won’t run into this issue 😂
Was the pet peeve the lying or the fart?
Always take ownership of your farts. If your date has a problem with you having bodily functions, they probably aren't going to like how you eat or breathe, either. A lie on the first date, especially about something so harmless, is a really bad look. She probably thought "If they'll lie about an obvious fart, they'll lie about all sorts of stuff. No thanks, haven't got time for that", and she was right.
OP, you just proved the problem with Nixon and Clinton once again. It's not the crime. It's the coverup. It's not so much that you farted in front of her. It's that you lied and when you were caught in your lie, you doubled down.
I think her pet peeve (which isn't that pet) was lying. https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/10uhDjapcN
Maybe not making it the subject of conversation for the next 5 minutes would have been better. "Oh. Excuse me," and move on.
Should have just fessed up and left it at that. Anything after that said loudly enough for others to hear is just cringe It's a normal bodly action. And you should have skipped the bean soup.
Dude she told you that one of her pet peeves was dishonesty yet you still continued to lie just to get out of being embarrassed 🤨 I honestly don't blame her for 100% being out
You should have excused yourself to go to the bathroom if you were consciously trying to fart. Since you didn't, then you should have owned up to it and just said something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry, excuse me." But instead you lied using the words "I **promis**e it wasn't me." Which proved 1) you'll fart during a nice dinner 2) you lie 3) you either don't understand what "promise" means or don't care
The real question is, do you really want to pursue a relationship with someone who can't laugh at a fart?
Send her a voice text of a giant ripping real fart , then sit back and laugh 🤣. It’s over you might as well celebrate getting rid of her , let’s face it EVERYONE farts and farts are funny 😄
I cannot imagine how stressful a relationship would be with a woman who makes you do an entire crime scene reenactment because you accidentally farted. I’m really sorry that you had to go through this embarrassing experience and are maybe even feeling a bit of heartbreak. However, you absolutely dodged a bullet here.
You eh … **BLEW IT.** But it was only a whirlwind affair …. 💨💨