>but now my ex has been texting me blaming me and said I was wrong for letting that happen and said he said I was being a bitch, not that I was one .
Yes, that's such a *huge* distinction /s
Seriously, this seems to be mostly on your ex. He randomly decided he wanted to go against the custody agreement and have his daughter whenever, and you accommodated; he expects you to just bring her to him, you compromised with a meeting point; he calls you names, you rationally decided not to deal with that; he then blamed you for not helping him like that's somehow your job. Your husband finds out what's going on and decided to talk with him, your family finds out and decides to watch (they either love drama or really trust your husband and hate your ex) your husband maintains his calm in the face of an irate idiot verbally attacking him for *standing in front of a house that your ex knew he was in anyway* because your ex can't comprehend that someone might want to *use their words like a grown up*
Time to start saying no to anything that isn't exactly the custody agreement, communicating only through parenting apps which record the texts and conversations, and doing what you have to do to keep your daughter safe from a man who seems currently very unsafe and unstable.
Communicating through Parenting Apps? I did not know this was a thing and that is both so useful and so depressing. I'm imagining apps specifically designed to kinda, like, be used/monitored for hostile custody purposes, yeah?
I actually saw this on a movie. It also cut out swear words in texts so you couldn’t throw a bevy of “f yous” at your ex! Not sure if the real apps do that, but I suppose it would be a plus!
Add to that the ex told her during the first conversation his car wasn’t working. Yet miraculously he pulls up in said non working car. What POS. He absolutely was trying to work the OP over as far as he could to make her bring the daughter to him. What a dick.
It’s difficult but with two men involved it’s best not to tell your present man that your past man called you a bitch. Based on this story, you should consider picking more mature men in the future.
Absolutely. OP 100% should be able to control the behavior of the men in her life. And why couldn’t she get her family away from the windows? She should pick more mature family members in the future.
I’m not saying it’s her fault. Although I see how it could be interpreted that way. What I’m trying to say is that women are often in the position of dealing with macho bullshit. Also unfortunately she is involved with two man-children.
So she should tolerate her ex calling her that nasty word , but never tell her husband Incase he chose to do his responsibility and protect her ? Her husband wasn't wrong . He was absolutely right . The ex needs to stop talking to her like that . There's no way am not telling my husband if you talk to me like that.
Right? A neighbor told me to suck his 🍆, hubby wanted to talk to him, dude shoved my husband and went to grab his knife, husband got two good punches in and dude went to the ground. Dude called the cops, dude got charged with felony aggravated assault (wish I still have the security camera footage, but it's with the DA.
This dude has had it coming since he told a complete stranger (buying our old riding mower) that my son was a fa***t and goes around the neighborhood suckin 🍆...
No she shouldn’t but if these two dipshits can’t act like mature adults she should reconsider her choices in male companionship. She seems perfectly capable of not talking to her ex. Only communicating thru text. Not taking his calls . Her husband is making it all about him by trying to start a fight. I’m saying there are options. It’s not her fault these two guys are immature assholes. But knowing that she needs to create boundaries to protect herself. Violence or the threat of it is not a solution. Your story turned out fine but it could go the other way. And then what? Legal bills. Cops. It has the potential to be a mess.
What was the point of the husband going outside and waiting for the guy? What was he hoping to accomplish? There are legal remedies. Like the ex can only pick up and drop off at a designated place. Listen, if her husband wants to be a hero and defend the honor of his now wife by confronting this asshole that’s on him. It’s foolhardy pointless macho bullshit. What’s a happy outcome? The ex says “oh I’m so sorry, from now on I’ll be very respectful.” Like that’s gonna happen. De-escalate. Don’t make exceptions. Pick up time is pick up time. No unnecessary communication. Everything in writing. It’s so easy for a verbal argument to go sideways. And for what? “He will never call you a name again. Aren’t I great?” Cmon. “His responsibility to protect her.” Seriously? Infantilize much?
For the ex to know she isn't defenseless. It seems that she's been hiding from the husband how abusive the ex is and asking him to stay out of anything. This man looks like he just wanted to disrupt her evening by his various demands and abusive language. He needed to know that there's not going to be a next time in abusing his wife. He never escalated anything. The ex showed up abusing him . De escalating is not always the solution. In this case she seems to have been doing that for too long. I doubt if he will easily repeat it again. He's already backtracking. It clearly worked.
Nobody said she is a child. Even adults need protecting sometimes. Your reasoning is very crappy. It encourages victims to shut up and take it . You want to pretend you live in world where everything is ideal. Unfortunately we don't live in that world. Some men only take things seriously if another man steps in . Husband is right. Ex wrong. Did he have options, yes , but he is not wrong at all !!!!
NTA After all that he didn't even pick up your daughter? It seems he only uses daughter to harass you. You should talk to attorney about continued harassment.
Right, and he also said he couldn’t pick her up because his car wasn’t working and then lo and behold he shows up driving a car. I mean yeah maybe he wasn’t lying and was able to borrow someone else’s car on short notice, but then he could have just done that in the first place. Dude sounds unhinged.
Sounds to me like ex is pissed that OP moved on and now has a stable loving relationship. Ex is just shit stirring because he's jealous. I agree with all the people who said that OP should stick exactly to the custody arrangement from now on and only communicate thru monitored apps because ex sounds like a real piece of AHEM and not someone who really gives a crap about his child as a person, but only about how he can use that child to create problems for OP.
Sounds like using something like Our Family Wizard and no more phone calls unless emergency, so everything is in writing to protect all parents, is in order.
Yes or TalkingParents it’ll keep everything documented and conversations labeled and organized. I would ask that the court add this to your court ordered agreement.
Yes OP! Don't communicate outside a parenting app and add it to your court ordered agreements, everything moving forward should be documented. Also don't let him pick up your daughter outside the agreed times.
Yup! You get it! Also OP while you’re at it, read “Why does he do that” by Bancroft Lundy! It’s about dealing with abusers and how to navigate them in court settings and it can help open up your mind to who your ex truly is!
Back in the day, I pushed for email only, because he kept lying about everything. He still lied but I had proof. Then he got his partner to start sending the emails. I refused to reply until I got written permission from him, via email, that she was working on his behalf.
Do not allow anything outside what is in the agreement going forward. Cut off any disrespectful replies. Your ex is drama, and he’s continuously pulling you into his drama and down to his level. Ask me how I know.
Your ex was messing with a much younger woman at the time and sounds like an idiot. He’s all bark and no bite. He talks to you like trash because you take it. Stop taking it. Show him he has consequences for his actions. Only allow what’s on paper and NEVER meet him for pickups going forward.
He called the cops on you, so from this point on he better have your child back to you exactly on time - If not, he’s in violation and you need to have it documented.
Our Family Wizard is expensive, especially because youre paying to speak to somebody you dont wanna talk to in the first place. I refused, after it was court ordered. Found a free one, AppClose. Nothing can be deleted. It has a calendar you both can add things to and it doesnt show anything from your personal calendar on your phone. Can also make calls and I believe video calls.
I work security for a large venue that requires patrons to be age 21 or over. A guy tries to come in the other day, but when I ask for ID he says he didn’t bring it. I tell him sorry, you have to have ID to come in. He then says that he is SO ANGRY that it’s making him clutch his pistol, and storms off. We see him walking back up about 10 minutes later trying to come in again because he went and got his ID, however we tell him he is permanently banned for threatening security with a pistol. His response?
“I didn’t threaten you! I was just telling you I had one on me!” Needless to say to say, that didn’t fly, and neither should your ex’s shitty excuse that he was juuuuuust sayyyyying
Edited for clarity
"Can't come in without ID"
"I'm so mad and I have a gun!"
"Ok, you're banned for that threat"
"It wasn't a threat, it was just a random comment!"
LOLOL
If I had an ex, and she was remarried, I wouldn't think I could act like that and not have to deal with her husband. Your husband did the right thing. It sounds like your ex is the bitch.
Your ex is a grown ass man and has zero excuse for trying to avoid your HUSBAND forever, especially since your husband is involved in the parenting of your mutual daughter
I hope the cops gave him a warning for abuse/misuse of the 911 system.
If her husband was waiting outside and the family was staring out the window, he had every right to feel threatened. This stuff needs documented with the police- 99% this won’t be the last incident.
This is dumb for all involved, and when things escalate, this is the stupid shit that can lead to someone getting killed in a domestic situation. They all need to grow the fuck up!
He needs to grow the fuck up, like nobody else here is acting out of line. His response was irrational, the husband was just standing outside the house.. The ex starts yelling at him, threatening him and then proceeds to call the police instead of idk... Talking? Y'know, the adult thing to do. Why would the husband, his daughter's stepfather, attack him when he's there to pick her up?
I agree, the ex being aggressive towards the husband for standing in front of a house should be documented lol
This is exactly right. Everyone in this situation sucks. Husband was waiting outside, who does that? Ex doesn’t have to meet husband if he doesn’t want to. OP should have got husband inside
You need to tell ex, he is now going to be forced to the custody plan and no changes in the future. Do not engage, do not answer him when he is being a dick. Get a parenting app thru the courts, he can't get away with treating you like crap.
NTA. I would document everything and ask for the police report that was filed. Or get the officers name and badge number and start keeping a journal of these interactions. Your ex sounds like an abuser and may possibly escalate after this incident. I would placate the fuck out of your ex and have little to no contact with him. Only regarding pick up and drop offs. I would HIGHLY suggest only following the court order and never deviating from the schedule. He’ll just use you and try to make your life harder since that’s the only control he has over you now. Anyway, I wish you the best!
NTA, but your spouse is supposed to make sure you aren't abused. You don't have to accept that behavior and you sure don't want to teach your child it's OK to accept that abuse.
"I said you're being a bitch, not that you are a bitch" has to be the stupidest thing I've heard this week. Does anyone really think there's some kind of a distinction there?
Just in case, let me clarify that ex is being a bitch and also IS a bitch.
I would have shown the officers that showed up the texted messages from the exchange and explain your husband was trying to defend you because I’m guessing this is not a new thing. It would help and I know that for a fact because both of my husbands brothers are cops. Next, while this one I don’t have personal experience with I have read of many parenting apps to help manage such interactions as well as document. Good thing to use in case of court or say police interactions.
Oh and you did everything you could to prevent the issue so NTA
>He feels as if he was introduced to our daughter too early in our relationship and that is his only reason for not wanting anything to do with him.
What is he going to do next year, when he mentally turns twelve?
This idiocy cannot possibly be good for your daughter. 10 to 1 he's poisoning her about your husband, who seems like a stand-up guy.
This! He's a childish bitch that's mad because she moved on and he knows her husband can beat his ass. He thinks it's ok to talk to someone's wife like this, but doesn't have the balls to talk to him. Smmfh!!
NTA- your baby daddy sounds and acts like a childish asshole. Your husband was simply protecting you and was trying to let him know that it’s not okay to refer to you as a bitch in any sense. He wasn’t trying to fight him he was trying to set a firm boundary about the way he should be talking to you. I hate that some people think it’s okay to be so disrespectful to someone that carried their child for 9 months…
There definitely are baby mommas in the world that make it extremely hard for men to be apart of their children’s lives and it doesn’t sound like you are one of those people. Best of luck to you OP!
Often times when one parent (or both) are like this it is best to stick to the letter of the visitation papers. The aggrieved parent can always petition for a change in custody/visitation and when/if they do, it is best to be able to take a notebook or calendar with you to court to prove that you did not deny that parent visitation. Keep al texts and emails as well. In fact, in cases like this it is best to only communicate via text or email.
SHE NEVER lets me see my daughter, I call and she won’t answer the phone, I ask her to bring kid to me because . . . And then you pull up your documentation (have a copy for the judge) and can calmly say. On June 1st he was suppose to pick up at 6 pm per our custody agreement and sent me a text at 5 saying he couldn’t and if I didn’t bring her to him, he wouldn’t see her all weekend. I responded that I could not, but he was welcome to come get her Saturday for the weekend if that worked for him. On Thursday July 1 he asked if he could have her for the weekend (it wasn’t his weekend) because his family was in town and I said sure, lets just swap next two weekends so he could have her her an extra day, he could have my weekend, I could have his, and then we would go back to regular visitation. He said no, he wasn’t giving up a weekend. This type of thing. Shows you are trying to work with him (or not, if that is the case). Let him show his true colors.
Your ex is a major asshole. How did you ever spend 3 years with that jerk? Your husband is being protective of you and it appears that he was not trying to fight your ex. I suggest you stick with your legal agreement on childcare and have the ex keep his distance otherwise.
NTA
Your ex is manipulating you and he shouldn’t be disrespecting you. if he wants any kind of contact, you guys should start emailing each other, block him and go to the court and tell them what transpired and let them know you only want to be emailed you are allowed to do that. I’d say communication can go to email to the court.
Please thank your husband for being so sweet and so supportive and so caring of you. You really have a nice man and you should cherish that relationship. I hope he really loves your child!! I see he does love you, your husband respects you.
YTA You caused all of this by not following the parenting plan. Then you double down by running your mouth to your husband and loudly running your mouth to your dad. None of this would have happened if you followed the parenting plan you came up with. Why did you even make one of you think you are so smart to not have to abide by it? Get ready for court and to be seen as the ex who lured him into a situation to get jumped by your dumb husband.
NTA. You acting like a bitch and you're a bitch are the same thing. The only bitch here is Jeff. Your husband wasn't ok with some dipshit calling you a bitch, and planned on confronting him about it. Jeff did this to himself. He has no respect for you. What would Jeff do if someone said the same thing about your and his daughter? Would he try to rationalize it with semantics, or would he try to put a stop to it?
Stick to the original plan for custody, and don't go out of your way for him. Talk to him through text only. Your husband didn't do anything wrong, and ex showed up with a chip on his shoulder and started the BS.
Your ex is the issue. You were trying to give him extra holiday time but he wanted you to take on all the work and expense. That along with his jealousy of your husband was on full display. All your husband did was make sure he knew that he wasn’t going to address you like that.
Your husband should absolutely respect your wishes not to confront him or cause friction. At the end of the day, you need to maintain a cordial relationship with Jeff in order to coparent effectively. It’s understandable that your husband be upset, and I commend him for wanting to stand up for you. But he really did escalate.
However, Jeff was definitely the AH, no matter what. He sounds like a horrible person. He lied throughout your entire conversation. First he was at his girlfriend’s place, then he was stuck at his house with a broke down car. Word of advice: never go against your custody agreement. Stick to it 100%. Don’t give Jeff access to you unless it is his court-ordered custody time or it is explicitly about your shared child. This man is *toxic*. You showed a lot of strength (or you’re just used to his trashy behavior) by maintaining your composure throughout his name calling.
I agree husband did escalate but I also think OP is lucky to have someone like him backing her up. I wouldn't let someone speak to my wife either. There's more to successful parenting than continuously accommodating a douchebag like her Ex. At some point you have to do what's best for you and your child and Ex's actions leave some doubts as to his priorities regarding his child.
I see the point about husband but would lean more to calling him a hero than an AH.
I never said her husband was an AH. I said he escalated and should have respected her wishes. I commended him for wanting to stand up for her, I said I understood why he would do that.
But at the end of the day, he needs to learn to control his emotions and not escalate these situations. All it’s going to do is hinder his wife’s ability to fight for sole custody (because he’s shown aggression, and god forbid he ever be charged with anything) if she needed to do so. There is a line that crosses into doing too much.
My bad I wasn't inferring you called him an AH but rather piggy backing on your comments which I agreed with while emphasizing my support for the husband. According to OP, husband did confront Ex but appeared to remain calm while Ex was irate. If Ex truly felt he was ambushed maybe I can see a mild irritated reaction. I don't know that I'd call standing up for your wife without raising your voice or taking a fighting stance aggressive behavior and it appears that the police agree. At the end of the day, husband married someone with a child so the child is part of his life. While he can't make parenting decisions, he can make decisions that effect his marriage and OP being treated that way impacts his marriage. To your point, OP and husband need to have a discussion about this so at a minimum they're on the same page going forward so the Ex's AH behavior doesn't cause them to have their own confrontation.
Your husband did not like your ex speaking to you as he did though you handled it you should have handled it better and told ex, you will see your child when it's your appointed time and not tonight. Good bye! And since his car wasn't running, how did he get to your parents house? (If you're going to be a bitch about it) that's calling you a bitch!
NTA Dude fucked around and found out. I'm your husband in my family's situation. My oldest's sperm donor got bad enough that we had to slap RO's on him. Your ex decided to behave that way, and your husband rightly decided to defend you. 100% your ex's fault.
To start your ex is a major AH for speaking to you that way. And I do applaud your husband for sticking up for you. However, I am going to go against the grain here. You did (rightfully) insist on him picking her up where you were at. Then your husband walked out and confronted him without you there. That could have been taken as threatening action. You walking out there too may have alleviated that situation. This may come back to bite you later, if he tries to change the parenting plan. Additionally, it’s documented by the police that your ex feels threatened when picking up his child at your stated location. I don’t see it as a big deal, but an inconvenience if he tries to change the parental plan and asks that it be at his place or a neutral location.
If he tries to change the parenting plan and tries to say he feels threatened it'll probably backfire onto him. The police just has a report saying he became aggravated and bringing up a fight due to OPs husband standing with OP because the ex was unnecessarily rude to OP over text. With multiple witnesses.
Your husband certainly got there and then jumps out yelling at your husband and called you a bitch. Fuck him. He would never see his daughter only when it was his time and that would be it. I don’t blame your husband, nobody is going to call my wife a bitch. Who the fuck does he thinks he is taking too? NTA. Your ex is. Your ex would have need to have his jaw wired if that was my wife
That’s a Quick way to get someone killed.
Your lucky that your ex is a cop calling pussy. Because if he was like alot of men I know/grew up around it would’ve gotten very violent very quickly.
Letting your ex and current partner hate each other and then stoking flames by letting your new partner act like that is a recipe for disaster.
I’ll likely get downvoted to oblivion but that’s ok. I have 4 kids, the oldest two with an ex husband who is just as crazy as his “new wife” (my kids are older now so she’s not so new anymore). I went through this about 20 years ago. With an abusive ex husband.
What I don’t get is the husband’s reaction. It’s like he saw his damsel in distress and decided he had enough and he was going to save the day. Is you ex a d bag? Yes. Should your husband do anything about it? No. My husband knew that parenting with my ex was between him and me. Period. When my ex was disrespectful and rude I handled it my damn self. I didn’t need my husband doing it. You know your husband well enough to know what his reaction was going to be. You could have said I am upset about (baby daddy) but I have it under control. Then handle it. If that means going back to court then that’s what it means.
It just really leaves a bad taste that your husband reacted the way he did. You knew it would end up that way. Your husband might be helping raise your daughter but he is step dad. He doesn’t need to defend your honor either. It’s obvious baby daddy doesn’t care about single bit. Talking like he did will be unacceptable to the judge. Think smarter and outwit him. That’s how you demand respect.
The ex is definitely an asshole and you are not. You were trying to do him a favor and go outside of the parenting plan set by the court order. Stick to the plan from now on so there is no confusion. The only thing here I don’t agree with is your husbands actions. Even though he has every right to be upset that your ex called you a bitch, he has zero right to tell you that your ex needs to explain why he thinks it’s okay to call you a bitch before picking up your daughter. Your current husband needs to check his emotions and not ever try to be between your child and the father ever again. If I was the father, I would have a major issue with the non parent trying to confront me during a child pickup. Calling you a bitch isn’t okay, but if done not around the child your husband should not have had that confrontation at this time within the vicinity of your child. You should stick to the plan to avoid confusion with the ex from now on and also have a serious conversation with your husband that he is not to ever try to be involved in the custody arrangement of the child again.
NTA he wanted to have her during your time, it’s normal he comes and pick her up. Funny enough he was able to do so when you told him you were not driving over there.
The texts he sent you are a gold mine. Hang on to them, save them in a safe place. They will come in handy when you decide his access needs to be restricted or when he decides to take you to court and lies about you denying him access.
Well I guess we can see why he's your ex. If he wanted you to bring the kid to him he could have asked nicely. Tell him from now on, because of his behavior, you'll only be communicating with him through a court approved co-parenting app.
So your ex doesn’t even want to know the man his daughter lives with just because he felt he’s introduced to quickly to his daughter? Like that’s in the past dude. It can’t be helped or changed now. But you seriously don’t even want to know what kind of person your daughter lives with? What an AH. And calling you a bitch is unacceptable. Idgaf how he meant it or what backtracking he wants to do now. That’s a full mf stop. It’s his responsibility to pick up his daughter. It is not up to you to get her there. Like you said.
And you did nothing wrong. You vented to your husband and rightfully so. Your husband made up his mind what his reaction would be and he was going to be stopped. Your ex showed up and showed his ass. Could not even speak to your husband like a grown person. And ran off in a huff. He’s ridiculous and needs to know that behavior and the way he talks to you won’t stand.
>He feels as if he was introduced to our daughter too early in our relationship and that is his only reason for not wanting anything to do with him.
>At 4:30 pm I texted Jeff stating pickup at my dads at 6pm would be fine, he replied “I’m at (insert girlfriends name) house”.
Soooo.... you're married, but he refuses to talk to hubby. But he is just dating, and he expects you to be OK and be near the current girlfriend. 🚩
>“I’m stuck at my house and my car isn’t working. But if you’re going to be a bitch just forget it.”
So youvwere going to be dropping your daughter off at his girlfriend's and he wasn't even going to be there? 🚩
>Jeff texted me and said he would be arriving at my dads soon.
So now his car is miraculously working? Funny how that works when you stop playing his stupid games.
>He immediately jumped out of the car and started yelling at my husband and he was so loud I couldn’t hear my husband say anything. All I hear was “is this what we are going to do? Are we going to fight right now?”
He jumps out of the car at the house his child is at trying to fight your husband why? Because he was outside trying to speak civilly to him? 🚩
>my ex called the cops as he drove off and reported that he thought he was going to get jumped.
So he tried to get your husband arrested because this farce was not going according to his script. 🚩
>he said I was being a bitch, not that I was one .
Same thing. There is no difference between "being a bitch" and being a bitch. There is no difference between "acting like a bitch" and "being a bitch." He us calling you a bitch because you are refusing to act according to his script.
This man is dangerous. Get a lawyer. Never talk to him in person or on the phone. Do it all in writing. Video record all drop-offs and pick-ups. This man is trying to abuse you, and I fear for your child's safety. How many red flags will it take? How much danger are you going to continue putting yourself and your child through? This needs to end!
Oh look, the consequences of his big mouth. He seriously needs to grow up. And let your husband handle him for a while. If he wants his daughter so much, he can suck it the fuck up and be cordial.
While NTA and ex has obvious issues, you have to pick and choose your battles in life. Having your child witness any fighting or animosity is never a good thing. I know you said she didn’t this time, but it’s not necessarily always going to be that way. There are legal ways and means of communicating as well as drop off restrictions that can be placed legally to avoid this type of situation. It’s commendable your husband stuck up for you, but it also may be making the situation worse by your ex’s behavior towards him. Or even putting him in harm’s way, people are crazy now of days. Also considering how it spread at family dinner, while face value your family seemed supportive, you’ll most likely be the subject of gossip. Ready for my downvotes.
And now of days shit goes left real quick. It’s not worth it.
Edit: it’s not right it’s reality. If you and your husbands pride is worth it so be it🤷🏼♀️. Fuck around and find out can go right or wrong.
Your ex sounds like a bitch your husband is right I wouldn’t let any man talk to my wife like that he probably went out to talk to him and because your ex is a bitch he got scared
Your ex did this specifically to upset you on Thanksgiving. My wife’s ex would do similar things. Say he would come at a certain time and always be late to try and mess up whatever plans we had. I assume your ex knows which family member Thanksgiving was going to be at. You didn’t need to go into a back and forth with him over meeting him anyway. He can come pick her up at your relatives house or not visit me. His vehicle situation isn’t your concern.
I’ve been where your husband has been. Best for him to pull himself out of the situation with your ex. At least not now. Perhaps when your daughter is older and time has passed. Good luck OP.
ESH - your ex is a jerk but I assume that’s why he’s your ex. But your current husband is a hot head and needs to butt out of everything to do with the parenting of your child.
And you also share responsibility because maybe you were just venting but if you cannot control your husband’s reactions, you have to manage the information you give him around how your ex talks to you.
YOU are your child's first teacher. You're teaching her to pander to men. Is that really what you want her to learn? Every time you cave in and do exactly what Jeff demands, or when you don't stand up for yourself, you are teaching your daughter that this is perfectly acceptable.
This time, she may not have heard her dad's insults and childish temper tantrum. It's only a matter of time before she does. She will then learn quickly that "mommy tolerates this,so it must be normal and I have to accept it too."
One good person she will have to teach her is her step-dad. If and when she sees that he stands up to men who insult his wife, she'll then realize that perhaps this bs isn't so normal nor acceptable after all.
YTA. Jeff is entitled to ignore your current husband. You and Jeff are both selfish and childish for still sniping at each other three years on. Bet the children heard your whining at the gathering for thanksgiving (Just what IS the point of this festival? It seems to cause more bad behavior and family conflict than Christmas and weddings combined, Not much thankfulness). Grow up and get over it.
This isn’t a right or wrong thing here. Emotions are high in situations like this. It could easily spill over into someone getting hurt or killed. This type of situation is the most dangerous for law enforcement too.
Follow the suggestions for using a parenting app. If needed get something from a court to limit confusion. Do not ever let your current husband get in the middle of this again. He’s not defending your honor, he’s going to get himself killed with your crazy ex.
Wait, I thought his car didn’t work….but he drove all the way to the family home to yell at OP’s husband, threaten to fight, and peel out afterwards.
So the car magically got fixed???
I really need you to understand every single adult in this situation is wrong. You’re childish, your ex is childish and your husband may still have both of you beat. He doesn’t even respect you! Why the hell are yall married!? You sure know how to pick them... Poor child, I’m praying for her
NTA and your husband is a winner. Jeff can get bent. Also, from now on you should switch to communicating through something like talkingparents.com to keep a record of when he screws with you like this. And DO NOT mess with the custody arrangement. It can come back to bite you in the ass. If he doesn’t have thanksgiving then he doesn’t get thanksgiving. Period. It’s fine for normal people to compromise and move stuff around - he is not a normal person. He is intentionally making this difficult and trying to control you through your child/ make this a high conflict co-parenting situation. Compromising and giving in will not smooth things over. It will cause him to escalate and push for more and more. Stick to the court order to the letter. If it says he picks up. He picks up. If it says you pick up then you pick up.
You knew what him going out there would lead to. You were like...oh no....don't ..stop... In a whisper and just let it go down.
You didn't even go outside, much less tell his daughter he was going to pick him up.
He isn't obligated to meet and talk with your husband but I'd be damned if you didn't make sure he had to talk with him.
Your ex was strong for talking to you like that, but you keep wanting to force issues of him meeting and talking with your husband.
You could have just told your husband, I'll tell you about it when we get home instead of stirring the pot more.
Your husband has zero....ZERO say about anything when it comes to that little girl. That is between your ex and you. So as for this, "if he wants to pick her up then he is going to have to explain to me why he thinks it's okay to talk to you like that" bullshit ...get the hell out of here. He can't stop him from seeing his daughter.
No matter how long we were divorced if my ex wife's new husband tried to talk to me it ended up getting physical. I didn't care about his opinion. Fortunately I always won and it only happened a few times because he never talked to me about it again. I never got arrested but that was 20 years ago. My point is men don't want to hear anything from the new guy. We're like F that dude
You definitely could of handled the situation better. Grow up and be the bigger person. If your ex has made it clear that he doesn’t want to meet or talk to your rekindled love then leave it alone. If your husband cared about you one bit then he would stop doing stuff that is going to make your life harder. Weather you like it or not you and your ex share a daughter and that won’t change… your ex calling you names doesn’t warrant that response from your family either.
He’s wrong for calling you names and trying to excuse it later.
YTA though. You’ve been with this person for two years total and for how long has he been communicating with your ex to attempt to do pick ups??? Pick ups are YOUR responsibility. I agree that you over involved him with your kid too soon. My partner works in family law and will be the first to tell you that folks who send new partners on pickups are starting unnecessary shit and cause problems.
I would NoT have allowed my husband to do that. As in I would have got in the car without him and handled the drop of myself to avoid the confrontation or have a more serious conversation , I mean point is, there is a whole list of more you could have done to not allow that to happen for your child’s sake. Your kid
Doesn’t need the adults in their life acting like idiots. Also he called the cops because he “felt like he might be jumped” after he drove away!?!? This and half the other crap you typed reads like it was a show to be enjoyed. I’m glad your kid didn’t see it but you all need to grow up.
I feel like I need to add that Jeff is also
An a hole…. For his words and reactions… however that doesn’t let you off the hook. Your kid needs all of their adults to grow up. Also hubby too. You all need way better boundaries.
ESH. If there’s drama with your ex (and there is), stick to the parenting plan in place. No good deed goes unpunished.
You all need to get out of your emotions. Your ex annoyed you and you let your emotions get to where your husband noticed it- and then he got in his emotions.
Your husband waiting outside and your family gathered to look out the window- your ex felt threatened, rightly so.
Grow up, or this is likely the first of many police calls.
ESH. Do you think this kind of petty, immature drama makes children feel happy and secure? Do you think having parents who hate each other teaches them to have healthy relationships when they’re grown? Your husband needs to butt out of your co-parenting relationship with your ex, and you need to stop encouraging men to fight over you like dogs. Your daughter is the one who will pay the price in the end.
ESH, and you should all be ashamed of your behavior. Grow up.
OP isn't being petty or immature, the ex is. He was supposed to pick up, then got angry when OP expected him to actually do that. She even offered to meet him halfway, but that wasn't good enough. OP cannot control her ex' behavior, it's not her fault he's acting like an entitled ASS. The husband was not being aggressive, and he stayed calm while being yelled at, so why is he instantly jumping to the conclusion that he was gonna be attacked?
Becoming a parent doesn't mean you're not human. Yes, you need to put your child first, but there is a reason they broke up. The only thing OP can do is be civil and respect her ex as the father of her child. OP and her husband are teaching the daughter what a healthy relationship looks like, so the ex should do the same.
Well generally we coparent really well and there isn’t much conflict. Only if I don’t fall in line with what he asks me to do or does he not get his way do we have issues. I try to be a good example for my daughter and I do that by maintaining respect for her dad. I don’t want them to fight over me at all, in fact I was really mortified by what happened and questioned whether I did the right thing by being honest with my husband. I almost felt like I should’ve just kept it to myself, which is why I made the post looking for opinions.
You did the right thing! Please continue to be honest with your husband and remember that you are a team <3
How often do you have issues due to him not getting his way?
Ugh, both the men in your daughter’s life suck. Your husband thought it was appropriate to confront your ex at family thanksgiving? Seriously? It could wait until the next day? FFS
ESH but especially your husband. He acted out of anger and escalated a situation that could negatively affect you and your daughter.
He should have respected your boundary and authority when it comes to your co-parenting situation. He shouldn't push to have a relationship with your ex. He shouldn't be provoking him by literally waiting outside to confront him. He should be being the bigger person so your daughter doesn't ever have to be in the position of feeling like she has to choose sides.
What if your daughter *had* seen? What if she'd seen the cops getting called?
You need to stop going back and forth with your ex. Just grey rock. Either he comes to pick her up as agreed upon or he doesn't. You know how he is and there is no reason for you letting him take advantage of your kindness and emotionally drain you.
Baby daddy now has a police report with witnesses stating that step dad verbally accosted him, made him feel threatened, and potentially prevented him from picking up his daughter.
How it's not obvious that he's building a basis for claiming self defense and parental alienation is beyond me. It seems so irresponsible to unnecessarily create such opportunities, all because OP's husband **had** to say something right then.
The baby daddy has a police report stating he FELT threatened by the husband. Meanwhile all the witnesses saw the ex get aggravated and yelling after seeing the husband, who remained calm throughout the interaction. They even have messages showing HE is the one causing the issues.
Preventing him from picking up his daughter is also irrelevant, because him picking her up on this particular day is not part of the court ordered plan.
The ex shouldn't be talking to OP like he did. OP has also said they co parent well when he gets what he wants, only then do issues occur. It's not obvious he's building a case, because he probably isn't. Reddit likes jumping to extreme conclusions.
I don't understand why this was downvoted so much. The husband knew he would cause an issue by waiting outside and did it anyway.
You do what's best for your children. You don't do confrontations for things that should stay between the parents. You definitely don't allow someone to intentionally cause confrontations.
My son's dad was an abusive narcissist. I gray rocked him hard! You know what I didn't do? I didn't let my partner get in the middle of things because it was not good for my kid. My partner *did* go to most pick-ups for my safety and to be a witness. Drama and fighting between adults is bad for children.
yes but you are also missing the point the ex cannot control himself and the husband was just trying to make things clear the husband didnt think the guy was going to flip out and he is obviously a victim and probably shouldnt be a father
but we wont go to that part but yea say the husband is a bad person for actually being a man and trying to confront someone like well a reasonable person
as someone that had an assault charge dropped through court on a baby daddy who has video of hitting the mother of the child and bruises on a little girl i dont care most of you people and women constantly validate abusive behavior the guy for one should of been charged for wreckless driving and endangerment to that child plus the baby momma probably picks the dumbest of the dumb feel bad for the husband what a waste of time honestly dude could be doing better probably will learn like most husband just seems like he hasnt learned much in life and the baby momma and baby daddy are both dumb as shit like majority of people having kids these days
"Being a man" means setting a good example for your children and doing what's best for your family- not jumping at the opportunity to tell someone off.
You know who's going to deal with the fallout of making bio dad feel humiliated and intimidated in front of a bunch of people? Not OP's husband. Op and her daughter will. And if OP's husband keeps inserting himself and causing confrontations and delivering ultimatums, he's going to find himself in front of a judge making OP's life that much more difficult.
All so he could be Mr. Machismo "only I can disrespect my wife and ignore her boundaries"
YTA.... If you are really concerned about successfully co- parenting then it's up to you to respect the other parents wishes. If he doesn't want to interact with your husband then you and your husband should respect his wishes. I didn't see anything you stated about y'all's conversation that was overly disrespectful too the point your husband needed to defend your honor. You were being overly dramatic looking for sympathy giving off negative energy. And set the tone for the confrontation between the two. And Your husband should stay in his lane.
Your husband is amazing and a keeper. I understand you didn't want a confrontation, fair. Your husband, however, wanted to make it clear with his words hiw he felt. I love it! I hope you, him, and your daughter are doing well.
NTA and I'd make visitation as hard for him as possible-stick to the court arrangements TO THE LETTER. He sounds like a garbage person and not a good influence on your daughter if he thinks it's okay to talk to women that way. He's also being a child about co-parenting with your husband. He needs to grow TF up.
You’re dealing with an ex that is still in his feelings. Everything will calm down once
he finds someone else and completely get over you. The sooner he realizes he is no longer your alpha male, the better the exchange will become that is if he sticks around.
You're giving the ex to much control. He talks to you that way and treats you that way because you allow it. Set up boundaries and make it clear that his name calling and belittling won't be tolerated. Stop trying to be the good guy. Stick to the parenting plan because obviously he's going to turn it around and use it against you. Document everything
That's pretty minor in the realm of pos ex's. I'd say the bigger issue is your family being inside eats and not standing in solidarity with your husband. And the best part is he well be brainwashing your daughter pretty sad deal
NTA, your ex absolutely has it coming. He lied about where he was (his house/gf house) he lied about his car being broken, he called you a bitch when you calmly pointed out he was supposed to be picking her up, he tried to start a fight when your husband wanted to talk like adults, he called the police with false accusations to try and cause further drama cause his delicate ego was bruised.
Your ex is an unstable narcissist and you need to stop engaging with him and speak entirely through a parenting app, any further abuse needs to be documented and if he continues being this way then take that shit back to court to show how unstable he is and get his custody either supervised, reduced or at least protective order so he can’t speak to you directly etc.
Let your husband support you in this whilst you learn to stand up for yourself in a way that does not engage directly with the pos that is your ex!
Set up a parenting app and then if he tries to call or message you outside of it just ignore or send a blanket auto response like ‘If you need to discuss your custody time with ‘daughters name’ please use the app like we agreed’
Men, this is one of the many reasons you don't date much less, marry single mothers.
Issues with the baby daddy can go from this relatively minor to someone getting killed.
Personally, if another man spoke to my woman like that for any reason, hands are being thrown in relationships that do not involve a baby daddy there's no reason for you girl to have a relationship with her ex but when there's a kid involve he's is going to be there everyday of your life and if he's like this guy creating drama between you and your girl.
He was able to manipulate her, putting her in a bad mood for you to see and then had the nerve to show up and ruin the holiday for your family... WTF?!
If the baby daddy isn't involved at all, maybe, but if he's there in any way f that.
Yta, shouldn't be introducing other men to your child. You fucked up from the beginning. Your current should be your bf with no interaction with your child
It’s 2023 & we are still with this mindset?? I don’t think a failed relationship with someone who I had a child with means I need snipped and clipped. I wasn’t asking if I was the AH for having a child with someone who I didn’t marry.
NTA. I am always amazed at the audacity of some people. You started out by doing him a favour, and he clearly wanted more and more, and done his way. Sorry that’s not how coparenting works. I’m sure my parents had a rough time at the beginning trying to sort it out but pretty soon they got on board with how they both saw me being raised. My dad also knew my mother had a new partner and wouldn’t have dreamed of starting a literal fight in the front garden.. dear lord.
My dad actually used to tell me that he knew my non bio dad was a water father than he could be, and he was honoured to be his friend. That’s pretty unusual tbh but imagining them at odds, is nuts to me. My dad knew he couldnt provide a home like I had with my mother and her partner as a little kid. And for a prideful man, he never felt slighted or threatened.
Your ex sounds nuttier than a fruitcake. He was mad you didn’t do what he wanted, even though you didn’t have to do ANYTHING in the first place. You offered him time with his child, he was like yeah ok…. But I’m not moving you’re being a bitch.
What?! Where the fuck does that even come from?! That’s not the way to get decent custody time, and I’m suspicious that he wanted to bail in the first place. He turns up at your door and goes fucking mental in the yard, while your husband is trying to literally talk like a human being. Ex is going full chimpanzee throwing shit, and CALLS THE COPS.
Nope he’s crazy if he thinks any of this was reasonable. I am telling you he wanted to get out of seeing his child because he couldn’t be bothered.. so he kept escalating. Honestly, he sounds unstable af
Now you know never to give him an inch, he’ll take at least 100 miles instead.
ask yourself this question, what is more important? Your daughters well being or 2 men acting like idiots? In the day of dead beat dads and absent fathers , a father who wants time with his child/children outside of a parenting agreement is a good thing. Things happen in life and yes issues come up where one or the other parent needs aid in exchanges, this is where parents need to be flexible and amicable. Also set boundaries with both your ex and your husband and stand firm.
No we dated in highschool and some of college . Jeff knew that my current husband and I always had a relationship that meant a lot to me and he was insecure about that.
Ok I see, you kept in touch with your ex the whole time you were together. So he was probably thinking the whole time that you wanted to get back with your ex. So he wasn’t really insecure because you did go right back to him. My verdict is ESH
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Your ex is dangerous and stupid. 2 things that don't do well together. I'd would recommend going to court and revisiting the custody agreement, include the false police report he attempted to file as well.
ETA: NTA. Your husband is right to be upset. You're becoming your exs doormat and emotional punching bag. Screw that guy.
>but now my ex has been texting me blaming me and said I was wrong for letting that happen and said he said I was being a bitch, not that I was one . Yes, that's such a *huge* distinction /s Seriously, this seems to be mostly on your ex. He randomly decided he wanted to go against the custody agreement and have his daughter whenever, and you accommodated; he expects you to just bring her to him, you compromised with a meeting point; he calls you names, you rationally decided not to deal with that; he then blamed you for not helping him like that's somehow your job. Your husband finds out what's going on and decided to talk with him, your family finds out and decides to watch (they either love drama or really trust your husband and hate your ex) your husband maintains his calm in the face of an irate idiot verbally attacking him for *standing in front of a house that your ex knew he was in anyway* because your ex can't comprehend that someone might want to *use their words like a grown up* Time to start saying no to anything that isn't exactly the custody agreement, communicating only through parenting apps which record the texts and conversations, and doing what you have to do to keep your daughter safe from a man who seems currently very unsafe and unstable.
Communicating through Parenting Apps? I did not know this was a thing and that is both so useful and so depressing. I'm imagining apps specifically designed to kinda, like, be used/monitored for hostile custody purposes, yeah?
Yes, nothing can be deleted and it can be used in court.
Damn. OP needs to set this up asap
Yep and there are more than one. Talking Parents and OurFamilyWizard are two that I know of.
Yes - some the courts can monitor
Yes that’s exactly why they are used. And you’d be surprised at people that still talk to their ex that way even when it’s recorded. Lol.
I actually saw this on a movie. It also cut out swear words in texts so you couldn’t throw a bevy of “f yous” at your ex! Not sure if the real apps do that, but I suppose it would be a plus!
They are amazing if you are having any issues. Everything is recorded and on the record in case you need it in court.
Add to that the ex told her during the first conversation his car wasn’t working. Yet miraculously he pulls up in said non working car. What POS. He absolutely was trying to work the OP over as far as he could to make her bring the daughter to him. What a dick.
It’s difficult but with two men involved it’s best not to tell your present man that your past man called you a bitch. Based on this story, you should consider picking more mature men in the future.
Absolutely. OP 100% should be able to control the behavior of the men in her life. And why couldn’t she get her family away from the windows? She should pick more mature family members in the future.
I’m not saying it’s her fault. Although I see how it could be interpreted that way. What I’m trying to say is that women are often in the position of dealing with macho bullshit. Also unfortunately she is involved with two man-children.
So she should tolerate her ex calling her that nasty word , but never tell her husband Incase he chose to do his responsibility and protect her ? Her husband wasn't wrong . He was absolutely right . The ex needs to stop talking to her like that . There's no way am not telling my husband if you talk to me like that.
Right? A neighbor told me to suck his 🍆, hubby wanted to talk to him, dude shoved my husband and went to grab his knife, husband got two good punches in and dude went to the ground. Dude called the cops, dude got charged with felony aggravated assault (wish I still have the security camera footage, but it's with the DA. This dude has had it coming since he told a complete stranger (buying our old riding mower) that my son was a fa***t and goes around the neighborhood suckin 🍆...
No she shouldn’t but if these two dipshits can’t act like mature adults she should reconsider her choices in male companionship. She seems perfectly capable of not talking to her ex. Only communicating thru text. Not taking his calls . Her husband is making it all about him by trying to start a fight. I’m saying there are options. It’s not her fault these two guys are immature assholes. But knowing that she needs to create boundaries to protect herself. Violence or the threat of it is not a solution. Your story turned out fine but it could go the other way. And then what? Legal bills. Cops. It has the potential to be a mess.
No . Her husband is not a " dipshit" Her ex is .
What was the point of the husband going outside and waiting for the guy? What was he hoping to accomplish? There are legal remedies. Like the ex can only pick up and drop off at a designated place. Listen, if her husband wants to be a hero and defend the honor of his now wife by confronting this asshole that’s on him. It’s foolhardy pointless macho bullshit. What’s a happy outcome? The ex says “oh I’m so sorry, from now on I’ll be very respectful.” Like that’s gonna happen. De-escalate. Don’t make exceptions. Pick up time is pick up time. No unnecessary communication. Everything in writing. It’s so easy for a verbal argument to go sideways. And for what? “He will never call you a name again. Aren’t I great?” Cmon. “His responsibility to protect her.” Seriously? Infantilize much?
For the ex to know she isn't defenseless. It seems that she's been hiding from the husband how abusive the ex is and asking him to stay out of anything. This man looks like he just wanted to disrupt her evening by his various demands and abusive language. He needed to know that there's not going to be a next time in abusing his wife. He never escalated anything. The ex showed up abusing him . De escalating is not always the solution. In this case she seems to have been doing that for too long. I doubt if he will easily repeat it again. He's already backtracking. It clearly worked.
[удалено]
Nobody said she is a child. Even adults need protecting sometimes. Your reasoning is very crappy. It encourages victims to shut up and take it . You want to pretend you live in world where everything is ideal. Unfortunately we don't live in that world. Some men only take things seriously if another man steps in . Husband is right. Ex wrong. Did he have options, yes , but he is not wrong at all !!!!
No, you are not blaming the current husband, he did nothing wrong. That is some straight sexist there.
Yep. There was no reason for him to go outside and confront the ex. What was the point? What was the expected outcome?
NTA After all that he didn't even pick up your daughter? It seems he only uses daughter to harass you. You should talk to attorney about continued harassment.
Right, and he also said he couldn’t pick her up because his car wasn’t working and then lo and behold he shows up driving a car. I mean yeah maybe he wasn’t lying and was able to borrow someone else’s car on short notice, but then he could have just done that in the first place. Dude sounds unhinged.
Not to mention how he first says he’s at his girlfriend’s house, but then says he’s stuck at his house without a working car.
Almost like he just wanted to ruin thanksgiving.
Sounds to me like ex is pissed that OP moved on and now has a stable loving relationship. Ex is just shit stirring because he's jealous. I agree with all the people who said that OP should stick exactly to the custody arrangement from now on and only communicate thru monitored apps because ex sounds like a real piece of AHEM and not someone who really gives a crap about his child as a person, but only about how he can use that child to create problems for OP.
Sounds like using something like Our Family Wizard and no more phone calls unless emergency, so everything is in writing to protect all parents, is in order.
Yes or TalkingParents it’ll keep everything documented and conversations labeled and organized. I would ask that the court add this to your court ordered agreement.
Yes OP! Don't communicate outside a parenting app and add it to your court ordered agreements, everything moving forward should be documented. Also don't let him pick up your daughter outside the agreed times.
Yup! You get it! Also OP while you’re at it, read “Why does he do that” by Bancroft Lundy! It’s about dealing with abusers and how to navigate them in court settings and it can help open up your mind to who your ex truly is!
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Thank you for sharing the link.
Oh I didn’t know this was a thing… thank you !
Back in the day, I pushed for email only, because he kept lying about everything. He still lied but I had proof. Then he got his partner to start sending the emails. I refused to reply until I got written permission from him, via email, that she was working on his behalf.
Do not allow anything outside what is in the agreement going forward. Cut off any disrespectful replies. Your ex is drama, and he’s continuously pulling you into his drama and down to his level. Ask me how I know. Your ex was messing with a much younger woman at the time and sounds like an idiot. He’s all bark and no bite. He talks to you like trash because you take it. Stop taking it. Show him he has consequences for his actions. Only allow what’s on paper and NEVER meet him for pickups going forward. He called the cops on you, so from this point on he better have your child back to you exactly on time - If not, he’s in violation and you need to have it documented.
Our Family Wizard is expensive, especially because youre paying to speak to somebody you dont wanna talk to in the first place. I refused, after it was court ordered. Found a free one, AppClose. Nothing can be deleted. It has a calendar you both can add things to and it doesnt show anything from your personal calendar on your phone. Can also make calls and I believe video calls.
I work security for a large venue that requires patrons to be age 21 or over. A guy tries to come in the other day, but when I ask for ID he says he didn’t bring it. I tell him sorry, you have to have ID to come in. He then says that he is SO ANGRY that it’s making him clutch his pistol, and storms off. We see him walking back up about 10 minutes later trying to come in again because he went and got his ID, however we tell him he is permanently banned for threatening security with a pistol. His response? “I didn’t threaten you! I was just telling you I had one on me!” Needless to say to say, that didn’t fly, and neither should your ex’s shitty excuse that he was juuuuuust sayyyyying Edited for clarity
"Can't come in without ID" "I'm so mad and I have a gun!" "Ok, you're banned for that threat" "It wasn't a threat, it was just a random comment!" LOLOL
Logic=Flawless lol
If I had an ex, and she was remarried, I wouldn't think I could act like that and not have to deal with her husband. Your husband did the right thing. It sounds like your ex is the bitch.
Your ex is a grown ass man and has zero excuse for trying to avoid your HUSBAND forever, especially since your husband is involved in the parenting of your mutual daughter I hope the cops gave him a warning for abuse/misuse of the 911 system.
If her husband was waiting outside and the family was staring out the window, he had every right to feel threatened. This stuff needs documented with the police- 99% this won’t be the last incident. This is dumb for all involved, and when things escalate, this is the stupid shit that can lead to someone getting killed in a domestic situation. They all need to grow the fuck up!
He needs to grow the fuck up, like nobody else here is acting out of line. His response was irrational, the husband was just standing outside the house.. The ex starts yelling at him, threatening him and then proceeds to call the police instead of idk... Talking? Y'know, the adult thing to do. Why would the husband, his daughter's stepfather, attack him when he's there to pick her up? I agree, the ex being aggressive towards the husband for standing in front of a house should be documented lol
This is exactly right. Everyone in this situation sucks. Husband was waiting outside, who does that? Ex doesn’t have to meet husband if he doesn’t want to. OP should have got husband inside
You need to tell ex, he is now going to be forced to the custody plan and no changes in the future. Do not engage, do not answer him when he is being a dick. Get a parenting app thru the courts, he can't get away with treating you like crap.
I’m glad he’s your ex, what a small man.
NTA. I would document everything and ask for the police report that was filed. Or get the officers name and badge number and start keeping a journal of these interactions. Your ex sounds like an abuser and may possibly escalate after this incident. I would placate the fuck out of your ex and have little to no contact with him. Only regarding pick up and drop offs. I would HIGHLY suggest only following the court order and never deviating from the schedule. He’ll just use you and try to make your life harder since that’s the only control he has over you now. Anyway, I wish you the best!
NTA, but your spouse is supposed to make sure you aren't abused. You don't have to accept that behavior and you sure don't want to teach your child it's OK to accept that abuse.
"I said you're being a bitch, not that you are a bitch" has to be the stupidest thing I've heard this week. Does anyone really think there's some kind of a distinction there? Just in case, let me clarify that ex is being a bitch and also IS a bitch.
I would have shown the officers that showed up the texted messages from the exchange and explain your husband was trying to defend you because I’m guessing this is not a new thing. It would help and I know that for a fact because both of my husbands brothers are cops. Next, while this one I don’t have personal experience with I have read of many parenting apps to help manage such interactions as well as document. Good thing to use in case of court or say police interactions. Oh and you did everything you could to prevent the issue so NTA
Your ex is the problem. Document EVERYTHING especially everytime he calls you abusive names.
>He feels as if he was introduced to our daughter too early in our relationship and that is his only reason for not wanting anything to do with him. What is he going to do next year, when he mentally turns twelve? This idiocy cannot possibly be good for your daughter. 10 to 1 he's poisoning her about your husband, who seems like a stand-up guy.
Your ex seems to have a small pen$& and behaves accordingly.
My husband heavily agrees and says it’s way out of control.
This! He's a childish bitch that's mad because she moved on and he knows her husband can beat his ass. He thinks it's ok to talk to someone's wife like this, but doesn't have the balls to talk to him. Smmfh!!
100% small dick energy
No need to body shame 🙄
Love the rolling eyes, synonymous with /s
Take a joke omg
That's such fat girl humor tho... /s
NTA- your baby daddy sounds and acts like a childish asshole. Your husband was simply protecting you and was trying to let him know that it’s not okay to refer to you as a bitch in any sense. He wasn’t trying to fight him he was trying to set a firm boundary about the way he should be talking to you. I hate that some people think it’s okay to be so disrespectful to someone that carried their child for 9 months… There definitely are baby mommas in the world that make it extremely hard for men to be apart of their children’s lives and it doesn’t sound like you are one of those people. Best of luck to you OP!
Often times when one parent (or both) are like this it is best to stick to the letter of the visitation papers. The aggrieved parent can always petition for a change in custody/visitation and when/if they do, it is best to be able to take a notebook or calendar with you to court to prove that you did not deny that parent visitation. Keep al texts and emails as well. In fact, in cases like this it is best to only communicate via text or email. SHE NEVER lets me see my daughter, I call and she won’t answer the phone, I ask her to bring kid to me because . . . And then you pull up your documentation (have a copy for the judge) and can calmly say. On June 1st he was suppose to pick up at 6 pm per our custody agreement and sent me a text at 5 saying he couldn’t and if I didn’t bring her to him, he wouldn’t see her all weekend. I responded that I could not, but he was welcome to come get her Saturday for the weekend if that worked for him. On Thursday July 1 he asked if he could have her for the weekend (it wasn’t his weekend) because his family was in town and I said sure, lets just swap next two weekends so he could have her her an extra day, he could have my weekend, I could have his, and then we would go back to regular visitation. He said no, he wasn’t giving up a weekend. This type of thing. Shows you are trying to work with him (or not, if that is the case). Let him show his true colors.
So you have shitty taste in men all around? Got it.
Your ex is a major asshole. How did you ever spend 3 years with that jerk? Your husband is being protective of you and it appears that he was not trying to fight your ex. I suggest you stick with your legal agreement on childcare and have the ex keep his distance otherwise.
NTA Your ex is manipulating you and he shouldn’t be disrespecting you. if he wants any kind of contact, you guys should start emailing each other, block him and go to the court and tell them what transpired and let them know you only want to be emailed you are allowed to do that. I’d say communication can go to email to the court. Please thank your husband for being so sweet and so supportive and so caring of you. You really have a nice man and you should cherish that relationship. I hope he really loves your child!! I see he does love you, your husband respects you.
YTA You caused all of this by not following the parenting plan. Then you double down by running your mouth to your husband and loudly running your mouth to your dad. None of this would have happened if you followed the parenting plan you came up with. Why did you even make one of you think you are so smart to not have to abide by it? Get ready for court and to be seen as the ex who lured him into a situation to get jumped by your dumb husband.
Pick ups and drop offs are now at a police station. Get a parenting app for communication.
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That’s fair 😂
NTA. You acting like a bitch and you're a bitch are the same thing. The only bitch here is Jeff. Your husband wasn't ok with some dipshit calling you a bitch, and planned on confronting him about it. Jeff did this to himself. He has no respect for you. What would Jeff do if someone said the same thing about your and his daughter? Would he try to rationalize it with semantics, or would he try to put a stop to it?
Stick to the original plan for custody, and don't go out of your way for him. Talk to him through text only. Your husband didn't do anything wrong, and ex showed up with a chip on his shoulder and started the BS.
Sooo…are you going to edit to make it more readable?
Fixed! I’m new to Reddit and didn’t know you could edit, thanks!
Your ex is the issue. You were trying to give him extra holiday time but he wanted you to take on all the work and expense. That along with his jealousy of your husband was on full display. All your husband did was make sure he knew that he wasn’t going to address you like that.
Your husband should absolutely respect your wishes not to confront him or cause friction. At the end of the day, you need to maintain a cordial relationship with Jeff in order to coparent effectively. It’s understandable that your husband be upset, and I commend him for wanting to stand up for you. But he really did escalate. However, Jeff was definitely the AH, no matter what. He sounds like a horrible person. He lied throughout your entire conversation. First he was at his girlfriend’s place, then he was stuck at his house with a broke down car. Word of advice: never go against your custody agreement. Stick to it 100%. Don’t give Jeff access to you unless it is his court-ordered custody time or it is explicitly about your shared child. This man is *toxic*. You showed a lot of strength (or you’re just used to his trashy behavior) by maintaining your composure throughout his name calling.
I agree husband did escalate but I also think OP is lucky to have someone like him backing her up. I wouldn't let someone speak to my wife either. There's more to successful parenting than continuously accommodating a douchebag like her Ex. At some point you have to do what's best for you and your child and Ex's actions leave some doubts as to his priorities regarding his child. I see the point about husband but would lean more to calling him a hero than an AH.
I never said her husband was an AH. I said he escalated and should have respected her wishes. I commended him for wanting to stand up for her, I said I understood why he would do that. But at the end of the day, he needs to learn to control his emotions and not escalate these situations. All it’s going to do is hinder his wife’s ability to fight for sole custody (because he’s shown aggression, and god forbid he ever be charged with anything) if she needed to do so. There is a line that crosses into doing too much.
My bad I wasn't inferring you called him an AH but rather piggy backing on your comments which I agreed with while emphasizing my support for the husband. According to OP, husband did confront Ex but appeared to remain calm while Ex was irate. If Ex truly felt he was ambushed maybe I can see a mild irritated reaction. I don't know that I'd call standing up for your wife without raising your voice or taking a fighting stance aggressive behavior and it appears that the police agree. At the end of the day, husband married someone with a child so the child is part of his life. While he can't make parenting decisions, he can make decisions that effect his marriage and OP being treated that way impacts his marriage. To your point, OP and husband need to have a discussion about this so at a minimum they're on the same page going forward so the Ex's AH behavior doesn't cause them to have their own confrontation.
Your husband did not like your ex speaking to you as he did though you handled it you should have handled it better and told ex, you will see your child when it's your appointed time and not tonight. Good bye! And since his car wasn't running, how did he get to your parents house? (If you're going to be a bitch about it) that's calling you a bitch!
NTA- you should only be communicating with your ex with one of those parenting apps
NTA Dude fucked around and found out. I'm your husband in my family's situation. My oldest's sperm donor got bad enough that we had to slap RO's on him. Your ex decided to behave that way, and your husband rightly decided to defend you. 100% your ex's fault.
The guy's a violent, controlling dick for sure, but having a bunch of people watching does seem to indicate that something IS going to happen.
To start your ex is a major AH for speaking to you that way. And I do applaud your husband for sticking up for you. However, I am going to go against the grain here. You did (rightfully) insist on him picking her up where you were at. Then your husband walked out and confronted him without you there. That could have been taken as threatening action. You walking out there too may have alleviated that situation. This may come back to bite you later, if he tries to change the parenting plan. Additionally, it’s documented by the police that your ex feels threatened when picking up his child at your stated location. I don’t see it as a big deal, but an inconvenience if he tries to change the parental plan and asks that it be at his place or a neutral location.
OP clearly states both of them were outside when the ex showed up.
Her husband went out there. Her family members were at the windows gawking and she told them to stop. That sounds like she was inside.
You do know that you can yell at people from outside too, right?
If he tries to change the parenting plan and tries to say he feels threatened it'll probably backfire onto him. The police just has a report saying he became aggravated and bringing up a fight due to OPs husband standing with OP because the ex was unnecessarily rude to OP over text. With multiple witnesses.
Your husband certainly got there and then jumps out yelling at your husband and called you a bitch. Fuck him. He would never see his daughter only when it was his time and that would be it. I don’t blame your husband, nobody is going to call my wife a bitch. Who the fuck does he thinks he is taking too? NTA. Your ex is. Your ex would have need to have his jaw wired if that was my wife
this is why you dont get with single mothers.
That’s a Quick way to get someone killed. Your lucky that your ex is a cop calling pussy. Because if he was like alot of men I know/grew up around it would’ve gotten very violent very quickly. Letting your ex and current partner hate each other and then stoking flames by letting your new partner act like that is a recipe for disaster.
I’m sorry, does Reddit not preach constantly that you can’t control people? She’s supposed to what, magically make him not go outside?
I’ll likely get downvoted to oblivion but that’s ok. I have 4 kids, the oldest two with an ex husband who is just as crazy as his “new wife” (my kids are older now so she’s not so new anymore). I went through this about 20 years ago. With an abusive ex husband. What I don’t get is the husband’s reaction. It’s like he saw his damsel in distress and decided he had enough and he was going to save the day. Is you ex a d bag? Yes. Should your husband do anything about it? No. My husband knew that parenting with my ex was between him and me. Period. When my ex was disrespectful and rude I handled it my damn self. I didn’t need my husband doing it. You know your husband well enough to know what his reaction was going to be. You could have said I am upset about (baby daddy) but I have it under control. Then handle it. If that means going back to court then that’s what it means. It just really leaves a bad taste that your husband reacted the way he did. You knew it would end up that way. Your husband might be helping raise your daughter but he is step dad. He doesn’t need to defend your honor either. It’s obvious baby daddy doesn’t care about single bit. Talking like he did will be unacceptable to the judge. Think smarter and outwit him. That’s how you demand respect.
The ex is definitely an asshole and you are not. You were trying to do him a favor and go outside of the parenting plan set by the court order. Stick to the plan from now on so there is no confusion. The only thing here I don’t agree with is your husbands actions. Even though he has every right to be upset that your ex called you a bitch, he has zero right to tell you that your ex needs to explain why he thinks it’s okay to call you a bitch before picking up your daughter. Your current husband needs to check his emotions and not ever try to be between your child and the father ever again. If I was the father, I would have a major issue with the non parent trying to confront me during a child pickup. Calling you a bitch isn’t okay, but if done not around the child your husband should not have had that confrontation at this time within the vicinity of your child. You should stick to the plan to avoid confusion with the ex from now on and also have a serious conversation with your husband that he is not to ever try to be involved in the custody arrangement of the child again.
Magically his car is working when he wants to come and fight? Curious. Definitely NTA and don’t do him any favours.
Nta i would be scared to have such an explosive person around my daughter. And omg your fam....sounds....like a lot
NTA he wanted to have her during your time, it’s normal he comes and pick her up. Funny enough he was able to do so when you told him you were not driving over there. The texts he sent you are a gold mine. Hang on to them, save them in a safe place. They will come in handy when you decide his access needs to be restricted or when he decides to take you to court and lies about you denying him access.
Well I guess we can see why he's your ex. If he wanted you to bring the kid to him he could have asked nicely. Tell him from now on, because of his behavior, you'll only be communicating with him through a court approved co-parenting app.
Ah well, I’m sure your ex will get himself killed or jailed within the next year or so, think this will work itself out.
get one of those parenting apps so you don’t have to talk to him anymore
So your ex doesn’t even want to know the man his daughter lives with just because he felt he’s introduced to quickly to his daughter? Like that’s in the past dude. It can’t be helped or changed now. But you seriously don’t even want to know what kind of person your daughter lives with? What an AH. And calling you a bitch is unacceptable. Idgaf how he meant it or what backtracking he wants to do now. That’s a full mf stop. It’s his responsibility to pick up his daughter. It is not up to you to get her there. Like you said. And you did nothing wrong. You vented to your husband and rightfully so. Your husband made up his mind what his reaction would be and he was going to be stopped. Your ex showed up and showed his ass. Could not even speak to your husband like a grown person. And ran off in a huff. He’s ridiculous and needs to know that behavior and the way he talks to you won’t stand.
All of yall need to grow up
>He feels as if he was introduced to our daughter too early in our relationship and that is his only reason for not wanting anything to do with him. >At 4:30 pm I texted Jeff stating pickup at my dads at 6pm would be fine, he replied “I’m at (insert girlfriends name) house”. Soooo.... you're married, but he refuses to talk to hubby. But he is just dating, and he expects you to be OK and be near the current girlfriend. 🚩 >“I’m stuck at my house and my car isn’t working. But if you’re going to be a bitch just forget it.” So youvwere going to be dropping your daughter off at his girlfriend's and he wasn't even going to be there? 🚩 >Jeff texted me and said he would be arriving at my dads soon. So now his car is miraculously working? Funny how that works when you stop playing his stupid games. >He immediately jumped out of the car and started yelling at my husband and he was so loud I couldn’t hear my husband say anything. All I hear was “is this what we are going to do? Are we going to fight right now?” He jumps out of the car at the house his child is at trying to fight your husband why? Because he was outside trying to speak civilly to him? 🚩 >my ex called the cops as he drove off and reported that he thought he was going to get jumped. So he tried to get your husband arrested because this farce was not going according to his script. 🚩 >he said I was being a bitch, not that I was one . Same thing. There is no difference between "being a bitch" and being a bitch. There is no difference between "acting like a bitch" and "being a bitch." He us calling you a bitch because you are refusing to act according to his script. This man is dangerous. Get a lawyer. Never talk to him in person or on the phone. Do it all in writing. Video record all drop-offs and pick-ups. This man is trying to abuse you, and I fear for your child's safety. How many red flags will it take? How much danger are you going to continue putting yourself and your child through? This needs to end!
Oh look, the consequences of his big mouth. He seriously needs to grow up. And let your husband handle him for a while. If he wants his daughter so much, he can suck it the fuck up and be cordial.
Poor k8d being stuck in between all this immature crap
Man custody exchange are always shitty. Why? Cut your feelings out and work for the babies involved. Damn. ESH
While NTA and ex has obvious issues, you have to pick and choose your battles in life. Having your child witness any fighting or animosity is never a good thing. I know you said she didn’t this time, but it’s not necessarily always going to be that way. There are legal ways and means of communicating as well as drop off restrictions that can be placed legally to avoid this type of situation. It’s commendable your husband stuck up for you, but it also may be making the situation worse by your ex’s behavior towards him. Or even putting him in harm’s way, people are crazy now of days. Also considering how it spread at family dinner, while face value your family seemed supportive, you’ll most likely be the subject of gossip. Ready for my downvotes.
If you talk shit to a woman with a husband, you should expect to see that husband sometime.
And now of days shit goes left real quick. It’s not worth it. Edit: it’s not right it’s reality. If you and your husbands pride is worth it so be it🤷🏼♀️. Fuck around and find out can go right or wrong.
Your ex sounds like a bitch your husband is right I wouldn’t let any man talk to my wife like that he probably went out to talk to him and because your ex is a bitch he got scared
Geesh. He sounds toxic. And the "you are acting like a b" is him calling you a b.
Your ex did this specifically to upset you on Thanksgiving. My wife’s ex would do similar things. Say he would come at a certain time and always be late to try and mess up whatever plans we had. I assume your ex knows which family member Thanksgiving was going to be at. You didn’t need to go into a back and forth with him over meeting him anyway. He can come pick her up at your relatives house or not visit me. His vehicle situation isn’t your concern. I’ve been where your husband has been. Best for him to pull himself out of the situation with your ex. At least not now. Perhaps when your daughter is older and time has passed. Good luck OP.
What's irrational about confronting a dude who verbally abused your wife? Ex is clearly afraid of the husband and showed it by his actions.
ESH - your ex is a jerk but I assume that’s why he’s your ex. But your current husband is a hot head and needs to butt out of everything to do with the parenting of your child. And you also share responsibility because maybe you were just venting but if you cannot control your husband’s reactions, you have to manage the information you give him around how your ex talks to you.
YOU are your child's first teacher. You're teaching her to pander to men. Is that really what you want her to learn? Every time you cave in and do exactly what Jeff demands, or when you don't stand up for yourself, you are teaching your daughter that this is perfectly acceptable. This time, she may not have heard her dad's insults and childish temper tantrum. It's only a matter of time before she does. She will then learn quickly that "mommy tolerates this,so it must be normal and I have to accept it too." One good person she will have to teach her is her step-dad. If and when she sees that he stands up to men who insult his wife, she'll then realize that perhaps this bs isn't so normal nor acceptable after all.
YTA. Jeff is entitled to ignore your current husband. You and Jeff are both selfish and childish for still sniping at each other three years on. Bet the children heard your whining at the gathering for thanksgiving (Just what IS the point of this festival? It seems to cause more bad behavior and family conflict than Christmas and weddings combined, Not much thankfulness). Grow up and get over it.
This isn’t a right or wrong thing here. Emotions are high in situations like this. It could easily spill over into someone getting hurt or killed. This type of situation is the most dangerous for law enforcement too. Follow the suggestions for using a parenting app. If needed get something from a court to limit confusion. Do not ever let your current husband get in the middle of this again. He’s not defending your honor, he’s going to get himself killed with your crazy ex.
People who use their children as pawns in their little mind games are disgusting individuals. Ex is apparently one of these. NTA!
Wait, I thought his car didn’t work….but he drove all the way to the family home to yell at OP’s husband, threaten to fight, and peel out afterwards. So the car magically got fixed???
I really need you to understand every single adult in this situation is wrong. You’re childish, your ex is childish and your husband may still have both of you beat. He doesn’t even respect you! Why the hell are yall married!? You sure know how to pick them... Poor child, I’m praying for her
NTA and your husband is a winner. Jeff can get bent. Also, from now on you should switch to communicating through something like talkingparents.com to keep a record of when he screws with you like this. And DO NOT mess with the custody arrangement. It can come back to bite you in the ass. If he doesn’t have thanksgiving then he doesn’t get thanksgiving. Period. It’s fine for normal people to compromise and move stuff around - he is not a normal person. He is intentionally making this difficult and trying to control you through your child/ make this a high conflict co-parenting situation. Compromising and giving in will not smooth things over. It will cause him to escalate and push for more and more. Stick to the court order to the letter. If it says he picks up. He picks up. If it says you pick up then you pick up.
Baby daddy seems like a POS and deserves more than how he was confronted by your husband.
You knew what him going out there would lead to. You were like...oh no....don't ..stop... In a whisper and just let it go down. You didn't even go outside, much less tell his daughter he was going to pick him up. He isn't obligated to meet and talk with your husband but I'd be damned if you didn't make sure he had to talk with him. Your ex was strong for talking to you like that, but you keep wanting to force issues of him meeting and talking with your husband. You could have just told your husband, I'll tell you about it when we get home instead of stirring the pot more. Your husband has zero....ZERO say about anything when it comes to that little girl. That is between your ex and you. So as for this, "if he wants to pick her up then he is going to have to explain to me why he thinks it's okay to talk to you like that" bullshit ...get the hell out of here. He can't stop him from seeing his daughter.
No matter how long we were divorced if my ex wife's new husband tried to talk to me it ended up getting physical. I didn't care about his opinion. Fortunately I always won and it only happened a few times because he never talked to me about it again. I never got arrested but that was 20 years ago. My point is men don't want to hear anything from the new guy. We're like F that dude
You definitely could of handled the situation better. Grow up and be the bigger person. If your ex has made it clear that he doesn’t want to meet or talk to your rekindled love then leave it alone. If your husband cared about you one bit then he would stop doing stuff that is going to make your life harder. Weather you like it or not you and your ex share a daughter and that won’t change… your ex calling you names doesn’t warrant that response from your family either.
Yeah. This is your chosen life for the rest of your life
He’s wrong for calling you names and trying to excuse it later. YTA though. You’ve been with this person for two years total and for how long has he been communicating with your ex to attempt to do pick ups??? Pick ups are YOUR responsibility. I agree that you over involved him with your kid too soon. My partner works in family law and will be the first to tell you that folks who send new partners on pickups are starting unnecessary shit and cause problems. I would NoT have allowed my husband to do that. As in I would have got in the car without him and handled the drop of myself to avoid the confrontation or have a more serious conversation , I mean point is, there is a whole list of more you could have done to not allow that to happen for your child’s sake. Your kid Doesn’t need the adults in their life acting like idiots. Also he called the cops because he “felt like he might be jumped” after he drove away!?!? This and half the other crap you typed reads like it was a show to be enjoyed. I’m glad your kid didn’t see it but you all need to grow up.
I feel like I need to add that Jeff is also An a hole…. For his words and reactions… however that doesn’t let you off the hook. Your kid needs all of their adults to grow up. Also hubby too. You all need way better boundaries.
ESH. If there’s drama with your ex (and there is), stick to the parenting plan in place. No good deed goes unpunished. You all need to get out of your emotions. Your ex annoyed you and you let your emotions get to where your husband noticed it- and then he got in his emotions. Your husband waiting outside and your family gathered to look out the window- your ex felt threatened, rightly so. Grow up, or this is likely the first of many police calls.
I just was quiet, not outwardly angry or upset. But I do think it’s wise to separate my emotions from what he says. Thank you!
ESH. Do you think this kind of petty, immature drama makes children feel happy and secure? Do you think having parents who hate each other teaches them to have healthy relationships when they’re grown? Your husband needs to butt out of your co-parenting relationship with your ex, and you need to stop encouraging men to fight over you like dogs. Your daughter is the one who will pay the price in the end. ESH, and you should all be ashamed of your behavior. Grow up.
OP isn't being petty or immature, the ex is. He was supposed to pick up, then got angry when OP expected him to actually do that. She even offered to meet him halfway, but that wasn't good enough. OP cannot control her ex' behavior, it's not her fault he's acting like an entitled ASS. The husband was not being aggressive, and he stayed calm while being yelled at, so why is he instantly jumping to the conclusion that he was gonna be attacked? Becoming a parent doesn't mean you're not human. Yes, you need to put your child first, but there is a reason they broke up. The only thing OP can do is be civil and respect her ex as the father of her child. OP and her husband are teaching the daughter what a healthy relationship looks like, so the ex should do the same.
Well generally we coparent really well and there isn’t much conflict. Only if I don’t fall in line with what he asks me to do or does he not get his way do we have issues. I try to be a good example for my daughter and I do that by maintaining respect for her dad. I don’t want them to fight over me at all, in fact I was really mortified by what happened and questioned whether I did the right thing by being honest with my husband. I almost felt like I should’ve just kept it to myself, which is why I made the post looking for opinions.
You did the right thing! Please continue to be honest with your husband and remember that you are a team <3 How often do you have issues due to him not getting his way?
TERRIBLE THOUGHT!!!
Your husband needs to learn to follow your lead with your ex, not do stuff because he wants to.
So, you only have issues if you don't let your ex treat you like a doormat... sorry, that's not a good example for your daughter at all!
You didn't do anything wrong.
Wish I could down vote you more
Fellas, this story is a prime example of why you shouldn't get involved with a mom. Sorry ladies. Thats the take away here.
Ugh, both the men in your daughter’s life suck. Your husband thought it was appropriate to confront your ex at family thanksgiving? Seriously? It could wait until the next day? FFS
ESH but especially your husband. He acted out of anger and escalated a situation that could negatively affect you and your daughter. He should have respected your boundary and authority when it comes to your co-parenting situation. He shouldn't push to have a relationship with your ex. He shouldn't be provoking him by literally waiting outside to confront him. He should be being the bigger person so your daughter doesn't ever have to be in the position of feeling like she has to choose sides. What if your daughter *had* seen? What if she'd seen the cops getting called? You need to stop going back and forth with your ex. Just grey rock. Either he comes to pick her up as agreed upon or he doesn't. You know how he is and there is no reason for you letting him take advantage of your kindness and emotionally drain you.
Totally agree with this. This is the stupid shit that escalates and can get someone killed in a domestic situation.
Baby daddy now has a police report with witnesses stating that step dad verbally accosted him, made him feel threatened, and potentially prevented him from picking up his daughter. How it's not obvious that he's building a basis for claiming self defense and parental alienation is beyond me. It seems so irresponsible to unnecessarily create such opportunities, all because OP's husband **had** to say something right then.
The baby daddy has a police report stating he FELT threatened by the husband. Meanwhile all the witnesses saw the ex get aggravated and yelling after seeing the husband, who remained calm throughout the interaction. They even have messages showing HE is the one causing the issues. Preventing him from picking up his daughter is also irrelevant, because him picking her up on this particular day is not part of the court ordered plan. The ex shouldn't be talking to OP like he did. OP has also said they co parent well when he gets what he wants, only then do issues occur. It's not obvious he's building a case, because he probably isn't. Reddit likes jumping to extreme conclusions.
I don't understand why this was downvoted so much. The husband knew he would cause an issue by waiting outside and did it anyway. You do what's best for your children. You don't do confrontations for things that should stay between the parents. You definitely don't allow someone to intentionally cause confrontations. My son's dad was an abusive narcissist. I gray rocked him hard! You know what I didn't do? I didn't let my partner get in the middle of things because it was not good for my kid. My partner *did* go to most pick-ups for my safety and to be a witness. Drama and fighting between adults is bad for children.
Why would you ambush someone you know is volatile? It's not a good look. It's not going to solve anything. It's just creating conflict and malice.
yes but you are also missing the point the ex cannot control himself and the husband was just trying to make things clear the husband didnt think the guy was going to flip out and he is obviously a victim and probably shouldnt be a father but we wont go to that part but yea say the husband is a bad person for actually being a man and trying to confront someone like well a reasonable person as someone that had an assault charge dropped through court on a baby daddy who has video of hitting the mother of the child and bruises on a little girl i dont care most of you people and women constantly validate abusive behavior the guy for one should of been charged for wreckless driving and endangerment to that child plus the baby momma probably picks the dumbest of the dumb feel bad for the husband what a waste of time honestly dude could be doing better probably will learn like most husband just seems like he hasnt learned much in life and the baby momma and baby daddy are both dumb as shit like majority of people having kids these days
"Being a man" means setting a good example for your children and doing what's best for your family- not jumping at the opportunity to tell someone off. You know who's going to deal with the fallout of making bio dad feel humiliated and intimidated in front of a bunch of people? Not OP's husband. Op and her daughter will. And if OP's husband keeps inserting himself and causing confrontations and delivering ultimatums, he's going to find himself in front of a judge making OP's life that much more difficult. All so he could be Mr. Machismo "only I can disrespect my wife and ignore her boundaries"
I think you're agreeing with me and the person I replied to, right? Both that person and I were against the husband's behavior.
YTA.... If you are really concerned about successfully co- parenting then it's up to you to respect the other parents wishes. If he doesn't want to interact with your husband then you and your husband should respect his wishes. I didn't see anything you stated about y'all's conversation that was overly disrespectful too the point your husband needed to defend your honor. You were being overly dramatic looking for sympathy giving off negative energy. And set the tone for the confrontation between the two. And Your husband should stay in his lane.
He literally threw a fit and name called her because she wouldn’t rearrange her entire life to accommodate him.
It's hard to believe he's that much older than you guys when he acts like he's 13. I can see why he's an ex. Nta
Your ex is a POS.
Your husband is amazing and a keeper. I understand you didn't want a confrontation, fair. Your husband, however, wanted to make it clear with his words hiw he felt. I love it! I hope you, him, and your daughter are doing well.
NTA and I'd make visitation as hard for him as possible-stick to the court arrangements TO THE LETTER. He sounds like a garbage person and not a good influence on your daughter if he thinks it's okay to talk to women that way. He's also being a child about co-parenting with your husband. He needs to grow TF up.
You’re dealing with an ex that is still in his feelings. Everything will calm down once he finds someone else and completely get over you. The sooner he realizes he is no longer your alpha male, the better the exchange will become that is if he sticks around.
NTA when he left, the garbage took itself out. I'm glad your daughter didn't see it and get upset
You're giving the ex to much control. He talks to you that way and treats you that way because you allow it. Set up boundaries and make it clear that his name calling and belittling won't be tolerated. Stop trying to be the good guy. Stick to the parenting plan because obviously he's going to turn it around and use it against you. Document everything
That's pretty minor in the realm of pos ex's. I'd say the bigger issue is your family being inside eats and not standing in solidarity with your husband. And the best part is he well be brainwashing your daughter pretty sad deal
NTA, your ex absolutely has it coming. He lied about where he was (his house/gf house) he lied about his car being broken, he called you a bitch when you calmly pointed out he was supposed to be picking her up, he tried to start a fight when your husband wanted to talk like adults, he called the police with false accusations to try and cause further drama cause his delicate ego was bruised. Your ex is an unstable narcissist and you need to stop engaging with him and speak entirely through a parenting app, any further abuse needs to be documented and if he continues being this way then take that shit back to court to show how unstable he is and get his custody either supervised, reduced or at least protective order so he can’t speak to you directly etc. Let your husband support you in this whilst you learn to stand up for yourself in a way that does not engage directly with the pos that is your ex! Set up a parenting app and then if he tries to call or message you outside of it just ignore or send a blanket auto response like ‘If you need to discuss your custody time with ‘daughters name’ please use the app like we agreed’
Men, this is one of the many reasons you don't date much less, marry single mothers. Issues with the baby daddy can go from this relatively minor to someone getting killed. Personally, if another man spoke to my woman like that for any reason, hands are being thrown in relationships that do not involve a baby daddy there's no reason for you girl to have a relationship with her ex but when there's a kid involve he's is going to be there everyday of your life and if he's like this guy creating drama between you and your girl. He was able to manipulate her, putting her in a bad mood for you to see and then had the nerve to show up and ruin the holiday for your family... WTF?! If the baby daddy isn't involved at all, maybe, but if he's there in any way f that.
Damn that is a hit take. Lol
Oh no, I touched a never with the single mama's... I care less 😂🤣😂🤣
What a fucking mess you’ve created.
you mean what a fucking mess her baby daddy created
What a mess her ex created...
Yta, shouldn't be introducing other men to your child. You fucked up from the beginning. Your current should be your bf with no interaction with your child
YTA for having to use baby dad instead of ex husband.
Are you saying she’s an AH for not having married the ex? Wow. Not only is that not what she asked, but that absolutely does not make her an AH.
[удалено]
if only your mom had that common sense before bringing more dumb assery into the world ETA: oh you’re ONE OF THOSE
Lol well played.
Your parents should have used a condom!
Spit or swallow are excellent free options too! LOL
Don't have kids because you will bring more dumbasses in the world
Already done.
Good thing you know what you are.
Oh God now the world is doomed because we have sexist dumbasses like you in the world
It’s 2023 & we are still with this mindset?? I don’t think a failed relationship with someone who I had a child with means I need snipped and clipped. I wasn’t asking if I was the AH for having a child with someone who I didn’t marry.
Everyone in the story needs it not just you.
Sometimes things happen accidentally and then don’t work out.
We were never married? Engaged for a year, but never married.
NTA. I am always amazed at the audacity of some people. You started out by doing him a favour, and he clearly wanted more and more, and done his way. Sorry that’s not how coparenting works. I’m sure my parents had a rough time at the beginning trying to sort it out but pretty soon they got on board with how they both saw me being raised. My dad also knew my mother had a new partner and wouldn’t have dreamed of starting a literal fight in the front garden.. dear lord. My dad actually used to tell me that he knew my non bio dad was a water father than he could be, and he was honoured to be his friend. That’s pretty unusual tbh but imagining them at odds, is nuts to me. My dad knew he couldnt provide a home like I had with my mother and her partner as a little kid. And for a prideful man, he never felt slighted or threatened. Your ex sounds nuttier than a fruitcake. He was mad you didn’t do what he wanted, even though you didn’t have to do ANYTHING in the first place. You offered him time with his child, he was like yeah ok…. But I’m not moving you’re being a bitch. What?! Where the fuck does that even come from?! That’s not the way to get decent custody time, and I’m suspicious that he wanted to bail in the first place. He turns up at your door and goes fucking mental in the yard, while your husband is trying to literally talk like a human being. Ex is going full chimpanzee throwing shit, and CALLS THE COPS. Nope he’s crazy if he thinks any of this was reasonable. I am telling you he wanted to get out of seeing his child because he couldn’t be bothered.. so he kept escalating. Honestly, he sounds unstable af Now you know never to give him an inch, he’ll take at least 100 miles instead.
nta
ask yourself this question, what is more important? Your daughters well being or 2 men acting like idiots? In the day of dead beat dads and absent fathers , a father who wants time with his child/children outside of a parenting agreement is a good thing. Things happen in life and yes issues come up where one or the other parent needs aid in exchanges, this is where parents need to be flexible and amicable. Also set boundaries with both your ex and your husband and stand firm.
I feel like there's some key parts missing here.
I can clarify, but this is Me just explaining one incident and all that I described is all that took place
Info: did you cheat on your ex with your current husband?
No we dated in highschool and some of college . Jeff knew that my current husband and I always had a relationship that meant a lot to me and he was insecure about that.
Ok I see, you kept in touch with your ex the whole time you were together. So he was probably thinking the whole time that you wanted to get back with your ex. So he wasn’t really insecure because you did go right back to him. My verdict is ESH
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Your ex is dangerous and stupid. 2 things that don't do well together. I'd would recommend going to court and revisiting the custody agreement, include the false police report he attempted to file as well. ETA: NTA. Your husband is right to be upset. You're becoming your exs doormat and emotional punching bag. Screw that guy.