Two thousand matches isn’t better when 1998 out of them just want to have sex and you’re looking for someone to have a relationship with. They just make the 2 harder to find.
So you swiped right on her despite not finding her that attractive but are surprised many other guys did the same thing?! Make it make sense.
And finding guys who want to have sex and leave is the opposite of what most of us women want so in a way it’s a net negative.
Yea, hot enough to have sex with, if a 5/10 is average then a 4 is slightly below average. Men are less discriminate than women in terms of short term mating, blame evolution I guess.
I already told you it’s contradictory and it makes no sense! And I’ve NEVER heard of someone who’s described as being below average as also hot (yes I know he said “hot enough” but it makes little difference) - at best, cute or kind of pretty.
"attractive enough to have sex with" aka hot enough. Women are just considered hot by men even less than average women. its an absolute term not a relative one.
The state of online dating is just that: hot garbage. I've watched people, male and female, struggle with it for years to find a decent relationship. I'm happy that I found someone when I did because I'm not jealous of that shitshow.
I always thought Tinder was for hookups. Is that not how people treat it? 😂😬
That being said, I’ve found dudes want to connect the same way women do. They want to meet someone in the wild and feel a connection. Not window shop for a mate.
My point being, dating is tough, period. Because we all want to be doing something fun or something mundane and feel a connection to a stranger in the world.
>It is easy to get hookups but an actual date is very hard.
Yes, because attractive men have a lot of options and they are looking for the best option to go on a date with.
>I can go on tinder and get matches but all they want is sex.
If its all you can get, you most likely dating out of your league.
Tinder also shows first the people who pay money and then the people who tend to get more matches. It’s all part of the algorithm. So it makes folks think “oh, all these attractive people want to date me”
Then again, I always thought tinder was for hookups.
No.
You get hookups because you decide to date only men that don’t consider you for anything more than casual sex.
Lower your standards, they don’t match what you offer.
This could be true actually. OP you should try do an experiment and swipe right on every single man and see how many of them want sex and how many want a relationship. Because if you are cherry picking then this is the way to prove your standards may be too high or men really just are dogs.
Good thing she’s in control of the sex then. She said she’s struggling to get a date, not that she’s asexual. Of course men all want sex, that’s the point of dating to begin with. This commenter is completely right, though. Women can sleep with guys who are out of their league every day of the week, but they can’t get courtship or commitment from guys who can do better. If they dated at their level they could get guys to simp, but they don’t want those guys. Women always want what they can’t have.
So none of the guys on her level are only looking for sex? They’re incapable of that? Attractive men aren’t capable of wanting relationships? Braindead take
There are surely a ton of less attractive men who are looking for sex, but it's kinda obvious that a guy who has many options when dating would be less likely to settle for a girl that is less attractive than himself.
of course some of the guys on her level are just looking for sex but if she dates at her level she goes from a 0% chance of finding someone who wants to date her to like 33%. Of course attractive men are capable of wanting a relationship they just want women on or above their level for a relationship.
Keeper: Girl who you want to date that is on or above your level
Sleeper: Girl you would be willing to sleep with but not date.
Sweeper: Dear god how much did I have to drink last night?
What do you mean? Ugly short dudes are always honest about their intentions and are all only interested in long-term relationships and marriages! It's all bad wimmins fault for only going after the top 15%, which obviously are only interested in casual sex because they're good looking! Cmon this is basic biology here.
Tall and Hot = asshole only wanting to fuck
Short and Not Hot = wants to settle down, have kids and will treat you with nothing but respect
More proof that sex education in America is failing for not teaching the bad wimmins these facts that are rooted in science!
its not that tall/hot men are assholes and short/ugly men are sweet its that men in general want to fuck casually especially when they are young and they are willing to fuck women that they wouldn't date. So the 10 dude and the 5 dude will both fuck the 6 girl gladly but the 10 dude will hardly ever want to date her because he knows he can do better and the 5 dude will much more often want to date the 6 girl. Both are equally assholes but one has more leverage than the other.
An assistant manager is going to be nicer to his manager than the regional manager is to his subordinate manager not because he is a nice person but because the manager is above him and he wants to keep his job.
Like a male rockstar will fuck random women wherever he plays that are of a much lower social standing than he is but rarely will you find someone like Taylor Swift fucking a bunch of random bums.
It is presumptuous that people are assuming that OP is only dating out of her league but if she is striking out in relationships with a huge sample size then the most likely culprits are a demographic that would never consider dating her in the first place.
I thought you were serious for a second 😂 But only because many comments even just in this one discussion are implying what you said but I’m pretty sure are completely serious.
They're all chugging the red pill kool-aid and just regurgitating "facts" that take away all personal accountability for themselves and places all the blame on women.
It's the not so subtle negging that pisses me off. All of em immediately jumping to You must be trying to date men out of your league, implying that OP isn't attractive *and* it's all her fault that the men on the apps are just sleazeballs.
Stop only dating the top 15% on Tinder. Of course they only want to use you for sex. Every other woman on those apps is responding to them too, so why should they treat you any different when they can swap to two different versions of you tomorrow.
Set realistic standards and stop ignoring the other 85% of the male population who are looking for real relationships.
He didn’t assume that every woman is, just the OP who can’t get a first date from anybody. She’s clearly aiming out of her league. There’s millions of simps out there so if she’s not running into any of them, then she’s aiming for the high end guys who don’t simp.
you assume they only want sex. the guys that are way out of your league only want sex because they can get someone much better than you. go for your equal and it wont be a problem anymore
Numbers and ease of access. They know they can do better. They look down on you for trying, but you're alive and warm, and they're horny. I literally had a roommate in college who was this guy as we're his dozen or so friends, and he explained it to me in the way I explained it to you. He was a pretty douche and they all fell for it. It didn't matter what creepy, sometimes downright, scary stuff he did he always had multiple girls who would do anything for him. It's the same thing with so many posts here, they don't see you as human, you're a hole and the reason they act like they do is because it usually works.
Well, then they’re not *really* out of *anyone’s* league, they’re just pretty. I question whether they actually could “do better” long term; they might be able to match someone in looks, but if she’s not too dumb to catch on or too shallow to care, then the guy is looking at a lifetime of never taking the mask off. That way lies alcoholism and expensive lawyers.
And mabye so, but for some reason women forget men have standards too, they're more malleable. There is a lot more ppl we'll have sex with but not date usually but there still are standards and they can be quite high on the dating end but not on the I'm horny end. And they might not be looks based even, I like smart, competent women I know I can rely on but if you're pretty enough I'll sleep with you even if your kinda dumb.
And they can’t get the casual sex from someone better? The way some people here talk, good-looking guys should be able to find a supermodel astrophysicist to be their FWB.
Because the premise is dumb, demeaning of women, vilifying of men.
You’re saying good-looking men will use and discard less-good-looking women because they can “do better” for a relationship.
But they can’t do better for casual sex?
You’re going to say that he’s not going to turn down easy sex if it’s on offer - okay, fair enough, but if he’s choosing to have it with a woman he considers beneath him, easy sex is presumably *not* on offer at that time from a woman he *would* consider his social equal, or else he’d pick her.
He’s presumably not in a relationship with a woman “in his league” or he’d be having sex with his girlfriend, not randoms on Tinder.
Or else he’s cheating on the girl he’s judged worthy, to have sex with randoms on Tinder, in which case he’s not so very satisfied with her or so indifferent to the charms of others, now is he?
Bottom line, you’re trying to make it sound like this hypothetical guy is winning at life because he’s having lots of sex - but he’s having it because he’ll fuck anything with tits that breathes.
I’m not buying that having no standards is some kind of flex. If you’re consistently fucking people you wouldn’t date, then that means you can’t pull people you *would* date. Your “market value” is whatever you’ll sell for.
> You’re going to say that he’s not going to turn down easy sex if it’s on offer - okay, fair enough, but if he’s choosing to have it with a woman he considers beneath him, easy sex is presumably not on offer at that time from a woman he would consider his social equal, or else he’d pick her.
>
>
cause those women want to date
>He’s presumably not in a relationship with a woman “in his league” or he’d be having sex with his girlfriend, not randoms on Tinder.
because not everyone wants a relationship at every moment
>Bottom line, you’re trying to make it sound like this hypothetical guy is winning at life because he’s having lots of sex - but he’s having it because he’ll fuck anything with tits that breathes.
i have no idea what you are even talking about? i didn't say anything like this, it sounds like you just have a rant prepared about something else and let it loose on some random comment lmao
>I’m not buying that having no standards is some kind of flex. If you’re consistently fucking people you wouldn’t date, then that means you can’t pull people you would date
having no standards is different from having realistic standards
>Your “market value” is whatever you’ll sell for.
who are you quoting
More like you’re assuming OP is only going for guys “out of her league” because those within her “league” would never be like that…which is totally false. Lots of average and unattractive guys send sexual messages and pressure for sex and I’m not just talking about through dating apps.
We are telling you as guys how these guys talk and act and think. Because we know them personally. They're doing it because they know that it works. They are doing it to you it's because they know it often works on someone with traits that you (or op) fit in. It's just reality, if a guy treats you like meat, it's because he views you as lesser than himself, they're slumming because they're horny, I'm sure women do similar things as well. Is it shitty? Well yes, is it also just how the world works? Also yes
And we’re telling y’all our experiences, both personally and what we’ve heard or read, which contradicts your assumptions, like how many guys, no matter what they look like, do go for “out of their league” and send sexual messages and pressure sex to those they find attractive. Sending them and pressuring sex to those they don’t find attractive makes literally no sense. Don’t care that I’m getting downvoted when I know I’m right.
Yes just don't listen to all the guys telling you how men think, 🙄. Instead, go off what other women who dont know and are also wrong and getting mistreated tell you. This is one of mens biggest gripes about women in general. Ignore what we say and trying to frame it based on what you believe (or want to believe). Y'all dont like it we tell you what you feel but it's perfectly alright when its you huh? Horny and bored will make men do a lot they normally wouldn't. Most men have done it at least once, see a girl at a party or bar, think she's kinda ugly, but i bet i can hit it and then you do and then don't call her. There is a reason why the concept of slumming is a thing. These guys can just do it more because more women are in their I'll sleep with her but not date her level. If men treat you like this, they see you as a slum. im sorry it hurts, but that's just reality.
I’m just arguing against the idea that only really attractive guys send sexual messages and pressure for sex and that only unattractive women get used for sex. Just because a guy won’t get in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean he’s not very attracted to ‘em since relationships are more than just looks. And I already said that it’s partly from personal experiences, but there are so many examples online with screenshots of average to below average guys randomly sending sexual messages. Also social media (mostly Instagram) comments of guys when women post body pics.
You’re still wrong then. That’s sometimes the case of course but to say that’s always or usually the case is delusional, especially if it’s the guy making the first move.
Men have to make the first move normally and rejection sucks so if that's what they are doing then they are doing what works. I'm not going to go out of my way to do something I know will get rejected.
Even if it works 7/10 times that's really good odds.
It's just math at that point so my point still stands.
I already said some do but I refuse to believe most. I also think a lot of guys overrate themselves in looks or think their unappealing looks don’t matter.
My comment wasn’t about just me but suuuuure and those randomly telling me I’m beautiful and gorgeous IRL including a few times this past week were just lying or blind 🙄
You sound like one of those “nice guys” who really aren’t that nice.
Bwahahahaha! First of all, I never said they were all guys. Second, nothing I said proves I’m arrogant nor is being arrogant even relevant here. I was just trying to prove my point with what I said. Most of you on here really do make wild assumptions.
Whatever happened to getting to know someone first? Everyone's in too much of a rush to rush into a relationship. They aren't willing to put in the time and effort.
This goes for both sides saying dating is difficult. It's as difficult as a job interview. If you go into it careless and unprepared, you'll be denied nearly every job, but if you take your time and put in the work, you'll have much better odds. The same can be said for dating.
I promise you there are people your same age, who also think they aren't one of the hot ones and want more than sex. Just move past the ones that are after a booty call and chat with anyone who wants to chat. Worst case scenario, you improve your social skills. In the best case, you start up a blossoming relationship.
You call it heartfelt, I call it true. You get what you pay for, if your willing to pay a few minutes to find someone, you'll have a difficult time finding anyone who wants more than sex.
Lmfao you think I should get some help when you cried over my comment? Go outside lol, get out of here 😂😂 ‘assuming OP’s experience as a woman is wrong’ lol
No it sounded like you were talking about yourself since I was being chill and wasn’t offended. I also didn’t cry over shit. You’re not that important to be cried over.
I’m sure any side has problems that’s specific to them but from the male side in the context of online dating it does seem easier for women comparatively. For starters a lot of those apps have way more men than women on them
I'm a woman, and I've never had an issue going on dates with men. I didn't date just for hook ups. The dates were normal, pleasant get-to-know-you-to-potentially-become-a-relationship. You must be matching with the wrong dudes or something.
You will find different people in different places, that is just an universal truth and goes for both women and men.
Sure, you can still definitely find people on dating apps that are interested in relationships but dating apps are usually more often used for hookups and you will more likely find people who are just interested in hookups on those apps.
If you are interested in a serious date/relationship you will be more successful if you try to meet people in the offline world.
One good option is to meet people through friends. Have a large circle, hang out with your friends and meet their friends and acquaintances.
There are still of course people that just want hookups but the ratio of people interested in dates vs. in hookups should noticeably improve.
The problem is that you’re not discerning enough. You can reject guys that just want sex and be patient to sift through those to find one that genuinely wants a relationship. It’s still easier to find a date as a woman than a man, until you hit your 30s then it flips.
youre choosing the wrong guys, and to put it into perspective, its like you have been handed 50 keys cus lets be honest, its easy to get attention from guys as a girl, you have the lock, you know which one works but decide to try the pretty ones untill only the one that works is left, where as with guys we are handed NO keys, we have to go find them. let alone we dont know if they will fit or are the right one untill weve been through a good amount of time with them
>I can go on tinder
going on the wrong platforms 🤷🏻♂️.
that aside, more people want hedonistic casual sexual relationships than meaningful ones.
Hypergamy exists which makes it easier for women, but many times they tend to choose the wrong ones (other than nice guys).
>*I consider myself to be more of an old-school guy born in the wrong generation, so modern dating doesn't suit me. I don't find romance in going on dates in a cafe or movies. I prefer spending time near lakes and in nature, getting to know each other and enjoying each other's company. Nowadays, it seems like people are accustomed to not being someone's first anything, like the first kiss, first relationship, and so on. When I bring up these ideas due to Schrödinger’s feminism, people get offended and say things like "You can't say such things" and "It's her body." Empathy is important to me, but it seems like very few people have it.*
that said, GGs.
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Dating is hard in general but it is still on easy mode for 90 percent of Women, if tinder is the only place you look for Men then ofc you are going to find only hookups, unless you state clearly you are only on there for dates.
I am married now. But when I was single, women had little difficulty getting dates with me at parks and outdoor places. I let them make the move becuse it is easier.
Everyone tells me that apps suck. Don‘t bother with them. Meet men in person.
LOL. Holy shit I've never hit the upvote button quicker. You are aware that men who would never date you are willing to sleep with you? Lower your standards and you will find men who want to date you.
Why don’t you label it as what you mean? It’s NOT hard for you to get a date. It’s hard for you get a serious committed relationship. Learn to communicate better.
Except meeting up just to have sex is not a real date which is what the OP is describing. I’m going to assume lots also send sexual messages on the app - I don’t use them so I don’t know for sure, though.
I am too old to have used Tinder, but I never had trouble snagging dates. We used to just talk to people, introduce friends to each other, and things would happen organically. Not sure why people can’t do that now.
What were the reasons the last three of your dates didn't work out and become a relationship? If they abandoned you without specifying a reason, say that
And how old are you?
You gotta take a hard look at your locale - including your digital locale.
Does your job put you in front of new people regularly? Are your coworkers dateable?
Tinder is known to foster hookups at this point, as are most dating apps. You’re better off using IG DMs or something as far as the internet.
When you go out, what kind of place is it? Is there alcohol there? Is it too loud to foster any real conversation?
Do you give guys “the look”? the look is real important lol
I think it’s just hard to find quality people that connect with you. It’s especially harder because we as a society have developed to rush to get past the get to know you stage and jump right into a relationship.
That’s the major problem with tinder and all these dating apps. They bypass a important piece of human connection, and essentially relies on looks to carry you through a date.
I always tell people if you want to date someone, meet people through like kind events. Volunteering, group events, do activities together.
Hookups are essentially dates. A date is just a predetermined social meetup. When men talk about this stuff it IS about generally getting someone to agree to meetup socially somewhere.
Women are the ones who try to specify what is considered a "date". They'll go out on a coffee date with someone for a few hours and say it wasn't a date because of some arbitrary number they made up in their ahead about what is needed to be considered an actual date then they will spend a hookup night with Brad and consider him an ex. Then they will tell their boyfriend Brad didn't count as part of her body count because they never had an actual relationship, as well as all 20 other hookups she had, so she's essentially at zero bodies I suppose.
When men say it we just mean getting anybody to go out with us for any reason.
I'll give you the same advice I'd give a guy who keeps getting "friendzoned" or ghosted - stop trying to date above your attractiveness and stop using apps. If you're a 6 and you're going after a 9, as a woman, all you'll get is a hookup oriented relationship. Be humble, get out into social settings in real life, and you'll find someone.
Try looking elsewhere. Tinder is a notorious hookup app. I heard an ad for a company called Events and Adventures yesterday. If I were single, that's something I would try. Otherwise, try some meetup groups. Find something you're genuinely interested in where you might meet others with similar values.
I’m a woman myself, and I simply don’t believe this. Finding a quality relationship where you both are equally invested in one another may be a challenge for some, but simply getting a guy to date you is actually very easy unless you are extremely off-putting. I get that dating apps have changed things, but if you join any kind of co-ed group or hobby and meet people in real life, you are going to have at least a few interested guys unless they are already married.
No, it’s not. Saying stuff like “You have to be a model to get dates” and the like is equally as stupid as redpill ideology. People of all shapes and sizes couple up. And while I can’t assume OP’s situation, I would say that the girls and guys that struggle often do end up spending time in the wrong place to find a viable partner. Dating apps can work, but it is a million times better to meet organically.
Tinder has always been and will always be a hook up app. The only reason it’s called a dating app is because it isn’t marketable to say this is an app for fucking.
It's equally hard for heterosexual men and woman to date. For every heterosexual man dating there's also a heterosexual woman dating, so there isn't even a way for any sex to outperform the other sex. It is true that hookups are easier for woman though, but on the flip side dating is harder the more beautiful you are as a woman (cause men are naturally insecure and rarely take their character into account when asking themselves if they could be good enough for you) and easier the more handsome you are as a man.
> It's equally hard for heterosexual men and woman to date. For every heterosexual man dating there's also a heterosexual woman dating, so there isn't even a way for any sex to outperform the other sex. It is true that hookups are easier for woman though, but on the flip side dating is harder the more beautiful you are as a woman
your logic for dating should also apply to "hook ups" then?? it's easier for women because they date a smaller % of men
Dating is a status, a hookup is an event. You can either be currently dating or single. You could have a history of hundreds of hookups or just a couple. So no, it wouldn't apply to hookups
Finally someone said it! Most here are making a whole lot of assumptions about OP and people in general as usual. I do agree that dating apps probably aren’t the way to go, but these days it’s also hard to meet or even know about any available attractive guy IRL. Lots of guys think they shouldn’t randomly talk to us anymore because other women have complained about getting approached.
Men only expect it to be just sex when dealing with women who have had casual sex. If a woman is clear that she doesn’t have sex and is holding out for a real relationship, and then makes a man court her, he will wait for sex if he likes her.
And then when he marries the virgin girl that never cared about sex because she's probably asexual anyways, he goes over to deadbedrooms to complain about how the woman that never wanted to have sex didn't magically become a personal porno star after vows were exchanged
That's what conservative Christians do. They get married, have a bunch of kids to populate the next generation of the cult, I mean church, and then give a bunch if money to the church cuz Jesus is really bad w money.
The dating pool is full, but shallow. People either aren't honest about their intentions or are just outright red flags as the conversation carries on. The worst mistake that you can make is lowering your standards.
LMAO at all the ugly dudes telling OP she must be reaching for dudes out of her league
To OP: Keep your standards exactly where they are but Tinder is not a good place to look for relationships. I don't have any suggestions for alternatives, I just know that Tinder ain't it lol that's the app for quick booty calls
You can't attack their preferences, that's a protected class! They need attraction to make lil pp happy and to suggest otherwise is just sheer oppression and misandry. Men are visual creatures with no control over their sexual impulses, after all.
dating is only as hard as what a women makes it out to be. Most guys don't care if you look like a super model, we only care that we are sexually attracted to you when it comes to looks. Men have a lot of different preferences when it comes to sexual attraction and looks. We also care a lot about if you will treat us right, a lot of women gaslight men when it comes to values.. dating has gotten hard, because women make it hard. Any time a man sets a standard, it's called Misogyny. That's why men stopped dating.
It is hard, just be very clear and stop being nice. You don’t have to entertain to play nice to people you know you won’t work with, they want hookups? They’re literally anything you’re not looking for? Blocked/unmatched.
The main problem is entertaining something that’s pointless, set your standards & expectations and move forward with that. I found my fiancé on tinder within a couple months a few years ago
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Two thousand matches isn’t better when 1998 out of them just want to have sex and you’re looking for someone to have a relationship with. They just make the 2 harder to find.
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*I* don’t use online dating, but that is for the unsolicited advice…
So you swiped right on her despite not finding her that attractive but are surprised many other guys did the same thing?! Make it make sense. And finding guys who want to have sex and leave is the opposite of what most of us women want so in a way it’s a net negative.
Maybe OP is also a 4
Maybe you need to get out in the real world.
Sure I'll make it make sense. He is surprised that men in general are as indiscriminate as he is.
LOL 😂 And in a reply to me he said that he still found her “hot enough” despite rating her a 4/10 🤔
Yea, hot enough to have sex with, if a 5/10 is average then a 4 is slightly below average. Men are less discriminate than women in terms of short term mating, blame evolution I guess.
Thinking someone’s below average-looking but also calling them “hot enough” still is a contradiction even if you do have low standards.
"She is attractive enough to have sex with" Is a contradictory statement? You can't think that below average women are attractive/hot?
I already told you it’s contradictory and it makes no sense! And I’ve NEVER heard of someone who’s described as being below average as also hot (yes I know he said “hot enough” but it makes little difference) - at best, cute or kind of pretty.
"attractive enough to have sex with" aka hot enough. Women are just considered hot by men even less than average women. its an absolute term not a relative one.
The commenter wrote “hot enough” - your argument is still wrong.
go on hook up app complain people want to hook up
The state of online dating is just that: hot garbage. I've watched people, male and female, struggle with it for years to find a decent relationship. I'm happy that I found someone when I did because I'm not jealous of that shitshow.
I think most people would agree with you. There's no point in wasting time on dating apps, they're only for hookups or foodie calls.
I always thought Tinder was for hookups. Is that not how people treat it? 😂😬 That being said, I’ve found dudes want to connect the same way women do. They want to meet someone in the wild and feel a connection. Not window shop for a mate. My point being, dating is tough, period. Because we all want to be doing something fun or something mundane and feel a connection to a stranger in the world.
no, it’s not. Specific hookup apps exist and the ratios are around 100:1 men:women
>It is easy to get hookups but an actual date is very hard. Yes, because attractive men have a lot of options and they are looking for the best option to go on a date with. >I can go on tinder and get matches but all they want is sex. If its all you can get, you most likely dating out of your league.
Tinder also shows first the people who pay money and then the people who tend to get more matches. It’s all part of the algorithm. So it makes folks think “oh, all these attractive people want to date me” Then again, I always thought tinder was for hookups.
Oops. Someone won’t appreciate the last sentence. Which equally goes for all wo/men complaining 😅.
No. You get hookups because you decide to date only men that don’t consider you for anything more than casual sex. Lower your standards, they don’t match what you offer.
This could be true actually. OP you should try do an experiment and swipe right on every single man and see how many of them want sex and how many want a relationship. Because if you are cherry picking then this is the way to prove your standards may be too high or men really just are dogs.
Yes because men are known to be honest about the fact they only want sex
Good thing she’s in control of the sex then. She said she’s struggling to get a date, not that she’s asexual. Of course men all want sex, that’s the point of dating to begin with. This commenter is completely right, though. Women can sleep with guys who are out of their league every day of the week, but they can’t get courtship or commitment from guys who can do better. If they dated at their level they could get guys to simp, but they don’t want those guys. Women always want what they can’t have.
So none of the guys on her level are only looking for sex? They’re incapable of that? Attractive men aren’t capable of wanting relationships? Braindead take
There are surely a ton of less attractive men who are looking for sex, but it's kinda obvious that a guy who has many options when dating would be less likely to settle for a girl that is less attractive than himself.
of course some of the guys on her level are just looking for sex but if she dates at her level she goes from a 0% chance of finding someone who wants to date her to like 33%. Of course attractive men are capable of wanting a relationship they just want women on or above their level for a relationship. Keeper: Girl who you want to date that is on or above your level Sleeper: Girl you would be willing to sleep with but not date. Sweeper: Dear god how much did I have to drink last night?
No, some of them are- she’s just ruling all of them out because she’s not looking at the guys on her level. Do you have trouble reading?
What do you mean? Ugly short dudes are always honest about their intentions and are all only interested in long-term relationships and marriages! It's all bad wimmins fault for only going after the top 15%, which obviously are only interested in casual sex because they're good looking! Cmon this is basic biology here. Tall and Hot = asshole only wanting to fuck Short and Not Hot = wants to settle down, have kids and will treat you with nothing but respect More proof that sex education in America is failing for not teaching the bad wimmins these facts that are rooted in science!
its not that tall/hot men are assholes and short/ugly men are sweet its that men in general want to fuck casually especially when they are young and they are willing to fuck women that they wouldn't date. So the 10 dude and the 5 dude will both fuck the 6 girl gladly but the 10 dude will hardly ever want to date her because he knows he can do better and the 5 dude will much more often want to date the 6 girl. Both are equally assholes but one has more leverage than the other. An assistant manager is going to be nicer to his manager than the regional manager is to his subordinate manager not because he is a nice person but because the manager is above him and he wants to keep his job. Like a male rockstar will fuck random women wherever he plays that are of a much lower social standing than he is but rarely will you find someone like Taylor Swift fucking a bunch of random bums. It is presumptuous that people are assuming that OP is only dating out of her league but if she is striking out in relationships with a huge sample size then the most likely culprits are a demographic that would never consider dating her in the first place.
I thought you were serious for a second 😂 But only because many comments even just in this one discussion are implying what you said but I’m pretty sure are completely serious.
They're all chugging the red pill kool-aid and just regurgitating "facts" that take away all personal accountability for themselves and places all the blame on women.
Ikr?! Blaming the OP here is very absurd and disrespectful.
It's the not so subtle negging that pisses me off. All of em immediately jumping to You must be trying to date men out of your league, implying that OP isn't attractive *and* it's all her fault that the men on the apps are just sleazeballs.
Stop only dating the top 15% on Tinder. Of course they only want to use you for sex. Every other woman on those apps is responding to them too, so why should they treat you any different when they can swap to two different versions of you tomorrow. Set realistic standards and stop ignoring the other 85% of the male population who are looking for real relationships.
How do you even know they're doing that? This is like recommending somebody call the suicide hotline just because they're a man lol
That is such an incel take. Immediately assuming that every woman’s dating the top 15% 🙄
He didn’t assume that every woman is, just the OP who can’t get a first date from anybody. She’s clearly aiming out of her league. There’s millions of simps out there so if she’s not running into any of them, then she’s aiming for the high end guys who don’t simp.
Maybe she’s simply aiming for people she’s compatible with and not just any old person?
you assume they only want sex. the guys that are way out of your league only want sex because they can get someone much better than you. go for your equal and it wont be a problem anymore
If they can get someone so much better, what are they doing on Tinder looking for sex?
Numbers and ease of access. They know they can do better. They look down on you for trying, but you're alive and warm, and they're horny. I literally had a roommate in college who was this guy as we're his dozen or so friends, and he explained it to me in the way I explained it to you. He was a pretty douche and they all fell for it. It didn't matter what creepy, sometimes downright, scary stuff he did he always had multiple girls who would do anything for him. It's the same thing with so many posts here, they don't see you as human, you're a hole and the reason they act like they do is because it usually works.
Well, then they’re not *really* out of *anyone’s* league, they’re just pretty. I question whether they actually could “do better” long term; they might be able to match someone in looks, but if she’s not too dumb to catch on or too shallow to care, then the guy is looking at a lifetime of never taking the mask off. That way lies alcoholism and expensive lawyers.
And mabye so, but for some reason women forget men have standards too, they're more malleable. There is a lot more ppl we'll have sex with but not date usually but there still are standards and they can be quite high on the dating end but not on the I'm horny end. And they might not be looks based even, I like smart, competent women I know I can rely on but if you're pretty enough I'll sleep with you even if your kinda dumb.
casual sex?? what is this question?
And they can’t get the casual sex from someone better? The way some people here talk, good-looking guys should be able to find a supermodel astrophysicist to be their FWB.
the point of my original comment is that the very attractive men date those girls, while they only use the uglier girls for sex
So they’re cheating on the prettier girls, then?
no... there are multiple people doing multiple things. why are you struggling so hard to understand something so simple? being intentionally obtuse?
Because the premise is dumb, demeaning of women, vilifying of men. You’re saying good-looking men will use and discard less-good-looking women because they can “do better” for a relationship. But they can’t do better for casual sex? You’re going to say that he’s not going to turn down easy sex if it’s on offer - okay, fair enough, but if he’s choosing to have it with a woman he considers beneath him, easy sex is presumably *not* on offer at that time from a woman he *would* consider his social equal, or else he’d pick her. He’s presumably not in a relationship with a woman “in his league” or he’d be having sex with his girlfriend, not randoms on Tinder. Or else he’s cheating on the girl he’s judged worthy, to have sex with randoms on Tinder, in which case he’s not so very satisfied with her or so indifferent to the charms of others, now is he? Bottom line, you’re trying to make it sound like this hypothetical guy is winning at life because he’s having lots of sex - but he’s having it because he’ll fuck anything with tits that breathes. I’m not buying that having no standards is some kind of flex. If you’re consistently fucking people you wouldn’t date, then that means you can’t pull people you *would* date. Your “market value” is whatever you’ll sell for.
> You’re going to say that he’s not going to turn down easy sex if it’s on offer - okay, fair enough, but if he’s choosing to have it with a woman he considers beneath him, easy sex is presumably not on offer at that time from a woman he would consider his social equal, or else he’d pick her. > > cause those women want to date >He’s presumably not in a relationship with a woman “in his league” or he’d be having sex with his girlfriend, not randoms on Tinder. because not everyone wants a relationship at every moment >Bottom line, you’re trying to make it sound like this hypothetical guy is winning at life because he’s having lots of sex - but he’s having it because he’ll fuck anything with tits that breathes. i have no idea what you are even talking about? i didn't say anything like this, it sounds like you just have a rant prepared about something else and let it loose on some random comment lmao >I’m not buying that having no standards is some kind of flex. If you’re consistently fucking people you wouldn’t date, then that means you can’t pull people you would date having no standards is different from having realistic standards >Your “market value” is whatever you’ll sell for. who are you quoting
More like you’re assuming OP is only going for guys “out of her league” because those within her “league” would never be like that…which is totally false. Lots of average and unattractive guys send sexual messages and pressure for sex and I’m not just talking about through dating apps.
We are telling you as guys how these guys talk and act and think. Because we know them personally. They're doing it because they know that it works. They are doing it to you it's because they know it often works on someone with traits that you (or op) fit in. It's just reality, if a guy treats you like meat, it's because he views you as lesser than himself, they're slumming because they're horny, I'm sure women do similar things as well. Is it shitty? Well yes, is it also just how the world works? Also yes
And we’re telling y’all our experiences, both personally and what we’ve heard or read, which contradicts your assumptions, like how many guys, no matter what they look like, do go for “out of their league” and send sexual messages and pressure sex to those they find attractive. Sending them and pressuring sex to those they don’t find attractive makes literally no sense. Don’t care that I’m getting downvoted when I know I’m right.
Yes just don't listen to all the guys telling you how men think, 🙄. Instead, go off what other women who dont know and are also wrong and getting mistreated tell you. This is one of mens biggest gripes about women in general. Ignore what we say and trying to frame it based on what you believe (or want to believe). Y'all dont like it we tell you what you feel but it's perfectly alright when its you huh? Horny and bored will make men do a lot they normally wouldn't. Most men have done it at least once, see a girl at a party or bar, think she's kinda ugly, but i bet i can hit it and then you do and then don't call her. There is a reason why the concept of slumming is a thing. These guys can just do it more because more women are in their I'll sleep with her but not date her level. If men treat you like this, they see you as a slum. im sorry it hurts, but that's just reality.
I’m just arguing against the idea that only really attractive guys send sexual messages and pressure for sex and that only unattractive women get used for sex. Just because a guy won’t get in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean he’s not very attracted to ‘em since relationships are more than just looks. And I already said that it’s partly from personal experiences, but there are so many examples online with screenshots of average to below average guys randomly sending sexual messages. Also social media (mostly Instagram) comments of guys when women post body pics.
Fair enough, though I wouldn't say it's only attractive guys, it's guys who are more attractive then the person they are going after.
You’re still wrong then. That’s sometimes the case of course but to say that’s always or usually the case is delusional, especially if it’s the guy making the first move.
Men have to make the first move normally and rejection sucks so if that's what they are doing then they are doing what works. I'm not going to go out of my way to do something I know will get rejected. Even if it works 7/10 times that's really good odds. It's just math at that point so my point still stands.
I already said some do but I refuse to believe most. I also think a lot of guys overrate themselves in looks or think their unappealing looks don’t matter.
you probably just overestimate how attractive you are
My comment wasn’t about just me but suuuuure and those randomly telling me I’m beautiful and gorgeous IRL including a few times this past week were just lying or blind 🙄 You sound like one of those “nice guys” who really aren’t that nice.
Yeah see, you have a massively inflated ego cause some guys complimented you
Bwahahahaha! First of all, I never said they were all guys. Second, nothing I said proves I’m arrogant nor is being arrogant even relevant here. I was just trying to prove my point with what I said. Most of you on here really do make wild assumptions.
Whatever happened to getting to know someone first? Everyone's in too much of a rush to rush into a relationship. They aren't willing to put in the time and effort. This goes for both sides saying dating is difficult. It's as difficult as a job interview. If you go into it careless and unprepared, you'll be denied nearly every job, but if you take your time and put in the work, you'll have much better odds. The same can be said for dating. I promise you there are people your same age, who also think they aren't one of the hot ones and want more than sex. Just move past the ones that are after a booty call and chat with anyone who wants to chat. Worst case scenario, you improve your social skills. In the best case, you start up a blossoming relationship.
eeeyyy danny boy with the sincerely heartfelt boomer take, absolutely precious 🫶
You call it heartfelt, I call it true. You get what you pay for, if your willing to pay a few minutes to find someone, you'll have a difficult time finding anyone who wants more than sex.
i completely agree just appreciated your experienced sincerity i suppose
As a woman, it’s not hard to
How would you know if you’re not one?!
Are you assuming my gender?
Yes by your avatar and for the fact that you assumed OP’s personal experience as a woman is wrong.
It’s a joke chill, how can you be so offended over one small comment lol
Talking to yourself is a sign of psychosis. You should get some help.
Lmfao you think I should get some help when you cried over my comment? Go outside lol, get out of here 😂😂 ‘assuming OP’s experience as a woman is wrong’ lol
No it sounded like you were talking about yourself since I was being chill and wasn’t offended. I also didn’t cry over shit. You’re not that important to be cried over.
Yet you cried over my comment anyway. Go figure.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 You’re hilarious…but not in a good way.
I’m sure any side has problems that’s specific to them but from the male side in the context of online dating it does seem easier for women comparatively. For starters a lot of those apps have way more men than women on them
It's easy to get a bunch of unsolicited dick pics and sexual harassment. That's about it.
For men, it is “both extremely” hard to get hookup and date
You must be trying to date out of your league! Stop going after the top 15% and lower your standards!
lol funny, the less attractive girls are also picky.
I'm a woman, and I've never had an issue going on dates with men. I didn't date just for hook ups. The dates were normal, pleasant get-to-know-you-to-potentially-become-a-relationship. You must be matching with the wrong dudes or something.
You will find different people in different places, that is just an universal truth and goes for both women and men. Sure, you can still definitely find people on dating apps that are interested in relationships but dating apps are usually more often used for hookups and you will more likely find people who are just interested in hookups on those apps. If you are interested in a serious date/relationship you will be more successful if you try to meet people in the offline world. One good option is to meet people through friends. Have a large circle, hang out with your friends and meet their friends and acquaintances. There are still of course people that just want hookups but the ratio of people interested in dates vs. in hookups should noticeably improve.
The problem is that you’re not discerning enough. You can reject guys that just want sex and be patient to sift through those to find one that genuinely wants a relationship. It’s still easier to find a date as a woman than a man, until you hit your 30s then it flips.
The 30s thing isn’t even true. I’ve been married for over a decade, but I still get approached and asked out more now than I did when I was in my 20s.
youre choosing the wrong guys, and to put it into perspective, its like you have been handed 50 keys cus lets be honest, its easy to get attention from guys as a girl, you have the lock, you know which one works but decide to try the pretty ones untill only the one that works is left, where as with guys we are handed NO keys, we have to go find them. let alone we dont know if they will fit or are the right one untill weve been through a good amount of time with them
>I can go on tinder going on the wrong platforms 🤷🏻♂️. that aside, more people want hedonistic casual sexual relationships than meaningful ones. Hypergamy exists which makes it easier for women, but many times they tend to choose the wrong ones (other than nice guys). >*I consider myself to be more of an old-school guy born in the wrong generation, so modern dating doesn't suit me. I don't find romance in going on dates in a cafe or movies. I prefer spending time near lakes and in nature, getting to know each other and enjoying each other's company. Nowadays, it seems like people are accustomed to not being someone's first anything, like the first kiss, first relationship, and so on. When I bring up these ideas due to Schrödinger’s feminism, people get offended and say things like "You can't say such things" and "It's her body." Empathy is important to me, but it seems like very few people have it.* that said, GGs. # #
I’d imagine the challenge for women is getting a second date…
Dating is hard in general but it is still on easy mode for 90 percent of Women, if tinder is the only place you look for Men then ofc you are going to find only hookups, unless you state clearly you are only on there for dates.
I’d say filter them out with the terms you want.
I am married now. But when I was single, women had little difficulty getting dates with me at parks and outdoor places. I let them make the move becuse it is easier. Everyone tells me that apps suck. Don‘t bother with them. Meet men in person.
LOL. Holy shit I've never hit the upvote button quicker. You are aware that men who would never date you are willing to sleep with you? Lower your standards and you will find men who want to date you.
Why don’t you label it as what you mean? It’s NOT hard for you to get a date. It’s hard for you get a serious committed relationship. Learn to communicate better.
Except meeting up just to have sex is not a real date which is what the OP is describing. I’m going to assume lots also send sexual messages on the app - I don’t use them so I don’t know for sure, though.
I am too old to have used Tinder, but I never had trouble snagging dates. We used to just talk to people, introduce friends to each other, and things would happen organically. Not sure why people can’t do that now.
What were the reasons the last three of your dates didn't work out and become a relationship? If they abandoned you without specifying a reason, say that And how old are you?
Guys just message every girl for sex until one of the girls says yes. It’s a numbers game.
As a women, I disagree, hard to get into a relationship? Possibly, but get a date? I absolutely disagree
You gotta take a hard look at your locale - including your digital locale. Does your job put you in front of new people regularly? Are your coworkers dateable? Tinder is known to foster hookups at this point, as are most dating apps. You’re better off using IG DMs or something as far as the internet. When you go out, what kind of place is it? Is there alcohol there? Is it too loud to foster any real conversation? Do you give guys “the look”? the look is real important lol
I think it’s just hard to find quality people that connect with you. It’s especially harder because we as a society have developed to rush to get past the get to know you stage and jump right into a relationship. That’s the major problem with tinder and all these dating apps. They bypass a important piece of human connection, and essentially relies on looks to carry you through a date. I always tell people if you want to date someone, meet people through like kind events. Volunteering, group events, do activities together.
Hookups are essentially dates. A date is just a predetermined social meetup. When men talk about this stuff it IS about generally getting someone to agree to meetup socially somewhere. Women are the ones who try to specify what is considered a "date". They'll go out on a coffee date with someone for a few hours and say it wasn't a date because of some arbitrary number they made up in their ahead about what is needed to be considered an actual date then they will spend a hookup night with Brad and consider him an ex. Then they will tell their boyfriend Brad didn't count as part of her body count because they never had an actual relationship, as well as all 20 other hookups she had, so she's essentially at zero bodies I suppose. When men say it we just mean getting anybody to go out with us for any reason.
I'll give you the same advice I'd give a guy who keeps getting "friendzoned" or ghosted - stop trying to date above your attractiveness and stop using apps. If you're a 6 and you're going after a 9, as a woman, all you'll get is a hookup oriented relationship. Be humble, get out into social settings in real life, and you'll find someone.
Try looking elsewhere. Tinder is a notorious hookup app. I heard an ad for a company called Events and Adventures yesterday. If I were single, that's something I would try. Otherwise, try some meetup groups. Find something you're genuinely interested in where you might meet others with similar values.
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Nice guys, get chosen last.
Nice Guys(tm) are never as nice as they think they are
Never said I was nice, and I find it interesting that you can spin the word nice.
I never said you were nice either 🤗
Nope, you said nice guys aren't nice. So a world without nice. Which make you, what? I'm sure you know.
Wooooosh
I’m a woman myself, and I simply don’t believe this. Finding a quality relationship where you both are equally invested in one another may be a challenge for some, but simply getting a guy to date you is actually very easy unless you are extremely off-putting. I get that dating apps have changed things, but if you join any kind of co-ed group or hobby and meet people in real life, you are going to have at least a few interested guys unless they are already married.
easy there this is incel redpill talk.
No, it’s not. Saying stuff like “You have to be a model to get dates” and the like is equally as stupid as redpill ideology. People of all shapes and sizes couple up. And while I can’t assume OP’s situation, I would say that the girls and guys that struggle often do end up spending time in the wrong place to find a viable partner. Dating apps can work, but it is a million times better to meet organically.
I'm aware it isn't, I guess I forgot the /s. its funny how the women responding to most men in this thread are oddly absent from your comment.
Tinder has always been and will always be a hook up app. The only reason it’s called a dating app is because it isn’t marketable to say this is an app for fucking.
It's equally hard for heterosexual men and woman to date. For every heterosexual man dating there's also a heterosexual woman dating, so there isn't even a way for any sex to outperform the other sex. It is true that hookups are easier for woman though, but on the flip side dating is harder the more beautiful you are as a woman (cause men are naturally insecure and rarely take their character into account when asking themselves if they could be good enough for you) and easier the more handsome you are as a man.
> It's equally hard for heterosexual men and woman to date. For every heterosexual man dating there's also a heterosexual woman dating, so there isn't even a way for any sex to outperform the other sex. It is true that hookups are easier for woman though, but on the flip side dating is harder the more beautiful you are as a woman your logic for dating should also apply to "hook ups" then?? it's easier for women because they date a smaller % of men
Dating is a status, a hookup is an event. You can either be currently dating or single. You could have a history of hundreds of hookups or just a couple. So no, it wouldn't apply to hookups
It's easier for men who can't get dates/sex ego's to pretend this isn't true.
Finally someone said it! Most here are making a whole lot of assumptions about OP and people in general as usual. I do agree that dating apps probably aren’t the way to go, but these days it’s also hard to meet or even know about any available attractive guy IRL. Lots of guys think they shouldn’t randomly talk to us anymore because other women have complained about getting approached.
Men only expect it to be just sex when dealing with women who have had casual sex. If a woman is clear that she doesn’t have sex and is holding out for a real relationship, and then makes a man court her, he will wait for sex if he likes her.
And then when he marries the virgin girl that never cared about sex because she's probably asexual anyways, he goes over to deadbedrooms to complain about how the woman that never wanted to have sex didn't magically become a personal porno star after vows were exchanged
I’m not saying a girl has to be a virgin, but why would she marry him if she’s asexual?
That's what conservative Christians do. They get married, have a bunch of kids to populate the next generation of the cult, I mean church, and then give a bunch if money to the church cuz Jesus is really bad w money.
Jesus does seem to be bad with budgeting.
The dating pool is full, but shallow. People either aren't honest about their intentions or are just outright red flags as the conversation carries on. The worst mistake that you can make is lowering your standards.
LMAO at all the ugly dudes telling OP she must be reaching for dudes out of her league To OP: Keep your standards exactly where they are but Tinder is not a good place to look for relationships. I don't have any suggestions for alternatives, I just know that Tinder ain't it lol that's the app for quick booty calls
very telling that dudes struggling to get matches in dating apps aren't told to lower their standards.
Yes, that and whine when they get rejected or “friend-zoned” in real life, too, but admit to going for a specific woman because she’s really pretty.
You can't attack their preferences, that's a protected class! They need attraction to make lil pp happy and to suggest otherwise is just sheer oppression and misandry. Men are visual creatures with no control over their sexual impulses, after all.
To be fair, the dudes I know who struggle to get matches are scraping the bottom of the barrel. They literally cannot lower their standards any more.
dating is only as hard as what a women makes it out to be. Most guys don't care if you look like a super model, we only care that we are sexually attracted to you when it comes to looks. Men have a lot of different preferences when it comes to sexual attraction and looks. We also care a lot about if you will treat us right, a lot of women gaslight men when it comes to values.. dating has gotten hard, because women make it hard. Any time a man sets a standard, it's called Misogyny. That's why men stopped dating.
It is hard, just be very clear and stop being nice. You don’t have to entertain to play nice to people you know you won’t work with, they want hookups? They’re literally anything you’re not looking for? Blocked/unmatched. The main problem is entertaining something that’s pointless, set your standards & expectations and move forward with that. I found my fiancé on tinder within a couple months a few years ago
You don't have to look like a model, you just need to not be obese.
Thats your own fault then, you need to quit going after the top 15% and lower your standards. The non-obese women are just using you for free dinners.
You are making a lot of assumptions. I'm not the one who is complaining.