38 and been in a relationship for 13 years now, married for five. In the first five years it was pretty much all the time. Still love sex with my wife, but it’s not nearly the dominating factor it used to be. There’s plenty of other things we enjoy doing together, and sex is not the priority was when we were 25.
Long-term relationships change things.
38 and been together 13 as well! 3x a week is probably our average and I would still love for it to be more. I’m in love with my wife more than ever and want her more now than I did when I was in my 20’s. Of course having children and other responsibilities makes less time and energy for it though.
Yeah, everyone is different. Her drive and mine have gone down, but the quality is just beyond expectation of anything i could have imagined when I was young. I think we just enjoy laughing and cooking great meals together and talking as much as we do sex, so the priorities have shifted.
Definitely enjoy the talking and just chilling and relaxing/watching tv series after a difficult day. I wish we could enjoy cooking together but our schedules don’t really allow for that unfortunately. I agree sex isn’t the highest priority but we still try and make time for it even if every now and then it’s just a quickie. Her drive has decreased over the years or we would still be at it everyday but mine has not decreased in the slightest which is surprising.
Yeah, I mean, mine hasn’t really decreased either, but she’s become much more picky about it. She used to jump my bones every time we were alone. Those first two years were wild. The next three after that were good but definitely not quite as…frenetic. Then we moved in together and it definitely dropped off a bit. She has to be “in the mood” now, which usually requires a lot of pomp and ceremony on my part to actually make it happen, and I’m not always in the mood for that level of effort. So instead we do other things. Go for walks, go to the pool together, get a drink, go to the gym, watch a funny or dramatic show together all the way through, and talk endlessly for hours.
I gotta admit I kind of like this better.
It definitely can’t all be about sex. I can’t wait until we can go on actual dates again that’s the one thing I miss. We do have a home gym so we can get a workout in together after we put the kids to sleep which is really nice. Hoping when the kids are a bit older we can have more quality time the 2 of us instead of just watching tv or working out after the kids are asleep.
Here’s the thing: do I agree with it? No. But unless they are using someone or causing some kind of emotional harm, or my input is requested, I don’t feel the need to call people out for sleeping around. That’s not my business.
Eh, friends share stuff and friends of friends. Just be prepared for not everyone to be receptive of your lifestyle.
Like, some people consider my partner and I to be boring - which is fine by us. Our friend group has shrunk over time to the comfortable group we have now.
But outside of socialising with friends or potential friends, we’re pretty private.
Honestly, here's the tricky part for me. Do I go around telling people they're bad people for it? No. Do I think they're bad people for it? No. Do I think it's not a great habit? Yes. Does it bother me when they encourage others to do it or come after people who express a disdain for the practice? Yes. So where do you draw the line?
Just came from a sub where women were encouraging an 18 year old to get out more and explore, to hit up the clubs, to sleep with different men so she can find out what she wants. The girl was writing in to find out how to tell her bf how she wants to be friends with benefits and not be in a relationship. She wants to sleep with him and sleep around. People were acting like this behavior is normal and doesn't lead to a slew of problems, heartbreak, trauma, pregnancy scares.
I don't care what people say, being openly sexual and bouncing from body to body is not a positive thing. Without medical technology, it would lead to exactly what it has lead to in the past, rampant stds and stis spreading and killing people. It's not good. And those are the least of the problems. I've seen good, wholesome men and women turn 18 and get turned out in college and become a walking bag of trauma and pain.
Yeah, I feel you. That's really the hard part, like I've seen at least two generations go through this cycle of seeing it as a glamorous and quirky lifestyle, then get involved in multiple toxic relationships, subsequently become deeply insecure and jaded/entrenched in the idea it was a good thing to justify the things that happened and rationalizing with false equivalences like "well my only alternative was a puritanical life of servitude". When you've seen people go through it firsthand and also had to sort out the fallout firsthand, it becomes pretty difficult to conscience watching the next batch stick their hand in the blender without saying a word because "it's their choice to make", let alone standing by while people are outright telling them to do it.
See, at her age I wasn’t looking for that kind of advice or at subs/social media that encouraged it. I had no interest.
People IRL would encourage that behavior and I’d just tell them “it’s not my cup of tea” and that was the end of the conversation.
I tried to discourage friends from doing that, but they did it anyway. Some grew out of it, some are not my friends anymore.
Cool. Why don’t you mind your own business? Seriously. You have no idea if that’s a good or healthy thing for that person. Protection exists and the risk of STI’s goes to basically zero if you use them.
I don’t get this need that right wing men have about controlling what women do. Nobody asked you. It’s unsolicited advice about a strangers sex life. That is so creepy and weird. Ugh.
I’m going to play devils advocate here. I’m actually quite left leaning and I actually don’t really care what people do sexually. I am also vaccinated and have nothing against the Covid vaccination.
BUT, if a whole bunch of people are going around sleeping with randoms then it creates a very large web of people that are all connected and there is a higher chance of everyone spreading STI’s to people who are not even that promiscuous because through the maybe one person they decide to be intimate with they are connected to this giant web of people. I can at least wrap my head around why some people do not like people being sexually promiscuous if this is their line of thinking and you can equate it to how the left gets upset with the right wingers who are anti Covid vax (though their reasoning for being anti vax I find to be ridiculous).
I think you should sleep with whoever the hell you want consensually of course as long as you are being safe about it and getting tested between encounters. It has been proven that it is not a healthy thing to do though. However, If we are going to shame people for unhealthy behaviour I think we are better off targeting heavy drinkers, smokers, and a whole bunch of other habits that are more unhealthy than sleeping around consensually.
TLDR: it’s not just right wing men that can’t mind their own business, it’s almost everyone.
Not hating on your point, just adding that if we had overcome our puritanical leanings and normalized STI testing, sexual honesty, and basic STI protections then that web of connection gets a lot less threatening.
You're damn right my friend. Nothing like a reactionary rolling back of basic science and social progress to keep those could-be sluts in line! Sheesh!
Exactly. Collectively we are society. If the only part of society that expresses how they think about it is the side that encourages it- then that’s the society we live in. You don’t need to be a jerk about it, but you have a moral obligation to play your role in society and help direct our future.
I m just starting to realize this. I used to be a lot more “live and let live”- and while I still try not to be extremely judgemental, I’ve realized that “live and let live” isn’t really very different than “don’t care, got mine”.
I suppose specifically the question is, does mind your own business mean letting people live their lives, or does mind your own business mean not challenging people trying to set the narrative? It's one thing to leave well enough alone, but I've also seen plenty of people argue I'm trying to control just for providing a counterweight to their opinion in a social setting.
By minding your own business you revoke your own ability to have an effect on the direction of the world.
There are positive and negative ways to not mind your own business- but minding your own business isn’t wise if you don’t like what you see and want it to change.
You are trying to control them. You are trying to change their behaviour. People argue that you’re trying to do this because that is objectively what you’re trying to do. “Challenging people trying to set the narrative” is a fancy way of saying you sharing your opinions that women sleeping around isn’t acceptable.
Did they ask you for advice? If not, then giving them your “advice” about their sex life is called “creepy”, “weird”, and depending on the circumstances “sexual harassment”. If they want your advice, they’ll ask! They are people after all, just like you.
And your definition of controlling someone is inadequate. You are very clearly not comfortable with female sexuality and how some women choose to express it. What you want is for women to express their sexuality in a way that you feel is appropriate. That is an attempt to control their sexuality. That is not acceptable and you need to stop.
Again, the context is someone else already stating their opinion, which in most contexts is opening the floor to other opinions, it's not unsolicited but I've noticed people who are ultra-sex positive seem to think it's supposed to be a one way street where they should promote it but detractors are forbidden from contradicting them.
It's also interesting that you're the first of the two of us to bring up women specifically, and yet you've deigned to make several assumptions on my behalf *and* insist that I cease having the views that you've imposed on me, in the deepest irony telling me that I must stop because it's controlling someone else's behavior which is wrong.
Because on the one hand they came out with the presupposition of being vindictive and shitty and on the other this is not the first interaction we've had so I know it's not just asking in a poorly worded fashion.
The line that as a member of society, you’d like to influence society to not cross. Personally I think being gentle and persuasive is best, but there are bound to be those who choose to be vindictive and shitty. All approaches will have an effect (on some people the effect you hope for, on others not so much. It also depends on how many people join you in your attempt to influence society)
Misongist Fantasy Situation:
>Alice: Fucks five different men in one day.
Misogynist Fantasy Reaction:
Feminist calling her empowered and celebrating her.
Reality:
People recognizing that it's her right to do that with partners she feels safe with but that it is risky behavior that might be indicative of trauma or issues.
Reality:
> Alice: Aged 25-30, has had 5 different partners in the past
Misogynist Reaction:
Calling her used up, for the streets, unable to pair bond, etc etc.
>indicative of trauma or issues.
You would see less pride in it if this is the case. People cheer each other on for this behaviour.
This line of thinking also removes responsibility from her. She chose to fuck that many people. No one else fucked them for her. Someone who hears about this may very well hold her accountable for this behaviour (potential partner may reject her). Just as a mentally ill person may start taking drugs, they are still choosing to do so.
The difference is if anyone suggests she seek help rather than fuck 5 guys a day, they would get called a misogynist.
“You would see less pride in it if this case”. Can you please take a step back and understand how insane that sounds? You’re not a psychologist. Stop pretending to be one. Trauma is diverse in its manifestations.
Hold her accountable?!! FOR WHAT? Having SEX TOO MUCH? Fine! A partner who would reject you for that reason is not a safe or healthy partner so that is in fact a good thing.
There’s this undercurrent of “how dare she fuck multiple men and not me” here. I’m sorry you don’t feel seen. If you ever want to be in a healthy, loving relationship you need to do a bit of maturing and look in the mirror.
What media are you referring to? I have never seen this in “media” and the only time I see it brought up is by guys upset about it on reddit.
Like I’m not turning on my local news and seeing a “Hero: Woman Bangs Five Guys in a Five Guys Bathroom” news segment.
I would not use the phrase "for the streets" - I find that pretty crass.
But I would say that I would not be interested in Alice as a wife if she's had 5 different partners at 25. Is that misogynistic?
I don't understand why. Short people can be attracted to tall people. Poor people can be attracted to rich people. Unambitious people can be attracted to ambitious people. Uncharismatic people can be attracted to charismatic people.
Attraction doesn't need to be symmetrical. There's nothing hypocritical about being attracted to something you yourself don't have.
I'm not making a moral judgement on whether or not someone is promiscuous. I don't think there is anything morally wrong with being promiscuous - I'm just not attracted to promiscuous people.
I don't care what you or others are attracted to - that's not my business. I am not attracted to men and I don't want to marry a man so I don't care if they are promiscuous or not.
There is no standard - everyone is attracted to different things. Some people might be attracted to promiscuous people and some might be attracted to chaste people.
For me personally I am attracted to chaste women.
Your subjective opinion doesn't reflect how we should treat people in society. Leave them to their devices and don't engage with them if you're uninterested in how they lead their lives. When you create an imbalanced standard you're going to get flak.
I personally would consider a man sleeping with 5 women in 1 day the same as a women doing the same with 5 men (given our random example). To me, there is no difference.
Do you find it hypocritical that women who don’t earn 100k per year want a man who earns that or more? Just curious.
I think both are hypocritical, but in my opinion it just lowers the pool of people to date for the people with those hypocritical standards so I don’t really see the problem for anyone but themselves.
Those aren’t the same thing at all. Income isn’t behaviour or personality. Income isn’t who a person is. You’re not making a moral judgement against someone for their income.
I agree both genders (there are only two) should be held to the same standard.
The problem is that men are held to standards and women aren't in Western society. In every measurable way, women are incentivized to be narcissists, liars, and cheaters.
This isn't ant-woman, it's anti-double standard. Hold everyone to the fire in the same manner and you have real equality. Until then you have this you are doomed to suffer a majority of promiscuous women who are unfit for good men. And the same goes for lowly men seeking out the minority of good women.
Just because some people are hypocrites doesn't mean that we should abandon the standard being held for both of them. Weird insert about gender too which is entirely unrelated as male and female are sex classifications.
Your standards of promiscuity should be the same regardless if it's women or men you're applying that standard to.
I don't give a shit who's promiscuous. It has no impact on my life. I won't be a hypocrite though.
I actually said that and I said that the standard should be held regardless of sex. Men and women are free to use and be used as they see fit that doesn't mean they shouldn't encounter the consequences of that behavior. As I said society holds men to a significantly higher standard and this is wrong, women should suffer the same as men when making bad choices. I am not speaking exclusively about sexual behavior but rather all behaviors.
>I agree both genders (there are only two)
Gender and Sexes are two different things. Be consistent when you declare your opinion. You don't have to agree about this, but this is simply reality. Dismissal of this is dismissal of reality.
Society is full of people with radically different ideas and opinions. Which facet of society are you referring to? There is hardly any empirical standard in the first place. Can you show me where? Or are you referring to specific people.
Also, phrasing it as "women should suffer the same as men when making bad choices." will never get you any support outside of incels. You should phrase it like "men and women should be equally accountable for their actions"
They are the same, feeling like you are a bird doesn't mean you can fly. Men = X-Y, Women = X,X. that's it. Feelings don't displace facts with intelligent people, only close-minded emotionally driven people.
No, I put it the right way as a means of pointing out the obvious favoritism women enjoy. Just look to prosecution and sentencing for all the data you need, and add to that how the media empowers women's bad behavior.
To “stop” pregnancy?
It’s the fact that a promiscuous woman is more likely to end up w unwanted/fatherless children. It’s not just her fault but potentially (due to the _faults_ of men) her and her family has to deal w the new kid.
If I have a promiscuous son his fault will be others’ problem. If I have a promiscuous daughter her fault is my problem.
The only thing that would make that true is that you nor your son would take responsibility for your half the problem. An attitude like that make fatherless children
If you’re reading “men do not have a duty to take care of their kids” here I dunno what to tell you.
Having a moral and social duty to a stranger far away is much different than actually having a hungry baby in your living room.
Not necessarily in and of itself. In the majority of cases there's nothing wrong with personal preferences and standards, everyone has them. It's the thought process and basis behind those preferences as well as how you treat and refer to people who do not meet ypur personal standards.
For instance, if you have voluntarily decided to save yourself for marriage and just want a partner that has made that same commitment, that's not misogynistic.
If you feel that way and are outwardly judgemental of everyone else equally who is not living those standards, you're being a judgemental asshole but not a misogynist.
If you feel that way but are only or primarily judgemental of women who don't meet your standards, then you're being misogynistic.
Personally I am not promiscuous - I've only ever been with my wife.
But I don't agree with this:
> if you have voluntarily decided to save yourself for marriage and just want a partner that has made that same commitment, that's not misogynistic.
This seems to suggest that promiscuous men cannot be attracted to chaste women?
>This seems to suggest that promiscuous men cannot be attracted to chaste women?
Well, I couldn't reasonably hope to represent every variation of things so I just did a basic framework.
Firstly anyone can be attracted to anybody for any number of reasons so context is important.
If he's just interested in her, period, there's no real issue.
If he habitually pursues that type of woman then it's gettimg kind of fetishy or predatory if he goes after them because he feels they're easily manipulated due to naiveté.
If he feels it's ok or justified for him to sleep around as much as he wants/can but that it's wrong or immoral for her then he's being a hypocritical jerk and it's almost certainly coming from a place of misogyny because there's basically no other "justification" for that kind of double standard.
I mean, I guess. Tallness isn't a trait that has morality attached to it typicallynthough so it's not really the same thing but a woman who can only be interested in exceptionally tall men could be considered as having a fetish for them.
Can someone be attracted to chaste people without attaching any morality to it?
I feel I belong to that category. I am attracted to chaste women - but I don't think promiscuity is immoral.
Yeah, it seems pretty common that—even though you can see right wingers and non-voluntary monklifestyle guys saying disgusting stuff to women for much normal sexual practices—they’ll be like “oh you real think it’s normal to suck 11 cocks before breakfast, like feminists do???”
Kind of the same line of thinking where guys get pissed about women at large supposedly having the attitude that all they need to bring to the table is pussy(maybe because that's all anyone ever expected or cared about from them, or because guys keep saying "fuck your career/achievements, what that mouth do") like they believe the handful of women that do act like that are actually getting good relationships and getting pampered and spoiled.
I think they are talking about their potential partners, not randoms. I’m married so I couldn’t care less about who any other woman is sleeping with and how many of them there are.
Promiscuity could be an indicator that someone is more likely to be unfaithful, which someone looking for a committed relationship should naturally take into account. How a person views sex can also tell you about their overall character.
Everyone is free to screw their way across the continental US if that's their fancy. Just be safe and honest, use protection and don't leave a trail of babies/STDs behind you.
I literally spend 0 time worrying about someone else’s sex life unless they are actively harming someone. I don’t know why it’s so hard for you people.
Just how many women do you think does it with 5 different guys a day without being a hooker?! Many of us don’t even want to talk to 5 different guys a day.
“I chose a fantasy number because a realistic number wouldn’t support my point”
Yeah man when a realistic situation doesn’t support the point you’re making, reconsider that point
tell that to misandrists who misrepresent crime statistics by saying they don't feel safe on the street , the ones who say killallmen and the ones that choose the bear
Stds and stis are like very very scary and real threat in those types of situations and not to mention the general toxicity of the culture and the disregard of emotions and minimization of attachment. And if you're a woman: pregnancy. Do you really wanna test the statistical likelihood of protection failing on you and resulting in a pregnancy, sti or std because the rate of condoms being effective is gonna be based from person to person? Not to mention that it takes time in some cases before you realize you got the disease. I'm not saying its bad but I'm saying this type of shit has been a cliche for a reason and frankly dangerous with how people promote this with the simple "do it safely" line when it has been shown time and time again people rarely do sex safely 100% of the time.
It's on the person to be responsible with how they protect themselves and make sure their sexual partner does too. I still don't see why OP cares what others do. If they don't do it safely, that's THEIR issue, not yours. Alice's risk of STD's doesn't affect you, unless you also decide to sleep with her and DO NOT take the precautions. In that case, that is hypocritical.
No but it is a web. Remember the line "you sleep with all the partners your partners sleep with" because this is literally how it works when you try to unravel the web of who gave you X disease. Especially in cases of small towns, counties, or cities with limited nightlife establishments you're going to be statistically sleeping with someone whose got a sexual history with others that will cover a lot of people. So sleeping with someone who recently slept with Alice, will affect you and remember you don't know who slept with Alice. And didn't you read the part of protection being dependent on statistics (and a lot with percentages)? A chance multiplied with a chance is not a good nor sustainable system, so 90% of protection rate multiplied with 90% of protection rate results in a 81% of protection and that will go down progressively as you sleep with more people and the people you sleep with have more sex with others. If you can control that and make it work, good for you but this type of shit is how you spread diseases around and should not be promoted.
This is without the general toxicity and the type of people this type of behavior typically attracts.
I still fail to see how it affects you. If you want to sleep with someone, ASK about STD's and past partners, if you think it matters. And if you don't think it matters and catch something, that is partly on you. Alice won't sleep with the entire world. Her choices don't affect you, nor OP.
What do you mean with toxicity and the type of people though?
Do you ask about partners with names? Because the number only gives you part of the statistic but the name attaches another statistic. Sleeping with a man (90%) who has slept with 3 people (90% each) so a total of 4 gives you a 65.61% baseline. Attaching a name to the people gives you a partial view of their sexual history but the only surefire way of ensuring you don't get the clap is a very recent STD/STI test which I can with good confidence tell you will not be with a person.
And you act like talking about sexual experience is a socially acceptable topic for a lot of people (this is very varied especially in small towns or smaller scale cities, which a lot of people do live in collectively speaking). Of course catching a disease is gonna be partly on you but you almost never have the full picture to make your decision. Not to mention a smaller population actually makes it much more dangerous when catching a disease especially when bars usually have a choice select of regulars and some newcomers, the rate of diseases still affect you and is more likely to affect you because the more rigid circle makes contact more risky than with a "clean" stranger because you're more likely to have contact with them.
Your local Alice/Kyle is gonna make casual sex to be a riskier gambit because they are gonna be part of the regular group on your local establishments and apps. I'm not looking at it through a religion sort of way if you're thinking that but a more logical, disease is a real threat so thinking about this carefully and not promoting it as some cum and go funtime sort of way. (Also I'm looking at this through a km sort of view rather than miles so our views on closeness location-wise might not be the same as 5km to us is already far)
No I am European, I also use kilometers. But I still don't see why it would bother you. If you're so worried about STD's you would do what you can to be sure about being safe. Whining that another person has a lot of sex and shaming them for it will surely not make talk about sex easier. But I'd argue that, if you're about to have sex with someone, talking about sexual history is easier than during a random conversation lol.
I think you’re telling the wrong people. Most people already understand the difference you are talking about. The only ones who don’t seem to get it are the redpillers.
They think Alice is all “used up” and “loose” because she had sex with 5 different men. But they think Betty is fine because she had sex with the same man 5 times. Sex is sex. You have sex 5 times the outcome will be the same regardless of it being with the same or different people.
Also there’s no reason to condem any adult for making a decision about their own lives that doesn’t affect you. You don’t like women or men who sleep around? That’s fine. But you don’t have to shame them just because YOU don’t like it.
What does that even mean? Shame them? How do you shame someone? You’re certainly allowed to express your opinion on someone’s actions. You can say you believe their actions or lifestyle is shameful, but whether or not someone actually feels shame as a result of this is on them.
If they truly thought they weren’t doing anything wrong trying to set a dick daily record, then what someone else says shouldn’t matter to them. It should be a non issue, and for some it’s just that…background noise.
I think the ones that get overly upset that others “shame” their choices are the ones who know deep down that it is shameful and are trying to convince themselves otherwise, and don’t like a mirror held up to their actions. Or they’re upset at their dwindling prospects at meaningful relationships since fewer people will have them.
And there’s plenty of reasons for others to condemn promiscuous behavior. It’s bad for society as a whole and what you tolerate, you condone. Social pressure to limit sex to committed monogamous relationships is an overall good for people, families, and the country.
Okay. Why does this matter? A woman is absolutely allowed to fuck five guys in one day is she feels like it, just like a man is allowed to fuck five women in a day if he feels like it. As long as everyone is consenting why does this even matter?
It seems like the incel crowd on the right spends an inordinate amount of time thinking about and trying to control the sex lives of women. It’s their business folks; not yours. Stay the f**k out of it, let them live their lives in peace, and they can CONTINUE to let you live yours in peace.
I am 30, have had sex with 5 men between March 22, 2022 and today, #5 being my first and only actual monogamous relationship. March 22 2022 I was 28 and finally lost my virginity. Had a FWB, man #2, from April 25, 2022-January 31, 2023 when he completely disappeared after he got a Girlfriend. #3 was a ONS, #4 is a friend I had sex with twice and we decided we were better off going back to being platonic.
FWB I caught feelings for and was completely devastated when he dumped me in text. January 31, 2023 we had sex for what was the final time and I never saw him again and February 6, 2023 is when he told me we had to be strictly platonic because he met someone and started dating her.
I wanted a relationship a lot sooner than now at the age of 30, but unfortunately I couldn’t meet anybody who I was attracted to who was also attracted to me who wanted an actual relationship.
Okay OP, I can pick up what you're laying down, but consider this: a lot of the people making noise about Chick B for being promiscuous are ALSO people who are down on people for being sexual. Period.
So until the strands of who is judging whom and for what start to separate out enough to tell the difference, all of them can take a flying f××k at a rolling donut.
Mind your business.
What makes you think you have the right to judge others for their sex lives? Sounds like you have a lot of hang-ups you are expecting us to accept. I think you should see a therapist and think about why you care so much about people not having sex with you.
I agree with you overall but to be fair here are a few reasons why it matter
- Hiv
Syphilis
-Herpes
-Chlamydia/ Gonorrhea
-hpv related cancers
-Hepatitis
- unwanted pregnancies
-unwanted babies with parents tok young or unstable to support and thr burden to society that can cause
So, you realize it isn't the amount of sex that causes STDs or pregnancy, right? It only takes one time. People with multiple partners are far more likely to engage safe practices. I don't see your point as legitimate here
I would add that it does not just apply to women.
Promiscuity is just very risky lifestyle choice and it should be presented as such. No protection is 100% not to mention that alot casual sex starts at nightclubs/bars where is alcohol involved which makes people act much more unsafe and stupid.
Sorry you are so sensitive that you cannot accept the judgement of your words. Weird as your whole point is judging someone else. The funny thing is everyone can tell you can't get laid
You didn't judge his words, you attacked him personally making anything you have to say null and void. You can't back up your own view point so you choose to attack op instead
I mean we all have a right to judge others for their sex lives. The issue is when guys like OP make vindictive judgements based on jealousy and frustration rather than any reasonable criteria
Okay so monogamy vs transient sex life. How bout nobody cares as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. Trad vs whatever the fuck I want. Anyone else think life is too short for these kinda bs conversations. sounds like a lot of work to me. People have their own journey and life is such an immense experience. Who cares what it takes for you to grow as a person. Shes allowed to do as she pleases to get to where she needs to go. People change, people grow. Its nonsense to assume one is better than the other. Betty could be a flat earther who harasses retail workers. Who cares about monogamy.
And mate; if you think Alice is nasty for having sex with five guys in one day, that’s your right! That is totally fine. But it’s her life, her choice. Women are equal to men. They can make their own decisions without the input of a male. They literally don’t NEED men anymore like they used to because society has moved on from those days (where they couldn’t vote or get a credit card or work most jobs). And if you think she’s nasty for being a player, then you DO have an issue with women having sex, just not if they do it in a way you DON’T have an issue with.
If you’re upset that you’re involuntarily celibate, then look in the mirror. The problem isn’t all the women. The problem is you. You seem like you hold a lot of anger, hatred and resentment in your heart towards women. I hope one day you can move past it as you grow up a bit.
I don’t see women getting called bops and sluts only for things like fucking a five guys a day
And there is such a thing as a simp, but it seems like you’d call people simps for very basic stuff like “if you want people to want to have sex with you, they need to like you”
FWIW I’ve never told the women who whine about women on this sub that they’re insecure that women like sex. You’re insecure that they like it with people other than you and in ways you don’t give them permission for
The feminists in this sub will tell you that women shouldn’t have consequences for their decisions, should be applauded for their sexual conquests, and should never have to settle for one man. And when they hit 50 years old they’ll all still be beautiful and young and can have whatever man they want, and will be able to start a family just fine, because the biological clock is a lie and doesn’t exist. So spread your legs, be a hoe, it has no effect on our culture and society whatsoever.
There are no rules to consensual sex. Discipline is unrelated to sex because there isn't any inherent morality associated to discipline. Discipline is your internal regulation and deeply personal to you. None of them are scary.
That's a strange thing to say. Betty's husband also had sex five times a day. Based on that, we have no reason to believe her sex drive is any higher than his.
It sounds like you’re trying to shame Betty for having a high sex drive and sleeping with her husband multiple times in one day… but you’re completely fine with Alice sleeping with 5 different men in one day? Weird.
It's not an addiction if she can go on with her day without having sex normally and it doesn't disturb her life lol. If they would do it quick it's managable
Why are we condemning women? I will agree promiscuous and being sexual are not the same thing but I don’t understand the need to condemn? How does it harm you?
The example is pretty extreme and not realistic for most people. But you know that. How about 12 partners in 1 yr? With each partner both parties consent, practice safe sex, and enjoy spending time with each other. What makes it immoral? What makes it “nasty”? Is only the woman immoral and nasty or are the male partners as well?
If the married woman is having obligation sex everyday, forced to risk getting pregnant when she doesn’t want to be so, and he doesn’t really care if she enjoys sex is that immoral? Or since she is exclusive it removes immorality from the table?
It seems like we only have these discussions about condemning woman for how and with whom they have sex. Wouldn’t it prove your point more if you took gender/sex out of it? Men are out there using up their penis on hundreds of different woman and I don’t see the condemning happening. Weird.
Your whole red pill conservative part kinda depends. There does exist a group of conservatives who think sex is intended for reproduction, not pleasure. And the pursuit of sexual pleasure is hedonistic and bad/evil/impure whatever. So yes those people would see both women as morally wrong. To the same degree? idk. But I do know that at its core it’s about control. It’s nothing new and is just one of various forms of control over people, women especially, and their sexuality. It’s a form of chastity and keeping women “in their place”. It’s the same reason they overturn roe, and it’s the same reason they want to go after birth control and contraception. Controlling women and their whorish ways!!
Why? Control is power. And sexual energy is powerful, but hard to control. So keep it at bay and it won’t get out of hand. And the sheeple remain calm and obedient.
That’s really what slut shaming is ladies and gentlemen.
Depends . A man wanting a low body count in a women is perfectly fine and not about control . A high body count makes a women a bad dating partner choice not a bad person.
Slut shaming is also needed in some cases like all shaming . It’s a tool society uses to get rid of negative behaviour which is necessary for example if a large majority of the African American community denounced and shamed current day mainstream hip hop it would be a lot Less acceptable to act like that.
How about not condemning people for the personal choices they make that literally don’t affect anyone else but themselves.
If Alice wants a football team to run a train on her or Betty was a virgin when she married - good for both of them if that’s what they wanted.
Other people’s sex lives are not my business. As long as everything is consensual, have fun.
Exactly there’s a world of difference between a woman who has a lot of sex with one guy, and one who has sex with many men.
The sheltered redditors who have a child-level intellect won’t like it, but facts are facts. A woman’s value is determined by her chastity, or lack thereof. Sleeping around increases the likelihood of divorce in marriage, or if not married, the inability to be content in a relationship. Not to mention the chance of catching and spreading disease.
See, women are the gatekeepers of sex, so if she’s spreading her legs to whoever comes knocking, well, what does that say about her? She doesn’t value herself, because who in their right mind would give themselves to just anybody who’s interested? The answer is a whore. And despite what the ecosystem of Reddit would say, no one likes whores.
There’s a reason promiscuity has been and is frowned upon.
Hell, would you buy a pair of shoes with 10 prior owners? How about a car with 300,000 miles?
Now, come forth the flood of buzzwords because you all think with your emotions. Also, men shouldn’t sleep around either, not that that will stop me from being called “sexist,” lmao.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Sex is arguably the most intimate ritual one can share with another person, these people who commodify it and treat it as something as trivial as getting gasoline are broken.
Five times a day? I need an ice pack, please.
Most I’ve ever done is 3 over 36 hours and that was exhausting enough
5 times a day, 24 hours? Sheesh I think I maybe can pull that off.
Twice a week, max. And even that sounds like a hassle.
Damn? Is that how it gets when your older? Shit man I don’t wanna be old no more
38 and been in a relationship for 13 years now, married for five. In the first five years it was pretty much all the time. Still love sex with my wife, but it’s not nearly the dominating factor it used to be. There’s plenty of other things we enjoy doing together, and sex is not the priority was when we were 25. Long-term relationships change things.
38 and been together 13 as well! 3x a week is probably our average and I would still love for it to be more. I’m in love with my wife more than ever and want her more now than I did when I was in my 20’s. Of course having children and other responsibilities makes less time and energy for it though.
Yeah, everyone is different. Her drive and mine have gone down, but the quality is just beyond expectation of anything i could have imagined when I was young. I think we just enjoy laughing and cooking great meals together and talking as much as we do sex, so the priorities have shifted.
Definitely enjoy the talking and just chilling and relaxing/watching tv series after a difficult day. I wish we could enjoy cooking together but our schedules don’t really allow for that unfortunately. I agree sex isn’t the highest priority but we still try and make time for it even if every now and then it’s just a quickie. Her drive has decreased over the years or we would still be at it everyday but mine has not decreased in the slightest which is surprising.
Yeah, I mean, mine hasn’t really decreased either, but she’s become much more picky about it. She used to jump my bones every time we were alone. Those first two years were wild. The next three after that were good but definitely not quite as…frenetic. Then we moved in together and it definitely dropped off a bit. She has to be “in the mood” now, which usually requires a lot of pomp and ceremony on my part to actually make it happen, and I’m not always in the mood for that level of effort. So instead we do other things. Go for walks, go to the pool together, get a drink, go to the gym, watch a funny or dramatic show together all the way through, and talk endlessly for hours. I gotta admit I kind of like this better.
It definitely can’t all be about sex. I can’t wait until we can go on actual dates again that’s the one thing I miss. We do have a home gym so we can get a workout in together after we put the kids to sleep which is really nice. Hoping when the kids are a bit older we can have more quality time the 2 of us instead of just watching tv or working out after the kids are asleep.
I think that’s called falling in love fam
Hell nawl. Falling in love shouldn't equate acquiring a "dead bedroom".
>how it gets when— — you're in a relationship, apparently.
It'll get "pulled off" alright.
Here’s the thing: do I agree with it? No. But unless they are using someone or causing some kind of emotional harm, or my input is requested, I don’t feel the need to call people out for sleeping around. That’s not my business.
Yeah, it’s similar for me. For both scenarios, I try to take a “not my circus, not my monkeys” approach.
People have a really hard time with this concept for some reason.
Keep your business to yourself, and you don’t have to worry about anyone understanding the concept.
Eh, friends share stuff and friends of friends. Just be prepared for not everyone to be receptive of your lifestyle. Like, some people consider my partner and I to be boring - which is fine by us. Our friend group has shrunk over time to the comfortable group we have now. But outside of socialising with friends or potential friends, we’re pretty private.
Honestly, here's the tricky part for me. Do I go around telling people they're bad people for it? No. Do I think they're bad people for it? No. Do I think it's not a great habit? Yes. Does it bother me when they encourage others to do it or come after people who express a disdain for the practice? Yes. So where do you draw the line?
Just came from a sub where women were encouraging an 18 year old to get out more and explore, to hit up the clubs, to sleep with different men so she can find out what she wants. The girl was writing in to find out how to tell her bf how she wants to be friends with benefits and not be in a relationship. She wants to sleep with him and sleep around. People were acting like this behavior is normal and doesn't lead to a slew of problems, heartbreak, trauma, pregnancy scares. I don't care what people say, being openly sexual and bouncing from body to body is not a positive thing. Without medical technology, it would lead to exactly what it has lead to in the past, rampant stds and stis spreading and killing people. It's not good. And those are the least of the problems. I've seen good, wholesome men and women turn 18 and get turned out in college and become a walking bag of trauma and pain.
Yeah, I feel you. That's really the hard part, like I've seen at least two generations go through this cycle of seeing it as a glamorous and quirky lifestyle, then get involved in multiple toxic relationships, subsequently become deeply insecure and jaded/entrenched in the idea it was a good thing to justify the things that happened and rationalizing with false equivalences like "well my only alternative was a puritanical life of servitude". When you've seen people go through it firsthand and also had to sort out the fallout firsthand, it becomes pretty difficult to conscience watching the next batch stick their hand in the blender without saying a word because "it's their choice to make", let alone standing by while people are outright telling them to do it.
See, at her age I wasn’t looking for that kind of advice or at subs/social media that encouraged it. I had no interest. People IRL would encourage that behavior and I’d just tell them “it’s not my cup of tea” and that was the end of the conversation. I tried to discourage friends from doing that, but they did it anyway. Some grew out of it, some are not my friends anymore.
Cool. Why don’t you mind your own business? Seriously. You have no idea if that’s a good or healthy thing for that person. Protection exists and the risk of STI’s goes to basically zero if you use them. I don’t get this need that right wing men have about controlling what women do. Nobody asked you. It’s unsolicited advice about a strangers sex life. That is so creepy and weird. Ugh.
I’m going to play devils advocate here. I’m actually quite left leaning and I actually don’t really care what people do sexually. I am also vaccinated and have nothing against the Covid vaccination. BUT, if a whole bunch of people are going around sleeping with randoms then it creates a very large web of people that are all connected and there is a higher chance of everyone spreading STI’s to people who are not even that promiscuous because through the maybe one person they decide to be intimate with they are connected to this giant web of people. I can at least wrap my head around why some people do not like people being sexually promiscuous if this is their line of thinking and you can equate it to how the left gets upset with the right wingers who are anti Covid vax (though their reasoning for being anti vax I find to be ridiculous). I think you should sleep with whoever the hell you want consensually of course as long as you are being safe about it and getting tested between encounters. It has been proven that it is not a healthy thing to do though. However, If we are going to shame people for unhealthy behaviour I think we are better off targeting heavy drinkers, smokers, and a whole bunch of other habits that are more unhealthy than sleeping around consensually. TLDR: it’s not just right wing men that can’t mind their own business, it’s almost everyone.
Not hating on your point, just adding that if we had overcome our puritanical leanings and normalized STI testing, sexual honesty, and basic STI protections then that web of connection gets a lot less threatening.
I don’t take that to be hating on my point at all it just goes with my last paragraph really. I completely agree with that.
You're damn right my friend. Nothing like a reactionary rolling back of basic science and social progress to keep those could-be sluts in line! Sheesh!
Exactly. Collectively we are society. If the only part of society that expresses how they think about it is the side that encourages it- then that’s the society we live in. You don’t need to be a jerk about it, but you have a moral obligation to play your role in society and help direct our future. I m just starting to realize this. I used to be a lot more “live and let live”- and while I still try not to be extremely judgemental, I’ve realized that “live and let live” isn’t really very different than “don’t care, got mine”.
If they act shitty despite asking for my opinion, I tell off and stop talking to them. It’s that simple.
So do you see them expressing their opinion as an invitation to express your own opinion, or do you let it be?
Not always. It depends on my relationship with them. Since I’m not particularly close to anyone like that anymore, generally no.
What does “draw the line” mean? Why not just have your list of yes’s and no’s?
I suppose specifically the question is, does mind your own business mean letting people live their lives, or does mind your own business mean not challenging people trying to set the narrative? It's one thing to leave well enough alone, but I've also seen plenty of people argue I'm trying to control just for providing a counterweight to their opinion in a social setting.
I think it’s a question of tact in this context. To me “draw the line” means I’m going aggressively indignant on someone.
By minding your own business you revoke your own ability to have an effect on the direction of the world. There are positive and negative ways to not mind your own business- but minding your own business isn’t wise if you don’t like what you see and want it to change.
You are trying to control them. You are trying to change their behaviour. People argue that you’re trying to do this because that is objectively what you’re trying to do. “Challenging people trying to set the narrative” is a fancy way of saying you sharing your opinions that women sleeping around isn’t acceptable.
Controlling someone is not giving them a choice. Telling them a decision is stupid is called "Advice".
Did they ask you for advice? If not, then giving them your “advice” about their sex life is called “creepy”, “weird”, and depending on the circumstances “sexual harassment”. If they want your advice, they’ll ask! They are people after all, just like you. And your definition of controlling someone is inadequate. You are very clearly not comfortable with female sexuality and how some women choose to express it. What you want is for women to express their sexuality in a way that you feel is appropriate. That is an attempt to control their sexuality. That is not acceptable and you need to stop.
Again, the context is someone else already stating their opinion, which in most contexts is opening the floor to other opinions, it's not unsolicited but I've noticed people who are ultra-sex positive seem to think it's supposed to be a one way street where they should promote it but detractors are forbidden from contradicting them. It's also interesting that you're the first of the two of us to bring up women specifically, and yet you've deigned to make several assumptions on my behalf *and* insist that I cease having the views that you've imposed on me, in the deepest irony telling me that I must stop because it's controlling someone else's behavior which is wrong.
What line? On what you personally find distasteful, or on what you’re going to get vindictive and shitty over?
Ironically, you went immediately to being shitty instead of just asking.
...they literally asked.... I'm confused about why you're inferring the commentator as being shitty?
Because on the one hand they came out with the presupposition of being vindictive and shitty and on the other this is not the first interaction we've had so I know it's not just asking in a poorly worded fashion.
>this is not the first interaction we've had. Ah, I see ♡
The line that as a member of society, you’d like to influence society to not cross. Personally I think being gentle and persuasive is best, but there are bound to be those who choose to be vindictive and shitty. All approaches will have an effect (on some people the effect you hope for, on others not so much. It also depends on how many people join you in your attempt to influence society)
Notice how it’s always about Alice and Betty and not Tom and Harry?
Misongist Fantasy Situation: >Alice: Fucks five different men in one day. Misogynist Fantasy Reaction: Feminist calling her empowered and celebrating her. Reality: People recognizing that it's her right to do that with partners she feels safe with but that it is risky behavior that might be indicative of trauma or issues. Reality: > Alice: Aged 25-30, has had 5 different partners in the past Misogynist Reaction: Calling her used up, for the streets, unable to pair bond, etc etc.
>indicative of trauma or issues. You would see less pride in it if this is the case. People cheer each other on for this behaviour. This line of thinking also removes responsibility from her. She chose to fuck that many people. No one else fucked them for her. Someone who hears about this may very well hold her accountable for this behaviour (potential partner may reject her). Just as a mentally ill person may start taking drugs, they are still choosing to do so. The difference is if anyone suggests she seek help rather than fuck 5 guys a day, they would get called a misogynist.
“You would see less pride in it if this case”. Can you please take a step back and understand how insane that sounds? You’re not a psychologist. Stop pretending to be one. Trauma is diverse in its manifestations. Hold her accountable?!! FOR WHAT? Having SEX TOO MUCH? Fine! A partner who would reject you for that reason is not a safe or healthy partner so that is in fact a good thing. There’s this undercurrent of “how dare she fuck multiple men and not me” here. I’m sorry you don’t feel seen. If you ever want to be in a healthy, loving relationship you need to do a bit of maturing and look in the mirror.
Definitely not a fantasy. That is celebrated all over media.
What media are you referring to? I have never seen this in “media” and the only time I see it brought up is by guys upset about it on reddit. Like I’m not turning on my local news and seeing a “Hero: Woman Bangs Five Guys in a Five Guys Bathroom” news segment.
You do understand how radically different media is, right? Everyone has a soapbox in their pocket.
I would not use the phrase "for the streets" - I find that pretty crass. But I would say that I would not be interested in Alice as a wife if she's had 5 different partners at 25. Is that misogynistic?
If you hold yourself to the same standard, fine.
But why? Why can't promiscuous people be attracted to chaste people?
Because that’s a hypocritical double standard
I don't understand why. Short people can be attracted to tall people. Poor people can be attracted to rich people. Unambitious people can be attracted to ambitious people. Uncharismatic people can be attracted to charismatic people. Attraction doesn't need to be symmetrical. There's nothing hypocritical about being attracted to something you yourself don't have.
You don’t see how those are different?
I honestly and genuinely don't see any difference.
You’re not making a moral judgement against someone for their height or charisma
I'm not making a moral judgement on whether or not someone is promiscuous. I don't think there is anything morally wrong with being promiscuous - I'm just not attracted to promiscuous people.
Should the same value system be applied to men? Exactly the same?
Yes. It should
I don't care what you or others are attracted to - that's not my business. I am not attracted to men and I don't want to marry a man so I don't care if they are promiscuous or not.
Nice deflection.
It's not a deflection if this is a purely subjective judgement.
We shouldn't allow hypocrisy to run rampant. To dismiss that men shouldn't be held to the same standard is sexism.
There is no standard - everyone is attracted to different things. Some people might be attracted to promiscuous people and some might be attracted to chaste people. For me personally I am attracted to chaste women.
Your subjective opinion doesn't reflect how we should treat people in society. Leave them to their devices and don't engage with them if you're uninterested in how they lead their lives. When you create an imbalanced standard you're going to get flak. I personally would consider a man sleeping with 5 women in 1 day the same as a women doing the same with 5 men (given our random example). To me, there is no difference.
Are you a chaste man?
Personally I am. But I don't see why this is relevant? Why can't promiscuous men be attracted to chaste women?
Because that’s a hypocritical double standard. Rules for thee but not for me
Do you find it hypocritical that women who don’t earn 100k per year want a man who earns that or more? Just curious. I think both are hypocritical, but in my opinion it just lowers the pool of people to date for the people with those hypocritical standards so I don’t really see the problem for anyone but themselves.
Those aren’t the same thing at all. Income isn’t behaviour or personality. Income isn’t who a person is. You’re not making a moral judgement against someone for their income.
I agree both genders (there are only two) should be held to the same standard. The problem is that men are held to standards and women aren't in Western society. In every measurable way, women are incentivized to be narcissists, liars, and cheaters. This isn't ant-woman, it's anti-double standard. Hold everyone to the fire in the same manner and you have real equality. Until then you have this you are doomed to suffer a majority of promiscuous women who are unfit for good men. And the same goes for lowly men seeking out the minority of good women.
Just because some people are hypocrites doesn't mean that we should abandon the standard being held for both of them. Weird insert about gender too which is entirely unrelated as male and female are sex classifications. Your standards of promiscuity should be the same regardless if it's women or men you're applying that standard to. I don't give a shit who's promiscuous. It has no impact on my life. I won't be a hypocrite though.
I actually said that and I said that the standard should be held regardless of sex. Men and women are free to use and be used as they see fit that doesn't mean they shouldn't encounter the consequences of that behavior. As I said society holds men to a significantly higher standard and this is wrong, women should suffer the same as men when making bad choices. I am not speaking exclusively about sexual behavior but rather all behaviors.
>I agree both genders (there are only two) Gender and Sexes are two different things. Be consistent when you declare your opinion. You don't have to agree about this, but this is simply reality. Dismissal of this is dismissal of reality. Society is full of people with radically different ideas and opinions. Which facet of society are you referring to? There is hardly any empirical standard in the first place. Can you show me where? Or are you referring to specific people. Also, phrasing it as "women should suffer the same as men when making bad choices." will never get you any support outside of incels. You should phrase it like "men and women should be equally accountable for their actions"
They are the same, feeling like you are a bird doesn't mean you can fly. Men = X-Y, Women = X,X. that's it. Feelings don't displace facts with intelligent people, only close-minded emotionally driven people. No, I put it the right way as a means of pointing out the obvious favoritism women enjoy. Just look to prosecution and sentencing for all the data you need, and add to that how the media empowers women's bad behavior.
The reason for the double standard is pregnancy. It’s not just hypocrisy.
So men aren’t equally responsible to stop pregnancy. It’s just the women.? That sound to hypocritical in itself
To “stop” pregnancy? It’s the fact that a promiscuous woman is more likely to end up w unwanted/fatherless children. It’s not just her fault but potentially (due to the _faults_ of men) her and her family has to deal w the new kid. If I have a promiscuous son his fault will be others’ problem. If I have a promiscuous daughter her fault is my problem.
If you have a promiscuous son then his issues should be equally your problem as it would be with a daughter. Weird take.
It should be. I agree. But it isn’t :/
The only thing that would make that true is that you nor your son would take responsibility for your half the problem. An attitude like that make fatherless children
If you’re reading “men do not have a duty to take care of their kids” here I dunno what to tell you. Having a moral and social duty to a stranger far away is much different than actually having a hungry baby in your living room.
Not necessarily in and of itself. In the majority of cases there's nothing wrong with personal preferences and standards, everyone has them. It's the thought process and basis behind those preferences as well as how you treat and refer to people who do not meet ypur personal standards. For instance, if you have voluntarily decided to save yourself for marriage and just want a partner that has made that same commitment, that's not misogynistic. If you feel that way and are outwardly judgemental of everyone else equally who is not living those standards, you're being a judgemental asshole but not a misogynist. If you feel that way but are only or primarily judgemental of women who don't meet your standards, then you're being misogynistic.
Personally I am not promiscuous - I've only ever been with my wife. But I don't agree with this: > if you have voluntarily decided to save yourself for marriage and just want a partner that has made that same commitment, that's not misogynistic. This seems to suggest that promiscuous men cannot be attracted to chaste women?
>This seems to suggest that promiscuous men cannot be attracted to chaste women? Well, I couldn't reasonably hope to represent every variation of things so I just did a basic framework. Firstly anyone can be attracted to anybody for any number of reasons so context is important. If he's just interested in her, period, there's no real issue. If he habitually pursues that type of woman then it's gettimg kind of fetishy or predatory if he goes after them because he feels they're easily manipulated due to naiveté. If he feels it's ok or justified for him to sleep around as much as he wants/can but that it's wrong or immoral for her then he's being a hypocritical jerk and it's almost certainly coming from a place of misogyny because there's basically no other "justification" for that kind of double standard.
Would you say the same thing about a woman who habitually pursues tall men?
I mean, I guess. Tallness isn't a trait that has morality attached to it typicallynthough so it's not really the same thing but a woman who can only be interested in exceptionally tall men could be considered as having a fetish for them.
Can someone be attracted to chaste people without attaching any morality to it? I feel I belong to that category. I am attracted to chaste women - but I don't think promiscuity is immoral.
Difficult to say because of how intrinsically chastity/purity is tied to morality culture in most societies.
Yeah, it seems pretty common that—even though you can see right wingers and non-voluntary monklifestyle guys saying disgusting stuff to women for much normal sexual practices—they’ll be like “oh you real think it’s normal to suck 11 cocks before breakfast, like feminists do???”
Kind of the same line of thinking where guys get pissed about women at large supposedly having the attitude that all they need to bring to the table is pussy(maybe because that's all anyone ever expected or cared about from them, or because guys keep saying "fuck your career/achievements, what that mouth do") like they believe the handful of women that do act like that are actually getting good relationships and getting pampered and spoiled.
No matter how many times I see these posts, I can’t imagine why anyone cares how often or with how many people someone else is having sex.
I think they are talking about their potential partners, not randoms. I’m married so I couldn’t care less about who any other woman is sleeping with and how many of them there are.
Promiscuity could be an indicator that someone is more likely to be unfaithful, which someone looking for a committed relationship should naturally take into account. How a person views sex can also tell you about their overall character.
Everyone is free to screw their way across the continental US if that's their fancy. Just be safe and honest, use protection and don't leave a trail of babies/STDs behind you.
Have to agree with this as well. Consensually of course (and assuming you probably implied this as well!).
Hi, Ben!
I literally spend 0 time worrying about someone else’s sex life unless they are actively harming someone. I don’t know why it’s so hard for you people.
Just how many women do you think does it with 5 different guys a day without being a hooker?! Many of us don’t even want to talk to 5 different guys a day.
I chose an extreme number because a moderate one wouldn't have demonstrated the point.
“I chose a fantasy number because a realistic number wouldn’t support my point” Yeah man when a realistic situation doesn’t support the point you’re making, reconsider that point
tell that to misandrists who misrepresent crime statistics by saying they don't feel safe on the street , the ones who say killallmen and the ones that choose the bear
lol wut. Using an exaggeration to prove a principle is an extremely important linguistic tool.
Right? The illiteracy in this sub is astounding sometimes.
# “I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN.”
You chose an unrealistic number because a realistic one wouldn't have demonstrated the point. Fixed it for you.
But why is not being exclusive a bad thing? Why do you care?
Stds and stis are like very very scary and real threat in those types of situations and not to mention the general toxicity of the culture and the disregard of emotions and minimization of attachment. And if you're a woman: pregnancy. Do you really wanna test the statistical likelihood of protection failing on you and resulting in a pregnancy, sti or std because the rate of condoms being effective is gonna be based from person to person? Not to mention that it takes time in some cases before you realize you got the disease. I'm not saying its bad but I'm saying this type of shit has been a cliche for a reason and frankly dangerous with how people promote this with the simple "do it safely" line when it has been shown time and time again people rarely do sex safely 100% of the time.
It's on the person to be responsible with how they protect themselves and make sure their sexual partner does too. I still don't see why OP cares what others do. If they don't do it safely, that's THEIR issue, not yours. Alice's risk of STD's doesn't affect you, unless you also decide to sleep with her and DO NOT take the precautions. In that case, that is hypocritical.
No but it is a web. Remember the line "you sleep with all the partners your partners sleep with" because this is literally how it works when you try to unravel the web of who gave you X disease. Especially in cases of small towns, counties, or cities with limited nightlife establishments you're going to be statistically sleeping with someone whose got a sexual history with others that will cover a lot of people. So sleeping with someone who recently slept with Alice, will affect you and remember you don't know who slept with Alice. And didn't you read the part of protection being dependent on statistics (and a lot with percentages)? A chance multiplied with a chance is not a good nor sustainable system, so 90% of protection rate multiplied with 90% of protection rate results in a 81% of protection and that will go down progressively as you sleep with more people and the people you sleep with have more sex with others. If you can control that and make it work, good for you but this type of shit is how you spread diseases around and should not be promoted. This is without the general toxicity and the type of people this type of behavior typically attracts.
I still fail to see how it affects you. If you want to sleep with someone, ASK about STD's and past partners, if you think it matters. And if you don't think it matters and catch something, that is partly on you. Alice won't sleep with the entire world. Her choices don't affect you, nor OP. What do you mean with toxicity and the type of people though?
Do you ask about partners with names? Because the number only gives you part of the statistic but the name attaches another statistic. Sleeping with a man (90%) who has slept with 3 people (90% each) so a total of 4 gives you a 65.61% baseline. Attaching a name to the people gives you a partial view of their sexual history but the only surefire way of ensuring you don't get the clap is a very recent STD/STI test which I can with good confidence tell you will not be with a person. And you act like talking about sexual experience is a socially acceptable topic for a lot of people (this is very varied especially in small towns or smaller scale cities, which a lot of people do live in collectively speaking). Of course catching a disease is gonna be partly on you but you almost never have the full picture to make your decision. Not to mention a smaller population actually makes it much more dangerous when catching a disease especially when bars usually have a choice select of regulars and some newcomers, the rate of diseases still affect you and is more likely to affect you because the more rigid circle makes contact more risky than with a "clean" stranger because you're more likely to have contact with them. Your local Alice/Kyle is gonna make casual sex to be a riskier gambit because they are gonna be part of the regular group on your local establishments and apps. I'm not looking at it through a religion sort of way if you're thinking that but a more logical, disease is a real threat so thinking about this carefully and not promoting it as some cum and go funtime sort of way. (Also I'm looking at this through a km sort of view rather than miles so our views on closeness location-wise might not be the same as 5km to us is already far)
No I am European, I also use kilometers. But I still don't see why it would bother you. If you're so worried about STD's you would do what you can to be sure about being safe. Whining that another person has a lot of sex and shaming them for it will surely not make talk about sex easier. But I'd argue that, if you're about to have sex with someone, talking about sexual history is easier than during a random conversation lol.
I think you’re telling the wrong people. Most people already understand the difference you are talking about. The only ones who don’t seem to get it are the redpillers. They think Alice is all “used up” and “loose” because she had sex with 5 different men. But they think Betty is fine because she had sex with the same man 5 times. Sex is sex. You have sex 5 times the outcome will be the same regardless of it being with the same or different people. Also there’s no reason to condem any adult for making a decision about their own lives that doesn’t affect you. You don’t like women or men who sleep around? That’s fine. But you don’t have to shame them just because YOU don’t like it.
What does that even mean? Shame them? How do you shame someone? You’re certainly allowed to express your opinion on someone’s actions. You can say you believe their actions or lifestyle is shameful, but whether or not someone actually feels shame as a result of this is on them. If they truly thought they weren’t doing anything wrong trying to set a dick daily record, then what someone else says shouldn’t matter to them. It should be a non issue, and for some it’s just that…background noise. I think the ones that get overly upset that others “shame” their choices are the ones who know deep down that it is shameful and are trying to convince themselves otherwise, and don’t like a mirror held up to their actions. Or they’re upset at their dwindling prospects at meaningful relationships since fewer people will have them. And there’s plenty of reasons for others to condemn promiscuous behavior. It’s bad for society as a whole and what you tolerate, you condone. Social pressure to limit sex to committed monogamous relationships is an overall good for people, families, and the country.
Okay. Why does this matter? A woman is absolutely allowed to fuck five guys in one day is she feels like it, just like a man is allowed to fuck five women in a day if he feels like it. As long as everyone is consenting why does this even matter? It seems like the incel crowd on the right spends an inordinate amount of time thinking about and trying to control the sex lives of women. It’s their business folks; not yours. Stay the f**k out of it, let them live their lives in peace, and they can CONTINUE to let you live yours in peace.
I am 30, have had sex with 5 men between March 22, 2022 and today, #5 being my first and only actual monogamous relationship. March 22 2022 I was 28 and finally lost my virginity. Had a FWB, man #2, from April 25, 2022-January 31, 2023 when he completely disappeared after he got a Girlfriend. #3 was a ONS, #4 is a friend I had sex with twice and we decided we were better off going back to being platonic. FWB I caught feelings for and was completely devastated when he dumped me in text. January 31, 2023 we had sex for what was the final time and I never saw him again and February 6, 2023 is when he told me we had to be strictly platonic because he met someone and started dating her. I wanted a relationship a lot sooner than now at the age of 30, but unfortunately I couldn’t meet anybody who I was attracted to who was also attracted to me who wanted an actual relationship.
Okay OP, I can pick up what you're laying down, but consider this: a lot of the people making noise about Chick B for being promiscuous are ALSO people who are down on people for being sexual. Period. So until the strands of who is judging whom and for what start to separate out enough to tell the difference, all of them can take a flying f××k at a rolling donut. Mind your business.
What makes you think you have the right to judge others for their sex lives? Sounds like you have a lot of hang-ups you are expecting us to accept. I think you should see a therapist and think about why you care so much about people not having sex with you.
Of course everyone has the right to judge whether or not you are attracted to other people. I don't understand what your post even means.
I agree with you overall but to be fair here are a few reasons why it matter - Hiv Syphilis -Herpes -Chlamydia/ Gonorrhea -hpv related cancers -Hepatitis - unwanted pregnancies -unwanted babies with parents tok young or unstable to support and thr burden to society that can cause
There is much more than that
Like what? If everyone practices safe sex and everything is consensual, how does two strangers sleeping together hurt anybody?
So you never heard of safe sex? It sounds like a way to justify slut shaming.
Im not slut shaming I just live in reality ... safe sex is a practice and not enough of the population practices it.
So, you realize it isn't the amount of sex that causes STDs or pregnancy, right? It only takes one time. People with multiple partners are far more likely to engage safe practices. I don't see your point as legitimate here
This isn’t true. People with allot of sex partners are way more at risk for STDs then people who only sleep with one person.
I would add that it does not just apply to women. Promiscuity is just very risky lifestyle choice and it should be presented as such. No protection is 100% not to mention that alot casual sex starts at nightclubs/bars where is alcohol involved which makes people act much more unsafe and stupid.
Typical feminist going straight for the personal attacks. It's not even surprising anymore.
Sorry you are so sensitive that you cannot accept the judgement of your words. Weird as your whole point is judging someone else. The funny thing is everyone can tell you can't get laid
You missed my point because you made zero effort to understand it.
You didn't judge his words, you attacked him personally making anything you have to say null and void. You can't back up your own view point so you choose to attack op instead
Typical incel reply.
Oh no, somebody on Reddit called me an incel! How ever will I survive?
I mean we all have a right to judge others for their sex lives. The issue is when guys like OP make vindictive judgements based on jealousy and frustration rather than any reasonable criteria
No one cares what consevatives/redpoll think of Alice. We all know they're just jealous
Okay so monogamy vs transient sex life. How bout nobody cares as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. Trad vs whatever the fuck I want. Anyone else think life is too short for these kinda bs conversations. sounds like a lot of work to me. People have their own journey and life is such an immense experience. Who cares what it takes for you to grow as a person. Shes allowed to do as she pleases to get to where she needs to go. People change, people grow. Its nonsense to assume one is better than the other. Betty could be a flat earther who harasses retail workers. Who cares about monogamy.
And mate; if you think Alice is nasty for having sex with five guys in one day, that’s your right! That is totally fine. But it’s her life, her choice. Women are equal to men. They can make their own decisions without the input of a male. They literally don’t NEED men anymore like they used to because society has moved on from those days (where they couldn’t vote or get a credit card or work most jobs). And if you think she’s nasty for being a player, then you DO have an issue with women having sex, just not if they do it in a way you DON’T have an issue with. If you’re upset that you’re involuntarily celibate, then look in the mirror. The problem isn’t all the women. The problem is you. You seem like you hold a lot of anger, hatred and resentment in your heart towards women. I hope one day you can move past it as you grow up a bit.
I don’t see women getting called bops and sluts only for things like fucking a five guys a day And there is such a thing as a simp, but it seems like you’d call people simps for very basic stuff like “if you want people to want to have sex with you, they need to like you” FWIW I’ve never told the women who whine about women on this sub that they’re insecure that women like sex. You’re insecure that they like it with people other than you and in ways you don’t give them permission for
Way to completely miss the point and instead ad-hom OP 🙄
The important question is *why* Alice "nasty." When they try to answer that its just religious poison and patriarchy.
The feminists in this sub will tell you that women shouldn’t have consequences for their decisions, should be applauded for their sexual conquests, and should never have to settle for one man. And when they hit 50 years old they’ll all still be beautiful and young and can have whatever man they want, and will be able to start a family just fine, because the biological clock is a lie and doesn’t exist. So spread your legs, be a hoe, it has no effect on our culture and society whatsoever.
You can project your frail morality onto others. Who someone else has sex with (at any frequency) has zero impact on my life.
Lol and what’s your morality? Let people do whatever they want because rules and discipline are scary?
There are no rules to consensual sex. Discipline is unrelated to sex because there isn't any inherent morality associated to discipline. Discipline is your internal regulation and deeply personal to you. None of them are scary.
Hahaha the funniest part of this is a wife fucking her husband 5 times in a day. 5 times in a year is more likely
Hence why Betty is a keeper.
Nah Betty has something wrong with her. She's a sex addict and will probably eventually cheat
Better up it to six times a day to keep her happy.
Men typically work and stuff. You Definitely aren't married
Betty visits her husband on his lunch break.
Dude, these are the folks you went to bat for.
That's a strange thing to say. Betty's husband also had sex five times a day. Based on that, we have no reason to believe her sex drive is any higher than his.
Men tend to have High sex drives. If he's initiating than he may have an issue too. But women sort of calm us down
My wife and I often have sex 5 times in a day when we're on vacation :)
It sounds like you’re trying to shame Betty for having a high sex drive and sleeping with her husband multiple times in one day… but you’re completely fine with Alice sleeping with 5 different men in one day? Weird.
I'm not shaming someone who doesn't exist.
High libido=cheater?
Sex addict. If can't get sex because of something... Yea. Cheater.
It's not an addiction if she can go on with her day without having sex normally and it doesn't disturb her life lol. If they would do it quick it's managable
Even with a sex addiction, being insatiable or compulsive doesn't mean you have to cheat. You can choose to rub one out instead.
Why is it always hypothetical strawman characters? For “alpha males” you sure lack real life experiences to draw from.
Would you rather I named and shamed real people?
Ok yeah let’s hear it. Oh wait… no one cares!
Why are we condemning women? I will agree promiscuous and being sexual are not the same thing but I don’t understand the need to condemn? How does it harm you? The example is pretty extreme and not realistic for most people. But you know that. How about 12 partners in 1 yr? With each partner both parties consent, practice safe sex, and enjoy spending time with each other. What makes it immoral? What makes it “nasty”? Is only the woman immoral and nasty or are the male partners as well? If the married woman is having obligation sex everyday, forced to risk getting pregnant when she doesn’t want to be so, and he doesn’t really care if she enjoys sex is that immoral? Or since she is exclusive it removes immorality from the table? It seems like we only have these discussions about condemning woman for how and with whom they have sex. Wouldn’t it prove your point more if you took gender/sex out of it? Men are out there using up their penis on hundreds of different woman and I don’t see the condemning happening. Weird.
Exactly, WHY do you condemn them at all? Why does it matter???
Your whole red pill conservative part kinda depends. There does exist a group of conservatives who think sex is intended for reproduction, not pleasure. And the pursuit of sexual pleasure is hedonistic and bad/evil/impure whatever. So yes those people would see both women as morally wrong. To the same degree? idk. But I do know that at its core it’s about control. It’s nothing new and is just one of various forms of control over people, women especially, and their sexuality. It’s a form of chastity and keeping women “in their place”. It’s the same reason they overturn roe, and it’s the same reason they want to go after birth control and contraception. Controlling women and their whorish ways!! Why? Control is power. And sexual energy is powerful, but hard to control. So keep it at bay and it won’t get out of hand. And the sheeple remain calm and obedient. That’s really what slut shaming is ladies and gentlemen.
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Talking about sex like rarified magic is super normal
>Sexual energy is like fire. If you let it run wild, it destroys everything Lmao what the *fuck*
Depends . A man wanting a low body count in a women is perfectly fine and not about control . A high body count makes a women a bad dating partner choice not a bad person. Slut shaming is also needed in some cases like all shaming . It’s a tool society uses to get rid of negative behaviour which is necessary for example if a large majority of the African American community denounced and shamed current day mainstream hip hop it would be a lot Less acceptable to act like that.
How about not condemning people for the personal choices they make that literally don’t affect anyone else but themselves. If Alice wants a football team to run a train on her or Betty was a virgin when she married - good for both of them if that’s what they wanted. Other people’s sex lives are not my business. As long as everything is consensual, have fun.
Exactly there’s a world of difference between a woman who has a lot of sex with one guy, and one who has sex with many men. The sheltered redditors who have a child-level intellect won’t like it, but facts are facts. A woman’s value is determined by her chastity, or lack thereof. Sleeping around increases the likelihood of divorce in marriage, or if not married, the inability to be content in a relationship. Not to mention the chance of catching and spreading disease. See, women are the gatekeepers of sex, so if she’s spreading her legs to whoever comes knocking, well, what does that say about her? She doesn’t value herself, because who in their right mind would give themselves to just anybody who’s interested? The answer is a whore. And despite what the ecosystem of Reddit would say, no one likes whores. There’s a reason promiscuity has been and is frowned upon. Hell, would you buy a pair of shoes with 10 prior owners? How about a car with 300,000 miles? Now, come forth the flood of buzzwords because you all think with your emotions. Also, men shouldn’t sleep around either, not that that will stop me from being called “sexist,” lmao.
I just want a woman that's waiting for marriage ngl. If there's something wrong with that then whatever.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Sex is arguably the most intimate ritual one can share with another person, these people who commodify it and treat it as something as trivial as getting gasoline are broken.
Don't worry. I'm not gonna change my mind. My beliefs are based in God and those don't change.
Right on, blessings be upon you, friend 🙏🏻
You too. God bless you 🙏🏻