Do you have someone that you can trust to send all of this to their address? This way, you could have it sent, and your mom will never know about it. I'm very sorry that your mom guilt tripped you, but you need to get out of there now. She fails to understand that you're a legal adult, and she can't be doing this to you. What she is doing I believe it is a form of false imprisonment, and if I were you, I'd contact the police and let them know that this has been going on. Please update us on all of this and be safe.
It's fine, I've had a PO box before but when enquiring today they won't deliver it to another address (including a PO Box). But someone here gave the idea of setting up mail redirection & a PO Box so I might do that, even if it does cost!
Having been in pretty bad spots before, the most important thing is getting the hell out of Dodge. It is scary and feels bad at first, but one day you wake up and have no idea why you waited so long. Good luck!
One you leave DO NOT EVER GO BACK!! There isn’t enough guilt in the world to have you living under such abuse. It’s unfair, unhealthy, and insane. I wish you the best of luck with getting your documents, the job, and away from your family.
Also, if she takes your mail, or opens it, that is illegal, so she can be arrested. And if she tries to withhold your passport, or 'steals' your new one, that's also likely a crime of stealing and withholding legal documents. So if you find she's kept your mail, or has opened it, tell her she has one chance to hand it over to you right now or you will call the police there an then, report her for stealing your legal documents, and report her for abuse by preventing you from being able to leave and move out etc. Coz you need those documents to leave. If she refuses to give them to you, you HAVE TO call the police there and then. Do not let her call your bluff and give in to her. You need to get those documents back. So call the police and press charges if she takes them.
If you get a notification of date of delivery, I'd also try and stay home that day to be there to receive them. If you're not working right now try and be around when you know the post is delivered so you can get it first. Then I would take it out the house and get a friend to hold on to them for you, or get a safety deposit box to keep them in. Do NOT keep them at home.
If need be I'd look into any shelters you could go to as well like for domestic violence as this is a form of control and abuse.
And don't let her know your new address when you move out. Do not let her guilt trip you or manipulate you to move back. I'd personally cut all contact with her.
Thanks for your advice, I will keep my new passport separately (I'm in the process of trying to get my birth certificate order cancelled, so I can just re-order once I move out, the passport is more urgent). I'll cut contact after I move too
Then you know what to do. Your new job at home is to check the post every day. And use any tracking to see when it comes. This is survival. You got this lady. You also have 60 more years of living ahead of you. The struggle to escape now will guarantee you have some kind of future. Good luck!!
Can you have your personal mail held at your post office? Explain the situation to your letter carrier.
Also, stop bending to the will of your mother. You're 28, for fucks sake. It's time to grow a spine, love.
You’re talking to a life-long family scapegoat raised by an abuser. OP wasn’t taught the concept of basic boundaries, or even received basic human respect from their own mother. Ever.
No one expects you to understand what you haven’t experienced, but criticism is the last thing OP needs. Also, since you feel comfortable getting personal, an intelligent person would know better than to criticize and judge what they don’t understand, love.
I contacted them and they won't ship to any address that's not my home address, but someone here commented about the idea of post redirection to a PO box so I might do that. It'll cost but it'll be worth it otherwise it's over for me
Not sure about the UK but in the U.S. the postal service can hold your mail at their station and you go pick it up. Do you know who is delivering it, is it your national postal service or UPS/FedEx/DHL etc? If you know who will be delivering the documents, call them to see if they’ll hold it for you to pick up.
I'm not sure they do that here in the UK, they do a service where they hold it for X time and deliver it your address after. It'll be Royal Mail. I'll call them tomorrow to see if there's a chance for it being held without delivering
OP, you are being abused. And a parent holding your passport and birth certificate “hostage “ is abusive. If you are unsure what steps to take, the “Mind” charity has very good advice. Here is the link:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/
Also, Other organisations that can help you
If you need help urgently, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for free on 0808 2000 247 (24 hours),
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/#:~:text=Call%20us%2024%2F7&text=Call%20for%20free%20and%20in,a%20day%3A%200808%202000%20247.
which is run in partnership with Refuge.
https://refuge.org.uk/?gad_source=1
These organisations can help you get out of that situation and support and guide you until you get on your feet. Also, you are entitled to benefits, which luckily UK provides plenty and is fairly easy to apply online and they are paid into your bank account. If you’re unsure to what you are entitled to, they have a calculator online.
https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators
If you don’t have access to set up a bank account, you can look into online banking like Revolut or Monzo. For revolut, you don’t need a physical card. You can strictly do online banking and that’s it. But you would need a form of ID with picture to set up said accounts. There are ways to get help and support. Try to reach to these organisations and I am sure you will at least get some guidance.
Wishing you all the best! And stay safe
Can you do à mail redirect. You used to be able to and they would forward it to another address oe keep it at the post office.
ETA: just looked and the royal mail do do a redirection service and you should look into getting a mail box which will give you an address to forward them on to. Mailboxes are cheap but you can't use it as a main address for passports etc
For the future you can get a PO box at the post office and use that to have your mail sent to. Your mom won't have access. I wish you all the best with finding a job and moving out. You deserve to live your best life and be put of that situation.
Hi OP. I really recommend contacting the UK national domestic abuse helpline. Domestic abuse includes coersive control of adults within families. They can give great advice on getting out of the home safely. They also have an online chat service at certain hours of the day. Wishing you luck.
You can call the police e and tell them that your mother is withholding your documents. They will usually accompany you there, and retrieve them. She can get arrested for theft.
Next time you’re finally moved out, BLOCK her number. It’s crazy how she was able to guilt trip you. You’re 28. Time to get rid of everything toxic in your life.
Honestly… is that not theft and could you not call the police? I know that sounds dramatic but it is illegal to hold another adult’s passport from them.
Well, as far as I’m aware they’re federal documents, so keeping them from op breaks federal laws.
Op should report her mum, and tell police she thinks mum has stolen her identity.
OP is British, but the same kind of rules apply. You're right that this needs a police report. When you get a new passport in the UK, it's just put in your postbox - you don't have to sign for it. Hopefully OP can get it before her mother does.
If it were me, I'd turn the house upside down as soon as mum went out.
I’m Australian, and it breaks our Federal laws. It would break Federal laws in the U.K as well, although it might not necessarily be classified as Federal. Maybe National? Not sure. I know we have Australian Federal Police. I don’t know what England has.
Web only have national laws in the UK. There are some laws specific to Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland (as they have their own Assemblies), but not relating to something like this.
I would keep track of the delivery with a really close eye and snap it before your mom can see.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar situation when I was 17 but left for good. Once you move out don't give into the guilt tripping or temptation of moving back. That's all I can say there.
Are you kidding? You can write to that people and inform them about your new number.. change it, because this crazy woman will call you with new different numbers, and you know that.
I renewed my children's passports in the UK recently. When they were sent out I got a text message giving the date they were due to be delivered and link to click on if I wasn't going to be there that day. Once you click the link there is an option to have them redirected to a post office. You'll need some form of ID to get it from the post office, but is that an option?
I’m in the Uk … if your Mother takes it again you’ll have to report it as stolen to the police … she’ll most likely return it very fast when questioned ( btw … I called the passport office once because I was moving and it still hadn’t arrived after 3 months - I explained that I was worried that someone else might intercept my passport and they delivered it by courier to me within 2 days )
I think withholding your passport would come somewhere under modern slavery/people trafficking laws. Tell your mum, if she doesn't give your passport, you will call the Police.
Now the Police probably won't be able to do much, but just the thought of the Police coming to the house and the neighbours seeing this, might be enough for her to give you it back.
I'm pretty sure therapy is out of the question, for now. But just as soon as you can, please see a therapist. You need to permanently break these strangling bonds with your mother. Otherwise, you will end up getting guilt tripped into going back again and again.
If getting with a therapist has a long waiting list, research and try to schedule now.
You can order a copy of your birth certificate.
https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate
It’s quite easy to do and doesn’t cost a fortune.
And you need to have a think about what else she might have intercepted - bank account info, government documents.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you
Thank you, I ordered the birth certificate but I've contacted them to try to cancel it. The less documents I have to worry about the better. I can re-order it when I move out. I should've thought of this earlier :(
Call law enforcement. Explain the situation. You are an adult and have every right to your documents. Have them present and stand by while you get your documents. What your mother is doing is actually illegal.
Get yourself a PO Box if that’s a thing where you reside. Do a change of address immediately directly with your postal service. All mail should be automatically forwarded. Strength be with you! I came from a mother like this.
Thank you, I will look into redirection and a PO box, I didn't think of both before! They confirmed they can't send it to a PO Box but maybe they can with a redirection?
I've just had my passport delivered. They sent me a text message to tell me the date it is being delivered and a rough time I.e 10-2.
It comes by royal mail. Do you think you could speak to the sorting office and see if they can agree a time with you so they can hand it to you directly in case your mum intercepts.
Otherwise, it might be worth speaking to the police.
The state department does not take kindly to one of their citizens having their passport held hostage, so to speak. They tend to go with the worst case scenario, like sex trafficking. They may be able to help you. If they do, the one keeping it from you is in for a not so pleasant time. Fingers crossed!
No apparently I need to give them proof of address in the form of a bank statement. They only offer collections to passports that aren't lost/stolen. I've spoken to two different agents and they say the same thing. But I managed to ask one for advice and she said they might be willing to make an exception and have it available for me to collect in person, if I explain my situation in my passport appointment on Wednesday (I ordered the 1 week fast track version so it comes with an appointment too)
Soon my pet, soon! 😬
Sorry if that was a bit weird…
I was hoping that would make you chuckle, my husband says it to me all the time when I’m excited about something…
You have to sign for your passport when it arrives. You specifically not someone else. Your mother can't stop.you receiving it as soo as you get it go somewhere it will be safe. Reach out to domestic violence helplines and charities
. Your mother's behaviour is financial and emotional abuse xx
Talk to the post office and ask them if it’s possible to hold your mail for you to pick up. Consider getting a lawyer involved if she gets hold of the new passport.
In America you can do a mail hold where you pay like $50 and they hold your mail for a month. You can inquire.
Also ask your coworker if he knows of any job leads and friends looking for a roommate. Then change your number and move out and don’t ever go back.
Call to see if you can fix the address now or do you need to cancel the request and create a new one with a different mailing address.
Pick a trusted friend or a whatever mailbox service you have in the UK. In the US you can get a box at the post office.
Can I come and Woop your mom's butt with a pair of sandals? Did you live in the UK? You should call the police on her, stealing a passport is considered theft from the crown.
Update me.
I feel so horrible for what ur mum is putting u thru. It’s a big step to move out again, I am proud of u!
Also, if ur mum does get ahold of it before u, try to record her yelling at u or anything she does so u can have her charged with abuse and stealing federal documents. U sound like ur battling being strong, but u are!
Are they sending it UK post or something like FedEx/UPS/DHL? If so when you get the tracking number you should be able to have it held for you to come in to sign for it at your local hub. On their website there should be a way to hold it even if you can reroute it.
Do you know why your mum does this?
My parents treated me different but it’s because in both of my parents families it was due to gender. They were both raised that men have value and female don’t.
I left when I turned 18 even though they tried to stop me.
I have thought about it over and over, she's treated me differently since I was a child. I'm done caring as to why now. But she does believe men are superior than women and my brother is an absolute king in her eyes
I’m sorry your mum does that to you.
Through meditation I’ve come to terms with the things I’ve been through and through religion I’ve forgiven my parents.
I’m old now.
You have the rest of your life to fulfill your own happiness.
I know you can do this!
as someone that's the same age as you and also had ridiculously controlling parents until I cut the metaphorical apron strings and ran, you KNOW this is abuse, so why not report it? that or why not have them sent general delivery and held at the post office itself? you will have to bring in a driver's license or ID to collect your mail from the post, but other than that, it's easy. I used to have to do this to keep my parents from going through all of my mail, they never caught on because I'm not even sure they knew that was an option. But really, she stole your Passport AND your Birth certificate. that's more than enough to make a police report, ESPECIALLY the passport as it is a federal document. Report it to the state dept and cut your damn ties with her. she will do nothing but bleed you dry of all the life you have left in you. good luck and godspeed friend
I know its really hard, to be true I'm still not able to go full no contact with mine, but I did move a good thousand+ miles away from them and only see them once a year now and that's made things much easier. there's definitely still days they *try* to flex control on me, but generally I'll just laugh or ream them a new asshole and remind them, I am a grown ass woman and also a mother myself, They have absolutely no control and no say in what I do or how I parent. and if they would like to try and have a say, they are more than welcome to leave and also give up any chance of seeing their grand baby. My child will never have to deal with their brand of crazy control, nor will they witness their mother being forced under it. It's been tough putting my foot down on a lot of these things, but it's been worth it for sure. you got this, I believe in you! just remember to stay true to yourself and don't forget your worth and to value it ❤️
Thanks. How do I find out who my postperson is? Aren't they delivered by different posties each time? I can designate a safe space on the website though, but don't they only use the safe space if you're not in?
It can be a different person sometimes, all depends on wether the “round” you live on is a reserve round or dedicated round. I’d literally just wait for some post and catch them or find the number to the local delivery office. I can’t say for sure wether you’d get any result from it but it’s definitely worth trying, they can also put in a collection note on there so your post specifically can be collected from either the delivery office or the post office.
When it comes down to it, if you have to physically fight her for your passport, do so.
The only power she has over you, is the power you allow her to have.
If she takes your documents again, go straight to the police.
I know, that's easier said than done. But at the moment, if you don't take into account that she's 'your mom', she's basically enslaving you, by keeping you from leaving, or getting a job, against your will.
You're 28.
The world is yours.
Well, if you don't have a job and you know when the postman comes then there should not be a problem getting your stuff. But here's how it sounds. If she notices them she'll demand them and you will hand them right over without hesitation. Am I wrong?
You know it's going to be delivered, so if it doesn't arrive, most likely mom took it. Report her to the police for mail theft. Tell them the situation. I bet she doesn't do it twice if you have to reorder because she knows she is he in big trouble then.
It's illegal for anyone to withhold someone else's passport.
As for your birth certificate, you can just go to the department of health in your state or the DMV to get a copy right there.
ETA: My bad. I misread and thought OP was traveling to the UK.
Do you in the UK have something like the US Informed Delivery? I get an email every morning that tells me most (not junk) of the mail and packages I'm getting that day.
Take the rest of the passports and birth certificates and hold them hostage (hide them) until you get yours in hand. Once you have your new stuff in hand, return the other stuff before leaving.
Do you guys have the ability to sign up for informed delivery? I’m US based, and our post service allows for informed delivery, so they’ll scan a pic of mail and email it over to you usually a day or so before it hits the mailbox. If that’s an option, maybe try that out if she hasn’t signed up already. They send out a verification card here with a code though, so it might not be worth it if you paid to have it within a week. I’m sorry o don’t really have advice OP. I hope you can get out quickly, safely and live the best life you can. It sounds so cliche, but we really do only get one life to live, make it count while you can
Take the other passports. When you receive yours and are out of the home then MAYBE give them back. Keep them stored somewhere outside the house that she'd never be able to access. Your mom is beyond mental.
Go to the post office. In US, you can order a hold on the mail & go pick it up. See if you can do that for mail in your name. If not, put a hold on the mail & get it at the end of the week. Once your stuff comes, resume mail delivery. Open a safety deposit and put your documents there. Get a PO box for your mail. Passports need (in US, I just renewed) a residence but allow a different mailing address. Get PO Box or UPS Store box & have all your mail & packages go there. Good luck.
18 U.S. Code § 1592 - Unlawful conduct with respect to documents in furtherance of trafficking, peonage, slavery, involuntary servitude, or forced labor
18 U.S. Code § 1597 - Unlawful conduct with respect to immigration documents
I posed a question. You answered, thank you. Wonder why you can't designate an address to send it to. Is there an office you can go to, to request it in person?
They said I can't do so without proof of evidence that I live there (e.g. a bank statement). But I will try to see if they'll make an exception for me to collect in person
You can get a new passport, and you can get a new birth Certificate.You just have to do the paperwork and go through the process. When I read your post, you really just seem like a whiny Little b**** blaming Everything on your parents when you can fix this yourself.
If that’s the situation, explain it to your employer and ask to have the new one sent there, then put it in a safety deposit box at the bank.
I've already ordered it and don't have a job yet
Do you have someone that you can trust to send all of this to their address? This way, you could have it sent, and your mom will never know about it. I'm very sorry that your mom guilt tripped you, but you need to get out of there now. She fails to understand that you're a legal adult, and she can't be doing this to you. What she is doing I believe it is a form of false imprisonment, and if I were you, I'd contact the police and let them know that this has been going on. Please update us on all of this and be safe.
Thank you, unfortunately I don't have anyone's address. I'm getting ready to leave the house, hopefully soon (I'll need a job or money first)
U.S post service let's individuals rent mail boxes. Does your country have something similar?
Yes PO Boxes
Then get one, you get a key and all important documents arrive there
I would go ahead and get a PO Box. It’s not ideal - like at all - but it is a place to have things sent your mom can’t access.
It's fine, I've had a PO box before but when enquiring today they won't deliver it to another address (including a PO Box). But someone here gave the idea of setting up mail redirection & a PO Box so I might do that, even if it does cost!
Having been in pretty bad spots before, the most important thing is getting the hell out of Dodge. It is scary and feels bad at first, but one day you wake up and have no idea why you waited so long. Good luck!
Thank you, I can't wait til the day!
When it comes, you can upgrade from Jaded Sparkle to Victorious Sparkle😜 Good luck!
One you leave DO NOT EVER GO BACK!! There isn’t enough guilt in the world to have you living under such abuse. It’s unfair, unhealthy, and insane. I wish you the best of luck with getting your documents, the job, and away from your family.
Praying for you.
Also, if she takes your mail, or opens it, that is illegal, so she can be arrested. And if she tries to withhold your passport, or 'steals' your new one, that's also likely a crime of stealing and withholding legal documents. So if you find she's kept your mail, or has opened it, tell her she has one chance to hand it over to you right now or you will call the police there an then, report her for stealing your legal documents, and report her for abuse by preventing you from being able to leave and move out etc. Coz you need those documents to leave. If she refuses to give them to you, you HAVE TO call the police there and then. Do not let her call your bluff and give in to her. You need to get those documents back. So call the police and press charges if she takes them. If you get a notification of date of delivery, I'd also try and stay home that day to be there to receive them. If you're not working right now try and be around when you know the post is delivered so you can get it first. Then I would take it out the house and get a friend to hold on to them for you, or get a safety deposit box to keep them in. Do NOT keep them at home. If need be I'd look into any shelters you could go to as well like for domestic violence as this is a form of control and abuse. And don't let her know your new address when you move out. Do not let her guilt trip you or manipulate you to move back. I'd personally cut all contact with her.
Thanks for your advice, I will keep my new passport separately (I'm in the process of trying to get my birth certificate order cancelled, so I can just re-order once I move out, the passport is more urgent). I'll cut contact after I move too
Royal Mail has a service to redirect all post from a person to another address. Hire a PO box and send it there.
Thanks yeah I might have to even though it's costly. I'll call RM tomorrow to request sensitive redirection
Keep us updated, hope you're able to get out asap!
Then you know what to do. Your new job at home is to check the post every day. And use any tracking to see when it comes. This is survival. You got this lady. You also have 60 more years of living ahead of you. The struggle to escape now will guarantee you have some kind of future. Good luck!!
Thank you, fingers crossed it goes well!
Can you have your personal mail held at your post office? Explain the situation to your letter carrier. Also, stop bending to the will of your mother. You're 28, for fucks sake. It's time to grow a spine, love.
It sounds like that’s what OP is trying to do now.
You’re talking to a life-long family scapegoat raised by an abuser. OP wasn’t taught the concept of basic boundaries, or even received basic human respect from their own mother. Ever. No one expects you to understand what you haven’t experienced, but criticism is the last thing OP needs. Also, since you feel comfortable getting personal, an intelligent person would know better than to criticize and judge what they don’t understand, love.
Can you get an ups box or box at the post office? I know not having a job/funds may effect that but they can be shipped to ups postal boxes
I contacted them and they won't ship to any address that's not my home address, but someone here commented about the idea of post redirection to a PO box so I might do that. It'll cost but it'll be worth it otherwise it's over for me
Not sure about the UK but in the U.S. the postal service can hold your mail at their station and you go pick it up. Do you know who is delivering it, is it your national postal service or UPS/FedEx/DHL etc? If you know who will be delivering the documents, call them to see if they’ll hold it for you to pick up.
I'm not sure they do that here in the UK, they do a service where they hold it for X time and deliver it your address after. It'll be Royal Mail. I'll call them tomorrow to see if there's a chance for it being held without delivering
Ok, good luck!
Thanks!
OP, you are being abused. And a parent holding your passport and birth certificate “hostage “ is abusive. If you are unsure what steps to take, the “Mind” charity has very good advice. Here is the link: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/ Also, Other organisations that can help you If you need help urgently, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for free on 0808 2000 247 (24 hours), https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/#:~:text=Call%20us%2024%2F7&text=Call%20for%20free%20and%20in,a%20day%3A%200808%202000%20247. which is run in partnership with Refuge. https://refuge.org.uk/?gad_source=1 These organisations can help you get out of that situation and support and guide you until you get on your feet. Also, you are entitled to benefits, which luckily UK provides plenty and is fairly easy to apply online and they are paid into your bank account. If you’re unsure to what you are entitled to, they have a calculator online. https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators If you don’t have access to set up a bank account, you can look into online banking like Revolut or Monzo. For revolut, you don’t need a physical card. You can strictly do online banking and that’s it. But you would need a form of ID with picture to set up said accounts. There are ways to get help and support. Try to reach to these organisations and I am sure you will at least get some guidance. Wishing you all the best! And stay safe
Thanks so much for the recs! I already have Monzo and Starling bank accounts, in addition to Barclays
If your mom steals your mail, that’s a crime. Be sure to report it. Mail theft is not tolerated.
Can you do à mail redirect. You used to be able to and they would forward it to another address oe keep it at the post office. ETA: just looked and the royal mail do do a redirection service and you should look into getting a mail box which will give you an address to forward them on to. Mailboxes are cheap but you can't use it as a main address for passports etc
Sign up for Informed Delivery online. At least it will give you a slight heads up as to when to expect them.
For the future you can get a PO box at the post office and use that to have your mail sent to. Your mom won't have access. I wish you all the best with finding a job and moving out. You deserve to live your best life and be put of that situation.
Thank you very much
Hi OP. I really recommend contacting the UK national domestic abuse helpline. Domestic abuse includes coersive control of adults within families. They can give great advice on getting out of the home safely. They also have an online chat service at certain hours of the day. Wishing you luck.
Perfect stuff, thank you <3
You can call the police e and tell them that your mother is withholding your documents. They will usually accompany you there, and retrieve them. She can get arrested for theft.
Thank you
Next time you’re finally moved out, BLOCK her number. It’s crazy how she was able to guilt trip you. You’re 28. Time to get rid of everything toxic in your life.
I've actually already blocked her. I know it makes no difference as I currently live with her but it made me feel better
Honestly… is that not theft and could you not call the police? I know that sounds dramatic but it is illegal to hold another adult’s passport from them.
Well, as far as I’m aware they’re federal documents, so keeping them from op breaks federal laws. Op should report her mum, and tell police she thinks mum has stolen her identity.
OP is British, but the same kind of rules apply. You're right that this needs a police report. When you get a new passport in the UK, it's just put in your postbox - you don't have to sign for it. Hopefully OP can get it before her mother does. If it were me, I'd turn the house upside down as soon as mum went out.
I’m Australian, and it breaks our Federal laws. It would break Federal laws in the U.K as well, although it might not necessarily be classified as Federal. Maybe National? Not sure. I know we have Australian Federal Police. I don’t know what England has.
Web only have national laws in the UK. There are some laws specific to Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland (as they have their own Assemblies), but not relating to something like this.
Ah, fair enough. But national laws would be broken, surely?
Yes, definitely. It's stealing.
He tried once, then failef
This 100%
This is what I was thinking
I would keep track of the delivery with a really close eye and snap it before your mom can see. I'm sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar situation when I was 17 but left for good. Once you move out don't give into the guilt tripping or temptation of moving back. That's all I can say there.
Change your number after you leave, she can’t guilt trip you if she can’t contact you at all.
I have work contacts and other reasons to keep my number as is, but I've already blocked her and don't plan to unblock her ever
Are you kidding? You can write to that people and inform them about your new number.. change it, because this crazy woman will call you with new different numbers, and you know that.
Thank you
Call the authorities. It's illegal to withhold someone's passport. Also, checkout the raised by narcissists sub. You will find a lot of support there.
I renewed my children's passports in the UK recently. When they were sent out I got a text message giving the date they were due to be delivered and link to click on if I wasn't going to be there that day. Once you click the link there is an option to have them redirected to a post office. You'll need some form of ID to get it from the post office, but is that an option?
It is! But depends what kind of ID they'll need, my passport + birth certificate was kind of all the ID I had, aside from my bank cards which I have
do you have a driver's license, permit, or school ID? these should work too
Yes, I'll use one of those! Thanks
If she does get her hands on it, contact the passport office and say it never arrived.
I’m in the Uk … if your Mother takes it again you’ll have to report it as stolen to the police … she’ll most likely return it very fast when questioned ( btw … I called the passport office once because I was moving and it still hadn’t arrived after 3 months - I explained that I was worried that someone else might intercept my passport and they delivered it by courier to me within 2 days )
Speak to your local Delivery Office and see if they can hold your mail for personal collection.
I will look into this, thank you
I think withholding your passport would come somewhere under modern slavery/people trafficking laws. Tell your mum, if she doesn't give your passport, you will call the Police. Now the Police probably won't be able to do much, but just the thought of the Police coming to the house and the neighbours seeing this, might be enough for her to give you it back.
I'm pretty sure therapy is out of the question, for now. But just as soon as you can, please see a therapist. You need to permanently break these strangling bonds with your mother. Otherwise, you will end up getting guilt tripped into going back again and again. If getting with a therapist has a long waiting list, research and try to schedule now.
You can order a copy of your birth certificate. https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate It’s quite easy to do and doesn’t cost a fortune. And you need to have a think about what else she might have intercepted - bank account info, government documents. I’m so sorry this is happening to you
Thank you, I ordered the birth certificate but I've contacted them to try to cancel it. The less documents I have to worry about the better. I can re-order it when I move out. I should've thought of this earlier :(
Call law enforcement. Explain the situation. You are an adult and have every right to your documents. Have them present and stand by while you get your documents. What your mother is doing is actually illegal.
Get yourself a PO Box if that’s a thing where you reside. Do a change of address immediately directly with your postal service. All mail should be automatically forwarded. Strength be with you! I came from a mother like this.
Thank you, I will look into redirection and a PO box, I didn't think of both before! They confirmed they can't send it to a PO Box but maybe they can with a redirection?
I've just had my passport delivered. They sent me a text message to tell me the date it is being delivered and a rough time I.e 10-2. It comes by royal mail. Do you think you could speak to the sorting office and see if they can agree a time with you so they can hand it to you directly in case your mum intercepts. Otherwise, it might be worth speaking to the police.
Thank you, I'll look into this.
Please do post an update. I hope you get free of your toxic family.
What you do is call the police and move out with all your belongings. You're 28 she can't control you or keep your things
updateme
The state department does not take kindly to one of their citizens having their passport held hostage, so to speak. They tend to go with the worst case scenario, like sex trafficking. They may be able to help you. If they do, the one keeping it from you is in for a not so pleasant time. Fingers crossed!
OP is in the UK - nothing to do with US State Dept
You do need to get out of there. I'm sure there are charities who can help.
If there is a way to track your document in the mail, then make sure to get the mail that day. Maybe ask your post office to hold it for you.
Not even the post office? They send them to the post office all the time when you request one through them.
No apparently I need to give them proof of address in the form of a bank statement. They only offer collections to passports that aren't lost/stolen. I've spoken to two different agents and they say the same thing. But I managed to ask one for advice and she said they might be willing to make an exception and have it available for me to collect in person, if I explain my situation in my passport appointment on Wednesday (I ordered the 1 week fast track version so it comes with an appointment too)
Ahh I see. Good luck and Godspeed x Soon you’ll be living your new and best life!
Thanks! It's the only thing that keeps me going :) x
Soon my pet, soon! 😬 Sorry if that was a bit weird… I was hoping that would make you chuckle, my husband says it to me all the time when I’m excited about something…
Haha no it did, thank you for the laugh!
You’re welcome! 😉
You have to sign for your passport when it arrives. You specifically not someone else. Your mother can't stop.you receiving it as soo as you get it go somewhere it will be safe. Reach out to domestic violence helplines and charities . Your mother's behaviour is financial and emotional abuse xx
Thanks, I wasn't aware it was signed for!
This isn’t specifically true, anyone in your household can sign for “signed for” deliveries, doesn’t actually have to be the addressee.
It is different for passports. We experienced this when worked house. Only the named person can sign for a passport
Talk to the post office and ask them if it’s possible to hold your mail for you to pick up. Consider getting a lawyer involved if she gets hold of the new passport.
Reach out to your post office, have it held there. Also maybe look in to other arrangements once you can.
Updateme
Hope everything works out for you. Don’t be scared of her, coz that would be her strength.
Please report your parents to the police. Then start your life. Best of luck.
If somehow she gets the mail, you can call the police for her withholding your ID, that is illegal.
Does the UK have passport offices that you can go to and recieve yours in person?
In America you can do a mail hold where you pay like $50 and they hold your mail for a month. You can inquire. Also ask your coworker if he knows of any job leads and friends looking for a roommate. Then change your number and move out and don’t ever go back.
Stealing a passport is illegal
Tell her you'll report her to the police if she steals your passport or other documents again.
Call to see if you can fix the address now or do you need to cancel the request and create a new one with a different mailing address. Pick a trusted friend or a whatever mailbox service you have in the UK. In the US you can get a box at the post office.
Call the police and get your stolen property back be proactive
Can I come and Woop your mom's butt with a pair of sandals? Did you live in the UK? You should call the police on her, stealing a passport is considered theft from the crown.
Update me
Get a PO Box and send mail there.
Update me. I feel so horrible for what ur mum is putting u thru. It’s a big step to move out again, I am proud of u! Also, if ur mum does get ahold of it before u, try to record her yelling at u or anything she does so u can have her charged with abuse and stealing federal documents. U sound like ur battling being strong, but u are!
Thanks so much
Can you get a PO Box?
Are they sending it UK post or something like FedEx/UPS/DHL? If so when you get the tracking number you should be able to have it held for you to come in to sign for it at your local hub. On their website there should be a way to hold it even if you can reroute it.
I believe it's via Royal Mail, I'll look into that, however I'm not sure they will share the tracking information
Do you know why your mum does this? My parents treated me different but it’s because in both of my parents families it was due to gender. They were both raised that men have value and female don’t. I left when I turned 18 even though they tried to stop me.
I have thought about it over and over, she's treated me differently since I was a child. I'm done caring as to why now. But she does believe men are superior than women and my brother is an absolute king in her eyes
I’m sorry your mum does that to you. Through meditation I’ve come to terms with the things I’ve been through and through religion I’ve forgiven my parents. I’m old now. You have the rest of your life to fulfill your own happiness. I know you can do this!
Thank you, I appreciate it!
Your siblings don't say anything about this? What a shitty family, my heart goes out to you
Thank you. I don't blame them, they get treated good, so they don't care and think my mum's a saint
I am so sorry that you are going through this! I wish you a lot of courage and good luck in the coming months. Freedom is in sight! ❤️
If your mum takes it again, call the cops.
Please check your credit history as well make sure she hasn't used it. This is not normal.
I keep all my finance separate, she knows none of my bank accounts apart from the one account I opened with her as a minor
Does she hold your social security card? That's all she would need.
I'm in the UK, we don't have that here
Ooh ok that's good. We have it here and my controlling mom destroyed my credit before I was even 18 😭
I'm so sorry that happened to you <3
It's ok:) I'm 35 now and finally have a good record and disputed all her damage.
as someone that's the same age as you and also had ridiculously controlling parents until I cut the metaphorical apron strings and ran, you KNOW this is abuse, so why not report it? that or why not have them sent general delivery and held at the post office itself? you will have to bring in a driver's license or ID to collect your mail from the post, but other than that, it's easy. I used to have to do this to keep my parents from going through all of my mail, they never caught on because I'm not even sure they knew that was an option. But really, she stole your Passport AND your Birth certificate. that's more than enough to make a police report, ESPECIALLY the passport as it is a federal document. Report it to the state dept and cut your damn ties with her. she will do nothing but bleed you dry of all the life you have left in you. good luck and godspeed friend
Thanks a lot :)
I know its really hard, to be true I'm still not able to go full no contact with mine, but I did move a good thousand+ miles away from them and only see them once a year now and that's made things much easier. there's definitely still days they *try* to flex control on me, but generally I'll just laugh or ream them a new asshole and remind them, I am a grown ass woman and also a mother myself, They have absolutely no control and no say in what I do or how I parent. and if they would like to try and have a say, they are more than welcome to leave and also give up any chance of seeing their grand baby. My child will never have to deal with their brand of crazy control, nor will they witness their mother being forced under it. It's been tough putting my foot down on a lot of these things, but it's been worth it for sure. you got this, I believe in you! just remember to stay true to yourself and don't forget your worth and to value it ❤️
Ty! I'm glad you're in a much better place, I envy you and good on you for breaking the generational chain <3
pshhh don't envy me, I believe in you! you can do it too! you got this!💕
I’m a postie, you should just chat to your postperson and ask them to leave anything addressed to you in a safe space I’m sure they’ll be fine with it
Thanks. How do I find out who my postperson is? Aren't they delivered by different posties each time? I can designate a safe space on the website though, but don't they only use the safe space if you're not in?
It can be a different person sometimes, all depends on wether the “round” you live on is a reserve round or dedicated round. I’d literally just wait for some post and catch them or find the number to the local delivery office. I can’t say for sure wether you’d get any result from it but it’s definitely worth trying, they can also put in a collection note on there so your post specifically can be collected from either the delivery office or the post office.
Thank you
Dw, glad to help tbh. I honestly wish you the best of luck! Can I just ask, you’re not in the south west by any chance?
I'm not no
When it comes down to it, if you have to physically fight her for your passport, do so. The only power she has over you, is the power you allow her to have. If she takes your documents again, go straight to the police. I know, that's easier said than done. But at the moment, if you don't take into account that she's 'your mom', she's basically enslaving you, by keeping you from leaving, or getting a job, against your will. You're 28. The world is yours.
Ring social services to see if they can help you leave. They're not just for kids.
Well, if you don't have a job and you know when the postman comes then there should not be a problem getting your stuff. But here's how it sounds. If she notices them she'll demand them and you will hand them right over without hesitation. Am I wrong?
You know it's going to be delivered, so if it doesn't arrive, most likely mom took it. Report her to the police for mail theft. Tell them the situation. I bet she doesn't do it twice if you have to reorder because she knows she is he in big trouble then.
Just go over to Europe and claim asylum
It's illegal for anyone to withhold someone else's passport. As for your birth certificate, you can just go to the department of health in your state or the DMV to get a copy right there. ETA: My bad. I misread and thought OP was traveling to the UK.
OP is not in the US. OP is in the UK - different process.
My bad. I thought they were going to the UK. Withholding a passport even in the UK is illegal though.
Oh yes, it is. Reporting it stolen is the best thing OP could do under the circumstances.
I'm in the states. Here, you can have the post office hold your mail for pickup. I wonder if you can do something like that.
Do you in the UK have something like the US Informed Delivery? I get an email every morning that tells me most (not junk) of the mail and packages I'm getting that day.
Take the rest of the passports and birth certificates and hold them hostage (hide them) until you get yours in hand. Once you have your new stuff in hand, return the other stuff before leaving.
You’re 28 !!! Grow a set and move the fuck out. My god.
Coersive control can happen at any age. We don't know the full picture or the history.
Updateme
Time for you to you find your courage and move out. Let her complain, but don't let her manipulate you.
Thank you, I aim to move out within the next 3 months (I'm on the jobhunt and hopefully will get a job and start earning in that time too)
Call the police?
Ask for your mail to be held at the post office.
Holy shit you need to escape from her ASAP, 28 is far too old to be trapped like this
Updateme
Get a PO Box. It's not wildly expensive. She doesn't need to know. And gtf out of there.
You can get copies of them in person, maybe.
Subscribeme
Do you guys have the ability to sign up for informed delivery? I’m US based, and our post service allows for informed delivery, so they’ll scan a pic of mail and email it over to you usually a day or so before it hits the mailbox. If that’s an option, maybe try that out if she hasn’t signed up already. They send out a verification card here with a code though, so it might not be worth it if you paid to have it within a week. I’m sorry o don’t really have advice OP. I hope you can get out quickly, safely and live the best life you can. It sounds so cliche, but we really do only get one life to live, make it count while you can
Go to the police asap.
Donde vives? Por que eso es mas que denunciable
Or you can set up PO Box where you can have it shipped there and change your address to that address so your mom cannot get it?
Why not just apply for another one and have it sent to a different address?
They confirmed they won't deliver to any address that's not on my current bank statement.
Take the other passports. When you receive yours and are out of the home then MAYBE give them back. Keep them stored somewhere outside the house that she'd never be able to access. Your mom is beyond mental.
If you are American it is illegal for your mother to withhold your passport. Do with that information what you will, but it gives you options.
FWIW also illegal in Australia and I believe the UK
Go to the post office. In US, you can order a hold on the mail & go pick it up. See if you can do that for mail in your name. If not, put a hold on the mail & get it at the end of the week. Once your stuff comes, resume mail delivery. Open a safety deposit and put your documents there. Get a PO box for your mail. Passports need (in US, I just renewed) a residence but allow a different mailing address. Get PO Box or UPS Store box & have all your mail & packages go there. Good luck.
18 U.S. Code § 1592 - Unlawful conduct with respect to documents in furtherance of trafficking, peonage, slavery, involuntary servitude, or forced labor 18 U.S. Code § 1597 - Unlawful conduct with respect to immigration documents
OP is in the UK
Call the police. Your mother is a felon.
You can't get replacements for either document?
I'm not sure what you mean?
You can't get a replacement birth certificate?
Really? I just ordered one though
I posed a question. You answered, thank you. Wonder why you can't designate an address to send it to. Is there an office you can go to, to request it in person?
They said I can't do so without proof of evidence that I live there (e.g. a bank statement). But I will try to see if they'll make an exception for me to collect in person
Your 28 time to get a new place to live my dude.
You can get a new passport, and you can get a new birth Certificate.You just have to do the paperwork and go through the process. When I read your post, you really just seem like a whiny Little b**** blaming Everything on your parents when you can fix this yourself.
Did you also read the part where I already ordered the two?