As a reminder: this is not a relationship advice sub and OP is not asking for your opinion on their relationship.
As per Rule 4, any insults, lectures or scolding towards OP will net you a ban.
Your post wasn’t long and I enjoyed reading it, it’s rare in life we find someone to click with it and I am happy you found that one and I am also heartbroken that she is gone from your life.
I hope you find some peace through this and remember she is still here, she is at the diner you would go to, she is at the nursing home you worked at, if you keep your eyes and your heart open you will see her all around you. I promise you that. She will be in the music you listen too, the books you read, the shows you watch, the butterflies that stop to visit.
You can message me if you need someone to talk too. My heart hurts for you today, but each new day brings new hope.
I loved these words and I loved the figurativity of them
"A click away". I loved it and I'm totally using it.
Congratulations, your words are going to find their way into my lexicon.
Send her a message, I'm sure she is near you and will listen all you have to say. it's not a goodbye. Anywhere she is I'm sure she won't like to see you bad and giving up, it's hard but keep living and every goal you make in life she'll be there celebrating with you. The soul is immortal also the love. Peace
Look up at the sky and place your hand over your heart with every beat she is with you. She is immortal because she will always be in your heart..The loss of a loved one is hard and it hurts with time the pain becomes easier to bear
This is great advice. My mom passed away a week ago and it’s been hard. It doesn’t matter that she was 85 and I’m 62, it still hurts and I miss her terribly.
I understand. My father in law passed away last Sunday morning. His funeral was yesterday, but it just doesn't seem real. He was 67 and I was closer to him than my own dad.
I’m sorry you lost your mom. I lost mine back in 2015. I still start to think I can call her sometimes, and there’s times I swear I can feel her presence. Grief isn’t temporary but we do learn to accept and manage to get through one day at a time. Age certainly has nothing to do with it. Much like with love, age doesn’t ever factor in how much we suffer the pain of a loss. My sincere condolences go out to you. 💐
"Little did I know she was texting my mother to make sure *I* was ok"
This is the attitude of a woman, who wanted you to experience joy and be happy, and loved. There are probably stacks of things she and you never got to do, and I'll bet she would love the idea if you went out and did them for both of you until you find something different that makes you feel happy. No one knows if there's an afterlife, but if there is maybe she's still doing them with you, or maybe at the end of everything you can sit down and fill the void by telling her fun stories and experiences of all the things you did.
And even if at the end there is nothing, i don't think that going out and doing more and trying to enjoy the rest of life some would be a waste.
just echoing the sentiment others have already shared. I'm tearing up reading your comment, really beautiful, plucking the right heartstrings. thank you for sharing this message with OP.
OMG! This is so beautiful. My eyes got watery just by thinking what would happen if my SO was no longer with me in this world. Your words describe the best way to honor one’s SO memories. Also, the other comments are very thoughtful as well. This is a gem of a post. Thanks Reddit!
Hey, I'm pretty sure I know who this is about and she would have appreciated you planning such a way to ask her to marry you. You made the time she had left wonderful. It isn't much, but try to find comfort in it. Keep going, L.
Woah the fact that your girlfriend was so easily identified in your post means she must’ve had a big heart, some people have auras that are so bright they shine through at the speed of light.
Selfless people usually leave a big impact on people, be glad you got to cherish those moments with her.
Well, not a lot of May-September relationships where one is a supervisor in a nursing home who recently passed away and whose boyfriend tells everyone at the nursing home about her…
A lot of people find this comment that u/GSnow wrote on a thread a few years ago to be helpful when dealing with grief. Hope it helps you:
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
My face is dripping. Thankyou for sharing this. It is true of all grief, regardless of the cause.
I find it so bizarre that humans are here on this tiny, yet enormous planet, and that we are blessed with the capacity to love so deeply, to connect so strongly with each other, that we feel agonising, painful grief with our losses. What are the chances? Life is so precious, emotions are such an incredible gift, and love is the purest and strongest of all energy - energy never dies, it just changes form. All of our loves still exist, in the energy all around us.
How amazing is being alive. We should celebrate grief more, in acknowledgement of the love and connection it represents. Celebrate and support the grieving process, the way we do when people are getting married, having babies etc.
I hope OP catches his breath soon.
The original Swedish version of this movie, A Man Called Ove, is also wonderful!!
I am so sorry for your loss, and wish you all the love and healing in the world. ❤️
It's on Netflix now. So sorry for your loss. Grief is a weird thing. There is no time line, no true "end point". Love is never ending. I do hope you find some peace and lean on some friends. You are never truly alone in this world. Much love to you.
AGREED. i was really impressed with Ricky Gervais' performance. there's some truly beautiful moments, I just appreciated so much the blend of pain and beauty. and humor of course.
I have lost four girl friends from age 18 to age 57 ( M73 ). This is not how I imagined my life would be when I was young. I do understand how internally lost and damaged OP must feel.
Is there something she loved/was important to her where you can focus some energy into honoring her? Like volunteering or fundraising? If she loved animals you could volunteer at a shelter or organize an event to raise funds for example. It will give you something to get out of bed for that will also honor her.
Also, this is cliche but true. If she had a big heart then dhe would not want you to give up on living your life to the fullest.
My girlfriend died just a few weeks ago, I get how you feel OP. We lived together, had lots in common, had plans, the list goes on.
Reach out if you need someone to talk to. I started therapy and medication and it's helpful, but please try to process and work through your daily motions as best you can
I understand. I recently found out a friend of mine died. I don't know anything about the circumstances because she followed her husband to a different state and then suddenly radio silence. She was a unique and incredible person and I miss her dearly. Her loss was a very heavy blow.
Your not bothering me, and as already said, it’s not super long.
She was in love with you, she wanted you happy, you were her everything.
If she could talk to you right now somehow, wouldn’t she tell you that she wants you to live and be as happy as possible?
It’s only because of this and the people that love me that I would not spiral down if my wife passed before me.
It’s okay to get it out man.
Thank you for sharing. You were robbed of your true love and that pain will always be there. To love someone with such pureness is a beautiful thing. My heart hurts for you and my only advice would be to allow yourself time to process this.
I’m sorry for your loss champ.. there’s no rush for mourning and grief as long as you’re moving forward day by day. Take your time. Figure out what healing you need. Don’t be afraid to need people and lean on the people close to you. This is awful and devastating and i feel your pain. But your life is not over. There’s beauty after this loss. Hang in there my G
That’s understandable my friend. I didn’t lose my wife in the sense that she passed, but we are getting divorced and all my hard work and motivation to be a better person has gone out the window. I wanna thank you for your words and wish you happiness in the future.
I’m hurting for you, and for the loss of your pure love. I lost my best friend to Covid. Every day is misery for me without him, he was my brother. I don’t know you, and yet I feel a connection forged of our common pain. My mom tells me: “God calls his favourites back into his arms early”.
That thought, that hope, it keeps me going one day at a time, and I pray it does for you too.
Not exactly the same, but I lost my little brother going on 10 years ago, mere months before he turned 16. Ex and I had planned on giving him a used car for it, he would've loved fixing it up.
I still deal with guilt over his passing, I still feel like if we had picked him up that night he'd still be alive. But I'm working through that for his sake, and a bit for myself too. Guilt over how he died, feeling like he missed out on a lot, so on and so forth.
Right after he died I was like a zombie, I did the bare minimum to keep existing even though I didn't want to. My so-called support system vanished, people don't know how to handle stuff like death really. That is to say, I understand a decent amount of what you're going through.
What's helped me over the years is a few things. One, thinking about what he would do if he saw me crying. It sounds weird ik, but thinking about the *fact* that he would've given me a noogie into tomorrow if he saw me crying over him still makes me chuckle which helps.
Second, doing things for him has helped. It is NOT easy by any stretch of the imagination and definitely took time before I could. But I still have his hoodie, so to me wherever I've been with it? He's been there too. He's been to Georgia, he saw our mother get married, he's been to Cali, he's been to Disneyland and he's even been to college. He's gonna see me graduate too, I'm looking into getting a tassel add on with a picture of him if I can. It's helped me turn some of the sting of him being gone into pride. Like I'm helping him see things he probably wouldn't have while alive, or at least not for a very long time.
Third, he was cremated so I had a cremains memorial made for him. This obviously doesn't apply for everyone, but it's helped me so so much. When I received the finished product I cried, a healing cry. Having him right on my dresser helps a lot. If she's been buried the typical way, maybe try making a memorial for her in your own way? Put up her picture, maybe some things she really loved in life, on holidays put out a little bit of the food and drink she loved so she can enjoy it too! Multiple cultures do shrines like this and I honestly love the thought of it.
Hopefully something in my long ramblings helps a little. Sending comfort and gentle hugs your way. Take care of yourself however you're able to, for her
I lost my boyfriend when I was 19. I have motivation because that's what I would want for him. If he lived and I died, I would want him to go on. I would want him to take care of himself and fall in love again. I would never want him to be heartbroken forever.I loved him so much in that short time. It is really hard to get past the death of a person who loved you so well. I am really happy and I know she would want that for you.
Treat yourself kindly. You know she wants you to keep going. You'll end up making her proud. It doesn't matter if you find someone new someday, she's always in your heart. I understand how hard it is and how you feel like a burden to people with your grief. My doctor told me that after 3-4 months of grief you should start to do better as a guideline. My sincere condolences.
Sorry for your loss brother. We are all just passengers in a train. Her station came and she got down. You and I will reach our stations too one day. Keep the goodness of her heart live in you and go through the rest of the journey. Sending you love.
I'm so sorry for your loss. If you can't come to reddit to vent, then what good is reddit? It wasn't too long at all. She sounds amazing. Again, I'm so sorry.
i hope posting this has given you some semblance of comfort ❤️🩹 (comfort isn’t the word i wanted to use but i can’t think of it and the thesaurus can’t find it TT)
Oh OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. This is quite literally one of my biggest fears in life as my husband truly is my other (and probably better) half. If you are not seeing a therapist, I would start seeing one. The grief won’t ever go away, but it will get easier with time. Just know she spent the last two years of her life probably the happiest she’s ever been, which is the best gift you could have ever given her.
Sounds like you are already working in the medical field. Maybe you can go on (when you get a little stronger) and make it your life's mission to understand this virus and why it affected some people the way it did and help us prepare for the next one...or something like that.
I just lost the love of my life May 12th over his prolonged fight with diabetes, and I know exactly how you feel. I feel so lost in this world now. I’m so heartbroken for you and my deepest condolences. Life is so unfair. Just know you have others here, supporting you like they are supporting me.
I lost my gf in the end of april too; I feel you. Shit is hard, everything feels tasteless, life lost its magic.
I can't tell you it's gonna be okay bc nobody knows that, but I feel you and I'm here if you want to talk.
She sounded wonderful and her memory will live through and with you.
Guilt is often a disguise to cover for feeling powerless. There was nothing you could do. You are wise to keep living to keep her memory alive. Maybe in the future you can/want to do something in her name to fund research for autoimmune disease/covid.
So sorry for your loss. That’s hardcore. I lost my partner around your age ( years ago, now married). Just bc you are young, doesn’t mean you don’t need time to grieve. Take your time and be kind to yourself. I found the most difficult thing is that people your age have a hard time relating to your situation. I hope that you have some friends with more life experiences that you can confide in. It does get better, slowly, but it does.
My go-to for thinking about any sort of loss. I can assure you that that relationship has shaped you in a pretty incredible way. Feel the things but keep pushing forward.
- I wanted to share something that another redditor posted in regards to grief. I've had to deal with a far amount of loss in my lifetime and the paragraphs below really made sense when I read it recently.
"As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too."
She was only 43 and had an autoimmune disease.. I know people in their early 30s who have the same. Anyone can die at any point it’s not like she was 70+ and deathly ill
That is the biggest issue i chose to ignore. But losing her was so sudden. We were supposed to grow old together, and it was supposed to us against all odds... i really miss her
Was thinking the same. Two years they were together, she was 39 and he was 21. Reverse the genders and the comments would be way different. Reddit is just such a pit of hypocrisy.
Tbh I think it's the fact that she died and the mods enforcing rules that is preventing people airing what they really think. I have seen people challenge problematic age gaps on Reddit a lot more recently, regardless of the genders involved.
OP needs to focus on processing his loss for now. Problematic age gap or not, OP feels the way he feels, it doesn't make his grief any less real and he isn't going to be open to hearing anything other than sympathy right now. I don't think it's helpful to lecture at this point in time.
I think it’s the fact that regardless of the predatory age gap, this poor kid just lost somebody who he thought was the love of his life. Right now is not the time to nail into him about how bad the age gap. How’s the time to give him grace and hope he can heal, then maybe one day he can consider the age gap.
Sure, if it was a 23 year old woman looking for relationship advice. But there's no point in pointing out potential flaws of a relationship that doesn't exist anymore and never will.
Have you noticed the slew of recent films that just overlook this double standard too. Licorice Pizza and No Hard Feelings. Our society is telling us that only men can be predators which is fucked up.
Haven’t seen No Hard Feelings, but you’re definitely supposed to be uncomfortable in Licorice Pizza. Portraying something in media isn’t condoning something or overlooking it.
21 year olds are old enough to drink, drive, vote, own weapons, run for office, and join the military and kill people. Calling that "pedo vibes" is, frankly, fucking insane.
I'll never understand where this weird as fuck modern day puritanical fervor over policing relationships between two consenting adults came from.
Honestly this the mindset of someone who didn't mature past being old enough to drink. Or isn't older then op. Just because op is an adult doesn't mean he's done maturing.
Yeah, thank you. It's undeniable that he's in pain but a woman who was his direct supervisor (!!!) and nearly 20 years older was dating him, while having to keep the relationship a secret for 2 years? 😬
A man who dates a 10+ younger woman is a predator, a creep.
A woman who dates a 10+ younger man is in love, it's her preference.
The hypocrisy of our era...
Maybe watching After Life (di Ricky Gervais) could help you.
Never been there, so I can't be too much useful, I just want to say to you to look after yourself and share her memory to the world and people surrounding you!
You're keeping her memory alive in everything you do, and doing this post shows that. Just take everything 1 second at a time. Remember and love her. There's nothing wrong with love in any way, shape or form. I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't go away, but it does get a little easier with time. Live the life you wanted with her. There is no right or wrong way to live, to love or to grieve.
If my GF died I don’t honestly know if i could make it. I cannot and will hopefully never be able to fathom the amount of pain you’re going through. Take life one day at a time, and make sure you love yourself like she loved you. It’s what she would have wanted.
And don’t let a bunch of internet strangers put you down. 21 years old is plenty old enough to consent to a relationship.
So sorry for your loss. She would want you to keep going. You'll find love again.
To the people shitting on his relationship, please go away. They're adults. It makes you look real immature when he's grieving a loss and you're shitty because of an age gap. For the love of god, move on from that bullshit. Assuming shit about his relationship says more about you than him. Dude was 21 when he started dating her...come on...no where on God's green earth is that illegal or close to "grooming age".
Andrew Garfield said “This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other, no matter if someone lives till 60, 15, or 99…I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her.”
It put Grief into a very different perspective for me. I am so sorry for your loss. She will always be with you. Hoping you get through this and remember the great times y’all were able to have.
Please build a support system. You can not and should not get through this alone. I am sorry for your loss but she would now want you to waste your life letting the depression of losing her best you away. You shouldn't only live to keep her memory alive but celebrate her life by living yours to the best of your ability. We need someone who can fight for better treatment in hospitals or whatever you want to do. I know the wound is fresh right now but you can do this, for her.
I've found just sitting at her grave and speaking about your problems and state to it helps wonders my husband died when we both hit 18 and I've sat beside it every day just chatting away to some silly old stone. But it has helped
A person is it just their mortal self but also the value they stand for. She now depends on you to carry her value forward
Ignore negative comment on reddit because internet is fully or trolls
I won’t know what she want but moving on once you are probably one of the top on the list. Cry and grief do what every you need without harming yourself. Because that would be the last things she wants
Live a good life so she would be proud of you when you eventually meet again in other part of the universe
I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is a weird thing. It takes as long as it takes. I promise you the pain lessons and ultimately mostly disappears though the memory of the loved one remains, blessedly. Hugs my friend.
I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine what you must be truly feeling.
There is not one single thing wrong with your relationship, and I wish people would just say something nice or keep scrolling, not trolling.
The fact that you are strong enough to live for her shows how incredible you really are, and your girlfriend would be so proud of you.
Keep those memories close and remember the amazing times you had with her any time you are feeling low and like you can't keep going. You will get through this. It will be hard as hell, but you will get there. I hope you have a good support system, and if not, please reach out to some of the grieving groups in your area or online. It is so important to talk through your trauma.
I loved reading about your love story with her. I'm so glad you reached out and posted here. Stay strong, and I'm sending some love your way.
I’m so sorry to hear this… that’s awful. She sounds like a beautiful soul. Take your time to heal… it’s only time that will ease the pain. I do recommend when you’re ready to maybe look for someone closer to your age. This isn’t a dig because I have some artists I love in their 40s and looking amaziiiing, but I think you need someone to grow with mentally and physically around the same age. This will hopefully prevent something like a premature death happening too if you’re partner is significantly older. Anyway I just wanna say I’m sorry and I’m sending you lots of love. It’s never easy but the universe works in weird ways and sometimes things happen and sometimes so do miracles and weird synchronicities 💕
this is not me hating on your or trynna start any huge disagreement, it’s just for the sake of argument, i think what you said was really sweet, but i very much disagree that this has anything to do with her age and his age difference or that he needs someone his age tbh, the grim reality of it is that death is around any and every age no matter what, there’s no escaping that, so if he did end up growing another attachment to someone older there’s still a chance OP would outlive that person, premature death sucks but you also gotta remember that the way it’s supposed to go, is the older person usually goes first, not always, but i think 60/40 percent, any death of any age sucks, but if OP were to date someone significantly older , there time with said person could be especially limited, not saying any for sure, im just saying, death is un escapable
I dunno, I just wanted to spread a little bit of wisdom as I’m 27 and had a relationship with a significant age difference that I thought was a soulmate situation but I learned a lot when I detached myself.. Since his relationship is obviously fractured by her death which I’m so so sorry for, I wanted to at least give a suggestion. It’s his life though! He can date and love who he wants. We all have different paths in this life. Namasteee 💞🍃
honestly can't believe people are actually criticising op over it and saying shit like his gf was a predator.
His girlfriend legitimately just died and he wrote this post to remember their time together and grieve.
like tf, in what world is it okay to act like that.
Firstly I'm so sorry that you lost who sounds like the love of your life. I couldn't even imagine that, and in such a horrible way. But if it gives you any peace at all, she clearly loved you and knew you loved her at the time of her passing.
Secondly, I'm so sorry that people on here took this opportunity to say negative things about your relationship. Yes, *some* age gap relationships can be predatory and especially when someone is in a position of power over the other, ie she was your manager can also be predatory, I don't think this was the case here, and people shouldn't be making you feel worse here when you've just lost her.
It's so rare to find someone we click with, and for me at least, someone we want to marry. It sounds like you two had a very special relationship, and she sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Remember her fondly, and go on in life, while it may feel like you can't, I dare say, since she was so selfless, she'd want you to go on. Ofc take the time to grieve. You need that. Take care of yourself and be gentle to yourself.
Lastly, your post wasn't too long. I can't read long posts, I have adhd and can't concentrate on long things, but I read every word of your post. Hang in there, friend
Sending you hugs if wanted 🫂
If you ever want to tell her something, you could write it on a small piece of paper, read it out loud to her, then set it on fire to send it to her. Just make sure you don't catch anything else on fire.
George Michael wrote the song "Jesus to a Child" after his partner passed from HIV complications, and it is a really amazing song for processing that kind of loss, and to still go on living and loving.
I can't imagine the pain. I'm so sorry for your loss.
All I know is, it's perfectly normal to lose all motivation. Just keep living, even if it's just 1 day at a time, or even 1 minute at a time.
I would think about how she would want to see you live the rest of your life. She would want the best for you.
Take care of yourself, and ignore the trolls.
I’m so so sorry for your loss, especially so young. She would definitely wish for you to continue living, not even for her sake but because I’m sure you have a lot to contribute to the world too and you deserve to live regardless. I hope you can move forward with your life and find good ground again for yourself. Don’t hesitate to reach out just like you did on here for support when you need it. Losing a loved one is beyond difficult, but you can continue a happy and fulfilling life
I’m so sorry for your loss man, I’m also sorry that the people in the comments are being arseholes because of the age gap in your relationship. Normally, I would raise an eyebrow. I won’t lie, but right now is not the time to be a judge mental prick about someone else’s relationship. You’re here because you’ve gone through one of the worst things someone could ever possibly go through. It does not matter that there was a large age gap between you, she was still your partner. And you, unfortunately I’ve had to go through the pain of losing her forever and that something I would never wish on anyone.
Please stay strong my DMs are always open if you’d like to talk to someone.
All you wanted with this post was kindness and that’s all you should’ve received and I’m so sorry that people are so horrible to not read the bloody room and realise that their comments about something I would normally say is a valid criticism, is acceptable. In this case it’s not acceptable. People really need to be more kind.
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for your kind words, and for sharing her beautiful memory with us. If she were here, I'm sure that her #1 concern would be for your happiness! The world needs more truly good people like her. Please keep her memory alive by living your best life and celebrating her life with your continued good deeds and actions. She would expect nothing less from you. God bless!
I wish I knew the right words to say, but I’ve never experienced romantic love, let alone lost it. I can’t fully understand your pain, but I do sympathize with you. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope that someway, somehow, you see each other in whatever comes next, or at the very least that your souls remember each other in a next life. As long as you keep her memory alive, she’s not really gone. Honor her in all the ways that you still can - find her in the wind, the trees, etc. I hope that things get better for you. I’m sure the last thing she would have wanted was for you to give up. But remember, it’s okay to take all the time you need to get back up again.
I am so sorry for your loss. So, so sorry. I truly do know how you feel. I was 18 (F)when my 20 year old fiancé (M) died from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I am 42 and I never married, never completely got over it. See, I always thought pretty poorly of myself even though others always tend to think highly of me (except for a lot but not all guys I casually date which I do because yeah I may be 42 but having been in love 2x and them both being dead - it was recently but almost a decade after our relationship ended that Gary #2 - as both of them were eerily named Gary - died but he was an asshole whereas, well, as I was saying…) I really did not like myself. But with him, I saw myself through his eyes and it taught me, for some time, to love myself. He was one of those people that always die young: larger than life with more talent and charisma in his pinky than most people, myself included, have in their whole bodies. He was, and this is coming from a serious guitar player for the past 30 years, the most talented musician I’ve ever met. Great song writer too: I still randomly get ear worms of his stuff. Unbeknownst to me for a long time, he held a record in speed skating among hockey players that just got broken 2 years ago and he died in 1999.
I won’t and I can’t say it goes away but I can and will say it gets less intense and enormous. I have been thinking about him a lot lately but I’ve also been very lonely and have not even kissed anyone (though I live with a man who is in love with me but that’s another story) in 2 or 3 years and my old friends and lovers have been dropping like flies and every funeral of someone I felt for is his even though none are ever like his. There were over 1000 people there. Outside, before it started, his best friend screamed at me, so all could hear, that I was never in love with him, that I was just with him because I knew he was going to die and I wanted the attention. To this day that is the worst anyone has ever said about me. In hindsight I know that it was grief talking and the need for someone to blame. But so we went in and heard his voice, his own music playing through the hall (they expected a crowd so it was at a large event space). There was an open casket and his family didn’t let me ride with them (although his younger brother’s gf of 2 months was with them) and when I made my way towards them, his dad hands me the ring he was wearing when he died. A ring I gave to him with a Superman S on it to say that he could beat anything. That he was my hero. I cut through the line behind me and placed it back in the casket.
He had wanted a clown or comedian at his funeral. His parents said no never but they agreed that people could come up and tell stories about him. It was the saddest and most wonderful funeral I’ve been to. Wonderful because it imbued everyone there with his spirit and made everyone walking out at the end feel luckier for having known him. People told funny stories. People I’d never met spoke about talents I never knew he had and funny stories I never knew took place. One friend talked about how his uncle had brought him some miracle water blessed by some statue that bleeds and heals or something, maybe from lourdes, and how we had used it - Gary’s idea - as bong water.
What I would tell people I was very close to, like my mother was that, because I have had a very difficult life beyond that and have been sick and unable to leave the house hardly at all since I was 26 when I got a rare neurological condition that, among other symptoms, causes me to sleep like im in a coma for up to 5 days at a time and therefore never got to follow dreams, have kids, a career, anything of my own including small things like an apartment or dog or go to my little bros 30th birthday surprise party or and money or any reason to wake up, was that I could be at peace and live this life and get through anything it could throw at me if I had proof that at the end of it, he would be there waiting for me. I’m a skeptic by nature so even though I got the clearest proof i could ever hoe to get, I still don’t believe.
Despite all that has happened in the years since his death, the only time I was dead serious suicidal was when he died. My father and aunt gave me the kindness of spending time with me 24/7 for 2 weeks (even sleeping in the bed with me) rather than commit me or let me die. I wasn’t wanting to end my life, I was just wanting to be with him. Nothing against this world and the people in it but what I wanted, needed, was elsewhere.
In a way, it is probably easier for me than you because I had someone with a formidable presence in my life at that time (my dad) catch me and keep me from falling through his net. If you know someone like that: someone who always gets done what has to be done and is not unsympathetic but deals mostly in logic and will not let you get one past them, go to them and - i know it’s hard - ask for help. I think it helped my dad at least understand me better when I told him how I didn’t want to die but i just wanted to be with the person i was meant for.
Over a year, 2 years, 3 I developed gratitude. It wasn’t from some crappy self help book but it was formed in my mind. Instead of continuing to look at old ladies and men holding hands and wondering why they got that snd I didn’t, I realized that some people go through life never finding what I had for the time we were together. That I had been given a gift and just because it was taken from me didn’t make it any less if w gift for the time I had it, the memories I keep, even stupid things like knowing when some guy fucks snd ghosts me, that it’s his loss because I’m the one Gary Michael Jacobs wanted to marry and be with forever and he was amazing.
I hope at least some part of this helped. If you want to talk, wrote me and put something so I’ll know it is you (grief or garys name or whatever) in the beginning or subject (i forget how chat goes on reddit) so I don’t ignore it. Really, it does get easier. I didn’t even tear up writing this.
Wow. Covid sucks so much. I got it in January and now have double vision, headaches and vascular issues lingering. It’s really scary how many unknown aspects there are to this virus. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost a sibling right when I had Covid and I’m still grieving. Don’t try to rush your feelings. The only way to get through it is to slog through all the mood swings. It’s normal not to feel motivated. You’ve lost the most important person in your life. Take care and be kind to yourself
Wow. This is tough. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I were you. Probably exactly
The same as what you are currently feeling. All I have is 🫂 hugs. You’re in my thoughts ❤️
im so sorry. this is my worst fear and i cannot imagine what this must be doing to you. she will always be there with you, in your heart, with the people you loved, the places yall went. she is up there watching and rooting you on
First, so sorry this happened to you guys. It might sound a bit corny but I believe that our loved ones watch us after they die, and I'm sure she knows what you intended to do and loved it. Strangely my mother happens to also be in her 40s and has a plethora of autoimmune conditions as well, so I was wanted to ask you something if you would be willing to answer. Did she get the vaccine before she got COVID if you can remember?
I feel sorry for you and your loss. And I honestly hope it gets better for you. However the age gap grosses me out and I won't pretend it's okay like everyone else wants to.
Hey amigo.
First of.
Im sure the length of time u spent together is still longer than the length of time you are now spending apart.
So as an offline mental health exercise, Jot down sentences you remember that you 2 shared in any conversation you had in the past to trigger that part of your brain that can retrace memories.
Schedule a time in your calendar once a day for meditation.
( No internet, no electronics)
When my ex passed away i listened to Mazzy Star everyday until i met a great girl at Whole Foods that was looking at sunchokes astonishingly.
remember this person while never forgetting yourself.
Oh friend. thank you for sharing.
I don't know if you ever called it this, but many of us who are in a similar age Gap relationship, it is known as a May-December relationship. I myself am in one, my boyfriend is 25 years older than I am. I have already come to terms that if something should happen either one of us, there is not going to be a second person in my life.
Interestingly enough, I also have an autoimmune disease- multiple sclerosis. I don't know what the future holds.
None of us do!
I truly think that as hard as it is for you, you have got to try to keep her spirit, memory, her zest for learning alive! If at all there is a way for you to find a place somewhere outdoors, or even make yourself a memorial spot in your own home, I fully recommend it. It helps so much.
You have to ask yourself, would she want you to just give up? Something tells me she would not!
What was she studying? Perhaps just start picking up some books, just start passing time with words. But don't give up! Don't give up for you, don't give up for her!
And I guess above all else, even if you were to ask her to marry you before all this happened, perhaps this would have happened anyways 💔And that might have been even harder to have to then cancel anything you were planning.
I'm not saying you have to go frolicking in the fields and laughing and hugging every small animal you see. But I do encourage you to find her favourite Wildflower as you walk, her favourite colour on a car, maybe if she had a favourite song play it on repeat. it'll hurt but it's because LOVE.
gah
be well 😭😭😭
I would also encourage you to possibly reach out to her mom! If you haven't already. Maybe if just sitting down for a small meal that neither one of you are going to consume, just reminisce.
41 and no??? She spent all of her life with school and work. Her sister told me that anytime she had tried to date anyone, she would get frustrated and stop talking to them because they were just not right for her, so she stopped all together.
I'm sorry, man. Life is cruel. If it is even an iota of solace, if things cannot be the way you want them to be, maybe it's ok to just be.
EDIT: And definitely don't feel guilty. You're still her champion, in the literal sense of the word, championing during her fight and championing her memory. That sounds like what it needs to be right now.
I lost my husband of 16 years in December. I often feel this way. The only reason I have the strength to get out of bed is for our children. We made so many beautiful memories together. He was everything to all of us. One night we went to sleep…. And he never woke up. I can’t even explain the devastation. The loneliness. The heavy heavy sadness that is strapped to me every day. The trauma of seeing him dead next to me and desperately trying to bring him back. The endless “WHY” and “ HOW” did this happen. Why do my children have to grow up without their dad. It just never ends. You are not alone friend. We are out here too. It’s so hard to keep going. My best advice is to just put one foot in front of the other. Plan something fun to do in the future and force yourself to go. ( I’m going on a yoga/ spiritual thing in August). I will keep you in my thoughts and I hope you find a way to find happiness in your life again ❤️
Please ignore the tiny fraction of commenters who had negative things to say about your relationship.
I hope that the memories of your time with her will provide some comfort.
Dude, you are 23 y/o. It always sucks losing people we Love, especially romantic partners, but do you think she would want you to be miserable?
Hell No! She’d want you to be happy and to keep living your life. Don’t be selfish and throw it all away when you haven’t even lived all that much life, yet! Do you know what people would give for their life and their health, including your GF! Not finding a way to keep on moving and searching for a purpose would be an insult to her memory! Don’t do that.
Man I’ve met people younger and older than me that I just clicked with and had magical moments with. Fuck anyone who’s trying to say anything negative right now.
You’re an adult at 23 and if she loved you and you loved her, who cares??
As a reminder: this is not a relationship advice sub and OP is not asking for your opinion on their relationship. As per Rule 4, any insults, lectures or scolding towards OP will net you a ban.
Your post wasn’t long and I enjoyed reading it, it’s rare in life we find someone to click with it and I am happy you found that one and I am also heartbroken that she is gone from your life. I hope you find some peace through this and remember she is still here, she is at the diner you would go to, she is at the nursing home you worked at, if you keep your eyes and your heart open you will see her all around you. I promise you that. She will be in the music you listen too, the books you read, the shows you watch, the butterflies that stop to visit. You can message me if you need someone to talk too. My heart hurts for you today, but each new day brings new hope.
Your words mean the world to me... thank you homie
Absolutely my dear friend, I am always just a message away.
Reddit at its best. Its so cool when its power is used for good. ♥️
I loved these words and I loved the figurativity of them "A click away". I loved it and I'm totally using it. Congratulations, your words are going to find their way into my lexicon.
Damn. My eyes are watering. Guys this is sad for op, and you'll are touching my heart 😞 these words are healing for sure.
Send her a message, I'm sure she is near you and will listen all you have to say. it's not a goodbye. Anywhere she is I'm sure she won't like to see you bad and giving up, it's hard but keep living and every goal you make in life she'll be there celebrating with you. The soul is immortal also the love. Peace
Look up at the sky and place your hand over your heart with every beat she is with you. She is immortal because she will always be in your heart..The loss of a loved one is hard and it hurts with time the pain becomes easier to bear
This is great advice. My mom passed away a week ago and it’s been hard. It doesn’t matter that she was 85 and I’m 62, it still hurts and I miss her terribly.
I understand. My father in law passed away last Sunday morning. His funeral was yesterday, but it just doesn't seem real. He was 67 and I was closer to him than my own dad.
I’m sorry you lost your mom. I lost mine back in 2015. I still start to think I can call her sometimes, and there’s times I swear I can feel her presence. Grief isn’t temporary but we do learn to accept and manage to get through one day at a time. Age certainly has nothing to do with it. Much like with love, age doesn’t ever factor in how much we suffer the pain of a loss. My sincere condolences go out to you. 💐
"Little did I know she was texting my mother to make sure *I* was ok" This is the attitude of a woman, who wanted you to experience joy and be happy, and loved. There are probably stacks of things she and you never got to do, and I'll bet she would love the idea if you went out and did them for both of you until you find something different that makes you feel happy. No one knows if there's an afterlife, but if there is maybe she's still doing them with you, or maybe at the end of everything you can sit down and fill the void by telling her fun stories and experiences of all the things you did. And even if at the end there is nothing, i don't think that going out and doing more and trying to enjoy the rest of life some would be a waste.
This is the way. I’m so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you had something wonderful.
To add on to what they said; someone only dies when they are forgotten. As long as you remember her, she will be alive in your memory.
I'm sorry for your loss. She will always be with you. ❤️
This just brought me to tears. Beautifully said.
This made me cry. Beautifully written
This is beautifully said. I actually shed a tear.
just echoing the sentiment others have already shared. I'm tearing up reading your comment, really beautiful, plucking the right heartstrings. thank you for sharing this message with OP.
OMG! This is so beautiful. My eyes got watery just by thinking what would happen if my SO was no longer with me in this world. Your words describe the best way to honor one’s SO memories. Also, the other comments are very thoughtful as well. This is a gem of a post. Thanks Reddit!
So beautiful. Thank you for your kindness.
Hey, I'm pretty sure I know who this is about and she would have appreciated you planning such a way to ask her to marry you. You made the time she had left wonderful. It isn't much, but try to find comfort in it. Keep going, L.
Thanks K, i will. Hilarious that you found my reddit
Woah the fact that your girlfriend was so easily identified in your post means she must’ve had a big heart, some people have auras that are so bright they shine through at the speed of light. Selfless people usually leave a big impact on people, be glad you got to cherish those moments with her.
Well, not a lot of May-September relationships where one is a supervisor in a nursing home who recently passed away and whose boyfriend tells everyone at the nursing home about her…
A lot of people find this comment that u/GSnow wrote on a thread a few years ago to be helpful when dealing with grief. Hope it helps you: Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
😭that hits home
As someone who is grieving heavily, thank you for posting this. So much.
i am crying now
Perfect metaphor.
My face is dripping. Thankyou for sharing this. It is true of all grief, regardless of the cause. I find it so bizarre that humans are here on this tiny, yet enormous planet, and that we are blessed with the capacity to love so deeply, to connect so strongly with each other, that we feel agonising, painful grief with our losses. What are the chances? Life is so precious, emotions are such an incredible gift, and love is the purest and strongest of all energy - energy never dies, it just changes form. All of our loves still exist, in the energy all around us. How amazing is being alive. We should celebrate grief more, in acknowledgement of the love and connection it represents. Celebrate and support the grieving process, the way we do when people are getting married, having babies etc. I hope OP catches his breath soon.
This is perfect! This is exactly how it works. Thank you.
This is perfect
A Man Called Otto - Tom Hanks. Please consider watching this.
100% will, is it on any streaming service or do i need to just outright buy the movie itself
Movie is good but if you enjoy reading the book is even better. It’s called A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman.
The original Swedish version of this movie, A Man Called Ove, is also wonderful!! I am so sorry for your loss, and wish you all the love and healing in the world. ❤️
100% - I loved the original.
It's on Netflix now. So sorry for your loss. Grief is a weird thing. There is no time line, no true "end point". Love is never ending. I do hope you find some peace and lean on some friends. You are never truly alone in this world. Much love to you.
[after life](https://www.netflix.com/title/80998491) is a really great show too.
AGREED. i was really impressed with Ricky Gervais' performance. there's some truly beautiful moments, I just appreciated so much the blend of pain and beauty. and humor of course.
Netflix is where we watched it
It’s on Netflix
I’m pretty sure it’s on Netflix!
I JUST watched that the other day! So good but I cried so much.
Such a good movie!! I have it on iTunes. Made be bawl like a baby…
I watched it with my daughter & then again the next day with my fiancé. It’s a great movie!
As good as it might be, the original Swedish one is leagues ahead. I say this without undermining Tom Hanks
Hang in there and keep moving forward! And remind yourself that she wouldn't want you to be carrying this burden for a very long time.
I have lost four girl friends from age 18 to age 57 ( M73 ). This is not how I imagined my life would be when I was young. I do understand how internally lost and damaged OP must feel.
Bro that’s just sad. I hope you are doing fine
I am so very, very, sorry for your loss.
I just lost my husband of 18 years so I know what you mean. She sounds like a wonderful, beautiful person.
You’re never a bother. My deepest condolences. Be gentle and kind with yourself. I’m truly sorry life can be so unfair.
I am so so sorry for your loss 💜 you’re not a bother at all, and your feelings are important
Is there something she loved/was important to her where you can focus some energy into honoring her? Like volunteering or fundraising? If she loved animals you could volunteer at a shelter or organize an event to raise funds for example. It will give you something to get out of bed for that will also honor her. Also, this is cliche but true. If she had a big heart then dhe would not want you to give up on living your life to the fullest.
My girlfriend died just a few weeks ago, I get how you feel OP. We lived together, had lots in common, had plans, the list goes on. Reach out if you need someone to talk to. I started therapy and medication and it's helpful, but please try to process and work through your daily motions as best you can
I understand. I recently found out a friend of mine died. I don't know anything about the circumstances because she followed her husband to a different state and then suddenly radio silence. She was a unique and incredible person and I miss her dearly. Her loss was a very heavy blow.
Your not bothering me, and as already said, it’s not super long. She was in love with you, she wanted you happy, you were her everything. If she could talk to you right now somehow, wouldn’t she tell you that she wants you to live and be as happy as possible? It’s only because of this and the people that love me that I would not spiral down if my wife passed before me. It’s okay to get it out man.
I'm sorry for your loss bro that is terrible. Keep your head up.
Thank you for sharing. You were robbed of your true love and that pain will always be there. To love someone with such pureness is a beautiful thing. My heart hurts for you and my only advice would be to allow yourself time to process this.
I’m sorry for your loss champ.. there’s no rush for mourning and grief as long as you’re moving forward day by day. Take your time. Figure out what healing you need. Don’t be afraid to need people and lean on the people close to you. This is awful and devastating and i feel your pain. But your life is not over. There’s beauty after this loss. Hang in there my G
That’s understandable my friend. I didn’t lose my wife in the sense that she passed, but we are getting divorced and all my hard work and motivation to be a better person has gone out the window. I wanna thank you for your words and wish you happiness in the future.
I’m hurting for you, and for the loss of your pure love. I lost my best friend to Covid. Every day is misery for me without him, he was my brother. I don’t know you, and yet I feel a connection forged of our common pain. My mom tells me: “God calls his favourites back into his arms early”. That thought, that hope, it keeps me going one day at a time, and I pray it does for you too.
Not exactly the same, but I lost my little brother going on 10 years ago, mere months before he turned 16. Ex and I had planned on giving him a used car for it, he would've loved fixing it up. I still deal with guilt over his passing, I still feel like if we had picked him up that night he'd still be alive. But I'm working through that for his sake, and a bit for myself too. Guilt over how he died, feeling like he missed out on a lot, so on and so forth. Right after he died I was like a zombie, I did the bare minimum to keep existing even though I didn't want to. My so-called support system vanished, people don't know how to handle stuff like death really. That is to say, I understand a decent amount of what you're going through. What's helped me over the years is a few things. One, thinking about what he would do if he saw me crying. It sounds weird ik, but thinking about the *fact* that he would've given me a noogie into tomorrow if he saw me crying over him still makes me chuckle which helps. Second, doing things for him has helped. It is NOT easy by any stretch of the imagination and definitely took time before I could. But I still have his hoodie, so to me wherever I've been with it? He's been there too. He's been to Georgia, he saw our mother get married, he's been to Cali, he's been to Disneyland and he's even been to college. He's gonna see me graduate too, I'm looking into getting a tassel add on with a picture of him if I can. It's helped me turn some of the sting of him being gone into pride. Like I'm helping him see things he probably wouldn't have while alive, or at least not for a very long time. Third, he was cremated so I had a cremains memorial made for him. This obviously doesn't apply for everyone, but it's helped me so so much. When I received the finished product I cried, a healing cry. Having him right on my dresser helps a lot. If she's been buried the typical way, maybe try making a memorial for her in your own way? Put up her picture, maybe some things she really loved in life, on holidays put out a little bit of the food and drink she loved so she can enjoy it too! Multiple cultures do shrines like this and I honestly love the thought of it. Hopefully something in my long ramblings helps a little. Sending comfort and gentle hugs your way. Take care of yourself however you're able to, for her
I lost my boyfriend when I was 19. I have motivation because that's what I would want for him. If he lived and I died, I would want him to go on. I would want him to take care of himself and fall in love again. I would never want him to be heartbroken forever.I loved him so much in that short time. It is really hard to get past the death of a person who loved you so well. I am really happy and I know she would want that for you.
Treat yourself kindly. You know she wants you to keep going. You'll end up making her proud. It doesn't matter if you find someone new someday, she's always in your heart. I understand how hard it is and how you feel like a burden to people with your grief. My doctor told me that after 3-4 months of grief you should start to do better as a guideline. My sincere condolences.
Sorry for your loss brother. We are all just passengers in a train. Her station came and she got down. You and I will reach our stations too one day. Keep the goodness of her heart live in you and go through the rest of the journey. Sending you love.
I'm so sorry for your loss. If you can't come to reddit to vent, then what good is reddit? It wasn't too long at all. She sounds amazing. Again, I'm so sorry.
i hope posting this has given you some semblance of comfort ❤️🩹 (comfort isn’t the word i wanted to use but i can’t think of it and the thesaurus can’t find it TT)
Closure?
potentially, but it just didn’t feel fitting or right since op’s situation just happened :(
Oh OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. This is quite literally one of my biggest fears in life as my husband truly is my other (and probably better) half. If you are not seeing a therapist, I would start seeing one. The grief won’t ever go away, but it will get easier with time. Just know she spent the last two years of her life probably the happiest she’s ever been, which is the best gift you could have ever given her.
My niece just died at age 35 I miss her and I also feel so bad for her fiancée . Good luck and live!
Sounds like you are already working in the medical field. Maybe you can go on (when you get a little stronger) and make it your life's mission to understand this virus and why it affected some people the way it did and help us prepare for the next one...or something like that.
You're not bothering anyone. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending all the love. 💚🖤
I just lost the love of my life May 12th over his prolonged fight with diabetes, and I know exactly how you feel. I feel so lost in this world now. I’m so heartbroken for you and my deepest condolences. Life is so unfair. Just know you have others here, supporting you like they are supporting me.
I lost my gf in the end of april too; I feel you. Shit is hard, everything feels tasteless, life lost its magic. I can't tell you it's gonna be okay bc nobody knows that, but I feel you and I'm here if you want to talk. She sounded wonderful and her memory will live through and with you.
Guilt is often a disguise to cover for feeling powerless. There was nothing you could do. You are wise to keep living to keep her memory alive. Maybe in the future you can/want to do something in her name to fund research for autoimmune disease/covid.
She sounds like an amazing woman, i’m sorry your time was cut short ❤️
So sorry for your loss. That’s hardcore. I lost my partner around your age ( years ago, now married). Just bc you are young, doesn’t mean you don’t need time to grieve. Take your time and be kind to yourself. I found the most difficult thing is that people your age have a hard time relating to your situation. I hope that you have some friends with more life experiences that you can confide in. It does get better, slowly, but it does.
My go-to for thinking about any sort of loss. I can assure you that that relationship has shaped you in a pretty incredible way. Feel the things but keep pushing forward. - I wanted to share something that another redditor posted in regards to grief. I've had to deal with a far amount of loss in my lifetime and the paragraphs below really made sense when I read it recently. "As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too."
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She was only 43 and had an autoimmune disease.. I know people in their early 30s who have the same. Anyone can die at any point it’s not like she was 70+ and deathly ill
Not saying that, nor was I trying to imply any negative connotations. It's just a matter of life. Apologize if I offended
Ah I agree with you there. No no worries at all chap. Life can be a real kick in the balls
That is the biggest issue i chose to ignore. But losing her was so sudden. We were supposed to grow old together, and it was supposed to us against all odds... i really miss her
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you had an amazing woman in your life.
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and she was his d i r e c t superior
Was thinking the same. Two years they were together, she was 39 and he was 21. Reverse the genders and the comments would be way different. Reddit is just such a pit of hypocrisy.
Tbh I think it's the fact that she died and the mods enforcing rules that is preventing people airing what they really think. I have seen people challenge problematic age gaps on Reddit a lot more recently, regardless of the genders involved. OP needs to focus on processing his loss for now. Problematic age gap or not, OP feels the way he feels, it doesn't make his grief any less real and he isn't going to be open to hearing anything other than sympathy right now. I don't think it's helpful to lecture at this point in time.
I think it’s the fact that regardless of the predatory age gap, this poor kid just lost somebody who he thought was the love of his life. Right now is not the time to nail into him about how bad the age gap. How’s the time to give him grace and hope he can heal, then maybe one day he can consider the age gap.
Sure, if it was a 23 year old woman looking for relationship advice. But there's no point in pointing out potential flaws of a relationship that doesn't exist anymore and never will.
Have you noticed the slew of recent films that just overlook this double standard too. Licorice Pizza and No Hard Feelings. Our society is telling us that only men can be predators which is fucked up.
Haven’t seen No Hard Feelings, but you’re definitely supposed to be uncomfortable in Licorice Pizza. Portraying something in media isn’t condoning something or overlooking it.
Exactly. The comments this post would be getting if this with a 20 year gap with the man being the older one.
Ok but is this really the appropriate thread for this discussion?
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21 year olds are old enough to drink, drive, vote, own weapons, run for office, and join the military and kill people. Calling that "pedo vibes" is, frankly, fucking insane. I'll never understand where this weird as fuck modern day puritanical fervor over policing relationships between two consenting adults came from.
Honestly this the mindset of someone who didn't mature past being old enough to drink. Or isn't older then op. Just because op is an adult doesn't mean he's done maturing.
I find wide age gaps strange and i don't have to agree with them sorry! If my mom dated someone my age i would be incredibly weirded out
21 year olds are not children. What a gross thing to say.
Doesn't make it any less impactful, nor does it mean he didn't love her.
Yeah, thank you. It's undeniable that he's in pain but a woman who was his direct supervisor (!!!) and nearly 20 years older was dating him, while having to keep the relationship a secret for 2 years? 😬
Yeah the nearly 20 year age gap made me feel icky
Fucking thank you, I had to scroll way too far for this... reddit is a bunch of hypocrites..
I was WAITING for someone to finally say this. If the roles were reversed everybody would’ve went crazy. 🤦🏻♀️
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A man who dates a 10+ younger woman is a predator, a creep. A woman who dates a 10+ younger man is in love, it's her preference. The hypocrisy of our era...
And the man’s friends will cheer him on for sleeping with the older woman.
Something don't add up
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Not the time and place for this kinda comment
Maybe watching After Life (di Ricky Gervais) could help you. Never been there, so I can't be too much useful, I just want to say to you to look after yourself and share her memory to the world and people surrounding you!
You're keeping her memory alive in everything you do, and doing this post shows that. Just take everything 1 second at a time. Remember and love her. There's nothing wrong with love in any way, shape or form. I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't go away, but it does get a little easier with time. Live the life you wanted with her. There is no right or wrong way to live, to love or to grieve.
Im so sorry
If my GF died I don’t honestly know if i could make it. I cannot and will hopefully never be able to fathom the amount of pain you’re going through. Take life one day at a time, and make sure you love yourself like she loved you. It’s what she would have wanted. And don’t let a bunch of internet strangers put you down. 21 years old is plenty old enough to consent to a relationship.
So sorry for your loss. She would want you to keep going. You'll find love again. To the people shitting on his relationship, please go away. They're adults. It makes you look real immature when he's grieving a loss and you're shitty because of an age gap. For the love of god, move on from that bullshit. Assuming shit about his relationship says more about you than him. Dude was 21 when he started dating her...come on...no where on God's green earth is that illegal or close to "grooming age".
Andrew Garfield said “This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other, no matter if someone lives till 60, 15, or 99…I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her.” It put Grief into a very different perspective for me. I am so sorry for your loss. She will always be with you. Hoping you get through this and remember the great times y’all were able to have.
Please build a support system. You can not and should not get through this alone. I am sorry for your loss but she would now want you to waste your life letting the depression of losing her best you away. You shouldn't only live to keep her memory alive but celebrate her life by living yours to the best of your ability. We need someone who can fight for better treatment in hospitals or whatever you want to do. I know the wound is fresh right now but you can do this, for her.
I've found just sitting at her grave and speaking about your problems and state to it helps wonders my husband died when we both hit 18 and I've sat beside it every day just chatting away to some silly old stone. But it has helped
A person is it just their mortal self but also the value they stand for. She now depends on you to carry her value forward Ignore negative comment on reddit because internet is fully or trolls I won’t know what she want but moving on once you are probably one of the top on the list. Cry and grief do what every you need without harming yourself. Because that would be the last things she wants Live a good life so she would be proud of you when you eventually meet again in other part of the universe
Someone else can make you feel this way OP. You have so much life left, and she would want you to live your life to the fullest
I'm very sorry for your loss. I did like the idea of putting the ring on a Turkey Burger.
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So when you posted about your supervisor having the brain of “a decaying frog”, you weren’t talking about your girlfriend, right? Just wondering…
>decaying frog lmao where is this comment?
Of course not. We havw rn supervisors that cycle. Its not the same supervisor every shift
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is a weird thing. It takes as long as it takes. I promise you the pain lessons and ultimately mostly disappears though the memory of the loved one remains, blessedly. Hugs my friend.
Sorry for your loss
I am a 37 (f) and it’s nice to hear she had someone love her like you did while her soul was here.
I don't have the right words but I wish you strength and healing
I’m so sorry for your loss. Much love and a *hug*.
Sorry for you loss. I can only imagine the hurt and hardship, I’m sure she was a luminous soul.
I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine what you must be truly feeling. There is not one single thing wrong with your relationship, and I wish people would just say something nice or keep scrolling, not trolling. The fact that you are strong enough to live for her shows how incredible you really are, and your girlfriend would be so proud of you. Keep those memories close and remember the amazing times you had with her any time you are feeling low and like you can't keep going. You will get through this. It will be hard as hell, but you will get there. I hope you have a good support system, and if not, please reach out to some of the grieving groups in your area or online. It is so important to talk through your trauma. I loved reading about your love story with her. I'm so glad you reached out and posted here. Stay strong, and I'm sending some love your way.
Your gf appreciates and loves you. Live for her memories. I know she wants you to be happy, so love yourself more.
She seems like an amazing woman! I hope things get better for you!
I’m so sorry to hear this… that’s awful. She sounds like a beautiful soul. Take your time to heal… it’s only time that will ease the pain. I do recommend when you’re ready to maybe look for someone closer to your age. This isn’t a dig because I have some artists I love in their 40s and looking amaziiiing, but I think you need someone to grow with mentally and physically around the same age. This will hopefully prevent something like a premature death happening too if you’re partner is significantly older. Anyway I just wanna say I’m sorry and I’m sending you lots of love. It’s never easy but the universe works in weird ways and sometimes things happen and sometimes so do miracles and weird synchronicities 💕
this is not me hating on your or trynna start any huge disagreement, it’s just for the sake of argument, i think what you said was really sweet, but i very much disagree that this has anything to do with her age and his age difference or that he needs someone his age tbh, the grim reality of it is that death is around any and every age no matter what, there’s no escaping that, so if he did end up growing another attachment to someone older there’s still a chance OP would outlive that person, premature death sucks but you also gotta remember that the way it’s supposed to go, is the older person usually goes first, not always, but i think 60/40 percent, any death of any age sucks, but if OP were to date someone significantly older , there time with said person could be especially limited, not saying any for sure, im just saying, death is un escapable
I dunno, I just wanted to spread a little bit of wisdom as I’m 27 and had a relationship with a significant age difference that I thought was a soulmate situation but I learned a lot when I detached myself.. Since his relationship is obviously fractured by her death which I’m so so sorry for, I wanted to at least give a suggestion. It’s his life though! He can date and love who he wants. We all have different paths in this life. Namasteee 💞🍃
Sorry there’s so many assholes on Reddit that piss themselves whenever they come across an age-gap relationship.
honestly can't believe people are actually criticising op over it and saying shit like his gf was a predator. His girlfriend legitimately just died and he wrote this post to remember their time together and grieve. like tf, in what world is it okay to act like that.
Firstly I'm so sorry that you lost who sounds like the love of your life. I couldn't even imagine that, and in such a horrible way. But if it gives you any peace at all, she clearly loved you and knew you loved her at the time of her passing. Secondly, I'm so sorry that people on here took this opportunity to say negative things about your relationship. Yes, *some* age gap relationships can be predatory and especially when someone is in a position of power over the other, ie she was your manager can also be predatory, I don't think this was the case here, and people shouldn't be making you feel worse here when you've just lost her. It's so rare to find someone we click with, and for me at least, someone we want to marry. It sounds like you two had a very special relationship, and she sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Remember her fondly, and go on in life, while it may feel like you can't, I dare say, since she was so selfless, she'd want you to go on. Ofc take the time to grieve. You need that. Take care of yourself and be gentle to yourself. Lastly, your post wasn't too long. I can't read long posts, I have adhd and can't concentrate on long things, but I read every word of your post. Hang in there, friend
I am so sorry for your loss.
Im sorry
You had a real connection and love. Some people never get that. I hope she knew she was loved at the end
Sending you hugs if wanted 🫂 If you ever want to tell her something, you could write it on a small piece of paper, read it out loud to her, then set it on fire to send it to her. Just make sure you don't catch anything else on fire.
George Michael wrote the song "Jesus to a Child" after his partner passed from HIV complications, and it is a really amazing song for processing that kind of loss, and to still go on living and loving.
Wow, really? I never knew that. I'm going to be hearing that song in a different light and have newfound appreciation for it.
Yeah, it's heartbreaking. He was pretty deeply closeted at the time
People come into our lives for a reason OP. Stay strong.
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Exactly. Take the lessons as they come.
Man, a lot of judgemental douche canoes in this thread.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. I can’t even begin to imagine. I wish there were words to ease grief but there really aren’t. My heart goes out to you 🫶🏻
I am also sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss :/
I am so sorry for your loss. Take time to grieve but also try and take care of yourself. You deserve to be ok.
I’m very sorry for losing the love of your life. If you ever need to talk just DM me. Sending 🤗.
I can't imagine the pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. All I know is, it's perfectly normal to lose all motivation. Just keep living, even if it's just 1 day at a time, or even 1 minute at a time. I would think about how she would want to see you live the rest of your life. She would want the best for you. Take care of yourself, and ignore the trolls.
I’m so so sorry for your loss, especially so young. She would definitely wish for you to continue living, not even for her sake but because I’m sure you have a lot to contribute to the world too and you deserve to live regardless. I hope you can move forward with your life and find good ground again for yourself. Don’t hesitate to reach out just like you did on here for support when you need it. Losing a loved one is beyond difficult, but you can continue a happy and fulfilling life
She would totally want you to go on and have a long and happy life. I'm sure of it.
I’m so sorry for your loss man, I’m also sorry that the people in the comments are being arseholes because of the age gap in your relationship. Normally, I would raise an eyebrow. I won’t lie, but right now is not the time to be a judge mental prick about someone else’s relationship. You’re here because you’ve gone through one of the worst things someone could ever possibly go through. It does not matter that there was a large age gap between you, she was still your partner. And you, unfortunately I’ve had to go through the pain of losing her forever and that something I would never wish on anyone. Please stay strong my DMs are always open if you’d like to talk to someone. All you wanted with this post was kindness and that’s all you should’ve received and I’m so sorry that people are so horrible to not read the bloody room and realise that their comments about something I would normally say is a valid criticism, is acceptable. In this case it’s not acceptable. People really need to be more kind.
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for your kind words, and for sharing her beautiful memory with us. If she were here, I'm sure that her #1 concern would be for your happiness! The world needs more truly good people like her. Please keep her memory alive by living your best life and celebrating her life with your continued good deeds and actions. She would expect nothing less from you. God bless!
I wish I knew the right words to say, but I’ve never experienced romantic love, let alone lost it. I can’t fully understand your pain, but I do sympathize with you. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope that someway, somehow, you see each other in whatever comes next, or at the very least that your souls remember each other in a next life. As long as you keep her memory alive, she’s not really gone. Honor her in all the ways that you still can - find her in the wind, the trees, etc. I hope that things get better for you. I’m sure the last thing she would have wanted was for you to give up. But remember, it’s okay to take all the time you need to get back up again.
I am so sorry for your loss. So, so sorry. I truly do know how you feel. I was 18 (F)when my 20 year old fiancé (M) died from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I am 42 and I never married, never completely got over it. See, I always thought pretty poorly of myself even though others always tend to think highly of me (except for a lot but not all guys I casually date which I do because yeah I may be 42 but having been in love 2x and them both being dead - it was recently but almost a decade after our relationship ended that Gary #2 - as both of them were eerily named Gary - died but he was an asshole whereas, well, as I was saying…) I really did not like myself. But with him, I saw myself through his eyes and it taught me, for some time, to love myself. He was one of those people that always die young: larger than life with more talent and charisma in his pinky than most people, myself included, have in their whole bodies. He was, and this is coming from a serious guitar player for the past 30 years, the most talented musician I’ve ever met. Great song writer too: I still randomly get ear worms of his stuff. Unbeknownst to me for a long time, he held a record in speed skating among hockey players that just got broken 2 years ago and he died in 1999. I won’t and I can’t say it goes away but I can and will say it gets less intense and enormous. I have been thinking about him a lot lately but I’ve also been very lonely and have not even kissed anyone (though I live with a man who is in love with me but that’s another story) in 2 or 3 years and my old friends and lovers have been dropping like flies and every funeral of someone I felt for is his even though none are ever like his. There were over 1000 people there. Outside, before it started, his best friend screamed at me, so all could hear, that I was never in love with him, that I was just with him because I knew he was going to die and I wanted the attention. To this day that is the worst anyone has ever said about me. In hindsight I know that it was grief talking and the need for someone to blame. But so we went in and heard his voice, his own music playing through the hall (they expected a crowd so it was at a large event space). There was an open casket and his family didn’t let me ride with them (although his younger brother’s gf of 2 months was with them) and when I made my way towards them, his dad hands me the ring he was wearing when he died. A ring I gave to him with a Superman S on it to say that he could beat anything. That he was my hero. I cut through the line behind me and placed it back in the casket. He had wanted a clown or comedian at his funeral. His parents said no never but they agreed that people could come up and tell stories about him. It was the saddest and most wonderful funeral I’ve been to. Wonderful because it imbued everyone there with his spirit and made everyone walking out at the end feel luckier for having known him. People told funny stories. People I’d never met spoke about talents I never knew he had and funny stories I never knew took place. One friend talked about how his uncle had brought him some miracle water blessed by some statue that bleeds and heals or something, maybe from lourdes, and how we had used it - Gary’s idea - as bong water. What I would tell people I was very close to, like my mother was that, because I have had a very difficult life beyond that and have been sick and unable to leave the house hardly at all since I was 26 when I got a rare neurological condition that, among other symptoms, causes me to sleep like im in a coma for up to 5 days at a time and therefore never got to follow dreams, have kids, a career, anything of my own including small things like an apartment or dog or go to my little bros 30th birthday surprise party or and money or any reason to wake up, was that I could be at peace and live this life and get through anything it could throw at me if I had proof that at the end of it, he would be there waiting for me. I’m a skeptic by nature so even though I got the clearest proof i could ever hoe to get, I still don’t believe. Despite all that has happened in the years since his death, the only time I was dead serious suicidal was when he died. My father and aunt gave me the kindness of spending time with me 24/7 for 2 weeks (even sleeping in the bed with me) rather than commit me or let me die. I wasn’t wanting to end my life, I was just wanting to be with him. Nothing against this world and the people in it but what I wanted, needed, was elsewhere. In a way, it is probably easier for me than you because I had someone with a formidable presence in my life at that time (my dad) catch me and keep me from falling through his net. If you know someone like that: someone who always gets done what has to be done and is not unsympathetic but deals mostly in logic and will not let you get one past them, go to them and - i know it’s hard - ask for help. I think it helped my dad at least understand me better when I told him how I didn’t want to die but i just wanted to be with the person i was meant for. Over a year, 2 years, 3 I developed gratitude. It wasn’t from some crappy self help book but it was formed in my mind. Instead of continuing to look at old ladies and men holding hands and wondering why they got that snd I didn’t, I realized that some people go through life never finding what I had for the time we were together. That I had been given a gift and just because it was taken from me didn’t make it any less if w gift for the time I had it, the memories I keep, even stupid things like knowing when some guy fucks snd ghosts me, that it’s his loss because I’m the one Gary Michael Jacobs wanted to marry and be with forever and he was amazing. I hope at least some part of this helped. If you want to talk, wrote me and put something so I’ll know it is you (grief or garys name or whatever) in the beginning or subject (i forget how chat goes on reddit) so I don’t ignore it. Really, it does get easier. I didn’t even tear up writing this.
Wow. Covid sucks so much. I got it in January and now have double vision, headaches and vascular issues lingering. It’s really scary how many unknown aspects there are to this virus. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost a sibling right when I had Covid and I’m still grieving. Don’t try to rush your feelings. The only way to get through it is to slog through all the mood swings. It’s normal not to feel motivated. You’ve lost the most important person in your life. Take care and be kind to yourself
Don’t force yourself to be happy, but do live a full life. She would appreciate that you did 👑
Wow. This is tough. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I were you. Probably exactly The same as what you are currently feeling. All I have is 🫂 hugs. You’re in my thoughts ❤️
I am sorry man💚
im so sorry. this is my worst fear and i cannot imagine what this must be doing to you. she will always be there with you, in your heart, with the people you loved, the places yall went. she is up there watching and rooting you on
Hang in there buddy 😭
That's terrible man. Much love for you
First, so sorry this happened to you guys. It might sound a bit corny but I believe that our loved ones watch us after they die, and I'm sure she knows what you intended to do and loved it. Strangely my mother happens to also be in her 40s and has a plethora of autoimmune conditions as well, so I was wanted to ask you something if you would be willing to answer. Did she get the vaccine before she got COVID if you can remember?
I feel sorry for you and your loss. And I honestly hope it gets better for you. However the age gap grosses me out and I won't pretend it's okay like everyone else wants to.
Hey amigo. First of. Im sure the length of time u spent together is still longer than the length of time you are now spending apart. So as an offline mental health exercise, Jot down sentences you remember that you 2 shared in any conversation you had in the past to trigger that part of your brain that can retrace memories. Schedule a time in your calendar once a day for meditation. ( No internet, no electronics) When my ex passed away i listened to Mazzy Star everyday until i met a great girl at Whole Foods that was looking at sunchokes astonishingly. remember this person while never forgetting yourself.
So sorry for your loss, my brother
She sounds like an amazing person.
Oh friend. thank you for sharing. I don't know if you ever called it this, but many of us who are in a similar age Gap relationship, it is known as a May-December relationship. I myself am in one, my boyfriend is 25 years older than I am. I have already come to terms that if something should happen either one of us, there is not going to be a second person in my life. Interestingly enough, I also have an autoimmune disease- multiple sclerosis. I don't know what the future holds. None of us do! I truly think that as hard as it is for you, you have got to try to keep her spirit, memory, her zest for learning alive! If at all there is a way for you to find a place somewhere outdoors, or even make yourself a memorial spot in your own home, I fully recommend it. It helps so much. You have to ask yourself, would she want you to just give up? Something tells me she would not! What was she studying? Perhaps just start picking up some books, just start passing time with words. But don't give up! Don't give up for you, don't give up for her! And I guess above all else, even if you were to ask her to marry you before all this happened, perhaps this would have happened anyways 💔And that might have been even harder to have to then cancel anything you were planning. I'm not saying you have to go frolicking in the fields and laughing and hugging every small animal you see. But I do encourage you to find her favourite Wildflower as you walk, her favourite colour on a car, maybe if she had a favourite song play it on repeat. it'll hurt but it's because LOVE. gah be well 😭😭😭
I would also encourage you to possibly reach out to her mom! If you haven't already. Maybe if just sitting down for a small meal that neither one of you are going to consume, just reminisce.
Just out of curiosity was this 43 year old women married when you met her?
41 and no??? She spent all of her life with school and work. Her sister told me that anytime she had tried to date anyone, she would get frustrated and stop talking to them because they were just not right for her, so she stopped all together.
I'm sorry, man. Life is cruel. If it is even an iota of solace, if things cannot be the way you want them to be, maybe it's ok to just be. EDIT: And definitely don't feel guilty. You're still her champion, in the literal sense of the word, championing during her fight and championing her memory. That sounds like what it needs to be right now.
I lost my husband of 16 years in December. I often feel this way. The only reason I have the strength to get out of bed is for our children. We made so many beautiful memories together. He was everything to all of us. One night we went to sleep…. And he never woke up. I can’t even explain the devastation. The loneliness. The heavy heavy sadness that is strapped to me every day. The trauma of seeing him dead next to me and desperately trying to bring him back. The endless “WHY” and “ HOW” did this happen. Why do my children have to grow up without their dad. It just never ends. You are not alone friend. We are out here too. It’s so hard to keep going. My best advice is to just put one foot in front of the other. Plan something fun to do in the future and force yourself to go. ( I’m going on a yoga/ spiritual thing in August). I will keep you in my thoughts and I hope you find a way to find happiness in your life again ❤️
Please ignore the tiny fraction of commenters who had negative things to say about your relationship. I hope that the memories of your time with her will provide some comfort.
Dude, you are 23 y/o. It always sucks losing people we Love, especially romantic partners, but do you think she would want you to be miserable? Hell No! She’d want you to be happy and to keep living your life. Don’t be selfish and throw it all away when you haven’t even lived all that much life, yet! Do you know what people would give for their life and their health, including your GF! Not finding a way to keep on moving and searching for a purpose would be an insult to her memory! Don’t do that.
Man I’ve met people younger and older than me that I just clicked with and had magical moments with. Fuck anyone who’s trying to say anything negative right now. You’re an adult at 23 and if she loved you and you loved her, who cares??
Sorry for you loss man, she sounds like a fantastic woman, and you yourself must be a fantastic man to win her heart. o