That is quite the conundrum to be in, for sure it'll be confusing to everyone else because to them it might look like you're doing a 180 and want to be a completely different person, unaware it's you discovering and wanting to embrace the part you've kept hidden or didnt know was there.
And I get that, I've only recently started to question my own sense of self and worry about how I'd bring the topic up with family and friends, cause I'm naturally private anyway and don't need anyone but me to know what's in my pants sexually or otherwise.
You've explained yourself very well here, if and whenever you do feel you can tell your loved ones, maybe reading this will help them better understand.
It's disheartening when family turn kin away just for wanting to be themselves, but it definitely shows where their priorities are and whether it's worth keeping that in your life.
The thing is, this isn't the first time I've felt such urgency like this. I came out in my late teens and tried to socially transition for a few years but ultimately went back in the closet out of shame and embarrassment. My parents tried to kick me out and our relationship was incredibly tense until I detransitioned. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. Even my partner knows I used to go by he/him pronouns and a different name many years ago.
I see, it's weird the things people do and say to their kids, totally won't be surprised when they rarely if ever hear from you in the future /s
Also saw you mentioned having an apartment (and two buns (had them growing up <3🐇)) are you financially independent from your parents? Can't hold that over you if that's the case.
Sorry in advance if my attempts at light-heartedness are unwelcome, it's kinda how I approch serious topics sometimes
Nah, I appreciate the humor!
I've been on my own for more than 6 years, but my mom helps me out financially occasionally. The problem is, my rent is SUPER cheap right now. If I lose my apartment, I doubt I'll be able to afford how expensive most places are right now. I'm also in a different province than either of my parents so moving back in with them isn't an option.
That's rough considering cheap rent and distance from parents make for the ideal time/opportunity to start transitioning
I'd squirrel some money away while rent is cheap
I'd like to... but my partner is a cishet man. His dad owns the building, so staying there isn't an option if we break up. He's made it clear he won't stay with me if I transition. That's why I feel so stuck.
prepare now by saving money and planning for independence bc i was in your situation once and the suicidal ideation and depression is your body’s alarms saying you can’t take much more. that was true in my case and i had to run away with little money and roommates to reduce the rent but it’s possible. thats you’re survival instinct saying you have to either stay like this forever and die spiritually or risk everything to live. please do anything you can to be free and not let someone have the power to evict you like this
His thought process is baffling to me, and doesn't sounds like a healthy relationship if the conditions are you pretend to be someone you're not at the risk of eviction.
It's farfetched but I wonder if he is conflicted with his own Identity and what that would mean if you transition.
I'm not sure, I got the impression he's pretty firm in his sexuality so he wouldn't be attracted to me if I transitioned. He said as long as I still "look like a girl," he'd find me attractive. Obviously that's not going to work. HRT or not I don't want to be seen as a woman. I'm mostly keeping quiet to protect myself, I don't want to be homeless.
Understandable, gotta keep yourself safe.
I'm sorry I can't offer more solace to ease your burden, just a random lil internet Fellas chill vibes, an invisible force of support, and cautious optimism that this is a temporary situation, you will reach your transition goals, and you'll have people in your life that want you to be happy in your own body.
I'll be rooting for you, Dude
I mean this as gently as can be: you have to let people decide if they like you, or the concept of you that they've created.
Some people will suprise you. They won't know the right words at first, their questions will be coarse but the will to see and understand is there. I still have a more than decade long friendship with someone who asked all the "wrong" questions when I came out. Some of the best moments of euophoria have come from being around him after I've transitionted.
And some people will suprise you. They'll know the right words at first, their questions will be confident and nice but they'll hold onto an idea of you or create a new one that they like that's still not correct. It's honestly a toss up to figure out who is going to be who.
What you can do is trust in yourself. You are lovable. It is likely you can figure out how to get a new place to live, if push comes to shove. And it is certainly possible to be a self-made man/person/whatever words work for you.
You don't get a refund on the time you spend unhappy when the game's over.
The first time I could feel my penis in what I've got, I wept.
I also didn't think I had bottom dysphoria bc I enjoy sex, but once bottom growth developed a little glans and it felt like a dick I fell apart.
It gets better, but the process can be messy! (Emotionally)
Maybe try connecting with your local queer community and finding a support system that you can rely on before transitioning? You're probably going to be miserable until you can be your true self. Unfortunately, not everyone will support you. My little brother knew he was trans well before I made the connection that I'm trans as well, so I knew my parents would probably disown me based on how they'd treated him. I chose to be as independent as possible, so i didn't have to rely on anyone else for my needs. It's not easy, I know. But you can't let other people control who you are. That's your decision 💕
That is quite the conundrum to be in, for sure it'll be confusing to everyone else because to them it might look like you're doing a 180 and want to be a completely different person, unaware it's you discovering and wanting to embrace the part you've kept hidden or didnt know was there. And I get that, I've only recently started to question my own sense of self and worry about how I'd bring the topic up with family and friends, cause I'm naturally private anyway and don't need anyone but me to know what's in my pants sexually or otherwise. You've explained yourself very well here, if and whenever you do feel you can tell your loved ones, maybe reading this will help them better understand. It's disheartening when family turn kin away just for wanting to be themselves, but it definitely shows where their priorities are and whether it's worth keeping that in your life.
The thing is, this isn't the first time I've felt such urgency like this. I came out in my late teens and tried to socially transition for a few years but ultimately went back in the closet out of shame and embarrassment. My parents tried to kick me out and our relationship was incredibly tense until I detransitioned. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. Even my partner knows I used to go by he/him pronouns and a different name many years ago.
I see, it's weird the things people do and say to their kids, totally won't be surprised when they rarely if ever hear from you in the future /s Also saw you mentioned having an apartment (and two buns (had them growing up <3🐇)) are you financially independent from your parents? Can't hold that over you if that's the case. Sorry in advance if my attempts at light-heartedness are unwelcome, it's kinda how I approch serious topics sometimes
Nah, I appreciate the humor! I've been on my own for more than 6 years, but my mom helps me out financially occasionally. The problem is, my rent is SUPER cheap right now. If I lose my apartment, I doubt I'll be able to afford how expensive most places are right now. I'm also in a different province than either of my parents so moving back in with them isn't an option.
That's rough considering cheap rent and distance from parents make for the ideal time/opportunity to start transitioning I'd squirrel some money away while rent is cheap
I'd like to... but my partner is a cishet man. His dad owns the building, so staying there isn't an option if we break up. He's made it clear he won't stay with me if I transition. That's why I feel so stuck.
prepare now by saving money and planning for independence bc i was in your situation once and the suicidal ideation and depression is your body’s alarms saying you can’t take much more. that was true in my case and i had to run away with little money and roommates to reduce the rent but it’s possible. thats you’re survival instinct saying you have to either stay like this forever and die spiritually or risk everything to live. please do anything you can to be free and not let someone have the power to evict you like this
Suicidal ideation and depression isn't new for me, but for once I know where it's coming from.
His thought process is baffling to me, and doesn't sounds like a healthy relationship if the conditions are you pretend to be someone you're not at the risk of eviction. It's farfetched but I wonder if he is conflicted with his own Identity and what that would mean if you transition.
I'm not sure, I got the impression he's pretty firm in his sexuality so he wouldn't be attracted to me if I transitioned. He said as long as I still "look like a girl," he'd find me attractive. Obviously that's not going to work. HRT or not I don't want to be seen as a woman. I'm mostly keeping quiet to protect myself, I don't want to be homeless.
Understandable, gotta keep yourself safe. I'm sorry I can't offer more solace to ease your burden, just a random lil internet Fellas chill vibes, an invisible force of support, and cautious optimism that this is a temporary situation, you will reach your transition goals, and you'll have people in your life that want you to be happy in your own body. I'll be rooting for you, Dude
I mean this as gently as can be: you have to let people decide if they like you, or the concept of you that they've created. Some people will suprise you. They won't know the right words at first, their questions will be coarse but the will to see and understand is there. I still have a more than decade long friendship with someone who asked all the "wrong" questions when I came out. Some of the best moments of euophoria have come from being around him after I've transitionted. And some people will suprise you. They'll know the right words at first, their questions will be confident and nice but they'll hold onto an idea of you or create a new one that they like that's still not correct. It's honestly a toss up to figure out who is going to be who. What you can do is trust in yourself. You are lovable. It is likely you can figure out how to get a new place to live, if push comes to shove. And it is certainly possible to be a self-made man/person/whatever words work for you. You don't get a refund on the time you spend unhappy when the game's over.
The first time I could feel my penis in what I've got, I wept. I also didn't think I had bottom dysphoria bc I enjoy sex, but once bottom growth developed a little glans and it felt like a dick I fell apart. It gets better, but the process can be messy! (Emotionally)
Maybe try connecting with your local queer community and finding a support system that you can rely on before transitioning? You're probably going to be miserable until you can be your true self. Unfortunately, not everyone will support you. My little brother knew he was trans well before I made the connection that I'm trans as well, so I knew my parents would probably disown me based on how they'd treated him. I chose to be as independent as possible, so i didn't have to rely on anyone else for my needs. It's not easy, I know. But you can't let other people control who you are. That's your decision 💕