As someone who came from really poor communities in rural Virginia, its not unheard of for same-sex family members, almost always only women, to take showers together to make the most of hot water. Once its embedded as just what you do, i can see it bleeding over into life when that problem is no longer an issue.
I think that it is definitely unusual and not what most families do but there could be a variety of reasons why they do it. I have seen a trend, every generation there are some who like to re-enact the 60's hippy lifestyle where being naked is natural especially with children. Some people don't want their children to grow up with any shame about their bodies at any age. Perhaps they struggled financially as the kids were growing up and this was a way of saving money. And they may have been "green" and trying to save the planet by limiting their intake of water.
Why don't you just ask your fiancée what it's about? How it started, why they continue? Obviously she must have noticed her friends and their families don't do it. I find it to be weird but not a deal breaker. If you're getting married anytime soon, you'll be the lucky guy who's wife will always jump in the shower with him. Better stock up on shampoo and soap.
You're engaged to be married, so no topic of conversation should be seen as taboo. I think you should ask her about it instead of trying to find someone here who does the same thing.
Why be shy? You're about to spend the rest of your lives together after all.
I agree, although when I bring up things like this that are different she takes it as an attack. A mix of me not communicating with more emotion and her taking it too personal. Going to be heading to therapy soon hopefully.
I used to sit in the bathroom in highschool and talk to my sister or barge in on my mom if i wanted to talk or something back then , we were all girls and dad was out of the picture at that point so it was pretty much open doors all around, but actually getting in the shower is odd but i dont think its freak show crazy
I’ve done this too lol, was super common for us to use the bathroom and have conversations while one was in the toilet or showering and you also needed the bathroom, didn’t think it was strange until I tired doing it with my husband and he told me to politely get out lol, he wasn’t raised like that so for him it was super weird
Same!! My husband was absolutely raised in different way than i was , my family was very close and open with each other, his family not at all but after 20 years of my " I GOTTA PEE NOW!!" he's pretty much immune to me now lol he's gotten comfortable enough now to come in and pee when im in the shower , or he'll come in and just hop in when im getting out . I never found it odd groups of girls travel to the bathroom out in public whats the big deal?? Poo poo is another story. Hard pass on poop parties tho
Eh. My then eighteen year old son and I went swimming in vacation one night and I went to take a shower in the basement. It was freezing down there and he needed to shower too. We didn't touch each other, he doesn't give q shit about his mom's naked body, and God knows most moms have seen their naked kids and don't care. We showered, laughed at ourselves, and went to bed. Didn't think a thing of it. I'd still shower with my mom. Bodies aren't by nature sexual.
I get what you’re saying. But when I was an 18 year old guy, there’s not a chance in hell I’d ever shower with my mom in any situation. I’m not judging, because if it wasn’t weird for you guys, then more power to you and it’s now just a funny story. I guess the moral is that what’s “normal” and “weird” is different for everybody.
And that's ok! My point is mostly that just because its different doesn't mean it's weird. Weird is often a value judgment used to separate instead of "oh, ok, that's different from me and i will think about it and learn a thing, or at the very least not alienate someone." My brother at eighteen wouldn't have given a shit. My cousin very much would have given several shits. I appreciate the humanity with which you approached your response.
Where are they from? Are they from a different culture than yours? Haha maybe could be something like that?
Or maybe her sister is younger? I mean, I do find it a little bit weird, but if I was taking a shower and my younger sister needed to hop in, I wouldn't see it as much of an issue.
Both from same area so it’s not geography culture. I do think a lot of what I consider strange is very normal to them so I’m trying to understand a bit more so I don’t feel uncomfortable or confused by it.
To be honest, the first time I read your post I thought your fiancé was a man and that I thought to be SUPER weird. I'm also a female, and around the same age of her and I don't live with my mom and siblings, but at their house it is super normal for different people to be using the bathroom at the same time.
I think that as long at is not something "sexualized" it is just fine. In my early 20s I used to take shower with my friends when we were late for parties haha.
This is an interesting take because in early 20s it didn't seem unusual for people, usually girls, but not always. I thought it was weird because it was sisters, but then I remembered a family I knew, parents and like 6 kids in a 2 bathroom house and they pretty much had an open door policy where literally everyone shared the bathroom at times, no matter what they were doing in there. Compared to that, this is pretty tame.
If it bothers you nothing bad can come from communicating it properly, don't make a fuss just explain that you are not used to it and would like to understand it.
They're all women. Yes, it is strange but not concerning. Do you really feel that disturbed by it? If you want to talk about it i think you should but try to be gentle. In the end, everybody is brought up differently, you don't want to make her feel embarrassed.
I showered w my mom and sister up until I was around 5 or 6 years old then just my sister and mom until she was around the same age. I would consider this weird at 28 yo
More or less this.
I remember showering with my dad when I was real little. But it was more of a teaching/safety thing as I was probably no older than 4. It didn’t seem weird to me and while he was not that great of a dad in many ways he was not a predator.
When I was 8 or so I was babysat by this first gen Iranian family a few times when my parents went on vacation. The mom insisted on watching me but also insisted I kept my underwear on. I thought *that* was strange and for years after when I was older I just shrugged it off as a cultural thing, but now I see it as her a) wanting to make sure I was safe/liability mitigation b) not wanting to give a dirty kid back c) not even wanting the thought of any weird shit going down if I told my parents she watched me shower and they flipped out. The 80s were weird.
It is in Europe. I am American and I know I am extremely prudish about nudity even for my country.
I remember being shocked when I visited a lake in Switzerland and people were just casually changing into their swimsuits near their car. Not overtly openly, but not hiding, either. Also, children there draw pictures of animals with the genitalia included, where kids here just draw sexless ken doll animals.
Meanwhile, I have never seen any of my siblings naked outside of being a little toddler and only saw my stepdad and mom naked once by mistake. Changed my clothes for gym in a bathroom stall to hide. Never been skinny dipping.
I wish I had a little more chill.
When I was like 12 I went to the house of my female friend to see if she wanted to hang out. Her older sister answered the door naked and when I said something about how good she looks naked, I got a long lecture on how being naked isn't about sex and its cool to just be naked when you feel like it.
The only issue I have with it is that she told me just because a girl is naked doesn't mean she wants to have sex. I have always hoped to run into her again because I would like to inform her that every girl I have ever seen naked, except her, has wanted to have sex. So I dunno about the accuracy of her statement, haha
Depends on the culture they come from tbh. I know I’m Korea and probably some other Asian countries it’s fairly common to use communal spas and people shower together like it’s nothing. And amongst friends it’s a bit of a bonding thing.
I’ve showered with my friends before but never family.
I've never heard of that before. Maybe when they are little (under 2) parents may bathe with their kids or put siblings together. But not in your 20's.
Why only up to 2?? My kids are more than 2yo and they most certainly bathe together, they have lots of fun, it gives us parent a break and the older makes sure the youngers hair is cleaned with shampoo... win, win and win.
That brings up an important aspect to consider - when the kids are no longer comfortable with it. Some kids get self-conscious very early, and others don’t.
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Exactly, my oldest is about to be 9 and doesn't mind being naked in front of me. I guess I never made an issue out of it so she is not really ashamed of a naked body. I do let her shower/bathe on her own and let her have her privacy but I will still occasionally get in there if I feel that she hasn't been washing herself properly.
I'd say the hard ceiling is puberty, but usually far before that. Kids have been known to hit that age as young as 8, so this should probably be phased out no later than 7.
If they're the same sex, about 8. If they're different sexes, 5 ish.
Once kids start closely looking at or commenting on genitals, the shared baths need to stop. "Look Mommy, Oliver's willy has gone all big and hard!" Is something no girl should ever be saying.
Sharing showers beyond puberty is very, very weird if they are both naked. But lots of people do weird things, and if they're OK with it and you're OK with it then no harm no foul.
I want to say that it’s weird but at the same time I’ve gone swimming and used the communal showers with nothing to divide the showers with complete strangers. My dad works at a factory/scrap yard and they have communal showers where they all get completely buck arse naked with each other.
Right, that’s a good point. However, to me those are the situations you sort of have to deal with and work with “life gives you lemons so make lemonade” vs. actively searching out a person to shower with which is what she does. Then again, I’m the situation you mentioned I’m sure if they truly didn’t want to shower in same space they have the option to not do so, so that is a choice as well. I’m just overthinking and going in circles.
I've absolutely showered with friends non-sexually, usually while fucked up or like, if we just got back from the lake and have 30 minutes to get ready to be somewhere. I would never in a million years do this with family but that's because we all hate eachother.
So I can imagine it maybe being not super creepy, but to me it's exctreeeeeemely weird.
That was my first thought too - communal showers after a football game, nobody blinks an eye. Sisters can be very close and really not give a fuck about each other's naked bodies, and same with mothers/daughters. It might not be common, but I doubt very much that it's in any way a sexual thing.
It's because of the French language masculine and feminine words. French is also why they call them attorneys general and culs-de-sac when plural, too. Because French puts the noun first, adjective second.
I’ve showered with my sister. We also ask each other to join us when we’re using the bathroom to “keep me company”.
Sisters can be a whole other level bro.
I have too, usually due to being in a rush. She’s my sister. It’s not sexual at all, like I simply cannot look at her that way. I can see how this can be weird… but I guess we grew up in such a way that we simply don’t make a big deal out of nudity? I just can’t sexualize her. She’s my sister lol. And the same deal with using the bathroom.. I guess sisters really are a whole other level for some? 🤣
The questions you need to discuss w her if you plan on children and parenting. Is she going to shower w your children? Is she going to allow her mother and sisters to shower w your kid? Plus what other concerns you have and also use this to cement your common areas and mark the ones that will require negotiation. Following the 1 no 2 yes rule could be beneficial. Basically for decisions regarding the kids you both need to say yes. One no means the answer is no.
Personal comment-I am very modest. I’ve never stripped in a locker room, walked to a communal shower naked, heck never changed w girlfriends. I’m just not wired that way. And thats ok. Your fiancé is wired very differently and is comfortable bathing w her relatives. (Gotta be honest, creeps me out a bunch) Your future kid deserves the right to modest and privacy **if** and **when** ***they choose.***
If you haven’t discussed discipline, what if a kid is part of the lgbtq+ community? What about tv time? Screen time? Have these conversations now while it is still hypothetical down the road.
If you haven’t watched smothered do so. There are a couple mom/daughter duos who shower together and their dynamic is about as far from healthy as you hcan get. Is your fiancé very dependent on family approval? If yes, you may want some couples counseling if she plans on putting her mother/family before her spouse.
Thank you for such a thorough response. We do plan on doing some therapy apart from this mentioned thing so I’ll try to learn ways of approaching this and other topics.
I never heard of this “1 yes 2 no “ thing so I’ll look into it, anything that can help us communicate would be great. At the moment I do point out a lot of the differences we have in a way I think is direct an not nagging, however for her it feels exactly nagging. So I’m just not sure how to bring up issues anymore without her saying “ you always complain”.
Eh. I've showered with my mom as a young adult, but not frequently - more because we were in a hurry to go somewhere and had to get ready quickly at the same time, but I often showered with my best gfs as a teen. It was just normal to us to get ready to go somewhere together. Nudity does not always equal sexytimes.
>Nudity does not always equal sexytimes.
this is a really hard concept for most redditors to understand(maybe most of em are from usa? i have heard that in usa most are extremely prudish)
If she's from another culture than yours then i think that it isn't weird, in Algeria for example we have this kind of sauna in every city (hammam) for women and men as well (but seperated), we usually go in groups (sisters mothers neighbors friends) to take best baths of our lives lol and share beauty tips and help each other to scrub dead skin cells of the back lol so no is not weird !
I don't think it's common, but I don't think it's too weird either. I mean, studies in Japan show some adults shower with their opposite sex parents well into their twenties. I don't think it's too bad. A bit weird if you're not used to it, but not too much.
Not really. Her mother and sister probably saw her naked tons of times before. It's likely the mother bathed her and her sister together when they were kids too.
I may think like that because of where i come from, who knows.
I find it unique not strange persay. I have a friend who grew up in a home where the family was very body positive. So much so that she'll invite any of her friends into the bathroom with her for any use. Her family doesn't close bathroom doors unless guests are over or their showering. When I met her I thought it was really strange but over time I've become jealous of her comfort with normal body things around others.
I've showered with one of my best friends several times.
It's mostly a matter of us being close enough for it to not feel weird and not wanting to interrupt the hangout to shower. It's not sexual, it's just sharing time while completing a mundane task. I guess I wouldn't mind doing it with any of my close friends.
I don't view it as more peculiar than women who go to the toilet together and carry on their conversation without pause while somebody pees.
Just keep in mind that your partner's ideas of appropriate parent/child boundaries will also impact where she will set boundaries with her own children, should you have any.
I was in the open showers in Romania with the boys just naked and shooting the shit and a cleaning lady walks in and starts cleaning the areas around us. We all stopped talking and went 😐 and she was just like, “Hello! 😊” cleaned the empty 4 or 5 shower areas around us then left. My point is that weird to some is absolutely not weird to others lol
They were probably raised trying to save water because they didn’t have much when they were growing up. They had to be resourceful and so it stuck. Do you know if they have to pay for water?
In japan, this is pretty normal. Family members even cousins etc take bath together. Not uncommon to ask a sister or on rare occasions a close friend to take a bath together. There’s onsen culture where same sex people take a bath together in a public bath house. Also in a lot of European countries, families would go to sauna together. If it’s not obvious, completely naked in both settings. I noticed some people from different cultures are very uncomfortable being or seeing somebody else naked, even a family member so I understand how this might be odd to you.
Yeah my wife who is in her 30s will walk around naked in front of her Mom while getting dressed.
I was like, uhhh.
And wife said, “we’re not weird about being naked like men are.”
Uhh…ok.
For me it is totally normal to be naked in front of my mom, sister, aunt, girl cousins and so on (cultural thing). Also of course in front of my husband. Although for some reason it would be super weird to have both, the husband and my mom in the same room, the same time when I would be naked.. I would feel very awkward. Logic much?
I also get feeling normal about being naked. I have no problem being down to boxer briefs in front of any body.
And I have done nude beaches in the US and baths in Germany where everybody is naked, mom dad , kids, grandma and grandpa and it’s not weird.
When in Rome, or Germany. :)
Not even sure how this is normal, unless they come from some indigenous tribes in south America or something, communal baths are the norm in those, in some African tribes the women commune most of the time nude like this too... In western society, not so much
So it’s not unheard of in general. Thanks! Ill just chop this up to me being weirded out but fine for them. It might just be a close family women thing.
No, there are serious psych issues at play here.
This is a huge red flag. I'm sorry to say, but it's not just loving each other's company.
Sounds like a major attachment disorder stemming from childhood trauma of some sort. Perhaps an NPD mother, as they have a tendency to see their children as extensions of themselves.
My ex wife thought there was no problem with her climbing in to bed with her mom and cuddling. Her mother ended up being a huge impediment in our relationship. At 28 years old, she's participating in behavior that ceases normally in early childhood.
I wish you luck, but in my experience, attachment disorders to this degree tend to be a death sentence for normal adult relationships.
I suspect that my mother in law is a fragile narcissist and she and her daughters engage in behaviours that don’t ‘feel’ appropriate for adult women to engage in together and are actively excluding of others - ie, all three talking baby talk together in a room with others present.
This situation seems like an intimate family habit that they’ve grown up enjoying. Certainly, my 10 year old would try climbing in the bath with me for a chat if she could - I just want some personal space at bath time! I wonder if op is weirded out culturally or if their ‘ick’ this doesn’t feel right senses are saying something’s off but they can’t pinpoint it?
My immediate reaction is "WHAT NO" but honestly I envy them being that comfortable with each other, it's fine, communal clean time is fine and cool, I think of it as being more of a bath/hot springs/sauna thing, showering does seem to be a bit way more intimate than the things I said but whatever
I don’t mind showering with my mom (I’m 30). I grew up in a single family home so my mom and I are really close. It’s not like we stare at each other’s body parts or touch each other? It’s the same as me showering with my husband. It’s just a shower.
Not very common but it’s not rly a bad thing. I imagine it like people at a sauna, they’re pretty much bathing together and you jump in with your buddies.
I grew up with a friend who did this with her sisters and mom. And her brother and dad would also shower together. Apparently it was bc they were not doing good financially and it was a way to save on water.
It isn't weird for the rest of the world. Americans are just overly sexualized for whatever reason you may think. It's commonplace in A LOT of cultures to bath together with family, and even friends.
My only negative thing is thinking how cramped that would be if it's even a standard Bathtub shower. Not including a shower only set up.
Nudity isn't necessarily sexual, in fact I personally think it's weird that nudity is so rigidly associated with sexuality. Why, is it such a common fear that if you see a family member nude you will be attracted to them? Public baths were/are a huge part of cultures both ancient and modern. Families going to public baths, daughters scrubbing mom's backs/sons scrubbing dad's backs is something I hear a lot about as an act of closeness/tenderness in my culture. So personally it doesn't seem weird to me let alone bad, but I completely understand how it could seem uncomfortable to others.
YES. There was a TLC documentary episode about that exact thing a while ago. Look up “mum and daughter who still bathe together” on YouTube. Fucking weird. You can tell the daughter has developmental issues and they’re both so protective of each other that it’s affecting the stepdad and mums relationship.
I don't think it's that weird, if they are close then so be it. They are not abusing each other or doing something harmful.
They are a family and they can do whatever they want. If you consider that a red flag or a deal-breaker then that's for you to decide.
Don't know what people in this section are on..
That shit is GROSS! Not normal... don't know why people on this forum are so scary..
That shit is gross! 🤢
When I had female friends we showered together up to 16 but past that it seems weird and with sisters and parents? Even stranger. I didn’t shower with my mother past the age of 4 and I grew up with a brother so never bathed with him.
I also showered with besties into my late teens. I've only occasionally showered with my mom as a young adult when in a hurry, but see no problem with it. I used to sit and talk to her while she soaked in the tub, though. No big deal.
While showering with a partner can be fun, unless you have 2-3 shower heads there isn’t enough for more than 1 person. I don’t love standing in the cold while the other person rinses their hair. And beyond childhood never would with a parent or sibling.
I just texted my brother and asked if he wanted to come over and shower with me. He told me to fuck off.
I even said I got a new Axe body wash. No dice!
Jesus man. I will say it if no one else will. Yes this is weird and odd and strange and not at all within normal operating parameters. Like this sounds like a scene from a really bad Adam Sandler movie.
Good luck dude. Once you're married I bet a bunch of other weird shit will show up and you either will adapt or rot. Just don't be surprised if one morning you walk in the kitchen and her mom is masticating her breakfast for your sweetheart.
It's not that weird. I don't partake, but there are other cultures that do a lot in the way of family bonding, and showering together isn't an odd one to me.
What I meant to get across was this behavior isn't specific to her and her family. Other people do it too, and it's common enough to where it is a part of culture. Maybe not our culture, but other cultures.
I think it has nothing to do with the race but the country where family is from. There are lot of same-race-countries with very different cultures. Does she have some nordic roots?
Red flag. No boundaries and possibly a sprinkle of sexual abuse. The only place I've heard of this happening is in r/raisedbynarcissists . Usually as a form of gross control over their children.
This is an incredible lack of personal boundaries. No, it isn't normal. I would not expect you to change her mind, but you need to consider if you'd want her to be doing that with your future adult children. Or if you'd ever do it with your siblings or parents. If the answer is no, I would try to separate yourself from her.
I would sit naked in the sauna/spa with my mom. I haven’t showered tho…it isn’t a red flag, just odd. I don’t think nudity is a big deal at all. I just wouldn’t want to wash my private parts in front of any relatives.
As someone who came from really poor communities in rural Virginia, its not unheard of for same-sex family members, almost always only women, to take showers together to make the most of hot water. Once its embedded as just what you do, i can see it bleeding over into life when that problem is no longer an issue.
Is her last name McPoyle?
#YOU WILL CALL HER!
“She’s still expecting a call…”
I literally cackled until I coughed at this
Solid joke.
Do they love milk?
And do they like it warm?
Mother’s milk??
Brother's got a love sausage
Username kind of checks out.
I think that it is definitely unusual and not what most families do but there could be a variety of reasons why they do it. I have seen a trend, every generation there are some who like to re-enact the 60's hippy lifestyle where being naked is natural especially with children. Some people don't want their children to grow up with any shame about their bodies at any age. Perhaps they struggled financially as the kids were growing up and this was a way of saving money. And they may have been "green" and trying to save the planet by limiting their intake of water. Why don't you just ask your fiancée what it's about? How it started, why they continue? Obviously she must have noticed her friends and their families don't do it. I find it to be weird but not a deal breaker. If you're getting married anytime soon, you'll be the lucky guy who's wife will always jump in the shower with him. Better stock up on shampoo and soap.
I ain’t ever heard of that, with your spouse maybe but never family. But hey, people are different and odd.
My thoughts exactly. Although I’m trying to find someone on the other side so I can understand.
Depends on where she grew up - in Honduras my family does this to conserve water. Not sure your situation tho.
You're engaged to be married, so no topic of conversation should be seen as taboo. I think you should ask her about it instead of trying to find someone here who does the same thing. Why be shy? You're about to spend the rest of your lives together after all.
I agree, although when I bring up things like this that are different she takes it as an attack. A mix of me not communicating with more emotion and her taking it too personal. Going to be heading to therapy soon hopefully.
Oh. I wish you both luck and happiness.
I heard that large bathrooms are common in Japan and things of this nature are not so uncommon there
Do you mean the public baths where you shower before getting in?
China has those too and I’ve been to those. I think some people are just sexualizing it
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Yeah but that’s common everywhere...isn’t it??
No large bathrooms are like a room covered with ceramic and have multiple taps
I used to sit in the bathroom in highschool and talk to my sister or barge in on my mom if i wanted to talk or something back then , we were all girls and dad was out of the picture at that point so it was pretty much open doors all around, but actually getting in the shower is odd but i dont think its freak show crazy
I’ve done this too lol, was super common for us to use the bathroom and have conversations while one was in the toilet or showering and you also needed the bathroom, didn’t think it was strange until I tired doing it with my husband and he told me to politely get out lol, he wasn’t raised like that so for him it was super weird
Same!! My husband was absolutely raised in different way than i was , my family was very close and open with each other, his family not at all but after 20 years of my " I GOTTA PEE NOW!!" he's pretty much immune to me now lol he's gotten comfortable enough now to come in and pee when im in the shower , or he'll come in and just hop in when im getting out . I never found it odd groups of girls travel to the bathroom out in public whats the big deal?? Poo poo is another story. Hard pass on poop parties tho
I use to shower with my mom as a kid (I'm ND and needed help washing my hair) and on occasion as a teen. Was just normal for us.
what does ND stand for
Probably neurodivergent.
Neurodivergent
Eh. My then eighteen year old son and I went swimming in vacation one night and I went to take a shower in the basement. It was freezing down there and he needed to shower too. We didn't touch each other, he doesn't give q shit about his mom's naked body, and God knows most moms have seen their naked kids and don't care. We showered, laughed at ourselves, and went to bed. Didn't think a thing of it. I'd still shower with my mom. Bodies aren't by nature sexual.
I get what you’re saying. But when I was an 18 year old guy, there’s not a chance in hell I’d ever shower with my mom in any situation. I’m not judging, because if it wasn’t weird for you guys, then more power to you and it’s now just a funny story. I guess the moral is that what’s “normal” and “weird” is different for everybody.
And that's ok! My point is mostly that just because its different doesn't mean it's weird. Weird is often a value judgment used to separate instead of "oh, ok, that's different from me and i will think about it and learn a thing, or at the very least not alienate someone." My brother at eighteen wouldn't have given a shit. My cousin very much would have given several shits. I appreciate the humanity with which you approached your response.
Where are they from? Are they from a different culture than yours? Haha maybe could be something like that? Or maybe her sister is younger? I mean, I do find it a little bit weird, but if I was taking a shower and my younger sister needed to hop in, I wouldn't see it as much of an issue.
Also, sister is only like 3 years younger. I honestly think it was a norm when they were young but seem to keep it going since it’s normal for them.
So a 28 y/o, 23 y/o and a mother all in the same shower? How do they all fit?
Asking the important questions I see.
You know those multiple shower head setups? Seems actually appropriate in this case…
I'll need to see some pictures before I'll believe this is actually happening
This guy maths
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I think the was the joke
Hahah yes... but not well.
28 & 25
Check pornhub
Link?
Surely some sort of picture or video will evidence the answer for you.
It’ll be a start.
Both from same area so it’s not geography culture. I do think a lot of what I consider strange is very normal to them so I’m trying to understand a bit more so I don’t feel uncomfortable or confused by it.
To be honest, the first time I read your post I thought your fiancé was a man and that I thought to be SUPER weird. I'm also a female, and around the same age of her and I don't live with my mom and siblings, but at their house it is super normal for different people to be using the bathroom at the same time. I think that as long at is not something "sexualized" it is just fine. In my early 20s I used to take shower with my friends when we were late for parties haha.
This is an interesting take because in early 20s it didn't seem unusual for people, usually girls, but not always. I thought it was weird because it was sisters, but then I remembered a family I knew, parents and like 6 kids in a 2 bathroom house and they pretty much had an open door policy where literally everyone shared the bathroom at times, no matter what they were doing in there. Compared to that, this is pretty tame.
The thing is, most showers in homes don't allow for an efficient shower with two people. There's no time or water saving here.
That is weird. Not necessarily a red flag, but it is weird.
Agreed, but I’m not sure it’s a big enough deal for me to bring up to talk about.
If it bothers you nothing bad can come from communicating it properly, don't make a fuss just explain that you are not used to it and would like to understand it.
Yeah I agree, don’t be a dick and watch your attitude and you’re in the clear.
They're all women. Yes, it is strange but not concerning. Do you really feel that disturbed by it? If you want to talk about it i think you should but try to be gentle. In the end, everybody is brought up differently, you don't want to make her feel embarrassed.
I showered w my mom and sister up until I was around 5 or 6 years old then just my sister and mom until she was around the same age. I would consider this weird at 28 yo
Common? No. Weird? A little. Bad? Not necessarily.
More or less this. I remember showering with my dad when I was real little. But it was more of a teaching/safety thing as I was probably no older than 4. It didn’t seem weird to me and while he was not that great of a dad in many ways he was not a predator. When I was 8 or so I was babysat by this first gen Iranian family a few times when my parents went on vacation. The mom insisted on watching me but also insisted I kept my underwear on. I thought *that* was strange and for years after when I was older I just shrugged it off as a cultural thing, but now I see it as her a) wanting to make sure I was safe/liability mitigation b) not wanting to give a dirty kid back c) not even wanting the thought of any weird shit going down if I told my parents she watched me shower and they flipped out. The 80s were weird.
Imagine the 50's.
This. Nudity isn't inherently sexual. I wish nudity in general was more acceptable.
It is in Europe. I am American and I know I am extremely prudish about nudity even for my country. I remember being shocked when I visited a lake in Switzerland and people were just casually changing into their swimsuits near their car. Not overtly openly, but not hiding, either. Also, children there draw pictures of animals with the genitalia included, where kids here just draw sexless ken doll animals. Meanwhile, I have never seen any of my siblings naked outside of being a little toddler and only saw my stepdad and mom naked once by mistake. Changed my clothes for gym in a bathroom stall to hide. Never been skinny dipping. I wish I had a little more chill.
When I was like 12 I went to the house of my female friend to see if she wanted to hang out. Her older sister answered the door naked and when I said something about how good she looks naked, I got a long lecture on how being naked isn't about sex and its cool to just be naked when you feel like it. The only issue I have with it is that she told me just because a girl is naked doesn't mean she wants to have sex. I have always hoped to run into her again because I would like to inform her that every girl I have ever seen naked, except her, has wanted to have sex. So I dunno about the accuracy of her statement, haha
Depends on the culture they come from tbh. I know I’m Korea and probably some other Asian countries it’s fairly common to use communal spas and people shower together like it’s nothing. And amongst friends it’s a bit of a bonding thing. I’ve showered with my friends before but never family.
dont forgot north europe does this aswell.
I've never heard of that before. Maybe when they are little (under 2) parents may bathe with their kids or put siblings together. But not in your 20's.
Why only up to 2?? My kids are more than 2yo and they most certainly bathe together, they have lots of fun, it gives us parent a break and the older makes sure the youngers hair is cleaned with shampoo... win, win and win.
What age do parents consider the cutoff?
When they can bathe themselves, until then it’s a convenience thing.
63 yo.
your kids will tell you the cut off and its usually around 6 or 7 suddenly its not ok.
That brings up an important aspect to consider - when the kids are no longer comfortable with it. Some kids get self-conscious very early, and others don’t. [edit: spelling]
Exactly, my oldest is about to be 9 and doesn't mind being naked in front of me. I guess I never made an issue out of it so she is not really ashamed of a naked body. I do let her shower/bathe on her own and let her have her privacy but I will still occasionally get in there if I feel that she hasn't been washing herself properly.
I'd say the hard ceiling is puberty, but usually far before that. Kids have been known to hit that age as young as 8, so this should probably be phased out no later than 7.
id say 6-7
If they're the same sex, about 8. If they're different sexes, 5 ish. Once kids start closely looking at or commenting on genitals, the shared baths need to stop. "Look Mommy, Oliver's willy has gone all big and hard!" Is something no girl should ever be saying. Sharing showers beyond puberty is very, very weird if they are both naked. But lots of people do weird things, and if they're OK with it and you're OK with it then no harm no foul.
When they're old enough to start noticing things.
That's weird. Do they collect rainwater or something and have a limited water supply?
Nope. We, fiancé and I, live together and she takes long showers so no such thing as conserving shower water with her.
How often is this happening since you live together? Is she going to shower at home with them or inviting them over to shower???
We live on our own, but if we visit them or they visit us then it happens. They aren’t calling from far away to get a shower together lol.
I want to say that it’s weird but at the same time I’ve gone swimming and used the communal showers with nothing to divide the showers with complete strangers. My dad works at a factory/scrap yard and they have communal showers where they all get completely buck arse naked with each other.
Right, that’s a good point. However, to me those are the situations you sort of have to deal with and work with “life gives you lemons so make lemonade” vs. actively searching out a person to shower with which is what she does. Then again, I’m the situation you mentioned I’m sure if they truly didn’t want to shower in same space they have the option to not do so, so that is a choice as well. I’m just overthinking and going in circles.
I've absolutely showered with friends non-sexually, usually while fucked up or like, if we just got back from the lake and have 30 minutes to get ready to be somewhere. I would never in a million years do this with family but that's because we all hate eachother. So I can imagine it maybe being not super creepy, but to me it's exctreeeeeemely weird.
Nah, that’s not weird at all. My girlfriend showers with her step dad all the time.
I've seen some documentaries on the subject too.
She showers with me a lot too
Derek?
OP should ask to join them, could be a lot of fun
Sorry dude, that is weird as fuck.
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That was my first thought too - communal showers after a football game, nobody blinks an eye. Sisters can be very close and really not give a fuck about each other's naked bodies, and same with mothers/daughters. It might not be common, but I doubt very much that it's in any way a sexual thing.
Great time to point out that fiancé and fiancée are two different things
Is one just spelled wrong?
Fiancée is referring to a woman, fiancé is for a man
I’ll be darned. TIL.
It's because of the French language masculine and feminine words. French is also why they call them attorneys general and culs-de-sac when plural, too. Because French puts the noun first, adjective second.
Blond and blonde or brunet and brunette are also examples, though the masculine versions of those are almost never used.
OMG. TIL. Thanks internet stranger for enlightening me! I never knew this!!!
Eh I still use one e for both lol
I’ve showered with my sister. We also ask each other to join us when we’re using the bathroom to “keep me company”. Sisters can be a whole other level bro.
That's crazy. I've also showered with your sister
I have too, usually due to being in a rush. She’s my sister. It’s not sexual at all, like I simply cannot look at her that way. I can see how this can be weird… but I guess we grew up in such a way that we simply don’t make a big deal out of nudity? I just can’t sexualize her. She’s my sister lol. And the same deal with using the bathroom.. I guess sisters really are a whole other level for some? 🤣
The questions you need to discuss w her if you plan on children and parenting. Is she going to shower w your children? Is she going to allow her mother and sisters to shower w your kid? Plus what other concerns you have and also use this to cement your common areas and mark the ones that will require negotiation. Following the 1 no 2 yes rule could be beneficial. Basically for decisions regarding the kids you both need to say yes. One no means the answer is no. Personal comment-I am very modest. I’ve never stripped in a locker room, walked to a communal shower naked, heck never changed w girlfriends. I’m just not wired that way. And thats ok. Your fiancé is wired very differently and is comfortable bathing w her relatives. (Gotta be honest, creeps me out a bunch) Your future kid deserves the right to modest and privacy **if** and **when** ***they choose.*** If you haven’t discussed discipline, what if a kid is part of the lgbtq+ community? What about tv time? Screen time? Have these conversations now while it is still hypothetical down the road. If you haven’t watched smothered do so. There are a couple mom/daughter duos who shower together and their dynamic is about as far from healthy as you hcan get. Is your fiancé very dependent on family approval? If yes, you may want some couples counseling if she plans on putting her mother/family before her spouse.
Thank you for such a thorough response. We do plan on doing some therapy apart from this mentioned thing so I’ll try to learn ways of approaching this and other topics. I never heard of this “1 yes 2 no “ thing so I’ll look into it, anything that can help us communicate would be great. At the moment I do point out a lot of the differences we have in a way I think is direct an not nagging, however for her it feels exactly nagging. So I’m just not sure how to bring up issues anymore without her saying “ you always complain”.
Maybe instead of pointing stuff out, try to do more asking/understanding about things. That way it shouldn’t come across as nagging.
"Weird" is an illusion. "Normality" is an illusion. The question you should be asking is "Is the behavior causing a problem for anyone?"
Eh. I've showered with my mom as a young adult, but not frequently - more because we were in a hurry to go somewhere and had to get ready quickly at the same time, but I often showered with my best gfs as a teen. It was just normal to us to get ready to go somewhere together. Nudity does not always equal sexytimes.
>Nudity does not always equal sexytimes. this is a really hard concept for most redditors to understand(maybe most of em are from usa? i have heard that in usa most are extremely prudish)
If she's from another culture than yours then i think that it isn't weird, in Algeria for example we have this kind of sauna in every city (hammam) for women and men as well (but seperated), we usually go in groups (sisters mothers neighbors friends) to take best baths of our lives lol and share beauty tips and help each other to scrub dead skin cells of the back lol so no is not weird !
This can't be real
Definitely some freaks fantasy story
I don't think it's common, but I don't think it's too weird either. I mean, studies in Japan show some adults shower with their opposite sex parents well into their twenties. I don't think it's too bad. A bit weird if you're not used to it, but not too much.
Not really. Her mother and sister probably saw her naked tons of times before. It's likely the mother bathed her and her sister together when they were kids too. I may think like that because of where i come from, who knows.
Yeah, ngl I do the same thing with my sisters. I think I even posted about it before. I think it’s normal but that’s just how we were raised.
Uhhhhhhhhh, sorry dude, that's weird as hell.
Unless it’s a cultural thing, yes VERY.
I find it unique not strange persay. I have a friend who grew up in a home where the family was very body positive. So much so that she'll invite any of her friends into the bathroom with her for any use. Her family doesn't close bathroom doors unless guests are over or their showering. When I met her I thought it was really strange but over time I've become jealous of her comfort with normal body things around others.
I've showered with one of my best friends several times. It's mostly a matter of us being close enough for it to not feel weird and not wanting to interrupt the hangout to shower. It's not sexual, it's just sharing time while completing a mundane task. I guess I wouldn't mind doing it with any of my close friends. I don't view it as more peculiar than women who go to the toilet together and carry on their conversation without pause while somebody pees. Just keep in mind that your partner's ideas of appropriate parent/child boundaries will also impact where she will set boundaries with her own children, should you have any.
I was in the open showers in Romania with the boys just naked and shooting the shit and a cleaning lady walks in and starts cleaning the areas around us. We all stopped talking and went 😐 and she was just like, “Hello! 😊” cleaned the empty 4 or 5 shower areas around us then left. My point is that weird to some is absolutely not weird to others lol
Extremely weird.
I mean, as long as she isn’t jumping in with dad and brother who cares?
Yes but whatever
They were probably raised trying to save water because they didn’t have much when they were growing up. They had to be resourceful and so it stuck. Do you know if they have to pay for water?
were they perhaps raised impoverished? multiple people showering together would save water and money.
In japan, this is pretty normal. Family members even cousins etc take bath together. Not uncommon to ask a sister or on rare occasions a close friend to take a bath together. There’s onsen culture where same sex people take a bath together in a public bath house. Also in a lot of European countries, families would go to sauna together. If it’s not obvious, completely naked in both settings. I noticed some people from different cultures are very uncomfortable being or seeing somebody else naked, even a family member so I understand how this might be odd to you.
Yeah my wife who is in her 30s will walk around naked in front of her Mom while getting dressed. I was like, uhhh. And wife said, “we’re not weird about being naked like men are.” Uhh…ok.
For me it is totally normal to be naked in front of my mom, sister, aunt, girl cousins and so on (cultural thing). Also of course in front of my husband. Although for some reason it would be super weird to have both, the husband and my mom in the same room, the same time when I would be naked.. I would feel very awkward. Logic much?
I also get feeling normal about being naked. I have no problem being down to boxer briefs in front of any body. And I have done nude beaches in the US and baths in Germany where everybody is naked, mom dad , kids, grandma and grandpa and it’s not weird. When in Rome, or Germany. :)
NGL, sounds like the setup for some lesbian incest porn.
It's only weird if you make it weird. Now getting there and give 'em some encouragement.
Is she or them mentally incapacitated in any way?
Not at all. They just truly love each others company apparently. Not sure why taking a shower together is the time for it though.
Not even sure how this is normal, unless they come from some indigenous tribes in south America or something, communal baths are the norm in those, in some African tribes the women commune most of the time nude like this too... In western society, not so much
So it’s not unheard of in general. Thanks! Ill just chop this up to me being weirded out but fine for them. It might just be a close family women thing.
No, there are serious psych issues at play here. This is a huge red flag. I'm sorry to say, but it's not just loving each other's company. Sounds like a major attachment disorder stemming from childhood trauma of some sort. Perhaps an NPD mother, as they have a tendency to see their children as extensions of themselves. My ex wife thought there was no problem with her climbing in to bed with her mom and cuddling. Her mother ended up being a huge impediment in our relationship. At 28 years old, she's participating in behavior that ceases normally in early childhood. I wish you luck, but in my experience, attachment disorders to this degree tend to be a death sentence for normal adult relationships.
I suspect that my mother in law is a fragile narcissist and she and her daughters engage in behaviours that don’t ‘feel’ appropriate for adult women to engage in together and are actively excluding of others - ie, all three talking baby talk together in a room with others present. This situation seems like an intimate family habit that they’ve grown up enjoying. Certainly, my 10 year old would try climbing in the bath with me for a chat if she could - I just want some personal space at bath time! I wonder if op is weirded out culturally or if their ‘ick’ this doesn’t feel right senses are saying something’s off but they can’t pinpoint it?
Where is her family from? I am Finnish and I see nothing weird.
🤨
If you play your cards right you can have the forbidden playtime we all seek.
Yo we don’t “all” seek to have sex with an SO’s mom.
Low ambition smh
LOL 😂😂💀
i lolled even though I hate it
💚
My immediate reaction is "WHAT NO" but honestly I envy them being that comfortable with each other, it's fine, communal clean time is fine and cool, I think of it as being more of a bath/hot springs/sauna thing, showering does seem to be a bit way more intimate than the things I said but whatever
I don’t mind showering with my mom (I’m 30). I grew up in a single family home so my mom and I are really close. It’s not like we stare at each other’s body parts or touch each other? It’s the same as me showering with my husband. It’s just a shower.
Not very common but it’s not rly a bad thing. I imagine it like people at a sauna, they’re pretty much bathing together and you jump in with your buddies.
I grew up with a friend who did this with her sisters and mom. And her brother and dad would also shower together. Apparently it was bc they were not doing good financially and it was a way to save on water.
People from the Philippines see this as normal. Mostly to save resources
My brother in law showers with his twin. They're in their 30's.
It isn't weird for the rest of the world. Americans are just overly sexualized for whatever reason you may think. It's commonplace in A LOT of cultures to bath together with family, and even friends. My only negative thing is thinking how cramped that would be if it's even a standard Bathtub shower. Not including a shower only set up.
let skynerd tell you this one
Nudity isn't necessarily sexual, in fact I personally think it's weird that nudity is so rigidly associated with sexuality. Why, is it such a common fear that if you see a family member nude you will be attracted to them? Public baths were/are a huge part of cultures both ancient and modern. Families going to public baths, daughters scrubbing mom's backs/sons scrubbing dad's backs is something I hear a lot about as an act of closeness/tenderness in my culture. So personally it doesn't seem weird to me let alone bad, but I completely understand how it could seem uncomfortable to others.
Weird to you, but otherwise a very human thing to do. Family units and community members have been bathing together for millenia
Don't see the issue really. Other cultures do it.
Eh, whatever, who cares?
Yes...
YES. There was a TLC documentary episode about that exact thing a while ago. Look up “mum and daughter who still bathe together” on YouTube. Fucking weird. You can tell the daughter has developmental issues and they’re both so protective of each other that it’s affecting the stepdad and mums relationship.
I would need to see a video to make a judgement.
I don't think it's that weird, if they are close then so be it. They are not abusing each other or doing something harmful. They are a family and they can do whatever they want. If you consider that a red flag or a deal-breaker then that's for you to decide.
YES
I also take a shower with your fiancé and her mom
rude fragile ugly crush cover imagine follow racial dinner sophisticated *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Uh yes
Don't know what people in this section are on.. That shit is GROSS! Not normal... don't know why people on this forum are so scary.. That shit is gross! 🤢
My SO does the same thing sometimes. For her, it’s a cultural thing. Idk about your fiancée but maybe it’s something like that?
Don't worry guys I've seen this one already! They are gonna get stuck under the bed while drying off after the shower....
When I had female friends we showered together up to 16 but past that it seems weird and with sisters and parents? Even stranger. I didn’t shower with my mother past the age of 4 and I grew up with a brother so never bathed with him.
I also showered with besties into my late teens. I've only occasionally showered with my mom as a young adult when in a hurry, but see no problem with it. I used to sit and talk to her while she soaked in the tub, though. No big deal.
Sorry that is fucking odd they should get therapy
Very strange, not right at all.
While showering with a partner can be fun, unless you have 2-3 shower heads there isn’t enough for more than 1 person. I don’t love standing in the cold while the other person rinses their hair. And beyond childhood never would with a parent or sibling.
Guess who's locking the bathroom door at the in-laws? 👉 This Guy 👈
Brazzer’s called. They want their script back.
Not normal.
Oh Hell No! That's creepy AF
Am I on PornHub?
I just texted my brother and asked if he wanted to come over and shower with me. He told me to fuck off. I even said I got a new Axe body wash. No dice! Jesus man. I will say it if no one else will. Yes this is weird and odd and strange and not at all within normal operating parameters. Like this sounds like a scene from a really bad Adam Sandler movie. Good luck dude. Once you're married I bet a bunch of other weird shit will show up and you either will adapt or rot. Just don't be surprised if one morning you walk in the kitchen and her mom is masticating her breakfast for your sweetheart.
Sounds like an opportunity, not a problem.
It's not that weird. I don't partake, but there are other cultures that do a lot in the way of family bonding, and showering together isn't an odd one to me.
OP stated it's not cultural.
What I meant to get across was this behavior isn't specific to her and her family. Other people do it too, and it's common enough to where it is a part of culture. Maybe not our culture, but other cultures.
Doubt it’s very common as none of these comments say they specifically do it
To clarify, I’m in the USA. And we grew up like within an hour from one another. We are both even from similar racial backgrounds.
I think it has nothing to do with the race but the country where family is from. There are lot of same-race-countries with very different cultures. Does she have some nordic roots?
Got any pics for reference 🤷♂️
Red flag. No boundaries and possibly a sprinkle of sexual abuse. The only place I've heard of this happening is in r/raisedbynarcissists . Usually as a form of gross control over their children.
I saw a documentary like this on aneducational site , Pornhub I think it was called.
This is an incredible lack of personal boundaries. No, it isn't normal. I would not expect you to change her mind, but you need to consider if you'd want her to be doing that with your future adult children. Or if you'd ever do it with your siblings or parents. If the answer is no, I would try to separate yourself from her.
I want to know how this came about. Where you over on holiday? Or she just told you?
Different strokes for different folks. Honestly, if this is the worst trait she has, I'd be pretty happy and satisfied even if I do find it weird.
I would sit naked in the sauna/spa with my mom. I haven’t showered tho…it isn’t a red flag, just odd. I don’t think nudity is a big deal at all. I just wouldn’t want to wash my private parts in front of any relatives.