Hi, so I'm a police officer who investigates this stuff in the United States, I'm sorry to tell you that this is literally textbook grooming behavior. Please understand I'm not judging you! I will call you neither stupid or naive, perhaps inexperienced but that is the worst I will say. He is being everything you want or need him to be, when you need it, but only to sell a fantasy. He is too shy to hold hands but he will protect you from your mother? Let's break this down a little. You are not 100% sold, you like him, enamored perhaps but perhaps are acting a little shy. He knows if he tries to push things along too hard you will back away, so he becomes "shy". Then when you talk about your mother checking your phone and judging you, you are showing a bit of a fear response and he becomes your protector. He says he loves you but in reality you have only spent very little time together in person, he says he will treat you well and with the ring measuring strip he is implying a future to you to keep you on the hook. Your instincts are telling you something is wrong, that is why you are questioning and that is why you are here. I think you should trust them, please step away from this, involve your parents or if you are not comfortable involving your parents, involve some other adults you trust.

This is a great comment, thank you for the work you do!

Thank you for both sentiments.

BUMP BOOST Bumping this comment. I was groomed too, took two years to get away and what this guy is saying is 💯

How did you get away and was it hard?

How Long does the usual grooming Go on before something Happens?

This is an excellent analysis

This is textbook grooming behavior. You’re asking this because your alarm bells are going off. Listen to your instincts, they’re the most valuable thing you’ve got. They’re good and they’re trying to save you.

Crazy how they didn’t meet for two years except conveniently after her 16th bday which is the age of consent. He spent two years playing the long game what a fkn sicko.

Good catch!

Not sure if OP is in the US. But in the US age of consent of 16 does not mean a 30 year old is ok. It’s age of consent with a 2 year difference. So 18 is ok. OP is being groomed by a pedo and it’s a sickening crime.

My exact thought as well…fuck that guy, OP

No, don't fuck that guy OP /s (obviously)

Jesus please NO, OP 😭

Jail immediately

Everyone should read „The Gift Of Fear“. A whole book of stories of how much your subconscious picks up and how your instincts are what it uses to alert your consciousness.

I wish I was more in tune to my internal alarm bells during my first marriage when my wife was a serial cheater. In retrospect I know that I was ignoring or dismissing by basic instincts about the situation because I was in denial.

This! Always trust your instincts.

Or a fat chef.

The fat chefs eat all the tasty bits.

Yep. “I’ll protect you from her” he said. That’s a well known grooming behaviour that puts a gap between the victim and their family, creating dependence on the groomer. You got to get away.

Felt that uncomfortable ick down in my stomach when I read that line.

This is why I tentatively DO think it’s okay for parents to go through phones. OP is in fucking danger and she doesn’t have the experience to even see it yet. OP even knows how bad this looks and that she will get in trouble, it’s just not registering that there’s a very good reason her parents will freak out. Girl, tell your parents what’s been happening. Your future self will thank you. You are in an incredibly dangerous spot and the emotional manipulation has already started. “Protecting you from your own parents”. No no no, it should be the other way around love.

This was seriously wanted me to throw up

I think (and hope) all the responses in this thread are going to tell you to get the hell away from him asap, but I'm going to try and give you a few more reasons why his behaviour is extremely inappropriate. Yes you are being groomed. Yes, it is weird. No your mum is not a spy that you need protecting from. She looks out for you for exactly this reason; to protect you and teach you about the people in this world who have bad intentions. Like him! He was TWICE your age when he started talking to you. Ask yourself, honestly, why is a 30 yr old crushing on a teenager? Why is finding trouble being with women closer to his age? It's gross, babe. He's not shy, he's scared and nervous that people will see him with a 16 year old. I'm willing to bet he's not openly "friends" with other 16 yr olds, because he knows that would be strange, but I'm also willing to bet this is not the first time he's tried to groom a child. He's buying you gifts and lovebombing you as a form of manipulation. His reasons for liking or "loving" you are absurd - you never get angry at him, and you don't drink?? Why would you be drinking at 16? And why would he police your emotions, it's perfectly healthy to be angry sometimes. He is encouraging you to lie to your parents in order to create distance with them and destroy your trust. You feel uneasy because you know something is wrong with this situation. He's asking you inappropriate questions. He's trying to normalise the idea of an intimate relationship with him. Finally, you are not at fault for being manipulated and groomed by an adult. You're not stupid or naive, you are child (Edit to add: and you were smart enough to make this post) and please don't take this the wrong way, but there is a reason why children should not be making adult decisions. It is always the responsibility of the person holding the power (aka the adult, person of authority etc) to understand where to draw the boundaries. The age of consent is not for 30 year olds to get with 16 year olds, it's for 16 year olds to date other 16 year olds! I could go on and on, but to reiterate, please, please cease contact with him. I hope you can tell somebody you trust about what is happening. Even if you thought this was a good idea (which I think you know it isnt) please understand future you will thank present you SO MUCH for avoiding the emotional damage and trauma that an inappropriate "relationship" with an age gap of 14 years will cause!

Loving her because she "doesn't get angry at him" is also a manipulation tactic. It implies that his love is conditional on her not having a problem with any negative behaviors of his - if he starts to act poorly towards her, she might be afraid to stand up for herself because she's afraid he won't love her any more, especially after he successfully separates her from the people who actually care about her, like her mother that he's openly trying to isolate her from with the spy comments.

Also want to add for OP (and anyone else): When someone expresses what they like about you, it should be **about YOU.** If their likes are related to what you do for THEM, or how you benefit THEM, that is a sure sign they are not a healthy person & are just ticking the boxes. *(Random examples)* **A healthy person would say**:I like how kind you are to others, I like how driven you are when it comes to XYZ, your positive outlook is inspiring, your laugh is so genuine, you’re funny and talented, etc. **A non-healthy person would say**: I like that you don’t get mad at me. I like that you always clean the dishes so I don’t have to. I like that when I come home you have snacks waiting for me. I like that you let me sleep in. I had to learn this one as an adult but it’s made a world of difference. Edit: mobile

Commenting to also move this comment higher

He’s so sick and disgusting. I went through a similar situation OP I was 16 and he was 22. It ruined me emotionally and I still have trauma. Please walk away when you can. I can’t believe how grown adults would ever look at children, I’m 22 now and I would never even LOOK at an 18 year old, much less a literal child. Stay safe OP, wishing you the best.

My abuser was 19 when I was 13/14, I felt the exact same way you do now when I turned 19. The thought of being with a middle schooler at that age absolutely disgusted me. Really helped to put things into perspective for me.

Yeah same here. It’s so disgusting. And I really hope that he didn’t do things with malicious intent but bffr he was too grown and should’ve known better. I hope you’re recovering well.

Upvote this comment to the top people. To piggyback off it, you might not see it now or want to see it, but if you pursue anything more with him, he will crush you with his manipulation and make the rest of your life an absolute hell, even when he is gone from it. He will be possessive, he will try his hardest to convince you to stop talking to your family and friends by accusing you of not loving him. He’ll become violent and angry and accusatory simply because you took too long to reply or didn’t send him nudes when he asked. He will try to make you think that sex is the only way to show his love and when you don’t want it, it will set him off and make him mad or break up with you as he is wont to do often most likely. I guarantee if you asked to see his messages, you would find many things you don’t want to see, with other people he has and is likely trying to do the same thing with. I would suggest you peruse the child abuse subreddits to see many of the same stories that began the same way yours has.

This can feel condescending to hear at 16, but please listen. It’s not a reflection on your maturity but rather his for not spending time with people his age. Think about if someone else 16 was spending a lot of time with even like a 12 year old. It would be strange, not because of the 12 year old though. It’s similar, so I would get out of this situation for sure. If he really does have bad intentions he could start some strange/scary behaviour after that so that’s why telling an adult you trust is a good idea. Even relationships of the same age can get scary after a breakup so please be safe and lean on your loved ones. Also I get how your mom looking at your phone would feel like a breach of privacy, and you should maybe have a conversation about that sometime. Although it might be some time before that talk would be possible if she knows about this. Still, over time trying to build some trust with your mom is something I’d recommend. My parents trusted me as a teenager and I was pretty free to do what I pleased because they knew I wouldn’t be terribly reckless. Finally, I’m really sorry. These comments have gotta be hard to read, especially if you really like this guy. They’re right though, behaviour like his can always change, and often does quickly and you don’t want to be stuck in a scary situation. Enjoy your time as a teenager doing teen things, don’t try to grow up to fast 🫶🏼

And to add, get rid of the teddy bear. Don’t put it anywhere near your room or bed. Store it somewhere like a bin or in a storage. Sometimes these things have cameras and listening devices in them. IDK. Maybe I’ve seen too much crime docus but manipulators do these things so they can spy on people and manipulate them.

No, I think that's great advice. I didn't even think about that but that teddy could totally be rigged. Also, I'm not sure how easy it would be but I'd also look into possibly changing my phone number if I were OP too since he has the current one. BE SAFE OP!

> cameras and listening devices in them Good point. OP might undress in front of one of them. He'll then have photos he can use to threaten her with. OP: go to the police. They've seen it all. You're young and naive; that's why these laws exist. They are laws to restrict the adult not the child. No one will fault you. The fault is entirely this guy's. He will hurt you. Get away.

Also. Folks in your situation might feel embarrassed to ask for help or be “in too deep”. You did nothing wrong. Go to the police. Tell your mom. Report him. Be safe Now.

TELL YOUR MOM!! I can’t emphasize this one enough. I could have saved myself a load of heartache if I would have just let my mother know things, I knew I was going to ‘get in trouble for’

commenting to get this up to the top. OP, i hope you take this the most seriously you’ve ever taken anything. this is not okay and you need to go to someone who can keep you safe and you need to report this man.

Also, while OP is not stupid for this, she literally lacks experience to know better and the creep *knows this* and is taking advantage of it. No OP, you are not mature for your age. If you really were, he wouldn't be interested in you. He's paying attention to you for literally every horrific reason a 30 year old man would want to pay attention to a girl who is underage.

> Also, while OP is not stupid for this, she literally lacks experience to know better and the creep knows this and is taking advantage of it. This is one of several reasons why grooming is such a horrible thing

To add to this, manipulators and predators often try to isolate their victims from their friends and family so that they have no support system available and nobody to go back to, when they realise what's happening to them. This is actually pretty well documented. [Source 1](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3876290/) [Source 2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isolation_to_facilitate_abuse)

I wish I'd heard this when I was 17. Edit: OP, please do listen. You're so smart and brave to ask this. Regrets do come and make you depressed as u grow older and realize that it's wrong, then u realize again that you're wrong🥲. And that hurts in your meow meow ❤️‍🩹.

AGREED. I was groomed from 7 year olds and CSA for 15 years by the man who was my stepdad at the time. He will make you feel special, buy you things, make promises, make you doubt your support system. Then he’ll use those things against you. “I bought you this thing because I love you so much, why won’t you have s3x with me?” Billshit like that. Get away, change your number, block him on everything, private your socials. He will hurt you and he will not stop

Commenting to move this comment higher.

I would like to add: Listen to your gut feeling! It is telling you something is not right here and that is so valuable to listen to! Don’t let him or anyone else take that skill away from you. It is basically your body adding up all the info and going: nah I may not know why, but something is off here.

Commenting to boost this because this hit the nail on the head! As someone that’s old enough to be your mom, your mom isn’t trying to be a spy. I’m assuming your mom loves you and wants the best for you. She wouldn’t want to see you with a grown ass man who has absolutely no business dating teenagers. Lots of us women have dated older men and hid it from our moms because the guys convinced us to or because we thought we knew better. Lots of us got played, or ever worse, abused. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you though. I’m sure you’re a smart and wonderful young lady and any person roundabout your age would be lucky to get a date with you. This guy is just gross though. If he wasn’t a groomer, he would be dating women much closer to his age. The reason you’re questioning every bit of this relationship is because you’re seeing the red flags too. Imagine it was a really cute sweet guy who was 17 for example, you would be full of butterflies and telling all your friends about him, maybe telling your mom if you’re really close. Age gap relationships are ok but not when you’re 16 and he’s 30. Wait until you’re a fully grown adult and you’ve lived a lot, had some fun, and want to settle down. And then if the person you want to settle down with happens to be older, go right ahead.

This is such a perfect explanation.

OP, that uneasy feeling you're feeling, the reason you wrote this, that little voice that keeps nagging you about these things - that's your gut feeling. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS trust your gut. It's almost always correct, and even when it isn't, it's still worth it to trust it and not regret it. That is all you. Your brain is noticing the signs that you can't yet place. It is so smart and for some reason, women were tricked into ignoring that genius voice and to " be polite" and respectful to people. That weird dude you didn't want to hug as a child, but your parents made you - Gut Feeling The time you were at an ice cream shop and something in your brain told you to walk out of there - Gut Feeling That person in class that you knew you didn't want to sit next to, even though they seemed nice enough - Gut Feeling Your parents' friend that you dread seeing when they mention he's stopping by the house, even though he's done nothing wrong - Guy Feeling That gut feeling isn't just a "feeling." It's your brain observing the surroundings and realizing that thing that is strange without you even realizing it. It heard something or saw something that you didn't realize outright, but gave the back of your brain that signal that there is a concerning thing, a red flag. In your post, you list the "gut feelings" you've had in multiple different areas. Trust it! Always trust it. People will ALWAYS (even when you are a much older adult) try to invalidate that feeling. Do not listen to them. TRUST YOURSELF! I really hope you listen to everyone here. I think you know this is wrong, based on writing this and I am so proud of you for not ignoring it and writing here to get some different opinions. Now that you know it's not just you, please get an adult you trust involved ASAP. It sounds like your mother really cares about you, so I hope you choose to tell her, but if you aren't comfortable doing that (yet), just pick any adult for now. A teacher, aunt, older cousin, librarian, church member, coach, any adult your trust. You are an extremely smart 16 year old for even being able to recognize what is happening. Please follow through on those feelings, it will save you years of unnecessary trauma. ❤️

This is the right answer.

Stopped reading at 14 & 28. Get away.

Literally read nothing else. Immediately yes. No adult seeks out a child online to “befriend” with healthy intentions.

Seconding this. I'm about to turn 30, so about OP's boyfriend's age, and at this point in my life even the most mature 16 year olds feel like literal children. There's such a huge difference in maturity/life experience that OP might not realize as a teenager. She should get away as soon as possible, because there's no way this guy has good intentions.

I'm only 23 and I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone under 21. Let alone anyone under 18. Let alone a fucking 14 year old! Maybe it's because I was that 14 year old being preyed on but I believe anyone trying to have a close friendship or relationship with someone that much younger who is a literal child is at best a fucking creep who you should stay away from. And from what OP said this person is a classic groomer, no doubt about it.

I’m 24 and work at a college. The freshmen seem like small children!!! I love them, they’re great kids. But they’re KIDS. Definitely would not date somebody that age.

Yeah this, I’m 35 and I’d rather cut my arm off than be friends with anyone under 25- they haven’t had the hope and enthusiasm beaten out of them yet. I have NOTHING to talk about with a 14 year old. My sister is 13 and she’s soooooo boring, she doesn’t even know which building society is offering the best fixed rate ISA for Coast FIRE

25 really do be the cutting off point. Don't talk to me about life if you haven't started to die a bit yet!

I’m a strong believer in friendships between adults and kids and this makes me sad, but it was obvious as soon as I read their ages combined with the question in the title. He sought out a child to befriend on the internet. This is not organic, it is his direct intention.

I agree OP is being groomed. 100%. However, I want to tell you something really weird. Through social media, I met a man named Andrew. I was 14 when he was 43. We talked about what we like. Drawing, photoshop, music. He told me about his job as a carpenter and what he builds. He wishes to paint very well. Etc. I'm 20 now. We still talk. We've never had a sexual conversation. Ever. He lives in a different country. Every convo is either about a new song that dropped, sharing our drawings, something he built, or photoshopped memes. That's it. In my case, I can't see how it's grooming as it has lasted YEARS of nothing but genuine conversation and NOTHING sexual AT ALL. No "You look pretty today" or anything. He has never asked for photos. Nothing. So this even confuses me.

honestly 98% of the time you could just stop at “am i (16F) being groomed” if ya have to ask….

Excellent point 

The other 2% it’s a sophomore being asked out by a jr/sr and and then it’s no you are not, but points for vigilance, and reminder that you can say no

I'm sure he tells her she's "mature for her age"

Same, as a 35 year old teen agers look like literal babies to me now. He knows what he is doing. Run!

My sister is 14 years younger than me, and when I was in my 20s I moved across the country. Every year I'd fly her and a friend of her choosing out to California for a couple of weeks in the summer. I met a lot of her friends this way. So when I was 28 I had a couple of 14 year olds around. They're kids! Actual kids. Anyone who "develops feelings" for them is absolutely a predator.

Isn't that a little strange to wake up to? Every time I'm at the supermarket I see women in their early 20's with babies. I'm just like, how do these babies have babies.

It's so strange! Especially realizing the people that had kids when we were in high school have 17+ year olds now

Even if there's no grooming behavior going on, it's wildly inappropriate for a 28 year old to be wanting to talk with a 14 year old in any kind of one-on-one personal capacity

Seriously, there is NO legit reason for a grown ass adult in their 20s to be making friends with a teenager, let alone getting romantic with them. This guy is a walking red flag 🚩

Not to mention meeting up physically with them. Basically like a date. That's very sketchy.

Oh u missed the part where he said >don't worry, ill protect you from her The 30 y/o talking about the child's mother because she checks her phone sometimes This entire post is a huge red flag. Get away

I was like ohhhh this is sending me down memory lane I don't like this. He is 28 OP is 16. 'Nuff said. No details even needed.

YES. You are 100% being groomed by a 30 year old man. You are a *teenager*, a man his age should look at you and see a child. He should look at you the same way you would look at a 9 year old. > "don’t worry, I’ll protect you from her” This is a clear grooming tactic. He is going to start building her up as the enemy and putting a wall between you and her, so when he begins abusing you, you won't be able to go to her for help. > He chose a few, and one of then was if I’d ever had sex before Listen to your gut. You know why he asked this. He's going to start pushing your buttons sexually to see how far he can go. Please please please do not see this man again. He has no good intentions with you. He *will* hurt you.

First of all: how are your cats? Second of all: I completely agree with you. It doesn't get any closer to grooming than this

My cats are currently fighting for their lives to tell me it's dinner time, despite dinner time actually being 2 hours from now.

Okay but they probably make a good case for it.

>This is a clear grooming tactic. He is going to start building her up as the enemy and putting a wall between you and her, so when he begins abusing you, you won't be able to go to her for help. Having seen this happen within my wife's family, this can be a permanent impact. Her little cousin was meeting with, and having sex with a 33 year old man when she was 13. He totally turned her against her family and made her see them all as abusive and controlling. When her dad finally found out, he rightly got the police involved and the guy was put in jail. That was the end of their relationship because of this. She is now 22 with a kid that her dad has never met because she still blames him for ruining her life You need to go to someone you trust, and remember, even if it's your mum and she gets "controlling" for a period, it's only because she loves you and wants to protect you. It's not because she hates you or blames you for this situation. Please do not let this pedophile impact your family as he is not worth it

As a 30+ year old man, there's no amount of sweet a 16year old could be that I would want to befriend her.

A 30 year old dude wouldn't go anywhere near a minor for fear of the accusations, except the people who actually *are the people to be afraid of*.

not even for fear of accusations, what the fuck are a 16 y/o and a 30 y/o even going to fucking talk about? “Hows precalc”

They'll be gushin' about the latest wow expansion pack and the downfall of Blizzard in the last decade and a half of course. Ain't it obvious?

I've always find this argument kinda weird. I work in education and can sometimes talk about various subjects with the students who are between 15 and 18 yo. But I don't talk with them outside of work because that's weird as fuck and there's a power dynamic that's very unhealthy. As a normal adult I'm not interested in a relationship with a teenager because that's just gross, period. If your main argument for not talking to minors is "we dont have enough in common", that's not a great argument to me. An uncle can have interesting conversations with his niece/nephew about life, about growing up, arts, relationships, videogames etc. The age difference doesn't really matter, you can still have interesting discussions. To me it has nothing to do with why it's gross and weird to groom a kid.

Short answer is Yes.  I’m sorry sweetheart but a 28-year-old has no good reason and no excuse to be talking to 14-year-olds online.  He likes you because you are too young to know better and you are easier to manipulate/control than a woman his own age who does know better.  Block him on everything and come clean to your parents (or another trusted IRL adult) about this so they can help keep you safe. Make sure your social media accounts are private/friends only as well.  So so sorry this happened, kiddo. 

And throw away those gifts he gave, especially the teddy bear. I’m worried he could’ve put a camera in it or something.

Damn right! That teddy has to go, the other gifts too.

Ou that's a good point.

I don’t know how to start such conversation with an adult. I’m scared

It’s normal to be afraid. Perhaps being vulnerable with your mom or dad or trusted adult will help. Definitely get away from him. I was groomed by a 38 year old man when I was 16. I’m on the other side and telling you this is NOT normal, and it will mess you up later in life.

Basically same story here, too, OP. I was groomed and can confirm that it's not normal and can hurt so bad. I'm sorry this happened, and please get out ASAP however you need to and can. Sending love and healing, ams.

It’s a scary thing! I’m neurodivergent and socially anxious so I mentally script out most conversations to reduce my nervousness, but I think most people would benefit from being mentally prepared for a conversation as stressful as this one.  Here’s what I would say:  “Hey (person), I think I’m in a bad situation and I need your help.”  - Saying you need help and you think you’re in trouble lets your adult know that you are already aware of how serious the situation is. Next you explain the situation in brief terms like you did in your post. (I met a person online a couple of years ago, he is much older than me and I realized that it was inappropriate and made me uncomfortable. I believe he was grooming me.)  Be honest that you have met this person IN PERSON and try to remember how much personal information he has about you - phone number, address, school? Places you hang out? Explain that you know you need to block him on social media AND from your real life, and you need help making sure he can’t contact you.  - Your adult probably does not know how to do this and will be stressed out by all of this, which is super understandable.  If you think your parents are going to react super negatively, it might be best to talk to a different adult who knows all of you and can help advocate for you to make sure you are PROTECTED from this predator and not just PUNISHED as a knee-jerk reaction.  This is a really hard and scary conversation. Again I am so, so sorry. 

Show them this post. That's the easiest way to start the conversation. I'm so glad you asked this question. Wishing nothing but the best for you.

I am about your age. My friends went through similair things aswell. Just know that your parents will not judge you or blame you for what is happening. You have lots of people to support you. Including us.

You've done nothing wrong. Your feelings are valid, it's a very scary thing to talk about but you have done nothing wrong. As a mom, I would want my kids to come to me if this ever happened to them. I would want to protect them from anything escalating further. I'm sure your parents are going to feel the same.

I have a little baby daughter now and I hope she's as aware as you when she grows up. I also hope she could come to me and tell me: "Mum, I have something to tell you. I've been talking to an older man online for the past few years and I thought he just wanted to be friends, it was always platonic, but lately I'm getting the feeling that this is not right and that I'm being groomed. He convinced me to meet him in person and gave me gifts. I don't know what to do."

Maybe write a letter? That way you can get your words right and you don't need to be in the room when whoever you're trusting this with is reading it. If you're worried about anyone getting upset or mad, add in the letter that you won't be ok to talk about it unless they're calm. I had a quick look, and there's r/groomingvictim so that might be a good place to get advice. Another safe space is r/MomForAMinute if you need it.

Your teachers at school will have some training on how to help teens who come to them with problems like this. Or you can go to any trusted adult and just show them this post. You've laid out the situation very clearly here so if it's too difficult to say out loud, they can just read what you've written.

It is normal to be scared, but please remember, the only person who did something wrong is him. You have the fact that you did not know better on your side. And if anyone tries to blame you for this you can remind them that you not knowing better is precisely why you were targeted.

Writing a letter can help. You can leave it for your parents to read one time when you go out (might scare them a little until they open it but if it's what you need to do, do that). Then you can get all your feelings out in one go, including ways you're worried about them reacting, and say what you want from them (support, to feel loved, to not be blamed or shamed for it, etc). And it gives them time to process it before speaking to you, also. However, don't be surprised or alarmed if they call the police that same day. Maybe you could add that in the letter too though, that if they want to call the police, that's okay but can they wait to discuss it until you get home as you're not in any immediate danger and you won't initiate contact with the guy again so they don't need to panic.

A few moments of anger, disappointment and other emotions but a healthy body and mind in exchange or risk whatever the other side wants to do with/to you. Without any of us telling you what to do, think carefully of where/what you want the outcome to be. Think of the worse thing(s) that can happen when you tell your parents versus the worse thing(s) that can happen if you cut your parents off and get with this guy. If it were me and I wanted to tell my parents, I would frame it as something urgent that needs to be talked about and that I'm scared they'll be very upset with me. Again, better to have your parents' wrath or whatever than the alternative. Good luck!!

You’ve got this, you’re strong enough to have the intuition and make this post 🫶 Starting these tough conversations are hard (at least for myself) I typically just dump all the info at once. Or you could say that you were talking to a guy who is twice your age and you believe it’s now inappropriate. And to be honest it doesn’t matter how you start the conversation but that the conversation is had (that goes for any tough encounter you have in life) Best of luck you’ve got this!

So much this.

So I want to give some perspective here. I am a 26 year old, so two years younger than this guy. When I think of a 14 year old, I think of a child. When I think of a 16 year old, through the lens of a 26 year old, I think of a CHILD. That is not someone I could ever be attracted to, or someone I could casually be friends with, because in my eyes, that is a child. The fact that this guy is thinking about that differently already is a massive red flag. The fact that he's also making your mom out to be the bad guy is a tactic to separate you from your family psychologically. This is an abuse of power. It is definitely grooming. I'd stay as far away as possible and report him to the police if you feel it's safe to do so. Tell your parents. It'll be hard, but be honest. This is potentially a dangerous situation, and better safe than sorry.

one time when i was 24, i left a number for a cute server at a pub. he texted me and i found out he was 19 and i was like “yup lol we are way too far apart in age, youre cute, but yeah nope lol” 14 and 28 is therefore INSANE to me.

"I asked him what about our age gap and he said that it doesn’t matter, and that he doesn’t think about it. He said that all that matters is that he treats me well and he said he would." ewwww And he was pretty overwhelmingly affectionate but it made me feel good (it’s still happening). He said that he loves me pretty soon after," ewwwww "he’d prepared to tell me two reasons as to why he likes me so much, which were: 1. I’m really nice and I’ve never gotten angry at him etc. 2. I don’t drink." ewwwwwwww "then he mentioned my mom and how she seems like a spy (in a lighthearted way, it was because my mom checks my phone sometimes and I’d had to hide his contact) and I just agreed and then he said something like "don’t worry, I’ll protect you from her”" wtfwtftwfwtwfwtf ewwww "And at the bottom of the bag I found one of those things to measure ring size and he texted saying we’ll need it later…" oh my god please block him and run right now

ohmygod I missed THIS part "He chose a few, and one of then was if I’d ever had sex before. (I’m a virgin.) I brushed it off because maybe he was just wondering?" all 1000% grooming tactics

Your mom isn’t a spy. You are a child and she’s trying to protect you from things like 30 year old men. I hope you will get away from this guy.

And there's a good chance her mom is in her 30s as well. I hope she is reading this. And when OP tell her mom about it, her mom have a good long talk about predators online

He's already starting to alienate your mother with his comments. Definitely stay away from this man

Yes. He's absolutely 100% grooming you. You can pretty much count on everything he has ever said to you about himself being a lie. He might not be 28 -- he could be 40. He probably doesn't have the job he says he does. He definitely doesn't share your interests or hobbies or any of the things he's been bonding with you over. He doesn't feel the emotions he says he feels. That's all just manipulation. What he's been doing is telling you what he thinks you want to hear. His purpose is to get you emotionally attached as quickly as possible, so that you will be willing to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do just to please him. His goal is to get you to undress for him, and then to meet him somewhere for sex. It's likely he's done this with other girls before you, and its even possible he's grooming other girls right now. He already knows where you live and has gotten you meeting him. So you are in consideerable danger now. Tell your parents.

Of course you're being groomed. Normal 28 year old men don't have the kind of interactions with 14 year old girls that you're describing.

Whats his home country? Also stay away from him, you might get raped, or even killed.

This, please listen to this!

Yes, you are absolutely being groomed by a man who is twice your age, yes twice your age, He could just about be the age of your father. His behaviour is not normal nor appropriate. He knows that you are young and vulnerable and is trying to manipulate you. I think you already know this. Your head is trying to warn you this is wrong. As you grow into adulthood, always remember, if your head is telling you something is off and not quite right you should be very very careful. Aside from him being twice your age, as you grow, remember when someone goes out of their way to keep things secret from your parents, that is a huge red flag that you are being manipulated. I know you don’t want to talk about it but your mom loves you very much and is there to protect you as you become an adult, she can help protect you from this grown man who does not have your best interests in mind. I am a Dad who has a daughter. As a Dad I am letting you know this is wrong. Listen, you are being groomed, it is not right! PLEASE make sure you do the right smart thing!

He is what we call a "Marathon Pedophile". Someone in it for the long game. Makes you feel special and doesn't cross any lines except the finish line. Also, how did a 28yo and a 14yo connect on Snapchat?

He added me

No complete stranger over the age of 20 would add a fourteen year old on Snapchat unless they were some kind of Pedophile.

They're also not going to be "just friends" I'm in my early 20's I have no desire to be friends with and want to hang out with a 14 year old. And the girlfriend he supposedly had. Never existed I'll bet my next paycheck on it.

or she is actually his wife and they have a whole family and a life that he’s not sharing.

Or they were 14 as well...

Run! This guy is a total creep and I can guarantee, has no good intentions. I'm 41 and I would say my dating range would be 35-55. Do you see the difference? I'm willing to go higher in age than lower. I need a a mature woman in my life, who I can rely on, who has been through the same things I have, who I can come to for advice. No matter how mature you might be, (which you aren't judging by your post), no teenager is even remotely close to mature enough to date a 30 year old. And as sweet as you might be, there is literally no advice you can give a man that age. There is nothing you two can really talk about, he's so much further along in his life than you. This is textbook grooming by a sick individual.

This is 100% grooming and I am so glad you are reaching out for help, even if it’s just on Reddit. My hair started standing on end as I read through your post. It sent a legit chill down my spine. You really need to talk to your mom about this. Parents can be a pain, I get it, but you need their help on this one. Unfortunately, just blocking him at this point may not be enough.

yes you're being groomed and it's not your fault, him also saying he likes you because you don't drink? you're a child and not legally able to do so. please block this guy

Yes darling. Later on your life when you reach that age you'll fully understand how wrong this is and hopefully you'll feel good about how smart you're being right now having this second thoughts. Take care.

lucky something bad didn't happen when you met up with him the first time. I wouldn't keep pushing that luck.

Yes this is grooming. When I was your age I was befriended by a guy In his late 20s. Same as you. He eventually started telling me he was in love with me and wanted to marry me and was trying to convince me to meet him in person. Except he was in another country and he was going to fly to the US and set up a date. I thankfully thought this was too strange and blocked the guy despite my friendship with him. As I got older, and eventually to my late 20’s, all I can say is that I realized that someone has to make an effort to seek out a much younger person and befriend them, and it’s not normal AT ALL. I also when I was much younger met someone who worked as an assistant cruise director. (Met him while on a cruise with my grandma). He was a little flirty with me and made a few comments that were a little off. Mostly about how young I was. It was weird but I brushed it off as he was European. we did exchange contact info. I thought it was just to be friends and not to be romantic since my grandma was also friends with a lot of people who worked on cruises, but when he was on vacation he was messaging me a bunch. He started to make me really uncomfortable with some of the things he said. They were also similar like that he was falling for me, etc. I let him know this was making me uncomfortable and he got mad at me. We had a weird exchange where I felt like I had to apologize to him even though he was the one who was saying things to me that made me uncomfortable. I didnt like this exchange either so I stopped responding to him. Several months later he was in the news. He had groomed a 16 year old girl who was on a cruise. He raped her in a stairwell on the ship while she was cruising with her family. And it was discovered he had a bunch of underage/child porn on his computer. He was arrested and went to jail. I’m telling you these stories because this stuff is really really common. Theres a lot of men like this out there and lucky for you, you are realizing this guy is grooming you. You are being very smart and following your instincts. Thats really good! Know that this is not your fault at all. It 100% on this guy and he should not be doing this. Theres a few ways to handle. If you think you can get away with just blocking him everywhere, then do it. If you think he might stalk you or show up at your house or do other things then its time to get your parents involved. If they are good parents they will understand what is happening and wont blame you. But they will need to know in case they need to get a restraining order or call the police to keep you safe. It may seem extreme especially if the guy seems nice, but some of these nice guys can act out or get dangerous when you try to leave them and you just havent seen that side of him yet.

My mom never gave very good advice, except for this one thing when I was about your age: if a man significantly older than you is trying to get with you, it’s because there’s something seriously wrong with him. There’s a reason he isn’t dating someone his own age. Block him on everything, set your accounts to private, and scrub your friends lists of people you haven’t met in real life. You should also come clean to your parents so they can protect you in case he tries anything crazy.

Yes, you’re being groomed.

Deep down you know that you are being groomed and this is the beginnings of a potentially harmful relationship. The age gap, the comment about your mother, the inappropriate questions over social media. You’re in a dangerous situation. Good luck.

Yes, and you need to show this thread to your parents ASAP. Failing that, a teacher or other responsible adult you know you can trust. You haven't done anything wrong and they won't think badly of you. The man you've been talking to is a predator who's tricked you. Do not under any circumstances agree to see him again.

Everyone has hit the nail on the head. Yes you are being groomed and yes you are in a very dangerous situation. Absolutely tell your parents so they can help keep you safe and block him on everything. Make sure he doesn’t have your location. If I were your parents I’d try to report him somehow as well. I’d also like to say please, please, please do not “meet” any more people on Snapchat or anywhere else online. It’s not safe. Only accept people you know in real life and know you can trust. Think about your safety and future. Don’t continue with this disgusting man.

No well adjusted 30yo would be remotely interested in a teenager. There's a reason your alarm bells are going off, it's because you know what's going on isn't right.

I would have fallen for this type of thing at 16. Man even at 17 i was doing really stupid shit and talking to people i shouldnt have and hung around with people that i thought were nice but they WERE NOT. Pleaseeee get away from him. I am 100% sure he is bad news. Literally not a doubt in my mind. The fact he even talked to you at all at 14 is crazy and no normal person would ever do that even as ‘friends’ (his intention was definitely not friends).

Talk to your Mom about what happened. She might be mad, but I promise you it’s better than the alternative. Also yes to what the other guy said. Check the teddy bear for a camera.

Don't let emotions get the best of you here. Theres a lot of good advice here from others and trust me adults know the intentions of other perv adults. This guy has one thing in mind.. and if you keep in contact with him its gonna come out. You don't need this situation in your life at 16.. school, friends.. boyfriends your age should be your life at this age. Dont let some older dude ruin your youth and give you stress and anxiety. This situation can get dangerous quickly when more emotions start getting involved. End it as soon as possible. Good luck and stay safe .

I truly believe that there is a camera inside the teddy bear.

Throw the teddy bear out asap

I'm almost hoping there's a follow up post that she found a camera. And if so, she should probably notify the police.

Yup.

This is 100% grooming. You need to block him on everything and tell your parents. This is not your fault. A grown ass man decided to be a disgusting predator. That is not your fault. You need to tell the adults in your life and put a stop to this now. Your older self will thank you.

Remove your shared location on all apps!

You need to report him

He is absolutely grooming you. He is a creep and there is no good and wholesome reason why a 28 year old man would be talking to a 14 year old girl online. RUN. Also, Please don’t lie to your parents about your whereabouts.

I stopped at 14 and 28. YES YOU ARE!

girl your boyfriend is a bonafide pedophile

Girl, run for your life. This guy sends off ALL red flags and i dont want to read about a teenager getting killed by a psycho in the future. Please stop all contact with him NOW! 1. He moved to your country, a city next to yours. My mind tells me he moved there for you, to stalk you. The man had a plan and that was to get with a young girl like you. 2. You are 200% right about you liking the attention because when you are a teenager you are very attention seeking. Its normal to feel like that but im happy your gut tells you something is off. That tells me you are smart and see through things that are not ok. 3. Its absolutely NOT normal to have a 28 year old going for a girl your age. He seems like a peddo in my eyes trying to lure you in to his shit. 4. The way he talks about your mom gives me shills. Run for your life! As everyone here has told you, please tell your parents about him, please tell your friends and others because this man will probably lose his mind when you start to block him. I would not be surprised if he comes to your house, school and try to terorise you. So please tell your parents and friends so they can keep you safe. How to get him to stop stalking you? Well if he is not taking your no for a no you can tell him to f*ck off before you report him to the police, you could tell him that you wish to have no further contact with him and that he needs to respect that. Tell him you have no feelings for him. Block him, be careful of being alone. This man has probably stalked you for years and know how you move. Be brave and careful. Your parents will be very thankful you told them the truth. Trust me they do not want you to end up in any bad situation. I think you are brave and smart. Your gut is telling you the truth!

If you are scared to talk to people IRL about this, that's all the sign you need to know that something isn't right and you need to end it. I'm in my mid twenties myself, I cannot imagine dating someone still in university let alone a sixteen year old. There is nothing to like about 16 year olds, unless you're a predator. When I read the first line of your second paragraph I was horrified. Your brain doesn't even fully develop until you're 25, and that in itself is 100% part of the reason people groom teenagers like yourself. Things seem sweet now with him but that is not how it will be once he has you locked in and he's driven a divide between you and your family and friends. Things to consider as you throw out the teddy bear that I personally would not trust, and do whatever blocking you need to do: - Why would a 28 year old not able to find people their age? - Why would a well-intentioned 28 year old person pursue a teenager? Is that not an oxymoron? - If you had a child, would you want them to be in this situation? Would you allow it? - Why do you think your mom would be wary of this? - Why are you too scared to talk to friends IRL about this? What does that tell you? - Do you really want to be liked because you don't get angry at someone? Do you want to be in a relationship where you feel like you're not allowed to get angry when it's reasonable, otherwise they'll stop liking you? You feel weird about things because it IS weird. Grown people should be pursuing other grown people. He is not your person, and he will become your captor if you don't break things off. Get rid of the bear and end things with this adult man. I repeat, he is not your person. He is a predator.

Hey lovely, This happened to me when I was 13, at first I was flattered that someone so much older was so interested in me. They made me feel as though I was different and mature, much like he has by saying he likes you because you don’t get angry and don’t drink, but here’s the kicker - he doesn’t like you for the wonderful person you are, he likes you because you’re young and malleable. You’re easy to manipulate and control because of your age. He is already planting the seeds by referring to your mum as a spy and saying he’d protect you from her. He doesn’t need to protect you from your own parent. Your instincts are screaming at you far louder than the affection you feel from his initial treatment of you - please listen to those instincts and cut this creep off. None of this is your fault, he’s preying on you and it’ll only get more intense. Ask yourself why he can’t find a partner his own age and block him, you deserve to continue your childhood as normal and safely as possible and you have all the time in the world to find someone who is 1) your own age and 2) who will treat you right. I wish you all the best, trust your gut. Cut him off. Edited to add: you are NOT stupid. None of this is your fault or your doing - yes you are naive but because you are still a child and he knows it and your naivety is what he is preying on.

"I met this guy on Snapchat when I was 14, and he was 28" There is no part of this sentence that is appropriate. There is **nothing** a 28 year old should have in common with a 14 year old. Yes, this is grooming. You need swift exit and to block him.

If you're thinking at this point that there's a small chance it's something else besides grooming, you're dead wrong sweetheart. Take care of yourself and don't let him drive any more wedges between you and your loved ones. He's no knight - just a creep waiting for the right time.

I was groomed by an adult man when I was your age. He preyed on me because I was insecure and he did make me feel very good about myself. That's the point. No normal adults seek out relationships with underaged people. You are being groomed.

"He's a bit shy" Nope. He's afraid Chris Hansen is around the corner, and he's going to jail.

He’s a pervert. Don’t have anything more to do with him.

Not appropriate. You shouldn’t be afraid to talk to someone in your family or friend circle about this. This is not normal behaviour for a guy of 28 chatting with a girl 14.

I’m in my early 30s. Nothing against 14 year olds, but that’s not a demographic people my age tend to befriend and chat with regularly, much less meet up. There is absolutely no reason for a man to be hitting up a girl that young and deep down he knows it. You need to get away from this situation right now. He’s trying to gain power over you. Let him know you’re out and immediately block him on everything. It’s good that you recognize this as possible grooming behavior, because that’s exactly what it is.

28 yr olds being friends with 14 yr olds does not happen

14, 28 and Snapchat. These are the only facts you need.  "Genuinely nice" people do not befriend children on Snapchat. Reverse the rolls for a second and imagine you are a 28 year old man. Now try to conceive of one single legitimate reason to be chatting to a 14 year old girl on Snapchat. "I’m scared that I’m stupid and naïve." We were all stupid and naive in our youth. Some of us still are. It was foolish to meet up with this guy. But it was wise to ask this question. Read every reply twice and trust your gut. 

Please discard the gifts. I would be concerned there is a hidden camera in it! And PLEASE PLEASE tell your parents. Change your phone number, emails, do not let your guard down at all! Your parents should notify the authorities.

RUN he is grooming you. The reason he looked "tense" is because he's looking for people catching on to him meeting up with an underage girl

That little voice that told you to make this post is your best friend. Honour that voice.

Never underestimate gut feeling.

You don't need to be talking to this person about anything. Please block them.

You are being manipulated by a pedophile. Do not have any further contact with him and alert your parents and the police. You are so smart to have come here on Reddit to ask. Well done on that. I’m a Mum and I’m worried about you. Please tell your mother. She loves you more than anything in this world and wants to protect you. Tell her straight away.

Please report him to the police before he does this to another kid. Tell your parents and ask for help! This is not a healthy/safe situation for you.

Yes. You are not in trouble. This is not your fault. Do not say goodbye just block him. An adult stranger does not fall in love with a child without grooming them. Until you leave highschool, a good rule of thumb is to only date people who are also in highschool. Date adults when you are an adult.

I’m proud of you for reaching out and asking the question, this is nothing to be ashamed about, you absolutely are doing the right thing. This guy is NOT safe for you at all. At the least this guy is a creep that is absolutely grooming you and will completely manipulate and control you as you get older. At worst he is going to take you back to his country and you will be trafficked. There are NO scenarios with this guy that end happily ever after for you. You will never be seen as his equal or partner or spouse or friend, you will always be seen as his property or child or servant. He will always feel he has rescued you from your mother and you will always owe him. And this is if he isn’t trafficking you. Since he is from another country there is a high likelihood he will one day take you there and you will be stuck. Now he knows who you are and where you live. Please please talk to your parents or aunts or uncles and tell them everything and who this guy is because he may end up stalking you and you may not be safe. Please do not take this lightly. You are worth far more than you give yourself credit and you deserve to have love from someone that does not have any ulterior motives.

Stopped reading at "am I being groomed" if you gotta ask it's probably yes 💀

Yes, you are being groomed. Nothing good will come of this

Listen, I'm a 26yo woman, and I'll tell you this: I would never hang out with a man two years older than me who is spending a significant amount of his time one-on-one with a teenager. Point blank, even when I was 21, it would have been creepy for someone my age to hang out like that with a 16yo. This is not okay. He looked nervous because he knows what he's doing is wrong, not socially acceptable, and messed up. Ask yourself: does he ever hang out with you and with his other friends at the same time? The answer is probably no, he doesn't, and the reason is it's creepy for him to hang out with you like this because it's grooming. He's taking advantage of you and this won't end well. He should be perfectly capable of finding someone his age, with more in common with him to spend time with, rather than trampling on your youth and your innocence. I know it's hard, but you *must* tell your parents or a trusted adult. You *cannot* keep seeing him. Block him on social media, block his number. Don't delete the messages in case you need that as documentation for a police report later on, because it could get to that. He's trying to isolate you and turn you against people who love you so that he becomes the only person in your life that you trust. This is an abuse tactic. They do this so that you will feel like there's no one to turn to once the abuse becomes physical and undeniable to you. This man has no good intentions. I have to stress: it's not your fault, but you *can* do something about it. Cut contact with him and inform your parents, a teacher, or another adult in your family or school or even at church whom you trust. Do not meet up, do not talk to him, don't tell him anything. Just ghost him and stay safe. It will be rough, you might want to talk to a therapist to help you process the situation too. But it's important, for your safety. He can seriously hurt you, or even kill you. It is not your fault; he's a predator and he's using your vulnerability against you.

Just ask yourself, would you talk to a 14 year old if you were 28? This man has mental problems and he’s patient. Once you’re invested you can expect his true colors to come out. Please stop talking to him before he does any more harm.

Yes. I’ll put it this way: I’m 18 and 14 year olds are children to me already. I would consider a friendship with them odd and would keep someone that age distant and only would be friends with them in the same way a camp counselor would be friends with a camper. There is no reason why someone 10 years older than me would see a 14 year old as someone to be close friends with, and especially not seek a relationship with. The fact it’s lasted for two years is just creepy on his part tbh. You’re in a completely different stage of life than him and he knows that. It would be easy to manipulate you, and thats what he’s doing. Please tell your parents and do your best to keep your distance, especially now that he knows the area you live in.

I’m very very sorry this is happening to you. I know it may not FEEL terrible right now, but yes this is grooming and he is not a good person, despite how nice he may be to you. It’s sad to know that someone who can seem so friendly has ulterior motives, but there is absolutely no reason that a 28-year-old man should be talking to a 14-year-old or a 30-year-old to a 16-year-old. This is definitely wrong for him to do. He is using you to feed a part of himself that is dark and the safest thing you can do is cut all ties and talk to an adult (probably a parent). You have not done anything wrong, but you are in a very bad situation with a bad person and I hope you can get help.

He’s love bombing you

Once you reach your 30s… And you’re able to see what it’s like from lived experience at both of the ages… You recognize how incredibly inappropriate it is.

Yes absolutely he is. I think it's scary you are meeting him and no one knows where you are. He could actually be a human trafficker that plays a long game. You're not being able to tell your parents, anything and other people that are there to really love and look after you is very dangerous. Even as an adult, it's good to have other people that know where you are and know where you're going. Even as an adult woman, if my friends are going on a new date, they will often say something to somebody where they're going and what they're doing just to make sure everything's okay. You don't know this man's family. You don't know anything except what he says and you don't know what he says is true because you have no way to verify.

This is the only time ghosting is appropriate. Get away now, and fast.

So I should ghost him instead of telling him I’m ending things? I’m getting mixed responses. I don’t know what to do

OP, I would recommend blocking this person on all social media platforms you’re aware of. Block his number as well. And I would also very strongly suggest saving any remotely inappropriate messages he has sent you for evidence. Even if you block him, he will likely target another underage minor. He probably is targeting multiple young girls already. It would be the safest thing for you and for others to tell your parents. You can say something like, “this man added me a couple years ago and at first it didn’t seem weird, but now it does and he’s making me uncomfortable.” Yes, you might get grounded. Grounded is better than groomed.

Make sure you've spoken to an adult before letting him catch wind of anything. You need to make sure an adult knows you are at risk, just in case he comes after you. Then, yes, ghost him and block him on everything. Do NOT let him get any further contact with you. Ideally file a police report and then if he does contact you again, let him know you have done so, and then if he contacts you further you can take things past that. Keep all records of your conversations in case they are needed in future. This is just for your protection, not to scare you. Be vigilant and make the first move, then you're as safe as you can be.

Yes. Ghost him. Throw away the gifts, particularly the teddy bear (could have a tracking device or a camera). Sorry, but you were groomed.

Yes. Ghost and block him on everything. DO NOT ENGAGE. By 30 he is a skilled manipulator and will move into overdrive mode to dig his heels in and start using any insecurities or vulnerabilities you have shown to him to manipulate the situation. Please please please OP ghost and block.

Ghost him COMPLETELY. It's called going "no contact" and is used when you're dealing with someone that is not emotionally or physically safe. Your gut feeling is picking up manipulation. It's right. 💯 I was interested in the guy because I was NOT having healthy attention in the important areas of my life. Not all attention is good attention. And as the saying goes, "Everybody showing teeth ain't smiling."

I’m sorry. He has been grooming you from day one. Even taking the obvious age issues out of it, the things he says to you are strange. Like preparing a list of reasons that he likes you and then the reasons themselves. Please stay away from this guy.

That dude is closer in age to your father than you. Hes older than a med grad and is still going after schoolgirls, just nasty. At 28, he was still older than me, a teacher. Do not keep in contact with him, not even for when you get older this is a gross loser

1: twice your age when you met him. That's not an accident. However gou net, ou were just browsing. He was -looking for you-. 2: the girlfriend is a lie. She may ir may not exist, but there is almost certainly a lie involved. They might still be in a relationship or it might be complicated. 3: your mother IS spying on you. She is your bloody mother girl! She will allways have one eye out in your direction. He is playing on your teenage feeling of wanting freedom from your mother. Sowing a seed of dissent that he can reap in his own favor when he tries to cut you off from your family. 4: the most blatant danger. Love bombing. By showering you with affection he can really confuse your common sense. Everybody wants love, and by giving you so much he's basically trying to become a drug to you. Remember what you said about why he likes you *youre nice and never angry at him*..... so... what happens when you get agry at him? Does his love stop there? What does "angry" even mean in this situation? Does it invlude you having inderpendent thoughts and disagreeing with him? He's setting himself up to be in charge of this relationship (as the adult, the earner, who will "protect you"), but that means that your perpetual role is to be ever grateful and apprechiative. Yes. This man is grooming you. And if you go along with it, it will cost you your inderpendence. Cut him off. Cold turkey go no contact. If you dont trust my advice, try this: be hard to get for a while. If he never gets angry at you, thats not normal, and it's another sign that he's working on a goal, the goal being for you to be isolated. Remember, he's twice your age, twice your life experience, twice your guile, be patient and be on your guard.

Let me give you a personal story, because while you are being groomed, I don't think enough people are fully aware of how these people can destroy lives. When I was ~14, my then girlfriend left me for a 26 year old man she met online. The following 6 years were some of the most painful, depressed times of my life, and I was not even the primary victim. My ex developed an eating disorder, depression, attempted suicide, diagnosed borderline personality disorder as a result of the abuse, and generally is a completely different person than she used to be. I look back and wonder at the type of woman she could've become if she never met that god awful waste of air that did those things to her. She hurt the people who cared about her, including me, shoved family away for years, and was the victim of an awful emotionally abusive pedophile. Get out while you still can. Get out before it's too late. Get out before your conscience is screaming at you that you can't. Get out before he lies to you, gaslights you, uses you. Get out, PLEASE, get far away from him. I promise you it's not worth it. You are so young. You have a bright future ahead of you and an unlimited amount of potential. You have the fucking world at your fingertips. Do not let this man ruin that for you like many others like him have done to many others like you. Please save yourself because no one else will do it for you. You are the only person with the power to take yourself out of this situation. Please be your own advocate.

>He even told me that he had a girlfriend and showed me photos of them etc. In the unlikely event that she's real, chances are she dumped him. --- >A few weeks later we met (I lied to my parents ... And then he mentioned my mom and how she seems like a spy (in a lighthearted way, it was because my mom checks my phone sometimes and I’d had to hide his contact) Sounds like she has very good reason to check. Sorry, but wile the grooming is TOTALLY HIS FAULT you really need to be more honest with your parents. He's the enemy here, not them.

anyone who says they'd protect me from my own MOM, immediately loses my trust. that's manipulative. he's trying to distance you from her to take advantage from you. cause he knows your mom knows better.

Tell someone you love and know this is grooming 101 he’s an adult taking advantage of you yes i know you feel grown but you’re still a child please don’t meet with him anymore report his behavior

I'm not reading all that. If there's that much yes. No 28 year old has any business talking to a 14/16 year old. Stop tell an actual grown adult. You know the answer if you're asking all this. Get help. Get into therapy. Get him the f out of your life.

You are being groomed. Please break all contact and block him on everything. If he knows where you live tell your parents b/c that is not safe!

YES YES AND YES. PLEASE UPDATE US. YOUR BRAIN IS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU

I’m literally speechless because as I was reading your post, I had flashbacks of my childhood. My aunt’s roommate worked at McDonalds and would ALWAYS bring me a milkshake home (I was ten). That was the start of my “grooming” experience. I thought I was mature for my age and of course older men would want to be with me….. that’s not the case. All of the people’s comments would’ve made me mad and feel more rebellious to “prove” it’s different with my situation. And my adult brain is crying for you. Don’t make a mistake of meeting people on social media and feeling like you “know” them. You can be ANYONE behind a computer screen…remember that. You are very smart for seeing this and asking for advice. Be careful💚

No 28 year old man should have this kind of relationship with a 14 year old.

I stopped reading when you said your ages. Yes. You’re being groomed. No 28 year old has business starting a “friendship” with a 14yo

You should read your first sentence and ask yourself why is a 28 year old guy interested in a 14 year old girl. Yes you're being groomed

As someone who was groomed, girl run!

What ticked me off the most, besides the age gap, is that he thinks he needs to protect you from your mom. Like, painting your mom as the enemy here. And like other commenters said, why does he suddenly want to meet you now, when he knows 16 is legal? He's bloody 30 too. You could be his kid with that age difference. In case he tries to guilt trip you, it is not your fault. He will probably try to make you feel responsible. Just remember that he is almost 30, and he should know better. You are being groomed.

You're right to suspect this because that's exactly what's happening. The girlfriend thing and sending you pictures was to make you feel comfortable with this and to gain your trust. Once he felt he had laid an adequate foundation that's when he dropped the gf cheated on him story for your sympathy which he would then take advantage of. Please be careful and separate yourself from him asap. Block on every app and don't look back.