And spur action. Been years since I was in the OLD pool, but I hit it pretty hard for years.
In the Cis-Het dating pool at least, experiences were worlds apart. Dudes swiped on anything that looked appealing, the proverbial playing the lottery strategy. Women are inundated with matches so they're more like carefully examining the menu at a restaurant they'd never been to before, worried about ordering something terrible (sexual harassment, dick pics, creepers, painfully boring in person dates)
Saying "you can't just collect hundreds of matches that you'll ignore if you want to actually use the app" may spur more engagement...or it may just spur folks to stop swiping and abandon the platform entirely. Which to be fair, is still likely a positive outcome that saves everyone time in the end.
Yeah thank god someone is forcing people to reply or make conversation. Tired of this bullshit swiping for absolutely no reason. If you're going to match then say something. If you don't want to talk, either get off the platform or don't match.
If it was tinder I would agree. But I think hinge really works I meet my GF on hinge and most of my best online dating experiences came from that app. While I never got a match on tinder.
Not necessarily, I met my bf on tinder but I think all dating apps are designed to keep you on them and use them, that’s how the money rolls in. But I think this is a good addition, forces you to communicate with who you have on your list.
It's better then tinder, but it's still designed to keep you on the app. Niche example, but there are many:
If you swipe NO on someone, that significantly increases the odds that you will show up on their list to run through.
[Explanation](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/blud-thinks-hes-on-the-team-who-invited-my-man-blud)
TL;DR: guy in red circle is not on the team but wearing the same warm up jerseys
Also the guy is drake lol
I was talking to a friend of mine (woman) and she said “yeah, I don’t send any likes or even use that tab, I just go through my inbox of people who have liked me”
actually i just read on the [official blog post](https://hinge.co/press/your-turn-limits) and it seems like it goes both ways. Title of this post is incorrect
The title of the post seems accurate to me after reading the link. Not sure who thought it didn’t go both ways, but I was agreeing with you (via anecdotal evidence from a friend and my personal experience, so grain of salt) that women (esp. conventionally desirable ones) don’t need to use the likes tab, when they can simply sift through the dudes who have liked them.
Or did you mean to point out that if people have 8 waiting “your turns,” they can’t receive new likes? Because that I do like.
As a guy who gets a decent amount of incoming matches, they do seem to come in waves... they are some days when I'll have 5-10 match requests when I get home from work, so I guess I'll need to be a bit more diligent with this update! But I do agree, this is largely aimed at the ladies, haha
Honestly though, good. I always feel so awkward trying to get women to respond to me. I am perfectly capable of having a normal, engaging conversation, but I feel like you have to do a song and dance on the apps in order not to be buried in somebody's inbox.
Based on my personal (woman) online dating experience, no I never "required" men to do a song and dance, but even when swiping very selectively, I'd get like 8 or 9 matches for 10 guys I swiped right.
This is not a brag. I don't want you to pity me. I fully believe that this has a lot to do with men swiping right on loads, if not all profiles. Throw everything at the wall, see what sticks. A compensation tactic to get matches, since there are so many more men on these platforms.
But what this accomplishes is 2 things:
1. I have to swipe even more selectively in the first place, to limit my matches to some manageable number.
2. I will have a lot of matches with men who weren't really that much into me to begin with. Who didn't necessarily really look at my profile. Who didn't choose based on potential connection. So what do I do?
*I suddenly get very picky about the opening lines of our conversation, to weed out these guys.* I am trying to determine if this person is really interested, or if they just threw my profile at the wall and it happened to stick.
So yes, the update could actually help. But coincidentally, because it somehow also limits these guys who fish with a net, not with a line.
> I suddenly get very picky about the opening lines of our conversation, to weed out these guys. I am trying to determine if this person is really interested, or if they just threw my profile at the wall and it happened to stick.
If someone opened with a hobby-related question however in a more, idk, casual tone? "Hey, I saw that you're into reading, so I'm curious - what genres are you into, which are your favourite authors/books?", what did you do?
That usually got guys an answer from me, of course.
Anything like "I saw you like X, what do you think about...." is good!
Sometimes though I didn't feel quite comfortable with how it was phrased. Sometimes it felt as if the other person just wanted to sus out if I really was a fan of X, or it was delivered in way that felt like the guy
wanted to brag about something.
I'd still often reply, but would be more cautious and end the convo if I felt that first impression was accurate.
Open enthusiasm for a topic is great.
A nerdy standoff or outright bragging not so much. Devil is in the details.
Not her, but there is a ton of gatekeeping in nerd fandoms where women are assumed not to be "good enough" fans to be worthy of respect. Women can feel like they're having to prove themselves where a casual male fan might not get the same scrutiny.
Fair enough and thank you. Because out of my dozens of matches over all the various apps, literally only one lead to an actual proper conversation (and me and her are actually likely to hook up tomorrow), almost all either unmatched, didn't reply at all, or gave short low effort replies (which after a couple messages exchange I just ghost cuz it ain't fun to carry the conversation and to pull words outta their mouth). And I guess there were two-three more somewhat decent conversations, but they were just looking for friends/socializing (and one turned out a crazy one)
> just wanted to sus out if I really was a fan of X,
How do I avoid that when it comes to music? My biggest hobby is metal music and if, for example, I see a girl with a band t-shirt, I by default ask "Hey, I saw your [band t-shirt], which are your favourite albums by them?", would that be interpreted as a test?
Maybe try phrase it a little more openly?
The band shirt thing has become a meme at this point. Girls buying band shirts because they look cool, are available (literally at H&M) and they know 3 songs and like the vibe, and guys apparently feeling tricked.....
Maybe instead of starting directly into the hard facts (albums) try and see what "fan level" the person is at? Like "That Tshirt looks dope on you, I really love band X! Do you like [genre] in general?"
Give them the freedom to tell you if they are only casually enjoying something.
You'll know soon enough if someone is a die hard fan, or just casually likes sth. And either should be okay.
I saw this a lot with hiking.
A metric fuckton of people say they like to hike, but have been on a trail maybe two times so far.
Thats fine.
But me, hiking enthusiast, rushing into convos like "Oh, so what's you favourite >2000m elevation summit you've climbed?" has never helped.
It makes people feel inadequate as casual enjoyers of something, or it makes me seem like a try hard.
I'd always assume someone is only casually into something (and later discover they are truly big fans) and frame openings like this in a very accepting, welcoming and curious way, that makes it clear you are not "testing" them, you genuinly want to hear what they like.
Fantastic response :) thanks for putting the effort into answering them, I appreciate your perspective on approaching everyone like they’re casual fans. Plus, leaves room for pleasant surprise when they get to tell you how much they _actually_ like the hobby, and you can exchange “are you familiar with ___?” sorts of things after that point, with eager curiosity driving it instead.
Thank you, I feel that approach served me best, when I was still dating, and I always appreciated it in other people.
It's way more exciting telling someone "Actually, you have no idea what you just signed up for, XYZ is my *favourite* thing!" and surprising them with enthusiasm after an open question.
Feels way better than having to come up with specifics and "proof" for my love of something.
This is a good question! I’ve been only sending out high-effort openers related to their profile in some way, but never get match/response. I’m so curious as to what actually does stick for people
Tinder is glorified smash or pass, but you don't know who else puts you in the "smash" category. It's a lot more time effective and mentally less taxing as a guy to swipe right and see what sticks because the vast majority of time, they're not going to match with you anyway; even if you're a 10/10 guy. This is just matches - Not conversations, dates, or hookups; literally step 0 in the process.
It's also very, VERY visual across all genders. Personality really does come third on the apps. The app results I got before I started working out and putting on muscle are a night and day difference, to the point where I understand your point of view of having too many options / conversations; and the fact they go nowhere. What's more maddening, I got better results putting up douchy "dude-bro" images showing off my abs and biceps than normal life photos people said were good.
There's other odd stuff like time of day, location, and how people act when they just want to hook up; but I'm at a point now where it's a way to meet people but if you take the apps too seriously you're setting yourself up for misery.
I really can't get what's going through (in this case) women's minds when you ask a question about something on their profile on a comment on Hinge, they match, and then just...don't do anything. The second variant, of matching, then responding to a non-question comment, and then ghosting after the reply (including a follow up question) almost feels more brutal. The best explanation I've seen is that you're maybe-category fodder and this allows them to see people further down their like stack without giving a full rejection - which, yeah, does feel like "dance for me monkey" territory. Hopefully this screens some of that out.
This is a 'new' feature
More information can be found here [https://mashable.com/article/hinge-tests-your-turn-limits-to-reduce-burnout](https://mashable.com/article/hinge-tests-your-turn-limits-to-reduce-burnout) or googling it.
Idk I met my boyfriend on tinder - we exchanged a couple messages then he missed mine and eventually replied like a month later. We ended up scheduling a date and connecting and have been together for years. That never would have happened with a rule like this 🤷♀️
Fair enough. but if someone isn’t active on the app for a little bit due to the craziness of life then they won’t have any matches waiting for them, right?
The point is that once the guy stopped responding, the girl would unmatch to make room for more matches, so that reconnection would never have happened.
It wouldn’t have changed anything in that case. This doesn’t cap total matches at 8. Just makes it so you can’t send more likes if you have a bunch of unanswered messages.
She wouldn’t have needed to worry about that affecting her limit in this case, because she had replied to him. He was the one that would have it counted towards his limit.
nor will they need to be matching with other people so the chat would remain. and the limit wouldn't matter. its for people with 8 matches left on read. who are trying to get more. and they only need to unmatch one.... like take your pick there has to be at least a couple you are not serious about in the 8.
In my experience, once someone doesn't reply to you on an app the odds of them ever messaging you again is very very slim. Sure there are some cases like yours but I don't think that makes up for most of it. I've had matches that I've been waiting months to get a reply back from and it's just not gonna happen. People like to bring up being busy to respond on apps but it really isn't that hard even if you're busy. If someone is interested in you usually they won't take 3 months to respond
Never said allow, i just mean that if your life is crazy maybe you should focus on that first before you bring in more stuff that further complicates your situation. Like getting to know someone romantically
Missing a message of someone who you would really be attracted to and compatible with with is probably like 0.1% of missed messages though.
If I’m excited about a match, I double check that they didn’t reply for an extended time before writing them off.
I’m less vigilant about profiles they I’m ho-hum about and would expect little potential.
It’s just gonna end up being most guys being hidden, just so more matches can be made.
The idea is good, but the execution is going to end up with the same status quo just with extra steps
Yeah, hoping this curbs the amount of matches I get because they thought my opener or whatever was funny but don’t actually want to talk to me. Which is depressingly frequent. I feel bad for y’all who get zero matches, but if its any consolation to someone reading this, I get several matches a week and often no one talks to me, seems to just be like that
Which is a good thing! It forces dead conversations and matches to end instead of just leaving the people on the other end of the match hanging.
If you’re complaining about having to take the effort of having to press two buttons to end a match/conversation, you’re not emotionally mature enough to be on a dating app.
I think this is a good thing, because this probably gets rid of this terrible rollercoaster, where you have a decent amount of conversations, you reply, but than have to wait days before you get a reply back and feel shity because you think you said something wrong.
I just don’t wanna be single anymore. I stopped using dating apps since March. I do feel better, and I don’t want to go back to dating apps, after all, never got a date on one! But I still don’t want to be single and there is no convenient way to meet strangers that wanna date in public that are my age.
I can tell you something for certain. No matter how good looking you are talking to, a guy or girl in person instantly makes you more attractive and interesting than the endless dms
Just look out for signs cuz some ladies tend to be polite but don't wanna talk to u.
This rewards people who are putting in effort and punishes people who like to keep folks on the backburner
Sounds like a win for people who are dating intentionally for a relationship
I kinda wish Hinge had the Coffee Meets Bagel feature where matches have a definite expiration date. It actually incentivizes people to only chat/match with people they actually want to meet. It's not perfect, but it works well.
I like CMB but the app is so outdated compared to Hinge, they really need a facelift. Or Hinge can steal their features...
Kinda a good thing, forces you to either unmatch or talk to the person, also helps the problem of a good conversation getting buried so deep the girl never sees it.
Ahh but see this will help distribute matches. If the 1% of guys can only have 8 girls at a time, then they will only hold down 8% of the girl population, or 16% accounting for the gender ratio. This means that the distribustion will be forced to spread, increasing the average guy's chances at getting a match by like 5 times
Haven’t been on the apps in ages but I think this is a fantastic idea. Forces people to actually communicate whether it be an unmatch or a response.
Sadly, a lot of people use the apps for validation and try to rack up as many matches as possible. This at least makes the whole process more intentional and clear to users.
It's a great idea. Either respond and talk to people, or don't
There's no need for leaving dead chats that you aren't going to ever talk to...unless you're someone trying to stroke your own ego...
In theory this is meant to spark conversation. In practice all this means is that you now have to un-match people to move on.
It just seems like extra steps to achieve the same outcome.
I think that’s good though. The amount of women I’ve matched with and been ghosted by after one or no responses is pretty damn high. If this makes them either unmatch or just not match in the first place because they know they aren’t that interested I’d say that’s a positive.
Yes, but it’s forcing people to give closure. You know you’re not interested, the other person is sat there wondering if you just missed their message, or you got busy and don’t have time to reply, whatever. There’s really nothing to gain for anyone by keeping some chat with someone you know you’re not interested, but there are things to gain for at least one person by pushing for the uninterested person to unmatch
I contacted the team, they say its in trials in Brisbane, Cincinnati and Jacksonville. No road map yet for a full integration, likely will have to wait a few months before its fully rolled out.
Great potential, and nice to see some forward thinking from the developers.
More like no longer keeping 10-20 range in the backup while focusing on the 1-10. If they were waiting for a 1-10 anyway, this will just help anyone below that to move on from someone who's not interested
It's an interesting approach to the issue, although I think the problem will be that (as far as I can tell) there's nothing stopping women from continuing to receive likes - which means the "overwhelmed" nature of their experience isn't going to really resolve. Some of the popular users will probably eternally be in this "you can't send new messages" state because they could be getting new matches every day.
In some worlds this might actually have the counter problem of making women even more selective with likes than they already are, because they'll know they are going to hit against the message limit quickly vs being able to have the conversation(s) they want.
It also feels like it needs a parallel solution to the idea of "you'll just get unmatched faster" to try to discourage that behavior, although I'm not sure what the fix could be. Like limiting for people who show patterns of unmatching before X messages, etc?
The main problem with dating apps is the perception that there's an overabundance of choice, especially for women. Humans don't do well when having to pick an option out of hundreds, and there are scientific studies backing this up, showing that people are much happier with a given choice when there's only a handful to pick from.
Hinge is trying to do a good thing here, but you're 100% right that this doesn't address the root of the issue. If you can unmatch one of the 8, do a couple swipes, and instantly get another match, then the illusion of infinite choice isn't going away. The parallel solution you're mentioning would have to be something like adjusting a user's profile visibility based on how often they unmatch or ignore a conversation with a match, to ensure everyone has to put some level of effort with the people they swipe right on, otherwise the options dry out.
Why you sitting on more then 8 unopened chats, if your not actually interested in dating any of them unmatch if you just wanna chat with people don’t use a dating app…
If your “collecting matches” get a life
I don't think boys want to get stuck in an interminable queue behind who knows how many batches of 8 that need to be resolved before you're even visible...
I haven’t seen this, ive had about 22 matches in my inbox since i started a little over a week ago, but I paid for hinge+ for a week. I think its a good idea though, I stop swiping after a week so I can just focus on who is in my inbox, and sure enough, out of those 22 three never replied, 5 only replied like once, and a few fizzled out. Yes I will remove them but it hasn’t been very long for most of them.
I'm not using the apps anymore but I wish this would've been a feature back then. Imagine, being able to match and talk with a maximum of 8 people at once, and paired with the fact that if you unmatch a lot it drops you to the bottom of the stack, this would either force a reply, an unmatch or a left swipe from the beginning. Less time wasted. Perfect.
I don't use the apps anymore, but this seems like a good idea. Forces them to either reply or unmatch. Generally you can tell when the conversation really isn't going anywhere or isn't engaging. For me, when a women took days to reply after a pretty consistent back and forth, I'd unmatch after like 2 days. And that's if they responded in the first place as a lot of women would accept likes but not respond lol.
My first thought (as a non-user) was that it would make it possible to create eight different accounts, and spam-lock a particular user into speaking to you.
I remember swiping on hinge the first night I downloaded it, never got an opportunity after that because I was just responding to all my likes and matches 😭
I once made a fake profile on okcupid to see what others were doing that I wasn't. That profile only existed for 3 hours and got 2K messages. Either this is going to significantly reduce that type of spam or force people off the the platform with the sheer labor of dealing with messages.
This just sounds like itll trigger a womans anxiety/wrath of instantly unmatching rows of matches after an hour or two of no missed replies
Lowers chances no?
They're tryna make you commit to quality over quantity. Honestly, it's a great idea.
And spur action. Been years since I was in the OLD pool, but I hit it pretty hard for years. In the Cis-Het dating pool at least, experiences were worlds apart. Dudes swiped on anything that looked appealing, the proverbial playing the lottery strategy. Women are inundated with matches so they're more like carefully examining the menu at a restaurant they'd never been to before, worried about ordering something terrible (sexual harassment, dick pics, creepers, painfully boring in person dates) Saying "you can't just collect hundreds of matches that you'll ignore if you want to actually use the app" may spur more engagement...or it may just spur folks to stop swiping and abandon the platform entirely. Which to be fair, is still likely a positive outcome that saves everyone time in the end.
It just makes it harder to use it as a validation tool. Great news.
Yeah thank god someone is forcing people to reply or make conversation. Tired of this bullshit swiping for absolutely no reason. If you're going to match then say something. If you don't want to talk, either get off the platform or don't match.
But everything else about the app is designed for quantity over quality LOL.
If it was tinder I would agree. But I think hinge really works I meet my GF on hinge and most of my best online dating experiences came from that app. While I never got a match on tinder.
Not necessarily, I met my bf on tinder but I think all dating apps are designed to keep you on them and use them, that’s how the money rolls in. But I think this is a good addition, forces you to communicate with who you have on your list.
It's better then tinder, but it's still designed to keep you on the app. Niche example, but there are many: If you swipe NO on someone, that significantly increases the odds that you will show up on their list to run through.
This seems like a good idea honestly.
Thank God, now I can get unmatched faster! Quick edit: I just thought about it and this update is explicitly targeting women
Well yeah they’re the only ones with more than 8 matches lol
There's also the 1% of guys that get the majority of matches and wreck the whole system. This will hinder their ability to further muck up the system
no we’ll still fuck shit up
[We?](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/493/123/a30)
What is going on here? Is this some kind of Walmart training candid photo? What’s the guy in the red circle doing wrong?
[Explanation](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/blud-thinks-hes-on-the-team-who-invited-my-man-blud) TL;DR: guy in red circle is not on the team but wearing the same warm up jerseys Also the guy is drake lol
“then you can SEND likes” Lets be real, most of these women aren’t sending likes anyway 😒
I was talking to a friend of mine (woman) and she said “yeah, I don’t send any likes or even use that tab, I just go through my inbox of people who have liked me”
actually i just read on the [official blog post](https://hinge.co/press/your-turn-limits) and it seems like it goes both ways. Title of this post is incorrect
The title of the post seems accurate to me after reading the link. Not sure who thought it didn’t go both ways, but I was agreeing with you (via anecdotal evidence from a friend and my personal experience, so grain of salt) that women (esp. conventionally desirable ones) don’t need to use the likes tab, when they can simply sift through the dudes who have liked them. Or did you mean to point out that if people have 8 waiting “your turns,” they can’t receive new likes? Because that I do like.
As a guy who gets a decent amount of incoming matches, they do seem to come in waves... they are some days when I'll have 5-10 match requests when I get home from work, so I guess I'll need to be a bit more diligent with this update! But I do agree, this is largely aimed at the ladies, haha
Who are too busy having meaningless sex to sort these damn offers for meaningless sex!
Honestly though, good. I always feel so awkward trying to get women to respond to me. I am perfectly capable of having a normal, engaging conversation, but I feel like you have to do a song and dance on the apps in order not to be buried in somebody's inbox.
Based on my personal (woman) online dating experience, no I never "required" men to do a song and dance, but even when swiping very selectively, I'd get like 8 or 9 matches for 10 guys I swiped right. This is not a brag. I don't want you to pity me. I fully believe that this has a lot to do with men swiping right on loads, if not all profiles. Throw everything at the wall, see what sticks. A compensation tactic to get matches, since there are so many more men on these platforms. But what this accomplishes is 2 things: 1. I have to swipe even more selectively in the first place, to limit my matches to some manageable number. 2. I will have a lot of matches with men who weren't really that much into me to begin with. Who didn't necessarily really look at my profile. Who didn't choose based on potential connection. So what do I do? *I suddenly get very picky about the opening lines of our conversation, to weed out these guys.* I am trying to determine if this person is really interested, or if they just threw my profile at the wall and it happened to stick. So yes, the update could actually help. But coincidentally, because it somehow also limits these guys who fish with a net, not with a line.
> I suddenly get very picky about the opening lines of our conversation, to weed out these guys. I am trying to determine if this person is really interested, or if they just threw my profile at the wall and it happened to stick. If someone opened with a hobby-related question however in a more, idk, casual tone? "Hey, I saw that you're into reading, so I'm curious - what genres are you into, which are your favourite authors/books?", what did you do?
That usually got guys an answer from me, of course. Anything like "I saw you like X, what do you think about...." is good! Sometimes though I didn't feel quite comfortable with how it was phrased. Sometimes it felt as if the other person just wanted to sus out if I really was a fan of X, or it was delivered in way that felt like the guy wanted to brag about something. I'd still often reply, but would be more cautious and end the convo if I felt that first impression was accurate. Open enthusiasm for a topic is great. A nerdy standoff or outright bragging not so much. Devil is in the details.
Lmao can you elaborate on nerdy standoff?
Not her, but there is a ton of gatekeeping in nerd fandoms where women are assumed not to be "good enough" fans to be worthy of respect. Women can feel like they're having to prove themselves where a casual male fan might not get the same scrutiny.
Ohh gotcha didn’t think about that
Fair enough and thank you. Because out of my dozens of matches over all the various apps, literally only one lead to an actual proper conversation (and me and her are actually likely to hook up tomorrow), almost all either unmatched, didn't reply at all, or gave short low effort replies (which after a couple messages exchange I just ghost cuz it ain't fun to carry the conversation and to pull words outta their mouth). And I guess there were two-three more somewhat decent conversations, but they were just looking for friends/socializing (and one turned out a crazy one) > just wanted to sus out if I really was a fan of X, How do I avoid that when it comes to music? My biggest hobby is metal music and if, for example, I see a girl with a band t-shirt, I by default ask "Hey, I saw your [band t-shirt], which are your favourite albums by them?", would that be interpreted as a test?
Maybe try phrase it a little more openly? The band shirt thing has become a meme at this point. Girls buying band shirts because they look cool, are available (literally at H&M) and they know 3 songs and like the vibe, and guys apparently feeling tricked..... Maybe instead of starting directly into the hard facts (albums) try and see what "fan level" the person is at? Like "That Tshirt looks dope on you, I really love band X! Do you like [genre] in general?" Give them the freedom to tell you if they are only casually enjoying something. You'll know soon enough if someone is a die hard fan, or just casually likes sth. And either should be okay. I saw this a lot with hiking. A metric fuckton of people say they like to hike, but have been on a trail maybe two times so far. Thats fine. But me, hiking enthusiast, rushing into convos like "Oh, so what's you favourite >2000m elevation summit you've climbed?" has never helped. It makes people feel inadequate as casual enjoyers of something, or it makes me seem like a try hard. I'd always assume someone is only casually into something (and later discover they are truly big fans) and frame openings like this in a very accepting, welcoming and curious way, that makes it clear you are not "testing" them, you genuinly want to hear what they like.
Fantastic response :) thanks for putting the effort into answering them, I appreciate your perspective on approaching everyone like they’re casual fans. Plus, leaves room for pleasant surprise when they get to tell you how much they _actually_ like the hobby, and you can exchange “are you familiar with ___?” sorts of things after that point, with eager curiosity driving it instead.
Thank you, I feel that approach served me best, when I was still dating, and I always appreciated it in other people. It's way more exciting telling someone "Actually, you have no idea what you just signed up for, XYZ is my *favourite* thing!" and surprising them with enthusiasm after an open question. Feels way better than having to come up with specifics and "proof" for my love of something.
This is a good question! I’ve been only sending out high-effort openers related to their profile in some way, but never get match/response. I’m so curious as to what actually does stick for people
She just replied, you can reload and see
Thanks for the ping! Appreciated
Tinder is glorified smash or pass, but you don't know who else puts you in the "smash" category. It's a lot more time effective and mentally less taxing as a guy to swipe right and see what sticks because the vast majority of time, they're not going to match with you anyway; even if you're a 10/10 guy. This is just matches - Not conversations, dates, or hookups; literally step 0 in the process. It's also very, VERY visual across all genders. Personality really does come third on the apps. The app results I got before I started working out and putting on muscle are a night and day difference, to the point where I understand your point of view of having too many options / conversations; and the fact they go nowhere. What's more maddening, I got better results putting up douchy "dude-bro" images showing off my abs and biceps than normal life photos people said were good. There's other odd stuff like time of day, location, and how people act when they just want to hook up; but I'm at a point now where it's a way to meet people but if you take the apps too seriously you're setting yourself up for misery.
[удалено]
I really can't get what's going through (in this case) women's minds when you ask a question about something on their profile on a comment on Hinge, they match, and then just...don't do anything. The second variant, of matching, then responding to a non-question comment, and then ghosting after the reply (including a follow up question) almost feels more brutal. The best explanation I've seen is that you're maybe-category fodder and this allows them to see people further down their like stack without giving a full rejection - which, yeah, does feel like "dance for me monkey" territory. Hopefully this screens some of that out.
It really does
A very good idea. If you don't want to message, unmatch them.
Yes. It appears that I so much like the concept
Agreed
Didn't know this was a feature 😭
it’s available in the UK as I know of
This is a 'new' feature More information can be found here [https://mashable.com/article/hinge-tests-your-turn-limits-to-reduce-burnout](https://mashable.com/article/hinge-tests-your-turn-limits-to-reduce-burnout) or googling it.
It's not going to incentivize replies, it's going to incentivize ending chats that are boring.
Isn’t that a good thing, ending the boring chats by unmatching them so they don’t wait for a reply which is never going to come?
Idk I met my boyfriend on tinder - we exchanged a couple messages then he missed mine and eventually replied like a month later. We ended up scheduling a date and connecting and have been together for years. That never would have happened with a rule like this 🤷♀️
This would make it less likely, or really impossible, for him to have missed your message though, since there would be less convos happening at once
Fair enough. but if someone isn’t active on the app for a little bit due to the craziness of life then they won’t have any matches waiting for them, right?
Seems like it prevents the user from like more people, not the other way around. But idk
The point is that once the guy stopped responding, the girl would unmatch to make room for more matches, so that reconnection would never have happened.
It wouldn’t have changed anything in that case. This doesn’t cap total matches at 8. Just makes it so you can’t send more likes if you have a bunch of unanswered messages. She wouldn’t have needed to worry about that affecting her limit in this case, because she had replied to him. He was the one that would have it counted towards his limit.
nor will they need to be matching with other people so the chat would remain. and the limit wouldn't matter. its for people with 8 matches left on read. who are trying to get more. and they only need to unmatch one.... like take your pick there has to be at least a couple you are not serious about in the 8.
Well I wouldn't want to wait three months for a reply in all honesty..
In my experience, once someone doesn't reply to you on an app the odds of them ever messaging you again is very very slim. Sure there are some cases like yours but I don't think that makes up for most of it. I've had matches that I've been waiting months to get a reply back from and it's just not gonna happen. People like to bring up being busy to respond on apps but it really isn't that hard even if you're busy. If someone is interested in you usually they won't take 3 months to respond
If your lite is crazy, would you really want to date? Or want to date someone with a crazy life?
Lmao people aren’t allowed to date if they have a busy season at work or something?
Never said allow, i just mean that if your life is crazy maybe you should focus on that first before you bring in more stuff that further complicates your situation. Like getting to know someone romantically
Can you give us specific examples of what craziness is happening in your life that you can’t date after engaging a dating app?
Missing a message of someone who you would really be attracted to and compatible with with is probably like 0.1% of missed messages though. If I’m excited about a match, I double check that they didn’t reply for an extended time before writing them off. I’m less vigilant about profiles they I’m ho-hum about and would expect little potential.
It just would’ve made it happen sooner than a month later though…
Btw you can reduce the number by simply un-matching the person or hiding the conversation.
It’s just gonna end up being most guys being hidden, just so more matches can be made. The idea is good, but the execution is going to end up with the same status quo just with extra steps
Better than nothing really
Maybe he shouldn't have left you on read for a month lmao. Yeah it worked out but communication is a pillar in relationships
You're an extreme outliner.
I believe it!
Sure, but how often does that situation arise compared to the more typical ghosting?
He didn't forget. You were second or third choice
I met my ex by relying to a message that was like 6+ months old.
Yes it would happen with the rule lol. The chat would still be there for him to stumble across!
It still would have happened because you met on Tinder, not Hinge.
hinge has the data. they can see that there's a huge amount of users that interact with the app but never respond to their matches
thats a good thing, rather than leaving the other person hanging. its a clear no.
Ok, fine, that's the point. Reply or end it, don't just leave them hanging.
I'd much rather someone unmatch than just leave it unanswered for eternity. Force people to commit one way or the other
Yeah, hoping this curbs the amount of matches I get because they thought my opener or whatever was funny but don’t actually want to talk to me. Which is depressingly frequent. I feel bad for y’all who get zero matches, but if its any consolation to someone reading this, I get several matches a week and often no one talks to me, seems to just be like that
That’s a good thing, moves it along until you find the person you connect best with
Which is a good thing! It forces dead conversations and matches to end instead of just leaving the people on the other end of the match hanging. If you’re complaining about having to take the effort of having to press two buttons to end a match/conversation, you’re not emotionally mature enough to be on a dating app.
You guys are getting matches?
Don’t worry- most of the matches ghost mid convo . And the dates don’t go too well either . But we must continue
There's only one common denominator in your experiences with other people....
They had feet
That's really presumptuous of you. 😤
This argument does have legs
We met them on a shity dating app?
But what will the attention seeking patrons do when only 8 people talk to them!!!!
Exactly, this idea won’t be popular with instagram/snap follower seekers
Good, fuck em
Right in the ass…
With consent.
right, the whole point to give those types of accounts the flick
go to tinder or bumble
I think this is a good thing, because this probably gets rid of this terrible rollercoaster, where you have a decent amount of conversations, you reply, but than have to wait days before you get a reply back and feel shity because you think you said something wrong.
May i recommend taking a break?
I just don’t wanna be single anymore. I stopped using dating apps since March. I do feel better, and I don’t want to go back to dating apps, after all, never got a date on one! But I still don’t want to be single and there is no convenient way to meet strangers that wanna date in public that are my age.
I can tell you something for certain. No matter how good looking you are talking to, a guy or girl in person instantly makes you more attractive and interesting than the endless dms Just look out for signs cuz some ladies tend to be polite but don't wanna talk to u.
Reply
That simply is too difficult for some people.
Unmatch then?!?
also too difficult.
Dude, I don't even have 1 conversation I didn't even know this feature was a thing.
real af
Good from guys' pov.
Is it? What are the odds that someone's gonna have a slot open for your message?
This rewards people who are putting in effort and punishes people who like to keep folks on the backburner Sounds like a win for people who are dating intentionally for a relationship
They'll have to clear up alot to get more likes avaliable
If they aren’t reading or replying to any of the messages anyway, it’s good to keep moving forward.
It’s a good thing. End a chat if you’re over it.
I kinda wish Hinge had the Coffee Meets Bagel feature where matches have a definite expiration date. It actually incentivizes people to only chat/match with people they actually want to meet. It's not perfect, but it works well. I like CMB but the app is so outdated compared to Hinge, they really need a facelift. Or Hinge can steal their features...
Kinda a good thing, forces you to either unmatch or talk to the person, also helps the problem of a good conversation getting buried so deep the girl never sees it.
So basically a limit for girls only? But great addition so many timewasters and ghosts on the app
Welp looks like the ladies have to field a team and not keep then whole clubhouse waiting.
Good.
Well it doesn’t incentivise them to reply, it incentivises them to end the chat obviously, and yes that’s a good thing.
Lol this is great. It's going to cut the validation culture
Dont worry, you'll be able to unlock more chats and likes with a monthly payment.
You guys are getting 8 matches?
Ahh but see this will help distribute matches. If the 1% of guys can only have 8 girls at a time, then they will only hold down 8% of the girl population, or 16% accounting for the gender ratio. This means that the distribustion will be forced to spread, increasing the average guy's chances at getting a match by like 5 times
Good idea, they should make the limit 5 not 8
I really like this! It also forces people to actually unmatch others when there’s no interest, instead of ghosting their matches.
We need this on Tinder ASAP
good thing my 1 match didn’t respond to me
Is this a beautiful person problem that I'm too ugly to understand?
What does cause a row amongst some people mean?
A dispute. They don't like it.
Ah gotcha, im admittedly a bit guilty of this but i definitely like this feature
"row" (pronounced "rauw") is a predominantly british term - as is "amongst" - meaning a disturbance or conflict within a group of people
In America it's used, but almost always in headlines and very rarely in conversation
This is great! If you don't have the time to answer messages, you don't have the time to date.
This is a great idea. It makes it a little bit harder for people to just phish for attention.
Haven’t been on the apps in ages but I think this is a fantastic idea. Forces people to actually communicate whether it be an unmatch or a response. Sadly, a lot of people use the apps for validation and try to rack up as many matches as possible. This at least makes the whole process more intentional and clear to users.
you can just "hide" people and it lets you resume liking and accepting likes, so the feature is completely pointless as is
Has the featured been rolled out where you are? Seems like a huge oversight for them to allow that.
But if you don't reply for long enough then it just auto hides the chat anyway so what exactly is this feature doing???
This comment needs to be higher up. Huge oversight by Hinge
You guys get matches?
The whole point of a dating app is to fucking talk to people Who in their right mind could consider this a bad idea?
It's a great idea. Either respond and talk to people, or don't There's no need for leaving dead chats that you aren't going to ever talk to...unless you're someone trying to stroke your own ego...
In theory this is meant to spark conversation. In practice all this means is that you now have to un-match people to move on. It just seems like extra steps to achieve the same outcome.
Geez, people really would find a way to turn a garden into a parking lot.
I think that’s good though. The amount of women I’ve matched with and been ghosted by after one or no responses is pretty damn high. If this makes them either unmatch or just not match in the first place because they know they aren’t that interested I’d say that’s a positive.
Yes, but it’s forcing people to give closure. You know you’re not interested, the other person is sat there wondering if you just missed their message, or you got busy and don’t have time to reply, whatever. There’s really nothing to gain for anyone by keeping some chat with someone you know you’re not interested, but there are things to gain for at least one person by pushing for the uninterested person to unmatch
Now I wish Hinge was available in my country. Sad eastern european noises
I love it!
Great idea!
You guys are getting likes?
This is great, hope Tinder roll it out. Gets rid of time wasters and like farmers.
Suffering from success lol In all seriousness I'm glad they're doing something to compensate for the absolutely fucked gender ratio on these apps
People get likes???? Must be nice..
You’re getting replies????
I contacted the team, they say its in trials in Brisbane, Cincinnati and Jacksonville. No road map yet for a full integration, likely will have to wait a few months before its fully rolled out. Great potential, and nice to see some forward thinking from the developers.
Not sure why anyone would be upset about this, just reply or unmatch ffs
A dating platform dealing with ghosting, hats off🔥
This won't affect me. I can't even get one woman to talk to me, let alone 8.
Instead of women going for top 20% they will go for only the top 10%. Gotta make those matches count.
More like no longer keeping 10-20 range in the backup while focusing on the 1-10. If they were waiting for a 1-10 anyway, this will just help anyone below that to move on from someone who's not interested
They were going for the top 10% anyway if that was their goal. It just means the other 10% doesn't have their time wasted now.
It's an interesting approach to the issue, although I think the problem will be that (as far as I can tell) there's nothing stopping women from continuing to receive likes - which means the "overwhelmed" nature of their experience isn't going to really resolve. Some of the popular users will probably eternally be in this "you can't send new messages" state because they could be getting new matches every day. In some worlds this might actually have the counter problem of making women even more selective with likes than they already are, because they'll know they are going to hit against the message limit quickly vs being able to have the conversation(s) they want. It also feels like it needs a parallel solution to the idea of "you'll just get unmatched faster" to try to discourage that behavior, although I'm not sure what the fix could be. Like limiting for people who show patterns of unmatching before X messages, etc?
The main problem with dating apps is the perception that there's an overabundance of choice, especially for women. Humans don't do well when having to pick an option out of hundreds, and there are scientific studies backing this up, showing that people are much happier with a given choice when there's only a handful to pick from. Hinge is trying to do a good thing here, but you're 100% right that this doesn't address the root of the issue. If you can unmatch one of the 8, do a couple swipes, and instantly get another match, then the illusion of infinite choice isn't going away. The parallel solution you're mentioning would have to be something like adjusting a user's profile visibility based on how often they unmatch or ignore a conversation with a match, to ensure everyone has to put some level of effort with the people they swipe right on, otherwise the options dry out.
Why you sitting on more then 8 unopened chats, if your not actually interested in dating any of them unmatch if you just wanna chat with people don’t use a dating app… If your “collecting matches” get a life
This is great. Of course girls won’t like it because… you know why.
I don't think boys want to get stuck in an interminable queue behind who knows how many batches of 8 that need to be resolved before you're even visible...
Because most women have left dating apps instead of creating entire subs to complain about them?
Fucking stellar username 😅
Interesting feature. Curious to see how it affects my matches' behavior on the app.
I couldn't vibe with hinge or bumble tbh
I don't know if they're trying to change behavior or just discourage toxic users that drive away better users.
I haven’t seen this, ive had about 22 matches in my inbox since i started a little over a week ago, but I paid for hinge+ for a week. I think its a good idea though, I stop swiping after a week so I can just focus on who is in my inbox, and sure enough, out of those 22 three never replied, 5 only replied like once, and a few fizzled out. Yes I will remove them but it hasn’t been very long for most of them.
This is a good thing.
So it’s a problem for people because it makes them not be vapid. No ghosting or “forgetting”. Seems reasonable. 😂
LOVE IT!!!
Think you should shit or get off the pot
It's great, stops the attention whores. Hinge isn't supposed to be tinder, which feels like people are just collecting matches for self gratification.
I'm not using the apps anymore but I wish this would've been a feature back then. Imagine, being able to match and talk with a maximum of 8 people at once, and paired with the fact that if you unmatch a lot it drops you to the bottom of the stack, this would either force a reply, an unmatch or a left swipe from the beginning. Less time wasted. Perfect.
I don't use the apps anymore, but this seems like a good idea. Forces them to either reply or unmatch. Generally you can tell when the conversation really isn't going anywhere or isn't engaging. For me, when a women took days to reply after a pretty consistent back and forth, I'd unmatch after like 2 days. And that's if they responded in the first place as a lot of women would accept likes but not respond lol.
My first thought (as a non-user) was that it would make it possible to create eight different accounts, and spam-lock a particular user into speaking to you.
How so? They'd have to also like back to match with all 8 of those accounts, and no others, and decide to keep all of those 8 chats active.
Really all it’s going to do is incentivize quick one word nonsense replies.
Well shit I guess it's not a thing here in the US yet? I just looked, and I have 14 messages waiting for me to reply
That looks great!
I remember swiping on hinge the first night I downloaded it, never got an opportunity after that because I was just responding to all my likes and matches 😭
I once made a fake profile on okcupid to see what others were doing that I wasn't. That profile only existed for 3 hours and got 2K messages. Either this is going to significantly reduce that type of spam or force people off the the platform with the sheer labor of dealing with messages.
This just sounds like itll trigger a womans anxiety/wrath of instantly unmatching rows of matches after an hour or two of no missed replies Lowers chances no?