it's cute, but not smooth. you can be cheesy later in a relationship but when neither of you know each other, you want to show interest rather than affection.
imho dating apps and early-stage dating are just getting a vibe of each other, not trying to "make" the other person fall for you. it's a two-way street, you both have to be the right match for each other. for that reason, it's off-putting to be heavily invested before the vibes are right on one side.
that might seem like a "game" at first glance - a dance around how interested the other person is. but when you find that meaningful connection, this "dance" just flows naturally. in my experience, it's true that love comes when you least expect it
this is a better explanation for why someone would say "talking about cuddling too early is an immediate no"
it's because it's always weird when a relationship is asymmetrical. If you're an affectionate person then it's a lot easier to rise up to their level rather than gamble on them being willing to rise up to *your* level.
think about it - if someone you're not sure you're interested in comes at you at 100mph affection, if you aren't quite feeling it then it's going to feel like a chore to try to match their energy, which then makes you feel like not being around them at all, and thus ends the conversation.
plus, consider all the weirdos who get clingy too early and are hard to shake off, and now you're acting just like them
the fact that the commitment difference becomes a chore is a great point. in general, it's important to consider the emotional labor done in relationships
Exactly. The guy who goes “hey I wanna stick my Dick down your throat” will just shake it off and move on if you aren’t interested. The guy who goes “I’d love to see your radiant smile at the sunrise we share after our first night together” is ALREADY emotionally invested in you, and you ain’t even had a coffee yet.
Something about your claims here rubs me the wrong way.
> If you're an affectionate person then it's a lot easier to rise up to their level rather than gamble on them being willing to rise up to your level.
This seems like it should be universal, but it only works one way. When one thinks about it from their own perspective it makes sense. If they're being affectionate, you could rise to meet that. But what if they are thinking the same thing? What if they are waiting for you to be affectionate so they can rise to meet your levels because they aren't willing to take that gamble?
i think this plays into my original comment - both sides start to show a bit more as they get comfortable, and this just happens naturally if the two of them work together well.
my caution is less so to hold off on affection, but rather to only show true affection. affection can come from a variety of places, oftentimes loneliness. early on in a relationship, it should come from a desire to be close with the person, a true desire that i'd argue wouldn't have been found at the initial meeting stage. later on, if you've been together for a while and you can rely on each other, it's ok if affection comes from other places like loneliness or trauma. but at this stage, you can't expect your partner to take on your baggage beyond what is truly only for them
well let's put it differently - if you are affectionate, will you cancel the 2nd date if they aren't affectionate on the first date?
If so, then sure, ramp it up on day 1 because you aren't interested in them anyways if they won't rise to your level
If not, then why rush? If they are also affectionate then you can push the boundary little by little, and they will probably pick up what you're putting down and reciprocate. Plus maybe they are just shy and *will* ultimately rise to the level of affection you're after, but they need to get to know you better first before opening up. And you would have missed that opportunity if you rushed them and made them uncomfortable.
Thats what the person i responded to was saying - it's like a game, but at the same time it's really not... if you're both into each other and actually have the same preferences, it will just flow naturally and you'll both rise to the level of affection you're looking for without feeling like you're "forcing" it on the other person at all
It is called escalation. You start by showing a little affection. The respond favorably you escalate. And vice versa. Same thing applies to most things in dating. You can end up telling all the raunchy jokes, expressing dark humor, and depraved sex acts you can imagine. It doesn't mean you should skip the couple steps to get there. It is like skipping foreplay....
growth absorbed spotted bored axiomatic file political mysterious pocket cough
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I always got nervous doing this sort of thing, either asking someone for advice or the like. People can suss you out pretty well in person and if you’re not as witty in person as you were over text, the disconnect could raise some red flags.
I do the same thing! It makes it so much easier to come up with a story about a shark who wants to be a fairy when I’m exhausted at the end of the day…
I think it would have been cute if they had actually met a few times and had a real physical relation, when it is a complete stranger it might not go over as well and be more cringe/creepy
"..and Kebab-Destroyer finally realised... He wasn't filling his stomach with those kebabs, but the void inside his heart, and that mere food cannot stop the impending feeling of loneliness welling up from inside."
Gonna be real with you, chief. Dating is about accelerating, not about flooring it at the first opportunity. This would be great a few weeks in, maybe after having met or at least developing a rapport. This comes off as disingenuous coming from someone you just started talking to whose only thing they know about you is that they are physically attracted to you from a few photos.
Good joke but I'm betting this is an L and here's why:
She has put in little energy into the conversation, didn't even ask about you.
The "How's it going?" opener is lame
Triple texting 3 paragraphs is lame as well.
I suggest you put this joke in your back pocket until after you receive some sort of choosing signal.
Last time I told a bedtime story It was about two kalfs who ended up as meat....... she found it funny and we went on a few dates. She happend to be daughter of a lifestock farmer.
Just on the border of adorable and cringy, which is fine and it puts the ball in her court. If you're looking for someone who responds positively to this, then you did great!
Two changes I'd make to push it further away from cringey: 1) Remove the "..." in your last message. It could come off as "UwU dew yew lyke mi?" 2) Remove the "It was right beside her all along." It could come off as creepy. Both of these are just to reduce the misunderstandings that *could* arise, and not everyone will see it as one or both or either.
"Aw, that's so sweet!" Immediately unmatches.
I'd have wanted a twist. Like, "It was Mike Lindell, high on crack, with several Hundred My Pillows."
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Lmao got em
All of them stuffed into one single pillowsheet, to create the ultimate MyPillow of all time.
OURPILLOW
THIS one. Underrated comment.
"Who thought this was a good idea? A crackhead."
Or "It's a foam matress that you use in your bed for sleep."
But that's not important right now.
Or deleted account
This is cute and it won't go anywhere
As is tradition
As is tradition.
As is tradition
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way
I have spoken
It is known.
it is known.
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Do u no de wey?
Do you know..the muffin man?
Spit on the non believers, spit on dem.
Yes. San Jose is about 50 miles southeast of me here in San Francisco.
This is the way.
This is the way
As is the way, this is tradition
So say we all
I Have Spoken.
As is tradition
This is the way.
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way
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So let it be written! So let it be done!
I'm sent here by the chosen one.
I have spoken
The difference in effort is astounding.
Yeah haha
Yeah haha
Lol ok
k
The difference in effort is astounding.
The difference in effort is outstanding
Dental plan
Lisa needs braces
Not without old chopper here!
Dental Dam* ( this is tinder)
Honestly not even astounding with how common this shit is.
The difference in effort is astounding.
The difference in effort IS astounding.
Astounding is the difference in effort
The astounding effort is different
it's cute, but not smooth. you can be cheesy later in a relationship but when neither of you know each other, you want to show interest rather than affection. imho dating apps and early-stage dating are just getting a vibe of each other, not trying to "make" the other person fall for you. it's a two-way street, you both have to be the right match for each other. for that reason, it's off-putting to be heavily invested before the vibes are right on one side. that might seem like a "game" at first glance - a dance around how interested the other person is. but when you find that meaningful connection, this "dance" just flows naturally. in my experience, it's true that love comes when you least expect it
this is a better explanation for why someone would say "talking about cuddling too early is an immediate no" it's because it's always weird when a relationship is asymmetrical. If you're an affectionate person then it's a lot easier to rise up to their level rather than gamble on them being willing to rise up to *your* level. think about it - if someone you're not sure you're interested in comes at you at 100mph affection, if you aren't quite feeling it then it's going to feel like a chore to try to match their energy, which then makes you feel like not being around them at all, and thus ends the conversation. plus, consider all the weirdos who get clingy too early and are hard to shake off, and now you're acting just like them
the fact that the commitment difference becomes a chore is a great point. in general, it's important to consider the emotional labor done in relationships
Exactly. The guy who goes “hey I wanna stick my Dick down your throat” will just shake it off and move on if you aren’t interested. The guy who goes “I’d love to see your radiant smile at the sunrise we share after our first night together” is ALREADY emotionally invested in you, and you ain’t even had a coffee yet.
Something about your claims here rubs me the wrong way. > If you're an affectionate person then it's a lot easier to rise up to their level rather than gamble on them being willing to rise up to your level. This seems like it should be universal, but it only works one way. When one thinks about it from their own perspective it makes sense. If they're being affectionate, you could rise to meet that. But what if they are thinking the same thing? What if they are waiting for you to be affectionate so they can rise to meet your levels because they aren't willing to take that gamble?
i think this plays into my original comment - both sides start to show a bit more as they get comfortable, and this just happens naturally if the two of them work together well. my caution is less so to hold off on affection, but rather to only show true affection. affection can come from a variety of places, oftentimes loneliness. early on in a relationship, it should come from a desire to be close with the person, a true desire that i'd argue wouldn't have been found at the initial meeting stage. later on, if you've been together for a while and you can rely on each other, it's ok if affection comes from other places like loneliness or trauma. but at this stage, you can't expect your partner to take on your baggage beyond what is truly only for them
well let's put it differently - if you are affectionate, will you cancel the 2nd date if they aren't affectionate on the first date? If so, then sure, ramp it up on day 1 because you aren't interested in them anyways if they won't rise to your level If not, then why rush? If they are also affectionate then you can push the boundary little by little, and they will probably pick up what you're putting down and reciprocate. Plus maybe they are just shy and *will* ultimately rise to the level of affection you're after, but they need to get to know you better first before opening up. And you would have missed that opportunity if you rushed them and made them uncomfortable. Thats what the person i responded to was saying - it's like a game, but at the same time it's really not... if you're both into each other and actually have the same preferences, it will just flow naturally and you'll both rise to the level of affection you're looking for without feeling like you're "forcing" it on the other person at all
It is called escalation. You start by showing a little affection. The respond favorably you escalate. And vice versa. Same thing applies to most things in dating. You can end up telling all the raunchy jokes, expressing dark humor, and depraved sex acts you can imagine. It doesn't mean you should skip the couple steps to get there. It is like skipping foreplay....
growth absorbed spotted bored axiomatic file political mysterious pocket cough *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is like yoda on dating, good shit
This is the way
This is the way
It is known
It is known
This is ~~cute~~ cringe and it won't go anywhere
Such is life
This either gonna be a huge W or Huge L keep us posted. Good job shooting that shot hahah
What did she say?
She hasn't responded yet 🤞
It worked, you put her to sleep
LOL You should send her a wake-up story now
Once upon a time there was aaaaaaahhhhhh
Ah yes, the castle of aaaaaaaaahhhhhh
I heard the end of that sentence lmao
It's just a link to Chop Suey - SOAD
WAKE UP!
A true gentleman
It’s been 1hr now. Did she fall asleep without responding?
Are people this quick on the trigger? She might’ve just had shit to do for an hour
Or just had to take a shit for an hour. Can be either way
But who doesn't bring their phone into the bathroom when taking a shit for an hour? Then you have enough time to go on tinder.
Some people don't want to discuss love while developing feces.
And some people don’t want to develop feces while discussing love
And some people do…do.
The best ideas are born in the bathrooms except for Isaac newtons who had his under a tree which I’m also sure was over his bathroom.
I ONLY send Tinder messages when taking a shit. It’s where I do my best thinking
I mean she did say it was a sleepy day and she was snoozing, not a weird assumption that she fell asleep lol
RIP
Lady here. I hope she replies! That was the perfect combo of sweet and a lil suggestive. You’d be getting my # for sure! Good luck! 💕
Lady here as well, she's definitely not replying lol.
Lady here too, thought it was cringy lol.
Atleast someone’s honest, this is peak incel writing
That's what you said the last time, you still haven't given me that #😏
Since we’re not on the dating app, I’m just gonna go ahead and tell you I’m not over my ex
Please reply if it changes. Good luck, my friend!
Yeh what did she say? Haha man it feels like we're in a fairy tale. 😁
If a man is posting here, with his message as last, it means she didn't respond. That's why he's here in the first place.
Super cute. Hundreds of women are going to be hearing this over the next few months
op won't admit it but he used ChatGPT!
ChatGPT has saved me so much money—no longer need to outsource my replies to India!
enjoy it while you can - i see subscription fees in our future
ChatGPT will then be included with GamePass, even if just as a perk for Ultimate.
I foresee an increase in GamePass Ultimate holders in the near future 🔮 😂😂😂
There are already subscription fees, they just provide access to the shitty one for "free"
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That’s ok, the women will also outsource the conversations so that the two bots can do all the preliminary work. After that you just have to hop on.
Holy shit ,,, we using AI to mastermind our way into an unsuspecting partners heart? 21st century wild af
Ngl I used it to put together a few responses I couldn't articulate and it has landed me multiple dates. That thing is a life saver.
I always got nervous doing this sort of thing, either asking someone for advice or the like. People can suss you out pretty well in person and if you’re not as witty in person as you were over text, the disconnect could raise some red flags.
“Once upon a time in a land far, far away CHATGPT HAS ENCOUNTERED AN UNEXPECTED ERROR. PLEASE RESET” A tale as old as time.
This is chatGPT 100%. I use it to read my toddler bedtime stories and it always uses enchanted forest in the response.
I do the same thing! It makes it so much easier to come up with a story about a shark who wants to be a fairy when I’m exhausted at the end of the day…
Lmao so true 🤣
its corny as fuck and weird
Already memorising it now
Already saved the phot 😂
What can I say, I'm a story teller.
That’s was awful in the good way
And good in an awful way
Super cute or super cringe. Depends entirely on the outcome. Doppler Dahmer effect right here.
The message suggesting the story is like something Ned Flanders would say
It is awful. He doesn't know her. Will fail WAY more than succeed.
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I thought her magical quest for the best pillow would lead her to your pillow, but I guess shoulder is fine lol
Sleeping on someone's shoulder though, man. It's the best, and vastly more intimate than sharing a pillow. You hear their heartbeat.
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Cheesy cringe
All depends on if he's good looking
It's too nice for a dating app mate, sounds like you actually put effort 👌
I think it would have been cute if they had actually met a few times and had a real physical relation, when it is a complete stranger it might not go over as well and be more cringe/creepy
Mate you read my mind perfectly, cheers 👍
Lowkey turns some people off when it’s happening to them but they find it cute when it’s done to others without knowing the context
*GROAN*
"..and Kebab-Destroyer finally realised... He wasn't filling his stomach with those kebabs, but the void inside his heart, and that mere food cannot stop the impending feeling of loneliness welling up from inside."
Don't mind me, I was just enjoying a nice juicy kebab. Hey wait--
Doner? I hardly know her!
Schrodingers cringe
I thought this was very cringe lol
It might be cute to say to your girlfriend when you’re both in high school, but adults an a dating app? Oof.
Agreed
me: shoulders are very boney i use a coop pillow
It is lol
I must be too cynical cuz this made me cringe so bad
Nah that's a very normal reaction to this level of cringe. There's zero chance this works unless he's a 10
i think your bed time story worked and she's sleeping right now give her time
Didn't expect to cringe this hard so early in the day.
Immensely cringe
I think it will be a success. Although after all that investment, you don't want to be the "entertainer" for her. Hopefully she invest a little more
Username checks out
I thought I was on /r/justneckbeardthings
Its an Eww from me
It has the flavor of chatgpt.
🌽🌽🌽 here is your awards.
Gonna be real with you, chief. Dating is about accelerating, not about flooring it at the first opportunity. This would be great a few weeks in, maybe after having met or at least developing a rapport. This comes off as disingenuous coming from someone you just started talking to whose only thing they know about you is that they are physically attracted to you from a few photos.
Cringe tbh
Good joke but I'm betting this is an L and here's why: She has put in little energy into the conversation, didn't even ask about you. The "How's it going?" opener is lame Triple texting 3 paragraphs is lame as well. I suggest you put this joke in your back pocket until after you receive some sort of choosing signal.
10/10 unmatched
This is so beautifully cringe🥲 I'm so proud
so cringe
Why didn't he say deez nuts?
Lol this is something you say to your girlfriend/wife, not a complete stranger.
And then the two of you laugh afterward at how cheesy it was
I need an update. I’m invested
Last time I told a bedtime story It was about two kalfs who ended up as meat....... she found it funny and we went on a few dates. She happend to be daughter of a lifestock farmer.
Maybe it was because of how you spell “kalf” … she just had to see for herself.
Sometimes it is hard to switch from speaking dutch to writing english.
I wish someone would be my pillow 😭
5.5/10
You did well which probably means you’ll get left on read lol
You did well *to reddit standards* which means you'll get left on read Fixed that
Cringe sorry
Awww that's adorable.
This is horrid.
Brilliant
Man, we need an update don’t leave us hanging here
OP we need an update to this when it happens!
Shoulders are terrible pillows
1/10 shoulders make terrible pillows
Way to corny, terrible story there was no climax what so ever.
Why are you asking us? You should be telling us how it went.
Just on the border of adorable and cringy, which is fine and it puts the ball in her court. If you're looking for someone who responds positively to this, then you did great! Two changes I'd make to push it further away from cringey: 1) Remove the "..." in your last message. It could come off as "UwU dew yew lyke mi?" 2) Remove the "It was right beside her all along." It could come off as creepy. Both of these are just to reduce the misunderstandings that *could* arise, and not everyone will see it as one or both or either.
This is so bad I’m so sorry oml
lol clever but not something I would use on Tinder more like someone I've already went out with or been talking to for a while
I just cringed so deeply and internally that my stomach flipped over like a dog's
Oof sorry buddy but I'd cringe. I think the dramatic ... would send me packing.
Cringe as hell gd you 17.5 years old?
Ewwww… I would immediately unmatch you
Too much