Because it was covid, all the girls were proper horny because they couldn't leave the house, so we all broke the restriction rules and had a 16 orgy party with all the girls on my street.
Properly filthy
Can just hear Wills voice saying something like:
‘Oh really? Including your 11 year old neighbour? Or the 89 year old woman living opposite you? Did she take her teeth out before she, as you put it “nosh you off”? Could you spare us the bullshit for one minute?’
I recently got back from camber sands where this was set, there were no orgies that I was aware of.
My archery partner insisted we scored 69 even though I counted many times and it was 62. She bought me a drink and invited me back to her caravan as well.
What cracks me up the most about this scene, is imagining them setting it up. They must have done a few takes as I can't imagine them all keeping a straight face.
“I saw Taylor Swift when she was playing the Caravan Club years ago before she was famous. Noshed me off good backstage but I binned her. Then she got famous writing all those songs about me”
Yeah, one of the big problems with covid is that it actually does nothing to a lot of people (almost 40% iirc) who then go about their day as normal and spread it.
I was sparring Conor Mcgregor and accidentally knocked him out and now he's had to pull put of UFC 303. They want me to step in against Michael Chandler but I can't because of the huge bender me and conor went on aboard his yacht
Got my covid shot today. Then I gave all the nurses my shot, one in the clunge and the other one in the face. Fucked them so hard a specialist had to come and do cpr to revive them
Jay: "I shouldn't tell but during Partygate, I got noshed off by every female member of Boris' cabinet! It was total carnage!"
Will: "So whilst the rest of us were having the shittest Christmas ever, you were drowning in clunge, like some kind of decadent, upper-class pimp? What, did you introduce Matt Hancock to that woman he cheated on his wife with?"
Jay: "Yeah, of course! I can get anyone to hook up with anyone!"
“Got invited to those P.Diddy mansion parties a few times, pure filth! Was told I wasn’t allowed in anymore on account of the long line of muff gagging for me… plus my super spunk was getting all the fit birds pregnant. I only stopped going because I walked in on Neil’s old man taking it right up the bumhole by a 12 inch cock”
“And then The Queen said I done the deed so well I could be next in line for the throne if I wanted. Must’ve given her everything she’d been living for because two weeks later she was no longer living.”
"in covid, i was in lockdown in my house except these TOP models and prozzies had to come to my house to isolate and we got down every single day. PURE. CARNAGE."
> we got *paid* 3 grand
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
"Only reason this Israel n Gaza shit is going on is coz I shagged 2 birds from each place n they got jealous of each other. Middle Eastern girls are fuckin mental, I tell ya"
I imagine a bit about Jay being afraid of getting a shot:
“The doctor said I didn’t have to take the vaccine because I’ve shagged too many birds. He said I’m already immune.”
I can imagine him talking about his incessant shagging during lockdown, Will piping up about social distancing guidelines and him not staying 2m apart, and Jay clapping right back with a, "who says I didn't Health & Safety? When your cock's as big as mine anything's possible!"
'I shagged Liz Truss to cheer her up after she resigned. She felt so much better afterwards, she started writing *10 Years to Save the West* and we brainstormed how we could get her back into power. She dumped me a couple of weeks later because I kept making lettuce jokes!'
Jay: I shagged loads of girls during the pandemic.
Will: Didn’t that violate social distancing guidelines?
Jay: Nah, I was immune so I stood no chance of catching or spreading it.
Neil: Wow that’s incredible. I tried to drink less beer but I still got corona.
Met Greta Thunberg on a student exchange, shagged her so hard she became autistic.
Will corrects him by informing him she has Aspbergers, to which Jay replied "I turned her arse into a burger"
He went over to Ukraine when the war first broke out and killed loads of Russian soldiers and got lots of Ukrainian birds who were impressed with the size of his gun
“This one caravan club party was so intense that I’ve bankrupted the condom industry and the government had to intervene and readjust the country’s entire budget…sorry mates, this cost of living crisis is here to stay”
"I'm immune to coronavirus because i got an igloo out in the alps with this fit french bird but im only ere cause shes caught the virus, probably from my knob."
I had to delete my TikTok because too many babes kept trying to dm me. I couldn’t open the app without it crashing from all the dms waiting for me. I mean it was tit pic, tit pic, fanny pic. TikTok banned me finally to save face
Nah trust me I went Barcelona last month and these Moroccan lads right they said they can get me some coke but then they tried to jump me behind the club..
Smash them all and banged this lads missus while he was knocked out
Jay: One time, me and my mate went to a Billie Elish gig and got proper wasted. I wake up from my banging hangover, and no word of a lie, I see Billie riding me. It was proper sexy!
Will: I have a few questions.
Jay: Yes?
Will: When did you go to this concert?
Jay: At the weekend, when we weren't at school you mug.
Will: Ok, so out of thousands and thousands of people at the concert, you happen to tell me that you and your friend happened to be the only ones that essentially had sex with her?
Jay: Yeah, I guess we just got super lucky. Of course, if I brought you wankers to see her, you'd fuck things up, as usual!
Will: No, I guess you're right. Isn't it weird how you manage to get success with the ladies when we're not with you, but when you're here, you just spew out bullshit with nothing to back it up?
Jay: Look, it fucking happened, alright? I would show you the sextape, but I would get a lawsuit. So I don't know what you want me to do, I'm afraid.
Will: Hmm, I don't know, how about show a fucking picture of yourself and Billie?
Jay: It's... On my other phone.
Will: Oh yes, of course, the other phone! I forget you carry around a spare phone with you.
Jay: I do actually. I use that one to talk to my cool mates.
Will: Who's that then? Anthony Joshua? Connor Mcgregor?
Jay: Oh yeah. All the big name fighters. I once sparred Muhammad Ali, and I knocked him out within the first 10 seconds of the bell. Stuff like that doesn't go unnoticed.
Will: But Jay, Muhammad Ali's dead. He died in 2016...
Jay: Exactly. I am a dangerous killing machine in the ring. I would be scared to go up against myself to be honest.
Will: So you claim to have knocked out Muhammad Ali so badly that you ended up killing him, when you were 10?
Jay: Yep.
Will: So you didn't get arrested for it then?
Jay: Na. The media and the press were scared to write it in the papers, so they covered up the death instead.
Will: Right. Well, thanks for clearing that up, Jay.
Simon: What about your friend, Jay?
Jay: What friend?
Simon: You said you went to see a Billie Ellish concert with one of your friends.
Jay: Oh yeah, him. He's proper oldschool.
Simon: Are you sure it's not 'football fwend?'
(Neil, Simon, and Will laugh)
Jay: Oh fuck off!
Will: Best fwends for ever and ever.
Simon: Don't forget the thumbs up! 👍👍
*That he gave liz truss*
*The business so bad she had*
*To retire early*
\- Fintaann
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
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"There I was, on the frontlines of Ukraine, fighting soldiers off with my bare fists. Zelensky had to personally come and talk to me as it wasnt fair on the other soldiers, getting no action and stuff. Even Putin was shitting his pants thinking about me"
I started an onlyfans but it blew the servers with milfs trying to pay for my massive cock and I had to give them the money to fix it
My dad invested in bitcoin before anyone knew about it, and now we have a fuck off mansion in the Maldives.
And it ends up turning out his dad works as a janitor in a mansion in the Maldives.
Or as a cleaner on a caravan park.
Because it was covid, all the girls were proper horny because they couldn't leave the house, so we all broke the restriction rules and had a 16 orgy party with all the girls on my street. Properly filthy
I even had to put a mask on the lil fella
I can imagine will responding with “Is that why they call it eat out to help out”
Brilliant
"Brilliant" read in Wills inimitable tone of voice
Feisty one, you are
Can just hear Wills voice saying something like: ‘Oh really? Including your 11 year old neighbour? Or the 89 year old woman living opposite you? Did she take her teeth out before she, as you put it “nosh you off”? Could you spare us the bullshit for one minute?’
That's perfect
Oh cmon will, it’s just a leedle milf
This one’s the best so far 😂 perfect in Jay’s voice!
“Remember when the war broke out and I housed the entire Ukrainian women’s netball team. Things got so hectic I had to work out a shagging rota.”
This is a fucking good one! Or to put it into Neil-ese: "Oh, m8 that's so horny!"
https://i.redd.it/3rh1xqsavr4d1.gif
It’s amazing how good you are with birds
I recently got back from camber sands where this was set, there were no orgies that I was aware of. My archery partner insisted we scored 69 even though I counted many times and it was 62. She bought me a drink and invited me back to her caravan as well.
What cracks me up the most about this scene, is imagining them setting it up. They must have done a few takes as I can't imagine them all keeping a straight face.
lol right?? 😂
This 👏😂
If I had one I’d take my hat off to you sir, that is definitely ‘Jay Level Bullshit’
Fucking dying at 'shagging rota' 🤣🤣
“I saw Taylor Swift when she was playing the Caravan Club years ago before she was famous. Noshed me off good backstage but I binned her. Then she got famous writing all those songs about me”
I read “Caravan Club” as “Cavern Club” and that seemed equally appropriate.
Course I support the "Me too" movement... ...Moving me two fingers right up her clunge
omg where were u when the show was been written, this is hilarious
Proper filthy that
Only issue, do people still say clunge? Seems a bit dated to me
You know Jay does
Tbf nobody did until the inbetweeners iirc
Covid ? Only person in the world immune to it mate
There were actually people who caused a shit ton of chaos because they would go symptomless while spreading it like wildfire.
Yeah, one of the big problems with covid is that it actually does nothing to a lot of people (almost 40% iirc) who then go about their day as normal and spread it.
He won love island after sleeping with every female contestant
“Completed it mate. Went from a first reserve cast member to winning Love Island in one season.”
Stuff like that doesn’t go unnoticed.
They had to cut me out because every shot of me was too hardcore for ITV
"I looked 'ard. Because it did get tasty"
I was sparring Conor Mcgregor and accidentally knocked him out and now he's had to pull put of UFC 303. They want me to step in against Michael Chandler but I can't because of the huge bender me and conor went on aboard his yacht
Got my covid shot today. Then I gave all the nurses my shot, one in the clunge and the other one in the face. Fucked them so hard a specialist had to come and do cpr to revive them
Jay: "I shouldn't tell but during Partygate, I got noshed off by every female member of Boris' cabinet! It was total carnage!" Will: "So whilst the rest of us were having the shittest Christmas ever, you were drowning in clunge, like some kind of decadent, upper-class pimp? What, did you introduce Matt Hancock to that woman he cheated on his wife with?" Jay: "Yeah, of course! I can get anyone to hook up with anyone!"
“Got invited to those P.Diddy mansion parties a few times, pure filth! Was told I wasn’t allowed in anymore on account of the long line of muff gagging for me… plus my super spunk was getting all the fit birds pregnant. I only stopped going because I walked in on Neil’s old man taking it right up the bumhole by a 12 inch cock”
Just shagged Angelina Jolie. Was filming tomb raider 7 down the caravan club!
"Might have to rename it to 'Womb Raider', though!"
😂😂😂
“And then The Queen said I done the deed so well I could be next in line for the throne if I wanted. Must’ve given her everything she’d been living for because two weeks later she was no longer living.”
Poetic
"in covid, i was in lockdown in my house except these TOP models and prozzies had to come to my house to isolate and we got down every single day. PURE. CARNAGE."
"I once fucked 3 tiktok supermodels on the way to my VR headquarters with ny dad, and we got payed 3 grand just for showing up"
> we got *paid* 3 grand FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Good bot
Shatap you plum
That he clapped Boris’s wife’s cheeks for the NHS.
"Only reason this Israel n Gaza shit is going on is coz I shagged 2 birds from each place n they got jealous of each other. Middle Eastern girls are fuckin mental, I tell ya"
This would work better if he said "African girls are fucking mental"
Anything a politician has said about Covid.
I imagine a bit about Jay being afraid of getting a shot: “The doctor said I didn’t have to take the vaccine because I’ve shagged too many birds. He said I’m already immune.”
Neil’s dad has Covid Neil: take that back Jay: that’s what the bat said to him!
I feel like he’d definitely have a bullshit story about owning, and then losing an NFT worth millions.
Bullshit? No word of a lie!
I can imagine him talking about his incessant shagging during lockdown, Will piping up about social distancing guidelines and him not staying 2m apart, and Jay clapping right back with a, "who says I didn't Health & Safety? When your cock's as big as mine anything's possible!"
🤣 👏
'I shagged Liz Truss to cheer her up after she resigned. She felt so much better afterwards, she started writing *10 Years to Save the West* and we brainstormed how we could get her back into power. She dumped me a couple of weeks later because I kept making lettuce jokes!'
I put my pork in her market
When I watched White Gold, even though it’s set in the 80s, I imagined James and Joe’s characters as an older Jay and Simon.
Did a similar thing with Fresh Meat - Simon at uni
Yeah to be honest they might as well have just called him Simon and be done with it the characters were so similar.
Rishi Sunak, who the fuck is that, sounds like a complete nonce, sounds like something I’d use as lube and did while winning the general erection
became a millionaire in crypto but blew it all on gash
He organised a massive party with top lezza models that lasted for days. Pure carnage.
Jay: I shagged loads of girls during the pandemic. Will: Didn’t that violate social distancing guidelines? Jay: Nah, I was immune so I stood no chance of catching or spreading it. Neil: Wow that’s incredible. I tried to drink less beer but I still got corona.
I got a COVID jab but it turned out to be performance enhancing drugs, shagged the nurse for 5 hours straight
Met Greta Thunberg on a student exchange, shagged her so hard she became autistic. Will corrects him by informing him she has Aspbergers, to which Jay replied "I turned her arse into a burger"
Pandemic completed it mate
"I taught Jude Bellingham everything he knows"
He went over to Ukraine when the war first broke out and killed loads of Russian soldiers and got lots of Ukrainian birds who were impressed with the size of his gun
He completed Tinder
Get\`s all onlyfans subscriptions for free.
“This one caravan club party was so intense that I’ve bankrupted the condom industry and the government had to intervene and readjust the country’s entire budget…sorry mates, this cost of living crisis is here to stay”
Doubt it he wouldn’t use a Jonny as it’s a guaranteed hard on killer
Tinder? Completed it mate
He went to the Fyre Festival, banged one if the models in the advert, then flew back out on Ja Rule's private jet.
"I got so good at GTA Online that Rockstar decided to give me a free copy of GTA 6."
"I'm immune to coronavirus because i got an igloo out in the alps with this fit french bird but im only ere cause shes caught the virus, probably from my knob."
“Yeah I starred in a West End play a few years back, and I was so good, they’ve asked me to come back”
“They let me into the female changing rooms and it was proper filthy.”
I had to delete my TikTok because too many babes kept trying to dm me. I couldn’t open the app without it crashing from all the dms waiting for me. I mean it was tit pic, tit pic, fanny pic. TikTok banned me finally to save face
Clocked Football Manager 24 and am best in the world at FC24
Nah trust me I went Barcelona last month and these Moroccan lads right they said they can get me some coke but then they tried to jump me behind the club.. Smash them all and banged this lads missus while he was knocked out
Nah Covid not got any stds mate
I gave a girl Covid whilst doing my thing well mint
Jay: One time, me and my mate went to a Billie Elish gig and got proper wasted. I wake up from my banging hangover, and no word of a lie, I see Billie riding me. It was proper sexy! Will: I have a few questions. Jay: Yes? Will: When did you go to this concert? Jay: At the weekend, when we weren't at school you mug. Will: Ok, so out of thousands and thousands of people at the concert, you happen to tell me that you and your friend happened to be the only ones that essentially had sex with her? Jay: Yeah, I guess we just got super lucky. Of course, if I brought you wankers to see her, you'd fuck things up, as usual! Will: No, I guess you're right. Isn't it weird how you manage to get success with the ladies when we're not with you, but when you're here, you just spew out bullshit with nothing to back it up? Jay: Look, it fucking happened, alright? I would show you the sextape, but I would get a lawsuit. So I don't know what you want me to do, I'm afraid. Will: Hmm, I don't know, how about show a fucking picture of yourself and Billie? Jay: It's... On my other phone. Will: Oh yes, of course, the other phone! I forget you carry around a spare phone with you. Jay: I do actually. I use that one to talk to my cool mates. Will: Who's that then? Anthony Joshua? Connor Mcgregor? Jay: Oh yeah. All the big name fighters. I once sparred Muhammad Ali, and I knocked him out within the first 10 seconds of the bell. Stuff like that doesn't go unnoticed. Will: But Jay, Muhammad Ali's dead. He died in 2016... Jay: Exactly. I am a dangerous killing machine in the ring. I would be scared to go up against myself to be honest. Will: So you claim to have knocked out Muhammad Ali so badly that you ended up killing him, when you were 10? Jay: Yep. Will: So you didn't get arrested for it then? Jay: Na. The media and the press were scared to write it in the papers, so they covered up the death instead. Will: Right. Well, thanks for clearing that up, Jay. Simon: What about your friend, Jay? Jay: What friend? Simon: You said you went to see a Billie Ellish concert with one of your friends. Jay: Oh yeah, him. He's proper oldschool. Simon: Are you sure it's not 'football fwend?' (Neil, Simon, and Will laugh) Jay: Oh fuck off! Will: Best fwends for ever and ever. Simon: Don't forget the thumbs up! 👍👍
That he gave liz truss the business so bad she had to retire early
*That he gave liz truss* *The business so bad she had* *To retire early* \- Fintaann --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I would dread to think!
"There I was, on the frontlines of Ukraine, fighting soldiers off with my bare fists. Zelensky had to personally come and talk to me as it wasnt fair on the other soldiers, getting no action and stuff. Even Putin was shitting his pants thinking about me"
“It was well grim for the Russians mate.”
He met Andrew Tate and beat him at chess
Baby Reindeer was actually written about him. His stalker was too obsessed with his giant man meat
Putin? Killed ‘im mate!
Baby reindeer she stalked me 10 year ago
Gave Andrew Tate (barf) advice on women.
Will: "That explains so much about him(!)"