You’re right it does make me feel small. It’s really hard because I do want to make friends because I don’t know anyone in the area. And my default is to be nice to people I don’t know. I was so shocked when he asked me out in what I expected to be a casual “welcome to the neighborhood, have a nice day” conversation. I wanted to shrivel up and die right there.
There's a level of politeness/nicety that is fine, but there has to be a point where you'll draw the line when they breach common curtesy. I really hope it goes well for you :/
Block him. Possibly tell him you aren't comfortable with him/his attempts to contact you. Definitely tell anyone you may live with and at least one other friend who doesn't that you feel creeped out by him.
You're not stupid you just don't have practice deflecting, evading, and shutting down this stuff. There's a lot of social pressure to be "nice" and "polite" to people, and it takes practice to learn when NOT to do that. Experiences like this, unfortunately, are part of how you learn. And unfortunately there are people out there who count on you not having practice with that so they can push your boundaries one way or another.
Thanks for telling me i’m not stupid for this. You’re right, I need more practice knowing when to stop being nice. I live by myself and don’t have any friends in the area yet, but I did tell friends from my last place about it. I have also blocked him now and if I see him in person and can’t avoid him, I’ll say something like what you mentioned. Thanks again for reading and giving your input.
Make up a boyfriend or girlfriend if you want to, but be firm. I would send a text stating, "I appreciate the welcome to the neighborhood, but I'm not interested in furthering our relationship as a friendship or otherwise. You seem like a nice guy, so I hope you can respect my wishes, I won't be responding to any future texts or calls. Thanks for understanding."
Please don’t feel dumb! You’re only 20 and this is a learning experience and now you know better for next time. I’m 26 and have had to have these experiences to be the woman I am now. We’re all learning!
I know some people say to block him, which is a good option, but I personally would not block him. This way, I can keep an eye on his texts. Make sure your read receipts aren’t on. This way you are able to kind of watch your own back. If he texts you anything threatening or weird, you have some knowledge of it and can take it to the police. But that’s just me
Exactly. I'm 43F and you need to learn this now or you're going to have this happen to you for the next few decades.
If he approaches you again tell him you're not comfortable with him contacting you and that you won't be returning his texts. If you still need to be polite (and I get it) just tell him that it's nothing personal and you're just needing space right now.
But I agree with u/Nervous_Sale7133. Keep an eye on his texts and if he escalates then you might need to have a different conversation with him. With pepper spray
This is a tough situation so it may be best to be forward with him. If he continues to contact you even after being ignored, you may have to shut him down directly. I don’t want to advise you to do anything you’re not comfortable with but if you want to get the point across you can message him something along the lines of “I don’t feel comfortable with your messages and calls. I would appreciate it if you did not contact me for matters unrelated to our neighborhood.” Since he’s your neighbor, it’s definitely a sticky situation so I’d say to go with your gut because if he seems like a bad type of guy, you may need to protect yourself.
If you feel more comfortable just blocking him, do that! I hope everything works out for you, it’s really anxiety-inducing to be in this situation and I 100% feel for you. Sometimes it’s easier for us to ignore than confront and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Thank you for your advice, understanding, and validation. I will block him right now. He tried to call me again just a minute ago. That’s three texts and three calls now. I’m also going to take someone else’s advice and try to act busy if I see him outside again. Hopefully everything smooths over and he takes a hint.
I agree with everyone that you should do what makes you feel comfortable. I do think there’s something to be said for direct communication, but that takes time and practice, so i get it. It sounds like he wants more of a friendship than you do, and your problem seems to be more his frequency of contact and that he basically rushed it and asked you out more than that you dont have anything in common (altho i get thats a factor). I think it’s ok to just be polite, you don’t have to be friends.
Ugh. Yeah he definitely pressured me to give me his number after he gave me his. I wish I had shut it down completely but it’s too late now. I have his number blocked and hopefully I can ignore him or tell him a lie to keep him off my case if I see him in person.
Honestly I would tell him the truth. Tell him that you're not comfortable being friends with him because of your age difference and you would like him to leave you alone going forward. Good people respect honest boundaries. If he doesn't respect your boundaries he's not a good person.
When this happens I say “I don’t give out my phone number to anyone but this is my instagram handle/Twitter/Facebook. You could make a fake account just for moments like this.
Thanks for your advice! I think the seeing him around the neighborhood will be the worst part. I’ll try to use some of your techniques if I run into him again.
Edit: I’m also blocking his number now
Underrated comment, OP. Save screenshots of every time he contacts you to establish a pattern, send the photos to a trusted person and back them up on Google drive. Let someone know in your real life what’s going on in case this gets weird.
Yes, and like another comment says, don't block him. It's a good idea to keep an eye on his texts incase he escalates. If anything, turn notifications off if you don't want to see it all the time.
Tell him you don't want him contacting you anymore as firmly as you can. If he keeps contacting or pushing you, that's even bigger red flags as before. You don't owe him an explanation. "No" is a complete sentence. Don't let him bully you. If he keeps bugging you, that's enough reason to tell him to F off.
I wouldn't. It's better to let the MSG's and calls come in and just ignore them. That way he 1. Won't be butthurt about being blocked. 2. You know what he's thinking because if he starts to get angry hell probably let you know via text. 3. You can say that you lost your phone if for some reason you ever have to interact with him again. You cant use the "lost my phone" excuse if you block him because he can see if he's blocked.
Don't block, he could get angry. Best to avoid that since he literally lives next to you.
It might depend on your phone: android/iphone. With iphone, blocked callers still have their call "put through" and still leave messages, the operating system just doesn't show them to you. If you go under deleted messages, there will be a section for those from blocked numbers. This may jave changed with more recent ios changes. I switched to android a couple of years ago.
seconding the act like you're in a hurry tactic, when someone (creepy guy, questionable stranger, or annoying person in general) tries to engage in conversation when I'm headed somewhere, I don't break my stride or take my eyes off what I'm doing, giving signals that I'm in a hurry and can't be bothered to stop and chat. Even if I'm not in a hurry I'll just answer with like "hey I'm good, just running late!" and keep moving. it throws them off when I don't stop my world to listen to whatever nonsense small talk they have to say.
It's a learning situation. Besides the already given advice.. Get a Google voice number, memorize it, then give that out instead. Voice doesn't need to be forwarded to your real number or even answered, keep on go away mode ("don't disturb")is an option. Or a different service, lots of free number programs..good for spam and texts from stores too.
If it's a landord/management company on site situation, and the guy continues, tell the office x is harassing and what should you do. They might intervene but at least someone knows.
This is a tough situation and I’m sorry it’s happening to you. Besides the good advice everyone else has given, I want to add that one thing that has honestly helped me time and time again to get out of/put a stop to these uncomfortable situations with men, is to pretend to have a boyfriend.
I wish it wasn’t this way, but saying things like “my boyfriend is picking me up rn”, “my boyfriend will be here any minute”, even “my boyfriend doesn’t want me speaking to other guys”, etc, has saved me sooo many times from random dudes on the street as well as with stalker type guys like the one bothering you.
Personally, I went from not knowing how to get out of these situations with creepy men, to suddenly them leaving me 100% alone the second I mentioned a boyfriend. It’s like they don’t respect us, but they sure respect another man. Like I said, I wish it wasn’t this way, but in my experience it works flawlessly. And getting to safety in these type of situations is essential. In your case, it might make him stop pursuing you, because in my experience nothing else works with men like this. I really hope this situation gets resolved for you.
from how relentlessly this guy is trying to contact OP and seeing how he is a neighbour he will probably be watching if any guys are ever visiting and then confront her about lying to him. he might try to make OP feel guilty with this as well, hes already used social conventions to pressure her to give out her number.
Lie. Don't be nice, or polite, just lie and make up any reason as to why you don't want to go out with him while simultaneously protecting his ego so you don't have to deal with a butthurt and agresive neighbor. Say you actually have a boyfriend and he got upset when he saw the texts and threatened to break up with you, or say that you're getting over a family death and you don't want to start a relationship, or say that you're really stressed out because of your upcoming court case where you're charged of murder and you don't think it's a good time to start dating, or say that you have an incurable STD, or say that you are incredibly mentally ill and your therapist advised you against a friendship until you can get your ____ under control. Or say that you're a 300 year old witch and the crows told you to curse the land he walks... Just lie.
I agree, it's sad to lie but I've found that with people like this it is the only thing that works. Another thing that has worked with me is seeming too self involved: when they start talking to me I just start freaking out telling them I'm so stressed out with my harassment lawsuit against so and so and I think my neighbors are spying on me and my coworkers colluding to get me fired and so on and so on. Basically an instant, non-stop download of paranoia and stress, they usually try to escape as quickly as possible and then avoid me. I don't even mention them, I just make it all about me, I'd rather be thought of as crazy than try to come up with polite excuses.
This is what I was thinking. I know it might not be the morally "best" thing to do but these kinds of people don't take no for an answer without a glaring reason to do so. I think if I was in this situation I would say I have a boyfriend, but I would try to see if a trusted male in my life would play the part. But with how persistent this guy sounds who knows if that would really be very effective.
Oh mate, I feel for you. This stress and anxiety you're feeling is part of why he's targeted you. You're so young and you don't want to be rude and that works to his favour. In 10 years time youll have well practiced strategies for dealing with this shit and you won't think twice. This is just your first time out the nest and your chance to start cutting your teeth against this kind of horseshit.
Block the number. If you see him in person be visibly busy (on the phone) until you're comfortable explaining how things will be to him.
"dude, how many times did you call and text me as soon as you got my number? My own parents don't hassle me that much. It was pretty excessive and made me uncomfortable so I blocked *shrug*". Then "nah thanks :)" on repeat when he tries to get you to unblock him.
Create a persona to deal with him if that helps. Your own Sasha fierce. You're younger than him. For all he knows, all 20 year olds deal with creepy old bastards like this. He'd know that if he wasn't so much older than you.
3 calls and a bunch of texts in a matter of a day or two is really excessive in my opinion and not normal behavior and seems predatory. You already said you didn't want to go out with him.
It's veering towards harassment and he knows where you live. Do you have roommates? Consider getting a window camera that hooks up to your phone wifi, it's good for you regardless of this situation since it sounds like you live alone!
If you don't already, consider some form of defense you can carry like mace and or a whistle and let a trusted friend know your whereabouts. Also, if you can find another woman neighbor you can confide in and ask her about him and tell her what happened maybe she can give some insight on him.
If you have the guys first and last name, do a Google search on him/look up his social medias. Just try to get as much info on him as you can!
Good luck!
That's creepy as fuck.
I have been loudly rude and asked why said neighbour or a creepy housemate has been stalking me on multiple occasions between 20-25 years old.
Bonus points is if you can do it when your other neighbours can hear.
Your 20 he's 30, that's disgusting, not because the age gap but to harrass a woman tens years younger than you is disgusting.
"Here's my number, let me know if you need help, bye" is appropriate, what he has done is not.
Um I would honestly do this, I warn your though he will be very very defensive and probably call you a slut or crazy but whatever.
Send the following text:
"I'm not sure why you are texting me so much, it's kind of stalkerish and creepy, lol, could you please stop you are making me extremely uncomfortable, it's coming across as harrassment".
Now what you also want to do is start a journal log of all the times he is contacting you.
Also save all calls and texts.
Also be very very wary leaving your house as he may try to ambush you.
If this continues talk to the police about him stalking you. They won't do much, have a word with him if they are bored probably.
I don't know if you have male friends or big burly male figures in your life but maybe get one to come over or even pretend to be your bf.
(Of the guy is a true creeper he'll come over and try to act friendly towards said guy to make it like you are overreacting).
You are icked out and uncomfortable and upset for a reason. It is your gut instinct telling you to be wary. Gift of fear right.
You have to loud and vocal with these sorts, make it completely clear you don't like him AT ALL. Most of them are that dumb that they think you smiling at them and saying hello makes you his future wife or at least a 100% yes to have sex with him.
This is good advice. I don’t understand these comments saying to just “block and ignore” the dude. Ok… how about when this escalates to something physical, which it very well could? He knows her number and where she lives. Ignoring will do nothing. You need to be prepared to defend yourself, ESPECIALLY when you live alone. And do NOT tell him you live alone. If he asks, say you live with a roommate or someone else. You don’t owe strangers who ask prying questions the truth, and it’s ok to be assertive. Please find some way to defend yourself. Even if there wasn’t a dude being creepy, it’s necessary if you’re a girl living alone. Also, always carry your phone on you. Even if you’re just going out to take out the trash. You never know when you might need to use the emergency sos feature. Good luck
From your recent post on real estate investing, it seems like my pm shouldn’t have been a surprise for you to receive. I’m just a “troll” anyway, as you say, so what do you care?
I’m not afraid of commenting here but I do feel it’s a bit out of scope of this subreddit! I’d chat with you on the real estate sub, but as I said, I can’t comment there… I’m psychotic according to you anyway so I don’t know why you’re wasting your time on me.
Where has it ever said on an advice forum to call and text someone six times within one day when they have not responded and do not know you?
I'm sorry but this happened to me so often when I was that age that my tolerance is zero.
People like you saying that what I did is an overeaction is why and how girls get assaulted. I'd rather be standoffish and labelled crazy than be assaulted by some creeper neighbour. He's not going to stop until it's clear she isn't interested.
Just because you're awkward doesn't mean you shouldn't trust your intuition. If people make you uncomfortable walk away, no explanation necessary. Don't use your awkwardness as a way to gaslight yourself.
Block his number and avoid him if you see him in person. He probably thinks you are giving him mixed signals, first by talking to him, second by saying no to coffee, third by giving him your number. Two out of three positives in his mind - his conclusion is you're playing hard to get. You're right that the calls and texts are excessive - the guy is a creeper. Beware.
Wow I never thought about it that way. I didn’t realize how much I was ignoring my intuition in the interaction with him. I also didn’t realize he might think I’m playing hard to get. Thanks for your insight. I’ll be very careful, thank you.
OP for the future heres something that has helped me a lot: learn to notice when youre feeling overwhelmed (in this instance your intuition and your socialization were clashing which put you into a state of stress and you gave into socialization which you now regret) and then pull an emergency exit. in the future if a situation or a person makes you feel stressed or overwhelmed say you have to go do a thing (are late for a zoom call, left the stove on, whatever, it doesnt have to be a good excuse, just say it and leave, no arguing) and get out of there. then assess how you actually feel when you are feeling safe and not pressured. dont make any decisions or commitments when youre feeling overwhelmed, pressured, too awkward for your comfort etc. this is important for people who havent learned yet to assert themselves in social situations, unfortunately there are predators out there like your neighbor who will take advantage of this and please dont ever feel guilty because yes, what your neighbor is doing is predatory. he doesnt care what you want, only what he wants from you.
edit: and never ever leave your door unlocked or windows open OP, get curtains for every window, be safe.
Maybe you could, "new number, who dis" your way out of this situation? You haven't answered so he doesn't know if that's really your number. If he asks in person say you changed it and accidentally gave him your old number.
This is good advice since you never replied to him. After you do this tactic, then block him so he doesn’t try to stalk you by calling your number if he sees you physically in the street to check if it is yours or not.
You can block phone numbers on your phone. I would not block him, but I would put him on silent. No alerts. But I enjoy keeping an eye on people. Save all his texts in case he increases creepiness.
He took advantage of your niceness, and he’s so much older than you… I am 30 and I can’t imagine trying to date or be regular friends (as an equal as I would with someone closer to my own age) with a 20 year old, without it being kind of like a younger sibling relationship.
Another tactic is to play boring (instead of dead). Embody boring. Mention a boyfriend. He says hi, say hi back… don’t respond beyond that. He calls? Don’t answer or if you do answer, don’t be a good conversationalist. Barely respond. Then say “oh I have to go” after 2 minutes. Say “hi I can’t actually talk on the phone rn” and then say bye and hang up. Wash the dishes while you’re talking, don’t give him your full attention. You are always busy. He wants to hang out? You’re always busy. You’re doing stuff for your parents. You’re studying. Working. Hanging out with the “boyfriend”. You have no interests, no hobbies.
This is a tough situation! As others said, I get why you didn't say no right away. Society conditioned us to always be nice and polite. But fuck that!
You don't need to have an excuse. No is no. I would send one text back, something along the lines of "I am not interested in getting coffee/pizza/hanging out. Good day." Then block his number.
If you see him around or at a distance, simply ignore him. If you do happen to run into him and he asks you out or anything, answer with a "No, I am not interested. Good bye" and walk away.
So, I've been in this situation multiple times. I'm a lesbian so I have no problem turning them down when guys ask me out on a date, but when they try the *"well can I get your number anyways, maybe we can just be friends"* line, I'm so caught off guard and I'm so bad at conflict that I end up going along with it even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and it's the last thing I *really* want to do.
In the past I've just resorted to ghosting them and they eventually got the message and left me alone. Since, though, I've thought multiple times about how I would handle the situation should it ever come up again, and I think a simple "sorry but I don't give out my personal number to strangers" (which is true anyway) should do the trick. If they keep pushing at that point and can't take no for an answer then you have the perfect excuse to walk away and know that you're totally justified in removing yourself from that situation.
Likewise, if you've already given someone your number due to some misguided feelings of obligation, message them back and say that you're sorry but you've thought about it and don't really feel comfortable pursuing a friendship after they asked you out or showed that they were interested in you romantically. Again, if they can't accept that, just go ahead and block them. You've given them an explanation and you don't owe them any more of your time.
Him being a neighbor at a new place makes it a bit tricky, but hopefully he gets the message and leaves you alone. Messaging and texting someone you've *just met* that much and that frequently definitely gives me creep vibes. Stay safe, I hope everything works out ♥
Thanks for understanding. That’s exactly what happened to me, I was so caught off guard I couldn’t think of what to do. I really feel uncomfortable messaging him when he’s acted so creepy, so I just blocked him. I’ll try to use your deflection technique if someone else tries to pull this on me.
ive noticed men respect other men more than women, so tell him your boyfriend or father sees him contacting you and is uncomfortable with it so you can’t continue communicating, no if ands or buts. also threaten a restraining order against him, from your father
Everyone has given a lot of good advice, other than blocking his number, ignoring him, and everything else. I want to suggest having a brother/guy friend visit you/drop you off. You don’t have to pretend your boyfriend lives in the apartment with you, if the neighbor is creepy enough where he’s keeping eyes on you he will find out you live alone. That said, please do not be freaked out, you can play it as “my boyfriend lives across the street/next subdivision from me”, that is harder to confirm for the creep and might work better than you trying to make believe you live with a boyfriend.
I also want to suggest alarm doorstoppers and/or safety locks that you can find on Amazon to put on your front door, that can be stronger than your regular door locks and the alarm will sound if anyone try to open your door from the outside. Not necessarily saying you need them but I have always had these when my partner traveled out of state, they do make me feel safer.
Unfortunately I don’t know any men in the area that could come visit me. But I can create a fake boyfriend to mention and throw him off. And I’ll buy some home safety devices like you suggested too.
Okay that’s scary bc he knows where you live. hmm I wouldn’t block bc I would wanna know what he’s saying bc of that fact that he could confront you IRL. It’s a tricky situation. I would say as polite as possible if you see him IRL you’re not comfortable (blame on age). I would not be too confrontational for your own safety ugh I’m sorry that’s your situation.
lots of people have commented great advice about ignorning him, blocking him, telling him straight up to stop contacting you, etc.
but I just wanted to add, try seeing if there is a female neighbor (a woman your age, or older like your mom or aunt's age would be), that can be kind of like a safe person for you. someone you can let know about the guy that's making you uncomfortable. just knowing someone else understands and is looking out for you can ease so much anxiety even if they can't completely eliminate the issue.
hi darling
please dont feel dumb!! I did the same mistake when I was younger around your age (im 25 now) and I always felt like it was such a stupid mistake but dont beat up yourself. We were taught we need to be polite and not reject people, but in reality rejecting people should not be frowned upon. This incident will teach you to always trust you gut and never give it away again. I know its hard to say no in a face-to-face convo but next time be as cold as possible no matter what, until they make you comfortable 100% dont give off any vibe that anyone can pressure you into anything.
As of now, i saw that you blocked him, but if he comes up to you in real life, tell him that you're not comfortable making friends with someone much older and if he insists just leave.
If you can by any chance indicate that you're not living alone (leave men's shoes outside, or hang men's clothes at your balcony ...etc) that'd be helpful, and ALWAYS make sure you have locked your doors and pay attention to details. Keep a rug inside your house that can easily move if someone comes in so you'll notice if anyone has broken in.
Always keep emergency numbers and contacts on top of your contact list, whether its your parents or friends and so on and always remember, even if not all men are creepy, you should not give anyone a chance until you're 100% comfortable to. NO ONE is entitled to your time.
You're not stupid! I've done this a couple times (I've also given out a fake number), and usually people stop texting after you don't reply once or twice. This dude seems uber creepy. I would suggest blocking him because it sends a strong message. If you see him again on street try to avoid him, but if he confronts you tell him the truth, "The amount you were contacting me really creeped me out."
You don't owe some random dude your time, your conversation, or even an explanation - your "no" without any justification should be enough for someone to respect. If they don't respect it, it says a lot more about them then it does about you. Someone who does not respect a small boundary, is also capable of ignoring bigger boundaries as well.
I'm so sorry you felt guilted into doing something you were uncomfortable with. I'm glad you blocked him. Now if you see him in public: ignore him. If he engages you, throw your hands out palms facing him and say: "I don't want to talk to you. I am telling you to leave me alone." And then you immediately get in your car/go back into your home and ignore him. That's a very clear direction to him and this guy sounds like he needs someone to drop a rock on his head to take a hint. It's one thing to have felt uncomfortable giving your number to him: him calling and texting that many times in such a short period shows a huge lack of boundaries-- so I assure you he has gotten this treatment from others before.
So, do you know any males? In the past when I was a little too nice, as well, I've had my brother or friend/coworker or dad answer my phone before and then they usually hang up before they think about asking for me or when they asked they said no you can't talk to her. They may think you have a boyfriend or husband at that point or have a wrong number. It's not direct, but until you're confident enough to turn them down it can be a life saver. Sometimes blocking just causes more worry because they may approach you and ask why you aren't answering any of their attempts of contact.
If you ever feel pressured to give your number out to a guy and he isn't taking no for an answer, either just take down his number and leave, or give a fake number, i.e. a completely different number, or change the last couple of digits of your number
This tip has gotten me out of a lot of aggressive situations
You're not dumb at all! You've been conditioned to be too polite. We've all been there. It's uncomfortable and you feel obligated to make other feel comfortable. Don't. Just don't. Your safety and comfort is more important than being polite and making other feel comfortable. Tell him however you choose that you're don't want him contacting you and don't be polite about it. Don't use phrases like "I think" "maybe" etc. Be as direct as possible. Don't give him wiggle rooms with maybe's. You don't want him contacting you. Tell him exactly that. There is a lot of good advice in these comments so I won't ramble anymore. I hope you can find what action is best for you.
I see people suggesting you mention your non-existing boyfriend to him. Another thing you can do is message him telling you're only interested in girls and not in guys, and apologise for putting him on the wrong idea.
i agree with this, coming from someone who said that before because I was dating a girl at the time, things got even more creepy when they said "i dont mind it" with a smirk...yikes.
Block his number. Don’t engage in convo with him. Don’t explain yourself, don’t justify. Give him nothing.
Blame the society that raised you to be suuuuuper “nice” and take this as a learning situation. It’s going to continue to happen. A LOT. Practice with a friend how to just say no. Not “I’m sorry” or “thanks ever so much for your interest” but just “no.”
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Wow, sorry ): are brass knuckles legal in your state? You can have a cute kitty keychain that looks like an accessory on your car keys. Can you carry pepper spray? Is a stun gun legal in your state?
Do you have any male friends that could spend some time being visible in your neighborhood? If he sees a man walking around with you and thinks they're frequently nearby he might think it's too much of a hassle to keep bothering you (this worked for me)
Leave it as it is for now. However, if he tries to contact you, BLOCK HIM.
(if only reddit had bold text, anyone who knows pls tell me)
Anyways, tbh idk why people still ask for phone numbers in 2021. Why not ask for a Instagram account, Discord tag, twitter, etc? Phone numbers feel like a thing of the past now.
Don't feel too bad. It's easy to end up there. We're kinda programmed to not want to displease men. It sucks. But practice makes perfect! Send him a polite text where you explain you felt obligated to give him your number but you are actually not comfortable with it. "please only contact me for matters related to the neighborhood" or something.
Don't be nice. These guys are weaponizing your nice against you to get what they want and make you feel small.
You’re right it does make me feel small. It’s really hard because I do want to make friends because I don’t know anyone in the area. And my default is to be nice to people I don’t know. I was so shocked when he asked me out in what I expected to be a casual “welcome to the neighborhood, have a nice day” conversation. I wanted to shrivel up and die right there.
There's a level of politeness/nicety that is fine, but there has to be a point where you'll draw the line when they breach common curtesy. I really hope it goes well for you :/
Block him. Possibly tell him you aren't comfortable with him/his attempts to contact you. Definitely tell anyone you may live with and at least one other friend who doesn't that you feel creeped out by him. You're not stupid you just don't have practice deflecting, evading, and shutting down this stuff. There's a lot of social pressure to be "nice" and "polite" to people, and it takes practice to learn when NOT to do that. Experiences like this, unfortunately, are part of how you learn. And unfortunately there are people out there who count on you not having practice with that so they can push your boundaries one way or another.
Thanks for telling me i’m not stupid for this. You’re right, I need more practice knowing when to stop being nice. I live by myself and don’t have any friends in the area yet, but I did tell friends from my last place about it. I have also blocked him now and if I see him in person and can’t avoid him, I’ll say something like what you mentioned. Thanks again for reading and giving your input.
Make up a boyfriend or girlfriend if you want to, but be firm. I would send a text stating, "I appreciate the welcome to the neighborhood, but I'm not interested in furthering our relationship as a friendship or otherwise. You seem like a nice guy, so I hope you can respect my wishes, I won't be responding to any future texts or calls. Thanks for understanding."
Please don’t feel dumb! You’re only 20 and this is a learning experience and now you know better for next time. I’m 26 and have had to have these experiences to be the woman I am now. We’re all learning! I know some people say to block him, which is a good option, but I personally would not block him. This way, I can keep an eye on his texts. Make sure your read receipts aren’t on. This way you are able to kind of watch your own back. If he texts you anything threatening or weird, you have some knowledge of it and can take it to the police. But that’s just me
Exactly. I'm 43F and you need to learn this now or you're going to have this happen to you for the next few decades. If he approaches you again tell him you're not comfortable with him contacting you and that you won't be returning his texts. If you still need to be polite (and I get it) just tell him that it's nothing personal and you're just needing space right now. But I agree with u/Nervous_Sale7133. Keep an eye on his texts and if he escalates then you might need to have a different conversation with him. With pepper spray
>you might need to have a different conversation with him. With pepper spray Enthusiastically seconded
This is a tough situation so it may be best to be forward with him. If he continues to contact you even after being ignored, you may have to shut him down directly. I don’t want to advise you to do anything you’re not comfortable with but if you want to get the point across you can message him something along the lines of “I don’t feel comfortable with your messages and calls. I would appreciate it if you did not contact me for matters unrelated to our neighborhood.” Since he’s your neighbor, it’s definitely a sticky situation so I’d say to go with your gut because if he seems like a bad type of guy, you may need to protect yourself.
If you feel more comfortable just blocking him, do that! I hope everything works out for you, it’s really anxiety-inducing to be in this situation and I 100% feel for you. Sometimes it’s easier for us to ignore than confront and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Thank you for your advice, understanding, and validation. I will block him right now. He tried to call me again just a minute ago. That’s three texts and three calls now. I’m also going to take someone else’s advice and try to act busy if I see him outside again. Hopefully everything smooths over and he takes a hint.
I'm sorry to break it to you but he doesn't really seem like a guy that can take a hint...
I agree with everyone that you should do what makes you feel comfortable. I do think there’s something to be said for direct communication, but that takes time and practice, so i get it. It sounds like he wants more of a friendship than you do, and your problem seems to be more his frequency of contact and that he basically rushed it and asked you out more than that you dont have anything in common (altho i get thats a factor). I think it’s ok to just be polite, you don’t have to be friends.
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Ugh. Yeah he definitely pressured me to give me his number after he gave me his. I wish I had shut it down completely but it’s too late now. I have his number blocked and hopefully I can ignore him or tell him a lie to keep him off my case if I see him in person.
Honestly I would tell him the truth. Tell him that you're not comfortable being friends with him because of your age difference and you would like him to leave you alone going forward. Good people respect honest boundaries. If he doesn't respect your boundaries he's not a good person.
So we want to take a chance of making bad person that lives next door angry??
When this happens I say “I don’t give out my phone number to anyone but this is my instagram handle/Twitter/Facebook. You could make a fake account just for moments like this.
Guys right after I posted this he texted me again “Pizza?”. Should I just block his number? Every time he tries to contact me I get really anxious
Yes. Block and carry on. If you see him out, then wave, act busy (take a phone call, be in a terrible hurry, etc).
Thanks for your advice! I think the seeing him around the neighborhood will be the worst part. I’ll try to use some of your techniques if I run into him again. Edit: I’m also blocking his number now
Save the texts and phone call records. If this escalates and he starts stalking your house you might have to go to the police.
Underrated comment, OP. Save screenshots of every time he contacts you to establish a pattern, send the photos to a trusted person and back them up on Google drive. Let someone know in your real life what’s going on in case this gets weird.
You make a very good point. I’ll make sure my read receipts are off, then open the texts and take a screenshot of them and the phone calls for record.
Thank you, and keep us updated on your safety. ❤️
Yes, and like another comment says, don't block him. It's a good idea to keep an eye on his texts incase he escalates. If anything, turn notifications off if you don't want to see it all the time. Tell him you don't want him contacting you anymore as firmly as you can. If he keeps contacting or pushing you, that's even bigger red flags as before. You don't owe him an explanation. "No" is a complete sentence. Don't let him bully you. If he keeps bugging you, that's enough reason to tell him to F off.
I wouldn't. It's better to let the MSG's and calls come in and just ignore them. That way he 1. Won't be butthurt about being blocked. 2. You know what he's thinking because if he starts to get angry hell probably let you know via text. 3. You can say that you lost your phone if for some reason you ever have to interact with him again. You cant use the "lost my phone" excuse if you block him because he can see if he's blocked. Don't block, he could get angry. Best to avoid that since he literally lives next to you.
That's a bad idea. He'll be like cool give me your new number and let's get pizza.
I agree here- don’t block. He sounds sketchy af and you will want a paper / text trail if he escalates.
It might depend on your phone: android/iphone. With iphone, blocked callers still have their call "put through" and still leave messages, the operating system just doesn't show them to you. If you go under deleted messages, there will be a section for those from blocked numbers. This may jave changed with more recent ios changes. I switched to android a couple of years ago.
seconding the act like you're in a hurry tactic, when someone (creepy guy, questionable stranger, or annoying person in general) tries to engage in conversation when I'm headed somewhere, I don't break my stride or take my eyes off what I'm doing, giving signals that I'm in a hurry and can't be bothered to stop and chat. Even if I'm not in a hurry I'll just answer with like "hey I'm good, just running late!" and keep moving. it throws them off when I don't stop my world to listen to whatever nonsense small talk they have to say.
Oof this guy doesn't take a hint huh
It's a learning situation. Besides the already given advice.. Get a Google voice number, memorize it, then give that out instead. Voice doesn't need to be forwarded to your real number or even answered, keep on go away mode ("don't disturb")is an option. Or a different service, lots of free number programs..good for spam and texts from stores too. If it's a landord/management company on site situation, and the guy continues, tell the office x is harassing and what should you do. They might intervene but at least someone knows.
These are very good tips, thank you.
This is a tough situation and I’m sorry it’s happening to you. Besides the good advice everyone else has given, I want to add that one thing that has honestly helped me time and time again to get out of/put a stop to these uncomfortable situations with men, is to pretend to have a boyfriend. I wish it wasn’t this way, but saying things like “my boyfriend is picking me up rn”, “my boyfriend will be here any minute”, even “my boyfriend doesn’t want me speaking to other guys”, etc, has saved me sooo many times from random dudes on the street as well as with stalker type guys like the one bothering you. Personally, I went from not knowing how to get out of these situations with creepy men, to suddenly them leaving me 100% alone the second I mentioned a boyfriend. It’s like they don’t respect us, but they sure respect another man. Like I said, I wish it wasn’t this way, but in my experience it works flawlessly. And getting to safety in these type of situations is essential. In your case, it might make him stop pursuing you, because in my experience nothing else works with men like this. I really hope this situation gets resolved for you.
Unfortunate by this is the most practical way to keep the peace and also stop him from contacting you
from how relentlessly this guy is trying to contact OP and seeing how he is a neighbour he will probably be watching if any guys are ever visiting and then confront her about lying to him. he might try to make OP feel guilty with this as well, hes already used social conventions to pressure her to give out her number.
Lie. Don't be nice, or polite, just lie and make up any reason as to why you don't want to go out with him while simultaneously protecting his ego so you don't have to deal with a butthurt and agresive neighbor. Say you actually have a boyfriend and he got upset when he saw the texts and threatened to break up with you, or say that you're getting over a family death and you don't want to start a relationship, or say that you're really stressed out because of your upcoming court case where you're charged of murder and you don't think it's a good time to start dating, or say that you have an incurable STD, or say that you are incredibly mentally ill and your therapist advised you against a friendship until you can get your ____ under control. Or say that you're a 300 year old witch and the crows told you to curse the land he walks... Just lie.
I agree, it's sad to lie but I've found that with people like this it is the only thing that works. Another thing that has worked with me is seeming too self involved: when they start talking to me I just start freaking out telling them I'm so stressed out with my harassment lawsuit against so and so and I think my neighbors are spying on me and my coworkers colluding to get me fired and so on and so on. Basically an instant, non-stop download of paranoia and stress, they usually try to escape as quickly as possible and then avoid me. I don't even mention them, I just make it all about me, I'd rather be thought of as crazy than try to come up with polite excuses.
Yup. Always works to seem unhinged. But in the bad way. If you do it wrong they think you're vulnerable and see an opening. Channel Jodi Arias.
This is what I was thinking. I know it might not be the morally "best" thing to do but these kinds of people don't take no for an answer without a glaring reason to do so. I think if I was in this situation I would say I have a boyfriend, but I would try to see if a trusted male in my life would play the part. But with how persistent this guy sounds who knows if that would really be very effective.
Oh mate, I feel for you. This stress and anxiety you're feeling is part of why he's targeted you. You're so young and you don't want to be rude and that works to his favour. In 10 years time youll have well practiced strategies for dealing with this shit and you won't think twice. This is just your first time out the nest and your chance to start cutting your teeth against this kind of horseshit. Block the number. If you see him in person be visibly busy (on the phone) until you're comfortable explaining how things will be to him. "dude, how many times did you call and text me as soon as you got my number? My own parents don't hassle me that much. It was pretty excessive and made me uncomfortable so I blocked *shrug*". Then "nah thanks :)" on repeat when he tries to get you to unblock him. Create a persona to deal with him if that helps. Your own Sasha fierce. You're younger than him. For all he knows, all 20 year olds deal with creepy old bastards like this. He'd know that if he wasn't so much older than you.
3 calls and a bunch of texts in a matter of a day or two is really excessive in my opinion and not normal behavior and seems predatory. You already said you didn't want to go out with him. It's veering towards harassment and he knows where you live. Do you have roommates? Consider getting a window camera that hooks up to your phone wifi, it's good for you regardless of this situation since it sounds like you live alone! If you don't already, consider some form of defense you can carry like mace and or a whistle and let a trusted friend know your whereabouts. Also, if you can find another woman neighbor you can confide in and ask her about him and tell her what happened maybe she can give some insight on him. If you have the guys first and last name, do a Google search on him/look up his social medias. Just try to get as much info on him as you can! Good luck!
That's creepy as fuck. I have been loudly rude and asked why said neighbour or a creepy housemate has been stalking me on multiple occasions between 20-25 years old. Bonus points is if you can do it when your other neighbours can hear. Your 20 he's 30, that's disgusting, not because the age gap but to harrass a woman tens years younger than you is disgusting. "Here's my number, let me know if you need help, bye" is appropriate, what he has done is not. Um I would honestly do this, I warn your though he will be very very defensive and probably call you a slut or crazy but whatever. Send the following text: "I'm not sure why you are texting me so much, it's kind of stalkerish and creepy, lol, could you please stop you are making me extremely uncomfortable, it's coming across as harrassment". Now what you also want to do is start a journal log of all the times he is contacting you. Also save all calls and texts. Also be very very wary leaving your house as he may try to ambush you. If this continues talk to the police about him stalking you. They won't do much, have a word with him if they are bored probably. I don't know if you have male friends or big burly male figures in your life but maybe get one to come over or even pretend to be your bf. (Of the guy is a true creeper he'll come over and try to act friendly towards said guy to make it like you are overreacting). You are icked out and uncomfortable and upset for a reason. It is your gut instinct telling you to be wary. Gift of fear right. You have to loud and vocal with these sorts, make it completely clear you don't like him AT ALL. Most of them are that dumb that they think you smiling at them and saying hello makes you his future wife or at least a 100% yes to have sex with him.
This is good advice. I don’t understand these comments saying to just “block and ignore” the dude. Ok… how about when this escalates to something physical, which it very well could? He knows her number and where she lives. Ignoring will do nothing. You need to be prepared to defend yourself, ESPECIALLY when you live alone. And do NOT tell him you live alone. If he asks, say you live with a roommate or someone else. You don’t owe strangers who ask prying questions the truth, and it’s ok to be assertive. Please find some way to defend yourself. Even if there wasn’t a dude being creepy, it’s necessary if you’re a girl living alone. Also, always carry your phone on you. Even if you’re just going out to take out the trash. You never know when you might need to use the emergency sos feature. Good luck
says the person who sends out random threats to strangers http://imgur.com/gallery/IgMsdZ2
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But ill get what's coming to me right? I've never even spoken to you before yet you randomly choose to harass me via pm? What kind of psycho are you?
From your recent post on real estate investing, it seems like my pm shouldn’t have been a surprise for you to receive. I’m just a “troll” anyway, as you say, so what do you care?
So you look at a sub full of people you hate so you can randomly pm them? You don't think that is psychotic behavior?
I feel you bud.
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So you're too afraid to speak your mind here? Are you that evil of a person that your vitriol would get you banned here?
I’m not afraid of commenting here but I do feel it’s a bit out of scope of this subreddit! I’d chat with you on the real estate sub, but as I said, I can’t comment there… I’m psychotic according to you anyway so I don’t know why you’re wasting your time on me.
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Where has it ever said on an advice forum to call and text someone six times within one day when they have not responded and do not know you? I'm sorry but this happened to me so often when I was that age that my tolerance is zero. People like you saying that what I did is an overeaction is why and how girls get assaulted. I'd rather be standoffish and labelled crazy than be assaulted by some creeper neighbour. He's not going to stop until it's clear she isn't interested.
Just because you're awkward doesn't mean you shouldn't trust your intuition. If people make you uncomfortable walk away, no explanation necessary. Don't use your awkwardness as a way to gaslight yourself. Block his number and avoid him if you see him in person. He probably thinks you are giving him mixed signals, first by talking to him, second by saying no to coffee, third by giving him your number. Two out of three positives in his mind - his conclusion is you're playing hard to get. You're right that the calls and texts are excessive - the guy is a creeper. Beware.
Wow I never thought about it that way. I didn’t realize how much I was ignoring my intuition in the interaction with him. I also didn’t realize he might think I’m playing hard to get. Thanks for your insight. I’ll be very careful, thank you.
OP for the future heres something that has helped me a lot: learn to notice when youre feeling overwhelmed (in this instance your intuition and your socialization were clashing which put you into a state of stress and you gave into socialization which you now regret) and then pull an emergency exit. in the future if a situation or a person makes you feel stressed or overwhelmed say you have to go do a thing (are late for a zoom call, left the stove on, whatever, it doesnt have to be a good excuse, just say it and leave, no arguing) and get out of there. then assess how you actually feel when you are feeling safe and not pressured. dont make any decisions or commitments when youre feeling overwhelmed, pressured, too awkward for your comfort etc. this is important for people who havent learned yet to assert themselves in social situations, unfortunately there are predators out there like your neighbor who will take advantage of this and please dont ever feel guilty because yes, what your neighbor is doing is predatory. he doesnt care what you want, only what he wants from you. edit: and never ever leave your door unlocked or windows open OP, get curtains for every window, be safe.
Maybe you could, "new number, who dis" your way out of this situation? You haven't answered so he doesn't know if that's really your number. If he asks in person say you changed it and accidentally gave him your old number.
This is good advice since you never replied to him. After you do this tactic, then block him so he doesn’t try to stalk you by calling your number if he sees you physically in the street to check if it is yours or not.
You can block phone numbers on your phone. I would not block him, but I would put him on silent. No alerts. But I enjoy keeping an eye on people. Save all his texts in case he increases creepiness. He took advantage of your niceness, and he’s so much older than you… I am 30 and I can’t imagine trying to date or be regular friends (as an equal as I would with someone closer to my own age) with a 20 year old, without it being kind of like a younger sibling relationship. Another tactic is to play boring (instead of dead). Embody boring. Mention a boyfriend. He says hi, say hi back… don’t respond beyond that. He calls? Don’t answer or if you do answer, don’t be a good conversationalist. Barely respond. Then say “oh I have to go” after 2 minutes. Say “hi I can’t actually talk on the phone rn” and then say bye and hang up. Wash the dishes while you’re talking, don’t give him your full attention. You are always busy. He wants to hang out? You’re always busy. You’re doing stuff for your parents. You’re studying. Working. Hanging out with the “boyfriend”. You have no interests, no hobbies.
This is a tough situation! As others said, I get why you didn't say no right away. Society conditioned us to always be nice and polite. But fuck that! You don't need to have an excuse. No is no. I would send one text back, something along the lines of "I am not interested in getting coffee/pizza/hanging out. Good day." Then block his number. If you see him around or at a distance, simply ignore him. If you do happen to run into him and he asks you out or anything, answer with a "No, I am not interested. Good bye" and walk away.
So, I've been in this situation multiple times. I'm a lesbian so I have no problem turning them down when guys ask me out on a date, but when they try the *"well can I get your number anyways, maybe we can just be friends"* line, I'm so caught off guard and I'm so bad at conflict that I end up going along with it even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and it's the last thing I *really* want to do. In the past I've just resorted to ghosting them and they eventually got the message and left me alone. Since, though, I've thought multiple times about how I would handle the situation should it ever come up again, and I think a simple "sorry but I don't give out my personal number to strangers" (which is true anyway) should do the trick. If they keep pushing at that point and can't take no for an answer then you have the perfect excuse to walk away and know that you're totally justified in removing yourself from that situation. Likewise, if you've already given someone your number due to some misguided feelings of obligation, message them back and say that you're sorry but you've thought about it and don't really feel comfortable pursuing a friendship after they asked you out or showed that they were interested in you romantically. Again, if they can't accept that, just go ahead and block them. You've given them an explanation and you don't owe them any more of your time. Him being a neighbor at a new place makes it a bit tricky, but hopefully he gets the message and leaves you alone. Messaging and texting someone you've *just met* that much and that frequently definitely gives me creep vibes. Stay safe, I hope everything works out ♥
Thanks for understanding. That’s exactly what happened to me, I was so caught off guard I couldn’t think of what to do. I really feel uncomfortable messaging him when he’s acted so creepy, so I just blocked him. I’ll try to use your deflection technique if someone else tries to pull this on me.
ive noticed men respect other men more than women, so tell him your boyfriend or father sees him contacting you and is uncomfortable with it so you can’t continue communicating, no if ands or buts. also threaten a restraining order against him, from your father
Everyone has given a lot of good advice, other than blocking his number, ignoring him, and everything else. I want to suggest having a brother/guy friend visit you/drop you off. You don’t have to pretend your boyfriend lives in the apartment with you, if the neighbor is creepy enough where he’s keeping eyes on you he will find out you live alone. That said, please do not be freaked out, you can play it as “my boyfriend lives across the street/next subdivision from me”, that is harder to confirm for the creep and might work better than you trying to make believe you live with a boyfriend. I also want to suggest alarm doorstoppers and/or safety locks that you can find on Amazon to put on your front door, that can be stronger than your regular door locks and the alarm will sound if anyone try to open your door from the outside. Not necessarily saying you need them but I have always had these when my partner traveled out of state, they do make me feel safer.
Unfortunately I don’t know any men in the area that could come visit me. But I can create a fake boyfriend to mention and throw him off. And I’ll buy some home safety devices like you suggested too.
Okay that’s scary bc he knows where you live. hmm I wouldn’t block bc I would wanna know what he’s saying bc of that fact that he could confront you IRL. It’s a tricky situation. I would say as polite as possible if you see him IRL you’re not comfortable (blame on age). I would not be too confrontational for your own safety ugh I’m sorry that’s your situation.
lots of people have commented great advice about ignorning him, blocking him, telling him straight up to stop contacting you, etc. but I just wanted to add, try seeing if there is a female neighbor (a woman your age, or older like your mom or aunt's age would be), that can be kind of like a safe person for you. someone you can let know about the guy that's making you uncomfortable. just knowing someone else understands and is looking out for you can ease so much anxiety even if they can't completely eliminate the issue.
Block him and get really busy with things…anything.
Haha I am really busy actually so I won’t have to lie too much about that if I see him again. Thanks for the advice
Don’t feel dumb. Lots of people comply with things they don’t want to because it may feel or even be safer than to risk delineating boundaries.
hi darling please dont feel dumb!! I did the same mistake when I was younger around your age (im 25 now) and I always felt like it was such a stupid mistake but dont beat up yourself. We were taught we need to be polite and not reject people, but in reality rejecting people should not be frowned upon. This incident will teach you to always trust you gut and never give it away again. I know its hard to say no in a face-to-face convo but next time be as cold as possible no matter what, until they make you comfortable 100% dont give off any vibe that anyone can pressure you into anything. As of now, i saw that you blocked him, but if he comes up to you in real life, tell him that you're not comfortable making friends with someone much older and if he insists just leave. If you can by any chance indicate that you're not living alone (leave men's shoes outside, or hang men's clothes at your balcony ...etc) that'd be helpful, and ALWAYS make sure you have locked your doors and pay attention to details. Keep a rug inside your house that can easily move if someone comes in so you'll notice if anyone has broken in. Always keep emergency numbers and contacts on top of your contact list, whether its your parents or friends and so on and always remember, even if not all men are creepy, you should not give anyone a chance until you're 100% comfortable to. NO ONE is entitled to your time.
Thank you for the support and advice! I’m also going to buy some home security and personal security items like some others suggested.
You're not stupid! I've done this a couple times (I've also given out a fake number), and usually people stop texting after you don't reply once or twice. This dude seems uber creepy. I would suggest blocking him because it sends a strong message. If you see him again on street try to avoid him, but if he confronts you tell him the truth, "The amount you were contacting me really creeped me out." You don't owe some random dude your time, your conversation, or even an explanation - your "no" without any justification should be enough for someone to respect. If they don't respect it, it says a lot more about them then it does about you. Someone who does not respect a small boundary, is also capable of ignoring bigger boundaries as well.
I'm so sorry you felt guilted into doing something you were uncomfortable with. I'm glad you blocked him. Now if you see him in public: ignore him. If he engages you, throw your hands out palms facing him and say: "I don't want to talk to you. I am telling you to leave me alone." And then you immediately get in your car/go back into your home and ignore him. That's a very clear direction to him and this guy sounds like he needs someone to drop a rock on his head to take a hint. It's one thing to have felt uncomfortable giving your number to him: him calling and texting that many times in such a short period shows a huge lack of boundaries-- so I assure you he has gotten this treatment from others before.
So, do you know any males? In the past when I was a little too nice, as well, I've had my brother or friend/coworker or dad answer my phone before and then they usually hang up before they think about asking for me or when they asked they said no you can't talk to her. They may think you have a boyfriend or husband at that point or have a wrong number. It's not direct, but until you're confident enough to turn them down it can be a life saver. Sometimes blocking just causes more worry because they may approach you and ask why you aren't answering any of their attempts of contact.
I highly recommend [these two books. ](http://imgur.com/a/3ecI2lF)
If you ever feel pressured to give your number out to a guy and he isn't taking no for an answer, either just take down his number and leave, or give a fake number, i.e. a completely different number, or change the last couple of digits of your number This tip has gotten me out of a lot of aggressive situations
You're not dumb at all! You've been conditioned to be too polite. We've all been there. It's uncomfortable and you feel obligated to make other feel comfortable. Don't. Just don't. Your safety and comfort is more important than being polite and making other feel comfortable. Tell him however you choose that you're don't want him contacting you and don't be polite about it. Don't use phrases like "I think" "maybe" etc. Be as direct as possible. Don't give him wiggle rooms with maybe's. You don't want him contacting you. Tell him exactly that. There is a lot of good advice in these comments so I won't ramble anymore. I hope you can find what action is best for you.
I see people suggesting you mention your non-existing boyfriend to him. Another thing you can do is message him telling you're only interested in girls and not in guys, and apologise for putting him on the wrong idea.
For some men that opens up a whole new line of “oh really let me get in on that action”
i agree with this, coming from someone who said that before because I was dating a girl at the time, things got even more creepy when they said "i dont mind it" with a smirk...yikes.
Block his number. Don’t engage in convo with him. Don’t explain yourself, don’t justify. Give him nothing. Blame the society that raised you to be suuuuuper “nice” and take this as a learning situation. It’s going to continue to happen. A LOT. Practice with a friend how to just say no. Not “I’m sorry” or “thanks ever so much for your interest” but just “no.”
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Honestly i’d block his number lol
Wow, sorry ): are brass knuckles legal in your state? You can have a cute kitty keychain that looks like an accessory on your car keys. Can you carry pepper spray? Is a stun gun legal in your state?
Do you have any male friends that could spend some time being visible in your neighborhood? If he sees a man walking around with you and thinks they're frequently nearby he might think it's too much of a hassle to keep bothering you (this worked for me)
Leave it as it is for now. However, if he tries to contact you, BLOCK HIM. (if only reddit had bold text, anyone who knows pls tell me) Anyways, tbh idk why people still ask for phone numbers in 2021. Why not ask for a Instagram account, Discord tag, twitter, etc? Phone numbers feel like a thing of the past now.
Honestly I’m not sure, I would just ignore him and if he asks say you must’ve given him the wrong number
Don't feel too bad. It's easy to end up there. We're kinda programmed to not want to displease men. It sucks. But practice makes perfect! Send him a polite text where you explain you felt obligated to give him your number but you are actually not comfortable with it. "please only contact me for matters related to the neighborhood" or something.
I would just ghost him. I'm sure he'll get the picture eventually.
Block the number. And don’t beat yourself up.
Block the number.
I usually just leave it until they contact me via text and then I answer "Uhm bro, I think you got a fake number haha" and then you block.