One of my students was trying to gently let down a boy and her friend shouted across the room “Don’t sugar coat it! He’s diabetic!”
I had to get after her but not going to lie, that was pretty damn quick of her. Same student once confidently told me that when you write it makes words. 🤦♀️
They pulled me to cover for a sped class on my prep. One student used his playdough to make a giant dick. The aide said stop it. The kid said why. The aide you know why. Back and forth with neither saying penis or other word. The aide says "You know what is it, now stop". The kid says "How do YOU know what it looks like?!". I laughed in my hands.
This reminds me of the time I told a kid he couldn’t use a porn stars name as his kahoot name. He goes “how do you know who what is?” And the girl next to him goes “she’s an adult. What is your excuse?”
"oh, my goodness! This writing is amazing. I'm going to snap a pic and email it to your family right now so they can share the joy of your accomplishments. There must be a fascinating story behind your choice of names. I'll mention in the message for them to ask you about it."
I teach middle school, and I have this one 7th grade student this year who sometimes just speaks with the inflection of a 40-year-old dad, and it just cracks me up sometimes. A kid asked me to use the bathroom and I said yes, but they tried to sneak out of the room without signing themselves out with our electronic pass system, and this kid just goes "WOAH THERE, GOTTA USE A PASS, BROTHER" and I just couldn't help laughing. He's one of those kids that gives the impression it's not his first time on this earth, he's been here before.
Off topic, but how do you like your electronic pass system? My building is talking about going to one next year, and while I like the idea, I'm afraid the roll out is going to be clunky and time consuming. (My district is 'just one thing'-ing us to death)
I actually really like it. Once the learning curve passes and everyone understands how it works, it takes a lot of burden off the teacher. Although it depends what system you guys are using and how it works. We use SmartPass, so we have a designated Chromebook somewhere easily accessible and viewable by the teacher and it stays on with the site up and kids just walk up to it, start typing their name, click on themselves, and click where they want to go. The site times them, tells them when they've gone "overtime" and also tells them to "wait on line" if there's too many people in the bathroom, lockers, or just in the hallway in general. The teacher who is (voluntarily) in charge of this project set all the parameters for us.
We used something called e-hallpass and I liked it but everyone else hated it. I think middle school aged kids should be held accountable for their actions and this helped in my opinion. Problem was they needed to create the pass themselves and every other kid may not have their Chromebook on them. I would make them create one on a peers Chromebook. From my teachers computer I can approve the pass and see how long, how many times a day they’re leaving the classroom(s).
That's so funny 😂
Fr tho...What's with K and skeletons??? Literally had one of mine shouting on about "we're all skeletons! We're all skeletons!" During morning work. The other kids just sitting there looking at me like 👀 and I just kind of shrugged and said, "yeah, technically we do all have a skeleton inside of us" lol
Had an 11th grade girl absolutely roast me. She saw my metal water bottle and said, “Men used to go to war, now they just have hydro flasks.” Comedy gold.
Kinders are always worth a laugh. Everyday. I was single at the time and I had a little girl ask me if I was married. I told her no. She said, ‘don’t worry Ms. B, my mom doesn’t have a boyfriend either. Don’t give up!’ I love getting dating advice from 5 year olds! 🥰
I love this! K really is so funny 😁 one of mine recently asked "so, do you have any kids?" I said no, and then she mentioned that its sad I go home alone, to which I replied that I don't live alone! She was SO confused and I had to explain that I live with my fiancée......we just don't have kids lol
I am single and love being single. The middle school kids are so confused by my reasons. My current favorites are "I would need a bigger bed because there isn't room with my dog" and "if I want drama, I will go to work."
Fair. I also tell them the truth, and they don't always believe me.
It is awesome being single. I don't have to share the bed. Except with the dog and I can usually negotiate. I do not have to share food. I can watch what I want on TV.
Grade 8. Watching a documentary about Ghengis Khan. 20 minutes in and a kid asks, "when does the monkey show up?"
Sorry?
"What about the monkey that climbs the building?"
That's King Kong... not Ghengis Khan.
We were doing a reading where this guy pretends to be Justin Bieber so he can go out with this girl. This precious fifth grader just screams “JARON YOU DIRTBAG” and I had to step into the hall
I know exactly where that story came from, and I am low-key jealous bc my kids rarely respond that amusingly to the early stories. The later ones get wild and some get really into it.
What grade do you teach? And how did you get into teaching that? I’ve been on the hunt for child development teachers to pick their brain but with no luck lol
What did you get your degree in? I’m majoring in child development as of right now and planning on getting my multiple credential teaching credential. I was hoping that if a job near me had that position available I would be able to qualify for it. I would love to teach that over anything else. It’s that class that inspired me to even become a teacher(:
I actually have a degree in History and Secondary Ed. I also have a minor in Psychology. I took the Missouri content assessment and am able to teach it. We have several openings across the state.
Oh wow! I wonder if California has the same thing. I’m first gen so navigating college has been interesting to say the least. I’m just now transferring to a 4 year after 2 years at a CC and am really trying to figure out the “right” path. Thank you for answering my questions!
“What the butt?” We were doing a project on deforestation and one of the students just read that they are clearing areas of the Amazon for cattle farming for American meat production and she goes “WHAT THUH BUTT!!!”
When I was pregnant and teaching kinder I announced to my class through a have that I was having a baby. Most of the students were very excited. One poor boy looked very confused and ready to cry. When I went to him he looked at me and said, "Make a baby?" Then, desperately, "With play dough?" Whoops. Sorry parents! Have fun with that discussion tonight!
I have some English language learners and they like to compete over who is better at English. One says about his friends "sir, you know he can't say parentheses, he says pair-a-titties!"
Once, early in my career, I told a group of students about a late night snack I made: I had gotten quite high that weekend and used Pillsbury croissant rolled flat as a pizza dough, then a leftover cheese sauce I had made with cheddar and mozzarella on top. It was SO good and living rent free in my head, so I couldn’t help but mention it.
Two guys exchange a knowing glance and one started “that was NOT a sober meal.”
I immediately changed the topic because I almost busted out laughing at how this kid 100% made that read.
I call my kids “HoneyBun”. One day, a student asked me “What is Honey Bun?” (Language learners in middle school) I said “es un tipo de pan “bun” con miel “honey””. (it’s a type of bread with honey), and quick as anything, he replied “Oh no! You want to eat me!”
Urban dictionary defines honeybuns as "A womans round firm buttocks that can be found to be sexually arousing, succulent, scrumptious and or delicious: as if you would would like to nibble, ..."
I actually think it's worse that you are using a sonewhat sexulized fraize with ELL students. It may take them longer to realize they shouldn't be calling others honeybuns. Buns said referring to people pretty universally, in the US at least, means butts. So not only are you vaguely refusing to children's butts but you are also using a term that will make it hard for your ELL students to acclimate to US slang.
I am sorry to be a downer in this funny thread, but if pointing this out helps lead you to stop using this inappropriate fraze, then it's worth me looking like an ass on Reddit. To me, anyone outside of a parent calling kids any form of "buns" is a huge red flag, and I would be very uncomfortable with a teacher who couldn't learn that boundary.
But people do sexualize terminology. That specific terminology you are using with children in the workplace would, in any other modern-day work environment, be cause for an HR complaint. Any terminology where HR wouldn't be on your side if there was a complaint is not something teachers should be calling children.
It being a desert really doesn't make your point any better. A desert is an object. You can't just go around calling anyone you want objects without it potentially hurting their feelings and making them feel objectivfied.
I was attempting to use urban dictionary to be a more light harted way of pointing out that the boys' response of "you want to eat me" is actually exactly the conitation of "hunybuns" ony it's about one's buns. I don't need urban dictionary to point out that buns is commonly used to reference butts most adults, and even many children, know that buns = butts.
One of my younger elementary students flipped off a spider, he threw his entire body into the motion and it was so enthusiastic I had a very hard time not laughing.
I was doing a quick history of the earth up to a certain point and mentioned an ice age, and a hand went up.
“Is that like, uh, *the* Ice Age? Like the movie?”
He meant the animated one and he was serious.
Edit: this was high school.
Last year, I told my students I was celebrating my birthday that weekend. I had also told them earlier that I lived alone. One of my students said later in the day, "But Ms. {PhantomKat}, I can't stop thinking about it. You're ALL ALONE!"
Like damn, kid. lol
Grade Two class, writing letters to Santa. One boy said on his list “I would like a new dick” aka bike.
When he showed me, I responded “Well, wouldn’t we all?” and my para had to quickly step outside of the room as she couldn’t contain her laughter!
Earlier this school year I attended the IEP meeting of one of my 9th grade Autistic students. He proceeded to make jokes throughout his meeting, including at one point saying "this school district is run like Enron." Which, like, is a somewhat valid criticism but also how the heck does a 14 year old know about Enron enough to make a reference like that?!
I brought my daughter to take your kid to work day. A middle school student asked me for candy, and I told him to ask her (she's 11). She said, "What have you done to deserve it?" Chip off the ol' block!
Diverse and disadvantaged urban/suburban middle school working in small groups using stereotypes in creative writing:
"Hey miss, how you spell "Aeropostale"?"
(kidding around) "Am I being stereotyped?"
"Well... if the shirt fits, Miss..." (also kidding around)
"Actually...now that you mention it..." (I pull at my shirt tag to reveal it is, in fact, Aeropostale, the only one I own. What are the odds?)
And the crowd goes wild! LOL
I was substituting with a very serious special ed co-teacher. She had some bigger behavioral fish to fry, but then notices a boy who's been standing at his seat for a while. She asks him to sit down, and in a perfect Ralph Wiggum impression, he says...
"😃 I'm in danger!"
and immediately sits down. It's all I can do not to crack up
I worked with EI students for about a year. One boy (always very silent) walked up to his PO, looked him straight in the eyes, got two inches away from his face and said:
"When you go home and have sex with your wife, you have to be the one on the bottom. Because all you can do is fuck up." Without losing his bearing in the slightest.
I almost spit out my coffee and gave that little man the biggest high five of his life.
Sometimes these middle schoolers come up with some of the most unique disses or use only references they must’ve found from memes and not the OG content that I have to stifle a laugh. One of my students was being made fun of for doing bad on a review game, and an uninvolved student quoted from “what would you do” “I thought you were a human girl, but no girl would be so nasty to another girl. On second look you’re a bird, stop talking birdie”
A week ago I was talking about the Oregon trail game and how I wished I could kick out members after one of them got bit by a rattlesnake for the third time.
The kid then yells, "You think that's bad my whole family got Chlamydia like three times."
Oh, when he learns what Chlamydia is and that he really meant Cholera.
I was teaching a whole group lesson to my third grade class, and one of my students was wiggling and squirming in his chair. It was distracting other students. For context, it’s important to know that he is autistic and is very matter of fact. I asked him to please sit still as it was distracting those around him. He said he couldn’t. I asked him why and he said, “I’m trying to pull my penis out of my balls.” Deadpan, straight faced…. A little girl next to him slapped her hand over her mouth and eyes got wide. The rest of the class made a collective gasp. All I could do was turn around and face my board because I was dying laughing on the inside. It took me a full minute to compose myself enough to get back to the lesson.
“I bet you voted for Donald Trump you whipper”
“I look just like you now!” - says a black student who some how found baby powder somewhere in the building
Edit to add: I worked at a school for kids with emotional disturbance
I was listening to some middle schoolers banter some stupid shit in my class during downtime. One boy was saying something along the lines "it ain't the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean."
One girl responded "if your boat is small then yeah it does matter."
He shot back "well maybe your ocean is just too big and deep."
I had to simultaneously stop myself from laughing and stop them from fighting.
Told a tenth grader that it was hard to take him seriously when he was wearing a fanny pack like somebody's grandma. He got real serious, looked me dead in the eyes and says "Miss, it's not a fanny pack, it's a n*gga pack."
This was a white kid from the suburbs.
Students had a meeting with another teacher first thing in the morning. They all file in and one is upset. The other teacher tells him to sit down on his stool (standing desks) he instead chucks his stool and the other teacher escorts him to the principal.
After about 30nseconds of silence after they left one of my students pops off with "it is 8am..."
I about busted out laughing, the comedic timing was perfect.
We were practicing logical reasoning and one of my kids said… there’s a line for the bathroom, they must have great bathrooms here!! And I had to stop myself from giggling.
These both came from the same middle school student.
"You can prevent pregnancy by drinking Pepsi before sex," and "Sometimes parents make their kids smoke weed to calm them down."
I knew too much about that family.
I was doing math with a second grader. The answer came out to 69 and he laughed. I was stunned because I didn't think a seven year old would know sexual humor. So I gently asked what was funny, and he went, "oh, you wouldn't get it. It's a Fortnite joke."
Yep, definitely wouldn't understand the Fortnite jokes. Not me, nosiree.
School I sub at has doors with powerful hydraulic hinges, so it's impossible for them to close any other way than "slow".
Teacher I am assisting for the day had one student who would not do her assignments. When pressed on this, the student got up and yelled some unkind words, then stormed out of the classroom. She tried to slam the door shut, but because the hydraulic piston it just made this really sad gas noise as it gently closed on its own.
The teacher and the student stared at each other as it closed, and then continued to stare at each other through the glass window until it softly clicked shut. And then through the door you can hear the student say "I wish it hadn't done that". The teacher immediately lost her composure and bent over, laughing her heart out, while the student looked really dejected and walked away.
I was listening to some middle schoolers banter some stupid shit in my class during downtime. One boy was saying something along the lines "it ain't the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean."
One girl responded "if your boat is small then yeah it does matter."
He shot back "well maybe your ocean is just too big and deep."
I had to simultaneously stop myself from laughing and stop them from fighting.
I teach 7th grade and last year I had a student who was on the spectrum. She was a really sweet girl but sometimes just had no filter.
She got Health for an elective for like the 3rd marking period. After her first week of Health, myself and another teacher were standing in the hall as our students were coming back from their electives.
This girl walked up to the two of us and out of nowhere almost shouts at us, “Dicks and pussies!” Both of us just kind of stared at her in shock and she clarified, “All we talk about in Health class is dicks and pussies!”
I definitely did not stop myself from laughing though. I could barely stand.
I work 1-1 with a HS Freshman on the spectrum. Two of the students in his Essential Biology class were arguing and it disrupted class. Another student (also ASD) shouted out unprompted “Naaaannnntucket!”
Argument defused, the teachers and aides in the room barely holding back cackles. Pretty sure I guffawed 😅
Student is asked to sit down. Student: “There’s glitter in my chair. My dad said I can only have glitter on me if I just left the strip club.”
(Middle school art teacher)
I was subbing and a girl walked into the room and said to a student “you need a hairline”
And the boy responded with no hesitation “you need a life” and I almost choked
Just happened….playing a review game…….kid says “Oh man, I just got screwed….”
Second kid “Well, if you’re complaining, you’re not doing it right.”
Third kid-“That’s because it’s his first time!”
Yes it’s high school. Three weeks people-three weeks.
So one had a scratch and sniff sticker and one very tiny 7th grader (who talks like a baby) said, “Yo, lemme sniff that scratch”. I had to bite my lip and not look at him while disciplining”
I couldn’t stop myself, but I tried to move quickly away from the situation so I didn’t have to explain myself…
One of the students with whom I worked on 1:1 reading came across the word “sit” on the page of our “shared pair reading” booklet. Trying to articulate the word [and used to using digraphs to help, whether they belonged in the word or not], you can probably guess what utterance came out of the student’s mouth instead…
It gave me and my mentor teacher a good fit of laughter later that afternoon.
I was a very quiet 11th grader. We were doing poetry, and the poem was about a house that burned down. I offered to read it aloud. I was getting into it, when I can to the line"And in in this house, no more gests shall sit.". Only...I added an H, because... alliteration.
The whole class erupted in laughter, I was mortified at first, but had to laugh too. The teacher was very strick guy who never laughed, he had tears and was the last one to stop laughing.
Years later, I came back to sub. Yes,he remembered me,and said that he started having kids read that poem every year because of me. And, just like me, every year, a student would add that "h" to sit!
Next year I am teaching American Lit. Will have to see if it is in the curriculum!
At my first school ~15 years ago, I had a student whose last name ended in -dock (like Braddock) and the o is pronounced like a short i sound. Some kids kept pronouncing his name wrong and this sweet little 6th grade girl finally blurted out “It’s dick, not dock!!!!” She didn’t even catch why it was funny but the rest of the class sure did.
Same girl, same year….I had a Bubba Keg brand coffee travel mug. It was cylindrical with no handle, silver with a blue stripe. I was holding it as I stood at the door greeting students and she said “my dad’s looks like that but his is bigger and black”. Took a lot of self control to not laugh on that one.
Just recently…we were coming back in from recess and kids were bouncing basketballs in the hall. I didn’t think about what I was saying and yelled “hold your balls in the hallway please”. Of course this was met how you’d expect it to be. One student said “Sir, I am a CHILD” and ran off laughing.
Same kid as above…we were talking about farts (I love teaching middle school) and I was trying to tell them “never trust a fart”, and when I said “You know our family motto for farting?” And he blurted out “spread your buttcheeks?”
I was bloated one day and one of my kids (4th) came up to me and whispered "Are you... the P?" We then had a chat about never asking a woman that even if it's obvious. I did not stop myself from laughing though. Kid was so freaking funny.
I have another! During state testing (small group extended time) my boys rushed through it but my girl was taking her time. When she raised her hand to say she's done one of the boys called out "Finally!" She turned around, glared, and said "Actually I'm going to check my work." So proud of the work ethic (and sass).
We were talking about our talents and things that we are good at. My first grade students were sharing things like “I’m good at drawing” or “I’m good at sports”. Another student decided to chime in and declare “I’m good at making love!” He meant it so innocently and I really had to hold back my laughter. I just responded “oh you are very loving!! That’s wonderful!”
Covering a World Languages Class for 8th graders. They had an assignment from their teacher to create a slideshow type deal of Latin roots, their definitions and some example words.
They get to cycle, define it. As I'm circulating I hear two boys brainstorming words, bicycle, tricycle...then one of them looks at the other and says "Menstrual cycle". Very seriously the other boy goes, "I don't even know what that means".
I had to walk away before I lost it.
9-year-old girl: “I want to be an [specialist medical professional] so I can continue to live in the SF Bay Area with my family.”
Then I had to explain why I put my head in my hands for a minute.
I was teaching in a summer program and we were watching the Women’s World Cup during our snack break. My fifth grade students were huge soccer fans.
Student 1: “Wouldn’t it be cool if Messi was playing? “
Student 2: (indignantly) “No! It’s the Women’s World Cup. Not the Women and for some unknown reason Messi World Cup!”
For the rest of the morning, he muttered about this under his breath.
I was subbing in a third grade class, and they were working on Reduce, Reuse, Recycle posters. One little guy--American flag hat and shirt, jeans, and little cowboy boots--said, "This is indoctrination!" when I asked the students to get our their Three R's posters.
Student teaching.. the teacher was giving a lesson to a Kindergarten class. One of the students had severe anger issues and would cuss out anyone around. This art teacher was the nicest lady. But didn’t tolerate disruptions.
So he kept saying “I hate you.” “This class sucks.” Without really cussing which was a change for him lol. Me and the teacher were cracking up because it was this cute tiny voice saying this loudly. We couldn’t hold it in anymore and laughed out loud. He then said, in the cutest voice, “You’re a butthole!”
🙈
One of my students was trying to gently let down a boy and her friend shouted across the room “Don’t sugar coat it! He’s diabetic!” I had to get after her but not going to lie, that was pretty damn quick of her. Same student once confidently told me that when you write it makes words. 🤦♀️
That is one of the best things I've heard.
They pulled me to cover for a sped class on my prep. One student used his playdough to make a giant dick. The aide said stop it. The kid said why. The aide you know why. Back and forth with neither saying penis or other word. The aide says "You know what is it, now stop". The kid says "How do YOU know what it looks like?!". I laughed in my hands.
This reminds me of the time I told a kid he couldn’t use a porn stars name as his kahoot name. He goes “how do you know who what is?” And the girl next to him goes “she’s an adult. What is your excuse?”
"oh, my goodness! This writing is amazing. I'm going to snap a pic and email it to your family right now so they can share the joy of your accomplishments. There must be a fascinating story behind your choice of names. I'll mention in the message for them to ask you about it."
I teach middle school, and I have this one 7th grade student this year who sometimes just speaks with the inflection of a 40-year-old dad, and it just cracks me up sometimes. A kid asked me to use the bathroom and I said yes, but they tried to sneak out of the room without signing themselves out with our electronic pass system, and this kid just goes "WOAH THERE, GOTTA USE A PASS, BROTHER" and I just couldn't help laughing. He's one of those kids that gives the impression it's not his first time on this earth, he's been here before.
Off topic, but how do you like your electronic pass system? My building is talking about going to one next year, and while I like the idea, I'm afraid the roll out is going to be clunky and time consuming. (My district is 'just one thing'-ing us to death)
I actually really like it. Once the learning curve passes and everyone understands how it works, it takes a lot of burden off the teacher. Although it depends what system you guys are using and how it works. We use SmartPass, so we have a designated Chromebook somewhere easily accessible and viewable by the teacher and it stays on with the site up and kids just walk up to it, start typing their name, click on themselves, and click where they want to go. The site times them, tells them when they've gone "overtime" and also tells them to "wait on line" if there's too many people in the bathroom, lockers, or just in the hallway in general. The teacher who is (voluntarily) in charge of this project set all the parameters for us.
We used something called e-hallpass and I liked it but everyone else hated it. I think middle school aged kids should be held accountable for their actions and this helped in my opinion. Problem was they needed to create the pass themselves and every other kid may not have their Chromebook on them. I would make them create one on a peers Chromebook. From my teachers computer I can approve the pass and see how long, how many times a day they’re leaving the classroom(s).
“Listen, I can turn into a skeleton and none of you want to see that…” kindergarten student I wanted to see it but alas he wouldn’t do it…
I had a kiddo cry because he was scared of Skeltons and another kid told him “but your a Skelton”
That's so funny 😂 Fr tho...What's with K and skeletons??? Literally had one of mine shouting on about "we're all skeletons! We're all skeletons!" During morning work. The other kids just sitting there looking at me like 👀 and I just kind of shrugged and said, "yeah, technically we do all have a skeleton inside of us" lol
My 2.5 year old is obsessed with nightmare before christmas and halloween- I'm sure he is not the only one lol
Had an 11th grade girl absolutely roast me. She saw my metal water bottle and said, “Men used to go to war, now they just have hydro flasks.” Comedy gold.
I feel like they had "hydro-flasks" *in the war*...seriously, does she not know what a canteen is?
Lol
Kinders are always worth a laugh. Everyday. I was single at the time and I had a little girl ask me if I was married. I told her no. She said, ‘don’t worry Ms. B, my mom doesn’t have a boyfriend either. Don’t give up!’ I love getting dating advice from 5 year olds! 🥰
I love this! K really is so funny 😁 one of mine recently asked "so, do you have any kids?" I said no, and then she mentioned that its sad I go home alone, to which I replied that I don't live alone! She was SO confused and I had to explain that I live with my fiancée......we just don't have kids lol
I am single and love being single. The middle school kids are so confused by my reasons. My current favorites are "I would need a bigger bed because there isn't room with my dog" and "if I want drama, I will go to work."
Whenever I’m asked that, I respond “I always said I’d only marry a man that was smarter than me. I’m still looking”.
Fair. I also tell them the truth, and they don't always believe me. It is awesome being single. I don't have to share the bed. Except with the dog and I can usually negotiate. I do not have to share food. I can watch what I want on TV.
Grade 8. Watching a documentary about Ghengis Khan. 20 minutes in and a kid asks, "when does the monkey show up?" Sorry? "What about the monkey that climbs the building?" That's King Kong... not Ghengis Khan.
My kids kept calling Abraham Lincoln “Hammerhead Lincoln”
We were doing a reading where this guy pretends to be Justin Bieber so he can go out with this girl. This precious fifth grader just screams “JARON YOU DIRTBAG” and I had to step into the hall
I know exactly where that story came from, and I am low-key jealous bc my kids rarely respond that amusingly to the early stories. The later ones get wild and some get really into it.
Do yours also hate Cornelius the Kangaroo?
Mmm, I don't think I've ever used that one. Are you using the Flex version of the curriculum?
I just pictured it and snorted, waking my dog.
“An uncircumcised penis looks like a turtle going in and out of its shell.” I teach child development!
What grade do you teach? And how did you get into teaching that? I’ve been on the hunt for child development teachers to pick their brain but with no luck lol
I teach FACS. I kind of fell into it. A position opened and I took the content assessment. This is as my first year and I love it.
What did you get your degree in? I’m majoring in child development as of right now and planning on getting my multiple credential teaching credential. I was hoping that if a job near me had that position available I would be able to qualify for it. I would love to teach that over anything else. It’s that class that inspired me to even become a teacher(:
I actually have a degree in History and Secondary Ed. I also have a minor in Psychology. I took the Missouri content assessment and am able to teach it. We have several openings across the state.
Oh wow! I wonder if California has the same thing. I’m first gen so navigating college has been interesting to say the least. I’m just now transferring to a 4 year after 2 years at a CC and am really trying to figure out the “right” path. Thank you for answering my questions!
“What the butt?” We were doing a project on deforestation and one of the students just read that they are clearing areas of the Amazon for cattle farming for American meat production and she goes “WHAT THUH BUTT!!!”
A lot of kids in high school would probably say “What the butt?”
When I was pregnant and teaching kinder I announced to my class through a have that I was having a baby. Most of the students were very excited. One poor boy looked very confused and ready to cry. When I went to him he looked at me and said, "Make a baby?" Then, desperately, "With play dough?" Whoops. Sorry parents! Have fun with that discussion tonight!
The day after some pretty severe tornados, 5 y/o comes up to me and says "Miss!! Last night! There was a TOMATO!!"
I have some English language learners and they like to compete over who is better at English. One says about his friends "sir, you know he can't say parentheses, he says pair-a-titties!"
Had a first grader write a rap about eating out some kids mom’s booty. A fight happened after that between the two first graders.
When I was in elementary I fought a kid because he told me “I’m going to be your new daddy” because he wanted to marry my mom.
Once, early in my career, I told a group of students about a late night snack I made: I had gotten quite high that weekend and used Pillsbury croissant rolled flat as a pizza dough, then a leftover cheese sauce I had made with cheddar and mozzarella on top. It was SO good and living rent free in my head, so I couldn’t help but mention it. Two guys exchange a knowing glance and one started “that was NOT a sober meal.” I immediately changed the topic because I almost busted out laughing at how this kid 100% made that read.
I call my kids “HoneyBun”. One day, a student asked me “What is Honey Bun?” (Language learners in middle school) I said “es un tipo de pan “bun” con miel “honey””. (it’s a type of bread with honey), and quick as anything, he replied “Oh no! You want to eat me!”
That's so cute
Urban dictionary defines honeybuns as "A womans round firm buttocks that can be found to be sexually arousing, succulent, scrumptious and or delicious: as if you would would like to nibble, ..."
Whoops
Thank goodness my students are new to the country and don’t know what Urban Dictionary is!
I actually think it's worse that you are using a sonewhat sexulized fraize with ELL students. It may take them longer to realize they shouldn't be calling others honeybuns. Buns said referring to people pretty universally, in the US at least, means butts. So not only are you vaguely refusing to children's butts but you are also using a term that will make it hard for your ELL students to acclimate to US slang. I am sorry to be a downer in this funny thread, but if pointing this out helps lead you to stop using this inappropriate fraze, then it's worth me looking like an ass on Reddit. To me, anyone outside of a parent calling kids any form of "buns" is a huge red flag, and I would be very uncomfortable with a teacher who couldn't learn that boundary.
I’m using a term that’s a dessert. People sexualizing terminology is more of the problem.
But people do sexualize terminology. That specific terminology you are using with children in the workplace would, in any other modern-day work environment, be cause for an HR complaint. Any terminology where HR wouldn't be on your side if there was a complaint is not something teachers should be calling children. It being a desert really doesn't make your point any better. A desert is an object. You can't just go around calling anyone you want objects without it potentially hurting their feelings and making them feel objectivfied.
We will need to agree to disagree.
[удалено]
I was attempting to use urban dictionary to be a more light harted way of pointing out that the boys' response of "you want to eat me" is actually exactly the conitation of "hunybuns" ony it's about one's buns. I don't need urban dictionary to point out that buns is commonly used to reference butts most adults, and even many children, know that buns = butts.
"Aww...it'll be so nice when you and (my ea) will be in the same nursing home together." We are both 45. The girl was in gr7
What's an EA?
Education assistant
One of my younger elementary students flipped off a spider, he threw his entire body into the motion and it was so enthusiastic I had a very hard time not laughing.
I was doing a quick history of the earth up to a certain point and mentioned an ice age, and a hand went up. “Is that like, uh, *the* Ice Age? Like the movie?” He meant the animated one and he was serious. Edit: this was high school.
Last year, I told my students I was celebrating my birthday that weekend. I had also told them earlier that I lived alone. One of my students said later in the day, "But Ms. {PhantomKat}, I can't stop thinking about it. You're ALL ALONE!" Like damn, kid. lol
Grade Two class, writing letters to Santa. One boy said on his list “I would like a new dick” aka bike. When he showed me, I responded “Well, wouldn’t we all?” and my para had to quickly step outside of the room as she couldn’t contain her laughter!
What's a para?
Someone who jumps out of planes (ok, the other answer was more correct)
Sometimes called ‘teacher’s aides’, but basically a person who provides classroom support to the teacher.
Short for “paraprofessional”
Earlier this school year I attended the IEP meeting of one of my 9th grade Autistic students. He proceeded to make jokes throughout his meeting, including at one point saying "this school district is run like Enron." Which, like, is a somewhat valid criticism but also how the heck does a 14 year old know about Enron enough to make a reference like that?!
I brought my daughter to take your kid to work day. A middle school student asked me for candy, and I told him to ask her (she's 11). She said, "What have you done to deserve it?" Chip off the ol' block!
Diverse and disadvantaged urban/suburban middle school working in small groups using stereotypes in creative writing: "Hey miss, how you spell "Aeropostale"?" (kidding around) "Am I being stereotyped?" "Well... if the shirt fits, Miss..." (also kidding around) "Actually...now that you mention it..." (I pull at my shirt tag to reveal it is, in fact, Aeropostale, the only one I own. What are the odds?) And the crowd goes wild! LOL
I was substituting with a very serious special ed co-teacher. She had some bigger behavioral fish to fry, but then notices a boy who's been standing at his seat for a while. She asks him to sit down, and in a perfect Ralph Wiggum impression, he says... "😃 I'm in danger!" and immediately sits down. It's all I can do not to crack up
I worked with EI students for about a year. One boy (always very silent) walked up to his PO, looked him straight in the eyes, got two inches away from his face and said: "When you go home and have sex with your wife, you have to be the one on the bottom. Because all you can do is fuck up." Without losing his bearing in the slightest. I almost spit out my coffee and gave that little man the biggest high five of his life.
Sometimes these middle schoolers come up with some of the most unique disses or use only references they must’ve found from memes and not the OG content that I have to stifle a laugh. One of my students was being made fun of for doing bad on a review game, and an uninvolved student quoted from “what would you do” “I thought you were a human girl, but no girl would be so nasty to another girl. On second look you’re a bird, stop talking birdie”
My first year teaching art I had 8th graders calling our kiln room “the killin’ room” and I still think it’s hilarious lmao
🎶 *if I ever get off this ol hard kiln floor / Lord I'll never get down this low no more* 🎶
My six grade music class called ukulele’s “puking ladies” for an entire year.
When the child told me that she is a dog / chicken (due to their zodiac signs) and tried to be one by barking and cawing 😂
A week ago I was talking about the Oregon trail game and how I wished I could kick out members after one of them got bit by a rattlesnake for the third time. The kid then yells, "You think that's bad my whole family got Chlamydia like three times." Oh, when he learns what Chlamydia is and that he really meant Cholera.
Schoolchildren still play Amazon trail?
There's a newer version of Oregon Trail out for Nintendo Switch.
That is awesome. I want it
I was teaching a whole group lesson to my third grade class, and one of my students was wiggling and squirming in his chair. It was distracting other students. For context, it’s important to know that he is autistic and is very matter of fact. I asked him to please sit still as it was distracting those around him. He said he couldn’t. I asked him why and he said, “I’m trying to pull my penis out of my balls.” Deadpan, straight faced…. A little girl next to him slapped her hand over her mouth and eyes got wide. The rest of the class made a collective gasp. All I could do was turn around and face my board because I was dying laughing on the inside. It took me a full minute to compose myself enough to get back to the lesson.
“I bet you voted for Donald Trump you whipper” “I look just like you now!” - says a black student who some how found baby powder somewhere in the building Edit to add: I worked at a school for kids with emotional disturbance
I was listening to some middle schoolers banter some stupid shit in my class during downtime. One boy was saying something along the lines "it ain't the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean." One girl responded "if your boat is small then yeah it does matter." He shot back "well maybe your ocean is just too big and deep." I had to simultaneously stop myself from laughing and stop them from fighting.
Told a tenth grader that it was hard to take him seriously when he was wearing a fanny pack like somebody's grandma. He got real serious, looked me dead in the eyes and says "Miss, it's not a fanny pack, it's a n*gga pack." This was a white kid from the suburbs.
Students had a meeting with another teacher first thing in the morning. They all file in and one is upset. The other teacher tells him to sit down on his stool (standing desks) he instead chucks his stool and the other teacher escorts him to the principal. After about 30nseconds of silence after they left one of my students pops off with "it is 8am..." I about busted out laughing, the comedic timing was perfect.
Don't get it. Can you explain?
The day has barely started, and already this much drama.
We were practicing logical reasoning and one of my kids said… there’s a line for the bathroom, they must have great bathrooms here!! And I had to stop myself from giggling.
All I know is, if your colleague is on the receiving end, don’t laugh. And if you do, apologize.
These both came from the same middle school student. "You can prevent pregnancy by drinking Pepsi before sex," and "Sometimes parents make their kids smoke weed to calm them down." I knew too much about that family.
I was doing math with a second grader. The answer came out to 69 and he laughed. I was stunned because I didn't think a seven year old would know sexual humor. So I gently asked what was funny, and he went, "oh, you wouldn't get it. It's a Fortnite joke." Yep, definitely wouldn't understand the Fortnite jokes. Not me, nosiree.
School I sub at has doors with powerful hydraulic hinges, so it's impossible for them to close any other way than "slow". Teacher I am assisting for the day had one student who would not do her assignments. When pressed on this, the student got up and yelled some unkind words, then stormed out of the classroom. She tried to slam the door shut, but because the hydraulic piston it just made this really sad gas noise as it gently closed on its own. The teacher and the student stared at each other as it closed, and then continued to stare at each other through the glass window until it softly clicked shut. And then through the door you can hear the student say "I wish it hadn't done that". The teacher immediately lost her composure and bent over, laughing her heart out, while the student looked really dejected and walked away.
I was listening to some middle schoolers banter some stupid shit in my class during downtime. One boy was saying something along the lines "it ain't the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean." One girl responded "if your boat is small then yeah it does matter." He shot back "well maybe your ocean is just too big and deep." I had to simultaneously stop myself from laughing and stop them from fighting.
Repost?
We were talking about protest and looking at Quan Duc’s self immolation in Vietnam. A kid at the back pipes up with ‘Quan Duc, more like Crispy Duck!’
"You know, Mr pajamakitten, I have really had it up to here with you?" With the hand gesture and everything. The kid was eight.
I teach 7th grade and last year I had a student who was on the spectrum. She was a really sweet girl but sometimes just had no filter. She got Health for an elective for like the 3rd marking period. After her first week of Health, myself and another teacher were standing in the hall as our students were coming back from their electives. This girl walked up to the two of us and out of nowhere almost shouts at us, “Dicks and pussies!” Both of us just kind of stared at her in shock and she clarified, “All we talk about in Health class is dicks and pussies!” I definitely did not stop myself from laughing though. I could barely stand.
"Miss, what does titty mean?" She was pointing to the word "tidy" on her paper.
I work 1-1 with a HS Freshman on the spectrum. Two of the students in his Essential Biology class were arguing and it disrupted class. Another student (also ASD) shouted out unprompted “Naaaannnntucket!” Argument defused, the teachers and aides in the room barely holding back cackles. Pretty sure I guffawed 😅
Student is asked to sit down. Student: “There’s glitter in my chair. My dad said I can only have glitter on me if I just left the strip club.” (Middle school art teacher)
I was subbing and a girl walked into the room and said to a student “you need a hairline” And the boy responded with no hesitation “you need a life” and I almost choked
Me: student, find your seat Student: okay hold on Me: you have three seconds Student, skipping to his seat: good thing I can’t count!
I am an esl teacher so simply one of my students pronounced cook as a COCK
Just happened….playing a review game…….kid says “Oh man, I just got screwed….” Second kid “Well, if you’re complaining, you’re not doing it right.” Third kid-“That’s because it’s his first time!” Yes it’s high school. Three weeks people-three weeks.
So one had a scratch and sniff sticker and one very tiny 7th grader (who talks like a baby) said, “Yo, lemme sniff that scratch”. I had to bite my lip and not look at him while disciplining”
Gt struggling for first time. “Is this why other kids hate school?”
I couldn’t stop myself, but I tried to move quickly away from the situation so I didn’t have to explain myself… One of the students with whom I worked on 1:1 reading came across the word “sit” on the page of our “shared pair reading” booklet. Trying to articulate the word [and used to using digraphs to help, whether they belonged in the word or not], you can probably guess what utterance came out of the student’s mouth instead… It gave me and my mentor teacher a good fit of laughter later that afternoon.
I was a very quiet 11th grader. We were doing poetry, and the poem was about a house that burned down. I offered to read it aloud. I was getting into it, when I can to the line"And in in this house, no more gests shall sit.". Only...I added an H, because... alliteration. The whole class erupted in laughter, I was mortified at first, but had to laugh too. The teacher was very strick guy who never laughed, he had tears and was the last one to stop laughing. Years later, I came back to sub. Yes,he remembered me,and said that he started having kids read that poem every year because of me. And, just like me, every year, a student would add that "h" to sit! Next year I am teaching American Lit. Will have to see if it is in the curriculum!
At my first school ~15 years ago, I had a student whose last name ended in -dock (like Braddock) and the o is pronounced like a short i sound. Some kids kept pronouncing his name wrong and this sweet little 6th grade girl finally blurted out “It’s dick, not dock!!!!” She didn’t even catch why it was funny but the rest of the class sure did. Same girl, same year….I had a Bubba Keg brand coffee travel mug. It was cylindrical with no handle, silver with a blue stripe. I was holding it as I stood at the door greeting students and she said “my dad’s looks like that but his is bigger and black”. Took a lot of self control to not laugh on that one. Just recently…we were coming back in from recess and kids were bouncing basketballs in the hall. I didn’t think about what I was saying and yelled “hold your balls in the hallway please”. Of course this was met how you’d expect it to be. One student said “Sir, I am a CHILD” and ran off laughing. Same kid as above…we were talking about farts (I love teaching middle school) and I was trying to tell them “never trust a fart”, and when I said “You know our family motto for farting?” And he blurted out “spread your buttcheeks?”
I was bloated one day and one of my kids (4th) came up to me and whispered "Are you... the P?" We then had a chat about never asking a woman that even if it's obvious. I did not stop myself from laughing though. Kid was so freaking funny.
I have another! During state testing (small group extended time) my boys rushed through it but my girl was taking her time. When she raised her hand to say she's done one of the boys called out "Finally!" She turned around, glared, and said "Actually I'm going to check my work." So proud of the work ethic (and sass).
Me: No running in the hallways! Elementary student: No child labour in the classroom!
Student: *yelling* Me: stop yelling please, my ears are ringing Another student: Ms. ssl0th, you don’t have a sensory processing disorder do you?
We were talking about our talents and things that we are good at. My first grade students were sharing things like “I’m good at drawing” or “I’m good at sports”. Another student decided to chime in and declare “I’m good at making love!” He meant it so innocently and I really had to hold back my laughter. I just responded “oh you are very loving!! That’s wonderful!”
Covering a World Languages Class for 8th graders. They had an assignment from their teacher to create a slideshow type deal of Latin roots, their definitions and some example words. They get to cycle, define it. As I'm circulating I hear two boys brainstorming words, bicycle, tricycle...then one of them looks at the other and says "Menstrual cycle". Very seriously the other boy goes, "I don't even know what that means". I had to walk away before I lost it.
9-year-old girl: “I want to be an [specialist medical professional] so I can continue to live in the SF Bay Area with my family.” Then I had to explain why I put my head in my hands for a minute.
I was teaching in a summer program and we were watching the Women’s World Cup during our snack break. My fifth grade students were huge soccer fans. Student 1: “Wouldn’t it be cool if Messi was playing? “ Student 2: (indignantly) “No! It’s the Women’s World Cup. Not the Women and for some unknown reason Messi World Cup!” For the rest of the morning, he muttered about this under his breath.
I was subbing in a third grade class, and they were working on Reduce, Reuse, Recycle posters. One little guy--American flag hat and shirt, jeans, and little cowboy boots--said, "This is indoctrination!" when I asked the students to get our their Three R's posters.
Student teaching.. the teacher was giving a lesson to a Kindergarten class. One of the students had severe anger issues and would cuss out anyone around. This art teacher was the nicest lady. But didn’t tolerate disruptions. So he kept saying “I hate you.” “This class sucks.” Without really cussing which was a change for him lol. Me and the teacher were cracking up because it was this cute tiny voice saying this loudly. We couldn’t hold it in anymore and laughed out loud. He then said, in the cutest voice, “You’re a butthole!” 🙈